The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #8 Fever Dream

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

Nikki addresses her IG stories that involve her legs and how a self tanner is giving her "bi" vibes. Andrew has some popping headlines and his weekly segment about sports. They discuss how to combat the voice in your head in Mental Health Moment and round out the show acknowledging that today's recording proves that they all work on themselves. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape

your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect

Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. have quietly listened and all that stops here if you like witty women then this is your try listen to the good mom's bad choices podcast every wednesday on the black effect podcast network the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you go to find your podcast hey i'm jay shetty and my latest interview is with mel robbins work has been seen as the number one cause of stress

how can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Here I am. You said it, Noah. And you were right. I am here. How's it going, Noah? Good.

I love starting out the day listening to Anya sing my name. That's a fun song. People are digging it. I love Anya. Anya Marina, everyone. I'm a subscriber to her Patreon. To her Patreon? I am as well.

She's just one of the... It's so nice to have friends who are actually Talented who you don't have to support You know blindly because They're your friend I haven't talked to her in so long though I've been really You're really the only person outside of this island Who I've been talking to I'm completely terrible about keeping up with

Everyone in my life Outside of this work experience My family, my friends, and I'm always bad about that anyway when I like I'm not in the city of them. When I like move from New York to LA, like I have my New York friends and LA friends and like we just don't, I'm not good at catching up on the phone every day. And I'm super busy. But yeah, I miss my friends. And they're probably annoyed with me for not catching up with them. But it just makes me realize I can kind of, as much as I'm like, oh my god, I'm going to miss this place so much and all these people I've met.

Like, I know in my heart that I will be okay because I'm just always happy wherever I am. I don't really long for things. So we'll see. What were you going to ask me? I just had to ask you right off the bat. I always check your Instagram stories before we go on. Yeah. And I just,

I need to know what's going on with your legs. You posted a photo. It looks like you're at the gynecologist, but you're not. Right. So for the show, I want to be tan because I'm in a tropical location. And spray tans, I pretty much am on camera every day for this whole six weeks. And with a spray tan, you get one on a Tuesday.

You wash it off on a Wednesday morning, and it's like ready to go and perfect. It lasts you till about Friday if you're careful about showering and like only washing your pits and your ass and your puss. But then by Saturday, it's starting to slough. And then people go, well, get a new spray tan. Well, there are parts of your skin that are darker and parts that are not so the spray tan will now go on to now you'll look like a another kind of horse like from the last episode where i couldn't name a type of horse but you know that that spotted horse that's like white with like brown spots palomino possibly not a you look like that not a what a roan horse i don't i've never heard of a roan horse i just remember taking a genetics class and there was a roan horse i don't i've never heard of a roan horse i just remember taking a genetics class and there was a roan horse that was really important because it blended genes and it was like

strawberry blonde no not like a roan horse although that's what my voice sounds like is a roan horse um i uh yeah so i don't know i'm just just like this, this spray. I just, I can have no answers about the spray tan. I literally asked Paris Hilton. I go, you're someone who's who, if you're a girl that needs to be on camera Wednesday looking her best and you also need to be on camera Saturday looking your best. What the, what do you, and you can't get the spray tan off because people go, just wash it off, scrub it off. No, no, no, no, no. These things do not come off. They come off naturally when your skin flakes off. So it's just like they fade a little, but like, uh, so what I've done is I let the spray tan that I got initially just completely

come off. And now I'd use Sally Hansen, um, leg spray. You can get it at any drugstore. And I just spray that and my makeup artist, Robin, just puts it on for me. So every single day I have to have her paint my legs. And it's always just like, and Andrew always takes a picture because it's just, he'll walk into the room and be like, this is too funny. Like you, you're laying down like, like you're in stirrups at the gyno and um but someone did write me and said uh it looks like you uh are like you're this is i'm getting a couple people wrote me one said i'm getting major bi vibes from this meaning like you might be gay or a little bit gay and then another one of my like people that who i know said um oh I go I go living my best

life or like this is my the best my days go great and says she was like getting your like lesbianism or something and so people are getting very gay vibes I didn't know that that was what I was putting out there with these I mean they are like kind of sexual because my legs are splayed but you know it's a you know heterosexual married woman that's doing it. But I am getting a little bit, feeling a little bi-curious out here. I got to be honest with you, Noah. And that's not because of the leg thing. But it was interesting that people picked up on that. I was just having a conversation the other night with the ladies that were over for my party. And we were talking about like some of them have just hooked up with women for fun or just to try it. And I was like, I've never really done it.

And I don't know. I'm like and then I was thinking about how much I don't want to get graphic, but how much I I'm just I'm not opposed to it. And I'm probably very open to it. I just want to have like, I just want to see what it would be like because I do, I don't believe that I'm a lesbian, but I do believe that I, the,

you could just be attracted to energies as, as woo woo as that sounds like, I don't know. There's a lot of times I tell my girlfriends and I want every girl who's listening right now to think about this you know like guys you've dated where you have like a for me I have a group of girlfriends that's like it's not easy to get into that club like you got to be a special cool person anyone who's listening probably could get in because you're cool and you like openness and you like honesty and no you're in that cool group like you've been to my like girl hangs at the

cellar the comedy cellar where we have all my table like i couldn't i'm like um i make my own i'm like barbara walters with the view like i make a table of girls but we actually get along and don't all hate each other behind the scenes and a lot of times where we spend those times talking about these guys that are like, we're trying to decipher their texts or like if they like us as much as we like them and all the stuff. And there was one time that epiphany that I was like, if think of like, as I was dealing with some guy who was like truly worthless, you know? And I was like, if he were a woman, like if I just sat my fingers and made him a woman, he would not be allowed at this table as a friend. Like he would suck.

His like, his sense of humor, the way he conducts himself, his listening skills, he wouldn't be allowed here. The only thing of value to me from him is that he has a penis and that he has this masculine energy that I like crave the approval and his desire uh, his desire, you know, but him as a

person, he sucks. And so now I'm trying to think of like this, this idea of this like energy of someone who's just like, I want whoever I end up with, I could snap my fingers. And if they were a girl, I'd still want to fuck them. That me, that being said, I think I could fuck a girl if she had the energy of one of these guys that actually deserves my attention and affection. Does this make sense? I could see that. I could see that. Don't you think that girls put up, and I think guys do too, guys, this can definitely apply to guys. I know so many cool guys that I'm a part of their friend group, like comedian guys, and then their girlfriends come around and it's just like, dud city. It's like, this girl has no personality. She sucks. She's bringing the table down.

Didn't don't, I don't say that, but she doesn't. I know that people like to keep their friends and their boyfriends separate, but it should be able to co-mingle without it feeling like this heaviness of like i can't believe he's here but you're someone who likes to keep like you you don't want your fiance to be your best friend no he's my best friend it's like if you don't put that in your vows you're somehow like a bad woman like you didn't find your best friend and it's like no first of all those are what my listeners are called and secondly i like what will you will you elaborate on that yeah yeah he's only allowed to be a best friend if he's listening to this podcast yeah but i and i've told him straight up we're not

going to be best friends we have to keep some kind of separation because I just think once you get too close and then your partner becomes everything, it's a lot of expectations. There's going to be a lot of resentments brewing. You can't put that all on one person. And I also think it's good to be different people and then come back to the relationship. And that's an Esther Perel thing that we're both fans of. Yes. Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity and- Amazing book, by the way. The Affair book. If you've cheated or been cheated on, this amazing book that she wrote.

It's her second book, but look into her, Esther Perel, S-T-H-E-R, Perel, P-E-R-E-L. And then I think, and she also has a podcast called Where Do We Start? Where you get to listen in on couples and couples therapy. Where do we begin? Where do we start? Where do we start? That's our podcast.

Yeah, that's truly every day. I'm like, where do I start? I'm like 10 minutes from the time I told you and then another 10 minutes after that, I'm someone who pushes this thing, pushes and pushes. I know we got to get to the part where we bring in Andrew I just want to say before he comes in Andrew is my best friend unquestionably um any man who romantic in my life needs to understand that uh needs Andrew needs Andrew. I told Andrew like, uh, I'm not going to meet a guy and I'm going to be so in love. And he's going to be like, you can't be friends with Andrew. I'm going

to choose that guy over Andrew. Like a requirement for me to be in a relationship with you is you have to be fine with me having a, a male friend who might be single and who I might say, I love you too. And hug. And like, just like I do my girlfriends and I just let Andrew started like hugging me and touching me because I've just always wanted to keep that boundary up and since this podcast and like like yesterday we got done I think it was yesterday yeah yesterday we got done with the podcast and we hugged oh yeah after I said my resentments and we had a long hug which we've never had I think maybe we hugged once after my special taping and we both said I love you and we've never said like we know we've said I love you before but like never like wholeheartedly all I felt was like real friend

love and it you know I've always been like I don't want to let that in because I want to have such a boundary there of like I don't want him to hug me and then like feel something else, you know, but that's so clear cut with us now. It's just, there's no question. Yes. We're way past that. And, and then we go to say yesterday and this boy, God love him acts of service all day long. Bravo to Andrew Collin for listening to my needs that I want as a friend, not even as a partner. This is a love language as a friend. And like, he does love me and I love him. And I want to, I want,

I need to find out what his friend's love language is because he was getting me coffees all day long yesterday, stocking LaCroix's in my cooler. I mean, he was a great, great friend slash co-writer slash uh assistant slash i was trying to think of something a joke on slash and he was like slash from guns and roses yes okay there we go i remember conan used to say like go to conan.com slash and they would have a picture of slash's face so i kind of stole that from them okay let's bring bring in Andrew Collin right after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth.

That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model, lingerie, topless. I said yes please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour.

He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapaport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever.

Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen, real character, obviously both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss.

Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting

up with hitmaker Sam Holland, sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and the RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out. All right. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your sound on? Sometimes I forget, and it's the worst mistake you can make. Can I confront you with something? But it's not often.

Usually I'm on. No, the other night when you went to bed early after the party, I went upstairs to check on you, and you were asleep in bed, and your overhead light, all the lights in your room were on, full blast. And this is not an energy issue. This is me wanting you to get the best sleep possible issue. All your lights were on. Then I just figured he's not ready to go to bed i guess but he's just laying in bed go back downstairs come back up when i ready to go to bed at like three and your lights are still on buddy so what the hell is why and i was telling this to robin

yesterday my makeup uh artist because we were talking about people with anxiety who don't want to treat it where you see people are suffering and you're like this would literally be a trip to the doctor and you would get on a pill that would not change anything else about your life except that you wouldn't have panic attacks every day and we go why can't people just do it and I'm like because people are so to improve their lives even slightly they won't make this simplest. And going to the doctor and getting an appointment and then going to get your prescription, that's not all that simple as having such better sleep by hitting a switch or by turning your phone on silent. Or like for you, I said, Andrew's a prime example of this.

And this is not an attack. I just want to understand you. Seriously. I go, if Andrew was eating a cheeseburger, let's say, a hamburger. What do you like on your hamburger, by the way? Cheese. Ideally. Cheese.

Cheese. And then anything else? Cheese, ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard. Okay. Lettuce, tomato. Yes. Okay. So this is, this is.

Let me post this to everyone. French fries. Noah, what do you like on your burger? is, this is. Let me post this to everyone. French fries. Noah, what do you like on your burger? Whether it be a beef or a veggie type situation. Condiments wise. I like barbecue sauce and like slow roasted onions. Okay. So here we go.

So let's say you're in this room and I have a tray of two hamburgers that are perfectly cooked the way you like them with the perfectly bun that you like them but across the way and i'm talking probably 200 let's say 100 feet away in another room across the parking lot yeah let's say um a half a football field away you have to walk no no not even a half a quarter of a football field away okay but you'd have to go outside there is a a condiment bar with everything anything that would make your hamburger better and you're really really really hungry like the most hungry you've ever been andrew i he can say whatever he wants to say right now he would never take those extra two minutes it would take to go get the condiments and make his hamburger better. He would rather just eat the hamburger less desirably because he's hungry now.

Noah, what would you do if you were the hungriest? Are you even asking me? No, I'm not because I know the answer to it. This is wild. You don't go the simplest step to make something way better like the way you shoot video. First of all, can I at least, what is this? Just,

uh, yeah, this is North Korea. Jesus Christ. I, but you're right. You got the right Korea. You are right.

I know. But I know you, the light thing, the light thing. I, I agreed. That is a lot of my personality trait, but the light,

I usually sleep with the light off but sometimes i'll sleep with the bathroom light on which could be annoying and not the best way to sleep and i sleep with my phone and my computer in my bed yeah but we have a threesome i know i mess i understand no no it's just turning your phone on silent like these little things that would take two seconds to click or you know the light switch like to get out of bed and hit it you're gonna get so much better sleep that you don't even i know you don't think that you will but having a light on it i think it's more my phone and my computer my bed in a twin bed that i'm sleeping in a room and at night but the bright light was one night i'm saying the computer and phone is saying it's like you forgot to turn

off we all forget to turn off lights if i'm laying in bed and i'm so tired and my eyes are about to drop and i realize the light across the room is on and it's going to probably make the sleep that i'm about to get less desirable because there's a light on yes and we are affected by light as human beings because it replicates this you know is the sun essentially i would get out of bed no matter how tired i was to turn off that light so that the sleep i'm about to get is better you would not how many times has your computer not been charged that's what are you talking about that's different if i realize different you forget to do something that's important no it's not that you forget it so you're in bed and you're dozing off and you realize that light is on just so tired i didn't even realize the light i didn't even see the light but i get what you're saying yes you

don't take the extra step. When you shoot a video that's funny, and I go, you can edit that so that it looks so much more appealing to the eye. You think that sometimes people are like, why would you get a ring light? I'm not trying to be a model. It's like, because you are teaching a class

on your computer and your students, it will be more visually pleasing to their eye if it's properly lighted there, it's not that it's going to make you hotter. Stop being cool. Like you are too cool for, don't be care. You're not too cool for a ring light.

Make yourself look better. So you, so that your students would look at you, not hotter. You just, a brighter image is more, uh, attractive to the eye.

Can I ask you a question? When you ate pizza rolls and bagel bites as a kid, did you microwave or oven? Here's the eye. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. When you ate pizza rolls and bagel bites as a kid, did you microwave or oven? Here's the difference. I don't, the difference between microwave and oven to me is, is nil. Why?

Whoa, whoa. It really is. I don't know the difference. I have never cared about the difference. People are flipping out right now. Here's the thing. But by the way,

I'm a microwave guy. It proves your point that you're right. Microwave is a three minute heat up for something whereas in the oven that would take 30 minutes so that is a lot different

than crossing the room to switch off a light or walking a quarter of a football field to get some ketchup it's kind of the same it's the same what Nicky's talking about

is taking care of your future self like doing something right now he doesn't take care of himself of you in the future yes

he thinks of the present and he never thinks about what like the grocery store trip of your future self. Like doing something right now in consideration of you in the future. Yes. He thinks of the present and he never thinks about what, like the grocery store trip. He goes to the grocery store and he's full. He will get nothing because he is only thinking about that moment.

I don't need food. There's no planning for you. I think it's because Andrew doesn't really smoke weed. Like I remember when I started smoking weed, I would like, before i'd get high i would be like okay when i'm gonna be stoned i'm really gonna want to eat ice cream and potato

chips so why don't i go to the store now so i don't have to deal with it while i'm high no kind of this this doesn't check out either wow no. I'll shut down anything I disagree with. This might be a first. Noah gets the hard shutdown. I hear what you're saying, Noah, but being high and anticipating that you're going to be hungrier than usual is also the same as knowing you're going to set and there's not going to be food served

and all the snacks are something you don't like and still going, I don't need to prepare for this. I'll just wing it because I'm not hungry now, so why would I be hungry in the future? It's almost like you don't have empathy for your future self sure and look i'm i'm a simple guy i'll eat a cold pizza and i won't heat it up i but i like cold pizza i understand liking cold

pizza but if something that took less than 30 seconds would improve it by 200 like truly like put condiments on a burger that would take two minutes yes i'm trying to be better with that i really am i have i have made leaps and bounds from where i was i would have for example when i was in college my friends put anchovies under my bed and it was just i had an anchovy bed for about you just didn't do anything with it no i just figured to improve your life instead of you know or instead of doing the sheets i'd flip the bed or i don't share something that of course share circle i find and this is something new to me i will not settle to eat things that are not exactly what my body wants and craves in a dire circumstance yes when i'm not gonna have food for hours and it's all that's available yes i will eat whatever's

on hand but if i can wait an hour to get something that actually tastes delicious and that the nutrients, it has like the thing I'm actually, I listen to my body and I go, what are you wanting to eat? You need protein, you need greens. And I know that that's an hour away. I will rather wait

than eat something that is disappointing. And I think people so often just eat whatever's in front of them when really asking for an extra dressing on the side. The other night I got a salad. I was starving. Everyone ate the dinner that I paid for that no one and everyone bailed out on. Remember that one?

Call back. I got a salad and it was dry. They only gave me one dressing and I wanted another and it was taking forever to get the other dressing. And I could have eaten the salad. It was half dressed, but it would improve by about 50% with an extra dressing. So I waited and waited and waited and it was worth it. It was delicious as opposed to me eating this dry salad, being fucking angry that it's dry. Look, I'm with you. I wish I had that trait. When I was like 12, I was in Costa Rica. I, I, I ordered a chicken burrito. It was frozen. The chicken was not cooked.

And you still ate it. And I ate it because one, I was hungry. Two, I didn't want to be a nuisance to the family that took me to Costa Rica. I just ate and like it already had, it had the beak on it. Like I was eating. I mean, Andrew, this is just. I was so sick. I just want everyone, including you to take care of yourself.

Yeah. It is not, you're not a nuisance if you ask for extra dressing. You're not a nuisance if you pass on something that someone cooked and they get offended. That's their fault for getting offended. It's not, you don't want to eat that. You don't have to eat everything that's put in front of you just to be nice

or treat yourself well, listen to your needs and honor them. We got to get to the news. Let's get there. I'm excited. Some good stories today. Oh, good stories today? Some good stories today. You heard it here first.

Yeah, you heard it here first. Let's get to it. What are the headlines today, big boy? We got some hottie, hottie, hottie, hottie, hottie stories. Oh, really? I hope you're having fun out there, folks. The swells are kicking in. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, boy. Our best friends do appreciate this, by the way. What's having fun out there folks the swells are kicking in oh jesus christ oh boy our best friends do appreciate this

by the way which having fun having fun and swells i'm getting a lot of swells and having fun messages swells is fun yeah every if you're just joining the show which by the way you don't have to go back and listen to old episodes you can jump in whenever you want and get your friends involved too with the show just tell them they can join whenever they want they don't have to like you don't need to be caught up we'll catch you up on all the inside jokes every so often but we we like to say swells here i don't even know how it happened so it doesn't matter for you too and we also every time andrew gives the news which is our daily segment uh you heard it here first because that's the thing andrew says all the time even though it's literally like the 18th time you've probably heard it um andrew will

wish that you're having fun out there to win over your trust so that his headlines go smoother than uh they probably will and let's get into it real quick i got a message yeah someone said oh i finally found out about that shipping container thing even though i saw the headlines but thanks for the story i didn't know it had dildos on it i go that's not the boat that's not the boat it had dildos on it. It wasn't the one. And you pronounced it Suez. We're like, Suez. Swiss beats. And we thought it was like in Honduras.

We're so stupid. We thought Amsterdam was in Holland. No, Denmark. Denmark, yes. And the Dutch were from Denmark. And we thought, no, no, no. I did get Danish right from Denmark. Yes.

Danish people. Oh, God. We're doing this again. Don't get us down. Holland and Netherlands. Get your shit together. That's what we want to say from Denmark. Yes. Danish people. Oh God, we're doing this again. Don't get us down. Holland and Netherlands. Get your shit together. That's what we want to say. Okay.

The Netherlands. Get it together. Get it together. Who are you? And you've been to the Netherlands. Many times. No, no. Just once.

I want to go to the Netherlands. I met Heath Ledger there. Oh yeah. You met Heath Ledger. Sorry for another time. All right. Here we go. Story time.

Ten things I hate about you is that you bring up that story every chance you get. No, actually. It's my only story. I literally, every time we meet someone, I'm like, tell your Heath Ledger story. Okay, go on. Let's get to news. He'll tell it at some point, you guys. A phony Botox doctor.

Oh, God. Drank four Loco champagne daring consultations. Daring? Daring consultation? He dared it. consultations daring consultation so this so these fucking this guy nelson turin who was practicing or attempting to practice medicine without a medical license the director at his sheriff's office one of the most bizarre cases they set him up they went in there the guy's drinking four loco and he's giving botox that expired last year. So this guy.

I mean, this is not. Yeah, that's. Well, this guy's. This is like the guy that was going to court when he was doing. You know, he made a court appearance on Zoom. And he was like. Oh, that was the best. These arrogant doctors.

Well, the guy was in. That was. Here's the thing. How much. How hard is it? You get Botox. Yeah. You've gotten it in some weird places that probably. orthodontist last time no joke i was at my orthodontist getting my invisalign is that legal no i probably not were they drinking for loco it was a sunday and they

were they were coming into work just to get me my trays fitted and the both these beautiful girls are over my head talking about working on my teeth. And they go, when do you want to get our Botox? And I was like, where do you guys go? I need a St. Louis place. And they're like, we do it right here. And I was like, I'm leaving for the Caymans. I haven't had it in years.

Can you please? And they just. I mean, how hard is it? I'm just saying. It's very easy. Very easy. It's like a vaccine. As in performing open heart surgery.

By the way, it's not. I mean, they definitely like, they're meticulous about it. They make you scrunch up your face. It's like a vaccine. By the way, it's not. They're meticulous about it. They make you scrunch up your face. It was interesting to hear these girls talk about each of their methods that they would have used on my face and then they settled on one. You usually just get one doctor and they just do whatever they want to do.

Always get two doctors, I think. You weren't worried that these people aren't even dentists? They do it themselves and they were so gorgeous and their Botox was so subtle doctors i think you weren't worried that these people aren't even dentists they're orthodontists they do it themselves and they were so gorgeous and their botox was so subtle and perfect that i trusted them because they each do it to each other so i go yeah i'll trust these so are you saying that you would trust a hot plastic surgeon over an ugly one oh 100 i mean i said that in my special i when i went to go get um filler for first time, the woman came in and she looked like a shiny

cat. Or she looked like a shiny Grinch. Or a newborn Grinch. And you're like, I need that. And I really tried to back out of it. I was getting my lips done and I said, I don't want to do this. I'm too nervous. And then I just felt pressured to get it because

it was clearly... It's like when you are DMing with a guy whose account is private and you're like getting along and then you go send a picture and then then you, they send a picture and you don't want to talk to them anymore. And they know, now they know it's because they have, they look. And so I went through with the Botox and I, and I fucked that guy from my DMS, JK Rowling is a great, JK Rowling. Yeah. But has some controversial. Oh boy. She does Quidditch. She doesn't believe in it. Um,

I think, I think depends on the surgery, like, like getting a discount. Like my buddy went to get his eyes done. Yeah. And the doctor gave him like half off. Yeah.

And it's a wild surgery. Yeah. To get a discount on LASIK. But Botox, you could drink four loco and shoot a couple fucking. Totally. Listen, when comedians aren't on stage and they drink, people are like, yeah. And it's like, that guy's doing a job.

I think it's very unprofessional to get wasted on stage. I know that some people, it's like their thing. But when I've been high on stage before, I felt guilty about it. I was kind of Four Loko-ing my crowd. Well, here's the thing. Stand-up, I would say it's harder than shooting botox in your head no totally different things i mean no because to get your license to even do botox you have to go to a lot this guy you just buy a six pack of four local yeah i mean i'm surprised people are even still drinking for local i thought that was banned let alone you know expired botox they're like this guy's shooting botox and then wow drinking for loco i thought that was banned let alone you know expired botox they're like this

guy's shooting botox and then wow drinking for loco i just want to say i got a lot of good feedback on all of the um talk about plastic surgery and filler and i uh and i just thank you all for writing in and sharing your stories about that too and and keep them coming all right next story hope you're still having a really fun time. Someone has thrown, I was thrown 10 feet off a roller coaster and suffered serious injuries after landing on the track at the Tennessee theme park. I don't know why I'm laughing. I don't know either.

I mean, it's, this is wild. Okay. Did you see the roller coaster? No, no, no,

please. This thing is made out of like a cabbage. It's like, it's like in the woods. Like, I, no, please. This thing is made out of like a cabbage. It's like in the woods. I think they just let a tree fall and they added a track on top of it. Some of my favorite coasters are just like old wooden beasts. Yeah, but I don't trust them. I don't even know if this thing had seatbelts.

Well, they've been around for a while. So in Gatlinburg, Tennessee uh it's called the mountain coaster uh severely injured after flying out of the cart and landing on what landing on tracks okay so let me look at this fucking roller coaster because i love coasters and i picked this story when i saw the headline because i honestly i this is a recurring dream for me. A recurring nightmare is that I fall out of roller coasters. Like I, I'm not strapped in tight enough and I slip out and I'm hanging on for dear life.

It happens every time. I mean, it's just like a common stress tree. I'm guessing it's a common stress stream. Cause it recurs for me. Like the kind of like, you know, when it's your final exam and you are late for the class.

Are you on this coaster by yourself? No. Sometimes I'm with people. Is someone helping you up when you, when you, when you're hanging? No. And you know,

another dream I have a lot is in the same vein is like, I'm going really fast in a car or alone on skis or something. And I go over a jump and all of a sudden I'm like flung in the air so high that I'm definitely going to die from like, it just went too high. Like I went to jump too high i'm definitely going to die from like it just went too high like i went to jump too high and i'm gonna die and then i never do i have similar stuff like that but you like roller coasters like but this story reminds me of like the shitty roller coasters or like at the carnivals like the zipper yeah and gravitron no this one is like legit you guys this

is in gatlinlinburg, Tennessee. You travel speeds up to 35 miles an hour, which is not slow by any means. It's not that fast, though. But that's nuts that someone got flung from this. I mean, that is my worst fear, but this isn't a rational fear. Things are going to happen like this, but yeah, I used to be terrified of rollercoasters.

I didn't go in one until I was probably 14 or 15, and all of my friends did, was just i was such a baby i would always make up excuses not to go to six flags i would miss out on like you know flirting with boys and going on these trips and it was all because i was just terrified of these coasters and then i went on one and i talked about this before but i think you came yeah i came on a roller coaster called the x factor in um and what are you thinking of simon cowell the yes i was and how he got uh one direction together um no it was it's the best roller coaster ever it was so fucking hot not hot but like it was hot like it was like it made me feel so out of control in the similar way of

an orgasm and after i got done i was just i was like i think i couldn't even verbalize it because i was so shocked and then i found out that that's a common thing that girls not super common but girls do come from like g-force stuff g-spot force he got to it first um do you think how long after the mark walberg scene from fear? I had nothing to do with that, but I do love getting fingered on a roller coaster. It was the monologue to open my show. Not safe with Nikki Glaser was that I became sexually awakened when I saw

fear and I saw her get fingered on that roller coaster. It, that was the first time I felt like I should be alone right now with this movie and not with my girlfriends because I am my body is making it i feel like i'm on a roller coaster what is happening the wild horses is playing she's on this roller coaster she's getting fingered and his hands move i mean it's just it still holds up as such a hot scene and then he throws the dog's head through the doggy door later on after he decapitated it. I mean, he was a psycho, but girls were really turned on by that. He wasn't a psycho

yet by the time that he was fingering on a roller coaster, so I do... Wow, you're really coming to the fence for this guy. Yeah. I think he wasn't a good guy before he fingered her. He's had a little bad boyness to him, but he wasn't decapitating your beloved pets yet.

We saw it happening. Is the guy okay? He's in critical condition. He's going to be okay. He came to as he landed on the tracks. He's in serious condition, apparently. I hope he's okay. Everyone stay safe out there, but do not

let this scare you from riding roller coasters. It's an irrational fear. It won't happen. Um, my fear of two lane highways going over 30 miles per hour, uh, uh, next to each other, like on-camping traffic,

real fear. Actually, people do get injured a lot. And in Cayman islands, there's a lot of drunk driving. So I don't like to go out and, uh, and Fridays and Saturdays here in the Caymans.

You've been dealing with it really well. I've been driving a ton and you haven't because the drive that we have is so there's so few cars it's so desolate all right next headline i hope you're still having fun a woman who went on her worst tinder date ended up in a river rescuing the date's dog while he was making useless suggestions i mean this girl i understand that you got to do what you got to do but what happened here so this girl went on a on a date with a guy that owned a boxer uh and they were walking along and the dog fell into the river and instead of the guy helping and jumping down he just stood there and watched her while she jumped down and saved

this dog and brought it to safety she gets the dog now right like you get the if you save someone's dog it then becomes yours i mean part of me thinks maybe this is a test this guy does to see if this is she's the right one you know how you do like little tests yeah i've done before oh my god i do tests all the time. What was the last test you did? I don't even want to say because the person who failed it might be listening. These tests aren't fair and I actually

disqualified this test because the circumstance was not one in which this person could really feel comfortable passing said test. I will say that one of my tests... Wait, we're not going to find out what the test is i just feel okay don't say who the person is well okay the test is if i'm showing pictures this is this is this is so stupid it's so embarrassing noah you you gotta let me know if you think this

is a good test to see if like this is like this isn't this isn't a test as much it is like I require I'm going to require this in someone I want to be with okay when I am showing a picture of myself at a younger age from the past a TBT when like I'm you know on our phone showing pictures if the

guy doesn't show interest in what I looked like as a young child and like does the thing where he takes the phone and he zooms in like he wants to see your face closer you know like on an old family photo and be like oh I want to see you in the past we're not gonna make it I'm I've been in too many relationships where the guy doesn't really care about getting to know me or like my history or my past and this isn't about ex-boyfriends. Like, I want you to know about my relationship history. This is about like, oh, what you looked like as a little girl.

And I know this stuff may seem trivial to people, but to me, it's not. And I am in the person I love. If I'm not interested in someone's baby pictures, which I'm not a lot of times, this isn't just something I'm, but the guy I love, I hope, I know for a fact,

I will be interested in that and I would expect the same back my love language is zooming in on my childhood pictures yeah yeah how do you pass this test so the guy you show when I have when I'm showing pictures from my childhood or from high school or just a young a much younger version of me that the person doesn't show actually you show the picture and they just go uh whatever you failed if you failed. If you go, oh my God, look at you, just say something. I mean, I know these aren't actually interesting, but, and this isn't fake interest. I don't want someone to fake it.

It's genuine. Like, I just get disappointed that I'm like, oh, this isn't my person. And I hate the word my person, but this person's not going to be mine. That's just like a litmus test that just kind of, you know, one of the, it just, it's a, that ismus test that just kind of you know one of the it just it's a it that is no it just shows about you yes it shows that you're very self-interested you're not

you just don't care about me you just don't love me you're not you don't have the potential to love me if you're not interested in in what i looked like as a child that's just my that's how i feel about by the way i don't think this is the worst Tinder date ever, this lady. I mean, she went in knee-deep water and grabbed a dog. He didn't do anything when a guy reveals himself to be a gigantic pussy like this. Wait a minute. Andrew, you didn't get the facts straight. It's chest-deep water. It wasn't knee-deep.

Okay, it wasn't neck-deep, Noah. She wasn't drowning. Chest-deep water. it wasn't neck deep noah it wasn't she wasn't drowning chest deep water you don't do you know that you can be swept away in ankle deep water by a rushing water okay but this wasn't rushing water was it rushing water you don't know it wasn't rushing it could have been going 35 miles per hour like that fucking coaster and you would have came no my thing is that like what's your thing there's no way to spin this where this guy looks good there's just no way don't even try it's like i'm just saying that i'm not saying the guy looks

terrible but the worst date ever i just don't think it's the worst date ever i think getting gonorrhea from the guy from his dog would be worse i'm just saying there's worse thing i mean i'm not someone who likes dates really i mean, I like it once I've already liked the person. We go out to something. But for getting to know you dates, I've always said that I just like a simple Netflix and save your dog from a drowning situation. That's what I like. When a guy's like, you up? You want to come save my dog?

So you think if this guy saved the dog, he's getting laid? If he's like, I got it. Yeah. And he jumps in. I will tell you that one time i was like about to break up with this dude i was maybe he should set it up yeah this is a test this i was over this fucking dude and then we left his house and i we were going to dinner i was like i have to end this so soon and a pit bull was growling at me ready to attack it got out of

its yard it was the neighbor's yard and they like abused them and this this thing was ready to attack and it started running to me and i grabbed my neck i wrapped my hand around my neck and i just fell into a ball because i was ready to be attacked and want to protect my neck and the the dog was running to attack and this guy just goes no no and just and like fucking scared the dog enough that it stopped in its tracks as it was ready to attack us and backed away. And then we got inside safe and I blew him so hard. Wow. It was the hottest thing. And we lasted for another couple hours at least.

What you didn't see is an hour later, he's feeding that pit bull and their best friend. Test. All right, let's get to your sports moment, my friend. You know I love the sports story, Nick. Oh, I love it. Here's get to your sports moment, my friend. You know I love a sports story, Nick. Oh, I love it. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. Okay, detectives find cause of Tiger Woods crash, but won't reveal it citing privacy concerns.

Right, I got this alert today on my phone that the details, and I kept reading i go wait there's no details what do you think it was well here's the thing the more i read the more they're asking him if it's okay to release it which they don't usually do i mean he's obviously a person of power people want to find out that he was on drugs they want to find out he was fucked up yeah they want to pile on to the millions of things so they can do another documentary about how Tiger Woods

fucked a girl in a sand trap or whatever. He's not hiding something if it's a muffler issue. You know what I mean? The fact that it's not being released suggests maybe something. Yeah, well, I think the fact that it's not being released, people think they well i i think the fact that it's not being

released people think yeah they're covering up something leave tiger alone right leave him it was a single accident he's the only one that got fucked up um yeah i mean you know the suv purely an accident is what the sheriff said great and people are like leave him alone but that documentary felt so gross you told me that um before i watched it because you had watched it first and then i watched it and i learned so much the other day i was telling cast members on the show all about it i was like his high school girlfriend was his true love it wasn't just a high school fling they were meant to be and but but the thing that bugged me about the documentary was just all the people that it said tiger's friend and i'm

like bitch not anymore you're not tiger's never talking to anyone associated with this thing no he's like you know what i like dirty i like how you ruined me on national tv and it just makes me think i haven't texted you in a while yeah fuck you if you watch that documentary there's this one girl maybe the caddy i think the caddy deserves a second i do too he and he was really kind the whole time but still tiger's never gonna talk to that dude again ever ever ever ever ever you're dead to tiger you are if you were if you if you watch that documentary we're dead to tiger like anyone who watched it is he's not gonna forgive you tiger can cut you out of his life very very quickly we learned through that documentary.

Tiger was almost dead to Tiger. Yeah. I mean, truly. He chopped off a whole part of his life because he wanted to be committed to golf and to being the best. And so he definitely, there are people like that that are so committed to what they care about that they can just slice you out. And he's one of those people and he never slices unless it's his friends boom all right let's move on great great sports segment by the way thank you i knew you'd like that i was fulfilled by that it was something that i cared about something i kind

of knew about something that you kind of knew about as opposed to last week when you truly nothing i just give a quick shout out to North Carolina and Kansas? I apologize. I said you didn't even make March Madness. I got my facts wrong. I apologize. And I apologize to Holland and Netherlands. I'm sorry.

Will you do the KU chant? KU, not you, but me. And it's me, not you. That's actually better than what it is. It's chalk jay hawk k you i think that's it i went there i really don't know i don't care about sports um no we are going to now get into our mental health moment yeah we got a gong going so i mean i think a lot of the podcast is talking about mental health issues. And I don't know why I suddenly took on this softer tone, but I feel like I should have it throughout our mental health segment.

So, Andrew, let's talk about our mental health today. What did you learn about yourself this week, or what could you share with our listeners that is something you think would soothe them or provide some kind of relief from the stress of everyday human existence? Well, I'm glad you asked that, Nikki. The other day, I was eating six pieces of pizza, and then I woke up, and I was very hard on myself. I've been very good about eating somewhat healthy and working out and I fell off hard and then I ate another seven slices the next day because we had the two boxes in the fridge.

And then this morning I had two more pieces sure and what i've learned nikki is that you have to be easy on yourself and if there's three piece if there's three pies in that fridge there's people starving other places you eat the pizza you enjoy it you like to talk me through that let's not be funny about it because i think this is a very real thing i'm being honest you said there's starving people out there i mean like, like, that's all ridiculous. This could be why I have a mental health issue. I mean, you're not wrong. Okay, I'm being serious. I ate the pizza.

I fell off hard. I had six slices. I was in the moment. I didn't. My anxiety was too high. I didn't even realize I was fucking crushing these pizzas. And a lot of times I wake up, and it was when I used to drink too. And I'd get really fucked up.

It wasn't even about getting the fucked up. It was the next day of being so fucking hard on myself for fucking up and for not being able to, uh, to limit myself because I want attention for, for some fucking reason in a bar from some random guy with a face tattoo says we're best friends for 20 minutes like this was my whole life and so so relatable to man i mean seriously yeah and i just don't i don't want to like it was fucked up that i did that and get fucked up then it's

triply fucked up the next day when i'm like you're a piece of shit you're an idiot why would you do that to yourself why and then that started a whole spiral that could last up to five days. So the pizza thing is a small, those highs and lows aren't as big because I don't drink anymore. But the pizza is the same kind of concept. The next day I wake up, I'm like, why the fuck did you eat six slices? You worked out for 30 minutes. Can I cut in?

Of course. I love this. I love that you were gentle with yourself. It is so hard to do. did you eat six slices you worked out for 30 minutes can i can i cut in of course this i love this i love that you were gentle with yourself it is so hard to do my favorite thing is to be mean to myself people always ask me why i'm good at roast jokes and it's because i've been bullying myself my entire life i am my voice in my head is truly the one of the cruelest voices oh i've heard it it's yeah i've it's it's landed on you for sure and no it's true i can be but i i won't say as mean things to you like mine more passive aggressive to you but for me it's just like i try to get myself to i i bully myself like a you know eighth grade girl trying to

get a girl to kill herself in her high school just like i really cyber bully why do you do that i'm trying to get me to kill myself but why do you do that why are you so hard on yourself i can't help it but now i can because now i know that this bullying like i've done a lot of work on myself through different things this year and i don't talk to myself like that like ever anymore and and and it's a really hard habit to break it's not as easy as just being like, don't talk to yourself like that because listen, that is compounding on it. When you get mad at yourself for being, for talking bad to yourself, guess what that is? So here's the thing. When I catch myself, when I look in the mirror and it's a bad face day and I, I have the, uh, compulsory, uh, that I say to myself, cause I i bags under my eyes my skin looks like saggy or whatever it is pale splotchy i go ugh instead of going don't talk bad to yourself that's so mean i

go that's so funny that that was the first thing you thought to say to yourself that's so cute nikki like that's your coping mechanism that's adorable i'm gentle even with the reprimanding of my own head now when it comes to the food stuff, which is like huge. I love that, by the way. Yeah, just have, you don't have to be nice because nice is as funny. Try to find the humor in it. Try to observe your voice in your head

when you have those moments. Try to step back and observe your voice like you're a scientist doing an experiment and you're writing down notes about it without any judgment, just like, oh, that's interesting. I interesting i did that that's it that's so interesting that i said oh to myself it's not bad it's not good it's interesting it's of note so here's the thing i did with food i don't binge anymore i really have i have not binged in um it'll be a year on April 26th. And I have not, um, I've eaten three meals a day since April 26th, uh,

2020. And I, because of that, I've, and I used to binge every single night of my life. He's to starve all day and eat about one really long extended meal a day. Um, also known as inner,

what is it? Is that the KU chant? Yeah. But I now don't binge and I have to get up every morning even if i like last a couple nights ago i ate a lot at three in the morning this wasn't a binge but i ate like a meal because i just didn't get enough dinner and i didn't want to go to bed hungry i woke up five hours later i still had breakfast i did and even though i wasn't hungry for it i still had it because i don't get to skip a meal i don't get to play those games with myself anymore.

It's not, it's not, it doesn't lead to happiness. So that's not me telling you, you have to do that. What I'm saying is the other night, I ate a little too much. Wasn't a binge, but I felt fuller than I like to feel. And I used to eat to the point where I would throw up, not because of sticking a finger down my throat, because I was so sick from eating.

And this used to be every single night. I would get to the point where I was so sick, I couldn't move. My boyfriend and I couldn't have sex. We used to call it TFTF, too full to fuck. But it was a funny thing, but it was not funny. It was really terrible. And every time I ate, I would eat to the point

where I would make myself sick. So the other night I had a slight, like I ate a little too much. And instead of going, oh my God, you fucked up for the first time ever you this is a binge you um uh how i can't believe you why did you have to eat that extra half thing of hummus all these things i just was like well that's funny all right well that's oh well tomorrow's a new day and that was a little over the top. And that's not to say that's even if I'm telling you the, my final thing on this,

because I know so many people struggle with this. I was you, I am you. I continually have to stop myself from entering these phases. Let's say you have a package of something you do not want to eat the full package of, and you start eating and guess you have a package that you don't even want to open until later. You have it for later, but you go, you know what? I'm gonna have one Treat myself you have one Then you feel bad. You had one you but you were gonna save that so you have two because you already broke into it right two now it's like Now the anxiety you feel from having two when you weren't supposed to have any and there's no reason for it

And you're just eating anxiously and emotionally and you're only eating because you're anxious, you now are going to finish that bag, not because you're anxious from when you ate the two cookies, that anxiousness that finishes the rest of the bag is from the fact that you ate the two cookies. Are you hearing me out? So when you eat those two cookies, forgive yourself for those two cookies.

Do not have it lead to more anxiety which leads you to then devour the bag because the bag is getting devoured only because of the anxiety of those two cookies let it go forgive yourself for making mistakes it's okay everyone does it everyone Giselle Bunchen overeats everyone does it and that's your mental health moment for the day let's move into final thoughts final thoughts um i'm really glad we got to record e this podcast 18 times today because of recording issues um this is proof of that we all have worked on ourselves because it's the same thing like the pod didn't record like four times. And we're just like, ah, granted we had a day off. We literally recorded 25 minutes of stuff that you'll never hear.

And we had internet issues that would not like this podcast was supposed to be done an hour and a half ago. And it's still going. Yeah. But that is a perfect example. Because that happened for a reason. I used to never understand this. Everything happens for a reason. When something happens now that is like so advantageous my purse spills out in front of everyone There's trash all over the floor. I drop a glass and it shatters and it fucks up everything

I'm I go i'm so glad that happened the way it happened because that was supposed to happen I didn't want it to happen. I'm not a bad person because it happened It was supposed to happen and i'm glad we lost that stuff because even when we lost that file and we had so many funny jokes on there so many that could have changed our fucking lives and led to like development deals truly i mean that could have been the case but i'm i guarantee you something happened because of that that would have never happened with that and i I'm so grateful for that. Like this conversation. In fact, I, I love this conversation. I think, I think that,

um, there's so many times in my life where like I've failed or feel like I failed. And it's like, you're such a fucking failure. Instead of being like, like, like you said, like that laughing at the step,

but you have to be present. You have to be able to stop and look at that. Waking up app. You can get it for free by writing into support at waking up.com. Yeah. That makes you more mindful, but yeah, you have to have mindfulness to stop these things. I remember the first time I put it into use of really letting things go and just knowing that there's a reason for everything.

It was before we were going to our show in Philadelphia at Royersford at that outdoor venue with Ari. Remember we were on the sidewalk before we got in the car and I got a kombucha and I dropped it and it shattered everywhere. And I, you know, it was six, it was like a $7 kombucha, maybe more. It was probably like $9.

I was at a bodega and I was really thirsty for it. I was treating myself to it because it makes me feel a little buzzed and i don't drink and it just gives me this and i was excited for this to have it on my road trip and i remember i dropped it and everyone goes oh i can go get you a new one and i just go i wasn't supposed to have that kombucha like god or whatever i don't really i believe in god but my version of god that wasn't supposed to go in my body and i'm fucking fine with it and if it is meant to be i'll go version of god that wasn't supposed to go in my body and i'm fucking fine with it and if it is meant to be i'll go get another but i wasn't compelled to so it's just

like instead of you know next time you're in traffic like yesterday we or the other day we were driving and the guy in front of us or you were cognizant of the fact that a guy was really on someone else's on someone else's tail yeah and i wanted to say, I didn't do it, but I wanted to say you in that moment, if someone's on your tail, that doesn't, just imagine they're not there. They're being there is not affecting your life. Literally at all.

Maybe it's blocking your view behind you that you want to see, but any more than that, it's not doing anything. Oh, it's making me feel pressured to go faster. It's making me feel like they're good. You're choosing to feel that way. That the car has nothing to do with how you're feeling.

You, no one makes you feel any way. I'm so tired of people saying they made me feel bad. They made me feel scared. If you say that you're wrong. You chose to take their actions and make them make you feel that way. You're in control. You know, when I fell in love with you as a friend when so and i think this is a nice story and it like really like i i do think about this a lot so i

thought i had bed bugs in my apartment and then i was dog sitting for you so then i was staying in your room so i thought i gave your bed bed bugs yeah but there was just one bed bug and it was not even in my room where I was but I was walking around this is before Zoloft this is before I went to therapy I was walking around New York City thinking I'm gonna tell her this and it's gonna be the end of our friendship she's gonna fire me how fucking wrong of me to fucking put her at risk with these bed bugs because you hear horror stories about bedbugs. You lose friends if you even say like, if you say the word bed and bug and they're not even connected. Like, I got out of bed this morning and then I went outside and I saw a bug on a leaf.

People are like, I think we need to distance ourselves for about a couple months. And I called you and I was so scared to call you. Because this was early in our friendship yeah and uh you you told me to uh go go fuck myself i know and then why would that make you feel deeper you were so fucking kind about it and you were like yeah if i get if i if they show up well i'll deal with it but until they show up i'm not gonna worry about it don't stress about it and you put yourself in my head because you might feel similarly if you were in my shoes yeah and so many times we don't fucking stop and be like this person is already feeling horrible and i this could happen to me too and to double up on that person and i would want that person to do that to me when i caught

my one of my one of my boy ex-boyfriends was going through my phone once and I caught him going through my phone and, and it was just like such a breach of trust. And I remember he felt so bad and I go, you have a big day at work. I promise you this will not end us. Please let it go. Just know that I am,

we're going to have a talk about it, but it's not going to be the end of us please just put this out of your mind like it didn't happen today because that's what I would want for me if I did something had a weakness of character and I got caught for it I would want someone to go here's the facts it's not it's never going to lead to me breaking up with

you this might be a symptom of something later down the road that leads to it but this tonight I'm not going to break up with you go to work be okay be present and we'll deal with this later because it's just it's still gonna be there nothing needs to happen right now and so i i just hope people do that for the people in your life today a little bit more we gotta go thank you so much for listening noah thanks for letting us go along today i love you so much best friends uh we'll see you next week tell people about the podcast we are on the carousel on uh itunes it's awesome. Front page carousel, bitches.

I keep forgetting that we're like on the radio because we're here. We're on the radio everywhere. Yeah, if you hear us on the radio and add for our show on the radio, try to record it and put it on your Instagram story and tag us.

We love to hear from you. Thank you so much. You're our best friends. We'll see you next week and have a good weekend. Okay. Okay. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.

If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all,

make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your

ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability and authenticity, we share our personal journeys, navigating our 30to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened.

And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcast. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins.

Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.