The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #78 Stay Flat Safe

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

Between you and Nikki, she is wondering how Andrew doesn't have a prep bag and how he is able to enjoy looking at his own self. Andrew is care free when Nikki goes through her hair routine. You Heard It Here First, a very bad first date, bad FBI practices and forgiving the past. Nikki's reddit dump contains unintentional humor and a frustrated baby and in the Final Thought they talk about a recent proud moment. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe,

and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen

is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, How's it going? Good. Good. God, I'm still kind of collecting my thoughts this morning. I just slam-a-jammed two bowls of oatmeal because I got podcast, podcast, podcast, back-to-back, no time to eat until like two or something. So I'm feeling a little bit bleh, but went down the hatch pretty sweet. We're running out of Stevia. The thing is, Andrew went to the grocery store for us the other day and was like, I'll get you groceries. What do you want? Like definitely maybe sensed that I wanted him to do things for me more. Or like, you know, the last time I complained to him,

like, don't go to the grocery store without thinking of getting me things too. Because I always think to get him things. Even when we're at the same grocery store together, I will grab things from an aisle that I know he'll skip because he'll be like, I'm just not hungry for that aisle right now. I just just what is

it with boys that they don't anticipate their needs boys are so good about like planning for well not Andrew but like I'm talking about like men in general or like I know my ex-boyfriend has like a go bag he's like ready for like if disaster strikes. He has tools for every kind of dilemma that would arise in the apartment or like in his life. And then when it comes to like food for like the next week. No, I'm mixing two people. Andrew's not prepared. Andrew picks what he needs. That's why he shows up to gigs with a limp backpack. I can't even believe this guy.

I bring 100 pounds of stuff, 100 pounds of two huge suitcases, 50 pounds each. And then my backpack, my carry-on is packed to the brim. So is my guitar bag that has a guitar in it, but the little pouch that's supposed to just carry a capo and a pick has like you know socks and lotions and whatever in it and Andrew's backpack is like a limp back I don't understand sometimes you watch the baggage carousel when you go to collect your bags and there is a loose duffel bag like a backpack sometimes people will check like a loose backpack and I just go what the fuck is this why would you check that I don't understand people um but yeah Andrew I um when we were in San Antonio we got a ton of like on my rider which is the thing that you make a list of things you want backstage it's the famous like the first

time I heard riders was like Mariah Carey needs everything, like, you know, Beyonce needs everything on a writer to be white. And Mariah Carey needs, you know, roses in every toilet or I don't know, whatever. Like the Eminem thing, which was an interesting thing. You know when there was that big, there's always that one story or anecdote of only green M&Ms on someone's rider. It was either like the Rolling Stones or like Led Zeppelin or something like that. I think it was Van Halen. Van Halen, thank you. And they wanted the brown ones. Yes, okay, only the brown ones. They did that because they wanted to make sure that the venue was,

if they got that, if the venue read the writer that correctly and got that right, it would be indicative that they would get all the sound things right. And all this, like, it was a thing they put in, not because they like brown M&Ms or just to be assholes. It was like, oh, okay, if we walk in the green room and there's only brown m&ms or just to be assholes it was like oh okay if we walk in the green room and there's only brown m&ms they they were very detailed in this and we can trust this venue so i thought that was kind of interesting it's it's you know it goes from being

like brown m&ms to like oh that's actually like a good system that's how like when i found out that bill burr said that people rev their motorcycle engines not to be care, but so that they let people know pedestrians know they're coming. And I was like, OK, that just changed the way I looked at that. Now, what were you about to say? Before we get corrections, they wanted the brown M&Ms out. So they wanted the staff to pick the brown M&Ms out. OK, that's yeah, that's even more. It still stands. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. If people were gonna write in about that. I don't want to listen to this podcast. I'm just kidding. Please keep listening. So yeah, so we got a bunch

of snacks for the writer. And I and when my tour managers wrote to me saying hey what do you want on your writer because my writer used to be like very anorexic and like always like feeding into my eating disorder because I would just I would starve all day and then I would get to my show and I would start like snacking on the veggie tray and I would get like veggies and like hummus and like salsa but like no I would get chips but just so that no one would think I was weird for getting salsa and hummus without chips but I wouldn't eat the chips because they're carbs so I would just like get the chips for the illusion that I was a normal eater and then and also like Andrew would eat them but I never could figure out what chips Andrew wanted because he would never be hungry for

chips when I would ask what kind of chips do you want so he'd be like I just don't want chips and I'd be like this is for two months from now this isn't for now when you just ate dinner um but now I have a revised writer because I'm not uh in the depths of an eating disorder anymore and so I I and and so I have like regular food on it whatever I have but the thing is when I sent in my writer I literally I just say give me Thai food like just send whatever Thai restaurant I want two papaya salads I want a green curry I want um green vegetable curry I want rice cakes I want vegan cream cheese which by the way I just got Andrew on vegan cream cheese he He's freaking out about it. The guy is like eating like, you know, in one sitting, he'll eat a whole thing. It's so delicious.

VioLife is the best kind. It tastes exactly like cream cheese. And then I asked Andrew and Anya and Matt, Anya's boyfriend, my tour manager, and Jen, like what other, what's next you guys want backstage because this isn't just for me and of course Andrew was like I don't need anything to Jen you know Jen I said Jen ask Andrew what he wants on the writer he can get anything and it's out of my money by the way or it's out of money that would go to me if it weren't spent on the backstage experience but I want the backstage experience to be amazing for everyone so like get whatever the fuck you want you know

Andrew doesn't want anything so I go okay yes he does get him some popcorn with the word skinny on it get uh some drinks with the word fat burn on it get uh you know snack wells healthy anything with healthy on it that just is like a word that will lie to you and convince you you're being healthy uh get that for Andrew because he'll eat it he also likes dates so I got him dates I got him popcorn whatever so I get there it's a smorgasbord of food at San Antonio we had two shows so they doubled up the um the rider order uh we have no time to eat at all. It's like all this food. I'm like, oh my God, it's going to waste.

I was kind of like freaking out, but it was more about my stress of life. And Andrew left early because he was bored. After the show, I'm just sitting backstage and Andrew is antsy AF and like just wanting to go back to the hotel, which is just across the street. But Anya's out there selling her merch.

Jen is out there selling her merch Jen is out there selling my merch Matt is out there like picking up cords and like figuring out like how early so I'm just like back there with Andrew Andrew's like I can tell he wants to leave so bad and he's like do you mind if I go and I go go it's fine he's like are you sure I was like yeah he's like do you want to go and I'm like well I'm gonna wait for the rest of the team before I go so we can like talk about how great the show is and stuff but you go so he leaves and I go to the I go to leave eventually and I see that the table of food has like full bags of popcorn that I just are no or either gonna get thrown out or not like I'm just like mad when food goes to waste.

So I take this full bag. I take a whole bag. On top of all my bags, I start packing a bag of his dates, of his – that he ate one of. You know, he opened the bag and ate one of. The popcorn that he didn't even open because we have a long flight the next day, a connective flight. I know that he doesn't plan for those. So I – and I know that

it's like, why am I thinking about him? It's very Alan on, it's very like controlling other people, but I just don't like when someone else is like starving all day around me. So I grab all the stuff. The next day we're at the airport. I'm carrying this bag and I go, um, I have a big bag of pop. I had a huge bag of popcorn, skinny pop. And I'm thinking, I can't fit this anywhere on me. I don't even know where Andrew's going to fit it. This is all to say that Andrew has brought this baggy little backpack that has like one shirt in it for his whole weekend stay. I don't even understand it.

It definitely doesn't have a toothbrush. There's no way there was one in there. And I go, Andrew, I brought these for you for like the dates and the bag of popcorn for you for the day of traveling. He's like, oh, thanks. And I go, do you have any room for this? He's the only man on earth that could fit a gigantic bag of unopened skinny pop that is like inflated into his backpack with ample room. I put that in that baggy backpack. That's what those baggy backpacks are for. They're for women to place food that they bring along for the men they travel with who have not thought about their needs. And that's why men have baggy backpacks and don't pack anything is because women are going to stuff it with food that you should have stuffed it with because you don't think about your needs. What's going on with me? I don't even know. People are going to write and be like, Nikki,

that was a waste of our time listening to that. And guess what? It was a waste of my time saying it. But all I'm saying is that I don't understand these scrotum-like backpacks that are like old men balls that men bring on long trips. What are they packing in there? Someday I want to go through Andrew's bag for a long weekend. We're going to Atlantic City this weekend. Maybe I will do it then and do like an Instagram video or something for it. Man, I have felt very not wanting to be on social media, not wanting to post about myself, not wanting to's sometimes I'm just adverse averse averse I feel like that's the word averse to social media and like disgusted by it don't want to put

anything out there don't want heart emojis don't want people telling me I'm hot don't want to tell people telling me I'm great I just like don't want to post anything and right now I'm in in the middle of f-boy promotion I gotta do it um I don't want to watch anything. And right now I'm in the middle of F boy promotion. I got to do it. I don't want to watch videos of myself. You know what the best thing was? Okay, if you're going to listen to anything, listen to this part. Okay, last week I was talking. Dave Spade sent me a voice memo.

That's how we communicate. Where he was like, I just saw the video you posted on Instagram where you said, like, these guys, like, do nice guys always come in last and do F boys always come on your face or something like that? Which, by the way, I said that

to make everyone laugh in the moment. Never in my wildest dreams did I think they would air that. I'm not even joking you. That was like me just trying to like warm up the crowd. They used it, okay. Dave wrote to me and was like, God, I was just on Bachelor in Paradise. Like we could, they told me I couldn't say this. And we're like, you know, that was, I can't believe you got away with that.

And I was like, yeah, that's the beauty of HBO Max, baby. Maybe you should jump over there. And he's like, I don't even know if I can't believe you got away with that. And I was like, yeah, that's the beauty of HBO Max, baby. Maybe you should jump over there. And he's like, I don't even know if I'd want to say something like that. And I'm like, touche. I know it was really gross. And I don't even know I wanted to say something like that. And then I go, you know what, Dave, to be honest with you, I didn't even know that I posted that clip because I just saw it on mute and I saw I looked pretty and I saw that

people laughed at whatever I said and I knew that I needed to post something so I just posted it I did not watch it I don't want to hear my voice I don't hear the joke it's like my timing of that joke by the way was like not my fave so I posted it blindly not knowing what I said then a lot of people wrote to me and I was like oh I guess that's the one I said. And I go, I didn't even watch it. I'm embarrassed to tell you that. And I go, I don't like watching myself. I don't know what it is, but I hate watching myself. I can't watch F boy's second episode because I'm not with my girls who I watched the first one with. I can't bring myself to watch more of it, even I want to because I want to be able to talk about it because I know things that didn't air and I don't want to talk about those things I want to know what people are seeing right but I can't

watch it and so I wrote to David and I was like do you relate to not watching things of yourself and like not wanting to see yourself and he said Nikki people will send me things to watch. He's like, there's something right now. They sent me, they sent him something he just shot. They sent him, they're like, take a look, tell us what you think. And he's like, I can't do it. I cannot do it.

And it made me feel so good because it's David Spade, everything. He talks in like a perfect jokes. Like there's nothing, I would seriously murder Andrew right now with a blunt object to have 80% of, I'm giving myself 80% of half of David Spade's funniness. So that's about 30%, 35%. I don't even know what that means. You know what I'm saying? I would, I would, but for someone like that who I project so much perfection comedically onto to say that they don't watch themselves.

And I said to him, you know, when people, especially that when people are like, you look amazing in this. Will you watch it? Or there's a photographer that's like, look at these shots. Holy shit. Look at these. I don't, I go, no offense to you. I know know they're amazing I don't want to see them I'm so sorry or if someone's doing my makeup I don't want to see it I don't want to like look in the mirror I'd rather like be having my makeup done not in front of a mirror and then they go look at it and

they want to hear me go oh my god but like I don't like looking at myself and which is so ironic because that's what I'm getting paid to do is have people look at me. And it's just weird that I would expect others to enjoy it. I don't expect others to enjoy it. Actually, I'm baffled why others enjoy it. But I'm going along with it because it makes me good money. And it makes me feel loved by strangers to fulfill the needs of love that I didn't get met as a child by no fault of my parents, they did as best as they could. I just was a child that needed more love than most. But what I will say is that Spade said,

I'm finishing this thought, Spade said that he, what I meant to say was, when I know there's no, I will watch something, when I was on Not Safe with Nikki Glaser and I had final say in the edit where I could watch something and then I give notes, it was hard for me to watch myself, but at least I would, you know, I edited The Degenerates. I edited Bangin'. I had to watch all of those and it was torture, but I did it because

I had a say in what made it and what didn't. But on something like FBoy, something like a podcast clip that someone's putting together that's already put together and they're done with, and they just want me to see it before it goes out. I don't need to see it it's already done please don't show it to me I'm good and to hear that David Spade also feels the same way made me feel so much less alone if you are out there and you don't like looking at pictures of yourself let me know too or video of yourself or your voice or anything thank you for listening to my voice every day I don't think you're wrong I think I'm actually a lovely person to listen to, and I respect you all for being a fan of mine.

It's just hard for me. Let's get Andrew in here. And by the way, talk about someone who loves to watch themselves and has no problem doing so. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager.

Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened,

and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael

Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism,

fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. I heart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party. That's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast,

brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened.

And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money.

Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my god, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts.

Hey, Andrew. Hey, Andrew. Hey, Nikki. Oh, my God. Your voice is, like, sexual. I was just talking about how I hate to watch myself, and so does David Spade. I got confirmation that he doesn't watch himself either, even on, like, really important things like movies and stuff. And I was saying, speaking of someone who loves to watch themselves and like,

doesn't mind looking at pictures of yourself right away and posting things right away. I really envy you of like loving to post content as soon as you get it. And like not needing, and like, I just, what is that? What,

what, what can I do to be better about like, just, you know, if you, if you do a photo session and then you see a picture of yourself where you look way fatter or way like not as funny as you thought you were whatever it is I mean it's surely got to happen at some point where you see something

and it's not what you thought it was going to be what what goes through your head and why don't you let it derail your day? Hmm. Because, I don't know, I guess because there's other pitchers that I look good in. So it's like. But what if there's not? But then are those a lie? Yeah. Yeah.

What if they're a lie? Yeah. I mean, well, I think there's a difference between it being just between you and the pitcher and then you putting that pitcher online. I think there's some strength in just being like here i am at my ugliest state now the hard part is when you're trying to look good well let me yeah that's what i'm saying okay yeah when you're trying to look good and it doesn't work there's a difference between making a quirky face and you're like trying to purposely look bad but if you look bad while trying to look good yes

it's tough but i mean i don't i mean i try i don't really post like you know like jorge we had this like photographer in san diego or san antonio this weekend who was amazing i mean i've worked with a lot of photographers and a lot of good ones too and this guy was up there with them because he just set up these really quick shots that usually would take most photographers forever to get the lighting perfected and they look like you know the types of photo shoots that I would have to show up three hours after the photographer got there because they have to set up so perfectly and use a bunch of stand-ins this guy would just like do it on the fly and I it was like wait do you see these shots I mean they, they're amazing. I felt almost,

I felt bad not being like putting enough effort into my looks for how much, how beautiful these shots look because it's like, oh, this should have like better makeup and hair instead of me just like scrunching my hair in the sink in my hotel room.

I really like when your hair, when you don't do anything to it, it's just natural. I told you that. I know you always't do anything to it It's just natural I know you always say that It's almost uncomfortable Every time my hair is just wild And just air dried Pretty much

I've just been doing a curly Not curly but my hair naturally I feel like when you have the hair like that You should ride a horse without a saddle Everywhere you go Well listen Metaphorically I feel like when you have the hair like that, you should ride a horse without a saddle everywhere you go. Well, listen. Metaphorically, I'm doing that. No, literally.

All the time. I want to give you a horse. I'm giving you a horse. Here's the interesting thing about that hair stuff. We'll get back to the picture thing. But the hair thing, yeah, every time. So, Noah, you've seen it. You have the same kind of hair, Noah, that's like if you let it air dry and you were to scrunch it i call it congealing so what i do with my hair girls if you have hair

like mine that you can blow dry it straight but generally it wants to just be poofy and kind of it never really will get straight enough i used to iron my hair with a literal iron in high school because i just could not get it straight and then I would look like a cucumber because it would puff out around the crown of my head and make my head look like a bigger cucumber shape. And then it would be, I would just look like Predator. It would just be like an old founding father, like Quaker oats, because it would just be puffy, but like trying to be straight on the edges,

but like puff out. Anyway, now I can get it to a place where it looks like bone straight and like really smooth it with a blowout, you know, and a cheese straightening irons and all those things. You can get like a straight looking look and people think that's, oh, that's Nikki's natural hair. My natural hair is, um, what, like, I guess it's called shit, but, um, no, it's, it's like, I think you look like a lot, like a hot lion. Exactly. It's like, it no, it's like... I think you look like a hot lion. Exactly.

It's like it is... It's kinky. It's like it's not curly, but it's like wavy. You get it. It doesn't matter what it is. It's like Jason Momoa. Like it's like has texture and it can be a big old mess, but it can sometimes look really great.

So if you have hair like mine mine I mastered a way to make it look the best possible which is you know when I was in San Antonio I did not feel like I didn't bring my straightener I didn't bring a curling iron so it was all going to be me blowing it out and using an iron and I just didn't want to an actual iron with an ironing board I just didn't want to deal with it it's so humid there it would have puffed out by the end of the night because I sweat on stage so instead I was just like okay I'm just gonna do the air dry which by the way takes longer than doing my hair curling like I was I was arguing like in my own head where people are like god her hair looks like shit it's like well this took two

hours to air dry as opposed to if I did it straight it took an hour to get it curled you know what I mean so I had to get yeah so what I do is I brush it. I get out of the shower and I detangle it. So I brush it straight. I know this is not interesting to anyone, but if you have hair like mine, this will teach you how to do the like kind of curly, messy look in a way that looks the best. Because this took me years, years and years and years to perfect. And I actually met my best friend in college when I was doing this weird thing in the sink in our freshman dorms. You straighten your hair, you like get out of the shower, you put enough like conditioner and then it's straight but you get the conditioner out because you don't want it to be too silky and conditioned. So get it out and then be able to

brush it through so that you can run your fingers through it without any snaggles, right? Use a detangling spray, whatever you need. Then you go to the sink and you fill the sink up to about a third with hot water or like not hot, but like warm, hot-ish water. Then you dip your, make sure your hair is parted in the way that you want it to be for the final look. Then you take each side and you dip it into the water and then you run your hands through to make individual curls that you want those ones to be like that. Because this is the thing, when you brush out your hair and let it air dry, it gets too stringy. All the pieces, especially with thinner hair, all the pieces, it'll be like three pieces of hair will be like a little curl and that's not enough you need like a big thick

curl right so you do your you do your hair and you go it in the sink and you run your hands through it uh with separate with your fingers and you get it to a place where it's like oh that looks good and then you go in the sink and you dip it in and then when it comes up it should be individual really wet pieces of hair right because you dumped it in the sink. Then you do a thing I called congeal and you gently from the bottom, bring it up and squeeze, up and squeeze. You might put a little bit of mousse in your hand, a very light, light, because you don't want it to get crunchy, light mousse mixed with a smoothing balm. And then you can squeeze it again, make it even more congealed. Now do the other side.

Piece it with your fingers, then congeal, and then let that air dry and see what happens for you. And then the top stays more straight and doesn't get too curly. Then by the time it starts drying, you can just let it go and kind of congeal it and just scrunch it all over, and it gives you a nice, piecey look. Now the only problem with this is that your male best friend might start getting horny for your hair and say weird things when your literal tits are hanging out on camera and watching you and kind of drooling and saying,

your hair looks good. And, of course, I'm exaggerating, but you have mentioned my hair looking great. Yeah, both sides of my mouth. But you know I have a wet mouth, so it's 90% just my mouth and 10% horny. No, you really do like the curly hair, but here's the other thing. I remember, and maybe some girls out there remember. It's so funny that you're like, yeah, it's just natural, but I didn't realize you went through about 35 like that's if you went through about 35 steps no it

takes two seconds it really does in the scheme of things it's so much easier but I also don't do that every day that was just for the San Antonio show but the thing is uh oh here's the thing most men do well I learned from Patti Stanger on Millionaire Matchmaker she used to yell at women about um how they should show up to these dates to meet the millionaires that she was setting them up with. And she would say, girls, no. It was so racist because this all goes back to like hair being like, you know, glossy straight hair equals white. And then like anything that's not equals ethnic. I mean, that's pretty much what it is.

And so she wouldn't get away with saying this on Bravo Now, but she was like men want hair that they can run their fingers through men do not want curly hair so she would yell at these girls that would come to these functions and go you're gonna straighten your hair you're gonna get a keratin treatment you're like men don't want curly hair men and um i found that it men don't fucking care and if a man is gonna care about whether or not he can run his hands through your hair, first of all, you can't run your hands through my hair no matter what because I have a sensitive scalp and I'm scared of losing hair. So get off my hair.

But I do find that men tend to, or I guess media, tend to shiny, smooth hair more than the, you know, the messy, kinky hair. Thoughts? Well, I don't know. I mean, I think it just makes it seem like you're more put together. Yes. So it seems like if you're dressed up, but I think there's something really hot about being dressed up and then your hair looking like natural and fun and vibrant and it just you

know and this is who you are you're being honest about it while looking great i don't know i i don't like that see that that whole thing of like she's just being herself that's like when you know that's like no offense to lizzo i'm just saying like we we say that about lizzo you know like i love her body it's herself we don't say we don't go onzo. You know, like I love her body. It's herself. We don't go on to anything else. We just go, that's her. When really she's someone who has a body that is not normally seen in magazines. So like for you to say your hair is just yourself, that to me says like it's counter what we all want.

And it's you're just doing you, Nikki. Yeah, I'm saying, no no it's your hair without product it's like if i didn't put gel in my hair or like paste in my hair and i just went out and just had my regular hair i don't know i mean i don't i don't see anything more than it's without product is what i'm saying so it's just your natural hair what it would be on an island when you got out of the beach like that's all i'm saying i'm not saying that like what no i hear what you're saying i like it too and i like that juxtaposed with a really nice outfit and like everything else perfect it looks cool but that's the problem is like it inherently to me and i didn't mean to bring up the lizzo thing i'm just bringing up

someone who you know like any you know when there there are full figured women, which is anti what media has told us we should be, right? That's what I'm talking about is when women are bigger and they're like, I love my body. And everyone goes, yes, I love you being you. That's another way of saying like, I'm not sure I want to be that, but good job for you. Like, that's kind of what people say about that. I'm not, I'm not saying I say that. But I think that's kind of like, when I hear, I'm not, I'm not saying I say that, but I think that's kind of like when I hear, I love it. That's like saying, Nikki,

you look really healthy. Like I don't, I know that's a nice thing to say. I don't want to hear it. Or Nikki, that's just the real you. Like that doesn't feel good to me when we're talking about physical things, but that's just because everything we're told is don't be you.

If you want to look the best you can. So I reacted to that reacted you're talking about about how when people say you look great on f boy island that you feel like it's fake that you have this yeah you have tanner on your hair isn't really like that your clothes aren't really like yeah you're like lying to people yeah and now when i say you're being honest because you're not doing any of that and you still look great, then it's like, well, that's a problem, too. So it's like, I don't know. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not saying it's a problem.

I really like that you said that. I'm saying that it only works if everything else is over the top, not you. But if you mix messy hair with like no makeup and and pale, it wouldn't be so interesting. You can't be all. Yeah, I guess. You can't go all the way. It's like, yeah. There's just like you can have one thing that's like,

oh my God, she just doesn't wear makeup. Alicia Keys can look perfectly coiffed in every way, and then she doesn't wear makeup, and everyone's like, oh my God, she's so amazing. But if she wasn't wearing amazing clothes and have perfect skin tone and perfect like shiny like beautiful dewy skin it might not work it's like with me with it being a guy whose hair is receding some like i have to like finagle it in a way where my hair looks like very thick but if you peeled away

a few it was so far i got a haircut the other day i know no one noticed no but i didn't know that but okay well you kept mentioning it and everyone was just like all right i don't i didn't keep mentioning it what are you talking about so but the lady you the lady shaved i have four hairs that are trying to hold on on the front. And she just shaved them. She didn't shave them off. Let's just put these out of our misery. Yeah, just get rid of them. And it's just so funny because they're, like, sticking out a little bit.

So I have these four hairs that are trying to hold on that she just got. She's like, what are you doing? Why are you – get rid of these. I really don't look at you as a guy with – it's so funny. Like, the things that we are insecure about, I don't notice on my – What, like that is preceding? Yeah, I mean like I guess I agree with you because you're just a man at that age that it would be insane if you had a gigantic bushy head of hair.

But you just don't – it doesn't look bad to me. Yeah, I mean – but I'm saying though if I don't finagle it in a way, if I wake up in the morning, there'll be some mornings where I'm like, I'm a bald man. You know what I mean? And then I'm like. Where's your hair coming out? Do you see it on the pillow or do you see it in the shower next to your toothbrush? I used to be in the shower when I would brush with my toothbrush with my hair. Wait, can I ask you something?

No. Did you bring a toothbrush with you to San Antonio? Yes. No, it was not the one on the floor. Was it? Oh, really? New one? No.

Yeah, it was from another hotel where they gave me a package that I never opened. Oh, nice. Okay. Your baggy backpack. Yes. How do you have a baggy backpack when you're gone? What do you mean? What did you take with you to San Antonio in that backpack?

Well, I brought two things. It was so... Oh, you did? You brought a luggage too? I had a backpack and a side backpack. Oh, I didn't know that. A duffel backpack. Oh, okay.

Yeah. That answers everything. That's why you could fit that giant bag of Skinny Pop. I go, there no way would you be at the ticket terminal and have a bag of Skinny, a gigantic bag of Skinny Pop that hasn't been opened and someone's able to fit it in one of their carry-ons except a boy you're traveling with with a baggy scrotum backpack. It fit perfectly. I was like, this is a miracle. We got to get to the news. Yeah, I had a side backpack.

Okay, good. Not a lot of was your was your baggy backpack jealous was my baggy backpack of your back other backpack your side backpack why do they not know about it they don't know about i don't tell each tell them about each other does your bed get jealous of your backpack because it has popcorn in it? It depends. It depends if you already have eaten. Wait, what were we calling you, Mr. Crumbs? Yeah, that was a great nickname. Okay, Mr. Crumbs.

Bring it back. Yeah, let's bring it back. Bring it back now. Okay, let's get to the news. The news, apparently. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

Oh, man. I tuesday could be a tough day for everyone but hey it's not the best day it's not the worst day it's just a day have a great day and have all the swells out there everybody um you always say about tuesdays what happened to you on a tuesday well tuesday monday always like oh fuck it's monday but tuesday is kind of like a birthday like that doesn't matter. Like no one thinks about Tuesday. Tuesday never gets talked about. Yeah, like a Christmas Eve birthday.

There's Taco Tuesday, which is fun, which, you know, I guess. See you next Tuesday is cunt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's always fun. All right. I like Tuesdays. I think Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday. All right. Wor like Tuesdays. I think Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday. All right.

Worst date ever. A 31-year-old woman who traveled from Massachusetts to Arizona to meet a guy she's been talking to on Instagram for two months has died after dehydrating on a hike they went on together. Oh, no. No, a great news article. Another reason why no hikes for me. It's too dangerous out there.

I'm not a ledge head, and I'm not a flat earth. I'm not even – what's the – I don't even want to get in the vicinity of where ledges are. I don't even want to walk up a hill to where someone might find a ledge. I hate hiking. Yeah, so they went, she traveled, first of all, they were just talking long distance.

That's so exciting. His first date was taking her to a 104 degree hike up a mountain. Is it 104 degrees? Like, they're steep? Fahrenheit. Oh, got it. No Fahrenheit oh oh no no no degrees temperature okay yeah and I think probably 84 degrees would be like walking backwards

um okay and uh so they're walking up right she gets uh walking up right like you're walking up right well one's crawling um eventually yeah uh-huh and she walks up halfway she gets dehydrated she says you go get a photo for me from instagram up top no he left her he left no she ends up being found i think a little bit down the mountain, like off the trail, dead from dehydration. He was an EMT police officer. Get out of here, dude. Get out of here. Yeah.

I know. And they didn't have extra water, which is like everybody knows to do that here in Arizona. Yeah. Oh, no. Tragic. Being from Massachusetts, too, I'm sure she's not used to the dry heat. Sure. But she wasn't like out of shape.

She like apparently she drank a lot of water in her regular life. Someone brought that up. Yeah, I mean, he left her. She probably was just trying to go along with what he wanted. I don't know. I'm projecting a lot onto this. But she said to go ahead and get... I mean, that's his story. I mean, she's not alive to tell the story of maybe he was like...

Yeah, we didn't hear from her. Yeah. I was trying to get the picture she wanted of me alone. Like, who wants that? Google image it. I'm sure there's Google images. The hotter girl was on the top of the mountain. Yeah.

A wetter girl. It's just. I mean, what do you. You can't. You can't leave your date. you can't leave your date. You can't leave your date. You go, look, the photo's not important. Your health is important.

You're an EMT. Like, like, how are you? People aren't perfect. And you know what? He might've been not thinking clearly and she might not have been thinking clearly. She might've said that, like, go ahead. I want you to go ahead, please. And like, he's trying to please her.

She's trying to please him. She doesn't understand the dry heat. Maybe he doesn't either for some reason because he's dehydrated. Like, they're not thinking clearly. Like, oh, this is just so sad. This is like such a first date thing where you try to please the other person so much that you're not yourself. She's like, yeah. And then this is obviously the ultimate price uh

do you think he's at fault at all or no uh no yeah i don't think i mean wait you're going on a first date yeah um on not hiking no but we uh we are going outdoors because of delta covid i'm just like not taking any risks um and what are you guys doing what's the plan uh well i don't want to say where because i don't want people to come find me in st louis but we're going to a um a st louis outdoor spot that is flat and safe and oh it's not safe it's my sister's chest i'm just kidding um oh shit shots fired dude i just picked someone who my sister has great boobs actually and she's pregnant right now so um and and yes that can be out uh my sister is due in in in uh december so excited but um no i uh, I'm going on an outdoor date on Thursday.

And I'm actually stoked about it because I was realizing I didn't go on like I think I went on one, you know, hike with a guy that liked me. But I knew that I was just wanting to be friends with him. So I didn't really go on any dates last COVID where you had to keep things outdoors and stuff. And now that Delta is surging again, I feel like those kind of precautions of like i had a joke in my act about it i was like oh my god oh no i have to stay six feet away from anyone who might have feelings for me i can't like swap spit with them i can't hug them i can't get close like it's ideal I can't be inside alone with them like this is a dream so I'm just going on um and and honestly it just feels like two friends meeting up because we're we just um we met on um we met on bumble but uh we've just been texting and it just has been like very friendly and not thankfully overtly sexual in any way on his part or mine, which makes me feel safe.

And it just is getting to know someone who may or may not look exactly like someone from my past. That's like my grandma Shirley. That really makes it easier. I told you that. My grandma Shirley, after my grandpa grandpa died she kept dating guys that looked exactly like my grandpa it was so yeah well it's so weird it makes sense to me and i think that that happens more often than not of like you know the person that this person looks like i had like unrequited love with and then i I saw this person on Bumble.

Dude, I showed Andrew right away. I screenshotted him and showed all of my friends that know this person and sent them to all of them. And they're like, what the fuck? This is like spitting image of this guy. Do I tell this person that he looks like someone from my past? No. But a taller and handsomer version.

Well, that's actually, that would be fine. It wouldn't bother me. It wouldn't bother me if a guy, but I don't, but we're not all the same. You know, it's not a two-way street. So I know that if a guy met up with me and goes, you look like a girl I was in love with, but you honestly look like a taller and handsomer version of that girl, I'd be like, thank you. I would be like, oh my God, even if I didn't, like sometimes when I look at a guy's ex-girlfriends

and they're all like dark hair and dark complexion and like I feel sad because I'm like, I wish they looked like me because I want to fit. And that's just a sixth need to fit it. So I don't know, but maybe guys would be like not into that because guys hate hearing about other guys. But listen,'re gonna be with nikki blazer you're gonna have to deal with hearing about exes and i'm not gonna rather someone look almost like you or maybe even better than you not better but like uh almost a spitting like i would want a guy that looks

nothing like a blonde hair blue eyed man you'd want her to her ex-boyfriends to look nothing like you. Yeah. Yeah. I would want them to look like me. See, that's the difference. Noah, what about you? Nothing. Wow.

I don't want them. Yeah. I want a new spice. I want to be a new thing on the menu. I don't want to be just a shittier steak for the guy or a shittier whatever. Well, the thing is because I know that if I look like what he's attracted to, I am so confident

about my personality. I can be a lot, as Joe Rogan said, and I have my definite personality flaws, but like I've said, I feel like I'm a supermodel of personality even though I maybe am a lot and stuff like that but I feel like I'm always gonna have a better personality than your ex but you know in terms of being funnier and like

smarter and not because I'm think I'm a genius but emotionally smarter funnier I'm I'm funnier than literally every woman you've ever dated no question about it unless it's you dated kirsten florman or taylor mcgraw or saralina prosel or like my best friends who aren't comedians i'm funnier than or another female comic because or a female comedy writer i'm always going to be funnier than those women yeah well i pick good friends that are funny um yeah i i sometimes i feel like if they if i don't look anything like the ex like they went the opposite of what just broke their heart so i could just be like you know a rebound you know what i mean i would think about that a little bit so weird does that make sense see i want to yeah no no no it makes sense i think it's healthier

to want to be the opposite because i have such low self-esteem about my looks. I want to just be secure that they already like what I'm into. Whereas I'm not insecure about my personality. So I feel like I would like to be the opposite of that. I love when they're like, oh, my ex-girlfriend wasn't funny. She sucked. I'm like, good. Okay, well, I'm going to show you a whole new world of pain. Let's get to the next news story.

The FBI used photographs of lower-level female employees to pose as bait for potential sex traffickers without proper consent. They did not document which websites their photographs were posted on, potentially placing the women in danger. God. They also started an OnlyFans for these girls and all made millions. No, no, no. Oh. I was like.

They did that, too, and then gave the money to the women. Like, by the way, if you're upset about this, here's 70 bucks. It's a big check. Yeah. You. Yeah. This doesn't surprise me that the FBI is doing sneaky things. Well, they're using, like, employees that, you know.

FBI employees? Yeah, FBI employees' photographs. They ask for, like, lower level. They probably have access to these photos. They probably own these photos because they're the fucking FBI. They ask for photos. They ask for, like, risque photos. Well, then didn't these women know what this was going to be used for?

Like, why would your boss at the FBI be asking for risque photos? I think the problem is that the low-level employees are not undercover agents, so they weren't properly protected. And, you know, they just didn't know what they were signing up for. Yeah, they're just working the front desk at the fucking Pentagon. And they're working like the cafeteria. Can I get some paper for the copier? And why don't you make a copy of your tits? Yeah.

You know what? This reminds me. I was listening. This doesn't seem like something that would happen in America, but I'm not surprised. Last night I was on Reddit, and we're doing Reddit dump today, but I didn't save this headline. A guy, this is years ago it happened. He was a medical student in, I believe, either Uganda or Nigeria. Forget which one.

And they are so low on corpses for medical students there that they use any kind of, anyone the police murders or anyone that's like a casualty of gun violence, like any criminal violence within the police unit there, they throw into a van and then they give to the medical students to dissect. A guy goes to dissect for his class, for his med school class, lifts up the thing and it's one of his best friends that was murdered. Not because he was a criminal,

like, you know, it doesn't even matter if he was the victim or the assailant or not he was had three gunshot wounds and the guy oh you know sees his best friend on his and he got it he got an f on the project because he ran i'm just kidding no but he and it's because it's so corrupt there that they just don't care. Dude, what a great idea for a show where you pay the cops. Let's say you're a rich guy who needs a new heart. So you pay the cops to kill a guy that you know your heart is. I don't know how you'd find out that his heart is bad. Oh, yeah, that's a good plot line.

Yeah, and then you take the heart from the cadaver. Well, that's everyone's biggest fear about being an organ donor is that someone's going to make sure you die so that they get your organ. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I'd be so happy if someone, like if I was in a car accident and I broke my finger and they're like, we need to put you to sleep because Meghan Markle needs a new, you know, earlobe. I'd be like, mine are great.

I do have great earlobes. It's one of the best things about me. Why are you putting me under? I just sprained my wrist. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You know, I was thinking about the girl that went on the date, by the way. Like, I feel like if you travel really far to see someone for the first time.

The stakes are so high. You do anything. Yes. Anything. Anything. Because you've already've already it's like you know what it is it's the same psychological um phenomenon guys i can't recommend enough the psychology of influence it's a book that i read that i just retained so many little tricks from that are i don't use because they're just so manipulative but it teaches me how I become susceptible to these things so the famous one is like if if Andrew and I are sitting at the same table and we're within the same arm's reach of a glass and I go Andrew can you get me that glass Andrew will get it but he'll because he knows that i can get it myself he'll convince himself that he likes me

a lot because that's why he's doing it because otherwise he's just a little pussy bitch that's doing something i couldn't do for myself so in his mind he goes it's because i love nikki and i want to get her this so it makes you like me more for you get you you convince yourself you like me more so if you go to the lengths of flying somewhere for someone to do something that drastic to grab a glass for someone that far away essentially you got to convince yourself that this is love and then what else will you be willing to do um go on a hike that you don't want to go on i mean how many times have girls done things they don't want to do on a date and men i'm not discounting you too but i

think generally women are taking the lead like the men are taking the lead and the women follow and you just agree to something that you don't want to do because you want the guy to like you yeah it's like even driving an hour for a date like you're like oh maybe i'll just sleep over there because i'm already an hour away or like all these like you know depending how far you get from your house, the more you're willing to do things that you might not want to do. Like hike in 104 degrees. Or it's like,

you know, that's how they get you to upsell on things. They're like, Oh, you're, you're already spending $34,000 on this car. It's $1,500 extra to get this extended warranty. I mean,

that is nothing. I mean, you're already doing this and you go, you know what? You're right. That would be foolish, but it's really like no fifteen hundred dollars by itself is a lot of money compared to thirty four thousand it's not it isn't but let's not do it's all in comparison so like yeah it's like i already traveled this far for you i don't also have to eat your ass

like yeah that's yeah well come on if he bought you the ticket and if he didn't use miles, let him eat your ass. Just kidding. Don't do anything you ever don't want to do, including hikes. Next story. Oh, why do I care? 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money

so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager,

responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost,

I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer.

If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, the insights behind what it takes to create a world-renowned product, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain. We had to go out to farmers and convince them it was really damn hard. Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction somebody has with Photoshop. I was always so fascinated by how people navigate and find their way. Ever wanted to know how Nike builds emotion into the Jordan brand?

You have to be obsessed with the current state of the human condition. And it doesn't stop there. What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI? You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica.

And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe.

With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school.

And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my god, it's go time. You actually sent it? Why do you care? Why do I care? Matt Damon says he stands with the LGBTQgbtq community after the backlash over his use of the homophobic slur in a conversation with his daughter just months ago i have never called anyone the f word in my personal life i know why did he have to say personal life i mean and why does all that makes me think of he is going off in his private life isn't personal no personal okay what's okay

so uh impersonal life is so he's screaming it out the wind oh so public life oh okay so i guess he used it in google hunting if there's a microphone or if it's in a script that he wrote with ben affleck yeah it's like you wrote that. You wrote those words. Wait a second. I mean like doesn't that stand out? What happened was he told a joke to his daughter that had the F word in it. When did this first get announced? Did he say this in an interview with a magazine or something? He was just trying to – he said, listen, we've all done interviews where we said some dumb thing. I'm being haunted by one right now.

Thankfully, it didn't get a lot of press. But like you say, one dumb thing. And then they run with that. And this is the thing. Remember Liam Neeson? He had that thing where he, you know, a black person killed his friend. And so then he drove around looking for any black person. And then so here's Matt Damon saying, look, I fucked up in the past.

I said the F word in front of my daughter. Here's a vulnerable thing that I'm being honest about. I have flaws, blah, blah, blah. And then we're like, cancel him. No, no, I'm just saying it's like it reminds me of that. You can't say something from your past that you have amended and realizes wrong. We will punish you for you saying that you once thought something like that. Yes.

Or said something like that. I didn't even read the details of this because I don't think Matt Damon is a homophobe or a racist. I don't know him. He just doesn't come off like that. I've heard he's such a nice guy from people who know him personally. You played a gay guy in that movie in Princess de Boblo or whatever. I don't know what it's called. Yeah, Princess de Boblo.

He won an Oscar for playing a gay guy. None of us know what the fuck you're talking about. But it's fine. Wait, can we think about it for a second? No, I don't want to think about it. We got to move on. Hold on. So he shared this anecdote that he once used the word maybe in a joke or something that he was telling his daughters.

And his daughter said, dad, you don't use that word. His daughter then wrote a whole thing, wrote like a thing for him of why this word isn't right to be used even in a joke. So he was sharing this. And now all the headlines were about that Matt Damon didn't know until his daughter let him know that this was wrong when he was really actually just showing how his daughter is maybe more compassionate than him and has learned more than him in a shorter amount of time of life and how he's changed his ways so now he has to then address all the headlines about how he says the f-word because you listen I didn't read any of the details I just saw the headlines and I knew that it was being blown out into something it wasn't.

But listen, I saw the headlines. I'm like, oh, this isn't good. So then he now addresses those headlines and says, let me clarify. What is he clarifying for us? He's clarifying that he never says it in private and that he's not homophobic at all and he supports the LGBTQ community. Oh, and his daughter didn't teach him a lesson. Like, he already knew the lesson before his daughter.

Yeah, everyone's saying, oh my gosh, Matt Damon, your daughter had to teach you that the F word was bad. Here's the thing. I, like like i believe him and i believe that people that word by the way was used so much up until 10 years ago it was like the r word i want to just say that word was used a lot and it was was like saying things were gay, which doesn't feel good anymore. Things change. It's undeniable that we associate different meanings to words over time based on the cultural interpretation and backlash that we see and the feelings expressed by the communities that are marginalized by these uses of words, we all grow more empathetic and we stop using them.

But going back and punishing people for when they did use them, because it was just a part of the colloquialism, even though we knew it was slightly wrong, it was still like, I, I proudly am someone who has never said the Nword that I can remember since maybe I was a kid I I accidentally said it once to say something that I heard someone say and the shock of which it was brought to my attention by my parents of me saying that word just in you know in private and say in repeating someone else's story was like so bad the feeling that I never said it again and I don't I brush over it when I sing songs it's I'm not one of you know we all know as three white people white people that say that word in

private as jokes and say it ironically like not really using it in a real way but say it like I'm getting away with this but I'm saying it as a joke because it's the most shocking thing to say I'm not even one of those people and I'm not patting myself on the back about that I'm just saying that like I am safe to know that I don't say that but the the f word I'm not sure that I didn't maybe float that word around 10 years ago, not to cause hate, but because I didn't understand how hateful it was. And now I do, and I would never use it again, but I'm not going to go back and fucking cancel myself and hate myself the rest of my life, because I may have said it one time in the past i just don't get why people can't forgive yeah i mean if you if you if you don't see the error

of your way of using it in the past then fuck you but if you really know how fucking hurtful it was and how thank god no one heard you say that that could have been affected and if they did you can go back and talk to those people then then then yes you deserve to be punished someone that is still homophobic and still racist is not going to tell you a a story from their past where they've learned shit you know what i mean like they're going to be they're not going to that kind of person that's honest about that obviously isn't that anymore. And we need to be honest about when

we've been unintentionally racist or homophobic. We need to be honest about those moments because if we are in denial of them, much like I was talking about yesterday, if we don't talk about, if we don't talk about rape, if we don't talk about molestation, if we don't make jokes about these things, then we act like they don't happen and molestation if we don't make jokes about these things then we act

like they don't happen and they do and then it lets people who do them in private still do them so and it makes it so those people in bed is fine so when you are in private with someone as a white person and they use that word even ironically and they're trying to shock you make a point if you can to say i don't tolerate that even in private i know you're gonna get away with it right now but like no you know like we need to we need to correct now and don't we just need to be more compassionate because the only way to get better is to forgive is to be able to have the capacity for forgiveness i could forgive pretty much anyone for anything if they

see the error of their ways. And I'm not even joking you. Anything I could forgive. Anything. If the person does the work and can see how wrong they were and explain what caused them to say those things or do those things, even I just, I really think I could forgive anything and that's a powerful place to be and I wish more people could get there but it's it's not so easy and I also don't know what it's like to be a victim of these things because I'm a white uh you know woman so I don't pretend to understand people that are like I'm never gonna forgive so I'm not telling you to do that I'm just I'm grateful that I uh I pretty much can forgive. And I wasn't always like that.

You heard the Zach Sherwin episode. I loved not forgiving. But, and it's not my place to forgive Matt Damon. I'm not, you know, gay yet. Let's get to the red dump. Yet. Yeah, the yet is a huge part of this you know i don't know four more heartbreaks for how long it took me to get into men i i don't question that my reluctance to get into women

could be is the same thing i felt in middle school about men in high school. And then I finally got into men. So who knows? Um, wow. I just pulled up Reddit. It's Reddit dump. You guys, this is insane. There is a, it's, this isn't, I didn't even mark this one to show you, but it's in humans being bros. This is the subreddit humans being bros. And they have on footage, this woman my god it says woman saves kittens after they've been thrown into a river so there's i guess it's it's just a person running up to a river in the broad daylight like a pond almost uh that has like seating area so it's like a public pond and she tosses a bag into the pond and then runs away then all of a sudden all these people come to the pond and uh a woman jumps in strips off all her clothes oh my god she's naked a woman strips off

all her clothes swims out to the pond and saves them with a bunch of a crew of people waiting yeah and the kittens are saved. This happens all the time. People dump animals that, you know, litters of animals are grown, and they throw them in a sack, and they dump them on the highway, and then cars run over them.

My aunt, you want to hear a disturbing story? Better than an Instagram dump. So this is a disturbing story dead air I'll dare you I think I don't even want to tell this story but I have to

if you don't like animal abuse no I'm not going to tell it but I just don't understand why people put animals in bags because someone might rescue an animal if you don't tell it, but I just don't understand why people put animals in bags.

Because someone might rescue an animal if you don't put it in a bag. Just put it somewhere where it's not in a bag so maybe someone can find it and give it at home, you fucking crazy person. Who I can only imagine you've seen a horrible abuse in your life if you think it's good to put animals in bags. But my aunt one time was at a grocery store and saw a bag and like like kind of like uh walking out to the parking lot um and you know how sometimes you just like jump on a bag to like make it deflate just for fun you're like a young child and you see a bag and you just jump on it you can you can finish that story in your head yeah okay let's get to my saved posts um oh this one is good okay andrew i wanted to show you this this was in what this was around this is this is a palate cleanser this is a gif um and this is from gifs

reddit subreddit gifs it says this baseball player making sure that everyone knows that there is one out dot dot dot including the praying mantis hitching a ride on his hat. Did you see this? Yes. So this guy plays for the Nationals, and there's a huge praying mantis on his hat. He says one out to the guys on the side, one out to the other people on the side, and then he does it right in front of his hat. Wait, hold on. That, and then he does it right in front of his hat wait hold on that and then he does it right in front of his hat and he looks up almost like cross-eyed no let me show you this

one out one out well here's the funny part about this is as he had it on in the dugout and the the announcers were like i wonder if he notices oh my god and then and then it just shows me though it's like that's how comfortable these guys are like he's like yeah i'll just have a praying mantis on my hat you know like people die for these teams you know what i mean like they'll fight their kids for theirs this is our town this is our team and this guy's just like i'm chilling i've never heard the nationals being in any kind of playoff situation oh they want it okay well not anymore well i love i love this gigantic praying mantis um here's one that i found so i have a lot of

visual ones and i apologize but um this will just make you guys maybe have to go to reddit this one's from contagious laughter and it's And it literally is me as a baby. It's called Impatient Baby. And it is a baby that's probably about two. And she's trying to put a straw into a Starbucks, hot Starbucks lid, you know, where they have that little slit. It's like impossible for a human to put a straw in there, much less a baby. So please just watch this baby. She's trying to put it in. and then she just crumbles it up.

That's her mom just laughing at her, and she stares into the dark. Her mom, she's, look at this. It's like me trying to get my dick in when i'm drunk just the way she throws it so if you guys want to look it up go to our contagious laughter and impatient baby it's one of my favorite things ever um okay and then there's this other thing that i wanted to play this is um this might take a second though let me see how long it is uh it's three minutes long oh fuck um it do you know a woman named mary carillo she's a sports broadcaster yeah i think so she looks like this uh yes yes yes she's amazing so um so this was in uh subreddit funny and it says Mary Carrillo's brilliant badminton rant.

And it's from like the 2003 Olympics. And she's doing, you know, she's talking about badminton and she starts talking about like, now this is a badminton racket that you usually play with in your backyard. Now this is the one they use in the Olympics. This is the birdie that they use in Olympics. Here's the one they use in your backyard. And then she starts talking about how playing with it in her backyard with her kids and i want you to hear this because it's just turns into like a stand-up bit side of the goose i'm not

making this up so that the contours of the feathers are all so she's describing let me just get to the part so she's describing the the the birdie of the the players in the olympics and then she goes on to describe um what it's like playing in your backyard. And it turns into a comedy bit that no one sees coming. You cannot tell me that the birdie we use at home, this thing, you can lean on this as hard as you want. This thing isn't going 200 miles an hour. It's not.

And even though it doesn't look sophisticated, it has a tree-se seeking device implanted in it somewhere i don't know where but i've played a lot of badminton with my kids by the seventh shot this thing's up in the tree okay so then what does your kid do she says mommy i'll get it down throws a racket up in the tree now your racket's up in the tree said don't worry i'll get that down so now your kid goes into the garage and goes and gets the red rubber ball, which should come as standard equipment in any kind of backyard bed and set. Throws that in, that immediately gets impaled. So she goes to get something else to get one of these things

down, okay? Now there are kids from all over the neighborhood that have come into your backyard, and they're emptying out your garage, throwing stuff at your tree, all right? You realize suddenly you own 18 basketballs. You've got nine footballs, okay? There's softballs flying through the air. The tree is now groaning with children and equipment, all right? Someone's turned on the hose. Badminton is a water sport. They're trying to get this thing down with a hose.

And somehow mothers from all over the neighborhood hear that badminton is being played at Mary's house. They're dropping off their kids. They know it's an all-day affair. They know it's going to involve 17 other sports. They're dropping off their kids. They're leaving skid marks. Okay? You've got Colleen Clark up in the tree trying to get down a

SpongeBob SquarePants beach ball with a hockey stick. There's pool sticks flying through the air like javelins, and you hear yourself saying, somebody's going to poke an eye out. It just never ends. It's a, everything is going on, right? Then you see Christopher Burr,

and it's always Christopher Burr. He takes a roller blade, throws it up at the tree, hits your car, you got a dent in your Jeep. You realize you better get your Jeep out of the way. And you also realize that for the first time in seven years, you can actually pull your car into the garage because there's no sporting equipment there anymore. Not even the inflatable raft that hasn't seen action since the baby duck rescue of 1997. You pull your car into the garage.

And as you do, your other kid is coming out. He's on the phone with R.T. Murphy. He sizes up the situation and says, hey, come on over. We're playing badminton. That is a sport that I know, and that's probably a sport that you know as well. Olympic badminton is coming back after this.

It was like aristocrats for clean version of the Aristocrats. I love that she says, and Christine Burr, and it's always Christopher Burr, throws up a roll up. I mean, that woman, I want to know everything she's done. Final thought,

I was reading all the comments about this and it was great. People were saying, that is how you fill time, folks. And then it says, she slowly morphed from composed news anchor to Jersey mob boss in 2.75 minutes. And then people were saying, the next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up. I've seen it a hundred times. I guess that's a quote from some other thing.

Someone goes, this could have aired as the opening sketch of SNL and I wouldn't have thought it was out of place comedy gold uh yes you would have you would have been like snl sucks now the reason why this is funny is because it's out of context for a comedy thing this isn't actually as funny as things on snl stop saying snl is not funny you're i'm so tired of that argument then someone wrote back you're giving snl too much credit here then someone said modern snl but i thought it felt like 90s snl all the way but it wasn't and then someone said it totally felt like the old snl i honestly thought it was for a second and uh it's just like people just love being by the way um yeah well i was i was thinking i was listening lauren michaels you like any snl when you were fucking 18 like that's your snl i forbid my dad from saying snl sucks now i literally

go dad you can't say that anymore because you've been saying it since 1999 and i like i don't care um dude they're not like will ferrell like it're not like when eddie murphy was on in the first episode it's just like yeah things change that's why like be like so edgy and now it's not edgy anymore you know ted lasso is only gonna go for three seasons and everyone's like no and it's like you know what i think it's smart why would they stick around until you say that they used to be good and now they're not anymore? That's all anyone ever says about anything that lasts more than three seasons. So fuck yourselves.

Three seasons out. That's what I like. Except for F. Boy Island. I want to run that thing into the ground. This was a good one I just want to close with. We got to go. But this was from Ask Men. It said, what have you been up to recently that you're proud of?

This person wrote, I just got out of a wheelchair and am learning to walk again what have you done that you're happy about or proud of someone said down 80 pounds going for 20 to 25 more this is just so sweet that men are just like saying what they're proud of someone said i'm a health care provider and work in private practice worked up the balls to email my boss inquiring about partnership with the practice not only did i not get shot down but he agreed to start discussing it. I'm not good at all at taking initiative on stuff. It might not sound like much, but it took a couple months to work up the courage

to send that email. Was a huge step for me, personal and professional. I think it's just so sweet that you can, these people are supporting each other. They're just strangers on the internet that are like, this is what makes me feel good about Reddit a lot of times. There's so many good things on there that make me feel connected to people and less alone.

So many communities, whatever you're suffering with, there is a subreddit for it, I swear to God. Andrew, what's something you're proud of recently? Yesterday you hit 39. Yeah, I shot a 39 again. I just feel so proud of how much time I'm giving to golf and how much reward I'm giving to golf and how much reward i'm seeing from it emotionally and physically and the movie by matt damon was

behind the candelabra ah yes i was trying to think of yes i was a little off i apologize and what are you proud of um i am proud of um getting out of a depression that i was in two days ago and uh and and be and being very honest about it with my friends even though it was hard for them to probably hear and just like getting honest about my feelings and how desperate like awful i felt with people that were able to like hear it and not like tell me I was wrong or try to commit me somewhere. Just being able to express how sad I was and not struggle with it alone. That's what I'm proud of.

I hope you do the same for yourself. Sorry I was playing golf while you were going through that. Yeah, thanks for noticing that I was struggling. No, you got me a Zevia and that helped. Hey everyone, thank you for listening. We'll see you tomorrow on the podcast. We are also going to be... Thanks for noticing that I was struggling. No, you got me, Zevia, and that helped. Hey, everyone. Thank you for listening. We'll see you tomorrow on the podcast.

We are also going to be – I'm all over podcasts recently. Check them out. Just Google Nikki Glaser on whatever podcast search or thing that you want. I was on The Ringer's Bachelor – I forget what it's called. I think it's called Bachelor Party, and bachelor, I think it's called bachelor party. And I, uh, recapped last night's episode of the bachelorette,

which was insane. It was one of the best bachelorette episodes I've ever seen. I got to go. Uh, we'll see you tomorrow. Don't be cut. And Jack, Jack,

Jack. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the, uh, financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help.

That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.

I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to... The hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party.

Your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional

relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.