The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #80 You're Slipping Slim

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

Between you and Nikki, take your meds and try to get your angry friends to talk. Andrew helped Nikki make a birthday call to her dad EJ and he got to hear the infamous horizontal tooth story. In the news, profane parrots, how to maybe avoid prostate cancer, Andrew meets a layered man and a cat steals an MLB game. Listeners send Fanthrax from around the world and in the Final Thought, Andrew leaves us with a strange cliff hanger. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin Luther King III, and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more.

Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. the nikki glazer podcast

here's nikki hey everyone happy thursday what's up it's the nikki glazer podcast guess what guys i'm in a fucking great mood today. No more sourpuss glazer. I apologize for my mood the past three days. Going through a little something something. that I got this day to be back to normal and be what I want to be for you, which is in a good mood and in the mood to laugh. Even though yesterday I did laugh a lot and had a lot of fun, even though I was in a negative headspace, it wasn't a fake, like getting cheery and like being, I mean, obviously, I mean, I went through all the emotions yesterday thank you guys for letting me cry on my podcast I love you um got a lot of nice notes about it and um yeah and I thought I was gonna like regret so many of the things I went off on because it was just like me kind of you know emotionally vomiting all over you guys and um I didn't I had no regrets I

was just like you know what you felt that way and even if you do feel like, oh, that was a little insane and spiraling, like, who cares? Who doesn't, you know? So whenever, yeah, like I said, whenever I annoy you, or I'm just like, not in the mood for you, like, just know I'll be back to my normal self. And maybe take a second to go, dude, I've had days like this. And I don't want anyone listening to me. So turn it off or turn it to double the speed. And then I'll be I'll quickly zip through it. Yeah, it's just like, it's, it's weird when those moods come on, but it definitely lifted for me. I'm back on track. I'm taking my meds responsibly because sometimes I try to stave off my meds because I want to be able to sleep or I want to wait to feel good.

And I feel like I don't deserve to feel good so early in the morning. And then I'll start feeling bad by the evening if I take it too early. So then I'll take my meds later. And then by the time I take it, the mood has already set in and then I can't get out of it. So take your meds, everyone. And if your meds don't work and some days you also feel sad, journal or write a song, listen to some music. There's lots of ways to cope with feelings. No, what do you do to cope when you are in a mood that, you know, because when I get in a really, I was hanging out with a friend yesterday and they were saying that when they get in a really bad mood, they don't want me around because they're going to, they don't want anyone around

because they will say really mean things to their loved ones and be to, they don't want anyone around because they will say really mean things to their loved ones and be like, they don't trust themselves. Like this person was saying, like, I was in a state of mind where I wanted to blow up my life and I would have tried to blow up our friendship, like our relationship. I would have tried to like hurt you because I was in such a negative place. And I go, I relate to that. I don't do it to, for some reason, I don't do it to you, to this person. And I'm like, I don't do it to Noah. I don't do it to my girlfriends, but I do it to Andrew. Like, I understand that state of mind where like there's someone where if you're in a bad mood around them, they should steer the fuck clear and protect, you should protect them from you by staying in your goddamn room all day because

you know that you're going to be mean and you can't help it and but the thing is and that's why I'm getting to this I told this person I told my friend who avoids me when they're when they get in these kind of moods I go we need I like being around you and I want to help you get through those moods because I'm your friend and I love you. And so I want to come up with a way that you can let me know you're in that mood. I can prepare myself and enter into it knowing that the things you say are going to be hurtful and that you can't help them. And you can work on tools that prevent you from being your ugliest self because it is preventable. You just have to come up with tools. So I have a couple tools for me when I want to be

and by the way it's not just Andrew it's my it's my mom my dad Andrew are pretty much the three people in my life that I feel comfortable enough being really really nasty to when I'm sad and it's like embarrassing to admit and it's just because I love them and I know it's unconditional, and that I can be, but it isn't. Like, maybe my parents is because I came out of my mom's pussy and my dad's dick at one point. You know, you do come out of your dad's dick. But I didn't come out of Vander's dick or his pussy, and so he could just go, fuck you.

But then I go, but then the podcast, what's he going to do? It's like, no, no, no, he could walk away from all of it I go but then the podcast what's he gonna do it's like no no no he could walk away from all of it he doesn't need any of this shit if you're being abusive to him so I have to work on protecting him from me when I'm in those moods but most of all I have to work on how I handle my mood because that's not okay just because you acknowledge that you're nasty when you're in those moods doesn't mean it gives you a free pass to be that way. So, Noah, I know you're a person that struggles with your anger. What do you – or, like, being in a mood and saying nasty stuff. Just because I've heard of it, I would never even guess it for you.

We've talked about it a little bit. What do you do? So, similar to your friend who just needs their space from other people that's exactly what i need i just like cannot be around anybody and then i just need to be with myself and either i'll distract myself by reading something or just trying to you know go through the techniques of like just talking myself through it what does that sound I just, I guess a lot of it is thinking about like, well, do you really want your relationship to be this way? Like it could just be fun and harmonious and easygoing. Why do you have to, um, like, uh, why do you have to pick a fight? Why do you have

to have things escalate? Why does it have to go that way as opposed to working it out, just talking through it, not getting so offended, and then just kind of like working through why I'm getting offended? Can I put you in a position? Can we talk about specifics? Because I want to help myself here. I want to help others here. Let's say you're in a bad mood and maybe

this doesn't you don't relate to this so let me know if you do that um isn't let's say it's not related to your fiance who you live with it's not he is not the cause of it whatever that's putting you in this dark cloud you don't let's say you're in a bad mood and just are looking really negatively at the world maybe something's going on with work like it's outside of him right um will you stay away from him during that time because you know that you'll be mean to him because he'll be in the wake or do you bring him in truthfully i haven't really felt that way in a very long time um so but but it's because you got help for it so let's talk about before you got help for it yeah I'd probably just like isolate myself and be alone but that's just like a negative thing

I was doing to myself anyway yeah because I I see what happened was like this friend of mine like all of a sudden I thought they were mad at me and like had been given up on our friendship and wanted me out of their life because we went from being like very close friends to nothing. And like I went away to Tulum and like went away. We kind of were like in touch then. Like, you know, you are with your people you love when you're on vacation but like not a lot and then came back and I thought I was gonna pick back up to like best friends again and it just didn't and it was like almost like I had done something because it was such a drastic thing however this person I also knew wasn't seeing anyone in their life so I was kind of not taking

it personally but I was so angry at being cut out and not being brought in when a friend needs me clearly that I was like I'm fucking done too then if you don't want to tell me if you and then when I find out that this person is just going through a hard time and is actually protecting me from their anger and their sadness I obviously understood it and was like totally fine with it when this person was in a better state of mind they could explain it it and was like totally fine with it when this person was in a better state of mind they could explain it but I was like next time I can't promise you that next time I'm not gonna want to fucking cut the rope when you do this to me because it felt so I don't like when friends abandoned me and change the tone of our relationship um so I can't

promise that next time I'm just gonna be like oh she's just in a bad mood and doesn't want to talk to me and like it's nothing personal I might go to this like fuck her you know and like cut her off and I don't want to do that I want to remember that it's not me but I also think that she can come up with a way of being able to like a code word like a rooster type code word being like I'm in one of these moods stay away but at the same time I know that when you're in those come up with a way of being able to like a code word, like a rooster type code word of being like, I'm in one of these moods, stay away. But at the same time, I know that when you're in those moods, you need people.

You can't do this alone. See, this person was like, seriously, if you would have come by, if you would have like stopped by and demanded to see me, or I would have tried to get you to leave by saying the meanest things to you possible that would hurt you so much so that you couldn't ever see me again. Like that's the state I was in. I wanted to like blow up every single thing in my life. And I go, okay. And the person was like, well, it just – for me, I just want to be there for my friends when they get into that. And I think that some of the things we go to when we're feeling really sad, and now I can only speak for myself, but when I'm really depressed, I want to listen to sad

music that makes me feel as depressed as I am. When I'm suicidal and having those thoughts, I like to listen to podcasts about people who have killed themselves. I like my favorite suicide podcasts that talk, that interview people that have committed suicide. And I hear how sad they are, And I like feel it. And I feel justified in my sadness. And I feel like they're right. And all of this is like the, it's like laying in a coffin. Like it's the worst thing you can do. Like get out of that. Even though it feels

so good to wallow. Everyone, that's why sad music rocks is because people want to know that other humans feel the same way. When you get in those moods, like for me now with Andrew, like if I'm in one of those moods like I was the past couple days of like wanting to say the things, like wanting to put him down because he's in a cheery mood cleaning his room and I'm just like it's rooms aren't even clean like he shouldn't even feel that good about this like I'm like oh I did the fucking ugliest thing when I was in did I even talk about this podcast when I was in Tulum I was such a cunt and I was able to apologize for it right away kind of right away you know like an hour later but Kirsten and I were getting ready to go to breakfast and I was just like um we were talking about like COVID Delta variant like sweeping the nation and how like it's looking like mass like we were just it was looking it was one of those days of the news where it just felt like things were gonna shut down again and Kirsten and I was just like well there goes my fucking 55 city tour I

was just like kind of like like I don't even that's gonna be a logistical nightmare getting like scheduling that but I was kind of like resolute like good I don't even want to go like I was so sad about life the past couple weeks I was just like whatever and then Kirsten was like talking about her husband's 40th birthday and she she was like, I guess, you know, we're going to have to look into a different place to go. We were going to go to Hawaii in September, or November, but now I guess we're going to go. I have a 55-city tour that needs to be figured out. Like, and you're talking about a Hawaii trip?

I literally said that as I'm, like, brushing my teeth with her. And she goes, and I loved her for this because I knew that was cunty. I know that there are starving kids in Africa everyone's there's always something that's more red tape or more tragic or whatever based on like you know whatever there's always someone who's like suffering more and it's so shitty to throw that back at them and I knew it as soon as I said it and Kirsten usually just especially that last week was just like putting up with my bad mood and being a very nurturing friend and like letting those kind of like ducking those matrixing those bullets you know bending backwards because she's very flexible but this time no she just goes okay well um just because your life is hard doesn't mean that other

people don't have hard lives and in different ways she just said something very gentle she was just like it you're like just because you have 55 dates doesn't mean that some people don't have one that is actually very important to them. And I was just like, yeah. And I wasn't ready to apologize. You know when you know you're wrong, but you just can't. It's too embarrassing. So I just finished brushing my teeth. I went to breakfast and I was just so sad. That that was one of the last days we were there. And I was so sad because I knew what a bitch I had been to my friend and how I had just exemplified the thing I hate more than anything, which is my life's worth worse than yours. Stop, stop being sad about your life because you don't have a right to be. Why are you sad about Cory Monteith dying? You didn't know him. And then I feel like my feelings are

invalidated. Like I hate when people do that. And I did that to my best friend. And so later on we got back to the room. We were alone. And I was kind of just like, you know, pouting about something new. And I was throwing things around. I was just like packing. And like I hate my messy suitcase, my bed. And Kirsten's like, talk to me.

Like what are your thoughts? And I was just like, she's so cute. She goes, what's it like when you get depressed like what does it feel like because she doesn't suffer with depression like mine she has depression before but it's been like triggered by massive life events that would have called for it and mine's just kind of like out of nowhere and she was like what does it feel like and I was like I think that's when I said it's being really mean and not having any control over how nasty I can be and like I mean I had this moment with you and Carlisle that night where I said I can't believe I was so nasty to Carlisle uh about um that one comic that she thought everyone

knew like just dumb shit and so I said Kirsten honestly I've been in a bad mood for an hour and a half now because of how rude I was to you when I was brushing my teeth about Corey's 40th birthday and she goes yeah I mean that was like not that nice but like I knew that you were and I go she was like I was like nervous like I like stood up like I like I just like couldn't take it anymore I like had to defend myself and I was like please yes don't let me get away with this shit and I'm not that's it's not your responsibility to like like that's not on I don't ever want to make someone feel like well you let me treat you like that so I'm going to it's your fault that I'm mean and you didn't stand up to me stand up to me pussy that's like such a bully thing to do but I was like Kirsten I know how hard that was because I'm so scary when I'm mean that was awesome and that made me be able to see that the wrongs of my ways sooner than and I'm able to say now like that's so rude and I'm so sorry that I did that

and that was and I can really say that like that came from a moment of like just being defenseless against the hairpin trigger of like my life is sadder. And we all have it. It's okay. And I was able to forgive myself for that. And then by doing so, Kirsten was able to forgive me. And it's so embarrassing. As much as I love to apologize, and I really do, it's not so easy when it's like an hour and a half after you do it. It's way easier to apologize for things years before than it is minutes after.

And the quicker you can minimize that time between you saying it and apologizing – I told this best friend the other day, I said, you know what? I love you enough that I think I would be able to, I can, I think I can forgive anyone for anything. Let me be honest. If Donald Trump somehow did ayahuasca or something or had a different brain overnight, like, and just was like, oh my God, I've been the worst worst if he apologized for everything and was like I was such a dick slob selfish all these things first of all I'd go who wrote this script for him because he's unable to feel these feelings I mean I really look at Donald Trump as someone who is incapable of knowing these wrongs without some extreme medical intervention um But I could forgive anyone. I really could. So I don't know.

I'm just going to try to apologize sooner. My goal for this weekend and for the rest of my life is to the first time I go, you need to apologize, but not now because you're too scared. I'm going to dancing with the stars, bravery. Remember that I danced live on TV and that was the bravest thing i've ever done and that if i can do that i can apologize for something as soon as i know it's wrong that's my challenge to myself let's get andrew in here so i can apologize to him andrew 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship

with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair.

And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections

to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness and we want this to stop.

Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world

is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery.

The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Andrew. Another silly up top. No, it was so fun.

I'm just like, you know, I'm talking about apologizing. And how'd you sleep, buddy? How did I sleep? I slept really well, actually. Yeah. All right, good. I slept talking about apologizing. And how'd you sleep, buddy? How did I sleep? I slept really well, actually. Yeah. All right, good. I slept almost through the night. Well, happy birthday to my dad.

Oh, yeah, big EJ. He turned 66. It's my dad's 66th birthday. Andrew, I FaceTimed him this morning, and Andrew hopped on the call with him. And your guys' relationship relationship he loves you so much it made me laugh so hard he just like makes fun of my dad for being old and like you're like don't i my dad loves you and you're one of the only people that like i've seen actively talk shit with my dad in like a really funny loving way and um and he just gets such a kick out of the best

and like likes to give it back. It's really adorable. I get along very well with... What'd you say to him? You were making me laugh so fucking hard. I was making fun of him. He's getting new teeth. He has to get his teeth removed. Oh, yeah.

He has to get... My dad has, like... When he was a kid, this is kind of a cute story. His dentist, back in the 60s, his dentist did an x-ray and goes, you know, son, you a a tooth that's horizontal that's like in your chin growing on top of your other teeth like a weird you know rogue tooth you're gonna have to have that surgically extracted you

better tell your mom to schedule that and my dad just was like okay i will and then never told his mom so cut to like 60 years later he is it his teeth are like feeling dead a little bit and he went in and they're like yeah we got to take out four teeth because this fucking weird horizontal teeth anyway it's now gonna cost him fifteen thousand dollars and andrew goes fifteen thousand dollars i'll take out your just put in play-doh you don't need to fucking teeth no one cares about your teeth and my dad i just love the fact that like, he kind of showed his dentist, like, uh,

the dentist was like, we got to take this out. And he's like, no, we don't. It's been 60. Like he got 60 years out of it. Like,

you know what I mean? Like it wasn't like the dentist was probably like, we got to get this out right away. And he got that story. Do you know how many times I heard about the horizontal tooth growing up? I literally have heard that story 15,000 times. If I had a dollar for every time my dad told that story, he'd be able to pay for his teeth to get fucking fixed. No, it's – and now my dad really is like one of these people that, you know, he's going to get surgery and it's going to be a big deal in our house because my dad is a – he he he you know i think men sometimes like get

women can like stand pain and like traumatic like medical events a lot easier than men and like less complain about it less because we're always kind of known as being hysterical and naggy and like emotional. So women tuck it down. And like we've learned to like suppress our pain because it just we don't want someone to go, oh, this woman's just complaining too much. Let's just put her out of her misery and keep going. That's like, you know, back in the or in tribes, if women cried enough, they just be like, shut up, bitch, and like probably kill you. So women just have to be like, I'm fine.

Nothing's wrong. But men can complain all they want because they also have... But we have to complain like being tough, though. You know? Like, he's got to be... No, no, no.

It is not easy being a man, and I'm not saying men are bad. And this is not... You know, obviously, this is a generalization, but I've found that men get a little bit like baby or when they're sick which when i am in a relationship i love when a guy is a widow baby and i get to go are you a widow weak baby and i get to go oh are you sick i will take care of you i love a like a little like man that's just kind of like leaning

into being a baby i probably want a baby um but uh I was laughing you just like you know calling my dad on his birthday it always or all and my parents on their birthday sometimes it feels like oh this is just like I have to do it it's a little bit like oh I'm not in the mood to call my dad right now I'd like to be in the mood when I call my parents and I was and I wasn't and then you and then I was because my dad and I were having fun he was wearing a shirt that I got him for his birthday a few years ago and uh and then Andrew came in and like made me like you made me appreciate my dad so much in that moment because you he was just so fun with you and like having such a good time laughing

what else were you were saying that um he, he was talking about going to Atlantic City because we've been to Atlantic City or we're going to Atlantic City this Saturday, the Borgata. And my dad had said he went there with my mom 10 years ago on some like work trip. They like had, you know, a function in Atlantic City

and they were like, let's go to the Borgata. And he said that women, he goes, I guess this happens all the time, but it was the first time I saw women standing on the bar making out, which I guess is a thing. And then we're like, no, it's not. And he was like, this happens all the time but the first time i saw women standing on the bar making out which i guess is a thing and then we're like no it's not yeah and he was like and then all the guys were cheering them on and i was like man these guys are crazy it's like you mean the women making out on the bar like his takeaway i like that my dad blamed

it on the men because he should we're doing it for the men it is the men's problem and andrew goes you mean the women? Because my dad was like, God, we just left being like, I guess men are like that. They're crazy. I mean, there's nothing more fun than telling an old man you'll beat the shit out of them. I think every guy can relate to telling an old guy who's falling apart, who is maybe kind of tough back in their day, that you will beat them with their own fake hip. You know, stuff like that. It's just two guys just like, I'll rip your dick off and put it in your ear.

And he's like, you will. He just looks like an old turtle. It's just so fun. It's so funny. Yeah. I'm looking into getting my dad a present today. I got to figure out what to get him. Every year I try to get him

something i mean i bought my mom a fucking car and so my dad's probably waiting like what's it gonna be and i'm like oh it's a new guitar pick get him an iced out grill for that bottom mouth just be like yeah maybe i'll just pay for his fucking i mean that would be an unbelievable present at least part of it maybe i'll do that well if i had a dollar keep talking dad every time you tell that story i'll start going ka-ching, ka-ching. That's not even the right. You're just being so nice to me lately. And he's like, is there a correlation here between him and needing teeth?

Yeah. No, my dad is, I love my dad. Happy birthday, Dad. August 5th, 1954. Great, great time. He's a great dad. August 5th, 1954. Great, great time. He's a great dad. I really lucked out. Made me who I am.

He's, like, I can't believe he's even an age where you would go, God, that's old as fuck. Like, today he joked that he was 49. He was like, Andrew, I'm just 49. And I go, you actually have the spirit of a 49-year-old easily. And he moves a little bit slower now. But my dad, I mean, without sounding ridiculous, my dad has 100% the best body of any 66-year-old man you will ever see. Unless that 66-year-old man only spends time on his body my dad 100 has the best body and

i am bragging a little bit because i have my dad's body i do have a dad bod everyone knows it um i will be i will be i'm turning like the because i don't exercise anymore i don't diet and i realized like my normal body without doing anything extra is lanky and long and like kind of hairless like my dad's and i got a huge dick um but i i am like i'm turning my dad and i look the same from the back like the same we both have no ass our legs are exactly the same sometimes my dad and and I sit next to each other and our feet are like it's just it's eerie. But I'm very grateful because my dad has a beautiful like even woman's figure. I mean like it's an androgynous. Men or women would accept it.

Would you agree? I mean, yeah. I think the older you guys get, you're getting closer to meeting in the middle of being the same and then my mom i can my my voice my personality and voice is turning into my mom and i told her the other day i go i used to hate when people said that and now i fucking love it because you're the funniest person ever so if i get my dad's bod and my mom has a great bod too i've just like accepted that we i don't get my sister got my mom's looks I got my dad's looks and I got my mom's personality so today um I was actually doing an impression of my the thing that makes my dad

laugh more than anything that I do is impressions of our family members and my mom I I haven't even done when I was living at home I used to do my mom like for my dad when my mom's being not her best self and like because this morning i could hear the vacuum going in the background and i go what's his mom i go is mom cleaning and she goes of course she's cleaning and i go who's coming over and he goes no one and i go dad someone's coming over there's my mom would not be feverishly the amazon guy unless someone's and he goes your sister but she doesn't care and i go yes she does and my sister i've told my sister sometimes because when my mom when i was living there my mom would go crazy cleaning and i go why are you doing lauren's coming over and she's like i'm not doing this for lauren i'm doing

it for me and i go it seems to be for lauren Lauren because you weren't cleaning before Lauren said she was coming over. Then you started clean. Like, it's okay to admit that you want your daughter to think you have a clean house even though she grew up in it. And she knows it's clean and she knows you're crazy. And I say that with love. Crazy with love. But I just started going. I started doing an impression of my mom for my dad, which is maybe my most favorite thing to do.

Because it makes my dad laugh so hard. So I just started going ej i'm cleaning the fucking house what's it to you if you would it's your birthday i haven't asked you to do a goddamn thing this today why are you giving me shit for cleaning i like a clean fucking house you know it's it's i'm the only one that picks up over here we look like goddamn white trash we got the kids coming over i want be clean. My dad was laughing because you guys don't understand. That is exactly how my mom sounds. Exactly when she is in like the fight or flight response of, you know, being told, you know, my mom does not like being told, why are you cleaning? Because I want to, goddammit. Are you

sure it's not because we're having people over and you're just trying to make people think that you are better than you are based on your clean cleanliness of your house even though they don't care and they love you anyway i'm not doing this for someone else it's just uh that's my mom andrew what are you laughing about you're doing her voice what are you what the fuck no you're just you you know what you could do you could pick up some things i never ask you to pick up anything when you come over to our house but no when when have i asked you to pick up anything you told me uh to throw some cans and recycling a couple times oh oh did you throw those cans and recycling was Was that hard for you? This is all my mom. Wait, I just realized this is me.

I know. I know. I'm my mom. You're both your mom and your dad. Anything you complain about your parents, I see in you. I know. Look, I have my dad's tits and my mom's dick, so I get it. I mean, if your parents would have hung out with you more, I have my dad's tits and my mom's dick, so I get it.

I mean, if your parents would have hung out with you more, maybe you would have picked up something of theirs. Yeah, but we had a house cleaner to do that. Because they kind of abandoned you emotionally. Yeah, do you ever sound like Renita? I think I picked up things from my mom whenever I'm very lazy. I mean, my mom was extremely lazy due to depression and never left her bed and just played solitaire

and drank wine on the rocks. I do that, but just with LaCroix. And instead of solitaire, I just watch Dave. Your mom would have been so fucking into LaCroix. Yeah, she would have. Seltzer water wasn't big yet. I forgot.

Like flavored seltzer water it wasn't dude you know what my mom will eat that's wild is a lamb chop and she likes to suck on the bone boy i mean that is you dude that is you suck it on the bone just chew on the bone i'll be like mom not now dude can you fucking do it in your own room i love your parents it's it's so funny to like hear about like and i'm so glad your mom isn't in that state i mean your mom has her own issues that she's going through health wise now i'm so scared but like so glad that that didn't listen i'm so scared glad that her depression didn't kill her you know what i mean?

Like, that kind of depression, I've been through it. I would have done the same fucking thing that your mom did. Yeah, I just, like, back in the day. You don't have any other fucking tools. I was talking to her yesterday, and I was, like, getting so fucking sad with, like, just her being in Florida and, like, literally she was talking to her lung, you know, because she has COPD, which is emphysema, which is a lung disease. So if you have COVID with that, it's pretty much, it's a ticket to whatever. Yeah.

Does she have the vaccine? She does have the vaccine, which I found interesting that she could take the vaccine. So why couldn't I? But anyway, so then she said her lung doctor saw like 40 new patients like within the last day of covid and they were all you know just like he told her he she should not like leave her fucking her own bedroom so she's like fucking a prisoner well she's like okay back to 1992 through 2006. You just hear American Online going... But anyhow... You've got mail.

It's just a lot. Yeah, life is sad. And what I wanted to say, though, before you really brought it down with... Why? I said lamb chops. I'm just kidding. Dude, I'm kidding. I love talking about sad stuff and um i'm sorry that it was sad for you to talk to your mom you can always

talk to me about that stuff you know i'm there for you bro through your bedroom door truly through your bedroom door and you're like why are you on this side of the house but my mom i'll just go no don't you hear the white noise machine i'm fucking master vibrating myself right now i don't want to talk about your mom possibly dying my b um no what i what i will say is that the other night you when you got when you came out of your bedroom yesterday morning with a bunch of cans and you were like i'm cleaning baby i'm feeling good you go yeah i think i was actually depressed the past couple days it was funny to me that you like didn't know you were depressed until yeah i knew i i or maybe you

didn't articulate it i don't know what it is with and i i it's like that thing where like i don't want to complain anymore about things but like anytime i fly i swear to god two days after i'm just in a weird mental state and i think a lot of people like a flying affects their brain and that on top of you know the other stuff that was stressful this weekend a lot of stressful yeah and brenna leaving and like yeah brenna leaving me being in a fucking bad mood the one person you live with that's not really talking to you i mean it's like it of course but i do want to say though it was you were like I saw you post we weren't really talking that much I was just like not in the mood to be social it wasn't about you it's so funny that I was just talking about someone doing that

to me and now I'm like offended by it and and and that I have a right to be offended because I'm like just tell me you're in a bad mood then like don't just cut me out and say like then I think it's about me but I was like not that social wasn't talking to you but then i saw in your story you were like oh my god this new racing show i'm obsessed there's some show money heist some drug show or something money heist and then i was like okay so he's in his room like enjoying this new show he's not like staying away from me because he's mad at me because i thought you were just like fine bitch when was in your room trying to avoid me and like just like when you were in your room all day a couple days ago but you're watching money heist i heard it through the door i was like oh he's mad at me. Cause I thought you were just like fine, bitch. And like in your room trying to avoid me. And like, just like when you were in your room all day,

a couple of days ago, but you're watching money heist. I heard it through the door. I was like, Oh, he's into this new show. And then it was confirmed through your Instagram. Sorry. I'm going to make this very quickly.

And then I go to bed later that night and I'm on my phone. And all of a sudden I, I, the, my lava lamp went out and my phone kind of went root. Cause it, uh, on like it was plugged in and I felt like a burp.

Like it was like unplugged and then plugged back in. we had like a power surge and andrew texts me what the hell what the fuck was that and i go what do you mean he goes like but you rarely use fuck i think i said what the hell was that which is even more you were like scared and angry yeah you said what the hell was that and i go i think a power surge like it's back on right everything's okay and you were like yeah but that was weird and i was like i I go, I think a power surge. It's back on, right? Everything's okay. And you were like, yeah, but that was weird. And I was like, I just don't. And I think everything's fine. It's fine.

And then you were just like, I think I just got upset because it turned off my TV. And I was like, I knew it. I knew that your response was like, you were sad that you had to restart money. I had to figure out where I was. I mean, I didn't know if I was at 2248 or 2834. You know what I mean? Yeah, dude. Let's get to the news.

Apparently. Here we come. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, my God. The weekend's coming. What are you going to do?

Are you going to go out on a boat? Are you going to go out on the lake? Are you going to hit golf balls? Are you going to hit your wife? I hope not. Okay. Oh, God. I said I hope not. Yeah yeah don't hit your wife oh yeah all the swells for everyone out there for sure um have a great time yeah see you in atlantic we're coming to atlantic city to borgata the music box some people call it the box other people call it music land here we go

listen if you meet and greets to the borgata or any of my upcoming shows if they do get canceled you can get your money back through the box office like you'll find that and just don't get mad at me if i cancel meet and greets i'm just trying not to get delta i'm trying not to give you delta like but i'm it's it's on a case-by-case basis but um just understand that i'm not doing it because i don't want to meet you it's just because i'm scared that uh of that stuff so um that's all i want to say you it's just because i'm scared that uh of that stuff so um that's all i want to say you think delta will change its name like you think because remember when it was corona and then it was covid and who's still calling it someone said the coronavirus

other day and i go what the fuck are you talking about sir someone will call like uh you know uh what would be uh like uh like David 14 or something. I don't know. Because they changed it from Corona to COVID-19. So maybe we'll go from Delta to David. TWA. Anyways. Okay.

I can't believe I haven't heard so many jokes about. I made a joke last week on stage that San Antonio looked like it wasn't suffering with the Delta variant. It was suffering with the Southwest or the Spirit Airlines variant. And people fucking loved it. And I go,

have we all not made that joke a million times? Right? I think Delta has been getting crushed. I feel like the airline for that. Oh, airlines are fucked right now. Anyway, maybe it's in the news. All right. Five parents had to be.

No. Maybe it is in the news. Okay. Five parents had to be separated at UK Zoo after encouraging each other to swear at guests. Oh, that's cute as fuck. That's what one of them said. Oh, my God. Yeah. So five parents had to be. Oh, they're cute as fuck. That's what one of them said. Oh, my God. Yeah, so five parrots had to be...

Oh, they're African greys. Yeah, these things talk a lot. This is the one that Pete Lee has. These ones, if you want to get a parrot that talks, these are the babies to get. Oh, my God, they're so cute. Yeah, they said usually they clam up when they get outside. They don't curse as much, but these five,

they get each other going, you know much but these five like like they they get each other going you know oh sweet but so they had to be separated it's so cute when a bird knows it's being mischievous they are so fucking smart dude what were they saying was it in british accents yeah some people weren't as upset because it sounded smart still but yeah no uh maybe they were asking for a cigarette. Yeah, but they added a fuck to it. Which is also offensive. Yeah, so they had to be separated throughout the zoo.

Maybe they were asking Matt Damon for a cigarette. Matt Damon's daughter. Yeah, they didn't say exactly what they were saying, but parents, they were worried about children hearing them although most people loved it you know obviously come on you know what we a cursing parrot exhibit at a zoo would fly off the people you you go at your own discretion it's in an enclosed space so you have to agree that you know kids are watching porn now like there's no i – I have not seen an RU18 or over thing before a porn site in forever. That's because I have memberships to them all where I've confirmed that with my credit card.

But, you know, why are we protecting kids from really fun things? Which a parrot cussing, you got to let that go. Also, what's worse, a parrot cussing or a monkey jerking off and then smelling its own shit? I mean, you tell me. I mean, you tell me. I mean, you tell me. I think parrots cussing are like, I've been comparing F-Boy Island and reality shows to going to a zoo. Because people go, it's fake. And I go, zoos are fake, but the animals are living within this fake environment and living real lives.

And we watch them and have entertainment. When I watch, if I go to the zoo, people are like, wow, you're cultured and you love animals. If I watch FBoy Island, people are like, you're a narcissist. You're watching for yourself. No, they go, you know, that's not real TV. And it's like, no, this is like watching human animals act and like jerk off on each other and and cuss and i just think

why what did they say stuff no no no no people say in general about about uh reality shows or it's all fake yeah i mean that's the number one way that people who think they're smarter than like who don't want to be only are, like, that are so cool. Like, the Taylor Swift song where she goes, with some indie record that's much cooler than mine, where she's making fun of Jake Gyllenhaal, being like, I'm going to go over here, because my, anyone who does something to be,

you know, like, if you don't watch reality TV because you think it's, like, dumb, and not because you actually don't like it, then you're, you're just doing something to present like you're an intellectual, and you're not, and actually, intellectual people love reality shows, because it's like a nature document. It's like Jane Goodalling for humans.

We should get a parrot that fucking curses, dude. Dude, I'm ready to get a parrot. Will they curse all the time? Can we give them a certain time? Because I don't want to be awake yeah you beat it when you don't want it to and then you stop beating it when you want it to okay it's very simple no no no they you know we might get you might get one that bites and that isn't great and like won't even talk sometimes you get a parrot that's doesn't talk you know like it's

just like having a kid you might might get one that's just not... My buddy's dad, their bird would eat out of his mouth. He was kind of like a tough guy and then you would see him with this bird picking food out of his teeth. Oh, I loved... Kiwi used to go in my braces and pick out stuff.

He put his whole head in because birds have a bunch of feathers around their neck. Their necks are really just the little bone with some tendons, you know? Like it's very little. But their necks are all just fluff. So when you put their head in your neck, you can close your mouth around it like you're whistling and just leave a – and it looks like you've just bit off its head because you've closed it around its neck, which is very small. And it's so – and everyone freaks out.

But man, I miss Kiwi and I miss Brenna. What's the next story? Okay, so a study finds that men who ejaculate, speaking of Brenna, 21 times a month were one third less likely to develop prostate cancer than men who ejaculated only four to seven times a month. I mean, what a study. Tell me the percentage again.

21 times. If you ejaculate 21 times a month. I mean, what a study. Tell me the percentage again. 21 times. If you ejaculate 21 times a month, you're one third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Oh, damn it. What a weird study, though. I mean, they said that they did it throughout their 20s to 40s. It was a long study.

But I gotta figure if you're older, you're more likely to get prostate cancer, and you're more likely to get prostate cancer and you're more likely to jerk off less but and prostate cancer is one of the easiest ones to survive dr drew um had prostate cancer i remember he told me he got his prostate removed he now shoots out nothing no cum i thought that's because he got his tubes or whatever his um no vasectomy no vasectomy you shoot blanks um you still shoot cum but it's like kind of more watery i think correct me if i'm wrong with besties but then remove your prostate

nothing comes out literally zip like a ghost i mean i honestly i do not i don't jerk off nearly and i'm gonna die tomorrow i don't jerk off off, I think, maybe five times a month right now. You said every four days. Yeah, so every four. So, all right. You're going to be fine. The problem is I jerk off dry and then I bruise my own penis. Or I could rip my own penis.

Oh, yeah. It's a mess down there sometimes when I go to town for too long. Yeah. How are you doing with not coming because your girlfriend's gone? I'm just jerking it more. And, you know, my sex drive isn't crazy to begin with. How's your golf drive?

Fantastic. I shot a 79. I broke 80 for the first time yesterday. Oh, my God. You want to know a crazy story yesterday? Have you ever seen Legend of Bagger Vance? That movie? No, but I know about it.

So I was playing, and I shot pretty good. I shot a 40 on the front nine, and then starting on the back nine, a guy, a black guy, just appeared who was wearing, like, multiple layers. It was 90 degrees out with two gloves. He was wearing two gloves that weren't even golf gloves. He looked homeless, and he had a really old set of clubs. And he was playing in front of me. He started right in front.

And he's like, why don't we just pair up? And so I just started playing with this. And he goes, bagger Vance. And I swear to God, I don't think he paid to play. Did you ask his name? His name was Alan. Okay. So weird.

You just make these friends. And I just played with this guy who was wearing layers and 90 degrees. Did you guys talk? Did you ask him about his layers and his sweater vest? Yeah. He goes, I'm 61 years old. And what it's like to be married to Jada? He goes, I played with these old clubs because I want to know how hard it is when they used to play.

And he was so easygoing about bad shots. And he was like, i thought he was my imagination after he left he left before the nine was over and he just walked off into the woods and i'm like did anyone else didn't say goodbye it was wild and i broke 80 for the first time ever and i think this guy came to my life it was pretty like it was pretty wild. That's really amazing. I can't believe I asked you about golf yesterday. I wanted to save it for the pod. That is incredible.

Let's get to this transitions perfectly into our weekly sports moment. Why do I care about sports? Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. Wait, did we throw a fanthrax in there for a second there was a little bit of a fanthrax listen it's coming no one's gonna hear that when i know we're gonna we're gonna clean it up keep

the no leave it in bitch you're slipping slim slipping slipping i you're you're slipping slim Slippin' slim. Slippin', slippy. Your slippin' slim comes from when my dad had one job. The only time he ever waited tables, he was like in over his head. He lied about having experience just like you have before for a waiter job. And he was delivering someone their soup and he was sweating a lot because he was just like overwhelmed. And there was like a piece of sweat that just fell in this guy's soup as he set it down. And then the guy just looked at the soup and looked up at my dad and goes, you're slippy slim. And so I say it all the time.

Happy birthday, dad. All right. What's our sports moment? Okay. A news. Oh, no. Wait, that's. I just started reading the ejaculation story.

I'm slipping fat. All right. Yeah, dude, you need to come. Come on. Cat on the loose draws MVP chance in Bronx at a Yankee stadium and sets the ground crew off on a wild chase. You got to watch this. Wait, wait, wait.

So I just saw the headline so I know what the fuck it is that you were saying. It sounds like you said chance. Like he has a chance, but it's chant. Like chance. Yes, chance. Like people chanting. sounds like you said chance like just like he has a chance but it's chant like chance yes chance like people chanting cat on the loose draws mvp chance so people were screaming mvp mvp right so that's another way you know another way of saying this so there was a cat on the loose at a baseball game and the crowd loved it so much they started chanting mvp that would be a way to read that yeah this is just in case you wanted to yeah at some point oh my god so this cat is like so scared

and so cute it looks like an ocelot so this cat it's so cute it's so it's around outfield it's people are running after apparently the cat oh wait let's hear the chanting this is how boring baseball is because it's a baltimore yan game. You know, people are losing their mind. Oh, they're chasing this cat around the field. I mean, you guys, there's four guys that are the ones that come out and... Oh, my God, they can't catch it. They must feel so dumb. What's dumber than chasing a cat in front of a bunch of baseball players watching you?

And these guys are... Oh, my God, it's like jumping around. These guys are the ones that come out and lay the little Oh, my God. It's like jumping around. These guys are the ones that come out and lay the little things and then they drag them like rakes. Well, no one wants to like... Without gloves on, you don't want to grab a cat.

A cat's going to fuck you up. You know, oh, this poor cat is just so scared. The poor kitty. They're just not handling it the right way. They're acting like this cat is a wildebeest. Like, it's a cat. They are freaking out. They cannot catch it, you guys.

You've got to watch this video. The dugout is going crazy. These guys who are, like, you know, the field hands. He's running 34 yards. Yeah, now they're cheering it on. Like, it's like, run, run, run. Oh, now it went into the box. Oh, he went to go get refreshments.

Not many people know this. That cat just got a minor league contract. Dude, that cat was incredible. That was a great sports moment. I can't believe I didn't see that out and about. I mean, how does a cat get in a stadium? Like, how does he get to that field? Because it was a straight.

No, I know that, but i'm just saying like okay he climbed the fence it's a city cat he climbed the fence got over it just crept around was eating eating mice eating popcorn kind of having like a day of it and then yeah i don't know maybe someone brought him and then released it but that was embarrassing for all those they saw him in the dugout and then they just kind of let him be which was kind of cool of them like they let him just chill and then he ran out to the field but i just love picturing this cat being like it like getting to the actual field like all the things he had to go through you know it's like oceans 11 for this cat i love um i love that we protect animals once they've

become like you know this cat going to have a great life. No one's going to take that cat to the pound. Whereas if that cat was just found outside the stadium, it probably would be euthanized tomorrow. You're saying this cat is going to become the cat of the Yankees, you think? Well, you know, that cat definitely has a story now, so now people want to get it. Like, that's why when you get a pet from rescue places, rescue places do such a service for getting animals adopted. And people don't realize this, but when, you know, you go on Pet Finder or all these things, the dog or the cat,

a lot of times photographers offer their services to, or groomers, or like people make bow ties for rescue animals so that they can look cuter for the picture to win over a person that might be looking for a new animal. And then on top of that, and I don't want to accuse anyone, but I do think that stories about these cat and these animals stories that they come with as a rescue animal are sometimes embellished or complete fabrications in order to give the person who is swiping around for animals, oh my God, this animal comes with such a good story.

It was found on the streets living in a pizza box and it used a pepperoni as a pillow. And then when you have a story, you want this animal more. Now you get to tell everyone about it. So just know that those stories are sometimes lies and be okay with it because that animal has a story that you don't know about anyway there's no way to know what its story is and man I think if I could have one if I had like a genie with

three wishes one of them would be to hear Marion and Luigi's real life story before I got them I just want to know what happened to them and where they came from. So I can understand why Luigi to get scared of Amazon boxes that I'm carrying, like who threw a box at you and where can I go find that person and murder them? Um, I went,

yeah, I mean, you know, Marion got her stitches out today. She's fully healed. Amazing. I was thinking, has anyone ever said,

maybe you've said this before that marion looks like nick nolte's uh mugshot wow no okay i just sent a picture of a side by side to jen because she thought we should have dog pit for merch and i go marion next and be like of a mugshot of marion next to nick nolte's mugshot could be really funny. Well, it really is funny. There's a picture of Marion though, that no joke looks identical to Taylor Swift's, um, uh,

reputation album cover. I think where she's kind of, she kind of has her chin up and she's going like, she kind of looks, she has like messier hair. It was her being like in it. I'm going to send Noah the side by side because i have it saved that i i took one time jennifer lawrence actually um we hadn't talked in a bit one time and i posted a side by side of marion with the taylor swift and uh i remember it was so funny that jen texted me and was like

holy shit that's the funniest thing i've ever seen. They look identical. So we'll put her next to Nick and Olki and we'll put her next to Taylor Swift. You guys see and send us what you think she looks like. Speaking of sending us feedback, let's get to FanFrax. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears

with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked you get your podcasts. mini questions over the years we have had some incredible guests people like courtney cox star of the infinitely beloved sitcom friends egot winner viola davis and former prime minister of the uk tony blair and now mini questions is returning for another season we've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions including, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections

to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless.

I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in

comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses.

But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Oh my God. Thank you so much to Avi. What's Avi's last name again? Callaway. Aria? Avi Aria? Avi Aria? Avi Maria. Oh, got it.

Holloway. Avi Holloway, thank you for letting us use your voice or whatever that was. It sounded like, I mean, I just don't understand how that is even, is that, are there effects put on that? Or can he sound like that when he's like cooking oatmeal? I put effects on it, but he he sound like that when he's cooking oatmeal? I put effects on it, but he can sound like that cooking oatmeal for sure. That's so cool.

Hold on one second. No, I'm going to go grab a fan fax letter that someone gave to me in San Antonio, and I put it on my bag, and I didn't read it yet because I wasn't ready for the emotions that it might stir. So one second. Well, she's gone. Let's talk about Megadeth death how are they doing they're fine i think they're putting out a new album how's uh corn corn i'm not sure about i'm not a huge fan of corn so i don't keep up with them what about slipknot slipknot. The former drummer, Joey Jordanson, just passed away.

That's so fucking sad. What about Insane Clown Posse? I have no idea. What about Bad Religion? I think they're okay. What about A Toll? What are you up to now? I missed all of that.

I just asked Noah about different bands. Megadeth. Fenthracks. Fenthracks. That's as good as I can do. Okay, I'm going to start with this one that I just found. Okay, this I got from Bestie Sonia, who was at our San Diego show or San Antonio show.

And she gave this to Jen, who was at the merch booth, to give to me. And I was scared to read it because I was just like feeling too many things last week. It's a beautiful card. It's pink. It's like Taylor Swift-y. It has all these cutouts. It says NG on it. It says Nikki Glaser.

You know I love that. It says my name on it anything is great it says jackpot these uh it says so poppy have all the swells and k says nikki where to begin i have so much to say first off you are my taylor swift i am minorly obsessed with you you have been with me for years now i heard you on serious and have been hooked since i went a little crazy when your You Up podcast ended. I was stoked when the new one started. Thank you so much for all the work you put in. You helped me immensely at work. I find myself cracking up while listening.

My coworkers know you as the voices in my head. So happy for your success. Wish you all the best on your tour. I will continue to live vicariously through you. Lots of love, Bestie, Sonia. And then there's a little bird cursing at the bottom. No, it's not cursing. That's so lovely, Sonia. Whenever someone tells me that I'm their Taylor Swift, it's like blows my mind because, but I get it because you know that I get it. So

thank you so much. That's the greatest gift you could give me is saying that I'm your Taylor Swift because you know what she means to me. She means a lot. So I hope that... I'm going to cry if I talk about it a little bit more. But thank you for that personal note, Sonia. Thank you for coming to the show. And sorry I didn't get to meet you because I'm guessing that you had meet and greets that I had to cancel. And thanks for not giving me shit about it. And understanding. Let's get to the next letter. Hi, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. This is Anne from Japan. I'm not Japanese, but I do currently live in Japan. I have a mispronunciation story for you. It was committed by my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. We were on a group date

at a restaurant and when it was my husband's turn to order, he inquired about the Mindstrone. Oh, yeah. And of course he was asking about the

Minestrone soup. Now he's from a very small town in Kansas, like 200 people. So he hadn't been exposed to exotic cuisine. There's no excuse, Anne. Not that the cheesecake factory is that exotic. I'm just kidding. Still, we all kind of cut him some slack but we also did ridicule and um mind stone at him i love it relentlessly for a little bit so

he thinks that's my mispronunciation story um love the pod keep it up don't be kid thanks ann thanks ann from japan don't be kid out there in japan um minestrone is so funny and like obviously that looks exactly like minestrone you know they're not wrong her husband isn't wrong although he does call someone who conducts an orchestra a minestrone isn't that a maestro? Someone that conducts a maestro? Yeah. Maestro. I just remember it's from Seinfeld. Maestro. But I was predicting that he was going to say,

my dad and my sister and I one time went to a Japanese restaurant here in St. Louis that was run by a white guy. It just opened. And he was like, come on in, folks. Can I get you an order of edamame? And we were like, I just remember we mocked him relentlessly for saying and then one

time my sister and i say pepperoncini instead of pepperoncini oh yeah which i guess is the way to do it it's just ridiculous when you hear someone say pepperoncini but one time we let we ordered pepperon pepperoncinis and this guy goes yeah i can get you a little order of pepperoncini's and we mocked him the way we giggled at him probably made him feel really sad like how much two little girls were laughing at him saying scene I hate gyro and

euro I used to work at a Middle Eastern restaurant everyone struggles with it euro I say euro but you know what I don't care it's definitely some gyro nazis shut up you pricks anyways what's next no it's i i think it's euro but yeah uh love a good mispronunciation minestrone or minestone. What's the Minecraft?

Minecraft. Minecraft is what a lot of teens are playing. Adrian. Hey, Nikki. Hey, Noah. Andrew. That was a weird order. Andrew's not going to be happy about that one.

Oh, come on. My name is Adrian. I'm from Switzerland. I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I listen to it every morning. You guys are always like the first voices I hear in the morning, which is kind of cool. I have a hey, babe moment to share with you guys um as i mentioned i'm from switzerland we speak swiss german but there's also a french and an italian part so i remember my dad once talked to me in italian and i guess i repeated something because then he told me i have

a very sexy accent which is kind of weird to say to your own son oh a hey babe moment so um yeah oh no kidding uh that was my hey babe moment um i agree with your dad though listen to your podcast and uh don't be care um also he's really trying to spread the word about care and people really seem to enjoy it. Bye, guys. Oh, Adrian, hot. Adrian, doesn't he kind of remind you of Gleb? Like, does he, like, his, the accent, even though it's not Gleb, Gleb is so sexy that anyone that kind of reminds me of his struggles with English, which he doesn't really even

struggle with, like, kind of turns me on. Is that what you're saying? I guess it just rings something in your head yeah i agree with his dad yeah i would dude there's something too about him being like it's french german with italian and i know he knows all the things but the fact that his dad said he sounds sexy when he was 12 with an italian accent maybe his dad's just complimenting himself you know and by the way when he said i have a hey babe. Maybe his dad's just complimenting himself. He's so funny. And by the way, when he said I have a hey babe moment,

I go, what the fuck is he talking about? Like, I don't even know. I didn't even know we were doing those. I love that we're doing those. I think we had one Fanthrax one time where someone had shared a story. Let's get more of those guys. Hey babe moments are so funny. My dad is full of them.

Always complimenting me about my looks because again i look like my dad and so i think it's more of him like being like oh i like her legs because they look like mine but um yeah it's very uncomfortable it uh it sends shivers through your spine they don't mean it in a creepy way it doesn't make it any less worse um trying to think of one that happened recently oh oh that today he goes on facetime in fact he goes how you feeling i was like oh i'm good i haven't seen him in a while he goes you look good and i go dad i just woke up i have disgusting hair like i didn't look good i don't want to hear him go you look good it's just like this is why i don't look good. I don't want to hear him go, you look good. It's just like, this is why I don't FaceTime you. I don't want to hear that I look good.

Even that gives me kind of like creeps in a way that, because I didn't look good. He was like, it's almost the way like a lover thinks that they're the person. You know what I mean? Like, you look good. Like, you look healthy. You look like you got blood in your face or something. Yeah.

Oh, God. I don't want my dad to say it. Look, like I have any fluid in my face. My dad's like, I'm feeling like my prostate's really okay today. Maybe I'll get to 22 this month. I got 20. Yeah. Those months with the extra of the 31 days.

I love a hypochondriac that's just trying to jerk off. Jerking off. To keep his prostate healthy, but he can't come. He's just like, I gotta come to save my prostate. Is there a, what's that one song, the Green Day song with 21 flag and 21 guns? I feel like they don't say 21 in it, though, but I wanted to make some kind of Green Day reference last time when you were talking about the coming. But the hey babe moments, has your mom ever complimented your looks in a way that made you feel unsafe? Not unsavory.

She always has a thing to say about how i look whether it's my beard or but you like no i don't like it i feel like it's like she goes you're my handsome boy that's your mom that's impression of your mom that you do i don't i think uh her mom comp like would say stuff about her looks and then she would complain about her mom and then do the exact same thing to us about our looks. And it was just passive. It wasn't, you know, there was always like a little jab of what you're looking

like, what you're wearing. My grandma used to say, you got my mother's eyes. You got my mother's green eyes. But she'd get like really into it she'd be like oh i like your green eyes oh you got my mother's eyes she would always slurp and it was weird yeah but you love you i think you have a little bit of pride and you're in in i think you get a little bit tickled when ladies in in your family have said that.

You're telling me it made you creeped out? You weren't like a little proud boy? Not proud. When my grandma says that I have my mom's eyes or her mom's eyes. Or just like you have beautiful green eyes. You didn't have a little skip in your step? No, just no.

Feeling like kind of special? It doesn't do anything for me. It really doesn't. Like if my mom says I look good one day, then I kind of have that same thing where I'm like, well, how shitty did I look last time I was down here? Yes. Yes. My mom does that too.

The other day, my mom was over and she had to go to a pool party later in the day. And she was just like, I don't want to go to this fucking thing. I have to be in a swimsuit. And I knew that one of the women there was going to be like, is kind of like a, has a rock and bod. She's younger than my mom. And I go, I know you're feeling insecure. Let's have a little pep talk.

So I made my mom come into my bathroom and stare into her own eyes and say, I love you for making, for, I love my body. It works. I get to hug my kids, my grandkids. I get to stand upright right now. I get to be able to move about. I get to come over and hang out with my daughter because I have mobility. My body is amazing.

It's pushed two kids. I made her repeat all this and she was just like oh i don't want to do it but i was just trying to like celebrate what she like a 62 year old woman shouldn't think shouldn't try to look hot in a suit that shouldn't be a burden for you anymore you know what i mean yeah i mean but it doesn't mean that it's not still a struggle. Final thought. I put out a thing last, like on the podcast, probably a month ago at this point, maybe more of like,

if you are going to a pool party and you need help, you're about to be in a swimsuit around someone, DM me and I'll help you. I got this message from a girl who was like, I'm about to go on this trip with girls that are like do spin classes and work out all the time. They look amazing. And I'm about to feel like I don't look that do spin classes and work out all the time. They look amazing. And I'm about to feel like I don't look that way.

I have no time to change that. What am I going to do? And I forget what I wrote to her. But it was so good that it helped me. And I want to find it so I can read it to you guys. But it made me realize I'm thinking about writing a book or I'm starting to wrap my head about what I want to write a book about and I think it's going to be that stuff of like helping people not like just helping people accept themselves and and also helping myself accept myself because acceptance is truly it but the thing that I want to just keep sharing that

maybe didn't get through to you guys that has always helped me and maybe it doesn't help you but this for whatever reason like i wish i would have had this tool or this kind of logic before like you know a year ago when i finally got When I feel fat or ugly or my ass just has extra cheeks on it or – No cheeks. No, it's always like more – like just baggy skin, like no butt, just like no fat, just like skin. Like just – sometimes I look – I said it before. I look like – you know when a supermodel gets elderly and you're like damn she's still like kind of hot but she's like an elder i live

with the i'm a 37 woman with the body of an elderly supermodel and that's not me tooting my own horn like that's just kind of how it is and i'll take it it's good uh you know but um when i'm feeling bad about my body and and mad at, God, why didn't I work out this week? Why did I eat that? Blah, blah, blah. And I've said this before, but it just helps me to repeat. Because I'm having that with my hair recently. I'm having it with my face.

My eyes are kind of like drooping and like just things I'm seeing aging wise. If I, I just, now I think, Nikki, if you could snap your fingers and not have this, you would, you would not have it, right? Yeah. Nikki, of course you would. You don't want this thing right now that look, that is making you sad. So because you would change it, if you could, doesn't that mean you can't and that you would if you could but you can't but but I could have gone to the gym for the past couple months I could have not eaten all that shit on the couch or whatever well you you that stuff that you did you also didn't really have a choice to do that either you let yourself off don't beat yourself up for that stuff that stuff you did because it's

better than fucking working out or whatever. You needed to do that stuff. If you wanted to work out, you would have. Um, so when you feel bad about how fat you are or how ugly you look or like just your clothes are stained, like all those things you don't want, you didn't actively spill stuff on yourself. You didn't actively pull your face down because you want to look ugly. Maybe you did, maybe, but I'm guessing you didn't want to feel fat today. So just recognize that, Andrew, like you don't want to have a receding hairline. So it's not your fault because if it were up to you, you wouldn't have one. So we don't, don't you, when you take it out of your hands,

when you make it not your fault and your head, then it becomes something that you can't get mad at yourself about. So this is just a mind trick to, and a couple people have shared that it's worked for them. Like they stop and they go, okay, would I want, if I could stop my fingers, would my thighs be smaller? be smaller yes okay well that so i definitely don't want this so i didn't choose this so just accept it because we when things happen to us in life that we don't have anything to do with that we don't feel at fault with we don't beat ourselves up about it we go

god i didn't want that i didn't choose it it. Life just served me that. Fuck. All right. Well, moving on. But when we think we're the cause of it, that we actually chose it, that's when we can't get through it. So if you feel fat, tell yourself, did I choose to feel this way? Yeah, Nikki, because I ate a bunch of shit and I'm a lazy piece of shit. No, you aren't. You didn't choose to eat that stuff. You had no choice. You had to finish that box of cookies. If you had a choice, you wouldn't have done it because no one wants to eat a whole box of cookies and make themselves sick. You had no choice. So let yourself off the hook because you are just trying to soothe a feeling inside that feels

uncomfortable and cookies were your only way to do it. And not going to a workout class was your only way to do it. And sitting on the couch was the only way to do it so also i just want to share one reddit thing that made me laugh so fucking hard and it's honestly kind of the opposite of all of this but this is going to be the last thing i say this made me laugh in bed yesterday so fucking hard and i can't save it for the Reddit dump because it's too good. Someone goes, okay, this made me laugh so hard. It's from Life Pro Tips and it said, Life Pro Tip, LPT, buy clothes that fit you. Nobody is looking at you and going, wow, look at that dude fitting in a medium shirt. They're thinking, look at this walking vacuum sealed bag of marshmallows. It made me laugh so hard because the idea that someone would be like, dude, that guy's fitting in a medium shirt.

He's fucking killing it. Like we, I have so many times been like, I don't want to wear that dress because I know that size that I feel best at. And that size is not the size. But the thing is, I'm going to squeeze into that dress. No one knows what size that no one's going wow Nikki fit into that dress unless I'm putting the tag out there for people to see no one cares where are things that fit like I think that's that's that's kind of fat shaming and I don't like that about that but it made me laugh that sometimes we have this sense of pride that we fit in things that no one cares what size it is. Like, just be comfortable.

And so if you need to buy a bigger size of something, don't throw away the smaller size thing. Buy the bigger size and have it around for those days because it's going to happen to everyone. Everyone will be some kind of shape they don't want to be at some point except Giselle she seems to not ever have that issue you have Giselle's body when she's 140 I know I know it's really nice to know

and Tom Brady will still love her then because he'll still be alive she won't but he's not going he has fake hair alright well wouldn't you if you had all that money? And yeah, you're probably going to get it pretty soon. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't get fake hair. Why? Well, it's a cliffhanger. Okay, we'll see you next week and we'll figure out why Andrew will never get fake hair. Have all the smells this weekend. Don't be cute. And you know it. Yeah.

Fruit. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up. Well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon,

listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn

the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships,

and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin Luther King III,

and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Join us for heartfelt conversations with remarkable guests like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, Eve, Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter,

and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.