The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #68 SSDJ (A Make Up Podcast)

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

Between you and Nikki one of her favorite Schumer moments involves truth telling. Speaking of the truth, yes Nikki did help herself to some extras from set yesterday. Andrew played softball with Nikki's brother in law and guys who knew they were going to lose. Nikki and Andrew discuss a household issue. You Heard it Here First, do not go on a date with Jeffrey Dahmer, do take an ayahuasca retreat, and definitely come out on top like Marcus Rashford. Besties in the Fanthrax segment of the show share funny stories and in the Final Thought a super hot "Not Nikki". Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Brought to you by the American Lung Association and the Ad Council. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Happy Thursday, end of the week. And Nikki Glaser podcast Here's Nikki Hello Happy Thursday End of the week God, I gotta be honest

Need a little break after this week Not from this though Interestingly enough, the thing I always say About this podcast, that I never dread it I'm always looking forward to it Even when my week is insane And I have to wake up A couple hours earlier to do this and it's hard to get out of bed. Sometimes

I'd never go, Oh, how am I going to, how am I going to get, uh, my brain or, you know, like around this or whatever. Like it's always, um, feels good to, to, to get here and to start and to say hello to you guys. So hello, besties. Thank you for listening to the show, whether you're new or old or young or old, whatever you are. Thursday's show, we've got good stuff lined up for you. Can't wait to get to the news. Can't wait to get to your voicemails and your notes and to talk to Andrew because I haven't

seen him all week. I mean, this is the only time that we're talking right now because I'm in Los Angeles. My roommate, Andrew Collin is of course in St. Louis holding down the fort, uh, playing golf, um, living the life. Um, we had a little, uh, a little, we, we like bumped heads the other day. it was so interesting no i just want to hear your side of things um he you know i uh it's interesting i maybe shouldn't even work this out on here but i feel like i'm going to be fair about it because i arrived at a place where i saw what i did wrong um he i think and i won't say what i think let me just say my side of it. That's how I approach

conflict now is like what I brought to it. You guys know I can be a bitch to Andrew sometimes because he's someone that I live with and I can take my anger out on him. And sometimes he is so fun and easygoing and doesn't and allows himself and allows himself to, uh, work hard and then play hard or just like lay hard. Uh, and I resent that because I have this, um, if I lay hard, I can't just like enjoy a show that I'm watching. I think about what I could be doing and how much, uh, this is probably hurting my career, thus making less money in my bank account, which isn't because I want to buy fashions. I don't even think that's what it's called when you do that. It's just like, I feel like I'm letting down my parents

and my niece and nephew and my, even though they're not responsible, I'm not responsible for them. The money, I think of work as them surviving the apocalypse. Like that is how I think is, or surviving tragedy. Like if, you know, someone, God forbid, gets an illness that isn't covered by their insurance. I'm like, okay, I have to take this gig so that in case that happens, I can just pay out of pocket for it. And then they don't have to stress. And then their lack of stress might actually lead to that cancer, not metastasized, metastasized,

metastasized, whatever it is like this. I just want to, and it's like, it's not my responsibility. All of this is ridiculous, but I just, my need to work is not based on,

I want more people to know who I am. I want strangers to love me. It's based on I want to save my family and the people I love. And I also want to make people feel good, which is like this new kind of, I don't know, like mission I have, which is I'm kind of succeeding at because I don't know, people have always kind of said, oh, your comedy means this to me. You made me laugh so hard. Thank you so much. And then ever since doing this podcast, I've just gotten inundated with so many people feeling better about themselves and feeling like they have a friend in me and all these things.

And it just really means a lot. And like, that's what I want to keep doing. And even yesterday I was on this show that I can't talk about. And like people on the show knew me as like a comedian and obviously, and they're like, you know, when like someone expects something of you, I mean, maybe you don't know this, but as a comedian, when people have only seen like your roast compilations, I know I referenced that a lot, but that's like what has like really elevated me is that everyone, these YouTube roast compilations just were everywhere. They're on Facebook. It's like what people have seen of me first and foremost, but it's just such a concentrate. It's like the best version of me that is took a village to build. And so when I'm on my own, I, I default to not that kind of person, which is like quick.

And I mean, I am quick and funny and I can be that on this podcast. But sometimes I just am more sincere. And that comes more naturally to me than being like roasty. So yesterday on the set, I was just like so sincere. And like, I think, but the thing is, it might have disappointed people of like, oh, we wanted her to be like more roasty and jokey and um you know uh quick-witted which I obviously was but I um I don't feel like anyone's disappointed because in the end I brought something to the show like that uh it was it was like an amazing amazing episode of this show I shot and the show's been around a while and I just felt it

from the host all the way down to you know the crew of you know you treated this like um like you were a super fan of the show and I admitted even to the uh you know I told you yesterday I admitted to the producers that I had never seen the show, which they were a little taken aback by at first. And then they like understood. It's just honesty. Sometimes people are like, you don't need to be that honest. But I just think if you don't say that, it's assumed you've seen the show. And I don't want anyone to assume that.

And honestly, it's a better story than I've seen the show and I'm a fan, which would be a lie. It's a better story to say I've never seen it. I also have never seen all of these shows that are critically acclaimed. So it doesn't speak anything of your show. And also now that I've seen clips of your show, I'm such a huge fan and like, I'm so honored to be here and I know what I've been missing. It was like the, the truth speaks more. And even if I didn't have time to watch the clips, let's say I didn't have time to do my research and I go into the show and I've agreed to the show that I should have seen it by this point.

It's been on for a while. It has been critically acclaimed since the get go. I could go in and just say, listen, I've never seen this show. So glad you guys asked me. And I said yes, because I know how,

what a big deal it is. And I want to just walk it. I just want to, I maybe should don't belong here because I haven't seen it. And maybe you guys assume that I had seen it, but that was not part of the contract. So like, I didn't do anything dishonest by saying yes to this.

And I can't wait to live this show in the moment and see it for the first time right now. Okay, that's honest. And maybe we'll get something special out of it that you wouldn't get out of it if I had seen it a bunch, you know, or lied and said, because I've done that before, you guys.

You have too. I mean, you're probably doing it today at some point where someone sets you up for a question and you go, oh yeah, I saw that. Or like you just give them what they want in the moment. It's, you won't get caught for it. No one's going to call you out for it. It's very rare that someone follows up and goes, Oh, what was your favorite

episode? Oh, tell me a plot point that you, and this is about anything. It could be about, um, you know, I'm trying to give it any kind of like kind of example of someone you'd run into at the, at the, uh, grocery store. I remember one time, one of my favorite Amy Schumer moments was, and this is all based upon her, by the way, like this, this kind of honesty I've been witness, I witnessed from her for, since I first met her and we were at lunch one time and this woman came up and she, and Amy was like probably at my level of fame at this point where people from her past were coming in and kind of being like more friendly with her than they actually had been or just showing a little bit more interest so i remember this woman came up

to our table and was like amy and amy was like oh hi just like normal response not as excited but like a normal response like hi good to see you oh my gosh and like kind of just giving the woman exactly what she deserved which is like oh hello like not like oh my god because why why match this just you don't have to match someone's enthusiasm if you don't feel it and um and i remember even noting it at the moment being like this is making me awkward because this woman's so excited amy's just being normal. And it's like, this woman probably feels sad. And I was just like, no, this woman should feel weird because she's coming in way too strong. And, of course, I didn't know that at the time, but looking back. And then the woman goes, talking about her son and something.

And she goes, and you know he just put out that web series or blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I think you've heard this story, though. I've told it before because it was, like, so amazing to she goes and she goes um and and you know John just put out the the web series and everyone's loving it and and Amy goes yeah I saw it and just left that okay that is that's massive I don't even know if I could be that honest because the truth what the truth was is that Amy probably didn't like what she saw right like but she wasn't gonna lie and say I loved it which is what I would have said even now even right now as this like I'm so honest

I would have just been like yeah I saw it was really I would try to be honest I would be like it was colorful or whatever it was like it was five minutes um and i watched all of it or or he looked great or you know whatever something true about it that's what sam harris would say find something true that you could say that isn't you don't have to be mean uh but amy wasn't mean she just said i saw it and then left it and the woman it sat in the air like it was like covet in the air like just we all held our breath and we're like, like I felt so awkward because this woman was just waiting for the next fake compliment to come out. And Amy, and she just goes, I saw it and just held it.

And I was like, oh my God. Like I, and the woman finally walked away. And I was like, I just witnessed something that I've never seen before, which was just like, you didn't give her what she wanted. It's not like you were mad at this woman, but you saw it and you didn't have anything nice to say. And that's all you needed to say. I would have said, if I didn't like it, I would have said, I didn't see it. You know what I'm saying? Like, but Amy just told the truth. And I just thought that was like a moment where Amy could sit in that and be honest and not want

to people please. And I think that gets you really far in life. And Amy's not someone who like, she's just honest. And I just always liked that. But so anyway, yesterday, though, it was really cool. Like, I just felt like I made a lot of friends. And hopefully the show will have me back. And it was just an honor to be there. And the set moved so quickly. Shout out to the AD. I can't even say who you're like. Shout out to the crew. Anyone who I came across yesterday.

Everyone was so helpful. I took home so many tampons. I'm sorry. I'm not going to lie. I spent money to do this show. I literally, you know, I know the budget, the budget for this, they spend the money in the right places on the show. It looks fucking nice. Don't, don't spend your money on talent. I don't even need money. Like it was a

gift to be on the show. I'm not complaining when I say that because I did say it on camera yesterday. I was like, I, cause I, someone told me I looked amazing and I go, listen, I didn't fuck around with the show. I, I lost money to be here because I wanted to look amazing and I respect everything and um everything you guys do and have accomplished I'm just grateful to be here and um and I just want to say that everyone there I made my money back in tampons is what I'm saying I uh some girl came by my trailer and brought me a Tupperware container of tampons that I was supposed to maybe take three from. Oh, I took a lot. And I was like, this might get back to that. And then I took a couple Zevia's that I didn't drink. I took a couple talking rains, which is the knockoff LaCroix.

I was filling my backpack with snacks that they left in the trailer for me. But like, that's kind of low class to do that. And the show is a classy show. So I felt a little bit like gross about that. But I just want to get honest about it like i definitely took things that were for me maybe not all the tampons can i just say let's all talk you know what can i bring you in on a tampon talk really quick let's do a little tt um sure okay these tampons i guess it's play text do you know there's some tampons when you put them in let's talk about tampaxampax brand. Ladies, men, earmuffs. Just kidding. This is good for you to know too. Tampax brand, when you put them in and after you pull them out, they stay long. They stay the shape they went in. Can we agree on that? Whereas the Playtex ones, you put them in and they come out in a little ball.

Somehow they're smaller and so they turn- They shape shift. They shape shift and they turn into a little, and I don't like that little ball. It gets bigger. They saturate, and then they get really small. They get smaller than they even were, whereas the Tampax brand stays the same shape. Playtex, I love them. I trust them.

I will always use a Playtex. They come in little pink cute packages. I think these are the sporty ones, so they turn into a tennis ball in your vagina, I guess. But it really, it turns into a little, I guess a ping pong ball or what's like a small ball that's like more weighted. Dude, I honestly, I lost one of me today. I was about to put a new one in and I went up just to be like, what? There's nothing there. That's weird. I don't remember taking one out. And I go, but I don't, there's, let me just keep going. Cause the balls sometimes can get lost. And I went up there and I found one so high up that I had to use my middle finger to claw it out because the string somehow got up there. I think I might have

two up there. I'm not even kidding you. I have to like, I didn't put another one in because I go, I have a feeling I have another one in me because these goddamn things turn into balls and the string gets pushed back when I wipe my ass so it like goes back my string goes back and I go I can't find the string but it's so tight against the back side of the my vagina hole that I just I'm feeling and I go I don't even feel strict like I just don't like Playtex brand and I'm sorry um and I want to know if any other girls feel the same way I love OB tampons those go up up a ball. They come out a ball. They're trustworthy.

You don't need an applicator. Girls, if your tampon falls out of the plastic applicator and you go, oh, I have to open a new one. Don't open a fucking new one. Take the fucking tampon that came out and shove it up and make sure the string is still hanging out. Right. But like applicators are really unnecessary.

They make it easier because so you can like shoot it and you can feel like you're giving yourself a vaccine, but completely unnecessary. and you can just use ob and shove it up with your finger uh noah thoughts uh i i prefer the tampax pearl that's my favorite oh yeah the ones that are like have the shiny uh string made out of pearls yes yeah they're eleven hundred dollars very classy um but what about like have you ever used the free ones that they give women in bathrooms where it's like a cardboard oh hell yeah and and you push it through the cardboard I was like it's kind of like what you said with the OB where I was like how am I gonna put this in there but it's actually easy I just need that like push contraption yeah

that's the cardboard one ones have that it's the push yeah yeah but i was always afraid to use those because i thought it would like stick to my walls or something yeah they are a little bit like more when you put them in they're not as like glidey because it's not plastic but the don't be scared of those um as it sounds like you're not but yeah also i never used pads because i didn't get my period until I was about 16. And all of my friends had already gotten their period and they had already walked me through it much like kissing a boy. I'd heard everything that could happen. So I was like ready to do it by the time it happened to me because my friends had showed me, taught me. So when I got a period, I was like my Aunt Lynn on a speedboat in 1994 when I witnessed her putting in a tampon.

She just pulled her suit to the side and was like inject. And I was what the hell was that it was so fast and like cool I was like my first period I was just like blase about I was like oh this old thing all right back to the movie theater because it started at a movie that I went to go see at Plaza Frontenac and when I was 16 on the day after I went to a Dave Matthews concert but and I think he set it off because I was like ovulating during the show so um but pads I skipped pads pads however I'm loving pads now I love a good pad because they just absorb everything I always thought pads were like gross and like you can just bleed all in a tab pad all day and yeah it's gonna like maybe start sinking or something and be like a little like i don't i don't mind it i think i'm gonna be okay with diapers when i get older i was kind of like comforted by pads and um so i love pads i'll gladly take a pad i used to like scoff

at them fun fact in thailand when i was visiting there they do not use tampons in thailand they don't even know what they are i went to the front desk of our hotel to ask for some and I go, do you have any tampons? And I remember the Thai woman was like, what? Like confused, spoke English. And I go, you know, like maybe she was like a little bit bad at English, but I go, you know, tampon. And I did like the mimed it, like going into myself. And she was just like, what? Like she was very confused. And she goes, oh no, no, no, no, no. Like a gassed that i would and i was like okay and i was like i'll just go to 7-eleven they had 7-elevens there where a lot of stray dogs were hanging out so i went to i saw the funniest thing by the way of my life when i was going to

a 7-eleven in thailand in phuket thailand in 2000 doesn't matter um 13 saw, me and my boyfriend at the time, saw a dog, a stray dog, humping a bag of garbage. And it was just the funniest visual. And it could be, if I would have taken a picture of it or like videoed it,

it'd be like a famous meme because it would just be like, you know, like a guy at the club when he has beer goggles or something. You know what I mean? Like it would be like some, it was so funny.

Anyway, that, I went to that 7-Ele 11, he has tampons, no tampons in Thailand because they don't, I looked into it. They don't believe you should hold on your, onto your blood inside you. Like, that's like, you need to get rid of it. It makes so much sense. And, um, that's why there's more shark attacks in Thailand. Cause they're just bleeding out. Um, that's not true. It is shark week. And, uh, so they don't use them. They only use pads. And I thought that was very interesting. Cause we are just like holding onto our blood all day inside of us. And it's a little, sorry for the tampon. Actually, not sorry. Not sorry at all. Thank you for your patience during the Ted, the tampon. I almost said Ted talk. That's the new

thing. Instead of saying, sorry, you say, thank you for your patience. I'm still, I still like, sorry. I'm sorry. I don't like this whole train of like, never say sorry. Stop saying sorry. Girls always say, sorry, I'm sorry sometimes. And that's okay. But a new way to phrase it is to say, thank you for your patience. Or if you're like, I'm sorry, I'm late. Thank you for your patience. I'm sorry. I bumped into you. Thank you for allowing me to elbow you in the solar plexus. Um, and thank you for allowing me to do tampon talk. Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew! Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment

to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control.

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Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club the drinks were flowing twerking all over the place vaping they're

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Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, you guys, I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500.

Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about

being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legg, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty,

founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide.

Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's How To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What up, Andrew? What's going on? You know, not much. How'd you sleep last night? What up, Andrew? What's going on?

You know, not much. How'd you sleep last night? I slept good. I hung out with your brother-in-law. We had a really good time. I went... Your brother-in-law. I literally thought you meant Tim. Wait.

Because if I married Chris, it would be my brother-in-law, but you meant Matt, my actual brother-in-law. Yeah, yeah. I thought you meant my ex-boyfriend's brother, which for some reason I was like, oh, yeah, my brother-in-law. Future. Yeah, I went and played softball with him. Sweet.

Isn't Matt the fucking best? I mean, this guy is the tits i've been talking about him for years and trying to get be like to get people to understand my brother-in-law my sister found such a goddamn gem he's so fucking funny so fun he's just like one of us he's a he's a bestie he's just like non-judgmental hilarious i sent you the slow motion of his bare ass that he did over christmas where he shook his like fat he has this like fat ass even though he's a skinny lanky tall guy and he shook his ass and you could see it in slow motion it's the most vulnerable thing ever and we like he showed my dad like he's just like down for funny gross stuff and like there was one he gave there's a video of him where uh arlo who's now four was a

baby and sitting on my dad's lap and he was and matt was wearing a spandex um onesie because we ran a race that morning and he pulled oh no he was pulled it up so it was like borat like cameltoe and he started my mom's making thanksgiving dinner in the kitchen next to us and he starts gyrating and gives my dad a lap gives his son and my dad a lap dance in the spandex and i was just like i can't believe this person exists like no one no one is that free uh unless you're like a comedian around comedians at least in my experience last night we were uh first of all everyone on his team was kind of a similar vibe they all know they suck it's funny to be on a team because

i'm pretty competitive they all know they're gonna lose before the game starts and they don't care other guys right what they're playing other like you're playing who are you playing against we're playing each other no no No, no, no, no. Like another guy team, like a bunch of plumber guys who were really good, who all played baseball probably in college. So we knew we were going to lose. And at one point, I think we lost the first game 14-0. And I hurt my hamstring running five feet, which was great.

And then the second game... It's always the smallest thing. We're not scoring any runs. And Matt is like, Matt goes, I'll show my dick if we score a run. And sure enough, we scored a run.

And they go, Matt, we've already seen your dick. We don't need to see it afterwards. I mean, this is honestly, I'm shocked. I've never seen Matt's dick. And I feel like that's something that, that's the one thing that's keeping from us.

Yeah, I mean It was so fun though to be out there. I mean they all treated me And you liked his friends too. Yeah, I mean you're one of them and you're yeah, I'm so glad I'm so glad. They're all Did you meet Bart?

Is Bart there? Who was there? I met 10 guys You're bad with names, but yeah, okay. Yeah, that's a lot. Two of the guys went to school with Lauren. They did go to Kirkwood. Scott. They were two years. Yeah. Probably Scott and someone else.

Yeah. And Paul. Fun. Yeah. I'm glad you did something social with people, my family. That's so fun. It was funny. Yeah, I know.

I'm living like a St. Louis life more than you. Like I'm part of your family and you're in LA and i'm just like here in st louis please live it up you know i'm not playing softball with anyone um he always matt's always the one that like i go over just to drop something off like a dog leash or something he'll be like hey do you want to run a marathon tomorrow i'm just like gonna run one i'm just like no what yeah he's doing a paddle he's doing a canoe race 340 miles yeah he he does 14ers in colorado which are like these mountains that you there's 14 mountains that are some elevation or something if you know mountaineering you know this and uh he's done like 12 of them and he it risks his life

and I'm always like you have children you're not allowed my mom and I go you're not allowed to go on this this is too dangerous we've seen the footage it's like you're gonna die he's a ledge head he is a ledge head he's so funny and I'm gonna post on our account

the video of him giving a lap dance to my dad and his son I found it and I will post it so that you guys right now can go and watch it because it's so funny. He's not wearing a onesie like I thought, but it's as close as I was close. What I love about Matt is he's doing this 340

mile canoe race. It's the longest canoe. But he would never... He brings it up like, I don't even know why I'm doing it. As opposed to so many other people, if you're like a Mountaineer, like that would be your whole personality. He's not a bragger. Yeah, yeah, not at all.

And he was really good at softball last night, and we just had so much fun. And then it was interesting, though, because Brenna was coming over, and I got asked to play softball after we already had plans, and I was so nervous about telling her to like maybe delay the plans. Cause I'm just used to people like X's like being like,

what, how could you? And she was so cool about it. And I'm expecting, I'm so nervous. Yeah. Well, yeah.

Two X's. I know, but one of them didn't even like you. And the other one, I feel like, I guess that one of them didn't even like you and the other one I feel like I guess that one was the later one was the one that you were scared to disappoint and get upset one didn't really talk to you

yeah she didn't even know I was at softball the college one was like yeah would have been like oh good do anything else but hang on to me she's like oh is it on the road for 10 years you guys never even had plans yeah yeah yeah I just want to shout out to if you're going to St. Louis, Matt, the coolest guy in the world,

he does Big Money Adventures, which is like if you're an outdoors person and you want to go to St. Louis and plan a trip and, I don't know, maybe come just run into me and Andrew around town. There was someone actually at the baseball game that we went to when we were on the street that were like, we were visiting St. Louis and we were talking about would we run into Nikki and Andrew?rew and we just ran into like it's

so crazy we're around town so if you want to come around and just like see if you run into a st louis is a great town we have um look into the city museum look into going to a baseball game like it's a place to go and then big muddy adventures is like it's too muddy.com the number two i'm not they didn't ask me to do this, obviously, but they just do canoe trips that are guided, like really cool stuff in the St. Louis area. And Matt runs all of it and he's on the tour. He's hilarious. And then there's this like wet old man

who will also guide you. And his name is Big Muddy Mike. And I talked about him on the podcast last summer because I went on a canoe trip to prove to myself that I don't like things. I was like, once in a while, I'll do this and I'll really try to like it. And then if I do it and don't like it, I never have to do it again. And I didn't like it.

And I really didn't like when they did this like demo tour that like they're like, if you fall out of the boat, here's how to get back in. And because I was like in Matt's boat and he's one of the leaders they were like there was this uh big money mike who's like an older guy that's like a river guy the the number one top dog in this in the in the probably in the region of like uh doing these kind of adventures just is the river he like a sunburned wet old man he i'm only saying this because i was talking about this not thinking big muddy Mike would ever hear the podcast it was last summer I was like depressed I was going on this canoe trip they do a demo where they Matt goes me and Mike are gonna switch canoes and I'm like me and my sister were like no do not do this we do not want that that we don't want big muddy Mike like crawling in their canoe and

doing this like how to get how to be rescued and like getting us all wet and like just we're gonna have to help him in he was like we have to do this we're doing Nikki just do it and I this like how to get how to be rescued and like getting us all wet and like just we're gonna have to help him in he was like we have to do this we're doing nicky just do it and i'm like matt don't so matt falls out of our canoe goes over to mike's canoe mike comes over to ours he gets into our canoe it was very quick and it wasn't as bad as lauren and i thought it was gonna be we were just like we just want to be done we don't want this stupid demo of how to like survive and um and i described this guy as a wet old man getting in my canoe and then he heard the podcast and i saw him again he was like wet old man huh and he like loved it he was like everyone calls him wet old man now so he is a wet you gotta you gotta think you gotta

think at one point someone called him big muddy mike and he was cool with it you know yeah but that's a cool name because that's true muddy mike oh that's like oh he gets in the thing of it like adding old people do not like when you say old if they're actually old and he's actually not he doesn't even look that old he's like he should be because he's been like sunburned and weathered by the rapids but uh he's he's like spry and so i felt bad that i called him old but he seemed to embrace it i love a guy that doesn't take offense to me talking a little shit and it wasn't shit it was just uh it was honest to be honest and speaking about it was honest to be i was walk i was walking to whole foods and i whole foods i don't know why we say whole foods but uh this uh this guy

had his earphones in and he walked past me and he he goes yo hey man i'm listening to you you're in my ears holy shit i go what and and then i walk over and he shows me he's listening he's a bestie and he lives in our building like what and i had a great conversation did he know that we were in the building with him? Is that how he got started on the podcast? Because he read what I scratched on the elevator wall? Oh, okay. He saw your Comedy Central half hour years ago. Oh, my God.

Yeah, and he was so nice. He's a scientist slash doctor, which, I mean, is a solid slash. He's cute-ish. Does he have a girlfriend? Yeah, he lives with her cool well we need to be friends with them yeah I love that that is so fun that happened to me too with Melanie I talked

about it like I was walking by this girl on the street that I had met prior and I told her about my podcast so and then she goes oh my god I'm listening I look at me I'm listening right now and she showed me and then today I was at Starbucks just now this girl Jill who I just met she was next to me she had the same selma cartney bag that i have and i've never seen anyone else wear it she was super cute and she had her dog had this really cute collar

by sambo boho on etsy that's i gotta remember it sambo samba boho and it's a dog uh collar that was like turquoise beaded it was beautiful she's like I spent a hundred dollars on it I was like it's worth it I got to meet you because I complimented it and um she uh she was like I wanted to kind of be friends with her because she goes I live out of hotels right now and I go I live out of hotels really like I'm staying at this one right now that is so terrible like it's I'm never staying there again I love this area but I just took a risk she was like okay here are the ones to say it she gave me me a list. So it was really, and I go, as I was leaving, I was like, well, you like find me on Instagram. That's the new, like, can we be friends? I was like, find me on Instagram. I go, I'm, my name's Nikki. I'm a comedian. She goes, I, I realized

when I heard your voice, I like thought. And then when I heard your voice, it confirmed. And I was like, oh, I don't expect anyone to ever know me, but she didn't say she was a busty or anything, but I bet she's going to be after, um today because I really was charming I wanted to be friends with her so shout out to Jill shout out to look at Sambo Boho if you're looking for a really cool dog um accessory and then um oh I wanted to we only have a couple minutes but I wanted to follow up on something I started at the top of the show that I didn't get to and I I really don't want like please I don't want to make this like, please, I don't want to make this weird between us. I don't want it to set a

vibe for the show. So just know I'm only bringing it up not to make things weird. But the other day when I sent you the package screenshots of like, because at our place we get alerts when a package arrives that says, hey, here's the code. Go type it in and then like a little door swings open of this

like locker. It's awesome. It's like Amazon lockers if you've ever done that in our building and so i just sent and like i was getting a bunch of texts i was like just got off a podcast i had like 22 texts and i saw the package delivery and i just screenshot it and i like did the arrow thing where you screenshot it and then you send it to someone and i didn't write anything with it i just sent it to andrew without being like hey like, hey, could you pick this up? I just sent him the screenshot that says, you have a parcel pending. And then Andrew followed up with, can you ask?

Is that what you said? Can you ask? Yeah, can you ask? That's all. Can you ask? And I debated on writing that. I wasn't going to write it. That's the thing. I knew everything.

Can I just say what I thought went into it? So you wrote back, can you ask? And at first I was like, oh my God, he's mad at me. And it's this whole thing. I he like sat and like was like biting his nails and like walking back and forth and like kicked the roomba and like was like mad and was like i'm not gonna do her shit and like i wasn't that mad but yeah and then you sent it because you didn't send it right away it wasn't just like yeah can you i'll get it can you ask like fun it was like there was a lot of emotion behind it and i just go uh oh yeah sorry because i thought it was like a um follow-up one because sometimes if you don't get a package which i had sent you one before

the day before and been like hey can you get this i did ask with it and then or i said please after it and then thank you and then uh sometimes you get one that's like you didn't pick this up can you here's a reminder it's still there and i thought one that's like, you didn't pick this up. Can you, here's a reminder. It's still there. And I thought it was a reminder that you hadn't gotten the one that I asked for before. So I was just sending you like what I thought was a reminder,

but it was actually a reminder of one that I hadn't sent you. So it was like a new one to ask you, you had already gotten the other ones, which I didn't know at the time. But I should have asked, you're 100% right. Like it was all due to the fact that I was like, just busy and like trying to like

go through a bunch of stuff and like so many texts to write back to but no excuse I will always ask you and I like that you asked for that in return but it was funny afterwards I wrote back let me see what I wrote back just so I can pull it up I wrote back he goes can you ask me

and you I go oh sorry I thought I did it was the one i sent you before thanks and you said all good it's different then you sent me pictures of the packages you got yesterday i said okay sorry thanks and then um but the funny thing is like after i wrote back oh sorry i thought you did it was the one i sent before i saw like dot dot dots come up and then go away and then come up again and then go away and then come up for a really long time and then go away and i was like just it's it's gonna be okay i'm not like i know that you you elevated it to like i'm standing up for myself and i was accountable and admitted that i shouldn't have done that and i said sorry and everything and then you're like well now I I I want to kind of not be as like I don't want her to think I'm mad at her and I'm

also trying to make it fun so I don't know what's right so I just I've never seen you go dot dot dot to me because dot dot dot is like when you're overthinking things you know like when a dot dot dot comes up it's obviously like you just send it right like I get a text from you but I've never seen one disappear and go back again and disappear and so i just stopped watching because i was giving me anxiety and then you go and then all you wrote was all good and then another one said it's different and so it was like whatever thought you were putting in you had written something bigger before that of like i which i don't know what it was but then i want to say it was so cute because after that i get all the i'm getting all these texts from the um the group chat that you and me and

noah have and i think noah was sharing you had shared something on there right around the same time noah wrote back to it and then you wrote i love you guys and i was like that's his way of being like i just kind of confronted nikki about something and i want to like say like it's all good and I love you. Am I correct in thinking that I love you guys was related to the little bit of tension we had literally five minutes beforehand. I mean, okay.

Because you don't say I love you guys to us often. Noah? Noah? Well, listen. Listen. A lot. I would say 80% of what you just said is right on the money okay the thing is is this is the thing i don't give a fuck about getting packages for you i don't care about going to whole foods or going to walgreens i just care about being asked at the end of the day and i just say my problem because i have a problem when I ask.

Can I finish? Can I finish? Yeah. Can I finish though? So, so when, when, when I just get something being like, here's a prescription or like, here's this or whatever, I get, I get defensive because I just want, I just want to be asked and I just want to thank you. That's all.

I don't think that's asking for much. And I think what happens is, is like, you know, um, if we're, if we're in a working establishment, like relationship and you're like, Hey, can you grab me this? Yeah, I'm working for you. And then when I'm here at the apartment and you're like, Hey, get me this parcel. I'm not working for you anymore. However, you're paying more rent here. We know that blah, blah, blah. But it's like, I think they get crossed and I get a little defensive.

I get it. And I don't mean to. And I don't mean to. That was a perfect response of like, can you ask? You can always respond to me that way and it doesn't need to be like, I just don't want you to go through. Because I know, I just know you so well and I'm not pretending to, I know that 80% i'm getting right but i do believe that you struggled with the anger you felt after getting

that for longer than you needed to to yeah you can just write back can you ask like you can just be your first reaction can be what you send and it can keep it a lot more lighter and a lot more less fraught than it needs to be because i'll always cop to being eventually i'll cop to being uh out of line because you're right i did need to ask and it was a symptom of me being too busy and also uh taking you for granted in terms of like you know getting my packages and and and then i i reason like well these packages are things that i'm putting in the house so that our house looks nice. So when you take videos of yourself and stuff, it's like a nice look for you.

It's a Roomba, so you don't have to clean as much. For sure, and I'm thankful for those things. Yeah, so these packages to me are like, they're for you. So I reason that. But it's not true because sometimes they're not for you at all. And I do appreciate them. And you are a man who can pick up things easier than I can. And I just, for me, there's so much stuff I do around the house that I don't ask for

thank yous for. I don't wait to be asked to do them because they're not necessarily things you even care about. But I just feel like, and I'm not like, I really work on not resenting the stuff, the extra stuff I do that I don't that you don't do because it's like I first of all I don't ask you to do it so why do you know to do it and also um that's my that's up to me if I want you to be accountable I can't like silently resent you so I like I truly don't have resentments about stuff that possibly I could,

or possibly like, you know, a housewife who's like, he doesn't do that. Like I, I really don't care. And then when you empty the dishwasher, I feel in a,

like you're waiting for me to thank you sometimes. And I go, never, I don't even, and then sometimes I'm like, I don't want to give it to him because he's so proud that he did this small thing when all day I've been doing like, I know it's in my head. I'm,, and sometimes I'm like, I don't want to give it to him because he's so proud that he did this small thing when all day I've been doing like, I go through that. That's in your head.

I know it's in my head. I'm literally, I'm talking about the sick, the disease I have of like, comparing. But I have similar diseases. I have similar stuff. This is very relatable. I know every couple out there, every roommate situation has that of like, I do this and this and keeping score. And literally

the last time you emptied the dishwasher, I was so grateful for it. And you were doing it without me asking. You just started doing it. And then I was like, I'm not going to thank him because I don't get thank yous for when I do stuff around him that he could do. And then I was like, what is,

are you going to win something by not thanking? And aren't you grateful that he's doing this? So I was like, shut up, Nikki. And I was like, thank you, Andrew. And then it was like, I let it go. I didn't need. And then the idea that you like want, I hate when, I hate being a person

who senses that someone wants something, whether it's a thank you or hey, you look nice or like is being thirsty for something because how dare, like, I don't like that I'm someone whose instinct when someone wants something is to withhold it because that has been the most painful thing in my life is in relationships when I wanted affection

or attention or love and the person wants to punish me and so purposely could give me this thing that is so, saying thank you is not hard. It's no, unless I'm suffering with laryngitis, it's not hard for me to say. And I can even do like an Asian bow, you know, like of thank you in that case. Yeah. So which means laryngitis. When you withhold something, it's just like I had to stop myself the other day.

But what I wanted to say about the package thing is that I, oh, this is the thing about asking you. And this is on me. And I just want to figure out where you're coming from with it. And I think I brought this up to you before. But sometimes when I ask you to do something, this is how it goes to me. And maybe this is maybe one time it happened. It's short answered.

Yes. I go, Andrew, could you walk Luigi? Because I'm dealing with Marianne. And I'm just like, oh, I'm really sorry. Thank you. Like, I literally asked like that. Like, I'm dealing with Marion and I'm just like oh I'm really sorry thank you so like I literally asked like that like I'm like oh I hate that I'm asking you to do this because Luigi is not your responsibility you're living with a dog who makes our lives a little bit more hectic I don't expect you to ever take care of Luigi and anyways my dog but sometimes I go like can you walk him I'm really sorry like thank you so much

and you'll just do it you won't even yeah, you'll just like go grab the leash. And it's almost like you're mad that like that kind. And then I'm like, oh God, I remind him of his mom or something. And he's like mad instead of just going like, for me, my ideal situation, which you don't have to do would be like, yeah, sure. It's no problem. Like just being like, yeah, I got it. I do think since we had that talk though, I do feel like, especially when you were taking care of Marion,

and I don't know, I feel like sometimes you look for the negative. Like being a little bit more enthusiastic about helping would make me feel good, and maybe that's asking you to lie because you're not enthusiastic about it, but I think you should be because you do help me out a lot, and when you do help me, it feels so good, and I feel like I want you to feel good about I know but I just doing things for me because I really do appreciate it but for me for me I do feel like like you I get what you're saying

and you're heard and I just feel like sometimes like like I'm asked to do things that i wouldn't ask you to do at the time where it just seems like like a task that is like and and it's an ego thing can you give me an example no just like hey i'm doing this podcast can you walk luigi um and sometimes your tone isn't as nice as you think it is and sometimes though but that being said i i really do feel like i've made not just an effort but like i understand the things you do for me i understand like i'm very very thankful and grateful for you in my life and i i think like sometimes like you'll find you know the negative times when i'm walking. But not looking at the times when I'm like, yeah, I'll go to Walgreens for you. Hey, you want stuff from Whole Foods?

I sometimes think like... When you didn't get me something from Whole Foods the weekend that I was watching Marianne, and I have to just let this out, and you and Brennan went to Whole Foods, I didn't know you were going to Whole Foods, and you guys didn't get me anything. I did get you stuff. No, you went to Whole Foods one time, and guys didn't get me anything. I do get you stuff. I got you. No, you went to Whole Foods one time and you didn't get me anything. Whole Foods.

Maybe you went twice that weekend. And one time you did, but the other time you didn't. Yeah, but that's my whole point. I know. I'm saying that I'm wrong for feeling so resentful and I'm just releasing it. But I was so upset because I was like, I am constantly in, like, this weekend has been so hard on me I don't even I feel like they he doesn't even acknowledge that I'm like in the weeds with this fucking dog who literally is falling apart Nikki we stayed there all weekend we were there for you we

brought a walk Luigi I know like I know I and I was I was so grateful for that but I just want to say that like every time I go to Whole Foods I think of something a snack I can get you I literally bring snacks in my bag for you on uh airport trips and stuff and like that's but that's my job that's what I I'm choosing to do that you didn't ask me so I think I just need to only get upset when I ask you for something like not to be like he didn't think of me but i just felt like so like god like it would be on my mind if my roommate was struggling with a dog that had stitches and like blood coming out and and i have already helped her in little in in ways that she was so grateful for because she's

like i was trying to be like thank you thank you because i know i get that but you don't need to do that either like i'm here for you like i do want to be there for you. I do want to make you feel grateful. That was just the only thing. I just expect... Don't you see how it's kind of hard when your expectations for me are like... You're looking at the time...

The time when you're like, oh, you didn't go to Whole Foods and think of me. But literally the next time I go, what do you need well I know you're here yes like you're not looking at that time as a thing of that I wasn't I wasn't in the right place to I was like just in a I resented that moment but I I really

did let it go because I didn't ask you guys had helped so much and I gave you credit even on the podcast for helping me so much that weekend like I couldn't have done it without you it was way more work than I knew I was taking on to take care of that sick dog and the luigi thing like you love luigi so i do too for me i like i i don't see the problem in asking you to walk him because you're going out anyway and like and and it shouldn't be a favor to me it should be just like oh i care about this dog who needs some sunshine because nikki's been in podcasts back to back for five hours like so i feel like it's

not something i should even have to ask so i guess i'm saying will you help out with luigi without me asking and i'll um compensate you either financially or in some way like that uh because i just need help with luigi sometimes you don't have to you don't have to pay me i appreciate it and i love how much you cuddle with Luigi and make him feel loved when I'm in the other... Sometimes I'm like, Andrew, will you let him up on the couch and hold and just hug him a little bit? And you do that

and he loves you so much. And I love him. Because all I want is that dog to be loved and comfortable. And he constantly looks sad and scared even though all I'm doing is trying to make him feel loved. so I do appreciate you I love you and let's get to the news thank you

you heard it here first you heard it here first oh man it's the weekend it's a makeup I didn't even know we were gonna make up apparently also guys have a great time have all the swells i might

have not said all the swells yesterday ats i apologize if i didn't if it brought down any of your swells hope they double time today i know i at the end of the pod yesterday you go i don't think i said all the cells swells and then noah goes the fans will let us know did any bestie catch it i don't think they did all right so maybe i did say itie catch it? I don't think they did. Alright, so maybe I did say it. I don't know. I don't think you did. I just think our besties are drunk on the job. They might be a little drunky. It's okay. That is a forgotten episode.

All the swells. We'll double all the swells today. Alright, a good Samaritan saves a California woman who was held captive and sexually assaulted by her Tinder date for three days before escaping into the street. I mean,

this is why you should do Bumble, I guess. This should be a good commercial for Bumble. News brought to you by Bumble, and it's all just Tinder murder stories. Dude, this is so sad and scary. So this woman went on a date man i've done

this i talked about this uh on a podcast or a us weekly interview i did yes two days ago about like what was your worst date and i go oh it was riot thing i went over a guy's house on a first date because i just didn't want tea or coffee or a meal i didn't want to go out i wanted to smoke weed at his dope place in the hills and he seemed nice enough and my point was like everyone was like oh he wanted he expected to have sex and that's why the date went badly because when it was clear you didn't want to have sex because you were coming over to his house like of course you're gonna have sex i'm like no that doesn't mean that but now i think about it i'm like that's maybe don't trust that. You were wearing a little nightie, though. That's true.

I showed up in a little bitty, itty, nightie, itty, bitty, bitty, itty. This reminds me of Dahmer. Do you remember? I watched something about Jeffrey. No, not Jeffrey Dahmer. I'm sorry. Who's the guy that ate people in Milwaukee? Dave Dahmer?

No, that's his brother. And he was a astrophysicistist he was way worse he was an accountant um no uh wait what was it was yeah it was jeffrey yeah he um he one time had he would do the same not on tinder obviously because it wasn't around i think they it was like the personal ads or whatever but like truly he would uh get guys gay guys and And back in the 70s, 80s when this was happening, it was a little bit more like you couldn't be as open with it. So these guys would probably come to his house, not telling anyone where they had been.

Oh, yeah. They'd go there. He would, I can't really speak to exactly what would happen, but he would do this thing where he would drill a hole in their brain and then inject acid or something like kill a part of their brain that like made them be able to talk and speak but they could still walk and talk they could still walk and talk but like their brain it was he did some fucked up shit you know like and um what's you know rape all these things one of them got out and was running in the streets like trying to get away but was also so fucked

up from the brain drilling that he would do in a way that he wouldn't even bleed like he would do things it was so fucked up what he would do so the cops showed up to this guy that was running naked and i think he was naked in the street and you know trying to express that he needed help but like couldn't very confusing cops show up dahmer talks to the cops and says this is my I forget what he said this is my brother this is my he's just like mentally unwell disabled oh my god and then took him back in and ended up like his head was in the freezer by the end of the weekend and um but this reminds me of the same thing of like sometimes you see someone who is naked and uh you know really roughed up and bloody in the

street as a homeless person especially around los angeles or a woman and screaming and you go oh that poor crazy homeless woman i'm gonna ignore her and a lot of times someone in distress can be ignored because it's so scary this is literally what happened to this girl. Tell me. No, no. She was running around distressed in the street and people just ignored her. That's exactly what happened to her. The bystander effect. I don't want to deal with it.

Someone else will. I have to get somewhere. I'm going to drive around this. It doesn't. It's too much. I don't want to get blood on me. She's naked. It makes me feel awkward.

All these things. Yes. So someone did help her. I kind't want to get blood on me. She's naked. It makes me feel awkward. All these things. Yes. So someone did help her. I kind of see this guy's profile. I wonder what a guy like this Tinder profile. I'm so glad she got out. Holding a fish, right? This guy?

Yeah. A fish hook. Dude, this guy. I know. I mean, how do you, how do do you what do you recommend for girls that like tell people for a first date i mean you went to that guy's house but share your location on your phone yeah um yeah tell people where you're going not that he can't just like turn off your phone or whatever um uh don't go to someone's house for a first date uh meet in public and but you you know they could meet you

in public and then get you back to their place and then this could still happen so um bring a web i don't even know i honestly don't know we should like talk to how long should people talk online before they meet in person everyone always says like go from the app to a date right away like if he doesn't like just ask them right away, don't waste your time texting about all the stuff that you're going to cover on the first date anyway. I mean, I don't think you need to wait long. Just meet in public and maybe read a couple terrifying stories beforehand to make you a little bit scared.

When I drive around, my dad, when he taught me how to drive he was like it's a common thing that people tell people to drive make think think that every single car at this last split second could turn and hit you and is going to and wants to and what you're going to do to get out of it that's why i never drive on the inside of a late you guys know i'm scared of two lane highways but if there's four lanes on like a road, that's 35 miles per hour, I never choose the inside lane because it's so much easier for the person on the other side to just tilt and then get like, you'll get hit. So I'm always on the outside. I always,

I live like everyone's going to bite me and hurt me and run into me. So I think if you kind of operate like that going into it of like, what's the worst that could happen. And then when he like goes to you know put his coat around your shoulders you'll go like get up and you'll like stab him in the chest but um you end up killing him uh yeah i think just like be just know that anything bad could happen as a guy like girls will sometimes be like are you a murderer like they always ask they'll say that like yeah what kind of murderer

is gonna be like yep actually shit yeah ask me like it's just like it's they're not like cops where they have to like tell you what they undercover cops even though that's not true undercover cops don't need to tell you that they are if you ask them um i mean i guess you're betting but i yeah but i feel like murderers might go like you might see it for a second of like how did she know? You know, like, you're not going to rape me, are you? There was one time where I said, oh, yeah. Remember when the Cayman Islands,

did I tell the story of the, I was looking at the cow on my run and I was trying to like make a connection with the cow. These two locals came up to me. They were drinking in their car. It was on Easter. They're drinking in their car. They come up, they have empty beer cans. Two older guys that like in this

kind of rough looking car. And they're looking at me looking at this cow, they pull over and they're like, Do you need help? And I'm like, No. And then they get out of the car. I go, Is this cow gonna like attack me? Do you guys know anything about cows? And they go, Oh, let me show him the guy's drunk. And he parks the car and he gets out and I go, Are you gonna rate me and the way his response clearly made it seem like he wouldn't rape me like he was just like he goes why would you say that and i go because that's my biggest fear um and it happened like i go i just wanted to and i would have known if he was a rapist by his reaction because i feel like a rapist would kind of be like how'd you know you know like there would be a moment but

his reaction made me feel so safe of like what the the fuck? Like, you know, it's just like, I don't know. It's hard to, through like DMs to, like you were able to see his face. Like I feel like maybe a FaceTime call with anyone you're going to go out with, maybe do that. Well, I guess if you write, are you going to murder me?

And the dot, dot, dot comes up and then goes away and then dot, dot, dot, and then goes away. And then he says, I love you guys. And then he writes, I love you guys. Yeah, that might be mean he's going gonna murder you and not walk your dog later uh all right next uh besties write us write into us and let us know if you've ever been on a date that made you feel unsafe and like what you did or what maybe tips because i don't think we really offered any good advice here because i'm not really qualified to do so. I think we did.

I think, I think the best thing is carry a gun. Um, okay. Uh, Megan Fox details drinking ayahuasca. Oh my God. This was amazing.

With machine gun Kelly. I went to hell and said, the experience or past talk therapy or hypnotherapy, because it just goes straight into your soul and it takes you to a psychological prison that you had that you hold yourself in. The couple flew to Costa Rica. It's catering

to celebrities. I love this story. Can I just pull it up really quick and read the quote? Can I read it? Do you mind? I don't do shit. I can't believe you picked this story. You nailed it so much. I was, I can't believe you picked this story, Noah. You nailed it so much because I didn't even think of it for our show, but I was like obsessed with what she had said.

And I'm a huge Megan Fox fan now. So she did Ayahuasca, which if you don't know is the Peru, you go to Peru or some, you know, like shaman, they make you drink a thing that makes you throw up and you're not allowed to go into the next level unless you throw up. So she's with all these people. She said, you get there and you're in the middle of throw up and you're not allowed to go on to the next level unless you throw up so she's with all these people she said uh you get there and you're in the middle of the jungle and you don't get to eat after like 1 p.m which wouldn't work for me because i have to eat three meals a day but you have to walk a very far distance to get your water and you can't shower because they're in a drought there was nothing glamorous about it and it's all part of making

you vulnerable so you sort of surrender to the experiment experience first of all she's saying this on jimmy kimmel which is uh being co uh it's being hosted by anthony anderson i think this week but they haven't asked me it's kind of um kind of upset about it but um uh even though i guess i said this summer and it was a success i felt but haven't asked me back um and she said you have to vomit a certain amount and until they let you get back with everyone else so you're like cheering everyone on as they throw up um she said that uh she and the bloody valentine rapper which is machine good kelly were skeptical of throwing up in front of strangers until they realized it was such a good bonding experience so everyone's cheering them on she says uh so this is the cool thing that i liked

the best of this whole thing and i don't think it's in this uh exact article that you sent but she had wanted to do this when she was with brian austin green the guy that she was married to and had kids with she had talked about this in interviews beforehand, like years ago, about wanting to do ayahuasca and have an ego death that she had read about. But she had been scared and he hadn't really been into it. And now she's in this relationship and she,

I just love that she's not presenting this thing as like, oh, it's just a thing I found out about and I want to do it with MGK because he's young and cool. And I want to do just I'm just doing this because I'm trying to be different. She's like, this is something she'd want to do a while and just finally found someone that she was like comfortable doing it with. And I just like thought that was kind of beautiful. So they went in and what she describes, like you said, is that she literally she said. So she said, I was thinking it was like glamping, Like it was going to be some kind of five-star experience.

Obviously it was not. And, uh, she said she drank ayahuasca. Um, and then she, uh, oh, and then she just, I didn't watch the interview, but this girl, I think she's so cool. I want to be friends with Megan Fox so bad. She said the ceremony lasts three nights, but on her second night, she, then she just says, she goes, um, I went to hell for eternity in a hallucination. Yeah, so on the second night, I went to hell for eternity.

I think that's so funny to just flippantly say that. And she goes, and this really got me. I feel like sometimes people describe hallucinogenics and you go, I don't understand what you're even talking about. But I'm glad it worked for you, and I'll know it if I ever do it. But this sounds terrifying, but I'm so scared. for you and I'll know it if I ever do it but this sounds terrifying but I kind of I'm so scared I want this is like roller coasters for me like I have the same feeling I had when I was young and like wanted to go so bad but I was so scared of what was going to happen even though I knew it was only going to be good in the end even though it might be scary

during it she said just knowing this is talking about uh going to hell for eternity she said just I'll read it in her voice just knowing it's a turn turn. I'm just, I don't, I've never even heard her talk. Honestly, I've never seen her movies. So just knowing it's eternity is torture. And then just knowing it's eternity is torture in itself because there's no beginning middle or end. So you have a real ego death. So I get that, you know, like thinking that you're in hell for eternity, you just like surrender. And so like you let go of any like trying to be someone, trying to think you're cool, feeling like a self.

You just let it go because you have no choice. You're in hell for eternity. I get it. She said it surpasses like you said, hypnotherapy. What'd you say? I go, I get it because of the package thing. What the package thing what the package thing eternity in hell you're having to get your packages oh oh the packages yeah uh living

with me you know it's like when i signed uh i extended the six-month lease for our place until january 1st 2022 um she said like you said it surpassed talk therapy or hypnotherapy i just um got back in with my therapist. Do we have a session today or is it tomorrow? Fuck, I think it's today. No, it's next week, actually. She, which I find, it's like she goes, it goes straight into your soul and it takes you to a psychological prison that you hold inside yourself, which you already said.

But I think I want to do ayahuasca so bad. Who's down? Andrew, Noah, are you down after hearing this? Because Megan Fox sold me on it once and for all. I mean, I've done mushrooms, which... No, dude, this is different. I've done acid. No, I know, I know.

Have you had an ego death? Huh? Have you had an... I really am reluctant to believe she had an ego death when I see her walking around and is still wearing the bodycon dresses and the face that looks like she looks like she's from Madame Tussauds like if you have an ego death isn't

part of that being like I don't care what people think about me anymore and I don't need to put out an image I mean maybe that is maybe that's what maybe that is we're not caring yeah maybe that's not what oh my god I think David Spade called Machine Gun Kelly a neon scarecrow the other day, and it made me laugh so fucking hard. Yeah, that is funny. A neon scarecrow! I just feel like when people take ayahuasca, it's a little ca for me where people are like, my life changed, and I saw the green light and the blue,

and it's just a lot. Well, he's having an ego death, you guys. Oh, wait, he just froze. Oh. Am I good now? Okay. You think it's Kev? Anyhow.

You think it's Kev? I think it's a little Kev. I think it's Kev. I'm also scared. Also, I'm in a very good mental place right now, and I don't know if I want to fuck with that. You know what I mean? I'm not searching for anything right now.

I really do feel like... That makes sense. Nikki just sent me a parcel and said, get this bitch. Which, I don't know if she wanted that on air. I just got a parcel notification and I couldn't help myself. I like that more than just sending it. Yeah, I get it better than just a screenshot. I agree.

I totally agree, Andrew. Next story, let's do Why Do I Care? Sports. Oh, sports. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. I let you have one. Someone took ayahuasca with that tone. Yeah.

Okay. All right. So I don't know if you saw this or we talked about this, but after missing a high stakes penalty kick for England, so England was in the finals in the Euro 2020. It's 2020 because of COVID. So they did last year's this year, whatever. Okay.

So they're saying 2020, even though it's 2021. 21. Yeah. It was kind of like when I had a Corolla. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. So Italy, they did, it was england versus italy in the finals

england hasn't been in the finals in 55 years they have like four uh black players three of the black players missed the penalty kick out of like five or six kicks so it's become this huge racist like fucking tirade on the internet towards these players from English fans calling them death threats. So this guy had a mural for him because he's an amazing soccer player, but he's only like 19. What's his name? This guy. Okay. So Marcus Rashford.

Okay. So he was bullied on social media and he put this post on Instagram. It's a little long, but I swear to God, it's like the most human response to racism. And I just thought it was such a well-written. I don't know if you want to hear. Well, can you read some of it? All right. So he goes, I don't even know where to start, and I don't even know how to put into words

how I'm feeling at this exact time. I've had a difficult season. I think that's been clear for everyone to see, and I probably went into that final with a lack of confidence. I've always backed myself for a penalty, but something didn't feel quite right. During the long run-up, I was saving myself quite a bit of time, and unfortunately the result was not what I wanted. I felt as though I had let my teammates down.

I felt as if I'd let everyone down. A penalty was all I've been asked to contribute for the team. Ooh, I love that. I can score penalties in my sleep, so why not that one, he says. I love that. It's been playing in my head over and over since I struck the ball, and there's probably not a word to quite describe how it feels. Final, 55 years, one penalty, history.

All I can say is sorry. I wish it had gone differently. Whilst I continue to say sorry, I want to shout out my teammates. This summer has been one of the best camps I've experienced and you've all played a role in that. A brotherhood has been built that is unbreakable. Your success is my success. Your failures are mine. I've grown into the sport where I expect to read things written about myself, whether it be the color of my skin, where I grew up, or most recently how I decided to spend my time off the pitch. I can take critique of my performance all day long.

My penalty was not good enough. It should have gone in, but I will never apologize for who I am and where I came from. I've felt no prouder moment than wearing those three lines on my chest and seeing my family cheer me on in crowds of tens of thousands. I've dreamt of days like this. The messages I've received today have been positively overwhelming,

and seeing response in Withington had me on the verge of tears. The communities that have always wrapped their arms around me continue to hold me up. I'm Marcus Rashford, 23-year-old, black man from withington and weathernshire south manchester if i have nothing else i have that for all the kind messages thank you i'll be back stronger we'll be back stronger love i mean i will say that i

loved that it was a great response to everything and it made it only addressed the racist things for a part of it which is like cool that it was just like he spent this much time on that because it doesn't deserve to really be acknowledged those things even though it obviously does because it's such a fucking issue still um and uh but what i will say is that i don't believe, you know, he shouldn't apologize for being black, obviously, and being, what else did he say? I'm not going to be a color, apologize, whether it be the color of my skin, where I grew up, or most recently, how I decided to spend my time off the pitch, which I guess is off the field. I learned that from Ted Lasso. I don't think you should apologize for not making that penalty kick either, because it's not your choice like i i get

it that like you just like you didn't choose to be born black you didn't choose to be born wherever you were you didn't you don't really i don't think you really choose how you spend your time it's just like there's no free will there's no apology necessary for the the kick it's like i think it's all the like and i i don't think that diminishes or minimizes him saying that race is different than how he plays on the field. Because it's everything we do and everything we all are trying our best. Yeah, but I mean, his argument is he can't. I mean, you would say that he could control the outcome.

He couldn't control the outcome of the kick. You can't control what you do. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're saying that. As least control over that kick as he does of the color of his skin. I really do believe that. I mean, that's.

It's just true. It's just true. Because you could say, well, he could go back and maybe he should have practiced more the night before. Or maybe he shouldn't have drank three nights before and maybe maybe they're saying he's dating too i don't know what they're saying he's doing off the pitch that made him not perform as well that day but okay even that like let's say he chose to go out drinking three days before and didn't decide to sleep in and maybe his lack of sleep contributed to the fact that he didn't make that pitch because whatever or didn't make that uh kick um his choice to go out that night he didn't have a choice in that choice it like yeah everything that led up he was never not gonna go out it's all and you

could always go no nikki he could have stayed in there was a choice he made the choice to go out he didn't choose to make the choice because when you choose to go okay i'm gonna go out where did the thought come from to go i'm gonna do that i'm gonna pick that one you didn't conjure it it just came into your head to choose so you're not in charge of anything i know this is this is again no free will but uh i love that response i loved you sharing that i'm now following marcus rasford as a 23 year old you said he was 19 at first but as a 23 year old i think he's like so smart there was another guy there was another guy to miss the kick he was 19 at first, but as a 23-year-old, I think he's so smart. There was another guy that missed a kick that was 19 who missed a last kick. I'm just always so impressed when these young people are able to write so beautifully. And they probably spend most of their schooling not really school.

Athletes generally spend most of their time playing a sport and not really maybe reading and like i'm not i'm not saying that anything i'm just saying athletes when they're when they're when they're able to write so poetically and like powerfully i'm always impressed this guy's a really impressive person yeah he uh it's just the younger generation is so fucking smart and like woke and in the best way and i'm just i'm so i'm excited for our future because of it like that makes me feel good in good hands that young people in positions of power with 11 million followers are able to talk like that and and synthesize their feelings and a message in that way it's it's so cool and i'm so glad so

many people read that and i'm glad you read it. Um, and I'm glad you got the name of his town. Weather and shot. I was like, I looked at the word and I go, I don't know what I do with that. I don't know what I did.

I was, no, you did a great job. Let's get to, uh, fan tracks. It's time for a listener mail, which we call fan tracks because anthrax is something that,

you know, crazy fans sometimes send. And, uh, it's just a fun play on words fanthrax here we go here is a message from uh let's see hannah a voice message thank you so much hannah let's hear it hi nikki andrew and noah i love the podcast it gets me through my soul-sucking desk job, so thank you so much. Just a quick mispronunciation story. So a few years back, my friends and I were at a grocery store,

and my friend out of nowhere just goes, who the fuck names their kid Penelope? And we were just like, what? Yeah, that's insane. Penelope. And you look at the magazine she's looking at, where Kourtney Kardashian is pictured with her baby girl Penelope. So yeah, at the magazine she's looking at, where Kourtney Kardashian is pictured with her new vehicle. It's Kourtney Kardashian. Penelope.

So, yeah, that filled us up for years. So, anyway, thanks, guys. All the swells. Penelope is so funny. And guess what? It does look like Penelope. Your friend's right. Oh, my God.

In her defense, it's not cantaloupe-y. I know. Exactly. I was thinking, yeah, cantaloupe. Yeah, it's not. Cantaloupe i know exactly i was thinking uh uh yeah cantaloupe yeah it's not canal canalope yeah can't can't can't can't tan to i can't even say what it would be if courtney named her baby cantaloupe but um uh penelope is so funny and is now the way that i will refer to all penelopes and um thank you so much hannah i love the fact that your will refer to all Penelopes. And thank you so much, Hannah. I love the fact that your name is a palindrome. That's so cool. And I also love the name Hannah,

because sometimes when you write ha ha ha ha, it looks like the word Hannah and like your name looks like people laughing. And thank you so much for listening to us at your soul sucking desk job, which is an SSDJ. So if you if you have if you have a ssdj out there let's we're going to call it from now on an ssdj coined by hannah which is sure ssdj so many people have a double sdj uh all right this is from cecily i think it's cecily hi nikki andrew and noah my name is cecily and i just thought i would call call in today to say that I just love Nikki's and Andrew's laughs when you guys get each other going. It just puts a big smile on my face and cracks me up. Nikki's is kind of like a, you know, kind of like a crackle.

So it's like do them this is definitely more like the mutley laugh where it's just like all air like yes like that anyway i think it's hilarious i love listening to you guys keep doing what you're doing bye thanks sass oh my god i just love hearing our fans and like meeting them and like I wrote on my Instagram today I just posted the hottest picture of myself that's ever been taken on stage by the way literally the best picture ever by Elizabeth Vigiano who I'm gonna bring on tour

to take pictures of me you should follow her at Liz Vig V-I-G L-I-Z V-I-G on Instagram she has the best pictures of comedians and it's just she's just an amazing photographer it's not easy to do and a lot of people do it and they do it wrong but she does it right i posted the picture and i said my tour is happening right now get tickets now i want to i can't wait to see all of you and i wrote in parentheses especially listeners of my podcast slash besties and i felt bad saying that because

i know people that don't listen are gonna be like what the fuck but i knew besties to be like, what the fuck? But I knew besties would be like, yeah. And it's just true. Like, I love you guys so much. And, uh, thank you for allowing me to be insane. And, uh, and just my, you're my friends. And I feel like, uh, sometimes I listen to myself, especially like on Whitney's podcast yesterday. Cause I don't listen to this podcast because I live it and we do it daily. It would be too much for me to listen back. But I was watching clips that Whitney sent me of her podcast and I go, bitch, you're a lot. I like, I know I'm a lot.

And I know that my ADD meds sometimes make me talk too much and go on tangents and I don't follow them. And I'm like working on it. And thank you for being my friend and knowing that sometimes I can be boring or not finish my thoughts or too much. And thank you for putting up with me and sticking through it and sometimes maybe you don't and you're like i can't take this episode her energy is too much but i love you guys and penelope are in uh cecily uh thank you for liking our laughs that i love when that's why i wanted this podcast with you andrew because i just wanted us to laugh all the time because that's why I wanted this podcast with you Andrew because I just wanted us to laugh all the time

because that's my favorite podcast is when people laugh together genuinely and yeah your laugh is great and I love um yeah I do like a like that's that's when it's really getting me so that's uh I feel seen thank you thank you uh Cecily what next uh message this one is written in on our instagram from cassandra hey nikki and andrew and noah i just got word that you're coming to my city in august i'm cutting my vacation away my vacation away short so i can get back in time to see you i'm so pumped by the way i'm a dental assistant and now whenever i take a panoramic x-ray i think of laughing skeletons and she sent a picture um skeletons are always laughing they're always having a great fucking time and that's what i do for audiences

when i get nervous is of like i'm like this guy's like mean mugging me in the front row and like trying not to laugh i'll go inside you're laughing your skeleton's having a great fucking time i'm killing with your skeleton uh i also was breaking down that person's teeth. I was looking at that person's teeth. They're pretty good. Yeah. Wait, wait, hold on. Can I go back to this message real quick? Cassandra, I just want to say thank you so much for cutting your vacation short. I wonder where you're seeing

me. Honestly, like when I get notes like this that are like I'm driving four hours to see you or my husband and I are getting a hotel or I'm cutting my vacation short or I'm saving up my money. I like it honestly puts a little bit of gas in the tank for me in terms of like I'm going to perform

better because so Cassandra let us know what show you're going to and I'll give it something extra. I don't know what but I really am going to try my best for you guys as I did last Saturday when I was supposed to do an hour and I did it an hour and 20 because I felt like I just like I can't wait for someone to write like I'm not going to my mom's funeral just so I could see you Nikki honestly I don't think that that's a bad choice

because your mom is dead and she doesn't know if you're good or as I've always said funerals are the only things you don't have to go to for someone. And I know it's a good way to process. Like if it helps you process the grief, which that's what funerals are for, for you and for others, go. But if you don't want to go to a funeral and you want to process in your own way, never feel obligated to go. Because literally the person who it's for is not alive and they will allow you to go to my show instead. And so never feel pressured to go to funerals. It's literally the only thing in life of someone's that you don't have to feel guilty about not going. And you go, but I'm going because their family will be there and they need to know. Don't do anything for anyone else.

Grieve in your own way. Let's listen to, oh, she has my name, Nicole, a voice message. Hi, Nikki. Hi, Andrew. My name is Nicole. Love the podcast. Listen every day. I have a story for Nikki specifically. Nikki, you were talking on the podcast about how sometimes you avoid fans after your shows. Well, one time I saw you perform at the Laugh Factory.

You absolutely crushed. You were so funny. And after the show, I was waiting for my boyfriend to get done going to the bathroom and everyone came up to me and was like Nikki you crushed it good job and it was very weird because my name is Nicole and it was just a surreal moment because I was also very stoned and I had to just keep telling people oh no she did crush it but that was not me anyway I always wanted to relay these uh congratulations to you because you did a great job and it was a very fun moment for me anyway love the pod oh see ya thanks nicole nicole i i just want to reiterate to anyone who might hear this for the first time

i love when fans come up to me and say nice things it's just i avoid it because sometimes i i don't want them to feel obligated to say nice things if they don't want to and i feel like sometimes people and then sometimes people don't say anything and i think oh my god they hate me but they're really just trying to like not bug me so i just avoid it because i don't either want you to say something you don't want to say or i just don't want to be disappointed by the fact what you gotta hire this nicole to stand outside and do your meet and greets. It's such a good idea.

Thank you so much, Nicole. Final thought. You're so right, Nicole. If you want to come to a show sometime, it would be great to meet you. I'm so glad I have a twin out there that got so many compliments. I have so many fucking twins in the world. Andrew, check out this one this girl has an only fans if you want to see me um get enrailed i don't even know what she does on only fans i i

gotta subscribe to it because i do subscribe to friends only fans oh my god she wow i didn't even know what she was doing here god she's so good you gotta be a pretty big narcissist to only watch porn where people look like you. I just want to say that there is a deep fake out there of me. It's a compilation of me talking about having anal sex on different podcasts. And then in between me being interviewed about it, my voiceover talking about anal sex then plays over women whose faces have been changed to mine who are getting fucked in the ass over and over.

I couldn't even watch it because it was so real looking. And also I sounded so curbing, like I have anal sex. Like I never bring it up to be cur or like sexy, but it just looked like I was like bragging about being a fucking horror or whatever. And that's out there. It has like 90 views so like don't you'd

rather it be like you actually having sex and someone else saying those things yes I really would a porn star saying it and then me as a comedian having a microphone shoved up my ass I don't know I just had to make it more comic so listen this girl if

you want to follow her she looks a lot like me she constantly the other day she was doing a q a on instagram and someone goes do you ever get told you look like nikki glazer and she's like all the time in fact i tagged her once and she started following me and now we're friends her name is luna hill x1 l-u-n-a hill x1 she looks like me she uh is i think way sexier and uh has amazing tattoos. She does like, I don't know what she does on her OnlyFans, but I'm guessing it's very seductive.

Even on Instagram, she does stuff that's like so freaking hot. I mean, look at that. Oh my God. I know. Wait a second. Hold on. Look at this one. She does like a Britney Spears.

I'm not that innocent. She's like your twin that like went to jail. I mean, these are the pictures I send to like guys i'm hooking up with like this is it's truly oh this one is uh done from clueless she's wearing like the the clueless plaid outfit that one's so hot that's on her instagram go look at that great luna hill x1 and uh please support her on only fans if you like to support uh content creators on there um because she's she's really funny and cool and looks like me.

And Nicole, please send a picture of yourself to the show because I love not me's. In panties. Yeah. Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding. Nicole, thank you so much for your note. Thank you for all those voice memos and everything. So we have a minute left on the show.

Andrew, what are you up to today? You know, maybe work out. Okay, well, I'm going to the Ted Lasso season two premiere tonight. Okay, look, we can't all do cool things. I just want to talk about it. It's so fun. They were

just nominated for literally every Emmy. Are you bringing a date? Yeah, I'm bringing Jeff Dye as my date uh to today um and i'm excited about it because i'm also going with jamie lee who's a writer on the show we're picking her up and we're gonna go the three of us together and uh jamie lee hilarious comedian um the i think the real jamie lee on instagram whatever it is but uh you'll be hearing a lot from her because we're working together on something yeah she's hilarious she's so fucking

funny and she wrote wrote on the show she's like the show is like hotter than ever it's such a cool premiere to get invited to bill lawrence is a friend of mine uh i get to go to this party after there's like a cool party afterwards i don't know what i'm gonna wear yet i'm trying to sneak some of the things that my wardrobe ladies or my stylist have given me for the shoot I did this week into my outfit, but they're asking me to give it back by 2 p.m. today. I'm going to ask if I can keep like one thing. The wardrobe is described as

a dress in smart casual. So sweatpants with some glasses and carry a book. You're going to Ted Lasso premiere. maybe i'll play softball again with your brother in law so he's really winning i mean it's the same thing just believe if you've seen ted lasso you know what that means uh ted lasso is one of the best shows ever and if you haven't watched it and you are maybe a depressed person and need something to feel good about and i know you're like no i don't nothing no tv show can actually make me feel good. I thought that way too.

Ted Lasso is so fantastic and so heartwarming. And just, it's just like that soccer caption you read in a show. Like, powerful, smart, fun. Well, I guess that wasn't funny, that caption. But just makes you feel good about the world. I feel good about the world. Andrew, thank you so much for this makeup podcast. Noah, thank you so much for this make-up podcast. Noah, thank you so much.

Listeners, thank you. See you on the road. Tickets available. Adding shows every day. Shows are selling out. I'm so grateful to everyone who bought a ticket because I'm selling better than anyone in my team had ever expected me to sell and I don't

even expect it, but I love you so much for buying tickets and I will do my best to make you proud and there's going to be free prizes at my shows most of my shows I'm getting ready to we're getting tons of cool merch so I'm excited see you on Monday you guys this weekend

do not do anything and I hope you have a good vacation from your SS DJ. And any other things we coined today on the show? Jackfruit. Yeah, jackfruit. Cantaloupes. Cantaloupes.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that 70% of people get hired at companies where they already have a connection? I'm Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for

Jobs and Career Development. And on my podcast, Get Hired, I bring you all the information you need to, well, get hired. Landing a job may be tough, but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way with advice on resumes, networking, negotiation, and so much more. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila.

And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms. But not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here.

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