The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #70 DDB

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

Between you and Nikki she's gotta get a hold of her people pleasing. Nikki reflects on gossip, then she and Andrew discuss the Trump effect. After that Nikki looks into why she was upset when Andrew did something nice that caused a recycling mishap. You Heard it Here First, don't hire your rancher to be a hitman, the signs of sexual tension and maybe Ryan Reynolds was exaggerating, a little bit, little bit. In Nikki's Reddit Dump, she does not reveal her own comments, a mature confession by a 13 year old, Jennifer Lawrence's nails it and Andrew's jaw drops when he sees a golf video. In the Final Thought, Nikki gives her two cents on her once friendship with J Law. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing,

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or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling

the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult.

He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How serious is youth vaping? Irreversible Lung Damage Serious, 1 in 10 Kids Vape Serious,

which warrants a serious conversation from a serious parental figure like yourself. Not the seriously know-it-all sports dad or the seriously smart podcaster. It requires a serious conversation that is best had by you. No, seriously. The best person to talk to your child about vaping is you. To start the conversation, visit talkaboutvaping.org. Brought to you by the American Lung Association and the Ad Council. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Yeah. What's up, guys? It's Tuesday on the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome. I'm doing the fake radio voice. I tried to harmonize with Anya. It's so hard to harmonize.

I can always do it when I'm playing guitar and I'm trying to like sing. I can't hit the notes and I'm singing alone. I can do like different harmonies. But when you are listening to someone sing the melody and then you try to harmonize on top of that, just count me out. It's just, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I adapt to what other people are doing, uh, comedically, uh, personality wise. That's one of my biggest

issues, Noah, is people pleasing. Let me just, can I just say this? Um, over the weekend I was talking to, welcome to the show, by the way, thank you so much for listening. You guys know I love you and that you, the fact that you are eager to get this podcast every day, you know, it just touches my heart. But you know what? I kind of saw it coming. That's why I gave you a daily show because I want more from my podcast that I listen to than just once a week. So that's what you get. You guys know that they would have, I think they would have, I'm pretty sure they would have i think they would i'm pretty sure they would have paid me the same to do once a week and i can't confirm that but i i do i would almost 99 sure say um i i am doing uh three times the work or no wait four times the work yeah three more hours of work oh well let's be honest

they only ask for an hour show and we give you a lot more than that because I can't I know they were like this is crazy I am literally doing I think eight times the amount of work but it's again when work is fun it ain't work and it's like I want I could keep going all day I could turn this into a four-hour show but like um from my mouth to no one's ears because no one else on my team wants that Andrew could do it you could do it too. I mean, we've done two-hour shows, and I get jealous of my friends in radio sometimes that wake up and they do like five-hour shows. I don't get jealous when I wake up at 6 a.m. and think about them being at work already for four hours,

but every part of it of like the extended show, and they got to play music, and they got to not be able to cuss. But I do love that this show has that kind of vibe. and they got to not be able to cuss. There's, but I do love that this show has that kind of vibe. Okay. So what I was going to say is one of my biggest problems with my personality that I'm really working on is people pleasing and giving people who are in front of me what they want. Especially people who are in positions of power or popularity or beautiful or you know really shallow rich and um I'm just gonna be honest like I have I struggle with um

the me too stuff you know like I if someone it hasn't been rightly canceled by the world and we're all on board like this person doesn't have power anymore. It's hard for me to like go fuck them forever or unless they've personally hurt someone I know or myself and, and this or unless they've been charged with something. And, and I just have to be honest about it. There are some, I've talked about it before.

There are some artists I can't enjoy anymore because of what I know, what I've even heard alleged that they did. And it doesn't make me enjoy them anymore because my enjoyment of their art was dependent on the fact that I think they're telling the truth and they're like a good person. However, there are some artists

whose work I can enjoy with, they could be a mass murderer and it's still a good tune or a good movie or whatever. And I can't really tell you why I feel that way about Summit. I wish I was more consistent. But the truth is, I'm not perfect. And it was interesting this weekend, I was with an old friend, and they kind of called me out on that kind of change in tone. This friend I hadn't talked to in a really long time, the last time I talked to

this person, I had been like bad mouthing someone that I had recently become acquainted with because I heard like a kind of me too-ish story about this person. And I think I was trying to connect with the person I was talking to by having this gossipy story about like, oh my God, I heard he did this thing to this person. Turns out that story was not what it really was. I had the wrong details. I then go on after having this conversation with a person years ago with my friend, I go on to become friends with the person I was talking about and like know the truth behind what I, the gossip. And I learned that they're one of the best people I know right and I forget I've even told this person that story that that day that I used that gossip

to connect with this person who I hadn't seen in a while I'm just like oh my god I have some new gossip or whatever that it was not factual then cut to years later I'm hanging out with this person and I talk about how good of a friend this person I had once bad mouthed this person was. Are you guys following? Maybe. So I didn't know that the last time I had spoken of this person was with such ill repute. wanting to hear about me being friends with this person. And I was like, what is the deal here? Like why are you like shut down all of a sudden? And they go, well, the last time I heard you said that this person was a terrible person. And I go, oh, yeah. Well, since then I've gotten the facts and become close to this person and they are not that at all.

And the person goes, okay, well okay well you I didn't get that catch up and I just don't I I just see when when we were close friends in the past you used to do this all the time you would talk shit about someone and not like them because of one story and then we would run into them somewhere or you would talk about running into them somewhere and then you would be nice to them and it was like or you'd post on Instagram like promoting something they did whereas you talked shit about them and I was like yeah that is one of my worst qualities is that I want people to like me I want to be I want especially I want people that um I believe are talented regardless of what they do in their personal life. I want them to like me.

And it's not because I want them to like me so that, you know, part of it is so that I feel loved and I'm desperate for love and attention. And part of it is that I want money and power, which they seem to have that. And they're, you know, when you break it down, me wanting love from people who are in positions of power is me being greedy and wanting money. And it's not because I want to buy Gucci handbags or I want to be able to afford, you know, the paddles you hook up to your ass to make them tighter. Even though I do spend my money on that. It's about like I just want to survive the apocalypse and I want to – if my parents get cancer, I want to be able to not have them go into debt. So it's all coming from a good place of I want to spend my money on rescuing animals

and stuff. So ultimately, I do know that that most of it, most of the money I want to get from these people who might be evil that I'm nice to is because I want to do good in the world. So then I mitigate against Okay, is me being nice to someone I know is evil or heard rumors about in an effort to get money to change the world and make it a better place, is that worth it to uplift this person and on a personal level or maybe on my Instagram, is that going to cause more harm in the world,

me uplifting a person that might be a scoundrel or is that harm worth it for the money that might get me than to spend it on good for the world I don't know and I think the answer is I would like to be more consistent with my word for instance I told this person who confronted me I go two years ago that was very much my mo is like I struggled with it like I would be two-faced all the time because i just i don't like confrontation i don't want people to be mad at me i don't want to be in trouble and i especially don't want people who are in positions of power that have influence to not like me or have a bad perception of me but since then i really try not to talk shit unless I am ready to say it to their face.

And that is not foolproof. But generally when shit is talked about around me, about someone that I am personally acquainted with, I try to focus on what I could say that if there was a recording of this conversation and it was played for that person, I would not love it to be played for them, but I could back it up. I could say, you know what? Everything I said in that conversation behind your back is something that's true and I would like you to explain it to me. And I found with a couple of my friendships in the past, I was, and I want you to run this through your scope because I think this is the goal, guys. If you are talking about a friend, someone that you would consider a friend, invite to your birthday party and you regularly talk bad about them or every time you hang out with them, you text your friends to talk about what an idiot they were or you're kicking your friends under the table to talk about that person, just get rid of that friend just stop hanging out with that friend because that's not a friend you're not being a good friend and I really try now in my life to

not have and not have anyone I don't talk of shit about my friends anymore and I know that they talk shit about me because I have friends that constantly talk shit about their best friends to me and so I I'm okay with that because I'm okay with who I am. And I really don't care if people make fun of me behind my back. I've accepted it, for instance, this weekend, Jen and Robin, my assistant and my hair and makeup slash best friend, Jen, also one of my best friends. They were in Florida with me and I was talking about, um, something that I went to or something coming up and I go, um, you know, and there was this one girl there that was just like a lot and just like really emotional, steals the conversation,

can't stop talking. And they go, uh, I think Robin or someone goes oh you mean yourself and one the other one laughed really hard in a way that was like they've talked about this before that I'm like it was we don't all three joke about how I'm a lot and talk too much you know with ourselves so it kind of revealed to me that they may have mentioned before to themselves like Nikki's a lot but you know what I am and they have and in that moment I was a little bit butthurt like oh they've probably talked about how I'm a lot behind my back I don't care because I am and that was okay and they they probably do need to talk to someone about how much I am because they both work for me and you know at times Robin Robin has worked for me and um or the production company that I was on,

and then Jen also works for me. So they're allowed to have opinions about someone they work for, especially because that's not a friendship. Like, they're friends, they're my friends, and I want to employ them in a way that they feel well compensated, they have upward mobility, they are not, they're part of, they're part of more than just being my assistant or being my hair girl like that we're all gonna benefit from making me look good and making my schedule perfect like they're gonna benefit you know I wanted to be like a team anyway um but there was a moment where I was like they've talked about me behind my back it's okay because of course I expect them to not because they're both like catty bitches or something.

They're not. It's just like I saw a moment between them that they both laughed in a way that they've talked about it before. And that I do accept it. I kind of swallowed my pride and I was like, they're allowed to. I am annoying and that's fine.

I though recently kind of have gently moved away from friends that I find myself talking too much shit about or any shit. Honestly, I want to be a person. My goal is to be someone who does not talk bad about anyone I claim to love ever. And if I do, it's because I'm trying to process an ultimate approach to dealing with the thing that I'm dealing with with them so I'm trying to like like yesterday Andrew I talked to him about someone in my life that I love that I'm having a lot of problems being around this person and I have chosen I told Andrew I just don't think I want to see them anymore like I just have to put up boundaries of like we can't hang out under these circumstances where you make me so mad. And they don't make me. I make

myself. I can't handle my emotions when this person is around. And Andrew had really good advice for me. He was like, how about you focus on being around this person in ways where you guys have things in common and where those subjects that trigger you aren't going to come up. And I was like, that is a great solution. And also, I need to talk to this person. I need to have another talk with this person about my feelings. And I plan to. But that's the only time I talk about behind backs is when I'm trying to process something that I will eventually tell the person I'm struggling with what's going on. Or, you know, I will process it myself and not blame them. But goddamn, is it hard to not get upset. But all this is to say that I have, I'm two-faced. I have been called on it before by friends of,

you told me you hated this person. Now I see you being nice to them. I want to give whatever's in front of me what they want. And I believe I'm not alone here. And I don't want to be that way. I want to be one-faced. I wanna have two faces because I do wanna like get enough money to get a different face at some point but that's why I'm two-faced. You guys get it.

But all of this is to say that this is a real fear for me and a real thing I'm so ashamed of and I'm just ready to get honest about it because that's the first step in getting over it and admitting that I do this thing that's wrong and ugly and embarrassing. It's embarrassing to be two-faced. I used to have a joke that like, you know, I would do jokes about the Kardashians being like vapid and whatever, you know, the regular Kardashian joke. And then I'd say, God, you wouldn't even want, if I ran into Kim Kardashian

in a dark alley, I would kiss her ass so much, you guys. It would be embarrassing. I hope none of you see it because I wanted it to sound like I would punch her or do something. No, I would, I would go, I love you so much, Kim. Your skin is so amazing. Why are you so tiny? I love your waist. I'd like, oh, I would shower. I would never be honest with Kim about all the trash I've talked about her, even though she could easily Google it. And I don't want to be that way anymore I actually love the Kardashians and I don't even want to talk shit about them because guess what I will meet them someday and on top of that which sums it all up and you'll probably see it in my act at some point because I want to uncover these

kind of things in a funny way on stage because I think they're interesting to talk about I think we all do it and I think we all should try to stop doing it. No one's, I mean, not no one's talking about overcoming being two-faced, but we all have this side to us. And Andrew told me the other day, let's get him in here. Andrew! Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show ears edition podcast dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else

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What's up? Hi. I was just saying, how did you sleep last night? I slept good, alone. Oh, yeah, yeah, you did. We'll get to that in a second, and everything's fine with your relationship, but we will get to that in a second.

I wanted to say, I was just telling everyone when I was by myself about being two-faced and how i fear it and how it's a thing i'm working on like i just want to be consistent the way i talk about people behind their back i want it to be the same way i talk about them in front of their back you know what i'm saying their face yeah in front of their face yeah yeah um i was saying that you had pointed i was gonna close with a prime example of me doing this and my fear of it and my embarrassment of it i said the other day to you i go i was telling you this whole thing and i go i have nightmares a reoccurring nightmares where i meet donald trump and i am nice to him

yeah reoccurring honestly i wake up in a um a cold sweat and not only am i nice to him but my mom or someone who hates him witnessed it and i bet you know what i bet my mom would even be nice to him because he i do have respect for the united states and the fact that we have to honor our presidents and like stand when they walk in the room i like that kind of pomp and circumstance he is a um exception to that and i i hope that someday when he walks in a room i get to i get to sit and i can not i can maybe um refuse to shake his hand or do i wish i hope i can stand up to him someday um if i get the chance to meet him but in my dreams i am like hi um nice to meet you like i'm such i'm a little madison ray addison ray why i feel i feel like uh she went up and talked to him at the ufc yeah i saw that

and she got like called out i don't know i think like he's the most uh the highest example of someone of celebrity that you wouldn't want to be fake for. And so maybe that's something to be mean to a president. Yeah. It would be pretty tough, but yeah, especially in front of people. I just don't like confrontation. I think you could do it.

I think I don't like confrontation like that because especially Donald Trump is someone that could go, you're, you're my biggest fear. What's my biggest fear of being told that you're fat? No. Well, kind of,

but I'm not really trying too hard no that i'm ugly that i'm not hot right that's like my biggest saddest shallowest fear donald trump is great at making women i used to hate donald trump because i knew that if unless i was hot he would never like me as a woman i used to feel the way about howard stern i was like i don't want to meet him because unless i'm hot he won't find value in me, which is not true about Howard at all. But I used to think that I, um,

I, I fear that Donald Trump will be like, Oh, uh, I don't want to shake your hand anyway. You're old. I mean, at this point I am old to him,

even though he's totally disgusting. When we were in, when I was in Palm beach over the weekend, my driver was like, there's Mar-a-Lago. And I saw Mar-a-Lago. It's where my dad got married i know yeah it's insane and i go um really i was like oh my god i was like just i

was like flicking it off when i drove by of course i'm in like a car that has like tinted windows there's no like i love that woman that flicked off his motorcade that one time when she was on a bike and then people were like doxing her um but I thought of a great line when I was on stage that I should have done. I was like, because the Colony, the hotel that I performed at for the private event, I wanted to say, it's great being here in Palm Beach at the Colony.

We're within spitting distance of Mar-a-Lago and I know because I tried. I think that's a good line that's subtle of like trying to spit. But anyway, that's my biggest fear. But everyone at that party was swallowed. I know, right. That was the fear was the party was,

I mean, they were rich white people. So I was a little scared. There was Trumpies there. But you know what? A lot of like, if you're very wealthy, like not like fake rich, you hate Trump. A lot of them like hate Trump because Trump pretends to be richer than them.

It's like a dick off. It's like, oh, he's not really rich. He's not as rich as he's not real Palm Beach. I'm sorry. Maybe I think you're talking about maybe people that you might personally know. And I would venture to guess that those people voted for him at least the first time. And maybe now they don't like him, but they like their money. And whether or not he pretends to be rich those

people liked his little tax plan for them well i mean because they want to keep all their money trump before like my dad being married at mar-a-lago uh for his second wedding i mean it was it's funny and my brother was a member at trump's golf course but they're always like before the before he's president yeah uh disclaimer before he's president. Yeah. Disclaimer, before he's president. When he was just a cartoonish buffoon on The Apprentice. I mean, John Mulaney's bit, please someone fucking find it.

I'm begging you. Find John Mulaney. I did this on a podcast. I recently did the Daily Beast Last Laugh podcast. And I said, someone find John Mulaney's Conan late night 2007, 2008 appearance.

He did do this bit about Trump for his album recording the top half. John Mulaney's first, I think his first comedy album, which I was the feature act for. It was very exciting to go to that recording. So just know that if you listen to it, I was on stage before him, like warming up the crowd. They didn't need it. He's amazing. But he does a bit about Trump. He nailed Trump on Conan. I used to watch it religiously he was like Trump is um Trump is a uh

cartoonish man he was like pretty much saying like Donald Trump I'm fascinated by this was before I mean this is 2008 you guys and he goes Donald Trump is what a hobo imagines a rich person to be like I picture he was like like when a hobo's walking a rich person to be. Like I picture, he was like, like when a hobo's walking by, like he says something like, oh, when my ticket comes in, I'm going to have fine golden hair and a TV show where I fire people with my children.

I'm gonna have my name on big buildings. Like it's just a ridiculous, but he says so many funny things about trump that are so prophetic and like how we eventually all felt about him so i'm just saying trump was a laughing stock a little bit before i mean before he would yeah but i mean he was on howard a ton before oh yeah because howard said he's the best guest because he's honest yeah and he's polarizing he was good on letterman funny to say that he's honest and he's not at all he's honest about how much he hates women who he doesn't honest about himself but never that guy is incapable of lying there's actually a comic right now who um it you

know who works and i've always said that this comic is trump whatever brain disease trump has that makes his brain think that he's infallible will never apologize always does everything right um uh thinks highly of him like everything that trump is this person is as a comedian and um that's one person that i fear running into because i feel like i'll give them what they want because I'm so scared of them. But I am trying to steal myself, S-T-E-E-L, to prepare myself for our next run-in so I can be authentic and say, and eventually I hope this person hurts someone that I know

and I hear a personal account instead of anecdotes from people who have witnessed this egregious behavior or that this person hurts me so that I can confront them because I'm ready to. and I hear a personal account instead of anecdotes from people who have witnessed this egregious behavior, or that this person hurts me so that I can confront them because I'm ready to. I'm really ready to go public with how awful this person is to other people and how they need to be called out for it because they're Trump. Trump I actually have empathy for because his brain is bad. He was born with a bad brain he's born with bad

parents if you were born with trump's brain and his parents and the same situation you would be trump too so there is part of me that goes poor trump to be that awful um and um what's crazy about these kind of people is like trump is good for ratings for c, for everyone. Like CNN's ratings went down 40% after Trump left office. Bill Burr just did that bit. Did you see that? Yeah, yeah. That's where I was like, that's where I saw the number. I Googled it.

And then also like we talk about these people. These people that are pieces of shit, they get space in our brains. Like you're already thinking about a conversation that you might have in the future with this person but but why i know i'm not saying it's a bad thing i'm just saying that no it's not a waste of my time because it will minimize harm in the world if i'm able to call this person out and let everyone know from a trusted person who has gained the respect of her peers and fans by being honest and admitting my flaws and always leading with honesty and wanting good for the world people trust me to do that

and then i call out someone who is in violation of that yeah and that person has to be accountable and that will add good to the world as opposed to how can you put yourself in a situation where this happens oh it will eventually happen. It's going to happen. I'm just saying, let's make it, let's expedite this. No, because I have to actually do enough work by myself to be able to have enough confidence and wherewithal and a plan that I know I'm doing the right thing and I'm not scared of the, because this person's powerful, you know?

And I have to wait. I don't want to wait until this person's canceled where it's like, oh, I can finally ellen i've heard ellen's mean because now ellen's gone i mean i even still fear ellen's not gone yeah ellen can still affect my career and and ultimately what nursing home my parents get in because my career equals money that i spend on their nursing home so that they don't get abused in a nursing home um what i wanted to confront you about before i say confront i hate the word confront i know well it comes off like so okay well what do you want me to say what do i want to talk talk to you about no confront away before i say that i really appreciate all the um assist you've been giving me in terms of saying write that down that's a good bit

and not letting it go because that's the only way i make material so thank you for that we've been talking a little bit more stand-up and recently than i have allowed you to talk to me about in the past because it triggers me to think about my material and i start freaking out and i go andrew can we not talk about comedy anymore and it's never about because of your comedy it's about me but i will say thank you so much also for taking the plastic bags that were filled with trash out to the trash room. However. Oh, man.

This is a real setup for a confront. No, it was really nice that you did that. I just want to know, what did you do with those plastic bags? Threw them in the garbage. Okay. You know what's so funny? That's where we have an issue. You know what's so funny about this? I knew this was going. You know what's so funny? That's where we have an issue. You know what's so funny about this?

I knew this was going to happen is what's so funny. When I was throwing them away, I didn't know if they were trash or not. And I was doing a good deed by taking them out. Yep. And then I go, she's probably going to come in here. And if I put these in the garbage,

I don't know if they're garbage or not. She's going to say something. Wait, how would I know if they're in the garbage? Well, you would see them not in the recycled something. Wait, how would I know if they're in the garbage? Well, you would see them not in the recycled side. Oh, right. I did check and they weren't

in the recycled side. And the problem is... Why did you check? Because I went through... Because I wanted to know what you did because I thought you would lie to me.

Did I lie? No, you didn't lie and I appreciate that. And I was going in there anyway to put away boxes and open the thing. I didn't like check to see, but I was just like,

oh, I don't see there. So he probably threw them away. I spent all day yesterday separating it because I wanted it to go in the recycle. One of those bags is recycling. Okay. So one of the bad, one of the three,

one of the three bags. Yes. What? Which ones? The poppers. All you have to do is read the sign in there, but all you have to do is read. This is like one of your things though.

Like I recycle like 95% of the time. It just my thing and i just i know but why is this your thing it's like it's annoying to me because i worked i spent 15 extra minutes separating that and so but it's not the first time you've yelled at me about recycling i know you're weird about recycling because it's because it to me it's like the laziest thing you can do it's the easiest thing you can do to make the world a better place and it's um a very small example of why the world is the way it is is because people are not willing to take one extra step to do a thing that might help the planet okay but in that yeah in my defense i i really think because you you have pushed me to recycle more than i even yes for sure let's just focus

on the good because i think when you start going oh because i think what happens is then i get generalized i didn't get mad as a non-recycler no you are not a non-recycler you've changed so much and you're really good about it and you wash out your stuff i'm just saying if you could in the future just know that the bin for the the because you could have just seen the sign and known and looked inside the bags and seen which was what when it is cardboard separates like small cardboard separates in a bag that goes in the blue bin and then all the plastic and bullshit that can go in the trash just from now on because i i just just i spent like a really long time putting them in different

bags and then to see them all gone this morning I was like oh no did they all go in the trash so that's it was just like a lot of work went into something that was all for not I know but you understand from my from my side I feel like it's like uh it's a thing for you for recycling where like you'll get like so just don't take don't take the trash out then i think that's what we know that's not the answer no no you can still take the trash out but those bags that are like could be recycling just leave them then i'll just ask you next time i'll just ask you i was just doing you a favor i was doing you a solid you don't even have to ask me just read the sign and it would have been in the trash i've seen that sign okay but it would have had all

the answers there i'm not trying to i'm honestly trying to keep my tone as friendly as possible because I did appreciate you cleaning those up because I didn't get to them yesterday. So I just, you know, when you do a nice task, you want it done right. And especially when I've put in extra hours, I could have done that. I could have taken all that to the trash easily yesterday, but I spent extra time so that I could separate it. Do you get it? True. True. Let's get to the no's. easily yesterday but i spent extra time so that i could separate it do you get it true true let's

get to the nose i mean i'm working on my confrontation skills because that's not something i can just let go and i just don't know what to do well i mean i just think you gotta like pick your battles and like i i just like think you you're hung up on this recycling stuff and i get it can i just get you to chime in here it's it is a hang-up of mine it's a weird tick but we live together and i can just then i can just handle the recycling i don't have a problem i will never be like andrew never takes out the recycling that can be my job because i'm ocd about it it really can i know because then there's gonna be another resentment no there's not i'm telling you right now if there is then you can say nikki that's not allowed because you said you were

gonna handle this there's other things you can do for me around the house that you that you you don't actually need to even do anything i'm perfectly fine with the amount of work you put in i really am andrew and i'll let you know if i'm not noah so i've talked to my therapist about this because i have the same issue. About us? Did they recycle? No, about my fiance and like certain things. And I'm going to just say to you what she said to me. One is you can't be responsible for other people, change other people. And what she would have said to me in this situation, exactly the same thing.

She would say, why don't you just take the bag out to the recycling room yourself and do it because i wasn't done filling it i it wasn't tied up yet it was still in the i was going to put more stuff from my room that i didn't get but how long did it sit there um uh i finished that at five o'clock yesterday so until this morning five five p.m to this morning there's no there's no right or wrong yesterday there's no right or wrong but we can't put our things on other people and when yeah that's why i'm asking i just want to do it and i should have done it i should have finished the job so it wasn't laying out and in your way that's what i should have done and i apologize but my problem andrew do something else that's nice for nikki but don't touch the trash that's what i just said yes that's what i just said it's

my ocd thing and i don't want to make you feel bad about it. And I. But it was sitting in the hallway for a while. That's what I'm saying. That's why I was just like. I just said I should have moved it myself. And it was a nice gesture. And I'm sorry that I. My issue isn't even.

It's not the recycling. It's when you go, I got to confront you. What should I say then? No, but I'm saying the idea of confronting about someone not recycling one time. Like that, like anger or whatever that triggers not anger i'm just i wanted to confront i guess i was saying it for effect for the show andrew i wasn't do you think i really would have said in the kitchen to you i need to confront you i would have said hey i noticed okay i take that i get that i get that but i'm just saying like these things like i think like they like in i don't know exactly how to explain it but i just feel like when when you let things like

what about the other day when i asked you when i sent you the screenshot and you wrote um uh can you ask me and then there was the the the dot dot then dot dot dot and then then an hour then 30 minutes after I had said oh it's so sorry blah blah blah and then you write I love you guys another thing

that time you don't think between me sending the screenshot and you writing can you ask me which by the way was about 15 minutes

or maybe more you didn't have a little moment where you got upset and go how am I gonna do this how am I gonna confront her about this

you didn't have that moment I guess I did no okay so it's a thing it's hard to bring up these things and that's important to me and I don't know why and go, how am I going to do this? How am I going to confront her about this? You didn't have that moment? I guess I did. No. So it's a thing. It's hard to bring up these things. And that's important to me.

And I don't know why. And it's important to you that I ask you and send you a screenshot. And you don't know why. It's just because it is. You know? I feel you. News. I have news.

I feel like I know this is annoying to some people, but I feel like this can be helpful for people to figure out arguments in their own life. Yeah, I think so. I don't know. I love you. I love you guys. I do love you,

Andrew. You know, I do love you too. I mean, yes, of course I love you. He always says, I love you.

When he were hugging, uh, when we, when he brings me on stage at theater shows. He's so giddy that he just killed, and he's just happy to be my friend. And he always goes, I love you. And I'm always just like, I can't handle that.

You never say that, and now you're saying it. It's just like a lot. It's so sweet, though. But I do love you, and I'm ready to say it publicly. I'm ready. I've been ready. I've been ready. I've been waiting. Apparently.

Apparently. Apparently. Oh, by the way, shout out to that dude, those drawings. Oh, my God. We'll go. Yeah. All right. You heard it here first.

Yeah, you heard it here first. You heard it here first. I hope you're having a great time, having all the swells. Hope you're not being confronted today. Okay. First headline. A TV animal rights lawyer pleads guilty to murder for hire plot after offering a ranch hand $100,000 to kill her estranged husband's girlfriend.

Oh, I thought it was going to be an animal. No. I mean, a human's an animal, but okay. That's girlfriend. Oh, I thought it was going to be an animal. No. I mean, a human's an animal, but okay. That's interesting. These, I swear to God, these sometimes, and you know it with me, I like animals more than people. And sometimes if I, I would rather like what, yeah, I mean, I've gotten shit for it from, I have friends who are very much into like black lives matter human

rights bring back our girls you know yemen human rights issues war homelessness and they're like billy joel song yeah we're homelessness wasn't it rem we didn't start the fire they're into all of the famine but i care about animal issues and i don't know why i care about animals more than people and um i'm sorry so i get this woman but i also don't because i would never i mean i don't know but i i possibly could murder someone who knows no one knows they're capable of it or not until you're like i'm trying to think how much it could pay me to kill someone. So this was this woman's boy, like she's a mistress? So she, her husband's new girlfriend. Oh.

Which also happens to be their au pair. Their nanny. Au pair. Okay. So here we go. So the husband's cheating on her, right? He was, but there's a little bit more to this. Okay.

Andrew, do you want to read the thing about the kids? Oh, yeah. So she strangled. Okay. Oh, no. Okay. All right. Here we go.

After her arrest in January, legal documents allege she had abused her ex-husband and their children prior to the murder for hire plot. She held a knife to her husband's neck and is alleged to have grabbed one of her three children by the neck to strangle her she's probably grabbing them by the scruff like she like puppies do because she's an animal rights person yeah it was just misinterpreted yeah the puppy the daughter peed on the carpet oh my god so i i just love that like the divide between rich and poor people where she thought she could go to this guy because he's like her help on the ranch and be like, yo, here's 100 G's to change your whole life by killing somebody. Well, that's who is willing to kill someone for that much money.

I mean, that's not really that much money. That's not like life. I mean, it is life changing money, but it's that's people a ranch hand might do i don't know maybe she felt his vibe and it was murdery but i like that like it was probably convenience too for her she's like oh there's a poor guy that i know he'll take a hundred grand to kill somebody i mean like hire like a real professional for but how do you how do you do that craigslist ebay um no is there any other detail about this that you find interesting? She got caught, though.

Yeah, she got caught. The ranch hand. Right, good on the ranch hand for reporting this. Yes. I should call you ranch hand because you have ranch dressing on your hands sometimes. That's a funny nickname for you. I love ranch. Ranch hand.

I gave someone a nickname recently that i'm loving was it you no caesar caesar face no uh anyway i um i'm always fascinated by these people who hire someone to kill for them because i mean it definitely does work sometimes some of these hitmen are very good, and you won't get connected, but I just, when you have a history of strangling your kids and holding a knife to your husband's throat, and there's stuff about that, you dumb, dumb bitch, and I hope your children turn into amazing artists,

and because they have- Dumb, dumb bitch is a great nickname. You dumb, dumb bitch. You dumb, dumb bitch. dumb dumb bitch you ddb yeah i i just i think yeah i love ddb and by the way i just want to say shout out to anyone who has an ssbj uh wait wait ssdj ssdj uh soul-sucking desk job that's another thing we coined the other day that someone brought up again and i love it and i just want to keep it up in the air so uh a ddb is a dumb dumb bitch and an ssdj is a soul-sucking

desk job and i want this uh ss i want this um ddb to get an ssdj at the jail that where she's going to live yes um how how do you uh how do you uh transfer a hundred grand like like stealth maybe you could from all your bar shows where you have just hundreds yeah i got those usher bucks too if you don't know how do you transfer over time yeah ranch hand does the ranch hand have venmo and you give this woman is not smart let's go to the next story and i and thank god that uh she chose the wrong person she just saw him with like one of the he was like you know doing the hay thing or with like the the the, he was like, you know, doing the hay thing with like the three pronged hay thing, the scythe. Oh yeah, he had the scythe and she was like, oh my God, he's like death.

And he was wearing like a hoodie. So he looked like death. Okay, go on. All right. These are the signs of sexual tension, a normal, often electric feeling that can arise between people who want to have sex with each other, but can't act on it in the moment. Oh, my God. So here's a bunch of different things.

I love this because I feel it all the time. And sometimes I'm like, and it's amazing when it's mutual. And most of the time, if you're feeling these kind of things, it is mutual. And it's the energy. I never used to believe in energy and love at first sight and those kind of things. But it's all pheromones and stuff. So energy by aroma. But I do think there's some kind of vibe.

OK, what are the signs? OK, here we go. Intense or suggestive eye contact. OK, five second flirt. We know about that from getting to I do. You look at someone for five seconds if you're a woman who's trying to be in the feminine role in order to get a guy to know you. Look at me for five seconds.

That's nice. Yeah. That wasn't five seconds. He couldn't even do it. He couldn't even do it. Well, I didn't want to turn you on too much. No. One, two, three, four, five.

That's definitely the longest we've ever listened to each other. Didn't do anything for me. I'm good. I don't know. I felt it in my pants, in my loins, in longest we've ever looked at each other. Didn't do anything for me. I'm good. I don't know. I felt it in my pants, in my loins, in my foremones. Oh,

my God. I really, you know, like people always think that we have some kind of sexual energy between us and like, oh my God, they must have had sex before. They must like each other.

Da, da, da. I, you know, I've always been like, kept you at an arm's length because I don't want that to ever happen on your end or accidentally on my end because we are two straight people. But I'm finally,

and it's gone in stages, I'm finally like very secure in our friendship and that never being breached. And it's because of Brenna being like someone that you really, really care about and me feeling no signs of none, no jealousy at all. And I'm already not a jealous person. So even if I did like you romantically, I probably would. Actually, I probably would mind because I you don't know that I like you. I don't like you romantically. But like, you're getting a little caught up on your words, lady.

I'm stumbling a little bit. If I was harboring a secret or a subconscious crush on you, Brenna would annoy me. And I've only grown to love her more the more you get closer to her, which tells me that I'm in a really secure place with you with that. And also I'm comfortable saying I love you. I'm comfortable touching you more, hugging. And those are all things not because i was like i didn't i didn't want it for me or you and those things can happen if people don't have good boundaries and now i feel like we're finally i don't we don't even get that anymore i don't even get it anymore of like you and nikki or you don't get like i

maybe you get dms i should always get dms or like you guys love each other you're gonna end up together blah blah blah and I was always just like god I hope this person isn't right because I feel like I've just really doubled down on them not being right and I'm like I always go I don't know what happens I cannot say never but I can be very certain very very certain never and I would be okay with never because also the idea that I was also scared of losing you as my best friend and I thought like oh my god if you find a if either of us find a partner we won't be able to keep this and that would really suck because oftentimes you don't get to keep your best uh acquaint or like you know opposite sex friend if you get in a relationship but that's I know now that my requirement for a relationship

is that I get to keep you as my friend. So that won't happen to me. And I haven't felt that when in the people you've chosen, I haven't felt like they don't like me because we live together and we're close. So I just feel like in a really good place if you would just fucking do the recycling, right? Recycling, yeah.

One out of three bags. I gotta get better. Okay. Increased physical contact, including non-sexual touches. the recycling right yeah okay one out of three bags i gotta get better okay um increased physical contact including non-sexual touches those always kind of before you actually like hook up with someone or there's it always feels a little weird when you touch a knee oh yeah well because it's charged if you touch the knee of your friend it wouldn't be charged but because it's so you're overthinking it so much when i had a crush on my ex-boyfriend at work,

I didn't make eye contact with him. I didn't talk to him. I would get so nervous I'd walk out of the room. He almost quit the job. He was going to quit the job because he said, the host hates me. And it was because I loved him so much. So if I were to, finally, when I went to cry to my boss and I was like, I love him

and he's talking to another girl today. She's like, he doesn't know you like him like him she goes you need to learn how to flirt and this was years ago but she goes go to his desk touch his leg twice extended eye contact she said all those things and it was so hard for me to do this and he felt them because they were so because he felt it too he had the energy especially if you've never done it so it's like well it stands out more than the guy that touches your shoulder all the time you know what i mean like oh because you're doing the opposite of that before it's intentional i you know that i have the best advice for figuring out if someone likes you or not that is a hand thing no it's uh you touch hands and it's no it's not hand it's

more arm so again if you've heard this but this is just good for any guy out there who's listening or any girl i really want you to spread this to this to any guy you ever hear being like, I don't know if she likes me or not. Look at something together on your phone. Scoot close enough where it's like you have to touch, but barely touch. And I'm talking about like your sleeves are touching. Both of you can feel it. Everyone knows that touch, right?

Where it's like you could leave it and it wouldn't mean that you're like in love. But if you pulled away, the person wouldn't even notice because you're barely touching. It's not like you're touching and going, oh God, no. So if you touch a girl, like your arms are flush and you have that barely touching,

like a piece of paper could easily fit through, but you are touching. If you keep that and the girl leaves it for 10 seconds, I'm talking five to 10 seconds, she likes you. And if she pulls away, she either didn't really feel you touching her, so you still have the benefit of the doubt, or she's not into it. Because it's an easy way for a girl to pull away and not really offend a guy.

It's just to kind of lean a millimeter to the right. And no one gets hurt. But it is a great way. If a girl keeps it flush and leaves it, like I did with Blake Griffin at the roast, like I've done with literally every guy I've ever liked. How did it go with Blake Griffin? What did he do? He slid into my DMs eventually.

Okay, yeah. Yeah, and asked, he said, I'll let you know the next time I'm in New York. But no, what I'm saying with the arm, he kept the arm there? Oh, yeah, he kept it there. Oh, yeah, I got confirmation because he, that was before I,

I think it was after I did my roast where I said I liked him, and then it was before he did the Larry Bird jokes about me and then I was like I don't want my arm next year it's just interesting that we have to do all these like little passive aggressive things it is hot but then if you actually voice it and say it and be honest you do it could turn you off it could turn the other person off because it's too much it's too much so we have to we all want what we can't have and that we think we might not be able to have.

And these are all just ways to like subtly, slowly make a move. I am someone who needs things to go so, so slow. And that's not because I don't want to be with that person. I just,

I want them to go at the pace that I'm safe with. So what are some other things, Andrew? And if you have prosthetic arms, do it with your legs. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. Having erotic dreams or fantasizing about your crush in a sexual way yes and then telling them that you had a dream about them is the number one way to let a guy know you like him

i had a dream about you number one way what were we doing i don't remember but it's just a way to let someone know that you're thinking about them without saying I like you. This might be like the secret. So if you have the erotic dream, maybe it will lead to real life like sex. Is that kind of the idea? No, I think it's like what your subconscious is trying to work out is your feelings that you might not have acknowledged about this person. Like I've literally never had a sex dream about you. No offense. Have you ever had one about me?

Just where you're getting anal from uh from me just that though yeah that's friends i mean we do that anyway but we both have our jeans on yeah okay that's different yeah and your and your penis is like going in me and it's like it does it it barely touches my ass walls it's almost like operation that if it does hit it goes it buzzes yeah so it's not sexual at all no and it's if you left it i would move away very slightly so okay uh next time from the sound of the operation okay daydreaming about sharing time with them in a non-sexual way i don't know why it keeps being non-sexual during the day. Yeah, this is another thing of just sharing like, oh my God, I was just thinking of you about this thing.

Oh, I thought of you. If they are just... But this seems like the secret though. You're daydreaming sharing time. You're not telling them. Right. You're just thinking these things. No, the secret is manifestation,

which is like purposeful thinking and purposeful actions. And these are more like if you catch yourself daydreaming about someone. Oh, then it means that it's real. Okay. Okay. One or both parties may change their voice or cadence of speech. Oh, yeah. When I like a boy, it's like, yeah, like it just like goes up here like this.

And that just becomes like a little bit maybe sexier. And I don't even, I wouldn't even notice it but maybe my friends would make increased attempts to tell jokes and be funny yeah yeah or laugh if you're a woman laughing a lot more throwing back your head mimicking the faces and um things you when I am around a guy like I literally mimic how I orgasm because I orgasm the same way I laugh really hard which is like oh my like covering my eyes, like, ah, like, like, like, like, like, like, it's all the same. And so when I, I truly,

Mara Heron used to have a great bit about when a guy is across the bar, she's trying to like get his attention. She'll be like laughing hysterically and like throw it, I think she even says like, I don't know that she says mimicking orgasm, but like doing the thing where you just go like, and you throw your head back, that's an orgasm move.

And do you know why women are loud for orgasms? As opposed to men, why they scream? This is great. Wait, why men scream? No, why women scream. It's based on, well, if you're observing bonobos, which are our most close primate, oddly enough, because they don't look as much like us as like you know around like great apes but um or maybe there's a great

ape bonobos uh they they scream because the women they want to let other monkeys know i'm ovulating right now i'm having sex come fuck me after this like oh my god oh my god it's letting other people guys know come fuck me because i need to have as i need as much jizz in me as possible i actually was watching gang bangs last night and i go there's nothing wrong with me wanting gang bangs because you know what that is that's a woman who wants to get pregnant for the greater good and wants as much sperm as she can have in there so that something takes so i honestly might be a queen oh like i would have been a queen of the tribe is that why you put the white noise on so I don't hear you scream?

Because I think you need more cum in you. Yeah, yeah. I don't want you to be like, hey, I, and I go, no, Andrew, the cum dumpster is the one that you put the recycles in. I'm a cum dumpster. You're supposed to put the. You didn't label it. I will say, though, that gangbangs, you can't get pregnant through your asshole.

So that does refute my thing but the idea that i want multiple men at the same time is doesn't make me ashamed as much as it makes me feel like i'm just trying to get as much jizz so i can make um more babies for our tribe so we can survive then you don't know who the father is let's get to uh why do i care why do you care why do i care why do you care? Why do I care? Why do you care? Okay. Ryan Reynolds opens up about pursuing Blake Lively and says, I was just begging her to sleep with me. Cute.

We were friends and buddies, and about a year and a half later, we went on a double date, but we were dating separate people. Whoa. I wonder who the other celebrities were in that double date. Do we know? Do we know? Doesn't say in the article. Oh, my God.

There's got to be footage of them or a paparazzi shot at some point of them with these people. Though they kept in touch and remained friendly, things got a shift when Ryan and Blake found themselves heading to Boston at the same time. I said, well, I'll ride with you. We got on the train and we rode together. I was just begging her to sleep with me describing their early romance as like out of a fairy tale Ryan said or Reynolds said a week later I was like we should buy a house together and we did here's the thing I don't think he was begging her to sleep with him I think in his mind that's what he wanted but he was begging to like be with her i don't know maybe he voiced it but also kind of hot can i just please tell women right now

that this does not work like i just want you to know that when a guy begs you to have sex with him it's not going to turn into ryan reynolds blake lively relationship most of the time i'm trying to work my act right now around the idea that when a man about the confusion of giving man a man sex because you're hooking up and you're like on the fence about it and the guy is like maybe you've maybe you've been like for me uh when i'm when i really like a guy i really don't allow myself to have sex obviously it's a little relationship but i have in the past been convinced early on because they're like please like i'm so horny look at my dick i'm so hard for you this is not gonna go away after we have sex and and and i think and even before my this

apprehension i used to think that giving men sex would like would make them like me more it makes me laugh so hard to even say that and i bet some of you are like of course like young girls i want to go around to middle schools high schools schools, and say, when a man begs you for sex, and you and everything about his begging makes it seem like afterwards he's going to like you more, and this will actually get you what you want from him, do not, it will actually do the opposite. Okay. Because it always does.

It always does. If a guy is begging you for sex, unless it's Ryan Reynolds, which I doubt he actually was begging her for sex, I bet he was begging her for a commitment because it sounds like she was the one that was like being very playing hard to get, five second stare, waiting for him to reach her, that she probably didn't have sex with him

until she had a commitment. I would bet. Now, what do you say to a woman that goes, well, I want to fuck him. So it's like not even about him. It's about my own pleasure. Well, if you want to fuck him, I get it. There's other things you can do.

I don't need the commitment. I just want to fuck because I'm sex positive. And maybe it will lead to commitment. Maybe not. I just want to fuck. I hear you, girl. I just want you to run through your head the times in the past that you've said that to yourself

because sex shoots off chemicals and hormones in your brain and triggers dopamine that the man does not experience to have an orgasm. Women take five times the amount of dopamine to trigger an orgasm that men do. So you are getting heroin going off in your head. While as he is actually – you think he's having the same experience? He's not and it actually makes you bond closer to him despite anything you might tell yourself prior to it now this doesn't always happen because some women are wired a little bit more masculine energy and can kind of look at sex like a exchange as opposed to like i need to keep this person around but i would say to those women um i think uh i think you should test your theory and I think be careful.

But I think you will be proven that it does not actually get you what you want and that you can have a really fulfilling sex life without a penis in your vagina until you're ready to trust that person, that that person loves you and is going to give you what you want. Maybe not love, but whatever you want in exchange and like be consistent consistent afterwards because men don't even know that they're going to fall off the guys that have promised me to be my boyfriend after we have sex like this is going to seal the deal they didn't know they were going to be not interested in me afterwards and that they were their interest would wane that's a shitty feeling they can't control it it's biological so watch out and then i would say to girls that go because i've told girls that if you're dating a guy who's not committing to you and you're fucking him stop right now and they go well i like fucking him i go okay well or or they'll say well ultimately i'll just get to the

point where if he doesn't want to be with me i'll um and i'm fucking him i'll just tell him okay i'm gonna fuck other people and i say go do that go, okay, I'm going to fuck other people. And I say, go do that. Go try to fuck some, go try to fuck other people when you want, when you are in love with the guy that you're fucking, that you want to be with and he's refusing to be with you. Go try to fuck other people. The only way you're going to be able to do it is to get yourself wasted. Find some guy that reminds you of that guy. Then in the middle of making out with him or lovemaking with that guy that isn't the

guy, you're going to have a bad moment and you're gonna end up calling you're gonna cry and call the guy and go i hooked up and like you're gonna try to make him jealous but he's gonna hate you because you've done that now and then it's going to leave you alone and the guy is gonna not even like you anymore because you uh he's gonna see you as like a ruined woman because men can't help but see women that sleep around as like not as favorable to mate with and so it just you women's feelings just get tied up in sex and tied up so i guess i guess what i was thinking though is like you could kind of separate it between a woman that just wants to fuck and doesn't doesn't care what the guy thinks about commitment that's that a different kind of woman

if you want to have sex with a guy that you don't want to be with, yes, keep that relationship. That's why Pat Allen says you can sleep with ex-boyfriends because, or Pat Allen, the woman that wrote Getting To A Do, she says do not have sex with someone if you want a commitment from them.

But if it's an ex-boyfriend who you know that you've already been through that and you don't want it and you really don't want it again, it's safe now um i don't even trust that so i don't even let me because i don't trust that i won't be um fall in love with an ex because of the familiarity so i still don't even let penises in my vagina with uh exes even no what did i do a good job of synthesizing um pat allen's message in the book Getting to I do Yes I don't remember the part about ex-boyfriends to be honest

But I'll have to go back and check You know what another friend of ours Who knows the book very well said that to me In a private session with Pat Allen She said that ex-boyfriends were okay So I will reconfirm that for another Show but let's get to Reddit dump This is the weekly segment

I do every Thursdayursday where i go through my reddit um which i'm very active on and i go through my saved uh post to i've been like i've been commenting a lot more on reddit i feel like i'm gonna get caught pretty soon someone's gonna find out my but i don't do anything really shameful like kevin durant uh yeah yeah but i'm not saying like nikki glazer looks great here i do i do upvote every single one of the pictures that someone posts ace poet posts on my subreddit. I could see you commenting something negative about yourself just because then you could like do it anonymously. I would never.

I don't think anything negative of myself. I'm the best. Okay. This is great. This is from the subreddit, a popular one on this Reddit dump, true off my chest. This is where someone anonymously just writes something. This broke my heart, and I just think it's a great story. I've been depressed and suicidal because of my mom's OnlyFans.

I'm 13, and my mom is 33. Things at school were never great. I'm sort of short, so I get picked on some, but it was manageable. That was until one of my classmates showed me a picture of my mom naked. I almost had a panic attack and had to be excused from the classroom. This makes me so sad. I ended up not showing up at school for a few days, faking sick. I used to do that all the time.

I was hoping that things would cool off, but they didn't. As soon as I got to school, almost everyone in my class was staring and laughing at me. This has been going on for a week now. I was wondering how my classmates even got the pictures, and apparently my mom advertises her OnlyFans on her personal Twitter account. Some students from my school follow her, so they were able to see the nudes, and they have been spread everywhere. I don't even have a Twitter, so I didn't know anything about this. How mature is this 13-year-old?

It knows why they don't understand it. It knows that they're a child, and the mom should be protecting them from this. This is the worst part. Oh, and it says, the worst part is when I confronted my mom about this. She told me that I was overreacting and that sex work is basically the same as working at a bank or grocery store not wrong however she also said it makes her feel good about herself and that i should be happy that she's more confident now i told the principal this person went this kid went to the principal um but they can't suspend thousands of students or takes anyone's phones

i've been crying in my room every day for the past week. I don't think I can take it anymore. I have to say that if this happened to me when I was 13, I would have probably killed myself because I was so worried about what people thought of me when there was a rumor that I watched porn that was going around, just a rumor that I watched porn.

I was thinking about killing myself. So I really want to reach out to this person, but the best part was all the comments were so supportive and this person was actually asking for help which makes me think they're going to be okay so people just wrote in and gave really great advice said that your mom is right about sex work it's nothing to be shamed of but she should protect her son or daughter whoever this is from that and I just thought it was a heartbreaking story. Any thoughts? I mean, it's just so sad. I mean, yeah, I don't even know what to say about it.

I mean, I just think like, I just want to know her handle. Well, Today I Learned is another subreddit. That's where people share an interesting fact that's sitting in front of us forever and none of us thought to think about it. Today I Learned, if you ever see TIL on anything, that means today I learned. Demi Moore was the highest paid actress ever

at the time in 1996. Didn't know that. What did you think she earned for Striptease, the movie Striptease? Four million. 12.5 million in 1996. Striptease bombed at the box office, as we all know,

and earned her a Golden Raspberry Award, which is like the Oscars for bad acting. she was also and then this was a another fact that is just thrown in she was also a producer for all three austin powers movies so she made way more than 12.5 for that um so here's the thing this is why i i read the comments the first comment do you know why it bombed striptease yeah because the. Because the 13-year-old was sad? Well, someone goes, that movie should have been great. This is Agu Dawn wrote this. That movie should have been great.

So many great stars. Burt Reynolds, Ving Rhames, great source material. Obviously, stripping, she looks hot. But it's supposed to be a comedy. And Demi can't do comedy. And that's some actresses can't do comedy and that's some actresses can't do comedy and that's I can't do uh acting but I can do comedic acting it like I'm the only one who has watched Hacks with Jean Smart love her in it but I do not like when she's doing stand-up because she doesn't know how to deliver a misdirect

joke which is a very hard highly skilled thing to be able to do that thankfully comes naturally to me. But no one would notice this except me, but I have a problem because I'm like, the timing, the comedic timing is a little off on those. But she's amazing otherwise. It does everything I couldn't do. I think striptease was a horrible name for the movie.

I think walking into a movie called striptease it's too much. That's why Magic Mike is a perfect name for a male. If it was called male strippers, no one would walk in. Before we get done with subreddit, have you ever seen this? Noah, you are going to love this. If you guys

haven't seen this clip, it has been going around forever and it resurfaced the other day. As you guys know, I used to be friends with Jennifer Lawrence. We didn't have a falling out but we were friends we met through amy schumer we developed our own friendship it was so much fun i got my ears pierced with her i went to her house a bunch we hung out i love her so much she is just as funny and beautiful as you hope she won't be in person and then she is and we just have lost touch over the years but i still have her number i doubt she has the same one but uh it's always been a point of pride that jennifer lawrence wanted to be friends with me and i will brag forever about it however this is this is why jennifer lawrence is so fucking good this is her

having an interview with um some news guy after the the academy award she's just won an academy award for best actress uh of the br the Bradley Cooper thing that she was in. She's sitting down and there's like, you know, tons of stars walking by. It's after the show and there's tons of stars walking by. She's sitting there talking to Stephanopoulos, I think. George Stephanopoulos, I think, is the guy interviewing her. And Jack Nicholson comes up because he doesn't know who it is.

He kind of looks and he kind of peers into the interview and is like, oh. And they have an exchange. And he says, I'm just setting it up so you can hear it clearly because you'll hear this all. He says, oh, you actually, you look like one of my old girlfriends. And also Jennifer Lawrence is like, Jack comes up. I just want to describe this for people who are going to not be able to see it. You should look it up, though. It's just Jack nicholson jennifer lawrence you'll find it uh he goes up he looks at her she kind of turns like who's this guy looking at me and then she

goes oh my god she says that she's like to the camera like holy shit that was jack nicholson she like points behind her because he kind of walks off and then he comes back around and she's like hi and he goes you look like one of my ex-girlfriends and then hear her response and then hear his response and then hear his response. And it's just one of the most, this, I would never be this quick as Jennifer Lawrence. Here we go. Okay, she's freaking out. Enjoy the night.

He says, I loved you in the movie. It was great. Thank you. I loved all your movies. You look like an old girlfriend. Really? Do I look like a new girlfriend? She goes, do I look like a new girlfriend? I thought of it.

She goes, do I look like a new girlfriend? And she kind of says that out of the corner of her mouth. He goes, you look like an old girlfriend. She goes, do I look like a new girlfriend? And he goes, I thought about it. And then walks off. I mean, it is the perfect exchange. People on Reddit got into a discussion about like,

wow, Jack Nicholson had the best line. It's like, no, Jennifer Lawrence had the best line. However, I do not want to say that Jack Nicholson's line wasn't great because someone went on to argue. They get into a huge comedy argument about why Jack's line was also great. And his line in response of, I thought about it, was perfect because it wasn't creepy. It wasn't too creepy.

It was acknowledging what she said. It was honestly, of all the responses Jack could have done, it didn't step on her joke. It still gave her the spotlight. It felt pretty honest. And it was honest. And it was just, I thought about it as just the lovable Jack Nicholson response. But her saying to a guy that says,

you look like one of my old girlfriends, do I look like a new girlfriend? Like, can you watch this, Andrew, and just see how hot she looks when she does this? She's the coolest. And then she buries her face in her hands. No, I loved her. Watch her face in her hands just no I love watch her face it's very old Hollywood it's so hot I love her so much yeah feel very old

like oh yeah I look like an old that's easy see that's how it feels to me I thought I know that's what is the very old that's why I liked it out the side of her mouth. It's like, Jimmy Cagney. Very good. I'll suck your own penis, huh? Final thought. Jennifer Lawrence was my friend, and I just want to go into depth about that. No, she was, and I got to reach out to her again because, yeah, I had a lot of fun with her, and we just, you know, she's one person that I will say this about.

I remember one night, I was very high, but that's, it wasn't very high. You know, I get high, and it just, like, makes me more in tune, but we were sitting by her fire, and we were just, like, talking, and I smoked a little bit of weed and I couldn't stop seeing her turn into different people. I swear to God, the best actresses are shapeshifters. Her face, she looked, for one moment,

she looked exactly like Drew Barrymore, like the most beautiful Drew Barrymore. And I was like, oh my God, she really looks like Drew. And I'm thinking all this. And then I looked at the fire and then I look back at her

and she's Renee Zellweger. And I was like, now my God, she really looks like, and I'm thinking all this. And then I looked at the fire and then I look back at her and she's Renee Zellweger. And I was like, now her face is Renee Zellweger. Then her face was Christy Turlington. And I go, Jen, I can't, you are, she's already so uniquely beautiful herself, but because actresses can shape shift in a way that I can, I do voices more of like I do, but I'm not good at looking different as much. But is she shifting or is your visual of her shifting? No, she's just whatever. You project onto her whatever you want. That's what I'm saying, yeah.

And that's what good actors are. But it's interesting that she then turns. She's an amazing person. And I hope someday that I get to share all of the stories of our friendship. Because there are a lot of fun tales to tell, but I want to be respectful of someone who's so famous as privacy and private parts, which I've seen.

Okay, so this was amazing, Andrew. Final thought. And it's great. Jennifer, actually, the first time I met her was on a yacht that Amy had rented for all her friends and then all of a sudden she was like Jennifer's gonna join us today and I was like oh I don't want to be around this girl it was like I knew Amy was friends with a Jennifer but I was like I don't and I know she's cool but everyone says that about her and like about someone famous and I bet it's not true about her

you know like we're having a good time it's Amy's friends from high school me Rachel Bridget and it's just like god now we're we're going to add Jennifer to it. And everyone's going to be awkward. And she's going to be like Hollywood. Was it an attention thing, though, that she'd get a ton of the attention? Yeah. I mean, it's just like it changes the vibe. Because everyone's comfortable.

Now all of Amy's high school friends are like, Jennifer Lawrence is coming! And I'm just like, it just changes the vibe. That was so relaxed. Everyone felt good within their bodies. And now everyone's like, oh, my God, Jennifer Lawrence is so hot. I have to look hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was more to me too.

Like, I'm going to have to change my personality because I want Jennifer to like me and I want to be comfortable here. Donald Trump. Yeah, Donald Trump.

So, the DTs I got. That's what we should call it when I change. I got the DTs. The DTs. But, she showed up

and somehow we got on the conversation because I think it had been revealed on that same trip that I had a vagina that was different than everyone there. They were all like, what do you mean there's stuff coming out of it? I'm like, it's not just like a slit. Like it has lips that like come out and they're like, what? And I was like, guys, are you kidding?

So I drew a picture of it and they were all laughing and I was like, I know this isn't weird. I've struggled with this enough. Like I'm just with a bunch of girls that all have tight puss, like eight girls that have lines instead of stuff coming out. So then Jen gets on the boat and we kind of referencing that. And she's like, oh, I'll show you my vagina. She was like, I will definitely. Do you want to compare?

She was like, I got one too. And I was like, I can't believe this girl just said that she wants to sometime someday look at vaginas with me. Like, we'd already had a good rapport, but she said that. And then later on, she really was true to it. And we showed each other our vaginas with me like we'd already had a good rapport but she said that and then later on she really was true to it and we showed each other our vaginas and then i got and and let me just say hers is fucking perfect it's nothing like mine i was like get the fuck out of here you dumb bitch with your perfect little type plus um you should have showed yours by a reef uh he does it's so true it looks like one of those sea anemones where there's like an eel living in it oh my god side note my brother-in-law

matt who we talked about on the show we have an inside joke one time i went over his house and i really had to go number two and my it wouldn't flush and we i go and we and yeah i balcony matt and lauren already like show each other their poops and are like this is a really funny poop go see this like that was their relationship and i just loved that yeah and so i was already comfortable with matt being like i go matt this is like one of the craziest dumps i've ever taken you have to look i would never do this but and it looked like eels so we called eeling and so we always say like i bought it i've bought their kids eel books and it's all about poops and we always talk about like uh i just released some eels into the missouri river like we are it's so

funny to call poops eels so you guys have fun with that now when we have to go but i just want to show this one last thing from my reddit dump this is michael phelps this is to andrew this is a gift for you for me yelling at you before and confronting you i want to confront you with this Michael Phelps clip. Michael Phelps with the longest televised putt ever at 160 feet. Yes. Michael Phelps. Press replay video and enjoy it. And make, wait, hold on. Let me make sure the sound is on. Okay. Replay video.

Oh, man. I wonder what putter he's using. Let's see. All right. Michael Phelps. Man. The Olympics than any other. Learning to play golf. Here he is. Look at this.

Where is this pup going? Hey. This guy has 26 handicap. He couldn't. He has. That's unbelievable. I wish we had video, Andrew. Your face is like, I saw Andrew's face go from like nothing to no.

What? And then go like. First of all, that green. Tell me. What do you think of that? We have to go. The green is gigantic. Ten.

It's like a hole in one. If you're on. It was great, Michael. You can swim. You can do it all. What does the 26 handicap mean? 26 handicap. He sucks.

It's not good. He sucks. So it was a lucky one. Yeah. That's why the guy's like, oh, he's not going to do anything. Oh, I don't know where this is going. It's televised. It was the longest televised ever in the history.

Oh, my God. This reminds me. I was playing real quick. We were behind this duo, Tewsome. This guy hit a hole in one on a par four. He's only been playing golf for a year. Shout out to that guy if he ever hears this. They were going insane.

In St. Louis. What course? At Forest Park, at Highlands Park. Okay. Hole number six. golf for a year shout out to that guy if ever hears this they were going in st louis what course at forest park at highlands park okay we got a hole number six if you know anyone i'm sure this guy's bragging so anyone listening that lives in st louis that has heard a guy bragging about a hole-in-one recently he's from alabama he hits the shit out of the ball all right congratulations let's let's find him thank you guys so much for listening to the pod today this is one of my favorite episodes uh tell your friends about it. Post it on your story. Let us know.

Keep making fan stuff. Recycle. We're going to talk all about stuff we've gotten from fans because we've got- Fan tracks. Make sure to go look at our Instagram right now, Nikki Glazer pod, and request access to become a private, one of our close friends on there. Not close friends, but just one of our followers, and see what we post on there because I'm much more vulnerable on there. Thank you for listening. We'll see you tomorrow. Don't be cut

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