The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #66 Chicken Salad Sandwich

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

Between you and Nikki she dares you lock eyes for 5 seconds with someone you are attracted to. Andrew had sleep issues at his girlfriends house and Nikki thinks it's a lot more than being hungry. You Heard if Here First: Nikki kind of believes in healing crystals, The FBoy Island trailer is out and they reflect on their time in the Cayman Island on set and Jason Sudeikas drops a deep quote on heartache. Nikki's Reddit Dump has some of her favorites saves from the week and the Final Thought gets a little dark. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here's Nikki. Oh my God. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. Noah, I heard a little bit of that. That was the first. Here's Nikki. Where I heard a little bit of a, I don't know, I guess a tiredness in your voice. A maybe the first time you've talked this morning i haven't even drank any water like

my i just feel like my throat is so dry i haven't had coffee get some water as you say it oh there you go there's a nalgene god you're still still sporting a nalgene nalgene came out in like 2002 i feel or like when i was graduating high, Nalgene's were like so cool. And I think my, one of my first comedy bits from when I, um, uh, did stand up for the first time was like,

people always talked about Nalgene's like, you could drop them from space and they won't crack. They won't destroy. And I did a bit about like, who is dropping them so far? Like, I'm just dropping them on the way to class. Like, I don't need this guarantee of like, as you're looking at the Great Wall of China from space,

you can drop your Nalgene onto one of the towers. Actually, I just found out that that is not a true thing, that you can see the Great Wall of China from space. I found that out on Reddit. Did you know that that's a myth? I didn't even realize it was a thing. You didn't even know it was a thing. Okay, so the thing that I just put out in your head,

erase it. You cannot see the Great Wall of China from space. You've never heard that before, that like anecdote? I don't think I have. Well, get with it, Noah. Jesus. Well, no, truly erase it. I Well, get with it, Noah. Jesus. Well, no. I mean, I'm still using Nalgene. Truly erase it. I know.

You're back in 2002. I mean, that's really impressive to me that you kept Nalgene. Every time I get a water bottle so that I stop using water bottles, like a reusable one, it leaks. It's not good enough. I lose it um this whole reusable thing has not made me use less because i am someone who loses things it's made it's not made me use less it's made me lose more um and but it seems like you've had you i mean you have stickers on that now gene like it's

it's been through some times with you what's like the oldest thing you own do you like do you you don't lose things that often are you messy wait you told me you are messy you said you are messy but you know where everything is I'm an organized chaos that's what I call myself okay I like that I lose jewelry all the time so I don't really get any jewelry, but when it comes to other things, I can pretty much keep them for a while. Yeah. The jewelry thing is I just wear a necklace until it falls off my neck naturally by natural occurrences, like rusts off or it gets pulled off by a dog or like a dog's paw gets caught in it and yanks it or a baby. Yeah. I've, I've lost so many valuable things. I mean, I lost those $600 of chips, I lose everything. And I used to really hate it about myself because I was so it's just an

indication of like, I don't I can't have nice things. I'm so rough with everything. Recently, I was getting a spray tan, which is the the story of my life not the one I got yesterday the one before that weeks ago and at one point you have to like wipe off your at the end of it you wipe off your hands with a wet wipe and she like held it out and I just was like and she goes wow you're aggressive and I was like that's like how I move I was like I can't I don't even know how you would do that in a slow way. Anytime I try to like do something that is, if someone catches me being aggressive and too rough, I try to just slow down. And then I look like I'm in space looking at the great wall of China, like just

so slow. Um, I have no desire to go to space. Do you? Absolutely not. Is that a man thing? I mean, I know there's female astronauts astronauts but i think it's a billionaire thing i think it's just like a way for them to compete with each other where because it's a thing that only billionaires can do or really super smart people can do that have to go to so much school that they don't have time to make a billion dollars because they're training to be astronauts and then yeah you're right and it's just like um it's the it's the it's the only thing that is just available to billionaires yeah that that makes sense and i love how elon and um richard branson were like racing to get to space it's it's so stupid and i don't care about space

at all and my dad's very interested in space and really doesn't like my whole point of view about it. But I mean, unless we are trying to find someplace else to inhabit, I mean, I know it helps us understand us to explore space, but I just don't care about like, this satellite discovered that on Mars, the compounds in the dust might support a microscopic life. I just don't care. Or these are the first shots of the Mars Rover. This is the surface of Mars.

I don't know why I don't care. I should care. That's kind of interesting, but I'm also someone who doesn't care about going to see, you know, uh, spectacular sites that I could see on Google image or, you know, Oculus, you know, the VR, I could really go there. There are some places that I would like to see or that I pretend to see when I'm on vacations with men who care about that stuff. And I go, oh yeah, babe, I can't wait to go to Machu Picchu when really I would prefer to just stay in our little, you know, compound safely where we drink bottled water. I mean, I'm going to Mexico. We're going to Mexico very soon, Noah.

And how do you feel about this girls trip we're going on? We're going next week to Mexico with a, oh, the week after. Yeah. With a bunch, bunch of ladies. And yeah, like a week. Yeah. with a bunch bunch of ladies and yeah like a week yeah we'll be gearing up for it in a week i guess um and um yeah i'm uh i like can't even get my head there yet because i have so much work to do before then is that the same way you feel i feel the same way also when it comes to traveling i don't like the act of traveling i always have so much like built up anxiety and i just avoid thinking about it and like packing and all that but i like being

in a different place with good people and that's what i'm looking forward to the beauty of packing for this trip is that we're not trying to like look cute it's just a bunch of girls like lazing about so that'll be good to remember for me. I know that's easier said than done. Just because I've been on these before and I just wear the same thing every day practically. But we are with a lot of cute girls. One of them's a model. Yeah, there's expectations. Carlisle Forrester literally camped at the federal building last night or two nights ago on the sidewalk so that she could get

a passport in time to come to Mexico. It was wild. I saw her yesterday. We got our nails done. Before that, I got a spray tan. Before that, I was all over the place yesterday, but I didn't do sets last night. So I just came back here, watched The Bachelorette, wanted to hang out with a boy and maybe watch the bachelorette with someone that i like spending time with but um they were too hung over so that's a good sign that they were too hung over at eight o'clock at night to hang out with me oh life and then but the bachelorette you can see on my stories my instagram stories from last night um i just i don't know it doesn't really keep my focus that much they did this thing where they made you'll be interested in this they made katie the bachelorette go on a date with they're out of

ideas for dates because this they're still dealing with a covid world so they can't usually the dates are like they went to the town square and they danced with the children and this and i get to see them with children and then we went and made maracas at a maraca factory you know they always do something with it involves other people or like something interactive but these are just really like lone dates there's this guy they keep bringing out of nowhere if you're watching the bachelorette who the fuck is this guy this um i'm assuming he's homosexual uh no judgment there this gay guy that is like a photographer who looks like he's dressed he looks like johnny depp in pirates of the caribbean but without any of the pirate stuff so he just has the weathered look of him with the with the eyeliner but no other attributes if you know what I'm talking about

when was this guy pushed on us to be part of bachelor nation of like oh it's Jeremy like and he's forcing so much that he's like looking out for Katie and best friends with Katie they did a lot of things on the show yesterday that I wasn't happy about but this one thing so they made he goes today You're going you're going to have your wedding So she had a fake wedding where she dressed up in a wedding dress He wore a suit and they had a whole thing and they had to do give each other their vows They both start crying during it. This is like a second date noah, and I swear to god

I think this guy might win because she was forced to be in that situation with him through the show. And you saw it like click. You know that one exercise where people fall in love if they like stare into each other's eyes for like three minutes or something like that? Oh, yeah. Or do a test. Yes. I think that I was watching it last night. Oh, yeah.

Five second flirt. That's what we got from the book Getting To I Do. Girls, if you're out there and so Getting To I Do, which I've had a lot of people talk to me about, almost everyone knows this book now, like all my fans know this book at this point. Getting To I Do, it's a book about how to honor yourself and make it so that the guy that you've been pursuing, either you get complete reassurance that he's not the one by changing the way you behave. Or you completely change the way you behave in a way that values, teaches you how to value yourself in a way that you weren't before. It's also the same premise in women, why men love, prefer bitches.

I always thought it was men love bitches, but prefer. Guys were like, wait a second, love. I'm not ready for that title of the book. And she's like, okay, I'll back off prefer. Um, I w I love when a guy says he prefers me. That's the three words that I've always wanted to hear from a man. I prefer you. Do you know that my first like real boyfriend, Chris couldn't say, I love you. So he said, I'm enthusiastic about being with you. He was like, I can't say I love you, but that's what I can say. That felt, uh, um, well, you know how that felt, but over it, totally over it. Um, but what I was saying was, fuck, I was saying about the, the dumb looking into each other's eyes. Oh yeah. Getting to,

the five second flirt. That is a way because in this book you determine whether you're a female or a feminine energy or masculine energy. I am still on the fence about which one I am. Noah. I think that's my problem with the book. People go, the book worked for me. Nikki, thank you so much. Oh my God, that book has changed my life. And I'm like, good because it hasn't changed my life yet. Even though I know it could because I can't pick a goddamn lane. I don't know whether good, because it hasn't changed my life yet, even though I know it could, because I can't pick a goddamn lane. I don't know whether I want my feelings nurtured or my thoughts respected. I want both. And you know what she says? If you want both, you're a goddamn narcissist and no, you don't deserve anyone. And I think she might have a point with me. Like maybe I'm should, I don't deserve anyone because I want both because I can't pick which one I want. I want my man to do both. It's confusing. But anyway, most women are feminine energy. Let me reiterate, there are some

masculine energy women. It does not mean that you are a lesbian or more masculine like with your appearance or anything like that. It just means that you like to lead and take initiative in a relationship and you need to find a feminine energy man which are just as rare as the masculine energy woman it's like not rare but way less than you know let's i'm talking like 20 10 to 20 percent of women and men are probably the the opposite of what their gender is but it's not even about it's like yin and yang so anyway if you're a feminine energy woman in the book which most likely if you're listening right now you're a feminine energy woman you want your feelings cherished and you need to respect the thoughts of your man and understand that he is your thoughts aren't going to come

first in the relationship you have to like defer to him but there's tricky ways of like deferring to him without uh steering it it's like, think of every conversation like a car. The man always has to drive and you can be in the passenger seat being like, oh, you know, wouldn't it be, do you mind if you would turn right up here? That's how you approach it rather than go right up here. You know what I'm saying? Like you have to suggest things. So for instance, if you want to confront your guy about not folding the boxes for the recycling in a proper way like I wonder if this could work with me and Andrew just in our friendship as roommates if I were to be like because I don't even know I don't know what

this could be interesting to run it like that this is what what you would say. You would go, um, honey, would it be okay if we talked about something later tonight when you were free? You ask, I know this is crazy girls. You ask permission to confront him about the thing you're going to confront so that he, so now it is up to him that you're having this talk, right? So that's a tricky way of making, giving him power when really you're confronting him about something but it's also honoring like his time and not just like not being a nag or just coming on when he's not ready for it say i have something important to talk to you about let me know when you're free to talk about it in a very casual way not like we need to talk and then when he says oh i could do

it now say are you sure are you you don't even need to say are you sure trust him okay um uh okay no i'm gonna practice this because you're better at it than me okay um so honey i've just noticed that sometimes when i go into the recycling room you haven't folded up the boxes and i just want to respect the people that have to clean up in there. And there's a sign that says fold the boxes and the boxes have my name on them. And I just don't want anyone to think that I'm not folding my boxes. And it would just feel so good to me if you made sure that I was safe from ridicule in my own building by folding the boxes with my name on them and putting them appropriately in the place where they're supposed to be. I had no idea that it was making you feel that way. I was just taking the boxes to the garbage

room and just left them there. But now that you explained it, I understand why it makes you feel that way because your name is on them. Thank you, babe. I really, it feels so good to me when you honor my feelings. When you hear me out. Yeah, no, that's it. When you hear me out. So all you do is talk from a place of feel. But okay, the five second flirt, ladies,

this is based on the same premise of like, you do not say, you do not say, when you're, if you're trying to be the feminine energy this is really funny too and this is in phase one when phase four you're in their relationship yes but then i want to extend it to never be the first to reach out at all unless it's like checking with them if it's okay you know what i'm saying like don't and never say i think just always you can switch every I think to I feel and a man can process it so much better.

A masculine energy man. It's wild. So when you're flirting and you want a guy, you're interested in a guy, you see him across the room, a masculine energy woman will approach the guy, will wave at him,

will be like, hi, you know, which is what I've done or wave him over like I've done. I've had a guy like who we both knew that we were there and we liked each other we both knew we were probably gonna hook up at the end of the night he was like talking to people he was like gallivanting around the party avoiding talking to me even though I could see him looking at me the whole time and at one point I was just so frustrated I remember and it was um it was the night of like one of the

roasts and I had just killed I'd been like the bell of the ball and then I'm at the after party and no one's talking to me and I remember this and I'm waiting for this guy to come talk to me who we've established like I'm so glad you're gonna be there I'm glad you're gonna be there too we're staying at the same hotel and I remember this woman sitting next to me she was probably like the wife of some guy in the crew because she was just kind of, I'm just hanging out, having cocktails. And she goes, I go, I'm so frustrated.

And she goes, if you can't get laid at this party, no one can. And I go, you're right, Missy. I go, she goes like, you just were the star of that show. And now you're sitting here alone with me on this couch in the middle of this party. I was like, I know, it's bullshit. and so that's when i was like i'm done and i flagged the guy over like i was landing a plane i go you pointed and i go over because i

was just like stop this i might be masculine energy but what you're supposed to do so girls if you're if you're somewhere and you see a cute guy this is harder honestly than just walking up to his table and being like you're cute i want fuck you. You have to do a five second flirt, which is you make eye contact with them for one, two, three, four, five seconds, and then look away. You do not say anything. You just look very demurely like, oh no, and stare and then look down. And that is indicative and smile, a slight smile. I recently also read a trick. If you're a runway model that really, there was some girl on Deux Moi, the gossip blog asking about, um, she was walking her first fashion show and she was like, what, um, what tips does anyone have for me? That's walked on in like fashion weeks or

whatever. And all these models gave tips. And one of them was like, when you walk, smile. Everyone do this now. It's so fun. Smile so that you feel the slight corner. Only you can feel the corners of your mouth come up. Yes. Noah, it's so good.

It's so much better than you trying to like smirk. You know what I mean? Like if you're trying to smirk and not really smile, it's so good. It's so much better than you trying to like smirk. You know what I mean? Like if you're trying to smirk and not really smile, it's one thing, but if you do it so that it's almost imperceptible that you're the corners of your mouth come up, like only you could tell it. You look so much like a Hadid. It like is the Hadid secret and tons of filler and work. I don't believe them when they say they haven't had it done their faces are totally different um but kylie jenner's lips just you know they just got like that because of puberty um five second flirt and when you go on a date with someone and you're meeting up with a guy who's a masculine energy this is another thing from the book and i know this is wild and a lot of guys will be rolling their eyes like i don't like this then you're probably a feminine energy

man you can't be the first girl to talk you can't be the first one to talk no I remember when I met up with that guy and I was trying to change my energy we met up and you guys this guy was playing chicken with me because he I think he probably heard me talking about the book read the book knew that I was going to do this thing where I don't talk first like he has has to be the first to talk. I am so bad at letting awkward. I talked about this before. I don't like any awkward silence. I talk the whole time I'm on stage. I don't want anyone to, I want to run it. I want to start the convo. So I met up with this guy. I see him. We're meeting on the street. I see him from like an avenue away and we walk closer. i start like a halfway down the avenue

i usually i'm like what up and i start like dancing or like run and be like yo yo like i'm always like greeting people way too soon i had to hold it we got inside the restaurant before like neither of us we hugged he wasn't talking i wasn't talking i was like this is we who's gonna crack and i eventually i had to crack eventually because I couldn't handle it anymore. It went on so long. I'm masculine energy. Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew!

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I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, to ask how I was doing.

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The Happiness Lab's how-to season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good morning, Andrew. Good morning, Nikki. How are you? I'm good. It was so cute this weekend. One of our besties was taking a photo with me

with the meet and greet after the show. And she goes, can we get Andrew in the picture? And can you call him over like you do on the show and so i go andrew you came over and took a pic with all of us it was so fun uh shout out to uh bestie holly she was there and i didn't i didn't give her a shout out um yesterday i don't think so what up girl um how are you this morning how'd you sleep uh i slept at brenna's and um i didn't sleep oh had to come back early this morning yeah really early actually i was for i i luckily was here on time for some reason i was thinking 10 a.m just because i have no idea i have no

anyways uh yeah sometimes you just get a wrong time i'm sorry about that no glad you're here i'm a moron. I woke up at 4 a.m. You know sometimes how I wake up in the middle of the night. And sometimes when you're alone. I must be alone there. It must be 4 a.m. somewhere. Okay, you woke up at 4 a.m.

And you know when you're alone and you wake up in the middle of the night, it could be depressing, that hour alone. But Brenna was also awake. She couldn't sleep. And she just looked at me. She goes, I'm hungry. And I was like, obviously, your boy's always hungry. And so I go, well, there's a chicken salad sandwich in the fridge.

She goes, I'm not eating chicken salad at 4 a.m. That's not a 4 a.m. meal. And I was like, come on. We could do it. And I talked her into it. Have some chicken salad. It's 4 a.m. It's 4 a 4 a.m. meal. And I was like, come on, we could do it. And I talked her into it. Have some chicken salad. It's 4 a.m. 4 a.m. somewhere.

I mean, what's a 4 a.m. food? Like, of course, chicken salad. There's no 4 a.m. food. Brenna, come on. Come on, Bren. Come on. What are you doing over there? So you had a chicken salad sandwich.

Yeah. And you ate that at 4 a.m. And that's maybe why you didn't sleep well the rest of the night? No, no. And then I slept great afterwards. It was just nice to have. Why are you getting depressed in the middle of the night at 4 a.m.? I don't know. My brain is a thing.

Maybe the Zoloft wears out. Maybe that's the one hour that it's not there. Oh. I don't know. No, no. And you wake up with anxiety? Like, what are you thinking about at 4 a.m. if you don't mind me asking that? Because I've woken up in the middle of the night before and I just go,

maybe I'm a little agitated because I'm like, Oh, I have to be up so soon and I don't want to get up yet. Yeah. Something like that. It's not like, I'm not like sad or I'm not like lonely or like, Oh,

life is worse right now than it ever is. It honestly, I feel better in the middle of the night because I'm like, everyone's asleep. No one's sending me emails. No one's expecting anything from me. It actually feels like the best time to be awake sometimes. So I'm just wondering what the feeling is that you have.

Well, I think in the past. Oh, I shouldn't be asking you your feelings. I mean, tell me what you think in the middle of the night. I feel like I want to hear what you think in the middle of the night. I'm trying to do the book on you. Okay. Well, my feelings are. No, no, no um no no no no what

do you think about in the never mind just tell me what i'll be masculine energy to you uh what hey babe yeah what do you feel in the middle of the night tell i i think that you should tell me what you feel i don't know if you could handle it wait what i think i probably can't but andrew how do you feel what you does it feel like? You know what it is? Because I think a lot of people... I think I might have PTSD from... I used to have...

Whenever I would have panic attacks, it would be in the middle of the night. It'd be at like 2 a.m. And I think maybe when my brain wakes up, I think, oh shit, here comes maybe some kind of panic attack where I would be in my hallways stretching, doing calisthenics to try to get the panic away.

And like in your hallway where my apartment in New York, I used to like, I couldn't control myself and I thought I literally was going to blow up. Like my brain was going to blow up. Essentially probably have a stroke or something or a seizure. Like you thought you're like, cause all the, there was so much pressure in your head.

Yeah. And I would try. Why wouldn't you take like an excedrin or something like my thought would be and and i'm speaking as someone who's never had a panic attack so i don't get it and i know people toss that word around a lot or those words being like and i like almost had a panic attack it's like no you were just a little upset yeah i uh because you were late for your flight but it's a panic attack you honestly feel like you're about to your brain is going to like rupture and your brain's going to explode. Yeah.

Yeah. And, you know, sometimes it'll be caused by heartburn, which I would then lead to a heart attack. And then you go, well, why don't you just take Zantac? It's like because my brain isn't there to go, oh, I'll just take this pill and be fine. And once I calm down a little and I take the pill, go you know but there's a moment for like 30 minutes and i know people probably go through not learn to take care of yourself as as a child and um probably you you're not through any fault they are good parents you have lovely parents who i love so much but they did not teach

you how to take care of yourself and like oh when you have this let's do this like have tools for when things you know the basic tools because you get older and you learn oh when i'm doing this maybe i should sit down and journal maybe i should call a friend blah blah but like even tools like take an excedrin or you know you'll sometimes come to me and be like nyquil like helps you sleep i'm like or you'll be like you know what really helped was like sitting down and and breathing in and out deeply or so you know like yeah there's this new app actually that i think you would love andrew is it called chicken salad it just popped up on my phone it's called chicken salad at 4 a.m And what it does is it finds the nearest place open that will deliver a chicken salad sandwich.

And then it says, you idiot. It's 4 a.m. Go to sleep. And no one wants to eat chicken salad at 4 a.m. I'll tell you what, though. It just tells you that. One of the cutest things you can do with a partner is eat in the dark with each other in bed.

That's, aw. i don't know i just i will never do that because um part of my eating disorder recovery is that i don't eat in bed ever again and it was really hard for me to pick that because when you recover from an eating disorder you have to focus on because it's not like cut and dry like oh i'll stop drinking i'll stop smoking weed it's what behave what food behaviors lead you to feel terrible about yourself and even if they're like innocent at first and what foods maybe trigger binges what um so for me i don't starve myself anymore to look thin like sometimes i don't eat or i i'm not hungry yeah and i have to go am i not hungry because i'm not hungry or am i not hungry because i'm trying to control something and trying to like look thinner or feel thinner and honestly i don't even have to ask myself that anymore

because i don't do that ever i i was like i gained probably like five to seven pounds the other day which on my frame shows up and makes all my clothes tight because all my clothes are tight anyway and it is uncomfortable but it was nice because the other day I was just like and if you relate to this even if you're like fuck you bitch seven pounds I have to lose 60 or whatever I I I I get that too I don't get it but I get I get it in a way and I'm not trying to to act like woe is me because of seven pounds. But I just want to say that for skinny bitches out there and fat bitches, like you know that even a little incremental amount of weight,

it doesn't matter. Like it just can like throw you into a tailspin, even like a pound sometimes. And for me, usually it would make me starve the next day because I looked pregnant. Like it was really fun. Like I was just like bloated and like just felt juicy and like voluptuous,

which is not how I ever, I usually feel like bony and like just lanky. And I just, this is what I did. And I want to just pass this on to any people out there who might be having like a fat day. And maybe you're like, I'm fat every day. Shut up, Nikki. Um, what helped me was just, but I think this can help you as well. And first of all, you look great fat person. And by the way, I've been sitting next to so many fat people on flights. I honestly think that every time, cause I've said before, please, if you're fat, sit next to me on

a flight because I will never make you feel bad. I will never, I'll never make a fat person feel bad on purpose ever, ever. And that's, I know that sounds like, oh, what a, thank you for doing us this favor. But people are so rude to fat people. If you haven't heard me like go on a tirade against it, read Lindy West's book, um, uh, shrill or read Roxane Gay's book hunger and you'll understand the fat experience. But what I was going to say is that I, I just said, I looked in the mirror and I saw a body that I didn't really recognize. And I was just like, yes, like I did. I wasn't like, Oh, I love myself because I wasn't feeling that way. Like I didn't like what I saw, let me be honest. But I was just like, this is today. It's not forever.

It doesn't mean that this is just a slippery slope into like, you know, for people who are anorexic, you think you're gained one pound and you just think it's like, then throw in the towel. I'm obese tomorrow. Not that being obese is a bad thing, but you just, that you fear that, like I'm just gonna lose control.

And so then, but for some reason i was just like i'm like on my period i'm like right before my period my body kind of expands i've been eating more because i've been uh dealing with stress and food helps me cope so sometimes i eat a little bit more my body also probably needs more food because i'm about to shed a ton of blood and vaginal lining so it's preparing for that it thinks i'm about to shed a ton of blood and Vaginal lining so it's preparing for that It thinks i'm ready to have a gonna get ready to have a baby because i'm about to ovulate So my body's holding on like I just talked myself through it and was like this makes sense Even if it was because I binged or was such a lazy ass. I didn't work out for whatever I don't work out anymore

But let's say your scenario is like no nikki I'm fat because I fucking binged on all these cookies because I'm a fat piece of shit and I'm lazy and I don't work out. My friend asked me to go on a hike, but I said no because I wanted to sit on the couch and watch reruns of, you know, the office and stuff my face. And I was discussing, bitch, you needed that. You needed to do that. You were feeling things that hike would have put you in a worse mood because you would have gone against yourself because you didn't want to go on a hike. You would have gone on that hike. Yeah, maybe you would have been snapped out of it and found some way, but maybe that hike would have made you feel even worse. Or maybe that class, that Peloton class

would have made you feel like you should eat two things of cookies. So just let yourself off the hook for feeling, for whatever your body's doing today, because what led to that was your coping mechanisms for how rough life is. And some people abuse Peloton classes to cope with how rough their life is. Some people eat tons of cookies to cope with it. And so whatever you do, let yourself off the hook. I smoked weed yesterday. Didn't want to. Remember yesterday I said, maybe I'm going to quit smoking weed. Now guess what? I was having a day where I go, I need a little weed. I want to get out of my head. I'm feeling anxiety. I have to shoot a show tomorrow that I've never watched. There's been 14 seasons of it. I'm going onto the show.

That's very beloved. I need to give these people, you know, I'm going on as a celebrity guest judge. I need, I have to, I was feeling so much anxiety yesterday and I was like, I need to smoke a little weed. So I did. And then I was like, that's, instead of being like, you idiot, I was just like, good job, girl.

You took care of that feeling and maybe it wasn't the best way to take care of it, but you needed it. And you know what it led me to do? Not smoke more weed because if I would have compounded it and been like,

you idiot, why'd you smoke weed? I would have smoked more to deal with that stress. So let's all be nice to ourselves. Andrew, final thing that I want to say to you on, before we get to the news or ask you is, um, how are you feeling with the impending, um, departure of your lady? I think a lot of the stress you or she might be going through that's waking you up at 4am might be related to a big move that she has to do. Like she might be having,

and the fact that she's leaving. And that sometimes happens. Like when I was recently in a romance where we had to part ways, I could tell that the last couple days of it, I was a total bitch and he was a total jackass and it was all because we like cared about each other so much and we're so sad to go and weren't ready to like actually address those feelings do you feel like that might be it um she's uh she's one of those people that doesn't procrastinate she's like getting ready for the move a month early and i

wish she just like did everything the day before instead of like because it's a constant reminder constant reminder that she's leaving so that's sad and also are you talking about it yeah yeah yeah we're good we're good and she keeps selling things in the house so like the couch is gone her uh everything is just like slowly like she's disappearing through her tangible things in her house and it's just funny now that the only thing left is the bed and the chicken salad sandwich that we ate and that's so sweet and but it's just like it's a slow move which is hard like i'm so used to living like a gypsy and being like okay i'm gone yes like i'm not thinking about

it we pack an hour before we leave for the road like there's no planning because if you plan then living like a gypsy and being like, okay, I'm gone. I'm not thinking about it. We pack an hour before we leave for the road. There's no planning because if you plan, then you have to focus on the thing that you're dreading. Let's just wait until the last second before we plan our set. So that's hard. But I care about her.

Have you talked about you guys in the future? Is that conversation happening at all? Not. Because I'm guessing it's not. And that's why you're waking up at 4 a.m. No, I don't. I'm guessing you haven't talked about it. I think you're being like a live medium here.

But I don't think that that's the. I don't. I really don't. I'm small, but OK. Oh, I'm saying during your period. Just as that one day. I know you're avoiding it, but I think I'm saying during your period. Just as that one day. Wait a second. I know you're avoiding it, but I think I'm right.

I don't think I'm right. I don't know. I mean, I don't think there's a right and wrong here. Well, I think if you've talked about it, you would have just said, yeah, we've talked about it, Nikki. No, I'm not deflecting it. You didn't let me get it out. We haven't talked about it. That's a good point. You're right. I didn't let me get it out. We haven't talked about it. That's a good point. You're right.

I didn't let you talk. I don't think that we've had kind of conversations about it, but both of us have come to the conclusion that there's no reason to worry about what the future will bring. Let's live present. Let's be happy now. The days are now. And in the future, we'll figure live present let's be happy now the days are now and in the future we'll figure it out that's and that's great and i don't know i just don't think dreading on okay but when you're there and i'm traveling and i don't see you for two and a half weeks what are we gonna do it's like i don't know then that's how i feel b Brenna is a different person than I am. She's much cooler

and like just she's ages. She's so much, she's the best. I, you know how much of a fan I am of Brenna's always have been but in the past couple weeks like it's elevated to like I want to be her best friend and I want her in my life forever and I want you guys to be together

forever. Because I just feel so comfortable with her and I just feel like I have my own relationship with her that's not even has to like can be separate from you which is just so special to me and I feel like so I'm not talking about your experience I'm saying for me um or and I'm not talking about what brenda might be feeling either because i i think we're so different but for me i would feel the same way of like let's just live in the now but also then why is she selling things and getting like planning a move what if she if she likes to just live in the present you know like for me i would go i would want what would the conversation mind to go here's the next time we'll see each other.

You know what would feel good? And I think you'll agree with me. Is that if, based on when I move to wherever, if I wanted to continue seeing this person, which I think you guys are still going to stay in touch, this isn't goodbye, you're not breaking up. It seems like, even though you haven't talked about it,

then I would just want a date on the books when I'm going to see you that isn't you taking me to chicago to move i would just like let's look at our calendar just because then then it's like yeah we'll be fine i think we're gonna see each other again and so maybe that makes sense that makes sense and it might help you wake up at uh 5 a.m well here's the thing i need tuna salad but here's the thing i i care i i i think i showed how much i care about her by going she didn't ask me to help her move to chicago she didn't ask me to drive with her yeah she's really good about that she doesn't ever like it's probably in the book she never seems like she needs or whatever yeah but i know i know she gave i was surprised

she gave me that book in front of you did that make you feel any certain way uh well here's the thing though i brought up i brought up going with her to chicago and so i think that showed to her that like and i have said i want to stay together like i have voiced that yeah it's like when the guy after i blew him walked me to the elevator holding my hand and then bowled me into it and just like let me in like oh i was like he's gonna take me there and then he just bowled me into the elevator holding my hand and then bowled me into it and just like let me in like oh I was like he's gonna take me there and then he just bowled me into the elevator and waved goodbye so it's not just because you're moving her there doesn't necessarily

I mean I'm just kidding am I gonna get all the way to Chicago probably not I'll probably turn around and champagne after she blows me on the side of the road if that's what you're thinking and yes the bitch book I just feel like you guys always feel i always hear good things from you when you've had the talk when you've had a talk that you both have

been avoiding having things seem to be very good if you force yourself to have that and i've heard this before from you of we don't need to things are fine the way they are we don't need to have a talk yet the one time that you guys did have a talk and establish your relationship the next day you were so much more into her and not into her but like you just it changed something in you the next day i just saw you like loving and appreciating her on a level that um you weren't comfortable admitting to yourself before and it was because you had a hard conversation that you were saying i don't need to have it we're just flying by the seat of our pants. There's security in having the hard conversations, but not necessarily this one, and it's obviously your own relationship,

and I'm projecting all over you. Let's get to the news. The news. I'll be early. Here we come. I'll be early. You heard it here first. You heard it here first.

Yeah, you heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Ah, man. Tuesday, I know, it's a tough day. Tough day Tuesday, TTs, but's a tough day. Tough day Tuesday, TTs, but you're having a good time out there

and you're having all the swells for sure. All right, first headline. This is interesting because I don't think you've done this yet, but I can see you doing this in the future, Nikki.

Do crystals work for anxiety and depression? Modern science says no. It's a placebo effect. Past science says yes how do you okay so past science yeah i don't really understand that but uh like bunsen burners and like those microscopes you use years of history before modern medicine and what and what does that mean like what what what studies did were the mayans doing with crystals that they've documented like

no you seem like a crystal person thank you i feel like you're getting a little didn't mean it as a compliment you can't argue with it thank you um no i mean like i i you seem like someone well first of all i all, I believe in fucking God. So crystals, God, it's all the same shit. You know, like that's, I, I, it's spiritual. I, someone, I read somewhere that someone goes, why do all, why do the crystals that like change your life and center you and help your blood flow and all these things? Why are they always so beautiful?

Why can't it just be a fucking rock that you shove up your puss and it gives you, it harnesses energy? Why is it always a beautiful, shaped, smooth egg? Why can't it be an old piece of gravel from your uncle's driveway? Remember Indiana Jones when he chooses the cup of life? The cup of life is like, there's all these shiny, beautiful cups, and the cup that actually gives you internal life is

a piece of shit cup. It's a bowl from your apartment that you gave to a girl after you slept with her. Hey, look, that's the past. If you're new to the show, if you've been following us since the UUP days, Andrew once didn't have glasses in his New York apartment and he offered a girl a bowl of water um it was hilarious you gotta watch go watch uh the youtube clip of judy gold

on u-up on and how disgusted she was by the bowl situation but you bring up a good point about the past stuff it's like i'll always read things and it's not just the crystals but they'll be like a hundred or a thousand years ago they used this it's like they didn't have modern science they didn't have they also cut people in half to have them bleed out the disease they would bleed out yeah yeah they're like but this is what they did back then it's like yeah they didn't have this like why are we modern science comes from i believe so much in, first of all, the placebo effect works better than medicine

a lot of times, like just your mind. And I've said on the show before that I cured or I like made a cold sore go away on my lip from meditating

and from harnessing energy and just thinking in the same way with crystals. And putting a rock in your pussy. Yeah, there was a jade egg that my friend Kirsten was trying to get me to buy to put up my pussy that she hadn't bought, but her friend did. And it's like supposed to because I was suffering with my libido last year, but it turns out it was just like my hormones. It wasn't because I didn't have a rock up my snatch. And it's all like, okay, if I have this rock rock in my vagina i'm aware that there's a rock

i may be thinking like things are it's placebo effect and placebo effect is so powerful science doesn't even understand it so um i did want to explain though real quick i'll do a motor mouth for a second so slow this down if you want to understand it uh i got a question about how i cured my own um cold sore with my mind so I was doing this show called Roast Battle for Comedy Central. I was getting picked up to go film an episode. And I had three days of filming like five episodes or six episodes in three days. I was starting a cold sore on my lip. It was a tingling.

There was a bump. I couldn't believe it because I had only gotten a cold sore once. And it was like 10 years prior. And it was terrible. And all of a sudden, I'm feeling a cold sore. I start Googling it. And all the symptoms of this cold sore are showing up and now it is at the point where the cold sore is at a point where everything i'm reading says there's no turning back this is going to happen just accept it it's going to blister it's going to do this here are

the preventative measures you can go to cvs and get a patch for it and then you can put makeup over it i'm about to shoot a show and have this giant thing on my lip that is going to blister within a couple days and everything i read was there's no turning back there's nothing you can do you can just treat the blister and make it don't pick at it and i'm like fuck you know what i'm throwing in the towel so i have i have an hour before i get picked up for my um for this shoot the car is showing up in my place i can either go to cvs and get one of the patches i can go get a breva all these things i'm past that point based on all the things I'm reading where this thing is, I can't stop it in its tracks. It's done. It's happening. Instead I go, you know what? I'm going to meditate because maybe just my,

I know that these come on from nerves and from anxiety. That's what triggers herpes and different things like that. I don't have herpes vaginally, but like cold sores are a form of herpes. And so I was like, okay, stress. So I'll meditate. I meditated for 20 minutes. And all I said during my meditation was you're done. I was, I focused so much on the cold sore, the tingling felt it all just really focused on it the whole time. Like, like the way you focus on your breath for meditations. And I said to it, you're done. I got, you came here to warn me that I was nervous. I, you served a purpose. I hear you. Thank you so much, but you don't here to warn me that I was nervous I you served a purpose I hear you thank you so much but you don't need to keep going I'm done with you you're gonna go away now but

thank you I thanked it I was gentle to it and I said no more and I swear to God it went away within hours within hours a herpy a herpy thing on my lip that was destined by every account that I read online to turn into a blister went away. So that's what I'm talking about with the power of the mind. I really did do that. I don't think it can do, I'm not saying that you can cure cancer by meditating or anything, but I turned a cold sore back around in its tracks. I don't know how I did it, but all I did was think gentle thoughts. So I believe that crystals, whatever gets you to think positively about your body and think

that something might be helping it spiritually is a beautiful thing and let's do it so and crystals are beautiful um next story but yeah no i'm just kidding uh okay so up your ass i should shove a crystal up my ass i'm gonna i'm gonna to start just getting the ugliest rocks on earth and just being, and just seeing what will happen. And I'll check in. I'll get you a crystal, Andrew. I'm going to get you a crystal.

I think it might help you. You know what it is about the crystal though? The crystals are very, they're very smooth. And if you put them in your hand, they act as like a fidget spinner. And if you play with it, it does do something there as well.

Calming. What? What Noah with it, it does do something there as well. Calming. What? What, Noah? I was laughing. I love how you call it a fidget spinner where that's like modern and the rock, the crystal is like past. Yeah, it's the modern. Yeah, the fidget spinner is the modern crystal. Yeah, geologists no longer go by geologists.

They go by, uh, uh, earth made fidget spinner. All right. You're going to love this next story, Nick. I'll tell you what.

HBO max drops the trailer. We were all over the news yesterday. Uh, can I play it? Can we play a clip from the trailer yes uh from the very end noah yeah f boy island coming out july 29th y'all the trailer came out yesterday it's on my instagram i'll tell you came up during the show yesterday in new york post you were like the second line like host nikki and then the last line is producer nikki glazer motherfucker yes

i didn't see any of these. I love it. I was getting Google alerts for my name all day yesterday and it was all F boy stuff. People are fucking stoked. You know, as someone who watched the show get made and knows what happens and everything, I can't look at it objectively. I know, like I know I'm excited about the show, but just the response yesterday and how so many of my, like when I posted it, all the comments of that people are excited about it on,

on my Instagram from like my friends who I know like good reality. It was just so nice to see like everyone who has good taste in reality is like stoked for the show and you should be. It's going to be so good. Okay. Listen to this clip. I was listening to my ex-boyfriend's radio show today and they were doing like their Hollywood minute and even they talked about it and they played this clip and I was so to my ex-boyfriend's radio show today and they were doing their Hollywood Minute and even

they talked about it and they played this clip and I was so excited to see them play it. So you could start at about two minutes. I would say like 2.15. I read some comments and obviously it's already polarizing, which is great for reality TV.

You want people to be like, I don't understand it. And then you want people to be like, I don't understand F-boy. And then you want people to be like, Here's the clip. Yeah, it was great. Yeah. Why are you crying? Are you okay?

I hate this man. This is the type of treatment you get. You're an F-boy. This is a game, but we are not a game. Cheers to that. Oh, shit. And then there's a little, Feel free to take your shirts off at any time, you guys.

I just want you to be comfortable and for me to be comfortable. That was your Oscar. That scene where that little clip is from? Yeah, that was your, I mean, you were incredible that day. And I mean, it was really like unbelievable to watch. And you brought humor and reality and you listened to these guys and you made it human you made it human and it was like really that was a very special day for me because yeah after i got done with that i felt really so when i was

shooting the scene that you see where i say that the come if you take your shirts off it'll be more comfortable for me and you. That was a scene that was kind of, we just like, we're kind of making on the fly. Like, is this even going to work? And it turned into something so special that was both real and funny. And my ex-boyfriend, you know, we still like flirt and send each other like funny stuff. And he always says like the best combo of you is when you're like hot and funny which usually don't work but he's always like my favorite combo is hot and funny like this morning I was walking to get Starbucks and there's a street called Dick's uh near me and uh I was on my way I saw the street it's like Dick's street Dick's and so I just took a picture of the I'll show you the picture I sent

to him um of me with my mouth like open like I'm like the the dicks are like just coming into my mouth do you see the sign yeah yeah yeah and so he like he was like that he goes perfect combo because I know he always loves when it's funny and hot but that to me was both that scene that we shot was so special. And it was so nice because I actually got a text from two HBO execs who are watching the show. And this was a month ago and I hadn't seen anything of the show. And they wrote to me and I just got from two random numbers, HBO execs, which like they weren't even in touch with me during the show.

I was like heard from them through other people. We had like one zoom meeting and that was it. But, um, they texted me to say holy shit these scenes are so funny we can't get over it and i go guys i'm so happy that you understand how like special that was because that was that day everyone felt like whoa this is a separate show in and of itself those scenes i shot and your andrew your comments to me after that made me feel so good because you see everything I do. And, like, after a while, you're just like, okay, like, you're sitting on this.

You watched all my sets. You just, like, to have someone who's seen you do so much stuff go, whoa, that was special. You should win. Like, I want to be up for, like, a hosting Emmy for this. The Emmys are being announced today, but I hope hope next year a year from today um I get a host Emmy nomination because and you know what I hope I get one for the second season of FBoy Island because I hope we get one because I really want to take that up a notch but I really just appreciated your enthusiasm for my performance that day it like meant so much to me when you go whoa wait a

second dude like because you always say good job great set whatever but you were just like that was something special and i felt it too and it was just like so nice to have that validated from you and again i was so happy to have you on that show and it's gonna be so fun to watch it with you and to see the lines that you gave me come to life and like that you contributed so much and it was like so worth it to me because i told my mom the other day how much i had to pay out of pocket for you to be on the show with me and she was like oh my god and i go it was so worth it because not only emotional support and you stepped it up have i mean people who have been listening to the show you heard this happen where it was like like because we started this we started this show when I was down there shooting F boy.

And I couldn't say it at the time, but if you go back and listen to old episodes, Andrew and I kind of like went through a time where I was like, I need you to be like helping. I need more acts of service from you around set. Like when you go get a coffee, get me one, like things like that.

So you stepped it up in those ways, but creatively you were like, so, um, so important to have. And I gave you credit yesterday for the del taco line you gave me and how like you always sacrifice lines that you come up with for the greater good uh being me sometimes is the greater good um but so thank you and thank you to everyone who's

spreading the word about f boy on your socials get on board like let's um let's all gear up for it and uh i'm gonna be doing a podcast i think like i'm gonna be appearing on a podcast about it that you can subscribe to at some point when i find out the details of that and what else did i want to say about it um yeah i'm just excited that everyone's excited about the show and i kind of forgot it was coming out as a nice little treat uh to get that and there was one other oh i went and did um some more voiceover for it yesterday because there were some things that like we just needed like you know there's a thing called adr where you go back sometimes on shows you'll be watching reality

shows and you'll see like a couple lines where you're like okay you never see their mouth moving and that kind of doesn't sound like their voice yeah that's when they're just filling in so yesterday went in only two lines of the whole thing are not gonna be what was really said and it was only because i didn't say it in the right way and it was so fun to go in because i went in and i was they just let me be so uh like i was like this line's okay but can i spice it up and make it funnier and i was able to they were just so fun it was so fun to go back in there and mess around with the show and it's gonna be so funny i just want to assure you like if you're a girl out there or a guy out there that you have a partner who doesn't like reality shows get them into this one because i swear to

god everything they hate about reality shows i'm gonna be making fun of with them so they'll have a voice on the show that's like acknowledging how ridiculous the show is whereas that same voice me is going to be talking about how amazing the show is let's get to why do i care thank you so much noah for including f boy in the news that's news what can i can't i can't help it's just news it's news you know there's another show yesterday that came out uh announced that i am also on but i can't say that i'm on so i had a double day, but one was a thing I can't talk about. Why do I care? Why do I care?

I don't even know. I don't even know why you'll care about this, to be honest, but we'll find out. I'm sure. Yeah. Okay, Jason Sudeikis breaks his silence on Split from ex-fiancee Olivia Wilde. Oh, whoa.

I haven't heard anything of this. It kind of timed up with the Ted Lasso coming out. I mean, he planned it pretty good. Yeah, I'm going to the Ted Lasso premiere on Thursday. I know. I kind of wish I was going to that. I'm jealous. I know. I wish you were too. I should have invited you instead of the person I invited.

Oh, is that person going? Yeah, I'm going to. I'm probably I might disinvite because I'm just like i i'm using this as a i want this is a great opportunity i have a i have an invite to the number one show that so many people love and i want that it's yeah so i don't know i i i might uh i might take away the invite i don't know oh boy well and. Oh, boy. Well, Andrew, read what he said. Yeah, yes.

I swear to God I was going to get there. No, I swear to God. All right. Thank you. All right. So Jason Sudeikis said to GQ, the magazine, I'll have a better understanding of why in a year and an even better one in two

and an even greater one in five. And it'll go from being, being you know a book of my life to becoming a chapter to becoming a paragraph to a line to a word to a doodle doodle doodle holy shit we should start saying doodle instead of doodle it just like kind of takes the edge off of dude um i love that because isn't that true you know what i was just reading the other day was there was this web there's this um celeb account i follow where it's just paparazzi shots and sometimes they just like post like remember back when there was this celebration the instagram post of couples you forgot existed and there was one

of samantha ronson remember the dj samantha ronson and lindsey lohan remember lindsey's uh yeah yeah yeah yeah but it was everything that was like that was everywhere this is like circa 2007 2008 everywhere was lindsey lohan in a gay relationship they were together like over a year i completely forgot other things paris hilton sex tape kim kardashian sex tape these things that seem like they define you as a celebrity or as a person and maybe maybe there's something in your life that you can kind of say oh this injury this car crash i had this car crash of a relationship it it's so true in a year it's a chapter in five years it's a line like the lindsey lohan i i

didn't even think of samantha ronson even though that was all i thought of her at one point so it's such a nice reminder and what a great way to say it i love that quote i love it because it's acknowledging that it's that it is a big deal for him right now it's not taking away from that and it's also looking forward uh to a time where it's it he had so many great lines you're going through breakup it's gonna get easier it just give it time and it's so hard to hear that but it really is true and um i'm getting ready to go the ted lasso premiere and you know my stylist charged 1500 a look as they deserve. That's what it costs in Hollywood to look good. And I'm doing a show tomorrow or today and tomorrow, $1,500 each look, $3,000. I'm getting

paid, I think seven to do the show. So there goes three of it, 500 for hair and makeup, 500 for, um, both days. So, uh, or 500 each for hair and makeup both days, there goes 2000. So two plus three. So there goes five. Of the seven, I'm only going to walk away after 30% is taken. And then another. So I'm spending money to do the show. Not a big deal. Love my stylist, Danny and Emma Style.

I'm wondering if I have them dress me for the Ted Lasso premiere. I was like, okay, should I get them to sell me for that $1,500? It might be worth it. I'm going to get a red carpet look. I'm going to have the Ted Lasso fucking sign behind me, which is a cool thing. Like I'm going, I'm going because, not because I'm trying to get photographed, but because it's my favorite show.

And Bill Lawrence is my friend. And Jamie Lee, who writes on the show, is my friend. A couple other people I know that are associated with the show. I'm going because as a fan, but I'm like, should I dress up? Should I make it look great? And then I remembered that Jason Sudeikis collected

his Golden Globe Award for Best Actor in a comedy series in a tie-dye sweatshirt on his couch for Ted Lasso. The Ted Lasso vibe is not a $1,500 styled look.

It's whatever you want it to be. Yeah, it's like $800. And that's what I love about the show. It's just like,'s whatever you want it to be. It's like $800. That's what I love about the show. It's just like, do whatever you want. He actually responded to that. What's his name is actually dating. He responded to that. He goes, were you depressed? Were you high? That's what everyone put on it.

The shirt. I didn't want to wear just the fucking top half of a Tom Ford suit. I love Tom Ford suits, but it looks fucking ridiculous. That was his reasoning. He's like, I'm't want to wear just the fucking top half of a Tom Ford suit. I love Tom Ford suits, but it looks fucking ridiculous. Like that was his reasoning. He's like, I'm not going to put on a suit. I'm in my house. Like, I mean, granted, he could put on a little bit nicer of a shirt, but whatever.

I'm going on a show tomorrow where the studio is freezing. I want to just tell everyone, big Hollywood secret. Ellen's not that nice. And also, every studio is freezing every time you see a tv show where it's like a studio audience and if you go to a studio audience thing I'm telling you right now this is saving so many fucking girls right now bring a blanket bring sweaters bring a cardigan It's fucking cold during a studio taping, every single one. And I wish that they warned people before that they show up to, you know, Conan or whatever. It's always cold. So they told me on the, on the sheet, they go,

you know, she'll need a look for this. She'll need a really glam look for this. They go, but after she walks, after we get the full body shot, she's going to be seated behind a table and you won't be able to see her lower half. So bring blankets and like warm socks and everything. So when you see the show that eventually I'll tell you about, I will be in like my bottom half will be cozy, cozy, cozy. And the top half will be like,

uh, you know, Tom Ford suit. I think it'd be funnier if you were wearing a little hot skirt under the table and then dress like a gypsy up top. You don't even and then you stand up at the end to reveal that like my bottom half was so hot the whole time it was so hot the whole time um yeah i but the thing is my stylist whenever i'm like girls please i don't we don't need to wear any shoes i'm gonna be

sitting and you can't even see my lower half. They're like, can you just like wear it all? Because it just completes the look. And they're very like, they want the whole look. And I get that. Like, even, even if I was like, let's say I went on a show and I was telling a joke and they were like, we're only going to use the punchline. I'd be like, can I just do the whole joke? So the punchline is delivered with the same rhythm that, you know, night was doing yesterday was doing adr for this scene they played me for first of all sorry sorry i'm tangenting here which i should just this whole show should be sorry i'm tangenting um they they showed me i haven't seen any f boy clips they've sent me them but i can't watch them because i'm just too i don't like watching myself

especially when i can't change anything and also it hasn't aired yet so there's an air of like you could change it you know and i definitely don't so once it, especially when I can't change anything. And also, it hasn't aired yet, so there's an air of like, you could change it. And I definitely don't. So once it's airing, I'll watch because there's no more looking back. But right now, it feels like I could go, you guys, can you do the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I can't really. So I was watching it yesterday. I look fucking gorgeous.

Like, I look so good. Yeah, you're radiant. Thank you so much to Julie. Thank you so much to julie uh thank you so much to robin thank you like i thank you so much to robin for painting my legs every day and making my eyebrows as dark as i wanted them even though you you kind of rolled your eyes a couple times it i looked stunning i'm so excited about how i look because you know but but more than anything, I was, yesterday, I was trying to match my voice because we're trying to fill in the same, like, I'm trying to do a line for that scene. So, I watched the scene. And I went into the ADR, like, I was a little husky yesterday.

I was kind of like, hi, guys. How's it going? And then I look at the clip and I'm, like, saying the line. And I was like, it would be so funny because the whole thing is like, girls, so tonight is a big decision. So you gotta make sure that, like it would have fit so wrong. So I had to like watch the thing and remember how I was feeling that day

because I remember every single scene I shot and how I was feeling right before because what I did based on what I was wearing, I can tell what mood I was in and I was in like the best mood of my life down there. So it was really fun to like try to harness that energy of like, oh, I was like in love and I was with my best friends and I was in paradise and COVID wasn't an issue.

And like life was, and I just was like, had to, it was funny when you think like that and you go, okay, be that. Your voice will sound different. It was really fun to do but i had to like get into i went in like bedraggled after a long uber ride over the hill over to burbank and i got to burbank i went on a 40 minute uber ride to do two lines i was like guys i could have done this in my hotel room with my podcast mic but um it ended up being really fun anyway why do i care because jason sudeikis really boiled down life give it time and it will seem so much more inconsequential i love that

advice of like you know what the hard thing that you're worried about today will you be upset in one year what will this feel the same like think project one year in the future and think how you might feel about it i think it depends on it depends on it'll be a longer doodle or stay farther away from the doodle the longer Harry and her stay together. I think it might be just because it'll just be a constant reminder. Oh, Harry Styles? Yeah. The longer

that they stay together? Yeah. Hopefully they break up soon. I think they're going to be together a while. I just saw pictures of them on a boat. And he's also dating a girl named Keely from, not Keely, some girl from Ted Lasso, who's adorable. And he seems like he's in the middle of like falling in love. So I think he's probably pretty good,

but it must be real tough to share kids with someone and have to like, when you break up and you have kids, you got to keep seeing them. And that's why you don't have kids. So let's move on to Reddit dump. It's Tuesday. So this is where on to Reddit dump. It's Tuesday. So this is where I go through all my saved Reddit posts. You know, I'm a big Redditor.

I recommend it to everyone. It's where I get so many like random pieces of information. I love Ask Reddit. That's my favorite one. That's where people ask funny questions or weird questions and you get amazing stories from people who comment. Okay. So this one is, ask Reddit. What is the most unexplainable thing

that has ever happened to you? I always love these because they're always like supernatural and like kind of ghost stories. And these are just like normal people who are like, I swear to God, this is like what happened to me. So this was one. When I was around 15, this is from Flip Flop Prob.

When I was around 15, my parents left me home alone for the weekend. And I was thinking, this is awesome. I can chill, play games all weekend, and eat what I want. Went to sleep Friday night and then woke up to my mom, mom, waking me up to what I thought was the next morning. So I asked, what happened? I thought you were going out the whole weekend. To which she replied, what are you talking about?

It's 4 p.m. Sunday. I have no idea what happened to those two days. I didn't leave the house. There was no food or washing up that had changed since they left. I hadn't looked at my phone. There were unread messages from Saturday morning, but I refused to believe I was asleep the whole time. Whoa. There was another guy. A really strong feeling kept me out of a high rise building during an earthquake. I was staying late at work with some colleagues. Our office was located on the 40th to 50th floor. I suddenly had a really strong thought that, wow, if an earthquake were to hit now,

the dash downstairs would be chaotic. I to brush it off but couldn't the feeling was so strong and it's not like i'm used to working in high-rise buildings i've been working at the place for and it's not like i'm not used to i've been working there for two years at this point i decided to leave and work from home which was only 15 minutes away on foot just as i arrived home an earthquake struck it was pretty intense and thankfully everyone at the office was all right just freaked out but it was so strange that something told me to leave just minutes before it happened i think that guy's a dog oh you know dogs yeah yeah they know when thunderstorms are happening yeah it turns out that redditor was a dog um and then another person said that another

unexplained thing is that time i fell into a glass door and the only thing that broke was the keys in my pocket i don't understand that but but that's, I guess, interesting. If you have an unexplained moment, Andrew, I'd love to hear it. Oh, this one's good again. Okay. So I shared this a couple of Reddit dumps ago, but this one is from, and I wanted to reiterate it because this one actually worked a little bit better to calm your thoughts almost instantly. I think the last one I told you was to calm your thoughts is to close your eyes and don't move your eyes. Focus on don't moving your eyes or something like that. But this one's even better. This is from Reddit, the subreddit meditation pro tip. Want to stop overthinking during meditation or during your daily life? Stop moving your eyes. Hey everyone, I just want to share a little tip that's been working for me. I believe I learned this tip from a comment in the subreddit a while ago which is the one that

i read to you guys but i it didn't get much attention so i wanted to ensure that more people saw it which is why i'm bringing it up again too because it really helps okay so everyone try this now basically if you catch yourself in a huge whirlwind of thoughts at 4 a.m eating a chicken salad sandwich alone or with your girlfriend pay attention to what your eyes are doing in most cases they're be they're darting around instead of staying still. This is so interesting because let's side note E M D R. The, the eye therapy where you track your eyes,

eyes cause us. I didn't know how much, what you look at and how your eyes move, determine what is going on in your brain. And this really proves it. Basically, if you catch yourself in a huge whirlwind of thoughts, um once you notice this that your eyes are darting around try holding your gaze in one position this can be done with eyes open or closed you should

immediately notice a much lower rate of thoughts you can even try this right now find any object or on the wall then stare at it without moving your eyes you should notice your thoughts are coming in much less frequently and are more manageable. Let's do it right now. Okay. Okay. I'm going to look. Okay. That kind of worked. The reason I decided to share this tip this morning is because I was just discussing REM sleep and dreaming with someone. For those that don't know, your REM cycle is the phase of your sleep where you have

rapid eye movement. I may not be the first person to make this correlation, but I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere before. So like when you're dreaming a lot, your eyes are darting around, like you're thinking a lot, you're seeing things. So someone else shared that another trick is to scan the room very slowly. That could be good, that could work for you. There was one I loved, this was the best one.

This is insane, but you can try this right now. When you focus on your peripheral vision, the thoughts stop. So look at a point, this one's even better. Look at a point, the same point you were just looking at. Now look at your peripheral vision without looking at it. Just focus on it. Keep your eyes on the point, but just focus on your peripheral vision. What's that? Like your side vision? And your mind calms. Yeah, peripheral is like your side, but don't look to the side.

Okay. Just be aware of it. When you're staring at the point in front of you, stare at it, but then be aware of your peripheral vision, the ring around it, but just aware of it. Don't look at it. And your thoughts will calm. I can't do it right now because I'm hosting a show, but it actually does work. I just did it. I'm going to share that with people.

I'm pretty chill right now. I really am. Oh, good. Just talking about it. I really, I think, I think you should try that, Andrew, as like a quick fix because I instantly thought of you. It's just hard in a dark room. I'm not being funny.

I'm just saying like. No, no, no. Well, you can just stare, but you can do it with your eyes closed. So it doesn't, this is the same thing. Just stare, just steady your eyes and then focus on the sides. Like pay attention to the sides without looking at them. Did you ever do this? Okay, nevermind.

Nevermind. But when you would look in a closet, like I would try and you would see like the clothes hanger would like turn into a person that ever happened. Yes. Oh my God. Oh yeah. So scary. Well, I shared this on the subreddit

that they sometimes would like the peripheral vision thing. It happens to me sometimes where I stare and I'm just locked into a stare because I'm so zoned out and it's that locked peripheral vision. Someone shared that they were a kid and they used to not be able to get out of it and that they would have to literally touch their eyeball to get out of it.

Oh, wow. And I relate to that. Remember the time that I was K and I was staring and the Starbucks guy was like, Nikki, and I like waited. Do you remember that time I shared that? I was locked into one of those visions. That was a lock.

That reminded me, I wasn't trying to be cool as much as I just wanted to stay in that like calming locked in. It was a good light lighting for you though. Okay. I loved this so much. This is from true off my chest.

This is where someone just like creates a fake account and says something off their chest. I loved this. This guy should write a book. I would read it. I love my kids, but holy fuck, are they a couple of cock blockers? I'm not going to put any of this on my youngest because they legit have to have everything done for them. They are small and young. However, my oldest middle school age is the worst kind of offender. She's perfectly capable

of doing anything around the house she needs. But if me and the wife tried to do anything day or night and are gone for more than five minutes alone, she's testing the door lock or knocking loudly to ask the most stupid of questions or say something completely benign example i think i hear a bug in my room not a spider not not i see a bug i think i may hear a bug in my room it may sound petty but this shit has been going on for years and you know what she's going to get hers her first serious relationship i'm going to bust in whenever just for cookies or to ask a question about plumbing i won't care shit man she'll be married i'll call her ass at 11 on a friday night to tell her about a fictitious boil on my asshole that i

may need to get lanced i'll go into detail about dog barf that seeped into the rug i'm going to have my revenge and i just like loved that and this dad is like so mad that he can't get any from his wife because his dumb middle school daughter keeps cop logging him and so he's planning the future and then he did a bunch of edits on his note to explain to people like listen i'm not that bad of a dad like she's just annoying so final thought uh i want to share just a couple more um i think that's so annoying though when when someone writes something that's obviously satire and fictitious and overly mean. And people make that person go, I don't really want to boil on my asshole.

It's like, fuck you. You don't have to apologize. Stop it. You don't know what it's like to have a boil on your ass. It's not funny to talk about dog barf. My dad slipped on some dog barf in our thing, and he died. And that really hurts me. Oh, well then that case, I was being satiric.

Oh my God. Satirical. Yeah, I, um. Yeah, anyways, but yeah, go ahead. Well, I understand like, the thing is that guy is writing comedically in a place where that should be allowed to happen. But people, when you're on, when you're on stage as a comedian that's the weirdest thing is when you do something that over the top and people take you seriously and you have to go

yeah do you guys remember these are jokes like you don't need to go this guy's anonymous like he doesn't even have to apologize like that but his apology was really funny too i won't read it because i want to get to the next true off my chest this is also from true off my chest i felt this like it was this isn't funny this is just like real as shit my husband passed away two months ago and i feel relieved is the title i couldn't click on it fast enough we were married six years together for eight we have a five-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy he passed away to car accident may i was devastated when i found out he was dead i loved him i still love him but now i start to feel relief that he isn't in our life anymore when When I met him, he was amazing, but soon after we got married, he changed. I was to blame for everything.

His family didn't help as they hated me and they would feed his insecurities. He was abusive and controlling, but for his family, I deserved it. But for his family, I deserved it. I don't know what she's saying. I stayed because what else could I do? I was afraid and alone. I came to the US for him. I also believe that I deserved deserved it that i wasn't a good mother and wife because all that's what that's what everybody told me now his parents pretended pretend to be there for my kids and i and they don't want us to leave the country they spend years hating me told my husband i only married him for coming to the u.s that i was cheating on him so he would beat me but now they want me to stay after his death the first two weeks was horrible i didn't know what to do i didn't know what I was going to do without him. But then the fear that I felt every morning,

wondering what, what, whatever he would be in a good mood or not that day disappeared. So this girl's obviously a second language is English, not walking on eggshells anymore. Even my kids seem to be happier without him. That's so wrong to feel that way. I never wanted him to die.

I wish he was still alive and that I had the courage to walk away from him instead of feeling relieved from his death. Whoa. I'm so happy he died for this woman. Yeah. I mean, he doodle i'm happy for this woman he died you know yeah he's a well and listen i shared this because i think so many people out there can relate of of knowing that you can't leave because kids money um you're scared he'll kill you you're scared she'll kill you whether whatever relationship you're in and you it would be very easy if he just died and this woman did not wish this but i'm so happy for and it just made me

feel a lot of things because I bet that is not a, I mean, this is why people kill their significant others. Yeah. I would check to get easier than this guy's breaks. It sounds like she might be in on it, but you know, it's yes.

Um, no, it's a, it's a, it's a very tough thought to think that life that, yeah, I don't know that you're like even if you're getting abused if someone dies to be happy it's just it's a tough thing to even say you know what i mean i don't know it's like

yeah but there's there's times where i've wished men in my friends lives would die and i told my friends that i'm like i hope he died you know like i i don't do that anymore because i don't want to wish death on anyone even though I feel like sometimes death is like sometimes. And this is tough to say, but sometimes when people commit suicide or die from a long term illness, I like am happy for them. If that makes sense, because they're in so much pain and they are. And, you know, we say that a lot, like, oh, they're not in pain anymore. And like, they're in a better place, but I've wished, I've wished death upon some men in my friend's lives so that in secret, like I've said it to them, but I've also said it not to them of like, I just want this guy to disappear. And the only

way my friend's going to get over him is if he's dead. And that's a sad thing and i'm sorry that i caused this guy to to die well i think well the common talk is like what a coward to kill themselves they didn't think about what they would do to to the family and who they left behind it's such a coward way out and i think that's bullshit i think in a weird twisted way it takes a lot of courage to to end it like i think that's bullshit i think in a weird twisted way it takes a lot of courage to to end it like i think if i'm not saying that it's a good thing i'm just saying like no no i the dialogue to anyone out there yeah who is suicidal it's not courageous to kill yourself no one's going to give you that honor but andrew i do know what you're talking about when I've been really suicidal yeah no it's like well I

I've always said that if I get a terminal illness that is going to be something like ALS or like you know Lou Gehrig's which is ALS or the Huntington's disease which is another one that just there's no cure and you literally die because you choke because you can't

swallow anymore like your body just shuts down and it's hell i would go to portland or sweden to be euthanized um i would kill myself in that way and like it would be that would be a better choice but and i've been in so much pain uh that suicide seemed like a good idea so it's you're not in clear thinking though, when you want to do that stuff. That being said, I just want to say last night I read before we really,

before we go, there's a new Anthony Bourdain documentary coming out about his life and final days. And dude, it's like, I read a thing yesterday about it on Reddit. I can't find it right now, but it's like the last days of Anthony Bourdain.

And oh my God is, I can't wait for this documentary. What did he eat? Pretty much, pretty much he was not his, the interesting thing I found was on the pilot episode of his show, because he did those bestselling books. They gave him a show where he travels around.

He wasn't a traveler. He didn't like to travel he didn't like people he had social anxiety the first episode they show footage for the first episode which the first day of shooting the whole crew said what the fuck are we gonna do this guy cannot talk to people he's awkward he doesn't know what to say he's like they they describe this first scene where it's so uncomfortable because he doesn't even know what to say to this Japanese woman. He's sitting on the floor eating ramen and like, it's just like, it's good. And like, it's awkward. They don't even know what to do. And then something happened where he just clicked and he found it. And then they pretty much say, I didn't like this. They pretty much do everything in the documentary to blame Asia Argento, the woman that he was seeing,

who was, I didn't know this. I'm so sorry. It's going along. He, they all say that five days after he saw paparazzi footage of his girlfriend, uh, with a guy making out with a guy in Paris or something that he killed himself five days later. And by all, uh, by all accounts, he was obsessed with this woman, totally in like a love bubble, like love addict like he before he met her he was looking for something that was like unhealthy unsustainable when he met her he was like this is gonna end badly he told everyone he fired the director on

his show made the director on his show got sick for one episode he put her in his place she caused so much tension on the set and changed the way the show had been shot for so long that the director of photography quit. The like such a huge part of the show quit another person and he started firing people that he worked with forever. And so he was really handling it irrationally and doing everything to protect this woman to stay with this woman obsessing over her. But they're kind of blaming her like she cheated and that's why he killed himself his addiction to her like you don't you can blame heroin when someone ods or the drug dealer but and i'm not gonna blame him either but it's just it was a disease of love if it wasn't her he would have become obsessed with someone else you know like i don't want her to now want to kill herself because she's a toxic like she made bad decisions that hurt him but

i don't think it's anyone's fault as as someone who had a friend who killed himself over my best friend and her not loving him and trying to blame her and her suffering the feelings of like guilt associated with that it had nothing to it had something she was the trigger but it would have been something else eventually like and we can put a finger at this girl who maybe didn't handle their relationship the best way and was toxic for him and a just toxic person in general i don't know her but i don't think it was her fault but it's just we just want answers we want to be able to blame someone for this stuff because we go anthony which he wouldn't do that this is totally i mean this was very out of character

for him as as most people would have reported we just lost andrew and that's for the best we gotta go thank you so much for listening he literally just like stepped off i think he uh he just made met asia argento and is changing his life to to be with her so uh watch out brenna sorry he's moving on uh thank you for listening don't be cut out there and uh we'll see you tomorrow on the show. Bye. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

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anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeart Radio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.