The Pat McAfee Show - PMS 2.0 051 - Greatest Conversation With An NFL General Manager In History
Episode Date: February 28, 2019On today’s show, Pat and the guys sit down with Colts GM and friend of the show, Chris Ballard, for probably the best interview ever given by an NFL GM. He takes them through his draft and scouting ...process, and how much it changes during the week of the combine. He also discusses what some of the questions the Colts use for potential draft picks are, what he focuses on to put his team into a position to be successful, his thoughts on Frank Reich, and whether or not he’ll be making moves to bring in a guy like AB or Lev Bell in an absolutely hilarious and enlightening conversation (1:53-25:00). The guys also discuss The Pub sliding in to the number three spot in the St. Paddy’s march sale, what the combine week means, discuss old toys that probably killed a lot of kids, the allure of scuba diving which sprouts another oceans vs. space debate, wedding planning, what kind of questions Dr. Phil would ask NFL draft prospects, and what some of their favorite types of cookies are. It’s a good one. Come and laugh with us, cheers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Hello.
Today's show, top two for me.
It's pretty late.
It's like 8.30 right now.
We're just finishing 8 o'clock here.
It's been a long day.
And we are a little slap happy in the studio.
A lot of things are discussed.
And also, the greatest general manager conversation in the history of general managers in the NFL.
Chris Ballard came in and put on a goddamn show on the microphone.
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Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Ballard.
Ladies and gentlemen,
joining us now is a man that people are saying is the greatest GM to enter the NFL in recent history.
A man who did magic in the last draft.
A man that had a vision in a culture that he wanted to build.
They were one in five.
Everybody was calling him the dumbest motherfucker on the planet.
The team went on a run.
He had the greatest draft class last year.
He's looking to do the same this year.
Ladies and gentlemen, Southern Handsome Man,
General Manager of the Indianapolis Colts, Chris Ballard.
Well, let me tell you something. Every time i start feeling like shit about myself i'm gonna play i
want you to send that to me hey you should be feeling good about yourself this week this week
is basically super bowl for talent evaluators and everything like that can you dig into your
combine process a little bit are you as hands-on or is this a scout's paradise this week well no it's all of
this i mean i'm at at heart i'm a scout but look i mean to be able to get the best players you know
i've had 337 this year here that and being able to go through the medical interviews and then get them to work out, it's a critical time for us.
And to get them all in one place, you know, under stressful conditions,
I mean, I know people don't quite understand that, but it is.
I mean, you know, they're getting up early in the morning
and having to do a full-day event.
I mean, it's taxing on them.
Then they've got to perform.
So we find out a lot this week.
So I wasn't invited to the Combine because you NFL scouts I mean, it's taxing on them. Then they've got to perform. So we find out a lot this week.
So I wasn't invited to the Combine because you NFL scouts didn't think I was worth a shit.
But I've heard nothing but horror stories. You proved them all wrong.
I did.
But I've heard nothing but horror stories from players that have done the Combine,
from the 4 a.mm wake-up calls to drug
testing to the 15-minute meetings with teams that are just trying to learn everything they possibly
can and maybe even do a gotcha type situation to the on-field stuff has the combine become
more of a dog and pony show than like an actual evaluators paradise because it seems as if players
are prepared for everything that could possibly happen they are but let me tell you you can't there are certain things you cannot hide like
you can't you can't hide if you have if there's certain medical issues you can't hide going into
a like our interviews are probably a little bit different than that we're not trying to
create gotcha moments in our interview sessions. We turn them over to our coaches and let them evaluate what they can handle mentally
just in that short 15-minute time period.
And then you can't hide your fundamental athletic talent with the testing that they do.
Is it the end-all, be-all? No.
But saying that, it is an important part of the process.
What is an interview question you, like, for instance,
when we interview people here,
my go-to is if you were a kitchen appliance,
which kitchen appliance would you be and why?
You can answer that question and then tell me one that you use.
Ours are, like, I don't ever try to create, like, to be honest with you. Hey to be honest hey hey hey hey i want to let you
know you just avoided my hey you just avoided my question there i'm gonna have to dock you
some points in the hiring process there oh no when they one day when they run me out of indy
that's i'm coming to work for you. That's already decided.
Amen.
I can't wait.
We've got some shit you can do here for sure.
But what are your interview questions?
Do you do like Dr. Phil psychology type questions,
like that kitchen appliance one?
You're just trying to see how fast the person answers,
why they answer that question, that type of stuff.
Is that your type of thing or what is it?
No.
No.
No.
So we'll watch tape with the player.
We want him to, like to me, the gotcha moments, we're just not into that.
I want to put him, put his tape on,
and I want him to explain to us what's going on, good and bad.
You know, let's pull four or five good plays.
You know, tell us the play tell us
what you were doing tell us what your teammates were doing and then let's pull the bad plays off
and give us an answer for make us understand why this occurred and you'd be surprised in 50 minutes
what you can get out of players you know are they blaming others for their mistakes oh are they do
they have a growth mindset to where they understand you know what they did wrong and willing to fix it um and then
do they understand you know what other people are doing um on the offense or defense that's um
i just thought of i just thought to myself you asking like a player what happened on this one
and them getting flustered that you even brought up a bad play,
and then them throwing somebody else under the bus,
and you not even having to do any more questions,
just be like, oh, yeah, you'd be great in our locker room.
That makes so much sense all of a sudden.
It really does.
No, that's one of the – look, I've talked about it today.
That's an issue.
I mean, it's an issue with players coming up today because they live in a highlight world.
They want to show the best of what they've done.
Well, I mean, how are you going to get better if you're not looking at the stuff you screwed up?
I mean, my God, I just look at myself.
I've f***ed up so much stuff here in the first year and a half.
Eventually, you've got to do a self-evaluation.
You've got to do a self-evaluation there was a headline today that said you and your crew just got out of 18 straight 12 hour days is that accurate or a complete bullshit no that's accurate that's very accurate we uh you know our
process you can hear i'm in an elevator right now going up. Our process, we go through 1,700 players, and we go through every one.
I mean, we're in the business of eliminating, so we'll eliminate and get –
I think we got down to about 216, and we sit in there,
and we go through every guy ad nauseum.
And then the guys that we still have on
the board we watch and we watch them together and you know one of the big things for our scouts and
they know it i've proven on tape don't there's a lot of creative writers but you can't hide the
tape you can't hide what a guy does on tape and you know between those meetings and then we'll
come back again in april we'll have
meetings through march and in april where they'll come in for another 16 days and we'll re-watch
every single guy again and they've got a time we get to the draft for them to stay up on that board
they have to prove what they are that the scouts are saying they are okay so going into combine
do you already know like what you're
going to do in free agency so you know that you can spend more time focusing on this type of stuff
because we know we're going to take a shot on these couple players or is it something that
you're kind of figuring out as because i mean everybody knows it's no secret you don't have
to say anything because it'd be dumb for you to say but i'll say it everybody knows indianapolis
is a time where there's a lot of conversations happening about a lot of things i mean it's literally
broadcasted on every single sports network today is saying how indianapolis is where the moving and
shaking gets done so this week do you with also the draft eligible players do you also do that
with all the free agent stuff do you go through all their film all their maybe extra baggage
bullshit and you have no that going in so you
can evaluate possible free agents versus college guys? Or is it something that's an evolving
process as you go? No, you nailed it. So we'll spend the last two weeks of December and then
the first two weeks of January with our pro staff, and we go through every free agent on the board.
And we set up a board just like we do in college.
And then when we go through the draft process, we're able to, you know, see where, okay,
here's where there's some depth in free agency.
Here's where depth is in the draft.
And then we can start figuring out, okay, here are the needs we have.
Here's where I think we can fill them,
whether it's using free agency or it's the draft.
Okay, so you have always said to be a great, great franchise,
you have to build from within.
You have to reward your young players that do well.
You have to take care of your guys so that when people come to the Colts,
they know if they do everything right, they're going to get paid off in the end. They're
not going to get fucked over. You also are a guy who has over $100 million this upcoming free
agency spending spree. You told me before that that money will go quick. Should fans or the NFL
in general expect an active Chris Ballard or is it going to be
strategic use of the cash? No, it'll be strategic. And I'll never say never because if the right
opportunity presents itself, I mean, there's a lot that goes into a player changing teams,
especially for big dollars.
I mean, he's got to want the team.
The team's got to want him.
The dollars have to match.
And all that stuff has to come into play.
So, you know, getting the right fits.
I mean, you know, I always laugh when people say we haven't been active in free agency.
I say, no, we have been active.
I mean, Danico Autry, Javal Shear,
uh, Margus Hunt, those were all, you know, free agent acquisitions that, that helped our club.
And, you know, we'll continue to, to use free agency to supplement the majority of your roster to have long-term success has to come from within. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're all draft picks.
I'm not oblivious to the fact that that could take forever.
But a guy like Kenny Moore, who we claimed,
those kind of undrafted free agents like Rego,
those guys can help build the core of your team
and the character of your team that you want.
So young players that do things the right way,
and they produce,
we'll try to do everything we can to keep them.
Will it work out to be 100%?
Not always.
And I tell our players this.
Look, I want, at the end of the day,
my job's to build a a winner but on the flip
side every player that comes in if you do what we're asking you to do and you buy into the program
you're going to make good money whether it's here or somebody else now players will get a
little pissy about this every once in a while but eventually they get it. And sometimes we can't match what another team's matching.
Well, that's okay.
Good for your family, man.
Good for you.
You wouldn't have made a big paycheck somewhere.
That's why you're doing what you're doing.
You're doing it to win, but you're also doing it to provide for your family
long-term, and I get that.
Boy, it's getting good.
You haven't heard anything yet.
Just wait.
I mean, we should get back to it as quick as possible.
Yeah, we should.
The right hire can make a huge impact on your business.
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Where did Jim Irsay find Chris Ballard?
I don't know if that's factual, actually.
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Let's get back to Chris Ballard.
Okay, so last year, let me, I'll say this.
My first preseason football game
with the Indianapolis Colts,
I had just earned the punting job.
I didn't know how to punt when I got drafted.
First game, my first punt was 63 yards in the air.
My second punt was 62 yards in the air. My second
punt was 62 yards in the air. Everybody was like, holy shit, we got a guy, right? But for me,
going into that second preseason game, in my head, I was like, okay, I got to do better than I did in
the first preseason game. And I ended up playing like shit, to be honest. I had a couple shanks.
I still didn't understand fully how to punt, but I kind of put too much pressure on me that second preseason. Then I had to have a full mental figure out session. For you, you are coming out of one of the hottest draft rounds in the history of a general manager. And I mean that with you pulled a needle out of a haystack with Darius Leonard just beautifully.
Darius Leonard just beautifully.
Everybody was mocking your draft.
Quentin Nelson is going to be a franchise changer,
and you took an offensive lineman in the first round.
I mean, you had an incredible draft.
We can go through the entire thing,
but do you feel a little bit more pressure?
Like, hey, everybody's expecting a great draft out of Chris Ballard?
Or is this just like, yeah, that's what we do.
That's why we put in all the hours,
and you have a lot of confidence going in in your squad. No, that's what we do. That's why we put in all the hours and you have a lot of confidence going in in your squad.
No, that's what we do.
I have a lot of confidence in not only myself, but our team and the scouts that we have.
We're a very talented group of guys and they know where the standards at.
And I laughed, I mean, almost, you know, last year in the,
like we don't ever let anybody else set our expectations.
I mean, f*** that.
We set our expectations.
And it's almost, you know, people are so scared of the unknown.
They're all scared when you go with the unknown.
Well, we're not.
We're not scared to draft. We're not scared to draft.
We're not scared to bring in players that others might disagree with
and still win football games.
I mean, I just think that at the end of the day,
we set expectations internally, and that's how we're going to roll.
That's like a real – hey, that was one of the most gangster answers I've heard in a long time.
I want to let you know that.
But when you come out of that incredible draft last year, you can't act like that.
It's like Tom Brady can walk into a building and say, I'm the baddest motherfucker alive or whatever he said, because he's proved that he is.
I loved everything you just said there.
A couple quick questions and then let you go.
I know you're a very busy man.
We're very thankful that you stopped by here today. The style of college football, it's a fast spread them out. Defenses
are basically non-existent in most conferences. Now granted the big 10 or whatever the hell it's
called, the big 10 is a power football place or whatever. Have you found it difficult to, well, obviously not,
but do you notice and realize a challenge in evaluating talent now
with the way the game has changed in college?
And do you think the way the game has changed in college
is also the reason directly why the NFL is changing
to kind of keep up with college football?
That's a good question.
It's what we do here.
I think it's more difficult.
The O-line and D-line, and I'm going to give you a reason why,
are harder to evaluate just because of the amount of plays.
So I think sometimes they're going so fast
and they're running 112 plays a game, whatever the number is they're running.
They're running a bunch, which when I first started scouting, they were, you know, in the 70, 75 range.
So they get tired faster, especially on the defensive line.
they they can't it's hard to sometimes evaluate the rushers because you know you're out on the field and you're they're running a play every 20-25 seconds and all of a sudden you're out there
for 10 you know 10 straight plays guys get tired they get gassed easily um so to me it's it's
harder to evaluate the fronts wide outs have always been more difficult to evaluate just because they don't see the
physical play at the line of scrimmage within the first five yards that they're going to see in our
league. So you've just got to make sure you're honing in on the traits that have made players
successful in the past and know that your coaching staff's got to be really good from a fundamental
standpoint that we're going to be really good from a fundamental standpoint
that we're going to be able to get them up to speed when they get in our building.
Poor coaching is an epidemic in the NFL, I think,
and it hasn't really come to the light until these shortened practice sessions
have been enforced with the new, you get it, what is it?
CBA.
CBA.
CBA.
I knew it was three letters.
You get it, What is it? CBA. CBA. There it is. I knew it was three letters. You get it.
The new CBA.
I do believe that you see who has good coaches and who doesn't with the new CBA because there's
such limited time to work with them.
Final question.
Just a little quick rundown here.
You said it's hard to evaluate.
D. Lyman.
Makes sense.
Also wide receivers.
There's a certain wide receiver that is very good in the NFL, we've learned, and he is
on the market. And he has a blonde mustache now.
He met with a billionaire down in Florida just a couple weeks ago.
Are you looking for a potential another explosive offensive weapon that has a proven NFL history,
this upcoming free agency, and how much will you pay them?
You can make that announcement right now.
I don't know. Who are you pay them? You can make that announcement right now. I don't know.
Who are you talking about?
Well, let's just say hypothetically,
would you give up, say, a first or second round pick
for a proven perennial Pro Bowl wide receiver?
30.
Who's 30 years old.
You changed your voice.
It's just a Steelers fan looking for some pics.
I assume you won't give us that
answer, and I respect it
to be honest, but I think we're all very
excited to see what you do, man.
Hey, congrats too, by the way,
on getting engaged.
I'll tell you what, Chris.
Forever's a long time, man.
Hey, wait to think it through, big dog.
Hey.
I appreciate you, man.
Thank you so much.
In all seriousness,
best thing you'll ever do.
It's the best thing I ever did in my life.
I would not be where I am today
without my wife.
She's unbelievable.
When you marry your best friend in life and get ready to go on this journey, there's nothing better.
And especially like the pictures.
They were showing me the pictures walking over here.
Dude, that was freaking awesome.
He's got his shorts on.
He's in front of the helicopter.
I mean, it was freaking awesome.
Hey, I appreciate that i got a text from chuck that
said that he was happy that he proposed to tina a long time ago after she saw those photos
unbelievable oh that's something i should ask you about frank reich hey just a year ago i was in a
goddamn press conference for frank reich directly after josh mcdaniels gave the old swoop de swoop
what an incredible find in decision that ended up being with Frank Reich.
You guys got to absolutely love how this has all grown together.
You and him seem to be like peanut butter and jelly.
Peas and carrots.
You get it.
Really, though, this has been incredible.
You two seem to be tight.
He's pretty good.
Frank gets it now. though this has been an incredible you two seem to be tight pretty good yeah um oh he's frank is
frank gets it now i mean he's mature um very patient uh he he's not he doesn't he never he's
the same guy every day um and one of the like one of the really cool things about him like he thinks
it doesn't matter who he thinks he can win i mean he's got that trade to where it hey chris
just get us the right type of guys and i'll we'll make it work we'll find a way to win um and i and
i love that about it i mean i do i love that there's there's never an excuse um we're going
to try to get it done and i think the the locker room feels that. I really do.
That's such a magical thought.
You know why, though?
I mean, he comes back down 35 or whatever it is,
one of the bills when they have all their backups in.
He's like, yeah, it don't matter.
Let's go.
Frank Reich's an incredible man.
So are you, Chris.
Who do you need to add? Where do you need to add depth at?
Well, I mean, I think we've got still a young roster.
I think we need to continue. I mean, look, O-line've got still a young roster. Um, I think we need to continue.
I mean, you know, look, O-line D-line is always going to be our priority. Um, it just, it always will be. Um, and because I just believe long-term that's how you win in this league. I mean, I mean,
just look at the Superbowl. Um, you know, those are two great football teams playing each other.
you know those are two great football teams playing each other but at the end of the day New England won won the game up front and so those will always be priorities for us
going forward do we get it done every year the way you want you know I'm realistic to know that
you know sometimes it just doesn't fall that way but saying that is something we'll always keep our eye on. If you find another Quentin Nelson,
you will be
an animal. Are you a
best available or a position of need guy?
I'm realistic. Hey, look, now,
I'm very realistic. Those guys don't fall off
the tree very often. No.
Never. What are you saying? Quentin Nelson doesn't
fall off any tree. Yeah, he's incredible.
Are you best available
or need? Best available. Let's incredible. Are you best available or need?
Best available.
Let's go.
Can't wait to watch your brain work.
Thank you so much.
Have an incredible combine, Chris.
Can't wait to see
what you do with the Colts
this upcoming year.
We're all pretty big fans
and even the diehard
Steelers fans,
the Colts are their
number two team.
We appreciate the hell out of you, man.
You're very, very,
very likable GM, by the way.
We watch that press conference. We've been watching everybody's little press conference out there at Combine. Man, hey're a very, very, very likable GM, by the way. We watch that press conference.
We've been watching everybody's little press conference out there at Combine.
Man, hey, Chris, I think you found what you're supposed to be doing for a living, man.
Pretty good up there.
Good hair, too.
Good hair.
Well, look, the one thing I'm pretty realistic about is, like, it don't take long for him to be calling you a ****.
Hey, Chris, thank you so much
Ladies and gentlemen
Chris Ballard
Chris you're the best
All the best
Be good
You got it
Cheers man
Good luck
That was incredible
So good
He's legit
You wouldn't work for that
He's real
Yeah
When I say GMs
Aren't supposed to act
The way he acts
No not at all
Personable
A little inside information he's
giving us. He's intellectual.
He's breaking things down. He seems relatable
because they're the gatekeepers.
If a GM wants
you to be a rich man or a wealthy man
or have a shot on a team, I'm not just talking about
the first rounders. I'm talking about free agents.
They are gatekeepers into
a whole new life.
They normally take advantage of that position.
He just seems like such a cool guy who I think that one in five
could have helped him in the long run because it probably humbled him a little bit.
He's probably like, I'm going to remember this,
and then whenever they get really good, he's like, yeah, I knew it was going to work out
because there he said, that's what we do.
I love that answer.
I'm a big fan of Chris Ballard.
Very thankful he came on here. Columbine's a
pretty busy time for them.
General managers of the world.
He did that interview after his press conference
while he was going back to the suite to get the
binoculars out. That's why he was in the elevator
at one point.
I requested an interview with him and I got back like
he might have some time on
his phone in between press conference and getting
back to scouting. I was like, what does that that even mean he's got to walk from the convention center
back to the stadium probably got a good like 15 minutes there i was like can you sneak me in there
and they're like let's see what we can do and that's literally what happened we you heard him
actually do that i would love to know who he's in that elevator with yeah what if we ask him a
question like uh what are you thinking on this guy? And there's like a Buffalo Bills representative in there.
He's like, oh, he's fucking great.
And then he gets out of the elevator and he's like,
boys, everything was a lie there.
There's a lot of that going on.
Smokescreen.
A lot of good smokescreen.
Oh, it happens.
It's happening with free agents now.
It used to just happen with draft picks.
Now it's happening with free agents
because everybody's becoming louder.
Correct. Like, oh, teams are doubting Antonio Brown's willingness to work. It's like with free agents now. It used to just happen with draft picks. Now it's happening with free agents because everybody's becoming louder. Correct.
Like, oh, teams are doubting Antonio Brown's willingness to work.
It's like, who is doing that?
Who is saying they won't do that?
I would like to hear that.
He's passionate, right?
More passionate than most.
Antonio?
No.
Ballard.
Ballard.
I get it's a business and he's like the CEO or whatever,
but you can tell he just loves it.
He loves everything about football.
He has to,
that 18,
12 hour days thing.
Yeah.
That was crazy.
Just sitting in a room.
They're sitting in a room.
There's some music on,
I guess.
It seems fun though.
Yeah.
It'd be a great time,
but I'm just saying to do that every single day of your life,
which is basically what a GM does.
It's different.
A fantasy football is awesome.
There's really no repercussions, but whatever you're doing, doing you have to love it like he has to love what he
does you watch film just all day every day on people you think you watch his interviews on
people yeah it's part of the process like in the film can you get me his media availability after
week 14 but he had a bad game.
And he turned on the video.
He was like, oh, motherfuckers.
He gets angry.
I should be a Dr. Phil over there.
Oh, my God.
Bring it on.
Have Dr. Phil right next to him?
You seem angry after the game.
I'm trying to find out your head space when it comes to tackle football.
I didn't know you had that.
I don't.
It's not really a great one.
That was pretty good. That was pretty good.
I thought Dr. Phil was next to me.
That was pretty good.
Huge shout out to Chris Ballard.
That might be the greatest GM conversation in the history of NFL GMs.
I would agree with you.
We should maybe get an NFL honors award for that. you. We should maybe get like an NFL honors award
for that.
Definitely.
We love awards.
Long overdue.
Love an award.
We would love an award.
Just one.
Prestigious one award.
We'll build a shelf for it.
Right over there.
Put it right up there
in the lobby.
The main lobby.
Put it right here.
Up there.
Zito just pointed
at every wall.
In the studio. I know you can build
shelves on windows
here's something interesting
suction cups
I'm interested
that would work
it would actually work
yeah
there's actually a lot
of window
shelves that happen
out there
what else is interesting
well
it's funny you ask
because studies
yeah
you ever heard of them
yeah
Tufts University does a lot of studies Tufts T-U-F-F-S Well, it's funny you ask. Because studies? Yeah. You ever heard of them? Yeah.
Tufts University does a lot of studies.
Tufts.
T-U-F-F-S.
I had a friend who grew up on Tough Street.
Oh, yeah.
The further down you lived, the tougher you were.
He lived at the end of the road.
Pretty tough.
Yeah.
He ran into a guy that grew up on Gritty Street.
Oh, how far down did he live?
Bad day.
Called a sack, end of it. Oh, jeez.
Gritty guy.
Killed tough guy.
Every day of the week.
Every day of the fucking week.
Gritty sacks.
Studies show that security systems deter burglars.
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It's a fact.
But there's still a burglary
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What?
Right now.
Right now.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
That's a shame.
Damn it!
Got the jewels.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Artwork.
Give me your dog.
Dog again.
There goes a kid.
The new big screen.
How does that happen?
Well, think about it.
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Safe and simple. I have it at my house.
It's really, really nice. We have it in the office. It's very,
very nice. Never fails. We capture the shot
every stinking time.
That's what we do. Had an entire
business meeting today while I just drained like seven,
eight threes. Shout out SimpliSafe
for always watching over me. Always. Right over your
shoulder. Not good for the pub normally
that those cameras work.
Not always. Not great. A lot of losses.
Not a lot to take from the pub though.
One, two,
three, four, five,
six, seven, eight.
Another loss for the pub.
That's a different counter.
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Your genes might be involved.
Like blue jeans?
No.
The white ones.
Blue jeans.
Jean jeans.
I beg your pardon. Yes. I beg your pardon.
I beg your pardon.
Great question, though, because sometimes a bad pair of jeans.
You can't sleep in them.
They're a psycho to sleep in jeans.
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Right.
Yeah.
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Old fucking red-faced drunk.
I turn red-faced every time.
I feel like that's just, if you're Irish, does it happen?
Probably.
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Irish genes.
That'll tell you.
Those are genes.
This will tell you.
Yep.
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Incredibly dumb conversation today.
You're going to enjoy these next probably hour and a half.
We got real loose in here.
Is Dr. Phil here?
Well, Dr. Phil likes to go out and talk about people's problems.
We have issues in this office.
I need to sit with each of you individually and discuss our differences.
A full conversation happened about Dr. Phil later in the show today,
and this did not come out until right now.
I'm happy that happened.
Very relevant and topical.
Other than that, this show is going to get good.
What we need you to do is send us what you think that bleeped word was.
Send us what you think that bleeped word was from Chris Ballard right there.
And if Boston Connor sees that you guessed correct first,
we will give you $250 to the store.patmacfeshow.com
The first person
to get it right
gets store.patmacfeshow.com
for whenever he says
they're going to start calling me
or they call me, I'm not far away
from whatever he says. With the bleep
there at the end that made us all die laughing.
They call in me.
$250 to store.patmangashow.com.
That's a lot of dollars.
A lot of dollars.
$250 of them.
You can get a lot of stuff.
Boston Connor, by the way,
can't read good.
Nope.
Not a good reader.
But he'll be the ones
reading your answers.
So good luck.
We're pulling for you.
You can do it.
Put a hashtag,
what he say.
One more time, that's hashtag, what he say.
What?
What did he say?
Foxy, they've been coming after you for that shirt, man.
It's all right, man.
It's like a wind sail.
What are you going to do?
Fucking see those singers. What are you going to do, though? I mean, at man. It's like a wind sail. Fucking Zito singers!
What are you going to do, though? I mean, at least I don't wear the same thing
like every single day. At least I'm switching it up for you guys.
Giving you guys some new ammo.
Giving the office some laughs.
You're such a good guy. Wear the same thing
every single day. I don't know. Take it how you will.
I'm wearing a fresh shirt right now.
That's a collector's item.
Zito's a collector's item.
I'm wearing a shirt because there's only three of those things sold.
Got a little extra of the dote.
Foxy's wearing a brand new shirt today.
Yeah, it's pretty new.
Second time I've worn it.
Did you order it online?
I wore it once here, yeah.
With a hoodie on top?
No.
Jacket?
No.
Something.
Something.
Long sleeve something.
Tucked it in.
You actually commented on it.
You said, like, I had a shirt like that.
And then we actually talked about how it's like a wind sale.
And you're like, I can't wear it anymore.
So you don't try them on at the store at all, huh?
No, I only shop online.
Literally only shop online.
For those listening at home, Foxy's shirt is a boxy shirt.
It's large.
It's on my Instagram.
Check it out.
Evan underscore Fox.
Wow.
Good luck.
Looks like you spent the night at your boyfriend's and took it home in the morning.
Oh, wow.
You did not deserve it.
Your boyfriend's Spongebob?
Well, I'm a skinny guy.
Zito's on fucking fire.
I'm out of here, guys.
That's a walk-off.
That's a show.
Thank you.
That's a walk-off.
I got no comments You win
Wow
It's been a rough week for the Fox
I'm just getting dominated by Zito's brain right now
No, that was pretty good, Z
I give him a lot of credit
So let's recap what just happened
Let's cut this out
Nick says
It looks as if You wore your boyfriend's shirt home yep good pop from the
crowd good line zito doesn't even let it sit nope powers through the crowd laugh
if said boyfriend that nick is referring to is spongebob square what a magical moment in shit-talking history right there.
He just got tag-teamed without even...
It was like a boom-boom. It was a two-piece right there.
Foxy did not deserve.
Didn't deserve it, but give Zito a lot of credit.
He hasn't had a line like that
in a while.
That's how you know the pub's thriving.
That's how you know the pub's close right now.
Zito's dropping hammers on Fox.
Oh, because one buried the other. Camarader pub's closed right now. Vito's dropping hammers on Fox. Oh, yeah.
Oh, because one buried the other.
Camaraderie's never been like this before. You guys got in third place.
You're feeling very good.
Third place.
Big third.
Third place.
Third place.
We're feeling pretty good.
We're bar shopping, you could say.
Because you are.
Literally and figuratively, yes.
You guys are the worst.
Oh, man.
I wouldn't say that.
We're actually in the third best.
It's starting to get very insufferable.
This office is taking a big turn at the pub.
What do you mean?
Like bad?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're like the bad guys now.
You guys don't like us.
Yeah, we're the bad boys.
The bad boys of the heartland.
Bad boys.
Mark it down.
Mark it down now.
Oh, Jesus.
Tough to deal with.
Why?
What do we do?
What was it? What do we do, Tony? You're not the same people you once were. Tough to deal with. Why? What do we do? What was it?
What do we do, Tony?
You're not the same people you once were.
I don't know.
Is that because you're not on the board anymore?
I never was.
We did fire Nick and Dave.
But you were.
Yeah, but nobody knew that.
We announced it at Christmas, but yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
Forget about Christmas.
What, do you want to be a part of the pub again?
Is that what it is?
No, I do not.
Not my pub.
I've gone on record and said I will never step foot in that pub again.
But isn't your jersey in the rafters?
Yep, the jersey's in there.
We made a lot of donations to that pub.
I'm requesting it back.
Cannot.
No.
Request denied.
Hold on, let's actually vote on it.
Zito, Foxy, I think one, two, three, no.
No.
Wow, how about that?
They said that's ours now, bitch, is what they said.
Board members, respect the decision.
The furniture, the liquor, pretty much anything that makes it a bar, we gave them.
Yeah, we appreciate that.
So you guys are basically just a bunch of squatters in a restaurant that are just receiving
gifts to make the place appear as if you live there.
Yeah.
Yeah, we do live there.
I don't know what you mean by appear.
Oh, what if they don't live there?
Have we thought about that?
That is interesting.
Because that place, I mean, you you guys gonna go shithole i mean is that how we would describe
the place gritty i'd say gritty i describe it as the nicest shithole you've ever seen
perfect yeah i think that's a perfect it's a college house there's champion's corner
yeah it's about to get better they made made the dining room, the living room.
What clearly was the living room, the bar.
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, he took Pat's advice on that one.
He said the kitchen is where it all happens,
so you got to put the living room in there.
Which is pretty true, I think.
Great advice.
There's no dining rooms anymore.
They're not even putting them in houses.
That's typically where it all happens.
If you have things like clean glasses, ice cubes, liquor, mixers.
Any mixers. Any mixers.
We have that.
Food.
Any food.
We got it.
Anything other than just like a half bottle of ketchup.
Fucking definitely old ass milk and butter that will never, like half used,
would never get finished.
Those two.
Yeah, that's what we were just doing.
I was describing your fridge in my head.
Oh, is that what you were doing?
Yeah, I think it was probably a nice squeak when you open it and close it.
Very nice squeak.
Yeah.
On all the doors, too.
Yeah.
Very much enjoy it.
Living room is going to be
actually blown up
into the pub war room.
Oh, yeah.
Some more pub grades are coming.
So did you guys think
we would do it?
Did you think we'd get top three?
Well, I think that's why.
Oh, yeah, you had 27 items to sell.
That's.
You had your own newsletter. Yeah. You were going to get top three. I was going to comment that. I think that's why. Yeah, you had 27 items to sell. That's. You had your own newsletter.
You were going to get top three.
I was going to comment that I think, honestly, as a third party here, like kind of viewing the thing,
that was when the momentum swung opposite of the pub's favor.
Whenever, because there's money on the line, right?
Yeah.
And then the other contestants, some of which didn't have a real chance with their shirts,
some did,
they feel as if you were potentially given benefits.
Like NCAA would have to crack down and rule
that these benefits that you're receiving
from multiple shirts being for sale for one thing,
an email news blast just four or five hours.
That doubled your sales immediately.
It was available for anybody.
Yep.
Good marketing strategy.
It wasn't our idea to send that out.
I mean, Gorman wanted to go to trial about the whole thing.
Clearly, it wasn't your idea.
No, no.
Gorman wanted to go to trial, so we went to trial.
Watch yourself.
I did not say anything about trial, asshole.
I said we should look into it.
That's all I said.
Look at the text.
Trial is...
Looking into it, I would say.
There was a lot of suspect shit happening out of the pub.
It all started when Valerie Fox
Bless her soul.
Bless her soul.
The chair mom of the pub, I believe.
She bought
a lump of shirts.
A lump of something. A bulk order.
A bulk order.
A family-sized order.
Family order.
And everybody was like, wait, are they cooking the books?
Nick was like, do I have to just start calling family members to cheat like the pub is doing?
Diggs was like, do I have to go back to the Italian club and be like, hey, we got some fucking guys.
Diggs was one.
They would have fixed it.
Todd was even like, maybe we go back to the Marines.
Yeah.
His whole family. Those guys thought about it. He was even like, maybe we go back to the Marines. Yeah. His whole family.
Those guys thought about it.
He was even thinking about getting his taekwondo teacher whenever he was.
Norm, same thing.
And they thought you guys were cheating.
And that's when I think everybody turned against you.
I've turned no.
I've turned no, Pat.
You're back on the pub side?
Back on the pub.
Not on the pub side.
I never really was on it or anything.
But I'm going to get deep here.
Okay.
The love that your mother has for her son to get a new bar in a place that she lives out of state.
That's motherly love.
I agree.
100% agree.
Also.
Let's not take away.
It's a good looking fucking shirt.
I mean, it's a good looking fucking shirt.
It's a good shirt.
I'm going to give you that.
Also, I'd like to add, I know why Diggs is mad.
And Gorman actually brought this point up.
His dad is a member of the pub.
So I'm actually, we are getting that love.
And his brother as well.
And Diggs is not getting that love.
And so he feels a little lost.
I'm 30 years old.
I've never got a year of love.
So I don't know why now.
Something to think about.
It's not true.
Diggs has incredible parents.
But is that the reason you're not stepping foot in that place?
Because old coach fucking bought a...
No, no, he's ignorant to what goes on here.
So he does what he does.
Italian club shirts.
He knows not what he does.
I'll never question that, man.
Shouldn't?
Oh, wait, you will never question him?
No, why?
Well, because his shirt is also hanging in the pub, my friend.
Also retired in the pub.
Right next to yours.
Yeah, what does that have to do with anything?
Who's all up here in that shitty-ass house house that fucking condemned looking ass house that bed but it's
getting you though we have uh connor's jersey from high school which one which football which
high school which one which team did he quit from school i graduated from i don't i have the other
jersey but uh we're not gonna put that one Yeah, you're a starter and a finisher.
We get it.
You're a closer.
Yeah, yeah.
High school.
Most people.
And then we have Zito's football jersey from high school.
Away.
What number?
2-3.
2-3.
Just like Jordan.
Why'd you point up a Z, Dan?
We're in the 2-3.
He's the only center in the league to wear 23.
Yeah, tight end.
Very flexed there, by the way.
Quick treat Z with the number 20.
You'd be helpful pulling a guard, Z.
Oh, my God.
I basically did.
Quentin Nelson.
And then we have the A-trains jersey from high school.
Chug, chug, chug.
Get off the tracks.
And then right next to that is Coach Diggs.
And then we have Phil Mayne's hockey jersey,
palm hockey jersey up there, right?
Is he still coaching that fucking high school?
I don't know.
We played hockey today in the office.
He couldn't even coach me.
Well, there was a competition happening.
I don't think there was much coaching.
It is the fans.
Yeah.
Not a lot of people could probably coach you, Z.
What do you mean?
You're special.
Oh, thanks.
No problem, man.
Only six times in the night in my life.
Just saying.
So Zito dressed up inie hockey goalie garb
and we had a little bit of a competition for him to potentially win a new battery for his kia since
he lost it the last night last day of the weight loss challenge to todd mccomas and i lost it again
to myself yeah yeah you've had a rough you had a rough go. So today we're like, you know what? It's time for, what is it called?
Deck ball?
What do people call it?
Deck hockey.
Ball hockey.
Ball hockey.
Street hockey.
Ball hockey.
Ball hockey.
We call it deck hockey where we're from.
Yeah.
But I don't think everybody calls it deck hockey.
Street hockey is what we call it.
Ball hockey.
Ball hockey.
All those things.
Zeke goes in net.
He takes shots from A-Train.
Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo shots from A-Train.
Choo-choo.
Choo-choo.
All aboard.
That's Diggs' new nickname, by the way.
A-Train.
Choo-choo.
Get off the tracks.
That's his entire nickname.
A-Train.
Choo-choo.
Get off the tracks.
Dot, dot.
Get off the track. Dot, dot. Get off the track.
I can't wait for somebody to see him in public.
Same time.
Get off the track!
Get off the track.
He was shooting.
My brother, Jason McAfee, was shooting.
Great shot, by the way. Had a nice little cross up on Zeke.
They each got to shoot two balls, but
you get it. There was 12 of them, though.
Nick and Phil, though,
are like real hockey people.
So when Nick was shooting these fucking
deck hockey balls, he hits
it. Like, he can shoot. You're a world champion?
Yeah. WC.
World champion ball hockey player. That's an actual
factual statement. It's documented. It's documented.
You got the medal and everything.
What country were you in when you won it?
Italy.
Daya.
Incredible.
I mean, we should definitely look into that.
I mean, history kind of sometimes exposes itself.
You winning in Italy is definitely a...
We went through the Slovaks.
We went through the Czechs.
We went through Canada.
Someone say it's destiny.
And we went through the Slovaks again.
So the Slovaks were in the gold medal round?
Yeah.
Canada was in the semis?
Divers, man.
They love to dive.
Oh, like floppers?
Yeah, big time.
Oh, my God.
How old were you?
20.
Let's go.
Anyways, he's got a shot.
He played defense in the ball hockey league.
People would pass him balls, and he would just shoot it.
Him and Jens Farley were just
snipers back there.
I was a defensive defenseman.
I always just gave the ball to Jens Farley and he'd hammer it home.
He's a long stick.
In here, you've got
a rocket.
You've got an absolute rocket here.
Phil is a hockey coach.
Played at Pitt.
Played in college. Played in college.
Coached to college.
He's got a little bit of a shot.
It came down to one shot.
Came down to one shot.
If Zito saves it from Phil, it's the last shot.
Phil actually missed on purpose to give him a chance.
A little drama.
Is that what happened?
If Zito stops this shot from the top of an NBA key,
free battery, brand new battery for the Kia.
He doesn't have to jump it every single time
he wants to drive somewhere.
Yeah.
Phil goes, yeah, let's do it.
Phil did not doubt himself one time.
He hit a slap shot.
The fastest slap shot I think I've ever seen.
Top right corner.
And it was just like the fucking Daria opening.
It was just like Zito justia opening. It was just like
the Zito like just
and then took off
all of his clothes
and walked it off
and you will
honestly he's
he alpha'd the fuck out of you.
I will say
my leg was cramping
it was my hammy
and I had something in my eye.
No excuses though.
That seems pretty convenient.
No excuses though.
No excuses.
I take full ownership
of what happened.
I thought he was going to go oh that was glove side. Yeah it was. Yeah he beat you glove side. Oh excuses. I'd take full ownership of what happened. I thought he was going to go.
No, that was glove side.
Yeah, it was.
Yeah, he beat you glove side.
Oh, yeah.
He's fancy.
He went glove side.
Oh, I was thinking my left.
Sorry.
Oh, because you're goalie.
Yeah, I thought you would do it to my.
Yeah.
It was your left.
Yeah, it was top right.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
So, it's a left.
You got me.
Yeah.
But, yeah, I thought I could have got it.
That thing about contact, though, was really bad. I had to take it out. You got me. Yeah. But yeah, I thought I could have got it.
That thing about contact, though, was really bad.
I had to take it out.
But we're good now.
No excuses, though.
No excuses.
These guys are winding up from 23 feet away.
Literally, think about this.
23 feet away is what I was marking it off at.
What are they called?
Clap bombs?
They were legitimately full swing slap shots at Zito just standing there.
Something for the record as well. With one tiny little pad on his chest and cornhole bags on his dick.
Two of them fell out and I was kind of scared about that.
But I'm going to say maybe 75% of the goalies in the NHL cannot stop half those shots.
I don't know if that's true.
That's a good stat.
That's a good stat.
Anytime you start throwing numbers around, that's when people know you're right.
You know what I mean, Z?
Maybe 68.
I don't know.
I know.
Couldn't Matt Murray practice?
I mean, until I shoot on an NHL goalie, I'm not going to rule it out.
Back, baby.
That's what I'm saying.
The Pens are going to make the playoffs.
The Pens are back.
The Pens are going to make the playoffs and probably go ahead and win another Stanley Cup.
Bet on them every game here on out.
You don't want to see the Pittsburgh Penguins coming in at the eighth seed.
You don't.
If you're Tampa Bay.
You're shaking in your boots.
Which month is the Penguins month?
March of the Penguins.
There it is.
That should be a shirt, by the way.
I'll write that.
It should be a shirt.
Think about it.
Hockey guy?
Yeah, hockey guy.
I mean, it's a little corny.
What was that?
It's not corny.
Not if you do it correctly.
March of the Penguins?
It's all in the delivery, bro.
Corny, huh?
Hey, Todd, will you say March of the Penguins in a non-corny
way?
March of the Penguins.
Oh, wow!
Did you hear that?
I said it like Bradley Cooper did!
My head thing just went on.
Todd, I unplugged it from the wall.
I did?
No, the yellow one,? no the yellow one Todd
the yellow one
oh no
Todd one shot
oh
jeez a weas
Todd got so fucking excited
tell me something girl
oh he unplugged his already
I'll tell you what
what a magical moment that is.
Hey, that's not your fault.
There's another outlet not right behind you,
but definitely one that can reach somewhere else.
That is not your fault.
I enjoyed the excitement there.
The cord's set up in the studio.
We're building a new studio.
There's a lot of things that have been decided.
Oh, so many fucking changes to come.
Yeah, it is.
It's exciting.
I don't want to say...
I'm going to make a change.
There's a VCR.
I'm going to make a change.
I'm going to make a change.
They're suing for $100 million Michael Jackson is suing for $100 million
For what?
That documentary
They said HBO
It might be HBO
I'm not sure
They're suing for Miguel
Miguel Jackson
They're coming for him though too
If they lose this one
Just know that
There are a lot of changes coming Excited for it No, not your dad. They're coming for him, though, too, if they lose this one. Just know that.
There are a lot of changes coming.
Excited for it.
I like to think that a good trait of mine is, hey, if we want to get from A to B, whether B is a physical geographic place, a metaphorical place for a whatever, or jump a goal or whatever i think oh what was that
a better you gotta jump b yeah yep i'm not it's just they really didn't have a point i don't think
that was exactly on the but yeah i have to get somewhere that's's B or C. Yeah. So I think I am a pretty efficient person at figuring out,
okay, how's the fastest way to get there, right?
Like I am not a very patient human.
I'm like, yo, let's get to there.
That's why I think a lot of things happen for me.
You know, if I see something isn't happening, I'm like,
ah, this probably isn't going to work out.
Let's go somewhere else.
I think we have the way to get to the B the fastest,
and I think it's going to be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm very excited about it.
We've got some real cooking going on behind the scenes here.
When these cameras and microphones
are off, like when Todd unplugs them.
There's a lot of shit happening in here.
It's pretty cool, too. I'm very excited.
WWE stuff's crazy, too.
I honestly have no idea what's going to happen with any of that.
I have no idea. How could you happen With any of that I have no idea
How could you?
I don't think they
Do either
But they're
Equally
As excited
To have you
As you are
To be a part of their thing
Hey you can tell it
Every time they talk
They put
They do
That is the place
That I feel like has
Most
Enjoyed my presence
Yes
I feel like they just
Sit in a meeting
And people are like So what are we going to have Pat do?
And I feel like Triple H is like,
you know what? I don't know,
but it's going to be fucking awesome.
Whatever he wants.
But they are very, very nice. They've treated me
very, very well. They put my video
of me sawing down a
crowd. A lot of people were
like, oh, the WWE is saying this.
And I appreciate that that
they're automatically used to but like foxy and i we thought of that video and i did not think they
were gonna let that video like we're just shooting stuff sending it to them yep and then figuring out
whether or not they'll let it go the fact that they let that ride i thought was one of the coolest
things wwe has done in a long time absolutely that is off brand for them that crowd deserved it too but
they did it was not good it was like WWE saying like hey let's I mean we're a very large business
we are very successful but there's this idiot that we hired to make content and he seemed to think
this and by the way if you want to bury I think they were like if you want to bury him for this
go ahead and bury him sure they got no problem with that and it was a cool it was a it was just a cool intro to the the whole relationship absolutely
one take by the way of course always one take uh the popcorn i did land it on the first take yeah
but the guy wasn't the guy wasn't shooting they had nice cameras real guy wasn't shooting at the
proper angle so he asked me to do it again. I missed one. Then I made the move. Two out of three, though.
This is BMI.
I mean, one take is what we do.
That's exactly right.
And they had practices happening in the building.
Yeah, it was pretty cool.
So I walk into them practicing, like training,
and then I just start screaming in the middle of it,
in the middle of everything on the bleachers.
I'm like, I wonder what these people are fucking thinking.
None of them said a word really to me,
and I just walked out.
It was just like we came in for three minutes
and then I yelled and then we walked
out. And I was like, I wonder what
they're thinking.
Standard day.
That guy with a...
Is that a Bob Ross t-shirt?
They're all so nice, man.
They really are all too nice.
I had a full conversation with scotty too
haughty those who don't know what scotty is he was the guy that did the worm back in the day
in the wwf i believe was oh yeah great hair he had great hair he was he was hilarious what's
he up to nowadays he's training down there he trains people down there oh really nice guy too
like full-time gig trainer he's like their today he's a coach they have different classes and stuff it's like they're really trying to take care of
the business for a long time let's make you do things right yeah and it's really fucking awesome
to see then the nxt people that i've got to meet and hang out with and talk they're all getting
called up to the main roster now so do you see their entrances versus everybody else's entrances oh
yeah oh yeah alistair black comes out from underneath the stage with smoke like it's
fucking like huge and then he's going against kevin owens or kevin owens walks out he's just
walking out from behind i'm like yo these entrances from the nxt guys are next level it is i mean
that's one of the best parts about it is the entrance. It's huge. Just walking out is such a huge missed opportunity.
Yeah, I agree.
Especially when you're there live.
I mean, that's a fucking show.
That's what I'm talking about.
Aleister Blacks felt like a new version of The Undertaker, too.
The whole music, the whole vibe, it was awesome.
The way that you listen to the commentators talk about how they're selling his story, right?
Because they're trying to intro him to people that might not know nxt and listening to it it's like oh man they're really
trying to they're trying to like get him over quick they're trying to push him pretty quick
they should he's good he's talented man he's a ricochet dude a lunatic as well oh yeah i told
him to his face i thought he was the best athlete on planet earth and he said i I don't know about that. If you think about their travel schedule,
their everything, like the day-to-day,
the ability to still do what he does athletically
without his body getting sore or tight or pulling or anything like that,
I honestly think he's one of the best athletes in the world.
He does Cirque du Soleil shit while traveling around the country
in the back of a car living in a hotel. It's like... It's not. He does Cirque du Soleil shit while traveling around the country in the back of a car living in a hotel.
It's like...
The same as Cirque du Soleil.
No, they...
I don't know.
I think his response was like,
what about LeBron James or something?
And I was like,
LeBron couldn't do near the shit you could do.
And he said,
well, I couldn't do near the stuff he could do.
I was like, fair.
Fair point.
He doesn't throw his teammates
under the bus all the time either.
Hey.
Hey. Hey.
By the way, WWE, Kevin Owens comes in, takes Kofi Kingston, a friend of the show, spot.
We're not happy about it.
Nope.
Not at all.
We're not happy about it.
No, no.
The New Day came in here and did some really cool shit.
They were awesome.
It was fun.
I do find Kevin Owens as a hilarious individual.
He did the Stone Cold Stunner.
But hey, we're Kofi Kingston people here.
Absolutely. For sure. Yeah. Not that guy that we're Kofi Kingston people here. Absolutely.
For sure.
Yeah, not that guy that hates SUVs.
Correct.
Daniel Bryan.
We love SUVs.
Like, bro, you think me driving this SUV
is going to stop a goddamn volcano
that's really just cooking that ozone of ours?
Have you ever been on a helicopter in Hawaii?
It's literally just cooking.
You might as well just left the stove on.
That's what the earth did. The earth left the stove on.
That's what a volcano is.
They don't even know where the lava is.
Left it on, don't even know they left it on.
Please, just...
I don't think there's any help to save that ozone
if that's really what's happening. If it is from
cows farting, remember that was a big
thing.
They're like, well it is from cows farting, remember that was a big thing. No, we solved this.
They're like, well, if the cows fart and if you drive cars and all this stuff,
I agree, I'm all about let's save the ozone,
but I don't know how that volcano is. It's friction from all the people walking on the earth.
Body heat, extra body heat, overpopulation.
Overpopulation.
And the friction.
To my credit, I've always said the reason is rocket ships go puncture holes.
Correct.
So that's not helping.
They puncture holes in it.
And then whenever the Earth's core gets hotter, it heats up and melts the stuff from underneath.
So leave the backboard open.
That by far is one of your most sound theories yet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you.
We're all on the same page on this one.
Yeah.
Have anything to do with SUVs?
No. That's what we're saying. That's what I've been saying.
Or hairspray.
I'll tell you what, I can see how hairspray can be a problem, though.
Because you just put a lighter up there and just spray.
There's some real shit that happens.
Those days were fun back in the day.
When you learned you could do that.
Oh, Jesus.
I lived on a farm, dude.
I would go through cans
with my mom's hairspray.
I would just walk through the barn.
Elon Musk.
You had a lot of friends growing up, huh?
No.
Did that to Stretch Armstrong
with Robbie Allerton.
You did?
You guys know what a Stretch Armstrong is?
Oh, yeah. Putty old putty body.
My dad told me to put one in the microwave one time.
Stretch Armstrong?
Yeah.
I got no idea what a Stretch Armstrong is.
What is that?
That makes sense.
Zito, would you like to tell your millennial roommate?
It's a toy I use to stretch out.
You got no idea.
What was his name?
Stretch Armstrong.
You got no idea what Stretch Armstrong was.
Or is.
Yeah, it sounds like Gumpy.
Whoa.
Gumpy? We just hired Gumpy. Gumpy. Or like the... Whoa, Gumpy?
We just hired Gumpy.
Gumpy can't even get into America.
Gumpy, thank you.
We can't even get Gumpy into America.
Stretch Armstrong was a wrestler.
Yeah.
And so he had, you know, just wrestling like a brief son or whatever.
He was a muscle guy.
And he had this jelly in him and he could stretch him out, different things.
And he fought like a green monster guy. And won.
Yes.
Oh, okay.
The green monster was Gumby.
Yeah.
How far did you guys stretch him?
I never had.
Pretty far.
Pretty far.
I know what it is, but I.
I know, and he looked boring.
I don't know.
They weren't very safe, either.
I think they weighed like 20 pounds.
They were.
They were heavy.
I knocked my sister out with them.
I think they weighed like 20 pounds.
They were.
They were heavy.
I knocked my sister out with them.
You might be a redneck if you knock your sister in a CTE protocol with a Stretch Armstrong in the trailer.
Todd, what a life you live.
You should write a book, Todd.
You really should, dude.
It would be cool to do a thing.
We should do a documentary on toys that existed that should have killed us.
Tickle Me Alone.
That thing should have committed.
Everybody should have committed suicide with that thing.
Wheelies.
Oh, dude.
The Heely shoes.
Oh, those were awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Those were death traps.
Yep.
I remember I put my friend's pair of wheelies on,
and I was so confused on why
he liked them
I was like why do we like this thing
and I was like trying to do the wheelie thing
and I almost ate shit and then I had to
walk to him and I was like walking like I had heels on
I'm like what the fuck are we doing here
and then you see like those skater kids get them and they're like
fucking grinding
and I'm like bro I
guess you and I had different shoes.
You guys had jarts,
right?
The lawn darts?
Oh, God.
No.
Those rings were a problem.
You guys,
I think they were illegal.
Yeah,
they were probably illegal.
Yeah,
you guys killed somebody
with them.
We couldn't fucking play
because you guys.
You would chase each other
with them.
You could throw them a mile.
They were so aerodynamic
and so long
and pointy and heavy. What was it, like a Nerf bolt? No, it was a Nerf Vortex with a spike on it. You could throw them a mile. They were so aerodynamic. Heavy weight on one end.
It was a Nerf Vortex with a spike on the end.
Imagine the Nerf Vortex
with a metal spike at the end
for sticking in the ground.
And heavy too.
It's cornhole on the grass.
It was great.
You could go 80 yards easy.
You guys killed a few people.
A lot of kids died.
A lot of kids died. Yeah, you could buy that.
A lot of kids.
By the way, the stories you're hearing from are from the two olds of the group.
Todd McCullough and Jeffrey Gorman.
They don't look old, but they just proved they were.
You guys literally killed people.
That's why we couldn't play that game.
A lot.
Seatbelts and shit, too.
Hey, we talked about this the other day. we couldn't play that game. A lot. Seatbelts and shit, too. Hey,
we talked about this the other day. You got me on that one.
I had to think about that driving home a couple of days
ago. I'm like, motorcycles, no seatbelt.
What's the contradiction here?
You know what I mean? In a car,
you can get pulled over. No seatbelt.
You can get pulled. Hilarious.
They even gave a commercial one time. They were like,
cops are being trained to see whether
or not you're wearing your seatbelt. Click it yeah click on her ticket was an entire thing i'm like
these motherfuckers are what looking at my left shoulder to see if there's something going like
what is the training and then i get a motorcycle okay what do i have to you have to wear glasses
oh not even a helmet no just your glasses i'm like there's no seat belt there's no helmet i
just have to wear fucking Rex belts.
And I can go just as fast as a car where if I don't have a goddamn leather strap across my shoulder in the middle of a one ton of metal, I can get pulled over and get a ticket out of my life.
None of the rules make sense.
It's the craziest thing ever that we have to wear a seatbelt.
Can we make that a t-shirt?
What I just said there? No, to wear a seatbelt. Can we make that a t-shirt? What I just said there?
No, actually just a seatbelt across your chest.
To wear while driving.
I do not.
I got to put my driving shirt on.
I would like to say, I do understand.
Yeah, I put it on so I don't have to put my seatbelt on.
Yeah, but you're putting your shirt on.
No, it's not the seatbelt.
Trust me.
That's why a lot of people will clip it behind them because from behind or face if you're facing the car as you
pass it looks like you have this how impossible is it when you're driving by to see a guy wearing
a seat you just look for that little space a little v created by the you know oh it was a it
was a fear campaign of your thing it was propaganda it was fear- mongering. Textbook.
I do the, people do the click around.
Some people do that.
In the vet, it almost came back to bite, literally bite me in the ass.
Because I did it and the thing was so tight.
It was a brand new car.
So it was sticking straight up, like basically in the middle of the seat because I left it clicked from the night before.
So it pulls it back whenever the click thing isn't used to it.
And that thing, I felt like I was almost penetrated.
Because I didn't even look at it.
I was, like, worried about getting down so low.
And I sat, I was like, oh, my God.
And I had to do the, so it's not all glitz and glamour for the non-buckers.
No, no, no.
I'm not, I understand that there is benefits to wearing a seatbelt,
but I am not a seatbelt person.
I do too much moving.
I do too much moving while driving.
There's too much going on for me.
It doesn't save...
Nobody really knows that shit.
You know what I mean?
Nobody knows.
What is that dummy,
that little test dummy in that wall?
I'm sure there's stats that prove it.
I'm sure there are.
But what if it gets on fire?
What if it catches on fire and melts the thing
Then you can't get it off
That's why you gotta have a knife in your car
Yeah, you need a tool
Wow, okay, so now I need a seatbelt and a knife
I have a three-in-one tool
It's a flashlight, it's a window buster
And you can unscrew it at the knife
Yeah, that's actually very nice
Wow, you have that in the car?
Oh yeah, oh yeah
And a gun
I have two
Not anymore
Wow, the gun is still there You need that guy that stole the car? And a gun. Have to. Not anymore.
You need that guy that stole a gun,
picked that knife thing up.
I can't believe you didn't take it.
It's unbelievable.
By far the most valuable thing in my car.
That's an incredible little tool you have.
Watching Dateline.
I bought it the same day I bought a LifeStraw.
Really?
You're in a big survivor mode.
Is a LifeStraw in Really? Oh, you were in a big Survivor mode. Yeah, yeah. Is a LifeStraw in the cartoon?
Hold on, hold on.
LifeStraw's in my go-to. How high were you that you thought the world was ending
and you needed a fucking Survivor straw?
Definitely during the time that I was watching a lot of
what's called Walking Dead.
Yeah, yeah.
The same time period you bought an AR-15?
Yep, exactly the same time period.
You said you were on record as saying...
That was a good sales month.
Well, you... You were on record as saying... That was a good sales month.
You were on record as saying that you don't understand how people watch shows
and not adapt to the character.
You've said that.
I'm with you on that.
I bought an AR, the knife gun, the knife blast thing.
You are legitimately the perfect audience for most things.
Oh, yeah.
I'm very easily taken advantage of.
When I was on the dive team, we used to train.
We'd dive down cars that were put in a quarry or something,
and you would take your dive knife, put it in the corner of the window post,
like it's near the side view mirror, and you would get in there,
and you would twist, and underwater, the glass would break perfectly.
Just shatter, and you could reach in. And the idea was, well, you do that, and then you can reach in and save the glass would like break perfectly just shatter and you could reach in and the idea
was well you do that and then you can reach
in and save the person pull them out
I'm like that'd be perfect for whenever I
happen to be driving my car in
complete scuba gear
and witness the car
go into a quarry
we're gonna be in this scenario and save anybody
idiots oh man I'm so thankful you guys are giving me this Are we going to be in this scenario and save anybody?
Idiots. Oh, man, I'm so thankful you guys are giving me this.
I just got so jealous when you called it a dive knife
that I didn't become a scuba diver and get one myself.
That was the coolest thing about being a diver.
Strapped on your leg.
Sam and I thought about getting into scuba.
You should do it once.
It's great.
Yeah.
Are you licensed or whatever?
Everybody should do it once.
It's been too many years
But yeah I was
My brother is
You can go do like a day thing
Like on a vacation
I heard it
Yeah
Pretty quickly
A guy that I work with
Is a diehard
Over at the
World Wrestling Entertainment
Oh yeah
Diehard scuba diver
Loves it
Like goes
Yeah
And I was
I had a full conversation with him about how,
you know, hold my eardrum,
and then found out that it's just super waxy.
I still haven't tried it, by the way.
After over a decade of being scared shitless
of getting in the water
and having two weeks of my life ruined,
it's going to have to be something special
for me to get in there.
Plus, don't forget, to get certified,
you've got to take everything off. You've got to take the thing out of your mouth, and then you have to be something special for me to get in there. Plus, don't forget to get certified. You've got to take everything off.
You've got to take the thing out of your mouth,
and then you have to settle yourself and put everything back on.
On in the water.
In the pool, right?
They do these at resorts.
I see them always at resorts, like scuba certified things.
Oh, that's easy.
Yeah, it's not bad.
But I guess there's backup plans on backup plans down there.
Like if your thing doesn't work, there's another tank, there's entire things.
I didn't know that.
I would fucking hope.
Well, no, in my head,
I thought it was just,
we got one pipe.
That's all you got?
We got one thing,
because you always see the pictures,
there's just one little thing coming out.
I'm like, I am not,
I don't know who built that thing,
but I don't know him or her,
and I don't trust them enough
to just fucking make sure
that they did their job tidy enough.
What if it was Zito building that fucking tube?
And if it's a you get it tour.
It would break.
Huh?
It's you get it.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It would probably be dead, though.
And that's that moment.
But he said, no, there's like backup plans on top of backup plans.
Plus, like an instructor, I assume, if you do it on a vacation or something, goes with
you.
Yeah.
They're probably experts.
Just like skydiving.
I'm intrigued by this.
Do you think a lot of people have scuba dived?
A lot more people than I think have scuba dived?
Because in the room here, it was what? Three people just
said, yeah, I've done it before. It feels like a vacation thing.
I feel like people scuba dive all the time.
People vacation by diving into the
ocean, so we probably know a little bit more
about the ocean.
Oh, space dive.
I've never been at a resort
and they're like... Have you gone to a space walk on a resort?
You want to go certified to go to space real quick?
I don't think it's ever happened quick I don't think it's ever happened
no I don't think you can do that
I don't think it's ever happened
get certified to go to the moon
even at the all inclusives
yeah even
four seasons
yeah
even in the four seasons
they didn't offer it at yours
I was there
they did not say
hey do you want to go to space
well it's quite expensive
we can't just give it to everybody
but I was just looking
I was just looking at the ocean though
not everybody
and I saw what humpback whales
were doing to each other
down there
they traveled down
and I learned that I
never seen two aliens fucking up there.
Scuba diving is kind of like going to
the moon, you know, because space and the ocean are basically
the same size, right?
I think that's kind of how... Are they the same?
Well, there's people that say we know more about space than the ocean.
Yeah. And those people would be...
That doesn't make sense.
Space is bigger than the ocean
though. I mean, space is is bigger than the ocean, though. Space is infinite, they say.
Oh, infinite.
There's oceans in space that we know nothing about.
Good point.
Oh, yeah.
It's interesting.
Ocean, though.
Yeah, there are planets that we know a lot about.
Every day it's a new thing.
Isn't a planet, I feel like.
They changed the classification and they decided
no, this doesn't meet what we consider a planet. Call feel like every day. That was once. They changed the classification and then they decided, no, this doesn't meet what
we consider a planet. Call it by its name. It's Pluto.
Yeah. Well, it turns out this is
just a gas ball.
Whoa, dude.
No respect.
I just updated my computer.
And
I haven't updated this in what? Years, probably.
I updated that last year.
Yeah, but for every week, it always pops up,
and I do the remind me tomorrow.
I've done remind me tomorrow for no less than a year
with this fucking computer.
I just updated it here.
It took three hours.
I updated it while we were doing the Chris Ballard interview.
It just finished.
Honestly, that's probably one of Apple's biggest flaws.
Remind me in two weeks.
Remind me every day.
Why are you so fucking needy, bro?
I just said
no yesterday what do you say because they want to bog your shit down no no well this is the first
thing i i log in i get back i had to log in computer then apple id two different logins by
the way had to dive back into the old memory bank for what year i signed this thing up and what was
my password at that time haven't done this in a long one two three it's a train now
get off the tracks there was
anyways the first thing that pops up they haven't even let me get back into my thing yet
i signed in both and the first thing that pops up is help apple and app developers improve their products and services automatically not
today use mac analytics with apple help apple improve its products and services by automatically
sending diagnostics and usage data diagnostic data may include location information what are
we talking about mr jobs don't send them your diagnostics.
Don't do it.
I didn't get any of that.
Yeah, but this is them just telling us like, hey, by the way, what we had been doing before,
but since the Cambridge thing happened, now we feel like we should at least tell you.
I do the diagnostics all the time.
Yeah, you would.
Well, here, hold on.
This one is share crash data with app developers.
Help app developers improve their apps by allowing Apple to share crash.
I mean, I'm sure it would, but who cares?
Yeah, that's what they tell you.
Who knows?
Do you ever hear back from them?
Who knows what they're really doing?
Look, there's no option.
There might be no other option.
You got to say yes.
You don't have to.
No, I just hit continue.
This is America.
You could do whatever you want.
Oldest game in the biz.
Classic.
Trying to get your information.
Yeah, that's what they're trying to do.
This is like, can you get your email?
So in case you want to return something, those fucking stores.
Yeah.
This gas station should have got to end, by the way.
I talked about this the other day.
What are we talking about?
I'm tired of it.
I go through a whole goddamn wonderlick to get gas.
I got to tell them my area code.
I got to tell them my zip code.
I got to tell them if I want a car wash.
It's 14 degrees.
Don't want a fucking car wash.
They got to tell me if I want a receipt.
Then I got to type in this and that,
and then it's finally like, okay, now you can go.
And my shit doesn't work.
My shit doesn't stay.
My thingy doesn't stay.
It's tough life.
On the gas pump.
What's that?
On the gas pump.
It doesn't stay when you're filling up the gas.
You got to hold the whole time?
Yeah, but somebody sent me a thing that said put the gas cap in there.
Capless truck.
Yeah, our Ford F-150s don't have a cap.
Capless thing.
I'm out there with my jorts, 14 degree weather
just holding that thing.
Holding that thing, watching everybody just judge me too.
Just put the thing in.
It doesn't work.
It does, yeah. Hey, buy a cap.
Two bucks. AutoZone. Something like that.
Keep it next to the seat. Boom, boom, boom.
But then how do I know when it's done? Click.
But if the cap's in there, it won't click.
Yeah, it'll just keep pouring.
Yeah.
It's going to go all over the place, start a fire, burn down half the city.
Oh, wow.
I don't want to do that.
It would be warmer, though.
It would be.
Todd walking through his barn spraying hairspray all over the place.
I saw a guy the other day pull away from the thing with the thing in.
Done that. I've done it. with the thing in. Done that.
I've done that.
Done that.
I did it.
Does it explode?
Sure.
Everybody in here has done that?
No.
Absolutely not.
You ought to be a simpleton.
Try doing it as a state trooper in uniform in your place.
It's embarrassing.
You went into the convenience store, didn't you?
I had to.
I'm like
Your hose is stuck in my car
So mine
Mine the hose just
The hose just flew out
And was just laying on the ground
So it wasn't anything bad
And you just left
No I wouldn't put it back
Where it was supposed to be
That's what the guy did
That I saw
The guy
While I'm holding it right
He just
He just pulls away
And it starts making like a
Like a sound
Like something's being
And I'm like looking around
Like what is that
and then all of a sudden you hear a poof poof
and it just comes flying off
and then it just starts bouncing on the ground and the guy just
stops and you see him have like
the moment of did I oh no
eye contact? No he gets out
gets out
now he's in the middle area where people are driving
through spots and he's in
like this pretty nice old beamer thing he's parked in there so now he's in the middle area where people are driving through spots. And he's in this pretty nice old Beamer thing.
He's parked in there.
So now he's got traffic stopped because traffic is trying to get through.
He gets out head down.
I've never seen the head go down quicker.
Around, grabs the thing, rips it out, puts it back in the thing,
gets in the car, gone.
Didn't say anything to anybody.
Then, obviously, the workers came out and said,
Hey, this guy. Started yelling.
And I just like, I put my shit
in, head down, got in my car, got the fuck out.
See, for us, we have
the stoppers that do work.
It's very easy to get distracted and forget that you're even at a gas station.
That's why I had to
answer some lady's question and
she didn't even know how to get somewhere and I tell her
and I forget, oh, I'm at a gas station
and I'm getting gas.
I was just scrolling through Twitter.
Got in my car.
All right, let's go.
Hold on.
So you were protecting and serving the community.
Oh, I helped somebody else.
Got distracted.
God forbid.
Yeah.
Thanks for asking me a question, lady.
Hey, when you were a cop,
did you view situations where people were broken down?
I assume this is a yes because you're a good guy.
But I watched a cop who's rolled right by a guy the other morning. were like broken down i assume this is a yes because you're a good guy but i watched the cop he's rolled right by a guy the other morning i was broken down and it might
have been four degrees and he just rolled right fucking by the guy i've never the guy might have
been even like trying to stop him and this cop he did like the guy with the beamer and was just like
no not fucking today but it's real cold out there is that something that's talked about like hey
i mean you're a real dickhead if you do it but i've seen cops do it i see him do it all the time Like, no, not fucking today, bud. It's real cold out there. Is that something that's talked about? Like, hey.
I mean, you're a real dickhead if you do it.
But I've seen cops do it. I see them do it all the time.
Especially here in Indy for some reason.
They just roll right by you.
I couldn't imagine doing it myself.
Isn't that serving?
To protect and serve?
You're on the clock.
You're getting paid.
You might as well do your job and at least be like,
hey, I'll keep my lights on behind you
so nobody smashes into you while you call somebody.
You pull up next to him.
You pull up.
Oh, yeah.
31.
Fuck it, I made the Schmidt list.
Are you ever do that time?
Yeah, I am.
There's a couple of people that I'm ready to.
I just I don't know if I want to do audio first or the video first, which I don't know which way you want me to do it.
Okay, so those listening at home, I've been pushing Ty.
I've been pushing Ty pretty hard on having his own podcast
where he just saws people down because Ty goes on these rants.
By the way, I don't want to say he gets is it off the hand off color off the handle
off the handle that's something right yeah yeah flies off the handle flies off the handle out of
nowhere and it'll be something so small so minute and then it's just before i even get a chance to
know exactly what he's talking about it has been ruined in a very poetic fashion you can see it on
his face that he's fucking full of hatred.
Disgusted with whatever it is.
It could be anything.
First in place for things.
It could be anything.
And he is just mad at it.
I'm like, we need just a show of rants.
It doesn't have to be long.
Things have to happen to you in your everyday life.
Because I see it every single day
that you would like to just mow down.
Oh, yeah.
That a lot of people, if they heard it, they're like,
oh, I'm on this guy's side.
I'm with him.
Now, granted, that would have to be a show that's like,
my thoughts are not similar to my employers.
Right, yeah, exactly.
Because I would not like to be directly tied to the hip of the Schmidt list.
But I think it is something you should do, Ty.
Well, and it's finding that fine line, too,
between sawing someone down at the knees and then doing a line, too, between sawing someone down at the knees
and then doing a little bit too much
and sawing them down at the ankles,
which you don't necessarily want to do.
It's interesting.
It's a real sweet spot when it comes to hate.
It really is.
It takes a lot of years of practice.
Speaking of, Joe Rogan's trending right now
because he had Alex Jones, our guy, on his show.
Oh, shut the fuck up.
No way.
Speaking of fine line of hate.
I wonder how that went. There's a guy that crossed it a couple times. Oh, boy. That guy just fucking jumped right in. Fuck, shut the fuck up. No way. Yeah, speaking of fine line of hate. I wonder how that went.
There's a guy that
crossed it a couple times.
Oh, boy.
That guy just fucking
jumped right in.
Fuck, we wanted him.
I DM'd him.
We did.
Joe Rogan, though,
right now, if you're
going on a podcast,
you're going on Joe Rogan.
He had Dr. Phil on, I think.
Dr. Phil was holding
a flamethrower.
What?
Serious?
Yeah.
That's going to be
an incredible interview,
by the way.
Guaranteed.
If that's Dr. Bull
talking to Joe Rogan, it's going to be a good one. Wow. We're Guaranteed. If that's Dr. Bull talking to Joe Rogan,
it's going to be a good one.
We're going to learn a lot about Dr. Phil in that interview.
I think his brain is top shelf.
Dr. Phil's brain is top shelf.
You think Dr. Phil smokes the weed?
I think he's dabbled.
Where's he from? Texas?
Do you think he could be doing better with his life
if his brain is top-notch?
Better?
Like, instead of fucking dealing with catch- a girl what are you i'm not saying for himself todd oh you mean as far as the people he could help yes oh i see what you're saying like he
should help other like more serious psychological she did blow up but that's a very that's not a
normal thing that's why it is such a big deal is because it was a very different situation.
She was literally threatening Dr. Phil, the crowd, and her mom the entire time.
Dr. Phil could not crack bad baby.
Yeah.
You're asking that guy to be very noble.
Yes.
He's got a lot of earning potential.
And I think this was post his career too, right?
Kind of like how Judge Judy became a TV judge after being a real judge.
Can you be a judge on TV?
Yeah.
Can I be a judge on TV?
Yes.
Do I have to be a lawyer or anything?
No.
It probably helps.
You can be appointed a judge.
Zito's a priest.
I mean, why not?
Zito's ordained.
Do you know that people reached out to him?
Not a priest.
I might have a gig coming up in October.
How much are we charging?
What is it?
I don't know.
I thought it was free, but I...
Yeah, yeah.
I was like, how much are you asking for?
Like $3,000, $4,000?
Do you pay a priest to come to your wedding?
Absolutely.
You pay everyone.
You pay everything at a wedding.
I'm happy we got into this.
We're in wedding planning right now.
Oh, buddy.
I can't wait for you.
You got a free organist right here.
Get ready.
Hope you have a budget.
Sam was...
Oh, that was brought up last night in bed,
like right before I went to bed.
Like as I was falling asleep, there was like a,
so what is the budget?
And I was like, well, what was that?
And she was like, nothing.
It was a funny conversation. Wedding people are hustlers, too.
Like you'll get a wedding videographer, 20 grand, bang.
Yeah, they take two years.
They're a hustler.
Will they finish the video?
Oh, yeah, because they charge 20 grand.
You see, when I do it, I'm not charging even over a thousand back in those days.
For those that don't know, Foxy used to be a wedding videographer.
Yep, through high school and college.
And he made a little good money on the side.
His last job as a wedding videographer.
Right before he came here.
Yeah.
About a week before he came here.
Beautiful couple.
Beautiful couple.
Stole together.
Paid good money.
Thank God.
He completed the task.
Last week.
A year and a half later, he finished the wedding video.
I like this.
They're still together.
It was probably a pleasant little surprise.
They're like, oh, look here.
Let's relive our happiness
Yeah I felt pretty terrible
I'm a terrible person
For doing that
I'm giving their money back
And
Oh
Yeah boy
Video turned out good
So I'm happy
And they were very nice about it
I got lucky
Like he could have been
Bridezilla
So
18 months for a fucking video
Yeah
Any of the people I married
Would have fucking killed you
I'm telling you that right now What's that I'd say any of the girls I i married would have fucking killed you i'm telling you that right now
what's that i say any of the girls i ever married would have fucking killed you
this has become an interesting thing though because i'm like kind of intrigued by it you know
what's that yeah it's interesting it's all new like i'm intrigued by it i'm hearing things like
she's like oh i met with blah blah blah we got a great price on blah blah blah
did we i'm like what is blah like why is that even needed well because and then i'm learning I met with blah, blah, blah. We got a great price on blah, blah, blah. Did we?
I'm like, what is blah, blah?
Why is that even needed?
Well, because.
And then I'm learning about the wedding process.
And I'm like, oh, I did not know we needed that.
I just thought we were putting some chairs in there.
Needed it all, Pat.
Guy stands.
Needed it all.
Maybe we do a, yep, yep.
All right.
Kiss.
We out of here.
We out of here.
Is she getting like a wedding planner who will coordinate all the little things?
Oh, Jennifer Lopez is really good.
So wedding planner was what I was referring to there.
We got a wedding planner that we got a-
And then she will take Sam to, all right, we're going to go try wedding cake on this
day.
She, huh?
Food.
She.
Well.
That's kind of fucked up.
That was pretty sexist to me
Could be a dude
I believe it is a female though
So you should feel good
You could just act like you knew it
I told you off air that
Plus in Indiana
Pretty good odds
Nick just bearing
Nick's got the shovel out
Yeah but that was
The wedding planner was
So this is going to be
Quite a thing
She's going to
Because those wedding planners
Really invest a lot of time in this
Really
Yeah
It's great
Because she's probably
Going to take her on what
15 or 16 different things
What's that
Dresses
Yeah
And multiple stores
For each one of them
Flowers
Yeah yeah yeah
Flowers
I heard Multiple day excursions.
The floral arrangements.
But you get to taste a lot of cake.
You're going to have a cookie table?
What's that? Pittsburgh cookie table.
Yeah, for sure.
I actually don't know, to be honest.
I would say yes. I'm saying yes.
We are 50% in on a cookie table
as of this moment right now.
Let's go.
Put that foot down.
Yeah.
You put that foot down right there.
You want cookies?
You want cookies?
Yeah.
You want cookies?
Me.
You put that foot down.
I'm there too.
Yeah.
Give me that cookie table.
Chocolate fountain?
Oh.
Yeah.
Cheese fountain, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want a chocolate fountain.
What about nacho cheese fountain? Oh. Definitely that. Nacho cheese fountain. Now fountain. Yeah. I want a chocolate fountain. What about nacho cheese fountain?
Oh.
Definitely that.
Nacho cheese fountain. Now we're talking.
KFC gravy fountain.
Yeah.
Oh, that's a hard fact.
Don't bring KFC to my party.
No promises.
DJ, is she going to let you pick the DJ?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, she's got to yell back to you.
That's one of the biggest deals out of the whole thing. I was told that I handle entertainment. Is she going to let you pick the DJ? Yeah, yeah. She's got to yell back to you.
That's one of the biggest deals out of the whole thing.
I was told that I handle entertainment.
There's a couple things that matter at a wedding.
It's the DJ and the bar.
That's literally it.
So this is what I'm thinking.
Oh, the pub could bring our bar.
True.
Do not.
Pub might not even be invited.
You guys should keep going down the path.
I thought I was filming it.
That would be awesome. No way.
I need to film a video.
18 months.
You guys would be parking cars.
The pub will be invited.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll park Peyton Manning's car, drive it into a tree.
Whoa.
Sorry about that, Peyton.
My bad.
He will not be there.
He will not be there.
I believe there's a good chance that some notables will be there, though.
Yeah, sure.
Some notable. There will be no
cell phones allowed at this. No cell phone. No smart.
Yeah. Awesome.
But the what the reception is what's called.
Yeah. Yeah. So
normally by the reception time at the weddings I've
been to, I mean, I'm pretty
liquored. I'm about gone
by that point. So I don't really remember
the fine details of the receptions. I just
know that it's like a hall.
It's like an adult dance basically happens.
Yes, pretty much.
DJ's the most important.
See, I don't know
if I'm going to go DJ.
Or band, whatever.
That's what I'm saying.
Entertainment is the most important thing.
You guys are going to enjoy
what I was thinking, though.
You should get the guy
from the movie.
Well, Steve Miller.
No, no, no.
The Dan band.
Take it to the Dan band.
The Dan band.
Fucking give it to me, baby.
I fucking need you.
I should. I have looked into it.
I have looked into it. He's not that expensive.
Okay, look at us cutting costs.
Alright, I was thinking dueling
pianos.
That's so cool.
We have a budget. We know a couple dueling piano guys. Oh, that's so cool. Oh, shit. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
We have a budget.
We know a couple dueling piano guys. I know.
That's why I thought in my head that you guys would love this if we got the dueling piano.
Because that's a party starter.
That's a good time.
Absolutely.
That's what we're trying to do, right?
Everybody's just trying to have a good time.
At the end of the night, you just put the aux cord on, and you're good to go.
True.
Yeah.
We got a couple playlists that are heaters only.
Absolutely.
Literally, I have a playlist titled heaters only.
Who was the DJ at the New Year's party?
Griff.
Griff.
We're getting Griff Dyer.
High school hockey coach with Phil.
That's wild.
Yes, there's a lot going on with the wedding, man.
I did not know this.
Every night I get a full recap of everything we did.
She's been pretty cool about
it all, though. She does, I think, want me to
be a part of the whole thing.
Sure. You should.
It's your day, too. Not really.
Well, we're getting chocolate chip cookies.
Yeah, we are.
You think the cookie table
is just chocolate chip cookies? Oh, no, no.
Sugar cookie. You ain't never been to a Snickerdoodles
cookie table wedding, my friend.
There's a lot of cookie tables over there.
Oatmeal raisin.
A lot of cookies over there.
Dunkle Roots.
Yeah, it's basically just like an assortment of every cookie that you can have.
You would be an oatmeal raisin guy.
Love oatmeal raisin.
Who said that?
Who's that?
I love oatmeal raisin.
Oh, so do I.
I love them.
Hey, I'm with you, boys.
Hey, does that make you feel good?
Hey, does that make you two feel good?
Hey, I know it's an old cookie, an old cookie.
You only get two Gorms?
Nom and nom with your gums?
No.
Believe it or not, I got to have nuts in my cookie.
Oh.
That surprised me.
You teabagging son of a bitch.
Kids on fire.
Kids on fire.
This is, hey.
Hey, I'm going to get out of here.
Jeffrey, you did not deserve that from Zito
Do you like a white chocolate macadamia nut?
Is that your favorite?
Oh I don't mind that
I like that one
I like those a lot
I like the macadamia
I like those a lot
I like peanut butter cookies as well
Yes
I am a cookie motherfucker though
I will eat the oatmeal raisin
I'm down with the oatmeal raisin as well
But it's nowhere near my favorite
No
The circle one that has the chocolate Hershey's.
Yeah.
That one is also pretty high on the list.
Chocolate chip.
OG chocolate chip cookies.
I'm a big M&M cookie guy.
Yes, me too.
I don't mind the M&M cookie.
I'll eat it, but it's not.
Like a monster cookie or like a cookie that just has M&Ms in it?
I don't know the first one, so I can't answer your question.
Never had a fucking monster cookie?
The monster ones are big.
They're like the silver dollar cookies.
I'm not sure I've ever had a monster cookie.
They're huge, and they just have M&Ms in them.
It sounds like something I enjoy.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Girl Scout cookies on there?
Above.
Okay, so there's one that I like.
It's not the popular one.
It's the peanut butter one.
It's the peanut butter one.
Tag along.
Tag along.
Peanut butter patties.
Tag alongs are good.
Hey, those Girl Scouts are some hustling sons of bitches.
They're all in the grocery stores right now.
Where's the money go?
Where does the money go?
Into the new uniforms?
It's the same uniform.
Summer field trips.
Oh, yeah.
To where?
To sell more cookies.
That's why they go on field trips to sell more stuff.
That's a good track.
You ever see The Boss with Melissa McCarthy?
Great movie.
It is an underrated movie.
It dives deep into the whole entire Girl Scots.
We hold you in our hearts. and when we think about you.
It makes me want to fart.
This thing came apart.
Donkey Lips.
I used to watch that show.
Ugg.
Great show.
Bobby Budnick.
There we go.
Bobby Budnick was a son of a bitch.
He was the man.
I loved Bobby Budnick.
Such a hard ass.
He told me it's not a memory week this week.
It's not.
That's why he hasn't remembered anything he said or has done this week. What the fuck does that mean?
That's not true.
I remember some of the stuff I said and done.
He said it's a creation week.
No, no, a memory week.
Creative week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can't use both.
I don't know how Foxy lives with you fucking two.
I honestly don't know either.
I think this might be why Foxy's new Foxy.
Yeah.
Because he went to Miami. No way yeah we know why new come on he went to miami experienced life without him for a few days and
was like man this is so fucking nice gets back in the house and like forgets everything pub is that
it's strongest it's ever been i can't stress this enough this makes so much sense that they're
rubbing off on you what do you mean well whenever he, he let his guard down in Miami of stupidity
because he was just kind of relaxed.
He comes back into the pub, forgets it.
He has to put the shield up.
It's not in his brain.
And you guys kind of took advantage of a vulnerable Foxy's brain
coming fresh out of vacation.
You guys penetrated quickly and made him a fucking idiot like you guys.
I've been trying to figure out what it is.
It happened.
So far, this is the best.
Don't give in, Fox.
Fox, no, this is not what happened because one of the first things you did was yell at me when you got back i always
about what happened after that you probably dug back in you broke them down no no believe me
this morning actually fox woke up we had a nice little debate about where to put them
this guy we have a mouse trap up on the counter so everyone can see it he goes oh let's move it
down right where our feet are that'll get the the mouse. And I'm like, dude,
that's going to get my fucking toes
and I'm going to be pissed off. You guys are
a bad house at this point.
A broken house.
It's a broken house. Not even a little.
You guys are staying together for Zito. I do agree with
Bonnie.
Mouse trap. You should go on the floor.
Once Zito graduates and moves out, you guys are
splitting up for sure.
I love how I on the floor. Once Zito graduates and moves out, you guys are splitting up for sure. I love how I'm the oldest.
I'm pretty excited though.
Do we pay our electricity bill?
Yeah.
Dude, I don't know why the website
will not let me pay it.
I swear.
You guys are about to get kicked out of your house?
Did you ever hear a story where we lost electricity
for like three days?
No.
Yeah, so our old roommate that used to live at the pub before the pub was the pub didn't
transfer it over, and we had no electricity for a whole night.
For three days.
Are you kidding?
No, it was two days, right?
Two days?
It was like 12 hours.
Fucking delinquents.
I told you guys at the time about my pipes busted my house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. While we were in Atlanta. fucking bling I told you guys to tell me about the house uh my pipes busted my house yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah why we were in Atlanta I still have not gotten that updated now they're
stronger than ever really what do you mean like it's still are they gonna come in and do it you
haven't scheduled it yet not really no there's just there were just fans blowing down there for
like a week straight I guess because they're trying to blow dry things but we've all talked
about this my house is too big yeah it's big it is a forever
it is a part i should have bought it it was a poor decision oh that's a nice but you did get
a good buy on it's very nice good price yeah and it is very beautiful but i mean there's a lot of
the house that i don't see sure it's like annual almost like i see it annually but it's very nice
in that part where the pipes happen to be in a part of that. I don't,
I don't even see once,
probably once every three,
four years,
that part of the house.
So I don't even notice.
And I got like a text message call from people like,
Hey, are we going to finish this pipe bus thing?
I'm like,
cool.
Completely forgot about it.
You know,
like it's sir,
there's a wall missing in your house.
Like not my house.
Not me.
My house is up here.
It's just a bedroom,
living room, kitchen. You should just take one room in the house and Not me. Not me. My house is up here. It's just a bedroom, living room, kitchen.
You should just take one room in the house and make it like a seasonal adventure.
Like, one room is the Christmas room.
You always have a Christmas tree up in there.
Next room.
We got to take down decorations.
Halloween, every day in there.
Like, the White House has like the, this is like the blue.
The blue alley.
Yeah.
This is the JFK Banks Marilyn Monroe room.
This is where Abraham Lincoln did his thing
This is the Lewinsky room
Oh
We're talking about the White House here
Political scandals
You're telling me Lewinsky's not going to be a room in there
You're telling me that our show
Has become a political scandal show all of a sudden
Not a political scandal show
We're talking about the White House here
Monica's a nice lady
Nice lady I'm just saying that room specifically definitely goes down in White House infamy.
We're not here to bash the heads of our country.
Or the people that gave head to the heads of our country.
Or stuff the cigars in.
Sacred office.
You seem to know a lot about it.
Are you a political pundit?
Oh, yeah.
42 was a good guy.
41, sorry.
His brain's pretty loose in this show.
I wouldn't doubt it.
I wouldn't doubt him right now.
That's pretty wild.
I think 41, that's right.
I think he's 42 because Bush is 43.
He came before Bush.
Oh, and then 44.
Yeah, and the other Bushes.
The doubles get me.
I've been watching political documentaries.
Oh, yeah?
Learned a lot about Saudi Arabia.
Me too.
Destiny of Survivor.
You like it?
That's technically a documentary,
but I understand what you're saying.
The Saudi Arabia Uncovered documentary on Netflix,
that freaked me the fuck out.
I'm going to be honest.
Those are scary ones.
Like the country as a whole?
What's going on?
When we were alerting the world of Jim Kong,
and a lot of things, we talked about it first, and then everybody else started catching up to it Jim Kong and a lot of things,
we talked about it first, and then everybody else started catching up to it.
We did a lot of good.
Oh, yeah.
I feel like we did with the Jim Kong update.
We spread the word.
We were, and I say this and I mean it,
we were two months ahead of the mainstream media.
For sure.
Two months ahead with the Jim Kong stuff.
Well, we got tipped off.
Senator McCain's people were listening.
Yep.
Because he really enjoyed the science.
And then McCain called him little chubby guy he thought yeah he thought he i don't think he
said i don't think mccain called him a fuck boy a little fat kid a little fat kid or something
like that we we think it's directly because of us for sure anyways he's back in the news now
because they're meeting or whatever we're solving relations
but i i saw some stuff on north korea where they snuck a camera in you know and they filmed stuff
and it's like holy shit this is insane that happened in saudi arabia somebody took in an
undercover camera and started showing around saudi arabia you know it was like public killings and
shit oh yeah oh yeah like sword head off type things wow stonings too stonings like dark ages yeah it sounds like
the bible yeah what are we living in here it's 10 bc well when did those pyramids come around
uh 2 000 years before christ i wasn't as impressed with the pyramids from the documentary i watched
with morgan freeman finding god and Gorman is still upset about that
because they're just rocks
and dirt right now. The one was really bad.
The one pyramid was in bad shape.
The other ones look good though.
Thousands of years old. Should have bought the
warranty. What about the Sphinx?
Lost its nose.
Yeah, well it's thousands of years old.
Saudi Arabia is a scary place. Yeah, there's a lot of
scary places. There's documentaries on Netflix right now that are exposing a lot of things on there.
I signed up to watch a documentary last night about the Nazi era.
There was actual footage of just dead bodies.
I'm like, is this even allowed to be?
And I'm like, Netflix has no fucking rules.
There's just dead bodies here.
It makes no sense.
We live a pretty cozy life.
Yeah.
Well, I couldn't sleep after watching a fucking documentary.
It was terrible.
Don't dive into the political documentary world.
People need to know, though.
Sometimes you got to be reminded.
That is true.
Okay.
That's what used to happen.
Don't fucking be that way.
Because if you don't study the past, it's due to repeat itself.
Oh, Dixie with a great quote.
That's the smartest thing he's ever said on this show.
Thanks.
You should put that on a shirt.
Hold on. Mark that. I'll write it quote. That's the smartest thing he's ever said on this show. You should put that on a shirt. Hold on.
Mark that.
I'll write it down.
Here's another one.
Innocent until proven guilty.
That was one that the news gave me credit for.
True.
Headline news.
Pat says.
I plead the fifth.
Oh.
F-I-F.
Fizz if.
Dumbest show of all time.
Thanks for listening.
Hashtag end game.
Hashtag end game.
I need documentary recommendations.
You know the ones I've seen.
Basically all of them.
I need a documentary that is not a popular documentary
that I should dive into.
Send me a, what's that called?
A picture of the artwork?
A movie poster?
Oh, yeah.
Poster?
All that shit.
Send me a picture of something that I should watch.
And if Sam decides we can watch it
because she runs a remote now,
we'll watch it.
That'll be it.
And other than that,
have an incredible, incredible weekend.
Heartland Radio 2.0 coming out tomorrow with some Friday bangers.
Going to want to hear that.
Bang, bang.
Bang, bang.
Does anybody have any good ones for tomorrow?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, that was an overwhelmingly positive response.
Zito's shoes just lit up for the first time in about a week.
It's been a wild scene here.
Wild day. Thank you so much for choosing to listen to us. We can't thank you enough. Cheers. shoes just lit up for the first time in about a week it's been a wild scene here wild day thank
you so much for choosing to listen to us we can't thank you enough cheers ty schmidt hit the music
homegrown alligator see you later gotta hit the road, gotta hit the road
The sun ain't changing the atmosphere Architecture unfamiliar, I could get used to this
Time flies by in the yellow and green Stick around and you'll see What I mean
There's a mountain top
That I'm dreaming of
If you need me
You know where I'll be
I'll be riding shotgun
Underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone
I'll be riding shotgun
Underneath the hot sun
Feeling like someone
We're south of the equator, navigator
Gotta hit the road, gotta hit the road
Deep sea diving round the clock
Bikini buttons, lager tops
I could get used to this
Time flies by in the yellow and green
Stick around and you'll see what I mean
There's a mountain top that I'm dreaming of
If you need me, you know where I'll be
I'll be riding shotgun underneath a huss
I'm feeling like someone
I'll be riding shotgun underneath a huss
I'm feeling like someone
We got two in the front, two in the back
Sailing along and we don't look back
Time flies by in the yellow and green
Stick around and you'll see what I mean There's a mountain top that I'm dreaming
of If you need me you know where I'll be
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone, a song on a song on a song I'm running, running, I'll be running shotgun
Underneath the hot sun, till the night is shown
I'm running, running, I'll be running shotgun
Thank you very much!