The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #91 Unlofty Boy

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

Between you and Nikki, White Lotus is ok and she knows where the orange hue on the studio chair is from. Andrew enjoyed seeing Nikki spend time with her dad EJ who has a peculiar taste in shoes. Nikki realizes that Andrew's childhood toys were from before he was born and she has an uncanny talent at figuring out the years these toys were produced. You Heard It Here First, hosting TV as a comedian, a weird reason to ghost someone, the OnlyFans conspiracy and dating someone with the same name as your ex. In Slice of Life, Nikki and Andrew reveal what happened behind the scenes of an IG video that was posted of Andrew trying to remove pizza from the oven. And all rainbows in the Final Thought. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast on this Wednesday afternoon, I guess, here in St. Louis. God, you know, I've been up a while already today. Didn't go to bed last night. You know, one of those days I had to get up super early. FBoy Island is, they had me do this thing this morning where I had to like put a green screen up. They sent me a green screen in this like bag,

Noah, that is like, I had to set up behind me to shoot this thing. That's like, you know, they're trying to make F boy Island international and go global with it. And so they're interviewing the stars from the show and like trying to package it like,

Hey, bring this to Malaysia andia and uruguay and you know every you know f boy is a global it's a global it's a pandemic and there's no vaccine for f boys actually there is it's called gardasil and uh it prevents hpv related um well hpv actually and then that you know down the road leads to. Can you get Gardasil after the fact that you already have HPV? Like, can you get, like, because, you know, you can get the coronavirus vaccine if you've already had coronavirus and then it can prevent different strains. So if I've tested, you know, Paz for, if I've had abnormal pap smears, which means that you have HPV generally, I didn't know that until I went and got a letter in the mail that was like,

you have abnormal smear. And I was like, well, smears, nothing sounds normal about a smear anyway. That's the nature of a smear. It's messy. And they were like, this one's messier than usual and i had to go in and get a colposcopy where they like biop like so painful they say they numb you do not they do not um and then i guess i i guess i had uh hpv which i i shouldn't maybe admit to that but then i've never had an abnormal past marriage like I've never had it tested for it again I've definitely had um a planner's award before I'm begging to get a new

one um but that's years ago and so it's the the thing is in my system but it's not um it's not anywhere showing up where I don't want it to yet you know I'm saying um but if it does show up for you in some way that also doesn't mean anything about you other than you trusted someone you had sex with that didn't uh know that they had it or disclosed to you that they had it and that doesn't make you a bad person um also wait what was i saying oh yeah gardasil i wonder if you can get the vaccine and then like prevent against other types i wonder if hpv is like there's a delta hpv i know there's a delta delta delta one in that sorority house there's a strain that they've

created they modified all their own those whores jk i um the delta delta deltas i don't know if they're whores i mean on some campuses i'm sure that's the oh those are the sluts you know there's always that one sorority and i say slut affectionately no shame in that game but um yeah i had to do this f boy island thing this morning and they were taping it in london so there's like you know however many hours ahead three o'clock there i had to do it at 9 a. Last night, it was like 12 o'clock. I saw this little green screen thing that they had sent in a box. I was like, I'll set it up in the morning. I just don't feel like dealing with this right now. I love to procrastinate on every, I love to push. I would rather wake up two hours early to get ready for something. Then,

you know, there were parts of me when I would was young that was like, Oh my I will wear my clothes to bed for school tomorrow because I hated so much getting ready in the morning it was always so cold and I would have to like change by the heater I don't know why I was living a life like tiny Tim like I think back to changing by the heater and being like it's so cold and like laying next to the heater when I was a child like we didn't grow up in the 1930s in you know gangs of New York style uh you know housing projects not that there's anything wrong with that and then those are people are living in those types of situations currently but we had like a nice house but it was always fucking cold anyway um there were times where I was like I'm just gonna get dressed before I go to bed and I didn't have night sweats as a kid so that would have actually panned out but now you know my hair gets all

fucked up as I sleep and I can't really trust it's gonna look good in the morning so I was like oh I'll just do it in the morning but then I rolled around to 12 o'clock last night I'm watching White Lotus by myself because Andrew goes to bed he abandons me to go watch the same show I'm going to watch and I'm like because he likes to fall asleep to same show I'm going to watch Because he likes to fall asleep to the show I'm like just watch it and then go walk into bed You don't wash your face You don't put on pajamas You don't brush your teeth

You don't have to do anything to prepare for bed I understand if you're doing a bunch of skin regimens And then you get in bed and you want to watch your show After you do all of that because you have to prepare for bed Andrew just has to walk to bed I have 19 skin and an oral hygiene steps before i i can you know put a sleep mask on and put my white noise machine on andrew literally takes nine steps to walk to bed and hurl himself into it and fall into a bed that isn't even made he doesn't even need to peel back the sheets they're

already open to him so for him to go in bed and be like I just want to watch in there I'm like god it's not fun watching things alone especially when I can hear it five minutes ahead through the wall because I I stop and start a lot when I'm alone because I look at my phone so I'm watching White Lotus last night episode two I do like that show I don't love it um I thought I would I'm a big fan of Mike White who is the creator but listen I'm actually I like it as much as I should like it right now I'd be I'd be really hurt if Mike White heard me say this not that he would ever but let's say we meet each other down the road he's like we're friends and he's like oh I wonder if Nikki ever talked about White Lotus on her podcast. And then he looks at it and I'm like mouthing off about how his show didn't meet my standards.

And it does. It's very. Have you seen it yet, Noah? Uh-uh. No. Okay. You need to check it out. I want you to watch it.

It's really. There's parts of it that, you know, my friend told me to watch it because she said it was dealing with a woman in a powerful position and her husband who felt emasculated by making less money than her and not feeling very masculine and how he felt kind of neutered. And I'm seeing that and I'm interested in how that dynamic works out. Anya told me that at some point he really becomes the hero for her and men like to be the hero. And I'm really interested in when that's going happen we'll see it will all I just am so tired of tv shows that are presented like this is so a slice of life like it's really what happens in life and people behave just like they wouldn't that's my problem with Mr. Corman no one if people talk to you like this in real life you'd go fuck you and it would be the end of the scene you just go the world what's going you would truman show you would go what's happening right now and i

understand there has to be some sort of you know um you have to raise the stakes in a dramatic episodic thing and these are actors so they have to like play it bigger but it's not high school theater these people you know incur yourb Your Enthusiasm when everyone that Larry David meets is an asshole and calls him out on stuff and is just like kind of not understanding and not empathetic even that I go god is everyone in his world just the biggest asshole and um but the truth is that's a comedy that's a very uh like obvious like these these are very, it's supposed to be that exaggerated. White Lotus is supposed to be very, like, I think, realistic. And to me, none of these people act like the way people would act.

And if they did, I would think it was, it's like Twilight Zone, the way people act. I just hate it. I'm just like, she would never say that. Those two girls do not, they don't act like friends would act. It bothers me. Anyway, but I guess all should be revealed because I was kind of bitching about it last night on my Instagram story. I'm just like, she would never say that. Those two girls do not, they don't act like friends would act. It bothers me. Anyway, but I guess all should be revealed because I was kind of bitching about it last night on my Instagram story. And people wrote, just hold on.

It makes sense why those girls aren't acting like real friends. I'm like, okay, got it, whatever. I was watching White Lotus 1230 at night. And I had to get up at 7 o'clock for this 9 o'clock thing because I was going to, you know, I have to set up the green screen and I got to blow dry my hair and take a shower and all this stuff. But then last night I was like, you know what? No, I'm going to get ready tonight and then sleep in a little bit. That's what I did. Spray tanned myself.

It is coming off all over this chair that my mom bought for our new studio. It's a light gray chair. And the chair is going to have an orange tint by the time we go live with video. It will have an orange hue to it. But do I and so that's okay everything I touch turns to orange and um but I look so much better with a spray tan and it's just undeniable I mean I was walking the dog today and caught a guy that was really hot outside Starbucks. Check in. Old glazed dog out. And I was like, oh, it's because I put on spray tan. Like, I just look better. I just always look better.

So I did my hair last night, which was just me scrunching it in the sink, doing the old, you know, congealing, as I call it. Went to bed, wet head, woke up. Hair looked fine. A little messy, but it's like beachy and it. Went to bed, wet head, woke up, hair looked fine, a little messy, but it's like beachy and it's very F boy. Set up the green. I go into the, I wake up at 822. I have a nine o'clock thing. I have to do all my makeup, go walk the dog, get Starbucks, eat some food, feed the dog, all these things before nine o'clock and look at my notes to remind myself of some topics I want to talk about for F boy and um and set up the green screen I open the box this thing comes in like a circular zipper case like the green screen and then it folds out on the instructions it says be careful when opening who reads instructions before they open something not not me. I open it. It unfolds so quickly. Like, you know, one of those snakes

coming out of a Pringles can hits me in the chin. I now have a bump on my chin, but it actually looks good. It looks like gives me a little bit more of a chin, you know, like it's almost like I got injected in the chin. It reminds me of when I vibrated my head for my migraine and it gave me Botox before I ever knew what that was like I saw like oh my gosh when your head looks frozen it looks like kind of cool um so I got hit in the face by green screen did the interview it was supposed to be 45 minutes they asked for an hour I go sure you know what let's do an hour but I can't shut the fuck up and I and I really want the show to sell in other markets. So I kept doing bits. And then I would say, you know what? Actually, I can deliver that better. There was one that I really liked that I did. I go, you know, on the show F Boy Island. them every week they would do these elimination ceremonies and unlike the bachelorette where they just either get a rose or don't and then they just all hug goodbye the girls would like tell the guys that were getting kicked off like why they're getting kicked off or why they're up for elimination

like you did this this and this and it's not okay like you have to be accountable why did you do that I don't like when you talk to me that way I don't like when you talk to that girl like stuff that I'm so bad at confronting men about things that I issues in our relationship because I am scared that they will go, well, that's just the way I am. And if you don't like it, then leave. Because that happened to me one time when I brought up something in a relationship. He goes, well, I'm not going to change. So I guess you have to break up with me because, you know, that you just put you said that you want to be with someone that does that. So and I'm not going to.

So bye. And I was just like oh and so i just learned to never ever say what you want because people might just go no i can't give that to you and then you go oh they don't love me um and i'm sure that comes from my childhood as well but um i told the the woman on the that was interviewing me i said when i watch these girls week after week stand up to these guys i would get nervous because I was so scared the guys were going to retaliate when they got criticized. Especially these guys that are like so about their image and looking cool. And there's only three girls there. And there was kind of rumblings among them or rumors that the guys were a little disappointed that they didn't know there weren't going to be they thought it was going to be like tons of girls they were all quarantined for two weeks talking to each other on their balconies going like oh my god this show is

going to be awesome they're so horny for like they thought it was going to be a fucking you know orgy with as many women as there were men they all knew that there were 24 guys at least and so they thought they were going to be so when there were only three girls they were all kind of like what the fuck they were kind of disappointed and then there were rumblings that the guys were like there was like one guy that said like you know these girls aren't even as hot as girls that i can pull back wherever and i think it's because he said that because it was garrett i remember and garrett even said i said that because i got rejected and i was like being defensive you, like it wasn't true

They're all really hot as they I mean, they're gorgeous as you saw But I was scared that one of those guys were gonna say something like that to them like Well, you're not even that hot I wouldn't even want to fuck you if it wasn't for this island or something like that I was so scared they were gonna say that to these girls because guys say really mean things when they're rejected We've all heard the story about the cat call where the guy's like hey baby what are you what are you doing and the girl goes fuck you and he goes well you're a fat dumb cunt and the girl's like what because they didn't want to fuck you you got mean like and they say something really mean because they get hurt so i was always

scared these guys were gonna get confronted and be like fuck you you're ugly or not hot or whatever and i was like you have small boobs whatever Whatever they were going to say to these girls, I was just terrified for them. But every time the guy would just go, you're totally right. And I mean, these guys were probably trying to stay on the show and knew that that behavior wouldn't get them to. And maybe they were, maybe I was wrong. Maybe these guys would never,

wouldn't would have that reaction. But I, you know, I told this to my therapist that my biggest fear is that men are going to say, when I reject them, they're going to say, well, you're ugly and I wouldn't want you anyway. The only reason I wanted you was because, you know, you're famous or some other reason other than like I'm attractive. Like they'll be like, I was already taking a dive, like even wanting to fuck you in the first, like I always scared they're going to say something mean about my looks. She goes, that sounds like a 15 year old boy. She goes, what happened? And what happened I go I don't even know what happened I think maybe that happened to me and I

blocked it out because I can't even think of a time that happened but she goes that's that's the fear of a 15 year old girl like dealing with 15 year olds and I go well that's I live with a four year old like sometimes Andrew acts like a four year old that it's not beyond comprehension that I would date guys that sometimes act 15 but it's true these are fears of a 15 year old girl dealing with 15 year old boys because men do not sometimes progress especially the men that I'm into sometimes get really defensive and say ugly things I mean even I do I slip back into my teenage um you know anger and like really uh mean, cruel, jugular type things when I'm backed into a corner.

So I said it to this girl. I go, you know, these women actually inspired me. I was dating a guy during the show who was behaving like an F-boy, and I was putting up with it so much and just like accepting it because I was just happy to be had you know and I didn't want to say anything because I was scared he was gonna just be like okay fine let's stop hooking up and I really liked it and so I said though like but it was becoming to the point where I was really starting to feel like I was just kind of taking abuse a little bit or emotional abuse and

it was making me feel so sad um and I wanted to confront him but I just wasn't brave enough to but then when I said Nakia CJ and Sarah like week after week when I saw them I was able to concoct a text to this guy and like hold him accountable for behavior that I would have never done before I saw these girls week after week doing it and the guys actually answering to it and being like, these girls were brave to me. And I was like, I can do this too. So I did it. And I told the woman, I go, and you know what? That guy that used to give me the runaround that wasn't able to commit to me right now, look what I can show you. And I held up my left hand and I got pointed at my finger. And then I did the middle finger. I go, fuck you. We're not talking anymore not talking anymore and I go and guess what we're not talking because he didn't want to talk

to me we're not talking because I didn't want to talk to him and I said if you don't change this I'm out and he didn't so I was out and um but I liked the little uh little switcheroo of the ring but it's really hard to do a middle finger with your left hand. That's what I learned. Let's get Andrew in here. Why not? Andrew! Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Andrew. Don't call me kid. Don't call me baby. Yeah, I've been singing that song a lot.

Yeah, I love that line. I don't know what it is about those two lines. It's Elicit Affairs by Taylor Swift. Yeah, I mean, yesterday we had a full-on concert with your dad yeah it was awesome live it was awesome yeah i filmed you too and i felt like you guys like it was a beautiful moment and i know like if we were around a campfire like that was a touching moment for a father and daughter especially knowing that like you guys have had some issues with playing together in the past.

And it just, I don't know, it felt great. I don't know. I'm still, I just, I love my dad and I just feel, I don't know, it was a lot better than our normal jam sessions, but he just struggles to be invested in me as a guitar player and trying to help me or facilitate me being better or encouraging me. There's just a block for him where he can't comment on it,

and it's not because I go, Dad, I know. There's a lot of times where I just go, Dad, shut up. I get it, Dad. Yes. But this is like I would like feedback from him. I do think he gave feedback yesterday. I think sometimes because you don't get it, you don't hear it. You're blocked to hearing it.

He goes, you're getting good. The thing is, that to me is just him placating because he knows that I've complained about him. But then how? No, no, no. But let me just finish. Sorry, sorry. That's him just giving me something yes and my dad what I really want from him is actually feedback because he's a really good guitarist he I know that if he did stand up for a year he was a year in and he showed progress that I've made because I watched videos

when I started a year ago I've made substantial progress so I I know it's it's happened I I feel and I know that everyone isn't me but you know I kind of was like you know if anyone's as close to who I am it's my dad so like when I he's the only person that I can actually go well I would do this so he should probably do that too because i am my dad like we act the same way in almost every scenario so for him to i would say wow dad like this is really good i like this your timing is good you're like specifics about like that joke structure here's where i think you could really um like based on my experience a year in because you're obsessed with this in the same way i was like the exact same way, which I am as obsessed with guitar

as my dad was when he first started. And he knows that. He could say, it really, you know what helped me a lot was just, it would skip me ahead if I would have learned this before then.

Like, hey, put the mic stand behind you. Don't fidget with it. Like little things that, he doesn't offer any suggestions to me. Have you asked for like, like almost lessons where he always says slow down let's not play a song let's actually pick apart my strumming he's not a teacher though like i guess i'm just asking for things that he can't give but he always tries

to teach me something that is so advanced that it's like i i he'll he'll just start noodling around and showing me a thing and it just becomes him doing something that i am years away from even being able to do or understand based on music theory so all i want him to say is like i he's just not good at empathizing and like understanding what position i'm in in terms of being a beginner and that's just i said yesterday my parents struggle with empathy they cannot put themselves in my shoes even though he was once in my shoes and i certainly don't want to be in his because you were calling them uh those wood shoes yeah you said the shoes were made of the same material that the floor was and usually you shouldn't wear shoes in the house but in his case his shoes were the house yeah he wore floors on his feet.

Yeah, I was worried about him stepping on other shoes. They were like chia shoes. We were waiting for the grass to grow. Ch-ch-ch-chia. Ch-ch-ch-chia. Dude, I love those in the pet rock. The pet rock might be my favorite. Were you born in 1971?

Why would you even? I'm old enough for the Pet Rock. Really? No, dude. No. The Pet Rock came out in the 70s. Noah, can we check this? I feel like the Pet Rock was like 1987.

Oh, sorry, hon. That's not going to check out. I'm going to say the Pet Rock was 1974, 1977, but no way was it 1987. You're off by a decade. It was released, 1977, but no way was it 1987. You're off by a decade. It was released in 1975. Fuck my life. Dude, I nailed it. How did you know?

Because I know shit. But I feel like it was around when I was a kid. I mean, maybe it was still around. The pep rock made it for 20 years. I mean, it was the Tamagotchi of 1975. But Tamagotchis, you know, are still around now. What's Tamagotchi? I'm sorry, Gotchi. Wait, you don't know what a Tamagotchi of 1975 but tamagotchis you know are still around what's tamagotchi i'm sorry gotchi wait you don't know what a tamagotchi is no just honestly it's a toy okay what does it do it's a

little round toy it would be on a keychain it uh was digital it was like kind of like a video game is this we're doing any no you had to like it's a little ball that you had to take care of a little digital thing that you would feed it and like bathe it how you know things you didn't have that's probably why i didn't pay attention to it i was a tamagotchi that never got taken care of how many andrew got you i mean it was like sims but it was like it was so cute did you have tamagotchis you know what yeah i did i used to love them i loved them so much they was so cute. Did you have Tamagotchis? Noah? Yeah, I did. I used to love them. I loved them so much. They were so cute.

They were like this little ball that would... It looks like the Zoloft cartoon. You know that cartoon that's like a little ball cartoon that jumps around on the commercials? Yeah, I think I don't remember that at all. I do love the Pet Rock. How did you miss... Are you a time traveler? I might be.

Did you black out from 1987 to well the tamagotchi let me guess when that came out noah i think i bet i i'm really good at placing dates i know every toy the tamagotchi i mean i cannot believe you don't know the tamagotchi people are listening right now in their floor i like the the things you put in water and they expand. Those are pretty cool. Oh, the little spongy things in the pills? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so Tamagotchi is 1990.

God. You know what? I don't even remember. I'm gonna go 1996-97. I'm gonna say Christmas 96 was like when Tamagotchis were like... That's the year. It was released in 1996. What the hell?

Dude, that's a Tamagotchi. Do you see it? Oh, still. It looks like... Is that the first iPod? iPod? No, it's like a little circle that would be on a keychain.

They had three buttons. I kind of remember now seeing the three buttons. Dude, I want to play this game where I just guess dates of things i can i'm really good with music you know from you know since i was born until now i'm trying to think of other toys that i could get that you have to guess when was he man oh he man was 19 i going to say 88 through 92 when it was like really. I feel like earlier. But I, you know, I was three in 88 or four.

Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to think of like toys that were. You didn't have toys or something. I didn't have many toys. I had a couple wrestling things. But for Christmas, wouldn't you be able, or for Hanukkah, weren't you able to ask for things? Yeah, you get eight presents.

But we usually would only get three on the first night, and then Hanukkah ended. But wouldn't you get things that you asked for? What would you ask for? I'm trying to remember. I loved wrestling for a little while. I had all the different wrestling figures. I had Junkyard Dog, Ultimate Warrior,

Hulk Hogan. I remember Hulk Hogan was in my mom's shower and I was playing with her razor, like her razor blade and I sliced myself and I told my mom

that Hulk Hogan did it because I thought that would, me playing with Hulk Hogan, like Hulk Hogan scratched me. Yeah, Stretch Armstrong. Scratch Armstrong. Did you have Stretch Armstrong? I don't think I did but I would have beenogan scratched me. Stretch Armstrong. Scratch Armstrong. Did you have Stretch Armstrong?

I don't think I did, but I would have been jealous. I love Stretch Armstrong so much. Teddy Ruxpin, Barbies, Creepy Crawlers, Little Mini Bake Oven. Polly Pocket. Polly Pocket. What about the song? My Little Pet Shop. It's My Kid. No. When I grow up, I want... No, not be a Toys R Us. pocket poly pocket what about the song little my little pet shop it's my kid no when i grow

grow up i want no not be a toys or us kid i mean toys or us was the shit oh my god you get in a toy store going in a toy aisle of like a target or even a value city when my mom would want to go shopping for cheap clothes a tj maxx toy aisles just my buddy dopamine my buddy my buddy wherever he goes my buddy my buddy uh doodle bear sister i said water baby no one knew what water what water baby those were little rubber like hollow rubbered babies that were that had nothing in them and you fill them with water and they kind of like have the uh movements of a baby because it's filled with water it's like a water bed but a baby because it's filled with water. It's like a waterbed, but a baby and they're rubber.

They're really cute. Some dolls scare the shit out of me. Like Chucky, like obviously. But like the porcelain dolls that some people would put around their house. I never was really into dolls. I liked Barbies. I liked, you know, I liked women. Did you have one like raggedy doll that you had since a kid? Or a blankie?

I always wanted something like that. And I never had a velveteen rabbit. I was never a little girl with a toy that I would take around and chew on and rub on my face. And it would make me comfortable. I would have really probably benefited for some kind of weighted blanket or something to call me. You didn't have a blankie? No. I had nothing like that.

Did you? There's some girls that go to college and bring their blankie. I have one now. It's kind of weird. Oh, yeah. I have a pillow that is like my, if this place went up in flames,

I would go get that pillow. Over Luigi? No, I mean, obviously not. Yeah. That's close. I mean, obviously not. Did I not say not? I love your kind-hearted answer and then the joke it like

no i would get i would get luigi but i would definitely uh i would be sad you're on your own buddy i mean the place is burning down because you left the oven on anyway so you told me to put the pizza box in it um we'll get to that later in the show, the pizza incident that some of you definitely. Pizza gate. Pizza gate, some of you saw in the story. What were we talking about before that? We were talking about Tamagotchis. And then before that, it was, oh, the Pet Rock.

Oh, Chia, my dad. Oh, the dad thing. I just. Oh. Can I just say, and my dad's not going to hear this um but i love him so much and it was really good to see him yesterday i hadn't seen him in so long i just you know i i struggle with when he you know i only know so many songs he knows he could play anything yeah and for him to not find a song that we can both play that is easy and i'm the one that has to pick out a song

just it doesn't make sense to me where i'm like where he's like well or like it no he's the one that he he doesn't let me pick a song he's the one that picks a song and then he never picks and then he just starts playing and i have to just guess now i'm good enough that i can watch him and just play along but initially i'd be like just give me the chord progression. He'd go, just watch. I'm just going to play it. And then he starts going up the neck and doing bar chords. I'm like, I don't know bar chords. Well, what was cool is when you were playing regular bar chords or regular chords,

he started soloing off your stuff. Yes, that's what I want him to do. Which I think is fun for him. I think he might get bored. He doesn't like that. Huh? Oh, he doesn't. Because that's what I always want to do.

And he doesn't like Taylor Swift songs because he says they're all too fast. But the reason I sing them fast is because he hates them and wants me to get through them. It's like when I tell you a story. Yeah. I mean, honestly, but I don't get to, you know, freestyle during it. I do want to swim freestyle away from you telling me that you're crying because we're in the ocean and the sunset made you think of your mom. With your floaty tits.

Yeah, with my, I mean, that's a reference to a joke. You just sound like a joke I made that the audience doesn't know, though. Maybe they do. No, they don't. If they saw you in Monterey. I mean, that's the tiniest percentage of our fans. Can we talk about how we swam a race in swimming and I toasted your ass? Yeah, yeah, you did toast my ass I don't

know if I toast you in the butterfly though I think you oh yeah I don't know freestyle I was never that good at um and uh yeah that makes sense to me that you toasted me I don't I don't have a problem with that we went golfing or uh Andrew went golfing last night and I went uh on a run and I love that you came I know it wasn't really for me, but it felt good. And hung out with him while he golfed. It is a, that is where all single men are. It's so funny. I posted about it on my Instagram story.

Jamie from FBoy, Jamie Nice Guy. Okay. He wrote to me and was like, he said something about like, yeah, those guys are there, but like they're probably, he said something about to, yeah, those guys are there, but like they're probably, he said something about to the illusion of like, to the illusion, alluding to the fact that they are men

that are like probably just like filling their lives with that instead of other things. Because you're addicted to golf. Yeah. In a way that, I mean. It's unhealthy. Yeah. Like you're doing that instead of something else, maybe.

And I looked at all these men, and they're all like good-looking men that are just there at the driving range at 9 o'clock at night. But to me, I wasn't like, damn, maybe I can pick up a guy here. I'm like, I wanted to scream, go to therapy! That is your therapy. And then run off. Stop it.

You hit some balls. It's meditative. I know know it's it's great for your mental health to do something active that you love for sure but i did i guarantee you nary one of those uh 20 men swinging uh their aggression towards their fathers away were go actually go to therapy they were all there they're all golf is was created for men to avoid their their lives yeah and i mean i get i get that i i you know use pot and guitar and reddit and stuff like that to to skip mine but i was i at first i was like oh my god i should come here and like go with andrew more often meet a guy but i don't want a guy that goes to the driving range yeah it's

kind of like a real-life video game. Or the gym. You know what I mean? Like, people that are addicted to video games and they'll play for hours. Yeah. I mean, golf. Those guys were focused. Golf takes up.

I mean, golf is a beautiful sport, man. I appreciate it more and more the older I get because I really can't play other sports because then I tear my hamstring. You know, golf you could play until you're 100. My grandpa started playing golf at 70. Yeah. And won his club championship, B division. Got to throw that out. Sorry, grandpa.

No, you definitely can play in an elderly league. What did my dad say? The senior tour. Yeah, the senior tour. No, I will never be that good. You could. Why not? My grandpa Henry used to fart.

Do you really not think you could play in the senior tour? I mean at 50 so i'd have nine years to get i mean you play four you could play if you played four hours a day for 365 days times nine i think that would be 10 000 hours and then you could be an expert potentially my grandpa used to fart during my backswing and and claim that it wasn't on purpose it was unbelievable like on command and uh and then he died you can get 13 000 hours in nine years and that that's playing four hours a day well i'm not gonna play four hours so if so two hours do two hours so well all you need is 10 000 hours and you've probably already done about you know 1200 so let's not you only need about 8 000 probably to complete this so check in in nine years if i'm divided by four two thousand and then divide that by 365 uh you could you could in five years playing four hours a day you could

get 10 000 hours and for seven days a week that's too many i know so so but that means if you add up to 10 years you could definitely get that in look i'm not ruling it out but that's not my focus because that's a goal that's so unlofty like a golf club like a four iron on like that's a goal that's that's so unlofty yeah no it's lofty yes it's not unlofty? Yeah. No, it's lofty. Yes. It's not. Unlofty would be... A pitching wedge. Okay.

Well, all I have to say is I honestly would not do anything if I didn't think I could be on the senior tour of it. Why? Because I want to be the best at things or at least in the top of everything that I do.

I mean, I run, but I know I'm never going to be the best at that. That to me is meditative, but I'm not obsessed with it like you are. Like I do it like, you know, three times a week. If you're only playing guitar to be the best singer songwriter ever, but the best that I can be. And which I do believe I could be. I could be as good as senior senior tour level of golf at that level. Like 100 percent. I could be that good as senior tour level of golf at that level. Like 100% I could be that good. Here's the thing.

The senior tour guys, most of them have been playing at my age. They were already playing. They already have 40,000 hours. So I'm catching up. That's all I'm saying. But what I'm saying, those people have wives and kids and you don't have that shit. And you can actually get in more hours than them. And that's why I like feel like I was getting on the plane the other day, walking on the tarmac or like the gate, the hallway.

And these two old guys were behind me to senior tours and they saw my guitar and the guy goes, oh, is that a big viola or a tiny guitar? I'm like, oh, it's a guitar. And he's like, I go, go i'm not good i just started playing a year ago and i'm like obsessed with it so i bring it with me everywhere and i go do you play and he's like no god i wish i he goes stay with it stay with it because when you get older you can't do it and i go i am older and i started a year ago and he goes no stay you you you you can do this he goes i gave up because i i started it i started the piano at 28 and i go i got too old for this and i go i'm 37 and i'm so happy that you assumed i was probably in 20s based on it was the first time anyone's i did have a mask on yeah and when i have a mask on i people tell me i look like jennifer lawrence so i things are good when i have a mask on no one's

ever told me i look young for my age. Never. Not one time has anyone said, and I hear it said to every other woman in the world. You've never heard that? The only time was DeMarcus Ware on Dancing with the Stars where he said, you're 35? What?

I could have, I swear to God, when I met you, I thought you were 33. Can I say something now? That's the only time it's happened, and that's two years. That was a joke to me. You have a very, like, strong appearance where, like, how do I put this?

I really think we should get to the news before you go any deeper here. But I've never been told I look young, and I don't want the besties to slide in and say I look young because I know I don't. I look my age. No, I don't think you age. I think you kind of stay exactly at the same age. I looked 37 when I was 18. Well, then you just stayed 37. I mean, look at this picture of me.

A lot of us look older when we were like 20. Look at this picture of me when I was 18. I look honestly the same and I have to say I'm pretty proud of it, but I look 37 in this. That's my point. You don't age past a certain number. Look at this picture. Doesn't that look like me now pretty much? Yes.

Yes. Yeah. That's my point. All right, good. Does that make sense? Well, that settles it. Yes. I hope I stay this way forever.

I always look 37. 37 is a great age to look. It's a great age. I'll go up to 44. You know what? And then I want to stop. Let's get to the news. You heard it here first.

You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Hey. I hope you're having a great time out there we know we love tuesdays and today's tuesday get yourself a taco get yourself a uh tambourine have all the swells out there okay um who do do i tell him it's not tuesday do you like what what do we do here oh shit fucking jeff saturday over here it's jeff wednesday isn't it yeah it's jeff wednesday you're it's wednesday andrew you're going tomorrow to see brenna you just wrote a tweet about it or an instagram post about it i mean i don't even just let's get to the news it's wednesday hope you're having all the swells that was unlofty boy

oh god okay luigi is falling asleep on your lap it's so cute when asked about hosting bachelor in paradise and being a comedian in the age of cancel culture david spade responds it's very dicey it's very tricky so david was interviewed recently and asking about bachelor paradise i'm so sick of hearing about david spade i'm just kidding. That's all I want to talk about. I was like, wow. She slipped. No, okay. So what did he say? He said, yeah.

I know. Yeah, I've heard him say this stuff. Yeah, I mean, essentially. But do you think you watch him on Bachelor in Paradise? Oh, yeah. He was great. He was so funny on this. It was kind of they showed more comedy from him than they allowed for me on FBoy.

They didn't let me go in any real long of any of my bits. They cut him down. But for him, they let some stuff really go. It's so fun. He does this bit about crabs at the end of the first episode, during the credits, about his room having crabs in it like he's like and he he worked it out with me in a voice memo i think because he was telling me about his accommodations he goes i don't want to say that um dump who said dump it's a strong word that they put me up in a dump but uh yeah there's like crabs all over my room my room has six crabs in it

at at all times he goes there's nowhere they're not he was like you open a cabinet and there's a crab just like eating a triscuit like you you want some of this there's nowhere they're not he was like you open a cabinet and there's a crab just like eating a triscuit like you you want some of this there's like he was saying i don't he goes there and they're not like sebastian like little mermaid crabs that have like a good personality these crabs they're walking sideways they're shifty like he hates his his rants about crabs are so funny they really he just has crabs in his room yeah and this uh when they were in mexico they were just like yeah it's crab season they're like he's like we'll get them out and he like complains and the guy goes i'll go get the i'll bring you a crab broom

what does a crab broom entail compared to a regular broom it's just a broom that pushes the crabs out and i really hope these crabs aren't injured with the broom i think they probably are but um yeah cancel culture he was saying it's tricky yeah he says uh i mean it's he goes you used to have to say anything to go as far as you could to push the envelope to get attention yeah and people would be like i like this guy he's pushing it but now you say one wrong move and you're canceled it's a very tough world out there i think all comedians have gotten together in a way to say we just have to keep doing what we're doing and people that come to shows will appreciate it but you get an outsider that comes in and goes i was so offended the intent is not to be mean if the intent is to do it as a joke or a spin or something

and it is mean to people but you're just making fun of that i don't think that's horrible yeah if there's if you're you know if you're on stage and you do a joke about rape and it's like making the victim out to be the one that we're like then like come on that's not that's mean but talking about the subject of something and people going oh it's just like shut up i make one joke about like my hotel being um having a scale in it and a magnifying mirror and i'm like it's like makes me want to jump out the window i'm like i did i got the suicide suite i was like is this the bourdain bungalow and people go oh and i'm like he killed himself do you guys not know that i hate that i did i just did i say something wrong is that because he did kill himself in a hotel room

Is that my fault? Are am I making more am I making light of his death? No, I'm just acknowledging that he took his life there He was also in a bungalow who doesn't want to die in a bungalow. No, he was actually in like a nice hotel and What um, I mean the ironic part is Spade has this job because Chris Harrison got canceled for, and he's not a comedian over one line defending that girl. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's all kind of crazy. I was really upset by someone's cancellation recently. Who was it? Someone got, oh, the Jeopardy host on his podcast 10 years ago. The guy that made himself the host of Jeopardy is a producer on Jeopardy, Mike Richards. Oh, that'sopardy host. On his podcast 10 years ago, the guy that made himself the host of Jeopardy is a producer on Jeopardy, Mike Richards. Oh, that's how it happened? He got canceled because his host on the show,

his Andrew Collin, this girl that's a buddy of his, they were joking about her working some kind of convention in a booth, and he called her like, oh, you're one of those booth sluts, like booth whores. And he got canceled for that. That. And she got canceled for that. That. And she was joking with it. So someone went through his podcast.

Yes. I mean, that person should be canceled. The person that goes, I'm going to find something you said wrong 10 years ago. That person has date raped before and probably worse. Like the person that goes to those lengths is a terrible person. Anyone who's one of these people that's like these gotcha guys that goes out and like roots around,

they're bad people too. They've done heinous things and that's why anyone who's super loud about you did this, like you shouldn't do that, they either think thoughts that are so awful that they have to like, that's why they hate people that think the same thoughts

and want to call them out because then it deflects. That that's have to like, that's why they hate people that think the same thoughts and want to call them out because then it deflects that that's, you know, whenever I get mad at you about something, it's because it's something that I hate about myself. And so, well, maybe their dad bordained themselves in a booth,

you know, that was, I mean, that was a callback to something that everyone would get, but it just... I would rather you call back to something that we did at a show for four people. Bourdain at a show? I mean, Luigi's face right now, I wish you could see it,

is how I feel about that joke. His eyes are rolling in the back of his head, and his eyes are squinting like he's about to fall asleep, but they're also rolling. It was B&B. Right. I'm going to take a picture of Luigi's face right now so you can see how... He's about to fall asleep, but they're also rolling. It was B and B. Right. You know? I'm going to take a picture of Luigi's face right now so you can see how horrified he is.

Like it was Bourdain booth, Bourdain bungalow. It was a nice try. Booth, booth, meaning. And I say that as a liar. Okay, next story. Booth. Yeah. I wish, what's his name, John Wilkes Booth would come in here and put that joke out of

its misery. I'll be here like Mary Todd. Like, he's right here. You would freaking point me out? Yeah. That is rude, dude. Even though I love this play that we're watching and I want to see how it ends, I would rather see how you end.

You don't like the play. You would have left during intermission. I know. I really don't care for a play. I'm so bored at plays. Next story. A man goes viral after he posts why he was ghosted by his date. Gay man, by the way.

The message from the man he went on the date with said, hey, man, sorry for not messaging until now. I enjoyed our date last week, but when you said the phrase, put my thinking cap on, it kind of gave me the ick so i wasn't really interested in pursuing things also do you know any like soul funk hip-hop disco kind of vibes djs in manchester wait so then he asked for music recommendations after saying like i didn't like yeah you saying tell me again what he said what was that he... He said, put my thinking cap on. It turned him off.

I mean, I'm sure a phrase... Maybe he doesn't like condoms. Is that a euphemism for a condom? I wish you didn't say that joke. Really? No, we can't do this to each other because we'll both still just be dry air forever. No, I agree.

There are some times that someone says something like really nerdy and i'm like but there's no way i would ever tell the person that and i would be embarrassed that that would be a thing that would make me turn off by someone so i wouldn't i wouldn't tell them luigi is falling asleep in your lap it's so funny have you ever fallen asleep in class and you just like your head like doing that he's looking at me like i'm a teacher like he's i'm trying i have to film this you guys i'm so sorry it's so i hope people at home aren't falling asleep like i know it's just worth it um okay so what what i think is that yes i might be also irritated but thinking cap wouldn't bother me though has can you think of

anything that anyone's ever said that has made you go oh when i first uh when i first wrote brenna back i i sent the back emoji like an emoji or two emojis and it almost killed it for me right she was like uh okay what emojis did you send i don't know i'd have to look through yeah but she was just like like just write something original. What are you doing? Well, she's 25 and you're 41, so it maybe showed your age. Yeah. And it was the pet rock emoji.

It was a pet rock and a tomagotchi. The, what was I going to say? Oh, someone said they should have responded to that question. Let me put my thinking cap on about the DJs. Like, throw it back at the guy. Oh, that would be funny. Yeah. I mean, yeah. about the djs like throw it back at the guy oh that would be funny i mean yeah i mean this this

guy is in the right to call this guy out uh publicly yeah that's a dumb reason to give for why you're not feeling someone and i don't know it what has been the most so scared that i'm gonna you know like when i go on dates sometimes like uh I worry that it's going to be one thing I say. Oh, you say. If there's one thing that I say, they don't – the other night I was like going on this thing and I was meeting someone and I go – you know, I was talking to Noah like what should – like is there any advice you can give me based on the Getting To I Do book? Like what – stay in this feminine energy, whatever it is. and then i was like i don't even know if i like this person yet i feel like this book is more for like when you do like someone and you're like i want this person i want to like focus in and and i want to be in a committed relationship i'm ready

for that with this person and i go i don't even know if i like this person i'm just gonna be me and me was telling this guy that i've read a book called Getting Too ID, and that I don't know if I'm a masculine or feminine energy woman. I love that, by the way. I love the honesty and the openness. I go, my friends are going to laugh so hard when I tell. Like, not only are you never supposed to disclose that you've read this book to the person that you catch for using it,

but you are not ever, like's you're just never supposed to reveal anything about it let alone give the person the title and say that i've picked up a book called this i mean it's just and i told the guy i he because i also i love asking guys um and and this guy is someone that i was like just i was feeling it out i didn't even know if i liked him or not but i i like this question of like what's the number one problem in a relationship that you've had? Like, if I asked your ex-girlfriends, what would they say is your biggest flaw in a relationship?

Like, what leads to conflict that you bring to the table? You know? And I'm not going to say what he said, but I'll say what I said was, I think I can be – and I shouldn't have said – this was a moment where I go, I don't even know if I like this person or not. Still don't. But I go, I think I just shot myself in the foot whether or not – because I go, I think that guys think I'm clingy. And he was just like – and I go – and the truth is when I like someone, I like to touch them a lot and I like to spend a lot of time together. And I think I get pegged as clingy, not because I have someone who's very I like my space and I like to be like that as an app or that's a website you're still on.

You and your pet rock. You like my space, too, right? So Friendster, so I said I get clingy, and you can see this guy's, like, horror in his face. Yeah. Kind of just like, what do you mean by that? And I was just like, honestly, it's because any guy that would say that didn't like me. And if you like me, you're going to love the fact that I want to fuck you a lot and like hang out with you. But if you don't and if you're scared of commitment, I mean, I would I've described guys that I didn't like that really liked me as clingy when really they that would have been a perfect amount of affection for a guy I liked.

So it's I think you get labeled clingy if you're pursuing someone who doesn't actually like you. Whereas if you yes, if the person liked you, they would they wouldn't call that clingy. It's just yeah, because they want someone who's like i go because he goes are you like do you need to check in you need to know where they are i'm like no i've never been that way i i'm i literally am the least jealous person in a relationship that i've ever known and and i'm like i'm flawed in many ways but in terms of jealousy i think people get think clingy is jealousy and like where where are you? Tell me. Tell me you love me. I need to check in. And I don't think I'm that. I'm just like, I just want to I want to just like snuggle sometimes.

And then I want you to get the fuck away from me when I when I want you to as well. So I don't know what I'm by doing that, by telling them about the book, by being honest about being clingy. What is your takeaway from that? Because this guy still wants to hang out with you is there a level like a revelation in the sense of oh maybe I wasn't maybe it's not right I didn't tell you that I didn't do the book I didn't say that I didn't do the book I just told him I told him about the book but I didn't say that I wasn't still using things from the book that would have defied the way I would behave before. But actually

aren't contrary. It's not contrary to how I would actually the book essentially you can look at it as like oh you're tricking a guy. You're doing things opposite of how you normally would do things. But there are a lot of things in life not just about getting men that you know are not giving you the results you want

yeah you know like i just saw this guy on instagram like like if you were working out and someone and and you read a book that was like here's how to have bigger muscles would you think that's like just be yourself and just do the curls that you know that's you're not being yourself man you're reading a book to learn how to do it it's like yeah because this is actually going to give me the results i want as opposed to the things i've been doing which i don't i'm not an expert in human behavior and so it's based on getting what you really want in life and i just saw this but my only question is this is that only only fans, which is meant to next story actually,

do you think that it's your actions, like what you would learn from the book, or who you're choosing? I mean, I think a lot of it is like, you're saying like, oh, I'm not getting what I want, but is it so much your actions, or it's the person that you're deciding to be with no i think it's i think it's a mixture of both i think that um the book doesn't work on someone who isn't

gonna be the right person for you is the the thing if someone can't give you a commitment and you want one with them this book isn't going to trick them into doing that what this book gives you is someone that is able to give you what you want it facilitates that quicker than um the way you've been going about it so like you know i just i i and now i'm i don't even have to think about like oh i should answer it this way and phrase it this way it's like it comes kind of natural to me because i'm like oh i do i don't want to open this door i i actually want him to order i really want him to go get the waitress and say that we want dessert i don't want to open this door. I actually want him to order. I really want him to go get the waitress and say that we want dessert. I don't really want to get up and do that.

Whereas before I would be like, I'll just do it real quick. Cause I like, like things moving fast. It's just like, Oh, it's kind of nice letting someone else do it. And just being more receiving when really,

cause I like things done so fast that being slower, it's like actually giving me what I want, which is like just calmness. And then that way I don't, it's like actually giving me what I want, which is like just calmness. And then that way I don't, it's not as frantic, which is more my masculine energy. And it's exhausting to be that way constantly. Next story. OnlyFans, Oni, has backed down from its plans to ban explicit content

after being blasted by creators and members. I have a theory. I also know why they did it. I found out it's not because. The kid stuff? Yeah, it was about possible child porn and people not wanting to be associated with that. Yes. I think it would be brilliant if their marketing team knew that by doing this,

it would be all over the papers for free. And they get free marketing and then they back off from it and it only brings more eyes to the website you're not uh you were also someone who thought lady gaga's dog walker set up i wasn't way off attack and uh and you always have these conspiracy theories of like i think i think that guy's brother died because he wanted to post about his brother dying and get some likes for it sure i think he killed his brother instead of he had died of an opioid addiction like you always like think the worst things of people but i mean that that's actually kind of a good conspiracy theory i i kind of support it um i think it's a long way

to go about things and i think honestly it is so risky and companies especially tech companies are so risk adverse just based on like what i know from tv and like these multimedia companies that have so much money and so much wealth and so many investors they never take any risks that's why you see nothing interesting on tv or in music or it it's all there's so little things that actually are unique and when they are and you're like billy eilish it's so different she's in her bedroom with her brother and she sings like a baby it's like all of that was precedented like it's it was it was she was popular before people invested in her no one takes risks so that to me seems like a huge risk that maybe they could have yeah um predicted would work out but I don't know. I mean

and on record I don't want anyone to die for someone to get likes. No I didn't say you wanted someone to die. You said I was just presenting an outlandish scenario where you kind of go I think this guy's kind of happy his brother died because he's getting lots of likes. You didn't say that

you just go it's interesting like he seems to be benefiting from it. I think me. And I'm like, I think he's mourning and trying to share his feelings because he doesn't usually do that. And social media is a good way to feel. I think you're just turning a negative into a positive. That's all.

No, but you were being suspicious and kind of like, ugh, this guy. I'm using this. We got to go to break. Let's get back into it when we come back with Why Do I Care. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight We'll get back to it when we come back with Why Do I Care? and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, Andrew, why do I care?

I have no idea. Why do I care? I mean, I don't know if you're going to care about this one. You ready? Yeah. Gwen Stefani's ex-husband, Gavin Rosdale. What did she do? Gavin Rosdale is dating a 20-something-year-old.

I saw this on Demois. Do you know her name? No. Oh, it's Gwen. That's right. That's right. It's Gwen. You said you didn't have a problem dating a guy who dated a girl that looked like you. Oh, I would love it.

I'd go, yep. What about same name? Ironically enough, Pete Lee texted me last night and says, I'm dating a girl. Her name is Nikki. And I go, it kind of irritated me only because I'm like, I wanted to be the only Nikki in your life. But yeah, I guess I got kind of a little bit more jealous than I would have if she just looked like me. And it turns out she's even better looking than me. She looks 36.

And no, no, I actually was. I liked it. Nikki, I love that because i knew that he probably one of the first things they probably talked about was me because he was probably like one of my best friends named nikki and so i got i was like oh i bet their courtship involved a story of me and maybe she googled me and was like god this guy has dated a pretty hot girl that made his uh currency go up because you said that to me recently, where you said that I probably helped someone stock a little bit. Because their girlfriend knows that I have gone for them before.

And she probably likes him more because we had dated. Yes. I think that definitely can happen. That makes me feel good. Gwen, I mean, she dates Blake Shelton, who is a musician. who is kind of like the, and I'm sure he has a Bush. Bush beer? I mean, Gavin is from Bush, the band. Glycerine.

I bet he uses glycerine in that bedroom, boy. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Gwen Singer is 26. She's like an Instagram thought model. I mean, you know, it is what it is. I bet they met on Raya. I haven't seen him on Raya, but I bet they met on Raya. Or Instagram.

Maybe Instagram. God damn, he's so cute. He reminds me of Billy Crudup, who is my number one. Oh, yeah. It's that long, like, curly hair. It seems like he ages around his hairline. Like, his hairline stays strong. Oh, really? I haven't seen his hairline. Like his hairline stays strong. Oh, really?

I haven't seen his hairline in a while, but good for him. And Gwen Stefani looks like she's 26, and I wonder if the girl talks like this. She was so cool. I guess she's still cool. She's so cool. She's still real.

I mean, she's still, there's a little, and I'm not someone who likes to mouth out about celebrities, but there's a part of me that resents how young she looks and stays looking. And it looks exhausting to me is all I'm going to say. There's sometimes I look at JLo and these girls that just stay young and I know how much work it takes. And I just go, Gwen, I'll like you if you gain weight and if you have hair, if I see

your roots and if you don't have fake eyelashes. Like, I'll still like, we'll still like you you're still talented and maybe I'm just talking to myself let's get to slice of life it's our special segment today Wednesday it's where we take a moment from our life a recording a video that

happens you know when we don't know we're on camera or you know we just take it outside of the studio and we dissect it and talk about it today's slice of life is a video i captured the other day while andrew was taking a pizza out of our oven um and he did not know i was filming him but i started filming him about a minute and a half after he had already been struggling to get this pizza out. If you haven't seen it, he did post it on his Instagram,

on his main post, Andrew T. Collin, on there. You can watch it. The feedback I got from this was incredible, and I do want to go through some of the comments that people wrote in, but let's go ahead and listen to what happened, and I will narrate. You can also chime in. So he's trying to get... You can pull out the rack maybe and make it easier.

He's trying to get the pizza out of the oven on the top rack with a plastic spatula. And he has a plate in his left hand and he's putting the spatula in. He's refusing to pull out the rack like I suggested, but that's okay. He is now attacking it from the right side and kind of moving it.

Oh, it seems to be working. It's shifting out. It's moving off the rack. Oh, now it's being pushed further back. Oh, well, he seems to be making progress. Okay, it's moved about a half an inch forward. Now he is putting the spatula underneath it still not pulling out the rack or attempting to do so now the the pizza has now slipped oh this is the video isn't shot right but

the he's looking for a um a holder so the what happens to the pizza is that it falls between two of the the racks like two of the little um bars on the rack and then half of the pizza is that it falls between two of the racks, like two of the little bars on the rack. And then half of the pizza just starts is completely vertical going down and slipping and dripping into the pizza oven. And he's looking for a pot holder or something to pull out the rack. And I said, you know, I don't think sometimes I think boys are so scared of things that they don't need to be scared of, like burning their hand on a rack. You can just use a paper towel, kind of. It wouldn't burn you.

And I think that guys just don't understand that they are so cautious. It's so funny because men are so daredevils, sporty, strong, calloused hands, but they can't. They're so scared of a rack and they need to find an oven mitt instead of just using a paper towel to like gently pull out a rack you could just ball it up you could just do two you know ball it in a way that it was just crumpled you use like an old napkin and um and you refuse to pull out the rack it slipped into the thing and then and then well i used to have a joke only about like four years ago where i've never used an oven in my life. Right. I thought about how like an oven compared to a microwave, it's like it just shows like a sign of like you have to be an adult now. Like it's time to have a family.

Yeah. But so I never really. That's what I always said about rolling joints. I'm like, why would I roll a joint instead of putting it in a pipe? I go, that's like, it's like microwaving versus a joint is like an oven and it's just like it's the same shit yeah same shit i agree well i mean some people would say bagel bites do you oven or do you microwave someone just say you got a toaster oven because then it's not as crispy then it's too chewy yeah i don't know anyways there's something that makes you feel

like you're jota de laurentis when you just put a frozen pizza in an oven or like anything that could be microwaved in an oven like i feel like i'm suddenly emerald i think i just yeah yeah it's like you gotta but i i do feel like i get frustrated because like i i've i must have eaten probably 12 pizzas in the last you know month yeah yeah three to three hours and uh and i've taken it out of there the same exact way yeah it's so annoying when when you do something on your own thousands of times and then when you have one audience member or 10 audience and then it just doesn't go the right way yeah and it was just very frustrating and i was like i got it i would almost argue i know when you the i got it i just want to. And I was just like, I got it. I would almost argue. I know when you, the I got it.

I just want to play the I got it again because you can hear. I should have seen the anger that would proceed or proceed this video coming with this I got it. And I just want to ask if the way I say pull the rack out is what you would, can you say the word? What's that? Naggy. Is it naggy? And I really want to know, because I promise you I'm trying not to be a nag,

and I was observing this for a while and thinking about how I want the tone of my voice to come across, because first of all, I was filming, so I knew I'd be accountable to it, and also I know that Andrew doesn't want me to be, I didn't want to be like pull the rack out dummy which is what i wanted to say um because it was so frustrating to watch or like that's my initial that's like in the back with a little devil on my shoulder right

so i just want to know if my tone was naggy and then listen to his i got it you can like pull up the rack maybe make it easier oh my I'll get it wasn't that bad I sense so much hatred in it I thought if that was like the ocean coming out like before tsunami and everyone

goes oh my god look at it it's so fun we can go play out in the sea and then I that's what I did I go oh my god this is gonna be so fun and then go play out in the sea and then i that's what i did i go oh my god this is gonna be so fun and then when you at the end when you catch me filming you and you go fuck you i that's when it was like that was when i saw the wave and i start i should have started running it was but i also shouldn't have been out in the surf poking around well yes and the tsunami started like the golf course well the earthquake started way before that yeah yeah and it was like rumbling through the ocean yes

before that there was a Richter scale was had noticed a couple uh yeah I know it's not fun to be called a nag a nagging person, you know, I, you know. Yeah, there's no other word for it, I guess. Yeah, I mean, the, the, the. What's a man when he's a nag? Like, what do people say? You're such a, no, you're such a boss. Thank you, sir.

I'll do whatever you say. Yeah, you're such a Jeff Bezos. Yeah, you're such a earner. Can I blow you more more what is it called uh yeah i don't know but you're you're a winner there's all what all you want as a woman is not to be a nag not to be a whore not to be a tease those are my three things that i don't want to be more than anything in the world i'd rather be a bitch a cunt like my mom is her trigger word is bitch yeah you can't even call her a b which i amended it to because i used to realize if you said bitch she would fly off and so sometimes i would go for the jugular as my dad said and call her b bitch when i was really

mad and my mom cannot handle it i can handle bitch and cunt i can't handle i and now i can handle nag but um i felt like when i said nag is nagger yesterday or a couple days ago it it triggered you like that's like a word wasn't it oh well i mean it sounded like the n word so that wasn't fun to hear really loud in our apartment building but uh yeah i guess that word isn't that great yeah it was funny almost that i was like the that's the N word for women is nagger. I don't even feel comfortable saying that right now. And you screamed at me. And I was just like, easy, dude. We have neighbors.

God Christ. Don't say neighbor. Neighbor. Yeah. But before that, there was like a comment about me not charging the battery on my thing. So I think it was like an addition to it. We have one of those like Hypervolt things I put on my Instagram where it's like, and it like a massager thing that like goes.

And he had been using it and he on his arm and he just left it on like the green light was on. I saw it on the couch and I go, hey, and I believe I said it like this. You correct me. I think I just said, hey, you should turn this off because the battery runs out. And so I just turned it off, and I just go, next time just turn it off. And then I put it down.

And then that was right before the pizza incident, and oh boy. Yeah, I mean, I just, it's a it's a combination of things the biggest fight we've ever had yeah it was a good one it was a blow it was like jerry springer levels of screaming and it ended pretty funny i i'm i i'm surprised you didn't we literally go it's because you yell it's because of your mom and i go you're your dad yeah i didn't hear that part until you told me later on i just was like i think I yelled, go to therapy. I gotta go to therapy, work it out.

This is all about your mom, dude. It's not me. Fucking deal with it. And then I screamed and left and then laughed on my run and had a pretty good run, gotta be honest. I'm sure you probably had your best time ever. There was a rainbow on my run and I was like, I was right.

No, no, no, I don't know. I didn't think that at all final thought there was also a rainbow after our storm a much like you know rainbows show up after a lot of uh storm we I I was able to reflect upon it we didn't talk that night I went um out and then I got home and you were already asleep and uh and i knew i mean i knew you were just like on the phone with brenna just texting her about it like i'm sure she was like you guys were just talking shit and which is fine it's like we you got you go off in your corner and you like you talk to the people who you love you and you vent and you get support so i was just just like, oh, I'm sure he's just in there saying how much he hates me.

He wants looking at places to move in with her and moving out, all that whole thing. Am I wired? I know you so well, dude. I could predict. I bet I could honestly verbatim know exactly what you texted her. I just know. But maybe I'm wrong but i think that you probably were like i'm gonna fucking move out and you probably googled like two bedroom apartment what you could get for that one bedroom yeah and then you were like i

could just do the pod like i don't even need the podcast you probably looked at your contract to see if like if i fired you from this would you be able to stay on like i didn't look at that i mean that's a little extreme. Really? But I guess you had those thoughts. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No, no, no. I just was thinking like, no, I didn't have those thoughts. I was just like, I mean, I go, what are we going to do tomorrow?

Because I don't ever, I don't want to fight on this podcast. And I was like, ugh. You know, I texted Noah being like, we're fighting right now. I don't know if we're going to make up by tomorrow. What do we do? What's the protocol here? And I was like, I'm not going to not do the show with him if we're fighting right now I don't know if we're gonna make up by tomorrow what do we do what's the protocol here and um and I was like I'm not gonna not do the show with him if we're fighting like I'm not gonna be like um Andrew's sick today because I told him to go to therapy and screamed at him about the pizza and so um yeah so I just I I we had to but it was the morning and we uh I had

to do the podcast and so I was like and I know that for me, I just need to get an apology out without interruptions. And so I just wrote it in a card and was able to write it much easier than saying it. And so I just put a card in front of your door. Thank God I have so many cards in my room. And I was like, oh, this card is perfect for me. You already had that card? I thought you drove the walker. That's insane.'s insane oh man that takes away everything really no but i mean like the card it was i just love someone that like gets on people's nerves has like a card for each thing they know it was

it's a number one best friend and it was said like i'm so grateful for i forget what the inside said sorry mom sorry dad yeah it it said I was projecting. Yeah, it's a projector screen. It was like, what do I have in common with this? Well, I did it all over you. Yeah, I mean, I just like saw what I contributed to it and realized that I don't need to be that way and I want to be better.

And yeah, it worked out. And then we ran into each other at Starbucks. Yeah. And he had already read the card. I was walking the dogs. We ran into each other at Starbucks. I was picking him up breakfast and a coffee to be like, here you go. Buddy, I'm sorry.

We hugged, and it was all good. Yeah, and I wrote you a text, a pretty long text that I didn't send yet. And then you just read it on my phone. Yeah, you just handed me your phone. And then I watched her read it. And I don't know. I think we both had, like, whatever. I mean, it is what it is.

I feel like we both, like, really want the best for each other. It's just getting, it's our own brains getting in the way sometimes. Yes, and egos. It's all about like when you, like that Jocko Willink thing yesterday that I was sharing. When you let someone's whatever throw you off and make you explode in a way,

it's up to you. I know there's no free will and I'm certain of that, but I do know that there are things in my arsenal of self-care that I can do instead of when I feel provoked and and feel like screaming at someone and going for the jugular like I did with you that I can there's other options and that I can turn to those and that I also know that that is my if I were centered and like liked myself and felt good about myself and um was really tapped into my love for you and like gratitude for you it wouldn't have bubbled up like that so it remind it's a reminder for me that like i need to do better and like and i don't and

you were like i don't want you to be like typical towing around me and feel like you're a bad person. I was like, I don't. I don't think I'm a bad person because I yelled all those things at you. I know that I'm just not perfect. But I don't think I was. I'm going to keep making mistakes. I'm going to not pull the rack out when I make pizzas sometimes. And I'm going to do the opposite thing that I should do.

And what I'll do, honestly, is. Get an oven mitt no i mean yeah i'll get an oven mitt and uh bourdain in the booth sorry no no what i'll do honestly is uh like i'm not gonna like if i feel like there's like nagging going on or whatever like the first time it happens i'll just be like i won't even get angry at the point like an hour later i'll be like hey do you mind like i i could not be so sensitive to because i do no but you are gonna be what you are i think what you if i were in your shoes or in times where i've been felt like triggered by things that yeah build up like that

you can't say to yourself oh next time i'm going to get it as soon as it comes up. You just need to do the things in the past that have helped you conquer other things that you've been able to get over. And like I said, I have an arsenal of things that have helped me conquer an eating disorder, alcoholism, smoking pot, saying hateful things to my mom, being jealous of other people. I know all the things to do

because I've done all those things. I can apply those to this as well. Yeah. So I think, yeah, that's what I learned. I don't know. But we're good. Yeah, I think we're good. You're at least on the show till tomorrow.

I have the Zillow search going. Even though it's Tuesday in your head. Hey, it's Tuesday somewhere. You still have the Zillow search. Hilarious. Yeah. Keep it up. it's Tuesday in your head. Hey, it's Tuesday somewhere. You still have the Zillow search. Ah, hilarious. Yeah. Keep it up.

Put out some offers. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening to the show. We'll be here tomorrow on the podcast. Thank you, besties. Follow us on Nikki Glazer Pod.

Leave us voice memos. We'll get to the fan thracks tomorrow. Fan thracks. Fan thracks. Don't be kuh out there. Oh my God god Luigi is perking up because he knows this is

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