The Pat McAfee Show - PMS 2.0 058 - Zion Williamson

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

On today’s show, Pat and the guys dive deep into everything that happened over the weekend in March Madness including the legend of Zion Williamson continuing to grow with an incredible performance in Duke’s win over UCF, teams utilizing the 4 and 5 point play, whether or not the tournament has lived up to expectations this year with almost all chalk moving on to the Sweet Sixteen, and Orange Vanilla Coke's quest to become the official drink of TV timeouts during March Madness. Pat also details one of the worst customer service afternoon’s he’s ever had while at Applebee’s with some of the guys, and gives an update on the engagement ring he bought for Sam. Pat also gives a heartfelt ode to Gronk as the guys discuss his retirement, his legacy in the NFL, and what comes next. Pat also recounts a couple of stories from his NFL career, including his wild poker run during the early part of his career, and he thinks back to his glory days playing soccer in high school and with the U18 national team as he recalls how other players probably remember him, and how he was a footsal national champion. This one has a little bit of everything. Come and laugh with us, cheers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yeah. Because I look at my phone too much. It's these blue glasses that Nick was hocking around the office. Oh, yeah. Oh, the UV. Yeah. Because I look at my phone too much. It's these blue glasses that Nick was hocking around the office. Oh, yeah. Oh. The UV. Yeah. The blue lights for you looking at.

I think it's all a big hustle, personally, but that's neither here nor there. They seem to have worked for Nick. Sam also went all in. She was like, I got you some glasses for when you look. And I put them on to make me look like a genius. They do. They make me look like a fucking genius. Truly.

Yep. Had a meeting this morning, wore them in there. I think I got immediate, much more success. Yeah, you feel like your performance was kind of elevated? Yeah, I think I got some respect.

I think I got some real respect because I had pants on, by the way. I had a long sleeve shirt. Wow. I had the glasses on. I looked smart. What do you and Deion Sanders always say? You look good, you feel good.

Yep. You feel good, you play good. Yep. You play good, they pay good. Yep? You look good, you feel good. You feel good, you play good. You play good, they pay good. They pay good, you live good. And if you live good, you die good. And that's all we're trying to do. Especially before a big meeting. And I had those glasses on.

I wanted to post a video on Instagram. And I said, have I ever looked more intelligent then with these goddamn glasses on? The answer is no. Whole new me, whole new me. Third comment that was stated Have I ever looked more intelligent than with these goddamn glasses on? The answer is no. Who knew me? Who knew me? Third comment that was stated was by a lady named Haley sent by reality. Her comment reads this.

So many people do not know that there is a cure for herpes virus. Well, there is, and I am a living testimony. I got rid of the virus after taking the medicine Dr.oka sent to me visit my bio and picture for my story i simply commented to her comment what just happened you know what what just happened here she has since not deleted the comment other commenters have gone in and hayley has not responded at all but dr iboka that motherfucker had herpes at one point and was willing to dig deeper than anybody else to get rid of it and i respect that guy shout out to hayley too well she's trying to get things done did she think it was a caption contest her job is probably to go on huge accounts

that on every single one yeah post this link i just i just here we go here's her bio i got cured totally of herpes virus by the herbal specialist Dr. Iboka after I contacted him through his email address, which is DrIbokaHerbalCure at gmail.com. That's a lot. Legit for sure. It's a guy in Fresno.

Dr. Iboka cures herpes. He's got a Gmail account, so I'm not going to get a Gmail account. Yeah. Today is Tuesday, March 26th is that correct yes sir 2019 it's gonna be a good one we cover everything from that lady that just said she cured herpes there good for dr iboka and for her and also talk about the madness of march we talk about the prospect of zion we talk about the madness of March. We talk about the prospect of Zion. We talk about Tom Izzo and his

situation that became a very divisive one where he yelled at a freshman player who then went on to miss a dunk and screw some betters at a school game. We talk about that. We talk about my high school soccer days. We talk about D. We talk about my high school soccer days. We talk about

Diggs' junior high soccer days. We have stories for days. It's Bracket Diggs currently. We give picks, predictions, Zito. Dr. Boca actually cured her son's diabetes as well. It's in one of the photo boxes.

Dude, that's awesome. Sorry. Sorry for the interrupting. the photo if you have a fear of herpes or diabetes there's a guy for you but if you have a fear of missing out on a big event or a live experience there's only one company to use and that's your friends at seakeek the greatest ticket buying app on planet Earth and our moon, which is above us here today. Always. There was a blood moon a couple weeks ago. I don't know if you guys saw that. It was quite a situation. It was very interesting.

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My short game is doing pretty good right now. Oh yeah? It was the look two inches in front of the ball.

Really pays off, Pat. Where do you aim? Yeah. Look two inches what? Like you look three inches, like you aim it up and then you just aim three inches down. Aim it up and then down? Yeah, you aim three inches in front of the ball.

I like it. Yeah, you line it up. You line it up like it's a field goal, and then you try to hit three inches in front of you on that line. If you hit that line, it should, in theory, if you hit the ball straight, hit your target. Leg with one, club with the other. Same thing, right?

Exactly. Swinging the leg, swinging the club. Exactly. Line her up, visualize it, hit that thing three inches in front of you, and if you hit it straight enough and hard enough, it should hit hit that thing three inches in front of you, and if you hit it straight enough and hard enough, it should hit something that's 20 yards in front of you. Should. That's what science says.

I'm going to start putting a penny, because there's not always a shoe in front of it, so I'm going to start putting a penny in front of it. You can't put your, then that's adding things to the field of play. For instance, Matt Stover used to cut little tiny squares of tape and put them on his sock and then he would walk out and whenever i would go out there he would pull the tape off of his sock and put it on the ground for the spot for me to hit holding and never in my life have i ever seen anybody do that in my history of kicking. But also, I think it's cheating.

I'm pretty sure that is cheating. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's cheating. And I'm the guy that looks like I'm cheating whenever he was bringing the tape out. If you'd catch out, you'd be suspended. Game check's taken away from you, and it's Stover on his socks with little squares. We're talking about 30 to 40 little squares on his socks, too, like tiny little squares. He'd put them out there. We'd go out there.

He'd put it down on the spot i'd hold it and then after he kicked it i would try to like wipe the thing away so it just looked as if it was like a little yeah it was unbelievable get me in trouble that's right i was like am i gonna get am i gonna get potentially like pete rose down of this fucking week so he's the locker room just cutting up pieces of tape oh yeah they're like little tiny i don't think he's cutting i think think he's just ripping Post-it notes maybe? No it's tape, it's athletic tape, it was tiny little athletic tape, like this big of squares, it was like that tiny little thing

and he would put it down there for me to hit my spot because it was my first year holding, this is after Vinatieri gets hurt, and I honestly thought the NFL was going to crack down on me, we do it on like turf I'm like, I don't know if this is supposed to go on turf, and I would have to wipe it out I'd have to fucking like afterwards, like yeah congrats nice kick i very much appreciate the ocd involved with that and the level of perfectionism but in no way that's legal you remember stover was a guy

who used to yell at himself before the kicks right come on matt like screaming at himself in the back i'm like yo this fucking guy's outrageous again stover did nothing wrong you did everything wrong i know nothing to do with matt stover this is all you because he puts it down and then my fucking guy's outrageous. Again, Stouffer did nothing wrong. You did everything wrong. I know. It has nothing to do with Matt Stouffer. This is all you. Because he puts it down, and then my fingerprint is on it because I'm holding the spot. And then you're getting rid of evidence, too.

So guy uses gun to kill somebody, puts it in my hand, has me fall asleep with it, wake up, a commissioner comes after me. It's unbelievable. Lucky you lasted that long in the league. That's what I'm saying.

I can't believe I made it past my first year. So when Vinatieri came back, he comes up to me and he goes, hey, you want me to bring you a little piece of tape? I was like, so I don't fuck up your life? He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want me to bring out a little piece of tape for you? I'm like, no. He was like, good.

That's good news. So yeah, that was my baptism to holding. But that is, I felt like it was my fault. Is that condescending or no? Vinitary? No, Stover. Yes. Does that come off as super condescending?

Yeah, what are you talking about? Well, I just, I didn't, I mean, I didn't know other guys would. Absolutely. Here's another possibility, though, because as a person with OCD, it could just be, he's like, I will think about nothing else unless I know that tape's there. You know what I mean? Where he should be trusting you. He was thinking about a lot of things back there.

He had a full conversation with Jesus. He had a full conversation with Matt. He was having a full conversation with everybody. I think he said, like, one time he was shouting on his face. Stover was a great kicker, but boy, he was an interesting cat. I mean, he was a fucking interesting cat. I've never seen anything like him.

Where'd he go after he got let go of Ben and Terry? Montana. He has this house out in Montana. He was one of the original investors in creditcards.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I guess that sold. Good get. Yeah, so he used to set up an office in his locker.

He had a full, it was literally like he walked into his business office with a desk, computer. During the day, it was a computer desk. Old school. Neil Patrick Harris. Who did he play whenever he was? Doogie Howser. He was a Doogie Howser computer.

Ding, ding, ding right there. He was just such a smart human being and also one of the most interesting cats. But yeah, I always thought about that tape. Every time we went out there, I'm like, this is going to be me. I'm going to get a 15-yard penalty, and it's going to be my fault.

We cost everybody because everybody thinks I don't have enough confidence. Did you ever have a chance to talk to any other holders before you? Did he do the same thing for all of his holders? That's a great question. I was scared to ask anybody because I thought I was cheating, so I didn't want to ask.

I didn't want to ask somebody on the other team, like, hey, do you guys put tape on the ground? When your kicker gives you the tape, do you put it down immediately, or how do you get rid of it? Well, I would say 90% of the time, that tape would not stay. I mean, so if I hit the tape when I lifted my finger, we'd be off four or five inches. It's just a safety net for him.

Yeah, it's like a security blanket. He's littering all over fucking fields. What was his pregame like? Because that must have been... I'm telling you, you have no idea. I ain't never seen a character like Matt Stover. But you're talking about kicking... So if you're a person who is into like...

Like you, rookie of the year, right? That one guy in the locker room had like voodoo and like a snake in there. Like there are some people that are very... What are those called? Superstitious. Like I'm going to that are very, what are those called? Um, superstitious. Like I'm gonna put this left thing on before my right thing.

I'm gonna wear this thing before this thing. There's people that wear the same undershirt for every lift, every game, everything like that. Since they were like in like peewee football, I'm sure. Yeah. Crazy.

Peewee football. Peewee. You know what that is? I'm not saying a word. That's all I know for the young, small children. Yes, little people football. That's why I'm shutting up. Peewee, there's people that wear the same shirt

since high school underneath their shit, right? So there's a lot of superstition. I was never into it. Very thankful that I never got into it because it becomes a task. Whenever you have 22 years of superstition built up, though, and you do well for 20-some years, you have to abide by those rules. You have to abide by them.

You know what I mean? You don't want to jinx yourself. Exactly. You don't want to be the reason that you fuck up. Exactly. And if you have 20 years of things built up, there's going to be some weird shit that happens, and I'm happy I didn't fall into that.

I like to hear the coaches. Think about the coaches. Long years in the life. Players, superstitions, you like to hear the coaches think about the coaches long years in the life players superstitions you got them we never hear about the coaches assistant coaches i don't care there has to be like rabbit tail things and all that rabbit what is a rabbit foot having a certain meal before games it's got to be a lot of that i bet right i'll tell you what ucf need a goddamn rabbit tail. That thing. Hey, man. That thing was down and then comes out. But I've been talking about this for weeks, maybe months.

I've been screaming it from the rooftops in this place. Oh, yeah. Top of mountains. I've been saying, hey, we need more 4-point and 5-point players. You score and go to the line, you miss that motherfucker. You get the rebound and you get two points instead of just one point I've been talking about this good basketball IQ good basketball strategy for a long time you know who heard it Iowa heard it

Iowa got into overtime eventually lost it but they covered good news thank you Iowa shout out Iowa put up a little fight Bo Hannon brought one down from the rafters by the way that three looked like a Steph Curry three he shot that thing straight up in the air and that thing splashed like I

had never seen before. He is crafty. Crafty. Him missing that wide-up one at the end was one of the most surprising things of all the tournament. That's tough, man. They just started pulling away there. They'll fly by. They start pulling away there. They're going to be very good next year. They only lose one guy. For a half. For a half.

Hey, everyone knows they're a second-half team. That was an incredible comeback. Rem lose one guy. For a half. Everyone knows they're a second half team. That was an incredible comeback. Remarkable comeback. Fun to watch. It would have been the biggest comeback in NCAA history. And there's no better people for that type of thing than the gritty Iowans. That's exactly right. You said it. Gas station pizza.

Two bacon-y, Portnoy called it. Got attacked by headline news for saying that. But Iowans deserve that comeback. Pat Anger, Mitch King, Bob Sanders, Dallas Clark, Ty Schmidt. George Kittle. George Kittle. There we go. The Iowa fan base deserve that comeback win.

They literally deserve that comeback win. They just didn't get it. They lost that game. 25-point lead. You know who won a game, though, on a four-point play? Who's that? Greatest player in college basketball. Zion Williamson.

Misses it on purpose because he knows he's got R.J. Barrett, the number two pick in the draft, sitting right there with, I think, a little white guy next to him. Just fouled out the 7'6 guy. You're welcome. Let me take the big guy out, Taco, who's a hell of a player, by the way. You don't got to do much when you're 7'4". That's why you see a doorman that's 7' tall and he's not a basketball player. He's got work ethic issues.

We all know it. You don't got to do too much when you're 7' tall. Taco proved that, and Taco will be a hell of a player. Zion fouls out their big rebound guy, notices R.Jj barrett's on a guy who might not have as much grit as him goes listen boys bird call four point play misses it short to rj side rj grabs it puts it back takes the lead game over they missed that fucking layup though man that's so stupid do you think there's a little push on the rebound there from r? I mean, there's a lot of rules. There's a lot of rules broken in this game. Maybe charge on Zion?

Well, which time, though? Zion goes for a dunk earlier on, old buddy, and Taco literally just brings both of his arms down on both of his shoulders and hits him, like, in the collarbone. No call because it's on Zion. That's against any other player that's a call for sure. Oh, yeah. So, I mean, we can't just debate about things that happen at the end

and not debate the entire game. I think that layup falls though man. That is a That was tough. Coach's kid I mean it would just been magical for him. Johnny Dawkins playing for Krzyzewski for that many years. Now coaching UCF. Aubrey I believe is his kid right? I want to tell you what

sometimes there's magical moments in sports that happen outside the court. And that Krzyzewski talking about Hawkins was one of them. After the game. Yeah. Heartbroken for him.

He almost teared up. His kid played incredible. I also think Krzyzewski is not that great on the microphone. You would think a coach who's that good at recruiting would do better interviews.

He seems to not do that great of an interview. He's very dry. He's a very dry human. What's that? He's like a Belichick. Not interviews. He seems to not do that great of an interview. He's very dry. He's a bell check, isn't he? What's that? He's like a bell check. Not really. He keeps to himself.

I don't know. His interviews were just very, that moment was a- He's very monotone and dry. That's the most personality I've ever seen him have, just because he almost choked up. Yeah, he seems like a guy who doesn't want to be bigger than the game. Yeah. Like that type of guy.

He is, though, right? I mean, Krzyzewski is one of the names that is. He's USA basketball. He's also notorious forzyzewski is one of the names that is. He's USA basketball. He's also notorious for having one of his assistants do the halftime interview before he goes into the locker room. Like he always does that. I enjoy that Duke team though.

There's a lot of people saying that old Ja was better than Zion because he had one good game and the next day he went like two for 45 or something like that. Everybody's like, this Ja guy is the guy. A lot of people saying Zion is not the guy. This Jug guy is the guy. A lot of people are saying Zion is not the guy. I just don't know.

I just don't know how you say it. He's very good at creating opportunities for other players when he's facing some kind of adversity like he was with the 7'6 tree. I wish Coach K would let him run point for a game. He brought it up down the floor. There's no reason for their point guard to be in there because they literally sat back 12 feet and dared him to shoot threes.

So there's no reason for him to be in there. And he knocked a couple of Don, by the way. Knocked a couple of Don. A couple of them. Yeah, he did. What are you talking about, a couple of them? He's hit the shots he's had to. Like the open looks, he's hit the ones he's had to.

Give or take a couple. Except for the free throw that he missed on purpose for RJ Barrett. Correct. He was trying to do that so i'm a big zion guy man i think he's the guy did you see the post game for ucf no in the locker room very emotional it was very good a lot of crying in this basket this college basketball tournament and by the way i thought about coach k talking to zion when the world

was talking about zion never playing college again, I thought about Coach K telling Zion, hey, you know what LeBron and those guys don't have? That's a March Madness run, right? Like you're going to be the next LeBron. You're going to be the next big guy in NBA. None of them have a good March Madness run. Zion's like, well, I'm a little rusty. He's like, well, let's play a couple games before March Madness

and let's get you warmed up. Tournament's going to be your time. I think that was the conversation that Coach K had with Zion. Like, hey, because there's no other reason for Zion to be playing right now. None. Zion's the number one pick regardless. There's no questions being asked right now. No matter what.

None. He's doing it strictly to get a big, long run. They lose the UCF. That's all ruined. And how about what he said to Zion at that last time out before that play when he was like, you were born for this moment? Coach K said that? Well, yeah. And Zion said, when Coach K looks you in the face he was like you were born for this moment coach K said that well yeah and Zion said when coach K looks you in the face and tells you you're born

for this moment there's nothing more motivating like Zion was telling that story in the post he went right into that fucking taco character he was going for a yam by the way on him he was going for a yamski then he lays it in misses it on purpose RJ Barrett gets the gets the win. Helps his team out, lifts his team up, makes his teammate, who was the number one recruit coming out of high school, makes him think he hit the game winner. Really, it was Zion. I mean, this is a perfect play by Zion. Perfect play by Zion.

Anything you say over there? None. Can't wait to watch him at the association. Six-game road swings. His athletic ability, I said this over the weekend, and do you ever watch Sean Kempmp play it's a couple years ago not a couple years ago but dream team type nba player who's just out of this world gym athletic to handles well that's my nba comparison sean kemp hold on somebody told me somebody told me he's like blake griffin yeah okay uh he's he's a poor

man's blake griffin i was like a poor man's blake griffin didn't play griffin play in the same tournament yes he played oklahoma yeah yeah one and done i don't know if he's doing with zion zion can do whatever the fuck he wants zion can already shoot if zion was on that murray state team with ja if he was just like ja was right zion would put up 45 shots a game he would be the point guard he'd be everything i mean he would be able to do the same shit For sure And good for Charles Barkley Did you see how he responded

When they tried to make the comparison to him And he was just like He's way more talented than I am Hey they got Charles Barkley sitting there for 10-12 hours Just in the same seat Getting loopy That's unbelievable There was a tough Charles Barkley

Like big head segment, kind of head segment. It was tough to watch. I think that's why they do it. Even Wally Zerbiak. They want him to get loopy and say something ridiculous and just have it go. He's getting to the point, though,

where I think he's almost falling asleep at moments, and they're going to be like, yo, that's Dick's thing. That ain't your thing. Yo, you've got to wake up on TV. They put them through a grueling schedule. The guy with the thick eyebrows, I'm learning, was really good at basketball. Was that Wally?

Wally Zerbia? Yeah, he's got some thick eyebrows. Handsome guy, but those eyebrows are tough. What does he do? He used to play basketball back in the day. Yeah, he used to be a little shooter. He played for the Celtics a little. He led the Miami, Ohio team to the Final Four when he was in college.

Got you. He's like a poor man's Corver. Yes, that's a perfect comparison. You think Corver's better? Yeah. He says some good things on TV. I like the Wally guy on TV. He's smart. He's good. Clark Kellogg always has energy. I don't know how he always has energy. Cereal.

He's the same. He's a robot. Clark's a robot. He's the worst. Gotcha cereal chopping. Ernie? Yep. Is all time. Ernie? Yes. Is all time. Yeah, professional. Does baseball. You can see he gets a bit tired there towards the end, too,

and just kind of mails it in. They're looking for anybody to go on a nice two, three-minute run. Anybody want to take this from us? I'm enjoying this March Madness. Everybody's saying this is the bad March Madness. I mean, for me, the only thing that's been bad is my betting. But other than that, I've enjoyed watching the games. I assume they say that because all 16 favorites won this weekend.

There was not one upset. Sam, my lady, I think she's like 96% or something. No, 7%. Wow. In the ESPN thing. She's in the thousands or hundreds. She's in the top hundreds of thousands. That's really good.

She feels very good about it. She should. I would, too. I'm sitting at the bottom. She cheered for somebody winning and then checked her bracket and did like, oh, never mind. She didn't even know. She has no idea who she's picking.

But she's in the 96th percentile or 97th percentile or something like that. That's just classic. Pick tournament teams by mascot and colors and shit like that. I think she's going to win the... And do way better than everyone. There's a chance that Sam's going to win our ESPN bracket, and that's going to be tough to fucking handle. My Sweet 16 is totally intact.

I didn't miss a team for the Sweet 16, and I'm in the middle of our bracket. It's tough. Yeah, it's very tough. There's over 7,000 people in that thing, and Sam, I think, has a chance to really run at it. I have no idea how. She's doing well.

Gambling, she always does well, too. You already gave her a big prize, though. Big one. By the way, huge news on that front. What's up, bud? I don't even know if I should talk about it. What the hell? Go ahead.

There's an imperfection in the diamond. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. I don't think I've said it publicly there's an there's an imperfection in the diamond oh yeah i don't think i've said it publicly oh there's an imperfection in the diamond so sam found the imperfection with her naked eye so sam went back to said jeweler and said excuse me are you trying to fuck over my boyfriend because you knew he wouldn't look at it and they were like no no what do you mean she's like like, boom, imperfection right here. To their credit, they are searching far and wide for another diamond, the exact same. But Sam is, she run in there ready

to fucking burn the place down. She was ready to go to war. I was like, what's going on? She's like, no, you don't get it. They tried to fuck you over. I'm like, I don't think so. She's like, no, no, they did. They wouldn't have sold you this diamond.

I just found it coming out of the shower. There's no way that somebody with a little thing yeah they have those things in their eyes yeah yeah that's what sam said but i guess there was a way they talked her off of burning the place down but they are finding another one which is good that's good the imperfection one quit chop it up and sell it on the market yeah make it just chop off the imperfection side let's make a new perfected one i don't know what's gonna happen do i have to exchange it no i mean just give it to a buddy they're new perfected one. I don't know what's going to happen. Do I have to exchange it? No, I mean.

Just give it to a buddy. They're probably going to want it back. I don't know. I honestly don't know. That's a bad look for that place, though. I was going to say, you can't resell it. They're going to want it back. A diamond like that with an imperfection is still worth something. Oh, yeah.

It's still worth maybe not what they sold it to you for, but yeah. Yeah, a little exchange. Yeah, because they sell them at different grades right oh yeah so mine was a colorless blah blah blah no like that i because i told sam they sat me down and they went through all the paperwork that it was a there's like a letter like a through f and the numbers and it's where it falls into numbers it's like a teeth whitening strip where it's like, your whiteness is at a six. You need to get into a two. They have that for diamonds too

with all the things. Mine was supposed to have no imperfections, colorless, this whole thing. He went through the whole thing with me. Very nice of them. Shook hands.

They even brought me a water and a tea. It was a very nice, solid location. But this was very much within 48 hours. So it was all kind of getting rushed. They're just going to restock it in the case that I would look at.

Show me the ones that are kind of fucked up. But big. I told Sam it's not about that anyway. I told Sam it's not about that. It's not about that. It's not about the diamond. Look at you. Look at me. Life is in prayer. Hey!

Sam. Sam, it's about the love? It's about your March Madness bracket. It is. Something awesome. It's about something awesome. Yeah. What if she wins the bracket,

and then we go ahead and gift her a new diamond? Something pretty awesome. That's pretty awesome. What a wild scene, though. Sam walking into that fucking jewelry store ready to burn it down just like seth rollins just like fucking tuning up the band excuse me this diamond uh that was on the news in arkansas west virginia pennsylvania indiana and michigan for some reason uh that we did it over there in avatar it's an imperfect they posted uh the jewelry store posted

about our engagement oh they did yeah sam screenshot it and was like what do i do i was like just like it she was like i want to go to the comments i want to go to sam wanted to go in the comments she is a uh little bit of a bulldog whatever she thinks we're getting fucked over and i love it because i don't have that i just have like ah whatever we'll just get another one she's like no no no no she puts her foot down and she's ready to go to battle which isn't always great you know but but but i need 99.9 of women as far as the ring goes and the imperfection would react the same way like they you know they want it to be perfect. And they deserve it. I agree.

And by the way, we paid for a perfect... Yes. We paid for a perfect time. But her just... I would love to have been there the day she found that thing and was just like,

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I've never seen a worse customer service in my entire life than what happened to Connor. Oh, my goodness. All of us got kind of fucked. I mean, there's five of us there. There's five of us there, including Sam. And the waitress walks up. There's not a lot of people in there. Waitress walks up, asks us what we want and then she tries to go from the memory thing

but everybody's getting a combo apps, three combo apps. So three, once she got to six, like two people and she's like, I better go get a paper and pencil. We're like,

good idea, good idea. She goes over, comes back, writes it all down, goes back. It's probably 45 minutes to an hour before getting a drink or food there right we get our food brought out to us everybody gets their food except for

connor i got my salad and my meal at the same time the worst salad i've ever seen it was four pieces of lettuce with uh two croutons and like some parmesan cheese or a caesar salad i'm like sure it is but at this point it was already an hour into the thing. Everybody gets served except for Connor. So Connor looks at the lady and goes, I ordered a? Buffalo chicken club. And she goes, oh, it's on its way. That lady then turns around, goes behind the bar, doesn't say a word to anybody.

No, did not order it. We actually watched her not go put down anything, not say anything to the chef. Went to the bar, got a couple people some drinks, started watching the game, laughing. We all need a refill, not a single thing. Comes back over, asks us if we need anything else, like 30 minutes later.

Like, this guy still is not going. Oh, it's coming. Goes back. I think she then punches it in to order it. It then came like two hours after ordering. Goodbye. I would say two hours after ordering. Goodbye. I would say two hours after ordering. On our way out, there is probably a party of 10 that sits down.

We pat their table, and I say, good luck. And then we just walk out. That Applebee's near Castleton Mall, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. That is the worst restaurant experience I've ever had. It was atrocious. And you said everyone got combos. I didn't get a fucking combo. I just got one sandwich. Atta boy. you said Everyone got combos I didn't get a fucking combo I just got one sandwich

Atta boy And everyone else got combos And I was like Look I didn't order three things Like everybody else Just give me my God damn bacon Grilled chicken

Whatever the fuck it is So then he gets it to go Cause we're all about done At this place We've been here for two hours Barely got our food He asks for a to go box He brings a box

Not big enough To fit a sandwich No no no Of course it's not big enough Cause it's the whole damn sandwich. It's meant for half. It was a tiny little box, so he can't even take his shit to go. It was just a nightmare experience.

Kicked out of the Tuck's place. Applebee's fucked him. He hasn't won a bet since then. I haven't won a bet since then. That's the Applebee's curse because I know I would have won, too. For the record, I wanted to go to Olive Garden. OG was right there. Good breath sticks.

I was keto. I am keto. I'm currently keto for the WrestleMania. I'm trying to find a jawline. And it was an interesting Saturday, man. It was a very interesting Saturday. How was it tipped at Applebee's? I mean, may I ask?

I still tipped. Yeah, I still tipped. Had to. You had a moment, but- Normally, I write. I'm not scared to write on the receipt, like an entire diatribe, like about the experience. Because anytime my name is on something, there's a chance that that is going to get screenshotted, and I'm going to look like a bad guy, right, for not tipping enough or doing this or doing that.

So anytime I'm not going to – I normally tip like 50%. It's normally like a 40% to 50% tipper. That's just – honestly, unless it's DoorDash where you have to tip beforehand. When Sam has it set up, I think that's at like 25 or 30 i'm normally a 40 50 percent tipper standard keep it moving if i drop down to the 30 or something like that something's up very bad but i will write i will write an entire story on there have you before oh yeah numerous times i've been like by the way is normally how it starts with a dot, dot, dot. Like, I'll tell you what.

I write it down. With all due respect. With all due respect. Maybe today is the day that you decide that you are not a good server. You know what I mean? Like, I will write up the whole thing. Like, Sam, my lady and I waited 45 minutes for a drink,

an hour and a half for our food. didn't seem to care at all and for that you were only getting this amount of tip because if if i'm screenshotted that person is automatically has more value to the world than i do and i look like the bad guy when really a tip is supposed to be a reaction to how they serve and there's a lot of fucking terrible goddamn servers out there. Oh, yeah. So I'm not scared to get ahead of the game and write an entire story on there. So it's like, yo, this is what happened.

You know what I mean? I'm not scared of it. I also don't like that my name's right on the top with my card with everything I do. You probably should have been on blast at that point. What makes a person like that decide they want to be a server? Not every job is for every person. That's what I'm saying.

It's like you know better than that. Every time you're growing up and your mom or dad asks you to go get something, you're like, hey, will you go get a screwdriver? You'd bring a hammer. You're not going to be a good fucking driver. You know what I mean? Did she look like a lifer? Like, did she look like she'd been working there for a while,

or did she look like a high school kid? The manager brought his food out an hour and 45 minutes later and didn't say anything. Just put the food down with a smile and said, you're welcome. I don't think it's just a server issue. It's the institution. That is an entire operation problem. That's the issue with Applebee's.

It's wildly inconsistent from location to location. Volatile. I'm an Applebee's guy, though. I know you are. I love them ribs. In this keto diet, I love them ribs. But every time I go into an Applebee's, there's always a chance that this is going to be the worst service I've ever had in my entire life. And that's what happened today.

That's what happened. It is what it is. I've only been to Applebee's twice, so they're shooting 50%. We had a hot tub issue. It didn't have enough water in it. They don't tell you that whenever you get a fucking hot tub. You got to worry about how much water's in it, or it's going to squeal like a fucking baby all night.

Woke up out of nowhere, thought a goddamn pig was dying in the backyard. It was the goddamn hot tub. Didn't have enough water and the fucking filter thing was... I honestly thought somebody was sawing into the back of the hot tub.

I go down there, I'm like trying to turn it off and every time I hit the button, it just got louder and worse. And I looked and I was like, oh, there's not enough water in here. And obviously, we don't have a single hose

that reaches to that area. Been in the hot tub three times probably by the way worse i've i've talked about a hot tub not being my thing i've said this isn't my thing my parents had one growing up not growing up when i got into high school they put one on the back because my dad started getting sore he loved it one and naked i refused to go in it when the colts had one i go in the cold tub i wouldn't go in the hot tub i'd only go in the cold tub. I wouldn't go in the hot tub. I'd only go in the cold tub. I'm not a hot tub guy. I think a lot of bad shit lives in there. Then we walked into a store here in town. It's a Kin Relax store.

And we go in there and there's this hot tub basically for free. I'm like, yeah, we should take that. We should just get that. Put it in there. Been in there probably three times. Been there for a year.

And all of a sudden, a couple nights ago, it just starts howling at me. We have no hose that reaches into it. So I got to take a cool... It's like... 545, 6 a.m. 545, 6 a.m. This thing is just squealing through the house.

Can't turn it off. If I unplug it, I think it's going to get cold. Then it'll be even worse. I think I'm going to break the thing. So I grabbed one of them coolers that somebody left at my house house like three years ago i go over to the fucking hose thing i fucking spray out all the fungus i fill it up and i walk over to the hot tub and i dump it in there isn't a single movement of the water not a single movement. I did that seven times. I walked back and forth with the thing, and then it stopped squealing,

and I go inside, I go lay down, and Sam tells me I could have just turned it off. He said, you could have just turned it off. And I was like, I thought I'd blow the wires. I thought I'd blow the wires, I thought I'd break the thing. I'm bad, man. I'm in a bad spot. I'm in a fucking bad spot, dude.

But I feel like I really earned my keep. Yeah, at least you got to go to bed for 10 minutes and then wake up and take a shower and go to work. No, no. It was this weekend. I was good. It was actually before I got... Shoe-to-weight? Before I got... Imagine if you had the cooler scooters

working. I know. That would have been way easier. I know. I know. It would have been nice. Saturday wasn't, or was it Sunday? It was Saturday. That wasn't a great day for you. Yeah, but I enjoyed it way easier. I know. I know. It would have been nice. Saturday wasn't, or was it Sunday? It was Saturday. That wasn't a great day for you. Yeah, but I enjoyed it, man. I enjoyed it all.

Like, when those situations of me getting kicked out of places, I just love it. Like, I love that type of stuff. I think you're really fair, though, in all these situations when you retell the stories, okay? So, like, when we're in Florida and we go to, like, a mom-and-pop diner, they give us good service. I've seen you give a $100 bill, and we're out of there. Or, like, in Arizona when they gave us awesome service at that steakhouse. Bang, here you go. Here you go.

But then, you know, the lows. The lows are bad. If you're bad, you're bad. Like, there's nothing else I could do about this. And this is Scott Van Pelt. That speech he gave was very real and very good. It's like, I can't reward bad behavior. So I can't be tipping you

50 to 100% of this bill whenever you are a dog shit server. Are you talking about Lowe's Home Improvement Store? What? No, like the highs and lows. I thought you had a bad service set of Lowe's.

I will let it be known, I have not been in a Lowe's Home Improvement Store 31 years of my life. Really? I was an Ace Hardware guy. Oh, yeah. Or Stanford.

Don't expect much when you go there. Then the worst are the guys and girls that work in the paint section. And you are literally positioned behind a desk. You're my only option. I have to go through you. I can't just go mix my own paint and then take it to the register. You have to do it for me. They always act like you're putting them out.

You know what the issue is? Self-awareness is at an all-time low. It really is. If you're not supposed to be a waiter, you're not supposed to be a waiter, server, whatever you want to call yourself. I'm so sorry that I said that. Growing up, I knew I had to work that kind of job when I was younger. I always worked in the kitchen being a cook. I was like, I can't deal with people. I'm not going that I said that. Growing up, I knew I had to work that kind of job when I was younger.

So I always worked in the kitchen being a cook. I was like, I can't deal with people. I'm not going to do this. It's not going to work out. I was in the food industry. I was in the food industry. Yep. And the people that I allowed to order from my store,

instead of sending elsewhere, I was chipper. Five star. That's what's crazy, though, is you were actually going the extra mile to give them good enough service so that they could get it elsewhere. Hey was chipper. Five star. That's what's crazy though is you were actually going the extra mile to give them good enough service so that they could get it elsewhere. Hey, real quick. You order from here, you're not getting it for like a good hour. Okay? The deaf guy running the grill is a good guy, but he's backed up right

now. And it's just me here. I shouldn't even be working here. You should order from down the street. I didn't say all those words, but that's what I meant. I think that we have a self-awareness issue. I think we have a self-awareness issue. People taking jobs that they shouldn't have, hating their lives, going on social media, bitching at everybody else about how they should hate their lives,

when really, if people just found something they loved, maybe it would be a better world. Amen. Much better. Amen. A lot of people can't get jobs, though, because they potentially were arrested before. Correct.

Or dumb. Yeah, that's a big factor. A lot of that. Applebee's is always hiring. A lot of dumb-dumbs. Applebee's, I know a particular Applebee's that no matter how shitty you are at your job, you can be worse and work at said Applebee's.

I can tell you there is someone at Applebee's who is the best. He or she is the best in their field that I've ever seen. I saw a commercial come on this weekend during the tournament. It was a food commercial. I knew it was an Applebee's commercial before Applebee's name even came up because whoever directs those commercials and chooses the camera angles

and how the food falls and how it's shot is the best in the entire business. They do an incredible job. Applebee's is incredible. Their commercials are unbelievable. Other than that, they go fuck themselves. When a place has good service, I would go there every day. I would go there just for the service.

It's hard to find, man. Another thing that's hard to find is a big corporation or company that has any backbone. hard to find is a big corporation or company that has any backbone coca-cola wanting to be the official timeout of tv time or official drink of tv timeouts is one of the most low goals i've ever heard from a company in my life the thing that they were reading was orange vanilla coke wanted to be the official drink of tv timeouts who the fuck wants to be the official drink of TV timeouts. Who the fuck wants to be the official drink of TV timeouts? You are Coca-Cola. Have a little bit more respect for yourself.

And I am sick of seeing it. I don't know how it tastes. Ty went and bought one. I did. I mean, it's not great. It's not terrible, but it's not great. You said it was just vanilla Coke. Yeah, pretty much.

You can very distinctly taste the orange in there. But I don't like that their angle was they wanted to be the official drink of TV timeouts. Why? Your coat. How does that come up? The official drink of TV timeouts. Is there anything worse?

The injury timeout, I guess? Is there anything worse than a TV timeout? No. It's like from start to beginning like we're gonna flood people with marketing and then we're gonna have a terrible angle like i don't know how that because in coke i seen a little diagram they were the number one company on earth for a long long time until tech took off that thing is insane i think that may be a reason why it's because they're shooting that low for things i I've never had an orange vanilla Coke. Never will. Maybe I will one day, day after WrestleMania.

There you go. But that whole wanting to be the official drink of TV timeouts, I was like, what the fuck, man? Why don't you be the official drink of like- The Sweet 16 or something. Or a game-winning shots or something, a TV timeout. All timeouts. Who the fuck?

Some media person got in there and was like, you know what's a big deal? TV timeouts. So trueouts. Who the fuck? Some media person got in there who was like, you know what's a big deal? TV timeouts. So true. Nobody gives a fuck. Who decided to run it like 14,000 times during the weekend? Them. Them.

It's them. It's all their fault. This is 100% Orange Vanilla Coke's team marketing team's fault. Couldn't they also be the drink of TV timeouts if they said, hey, you only air this commercial right here during TV timeouts? I like the Phil guy with AT&T. I enjoy that. They watched Witten and they were like, this is what we're going to do.

We are going to make, because by the way, Phil has some hilarious analysis. I call it commentary about Purdue. Yeah, that's good. I laugh at Phil. I have not gotten sick of Phil at the AT&T. Buffalo Wild Wings, not bad. Not too bad. There are a lot of places.

What? Agree to disagree i should you know what i'm happy that bob menry internet guy got a tv commercial okay i am internet people getting tv commercials is awesome it's a big deal i would assume though that has not gotten the internet push that they assumed it would though all right that's in my head from a marketing strategy just like the orange vanilla coke marketing strategy people wanting to be the official drink of tv timeouts is not a good angle buffalo wild wings i assume thought they would get a huge internet push from it i'm not sure they have how do we feel about like the genesis halftime show then good move or terrible move is that the one where they literally

had trash player garbage played the first? I think that was bad optics. Terrible. The Genesis halftime show, trash. It's like bad optics, bad idea. Are they doing it for March Madness? No, but I was just curious. For Monday Night Football? Yes.

I don't mind that type of shit. I don't mind innovation into entertainment to keep people's attention or whatever. I think marketing is changing a lot. I think there's hits and misses on everything. But just the strategy to dump. Think about how much money Orange Vanilla Coke put into that. Can't even imagine. So much.

It has to be like maybe a $15, $20 million deal right there. I mean, I've seen that commercial way more than any of the other ones. It's probably a $15, $20 million ad deal right there for the NCAA March Madness. Probably, if I had to guess. How many variations of coke do we need at this point like if coke original coke cells are falling off it's because of diets and keto come out with some you don't make a sweeter version of your hey i'm a big coke zero guy yeah they figured it out with coke zero i'm a big coke zero that makes sense though right i've right I've been a Coke Zero guy For a solid Solid

What like 17, 18 days At least I mean When I learned there was no carbs In Coke Zero I went all in Yeah when I learned

I didn't know that they had no carbs As soon as I learned they had no carbs It's like So good I'm like fucking I'm literally shotgunning Coke Zero cans At the house

Just trying to get it down We're talking about stuff Inside of drinks When did the war on corn syrup start with Bud Light? That's a great question. I didn't know corn syrup was bad for you. People have been coming to corn syrup for a long time. The informant is when I learned the corn syrups and everything.

It's a Matt Damon movie where I learned that corn syrup is literally in everything. That movie is a lot better than Downsizing. That movie is so good. But corn syrup is in everything, and I guess it's very Downsizing. The movie is so good. But corn syrup is in everything. And I guess it's very terrible for you. I didn't know that. I guess it's pretty terrible for you. But it makes everything taste good. It sure does. But back to the Coke flavors for a second. I think

this came about from those vending machines. Not the vending machines, but the fountain drink machines. The new age ones where you can get any selection of any flavor you want inside of there. They had two empty splats in there. No, no. People probably mixed it. Oh yeah, people were you want inside of there. They had two empty splats in there. No, no. People probably mixed it. Oh, yeah.

People were mixing all kinds of shit. But I'm wondering if there is data in there that feeds them back to them. And they're like, hey, okay. People are drinking the shit out of this orange in here, too. I don't know how the drink. Honestly, the drink could be incredible. I'm a Coke Zero guy. I am a Coke guy.

Huge. Huge. Have been forever. 17, 18 days. Long time. Two weeks. That's an eternity on the internet. a coke zero guy i am a coke guy huge huge have been forever 17 18 days long time two weeks that's an eternity on the internet but the the marketing strategy to pay 15 20 million and have the angle be that we want to be the official drink of a tv timeout is dumb they should have spent money in the strategizing as well instead of just the thing buffalo wild wings i see what they were trying to

do i respect it they're trying to do that the ph it. They're trying to do that. The Phil AT&T thing, I enjoy that. But the amount of money that this March Madness is making is absurd. What is it? It was just four or five days, and that had to gross $300, $400 million for TBS or TNT or Turner or whoever the fuck it is. That's insane, dude. How much does the NCAA make off it? A billion?

Does Turner pay a billion for that? I would assume. I don't know a billion for that? I would assume. I don't know the exact figure, but I would assume. That wouldn't surprise me. But the American Athletic Conference just got paid a billion dollars by ESPN. Football. A billion dollars. Yeah, 1.1.

What's that? The American thing? Oh, this is for the NCAA. NCAA. Turner paid the NCAA 11.1 billion. I read a stat that said the NCAA, from the TV rights money, could pay out every D1 college athlete $50,000 a year and still have like $325 million left over. They don't have enough money to pay everybody.

So $1.1 billion for the March Madness. Look up the ESPN deal with the American Athletic Conference? Football. I think it's the American something. 1 billion. The AAC ESPN TV deal. Yeah, it's a billion dollars.

1 billion dollars. It's just for what? What is it called? The American Athletic Conference. The American Athletic Conference football just got paid a billion dollars for the TV rights. That's just the American, which I've never heard of this conference. I think that's Houston, UConn, stuff like that. One billion dollars they just got paid by ESPN

to do their TV rights. March Madness, 1.1 billion dollars. Hey, at least the players get a piece. It's insane. I think we're in that area where the NCAA is going to have to answer for some of this stuff. And it's going to become a social movement because it's absurd. It's absolutely absurd.

They had a Zion camera. CBS had just a Zion camera. It's like, we don't think Zion. What if Zion blows his knee out from that shoe, by the way, and just can't play basketball ever again? What the fuck's he left with? Nothing. Nothing. Yeah.

and just can't play basketball ever again. What the fuck's he left with? Nothing. Nothing. What if next game there's a taco that blocks him and dislocates his shoulder and he can't ever fix it and he fucking never plays again? What does he get from it? Nothing.

What did Duke get from it? It's a serious issue. Billions. What did ESPN get from it? Billions. It's just NCAA got billions from it. And everybody's like, well, college players are greedy if they ask for money. It's for love of the game and they got free education. It's like, well, college players are greedy if they ask for money.

It's for love of the game and they get free education. It's like, no. How about we respect that they have brains and that they realize that they're getting fucked? Because that's kind of what's happening with the NCAA. Yeah, they're being used. Hey, we're being fucked right now. We all talk about it. Oh, you're selfish.

So first we're dumb. Yeah. First college athletes are dumb. Then they're selfish. Then there's every other excuse in the book. But it's just as the money train continues to run. Shout out Bro Bro Bro Bets, by the way. Locks on top of the locks on top of the locks.

As the money train continues to move, at some point the money's going to have to stop. And they're going to have to go to college players. They're going to have to. You know what's hilarious, too, is you were talking about how the NCAA has no self-awareness with this. And then they tweet out, it was either Saturday or Sunday, about how the the ncaa has no self-awareness with this and then they tweet out it was either saturday sunday about how the hotels are giving out that's from 2016 but yes still like still like i mean it went viral again you know people just hammered it like i mean i didn't look at i thought it was just like a troll tweet i thought it was a joke no it's from

it's from 2016 whenever they actually tweeted out the way, every player gets free Wi-Fi. You're the best. Oh, my God. We can search for our highlights on ESPN on the internet for free by you guys? You're so nice. You're so nice. And I think this is your stance. I see Zion, obviously a huge influencer at this point. Probably the biggest on Earth right now.

Yeah. So if he wanted to take a $200,000 payment for an Instagram post for somebody he should be able to do that it has nothing to do with the school it has nothing to do with the NCAA directly none of that stuff or just conversely let's say just you're at you play for

Houston or better yet Western Kentucky you're popular within Bowling Green Kentucky you want to do a commercial for a local car dealership but they want you to do it you should be able to take four grand to do that hey by the way if if the pimps at ncaa want to take a percentage go ahead and do it yeah because you gave zion the platform to be a duke player not that the internet didn't tell us who zion was before he got the duke and not that he has brought more attention to duke than sheshefsky himself in the last 10 years.

But if you want to take a 20% or 25% or whatever you want to take, take it. Then at least you're making money. But people should be able to make money off their own names. They own their own names. Zion is Zion. Zion built Zion by doing Zion things to little white kids in high school. Now he's doing the same things to 7'6 guys in the NCAA. I think that that is what I've always said.

They've always said that they can't pay players because they don't know how to do it. They don't know how to pay them. They, oh, well, strategically it wouldn't map out because not every school makes money. Remember, it's only a select few. Whatever, cool. If that's the stance you want to, I can't dive into the books.

We could send CFO Phil into those books. We could find out very quickly if that's the case. But at least let guys make money off their names. They own their names. And then the answer is no. Or if you want to be real about it, stop using their names. Just go like the old NCAA video games did. We'll see how interesting your broadcast is when you have to refer to everyone as player 45.

Number one passes to number 11. What's that on number one, huh? Yeah. Guys with that number one. That's a great number.. What's silence number one, huh? Yeah. Guys with that number one. That's a great number. That's a great number. That's a great number. Warren Moon.

Yeah. Cam Newton. Mm-hmm. Pat McAfee. When he runs up and down the court, dude, he is so fucking thick. He is massive. His legs are fucking tree trotting thick. I mean, listen to this show.

Listen to this show. We've talked about him, what, six, seven different times? He just can't. He's like, you can't not talk about him. He's like- Killers kill, too, is what he said. He's the next one, man. He is.

I can't wait to watch him. Someone on TV was like, he's a top 50 player in the world right now. I'll go top 15. Top 50? Who are they putting above him? Fucking Luke Korver? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

Fucking Wally, the guy on the bench? He's not allowed to do anything either. If he was on that Murray State team running how Ja runs, that dude's reckless with the ball. He did a behind the back, through the legs, in the lane, shot up an air ball, and everybody's like, yep, that's Ja. It's like ifion was to do that

he would get murdered and crushed not that i don't think john is incredible by the way i think he's a very good basketball player i just think he had one big night and everybody's like he's more nba ready than zion i'm like what are we talking about i can't wait to watch zion dominate i have duke win the national championship mislay up away from not happening, but I still think they run. I don't think they'll let it get that close again. I think Duke, that's a wake-up call to superstars. You know what I mean? Yeah, you need a close one like that to kind of shake the cobwebs out,

get them ready. Win the next one by 60. And they will because they play Virginia Tech. Very vulnerable. They're going to thrash. Virginia Tech's in a bad spot. ACC, yeah. Virginia has a kid with dyed blonde hair, African-American guy.

Oh, yeah. He's good. I'm a big fan of the way he plays basketball. I haven't seen him play, I don't think. He's this big dude underneath, though. He seems to be athletic and agile, too. I like the way he plays. I like the way Virginia plays basketball.

They got a big white guy who's super athletic, too. Yeah. North Carolina has a new Hansborough. Yep. Luke May. Luke May. I think he even wears 30. No, too. Yeah. North Carolina has a new Hansborough. Yep. Luke May. Luke May. I think he even wears 30. No, he wears 35.

Hansborough was, what, 32? I think Hansborough was 50, and he is actually 32. I think you're right. He is 32. You're right on that. So I'm wrong about that. But, yeah, he looks like just a Hansborough. Looks like a new Hansborough.

Yeah, but he's talented, hard worker. But if they meet in a national championship, it's tough for me to believe that Tyler Hansborough is going to beat Zion Williams. It's just tough for me to believe. What's the only thing that could happen? Zion get in foul trouble? Yeah. Or his shoe blows out.

There's always that too. Or they go just like historically cold from the field. Which could happen. Yeah, can't hit anything. Could happen. That's what it would come down to is what kind of help does Zion get because UNC is fucking well fucking around. Hey, Colby White, that kid.

I love him. What's up with the pink shoes? What are we doing with the pink shoes? That just started and then they just kept doing it? He's had them for a long time this season. There's like four of them though. There's like three or four of them they have it on. I love that team so much. I like his hair. I like the way he chucks up threes, too. I like the way he – that UNC team is awesome to watch as well.

I'm happy I'm getting to watch them now since I don't pay attention. I sent that tweet out, and it was real. I have not watched one college basketball game. I'm betting on all of them, which is a wild move. But it is nice to learn about these teams everybody's been talking about. And Michigan State, that moment that I got mad about because he chews out a kid during a TV timeout. That kid goes on to miss a dunk just a couple moments later because his confidence is rattled.

And then we missed the second half over by two fucking points because the kid missed the dunk is why i was mad at iso but if we go to that tom iso situation that was a perfect sociological situation for the world that we live in right now it was a time for everybody to show whether or not they're old school or not it was a grandstanding situation for everybody like Like back in my day, this is what we did. This isn't this. Everybody and their mom had to prove whether they're old school or if they're new school. Everybody had an opinion on it. It was under a microscope. It was huge. I will say that I have come from a tree of hard coaching, very hard coaching that's demanded a lot out of

players. I believe just like Scott Van P, that there's other ways to do it. I am personally only pissed off because that kid missed the dunk. And the under hit, I don't mind how Tom Izzo handles his business. I just hated how it became something on the internet where everybody had to prove how old school they were or everybody had to prove how they wanted to evolve and change the way things are. That's the only thing it became. The situation didn't even matter anymore.

The only thing that mattered was whether or not you came from a generation of hard coaching or if you're from the new school. It was a dumb grandstanding situation and quite a case study to watch and learn about a lot of humans. Because that was classic old school coach new generation kid yep so dockage obviously goes out and says like oh this is what coaching calling cow herd goes on his grandstand scott vim everybody who's old school or respects the old school thing

felt the need to come out and talk about it. And then which caused on the other side, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. So then there's new school people that all felt like they had to come out and talk about it. And for me, it just all became a big peacocking operation. And I don't give a goddamn. They won the game. Let's keep it moving.

You didn't hit the kid. They won the game. Let's move forward. Nobody's right. Nobody's wrong. Let's just go for it. And now everybody thinks you have to be right or have to be wrong. Don't you feel like everything's move forward. Nobody's right. Nobody's wrong. Let's just go for it. And now everybody thinks you have to be right or have to be wrong.

Don't you feel like everything has turned into that now? Everything. Everything you have to be right. Did you hear how Izzo responded to it in his press conference? Oh yeah, I loved it. Loved it. Next game, by the way. We're minus six and rebounding at halftime. Ended up, I think you were plus 15 in the second half and rebounding. How did you make that happen? How did

they get, how did, which players allowed that to happen for you? I imagine some challenging went on. No, no, no. We went in the halftime. We had a love fast. We hugged each other and said, listen, it's okay, guys,

that we got out-rebounded by a smaller team. You know, it's okay, but if we could find a way to do a little better job, it would probably help us win. By the way, incredible stuff by Izzo. I see why Michigan State loves him. Absolutely. But for me, a lot of people who never played a team sport

were coming out talking about that, which happens on everything. A lot of people that have nothing to do with a lot of issues come out with their opinions because they've been taught by somebody else who has an idea that that's how they're supposed to feel. And everything's just peacocking these days. Everything's bullshit. Everything's bullshit. None of it matters. Nothing fucking matters

except for the four-point play by Zion to send them. And first play of their next game after the kid got chewed out, very first possession of the game, he dunks the basketball. Oh, good for him. Two years from now, if he doesn't make it in the league, he'll write a book about Tom Izzo fucking him. He'll come back to this whole thing.

But what's up? Even though I'm very old school, I'm a big believer. Chew them out or me out as much as you want. Scream, spit, whatever. Tell me everything that you got in your arsenal. But then at the end, just give me a little pat on the butt and say, now get your fucking head right. Yeah, yeah.

It's the old sandwich. It's the old sandwich. Kind of lean in, then the meat there, just go ahead and bury them, and then bring in another little uppity thing. It's a little sandwich of positivity with the burial in the middle. Just so they can leave a little bit with,

oh, he's a nice coach. I guess we're still family. Oh, we're on the same team. Yeah, it didn't seem as if that was the little bit with, oh, he's a nice coach. We're still family. Oh, we're on the same team. Yeah, it didn't seem as if that was the case. Oh, no, not at all. But I've been yelled at on a very regular basis. Yeah, your coach was pretty much the epitome of old school. On a very regular basis, I've watched people get yelled at,

and players react differently to things. I still think that parenting and timeouts don't work. In my head, maybe not with everybody. I don't think timeouts are the answer to a lot of things. I think it is actually a problem causer more so than a problem solver. But that's going to be an interesting thing. That's why I don't have kids and that's why I won't coach anymore. I don't want to hear it.

Hey, you did great. Yeah, you fucked the entire team. You did great. That's basically what Tom't coach it. I don't want to hear it. Hey, yeah, you did great. Yeah, you fucked the entire team. You did great. That's basically what Tom Izzo was saying, but in a more passionate manner. For sure. But it became a big peacock fest, and I just can't take it.

I just can't take it. I had to help Bailey hang a curtain rod at his apartment. This is great. Here we go. So I go in there, and I do it, and he's freaking out, right? Because the first one we put in, it was lower on one side. So now there's going to be a hole that shows, right?

So he's all freaking out. He's getting flustered or whatever. And I'm all like, hey, just calm down. It's not the end of the world. It'll be all right. And finally his girlfriend's like, you're pissing me off right now. Will you stop? And I go, actually, this is exactly how I react if this is my house.

But it's his apartment. I don't really give a fuck. Bailey has a girlfriend? Yeah. Good for him. Look at you. All right, Bailey. Look at him. Look at Bailey.

Good for him. He's in a room we can't see him. You can't hear us either, I don't think. But look at Bailey. Look at him. It was totally me looking in the mirror, dude. I'm like, I fucking act like an asshole all the time when I'm trying to put shit together.

Because I'm so OCD, I can't stand for my walls to get fucked up. And whenever somebody wants, because it's always a girl, wants to hang curtains, why can't we just go with blinds or whatever? Or the curtain rods that are tensioned in between the windowsill. We don't have to screw anything into the wall. We have options. We have a lot of options here. Ornate, wrought iron,

all that shit. Is the whole still showing? Oh, yeah. I wish I had that OCD to like how shit looks. But it's a nightmare. It's nice to just not give a fuck. It's really nice to not give a fuck.

That first house I lived in, man, there was just piles of clothes that I would take out of a suitcase, put down, and then I would travel with an empty suitcase, buy the clothes from Target, come home with them, dump them in different rooms. There was just different piles. They're like, what's this from?

Let me see. Yeah, it's Miami. What's this? Morocco. What's this one over here? Oh, let me see. Yeah, it's Miami. What's this? Morocco. What's this one over here? Oh, you check that. You might see some grit stuff from New York City. Just piles everywhere.

My mom was like, this place is a joke. It's a roof over my head, Mom. And I'm buying a motorcycle. Because I couldn't buy a motorcycle under my mom's roof. So I bought one. Speaking of, how's Scooter Gang? Well, we're getting there. I believe we're now Paw Patrol is what we're rolling with.

And we have a parking lot right in front of our office. Shout out Christopher Heyer putting a sign up there this morning. We have a lot of people with zero awareness who walked right past it, didn't even see it. Kind of an interesting situation actually learning about folks but there is a sign for the pub patrol currently mounted on a wood frame right in front of our office on the side just need scooters just need just need patrols so if you're a member of the pub and you have a scooter

or you rent a scooter you can park it there? Yeah. I think the... Actually, I do believe the sign says board members only for the pub patrol. Board members. That's what the little asterisk there was on the bottom. We would let all pub members park there. However, it says... Are you going to organize pub patrol rides and stuff? Oh, yeah.

We might have a couple pub patrols. Like do a little poker run, but with scooters. Go from bar to bar. Hey, I want to start a poker room for Pat McAfee Foundation. Oh, that would be great. People would dig it. So when I was on substance of abuse. In the program?

Yeah, program. There it is. But because of the policy. Yeah, right. When I was in there for 27 months getting tested eight times a month randomly because I had to report to a fucking guy every time I left Indianapolis, I had to find things to do that was fun while sober. So what did I lean on?

Like, okay, what did I do whenever I was just a young little high school kid? And it was poker. So I looked around Indianapolis and they had this poker hall at a Knights of Columbus. That's where I used to play so I go in there and they have 30 tables set up real cash game cop in the front they have like two cops in the front

you walk in you check in with cash you get chips you check out you leave I'm like how I the first time I went in there I asked I was like how is this legal they're like there's a cop right there I get that but how is this legal and they're like well it's for a foundation yeah and they just rake from the pot I'm like oh that's awesome I was cleaning up in these poker games nobody had a clue who I was at this time I would wear a hoodie in there and I was cleaning up in these games

then there was another one up in an American Legion up on the north side of town I started going to these like pretty regularly I'm like, this is a pretty good little time here. They're fun. Three, four hours. When you're playing poker, it's a long time. It's not just a quick black jacket. You're there for a long time. So my lady who gives me massages, her name is Jen,

I met her at the poker room. So they have massage therapists at this poker room, just like in Vegas where you tip a couple chips. And I met her at the poker room. And was like do you do this like for real and she was like yeah this is just like during the day and then i'll so she became like my sports massage therapist lady strictly from this poker game yeah so now she's still with me by the way she still works i've been getting back into a little bit of activity which is going to be a great story someday but i've been getting a bit more active. So the muscles need, and I was chatting with her and my lady also gave us a couple's massage.

And we started like reminiscing and talking about, I was like, wait, how do they get that license? And they're like, well, you have to be a foundation in the state for five years. And then once you do that,

you just get a casino permit to basically for your foundation. As long as it's a five Oh one C three or whatever. I boom pat mcfay foundation i love poker uh we've been here for five years we can do that and she was like yeah i don't see an issue at all i'm like oh we're gonna run a fucking poker hall okay so i think i'm gonna put my dad on that next after the golf hunting i'm gonna put him on a poker. Hey, Tim. Hey, poker. Come on. So I think we're going to run like a poker hole. People really dig that.

Maybe once a month. Maybe once a month. Or I get it. That was a good poker pun. Literally. All in on that. Didn't mean to. Hey, that brain does magical things over there. I'm excited for that.

And I think it ties into the story of everything, too. Very much so. Will you have blackjack in that portfolio? That's what I'm saying. Blackjack? Will you? I love an entire... Yeah, you can have a Monte Carlo night if you're a charity.

Oh, you can have... A full Monte Carlo. You can have a craps table. Same permit. Same permit, by the way, if it is that. They just happen to do it two times a week at Knights of Columbus. They're just raking.

Yeah, can we do craps, roulette? Can we do it all? Can we just have an entire casino in there? I played blackjack at a Knights of Columbus. This is years ago. This is the racket. They took all ties. yeah can we do craps roulette can we do it all can we just have an entire casino i played i played blackjack at a knights of columbus this is years ago this is the racket they took all ties house took all ties that's tough hey hey it's for a foundation i know that's what i'm saying you can't bitch at it ain't no pushes hey there's a lot of there's the poker hall by the way those guys that were playing they traveled all the games like i started seeing guys and women at every single game.

I think you just add another one, you just get another one. Did you make poker friends? I did. Lisa Sears, a stand-up comedian. I met her at a poker table one night, and it was hilarious. She was very funny at the table. She was sitting right next to me. I cleaned that table.

Every chip at that table was with me, and i was there to the not everyone but yeah i mean pretty much i had a couple i had to run a cards there that was just next level and she was next to me just talking shit the entire time and she was very funny i was like you're a hilarious person you know that and she's i hear it all the time and i was like uh i was like why don't you do comedy you ever do comedy she's like no i'm scared to do that i was like i'll just get on a fucking stage just get on stage and just act like this you'll be funnier than most people and she has gone on to do that you you got her up for her first time on stage at your show she's literally gone on to do that yeah so i met her at a poker room and she has gone she's now a stand-up comedian here in indianapolis very nice person so i would consider her a poker friend other than that i don't want anybody to know who i was i don a poker friend. Other than that, I didn't want anybody to know who I was.

I don't want anybody to know who I am. I don't want anybody to know anything. Look, you might have to imagine someone calling you, we have a game up here on 71st Street. You should come on down here. That used to happen when I was a rookie. I played in some very, very, very large games. I don't even know if I should be saying this.

I had like $37,000 in a shoebox underneath my bed in a terrible apartment in Indianapolis. My brother was my roommate and I had no idea what else to do with it. I was taking like, I took like the rapper photo, you know where they have all like the hundreds laid out on the bed.

Like I took that photo once and like sent it to one of my college roommates. He was like, what the fuck are you doing out there? I'm like, bro, these poker games are insane. I didn't spend a single NFL dollar my rookie year. Just poker money.

Just poker money. That's awesome. Yeah, it was awesome. That's wild. I was doing well. I didn't spend a single NFL dollar my rookie year. Just poker money. That's awesome. That's wild. I was doing well. I was getting invited to big games though. Big games. Big games. With big name people at these games. And there I was. Just a young little

whippersnapper pretty high. Excuse me Mr. Banker. I know you can get suits from stevens but i'm gonna take every one of those motherfucking chips right over there would you ever do the world series poker i want to i don't know if i have enough a lot of time though right it is a lot of i'm not a tournament player i'm a cash game player and i think anybody that plays cards understands what that means i need to be able to get up and go if i have to right because i am not scared to walk away from a casino up i think that is one of my

strengths is the ability to walk away from a casino when I'm up. If we get hot at a blackjack table when I'm up, I'm not scared to leave that casino. You're rare. Yes. I do believe it is a real feat to be able to do that. I think if you're with me,

you'll be on the same page. I kind of force people to leave. It's like, yo, these things aren't fun coupons. We're supposed to leave with them. We're supposed to go to the cashier. I have the ability to walk up and leave. In those tournaments, you have to just fucking withstand free. I'm an active guy. I'm an active guy.

I like to make moves. You can't do that in the tournaments. You're going to get busted out. Speaking of not spending your football money and going out while you're on top, Rob Gronkowski walks away. Hey, I'm pumped for Rob Gronkowski, by the way. I wrote this entire speech. I was going to do like,

you know how the professional broadcasters, they do those things where they talk into cameras where they have a teleprompter and they're reading a prepared speech about something that somebody else wrote and then they clip it and put it on the internet. Basically, what anybody you see on ESPN, Fox Sports 1, NBC does, anything like that.

Cookie cutter. Yep, I wrote one about Gronk. Here we go. Okay, here we go. When you shoot something into a trash can, you say... Kobe. When you pray on one knee, you... Tebow.

And when you spike a ball, you... Gronk. That sumbitch bitch gronk changed the game was he hurt and did he get hurt yeah he was a massive target got hit often also his body wasn't supposed to be able to do the shit that his body does he looked like a graceful Clydesdale out there nimbility and truck ability all in one the body's not meant for both. That happens. But when he was on the field, he was the greatest of all time. Folks will measure Antonio Gates' numbers against his, which is cool. Antonio Gates is an incredible player, the former Kent State basketball stud who has become a Hall of Fame football player, and nobody could have guessed it. But here's something I can guess, though. If Gronk chose

to play for longer, he could attain those numbers as well. He's going out after a championship and with a wildly confident future plan. Last year, when he thought about retiring, his agents came out in front of it and said he's thinking about pursuing a lucrative acting career. Whatever Gronk does, he's going to dominate. And I'm here for it. Even though any potential football TV job I was up for is now definitely gone, I'm still here to watch the Gronk succeed

because I think he did it his way. He did it very well and he took care of his family while doing so. So I am nothing but proud of what Rob Gronkowski, Western Pennsylvania high school graduate did in the NFL and will continue to do for the rest of his

lifetime. Not bad. Very good. Not bad. Let's go. Very good. That's great. Very good. Very good. That's going to fire him up.

All right, let's clip that. Put like a little logo in the corner. Perfect. Basically as if it just came from a main network. See you on ESPN tomorrow morning. See you. That's basically what that was. That is a, I thought. But you wrote it yourself.

Correct. From the heart. From the heart. I thought... But you wrote it yourself. Correct. From the heart. From the heart. And that last line, very true. Very true. Very true. Gronkowski will take any potential TV job I was up for. He'll have to turn it down.

We'll see what happens. Best ever to play a position? Yeah, I think so. I don't even think it's arguable at this point. Like you said, when he's on the field, best ever to play. Best player. Did he get hurt? Yeah, because he did things that bodies aren't supposed to do. He took hits that you're not supposed to, when he's on the field, best ever play. He's the best player. Did he get hurt? Yeah, because he did things that bodies

aren't supposed to do. He took hits that you're not supposed to take because he's so big. Nimbility and truckability. Nimbility and truckability, real thing. He was a graceful Clydesdale out there. He's not supposed to be. If he was to play for another 10 years, you'd be able to acquire all those numbers, whatever. No problem. Even if it was five, six

games a year, he'd be able to get it at some point, especially with Tom Brady. People will say he had the greatest quarterback of all time. I agree, but I don't think that team is the greatest team of all time if you don't have a playmaker that changed the game completely, which is what Rob Gronkowski did. He opened everything up for everybody else because you had to take care of him. The safety had to sit in for Rob Gronkowski because he was faster than your linebacker,

he was bigger than your linebacker, and he had better hands than most slot receivers. I think he's the greatest to ever do it. I think he is and the fact he loved to party i mean let's not throw that aside yeah i'm a big fan of the ability to do that too because we live in an age now where people are counting calories counting how much their heart is beating beating their heart rate is this you got to do this you got to take this rip off gronk just worked out rip off. Gronk just worked out eight weights and partied.

I think that and did it his way. And that is literally why I think Gronk is the greatest of all time in his position. There's a lot of people that will argue for other people because they played longer which I think is awesome. Congratulations. But I don't think there's anybody like Gronk. And I think everybody who played tight end

that watched Gronk knew that as well. I think if you ask Gates and he watched Rob Gronkowski's film, he'd be like, I can't do what that motherfucker does. I think what people, what gets overlooked, too, is how good of a blocker he was. Yes. Yes. Like, so physical, so dominant. I watched him fucking kick a guy out of the club against us.

Yep. I'm at the club. Literally drove him into the stands in an NFL arena. In an NFL stadium. Yeah, it was Sergio Brown. Sergio, because Sergio broke his forearm on a field goal rep. He was on the field goal team at one point. There's another thing.

Rob Gronkowski was on the field goal block team at one point. Wow. That is not something that your star player is supposed to do. He did it. Broke his forearm. Didn't do it again after that. But it was just, I think Gronk changed the game. I think he did. I his forearm didn't do it again after that but it was just i think gronk changed the game i think he did i think he i think he really did change offenses the gold

standard he helped out a lot of big white people like you all look at the big white motherfuckers now that are coming in the league as tight ends like they all are thinking oh yeah like you mentioned earlier kelsey kittle you name it big white guy playing tight end. They all, I assume, watched Gronkowski's film and wanted to be him. Shout out to Gronk, though. Lucrative acting career. Good for him. Sure he's going to be fine. He's got to be very pigeonholed in his acting career.

Yeah, but listen. I said this earlier. Batista, okay? Any WWF, WWE fan knows Batista isn't the greatest speaking. Okay? He's a specimen. He's incredibly athletic. Any WWF, WWE fan knows Batista isn't the greatest speaking. He's a specimen. He's incredibly athletic. But as a speaker, which is what acting normally involves,

he wasn't the best. He finds a role as, what's his name? Drax. Who, not a lot of speaking, but incredible lines, funny guy. And now he's a very mega successful actor oh yeah there's a lot of movies yeah i assume there's going to be a role for gronk somewhere somehow written by somebody and gronk will crush it he's perfect in a certain genre of action movies i mean dolph longren all those people like he'll have that kind of career at least i think gronk's gonna crush yeah i think that i think gronk is gonna to crush. I think Gronk is going to crush. I honestly do. Shaq had all those little cameo roles and things like that.

He can't talk. Wow. Do you ever watch Shaq? Dude, have you seen TNT? Have you seen Blue Chips? Bro. Come on. Shaq on TNT.

Hey, Shaq Schumer is incredible. I like Shaq. By the way, there's another guy I like that fucking Nick just saw die. He's on the whole point. Hey, Shaq's on the board of Papa John's. Oh, yeah. Big move by him. I get what you said there.

Big money, I'm assuming. He has to, man. Ain't nobody buying that pizza, though, just because Shaq's got it. Good business move by Shaq, bro. Good business move. We interrupt this conversation going nowhere to tell you that today's a wild

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boxes for guys that give a damn. Twitter's going to change everything. How do we feel about the blue caption thing at the bottom of the videos? It's growing on me. It's growing on me. I don't love it. I think it's so whenever people take videos and post them, like tweet video that the original caption gets down. Is that

why? Probably. So is it you take the video and then you just put the caption in normal videos and post them like tweet video that the original caption is down is that why yeah probably so is it you take you take the video and then you just put the caption in normal and then it puts it in at the at the bottom well now they kind of just filter you right to it like no matter what you say it just goes right to the blue caption thingy i don't know if i like it i don't because i couldn't figure out how to reverse it i wanted to like reverse and there's no bar for you to just like oh i want to go back and watch yeah they loop right yes i didn't like that it's definitely also so if you take it and put it on like instagram or something like that that you know it's from twitter oh it's like tiktok has that i thought it made it look like a meme tiktok has their shit branded on the yeah that makes sense yeah

because when you caption a video now you have to make it more meme-y than an actual caption that's what i thought so for me for twitter videos like the caption's a huge deal because you're setting up the video now they've kind of taken that away you can only have a certain amount of words on there uh by the way you mean son of a bitch you oh hey that was a great meme hey it was good hey good. Hey. That's a feeling, too. That was on Saturday, right? Yeah. Yeah. That was after I did the dump into the hot tub.

I know. No, Friday. Yeah, it was Friday. It was when Duke covered. No, Saturday. Saturday morning. You FaceTimed me. Yeah, Saturday morning. Oh, yeah, you did do it Saturday.

That was after I dumped all the coolers into the thing. Yeah, I made a meme. I did it on IG Story. Good for you. Oh, yeah. That's a hell of a meme. Did the thing. It was real. for you. I got you. It was a hell of a meme. Did the thing. It was real.

And then that's the feeling when your buddy hits a backdoor cover. Yeah, you jump. You're excited. Hey, good for you, man. I lost all my bets today. Good for you sneaking one in to fuck the big guy. Good for you. I don't know how I feel about that blue caption thing.

I don't like it. I mean, I think I got to learn it, but I'm not a fan of it early here. And not everybody has it. So when I referenced it on a tweet, I think I gotta learn it, but I'm not a fan of it early here. And not everybody has it. So when I referenced it on a tweet, a lot of people are like, what do you even mean? I'm like, just wait. That motherfucker's coming. Whenever you update your thing, it's coming. I don't like that Jack doesn't use his experimental show on me either, by the way. I feel like

I should be a top ten guy that gets it. I feel like I'm pretty active. You don't think so. I think I drive a lot of action to your little website, Jack. A little fucking thing. Try this out for me. Give me some feedback. It's like 280 characters. Everybody. You don't think so. I think I drive a lot of action to your little website, Jack. A little fucking thing. Pat, try this out for me. Give me some feedback. It's like 280 characters. Everybody else in the office had it except for me.

That was ridiculous. Everybody in the office had it except for me. When your brother came out and said he had it. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. Hey, Jack. I would like to talk to Jack. You should. Jack is not one of the founders of Twitter.

I think he's the new CEO. I don't think Jack's an original founder. I think it's a new team in there. You put out the first tweet. That guy, right? Jack? Yeah. I don't think so.

I think he's not Tom. Jack Dorsey? He's not Tom MySpace? Jack Clear? Good photo. Good profile photo. No, I think Jack is a new guy that's been brought in. I think.

I don't know Twitter like you guys know Twitter, but I thought he was one of the... Yeah, he was one of the founders. Jack was? Yeah, him and then three other guys. What happened to the other guys? Dead. Jack took them out. He might have, man. He might have Zuckerberg'd that thing. I don't know. Jack is the

end-all be-all, though, up there at Twitter. He's really taking the face of the whole thing. I'd like to talk to Jack about what they thought it was going to be versus what it is now, how they're utilizing it. I think that'd be a good conversation. Rogan had him on, but I don't know if Rogan utilizes Twitter as much as I do. Twitter's

my avenue of everything basically. I wish I would have focused on YouTube to be honest. I should have focused on YouTube. There was a little run there where I made like three videos for YouTube and I was like, this is going to be my thing. YouTube's going to be my thing. And I think I would have got paid off in the end a lot more than having a Twitter. But hindsight's 50-50.

There you go. You never know. Different crowd. Yeah, but I think I would have adapted. I mean, 140 characters was a different way of speaking and communicating and I figured it out. I should have focused on Twitter. I should have went to the Instagram. I should have went to the Instagram a little bit earlier. I should have bought

that Bitcoin that was offering me. And I should have focused on the YouTube. And the Magnificent Maxx. Don't bring that up. Sam signed us up for an Argon thing in New York City when we were there for WrestleMania week. It was a heartbreaker. She wouldn't tell me.

She wouldn't tell me. She't tell me she was like are you free on this day i was like yeah i actually think i am she's like okay i'm gonna set up a day for us to like because my brain's been going a lot right so she's trying to make me relax a little bit more so she's trying to get me to do things that are right i guess there's like these uh like ancient baths in new york city oh yeah and i guess they're supposed to be like a very relaxing thing where you just like disappear in some water and now i don't have the hole in my eardrum i mean i could do this thing you know what i mean and one of them is like an argon splash or whatever so whenever she told me we're doing a sanctioned bath i was like what the fuck does that even mean she was like oh you get in

there with different minerals and different things it does things i was like oh so what's the one we're getting in she's like well i mean it could be a variation of things i, oh, so we're just signing up to jump into a bunch of fucking shit? She was like, no, you have different ones to pick. I was like, which one do we pick? She was like, Argon. I was like, you know that I know the guy that sold all the Argon nuts to all of the ancient bath places in all of America. My guy.

I can't believe I missed that one. That's one of the situations where I. I can't believe I missed that one. That's one of the situations where I wish I didn't drink alcohol whenever I had the plug for all the Moroccan Argon nuts. This guy's probably a multi-billionaire at this point. I couldn't even imagine.

They're not cheap. They don't sell that stuff for cheap. Well, you got to get them from Morocco. It's not easy to get there. I'll tell you that. You never know. What if he was the wrong guy? What if he was like the Betamax guy compared to VHS?

He wasn't. I'm just trying to help you sleep. He was MP3. He was everything. He was the guy I know he is. I can already tell because the way he talked, the way he dressed, he was the most business savvy of the Argon nut people.

And when he looked me in my eye, I think he thought that we were going to really take over the world and one of us was right that was him man lost his contact information i still have nightmares of that little piece of paper in my back pocket just a little loose leaf ripped with his phone number? 5.7 something. 4-1-8-16. Muhammad or something. Could have been me, man. Oh, nuts. Is that a joke? I'm just trying to lighten it up a little bit.

Was that a joke? That's a strawberry nut. Unbelievable. McAfee's Magic Nuts. It would have been everywhere. They had goats climbing trees for the nuts. That was their big sales pitch. Oh, I liked that.

It was on like a slideshow, but manual one. Sure. You know, where they have the... You got to put the slides in the little tray and it goes around in a circle. No, it was pieces of paper that opened up like a binder where you like flip them. Very old school.

Interactive? No, no no it wasn't interactive it was his sales pitch to our group about what how good these things are like a before picture of a lady and then after she used the argon oil on her face she looked like she was 12 yeah but it was a handheld one where you the it was a flip it was like a flip binder like a flip the pieces the pictures were inside um trapper keeper yeah it was like that flip binder. The pictures were inside. A trapper keeper? Yeah, it was like that. Yeah, the lamination.

It's Velcro. No, it's Overhood. Velcro? You are nowhere near the same page as me. It's the clear stuff that you slide a paper in. Yeah, the clear thing that you put the- Clear folder. Yeah, they needed pictures, and then he would flip to the next picture,

and it was a picture of a goat climbing a tree. And he was like, these are actual photos of the goats trying to get the Argon nuts. You get a goat to climb a tree for a nut. That's a good nut. Yep. I'm telling you. It's not easy for goats to climb trees. Well, now look where Argon oil is.

It's everywhere. Argon oil is everywhere. Those goats weren't fucking lying. That would have sold me. Goats are actually great climbers. Yeah, they are. On trees? Everything. Good for them. Goats can climb up the side of cliffs. I knew that. That would have sold me. Goats are actually great climbers. Yeah, they are. On trees? Everything.

Good for them. Goats can climb up the side of cliffs. I knew that. Like the ebics. It makes no sense to me. They have no opposable thumbs. They are four-legged, bound creatures. I have no idea how they can just climb up the side.

There's any tread on those. Strong hooves. Jump quite well. They got, yeah, the grip. I know they jump well and can climb rocks, because rocks are just little crevices to put their hooves in. But a tree? Do they wrap their, like, legs around and shimmy up? No, the grip. I know they jump well and can climb rocks, because rocks are little crevices to put their hooves in. But a tree? Do they wrap their legs around and shimmy up?

I've never seen them in the act. I've only seen the pictures of the aftermath. This is incredible. I didn't know this. I'm going to Google the fuck out of this. I'll tell you what. He probably told me that they ate the argon nuts, and that's why they could climb trees.

Because these argon nuts fix everything, I guess. And I missed it. I missed it. You're literally jacking the beanstalk. You these argon nuts fix everything, I guess. And I missed it. I missed it. You're literally jacking the beanstalk. You got these magic nuts. A little far-fetched. Or beans. Dummy, bro.

I had the plug. I had the information. I should have been the nut guy. Wasn't meant to be. Wasn't meant to be. Wow, Nick Moraldo, to the rescue. Just showed you a photo of a goat climbing a tree? One, two, three, four.

There's a dozen fucking goats in this tree. I bet you that's an Argon nut tree. They get mean a lot. A lot of memes with goats and trees. Is that an Argon tree? Check it. It's probably in Morocco. It's just the athleticism of those beasts.

It's the same photo. It is. It is an Argon oil. Checks out. Yep. Thought I was going to climb a regular tree. Yep. God.

There we go. I can do it. I'm happy for that guy. Put together that slide, the flip book thing. There has to be the logo on the can of nuts, right? Is it a bunch of goats in a tree? No, it's just the fact that it's a miracle nut. That's what everybody says.

They're literally called the tree climbing goats of Morocco. No other country of goats can climb. That's what the says. They're literally called the tree-climbing goats of Morocco. No other country of goats can climb. That's what the Argon nuts are. And I was all in on this guy, by the way. There was other people that were in our group that weren't all completely sold by this guy. I thought he was just a used car salesman. They're like, used car salesmen operate in different countries, too bad. Did you see the motherfucking goats, though?

I don't think they can Photoshop over here. I don't know if that's good enough Photoshop. I see tree limbs in front of the goats. I don't know if this is Photoshopable. They call me an idiot. What do the goats get for themselves? The nut, bro.

I get that, but where's the oil come from? When they chew the nuts. This is tough to watch. This is tough to watch. It is. I don't know Aragon nuts. You almost cornered the market.

This is new to me. Aragon. Go to the rings. The iron hair I used to use for my hair is gorgeous. I just think the whole thing, if you're not taking care of the goats, at the end of the day, it's sad. I tried it. Thanks, guys.

I tried it. I tried it. I like it. I tried it i tried it all right all right you want me to leave now no no no no stay man hey on the social media front though twitter is the most real i think you did it right twitter is is the most i think twitter will last the longest uh i think everything else will kind of come and go like myspace did like the facebook did i feel like instagram probably will come and go at some point because it's a younger generation a younger generation will find a new platform but i think twitter is a good fallback for all generations facebook's old folks instagram's younger folks twitter seems to be where everybody kind of lives and watches live events i think it'll be good forever i got a lot of real estate

in there a lot of real estate yeah a lot of real estate in there i can kind of it it's it's not easy though man a lot of people are like uh oh you have a big following because you were a punter in the nfl okay go check every other punter go check fucking wide receivers too if you want go check anybody it was a lot of work and just like that guy told me on that delta plane where he had a porsche drive him to the gate because he was on so many had so many miles with delta and i asked him man that's incredible he's like that means i missed a lot of time with my kids twitter means that i haven't paid attention to a lot of real life conversations strictly to do the twitter conversations you know i mean we're 1.5 million strong at this point, but what did it really give me?

How much? It hasn't really got me much. It hasn't really got me much. Should have focused on the YouTube. Should have saved the guy's number from Morocco. Yes. If we're to go back in time travel, the number for the nut guy probably...

Pretty high up there. Pretty high up there. Yeah. Probably go grab that one. Probably go back in time. Go ahead and seal that one. Lock it the fuck in. Laminate that.

Hey, cause let's, yeah. Laminate that. Put that in a binder. Just get back on that boat and just wait till I get back to America. Don't party anywhere. That's probably number one.

YouTube focus on the YouTube. Probably. That's probably high up there as well. Yeah. Hey, baby. Who said it best. With every strike, I get one swing closer to my next home run. Hey.

Hey. Come on. All right. Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth. Babe knows. Good candy bar. He also really loved whores.

Big whore guy. That he did. I'm glad we clapped before you said that. Like them whores. Were you clapping or? He was at least a couple times. I still believe that there's a chance that he was pointing out of the park to tell his ex-wife. Get out.

You need to get the fuck out of here You just ate a brothel I'm going there after the game You see that China What was the craft place called? Orchid It's terrible, you shouldn't laugh about that

It's human trafficking Robert Kraft's a terrible guy But he could get out of it just by saying he was wrong It's terrible. You shouldn't laugh about that. It's human trafficking. It's true. It's terrible. Robert Kraft's a terrible guy. But he can get out of it just by saying he was wrong. So how terrible of a guy is he? The city is just trying to... They're trying to get out of that one as bad as... Hey, the prosecutor said the video's coming out.

Yeah, I saw that. It's going to be interesting. Yeah, it is. I think this is a mistake by Robert Kraft from a tactical standpoint. Agreed. If that thing was just going to be interesting. Yeah, it is. I think this is a mistake by Robert Kraft from a tactical standpoint. Agreed. If that thing was just going to disappear by him saying,

yeah, I fucked up, because he ended up saying he fucked up anyways in that letter. Yes. He ended up saying he fucked up in that letter, and now they're still going through with it. It's like, yo, he's got that fucking Stormy Daniels agent.

Lawyer that's like, yeah, I got you, bro. We'll get out of this. Or would he have seen it? Would he be able to see that video? If you go to trial, right? Yeah. It's called production or discovery.

But the court of public opinion was already out. Everyone always thinks you did it. So why not just confess to it? It's a minor violation. It's a video of him getting jerked off. Apparently. And getting a blowjob, I think. It's jerked off and sucked off two different things.

But yeah. Maybe he just has a big, you know what? Zito. He just wants to show it think. Yeah, it's jerked off and sucked off two different things. But, yeah. Oh, maybe he just has a big, you know what? Zito. Oh, he wants it out. Oh! Good for the resume. Watched The Dirt this weekend. Speaking of big resume, Tommy Lee.

I'm wanting to see that. Is it good? People are saying it was better than Bohemian Rhapsody. Really? Wow. I didn't see Bohemian Rhapsody yet, but there's no fucking way. There is no way that the movie that I watched, The Dirt, is better than...

I might have watched the wrong one. Was that about Molly Crew? Yeah. I might have watched the wrong movie. I didn't finish it. I didn't get through it. So that's... I mean, I don't have to say much more.

I like that MG... I'm an MGK guy. I like that MGK was acting in there. Did a lot of spins of the drumstick which is uh incredible I think I gotta learn how to do that it was pretty cool thing but there's no people are saying that that's better than Bohemian Rhapsody I think I think those people should uh uh stop with opinions for a little bit it was interesting movie it was cool to kind of hear about how it all came to be and shit like that it was cool for that nicky six had a wild life wild upbringing cut himself sent his mom to jail spoiler alert oh

that's in the first five minutes oh yeah it's a preview but i don't think it's anywhere near bohemian rhapsody did you watch that movie i watched the dirt yeah it was interesting it was a little braggadocious to me but i guess you have to portray that when you're rock stars like they were but it was i don't know the way they told it was interesting too each character kind of like stop freeze frames looks at the camera talks to the camera for a little bit i don't like that i don't like that like a big short kind of i think you should watch it i think you should watch it i didn't make it all the way through but i saw numerous people tweet that it was better than bohemian rhapsody i was like okay i liked bohemian rhapsody. I was on a plane ride to Hawaii. I guess that's why I liked it.

Maybe this movie is good. And I turned it on within the first four minutes. I was like, this movie's better than Bohemian Rhapsody. And then I got like 20 minutes in. I'm like, this movie ain't better than Bohemian Rhapsody. And then 20 minutes more. I was like 40 minutes into it. Sam was like, are we done with this movie? I was like, I think we are.

Went back to a March Madness game. It was trying to be a break from college basketball because I felt? I was like, I think we are. Went back to a March Madness game. Yeah, it was like, it was trying to be a break from college basketball because I felt like I was just, you know,

I was making them too much money watching literally every single game. I was like, I feel bad for the kids here. For the kids, I'm going to watch a movie on Netflix.

But you don't want a Motley Crue movie being better than a Queen movie anyway because you got to put, you know, it's appropriate, I think,

because Motley Crue, great band, but they're not queen. That's legend. They're royalty. Literally, okay. He's back. I missed that one.

Motley Crue is a pretty cool little style though. Pretty cool little name too, by the way. The old man who played the guitar was the one who thought of it. Mick Mars? There he is. About 90 now? He comes off as an interesting character in the movie. I would assume that they had a great time

from the movie I watched. A great time. A very good time. But the movie, I don't think it's... To say it was better than Bohemian Rhapsody is insane to me. I'm no movie critic. I think that was an insane move. Everybody's got different tastes though. Everybody's got different tastes.

Zito likes shit that I don't like. True. What do you mean? Name a couple movies that you like. Big Daddy. Love that movie. Billy Madison. Love that movie.

We're pretty good. First of all, Zito will like any movie Zito's never seen a bad movie very optimist Zito I wanna like optimism

attaboy very optimism you're very optimistic very optimistic you're the most optimism person I've ever met thank you

there was a conversation this weekend about you that I had with a couple of the guys there at Applebee's there's a movie a documentary what's it called

about the mom that drugs the daughter the act the act movie, a documentary, what's it called, about the mom that drugs the daughter? The Act. Munchausen Syndrome. That's what the disease is. Where the mom wants the kid to have some sort of... She thinks that there's a ton of stuff

wrong with her. Like she has cancer, she can't walk, can't eat sugar, she's diabetic. Nick said's how m&m's mom was i guess right this is the same type of thing and then if you remember in talladega nights uh ricky bobby thought he couldn't walk right so in his head he was convinced he couldn't walk i said that i think we could convince zito that he's paralyzed. I think if we all went for it and we told Zito that he couldn't walk, that Zito somehow would believe that he was wheelchair bound.

I think we could do it to Zito if we had to. I said, I think that if we all even brought in a fake doctor to tell Zito that he can't walk anymore, Zito would hook, line, and sink her by right the fuck in. Am I wrong? Oh, you're so right. I think we could convince Zito that he couldn't walk anymore. Yeah, might be the easiest thing we've ever done.

You think heel Z just breaks my legs? I just wake up from a blackout? No, I think it would be like Ricky Bobby where you just think you can't walk. I honestly think that was my first thought when I heard about this. I can see his ass rolling in here now. You guys were right. Can't use it.

I thought we could convince you. It's a ramp outside. I thought we could convince you that. I still think we do. I mean, I still think we could. We could do abducted in plain sight on you as you as an adult. We could set up, you wake up talking through a monitor, I am an alien, start jerking everybody off.

You would do it. You would do it. You didn't deserve that. I respect it. Do you? Yeah. Optim would do it. You would do it. You didn't deserve that. Hey, that jerk off. I respect it. Do you? Yeah. Optimism. The world's going to end.

You're going to start jerking your roommates off. Have you ever seen- Oh, easy talk. You would take a jerk off. He said roommates. It's kid stuff. No way. It's kid stuff, man.

It's just kid stuff. Dude, he's like, to the pub. The pub is very friendly, but not like that. Have you ever seen- Oh, fuck. What's the name of it? The magic that. Have you ever seen, Oh fuck. What's the name of it? The magic movie. Woody Harrelson's in it.

Oh, catch me. Yep. Now you see me. Yeah. Nice. Zito. Have you ever seen,

now you see me too. Oh yeah. Okay. So you know that scene where they set up an entire airplane scene around them. Oh yeah. I want to do that to people. Very bad. I'd fall for that one. Yeah. Like you set up an entire, like them. Oh, yeah. I want to do that to people very bad. I'd fall for that one.

Yeah, like you set up an entire... Oh, I love it. They set up a hospital, I think. A fake hospital. No, that might not have been that movie. An airplane. That was in a different movie. Yeah, that was an airplane.

What was the movie, though, where they set up... Captain America, the first Avenger. Also, Mission Impossible. There it is. The Tom Cruise one. Where they set up an entire fake hospital. The fake news broadcast.

Yeah, the news broadcast. I would love to do that. That seems like a great time. I'd fall for that. Oh, yeah. Well, you have to. I often question the people that don't fall for things like that, that they're that elaborate, like what type of humans they are.

You must just be the most pessimistic human of all time. Because you have a doctor telling you something, a TV telling you something, and the room you're sitting in is telling you something. You're just like, yeah, fake. Do you ever think you're in the truman show every day of my life oh me too am i no okay i can tell you that i am not a paid actor in your life okay it's like you're a cop yeah tell me with a very very straight face i can tell you that thank you connor i'm not sure foxy i'm not certain they choose to be around you me i'm forced to be here strictly because of our job.

You know what I think Zeet's doing with his billion dollar money? What's that? He's running the Truman Show. You're my Truman Show. We'd have no idea. The Zeet Show. The Zeet Show. That's what's happening right now.

Zito is a billionaire. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I've never been more certain. No, I'm not. I think you are. I FaceTimed you this weekend. You were at home.

White wall. I chose a white wall behind me. You took a long time to answer it, which means you were running somewhere. Normally, Zito will answer that thing as soon as it rings. Boom. Oh, yeah. What? What's going on, Dyer?

This one, I thought he was like, oh, he's not going to answer. And then he did answer. He was out of breath because he seemed to have run. I've gained some weight, though. And the lighting that was on the ceiling behind him was lining some spots up no pretty expensive lighting so i think he went to a place somewhere very far away that zito goes oh he's he won't know and then i looked all i was doing was just looking in the background the entire time like anytime a photo gets posted on the internet or video, you just look in the background.

That's what I was doing FaceTiming Zito because I knew he was at his house. I was trying to get some clues. I don't have to see my servants walking in the background. Exactly. He was shooting directly up too, which never happens. Zito is a, anytime you FaceTime, he was shooting up. I was going to show a double chin. Hey, yeah.

I saw a lot of Zito in BS all the entire back. I was like, I think I'm even more convinced now that he's a billionaire. Maybe it's a green screen. You just fucking go to a green screen and FaceTime me? How do you drop that graphic in there? I don't know enough about tech. I don't know if that's even possible. Maybe for a billionaire.

I heard from some sources this weekend, close to Zito. Was it Heel Z? Maybe they grew up together. Maybe they attended some activities together. I heard everything Zito has told us is a lie. What? Who said what? I can't reveal the sources, obviously.

What did they say? Was it Heel Z? It was not Heel Z. It was not Heel Z. Was it me with sunglasses on? There were some individuals that said, hey, big fans of the show, big fans of what you guys do, but we just want to let you know we grew up with Zito. Everything he told you was a lie.

Zito! That's the most insane thing. Oh my goodness! That makes me feel like you're not a billionaire, though, if you had kids, friends growing up. That kind of changes everything for me. You know what I mean? Not rich or not lying.

I'll tell you what. Those people might be lying to Nick because sometimes people lie to me about what they did to Foxy in high school. I mean... Very true. Foxy gets shit on in my DMs. On a regular basis. Am I an easy target?

What is it? I honestly don't know. Yeah. I think that kid, he even admitted to saying he just wanted to be on your Instagram story. Wow. And it worked. It worked. So I said, I think that kid, he even admitted to saying he just wanted to be on your Instagram story. Wow. And it worked.

It worked. So I said, I respect that. You got to respect that. You're saying you didn't get your ankles broke by some little tiny white kid at Michigan? You see these ankles? Yep. That's why I agree. They are not getting broken.

No, with Tom Izzo's defense. Exactly. That's the other thing. I grew up in the Lansing area. Back to the Izzo thing. Every coach in the Lansing area wants to be Izzo, so every coach is a fucking hard ass. It doesn't work like Izzo.

It doesn't. You need a resume. Exactly. Big resume. Need a resume. Ankles didn't get broken. Yeah, they did. I used to shave my legs and my arms,

because in soccer soccer I was, I don't want to say an asshole, but I was crafty and people used to pull the hair on my legs because I would do it to other people. Right. So I don't think people really thought about doing it to me until I did it for them. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. A very equal. So if we're just, you you know if a guy is if a guy is supposed to just shadow me the entire game and i do a lot of standing he's going to be right next to me

so might as well just give that guy a little pull on his on his hair outside of his knee you know just piss him off like hey fuck you like oh me why are you standing less than an inch away from me this entire game i'm gonna give me a little breathing room. I'm not doing anything. I'm taking a knee right now in the middle of the game, just trying to get a win. Oh, I'm so sad of you all game. It's going to be a long day for you then, bub. Pull his hair again.

And he pulls my hair. And then what did I do? Shave my legs so he couldn't pull my hair anymore. Now I'm the asshole with no retaliability at all. It's beautiful. You're a superhero. You should have seen the French people, man. They hated it.

I had this french guy he ended up kicking me in the chest oh i have a picture of six studs right in my chest because this guy kicked me right in the fucking chest i lost my it was that moment the whole thing yeah it was a big deal but i was uh it was in france he got a yellow but i was fucking with that guy the entire game i mean it was the entire game i was fucking i think i even gave him a ball tap at one point i mean i was an asshole out there but so i was a pretty talented soccer player so people would literally just shadow me the entire game so it was like no matter where i want there's just a guy following me right huge compliment huge huge compliment but for me i was sick of it you know i want to i like some

easy fucking operations here trying to play make me work a lot harder here so when we went to france played against french guy and i don't know how they knew but they had a guy just shadowing me the entire game he acted as if he didn't speak any english so this is already off to a rough start so then there was this one time where somebody played me a ball like to my left and he was standing on my right and i just did like a fake little like like you know like uh like i'm gonna go right in the balls and he was not happy not happy ref called it too ref caught it so now i'm immediately bad guy number one in the entire country probably at that point so a couple of my teammates are like did you just bought you did that on purpose i was like yeah and they're like rough start it's like first five minutes in the game i get loose probably right before half and all of a sudden out of nowhere this

fucking guy comes flying in with his goddamn cleat and it gets me right in the chest and i just get oh he's gonna fly and kick yeah yeah i get there might have been like a volley or the ball was bouncing and he just acted as if it was this but that was definitely a square kick right to my fucking chest. Down I go. He came out with this magnificent spray. It was the frozen ice spray that they do. They started spraying my body. I was like,

it was a bad situation. That's the worst retaliation of all time? Yeah. I got people that punch me and stuff in the ribs. During the run, right? Yeah, but I was meant for it during the run right? yeah but I was meant for it I was like fucking 45 pounds heavier than everybody I was like I ain't got time for this

I'd love to see that guy right now he's got his own podcast right outside of Lyon, France I remember that I took my cleat and planted it in his chest there's a guy from Turkey I almost got into a fight with he was on the Turkish national team just this recently and i didn't know that until i got a message from somebody i played with on the team that i played over there and it was like you

remember blah blah blah that was the guy you were calling like rico swat he had this hair slick back thing that i was just fucking with him the entire game and he made it into the fucking turkish national yeah yeah it was good. It was all good. My soccer stories, I never really talk about them. I was a fucking character in that sport now because I was bigger, stronger, and faster than everybody. So it was as if I was the complete opposite end

of the totem pole than I was in the football world. That's why when I got in the football world, I just stopped talking. It's hard to talk shit whenever you're punting balls, but whenever you can kick faster than somebody run faster than somebody and score better than somebody it's hard not to talk shit

and I'll tell you what I miss those days you're literally Ibrahimovic like out there right just faster I was fast that's why whenever people talk about that 40 thing I was like I think you guys are discounting what one of my major upsides was, which was my speed.

But anytime I would go to kick a ball, man, no matter what country they're from, there was an entire fucking flinch city. Please don't fucking do this. It was awesome. It was a lot of fun. Free kicks were always like a big moment.

Anytime there was a free kick, like when Beckham was getting hot with free kicks and anytime there was a set ball play, like when Beckham was in there, everybody would peek their head in or when Ronaldo was hitting them there for a while. It was like that for me, but like in little kid soccer tournaments.

Like, oh, they got one. And everybody from other field would be like, let's see what this fucking kid does. And then it would either go 45 yards over the net or smoked into the fucking net. The story your dad tells of you destroying that kid's arm, ripping it out of socket. Broke his arm. Broke the kid's arm, yeah.

At the elbow. It was fucking awesome. Ran up and finished the goal, too. So the kid gets his arm. So I rip a shot. Kid puts his arm in front of it. Dislocated elbow, I think. Down.

Everybody's like, ah. Kid falls down crying. And the ball is laying there. I go in front of it. Dislocated elbow, I think. Down. Everybody's like, ah. Kid falls down crying, and the ball is laying there. I go in and tap it in. My mom's like, you're such a fucking asshole. I was like, they didn't blow the whistle. I think it's now 4-0. I should probably call this one. Good goal.

Good goal. Thank you. I was a futsal national champion, which futsal, for those of you that don't know what it is, it's a smaller ball, and it's on like a gymnasium floor. It's weighted. Yeah, it's a weighted ball. And if you had a strong leg, that ball would get moving.

And I used to fuck some shit up with that ball now. Less running there, too. Less running. I had good vision, too, so it was perfect. I used to just park it in the back of a diamond. It was four on four. I used to just park it in the back of a diamond. It was four on four. I used to just park it in the back of the diamond. And any time that ball was just rolling, just a little bit of space, there was a fucking rocket coming at that.

We had an American muscle line, and then there was like these foreign kids on our futsal team, and we had an American muscle line and then the other line. And it was hysterical. It was me, Trabendous, a couple other people that just had huge legs. We're playing in this national championship in Boston and then our second line was like a Latino group of kids from Pittsburgh.

They were on our team as well. We didn't even speak to each other. We're two different. It was like a line change type thing and it was fucking beautiful. We would just go out there and this team had just got done facing against these little quick guys and then all of a sudden we get on the fucking field. Yeah, had just got done like facing against these little like quick guys.

And then all of a sudden we get on the fucking field. Yeah. We just come in and they're like, Oh no. Fucking hammering the ball like 120 miles an hour. See you later. You ever out and about in the city and you see a guy wearing some shorts and just have that urge.

Does it ever come back? There's a fucking field. No, no, no, not to play to pull his hair on his slate. That was strictly just to piss the guy off. was literally just like i was like uh i was like leave me the fuck alone man i i used to get into it with refs too refs knew me ever since i was a kid because i was always pretty good at soccer but uh you know i did

have i did have some things about me that were a little cheeky, as they call it in soccer. A little cheeky, a little cheeky play. So there's always this one ref. He was an older guy, white hair. He was friends with my dad, actually. He was always very hard on me, like very, very, very hard on me. And this one time during a futsal tournament, he kicked me off the field for something. And I told him, like, it was like an S-My-D, I'll murder your family type thing.

And the entire fucking tournament just stopped. And I was like, I think I fucked up here. And I just kind of walked through the penalty box that they had on the basher boards and then right out of the building. My dad was like, you got to be nicer to refs. That's on me. I was a completely different animal on soccer field.

I would have hated me. I would have hated me. Shaved my whole body my whole body tanned i was fucking good for the national ones uh did you have to like deal with refs that didn't speak english uh i played in a game in germany where the guy spoke no english and that was a wild moment i can only imagine because i am a chatty guy right so i got i got some things to say like hey this guy is fucking cleating my ankle here excuse me nothing this fucking guy nothing said but i just soccer used if i wasn't so lazy i probably would be uh would have been a superstar boy i think i had asthma though i think it was undocumented i think i had fucking asthma i got tired tired. I got tired. Pretty much, if you were really good at soccer, you have an aptitude to be great at almost every sport, right?

It involves a little bit of everything. Pat Anger told me that he wishes his kid, like he wants his kids to play soccer because it makes you light on your feet. It teaches you a lot of things. You have to be light on your feet. You have to have good dexterity, and you have to have good vision in soccer, too, because it's a big field, so you've got to see a lot of things. You have to be light on your feet. You have to have good dexterity, and you have to have good vision in soccer too

because it's a big field, so you've got to see a lot of things happening. I think soccer is a great sport to get your kid in. A lot of conditioning too. I mean, that shit's running forever. I used to fear going to practices because I knew the conditioning test that was coming at the end of it

every fucking Tuesday and Thursday. I used to just fear it. Just driving to practice, I'm like, I fucking know what's coming. I'm going to be good during the practice, but as soon as that thing ends, I know what's coming. We got like 25 minutes of conditioning and I got no shot.

That started when I was like 11 years old too. All the way through U18, every single practice was basically like let's hope Pat doesn't die. Then when I played at West Virginia, it was the same fucking thing. I played at West Virginia during the spring and we would play games.

Coach LeBlanc, good guy. We would play. He just asked me if I, he asked each year if I could play. Rich Rod wouldn't let me play. So I played during the spring whenever Coach Stewart, they welcomed me with open arms. It was awesome.

But I hadn't played soccer in three years and I was living pretty hard in college. I think we can all, I think we've all heard stories. forty thousand dollars in loans just just so I mean I didn't live as clean as I should have but I wasn't played and in practice he he created a rule to kill me we would play a game to five I would score like three goals four goals we would win and it'd be loser runs and then and i've okay you said it here we go i'm gonna win this game and then it would be like win or lose mcafee still runs and i'm like this is a fucking terrible game i'm probably not

gonna show up in these games by the way if it's just win or lose mcafee still runs he was like you have to get in shape i was like i know and then i got hit one time and bill stewart was like patrick you know that less than a year from now this is fun soccer's fun i understand that but people are gonna pay you a lot of money just to kick the ball and not run it off i said thank you coach too i was actually looking for a reason to get out of here there's a there's a win or lose McAfee still runs rule that I am about fucking done with. I do see a soccer game that happens over here, though. It's off the exit 65.

It's a little pickup game. Every time I ride by it and there's people playing, I think about stopping and just ripping their nets. Just take the net. No English is being spoken in those games too. I give a little look so I'm like,

eh, I don't know if I can just show up and pop off. I do miss the soccer days though. The knees are probably fucked because of it but I do miss those days. Used to be a real athlete.

That's part of it. Now I'm getting old. I don't think I'll let my kid play soccer. He'll play early but I don't think he's going to be committed to soccer.

Not enough money in America. No. If you want to be rich in soccer, you've got to go overseas. It's a lot of traveling, too, isn't it? Yeah, every weekend. That's why I don't like riding in cars. I was in my dad's fucking car every single weekend of my high school life. The McAfee shortcut.

Every fucking day. The Tim McAfee shortcut was just something I lived with every fucking weekend, just driving all over the country for soccer. The one year they documented our traveling team played 180 games that year. Jeez. It's insane. Well, because sometimes there's like 10 games in a tournament, but still. You guys are going to the finals, I assume, most tournaments too,

so you're playing all. His team was incredible. His team was very good. They won a lot. Plum was a good soccer school. Yeah, that's why our football team, not great. If all of our soccer players would have played football, I honestly think we could probably win four straight state championships.

Wait, Tony played soccer? Holy man, he was good. Tony kicks, huh? I did until ninth grade, and then I had to pick between football and soccer, and I went football. Hey, he was a good goalie, too. Athlete. Kid was an athlete.

Thank you, sir. Absolute athlete. Nice. Now, granted, he runs a route, breaks his foot. I also now have adult onsetonset asthma as well. Yeah, that's right. I honestly think I've had asthma my entire life. Just nobody would talk about it.

Mine's adult-onset. Oh, of course. I realized that at an early age. I quit soccer at eight. That's a lot of running. Saved myself a lot of trouble. Well, we used to do these conditioning tests, like two miles in 12 minutes or whatever. And honestly, any team I was on was just like all right

this is a mcafee test to see if we can fucking get it or not let's go pat i used to have people like rallying behind me like 11 59 like falling jesus christ the beep test was a nightmare the beep test was this thing where it's like 20 yards oh yeah 20 yards and cones on one side and you just have to run to the other side it's so simple on one side and you just have to run to the other side. It's so simple. Just when the beep happens, you have to run to the other side and then the next beep, you have to run back. And I forget what year it was introduced

to my life, but I'll tell you what, that was one of the worst days of my entire fucking life. Beep and I'm running and in my head I'm like, okay, I'm going to try to time this up so I get there perfect timing and then I'll just continue to jog. So it won't be a sprint stop. It'll just be a, a continuous jog. You know, this will be just, I can jog for fucking 20 minutes. This is no problem. So then you get there and then all of a sudden, as you're touching, that thing is actually beeping.

And then you've got to like pick up the pace. I think we had to get, I don't remember the number. Let's say it was 15 beeps. like you had to get to 20 beeps or 15 beeps I got to the number and just fell and then you got the super hardos that are going for like another 45 fucking minutes

and I'm like man how do you guys do this? I wish you guys spent a lot more time on like playing soccer than fucking running so much let's worry about soccer maybe we'll be a better team

in hindsight I'm thinking about high school sports I knew some guys on the cross country team running so much. Let's worry about soccer. Maybe we'll be a better team. In hindsight, thinking about high school sports, I knew some guys on the cross-country team. I knew them. And I never got it. And I could never relate to them. I could never. And they were friends. But if we tried to talk like, hey, you got a football game this Friday night. You got a basketball game. You got a

baseball game. It's like, hey, when's your next... When are you guys running in the woods? I just never still got the high school cross country thing hey they're mental warriors oh yeah we think about another great shape they're probably you know my age at 50 years old still running in great shape they're the people outside right now in the short shorts as soon as the sun comes that is showing off in front of every other human in the city that there's fitness still here right yeah it's like we get it bro treadmills too man but uh they're mental warriors you guys there's a lot of time to quit there jeff riverd he used to work here now he works at barstool in new york um he was a cross-country superstar and he didn't mention it and i didn't

really think about i always just like in every sport i've ever played running is what punishment punishment right so why would you just sign up for punishment? You've got to be a weird dude. And I think they are to do that. But also, if you think about it from their perspective, there's a lot of quit in your brain where you're in the middle of the woods and there's nobody else around you.

Just you. Just you. And you just got to continue to fucking run. It's tough. I don't know if I could do that. I think that is an actual talent to continue running in the woods because I'm probably stopping going in the woods. You'll have your phone on you too.

Dad, mile half. I got to a half mile. Please come pick me up. I know they're going to shortcut these woods too. I'm going to find every excuse. I think there's a rock in my shoe. Fuck. Let me untie this thing real quick.

It's already too far ahead. New song. I pick a new song. I think there's a rock in my shirt. Fuck, let me untie this thing real quick. It's already too far ahead. New song. I pick a new song. I'm impressed by that. Bailey was real good at cross country. They made him do it for track,

so middle school. They bumped him up two grades to run, so he ran with eighth graders and sixth graders. But the first one I go to, you're in the group

of parents, and they're cross country parents. Their kids have been doing it a long time. I don't know anything about it. I don't think there's anything worse. So it starts, and then we see know anything about it I don't think there's anything worse so it starts

and then we see them go and I'm like okay we just wait here right and they'll be back eventually and then they're like no no no we gotta go

catch them at the turn so you're doing a cross now I'm like now I'm running I didn't sign up for this this is bullshit he'll end up back here is this the finish line

this is where they finish okay he up back here. Is this the finish line? This is where they finish. Okay. He's coming here? Yeah, go motivate him. If they don't have to motivate him, then he's not tough enough. He's a sixth grader. He's just fucking running with the crowd. He doesn't even know there's a race happening right now.

I'll be the first one at the finish line. How about that? You guys go do the fucking turn. Make sure they're okay. I'll be right here. That's like for the marathon. Sam ran a half marathon. I guess there's people that follow them and meet their family and support them.

I just stood at one spot. And I probably watched 4,000 people jog by me. And then Sam came. I was like, Sam! And then she just ran by. I was like, all right. I did my job. I did my job here.

I was very proud of her. She ran a half marathon. That's a big commitment. That's a lot of running. She ran a half marathon. That's a big commitment. That's a lot of running. 13 and a half miles. That's no joke. She signed up for it two days before. I've never seen her run.

And she did it. She was running when I saw her, like 12 and a half miles in. I was like, that's amazing. Wow. She sprinted yesterday, too, to get into the car. We went and had brunch with my mom. And Sam's normally late. So normally, she's not normally late.

She takes her time getting ready for things. So we normally end up a little bit late, much like me. So we're not a good, it's not a good thing for us to be together. Because it's just like we're kind of nonchalant. And then we look at the clock. Oh, fuck, we're supposed to be there in seven minutes. It takes 20 minutes to get there. We're already 13 minutes late if we start doing the deductive reasoning here and then she's not finished yet so then we wait until the time we're supposed to be there we

leave in our minds it's like yeah we're good we left when we're supposed to be there but still we're 20 minutes late right so yesterday we go to get brunch tell my mom we'll pick her up at a certain time so we can drive her and And that time was coming up very quick. And I was ready because Sally deserves, you know, a little bit of respect. That's how we'll word it. I just so happened to wake up earlier and I got ready. So I'm going outside. I'm putting my shoes on.

Sam comes sprinting by me, gets in the car, sits down. This is who's waiting on who. Takes a picture of me and even sends it to my mom and goes, just waiting on Pat to get in the car, sits down, and says, who's waiting on who? Takes a picture of me and even sends it to my mom and goes, just waiting on Pat to get in the car. But I watched her sprint by me, and I was like, hey. Good form. Some fucking athleticism there.

So you look like an athlete. Let's go. I didn't know it was being used against me, but it was. It was an incredible moment. The glory days, man. Glory days are awesome. Send us a um

picture of you when you were younger uh it'll be a throwback thursday on a tuesday hopefully and those pictures that make us laugh the most will win some free merch must be a younger picture of you though don't be sending us some random person's dick pic which is what you should be doing by the way if anybody asked for that meat go and see somebody else's tweet and send their dick don't be sending your own dick. That's just rules one through five of the technology world that we live in. Or what Todd does. Todd, what do you do whenever dick pics need to be sent?

You take a picture of it next to a piece of your neighbor's mail, so then you have plausible deniability at the end. That's John Edwards' dick, obviously. He lives at the house next to me. Todd would never do that himself. He just, in his years of law enforcement, saw this work. So that's something you think of. We'd like a picture of you from when you were younger.

And we'd also like to put together a collage of, when they were young, PMS listeners. Zito will put that together. That'll be fun. You find a couple that make us laugh, we'll send you some merch. Love it. Hashtag endgame. Hashtag endgame.

We appreciate you. Ty Schmidt. Hit the music. Yeah. Come on. Woo! I had a friend who was a big baseball player Back in high school

He could throw that speedball by you Make you look like a fool, boy Saw him the other night at this roadside bar I was walking in, he was walking out We went back inside, sat down, had a few drinks But all we kept talking about was glory days Well, let's pass you by glory days And the work of a young girl's eye glory days

Glory days Well, there's a girl that lives up the block Back in school, she could turn all the boys' heads Sometimes on a Friday, I'll stop by and have a few drinks After she put her kids to bed Sometimes on a Friday I'll stop by and have a few drinks. After she put her kids to bed, her and her husband Bobby, well, they split up. I guess it's two years gone by now. We just sit around talking about the old times. She says when she feels like crying, she starts laughing, finding out Glory days, yeah, passing by

Glory days, in the wonder of the young gold's eye Glory days, glory days Boys, walk the way, rock it now I think I'm going down to the well tonight And I'm gonna drink till I get my fill And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it But I probably will Yeah, just sitting back, trying to recapture A little of the glory of

Well, the time slips away And leaves you with nothing, mister But boring stories of glory days Yeah, passing by glory days, yeah, they're all passing by, glory days In the wake of the young girls' high glory days Glory days Yeah, they're all passing by, glory days In the wake of the young girls' high glory days

Glory days Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now Come on now all right, come on now Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo All right boys, keep it rockin' now

Keep on goin' We're goin' home now Ready to go We're going home now Bring it home Yeah Bring it home Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Let's go!