The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #72 My Spirit is Hot

Episode Date: July 23, 2021

Between you and Nikki, spending $500 at TJ Maxx for wardrobe is a fun challenge, she loves her little sis and when things go bad remember "it's FBoy Island". Andrew is moving his girlfriend to Chicago and yes he will play golf there. Nikki believes Andrew is a NBA, natural born athlete. You Heard it Here First, at least the little kids who got high off THC candies will have a good story, friends before relationship adds to the idea of no sex, Megan Fox is cool and the hurtful truth about the new Space Jam. Fanthrax gets a makeover and in the Final Thought Nikki and Andrew encourage listeners to take time for themselves and not to lie about it. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Happy Thursday, everyone. Last show of the week. Don't worry, we'll be back on Monday.

I'll be in Mexico with Noah. Noah, we're gonna broadcast from Mexico? I hope so. I didn't even think about it. I mean, yeah, we're doing it. I got asked to do another show next week. And I said, listen, I can do it. I'm trying to take next week off, like truly sink into a vacation. And, but this, I honestly would miss if I took this show off. Yesterday, I had the longest day. And I know I always say this,

but like, I just am not used to having a thing that I don't dread. And that on a day where I have so much other stuff going on that I still want to do this. But yesterday, no, it was today. Why am I thinking it was yesterday? Today, I have so much going on that I still want to do this but yesterday no it was today why am I thinking it was yesterday today I have so much going on um right after this I have a hair and makeup lady showing up two hours of getting gussied up then I'm going to sit down in this exact chair and put on my laptop and talk to Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight,

E! a bunch of other things. And I was like, oh God, I have so much to do. And then, you know, just I haven't been able to clean my house or unpack from my last trip. Like I just kind of unpacked last night, but it's just my house is a mess. Andrew's actually leaving town to take his girlfriend to move to Chicago, which I'm sad about, but also glad that I'll have the place to myself to just you know I don't know do whatever but I was thinking about this podcast this in this morning I had an orthodontist appointment at 9 20 and I had to go shopping afterwards to go get an outfit for this press day that I'm doing today because they offered me 500 bucks HBO said you have 500 bucks for wardrobe and I just thought like oh they're just gonna give it to me and like I can just wear something I have and then use it later or whatever because it will go to

like I'll wear 500 worth of my own clothing like maybe they're paying me to wear it um but my assistant let me know like only if you buy something will they give it to you so I went to TJ Maxx Noah oh my god I like I'll get to in a second. What I wanted to say was that I was like so excited to do this podcast while I was like thinking about like, I got to rush and do this. I was like, this day I would have a worse day if it wasn't for this. And this is all I need. This is all I need in my life of sin is me and my girlfriend, me and my girlfriend. All I need to the very end is me and my podcast, Noah and Andrew.

And my besties gonna listen every day. You don't have to listen every day. We'll catch you up. Yeah, I love everyone that listens every day and treats it like a year morning radio show. Like a drive time thing like check in. I love that some of you just pop in when you want to. Thank you for listening today and putting up with my voice. Sometimes my voice, trying to be more like soft spoken and like less like up here. Someone recently told me I'm

Anya and like my ex-boyfriend, a lot of people though, but some people that are not St. Louisans have said that my Midwest accent is kicking right now. Like it is back in full force and I don't mind it. You know, it's not, I just tend to sound like my mom a lot more, you know, God damn it, Nikki. Well, you know what? I like the other day, some, um, my ex-boyfriend said something that was very out of character and I go, who is this guy? And how do I keep them around other day, some, um, my ex-boyfriend said something that was very out of character. And I go, who is this guy? And how do I keep him around? Like I said something like that. And I told Anya, I said that.

And she goes, whoa, that was very Julie Glazer. And I was like, I'm almost doing a character when I say that kind of stuff. You know, like, who's this guy? And when, but so is my mom. My mom is hilarious. God, my mom is hilarious god my mom is so funny I really like I love my mom so much which is you know obviously goes without saying but you know there have been times in my past with going through therapy I was just talking to someone yesterday about therapy how it like makes you

realize your parents may have done some stuff that like if you love your parents and you go to therapy you might like learn stuff about your parents that like makes you maybe see them differently and you resist it because you're like I just want to love my parents I don't want to complicate this why bring this into it and I went through a phase of like being mad at them about the stuff that came up in therapy and then you go through a phase of mourning the parent that you wanted that you maybe in a perfect world should have had no one has the perfect parent right unless you're um trying to think who's the perfect parent my sister I told my sister yesterday or two days ago I really had a heart to heart with her and I was like as much as you're impressed by me you know hosting award shows and doing a podcast and having fans who are connected to me

and all the things that I do that you know on paper hosting fboy like all these things that like oh my god my little my big sister Nikki has just turned into a star it must be very I know how impressed she is and like I could never do what you do but I said in the same vein Lauren you are the Nikki Glaser I like the way I am in comedy and entertainment you are that as a um mother like I watch her and no offense to any mothers out there I just have never seen a mother be so patient with kids that can be very very demanding and she um is just I just would never expected it from my little sister who used to throw things at me in anger immediately like whatever she was holding in her hand if I made her mad it would come hurling at my head with uh pinpoint accuracy you know Gina Davis archery skills in throwing a remote at my head one time she threatened me with a knife um when

we were babysitting ourselves. I was supposed to be babysitting her and she said if I call the cops that she'll stab me and she like held a knife up and like guarded the phone. It was very weird. My friend Kirsten was over and witnessed it. I'm glad someone bore witness to that. My sister was like crazy. Never really hurt me. I hurt her for sure emotionally and physically probably. Well we both like really hurt each other but anyway my sister's such like a gentle kind good mother and her kids are not gonna be like that interesting you know because they're like so deeply loved but um no they're gonna be great I uh but what I want to say is I want to uh I really got off on some tangents here. I'm grateful for my, I'm grateful

for my listeners. I'm grateful for all the messages I got yesterday about the show with Zach Sherwin, with the X show. You know, that was a little bit of a risk to be so self-indulgent in this story that meant so much to me, but maybe doesn't have applications in your own life. But boy, was I wrong. A lot of people writing to me saying how great it was, how emotionally evolved I seem, how it was just really nice to get all these responses about like, Nikki, you've done a lot of work and it seems you've, it really showed. I was just like, oh, okay, good. Maybe I'm an adult now. I don't know. I loved that podcast yesterday. It was like truly, I just felt so much love for someone that I hated so much. And that what a beautiful feeling that is. I really

love forgiveness and being accountable for the things that I did wrong in a situation where I only was the victim for so long. Like there's no doubt about it. I didn't do anything wrong ever. And boy, was that not the case. And I think that you can apply to it to your own life. Anything that you're like upset about and you go, I didn't do anything. There's always something to find,

whether it's how you handle the thing that you didn't do anything to, you know, be. Because I, you know, I think about like rape and I go, I never want some girl to go, what was my part in it? What your part in it is not like how it happened, in my opinion, in any circumstance, but how you deal with it afterwards is something that you're in control of and can be accountable for and is probably one of the hardest things in the world but um you know rape victims are very very strong very strong people um so I read something today though I'm gonna go to TJ I'm gonna get to TJ Maxx in a second but I just before I forget this was this kind of helped me yesterday and today you know how I always talk

about like those minor moments that will just derail your day, little like something that will happen in, well, just listen to this. This was posted by Marquise Goodwin. I don't know who that is, but he's verified. Marquise Goodwin on Twitter. He said, if you had $86,400 in your bank account and someone stole $10 from you, would you get upset and throw the remaining amount of $86,390 away? No. See, we have 86,400 seconds every single day. So don't let a negative

10 seconds ruin your entire day. You run this shit. Pay attention. And this shit pay attention and yeah pay attention like those moments where i i didn't even finish the story yesterday but i got two coffees from my starbucks i had to drive to the second one i was saving for later in the day luigi pulled me in a way when i was taking him out and it was because i had to put a leash on him because i knew people were going to be like she has an awful leash so i put a leash on him just to please other people and because of that he tugged the leash my Starbucks went flying it spilled a whole venti Starbucks there was probably a sip left spilled on a carpet in the um little vestibule entering my apartment building I went to the office the leasing office and I go guys I just spilled an entire latte I am so sorry and they were like we're not going to tell you that that was just put in 30 minutes

ago. We're not going to tell you that. And I go, well, you just did. And I am very sorry. What can I do? And they were like, don't worry about it. I felt bad about the new carpet, like soiling it. I wanted that latte. I was mad at Luigi. I got distracted by my anger. And then I had a moment out by the bushes when Luigi was peeing and I was waiting for him to poop. And I go, Nikki, you know what to do here. You weren't meant to have that latte. Something about that latte, if you had had it, it would have made you sick. It would have given you some kind of weird energy that wouldn't have been good for you the rest of the day. God, whatever it was, had to intervene and knock it out of my hand because I wasn't going to do that for myself. Right. So I I paid attention to the negativity and I stopped it in its tracks and wasn't going to let that because, you know, when you go your coffee everything's wrong today guess what's

more things are gonna go wrong because you're in a negative space when I locked my keys in my mom's car in the trunk and it was like this whole fiasco I like didn't I just go I can get a locksmith this this is no one died everyone in my family's healthy like this is not that big of a deal so I hope when something like that happens to you today that really fucks up your day that you can remember and I did this yesterday on my press junket for f boy island I go you know I was having the best time on the show I really wasn't aware of how hard everyone worked because I was so protected as the host like everyone was always cheering around me and like I was having the best time like this is the best time of my life and everyone's like I've been working I haven't slept

for 16 days and like one hour a night and everyone's sleepless and um I would whenever someone would come up to me and go Nikki like it's just like I don't know what to do with these guys and like they think this thing and I'm like stressed and like someone was having a panic as everyone does on every production no matter what it is I just go can we take a second here and remember what the name of the show is we are on a show called f boy island this nothing matters literally like the fact that we are acting like f boy island is like our end all and like getting so worked up yes jobs are on the line and your future economic stability might be on the line. But in the scheme of things, it's FBoy Island. And so I want to start a new motto that whenever you get caught up on something that literally

does not affect the health and happiness of your family and your loved ones, you just go, listen, it's FBoy Island. Everything's FBoy Island. It all doesn't matter. It all will be forgotten. That thing that you got stole, you know, the piece of jewelry that you, the ring that's in your family for decades that you lost, that was your grandmother's, that thing that you like can't stop beating yourself up about, you let down your family,

whatever that thing is, guess what? All your family's going to die someday, so will you. That ring is just a thing that will end up in the ocean when the oceans rise everything is a thing that will go away focus on what you do have and not what you don't have and thankfully you had that ring for many generations and now it's time for it to be in a sewer or whatever you know um I did go to TJ Maxx that $500 that I was told about uh to spend the only place I was open after I got out of my orthodontist at 9 30 was TJ Maxx I ran over there because I'm a Maxxinista and I went buck wild I spent six hundred dollars on different oh my god if you want to get good skin stuff go to go to TJ Maxx all of their facial stuff like hair stuff I got two gigantic conditioners, $14 each that are really nice,

like, you know, salon brand. And then I couldn't find an outfit. Like nothing was cute enough. That's the weird thing about TJ Maxx. They have like their runway racks, which are like, you know, hundreds of dollars, like price down from under like $800 to $200 where you're like, okay, there's a $200 jacket. And then over on this rack, it's a $999 jacket. There's nothing in between. So it's either crap or like crap made in China or expensive crap made in China that just has a tag on it that makes you think it's more better than the other stuff. Couldn't find anything. All of the runway stuff was like picked over and I wanted to spend money on the runway stuff to get that 500 bucks, you know? And so I I just I went over the racks a million times all the sizes are weird I couldn't anything I liked was an extra large or like a zero and I was just

like oh so I found this this insane outfit that I'm gonna wear for my press today to justify the cost yeah maybe I might leave a tag on the pants so I can return them if they don't work out but the whole outfit will be seen. I forced myself to find an outfit. I used to love this show called – it should have been called Make It Work. But it was called like Something for Less. And it was hosted by Elizabeth Hasselbeck, RIP, when she was not a Trumpie. But she did this show where she would challenge people to go to like a Goodwill or whatever, like secondhand store, with a certain, Trumpy. But she did the show where she would challenge people

to go to like a Goodwill or whatever, like secondhand store with a certain amount of money and then find the most fashion forward outfit and put it all together. And they had stylists. And I just loved that. I love the challenge of being somewhere where like nothing is cute,

but you got to make a fucking great outfit, which is what I did last week at Ted Lasso. That is more fun to me than going to a place that just guarantees that you look cute. It's such a better story to be like, look at what I did last week at Ted Lasso. That is more fun to me than going to a place that just guarantees that you look cute. It's such a better story to be like, look at what I did. So I'm excited about my dumb outfit today. I did it. You guys, I did it. I spent $500 at TG Maxx. Aren't you proud of me? Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew! Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast.

Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys.

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paul the movie is the apprentice and the movie is about young donald trump and his apprentice roy cohen real character obviously both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin of the Kingdom Third. And together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Each week, we'll sit down with inspiring figures like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter.

And their plus one, their ride or die, as they share stories never heard before about their remarkable journey. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All righty, Andrew, what up? How'd you sleep last night, buddy? Oh, it's a sad day. I know. I know, Brenna, your girlfriend is leaving town.

You're leaving with her, though, so it's kind of nice that you get to see her out. No, I'm talking about the hot sauce I ate in my asshole. It's killing me. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what we were talking about. I know you guys were both – I forgot that last night was your last night

and you were here together. We went over to Whole Foods together as a threesome. And there was an air of sadness, of like this is, she's leaving town. She's lived here for a while. She's not from here, but. Yeah, she's lived here, I think, like almost six to nine years.

Yeah. Somewhere around there, 69. Yeah, everything. It's a big range. Yeah, how tall is she? here but yeah she's lived here i think like almost six or six to nine years yeah somewhere around there okay well that's yeah everything it's a big range yeah how tall is she six or nine feet yeah yeah somewhere around there about 540 dersey uh remember beetlejuice used to they go they go hey beetlejuice who's from howard stern yeah beetle they go how tall are you he was he's like about i don't know about seven five hundred forty jersey like he was just always he's the funniest motherfucker and i fucked that up but no no no his if you've never heard of beetlejuice on howard stern you've got to check out just go to youtube and just crack up um at his at the way he talks and how fast he thinks uh slow i remember they were doing uh we

should play this game where you got to guess the word and the person gives you guesses like gives you so his was uh the word was window and and howard goes sill and and he goes sill sill phone he's so cute i wish him the best wherever he is oh he's killing it somewhere he went back to school got his mba i think uh so sad day sad day we're driving to chicago have you guys talked about i know she's like in the other room no she's on here about it she's on here oh she isn't have you guys talked about um like leaving or or is it just like in the air because i didn't i feel like i didn't even know she was leaving tomorrow like all of a sudden you were like oh yeah tomorrow i'm going to chicago i

was like oh tomorrow she's moving like it was just like any other night but i think that's because you don't want to focus so much on an end you just want to be in the present yeah i'm not one to like be like she's you know i could have had multiple conversations with how i'm feeling about her leaving and stuff and obviously i didn't do that because you didn't even know she was leaving necessarily we had a little talk when you were in the shower or pooping whatever when you were doing but yeah she uh she's amazing uh we had a great little talk last night she's just i haven't seen her for a few weeks since we spent that since i first fell in love with her a couple weekends ago and um just reminded last night like how much i'm gonna miss

her and what like a a friend she has been to me even in the tiny conversations we've had and like how there's so much more of our friendship that i'd like to explore and that i'm going to get to explore i hope like i'll be friends with her forever, I think, and then know her and want to like connect with her whenever I take her to Tulum. I mean, I really, I would have, I honestly would have extended the invite to her at this point. She's that special. But last night I was saying, I go, I was, we were talking about your obsession with golf and I go, it's interesting that his obsession really ramped up as soon as he found out

you were moving. I was like, I, I don't think it's interesting that his obsession really ramped up as soon as he found out you were moving I was like I I don't think it's I don't think it's a coincidence I mean you you definitely loved golf before you were obsessed with it another time in your life but I think it's nice that you are getting distracted by this thing that can fill the time when you might be thinking about her leaving or when she is gone and you have to fill the time like there's it was funny yesterday i know it's funny you say that and she was comforted by that i think because you know like you can be a little bit threatened by your boyfriend's new obsession and i go i honestly think it has everything to do with you well i was leaving the range yesterday and uh any golfer knows you think or anyone that does something a lot to try to really get better at

something and you think you cracked the code and that you're on your way to becoming a hero. I know. Like literally three days ago thought I cracked the code on a swing where I literally was almost crying. I was almost crying on the range. People were looking at me like this guy. I don't know if it's about the golf swing or something else. Maybe the relationship.

You finally figured out your fade. Yeah. I figured out my power fade. I was so fucking happy. And two days later, I swear to God, I couldn't hit it to save my life. And I hit literally 500 balls. Did you get the yips?

The yippy yips. Yeah. And the more I tried, the more I tried to break it down, the less I tried to, I tried everything. You were in a mood last night. It was like, he was drenched in sweat tried everything. You were in a mood last night. It was like,

he was drenched in sweat. No, he hit 600 golf balls last night. It was the second time you, wait, it was the first time, you were doing two a days recently. I did two a days once.

I don't judge it at all because I am doing the same with guitar. Like I, I have get, I'm getting new calluses and pains in my hand that are from overuse of like,

no one's supposed to play this much. Like my fingers are bleeding. You know, me, me, I think George Harrison said that. But do you ever play one day and be like did I even fucking play for seven hours yesterday? Yes and you know

what I've researched it enough that I know that there are days and also it's related to comedy like I told you as soon as you said this because last week Andrew's talking about going pro which he obviously could do if he kept at it. It's without – he definitely could go. I could play in like some off tournament.

Yeah, but you could like get – I mean you have the ability. We've seen it in this short amount of time get so good that you're like really excited. So there's – you're naturally good. You're an NBA, which I call a natural-born athlete, but it just makes me sound like a dumb girl and be like, they're such NBAs. But you are and i was like it's as you were so sad last night about like what had happened you kind of told me and i go yeah it's interesting like you can go from i go do that with guitar like there's sometimes that i'm like i could go pro whatever that means and then there are other days where i'm like you should quit and you go i need to have less days where I tell myself I can go pro.

And I said, no, don't do that because that is actually right. You're right. The thing is pros will always have days like you have, no matter how good you get, because you know this as a comic that's been doing it. Especially with golf. You're an elite comic.

Like you've been doing that long enough that you are one of the best. So you have days where you're like, I'm fucking Chappelle up here. I should have every hour special that they give out. Like you kill in a way that is no one could argue you're the best at it. Like one of the best up there, top shelf. And then you have sets where you're one of the fucking worst.

And I've had sets where literally I go, quit comedy. You should never do it. Recently. And I recently went on a TV show that I can't talk about where someone had a performance that wasn't as good as the other people that they were next to. And the person had a meltdown

because they were getting criticized for it a little bit, just being like, hey, it wasn't your best or whatever. And I felt like this person was going to go and cry and think they were the worst and be in that mindset and I said hold on here because I knew exactly what that person was thinking they're standing next to all their peers and they're thinking I'm not as good as these people I don't deserve to be up here with all these people that are better than me and the truth is I said last night I was performing and I had a set did I already say this I go I had a set that um the night before this show I and I had a set. Did I already say this? I go, I had a set that the night before this show,

I go, I had a set last night. I go, I'm the best comedian. Like I'm the best at what I do. I'm one of the best. No argument about it. And they all like clapped and were like, you are. And I was like, and I bombed last night. I just said that if you watched it,

you wouldn't even know that I had ever done standup. It was like, I lost my place. I couldn't find it back. I was trying to win over the audience. I kept stumbling. And it's going to keep happening no matter how good you get. So it is not about how good you are. That is always going to happen.

So allow those moments to happen and forgive yourself for that. It's like one of those things, though. It's like the bomb hurts because you're like, I am good. There's something about I remember I did a comedy competition and I was going against people that were like, you know, three months in. And it was like, you know, everyone does two minutes or whatever. Sure. And I fucking ate a dick. And I was like, I'm so fucking bad.

And I was like, no, these people are so naive. And they have like these jokes that like work, but they're not like great. They're just and they just don't... When you hit a golf ball and you don't play a lot, you just swing. You just swing. Just like in comedy sometimes, if you don't do it a lot and you don't know the failures or whatever, you just swing. And when you overthink it... And now I'm like, well, I gotta swing like this because I'm like this and I'm like that.

And then you break everything down like with guitar I gotta play like because this is how John Mayer plays or this is how Taylor plays it exactly and and maybe that will get it on the way of your strumming sometimes with um with guitar I recently had a breakthrough with guitar too the same day you had your thing I was like oh my god I had one too there's this part in an indigo girl's song that I'm trying to learn that it's just like it's it's advanced I even showed it to my dad and my dad goes i go how do you do this and he goes i think some guitars just can't do it and i was just like what like that's not an answer and this she's playing the same kind of guitar i am how did she make those noises and he's going you're not hearing what i'm hearing and i go i know there's an extra note in there that she's hitting how does she do

it and i finally just did it because instead of trying to watch her on YouTube in slow motion I just listened and I go how would you how would your body make this sound and I swear to god ever since I looked at the at the guitar as a percussive instrument like Dave Grohl said he approached it when he started playing after um Nirvana when he started playing guitar with for the Foo Fighters uh lead you know he was like I looked at it like drums and it opened the guitar up to me so i'm finding new ways to open it up to me and there are some days where i'm like i am so fucking good i can't even believe it my voice sounds amazing i'm like i'm ready to perform i almost accepted a wedding gig the other day that my dad sent me a gig that they got asked to do that was all taylor

swift songs obviously a swifty getting married and it was weird songs too one of them was illicit affairs which is about affairs the other song was like get ahead of it they were all breakup songs and i was like this is a weird wedding yeah get ahead of it or like try to tell your husband something that you can't tell him uh i'm fucking a groomsman yeah yeah oh that that's one of Yeah. Oh, that, that's one of her hidden tracks. Um, but, uh, I,

I think that song track 69, I like was in a good mood. And I go, I go, dad, um, I can do, I'll do that gig.

Just tell them I can only do like, I'll give them all the Taylor Swift songs I know. And I'll do the gig. And it might be like, maybe they're a fan of mine. I mean, they might like have some, like, if I suck, they'll still be like, Oh, it a fan of mine. They might like have some, like if I suck,

they'll still be like, oh, it's Nikki Glaser playing it. So at least it's something. But I realized, oh my God, that's what I want to do. I am starting a Taylor Swift cover band with my sister.

We're having our first band practice tomorrow. I'm open to names that you could give us that are based upon like being sisters. Her name is Lauren. My name's Nikki that are based upon like being sisters her name is lauren my name's nikki um that are also taylor swift tied in so i will accept names she plays keyboards we both have been um like uh we didn't like playing music because my dad was too good at it and critical so we both have never let ourselves explore this talent until we like became adults on our own and um told my dad to

zip it my dad is so sweet he just doesn't understand why he's discouraged us he's like i don't get it i only we're like it's not just know that we don't even know why but we both have been terrified to play instruments and that's weird because we should like it but there's something in our i think it might be you dad but not intentional it's like when my dad i i golf with my dad and i instantly play worse yeah because one i don't want to beat him subconsciously i think you just don't want to beat your father and you also don't think you can beat your father no you shouldn't you shouldn't your dad should beat you i always say that your dad should always be the one i used to have a great joke that people always do but it was it was one of my first jokes and it was like um i love i love hanging out with

my family we still just do this thing every friday night we do family game night and my dad always beats us if we win he's a sore loser and we're sore winners in the end i mean that's a pretty good joke it has many layers i might bring it back. But a lot of people have that beat me thing of like, yeah. Someone was asking me, and I think this is because comedians probably listen to this podcast. I was at the baseball. Oh, to tie it back to the golf thing real quick, I wanted to say. So I was so sad about losing my swing last night and not being able to figure it out. And to your point, I think if i'm hitting well

i'm not so sad about brenna leaving and then i was i hit so poorly yesterday i'm driving home and literally about to cry and it's not and i mean i couldn't count on my swing anymore to save me from being sad about her leaving yes you couldn't distract yourself with that like well at least i got my swing no i don't even have my swing oh my god wait oh the comedy thing though they go well how do you write jokes without um if if you know because so many people write jokes out there and there's so much supply out there how do you do things where you know it'll be uh original original and how do you answer that? Because I thought you could start broad where everyone else.

You could start and then make it specific. I feel like that's how you can. I just know that the best way to check if a joke kind of like that beat me. If I was looking up that joke to see if someone else had done it, I would just check Twitter. That's the closest place to check. Because if a comedian has done it,'s stolen it from put it on twitter at least and you'll see it so so you know there was one joke that i remember my ex-boyfriend made

that i thought was so funny that like jesus jesus is so fit he must have done crossfit like i was like oh my god that's funny it's such a good and i go there's no way someone hasn't made that before even though that is brilliant on its own it's parallel thought he thought of it and then all also so many things on twitter but like so many jokes i've made in specials that i made the first time were have been thought of again in not because they saw my special i never accused someone of stealing my jokes because like with the joke the the game joke i would say uh board i would write in board game beat um bruises or so I would I would I would connect those things to see if anyone and then I would try different things and see if anyone had made that connection

um before and what I would tell joke writers about that is that I know that you think your joke is original but it's probably been done but that doesn't mean that you can't still do it because as long as you didn't steal from someone it is still you can still do it you'll someone will eventually tell you hey someone has that joke and then you don't need to be embarrassed no one thinks you stole it comedians understand there's parallel thought i literally have stolen a joke from you i've talked about this a lot i saw ali wong perform one time at the comedy cellar i loved her set a couple weeks later i was on stage she's watching me this time and i did her joke we both have a joke about anal sex i thought it was about

you being asian yeah and it honestly it worked better for me i thought um yeah i said that uh when you have sex it was something like uh you you like you at first are like no and then it's like you let yourself get into it and you're like a whole new world you're just like you know like um you know uh what's it called aladdin and i said the whole new world she had done that and i and the thing is it came from a place that i didn't understand i was like where did that i don't remember thinking that but it just came out on stage and i was like oh my god that's kind of cool that i just thought of that. And I even thought it came up with a funny line that was like, because after she goes, a whole new world.

He goes, don't you dare close your eyes. And I like the idea of a guy being like, don't you dare close your eyes. Like I said that after I was like, yeah, because I was like, it's a whole new world. And he was like, don't you dare close your eyes. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, master. And so that ended up being different than Ali's. But I got off stage and Ali goes, hey, oh my god I have that joke uh the whole new world and I go Allie I stole that from I I go I was on stage and I thought where did that come from I just thought it I go it was you and I go I am so sorry and um and I I think I said to her at first I go, it was you. And I go, I am so sorry. And I think I said to her at first, I go, no, I think at first I thought it was mine or something.

And I made the mistake of being like, I won't do it on TV. And then I was like, wait a second, why am I even saying I would do it ever? And then I wrote to her later being like, I'm so sorry I only said TV. I will never do that. That is yours. I took it from you. Even if I'm adding some flourish at the end, that is not mine. And, um, so it happens.

You're definitely going to write material that other people have written and, um, it's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Jon Stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the

iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys. I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500.

Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete

or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legg, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty,

founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips.

It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too.

The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's how-to season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes.

You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history, ever. Fake Paul. fighter you will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever fake paul the movie is the apprentice and the movie is about young donald trump and his apprentice roy cohen real character obviously both are real characters it kind of has a scarface vibe to it which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin of the Kingdom Third, and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Each week, we'll sit down with inspiring figures like David Oyelowo,

Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. And their plus one, their ride or die, as they share stories never heard before about their remarkable journey. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Alright, let's get to the news. We skipped

it yesterday. Apparently we did. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Hey everybody, it's Mike Quintoff. Oh, it's Mike Quentoff. Oh, it's Mike Glentoff from Beef. I hope you have a great weekend this weekend. I know it's Thursday, but tomorrow's Saturday, so Friday's pretty much Thursday, if you know what I mean, which is Saturday.

And you're having a great time in all the swells, because every day is the same day when you're here with the Nikki Glaser podcast. I'm going to miss doing this podcast in person with you, Andrew. Oh, I know. We might be apart for a while. What do you mean? I don't know. I'm just getting booked on some stuff that's calling my name. You'll see. But the thing is the podcast with us remote still work. And I can go to any

city I want. I'm good with you staying here and working on your swing. And taking care of our Roomba. And coming to you. Oh, Roomba needs you. That week I'm going to be there with you. Yeah, you are. That's true. Yeah.

Back to the news. Okay. Five children under the age of 10 were brought to a hospital from a barbecue after parents noticed odd behavior. The kids accidentally ingested unintended thc gummies oh they got i mean look at this bag this bag looks exactly like sour patch but it says stoner patch and the gummies have like like stoner faces on them oh these poor kids they probably ate so much oh they look delicious i mean that's like a gun that like looks like a water gun yes

it does and um yeah oh there's bullets in there by the way all these gummies are packaged in ways that you make you want to eat them like tide pots and they're not tide pots so you should not put them in your wash or eat them and um gum oh a child i first of all would have loved would have loved to see the first 15 minutes of of or like once they kicked all, would have loved to see the first 15 minutes of, or like once they kicked in, I would have liked to see the first 15 minutes. And I want to know, what were the parents saying the kids were doing? They didn't get too into detail. They just said they observed weird behavior.

Odd behavior. So I would assume one of the kids' head was in the cake. Another one was like watching Jason confused. No, no, but it is funny. one of the kids head was in the cake another one yeah i was just laughing at the kids confused yeah you know no no but it is funny like one kid was getting a lot of work done in podcasting a lot and it's like oh he's got that nicki glazer gene the mickey mantle pot makes them well edibles don't edibles fuck you up yeah those are so strong look at that package i mean how much we're in each of those no can you pull up that package again i I want a kid, 10 kids under the age of 10. Is that what we're dealing with?

How many milligrams are those? I think those have got to be about five each. Five children under the age of 10. And I'm guessing those five milligrams, even one, and what kid is going to eat just one gum? Oh, yeah. It's actually 500 milligrams. Shut, oh, for the whole package. And how many are in the package? Oh, is that what it means? Yeah yeah it's actually 500 milligrams shut oh for the whole package and

how many are in the package what it means yeah it's usually what it means so they're five and they're um 10 each or so there's 10 of them so they're all five milligrams i'm guessing they were already open i'm guessing the kids had between one and two of these which is five milligrams is enough to make my my dad takes half half a five milligram and it's like i really had the best time of my life just that's a perfect amount for me and he's six foot something yeah and um so these kids got effed up i mean it's uh those look delicious it is funny yeah like you get high and you just turn into like a little kid just like enjoying the world and these little past hour patch i would rather my kids do um mushrooms than tea than edibles well it's weird when you get high and you don't know you're gonna get high so you know there was a kid in college this is pretty fucked

up but he he he uh gave one his roommate acid without telling him yeah and he pulled an ari shafir oh yeah pretty much yeah that's a burt And the kid had no idea. He thought he was going. I mean, that's on a whole other level. I mean, that happens a lot, I think, is that people think that's just funny. And sometimes I say, like, that's going to be the way that I do it. You know, like, I was just. You want me to put ayahuasca in your coffee? Well, I was just talking to the guy I'm talking to in Bumble.

And we were talking about, you know, meditation and all that stuff. And I've gotten away from T.M. I used to do T.M. every day to treat my depression. And then the depression came back. I got it finally treated with pharmaceuticals, big pharma. And now I'm really into hallucinogens. Like I either want to, you know, microdose or do LSD or, you know, ayahuasca and have these like, I want to do an ego death and i was talking about that and like i do think i'm so scared to have those experiences that megan fox talked about that i almost want someone to just like drug my i don't want it i actually told ari shafir on joe rogan's

podcast i like said to ari i go you have permission to try to drug me or something like that he said so i have not i have not been around him ever. I think it's a really cruel thing to do, obviously, but not if you're asking for it. When was the first time you ever got stoned? Do you remember the day and the whole build up? Yeah, we called it Debbie. Our friend

Debbie. I have all the notes to prove it. We were like, who can get us Debbie? We were writing about it. Katie I'm not gonna say Katie Katie Raji there were some people that could get us Debbie it was freshman year of high school we smoked it with my friend Ovni and Kristen and Kirsten down in the creek in our subdivision that my parents still live in we went home Kirsten I remember a motorcycle pulled up like we heard a motorcycle and we were all like smoking behind.

It wasn't actually in the creek yet. We were behind like the subdivision sign, this big giant, like, you know, one of those big stonework signs. We were behind it. There's bushes. And at the intersection that it was, a car pulled up, but it was a motorcycle.

And we were all like giggling, being like, shh. And I was like, it's a car. And Krista goes, no, it's a motorcycle. It's live. And we thought it was so funny that, like we all knew what she meant. It's live, man. It's live.

But then we went home. We were so stoned. We ate a bunch of, but I was in control. This happens a lot with me. Like when I did mushrooms with a friend of mine recently, I saw her getting fucked up and I wanted to take care of her. So I just didn't let myself get as high. And I took care of everyone. And I i went home we made tostinos pizzas oh those are the best microwave or oven i think oven at the time we like we were patient i guess we watched tv

cursed we all went in my room because they were behaving too erratically that i thought my parents were going to catch on so we went in my room we were giggling so much kirsten went in my bathroom we swore to god the shower turned on she said she claimed it didn't um and that was the first time we'd smoked out of a big pen yeah the shower was live um yeah that was the first time but we really it's interesting it didn't it didn't work out of a big pen a big pen with like dude we are i mean we're weird our lives i smoked out of a shampoo bottle so we both smoked out of plastic the first time yeah i think most people do man i've smoked out of plastic shampoo is so stupid with all the stuff in it like everything is i mean yeah what i smoke out of now i i'm breathing in sometimes i

you know it goes through the pipe too quickly and i breathe in just the lighter fluid of the lighter and it's like this is disgusting like this is not good in any way and thank you so much to everyone who wrote to me about not having shame about pot and i'm really like it it helped me so much it's continuing to help me but um yeah it's it's gross i remember smoking out of a red bull can with a very famous comedian who at the time i was opening for him and he was like yeah i smoked pot and i was like great let's hang out we went to 7-elevenEleven. We got a Red Bull. He was like, I have pot, but I don't have anything to smoke out of. Let's get a Red Bull can.

I'm like, all right. He knew how to make one. You dent it. You make a little thing. So this is a story I tell on stage sometimes, but he smoked out the Red Bull can. We got high behind a 7-Eleven. He was not a comedian

that was like trying to creep on me or anything. We were just having fun. It was so awesome. What a fun weekend that was. Cut to like 12 years later. I'm like hanging out with this comedian at the comedy cellar and I'm like dude I got some weed do you smoke still smoke weed I remember working with you in Virginia Beach and like we smoked weed together and he goes yeah yeah I do oh my god yes of course and I go I go let's I go I remember you were the first person and I think the only

time that we smoked out of a Red Bull can, which is insane. Cause you're like inhaling aluminum. Like that was so crazy. I smoked out of a Coke can. Yeah. And he goes, oh, that's what I still use. And I was like, I go, really? So 12 years of Red Bull.

That's really bad. He's like an adult with children. I go, that's bad. And he goes, yeah, actually, um, I kind of like only can. And I was like, yeah yeah you're addicted to aluminum buddy like that's that he he had the realization they're like he goes yeah sometimes i don't even need weed in it no he didn't say that but it's like literally he's addicted to aluminum at this point so watch out out there and someone actually just wrote to me about energy drinks and said that they

have found that they have sores on their tongues and they tongue and now they know what it's coming from. So, yeah, I would switch to LaCroix. And sucking dick after you get ramped up. Next news story. I loved that one. Oh, my God. Those kids have a tale to tell. A study finds that more than two-thirds of all romantic relationships begin as friendships. Those numbers were even higher among people in their 20s and people who identified as LGBTQ,

with about 85% of couples beginning as friends. Wow. Well, I wonder, though, when that friendship starts, if one or both parties is just friends, too. Well, that made me think about not giving up the vagina. Oh. Oh, yeah. But not giving up the vagina. Oh. Oh, yeah. But not giving up the vagina. But the girl's not even cognizant of the fact that they're holding out the vagina from the guy.

You know what I mean? So it's like, it's building up, maybe not like on the surface, but you know what I mean? Like, he wants that fucker, essentially. How, the best way to get a guy to like you is to not give them what they want. Everyone likes the chase.

Everyone. No one doesn't like the chase. And at some point, you've got to give it up. And that's after they've fallen in love with you. You can kind of let down your guard and be more vulnerable. But honestly, Noah, even in my own relationships right now that I'm kind of like toying with the I've seen how well it works to not let them in your vagina and how it can transform someone to to looking at you in a way that is truly like respectful and loving and like and I am so scared to ever let someone in my vagina

ever again because that might go away like I'm scared. But is any part of you going, you're giving, look, I think, are you giving the vagina too much credit for this? And I'm not trying to hate on it, but I'm just saying, the guy in question could be more ready now. He could be more understanding of you,

could be more empathetic for you, for a myriad of reasons as well as not being able to be allowed in your vagina but are you giving the vagina a myriad of reasons i said a mere con a mere cat a mere cat um first of all a myriad everyone always says a myriad of reasons and i just found out it's myriad reasons. It's like myriad is like the adjective. It's like myriad reasons. It's not a myriad of, which is, I think that's right. We can look it up later.

But anyway. I feel like I've heard that many myriad of times. And you're right though, Andrew. Like a person that I might be like getting all of this from because I feel like it's because I'm withholding my vagina. It might be because of any other things yeah that might be at play however the fact that i haven't let this person in my vagina and how much they talk about that fact and are turned on by that fact and reference it and are not like frustrated but like really like think it's and

by the way i'm not doing at this point i'm as soon as i'm ready to let anyone be like my boyfriend and like committed to me and like let's move forward i won't have any problem letting them in because i will know if i'm if i'm still debating it means it's not ready i'm not ready but as soon as i'm like yes i want this and i feel safe i will do it but i know right now that it's not bad for him. He is enjoying. Yeah. He's still eating. He's still,

he's really enjoying. And honestly, I don't know. I, I might try a relationship where it never takes place. It's a good birth control. It, it keeps like,

it keeps it. So there's always like this thing that will keep it spicy and honeymoon phase of like i can't have all of her and um it's just really it's it's been the one of the hottest things in my life to not have vaginal sex i guess for me i would have fingers and everything else in there yes i think uh i don't yeah yeah so you're the vagina is still being played around with uh my only thing though is like if I had a dog, right? Granted, I'm comparing a man to a dog, which isn't far off. But the dog only came to me and loved me if I was withholding food,

not because of the love I give the dog, the petting I give the dog, the walks I give the dog, just the relationship, these myriad of other factors, if you will. The walks I give the dog. Just the relationship. Myriad of other factors, if you will. Then I'd just be worried that, oh, they only just want the food. And it's like a myriad of food. Myriad food. Yeah, myriad, your dog.

Yeah, myriad myriad. Myriads. Okay, I hear what you're saying can i say that um i don't ever feel like uh the thing is it's subconscious and men don't even realize that that is uh you know what you know what it is no let me let me take this because i see you chomping at the bed and i think i know what i want to say about the book getting to i do which is all based on is that yes it's telling you to withhold sex from men and in an effort and by doing that they will like you more just as it happens because of it but what the book is really teaching you to do is not to trick a man into loving you that's like my jokey what I say about the book and how I used to view it was like don't be yourself so you can get a man. But what it teaches you to do is to respect your body and to respect the things that your subconscious mind, that you can't control.

Like you think you have – girls think they have – men and women think they have control over their emotions. And the truth is you don't. And you have to respect the fact that your body is biologically wired to get very connected to someone who goes in your vagina. So just respect your vagina. And then when you don't let a man into your vagina until he has earned it, until you feel safe, until you feel everything in your soul is confident. And you can never be sure, obviously. You can always change his mind. He might be doing all these things just to get the vagina.

Then once he gets the vagina, it was all a fake. Well, then you learn from that because that's happened to me before but it was because i didn't actually do it right i was withholding to get something and i wasn't withholding because i respected myself that's the yes i like that i like that and you know what he's you know what he's responding to is not the fact that i won't let him in my pussy it's he's responding to the fact that he knows no man will ever get in my puss i i respect myself enough that not only because I'm not letting him in no he knows no one will and that I am a woman that unless I am treated like a fucking queen you're not getting that and it's just and and when you demand respect I've been

talking about f-boys so much f-boy island everyone goes what's tell me what you learned about f-boy and I go the only deterrent the kryptonite for an f-boy they can they can trick you in in myriad ways the only deterrent is a woman who truly respects herself doesn't fake respect herself which I was doing forever truly thinks she is a prize and that this guy needs to earn her and when you have that and when you truly believe it which by the way is not easy to come by and is not something that you can just like say. Like, you know, I've been saying like I hate this like fake body positivity and self-image positivity where it's like put a sticker on your mirror that says you go girl. And when you look at yourself in the mirror and you want to say and hold your fat, go. No, you're hot like that bullshit.

Unless you believe it, don't fucking do that stuff. OK, just be nicer to yourself. But like don't, don't, this stuff is just, I hate all these women that are pretending like they've accepted their bodies and are forcing everyone to feel shame about the fact that they haven't yet. Because it's a long process that takes so long. And if you're interested in my process, you can always DM me and I'll go into more detail. But because I have actually achieved it, that is the thing that has changed for me is that I think when when when this guy sees me naked and he goes you are so fucking hot I just go I don't go like thank you like I used to go like thank you I love when

you say that but I just go I know I know like because I know I am so fucking hot he is so lucky to be with me he is also so hot but like I I say I know in a way that isn't like I know. I am so fucking hot. He is so lucky to be with me. He is also so hot. But I say I know in a way that isn't like, I know. It's like, I'm just like, I know. Thank you for seeing it. It's not like, oh, good. Now I'm hot because you said it. It's like, thank you for saying what I already deep down know.

And I would know it even if I was fucking, like, if I'm'm and I don't want to say this negatively if I'm fat if I'm old if I'm age spotty tired looking I'm fucking hot because I am I just am my spirit is hot and I just this guy recently has been so obsessed with my looks the guy that I'm hooking up with that I'm not having sex with he is so he looks at me like I'm Giselle and really feel like I'm in the movie I feel pretty where Amy Schumer sees herself as a hot like as Emily Radizowski almost in the mirror that is what he sees when he looks at me when I look like horrid hell he's like I just can't believe how hot you are yesterday he pulled an old ID out of a box I have an old ID he was just like rooting through this box he pulled out this like driver's license, an old one. And I look like I have brown hair. I'm like smile. I know makeup. It's a license photo.

And he goes, God, I just I fucking love this face. And this guy, I he he is he doesn't realize what he's doing, but he's telling me this guy loves this guy is so in love with me it's not because I look hot there and like anyone would say that was a great picture of me I mean it's not so bad for a license photo but it was just like this guy loves me now because I love myself yeah I love that and he couldn't before this guy was not capable of loving me before not because he wasn't capable of it maybe it was that but it was because I didn't like myself. I really didn't. And if you are out there and you don't like yourself, it doesn't mean that you should break up with whoever you're with that says

they love you. That's not what I'm saying. But it really is the missing ingredient. And I will be fine without a man or with one for the rest of my life because I actually love myself a lot. Next story. Megan Fox reveals that she doesn't drink anymore because she had too much champagne

at the 2009 Golden Globes and became belligerent and said a bunch of shit she shouldn't have said on the carpet. She drank too much champagne. Listen to these quotes that she said on the red carpet. They ask her, where's your baby daddy, Brian Austin Green? She goes, he doesn't want to be here.

He's a male ego and he wanted to stay to be here he's he has he's a male ego and he wanted to stay home and what did she say it's pretty much that right yeah yeah yeah i was like this bitch is awesome and she was just being honest yeah she also compared herself to alan alda which whatever oh she said something about being a tranny because they in 2009 that word was still kind of being tossed around and she was wasted and she was probably tired of being like said she looks hot all the time and she was just like I look like a kind of like a man today or like I look I feel like I'm wearing so much makeup I feel like maybe uh a man like I feel like a fraud is probably what she was saying because

sometimes I have said that where I feel like I'm um uh either like a drag queen or like a transsexual because I feel like my soul is so masculine and like I'm wearing all this makeup and I feel like I'm lying about who I or that I'm deceiving about who I really am or something. So I think she meant that people I think have forgiven her for that but her agents got so mad at her and were like you can never do that again. I can't believe this didn't make more headlines. She literally said, she was like, yeah, he doesn't want to be here. He goes, he says this. He's a man with an ego.

Brian doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be my date. He's a man. He has an ego. Yeah. I think he's probably working on music. I don't think he cares. The music line is so beautiful

in like, yeah, his little music little music like there's so much hatred oh yeah they got in a huge fight for sure but this was the precursor this is what you're talking about when people start doing jokes about their relationship their partner she was just being honest this was 10 years before they broke up yeah but yeah i mean well she was wasted and so and i love that she had that was her bottom was like i said stuff on the red carpet that's gonna hurt my career probably really upset my husband who i actually do respect his music because she probably did and she was probably just annoyed that night i feel like though i don't know part of me thinks part of me thinks like she was maybe

hated him so much obviously i'm just no i just think she had a bad night with him but just hear me out he failed as a musician he did he put out an album it didn't work well he obviously always wanted to be a white rapper and then obviously they had issues in their marriage and she decided to be with a white rapper i i see a coincidence that's all I'm saying. No, I mean, that is interesting. I didn't know he tried to do rap. But also, I have done this before where I've lashed out in interviews and taken out my aggression towards a man like this. And I was drunk with anger or whatever it was. Or I was just drunk and I've done it.

And I think that can be excused. I don't think this was the beginning of the end for them because I bet she could do this to MGK too like I'm sure they have arguments where he's choosing something over her and like I think this was just her realizing that when she gets drunk the truth might come out but it's a truth that she wouldn't it's it's not I hear when people go when I get drunk I tell the truth it's like yes but you also don't honor how much you love people and respecting their privacy which is also part of your truth so I like that she got sober after this I was really inspired by that I wonder if she still smokes pot I'm guessing she does because MGK is a huge stoner but I would like to know and

I'm gonna be friends with Megan Fox someday Andrew let's get to our sports moment. Let's see how excited you are. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. That's maybe one of my most proud voiceover moments of my life. Yeah, I mean. It's just, like, every time I go, that is, I just recently released an FBoy Island thing where it was FBoys in the wild. I couldn't even listen to it yesterday.

I put it on my story. If you go to the FBoy Island Instagram, I did this whole, like, FBoys in the wild. They're a rash species. I haven't even listen to it yesterday. I put it on my story. If you go to the FBoyIsland Instagram, I did this whole like, F boys in the wild. They're a rare species. I haven't heard that yet. And I did all this voiceover for it and I worked so hard on it. And then I heard the first line of it

and I was just like, oh, you flubbed this bitch. And I couldn't listen to the rest. So go listen to this and tell me I'm wrong. I thought it fit the theme of what you were saying. I thought it was very good. Was it funny, Noah? Yes, because it went along with the whole premise of that video,

which was so funny. Okay, I'm so glad. All right, maybe I'll watch it. My assistant Jen goes, I'll watch everything for you that you don't want to watch. I'll be like how certain kings have people try things, eat things before they eat to make sure it's not poisoned. So she's going to watch everything I do to make sure it's not poisoned. So she's going to watch everything I do

to make sure it's not poisoned and be like, no, you need to see this or don't watch this thing. And then she dies? Yeah, she dies from watching me on The View. Is that what you got booked on? No, but I'm sure it'll happen soon. They're looking to replace Machine Gun Kelly.

What's her name? Megan, not Kelly. Megan McCain. Yeah. The original Space Jam director, Joe Pitka. Let me just fill this one. He bashed the new Space Jam and LeBron in the new Space Jam because he said that, you know, with Michael Jordan, first of all, that movie Space Jam was based upon Michael Jordan's. He went to baseball and like the whole movie was shaped around Michael Jordan's, he went to baseball and like the whole movie was shaped around Michael Jordan's departure from basketball to baseball. So LeBron filling in,

it didn't really make sense, even though I would argue him going from Cleveland to Miami was kind of like a departure that he got a lot of flack for. So I think that in similar vein, this guy also hasn't done a lot of work since then. He was probably excited to do an interview. I'm guessing this guy had a few cocktails before he did this interview because he throws lebron under the bus have has i loved the first space jam i don't remember anything about it but i uh i think i would be he said bugs bunny looks terrible the director said that um he said that what other i mean like well that like the supporting cast was way better in the first one he's just,

of course he was the director and he didn't get asked back for this one. I thought it was so funny though, that he was so blatantly honest. Cause you never hear anyone trashing these big movies. It was just like, I can't believe he's saying this. I think he was drunk. I'm not joking you.

When I heard this, I go, this guy is either drunk with anger, but he's, I think he doesn't, I don't know what he's worked on a lot since then I like this guy because I like that he was honest like you're saying Noah but I think that and no one trashes look I mean LeBron does get trashed by like people who are LeBron gets a shit and he gets compared to Michael Jordan all the time and he was asking for it in doing a remake of Space Jam so who cares but I think

this is just getting a lot of press because this guy really went hard. And most of the time, these interviews are so innocuously pleasant and complimentary that you would never even notice them. He definitely has a chip on his shoulder for a myriad of reasons. Wait, wait, let's try to get it right. He has a chip on his shoulder for what?

Myriad reasons. Myriad reasons. Good job. I could be wrong about this, by the way. You never are uh so i um i i just love that they compare like these basketball people they love comparing lebron versus michael jordan michael jordan versus kobe you know and no matter and so there's a movie and so now this guy's like lebron's's acting skills is nothing compared. Like, they could be, like, literally wiping their ass and be like, no, Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan wipes his ass up and down and gives a sick assist to his balls at the same time.

More than LeBron. Like, this, like, feeling of, like, they're both incredible. Like, why are we arguing these like what is it why why because what is the need for someone to have to be right about the top five i think andrew i think it's a it's human nature to compare and to crown a winner it's definitely american to say winner loser because yeah we don't like things just being the way they are and accepting people for what they're able to give in the moment and i think that you know even when you're on a show with other comedians there will always be on the way out people will go i liked the first guy the second guy blah blah blah then this she wasn't as good as i like everyone has to rate things even me like after a movie when i'm

walking out i go you know that wasn't as good as the last one I liked it better than this it's like you just got a rank we love it we love it and you know what LeBron is worth so much money and does so many he's a billionaire really good things for the world and so did Michael Jordan I think and like I

love these and Kobe of course was like watching that Naomi Osaka documentary she was like friends with kobe and he reached out to her to like help her and i would i get emotional just thinking about it because he just seemed i didn't really know how like involved he was in like young women's sports not just for his daughter but like to reach out to this young 20 year old tennis superstar and to give her advice about the game and and just well he was also you know he grew up in europe outside of america you know both being you know african-american outside of

or i guess i guess they're not african-american i can't believe he's gone and i really didn't remember we were on the train yeah we were and i go and i read the headline yeah it was it was the first it was the first gig after banging out tour 2020 it was january we were coming back from connecticut i think and you we pulled into penn station and i was like waking up in like the dark penn station like the amtrak pulls and it's like all dark and it was in the morning and you were like kobe bryant is dead and i was like wait it was yeah those moments that like where were you I remember that one but I just want to stay with the Kobe thing like um I was thinking yesterday Kobe was right before COVID like right you know that was like he never experienced COVID I don't know why that

stuck out to me of like oh my god like this whole thing happened that he never not that that doesn't mean anything but it's just weird that that like this thing we've been living with that seems like the most like crazy thing that's ever happened to any of us besides i would say september 11th and then covid have been the two big american things maybe jfk assassination landing on the moon but like kobe missed one of those Then he seems like such a part of, I thought the same thing about Mac Miller for some reason. Yeah. Like why is that?

I had that same thought. I had that same thought. Like they missed COVID. Like why would we want them to see it? I mean, I guess I'm always like, what would they have said? Catch Jon Stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the

daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iHeart radio app apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys, I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack

in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career we'll be getting into everything from karting to nascar even formula one whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut we're talking about what it takes to make it listen to throttle therapy with katherine leg an iheart women's sports production in partnership with deep blue sports and entertainment you can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty,

founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough.

I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody

and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's How-To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport. And my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever fake paul the movie is the apprentice and the movie is about young donald trump and his apprentice roy cohen real character obviously both are real characters it kind of has a scarface vibe to it which i thought was very interesting listen to the i am Rap Report stereo podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin of the Kingdom Third, and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Each week, we'll sit down with inspiring figures like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. And their plus one, their ride or die, as they share stories never heard before about their remarkable journey. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Let's get to Fanthrax.

I'm going to be honest with you guys. We taped an episode yesterday that is all Fanthrax. We went through all of our mail and tried to empty it out because we are kind of behind on it. We get so many messages. So that is upcoming on the show is a whole episode dedicated to your uh your thoughts about the show and questions and concerns and um advice it was fun as fuck and i love this funthrax if you ask me yeah so let's get into fanthrax we do have a new theme song brought to you by noah and her uh fiance avi who is from a metal band right right? Yes.

Let's play it first and then talk about it. Featured in, oh. Oh my God. Wow. That sounds like your asshole after you had a little bit of Tabasco the night before. That was, how do you even make your voice do that? That was Avi, by the way, from the band. What band was he in that was featured in Veep?

The band is called Magruder Grind. Magruder Grind. We have a professional metal singer, Noah's fiance, Avi. He was also in the show Veep, season one. I forget which episode. Dan and Jonah go to a concert together because I think Dan's trying to become friends with Jonah.

Some kind of bribe is happening. They go to a metal show, and Avi is the singer in that. Avi, Noah's fiance, has been in my favorite show. And now we have that guy from Veep. Avi, what's his last name? Callaway. Avi Callaway, future

Noah Callaway, is now our Fanthrax theme song. So thank you so much for that. You'll be hearing that weekly on Thursdays and for our upcoming All Fanthrax episode that will be out next week. So let's get to the Fanthrax. Let's see what you

guys are thinking about the show and about yourselves and a life. Noah, read it for us. Okay, so this came into our Instagram account, Nikki Glaser Pod. Hi, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. Nikki, I just wanted to say thank you for mentioning your parents' canceled trip to Greece

because of your dad's passport that was close to being expired. Oh my God. My husband and I have a trip to the Maldives. Soca, I know. Coming up, and because of your podcast, I looked into the passport rules and it turns out his passport expiration

would have put us in the same position as your parents. Wow. I never would have looked into this if it weren't for your show and the unfortunate experience your parents had. I'm sorry for them, but I'm so thankful that I found out and we have enough time to renew my husband's passport

prior to our trip. Thanks, guys. Jen. I'll answer this as Julie Glaser. Jen, goddammit. You know, when Nikki told me that something good would happen because EJ and I got detained in Germany for

goddamn seven hours. I thought, honestly, Jen, I thought we weren't going to get out of there. And you know what? EJ had to bring these goddamn pot gummies that were in the bag the whole time. They wouldn't let me get my luggage. I thought we are going to end up in, you know, Interpol's going to be called. We're not going to get out of here, goddammit. We didn't get to eat.

There was one nice guy. I thought, you know what? There isn't anything good going to be called. We're not going to get out of here, goddammit. We didn't get to eat. There was one nice guy. I thought, you know what? There isn't anything good going to come of this. Nikki said there would. But now, Jen, I know. Something's going to happen in the Maldives that is going to be amazing for you, goddammit. And I can't wait for it. And you know what?

Nick, you're right. Good things do happen out of bad things. And, Jen, I hope that something you experienced in the Maldives goes wrong so that it can help someone else.

Isn't it Maldives? I feel like it's Maldives. I really, I have no idea how to say it. I definitely fucked it up. I think it's Maldives. I think you heard

Noah say Maldives. No, she said Maldives. No, she said Maldives. No, she definitely said Maldives. I think they say Maldives. She said Maldives. I don't even remember. Want to bet? How much do you want to bet? $100, she said Maldives. No, she said Maldives. No, she definitely said Maldives. Want to bet? I think I say Maldives. She said Maldives.

Want to bet? Want to bet? How much do you want to bet? $100. She said Maldives. No, she said Maldives. Can we rewind it? $100.

Noah, can you do it right now? We'll find out afterwards, and now the listener's going to go back and listen. She just read that from Jen. $100. When she read the thing in the paragraph, $100. $100. Here we go. All right. So let's see what it really is pronounced. Let's see. $100. So when she read the thing in the paragraph, $100. $100. Here we go. Alright, so let's

see what it really is pronounced. Let's see. One second. She said Maldives. I know for a fact because I heard it and I was like, that's weird. I was really hoping you wouldn't ask me to read that one because I didn't know what it was. I know. Well, here we go. Here we go. Here's what it is. I didn't want this to happen.

Maldives pronunciation. Let's do this and it's gonna play for us. I think it's the Maldives. I didn't want this to happen. Maldives pronunciation. Let's do this. And it's going to play. I think it's the Maldives. Oh, it's connected to my goddamn Bluetooth. Ah, goddamn it. I'm being my mom. Here, I got it.

Maldives. Maldives. Well, that's what she said. She said Maldives. No, she said Maldives. I said it wrong. Well, we're going to find out. And you guys listening right now, you know that I won $100.

So thank you for congratulating me. No, you know I won $100. We can't go back right now. If you had to rank it, I won. I'm number one. All right. So, Jen, thank you so much for that. That is awesome.

And that is exactly what I'm talking about. And I love the awareness of Kuh. Kuh there. Of Mouthy and the Trap being Kuh. Can I just say yesterday, I ran into a guy. I was walking Luigi. he was on leash i ran into a guy that had a dog named danny very very cute little beagle dog it's a puppy it's so cute it's a girl too named danny so cute and he said to me he goes are you are you wanting to take luigi

off leash and i just he goes do you want to take him off leash and i looked at him like i thought he knew i thought he noticed that i'm an off leasher around the building and was kind of like they all talk about me like this bitch has a dog off leash and so i kind of look at him i go no because i really didn't want to and i was like why did now they're talking about me like they know that i'm this off-leash bitch and they're all like she thinks she's cool and then i realized he's a fucking bestie and i realized it after i walked away so shout out to to Danny's owner. You were so sweet. And I'm sorry. I like was very confused by you saying that.

And you were trying to let me know you listen to the podcast. All right, next. Okay, this is a voicemail from Becca. Sweet. Hey, Nikki. My name is Becca and day one bestie. So I was listening to the podcast on monday and you mentioned that you were at the colony hotel in palm beach on saturday yes and i was actually

on a date right across the street i looked out the window and i said huh i wonder what's going on at the colony hotel this weekend he goes i don't know and then yeah come to find out it's you the woman that i listen to every day of my life favorite comedian of all time um so yeah i thought that was funny but yeah sometimes i just feel like this friendship is one way like it is becca we could have got that spray tan together you could have let me know yeah you're right becca but oh no you're not yeah and i'm not kidding either i'm sad we didn't get to me September super excited so yeah Becca okay this is what I love I love that people talk to me like I'm a best friend that they just like missed in passing and like I am gonna try to be a little bit more um giving on our social on our

pod social about my whereabouts because sometimes I don't want to let people know because I just don't want to there there could be people that want to do me harm but um I I'm so mad I missed the opportunity to run into you I love when I get to run into besties and the ones of you I've met you know that when you run into me it is I treat you like a best friend and I give you a hug like we haven't seen each other forever and because and I I know it's one sided, which I would I would argue that a lot of my best friends who I see in person, they would also argue this relationship's one sided. But no, that that means a lot to me. And I also that's why I love hearing from you guys, because it just I get verification that the people that listen to the show are people that I would be best friends with and want to get coffee with. And I will eventually be doing that. Like I,

I love you guys. So, and, and you're special, more special to me than any other fan I've accrued in my life through standup, through anything. No offense if you like me from standup, that's also me,

but this is more me. I just want to say quickly, a fan Threx from Mark, someone you will see on the upcoming season of f boy island mark moran oh yeah he wrote me and invited us to a premiere party in new york on uh that he's having we're not going to be there unfortunately but he said um he goes nikki i'd love you to go would you be two of my guests at this party i said oh we're not going to be there but i wish we could be and he said ah he's wrote cuh. He wrote C-O-U-H-L.

Ah, Kuh. No worries. He was saying cool, but it wrote Kuh. No worries. See you when you come to New York for your show and hope all is well. Love listening to you and Andrew Monday through Thursday. At first I read Kuh and I'm like,

did that autocorrect for him because he was talking to me? Or did he write Kuh? Has he been writing Kuh? No, I had no idea to listen to the show. I am Mark. Shout out. Thank you for listening to the show. no idea to listen to the show I am Mark shout out thank you for listening to the show you're so funny on the show I got to sing your praises yesterday

on the F boy podcast that's coming out soon that is hosted by two hilarious comedians I can't remember their names right now I'm so embarrassed but I did a podcast yesterday about F boy island I really recommend you guys listening because they'll have people and the host they got for it which you never know what they're going to get to just

do this temporary podcast about a show HBO got two comedians that I know both from the roast scene and another one I knew from Nicole Richie's Quibi show who was I started following because I was like this guy is the funniest person ever so I was just so happy to see them and it just made me even it made me believe so much

more in like HBO already because I've even been giving interviews being like they were so hands-off with me in terms of like do whatever you want Nikki that I think it was negligent like I think it was a bad like it was almost like you guys don't want to say anything they just trusted and just because they have good taste they know that they're not funnier than me so they're gonna let me that's that's smart that's smart. That's what executives should do. And I, and I really just shout out to those guys and Mark Moran. I gave you a shout out on the F boy podcast because,

um, how funny you were on the season. And what I always say about you is that although your jokes, we took apart some of the jokes you make on the second episode on a date. And, um, we rate them and they're all like dad jokes that he heard along the way i don't think he made these jokes up and we kind of bash you for those jokes but what i wanted to say and i said on

the show i think is that you you take risks that i don't take that if you embarrass yourself it's so embarrassing but if it comes through it's amazing and you're someone that takes a lot of risks probably financially too that's why you're doing well um he's very fast yeah like running like oh really he ran track in d1 i saw him sprint a race a guy in the parking lot and he smoked him by like 30 feet go mark it was unbelievable um this is from marin and it says divorced parents live next door to each other okay good to know marin of reasons hey besties my name is marin and i'm calling because in a recent episode y'all were talking about how adele bought a house for her husband across the street after

they got divorced and i just wanted to share that when my parents got divorced when i was in sixth grade my mom bought the house next door to my dad and i grew up with my parents living next door to each other and it was a super amicable divorce, so I grew up pretty happy with this arrangement. And I love to tell people about my childhood and how that went and stuff. So I thought y'all would find it interesting. Thanks so much for making this show.

It helps get me through my SSDJ, my soul-sucking desk job. Anyway, can't wait to hear the next episode. Thanks. Bye. Love it. SSDJ could also be day job, like if you're not at a desk or soul-sucking standing desk job, if you do a standing desk, an SSSDJ. Thank you so much for that. And what cool parents to arrange that i think that is actually i wonder if the parents started if they got i would just like to know a follow-up if they got remarried or if they dated a lot and like the other parent looking out the window like just like a relationship blossom like that might be tough i would think yeah yeah but unless you

really were like we're better off as friends and i don't care no it's awesome like dude i mean like i said before like hearing that is so foreign to me but so many like i did a divorce podcast i did like hundreds of episodes and the common denominator was like your parents can be divorced all day but as long as they stay friends afterwards the kid is literally could be better than ever comedian yeah we'll probably end up a doctor like their father um uh i did get um one short one in from my dms i want to say that uh the girl that i told you guys about that has an only fans and she looks like me and so if you're into like sexy material from someone who really looks like me this girl's gonna buy a benley with

luna hill x1 wrote to me and she said um i really can't begin to thank you enough nikki i got over 200 new subs from you i've been working so hard and you doing something like this has honestly helped me so much i hope i'm not making you uncomfortable with too many thank yous and your best and you're the best but seriously thank you you're the best um thank you for subscribing to um her only. I really love to support artists on OnlyFans, especially ones that I find via porn sites that I'm really into. They oftentimes have OnlyFans.

It's just a great way to actually give the money to cruelty-free porn. And also LunaHillX1, you can follow on Instagram. Can Luna do us a solid, though? Her next OnlyFans video, can you shave NGP into your vagina hair just to kind of get some of her followers, fans of ours? I think that's only right.

And if you don't have vagina hair, maybe. I figure it. Just grow it out. Grow it out. And then shave it in. I think it's a good idea. And I will never advertise her OnlyFans. I'm not advertising it.

I will tell you to unsubscribe unless she does that. So that is a threat. Let's get to our last thing. Noah, do we have time for one last one? Fair threats. Fair threats. That's pretty good. Wow, that's really good.

Was that with you the whole time? Oh, I thought she was playing it again. Fair threats. That's good. Whoa. Okay, this is from nicola maybe the glazer sisters just straight up by the way i've been i want it to be taylor swift uh related so it's like you know how like they always do like a song like maybe the fashion eggs oh yeah maybe hey nikki andrew and noah my name is nicola and I'm calling in because I not only have a mispronunciation story but also a cuss story.

The mispronunciation story is not about myself but about my friend Sage. She's notorious for always misspelling and saying things incorrectly. But the funniest story is when she was fighting with her mom. She was really mad and she goes, you are the epitome of crazy. And her mom looks at her and goes, did goes you are the epitome of crazy and her mom looks at her and goes did you mean to say epitome and she has not lived that one down since and then my cum story is oh my gosh so cut and so cringe but my friends and i middle school were trying to flirt with the boys of course and we thought the best way to do that would be to pull out a strand

of hair from our ponytails and to go around to all the do that would be to pull out a strand of hair from our ponytails and to go around to all the boys and ask them to pet our rat tails and then we proceeded to force them to pet them i don't know why it was not cool at all not flirty and most definitely but anyways i don't know i think it's cool making laugh. I get some pretty bad anxiety in the car, but your podcast is my safe place and always gets me through it. I'll be seeing you, Nikki, when you come to Wisconsin, and I cannot wait. And Andrew, too. Love you, besties. Nicola, oh my god.

I love your name, first of all. That's so much more fun than Nicole. It's like if your name had a cigarette holder. Yeah, yeah. Like Nicola. more fun like if your name had had a like a cigarette holder yeah yeah like nick alla alla means to the nick to the glazer nick whatever your last name is your name is nick to the blank in french um nicola thank you so much for that that is was the epitome of a mispronunciation example love it the k thing i i do understand that like just like why did we do that the bizarre thing in middle school like we took out our hair and said i love it i love that we

did a thing called guess the boob that i've talked about where we just took a picture we had the first like internet camera ever my dad got aol you know instant messenger took a picture of one breast each of us except me because i was too modest modest. And I just asked Kirsten to be my stand-in boob because she had the best boobs. And then we would send the boobs to guys in our middle school or our high school. It was middle school, actually, like in between. And we would go guess whose boob is who. This is who's here. And then they would try to guess it.

And that was dumb. And I never did my own one. But I do love that story because you could have gotten boobs from the internet, but you guys actually went with your actual tits. Yeah. I mean, because we just had to use that camera. It was so dope. Brenna told me this song a couple days ago.

Have you ever heard the T-Pain song where he raps mansion in Wisconsin? No. Like he rhymes them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mansion in Wisconsin. Got the mansion and been whiskey and i love i love a mispronunciation to rhyming stretch of a rhyme my favorite one is in the billy currington song he goes uh i read in the obituary he was a millionaire oh love throwing on the thing like airy like it doesn't i mean that's fun billy currington it's uh god is great and people are good oh and beer is crazy or people god is

good great god is great people are wait god is good god is great people are god is great beer is good people are crazy as what i think it is. It starts with God. Oh. Oh, it starts with God. I remember, right? I wrote that. Literally, it's in my phone. Look at it.

I type in God in my notes. It's a great song. Watch this. And you know why? Look at it. It says God. I love this song because he meets this old man who cuts his shitty kids out of the will and gives him all his money just because they drank one day at a bar.

I wrote that down because I saw it on someone's Bumble profile, and I thought it was just such a perfect example of just an idiot, but then I didn't know there were lyrics. I was just like, people are crazy. Saying people are crazy is kuh. Yeah, people are, I've heard a couple kuhs recently that I go,

that's not kuh, so let's just reiterate, and by the way, I don't care if you're not right with kuh. I just love that you're using it. Mark used it wrong by saying's not kuh. So let's just reiterate. And by the way, I don't care if you're not right with kuh. I just love that you're using it. Mark used it wrong by saying it's kuh. Like that, it wasn't, you know, it's fine. Kuh means you're trying to look cool,

but you're acting like you're not trying. Like you're acting like you don't want people to notice. Or it's an aggressive look cool. Or you're, but you're, yeah. Right, like a rev. But the thing, the rev is done like the person's not doing it to be like hey watch i'm about to if someone goes oh you don't think i'm about to rev my engine to a bunch of people and then they rev it that's not good if they rev it

like they're just like it would be doing this anyway but they're literally doing it for someone else okay it could by definition awareness is something that you do to get people's attention that you on here's here's what that's how someone think is okay if you wouldn't do to get people's attention that you on. Oh, here's, here's what to tell someone thing is care. If you wouldn't do it unless people were around and you're doing it because people are around, but it's, you're doing it without acknowledging that you're doing it because people are around.

It's care. Gotcha. Final thought before we go off, you go off to Chicago today. You're driving Brenna there. Um, I am going to Mexico on Saturday. I will be broadcasting from

there um on Monday will you still be in Chicago on Monday potentially until Wednesday are you going to play golf there a lot of golf nice a lot of golf with my cousins and I believe with Brenna's yeah she told me that um someone in her family wanted to play with you and they were like do you think Andrew would be interested in in playing around golf with. And she goes, he would love nothing more. Nothing more than that he would love. So I just love that she is embracing your obsession with golf. And we go on the road. Maybe I could squeeze in a nine somewhere.

It'll be hard, actually. I'm so obsessed with guitar. If I had to go somewhere to play guitar and couldn't do it in the house, I would be gone all the time doing it. Yeah, i would be gone all the time doing it all the time and the fact that you're gone is i i because i have shame about playing golf because or about playing guitar because it doesn't actually contribute to my bottom like my money and my career that is active um and so i always feel bad playing it especially when i'm like andrew could you watch luigi i have so much to do today and then i'm playing guitar.

It's like, well, why are you playing guitar? Like, and it's like, well, yesterday I had to get on a call. Dude, it's for your well-being, man. Yeah. I asked you yesterday. It's more important than money. But money is. Yesterday I.

You need money to care about your well-being. Yesterday I had five hours of nonstop talking, of being on. I did this show for an hour and a half. You know, then we did a special episode that's going to air, Fanthrex only. this show for an hour and a half you know then we did a special episode that's going to air fanfrax only that was about an hour then i did um an hour f boy island podcast then i did an hour interview with l and uh and then something else was an hour and it was me talking being on and not just not like people go oh i worked a five-hour day that's nothing you're like at your computer.

You like sometimes get distracted by your phone. I could not be on my phone for any of this. I was at some points because I just had to and got distracted. But like when I'm on and doing an interview, I can't be on my phone. I can't do I can't eat. I can't like the last interview is supposed to be on Zoom. And I go, can I do this as a phone call? Because I have to clean up my house. And so during it it I was like

yeah like folding clothes and stuff but um I what I was gonna say about that was oh before one of my interviews I was running late and I needed to get like hair and makeup and then I I got everything ready and I'm oh my gosh two minutes till the interview starts I'm ready to go but I really wanted to play a song on guitar because I just was craving it so much my ADD meds were kicking in a way that I was like gonna nail this song it was like and I was and I said to Andrew I go Andrew is it bad if I'm seven minutes late not because I wasn't ready but because I wanted to play a song on guitar and he goes I think you just answered your own question and I go you're right I'll get on right now and so I got on the zoom Zoom. No. So I played guitar. You threw your guitar out the window.

I was seven minutes late and it ended up being okay. And I didn't lie and say that I'm not ready. I was just like, I need seven more minutes. And it wasn't a lie. I did need the firm mental well-being. So many companies, they have ping pong tables in their fucking office. So many guys have putting greens in their office. You need a little bit of fucking misdirect to just be able to be great

at the other stuff okay so that's what that's i'm giving maybe every thursday we leave with like a challenge for this weekend to the listener my challenge to you listener is something that you are feeling very anxious about that you were like i have to do it for them like you're just doing it for someone else and you like have to be accountable. Figure out a way, be late without lying. Allow yourself to be five minutes late because don't you allow people to be five minutes late, listener? Don't you? If you would allow this person that you're meeting to be five minutes late and totally understand it and wouldn't mess up how you view them, allow yourself an extra five minutes and do anything that you want literally pull up a tv show you're watching do and do something that is so self-indulgent don't

lie about it just say can i'm sorry i i need an extra five minutes you're not lying you need it do something that you would be ashamed to admit but it's gonna make you feel better and see what happens and if you got five you get fired, don't like blame us. You won't get fired. Five minutes will always be okay. And even if that five minutes is going to get an iced coffee and you walk in five minutes late with an iced coffee, that coffee is going to make you better for the minutes you are there.

Not the five, that five minutes that you took to get the coffee is well worth. And if you're an ER surgeon, don't play a Taylor Swift song before you get in there and operate on my thoracic spine. What if the person's going to die, though, Nikki? No, no, this is about you. And you know what?

Something good will come of their death. Maybe Jen will have a better time in the Maldives. And I'm about to win $100, and we go back and listen. No way, dude. Thank you guys so much for listening. Have all the swells this weekend. Don't be kuh. And be kuh if you want to.

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