The NoSleep Podcast - S19 Ep12: NoSleep Podcast S19E12

Episode Date: April 23, 2023

It’s Episode 12 of Season 19. We ponder weak and weary with tales about catastrophic cryptids.“Bad Ice” written by Chris Allinotte (Story starts around 00:05:15)TRIGGER WARNING!Produced, scored, and performed by: David Cummings“A Hospitable Evening” written by Beth Carpenter (Story starts around 00:35:05)TRIGGER WARNING!Produced by: Phil MichalskiCast: Antonette – Jessica McEvoy, Vincent – Mike DelDaudio, Grandfather – Graham Rowat, Werewolf – Peter Lewis“Bug Jar” written by Madison Gaddis (Story starts around 00:49:30)Produced by: Jeff ClementCast: Peyton – Linsay Rousseau, Erin – Mary Murphy, Marcie – Sarah Thomas, Jenelle – Wafiyyah White, Rainie – Kristen DiMercurio“The Last Expedition of the Squatch Squad” written by Anneliese Amelia Boyd (Story starts around 01:03:30)Produced by: Jesse CornettCast: Eileen – Nichole Goodnight, Dad – Jesse Cornett, Uncle Slick – Jeff Clement, Doug – Dan Zappulla, Pauly – Kyle Akers, Winters – Matthew Bradford, Voice on Radio – Kristen DiMercurio, Mom – Erin LillisThis episode is sponsored by:Vessi - Vessiís the only shoes you need because of how versatile they are. Vessis are my go-to shoes by my door. Check them out at vessi.com/nosleep for 15% off your entire order for your Vessi shoes.Seed - Promote better gut health with Seed's DS-01® Daily Synbiotic (both a prebiotic and probiotic in one). Visit seed.com/NOSLEEP and use code NOSLEEP to redeem 25% off your first month of Seed's DS-01® Daily Synbiotic.Click here to learn more about The NoSleep Podcast teamClick here to learn more about Edgar Allan Poe from author Rene RehnExecutive Producer & Host: David CummingsMusical score composed by: Brandon Boone“Bad Ice” illustration courtesy of MiggeaAudio program ©2023 – Creative Reason Media Inc. – All Rights Reserved – No reproduction or use of this content is permitted without the express written consent of Creative Reason Media Inc. The copyrights for each story are held by the respective authors. The works of Edgar Allan Poe reside in the public domain. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The No Sleep Podcast opens its Crypto Vault this week. Wait, not Crypto? Cripped. So get your big feet ready for this one. Ugh, what a lousy day out there. Oh, are you home? I'm recording an ad. Yeah, it's pouring rain out there.

I'm soaked. All except for my feet, though, thanks to my Vessies. What an unexpected and completely unplanned coincidence, because I'm doing an ad for Vessi right now. Oh, perfect. Yeah, my Vessi's store. Amber shoes are fantastic for a rainy springtime. They're 100% waterproof, not just water-resistant. And while they're waterproof and warm, they're lighter and more comfortable than boots.

I'm glad you have them to wear in the rain. I know you're not going to be slipping and sliding through puddles thanks to their lugged rubber out soles. They give extra grip in wet conditions. And the added lining inside keeps my feet warm when the temps are low, like today. We love our vessies. Even Bigfoot would enjoy some vessies in the dark, dank woods. And they slip on and off, so it's quick and easy to get outside. Vessies are made from Dimetex, a super soft knit material that keeps your feet warm in the cold but cool in the warmer months. When I first saw mine, I thought there was no way they'd be waterproof, but they sure are. That's right. I can't imagine anyone not loving a pair of Vessies on their feet.

Even in perfect weather, they look great and feel so comfy. Add the benefit of being waterproof and you have the perfect shoe for any weather. Vessie also has many other styles to choose from. You'll definitely find the right style and fit for your feet. Yes, Vessys are our go-to shoes by our front door. Check them out at Vessi.com slash no sleep for a pair of your Vessi shoes. That's V-E-S-S-I-D-COM slash No Sleep to find your own pair of Vessi waterproof shoes. Okay, we've taken care of big feet.

Let's be cryptic no further and start the show. In the dark shadows of the Rue Morg to the rhythm of the Rue. The stolen telltale heart, as the black cat swings upon the pendulum, and the cask offers its sherry, deep and dry. As you knock at our chamber door, we open our sleepless tales for you in store, and the terror shall be lifted. Brace yourself for the No Sleep Podcast. Welcome to the No Sleep Podcast. I'm your host, David Cummings.

When I get asked about the horror genre, and believe me, people are asking me about it constantly, I talk about how in horror there are two broad, overlying categories. There are supernatural stories, horror based around things like ghosts, evil spirits, the paranormal, demons, etc. And there are plausible stories. Horror based around things that can and do actually happen, like serial killers, abusive parents or partners,

stalkers, etc. We've recently featured both types of stories on the show. We've shared tales about killers as well as monsters. But this week we look at a concept that perhaps lies in that gray area in between the plausible and the supernatural. An area of horror which asks, what if there are things out there that we consider unlikely to exist, but which might in fact actually be real? Consider, if you will, the things known as cryptids. Cryptids are beings or creatures. some believe may exist somewhere in the wild, but are not recognized by science. Can we really know for sure if things like the Loch Ness monster, the Chupacabra, or the Moth Man really do or don't exist? We like to assume there are figments of people's imaginations, but we can always ponder, what if?

So whether they're real or not, we can be thankful that cryptids make for excellent sources of inspiration for horror stories. And while our friend, Edgar Allan Poe, didn't write specifically about things like cryptids, it's interesting to note how often he incorporated animals with extraordinary abilities in his tales. Not true cryptids, but Poe wrote about cats, great apes, and of course, talking ravens in his tales and poems. Perhaps he too pondered weak and weary about whether or not there are, if I may paraphrase another well-known writer, more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophies and sciences. And speaking of sciences, let's head off to school and jump right into this week's episode with our first tale.

In it, we meet a man giving a university lecture. He's up front about his topic, Cryptozoology. As you might imagine, it's not a topic suffered gladly by regular academia, but his tale is a compelling one, and I'd be happy to share it with you. direct from author Chris Allenott. So take your seat in the lecture hall, if you please. Take notes if you like. But be prepared to learn a great deal about something known as bad ice.

Crypto-Zoology. Excellent. I can hear your eyes rolling from up here. Good. Let me explain. Crypto-hidden. Zoology. Well, you know what that is, or you wouldn't be here.

So, my proposed redefinition of the word cryptozoology. The study of, as yet, undiscovered animals. One of two things is now running through your mind. The first is that I'm a crackpot, living life in online echo chambers, trading tips and tricks with my fellow blurry cam enthusiasts. The second possibility is that I'm a real zoologist who lost his way and has found a way to turn circumstantial evidence into a career. In any event, none of you are short-listing me for grant funding yet.

But hear me out. What if, and I'm relying on you to be patient for just a moment more, and you've been really lovely, thanks for that. What if I have high-definition photos and videos of a creature you've never seen before? That's what I'm offering, and that's why the university has seen fit to let me take up your time today. As a bonus, you'll get to hear how I lost this arm. So hang on to your chairs and let's get started, shall we?

First slide, please. This is the town of Banks Bay. It's one of the only permanent villages on Banks Island, which is one of the larger islands in the Northwest Territories. The only way in is by a series of bush plains, hopping from home. hunting camp to hunting camp and so on. The plane you see just here by the dock flies out of Colville Lake. Next slide. That's Carl, my pilot. Ah, he was great. Next slide. Like most of the settlements in this part of the world, Banks Bay's population is almost entirely Inuit. I mention that,

because when you show up in town talking about studying the local wildlife, well, you've got to be Careful. The people are as nice as they come, but you do not want to be the one to mess with the ecosystem. Due to climate change, the polar bears have been getting closer and closer to civilizations each season, which makes hunting tough enough, so outsiders dropping in without a clear agenda makes folks cautious. Next slide. This is Toklo Kusoguk. He's an adjunct professor of biology at this university, and the reason Banks Bay has its own satellite station. He is the Arctic wildlife expert. That lady beside him is his wife, Amaruk.

She teaches at the local K-12 school and makes exquisite traditional clothing. She made the mucklucks I'm wearing now. I'm actually regretting that, as I've already sweat through my socks. When I was choosing where I wanted to start my search, there was no question about wanting to work with Professor Kusaguk. Next slide. Ah, Betty.

Betty was more than just a snowmobile. She was my lifeline. If it wasn't for her insulated cab and all the gear I managed to strap, latch, and tie to her, there's no way I would have made it as far as I did. Next slide. What you're seeing now is what I saw for almost two full days of travel. Look closely. It's not what you think of when you think about.

the Arctic, is it? Stone and glacier and tough as nails little plants. When I started planning my trip, I thought I was going somewhere like the prairies, except covered in snow instead of grass. Two hours into traveling, and I started to understand why people live here. I had a phone full of podcasts and audiobooks to keep me company. It was worth using some of my limited battery power to keep those things available to me. Off topic, if you haven't heard William Shatner's reading of infinite jest, put that at the top of your list. Next slide. Birds, birds, birds.

Snow geese. Next. Rock Tom again. Next. Buff-breasted sandpiper. We arrived at the Banks Island Bird Sanctuary at the north end of the island after that first long ride. This brings me to the reason I gave the university and Toaklo for traveling up north.

Next slide. Musk oxen. Look at those magnificent shaggy bastards. Next slide. What's that? What about the birds? Ah, yes. I see how that might be confusing.

The bird sanctuary is only a part of the larger Alevik National Park, and it's one of the few areas that has buildings or permanent shelter of any kind. Next slide. Pardon me for a moment while I put my coat on. There's a bit of a draft up here. Yes, that's better. All right. This is the inside of the sanctuary outpost.

It's not very big, but there was a heater, a kitchen, and some cots. It felt like heaven after two days of riding. On the wall map, you can see just there. You'll see that it shows musk-ox herd movements. But I'm getting ahead of myself. For reasons we haven't yet been able to ascertain, and reasons that excited that... the hell out of me. The musk-ox population on Banks Island is prone to massive swings in numbers.

I'm talking about 40 to 50% difference in observed herds over the course of just five years. That's up and down. It's the down that I was interested in, though. This population swing had been the talk of zoology circles for years, which is how it came to trickle down to some of the more credible, don't laugh, cryptid sights. Now hang in there, folks. We're almost at the really good stuff. First, some basic anthropological history of the North American continent. Current research holds that humans first traveled to this landmass over the Bering Land Bridge thousands of years ago. Many kept going south, spread out and became all the tribes of what

they call Turtle Island. Some of these travelers loved the north and stayed where they were. They became the Tuli people, ancestors of the Inuit. Now we're getting into my bit. I hypothesized that at the time the Bering Land Bridge was still intact, it wasn't just Homo sapiens that made the trip. Next slide. Look at that face. What you're seeing here is a digital rendering made from centuries of writings,

etchings and drawings of sightings in and around Asia. Next slide, please. The oldest woodcuts go back to the 1700s and depict the same large bipedal creature covered head to toe in fur. In Tibet, he's known as the Yeti. In Russia, next slide. They call it Chachuna,

and in the redwood forests of California, next slide. Bigfoot. Next. There you have it. The other shoe has dropped. The waiting is over, the secret revealed. All you paragons of academia are attending a serious lecture concerning the abominable snowman. More or less. Next. This is Toclo's face when I told him what we were really looking for. He was unamused. In fact, he was pissed. Look at him. That's the calmest man.

I've ever met. Look how angry he is. Sorry, makes me chuckled to see it. Speaking of which, could I get the lights up in the audience a little bit? I like to see how my shenanigans are going over with the crowd. A little brighter? Please? No? Ah, very well. Next slide. Back to our friend, the musk-ox. Those of you who've toured the AG program here have likely seen a cow up close. They're much bigger than they appear when you drive past a herd of them, aren't they? Take that impressively massive beast and double it. Had gigantic ramming horns and triple the smell. Not to mention the long, long hair that looks as though it grows in matted. After some lengthy discussion back at the sanctuary and significantly more money,

Ah, God bless Federal Grants. Toclo and I were back on the trail, and we came upon this herd in just a few hours of riding. Some of them had Ministry of Wildlife Tags on their ears, and I took snapshots to reference them later when I wrote up my false report to justify my expenses. And then we saw it. Next slide. What you're looking at here, in all this mess, is the remains of three. Three muscoxen. See the blood trail at the top.

A local hunting party had found and recovered the bodies and dragged them back to their camp to process them. Lucky for us that there was no wind that day, and visibility on the tundra is measured in kilometers, so we were easily able to follow the trail back to camp. We got there just before the hunters started cutting up the bodies, and they agreed to let me take a photo first. So, that's settled. I'll ask you all the million-dollar question. What makes this carnage so spectacular? Anyone?

Look again. Three carcasses. Three. Next slide. It may be difficult to make out, but this is a shot of all the oxen piled together. Now, let's pause for a second to talk about polar bears. A hungry polar bear is a formidable sight,

and not when I was in any rush. to sea. But the point is that when polar bears hunt, they much prefer seals. For one thing, they're easier prey, and when so much time can pass between meals for the bear, wasting energy on a fight is a losing proposition. This brings us to point two. A polar bear can absolutely take down a full-grown musk ox, if necessary, but it's a damned sight harder for them, and it's a much greater risk. If the ox gets a shot in with its horns or hooves, they're suddenly an even chance against the bear, which leaves us with point three. There is no way in hell that a polar bear is choosing to go up against three oxen at once.

None. Like most predators, polar bears choose the weak, sick, or old from a herd, and pick them off on the periphery. So, if not a bear, what killed these oxen? Next slide. Oh, everyone's stomach. doing all right? This is a close-up of one of the bodies. If you look past the immediate carnage, some interesting details emerge. From the way the blood is frozen over, we can tell the kill happened at least a few hours prior. Now, look over here at the edges of the wound.

This ragged tearing that we see is indicative of claws, which means, anyone? Predator, yes? That it was a polar bear, was Toeclose, first impression too. But even he had to agree that it was unheard of to see a solitary bear take down so many oxen at once. Polar bears don't hunt in packs. So what does that leave? Keep that in the back of your mind for a moment while we look even closer. Next slide. Okay, look right there, along the edges of the wound. This is shown at ten times magnification here. Do you see how much darker it is. I took samples from all the carcasses, and what I found was this. It's frozen, more frozen, I mean. It's as if the claws that made these slash marks were colder than usual,

or made of something inorganic. Oh, sorry, lost my train of thought. Just thinking about those claws is enough to give me a chill. Next slide. Here's the hunting party. Their temporary camp was a welcome sight, and the coffee they offered us was the best I ever had. This man was one of Toclo's cousins, sitting next to him are Earl and Mike from Toronto. They were there as part of an organized tourist musk-ox hunt. Ah, they were in a foul mood the entire time. I asked them what was wrong. Next slide.

Their reply was short and bitter. The meat is fucked. You can see them breaking down the ball. bodies here. Mike and Earl were upset because they were going to have to extend their trip by another few days in order to get their trophies, and they were tired of roughing it. The tour guides, who lived in Holman to the south, were pissed because what should have been a month's worth of food was destroyed. They were still harvesting the fat, bones, and the few intact parts of the hide, but the loss of the meat was a heavy blow. I asked the guides about the strange claw marks. Nobody

wanted to say anything, but they were muttering to themselves in Inuktututut, as Tochlo and I got our stuff together. Later, as we sat in our own tent at the edge of camp, Tochlo said he didn't quite understand what they were getting at. I asked him if it was because there wasn't a word for Yeti in Inoktutut, and he shook his head. They weren't using any words that referred to animals, he said. Rather, they were describing dark spirits and something they called bad ice. Bad ice. That was a new one, and it didn't match any of my research to date on the bipedal predators I'd been expecting to see. Hey, are we sure we can't get those lights up a little more? I'd love to see your smiling faces, or at least your expressions of crushing boredom. No? Yes? No. Hmm. All right, I suppose. Onward.

Next slide. We decided to see if we could pick up the predator's trail from the kill site. Here you can see the frozen blood on the tundra leading away from the carcasses. Next slide. When we got lucky, we could see bits of oxhair caught in the scrubby brush that was here and there. Next. This is the Arctic Ocean. It's still frozen solid in April, but to leave the ground is to put your faith in that.

Our tracking led us here and beyond. Next slide. Fucking seal hole. Oh, pardon my language. Seeing this photo again brought up a visceral response. We had identified a glacier more or less straight out from where we left the island, and we were headed there to check for signs of the Yeti, or the evil spirit, or whatever it might turn out to be.

Having a destination in mind, we were traveling a little faster. It was at that point that Betty, ran right into a seals breathing hole and got stuck. Ah, it was my own fault, really. In my excitement, I overtook Tocklo's sled when I should have deferred to him the whole way. Without Betty, and stuck on the open ocean ice, we were in deep shit.

As we talked about our options, Tochlo remembered the hunting party, who were driving modified ATVs, had winches on their vehicles. He helped me detach the cab from my snowmobile and set up a rough shelter from the wind before riding back to get help. Next slide. Open ice in all directions.

You can see some of the icebergs in the distance that in spring will break up and float free. Right now they just look like mountains made of ice. Logically, I was not in any danger. Not yet, anyway. Toclo was only half an hour away, and the bright-horn shelter you're looking at here made a hell of a good beacon for him to get back to me. All the same, it was humbling to find myself alone out there. The only human for kilometers around. Nothing to see but white ice and white sky. Nothing to hear but wind.

I'm getting a little bit of that right now. Make some noise, people. Well, let's take 30 seconds to get up, stretch your legs, stretch your arms. If you've been holding in a cough, let her If it's a fart, well, hang in there. We're almost done here. Everyone good? Not that I can see you. I swear I'm bringing my own tech person next time. Good? All right, let's proceed. Next slide. Remember that iceberg I was showing you on the previous slide? Here it is up close. Now, I had promised Toclo that I'd stay put, so he was going to be furious with me. But when you see what I saw, you'll understand why I risk that. We're close enough now to the iceberg that you can see the way the formation of the ice makes for some interesting topography. This area in the middle is almost level with the sea

and continues on for a little bit. That will be important. Next slide. This is my wife and daughter. I don't know how that slide got included. I was certainly missing both of them by this point, but if I'm being honest, my attention was almost completely focused on the iceberg. Next?

Ah, back on track. Now, here is the point at which I reached the iceberg proper. I have to say that 30-minute walk was the coldest I'd felt on the entire trip. Between my parka and the snowmobile cab, I hadn't actually had to spend very much time at all out in the elements. By the time I got to the glacier, though, oh, my body knew. that it was very much in the Arctic. As I was showing you previously,

you can see here how the formation of the iceberg curls in upon itself. As I approached, I could see that the formation made a natural cave. At this point, I should tell you that I wasn't about to go looking for a Yeti without some form of self-defense. In amongst my other gear,

I had a 223 rifle, which is the standard caliber among most of the bands around the territories, which meant that getting ammunition was not a problem. Next slide. My wife again. I didn't. Nobody had access to this presentation ahead of time, did they?

How did that? Never mind. My wife, Ellie, everyone. Next slide. Inside the cave, I expected to see more signs of the dead oxen. Several limbs were missing from the carcasses, and I'd been keeping an eye out for bones. ever since. If I was going to stake my claim to the North American Yeti, it looked like this was going

to be my opportunity. I had my rifle in one hand and my camera dangling from the wrist of my other. Whatever came, I was ready to shoot. Next slide. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, God. Sorry, sorry, I wasn't expecting this slide yet. This obviously is not the Yeti. This is the thing that was living there. At first, I'd mistaken it for just a part of the cave. If you'll notice...

Excuse me, please, I'm shaking a little bit. I... It was quite a shock to see it again. I knew this was coming. And still, all right. If you'll look at the shape of it, all the flat edges and angles, like plates, it's actually pieces of ice. The thing secretes a fluid, like saliva, but thicker, onto the ice and snow, and then it rolls its body over it, absorbing the new material onto its body, like armor.

I had chanced upon the animal in the middle of this process, and though it was terrifying, the zoologist in me couldn't look away. When the resin stuff hardens, it moves easily with the beast. The sound of it moving was all I needed to hear to know I was in grave danger. As it walks, the chunks of ice armor grind together, each piece smoothing the other out. If you've ever made a snowman, or a snow fort, or anything where you've had to move great pieces or balls of hard-packed snow against themselves, well, that's the sound this thing makes. It's the auditory equivalent of biting an ice cube. I took this photo, and then I started

to back away. It raised its head, and I could see a wicked beak and the front-facing cold black eyes of a predator. I readied my gun as I retreated, though just by looking at it, I doubted the shells would have any effect. Next slide. No, that can't be right. I didn't take any more photos of it, let alone any this close. I don't understand what's happening. Well, since we've got this up,

look at the claws just down here. They looked like the keratin-based claws you'd find on a mammal like a bear, but they're coated in the things, Cretions. I had reached the mouth of the cave and was getting ready to run back to Betty. I still didn't have a way to make her move, but I had the capacity to make fire at least. Maybe the thing would fear fire. It was all I had. It came closer, and I fired at it. The shell smacked into the ice at its chest. The resin cracked like a windshield, struck by a rock. But that was it. It lunged at me then, and I screamed. The next thing I knew I was in pain. and cold unlike anything I'd ever felt. My right arm was on the ground, and the thing was tearing into it with its awful beak. The hand was still gripping my rifle,

the fingers still tangled in the trigger guard. There was no getting my gun back. My wound was already freezing over, which probably saved me from blood loss. I turned my back on it and began to sprint as fast as I could. Next slide. Next slide. Next.

Why are you not changing the slide? There was more. I'm certain of it. Jesus Christ, it's cold. Next slide. God damn it. Oh, oh, the lights are coming back up. That's wonderful. Wait.

No. No, this isn't right. Where is the auditorium? What is this? I don't... No. No, I got away. I got back. Back to my sled. Toclo was there. The thing. The thing didn't. Oh, my God. Please, no. No, please, no. Right. The beast is... The plates. I told you about the plates. The evolutionary path originated.

Oh, Christ, the sound! Looking at the shoulder height, it's about eight feet tall. Not quite twice the size of a polar bear. Can see why it needed to eat three oxen at once. Mammalian in nature. But the beak is distinctly... Next slide! Next slide!

Ah, you see how scientists go to great lengths to make profound discoveries. But sometimes when you're stuck deep in a cave, it's hard to get out. And speaking of things being tough to get out of a tight hole, let's take a quick break to talk about poop. Look, it's natural and everyone does it. But let's face it, whether it's anxiety, constipation, or nervous guts. Having issues pooping can make your day, well, shitty. And there are much better ways to deal with issues like that than by taking laxatives or huge scoops of fiber.

You need to look after your gut health. Good gut health is important for many aspects of a healthy body. That's why I take Seeds DS01 daily symbiotic every day. Seeds DSO1 daily symbiotic supports healthy regularity, healthy motility, and ease of evacuation. 16 of their 24 strains are specifically geared towards digestive health, and that makes sense because people take a probiotic for digestive health. Their capsule in capsule via cap safeguards viability through digestion

for delivery of an average of 100% of their probiotic starting dose to your colon. The outer capsule also serves as an elegant barrier to oxygen, moisture, and heat. No refrigeration necessary. And when your gut microbiome is balanced, it helps not only your digestive health, but your heart and even your skin. Similarly to your gut, your skin has, its own microbiome. Your skin is home to trillions of microorganisms and their byproducts,

collectively known as your skin microbiome. Several of the probiotic strains included in DS01 daily symbiotic were selected based on research which shows beneficial effects on skin and overall dermatological health. Seed delivers the DSO1 daily symbiotic to you monthly in sustainable packaging with a reusable glass jar that protects the probiotics inside and helps men minimize plastic use and waste. So do what I've done. Start a new healthy habit today. Visit seed.com slash no sleep and use code no sleep to redeem 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 daily symbiotic. That's seed.com slash no sleep and use code no sleep. Now let me welcome you back to the show with some fine hospitality. It's not easy being in a family with a legacy.

That is, when there's a family business which each generation is expected to take part in. Hand in this tale, shared with us by author Beth Carpenter. We meet a young woman who is training to become part of her family's dynasty. However, she's not at all interested in being part of it, if only she could think of a way to get out. Performing this tale are Jessica McAvoy, Mike Delgado, Graham Rowett, and Peter Lewis. So don't feel the pressure to prove yourself to your family.

Just relax and try to enjoy a hospitable evening. Yeah? You're wanted downstairs. Downstairs, downstairs? Or at the basement downstairs? Your grandfather, wants you in the training room? Base man, it is. What is that you were playing?

Sims Pickens. It's a farming sim. what? So, a game where you play as a farmer, trying to look after crops and raise livestock and keep making money, basically. Oh. Yeah. That sounds a little...

What? I'm just surprised as all. I would have thought you'd want to play things with a little more adventure? Yeah, I get enough adventure in my regular life, thanks. Well, but is that not a good thing? Action, adventure, horror. constant mortal peril. All right, all right.

It's not relaxing, is what I'm saying. Right. Don't worry. I'm not about to quit the business in real life and run off to toil in the fields. Of course not. Grandfather would hunt me down and dismember me, then set the pieces on fire. Yeah, well, yeah, he would. So, what's downstairs?

Oh, just something we caught on our life. Last little trip, your grandfather wants you to get some experience dealing with it. Okay. What kind of something? You should be able to work that out. Think about it. All right, I'll guess. Some guy who tailgated you on the way home?

Nettie. No? Well, this sort of thing should be easy by now. You have to pay attention to the world around you, or you'll never... All right, I'm just fucking with you, Dad. I know it's the full moon tonight. It's a werewolf, yeah. Messing around is going to get you in trouble.

trouble someday. You know that? According to grandfather, literally everything about me is going to get me in trouble someday. I'd just resign myself to it if I were you. Hang on though. You've had this werewolf since Friday? Thursday evening. So this whole time he's been just a guy? You've just got a guy? Like, tied up in the basement? A werewolf is a werewolf. And it's a training. room. And he's not tied up. He's in a cage. So are the witch books wrong then? I've always read they're just ordinary people except on a full moon. If you turn into a giant, ravening monster every month, you are not an ordinary person.

No, but the change is involuntary, isn't it? They're not like our usual targets. Doesn't matter? It doesn't? Nope. You're late. Were you dawdling on the stairs? We came right down, Dad. Well, get over here. Good evening. You be quiet.

Damn. You really do just have a guy in a cage. It's a good cage, sturdy, made to survive things like him trying to escape overnight. Did you beat him up? He looks bad. He looked a lot worse ten minutes ago, but it should still make things easier for you. What do you know about killing lichenthropes? Books say it's tough.

They heal fast. Silver helps, but they heal from that too. Are you telling me to kill this guy? He's contained. He's not a threat to anyone like this. You'll need this, silver knife. We don't kill humans. That's not a human.

I keep telling you. I'm not talking semantics, Dad. He's a person. He's looking at us like he's our disappointed. teacher, so he's a weird person, but still a person. Perhaps we could negotiate. Told you to shut up! I'd be happy to make use of your cage here every month.

If you're concerned about the danger I pose when I'm changed, I could pay you rent, I suppose we could call it. There aren't many cages out there that could hold a lichenthrope through two or three turns, and this isn't one of them. but that's not the point. What is the point? The point is. He's an abomination, and he needs to die.

Grandpa! Don't you, Grandpa, me? You've always been soft. I have not always been soft. I've done every job you've ever sent me on, and you've never had a reason to complain about my work, so you just grumble some bullshit about attitude. Fine.

What? You're right. Right. You're a good enough worker. You obey orders in the end. Go get me his jacket. There's something in there I want to show you. Then we can continue this discussion. I... Right. His jacket? You want me in the cage? You've got time before the turn. So don't be a coward. Don't make me take back what I just said. No, I... Okay. Right. Okay, buddy, just stay down. I'm not going to hurt you.

That doesn't seem to be a settled matter. I'm not going to hurt you right now, anyway. I guess the rest depends on what you've got in that jacket. I haven't got anything in the... Grandpa, what the hell? Dad? It's all right, Antonet. Everything's going to be fine.

Don't cuddle her. Any one of her brothers or sisters would have been ready to do as I asked right away. None of them would have needed all this rigamarole to force them to cooperate. We haven't had one like her since Marl. Rigameral? Really? Let me out. Take the knife.

Are you serious? Take the damn knife and then shut your mouth and listen. I won't have weakness in this family. It's weakness that lets these monsters in. That lets them treat humanity as prey. Now you've had a few kills, easy ones, and that's let you walk around imagining you're a hero. Well, we have never been heroes. What we are is hunters.

We get our hands dirty on behalf of the world as it should be, but we know we'll never enter that promised land. Your father thinks you have what it takes to carry more weight. Take on these difficult, dirty cases. But I see you. I see your heart. I think you're a coward. Let me out. So here's how it's going to be.

This is the test. Fail it and you're worthless to me. Less than worthless. You're a crack in the armor. Fail it and you'll have to take the consequence. is to come. Dad, come on. Nettie, Nettie, don't look like that.

You aren't going to fail anything. The best way to put a werewolf down for good is to take a silver knife. Yes, like that one. And skin it. Let me tell you, it's a lot easier to do when they aren't eight foot tall

in trying to tear your throat out with their teeth. So I think it's best you get started. Or what? Or you stay in the cage overnight. I told you I won't have weakness in the family. Dad? Just do the job, sweetheart. You've got to learn. Learn what? I get it. Do whatever he says. The second he says it, or else be torn into pieces by a giant angry wolf as my family watches and does nothing.

Nettie. Get going. Stay back. It's all right. I won't hurt you. Why the hell not? Apparently, I either skin you alive in the next hour and a half, or I get eaten. If I were you, I'd be gunning for the eating option. No, you should do it. What? It's fine. I'd like to ask to be sedated first, if possible, for both our sakes.

It's fine? If I'm sedated first, yes, it seems like the best way out. No sedative. The amount we'd need to keep a werewolf under the whole time it would take for this one to figure out the process, it would be cost-prohibitive. Cost prohibitive. Fuck. If you don't mind me saying, this seems like the worst way to introduce someone to a difficult task. You should work on desensitizing first, maybe practicing on a corpse, then work up to the potential. trauma, you know, gradually.

Are you sure you're not already sedated? In a way. It's just that I deserve this, and it seems like you don't. What? Nettie, how do you think we tracked him down? He's killed more than 20 people already. Yes. I didn't realize what was happening.

At first, I never saw the thing that bit me. It hit me from behind, and I passed out, almost took. my leg off. I healed fast enough to surprise the doctors, but not supernaturally fast. It was six months before the first change. I was driving home at night through the middle of nowhere. I crashed my car. Thought that was why I blacked out, woke up naked the next morning miles away. I guessed being concussed, it made me think hiking naked was a wonderful idea. I didn't hurt anything as far as I know. Don't remember anything more about it. The next time I was at home.

It came on, slower. I don't remember every time I attacked someone, but I remember blood, screaming, a child running away down the street. I remember what happened when I caught him. I was myself enough then to still have the memories of that. So, I knew I deserved to die then, and I didn't know how else to stop it. No connections with people who could provide a sturdy cage.

Unlike your grandfather here, I tried hiding out in the wilderness, ended up eating some explorers. And then I got my hands on a silver bullet. Yeah, I was truly surprised when I woke up from that. None of that makes this Six children Now And we're both out of options

I don't know if your family Will genuinely keep you here while I turn Or if it's a particularly relationship Destroying Bluff But I don't want to hurt any more people Please If we could return to the point Now

So sedation is off the table Fine Knock me unconscious Instead I assume you'll have to do it repeatedly, but since brain damage is under concern. What's your name? Ah, it's Jacob.

All right. I'll try to make this as easy as possible for you, Jacob. Thank you. There? That's good. Now, you don't have to worry about being too neat with the knife work on this one. Whole werewolf skins are valuable, but you've wasted so much time that you'd better hurry. You'll have to make this up to me later. Fuck, I hate this family.

Think of it like skinning a deer, but actually easier because we don't have to preserve the meat for anything. Yeah, but you raised me all wrong, Dad. You never should have let me watch Bambi. Ah, well. All right, strip him first, then make an incision in the chest. There you go. Good job. Tick-Tock! All right, now, work faster. It's going to heal over.

All right, good, good. Now, all right, cut along there. Now, take hold of the lip of the skin and pull. You know, Dad, this would be easier if she had something to hoist the body from. She'll have to manage. Now, if it gets stuck, just push the knife under until it comes loose again. There's so much blood. She needs to hurry up.

She can't go too fast. Remember, Stuart? Missing a few fingers doesn't compare to getting herself killed, dawdling. Oh, hell. Just over an hour until nightfall. Fuck! Why'd you set me up with so little time? Well, to be honest, we thought you'd need the pressure to get started. Because if we gave you too much time, you'd talk yourself out of it, maybe talk to it too much, and get, you know, sentimental.

Not sentimental! This will be a fitting end, if you can't do the work properly. We tell anyone of the family you died fighting a lichenthrope. They'll understand. They'll respect it. Dad, stop. You'll be fine. You're doing great.

Great. You have time to finish. You don't have time to stall. Get back to work. About 50 minutes left. He's coming around again. Hurry. Thirty minutes or so.

She's too slow. Twenty minutes. He's not passing out. Just keep going. You're running out of time. I can't just... Get back. He's turning. You said 20 minutes.

This kind of thing isn't an exact science. You should know that by now. Dad, give me the keys. What? What? I don't go back on my word. But you said... God damn it.

Give me the keys. Or she'll die. Better she do that now, then fail on the job and get the others killed, too. I told you, I can tell when they're weak. I saw the signs. Dad! Give me the keys, you miserable old bastard. And here you are.

I've got you. I've got you. I hate this family. Vincent, I'll get back. I'll get the gun. We need to contain it in this... No! No! Dad!

I think it went straight out of the house. Hey! Is anyone hurt? Hello? Hello? Dad, we need to follow it. We can't. Your grandfather.

Oh, I see. Hello, grandfather. You look a lot better. The doctors are amazed. They don't like to let on about that kind of thing, of course, but they still told us you were healing remarkably. quickly. Remarkably quickly, that's what your doctor said. Looked like you restored her faith in miracles. You'll be out of here in no time.

Wow, that's a lot of lovely flowers everyone sent over. I guess the community's grateful for everything our family has done, huh? That must be nice to see. How's the food here? Any good? No? I guess that's to encourage recovery. You know, go home. get a three-course meal, all the lobster and champagne you want. You're not going to look at me, are you? It's all right. Don't worry. I've kept the knife sharp for you.

Practiced on a few cadavers, like Jacob said. Desensitized. Seems like he had a point. I won't let you down this time. Sleepless tales have dispersed this night. Poetic works from darkness alight. We leave you with this a question on a theme. Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?

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