The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #7 Our Best Friends

Episode Date: April 1, 2021

Between You and Nikki, she's in a pretty good mood. She talks about some perfume sampling, working through some resentments that you could probably relate to. Andrew delivers some headlines about alternate reality, tongue stretching and divorce before they introduce the segment Collection of Co'uhls. Big announcement in the Final Thought- Listener names! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape

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Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior it's like a death by a thousand cuts listen to on purpose with jay shetty on the iheart radio app apple podcast

or wherever you get your podcasts people my people what's up this is quest love man i cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of course love supreme, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E, Jonathan Sheckner,

Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, good. I'm in a really good mood today. Don't know why. No reason. Maybe I got a lot of sleep yesterday. We'll

find out when I ask Andrew Crollin how he slept and then he never returns the question and I just kind of answer it myself. So, yeah, I'm in a good mood. Right out of the gate between you and me, I'm getting a lot of messages about

you never said the perfume, Nikki. You never said the name of the perfume. Nikki, you never told us what it is. Paris Hilton perfume from two episodes ago that I, um, I thought I had told you guys later on in the episode. Yeah. I thought so too. People said I've been scouring it and I can't find it. And drum roll, please. So many of you don't care. It's called Electrify. Now, let me throw something else in there. For those of you who are just listening to this for the first time, I'm really, I'm not good about perfumes. I have always had what I would, I guess, describe as I'm insecure about my own perceptions of things. Always have been.

I don't trust that when I like something, that that's good enough for it to be good. Like an outfit or a perfume, especially a perfume, when I like a scent, it doesn't matter. It matters if other people like it. Because I think there's something to that. Because whatever you wear, you're going to get used to anyway.

You could spray Cab Driver BO on you, and then you would eventually not smell it. Because there is a biological reason for that. Let me explain it really quick. The reason that people with BO don't smell their own BO or you get used to a smell is because being able to smell things is a way to tell if there's danger. And so if food is spoiled or there's like some kind of, I don't know, some kind of fume wafting into your teepee when we were all in teepees at some point. So you get nose blind, shout out for Breeze, to smell so that your senses can then readjust and let in another

scent that might kill you. So that's why we get nose blind. It's actually the reason, this is the one day I paid attention in a psychology class when I went to CU Boulder. There's, it was so fascinating though. It's also the reason that our eyes, if you ever look at your eyes, they're constantly twitching, right? They're never just steady. If your eyes were just steady, then you would go blind. Like the, it wouldn't go, you wouldn't go blind, but it would create a complete like, a black, like, you know,

if you've ever fainted, you would get that kind of vision because it, what, because the, the, it's a static image. You already know what it is. It's not causing you any harm.

It's fine. Get it out of the way. Allow new images to come in. But because we don't want to constantly have that happen our eyes twitch constantly to readjust isn't that interesting so anyway i don't trust my nose i trusted this scent because paris hilton i was with her and she sprayed it all over herself and i go you know what if it's good enough for paris it's damn good enough for me and then the other night i had two guys here at the that that night i did that podcast i think it's two nights three nights ago i had two guys here and i go can i just test this scent on

you and i sprayed it and i gave it to one and he said it's it's nice like he wasn't thrilled and i was a little bit like okay did you spray it on them or on you? No, on my wrist. Okay. So you gave them your wrist. Got it. Yeah. I sprayed it on my wrist and I put my wrist in their face and he was like, it's nice.

But it was like, you know, being nice to me, kind of nice. He was like, it's sweet. It's not like there's like a sweetness to it, which I love. Andrew was like, that's fine. And then my friend Robin was like, oh, I hate it. That's why I was so offended when you sprayed it on me I love. Andrew was like, that's fine. And then my friend Robin was like, oh, I hate it. That's why I was so offended when you sprayed it on me one time. And I was like, what? And I was, she has really good taste. So I was so, I don't know what to think anymore about the scent, even though Paris Hilton wears it. And I think it's great because I had a friend say a friend whose taste

I really respect more than my own probably say that it was bad. I was like, I hate it now. And that's, that's just says more about me than the scent. And then she sprayed Chanel and it was so good that even if it was poop, I would have been like, that's good. Cause it's Chanel. Cause I'm so like just warped. What do you what do you wear did you say i wear i wear chloe and i do like yeah safe there is a chanel one that i like it's not the standard one but just something very light i think also perfumes smell different on different people based on their pheromones. Yeah, and their pH balance and- Yeah, all that biological stuff. Yeah. Why don't they have scents that are like new Nikes

or a fresh textbook, like a glossy textbook? The inside corner, like the inside, I love pushing my nose into a crevice of a new fresh book that goes like that like clicks when you open it is that the weirdest smell you like i think the weirdest smell i like is like a boy i likes like armpit or like his you know the taint part of his underwear i like used to like inhale my boyfriend's like so gross um trying to think of like the weirdest smell i i don't mind a sharpie although i write with them a lot and sometimes i start getting a headache because i'm like getting high

from it um do you like gasoline yes i remember you saying that it's not my fate it's not something i hate but it's not my favorite but a's not something I hate, but it's not my favorite. But a lot of people love gasoline. Trying to think of other smells I enjoy. I love, I don't mind a Subway. It's not like I love it, but I know that has a very distinct smell. The store or the transportation vehicle? Oh, God. The store.

But I guess they're both disgusting if you really think about it. That wasn't one that I like, I'm like actually like, I was just thinking of people, smells people are like, I hate that. And I'm like, I don't mind it.

Yeah, I just, you know what I love is the gardenia smell of, what's that cleaning product? The natural cleaner. Mrs. meyer's the orange kind is like if i'm just going off of what i love that that i think it's geranium what did i say gardenia gardenia yeah it is geranium oh shoot did you okay yeah geranium i like that smell but i want a signature smell um i've always been paranoid that i smell in some way you know like whenever a boy or something someone tells me i smell good when people get close and they're like you smell good i like i get almost nervous because i think

they're lying to me because i think that's what they think they have to say to someone who's because you know sometimes you like the scene in Mean Girls where a girl has a bracelet on she's like I love your bracelet and then she walks away and she goes that's the fucking ugliest bracelet I've ever seen because you I've done I used to do that when I was a liar like if someone had like something ugly and I was caught staring at it because I'm like that's so ugly I'd be like oh I love your pants like I because I thought was caught staring at it because I'm like, that's so ugly. I'd be like, oh, I love your pants. Like I, cause I thought they caught me in my lie. So I'd say the opposite. I would never do that now. Literally never. But I think sometimes people compliment my smell because they're like, you smell bad. And she probably knows that she smells bad. So I'm

going to tell her she smells. I don't, I don't trust. I'm going to stop you right there because I've been around you on a daily basis. I've also worn your clothes, clothes which you've given to me and packed in your suitcase. And I know that some of them were not washed and I've put them on and tried them on. You do not have a smell. Oh, thanks, Noah. That means so much to me.

The other day on set, I was trying to think of an insult for me, like a nickname. It was a joke where it was like, and I don't appreciate when people call me blah, blah, blah. And I was trying to think of like funny things about me in a relationship, like too much teeth glazer or flat ass bitch, or, you know, like just things about me that would be funny, but not too mean. And the, uh, AD on the show who was standing behind me and was just trying to contribute but like not give things that were like we were just like it wasn't like real things he goes bad breath and i was so

mad i just turned around like are you and he he's close to me a lot so i was like is that he contributing based on facts because i I, and I go, you just, you just stumbled onto some, I go, is that, I don't even know what I said, but I said, listen, I had an ex-boyfriend write a rap song about how I had bad breath once because I broke his heart and he performed it on a show in front of me after I thought we were just friends. And I've, and, and now I'm self-conscious about having bad breath which he even assured me I do not the rap guy he said it was one time after we you ate a salad that had onions on it and we were making out and we were like drunk and I was like good point but

still I I was very I'm always self-conscious about that. And sometimes I do have bad breath. Everyone does. Who cares? Andrew? No, Andrew does not have bad breath. Thank God. If he did, I would tell him in a second. I would have no problem with it. But everyone on set goes, Nikki, you don't have bad breath. My makeup artist was like, you don't have bad breath. If you did, I would tell you.

And I go, no, you wouldn't. That's so rude. If I had halitosis, if I had an uncurable bad breath, you wouldn't tell me. That's like the only disease that you can have. And a doctor wouldn't even tell you because it's rude. So I rest my case. All right. Bring it in, Andrew.

Stay there and he'll be right here. I'm sure he's waiting on the stairs like an eager child waiting for Christmas morning. Andrew! Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays

for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode

is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions. Limitless answers. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers,

but we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Peele chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland,

Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness,

and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere

and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, Andrew, welcome to our show. Good morning. How'd you sleep? I slept good. I slept good. I mean, I slept a lot the last day and a half, and I feel like a new man.

I can't believe how much you slept yesterday. It was the i needed it you know i was uh yeah it's amazing what it can do i feel completely refreshed i feel like we had a nice talk yesterday i feel like i'm very appreciative of you don't well you none of you know but we had a huge fight on the show but it didn't record like by the grace of god or noah just lying to us and saying hey it didn't record can you guys redo it because that's gonna make us lose listeners so we had like a blowout fight that was all you know started because we both had to list each other's insecurities. Deepest insecurity. Then we had,

then we had a huge fight. And then, um, and then I go to bed and then we, we kind of made it, we did make up in it. For sure. I think so.

Then I was like, I'm going to bed. And then Noah was like, it didn't record. Can you come back? So we did the, the final thought yesterday was like, uh,

it was after the fact. But thank God because we got that whole thing out of the way. And we're due for another in about a month. Yeah, yeah. Look, the more I think about it, we spend more time with each other than a married couple. Yeah. So the fact that we wouldn't have blowups, we're not human, that we would just be complete sociopaths. Yeah.

Yes, that's true. I think. Yes. I'm glad you feel better after the thing yesterday. I had to work through some resentment yesterday on my own time. Towards me? Yeah. Oh.

When you're driving to the grocery store? What were you listening to? Well, I was listening to Taylor Swift, but the music wouldn't take me out of it. I wasn't trying to get it out through Taylor Swift, which is what I usually do. I was stuck in traffic. I was just resentful yesterday of not even you,

of having to go get my own groceries, which is 45 minutes away, and I was stuck in traffic on my day off when I would have liked to be like on a walk or running or going to a meeting, which would be helpful for my life, um, or whatever. I was just like, why can't, I just need a need someone in my life to do these things for me because I am working full time I'm working four jobs in terms of having to write stand up I'm doing Conan next week I have no idea what I'm doing

I am working this job I do this podcast which you know doesn't take that much and I'm just like it's not even you it's just like I need a assistant I guess yeah i mean yeah and you were sleeping all day and so it did kind of but that's a choice that you make no it isn't i need food but you did you have a thing where you can ask them to get it takes them four

days to get that food back to me and i feel you today but i don't think the anger should be a me for resting no but you're the one that like could volunteer to go for me on your time off okay and then so that's why i i have a resentment so let's talk about it what talk about that yeah that i should be your gopher on my day off that you need food too and so maybe it would be like a nice gesture as a friend to be like, hey, you need this thing. I could go do it. I didn't need food, and I told you that. Okay.

Okay. I don't want to. Why don't you guys just make a schedule? And just like once a week. No, because he doesn't, because he'll get mad at me that I'm making him go to the store. I just want someone in my life who's like, wow, Nikki's got a lot going on.

That would be such a nice – I think my love language is active service. I just realized yesterday on my drive. I need someone in my life, and Andrew's not my boyfriend, so it's not fair to put him in that position. But I need – for my boyfriend, I need someone to be like, wow, she's got a lot going on. I'm going to just go get her groceries because I know that's something she has to go do.

And it was great to have that car ride by myself, but I didn't need to be in the car for two hours by myself. I didn't need that much time to myself. You know what I'm saying? And I was just like, I just, i was having a little like pity party for myself yesterday because i was just like and i was listening to i did listen to britney spears lucky because i'm like she's so lucky she's a star but she cry cry cries in her lonely heart thinking is there something missing in my life yeah someone to go get my fucking groceries and it isn't and i like but i did let go of the resentment to you I really did I like

processed it I felt it and I was like this isn't his fault this isn't the show's fault for not going finding someone for me to have an assistant it's my fault for not hiring someone to do that I'm not mad I just like I just think there's a disconnect with us that like maybe should be talked off off air before we get on here so then then people have to hear it. But other than that, like I woke up today, like feeling so appreciative of you. I felt like I wanted to hug you without touching you. Cause I know you hate when I touch you. And I wanted to like, okay. With touching me now, I wanted to literally have like a hoorah moment of like, I do appreciate you. I do appreciate being here. I do appreciate what I learned from you. I do appreciate how much you care about me. I do appreciate what you do for me.

Thank you. I wanted to hug you. I, I, I, you know, I wanted to say, you know, let's approach this like where we're going on someone else's show. Let's, let's have a great show. Let's have a whole rebirth. I didn't, I'm not saying rebirth i didn't i'm not and i'm not saying that you don't feel that way i'm just saying like that's how i woke up so then to now like hear this it's like it is what it is like i i just think like we'll always but i'm just saying andrew that rarely in our little disagreements do i get to raise my concerns it's usually and and you have many but you felt good yesterday but that doesn't mean that i felt good sure so i'm i didn't feel great i didn't feel

great yet i got to that like i have a lot of resentments too but like sure like you know i was i overthink i think we both sit in our wanting to hug me this morning because i'm just one not defensively you don't need to answer defensively just Just I'm really asking you, like, what'd you do? I just think, like, one, I got rest. And I'm sorry you didn't get as much rest as you wanted. Now, the night before, you could have probably gotten more rest if you decide to get rest. Now, to put that on me is kind of messed up, I think. I didn't put it on you.

A little bit. A little bit. You say that you work four jobs. I can't go to the grocery store at 3 in the morning. No, but you could go to bed at 10 at night or 11 at night the other night. You've been staying up. No, no, no. The fact that I – you're right.

You've been unrested, and that has nothing to do with me. Okay. That has everything to do with your own decisions. Now, I think that when you are going through something annoying like working too much or whatever then you look at me and my life and then you go well this motherfucker doesn't work as hard as me he's sleeping on the couch while i'm getting the goddamn grocery and it like all gets towards me instead of pointing towards you or towards the position you put yourself in without me involved. I'm only nothing but positive for you. I swear to God. And if it

comes off like negative at all and I get frustrated, I apologize. And I swear to you, I just want what's best for you. And I want to And I want to be good for you. You're right. You're right. Yeah. I need an assistant or a boyfriend who is good at acts of service. Noah, do you agree? That's not where I think that that's not. But also, and I don't.

Because when I hear that, when I hear that, I hear, Andrew, you're not good enough. You're not my boyfriend and you're not my assistant I know but what I hear there are millions and millions of people who are rooming with each other or you know people in relationships who have moved in together who understand this I've gone through this with a roommate

I don't want to have to ask you to wash the dishes John I want you to want to wash the dishes for me because you know that it's something I don't want to do. How many times have a wife said that to husbands? Right. And I've brought that up in therapy and it's really incumbent on me to either ask for help,

to have a productive conversation about it, or to just be like, well, if this is what I need to do right now is clean, then that's what I'm doing for me and i just have to take ownership of it and not yeah bring anybody else into this and that's what i was trying to get at was like i did work through those and i did realize all the stuff that we're concluding right now i concluded yesterday but it's just hard to let go of these things sometimes and i even did a meditation about how to, I downloaded this book called letting go. And it's about feeling your feelings and how to feel feelings and like how to process resentments and anger, happiness,

fear, sadness, and like breathe and like focus on them. And then you process the feeling and then it lets go. And I couldn't even do that. Like, I don't, they are like, feel your feeling where it is in your body. And I'm just like, it's not, I don't feel, I've been to so many therapists who are like, okay, this feeling you're feeling right now, where is it in your body? I'm like, I, my eyes, I don't, I don't feel it anywhere. Unfortunately for Andrew, this takes time. You can't just have that automatic switch go off just because you read a book. It takes work and it takes time.

That's the hardest part about it. But you're the kind of person who does the hard work. And I think having these conversations, even if it's on air, are going to help both of you. And the same goes for Andrew. I mean, look, I have fears when I hear, like when I hear you don't do this for me, you don't do that. All I think about is, like, okay.

And it, like, goes back to my deepest insecurity yesterday. That I'm not enough for you and that I'm replaceable. And that, like, me being on the podcast or me doing, like, creative things with you will go away because I'm not doing more assistance. Yeah, I hear that assistance let's go for work so that i live with that fear no i just gotta get instacart well this is probably why they invented once you guys get back to st louis you can do a delivery service and i can help you with that this is all kind of uh this is all coming up because the grocery store is 45 fucking minutes away. There is one close, but it doesn't have the things.

There's one right across the street, but it just doesn't have. It doesn't have what we need. And I can't believe you don't need food. What kind of food do you have here that you are able to make a meal of with that because just i really want what wondered i sent you a voice memo yesterday and i really had let go of it by then because i sent you a voice memo being like there's no resentment in this i'm at the store can i please get you something that you need please think in the future don't think about tonight because andrew just goes i'm already full i don't need any food that's the way andrew thinks

is like i go into the grocery he doesn't think about the week ahead he's just like right now i Because Andrew just goes, I'm already full. I don't need any food. That's the way Andrew thinks. Going to the grocery, he doesn't think about the week ahead. He's just like, right now I just ate. I don't need food. I don't understand that mindset of not planning for the future. It's insane. I don't know how this. But that's me.

That's my mindset. It shouldn't affect you so much. are you gonna eat for uh on our day off tomorrow when we have to make our own meals probably the flowers someone got us you heard it here first you heard it here first oh boy we got some good stories i hope everyone's having fun out there and uh you're all having your swells for uh i forgot to say swells yesterday and i really regretted it so swells it up how did that start i just i think i shortened swell time oh yeah swells yeah it's good it's like a surfer lingo yeah dude sweet swells like 12s. It's like, well, I almost. What about the, what about, what did, what'd you say when we went skiing?

Freshie pow pow? Freshie pow pow, dude. Nar, nar. Nar, nar. Nar, nars. Something like that. God, I miss skiing with you. Just going down the mountain, you going down the mountain without me and me falling 12 times.

Get to the news. 12 falls. That is the news. Someone wrote about it. Us Weekly wrote about our trip a year ago. It to the news. 12 false. That is the news. Someone wrote about it. Us Weekly wrote about our trip a year ago. It's pretty incredible. Glasses with Snapchat effects in the lenses and a selfie drone could be coming your way. So Snapchat is making, or I think they're trying to do Google Glass.

Everyone will look like you can do filters on everyone you see? You literally can do filters in real life. This isn't enough for you. This beautiful palm tree, you got to make it a little bit more crisp. Oh, but I'm thinking faces. No, it's an altered version of reality. Whoa. Creepy.

I mean, this is where we're headed i mean i saw this thing yesterday where cows are wearing uh glasses no they're actually wearing um vr no what's not vr but virtual reality yeah vr those oculus goggles yeah oculus uh things to um simulate a green pasture so it makes the cow more relaxed and it makes it produce more milk and better beef in it. And so cows are literally wearing VR stuff and it makes them, whatever it is that they're doing,

it makes them better. And it's like, we can't just give them that. We have to like, because their lives are such hell, we now have to put goggles on them so that they are- It's like, we can't just give them that. We have to like, because their lives are such hell, we now have to put goggles on them so that they are. It's like chicken now are free range, but only in the VR world.

Like it's a free range virtual reality chicken. Don't walk four inches ahead. Stay in this little bubble and you can have the whole, yeah. That actually sounds kind of nice. Like if we're in St. Louis in the winter, you throw on some VRs. And next thing I know I'm on the beach with some girl with huge tits and a tan i did a vr porn once like on my show not safe it never aired but they made me a porn where it was specified to

like we hired a company to make a porn for me where it was hot dudes feeding me fro yo while a girl went down on me i don't know why that that was. Oh my God. It made me squirt. And then I looked down and the girl that was me was squirting. Was it your leg? No, it was a girl that like they tried to get a girl that was as much my legs as me as possible.

Did you get to pick her out? No, it was all, it was supposed to be all, it was all surprise. And so it was all shot without my knowledge. And then I sit down and do it. And then there's a whole crew

of people from my show watching me like, legit gotta get aroused. I mean, it was i i'd never had a girl go down on me so i was getting to do that i was getting to i had never scored at that point in my life got to do that never had a bunch of guys in tuxedos feed me fro yo while i'm getting gone down on i mean it was oh my god that is heaven it never aired because our show got canceled before because we were already get that footage you gotta get that footage? You got to get that footage.

No, I've tried to get so much footage. I also did a blowjob class with my mom that is fucking hilarious. Hosted by Emily Morse. It would be different now, though. That podcast that I love. She was, I didn't even know that she was, I kind of knew of her, but she taught my mom and I how to do blowjobs. And what I learned, lube is your friend. Lube, use lube. For blowjobs, use lube.

Even if you're already wet, just use lube. Don't ever be scared of using lube. You sound like a car repairman. Yeah, I am so into lube now, I can't even stand it. Like, yeah. No matter what you do, you got to Wd-40 it wait but wait so can we first of all i won't be fro you it'd be hummus now you'd be completely different i'm not i'm not and i don't eat sugar anymore but what did you have an orgasm no on camera no way no way no way

you know me i can't even i probably have an orgasm three out of four times i masturbate and i'm trying four out of four wow that's gotta be so fresh i can't imagine if i jerked every time i jerked off 75 of the time i was not coming i would just stop i would just not enjoy the i the process someone recently was like you love the deprivation you love like not being able to is not that like i don't feel sometimes it just like goes away it's like elusive you i thought you had zoloft dick and you can't come sometimes with a woman but when i jerk off but what's that feeling i'm 100 coming with a woman um is it frustrating do you have the blue balls and the anxiety like is it there's something There's some, and I know this is going to sound like I'm like selfless, but as long as she's enjoying it, I get enjoyment out of that where I don't feel like I need to

come. But if it was just me. I'm frustrated when I can't come for sure. But it's not like something I can't go to sleep to. It's literally like, it's like, it's like it just kind of dissolves. Like the idea of an orgasm dissolves and I don't even want it anymore. And I've spent so long that I'm numb down there. What's the longest you think you've ever masturbated?

A hour and a half. That's a long time. Full on? And that was probably three weeks ago. Yeah. An hour and a half. Can we go through this hour and a half? Because I can't assume that it was just vibrated right away. Do you start with the hand? I mean, an hour and a half do you can we go through this hour and a half because i can't i can't assume that it was

just vibrator right away do you start with the hand and work i mean an hour and a half start with the that's a longer than your special that's a comedy special and i start with the wand over the comforter like on around that area and then as i'm browsing porn just to get me worked up then i that was really about not being able to find the right porn okay um and so you wasted 20 minutes searching no do you think so like generally it takes me like 15 20 minutes to locate a clip that day i just couldn't find one that got it and and it was probably because i just was just not i could my body wasn't able to do it but then like yes last night i masturbated,

and it took me probably 35 minutes, which is a rather short session. But let's go through the hour and a half. Okay, just remember we only have 20 minutes for the news. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm sorry. Well, that's not even long enough for news, let alone time. I love how Andrew,

every time we talk about you masturbating or your boobs or something, he just gets like a little boy and starts asking all these excited questions. Yeah, it is interesting. But yeah, most of the time it's just searching clips and looking for the perfect one because I get really picky.

It's like when you're looking for a Netflix movie and you never even land on a movie because you can't stop looking. So you just search the whole time because you find something good enough and you're like, but there's probably something better. And a lot of times, let me just final statement on this. A lot of times when I do find a clip that I like and I'm ready to like finally have an orgasm, I go like, but there

could be a better orgasm with a better clip. And so I keep looking, it's like Tinder, you know, you never want to settle on someone because there could be a better person just, you know, on the next step. But what amazes me and, and this is why i get like perked up when i hear an hour and a half is that you foreplay yourself like a guy we never like feel our dick on top of our shorts but you know what i mean though like we don't like like like get it going and then like we just get right to the meat no i know and that's why I remind guys to just take your time. All right. Next story.

That took an hour and a half. Let us tell you. All right. And snap glasses are weird. And no one came. I did. Study finds that strength training your tongue could grow it a little bit. A little bit an inch, we read.

I found this weird stat on Twitter, and it's real. If you want a longer tongue by an inch we read i found this weird stat on twitter and it's real if you want a longer tongue by it by how long is your tongue let me see right whoa you have a you have a long tongue yeah if i want it if i wanted an inch longer all i have to do is pull on it 30 times a day for a week for four weeks five days a week 30 times times a day, you get a... Pull on it, you guys. You got to get gauze so it has... You can stretch your own tongue by an inch. An inch for a leg would be a lot, let alone a tongue. A tongue, an inch is a tongue. You guys, this is wild.

And girls, do you get turned on? This is scientifically proven. Okay, I have a philosophical question for you guys, though. Sure. Because you seem very into the extra inch, but if your mouth is only a certain length what then you'd have to like either stuff it behind your teeth or like walk around with it hanging out i mean like your tongue is already probably longer than your oh actually when i make it loose it still stays in my mouth you're right i don't know i think i think it stays in we have we have someone on set who has a um split in their tongue who did like the

she's the coolest chick she's the she's my sound engineer yeah she puts on my microphone every day and she has a you know split in her tongue and she can do like like a lizard tongue like for good luck it's pretty cool I think that you would get used to it it's kind of like if you had a long penis and short shorts like in mesh like tight shorts you don't you wouldn't you don't think about your dick being held in huh you'd be like one of those cute dogs on instagram that have the tongue oh my god i'd have so many likes you i sent this yesterday to you and you were like doing it and i go why would you want a longer tongue and you were like because it helps with what what'd you say oh dysphagia which is a fear of choking or that's what andrew has so when i used to have it i think i'm good now at this point um but yes i i went through a moment in my life where i drove myself to urgent care thinking i was choking to

death and i drove 20 minutes while choking to death. While choking to death. And then you got there and you said, I'm choking to death to the woman that was doing intake. Yeah. And she said, how long is your tongue? And she's like, you got to pull on that thing. Let me see how long your tongue is. You have a decent sized tongue.

That's not a short tongue. No, but yeah. But since that moment, I got an x-ray. They said nothing was in my throat. The doctor said there's symptoms, usually choking. yeah but since that moment i got an x-ray they said nothing was in my throat the the the doctor said their symptoms usually choking like i was going crazy i was having a panic attack and uh and what stem from did you choke as a child no i don't think so uh except no i don't think i did i i just i just i think i have funny that it takes an hour and a half for you to choke to death, to choke the chicken to death.

And it takes an hour and a half to eat it. It's not a euphemism for jerking off. Choking the chicken. Yeah. I'm thinking about pulling on my dick five times a day and get it up to four inches. If that worked, that study would be out there. This one, this one is legit. It's, it's. I saw it on Twitter

and it only has 12 likes, this tweet. This guy was like, hey, for those of you who care, I don't know how I saw it. It was some random guy I follow retweeted his friend that only has like a couple followers,

but it's a real thing that works. I mean, look, I don't understand. If you out there have a short tongue and you're insecure about it, you can get an inch length in five weeks by pulling at your tongue with gauze 30 times a day, just doing long pulls.

And for five weeks, five days a week, and you'll have an inch longer tongue. That is insane. You'd be able to get insects in the air. But you were saying, do girls like long tongues? Because sometimes you see a lot of guys on TikTok showing off how their tongues are. And yeah, when you're getting cunnilingus, a tongue is interesting. A tongue that knows what it's doing can be good. And if you're a girl that likes a tongue inside you, I guess it could be deeper inside you.

But I think the key to going cunnilingus is just... I just find when a guy tries to be sexual by putting his tongue even a little bit out of his mouth, like LL Cool J was known for licking the lip. It's gross. When you're trying to be gross by putting his tongue even a little bit out of his mouth like ll cool j was known for licking the lip gross like when you're trying to be gross you're like does that turn no yeah that's nothing but certain girls i mean you know if a girl was going it would probably turn on a guy a little bit sometimes the way yeah i think the tongue just uh tells a girl that that guy likes to eat pussy. Okay, so why do we care?

Why do I care? Okay, why do I care? What is this? Where Angelina have been going through a costly and bitter divorce since 2016. Right. They've each spent well over $1 million in legal costs because angelina wants full custody and brad just wants 50 50 they have six kids why can't she give him half what do you think it is do you think he cheated on her probably then um i i don't know i i mean i assume that it probably had something

to do with that they're both people that got together from a cheating incident. Um, but were you mad at Angelina Jolie because you're such a Aniston head? No, I honestly wasn't. I think maybe I was a little bit like I was probably mad at Brad, but I don't, I just don't see how people don't, um, cheat when they're making a movie where they're playing lovers and they're

both sexy people like i just if i ever dated an actor who is on set romantically with a woman i'd say bye-bye yeah it was especially that scene where you're going to paris to shoot a movie with fucking and you fucking the kitchen sale or yeah mara whatever i'll see you when you get back you will be in love with her and you'll fucking hate me but um we'll get through it or we won't but like I'm not gonna pretend you won't fall in love with this person I just and good luck on Dancing with the Stars I'll see you in a month when you get eliminated but you will be in love with your partner and that's not for me I wasn't in love with my partner but you will be in love a man will be in love with your female partner if you go on

Dancing with the Stars you will and he'll be like no but i put a sock over my cock yeah no it's like nothing there's not i mean i'm hard so i wasn't mad at her but this this divorce that's insane that it's um you know when women unless brad is like abusive to the kids is there such thing as fourth custody can you give a guy a fourth of it custody like none that. That's crazy. They have, they have twins together. I think that's the, I think that's the problem with children with divorce is that if you don't go hard in the paint, then you can't settle.

It's like your parents fight for custody. My parents fought. My parents were divorced. My dad had an affair. My mom, I guess, didn't blow him enough. I don't really know what happened,

but that's, that's why cheating happens. Yeah. uh my mom i guess didn't blow him enough i don't really know what happened but uh that's that's why cheating happens yeah also she'd have a long tongue but i think like they they it went on for years they're trying to get bull i think enough i they settled on my dad only had wednesday and every other weekend which you know uh you know where I get my food thing from I just thought about this where I don't care about having food my dad we'd go there and he would have a half a pizza and like a half a diet pepsi for us yeah like he never but he was working more but whatever you might have learned from

that and been like oh I don't want scarcity in my life so I he was working more but whatever you might have learned from that and been like oh i don't want scarcity in my life so i'm gonna plan ahead but instead you get a full pizza yeah no but anyways my dad and my mom had had vicious courtroom fights where it was all ego and even when like you finally get the kids to cut to get over it has nothing to do with your yeah you don't even want the kids you just want to win and by the way cheating does not a guy who cheats doesn't mean he's gonna beat the kids like or cheat on the kids like what does that mean like he can't have full cost he can't have half because he cheated on me um that has nothing to do with being a father i mean it's not that the character of someone who cheats wouldn't be a bad character and then it would spill into being a bad dad

but that's not reason enough to not like is he gonna he might start playing with other kids while my kids are there can i jump in for a sec because i have i have a similar experience that andrew has like with with my parents except at an older age and what i realized from divorce is that it's a it's a big industry and there's a lot of money to be made off of people's pain so i think um there are some other bad players in all this yes kind of like weddings yeah well that's definitely that's the thing your parents get separated let's say my parents were separated when i was 12 or 13 the court, like they weren't fully divorced for years.

Like, so it has nothing to do with when they, when your dad actually leaves the house. It's just so wild to me that people can love each other so much and then literally hate each other more than anyone else on the planet and try to take your children from the person. I mean, it's just, it's, it's just, it's just wild human behavior. Also in regards to money, like Angelina is not going to have another $20 million picture. You know what I mean?

Brad might still be able to... They're getting less and less work. She just sold a painting by Winston Churchill that Brad gave her. It's believed to have gifted her for $11 million. She literally has another $11 million picture. Yeah. It's a painting oh yeah picture she doesn't have a as you said picture the way you say picture is pitcher so no she doesn't have a pitcher of iced tea worth 50 million dollars if brad drank from it it would be

some some horny little housewife would pay for that. I mean, Brad Pitt is only getting hotter. I know. That's the way the world works. All right. We got to get to collection of kits. Getting ready for some kit. Kit alert. Kit.

So kit. Yes. Those are all my best friends from high school saying the catchphrase that we coined in high school called care. Now, if you're a new listener to the show, you might not know what is. I haven't set it up on the show tech totally. But in my past podcasts, I've really gone over what cause I'm trying to spread it. It's just a perfect way to like someone who revs or peels out of a grocery store or someone who um i don't know like like oh a guy on the subway who's like rapping to himself loudly or like something so that he's doing this thing so that other people are like man he's really

cool but instead he's kid you know it's just like it's an incredulous disgusted disgusted way of saying you're cool like and you do a peace sign when you do it and you're like literally whenever I love anything that someone is doing something that makes them seem like a group of guys is like shouting and being loud because they're trying to get attention from

girls I always go a perfect guy would be on a speakerphone doing business oh yeah it's 48 we gotta get it at 64 you guys use it it's so cathartic to release now um in this segment we'll be taking submissions for cuz if you have any, you can always DM us, NikkiGlazerPod on Instagram. Thank you for everyone who's following that account. You can also write into the show at the NikkiGlazerPodcast at Gmail, and we will have your collections of cuz. And you'll get a better feel for what cuz are as we go,

and when you encounter them in real life, I'd love you to send them our way. We all can be cuz. I've been very um i've been cut myself before where you're just you know the other day i was driving into set and i was blasting like a song that i wanted people to think like oh she's not cool but like oh wow like where we think a thing about nikki because she's blasting that song like it shows a song so that what song was i think it was some Taylor Swift shit

because I just wanted like people to be like I like I want to make friends that like like Taylor Swift I want to like so I don't know if that's good because obviously Taylor Swift isn't cool no one's gonna be like she's cool but I wanted to like wanted people to hear it so that they would comment to me and I could make friends

so Noah you have a great example of a yes and i'd love for you to share it with our listeners so i had an ex-boyfriend who uh like zooped up his car and he had the word soup is already i mean but that's what he used to say about it so i'm using his language okay all right it's already okay yeah and he um like made his subaru like he had a subaru that he zooped up he's zubaru super cool yes and um he he used to rev his engine whenever he would get angry or if we would argue in the car he would speed to show uh how angry he. So guys who use their car

as a means of describing their anger are my for the week. Any guy who like floors it or peels out or like if you're driving in a car with a guy and he makes you feel unsafe because he's like road

raging or he's trying to like show off off you are such a piece of shit and i hope that we do get in a car accident and it only takes you out and i walk away with i'm dating you maybe a scratch on my wrist to remember you know what's good the best day of my life is when when one of these cars like noah was talking about has like 180 horsepower which is not a lot at all and you change the muffler to make it sound like you have 350 horsepower it's like because you can't afford an actual sports car you can't yeah you're so good and like if there was a guy in high school this was the origin of kuh like one of the earliest cuz yes my friend hoffy dated this guy named mark and he had an automatic car but he would shift between neutral and drive

no to make it seem to make it feel like he was driving a stick say it with me now you know what's kuh when a guy adds a spoiler to a shitty car and it's like five feet high. So you know that bitch is flying. Oh my God. That is kuh. I mean like anyone that's just like, even let's not do this all about guys. If a girl like even comments that like, oh yeah, I was like, I'm trying to think of like how a girl would might be kuh. She's just like, can girls be?

Oh, yeah. If they just if they're trying to be like, I like, wait, hold on. I'm trying to think of an example of a. OK, I think I might have one. OK, please. Someone. I have one. OK, go.

You first. You're the host. No, no, no. You, you, you, you. Maybe someone who posts like a flashback photo bragging about like how cool they were in their younger years. Yes. And showing that off. Yes.

If you know that in a post like a flashback Friday or TBT that you look like hot and like you're clearly showing that you were and you're making fun of yourself but it's also like you also look hot and like everyone who lived during that time knows that that person like looked actually cool your cat yeah and if you i look like such a dork in this mvp photo trying to be vulnerable but like being like oh my god i'm so embarrassed but you know you look hot you're so fucking cut we see right through you look at the color my prom queen dress a girl submitted a kid one time that to my old podcast that was fantastic so this is a prime example

and everyone's guilty of this kind of stuff by the way i'm guilty of being cut andrew is we could all be cut i'm always good but this i bet so many of you are guilty of this. If you, on Facebook, someone makes an announcement, right, of like, we're pregnant, right, and you comment underneath it,

I'm so glad you're finally telling people, I was dying, I couldn't keep the secret. You are telling everyone else that sees your comment that I'm closer friends with this girl

than you are. Yeah, K. The only reason you're commenting that is because you want people to know. Like that's the definition of Kev. If you're doing something so that the main reason

is people thinking you are better than them, then you are Kev. And it is not a humble brag. Kevs can be humble brags, which is coined by my late friend, Harris Whittles. Kevs can be just straight up brags, but most of the time,

Kuhs are ensconced in this faux sincerity or just this accidental, I didn't even mean to do that. Yeah, Kuh. Yeah, Kuh. Can you tell people how to spell Kuh? Okay, so it's not perfect like in terms of it really it's like there's a brand

actually of clothing called K and it's K-U-H-L and I think that's probably phonetically how it should be spelled but in high school for some reason we thought it was C-O-U-H-L K and that's just how it's spelled to us my friends from high school

shout out to Kirsten, Hala, and Taylor, who did the voiceover for the intro. But please send in your cuz. It's called Collection of Cuz. We'll be doing it at least monthly. And I can't wait to read your specific cuz that you witness in your life or maybe you've done yourself. So send those into the Nikki Glaser podcast at gmail.com. Final thought for the show. Andrew, I want to announce what we're calling our listeners.

Is it going to be care? It's not care at all because it's very sincere and it's something that I was reluctant to do because it to me didn't sound special enough. No, you already know it. What are you doing? I was just having fun. No, that was Keh, because we were making listeners think

we were doing something organic, but it wasn't. That was definitely Keh. That was Keh. Oh, I thought that was the opposite of Keh. No, if we were to lie and pretend like we didn't know, then it would be Keh. My bad, babe. You know what's the opposite of Keh?

Honesty. Sorry, I souped up that conversation the opposite of K? Honesty. Sorry. So honestly, we've already talked about this. We got the suggestion from Noah. Thank you so much, Noah. We got a lot of suggestions for names. People are like Glazeheads, Glazerbeams, Swells.

Donuts. Nickclicks, Nickwits, Donuts for like glazed donuts. Thank you so much to Matt Wilson, Becky Cooper, Timothy Shaw, Shover for sending in your suggestions. We got tons of others and what we're settling on is, and Noah, will you explain the reasoning behind this? Because I'm a, sometimes these shows fly by and I don't even know where the inside joke started. Can you, can you tell me what, uh, what, what it is and then the origin? I think the best name for our

listeners would be best friends. Okay. Tell me why. Because you've talked about in a previous episode about how you have friends all over and you have a lot of best friends and the people who listen to this show are going to get to know you on a best friend level. Yes. It's perfect. I love it. So when you're at a show of ours and you're at the meet and greet and you want to tell me that you're listening to the podcast,

you can be like, I'm a best friend. We can, if you write into the show, you can now call, if you are listening to this show right now, you are a best friend because you are in a conversation with three people who are talking to each other like best friends. I talk to my listeners like best friends. And I really am giving a part of myself on this podcast that I wouldn't really give to

any other medium that I make entertainment in. And I just feel closer to the people listening to this podcast than literally anyone who listens to my standup and not because it's just, you know, cause it's more casual and, and I'm, I'm here with people that make me feel that comfortable. And I believe you too, also conduct yourselves on this podcast like you would with your best friends. Yeah. I feel like if anything, we're probably more upfront than I am with even my best friends from high school who I would just, you know, maybe slap their dick and be like,

yeah, I get actually anxious when my actual friends say they listen to this podcast. Cause I'm like, I'm too vulnerable. I haven't told you guys these things yet. And I'd rather my listeners know them and not you. So truly you guys are like your,

your best friends. And, um, and that's what we're going to call you. And I hope you like it. And Noah, thank you so much for the suggestion. I love it. And it just warms my heart. I'm not only the producer of this show.

I'm also a listener. That's a good point. I'm also a client. What do you mean? It's like I'm not only the owner of hair club for me yes yeah yeah yeah was he like that i mean look that's putting your money where your mouth is i guess that guy with this yeah paris hilton too with her own perfume like none of these last night i saw an ad for um and jennifer hansen has this new ad that's very triggering for vital proteins which is this

kind of you know different vitamins and drinks. Why is it triggering to you? Yeah, because she's just perfect in it and doing all these yoga poses, and it's just focusing on different parts of her body. And it's pretty much like if you drink this stuff, you will be inspired to work out as much as Aniston. You will look like her. You will have her hair. And it's just such bullshit. And I do think she does drink vital proteins but most celebrities don't really use the things they

endorse because the things they endorse are sold at like walmart which i'm sure a great joke about her with her skincare yeah vino stuff it's just and i think i said on the podcast the other day it's just like she would never use a vino product jennifer hansen does so let's stop falling for this stuff but um yeah if you were selling me like baby foreskin in a cream form for like nine hundred dollars i would believe you jennifer you know what i mean like yes like if you were using the blood of babies that no one else can get yep you know there's something something they're using but you know there is like i i'd rather them sell something that i actually think that they might use something they're using, but you know, there is like, I, I,

I'd rather them sell something that I actually think that they might use than like something that's obviously so that they don't believe in. Yeah. I mean, it happens all the time where that my, my prime example was Adam Levine had a line of women's clothing at Kmart. What? And it was all advertised.

Like Adam Levine thinks women who dress in this kind of clothes are cool and hot. And it's like, he wouldn't... They're like, Adam Levine will fuck you if you wear these jeans made in China by children. Are the nipples just cut out? Yeah, exactly. No.

Adam Levine not only wouldn't fuck you if you shop at Kmart, he would probably spit on you so if that's what you like it was the most just is that what the clothes come with his spit

I mean that would be worth it do you know I drank one time I drank John Mayer's backwash what did it taste like just the end of a water bottle do you feel like how long did you have that water in high school by the way you guys i went to go see john mayer at a very small venue

it was before it was like after his first release and he wasn't a big deal it was at mississippi nights and st louis and me and my friends this isn't good we grabbed a water bottle from the stage after the show and all chugged it like in a circle wait you all chugged it how much was left you know there was like you know a couple slips left we all took not chugged it but we all took a sip and then we were like we made out with john mayer and then we also touched at that same venue we touched um adam duritz no this was a different venue we touched adam duritz he like grabbed our hand and so when we went home we took masking tape and took the fingerprints that had his fingers on them and we put we took tape and like

collected the fingerprints and then put them on a postcard and we're like that's adam dirt's dna oh my god we were obsessed and we also stole howie day's sweat rag and we all like we cut it up into like bandana strips and and uh ate it no but i used to love concerts i love that you always split it with your girlfriends though it was such a probably bonding experience for you girls oh my god we were just so we were so horny for these guys and they made music that just made us feel like like we we all weren't like getting action and like it was just you know i just used to fantasize about like making out with these boys and then i would get to like get so close to them and yeah which you do now which is wild because your life has gotten to the point where you dm with john mayer you

speak on dave matthews uh you know serious yeah channel like like it all came yeah the idea that like i'm i i have john mayer's number or whatever is not lost on me. There's times where I would like to tell him I drank your backwash and stuff. But I'm still that girl that's like, I love people who I can get to know through their art and have crushes on them. And the other day, some guys asked me, who's your celebrity crush? I never even know what to say now. I always had an answer, and now I don't. The world the world is my oyster i'm just kidding i can't even get matt james to read a dm uh he read it yeah he just didn't accept it but i i look i love the fact that

you were so in the concerts and i know you don't even recognize that person when we get out of here though when we get out of we have to go to go to more. Maybe we'll go to two next. Two in the next 10 years. Who knows? I mean, who would you see? Yeah, I posted a really hilarious tweet yesterday from Caleb Sinan that was like, I can't wait till COVID's over and I can go back to seeing one concert every 10 months. Who would you see?

Who was, who, if you could pick anyone that even now as an adult, where you could be front row and you get their sweat on you be Swifty. Obviously, it wouldn't be a guy. No, no, because I want to go to a concert where I know every fucking song. And that's the only person right now who I know every goddamn song. What about you? Tom Petty, not dead, alive.

Right. You wouldn't do like a weekend at bernie's tom petty concert honestly it was pretty much the last show i saw it was close to that yeah because it was a month before he passed away shout out petty and the heartbreak was it great earth it it is that for me i know you know every you don't even realize you know every word to all his songs and you can sing every word and everyone's so together and it's just i fucking i love tom petty and uh it's very sad that he passed away and no i honestly thought about taylor swift dying the other day and i started almost crying i don't know what i'll do when i can't sometimes when i was really like sad over the summer and like honestly like suicidal at times not like wasn't gonna do anything

But like was like I would just want to die The idea that I would miss her next album and a song that could make me feel the things that her songs make me feel Gave me reason to keep living and I know that sounds crazy Also other things are like season two of love on the spectrum. I don't want to miss that these are all things that like I don't want to die that. These are all things that I don't want to die because I might miss these things. But Taylor Swift's music is honestly something that gives me reason to keep going

when I am most depressed. Isn't that so sad? And it's not like seeing my niece grow up. All right, guys, we got to go. Thanks for listening today. You guys are our best friends and we love you so much. We'll be back tomorrow to round out the week.

Bye, Noah. Best friend. Okay. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel.

And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of

modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that'll resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is gonna be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections.

Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy

is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme.

Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E, Jonathan Sheckman, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet,

hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.