The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #94 Vibrant Technical Difficulties

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Between you and Nikki she's in a car to the airport reflecting on why people feel too uncomfortable asking for the things they want or don't want. Andrew discusses the quantity of I love you. You Heard It Here First, the challenge of podcasting on milk crates, changing your situation can be therapy and 48 Hours with Dennis Rodman. In Nikki's Reddit Dump we learn temperature conversion tricks, about deadly pelicans and noodle brains. And in the Final Thought Andrew shares a very bad dare. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hey, everyone.

Here I am. It's Nikki Glaser. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. If this sounds a little different today, it should. Here I am. It's Nikki Glaser. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. If this sounds a little different today, it should. I am using, you know, not the greatest audio technology to record a podcast. Just the first part. Don't worry. It's going to improve greatly in a second once we get Andrew on. But I'm doing this first part after the show we taped because I'm headed to the airport now. And, um, we had a little glitch this morning. And so I have to do this part, uh, after, which doesn't bother me. Now I can kind of reflect on what we talked about.

I am headed to the airport. Uh, I was in Vegas, uh, Vegas, Vegas. I'm going to say that right. Not Vegas. I was staying at the Sahara Hotel. Nice place. Like loved my room. A lot of white couches that now have Sally Hansen leg spray on them. And, you know, yesterday when my hair and makeup people asked to use my bathroom, I said, just know that that is not poop. It's spray tan. I wish that my feces had that kind of summery glow, but it's definitely spray tan on the toilet seat. Um, and that's, that wasn't me making a joke. It literally is on the toilet. It's on everything. Um, and, uh, yeah, it was a, it was a great little trip. I'm leaving, um, less than 24 hours before I arrived. I think I got in.

Who cares? You guys don't care what time I got in. So I got in. It was fun because I flew out here with my friend, Emil Joaquim. This show that I'm doing a guest appearance on. It's not on TV yet, but it is a reality competition show that, oh my God, I can't wait for you guys to see. Honestly, it's, I thought it was going to be a show that I wouldn't watch. I'm just going to be honest. Um, and then I got here and I was like deeply moved by it. And I was on the finale

episode and it's, it's one of those, I was just like, I can't wait. When is this coming out? I can't wait to watch it. And then like the thing we taped, it was just so fun and moving and vulnerable. And that's why I love reality TV. I really do. Because people who sign up for it are in a place in their lives where they have no other options. And they're just like, I guess I'll do this. And that's already a vulnerable place to be. But to also put yourself out there in a way where you're like

Even if they don't know that they're going to show a side of themselves That's bad You know like no one goes on the housewives thinking they're going to throw Drunkenly get naked and throw tiki torches into their best friend's pool I don't know that and that's not even a thing that exactly happened I'm just kind of I saw one clip and I was like no wants, no one signs up thinking they're going to do that. Everyone goes, listen, I'm actually going to be different. I'm going to, if the cameras are around, I'm going to behave differently than Dorinda would.

And the truth is you wouldn't. Like you forget the cameras are there and these shows like you know crack you because they you don't get enough sleep you're you're you know isolated from your family and friends you have no phone like you're deciding you're like things come out so there's like vulnerabilities on this show in particular that I was very moved by and like horned up by to be honest and you'll see why I said that when it airs um but it was really fun I got to bring Emil Joaquim who's one of my best friends he met me in St. Louis he flew from New York to St. Louis and then we had a connecting flight from St. Louis to Vegas and um it was

it was so fun to just it's fun to fly with a friend and good boundaries too like as soon as I wanted to sleep I was just like hey I'm going to sleep No hurt feelings I see so often that people just like Do things for other people When they don't want to do them And I just I get so sad when I see people do that Like there was a

Feidelberg John Feidelberg One of the hosts of KFC The KFC podcast on Barstool. Those guys are my friends. And he posted a clip the other day. And when I was on his show last time, he told me that he'll hook up with girls that he doesn't really like he's not into because he just feels bad and like, doesn't want to make them

sad and they want to hook up. So he'll just do it. And I was like, I thought only girls did that. And obviously I don't think only girls do that but it just made me sad that this guy that's like so funny and mature in so many ways I think would do something he didn't want to do just because he didn't want to make a girl feel bad like that's a self-esteem issue no offense Feidelberg but you need to work on your self-esteem and I only say that as someone who also needs to work on it and who avoids being alone with men because I'm scared I'll give them everything they want, even though I know going in that I don't want to do that. So sometimes you're in the moment. You just like give people what they want and it's something you got to work on.

But he was telling a story about being on a plane. And tell me what you would do in this situation. And, you know, I can be very like this is the right way and all other ways are wrong. And my sister told me that this weekend. She was like, sometimes you just, like, come off like a know-it-all. And I'm like, you're right. And let me just be honest. Like, I don't know it all.

But there are some things I'm pretty certain of. And one is that he did not handle the situation the right way. And I think I'll prove you right. Because I think a lot of you would do the same thing, because based on the comments from this video I watched, people were like, I'd do the same thing, and I'm like, God, people just let people walk all over them just to be nice. So he dropped his phone during a flight. He was watching a movie. He was in, I, I think the window seat. He dropped his phone during the flight and, uh, he did the, in order

to get his phone, he would have had to kind of wake up the person next to him. The person next to him was snoozing and he would have had to like disturb the person next to him to like get his phone. So instead he just listened to the movie he was watching for the rest of the two hour flight. You tell me, would you wake up someone to get your phone? If that was like, and there's no other way to do it unless you have to wake them up. Let's just say that that's the scenario. Would you do that to get your phone? If you answered no, and you would just listen to the movie. Okay. And I know you think you're right because that person's sleeping. What if you, and you're like, it's just a phone.

I can do without it. But let's be honest, you don't want to do without it. It's not like that enjoyable. And if a person's able to fall asleep in a middle seat, they can get back to sleep after you wake them up. But that aside, even if they can't, wake them up. Please, God, wake them up. Don't just sit there and listen to a two-hour movie because you don't want to inconvenience this stranger. And here's my argument.

And I wrote it in his comments, and I didn't know if he wrote back to it. If you were the person in that middle seat and the person next to you dropped their phone and you were asleep, would you want them to listen to Mad Max Fury Road for two hours because you were sleeping or would you want them to wake you up? Now, if those answers don't match, if you would want someone to wake you up, but you also wouldn't wake up someone, we've got a self-esteem issue here because you are willing to treat people better than you treat yourself. Right? That's just, that's just plain, simple logic. Um, I would wake up that person in a second. I send back food in a restaurant if it's not good. I, and not in a bitchy way, just like, oh, this isn't right. Um, is it going to go to waste? Can someone box it up instead of throw it away so I can give it to someone?

Or like, you know, but respect yourself. And if you have trouble doing this, ask yourself, if someone else wouldn't inconvenience me because they were scared I would be mad at them, would that really make me mad at them? Is that guy you wake up going to hate you forever? And if he does, what an asshole. That's so stupid when people don't like the window seat because they are so scared they'll have to go to the bathroom and wake someone up what are you talking about there's no written rule that when you sit in the window seat you can't wake someone up you guys let's be nice to each other and and stand up for ourselves in a nice way say i'm so sorry i dropped my phone i'm so sorry i know you're sleeping oh

i say a million sor's and I know women aren't supposed to say sorry anymore fuck it I say sorry all the goddamn time okay I gotta go check my bags and then I'll sign off in just a second I'm at the airport now actually let's just bring Andrew in here and get the show started Andrew John Stewart is back at

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Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction.

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and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy.

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Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin Luther King III, and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Each week, we'll sit down with inspiring figures like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen,

Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. And their plus one, their ride or die, as they share stories never heard before about their remarkable journey. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions.

Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories and new connections to show us how we're both similar

and unique. Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Hey, Andrew. Technical difficulties this morning. It's so funny how much goes on behind the scenes before we go, hey. Listen, I think we just, but the beauty is we just jump into it. You're back from Connecticut. You're in our studio. Yeah, I'm back.

We covered a lot. We already recorded a little bit. Let me just go over the things. He misses me. He says my chair is empty, much like Clint Eastwood in that one video that we don't really know the details of, but where Clint Eastwood was screaming at his chair about Barack Obama. And then you were trying – Brenna wanted you to say something dirty in bed, and you said she was vibrant. Yes.

Vibrant. You did skip over how your body is outlined through self-tanner on the chair. So it looks like a dead body. Yeah, it looks like

I'm a dead body. And you said that the person doing the chalk outline, it looks like they honored my request to still be tan even in death.

Give it a little pizzazz. Yeah. Okay. So you said to Brenna that she was vibrant. Did you get a word a day calendar or something that you were trying to incorporate? Did you just go into Sherwin-Williams and were selecting paint and you had heard that word? What did you mean by vibrant?

Because I don't know what you meant by that. I think I meant, oh, I just noticed the room is also painted yellow. This is fantastic. Anyways, sorry. ADD. Vibrant. Young. Actually, do you think that paint is so tight and wet?

What if you just like, you talked about paint the way you should talk about Brenna, and you talked about Brenna the way you should talk about paint. You're like, Brenna's like, say something nasty to me, like just really dirty talk. And you're like, with two coats, you can last up to 10 years. I'm like, I don't know. I keep thinking about, I know less about paint than I do pussy, and it's close, but neither one I know less about paint than i do pussy and it's close but neither one i know much

about like i think i've painted one wall and i think i made one girl have an orgasm so it's oh my god um it's like watching pussy dry i said i like them both real dry i wish paint came out like fucking um what's that? A powder. Powder. I said it like chowder. Okay, vibrant. I said young, vibrant, and illegal, actually, which I thought illegal was kind of funny. Right. Do you make jokes in bed?

Is that like a safe place? Like when your penis is hard, are you like cracking jokes? I try not to. Is your erection hard to maintain when you're giggling well she's already laughing no um i i i don't know she can laugh girls can laugh but guys when they're hard yeah i don't know i do laugh sometimes in bed when we are inside each other and uh yeah i don't know, man. I try not to make it too funny because it's hard to, like, really work up an orgasm while you're laughing too much.

I think there's, like, a line. I agree. I've always said that, like, you can make jokes after the guy comes and he can really laugh, but he can't. Because I, you know, a lot of times when I would be having sex, like for a woman, you don't have to maintain anything. Like sure you have to maintain wetness, but you're not like your, your mind isn't racing. Like, well, a lot of women's minds are racing about, Oh, my body looks a certain way. Like you're, you're, I'm able to come up with jokes. Like I can think of funny things. I'm my horniness doesn't like take over my brain the way it does men's.

Like it's almost like a virus, your horniness. Like it makes you guys so dumb and you would think dumb equals funny, but you guys can't really laugh at like lodge, like, you know, twists of logic and irony. It's like when you're in your head and rubbing your belly at the same time.

Like, yeah, when I'm fucking i can only rub my belly which is staying hard and trying to uh stay like i don't know there there is something sexy about being funny but then it's like you laugh and it's sometimes hard to get back on track you know what i mean like um i i think that i compare it to I never understand why people Would listen to comedy podcasts When they're working out

Because it makes my body jelly Like it just makes I can't like keep my Like whenever I listen to Lonely Island Sometimes even like those songs Can really pump me up but they're so funny That I kind of go like And I like almost fall off the

treadmill because it's just like, it's, it's a different part of your brain. And you know, it's, it's all about like the kind of thing that I talked about on stage is like funny women, not just necessarily funny women, even though it's been proven that they're not as sexually attractive to men as women who just are just like not opinionated and smart um but it's true it's proven but i think that funniness is can be sexy for a woman like we can we can find a guy funny but like also if a girl laughs in bed like guys are so flooded with insecurities in bed and so are women i mean i should know i am one um most days and like a laugh at the wrong time about like you know if your skin is sweaty and it make your chest farts or something like it can just take you out of it like it's just yeah so i i get that but you said

vibrant and then did that did she did you go then make it up to her by saying like remember when i called you a whale wasn't that worse a vibrant whale yeah i i yeah and he called her a whale because she was wearing blue by the way i definitely joke at times where it becomes too intimate and i think i need to uh do that sometimes. I think... When feelings get too strong and you got to cut it with humor. Yeah. And I'm going to try not to do that quite as much.

I think I did that. We were in bed and we were saying, I love you to each other. And I just made an observation about her saying, I love you a lot, instead of just saying, I love you back. Like, you know, like I was like, I I made an analogy like I was like doing a bit instead of just being like I love you too because I do love her extremely much but at the time I go uh she was like I love you and I go

man you say that a lot like I made an observation like not even thinking yeah and um and then I go you know it's like when someone sneezes do you say god bless you every time if they sneeze eight times like that's really funny and i love you back and i really meant it as like complete but it was just not it was terrible time like it could have been funny maybe two days it seemed like you were dodging it, but I say I love you back all the time. It was literally just an observation of like how many times do – Oh, right. Like she probably took it like – because a lot of times people go, I don't even want to say bless you or gesundheit.

You know, like why do I have to do this every time? It's almost like, ugh. So she maybe took that as you expressing some exhaustion with the amount of I love you. Which wasn't your point. You were just kind of like making observation that you always do have to say andrew it's so funny someone told me i love you today and i like i didn't write it back because i just i was addressing something else in it and i was like oh my god i just i've never not reciprocated it and that's so that's so weird we are like on the same that literally just happened to you?

literally this morning I woke up to a text where someone was like just being emotional with me and saying like how much they appreciate me and was like I really love you and then I wrote back to like the whole thing and was like but I didn't write it back but I do like it's just it's wild I mean I love her

but I love you as fraught man I love her so much and it's just like like it's just, it's wild. I mean, I love her. But I love you as fraught, man. I love her so much. And it's just like, like, it's just making, also I do think. You can tell. I thought more about it too. The pictures this weekend. And I was like, oh, I also like, there's definitely something inside me that when someone says they love me, I don't take it in because i don't love myself a lot of times so i feel like like i don't i i i think i do i i deflect on it a little bit because i'm like how does this person love me so

much like yeah i mean and i think i do yeah so but it was great it was an amazing weekend and wait i just want to go back to that real quick because i think that that's so relatable and like and it's hard to admit that like that might be the the source of it because people go no i love myself like people have a really hard time admitting that they might have late they might not love themselves which is i would say most people don't like themselves i would say the vast majority especially of americans in our culture do not like themselves. I would say the vast majority, especially of Americans in our culture, do not like themselves inherently. And you might think you do, but I just, when people choose bad people for themselves or, you know, allow abuse to happen, like if you loved yourself, that wouldn't

happen. That doesn't mean you're a bad person, that you don't love yourself. It means you didn't get your emotional needs met and you don't even know how to do that and it's uh i always thought i loved myself and like had um self-esteem but like you just gotta go okay well this this this thing that i'm tolerating if or like abusing my body with this you know addiction is a different thing because it's really out of your control. And so is everything. There's no free will. And you guys know that. But if you if you wouldn't allow your child, a child to experience that, or someone you love in your life, then and you're tolerating it, then you don't love yourself. And you can make the argument like I'm stronger than this person. I can I can do it. Those are just excuses so that you can make the argument like I'm stronger than this person. I can, I can do it. Those are just excuses so that you can keep on, uh, you know, rationalizing that you're, you're, you're different.

You're unique. Like I was talking about this in the intro that we lost, but like so many people think they're unique so that they don't have to do things or like, you know, I was talking about like when I used to starve myself everyone's like you gotta eat three meals a day like that'll change your life you won't binge because you won't be starving and I go I don't get to I'm different other girls can look the way I want to look and the way that I'm meant to look and eat three meals a day but not Nikki Glaser I need less because I to I if I eat normal I I'm going to be gigantic. And, you know, I had a moral, um, judgment over what that would mean. But the truth is like,

I, I, I'm, I'm just average. Like my abusive therapist was right. I'm not unique. I'm not special. Some people, yeah, I guess you are special, but like, and I was giving the example of guitar. Like there's some, there's so many things that over the years made me not want to do guitar or not want to sing. I go, Oh, I can't play guitar.

Cause my fingers like don't move that way. And they like hurt Django Reinhardt has, uh, he's one of the greatest guitarists of all times. Three fingers. I found out three fingers. Cause I said two in the intro that we lost and, um,

Noah held up three and I thought we had three minutes intro that we lost. And Noah held up three. And I thought we had three minutes left in the show. And then we talked about how would he be. He wouldn't be a good podcast producer. Everyone would always be rushing things when they had more time. You'd be great at a countdown. Oh, yeah. Just three, two, one.

When you hear three, two, one, do you think of Wayne's World? I do. Every time. No no remember they go three two and you don't say you don't say one then you don't do the one mouth it he goes one yeah anyhow but yeah no i hear what you're saying about the lovable thing and like thinking you're different and thinking you're so unique and for so long it's you can use that as an excuse to be like well no that's not me and uh and then even with love it's like i'm not deserving of love even sounds kind of like cheesy in a way um but yeah i don't know I you know throughout this

relationship I've definitely taken it in more and not tried to be like I don't know if I'm a relationship type person you know yeah you're right on point with that stuff and like I feel like I don't know there's just so many times I convince myself I can't do

things because I just go I'm different other people are like even my my voice is like I quit smoking pot and my voice is still like I can't hit high notes and I'm like I just not meant to do it it's like no bitch go to a voice instructor Miley Cyrus talks like this and she can hit high notes it's like nothing's holding me back you know like just that like Lou Reed is has a gross voice and he makes it work like nothing's holding me back you know like just that like lou reeds is has a gross voice and he makes it work like stop letting stop convincing yourself you're special i know it's like we withhold things from ourselves by saying we're special like special you think as a positive all in all you're not special and but you are lovable yes yes isn't that ironic don't you think okay let's get to the news that's a great bumper sticker but you're not special but you're lovable

what is it's way worse if it's my kid's special and not lovable yeah that's don't uh let not... Don't make that bumper sticker. All right. Let's go to You Heard It Here First. You Heard It Here First. You Heard It Here First. Yeah, You Heard It Here First. Oh, man. I hope you had a great weekend out there, folks.

I had a very nice weekend. I hope you had all the swells. And if I say weekend one more time, maybe the weekend will appear and sing for me. Yeah, I mean, it's Tuesday, by the way. Oh, shit. Don't worry about it, dude. Listen, this is a weekly thing for you.

It's Friday at clock somewhere. Okay. Yep. All right. First headline. So wait, I was... Okay, here we go. Yeah.

The milk crate challenge is a viral trend. Ugh. I hate... No, no, no. I was ucking the milk crate challenge. No, no. I hate it. I know.

I know. This should have been, why do I care? But people create obstacle courses. I mean, I think everyone knows at this point what it is. A lot of people are getting hurt. What do you do? If you don't know what it is, because someone was talking about it recently

and I didn't know what it was. They stack milk crates almost like a pyramid. Like starting with like a pyramid. Yeah. And you got to run up them and then run down the other side without falling. And people, it's so hard for some reason. I can't even watch these compilations.

People get so hurt. I mean, it's so, it really does show, though, like. Oh, we're watching a fat guy teeter on the top of one, and I say fat with love. He's just a. A hefty man. He's a, yeah. There's a woman that did it in, stiletto heels, very gingerly.

Oh, no. He broke something for sure. Oh, my God. This just shows how much people aren't drinking regular milk anymore. Yeah, I want to stack almond. We should stack our almond milk cartons, those little and do an almond milk. Yeah, let's appropriate. Let's appropriate the crate challenge by making it oat milk.

Oat milk, you know, recyclable, carbon friendly packaging. I do think it does show like something with like how much your mental, your brain takes over your body because they're fine on the first three crates. And then when they get to the fourth crate, yeah, it's a little less stable. But it can't be that much less stable. You know what I mean? And I think like your legs start to shake. You see that you're higher.

You see that you're almost making it. And then, I don't know. I just think it shows a lot of the human brain and how it works through this absurd crate challenge oh my gosh that that stance was almost like the crate challenge like you started off with a really good point no i'm just kidding yeah you're right the landing on that one you did i was just making a joke it got pretty shaky in the middle there yeah in the middle i was worried, but then I was like, oh my God, he got it back. Well, listen, I got to brag a little bit here, and not brag, but I hate to talk sports when

I don't know anything about sports, but I watched the Jake Paul Woodley, I don't know his first name, fight the other night. Tyrone? Why? Where? Tyler? Tyrone. At Tim and Emma's's or tyron tyron okay he's from ferguson uh which is right in st louis um and i was i loved it because i saw michael rapaport post their like kind of face off which was at like a podcast desk it looked like

they were gonna do an in-depth like wtf with mark maron and um so they're sitting down and they're talking shit and it was just so that dynamic was so fascinating that i was like i need to watch this and i knew that some of my friends were gonna watch it so i was like i want in on this like i and i know jake paul is just like a guy it's also not mma so there's not as much blood and like kicking to the face and like just things that like I it's brutal for me to like watching that guy fall in the milk crate was not fun I hate ridiculousness I hate Tosh.0 I never like seeing people get hurt but boxing you know I saw the Tyson fight where he bit Holyfield's ear off like I've been watching it since I was a kid because my dad worked for cable and always got free pay-per-view and my parents love boxing.

I loved that fight the other night and I was completely like blown away that Jake Paul in the fourth round looked like he was out. Like I go, it's done because you can't get punched in the head that much and like see straight. And then he lasted all eight rounds. Like I thought he was out. I was not by any means rooting for him. I was rooting for Chappelle. I thought Chappelle was going to not last eight rounds. He was standing and clapping the whole damn time.

But did you watch it? I mean, I'm sure you watched highlights. I watched the highlights of it. And I know a ton about, like, the story behind it. So do I now. I mean, Jake Paul. Want to go toe-to-toe? Oh, you want to go toe-to-toe?

You want to create challenges? Are you sure? Yeah. All right, Noah, ask us any question. I know everything. I mean, let's just do, like, you know. Okay, I'll go first. So Jake Paul was on Disneyney channel his older brother's

logan paul he is a youtube sensation about three years ago he decided to start boxing he boxed another youtuber which he drawed with and then he ended up being like hey i want to be a boxer because i'm tired of making uh cheesy little shitty videos every day where I do a move on a bicycle while someone goes, oh. And so then he starts boxing and he starts taking it seriously. So does Logan. They both have an athletic background. They both wrestled in high school from Ohio. Big guys, bigger than you think, more athletic than you think.

Jake Paul ends up fighting three fights. Last fight against Ben Askren, who he knocked out, who happens to be best friends with Tyron Woodley, who's also from here. He went to University of Missouri, which is connected to Nikki somehow. Yeah. This crate is getting up. Yeah, you're at the top of the crate man Can you Can I take us down the other side

Yeah take us down baby Okay so Woodley fought Ben Is his name what's his last name No no Jake Paul fought Ben Sorry sorry He just fell everyone's laughing at you I know everyone I'm that guy that fell

Okay so Woodley's best friend Ben Ben Askren, he shows up to weigh in, and he looks like dad bod. Like, this guy didn't put in any effort because he's fighting a YouTuber. Like, he didn't even train. Actually, he did train. That's just what his body looks like. He fought Ben Askren. Askren has also got a place in Wisconsin where he lives with his wife and kids.

They've got a Frisbee golf course there. He's just living the life. He's happy. His best friend, so when his best friend was fighting Jake Paul, or when Ben was fighting Jake Paul, Woodley comes into the locker room when they're

like, he went in to watch him tape up. Ben went in to watch Jake Paul tape up to make sure he wasn't doing anything squirrely. Standard procedure. Then Woodley and him start talking shit. And that's when Woodley locked in and was like, I'm going to beat this motherfucker. And so then that's when it started. And then Woodley is mainly a wrestler.

He grew up wrestling. And then he also is very accomplished with UFC. He is, you know, a big guy, but not like the tallest guy. I don't know. These are things I know about him. He was wearing white shorts with pink and blue. Uh-oh, your legs are getting wobbly. So then he challenges Jake Paul.

Jake Paul is just a boxer who's only been really focusing on it for three years Woodley's not really a boxer either And is mainly UFC wrestling So they're both coming at it The analogy that my friends used Is that Nikki it's like in three years If you challenged a rapper To a rock and roll concert

They're musicians And have worked in that field of music But not specifically rock and roll But you have never worked in that field of music but not specifically rock and roll but you have never worked in rock and roll except three years so it'd be like me being like a taylor swift sing-off with nikki minaj which she would whoop my ass probably even though she's mainly a rapper do you know what i'm saying is that a good analogy i see what you're saying i see what you're saying also woodley what you're saying. Also, Woodley's 39. Jake Paul's 24. Oh, yeah.

Woodley's also apparently pretty much bankrupt. And Jake Paul's making millions upon millions of dollars. So there will be a rematch, for sure. And there's a whole thing about whether or not the fight is rigged. Oh, yeah. There's a whole thing of that. But, I mean, I heard that Woodley, since he's become an older man in the past five years, since people, you know, I have friends that really know a lot about him. He has always, they even predicted it.

They go, like, even before the fight, they're like, Woodley just doesn't, he gives up. He, like, doesn't, he create challenges. Like, he just kind of, I was just waiting for him to kick in because he was holding back so much during the whole fight. And Jake Paul is swinging so much more than him. Really like bouncing around more. Head up. Woodley is just like, I thought, as it got down to the last 15 seconds of the final round, I go, this guy's going to come out of nowhere and just, this is going to be a knockout. But it didn't happen.

And he just never, he never came out with like any pizzazz so maybe um what are they saying it's rigged how are they saying it's rigged well they think well Woodley at one point had Jake Paul in trouble Woodley has uh has has lost his last like three or four fights too in the UFC and he was like gun shy so that was like the whole thing but um they said that you know if Jake Paul loses and gets knocked out, this whole train is over. Like this whole he's making, you know, $20 million a fight. If he loses, he's not going to come back from it. He's done.

I thought they made $500,000. $500,000? Dude, that's what I heard is what they're walking away with. I mean, maybe after all is said and done on the back end, but $500, heard is what they're walking away with. I mean, maybe after all is said and done on the back end, but 500 is what they make. But we can fact check that later. Let's get to the next story. Great challenge.

I think we both fell at the same time. Okay, great challenge. Next story. Changing your situation can be therapy, but people tend to ignore the impact of situational factors on their behavior of themselves and others. So essentially, we always say it doesn't matter where you are as long as you love yourself, but apparently it does. But that's also a factor of if you love yourself or not. Like if you're staying in a place that isn't good

or staying in a situation that isn't good, if you don't love yourself, you're going in a place that isn't good or staying in a situation that isn't good, if you don't love yourself, if you're going to stay in it, if you do love yourself, you're going to find a way out. So I do think it still comes down to that. And that's what they call in like 12-step program stuff like pulling a geographic where you go, you know what? I'm going to move to California and it's all going to be different. It's like, no, you're, unless you change what's in here and I'm pointing to my, uh, larynx. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Unless you get those tits, uh, unless you get implants, California is not going to be

different for you, babe. Uh, if anything, you're good. You're going to, you're, you know, you're not going to be as valuable there. Example though. Like, so there was a kid in high school who in the normal kind of public school system, he wasn't thriving. He became an introvert. He became really sad and depressed. They put him in a different kind of school that was more inclined to fill his needs.

And next thing you know, he's starring in the musical the next year and like completely changed him like how he uh interacted with people so i mean you know one could come after the other like you could start loving yourself based off if you change your situation first like let's say you lived in detroit and it was fucking cold all the time a lot of times you're right kids don't get to change their situation because they are they're beholden to what their parents do for them. So that can make sense. But if you're an adult that can do your own things, like if you're blaming your situation for making you miserable, and I know a lot of times you're like, I can't quit my job. I can't move. I don't have the um then i don't know what to tell you actually that sucks and i mean yeah i like living in poverty is going to make you sadder than living in not poverty i mean it's just but wouldn't you rather live in poverty on the beach or would that just make you more sad because you're next to the beach and everyone's happy

yeah well people say that like if you're homeless, why wouldn't you move to California instead of New York? It's because... I don't know why people do that. Actually. She's on fire. I'm one of those people that actually says that. There's got to be an answer for it.

Well, I think the walking traffic in New York is better so you're more inclined to make more money. That's a good point. And then the traffic is just bad in L.A., am I right? Let's take a break and think, why do I care? Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your

perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio apps, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community.

And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500.

Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Thrustle Therapy with Catherine Legg, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeart Radioio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin of the Kingdom Third, and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Each week, we'll sit down with inspiring figures like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. And their plus one, their ride or die, as they share stories never heard before about their remarkable journey.

Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver,

and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends. EGOT winner, Viola Davis. And former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,

including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar

and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. All right, why do I care? Why do I care?

Okay, Dennis Rodman's 48 Hours in Vegas will be turned into a movie. Now, back to sports, unfortunately. Sorry, Nikki. Remember the Michael Jordan documentary? Oh, do I remember the Michael Jordan documentary? The last dance made me feel like all I want to do is think about basketball, play basketball, learn about basketball, read about basketball. I was obsessed.

I was immersed in that sport and that story. And yes, of course, I remember the 48 hours that Dennis Rodman disappeared right before. I think it was like about, I think it was like, you know, they were leading into a time where it was like, he shouldn't have disappeared. And he went with Carmen Electra to Vegas and no one heard from him.

No one could reach him. And then he just showed up on game day ready to go. It really ties into the other thing about changing your situation. I mean, he's like, the only way I can rebound is if I have a stripper put her pussy in my mouth while my girlfriend watches. That's what they told him. They were like, you need to go do this. And like, what's the coach's name? Phil Jackson.

Yeah, Jackson was just like, what was the, what's the coach's name? Phil Jackson. Yeah. Jackson was just like, listen, I mean, that seemed so irresponsible to let him just go. But, uh, you know, he put in the work when he needed to, that guy, uh, Rodman knew how to focus. I met Rodman at, um, the roast of Rob Lowe. And, uh, he was like, he asked me like what I was doing after that. I, it was, I don't think he knew I was on the show. Like I honestly, and he had just like really bombed in a way that was so deeply uncomfortable to watch.

I turned it to a stage mom. It went from being like, oh God, this guy tried to like kind of touch me in a weird way that I didn't like and hit on me. To like leaning forward in my seat going like, you can do it. It's okay, Dennis. Because he had to like restart a bunch. And like, it was like really HT dubs, you know? You know what's crazy about Dennis Rodman? He grew 10 inches when he was 21 years old.

Wow. Oh, I know that that was just, you were just fingers crossed that you had some of that rodman like late stage oh my god if i grew 10 inches right now oh my god you know what i was with a guy who is five five eight i want to say the other day and i we were talking about uh ufc and like the like how your reach is like very important. It's more important than your height. And I go, well,

height and reach are the same thing because your wingspan, when you have your arms stretched out is the same exact height as your height almost all the time. And so we measured it. I went against the wall and I did, you know, I measured my wingspan. It's exactly my height like exactly and it meant it checks out but this guy um his wingspan was three inches taller than what he was and so you

know you split that in half because each arm is an inch and a half he was meant to be uh well he was meant to be three inches taller and his and feet are the size of usually a taller man's. And something happened where his height did not match up to the rest of his body. Maybe his parents kept him in a cage, like veal. They did. But we didn't think it was that. That affected him psychologically,

but not physically. I want to do your wingspan. I want to check it. I have very long arms, short hands. I think you were meant to be taller oh for sure for sure i mean you know there's a lot of nba players there's some nba players that have a sick they're six four and their wingspan six ten it's like you know i was talking about squirting yesterday and i go i always thought i couldn't do it. You know, as a woman, I knew I could do it, but like, I thought that like, I just like, it wasn't going to happen for me.

And Emil Joaquim, who was with me goes, oh, it's like dunking for dudes. And I was like, yeah, it's like a dunk tank when it happens. But like, like guys dunk, like guys dunking, like short guys can dunk. You've seen it happen. And I even said Bugsy Muggs

and I fucked that up because it's Muggsy Bogues. But he's like, he's a famous short guy that could dunk in the NBA. I mean, he was like, Emil said he was like 5'4 or something. But he never dunked in a game. And he dunked. Oh, he didn't. But he could dunk. There are stories of him dunking.

Yeah, Spud Webb could dunk. He's 5'7". Yeah, go. Okay, so like anyone who's 5'7 can't be like, well, I could dunk if I was taller. Well, what about Webb Spud? Or like Bugsy Moogs? All right, we got to go to Reddit dump.

Let's do it quickly because my car is waiting for me. And you know what? He can wait. This is your Reddit dump oh my god we have the new that sounds like you're taking a shit it sounds yeah it sounds like i'm in a bathroom bathroom mode urinal mode uh okay what is the most this is from um ask reddit it says what is the most disturbing thing to know and this is just like a kind of like facts that people are like this is from, um, ask Reddit. It says, what is the most disturbing thing to know? And this is just like a,

a kind of like facts that people are like, this is the most disturbing thing. Um, I read one that said pelicans are some of the most demonic birds in existence. If not some of the most demonic creatures, pelicans will go into other birds, nests, shove the parent out of the nest.

They will then swallow babies whole, fly back to their own nest and regurgitate the still half alive, partially digested babies to their own babies. Some pelicans are literally raised on the partially digested living flesh of other baby birds. That's horrifying. They're all a bunch of Jeffrey Dahmers with families.

It's wild. Another fact. If you try to grab the brain in its natural state, it will fall apart. When you see scientists pick up the brain, they have used chemicals to harden it. Oh, fuck. That's weird. Okay.

Anything can happen to anyone at any moment. I had my first seizure at 18. No family member has had epilepsy before. Never take anything for granted. It can all change in an instant. Well, fuck. I'm about to get on a goddamn plane and I'm scared I'm going to have a seizure on it.

Man, I saw a woman get kicked off a plane. What? In St. Louis. Her kids were sucking on lollipops and so they didn't have their masks on and the flight attendant was like, when they were boarding, they told the woman like, your children need to have masks. And she was like, give me a fucking break. She kind of muttered it. And he goes, you just

cussed at me. You're off. Out. And she goes, I goes i didn't cuss at you and she goes did you hear me cuss at him like screams to the passengers and the kids are already like down down at the end of the plane and um she's like screaming at other passengers like did you hear me cuss at him and everyone's like i don't know lady everyone's just like filming her like we're not gonna help you and he goes ma'am you cussed at me she goes i didn't cuss at you and he goes you said you said the f word and she goes i didn't say the or she goes i didn't say it i said i didn't i didn't cuss at you first she goes i didn't cuss i didn't cuss so she was lying because then she goes i didn't cuss at you i said give me a fucking break that's what i said but it wasn't to you and he was like it doesn't matter now you're

cussing at me you're off i'm gonna have the cops so the cops had to come oh my god they and the woman goes come on kids we're getting kicked off the plane because i gave you suckers get and i go these poor children these poor and you know what after i post i like posted a video of it and i go this poor lady you know i i understand that these karens are like awful people but and you want to just hate these people who have explosions but something really bad has happened in this woman's life that has led her to like not be able to manage her anger like that and like it would just suck to be someone that acts that way so i felt bad for everyone involved those poor fucking kids though i just feel like that guy

kind of i i wasn't there but if she just said are you fucking kidding me under her breath or something you didn't have to he escalated it it sounded like too it was like a agree an ego thing i'm sure he's got a ton i would have done the same thing the woman did is what i'm saying i would have had the same reaction the woman did i think that's why i'm empathizing with her it's like she just said give me a i've done that on planes you know where i go i have to check my bag that guy i did it the other day i was like you told me to check my bag and that guy you just let that man put his bag up and it was like this woman wasn't watching that man like shut up nikki shut up you've had a long day and you're being a bitch um okay one other thing that is on this Ask Reddit. I love this.

By the time you show symptoms of rabies, it's already too late. Oh, man. You're going to die. So, okay, one more Reddit thing. Let's see. Oh, God, that was disturbing. Okay. I love the person that got bit by a rabid dog, and then they're showing showing signs and they're like, what could it be?

Could it have been the rabid dog? This is life pro tips where you just like learn something really that you should have known. LPT, life pro tip. If you need to quickly convert Celsius to Fahrenheit, double it and add 30.

Vice versa for Fahrenheit to Celsius. Subtract 30 and divide by 2. It's not an exact conversion but more of a temperature range. So then someone, this is why I like this one. Someone said, this is like for a little thing that you can memorize that, uh, will help you with the Celsius. Zero is freezing. 10 is not 20 is pleasing. 30 is hot.

One more time. Zero is freezing. 10 is not 20 is pleasing. 30, 30 is okay. And then someone converted that to Fahrenheit. Someone that knows Celsius only was like, 30 is... Okay, and then someone converted that to Fahrenheit. Someone that knows Celsius only was like... 30 is freezing. And so 30 is freezing.

50, it works. 30 is freezing. 50 is not, right? 70 is pleasing. 90 is hot. I love that. I just thought I wanted to share that with besties. I thought that was kind of cool.

Final thought. Let's take us into our last Reddit thing. This was an Ask Reddit. How far did you go in a game of truth or dare? How far would I go? How far did you go? So it's just like people telling stories of how far they went. Someone said, I picked up a hat and also some grapes with my butt.

Wait, what? How do you pick up a hat with your butt? I mean, I would assume you just spread your cheeks and then release them back to their natural state over a hat. And then maybe the hat had grapes in it. Someone also said, I peed in the litter box in our basement. My mom thought the cat had a serious issue

because it filled the whole box. My brother ratted on me and my mom played the shit out of me by saying she was going to have to put the cat had a serious issue because it filled the whole box my brother ratted on me and my mom played the shit out played the shit out of me by saying she was going to have to put the cat down because of a bladder issue i cried and told her the truth that's a cool mom uh one set person said uh and i i highlighted this so i think i must have liked it it says when i was 13 my friend dared me to show my penis to his mom she was just making lunch in the kitchen and I went for it. Her immediate reaction was, did Andy tell you to do this? All his friends do this to me.

Apparently that was his go-to dare. Is that your mom, dude? Did she call you Andy? I love that it's fucking like 15 dicks later uh and and reddit makes me laugh so hard because people are commenting under it said that poor mother has seen some shit and then someone says that poor mother has seen some dick and she like people are just like uh oh someone someone wrote the weirdest thing they did for a dare all it says is ate a pencil not no other details ate a pencil and or do you even start what's the weirdest thing you've done i mean or like because kids you ever try to like remember

when your pencil wouldn't be sharp and you didn't have a pencil sharpener so you would try to chew on it to get yeah like strip it away and it away. And it tasted that graphite. If you can't believe that someone can eat a pencil, no one can believe that someone can eat a pencil because you have chewed on myriad utensils. I take this back. I've chewed on a myriad of pencils. Yeah.

In my life. Did you not hear me just say that? Or are you create challenging me and saying the same thing in a different way on the way down? Did you say mirrored? Yeah. Shut up. I said myriad, but you said mirrored, and that's your crate challenge of just kind of phoning.

I literally said the same thing. I go, you've chewed on a myriad of utensils, and then you go, I've chewed on a myriad of things. Pencils. Dude, that's so funny. If a woodchuck could chuck chuck he would he would eat a pencil he would eat a pencil um what's the weirdest thing you've ever done for a dare or like a thing that you've done because your friends were like do this dude oh man um damn that's right that's hard uh i think i you know yours? I think it was like probably admitting I watched porn once, like on a truth.

And then I thought it was going to be like accepted and everyone would be like, oh my God, so do I. But everyone was just like, what? You, what? And it was just like, oh no. And I thought about jumping off a balcony after that because I was so scared they were going to tell Brittany Burke. What is wrong with me? That was in eighth grade.

I watched porn for a whole weekend. My parents were out of town. I don't know why they left us alone. But I convinced them. And we had pay-per-view, like I mentioned before. And we had it for free. Channel 42 was porn all the time and i watched it all weekend long all weekend long it was awesome i was so horny i didn't even touch myself but i

was just jazzed up and um yeah i thought of my best my best dare uh okay my brother dan dared me to uh there was ketchup packets on a plane and he dared me to punch the ketchup packet like make it explode and I hit it and Oh my god. And it went on this like 95 year old woman's face

like just covered with ketchup. Well if we've learned anything today 95 is hot 95 is hot especially with ketchup on it ketchup is uh what were you gonna i was gonna say something about you punching ketchup um yeah you well that's a joke oh and you um what did the tomato you should have gotten kicked off that plane someone should have kicked you off that plane. Someone should have kicked you off that plane, not the woman that gave, all I did was give my kids ketchup. What did the tomato say to the, wait,

what did the tomato say after punching the other tomato? Ketchup. Ketchup, man. Ketchup, man. And I just realized that when you said dare, like my brother dared, I thought you were saying my brother derred because I always convert your dares to ders. Fred derds? Because you say, you know, daring this thing, daring the other, like instead of daring, you say daring. So when you said dare, I converted in my head to der for you.

It's like when I was in Cayman Islands and I always would get in The driver's seat of the The other seat of the car I had to like convert it And then when I went back to America I kept getting another one Because I kept converting it Well you just divide it by two And add 30

Add 30 then divide by two It's backwards I think No divide by two then add 30 Then subtract 30 divide by Noah's giving me a Django Reinhardt But like more of like... She's just giving a nub. She's doing after he had his last two figures removed

of like, we have zero time. We got to go. I got to catch a plane. Thank you guys so much for listening. Don't be cut out there. And Jackpot! Jackpot! John Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend John Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines,

exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.