The Pat McAfee Show - PMS 2.0 080 - T's And P's For Kevin Durant & An Incredibly Hilarious And Inspiring Conversation With An AGT Star

Episode Date: June 11, 2019

On today’s show, Pat and the guys talk about game 5 of the NBA Finals, and cover how heartbreaking it was to see Kevin Durant go down with perhaps a torn achilles. They cover their reactions to the whole the ordeal, the game in general, and what this means going forward. They also get into NHL Finals chatter, Justin Bieber making the colossal mistake of challenging Tom Cruise to a fight, and Pat and the guys do a deep dive into the Women’s World Cup to educate people that it’s going on right now, and to discuss the incredible soccer being played ahead of the US’s match today. They also chat about potentially becoming a baseball show during the dog days of summer, and what the MLB can do to get the average viewer excited about baseball games, and Pat and the guys give a shoutout for David Ortiz, as Big Papi is still recovering from surgery after an assassination attempt in the Dominican Republic. Also, at the end of the show, fresh off absolutely crushing America’s Got Talent, one of the funniest human beings in the world right now, and hopefully an eventual AGT champion, Indianapolis native, Ryan Niemiller joins the show. He and the guys discuss his road to where he’s at, why he thinks about the way he basically just blew up over night, he talks about the AGT process leading up to everything, what some of his favorite hobbies to do when not performing stand up comedy, and when to potentially see him in the future. It’s an incredible interview with someone who hopefully wins this season of America’s Got Talent, we’re pulling for him (1:18:46-2:34:06). Today’s a good one, come and laugh with us. Cheers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For streaming, creating, gaming, and more, power your passions for less during Dell's exceptional cyber savings event. Enjoy up to $400 off stunning laptops like the XPS, along with high-performance desktops and next-level Alienware systems, redefining what's possible with 10th Gen Intel Core processors. Shop special prices on top-brand electronics and. Plus, enjoy free shipping on everything. Don't forget to ask for Intel when you call 1-800-BUY-DELL. That's 1-800-BUY-DELL. Hello, it is June 11th, 2019, and we have a heater for you. Coming live from my house because we watched the end of the NBA Finals Game 5.

Got an entire recap for you of that and also everything else happening in the world. Plus, an incredibly inspiring and electric interview with a man who captivated the millions and millions of humans on the internet and across the world with his performance last week on AGT. Yes, America's Got Talent. Superstar is our guest at the end of the show.

You're going to want to hear that. You're also going to hear Avicii's new album called Tim, He's Alive. Heard it this weekend. They even prefaced it in the album. Like he left thousands of songs behind, 200 some songs behind under different categories of like, I want this shit out and stuff like that. Just making excuses for them to continue to make songs forever. By the way, I respect it. And Tim, if you're listening, I'd love to have you on the show.

I would love to have Avicii on the show. It would be a real treat. It would. I want everybody to know that if Avicii is available, I would like him on this podcast. Okay? Hey, Avicii is available, I would like him on this podcast. Okay? Hey, Avicii. Hit us up. Tim.

Because Avicii died. Yeah. Tim's alive. I've run into some controversy when I've said this in public, by the way. A lot of people have told me that I'm being rude to his family by saying he's still alive. I think the complete opposite. I think I'm being nice to the family, personally.

Let me give you a little hope. There's an island out there. Because he's about to drop in on Christmas a couple years from now. Big old beard and a mask. He's going to have a couple more heaters too, by the way. Speaking of heaters, if you want to go watch a musician like Tim, probably not going to be on tour for a while,

but you know what I'm saying. If you want to go watch a musician, if you want to go to a sporting event, if you would like to go to any live event that is happening across the country on planet Earth and on the moon. Listen, I've made plenty of terrible choices financially. I've talked about it a lot of times. I mean, I got an aquatic vehicle. It's supposed to be elite on land and sea.

The damn thing doesn't float. It's a sinking four-wheeler. Actually, it's an eight-wheeler because there's four wheels on each side. I bought a professional wrestling ring just because I heard I could. That was a wild scene when that thing showed up on an 18-wheeler.

I bought a Cadillac escalade the day i signed uh the day i got drafted because i didn't fully understand what a signing bonus meant that money didn't come for three months i've done a lot of dumb things but know that as soon as they open up a ticket to go to the moon i'm fucking in just want to let everybody know that i i've thought about this over the weekend because they are offering up tickets to go places in space. I've thought about it plenty of times. Let's go. I've thought that I probably shouldn't do this because fatality level is probably pretty high.

I've watched the videos of those Apollos just go ahead and disintegrating into pieces and people dying. But at this point, if Elon Musk is running shit and he's selling tickets to the moon, I'm fucking going to the moon. Me and fucking Neil. To be honest, it's the best way to go out anyways. Me and fucking Buzz too. Me and Buzz are going to go up there. I'll buy him a ticket.

He'd gladly go with you. He'd show you the ropes. Well, I think I'd go with him so that anybody who gets on his ass about not going originally you can say like been there twice yeah yeah there you go and if i'm going to a live show on the moon i'm gonna use my friends from sea geek for the tickets because sea geek scans all the other ticket buying platforms on planet earth and the moon to make sure you're getting the best ticket available for the best price available they are going to make sure that you're not spending more money.

They're also going to make sure the ticket that you buy is the ticket that you get because SeatGeek are your friends. Best friends. I think that's a good way to put it. Great people. SeatGeek are your friends. And they're a very easy app to use. All it takes is a couple taps to buy tickets to something.

And not only are those tickets cheaper than every other app or platform right now with promo code pat you get ten dollars off your first order oh nice promo code mcafee twenty dollars wow jesus isn't that crazy so it's a little self-awareness if you're not rich yet use the mcafee get twenty dollars off if you're rich already use pat get ten dollars off you're alive but are you living go live and experience something live now let's get to the conversation okay okay we have a series in the nba finals did we think that kawaii leonard that other guy the sia guy he's real. Sia Akum, by the way. Out of nowhere. Out of nowhere, Sia Akum.

I'm surprised as much as I love. I watch NBA basketball. Everybody knows it. Of course. Yeah. Every quarter, every game. That's what I say. Yeah, probably too much, to be honest.

Too much basketball. People are like, Pat, you're watching too much basketball. I didn't know the Sia Akum guy existed until this series. Dude is a baller. Very good. This Toronto Raptors team doesn't seem to be shook by anything. After the last win they had in Oracle, they walked back to the locker room as if they didn't win. No smiling.

It's like they were ready to go. Gasol and the boys were ready to go. Mr. Nick Nurse, who I heard Big Nick Energy, by the way, earlier today. Don't mind him being described as that. I like that. Thought they were going to potentially bury the Golden State Warriors. Boom. 4-1.

What happens, though? Kevin Durant says, no, no. I'm cleared for practice. Excuse me. I go to dinner with J. Will in New York, and I say, hey, J. Will, I'm playing tomorrow night. So J. Will goes on Get Up in the morning and says, I bet you Kevin Durant plays.

And what does Kevin Durant do? Shows up at the warm-ups of the game, puts on a show. Duncan, one-on-one in with folks. Looked good. Looked good. I mean, he looked good. He comes out, hits his first two shots. I'm thinking, no chance that Toronto Raptors can beat the Golden State Warriors,

especially if Kevin Durant decided whenever he was hurt with that calf strain that he was never going to miss another shot again. That's what he said. I'm never going to miss another shot again. And then Heartbreak City comes in the form of what is now believed to be a popped Achilles out of nowhere for Kevin Durant. The Canadian fans made some noise. The internet did not enjoy that. Listen, Canada.

Listen, Canada. You've done a lot of great things for the world. Great hockey. The best. Okay, America made it better with the league, but the sport itself was incredibly made by very nice people north of the border. Maple syrup, we don't even have to talk about it. Had it this weekend with waffles and French toast.

That's Belgium, France, and Canada coming together for a great treat on my plate. Tim Hortons. Timmy Hortons. I mean, let's not even talk about Niagara Falls, the place that pretty much raised me. Gambling at 19. That's what I'm talking about. 15, if you have a brother that's four years older than you.

I like Canada. But that cheering when Kevin Durant got hurt, I think they all in that arena immediately regret upon hearing about Kevin Durant popping his Achilles right there. Their immediate reaction was, oh, the best player on earth. Now, granted, what have you done for me lately? We don't talk about LeBron James being the best player on earth anymore because he might literally be 60 bottles of wine deep since the beginning of the playoffs. So nobody will talk about that.

But Kawhi has came on. He's playing like Michael Jordan. There's a lot of videos of Kawhi and Michael Jordan sharing a lot of the same look. It's incredible because I didn't really know much about Kawhi either other than at her. But watching them kind of dominate. But Kevin Durant is that guy.

He's that dude. Everybody knows it. A lot of people were talking. Klay Thompson even said after the game that they pay no mind and no attention to the humans that say they're a better team without kevin durant because you could put kevin durant on the worst team in the league they would make the playoffs because he's the greatest player on on earth is what clay thompson said or one of the greatest players on earth watching his achilles pop which they have a zoomed in video on the internet of it is so fucking sad to think about because all this shit that gets talked about Kevin Durant for being a

snake and being a guy that only cares about Kevin Durant, a guy that, that hates seeing other people succeed is what they say. A guy who has taken some shots from the golden state warriors, uh, front office on multiple occasions. The GM came out in his press conference, very emotional and positive for Kevin Durant because this is a heartbreaking situation for him. So he's a human. I respect it.

But Kevin Durant has a lot of negative pub around him because his burner accounts and shit like that. And all I've ever seen is a guy that seems to care about things and is incredible at basketball tonight. Whenever his Achilles popped, I think the whole world was like, man, you put your, you put yourself out there because the Warriors were about to lose.

You came back early, obviously, in a chance to save your team because you wanted your team to win, and you literally got punished by that with the worst punishment possible, which is a torn Achilles, which is so sad, especially because he's potentially up for about $700, $800, $900, maybe even a billion dollars from the Brooklyn Nets, amongst other people here, in the next couple months. It's a sad scene, man.

It's a sad scene for Kevin Durant. It's the worst. And Achilles is probably the worst injury, right? Well, it just comes out of nowhere. I mean, granted, something might happen, right? They said strained calf. And then now if they're saying achilles i don't know if those two are just necessarily tied together i don't know enough about the body i know they're but hey i do know that the achilles bone is connected to the calf bone you know what i mean i do know they're in

the same area but what if he had a partial that's day one med school i teach it yeah is it possible he had a partial tear i don't know i don't I teach that. Yeah, exactly. Is it possible he had a partial tear? I don't know. I don't know. I thought once it goes, it goes. Boy, and maybe that's why there was rumors coming out that if he hurts himself again, it's gone forever. There was a lot of those rumors, which means maybe it was something.

I don't know the Achilles well enough, but maybe there was something that was. Because he was going so hard in warm-ups. Exactly. It was interesting. He was going so hard in warm-ups. It was very was interesting. He was going so hard in warm-ups. It was very obvious that what he was trying to do in warm-ups was like, let's test this thing as much as we can right now just to see how it goes. By the way, got him into fucking game warm

because as soon as he got that ball in his hand, the ball was dropping. He was wanting to score 40. Yes. He wanted 40 that night for sure. But it's interesting to me that, man, it just goes. You still pay Kevin Durant, I assume. 100%. Oh, yeah.

Someone will. You still pay Kevin Durant. You still just, even if he has to miss part of the season next year because he's rehabbing, which, by the way, is possible. Let's assume that's possible. We play a lot of games. You pay Kevin Durant. So that's good for Kevin Durant, I think.

Definitely. And also kind of like not terrible for the warriors because now they're playing for something yeah and clay this is the first time you've really seen clay thompson come out and go to bat for kevin absolutely now granted it's probably happened before this is me just paying attention more so this is very much what have you done for me lately but everybody from the golden state team is coming out pro uh kevin durant right iguodala and step Steph Curry walked him back to the thing during the game, which doesn't really help.

Back to the locker room. I mean, this is so sad for Kevin Durant because, honestly, just like LeBron not making the playoffs, I want to watch LeBron. Yeah. I want to watch LeBron. Just like I want to watch Zion. The draft's coming up. Zion's going to go number one.

He said in an ad for NBA TV, he said, the world has never seen anything like me before. I'm like, okay, Zion. Are they writing you lines or did you say that? I want to know. I want to know if they fed you that line or if you said that. Because if Zion's feeling that way, by the way, I will quadruple down on my Zion's and ex-LeBron if that's the way he's talking and he's not being fed those lines I think Zion goes in and does something big but Kevin Durant, I want to see

Kevin Durant play basketball just like I wanted to see Kawhi down the stretch there, which is exactly what we saw until they stopped giving him balls so well, let's not give it to him on the final drive hey, we're down one, just any bucket here is good. And he actually passed it, though.

Yeah, he was getting doubled. He got doubled. They still got a chance, I guess, to win it. But boy, it feels like Golden State's probably going to pull this one. Yeah, go back to Oracle. Last game ever at Oracle. And at Oracle, did they check the hoop sizes? They should.

It feels like everybody gets buckets at Oracle. It feels as if Steph, now granted, this might be just watching Steph Curry shoot a basketball. It's different than watching everybody else. It feels like Steph could throw it up from fucking anywhere at Oracle. It's probably going to fall. Just drop. I mean, in warm-ups, he's what?

Walking in the locker room and he does that shot from the side and then he fucking daps up the fucking security guard. It's just like clockwork. Just like, oh, this is a 75-foot shot. Bang, buckets. Dap up. I'm out of here. See you later. In the game, pull Bang, buckets. Dap up. I'm out of here. See you later.

In the game, pull up from anywhere. I'm excited. I'm happy we got a series. I'm happy we got a series. More basketball. Can't complain. Sad about Kevin Wright, though. Yeah.

It's the worst. It's interesting, too, because all those reports are coming out about how the guys on the Warriors in the locker room were pissed that he wasn't playing. And then, you know, obviously, I mean, Steph Curry, that's his move. You know, right as he goes down, starts crying, gets overcome with emotion, can't handle it. I'm on to him.

I think he's full of shit. Oh. Yeah, I think Steph Curry is. Are you kidding me right now? I don't think he gives a fuck. Did you not hear my just kumbaya speech there? I did. And I think that's what a lot of Warriors fans will say too.

But, I mean, I – Drake was crying. I just don Warriors fans will say too, but I mean, I – Drake was crying. I just don't buy it. Drake was even crying about it. You think Drake cared more than Steph? No, like I think the Klay stuff is genuine. No, no, no. I really do.

To answer the question, I just – I really do. Do you think Drake cared more about KD getting hurt? Because he had his hands on his head at one point. He was selling hard with that pro wrestler. He was selling hard. He was selling hard with that pro wrestler. He was selling hard. But I think deep down, yeah, I think he probably does care more than Steph Curry.

Steph Curry can't wait until KD's out of time. Because he could bring his brother. Yeah, exactly. KD's the big dog in the backyard who's just fucking bullying him and, you know, get him out of here. I want my backyard back.

That is an interesting take because Steph, NBA MVP, he was a champion. I think he was a finals MVP. He had everything going. He had Under Armour deal just launched. He had Chef Curry. He had everything happening. He had a baby that everybody loved. He was on top of the world.

And then Kevin Durant showed up. And I'll tell you what, Steph Curry kind of fell down to the wayside there. Still an electric figure. Absolutely. Still a must-see basketball player. But Kevin Durant, he has more drama, he's more hilarious, and he's good at basketball. He's got more of the accolades, too, even though it's still a team sport.

He's the guy. Steph was probably on pace to get MVP if they win up to this point. Oh, yeah. Imagine Kevin Durant comes in here and wins these next three games for them. He wins MVP again. Bingo. What have you been going over there? Steph Curry is jacked up that KD has done.

You're a terrible person. They're all crying over there. I just can't stand Steph Curry. The GM was crying up on the thing. Well, he should be ashamed of himself because KD shouldn't have been playing the night before last night. You're a bad guy. Anybody else?

How about the doctor? He said numerous doctors, numerous specialists said he was good to go tonight. We would have never put him on the court if we didn't think so, says GM Bob Myers. Yeah, I'm sure Bob Myers walked in the training room and was like, Listen, you cuck suckers better tell me in 10 minutes that this guy's ready to go. I hope that's not the case, man. No LeBron. No Durant.

Yeah, I feel bad for Durant. It's terrible. But the Splash Brothers are still balling. Clay Thompson, by the way, still wet. Very. He shoots from weird scenes, too. The way he lines, he'll be standing so uncomfortably, and he just pulls up a jumper from it.

He just can't square up so well. Is that right? can square up so well it's is that right good square up guy he squares up so well yeah man yeah do you hear that fucking basketball analysis it's grade a top i thought you were gonna keep going well i thought you were too no it's just like a that's gonna just add to the chime in don't get that shit on fucking tnt no no i thought honestly i thought you were gonna go i wanted charles barkley and like shack would have said right there you said that hey man you better shut the hell up shout out to you guys by the way get mentioned getting mentioned on Shaq's podcast, Heartland Radio.

Got a moment on Shaq's podcast. It's called Borderline. I think it's about potential borderline things. Borderline things, yeah. Good for you guys. I didn't hear Shaq's voice one time. Shaq's name is on the podcast. I didn't hear his name.

Shaqcast? Is that the Shaqcast? They just play snippets from other people's podcasts. Not a bad play by them. Oh, I like that. He's got the general on his shirts. Works smarter, not harder, you know what I'm saying? He's got the general insured.

It don't matter what happens to him. Those green screen commercials are outrageous. Him and that fucking general. Shack's living, dude. Icy hot. The best. The general. The absolute best

He's been playing for 25 years too He's just The best player of all time Anyone who thinks Shaq actually is insured By the general Should be hit over the head With a shovel

And buried immediately after Just what a beautiful mess Those commercials are They're like We're gonna pay somebody Two million dollars To be in our commercial Put twenty dollars In the graphic presentation Those commercials are like, we're going to pay somebody $2 million to be in our commercial.

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Ain't that right? Hey, there's a lot going on at Hockey right now. There is? Tonight, I think there's a game. When's that?? Hey, there's a lot going on at Hockney right now. There is? Tonight, I think, there's a game. When's that? Tomorrow night. There's a big game. You guys got a big game.

Game seven, Stanley Cup Finals. Here we go. Lord Stanley. I said it from the beginning. The Bruins are going to win in seven. And it's game seven in St. Louis? In Boston. You always go with the home team.

12-4 in Stanley Cup Finals history for the Cup. Game seven, the home team. 12-4 in Stanley Cup Finals history. For the Cup, Game 7, the home team, 12-4. Jeez. But the last two have been the away teams. Unless it's 100% of the time, I don't want to hear the stats. You know what I mean? That's fair. Since 2005, the home team's 31-28.

So it's not really a discernible difference. It's not really a home ice advantage. There's no way there's that many Game 7s. In general, though, I'm talking about Stanley Cup Final Game 7s. Excuse me. I'm talking about the last round. There's a little bit of difference. It's not really a home ice advantage. There's no way there's that many game sevens. I'm talking about Stanley Cup final game sevens. I'm talking about the last round. There's a little bit of difference. Excuse me. Excuse me. You remember that guy with the gloves that was carrying that fucking thing around? There's a lot on the line.

Yeah. Phil Pritchard. This ain't first round, Todd. So I didn't watch the last game, though, but the Blues looked bad. Hey, they looked bad. They looked nervous. They looked nervous. They looked scared. And the Bruins, they just looked dominant. I mean, it was –

Tuker was standing on his head there for a while doing a couple little spinnies, right? You know what your hockey boys do? Stand on their head. Say rocket science. You asked me a question. You said, are the Blues going to choke? I feel like they already did.

I feel like that was – they needed to win that game. That was the one. I was told right to my You said, are the Blues going to choke? I feel like they already did. I feel like they needed to win that game. That was the one. I was told right to my face, though, by you. Blues haven't been good at home. Blues good on the road. Great on the road. Oh.

But Boston very good at home. Boston seems very good at hockey, by the way. I mean, this is Lord Stanley Cup's finals. But that fucking Marshawn, he's a good player. I know you don't like stats, but I'm going to give you a few more. Can't wait. Bruins facing elimination this season in the playoffs. 3-0, 14 goals for, 4 goals against.

Wow. 3 for 6 on the power play, 9 for 9 on the penalty kill. That's good. That's just winning hockey right there. Hey, get it out. You know? Dump it. You know what I mean?

Get it out of the zone. I thought they were going to pass it back to Tuca for an empty netter. Oh, the goalie was the shooter. Yeah, I did because Tuca was having such a big game. They pulled a goalie, what, with like four minutes left or something like that. They pulled a goalie very early. That's the new trend, though. They pulled it very early, and there was a time where Boston had it back there,

and I thought they were just going to shuffle it over to Tuca and be like, you know what? You're a little nightcap, bub. Go ahead and shoot that thing down the other fucking side. Yeah, I mean, you're up a couple goals. No harm done. Give it a shot. Why not?

That's what it's all about. You score a goal in the Stanley Cup Finals, you're a legend. You got the Bruins. Yeah, I said it from the beginning. I would like for the Blues to win, but Bruins were heavy favorites. St. Louis needs it, man. I mean, Anheuser-Busch, I guess was sold, right?

The Rams, see ya. The fucking Blues. I mean, Nelly doesn't make any albums anymore. No. Cardinals have been pretty good over the last 10, 15 years or so. That's what I'm saying. And a lot of people have been paying attention to baseball. Yeah, exactly. I'd say if your city, though, had an incredible baseball team,

I bet I would go. It's a good time. Baseball games are a good fucking time. I feel like I missed out on a good part of my childhood because the Pirates were so damn terrible. So fucking bad. Hey, why were they so bad? You have such a nice park, good drink specials. Good team colors.

Yeah. Just put a fucking team together. What do you need, nine guys out there? Nine? Yeah, nine. Yep. Just give us fucking four. You know what I mean?

Just give us something positive. Anytime you went to the Pirates game, knew they were losing. If they won, it was a full-on celebration. So I guess it was good. But it would have been a fun thing to like. It would be nice to see them win a game once in a while. It would have been nice. Playoffs maybe, it would have been great.

So maybe St. Louis doesn't need the Blues to win because they got the Birds. Yeah. St. Louis Birds. The Red Birds. Didn't they get caught cheating like two years ago? Excuse me. Don't be taking allegations. I'm pretty sure the Cardinals were cheating.

I thought it was the Astros. I thought the Astros hacked. Cardinals were kind of in on it. One of the old GMs still had a password and was accessing scouting information. Or were they hacking? What happened? People were hacking in fucking social networks? Yeah, someone from the Cardinals or the Astros never changed their password to one of their scouting things.

And this guy was just popping in there and seeing who they were. But what does that do? That's not hacking. That's just people being dumb. It makes a good habit. I may have dumbed it down a tad bit, but I think there was some straight-up espionage going on. Oh, yeah. They'd look for guys that they were going after and then pluck them instead. There's rules to that.

Oh, like in their minor league systems. Yeah. Which is where you win games. Exactly. You win in October, in the minors. That's exactly right. I've been following baseball a long time.

Yeah, so you know. I was in the minors. You were. 2015 Cardinals hacked into the Astros database. Yes, yep. Says he was 100% right. Let's see. I was wrong in two years.

I was wrong in two years. Yeah, of course. I thought you were talking about old McGuire. Oh, I would never bring that up. Sammy was part of that. I mentioned earlier today, we were talking about a hypothetical that could potentially pop up during our live show that's coming back very soon, by the way. A little bit of a news break, I guess.

We're talking about the hypothetical of me just getting a stat completely wrong, which happens very much on a regular basis. And I said, yeah, I could come out and say, like, Barry Bonds hit, like i could come out and say like barry bonds hit like 97 home runs or something like that and i by the way if i'm in the middle of a rant i'm not expecting anybody to stop me i'm just gonna roll and then ty was like i mean you're only off by a little bit was like 75 right 73 yeah yeah 73 and then you said that's an asinine fucking number of home runs. Yeah. 73 is just sick. It's unbelievable. The guys who are just smashing it now, if they're lucky, hit like 45, 46. Jeez.

That's unbelievable to me. And no one was fucking pitching to him either. He got walked more than Babe Ruth that season. So if you accidentally chose, it was like whenever Revis was Revis Island. Yeah, exactly. If you accidentally chose to throw it to his side, it was probably getting picked off. And if you accidentally put one over the plate with Barry Bonds, it was gone those years.

Yeah, pretty much. And they were all just on a bunch of shit. Yeah, I mean, his head was like the size of a boulder. Did it come back down, or is it still the same size? I think it's still pretty big. When he came into the league, he played for the Pirates. His head is like as skinny as like a popsicle stick. He was built like Foxy. Yeah, he was.

And then he became a pass. He looked like you, but another 85 pounds of muscle in his head. Good for Barry. He had that bionic arm sleeve thing, too. If I was a pitcher and didn't know anything about him, and he stepped up to the plate, I'd be walking him, too, just from the look of that arm. He was like a good 30-30 guy. You know what I mean?

And that was good. It wasn't enough for him. He was like, no, I have to be You know what I mean? And that was good. It wasn't enough for him. He was like, no, I have to be able to fucking crush coconuts in my bare hands. Fucking hit the 480-yard bombs. Those were great. Baseball was headline news every night. Everyone watched it. There's always that conversation.

There's always that conversation. Like, should the MLB just stop caring about performance enhancing drugs because the only time in modern history when baseball was watchable and excitable and topic of conversationable it was when they were all just fucking gone out of their minds on a bunch of shit they pushed it and encouraged it when so said mcguire we're going yeah it was a lockout before you used to? You used to watch post-game interviews, and Maguire would just have four pill bottles of Andro in his locker. They just didn't give a fuck. Didn't do anything.

He was playing his day right there. It was wild. Well, I think we're going to get into baseball. Just because there ain't shit about to be on TV. I'm going to start getting more netflix documentaries and stuff like that i think i have to nice because i mean if baseball i mean baseball has the opportunity here okay now that we're in this world and i've never really had to care about an off season's happening but now that we are legitimately in this world and this is our second year third

year going into this thing baseball is the opportunity to maybe make their shit interesting you know what i mean like hey all these other sports are done you you know what everybody's or second year, third year going into this thing. Baseball is the opportunity to maybe make their shit interesting. You know what I mean? Like, hey, all these other sports are done. You know what everybody's talking about. Everybody's talking about all the good sports are over. Now we've got to deal with baseball. People actually say it.

People say it. Like, the only thing on sports right now is baseball, and it's like a bad thing. It's a bad thing. I think baseball should own this thing and maybe make it a little bit more interesting. Maybe there's some steroid months, and these are the ones. You know what I mean? Oh, tail end of the season, just everybody starts juicing up.

Team. Let's go. Let's ramp up. We got some new smoothies in the fucking dugout. The best part about last year was the juiced up balls in the home run derby. Yeah, which Tucker Barnhart talked about on the show. He said, oh, the balls are definitely juiced. They're flying all over the place.

Baseball should try to make some sort of run at this thing. I feel like minor league parks, incredible marketers, incredible. You got hot tubs in the fucking outfield. You got parties everywhere. So affordable. You got me starting in right field. There's antics. In the MLB, you don't really hear about that much.

You don't really hear about that.. You don't really hear about like – I never do bullshit like that, ever. It is more fun to watch, though, in the aspect from just a few years ago is they're high-scoring games now. Yeah. I mean, they're scoring a shit ton of runs. Gambling too, right? Everybody bets on this because it's easy to bet on

because you've got a pitcher that you know about. So that probably helps. So with the prevalence of sports gambling, probably going to help baseball for sure. Oh, yeah. Great point. Probably, great point. Probably, right? Yeah.

They should start letting you bet like fucking Kentucky Derby. Soon as guy is about to walk up to bat, I think Tucker Barnhart going to hit a home run. Oh, that's 50 to 1, sir. Deal. It would be hard not to just have that check in. If they had an app at every single seat. Oh, yeah. For every single fucking hitter you could bet.

By the time you get like eight beers in, you're betting on everything that comes across the screen. Well, hell run, dinger. Fun coupon, all of them. Who's this guy? He's betting a what? A one what? Yeah.

He's bound. How many? He's due. He's due. He's due. He's due. That'd be a great time. If I could do it at home, too, while the game's happening. Now we're talking.

Bet on balls and strikes. I'd sit there like a slot machine. Every. Oh. Ding, dude. Ding. Oh, my God. Hey, zoom in on that pitcher's face.

I want to see if this motherfucker's in his zone. There's two outs, nobody on, and attention to walk is 1,000 to one? Yep. Boom. All right. Let me try to get a read on that catcher. Oh, that's a curveball. That's probably going to be a ball.

He called a two. I saw the two. And then he closed the bets as he goes into his stretch. That'd be awesome. I can't believe we just fixed baseball. Good for us. Nice. People have been trying to do that a long time.

Until those games get shorter, they're not going to get any. Seven innings? Now, you can't. I'm a baseball purist. You can't really change the rules that much. Then fuck it. Why can't I just bet on an app at home? You should be able to do that. For every single batter.

That'd be awesome. You can definitely bet on individual guys. Don't talk about live. Yeah. I would hope they're going to do that soon. that'd be awesome. And you can definitely bet on individual guys. Don't talk about live. Yeah. I mean, I would hope they're going to do that soon. Bro, that'd be fucking awesome. Hey, walk me in.

I would fucking watch baseball if I could just bet on every single pitch. That'd be incredible. See, and I wonder if they won't because I don't think they really have an attendance problem outside of a couple teams in the stadiums and stuff like that. You think they just have enough games that it ends up paying off? Enough? A lot of games. Quite a few. You probably need to sell out

at least a few of those games to make up for it. I see games on TV all the time when I'm flipping through. There ain't nobody that's selling games. There ain't nobody that's selling games. Is it all the hats? How are they making all their money? There ain't nobody at the St. James. Yeah. There ain't nobody at the St. James. Is it all the hats? Like, how are they making all their money? I don't know. But the game lasts about 12 hours,

so they sell a lot of concessions. Yeah, I would guess concession sales. I mean, you eat like three meals. That's what you feel? We interrupt this fine conversation to let you know that I've completely changed my mind on how I go about manscaping my body. Why is that? Well, I think in the olden days before I started using manscaped, I was always fearful that a potential nick could lead to my death around the jewels. They tend to do that.

You know what I mean? You're always dancing with disaster whenever you're utilizing old razors and shavers. Oh, yeah. You're talking about your biscuits and gravy. The most dangerous game. Bleeds forever down there. What's that? Bleeds forever down there.

Does, doesn't it you have to roll a toilet paper like one little tear off piece at a time it lasts for like three days happens a lot huh todd not anymore no because now there is a snag proof waterproof and shock resistant waterproof, and shock-resistant option available right now in the name of the Lawn Mower 2.0 from your friends at Manscaped. It comes in the perfect package 2.0 kit. It has the Lawn Mower 2.0 with skin-safe technology. This trimmer won't nick or snag your nuts. By the way, I almost got a little aggressive with this thing i'm gonna shave both of my legs with this thing it is a plow and what's speaking of they

have a plow which is a razor for you that is fine and sharp and clean but the lawnmower 2.0 it just goes about its business just no fear at all. I'm telling you, it looks like a piece of art down there right now. Nice. You know why? Because I'm Picassoing down there with a free hand. Not scared of anything. Because the Lawn Mower 2.0 protects you with its skin-safe technology. I wouldn't say this about other products that I've used around the kit and caboodle.

No, I've never heard you say it at all before this. No. Never. Nick, you've known me a long time. I've never talked about anything that's been around the kit and caboodle. Yeah, I mean, we're talking about snag-proof here. I don't want the word snag associated with anything around my crotchal region. Yeah.

You're right. Snag proof, baby. You should snag up the Lawn Mower 2.0, though. Something you should think about. Grab it. Snatch it up. I'm glad my tamale's going to be safe. Is that what you call it?

Pork and beans. Mm-hmm. Well, right now, you're Crunchwrap Supreme. Your little Zito burrito. 20% off with free shipping and a free travel bag with the code PAT at manscaped.com. Travel bag for free. What? That you want.

I traveled with it this last time. It's a good leather. It actually feels like you're protecting the stuff inside of this last time. It's a good leather. It actually feels like you're protecting the stuff inside of it like the La Mer 2.0. I put my vibrating toothbrush in there. Everything was good. The travel bag's beautiful and it's free. See, they didn't

need to do that. That's incredibly nice. Snag proof pube cutters. With free shipping, a free travel bag, and 20% off right now when you use code PAT at manscaped.com. Back to the convo. I would like it to be known, not to change the subject too quick, but this is pretty big news.

Okay? Not a lot of people would expect this from this podcast. But I would like this podcast to be remembered as a podcast that supports the women's world cup because we talked about it during the podcast the women's world cup is happening right now and i don't think anybody has a clue that it's happening i accidentally watched the game the other day i was just flipping through and my fucking everybody's seen where my tv work direct tv's out again, by the way, at the house, just freezes. Couldn't work the guide.

It just clicked on one. It was right open. Turned on Fox 59. I'm all of a sudden I'm watching fucking Spain and somebody else in the women's world cup. And I was like, holy shit. The women's world cup is happening.

Actually happening. Right. Exactly. I know. Cause I swear. Oh, exactly. Hey,

you, I don't want you to even be a part of this podcast. Cause this is a podcast that supports the swear I was going to ask. Hey, I don't want you to even be a part of this podcast because this is a podcast that supports the women's World Cup. I was going to ask if we have Olympics or World Cup to look forward to. Yeah, USA Place today versus Thailand. Tuesday? No, as in like tomorrow. Tuesday.

Tuesday, yes. I get so jet-lagged on this podcast. But yeah, Foxy, I almost want to kick you off the show because this is a podcast that supports the Women's World Cup. You're right. I saw an incredible nutmeg highlight tweet today, and I was like, wow, look at that. Look at that.

That's an incredible play. Yeah, we've had some great play out there so far. I haven't missed a game. That's what you've been saying this whole time because you and I were texting all weekend. You were back at your brother's bachelor party, but you were sneaking off to go watch the Women's World Cup. Yeah, exactly.

I told him. I was like, hey, guys, my stomach's not feeling great. I just fucking head next door, grab a beer, and sit down for an hour, an hour and a half, and just watch them. 90 minutes. Yeah, watch some incredible soccer. And what has happened?

And I wasn't disappointed. OK, I mean, France is looking good right now. Oh, so good. France has got some horses out there. Oui, oui. Yeah, exactly. Raynard, she looks great. Two goals in the first game against South Korea. They beat the piss out of them. We all kind of expected that

too, especially with the way Mbappe was playing for the dudes a couple years back. Exactly. Host country. Host country. It is in France. We knew that. Exactly. We knew that. A little extra juice there, obviously being at home. We knew it was in France. Oh, yeah. We've been talking about it this whole time.

Like you mentioned, Spain, another pick to click going deep in this tournament. Okay. They've just, I don't know. I mean, they play the game the right way. That's what everybody says. Gitlana had a nice little hat trick last game. Oh, did she? She.

Spain. Yeah, so she – exactly. I thought it was a country. They wiped out South Africa. By the way, you will get kicked off of this too. We are a podcast that supports the women's football. I saw Martha from Brazil. Someone photoshopped a joint in her hand on the bench.

Nice. She's pretty good. Probably because she wasn't getting enough shine because Christiane actually also netted a hat trick for the Brazilian. I have a question about this real quick. Why do Brazilians have one name? Like Cristiano Ronaldo? Yeah, like her name is just one name. Christiane, yeah.

It's a beautiful game, dude. It's what they do in Brazil. They just have one name? I don't know. Ronaldo. Because there's a couple Ronald, dude. It's what they do in Brazil. They just have one name? I don't know. I honestly don't know. Because there's a couple Rinaldos. Ronaldinho. Neymar.

I mean, they all have last names or first names. What do you think? You think it's Carl Neymar? You know what? I don't know if that's been confirmed. It could be. Carl. Yeah, they go by their surnames, I think.

No, you're right. Surnames. Yep. Like Messi's one name, right? No. Lionel. Lionel. But everyone knows exactly.

That's why I shouldn't be on this podcast. All these call-in folk know him as Messi. This is very tough. Well, I'm not a soccer guy. Hey, Megan Klingberg. But it's not about soccer. It's about America taking on the world's greatest on the greatest stage, which is the Women's World Cup. Shout out Pittsburgh's own Megan Klingberg.

Yeah, she's doing her Periscope show. Wait till America's in it. Oh, Klingberg? Yes, America's World Cup. Shout out Pittsburgh's own Megan Klingenberg. Yeah, she's doing her Periscope show. America's in it. Oh, Klingenberg? Yes, America's in it. Did they win? Big game today against Thailand, bro. We also got Chile and Sweden in our brackets. Chile!

I mean, look for us to move on very easily. Don't sleep on the streets. I think we're in group D, I think. Maybe G. I don't know. There's some Ds on that bitch. But, yeah, I mean, if you're looking for a couple horses to bet on moving forward, the United States, Spain, France, and Brazil all look very strong this year.

We would have known that going into the World Cup that those would have been the four teams to bet on. No, no, no idea. Nobody would have thought those. That's what's great about the Women's World Cup. Exactly. You just don't know until it happens. I mean, people were pumping China's tires big time before the start of the event, but they're agile. The conditioning levels have to be incredible fighting through all that pollution and smog.

That's exactly right. Lungs of steel. It's like training in Colorado. What's your problem, bro? Just because there's a bunch of Laramie Tunsels over there, they're hitting the gas mask every day. That's probably an advantage, by the way. Of course it is. It's exciting stuff, Ty.

Thanks for that. Yeah, you bet. Really appreciate what you did there for us. Well, I mean, it's not like I'm doing it. I mean, I'd be watching it anyway. So, you know, I'm not a chore, you know. I feel like it's a bad marketing, man. Ain't nobody know that they're playing.

I just found out they're playing Thailand from Zito. Zito taught me that. What's going on? The women, by the way, they used to be America's fucking team. The United States women's soccer team. I can feel your passion right now. They really were, though. Oh, the tears.

The tears coming out of the passion. Yeah, that's what they're from. We didn't have to edit out the whole part. But honestly, the women's soccer team used to be. That Brandi Chastain thing is like one of the most iconic sports pictures of all time. Yeah. Mia Hamm. Fucking, what's her name?

There's other. Megan Rapinoe. Yeah other. Megan Rapinoe. Yeah, yeah, Rapinoe. Abby Wambach. That's the one I'm looking for, Wambach. She was awesome. She headed everything. Hope Solo.

See, you know, Hope Solo really good at soccer there for a little bit. She a goalie. She had some issues. Yep. I think she beat up her husband the night before they got married. Yeah, several times. Like got arrested for it. Several times.

I mean, who doesn't want to do that, you know? Well, I don't think that's the right question to be asking. But I honestly think she beat up her husband and got arrested and got married the next day. Yep. I'm pretty sure you're right. Or maybe it was her brother. She beat up somebody who was in jail and they got married the next day i think she's whooped her brother's ass i think she's whooped

her husband's ass i think she likes throwing hands yeah it was her nephew she got arrested it was something along those because it was domestic violence but it was somebody in her family who wasn't like it was like a very interesting domestic maybe their whole fight like it's a fight club in their family and they can't talk about it so they just have to go to jail yeah you just have to go to jail if Yeah. They just have to go to jail. If an outsider sees it, they got to go to jail. You had an incredible take on the Golden State Warriors that we were supposed to get to at the beginning, but you just –

Yeah. Per usual. By the way, a lot of people listening at home are like – they probably wish Zito would talk more. That's what everybody probably wishes. I don't know if anybody wishes that. There's probably a couple thoughts. Like, hey, Zito sometimes disappears.

And I want to let you guys know, we think that too. I very much think that. I get worried about the guy whenever he disappears. I'm kind of disappearing right now. Yeah, well,

you just, you had this incredible take about the Golden State Warriors. It's coming true. Besides Kevin Durant breaking his leg. But nobody knows, like,

the people listening right now don't know your take. Should I say it right now? Well, you should have said it whenever we were talking about this. I'm going to be honest. We could not find an open spot there.

You guys are doing a great job. All right, so I have a conspiracy, guys. You guys ready for this? Hold on. Are you a conspiracy guy? Big conspiracy guy. I'm putting my conspiracy hat on right now as we speak. Okay. Alright.

So, I believe that Golden State is so mad at each other that they lost a 3-1 lead at one point in their lives that they basically lost all these games to come back in a 3-1 lead. What you said earlier actually made more sense. What you said earlier

was that anytime somebody loses after being up so much yes like up three one they always say oh you golden stated yep you golden state is what you said yeah so your conspiracy if i am understanding from what you originally said to what you just said is that golden state purposely went down three one to toronto so that they can come back and win so that people say you got Toronto raptored as opposed to you got Golden State. Exactly. I'm really bad at repeating what I said earlier.

That's my number one problem, but yeah, that's exactly what I meant to say. That's your number one problem. Zito, I think you have a great take here. I think this is potentially a good take. Didn't they already come back from a 3-1? In a Western Conferenceals, they did. No, not actual finals.

Remember, Bron Bron cemented his legacy after coming back down. Yeah, I mean, no, I came at Todd earlier for the same thing, you know. Get it right. Well, where it took yourself. What happened? What happened? The earlier rounds. He's always giving Game 7 hockey stats because I thought it was still relevant.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he wanted to just go Stanley Cup. Western Conference Finals, early rounds. I get it. That's on me. To be honest, though, if that does happen, Z, I think Drake wears it harder than the actual Raptors organization. I think it lives with Drake more than them.

Drizzy's an interesting spot. Very interesting spot. He thought he was going to be partying. He thought he was champion tonight. 100%. Did he drop a song for his album? He thought he was going to be partying. He thought he was champing tonight. 100%. Did he drop a song for his album? He said he has

a couple songs ready. Well, he indirectly said that on Instagram. Wale's got a new song out. Oh, you guys were tweeting each other earlier. Wale and I were tweeting. Actually, here's

a fun little tip. Whenever you see somebody's trying to promote something and they're just retweeting everybody, if you just tweet them, they're probably

going to retweet. Don't call them whale either. I saw what I was about to say why they keep saying whale whale retweeted me today because i said that i heard there's a bunch of wall-a new music out everybody was tweeting about it and then i was looking at all my places where i get music from and i didn't see any wall-a he only had it on youtube, which, by the way, good idea. Run up those YouTube numbers. They pay. They pay. YouTube's where the cash is at, they say. Spotify pays too, don't they? Yeah, I'd assume.

That little Nas kid is just living off of that for the rest of his life. He's going to blow up and be a star for sure. But Wale's got new music out. I didn't love it. I'm always demographic, though. He's got new music out. I didn't love it. Yeah. I'm always demographic, though.

He's trying to fuck somebody. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I just don't think he's trying to fuck me, you know? Yeah, it wasn't a summer banger. It was more of a tender, romantic song. It is very tender, speaking to the women. It's like people listen to R&B. I get it.

It makes you feel good and stuff like that. But the people singing are definitely just attempting to fuck somebody. So, I mean, it's an interesting. I understand. I can get down with some of it. But most of it is just I don't fully understand. Well, what Wale should have did, because you couldn't find his song, right? He's put a link to where it was.

Well, he should have did that. But he also should have said he's just going to fight Tom Cruise. And then everyone would have found his music. Hey, good transition there. Because Bieber's's dropping new music that's a pro hey bieber have you i checked out his instagram i'm worried about the kid yeah i don't want nothing to do with no time you crossed the wrong man my friend hey ethan hunt jack what's his name jack reacher shit motherfucker broke his ankle doing filming just a year ago and continued running across the top of the building.

Pete Mitchell. Now a little Justin Bieber, banger maker, by the way. Love it. Banger maker, Justin Bieber. Even though I got a lot of people tweeting me that he doesn't write the music, doesn't write the songs, all he does is show up and sing them. What do you mean? That's fine.

Somebody's got to sing them. I don't care. That's all what you did there. Thank you. Despacito, bro. He better enjoy it while it lasts because Tom Cruise is going to fucking kill it. Tom Cruise does not play any

games. Tom Cruise is working out right now. Yeah, just for his next movie. Let alone going into fucking human cockfighting with Justin Bieber. Has Bieber ever watched anything of Tom? Did you see how crazy he was when he was on oprah like if you've seen any of like the scientology stuff let's not even talk about his craziness on oprah let's talk about his agility on oprah yeah he jumped up on that fucking couch point one second i think good pop time you need that pop time because that's what he's doing when he's running and jumping after helicopters

that are taking off he's basically a monkey he is a spider he's running and jumping after helicopters that are taking off. He's a little spider monkey. He is a spider monkey. He's a gymnast. He should be, in another life, he would have been an Olympic gymnast. He's built just like one. Have you seen the, was it the Labyrinth? Oh. That dude, he is

an Olympic level gymnast. By the way, good skill to have whenever you're in an octagon is the ability to be a gymnast. Once you start flipping around there, what's Bieber going to do? Hop on his little skateboard. He's got some baggy ass clothes on on Instagram too these last couple days. I don't know what he's doing. He also has an incredibly

powerful, vengeful, malicious cult behind him. That's what I'm saying. You think he went and met with the crew? The Scientology crew? I bet David Miscavige was like, fucking kill him. You think he went and met with the crew, the Scientology crew? Yeah, I bet David Miscavige was like, What are we doing here? Fucking kill him.

You gave him the fucking thumb thing? They were like, Cruz, first of all, come down to this basement. I want you to tell us some terrible secrets about you that we can hold over your head forever. So I think he does whatever he wants. Okay. I think he's up there in terms of they gave him some presidential medal. The platinum member card. Yeah, exactly.

They gave him some huge medal. Yeah, I think it's him collecting secrets. He might be calling shots. Oh, so he sent out a bird call. Whoa, Scientologist. Everybody comes in, and he goes, Everybody, give me $2. I'm going to go fight Justin Bieber for the church.

Yeah. And then Bieber's going to bring his little priest guy, his little handsome priest guy. Tom Cruise is going to bring his entire church of humans there, and it's all just going to be a sellout arena there, and it's going to be Scientologists versus super Christians, super hip Christians. And I think, to be honest,

the Scientologists fucking bury the christians that night i think across the board maybe we do it in one of joel osteen's churches to get fucking 75 000 rabid fans in there i just don't know what beaver's doing i don't know what he's doing hey babes you somehow got through the the era of your life where everybody should have hated you. But instead what happened? A complete opposite. Almost made more fans. It was like, you know what? You've been famous since you were like nine years old, dude. We understand you got some tough problems.

You were handed a billion dollars. Not really handed. You earned it. I mean, you were playing guitar on the streets in Canada, which by the way, they cheer when people get hurt. So it's not an easy place to make it. People think it's an easy place to make it. It's not. He got a big deal, got famous, could have done literally whatever he wanted,

whenever he wanted. I assume an era of doucheness comes with that, whenever you're handed a key to the entire world, for sure, which is what Bieber got. He got through it on the other side of it here, got a lot of fans. And now he's like, why are you challenging a fucking 60-year-old, bro? The only thing that can happen here is you get your ass kicked by a senior citizen. And then everything goes

to shit for you. Forever. You can't say a single word to anybody for Justin Bieber. Just make your bangers. Keep it fucking moving. Am I right? It's just an interesting guy to go after. Unless it's all planned. It could be. But again, like Nick said, I think Tom Cruise is one of the most vengeful.

He's not a guy you want to cross. Take away all the Scientology stuff. He's probably one of the 10 most powerful people in Hollywood. Tom Cruise? I would guess that, yeah. Yeah. What is he? So let's start looking at numbers a little bit.

Because Justin Bieber's got a good jumper. He can play hockey well. He skateboards. And he's carrying around like a good 60, 70 pounds of extra clothes. These pictures of this kid, I have never seen it. I did not expect it. I was like, what happened to the Bieber? Are you looking at the photos of him right now?

I'm looking at Tom Cruise's net worth. What is it? $480 million. Just for being a badass. Yeah. Conor McGregor got on board. He's on Bieber's side. Really?

Yeah, which is weird because Bieber was on Mayweather's side. Yeah. And now Conor McGregor's on Bieber's side, which is ipso facto, he's on team Mayweather, the money team. He also, in one of his tweets,

called out that he wanted to fight Mark Wahlberg. Marky Mac? Yeah, he said Mark walberg and then bieber and tom cruise what if it's like celebrity death match but with real celebrities these days that'd be awesome man because i think bieber's worth yeah probably near that yeah probably by the way i think he was part of the carly ray jepsen run there yeah i think so I think we should let Mark Wahlberg fight Bieber because Mark Wahlberg will take out his fucking eye. Hold on. Mark Wahlberg's going to fight McGregor. I know, but I think we should let him fight Bieber instead. You worry about Tom Cruise?

No. Tom Cruise would beat him up and be like, all right, that's enough. Mark Wahlberg will fucking dig out his eyeball out of his head. Marky Mark. I think it's the opposite. Mark Wahlberg will fucking dig out his eyeball out of his head. Marky Mark. I think it's the opposite. Mark Wahlberg and McGregor in some dump in Southie in some just shithole bar.

I want him to go out. Mark Wahlberg literally removed the guy's eye from his head and went to prison for it before he ever got into acting. What happened? I don't know that. Yeah, he beat up two Vietnamese guys in a bar with a fucking stick and took one of their eyes out. No way.

And went to prison. Mark Wahlberg? Yeah, so his brother Donnie was already big, right, because he was in New Kids on the Block. So he was rich already. So he hired the character that Drama is based on, an entourage, to just keep Mark out of jail. He lived in Mark's apartment and he said,

here, I'm going to pay you a salary. Just keep my brother from going to prison and killing somebody and going to prison. And then he found the Funky Bunch and just fucking took over? Yeah. So Marky Mark and drama are walking around marky mark's thinking about holding up gas stations and drama's like can't do it not today so he's doing all this stuff and marky mark just happens upon the funky bunch and all of a sudden they start feeling these good

vibrations hit his studio marky mark's bigger than donnie ever will be see you later all because donnie hired a guy to stop Marky from robbing gas station. Yeah, he's like, dude, I can't go to the bar and fight every night. I'm just going to start rapping with my shirt off. Clean. It worked out. Clean rapping. Dom Toretto spent a few years, hard time, upstate for beating a guy with a torque wrench and looking at him now.

Yeah. Dom Toretto? Yeah. Lives a quarter mile at a time. I don't know who that is. Too fast. Too furious. Too fast for y'all.

Tra. It's too fast. Tra. Too furious. Vin Diesel? Oh, yeah. Him and John Cena teaming up to take on fucking Hobbs and Shaw. What a great move, by the way.

What a great pickup that is. You lose the Rock, you just bring in Cena. How did you like that preview? You saw it today. Okay, so we saw the Hobbs and Shaw preview today. I think it debuted during the NBA final. Although I've talked about this before on the show, I feel like I was a part of the Hobbs and Shaw filming through,

through the rocks Instagram. There is a massive jail scene that's going to happen in this movie. The rock said it took him a couple of days to film because he almost passed out. Cause it was so intense. Yeah. I was there for it. I was on Instagram with the rock while he was selfie videoing me all the way

through it. Then there's a moment with Roman Reigns at the end there where they're fighting for their Hana and Mahalo right there on the native lands. That's what they said. I know. Ty, why are you? I know.

I'm sure The Rock was probably very like, hey, make sure that gets in the script. I saw a big haka dance sequence it looked like. So they have to fight at the end because they don't have any weapons, so they got to go old school. So they just go fucking literally sticks and swords and stuff, and they just go to war. It looks like a bunch of little tiny white people,

if I saw the IG correct. Anyways, that was months ago. So I thought the movie was done. Turns out the movie's not even out yet. I thought it was already did its whole loop-de-loop. The Rock just gives you such an inside look at the movie. So long ago, it feels like I already know what's going to happen.

I think I do know what's going to happen, by the way, just like I called the Avengers ending. I think I know how this one ends too. Haven't seen a single run of this whole thing in history, but I watched it. There was seven slow motion pictures in the, in the, in the preview for Hobbs and Shaw.

Seven slow-mo shots, almost a Ken Burns effect on someone. Moving so slow while the rock is diving through the air. He's a 285-pound baboon of a man. Just the most shredded human being on earth, possibly. And he's just, he fucking, he took an Apache helicopter out of the sky. He grabbed the thing and took an Apache helicopter out of the sky. Grabbed the winch.

I think they actually filmed that too. I don't think that's CGI. Like Tom Cruise? Yeah, I think that was a practical fact. I don't know how you can't watch the movie after watching that trailer. I honestly don't know how you can't watch the movie. That's trailer. I honestly don't know how you can't watch the movie. That's what I said. That was one of the better TV spots.

That Jay-Z playing. You know what I mean? Please allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is, and then it said Hobbs on the screen. I don't know if you guys saw that. Please allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Hobbs. And then The Rock jumping out of a building onto the back of a fucking airplane.

And then he throws a fucking like an anchor up on an Apache and pulls it down from the sky. And I'm watching it thinking like, I think he could possibly do that. I think The Rock could possibly do that. You're also totally discounting Jason Statham doing some awesome spins and looking sexy at the camera with his sultry voice. Dude, that guy is so fucking cool. What's he from? He's from all the –

Cranked. Cranked, The Transporter. The Expendables. I accidentally watched that Cranked movie late night one night. That was a bad move. It was like the night before a game too. I think it was a primetime game. I accidentally watched that Cranked movie late night one night. That was a bad move. It was like the night before a game, too. I think it was a primetime game.

So you try to stay up so you can sleep all day. And I turned on, I think, that Cranked movie at like 2 a.m. And I was just fucking up until like 4 a.m. Just like jacked up. I was going to try to fall asleep to it. No way. That thing was wild. It never stops. It never stops.

What was the plot? His heart rate couldn't go below a certain amount of yeah yeah and then another one i accidentally did that with was uh that guy p.s i love you guy what's his role in that one that movie that um 300 no citizen oh law-abiding citizen that one got me all going at like 2 a.m. I was like wide awake up until 5. Man, I can't be watching these fucking action flicks. So I watch documentaries only now. I watched the DeLorean one this weekend. It's on Apple Docs, I believe.

Is this about the history of the car? No, it's the dude, John DeLorean. He is a fucking legend of a man. An absolute legend of a man. He was working working he's like the consummate salesman a spoilers by the way spoilers are coming because i don't even know what isn't a spoiler whenever i start talking like this if i start giving away too much this dude was handed buick whenever uh yeah buick oh pontiac he was a salesman who was handed Buick, whatever. Yeah, Buick. Oh, Pontiac. He was a salesman who was handed the Pontiac division of GM or whatever,

which General Motors is one of the largest companies on earth. He turned Pontiac into the Pontiac GTO era, where he was the first one to put a bunch of, like a bigger engine inside of a car. And then he became just the head of GM, and then he did this whole thing or blah, blah, blah. Gearhead stuff. Yeah, he becomes the head of GM. And the documentary has Alec Baldwin playing him for reenactments.

But Alec Baldwin is talking while getting his makeup on about how DeLorean would have acted in this scene. And then they act out the scene. It's a very interesting. It's pretty cool. It is. The whole thought of it is that DeLorean's supposed to have a movie about him. This guy is a made-for-movie,

because he ends up getting busted selling like 25 kilos of, or buying 25 kilos of cocaine. Oh, shit. Yeah. To bail out his DeLorean, his first DeLorean, which went under because he decided to double down when they weren't able to sell it. He decided to make more, drove the company into debt, didn't want to fire anybody, so he decided to do one big cocaine thing,

gets busted doing that immediately, gets caught free though, gets let go because the cops were entrapping him into making the deal, basically, which is true. They had an old neighbor of his actually recruited him into making the deal basically which is true they had like an old neighbor of his actually like recruited him into this like hey if you're having any issues with money i could definitely do something get you like 20 27 million or so and delorean was like i do need 27 million actually my company is going fucking under he built a car company in belfast ireland during the bombings during like the ira stuff during the protestant and uh catholic wars in northern ireland he moved his manufacturing company there uh because they're

the only people giving away land basically he was like yeah i'll go there and then they got there and they're like probably a bad place to be but they gave a bunch of jobs he turned the place around they liked him and then he went under and he got busted. Did they ever explain why the DeLorean didn't sell? Because you would think you land a movie like Back to the Future to showcase your fucking car. And it's the coolest car available, look-wise. Spielberg called him and asked him if the DeLorean could go in it

because the DeLorean had so much hype in it before it even came out. He was almost, DeLorean was like a Steve Jobs, but for cars. He was this great illustrator, teller, marketer, basically. He said, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this. And the DeLorean was in like four or five different magazines whenever they only had one prototype that they had built. So they had somebody just build one prototype. They weren't able to mass produce it.

They weren't able to do produce it they weren't able to do shit but they were already on magazines because he was the head of gm and he left to go do this so it was like a big deal like this is gonna be the new sports car the new car and i guess the car business is very difficult to get into i guess the last people to really crack in was like 1912 or something like that like yeah it's very it's very difficult to get in there because it's all so expensive yeah Yeah. Like if you want to do it. So he had to move the company over to fucking Belfast to get his own manufacturing plant cause it was so expensive.

And then they pumped it out at a rate that it wasn't being the, the quality of the car was not being kept. Okay. That's what people were getting the cars and they were just falling apart like right on the spot. And it was nowhere near the original car was supposed to be have you ever driven one i looked them up i could buy one for 12 50 right now 1 250 bucks really yeah i'm thinking about doing it cool i almost took one to senior prom there was a kid i knew who had one he was a couple years younger than me he uh his parents owned the rink i played at growing up. The ball hockey rink.

They were wealthy. They had a couple of Bentleys. They bought him a DeLorean and it just sat in the garage. When he turned 16, that was going to be his car. By the time he turned 16, the car didn't run anymore. But the outside stood because it was silver. Stainless. Stainless steel. That was a big deal back then.

I thought about buying a DeLorean. I think everybody should watch the DeLorean thing. That would honestly be worth $1,250 just to park it out there and never use it. You could park it in the office, too. The DeLorean with the doors up. Yeah, just have it in the office all the time. It's fucking cool looking. I know.

I mean, it looks like a terrible car. Do they all come with, what do you call those doors? Suicide doors? Oh, okay. Suicide doors? Suicide doors open the office. Butterfly doors? Butterfly. It's butterfly doors.

Yeah. All right, before we get out of here and get you to an incredible conversation with an overnight success story that captivated and cultivated the entire country and the internet. Before we get to that, it was on Heartland Radio on Friday. So if you already heard it, get a chance to hear it again or just turn the show off. There's always that option. Big Poppy. T's and P's to Big Poppy in the Dominican Republic right now. I am so bummed out about it late night um

monday night no late night sunday night news reports started breaking out of nowhere after the bruins slaughter the fucking blues just absolutely beat the hell out of them news starts breaking and all of boston starts tweeting about big pop being, it was first a leg wound in a drive-by shooting or something or in a robbery attempt. And then the video started surfacing and he's just sitting there. Big Papi's just sitting there having a good old time, celebrating his World Series probably, talking about how much he's loved in America and in Boston to his friends in the Dominican, probably paying for everybody's stuff there if I had to guess because he's been paid like 600 700 million dollars good guy great guy he's just sitting there and somebody runs up behind him you see it on film and just shoots at him twice it looks like her once

and then that guy tries to run away i think he gets his ass kicked and then now poppy they're saying he's okay and the heartwarming line that he said to the doctor that by the way is legendary is please save me i'm a good man that's an incredible line to say to the doctor after you just got shot in public in the back in your hometown hey doc by the way please save me like i'm worth it, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? Lots of people are.

He is. He is worth it. He's loved by everyone. Yeah, very few love, like, the universally loved athletes anymore. And I'm a diehard Yankees fan. I love Big Papi. He killed them for years. I think a lot of people were talking about that,

how everybody around the league loved Big Papi. Everybody loved Big Papi. I mean, I only saw him on the internet, and everything he said seemed so happy he always just seemed like such a happy guy this is uh very sad to hear todd you did some digging on it you said yeah because i when i was reading on it turns out i guess they had to cut away portions of his organs first of all because he was bleeding so much internally jesus Christ. So it did, like, must have entered his back, I guess. So it's lucky, you know, just luck, probably, that it didn't hit a vital organ or a severed spine or something.

But then it went from, of course, robbery, which they first released, to then, no, it was this lone gunman that jumped off the back of a motorcycle and just walked up on him and shot him in the back. So now you're like, oh, that sounds like a hit right so then we were all like looking into it more today turns out now they think he it was a hired assassin by one of the local drug lords who they're claiming uh thought that big poppy was banging his wife so a drug lord thought that Big Papi was banging his wife. So a drug lord thought that Big Papi was having sexual relations with his wife, so he said, as soon as that home run hitting

star from our country returns, I'm going to have somebody kill him. Yeah. That's the story now. That's the story now. Man, it's 2019, and that's it. Well, initially, too, part of it, and I don't know, me and Todd of it, and I don't know,

me and Todd talked about this, I don't know if we could ever confirm it, but they said that he paid off two cops to do it. The drug lord did? Yeah. Yeah. It's 2019. Think about that. I hope Big Papi's all right, man. You would like to think that a superstar of that magnitude

who's probably done so much for that country could go home and be celebrated and feel comfortable, as opposed to the complete opposite situation, where somebody runs up on your back and shoots you in the back. Like, literally nothing he can do. He's probably having a great night. He's probably having a great fucking night. Great night.

Just enjoying the hell out of himself. Who knows what they were talking about, and then all of a sudden you're just sitting there and right in your back. Think about how lucky he is oh i know and i guess like dominican gang i hope he's growing in power like it's uh they said 120 tons of cocaine passes through that small country every year like it's the major thoroughfare for cocaine coming from venezuela and mexico to europe atlanta oh incredible word by the way what's that thoroughfare Cocaine coming from Venezuela and Mexico to Europe. Atlanta. Oh. Incredible word, by the way, right there, too.

What's that? Thoroughfare? Yeah. What's that mean? It's pretty good. It's the go-between, right? What's it called again? The thoroughfare.

So it comes there and then it's packaged in shit. That's the penultimate destination before it gets to Europe. The Trinitaros gang. They're the ones that rule the Trinitaros gang based in every major city in Europe, I guess, because of the drug trade that feeds through the Dominican Republic. Trinitaros? Todd, you're getting the itch to go take down a Trinitaros.

So it's going to be interesting to see which drug lord they tie it to, right? I would like the Trinitaros to know that no detectives from the PMI offices will be investigating. No. No. We'll have nothing to do with it. In the Trinitarians?

Oh, yeah. Zito was translating the video. That was beautiful. There's a video on the internet of this guy who's alleged to be the guy who shot uh big poppy sitting on the ground in the dominican republic just getting his fucking head kicked in by the locals waiting for the cops i assume to come pick him up but if he is a cop that's very interesting and they're screaming things at him and i was sitting next to zito and i completely forgot that zito very much understands spanish but he just can't speak spanish don't speak back to him if I had to. Yeah, and you were saying what they were saying,

and it sounded like I was watching an actual translator. And I was like, oh, this is fucking awesome. I forgot we had this little tool in the office. He heard one of the guys yelling, hey, don't kill him. We need him to talk. Yeah. Which I was thinking the whole time. I'm like, they're just going to kill this dude or beat him so badly that he can never be right again

and they need him to rat everybody else out. Well, it was funny because they were saying that and then they were literally kicking him. Don't kill him. Don't do it, guys. We need him to talk. Bang, shut your fucking mouth. Bang.

Guy deserves it. That is crazy the power of twitter though and like social media in general like we're able to see that video i feel like i saw the video of the suspect three hours later four hours i'm not even i think it was like an hour after i i honestly feel like it was about an hour after i saw the fucking suspect who shot big poppy in dominican fucking republic what a coward in the back too right that's what i'm saying dude and that's the difference between like the dominican republic and brazil countries like that and and here for the most part is dude they will they don't care if you had a gun they will fucking take you down

you know what i mean oh yeah we're afterwards oh yeah that's just a like a shark frenzy they're like oh fuck you just shot one of our people well Well, they all knew it was jiu-jitsu. Yeah? Dominican Republic? I mean, they have some form of martial arts there, I'm sure. You just heard Brazil and jiu-jitsu. Yeah. Beach Volleyball was on TV this weekend from New York. It was from the piers of New York. Ooh, dirty sand.

I bet you it's probably pretty clean sand. Really, New York? They leave garbage everywhere. Well, yeah, I understand that, but I assume they probably pretty clean sand. Really? In New York? They leave garbage everywhere. Well, yeah, I understand that, but I assume they ship in the sand. It's probably like the cleanest sand possible. Oh, I see what you're saying. It's like sandbox sand, I bet. Yeah, there's no like hypodermic needles hidden in the sand.

But I do know what you're talking about, because the last time I was in New York, I stepped on human poop. Dude, if you want to feel bad about yourself physically, watch a professional men's beach volleyball. Those dudes are athletes. Such an underrated sport. Great sport. It's so much fun. I played in high school. I loved it. It was my favorite sport to play. It still is.

Just don't play that much. Not a lot of people do. To play, you have to travel. There's no real leagues just popping up next door. Like, hey, you want to come play some beach volleyball here in Indianapolis, Indiana? It's not really happening. That would be awesome if it was, though.

I think there's some places up north and there's some places out there, but it's like a 40-minute drive. Is their uniform always bathing suits? The guys? Guys can wear tanks, too, though. Yeah, they wear tanks. They always rock the bathing suits, right? Yeah, but some dudes wear tanks. Yeah, Phil Dahlhauser, former gold medalist. You know who that is? Real Yeah, they were. Some guys were tanks. They always rocked the band suits, right? Yeah, but some dudes were tanks. Yeah.

Phil Dahlhauser, former gold medalist. You know who that is? Real tall bald guy. Yep. Oh, yep. I remember him now. Time for us to get out of here. I don't think that was Dak on the boat.

I don't think Dak invites the dude with the camera to his trip on a boat. I would assume that is the boat. I don't think Dak invites the dude with the camera to his trip on a boat. I would assume that is the case. That's probably a good point. You know what we need to bring with us? Some meth head looking fuckers. Hey, you know... Let him keep his phone, too.

Let's make sure that the only white guy on here is the only one with a phone. Let's make sure that uh the only white guy on here is the only one with a phone let's make sure that's the case those guys beat the piss out of that guy right i don't know how that i mean it's just it's just like that uber driver that let that thing out about those hockey players yeah i get that you probably make a few hundred bucks and maybe get a couple clicks but is it worth it i I don't know. I thought he was just jealous he wasn't getting none, and he was going to go whack off to that later. How about that?

You know what? I think you hit the nail on the head. You're probably right, because that girl on the end was fucking going to Hammer Town. I'm going to fucking soothe. Wild video. Jesus. It was wild. I know. All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, we had a conversation last week. Hi. Who is an inspiration to many. A man that can motivate people to do greater things, even greater than the things that those men were doing on that boat. That shit was wild, dude. One white kid on there. Of course, he has to be the fucking asshole i know man it's like come on i can't wait to watch this at home later there's no way it's dak prescott no way no ain't But that's, see, we talked about the good side of social media, seeing the big, boppy suspect.

Yeah. And then there's the bad side. Somebody clapping. There's, you're so dumb. There is, I think the internet is a majority good. Yeah. Yeah. I think it is. It gets a bad rap by a lot of people the internet gets a bad rap by a lot of people a lot of people judged the way the internet operates

and i can see why if they just choose to only look at the terrible things from the internet dark web i don't even think most people that are thinking that the internet is a bad place even know that the dark web even exists, honestly. Oh, boy, no. Don't tell them. I don't even think they need to know, actually. I bought a Bitcoin the other day, by the way. Oh, let's go. Speaking of the dark web, I bought a Bitcoin.

Nice. Turns out it's pretty full of top market. I think I already lost it. It's very up and down. Yeah, I think I already lost it. I think the internet is a majority good. And I think this conversation that you're about to listen to, you're going to think, you know what?

That's a good conversation. And that makes me feel better about everything that's happening in this world because if a human like this can go out there and kick the living shit out of life, I think you can too. The man you're about to hear took over the internet and the world last week on America's Got Talent after a 90-second stand-up bet, and he joined us to talk about it. Indianapolis, Indiana, native and hilarious individual who happens to have a physical disability. We have a very special guest in the studio, a very good friend of mine,

known him ever since day one of me starting comedy and sucking in little rooms with three, four people in them. He's nodding his head in approval. And now he's blown up. So ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Ryan Neimiller. Aw, thank you guys. Yeah, and you did suck, Todd. I think I was at like your third show ever. Yeah, yeah. did suck, Todd. You sucked so bad. I think I was at like your third show ever. Yeah, no, you were. Like real early. Remember when that one guy used to haul us all over the country?

I had no business getting paid to do comedy, but I think I was enjoyable in the car, and it was a good driver. You're a good dude, and you're worth that. I think it was actually your car, so that's why you were there. Yeah, that's right. Also my car.

We went all over the country. You were an Uber for the community. I was, definitely. The only reason I was here. I'm not driving to over the country. You were an Uber for the community. I was, definitely. I'm not driving to Nebraska by myself. You kidding me? Just a horrible, horrible trip. I remember that because you hit a pheasant or something. Like a giant bird.

Yeah, I destroyed the front end of my car. You were leaking fluid because of a giant bird. I was ready to kill that one guy. It'd be hard to be funny, man, if you just got your car totaled by a fucking bird. I'd have it for like two days, that car. Take it to Nebraska, destroy it. I'm sure you could get another firebird.

I'm surprised you remember it. Most people, their infant memories are hard to recall, and when Todd first started, it was just decades ago. That's my first thought is you've been doing comedy for so long and I feel like I have um kind of been mean to myself for not allowing me to see you do comedy because you're from Indianapolis and what I saw on tv was incredible you've been doing comedy a long ass time though yeah I've been doing about uh almost

13 years now overnight celebrity yeah it's insane that you can work so hard at something for so long and not really get much traction and then just an eight-minute segment on television. Yeah. Now people care what I have to say. Like, I'm suddenly like, I guess I got funny from Monday to Tuesday. Like Monday to Tuesday, finally. I got good. It's weird. It's incredible. It's so funny to think about that. If anybody hasn't seen it, and you've got to go back and find it and look at it. Dude, I watched, so let me get this out of the way.

I watched your set, and it had the perfect build from start to end. A standing O. set and it the perfect build from start to end i'm a standing o and by the time you talked to all four judges and one i was literally sobbing like tears were running down my cheek and marty's like what's wrong with you i'm like shut the fuck up this is ryan like we have been to do some wars together and i just know how hard you personally i don't even put myself in the same category because i was a part-timer i had a full-time job did it when I could or when I wanted to for 13 years dude up until and it was funny you were talking they were like oh tell us about the good old days when you used to travel the country and do shows and have to sleep in your car and you're like that was last week like it's literally been that course though. Yeah. Like literally on the drive out to do the filming,

I slept in my car on the way. Like that was fucking awesome. This is awesome. Yeah. That is incredible. Yeah. Like I, I kind of have a reputation in this business for doing insanely long drives

that I probably shouldn't be driving and doing it. I have a Toyota Yaris. I'm almost 300 pounds. You don't sleep in a Yaris. I'm almost 300 pounds. You don't sleep in a Yaris when you're 300 pounds. Every time I wake up at a truck stop or a Walmart, I'm like, what am I doing with my life? Worth it, man. And then Tuesday comes. And that's what it was for, right there.

That's why I bawled, because I just I just could feel I think what you were feeling at that moment like god you had to think at some point you do it long enough like well nothing's ever going to happen right and you went through that just recently oh absolutely uh I I can tell you about three months before I found out I was getting to do AGT I was looking at colleges to go back to yeah just because like I would I'll always do comedy in some form forever, but I was like, maybe after 13 years they're just not going to put someone that looks like me

on television. I don't know what I'm, I might be just spinning my wheels here. I should get a skill of some sort. I think I can account. Give me an account.

For full-time comedians, that's the dream though, right? That somebody sees your set and then your life becomes a show or you get to write a sitcom that you're in or something like that. Yeah. It's like the that's the dream though, right? That somebody sees your set and then your life becomes a show or you get to write a sitcom that you're in or something like that. Yeah. That's like the whole reason of doing it, right? That's the comedy dream, right?

Yeah. Just being able to tell my story. And, you know, because obviously this is audio so people can't see, but in case you don't know who I am, I have a physical disability in my arms that is not very palatable for television. I've done auditions before where they told me I was too crippled to be crippled on television.

It's actually what they're saying. It's like, what? We want crippled, but not bad. We don't want gross. We wanted a limp or something. This is intense. I don't know gross you know we wanted like a limp or something we wanted this is intense i don't know what you're doing think about the amount of asshole you have to have to say that to somebody yeah and so and just now to be able to that that i didn't change my course like because it's important for me to talk about yeah this stuff you know they. I don't know if this is the exact numbers,

but something like one in five people have a disability. And entertainment, like anything media, it's like 2% of people that are on television or in media are actually people with disabilities. So representation is very important for me and for someone to finally take a chance yeah no matter what happens to the rest of this i will be forever grateful to america's got talent for being the ones that took the chance on me not that being a comedian isn't hard enough already when you have to road dog it or whatever right so but to complicate that was you have been funny enough to headline everywhere for a long time now, but you wouldn't get bookings at a lot of places

because they were saying you were a gimmicky act. Yeah, clearly I'm a novelty. Sight unseen. They wouldn't let me showcase. But, yeah, this isn't what we want. Yeah, they look at your little video clip and they're like, oh, no. Yeah, our crowd doesn't like that. And not to toot my own horn too much, but I'm really good at what I do.

Yeah, obviously. I'm pretty good at this now. Well, and another dilemma with that is, guys, I have to address this. When I walk on stage, I'm different. That's what people are going to – the very first thing they see is your disability. How are you not going to talk about it? And it's so weird to me that disability is one of the few things that people get mad if you talk about it. But it's literally my life.

Right. People say, oh, no. Oh, absolutely. Like, oh, this is a cop-out. What a cheat. Yeah, because everything is so easy. If you don't want me to talk about my disability, stop staring at me at the grocery store.

How about you date me? Treat me like a normal human, and I will gladly never talk about this again. But until then, you're getting a face full of it. I have literally been at comedy festivals, Pat, where he just fucking destroys, right? And then one of the other competitors, of course, most comics are so fucking petty

and self-absorbed. They're like, oh, yeah, well, fuck it. He's got baby arms. What the fuck? I'm not going to be able to beat a guy with baby arms. No way. And I'm like, how about the fact he just destroyed? Like, that's why you're not going to fucking beat him.

You still got to be funny. Yes. Like, having this disability maybe gets me the first five minutes where people are intrigued enough where they'll look and be like, okay, let's see what this is. But if they hate what I'm saying, get out of here, cripple. You're wasting my time. Hey, why 2019 for America's Got Talent?

Because it's been around for a while. Why this year? Because this is the year they let me on the show. This is the year they said yes. Is Simon running that whole thing over there? Yeah, he's kind of the me on the show this is the year they said yes is simon running that whole thing over there um yeah he's uh he's kind of the creator of the show like this is his concept how about for booking and stuff like oh for booking as far as i know no i i've not talked to simon other than what you saw on television it's the only time i've talked to simon oh really

so they they he might have something to do with it but as as far as I know, it's... Todd told a story about how he had an America's Got Talent tryout and went terribly, he said. Oh, as it should have. Todd sucked back then. He should not have been there. I should have had no business being in that room. How about Todd's comedy friends after he gets back and he's a little disappointed in himself and them all just being like, we should have told you. You should not have.

a little disappointed in himself and them all just being like, we should have told you. You should not have. And the reason I know he shouldn't have done it is because I did an audition for America's Got Talent about six years ago that I shouldn't have been at. Yeah. So I had a very similar. So you have tried out before.

Yeah, I've had a very similar experience. Because you go in there, you know, you go in there real cocky. I think Todd and I talked about this before, where you get to this, like, certain point in comedy where you start to get pretty good, but you think you're amazing. So you walk in with this swagger. I didn't even barely prepare for the audition. I was like, I'll just wing it.

I can do a minute and a half of comedy. I'll be fine. Then you get in a giant room with two people who have just watched garbage all day. They hate you for existing. all day. They hate you for existing. And then you come in there with your stupid jokes that no one cares about that aren't good because you're four years

into comedy or whatever. And then they just go, okay, thank you. This dude's incredible. Follow him at CrippleThreat8. I don't know if we've talked about it yet. Have we talked about CrippleThreat8 yet? Yeah. We have? Yep. This dude's electric. I think we we all agree i think he deserves a couple tweets and also we should all be voting for him with hashtag club nub for sure this is the next america's got talent champion

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I mean, you look like a professional. When you wear your clothes and you're out, people look at you and you're like, that guy is a professional. And you feel good too. You work out? Wow. Let's get back to the Foxy Nets. He's just lying to the people.

Let's get back in the club. How many times have you tried out? This year was the third year officially that I did it. Okay. Well, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. That's fucking awesome.

Yeah. Again, you just don't know when they're going to say yes. There's something about perseverance not to get too corny. Was each tryout the same, like where Todd said it was an invite, and then you got to go past the line was each trial to try out the same like where todd said it was an invite then you got to go past the line was every single trial the same or was the third time you were like just introduced introduced later in the process that's interesting um for me basically once i did the first one they sort of knew of me already so i was kind of i didn't know where it's really extra special favors right no yeah but they know of me. So basically it's something that they get to – they just look at you a little bit different as more as like,

okay, let's see how they've – he's improved since last time. It doesn't necessarily mean that like, okay, well, if you get five punches on your car, we'll let you in because you keep coming back. Did they say like get a little bit better and we'll bring you back another time? They don't say anything if they don't want you. There's literally – I think this year it was like 45 or 50 000 people that audition in one way or another so they don't have the time to tell you how does it feel to steal the

show though with 50 000 people that were yeah great question i'm i haven't processed it fully yet it's still so in my opinion surreal and I get that I might be biased, but I thought you did steal the show. I thought you were the biggest moment of the show. The internet said it too. It's not like that's just us. It took over everything. Yeah, that's the feeling I've gotten.

It's weird to say, oh yeah, I'm so much better. They were lucky to have me. I saved that show. That magician. He's actually a very nice dude, by the way. He is the best, but yeah, I mean, it's still surreal because like, you know, like I was saying until it aired, I didn't even know what they were showing. So like, like what showed on television, that was the first time i saw it as well so i was i was about to throw up you know because it's one of those weird things that like people were like

asking me like why are you nervous you were there you know what happened right but like yeah but you don't understand like you don't know what your life is about to become. Right. The second 10 million people see you at one time. Oh, that's a great point. You know, so. How awkward was it to have to have the pre, like, little back and forth with the judges, and they're like, okay, well, now go do what you do. And you literally just walk over and start your act. Is that weird?

Yeah, because comedians are kind of behind the eight ball there. Like, if somebody's coming in there to juggle, like, I'm going to juggle something you've never seen before. Well, good luck. I'm going to talk funny. Okay, start. That's interesting. I took it as an opportunity. Because a lot of the people, I don't think, especially if they do something like they're a juggler or whatever,

they focus so much on just doing that that a lot of times they forget that there's also a charisma portion to it. You've got to be able to set up the show. And comics, I think, have an advantage with that. Getting to do the interview with Terry Crews right before I go out there, that's a chance for me to get a joke or two in. When I go out on stage and instead of waiting until I have to actually do my act, I can get a joke or two in when I'm answering questions from the judges. Like that I'm very handsome line. Oh, yeah. I won the crowd with that.

I didn't even start my act yet. But knowing I had that opportunity, you get like a minute and a half, two minutes. But you get like six minutes if you use your interview time well. So that's all part of it. And by the way, if you don't have anything, we'll just do the interview for real here. Because I assume you're going to have to write a bunch of stuff, right? Or you have stuff compiled from the last 13 years?

I've been doing this for so long. I have hours of material. Are you always clean? No. I don't want to break any hearts. That's the weird thing about this. Because people see you be clean on this show. I can work clean. I don't want to break any hearts that's a weird thing about this because people see you be clean on this show i can work clean i don't mind working clean but you know i'm a grown-up i sometimes say i sometimes say dirty words

but but also like i'm smart enough to know that this show is on nbc sure yeah i'm not i'm not gonna pitch the dirtiest stuff i have and then get mad that they won't let me say it. It's weird how you have to play that game because people do get scared. But it's like Pat. He's had so many opportunities. And every time, he knows it's mainstream TV and not a podcast. But he's famous for the podcast and the NFL.

But that's what they know of him on a microphone. And it's like, dude, yes, I'm an adult. I know. I can't say this. Green told me. I know the line. Greenberg told me, I know the line I get to, which I took it as a compliment at the time.

But then as I kept thinking about it, I was like, behind the scenes, they're probably having a real conversation. McAfee didn't cross that fucking line. But for you, honestly, as the show goes on, I'm an AGT fan. I've watched it for a long time. The live shows and then as things, are you going to get topical with your jokes, like things that have happened in the last week,

or are you going to rely on incredibly smart fucking great jokes? In theory, my plan is just to rely on what got me to the dance to start with. It's a lot of biographical stuff, life story stuff. Exactly, yeah. Stuff that people can't steal. Or nobody else could write for you either. Exactly. But I'm going to figure out what's going to help me win.

I'm there to win. I want to win this. And you have the skill to do it. I would love a million dollars. I'm an old trailer park kid. I grew up in a trailer. There were six of us in a single wide trailer. I didn't have a bed until I was 18. I want to

win this. I want to win this. You would really throw him for a loop if you came out there and just started juggling. I'm trying to get some of the magicians to teach me how to do sleight of hands. I think that would be, if I could figure that out. Magic, listen, I know three tricks. Okay.

Sorry, illusions. Illusions. And anytime I do them while I'm telling stories to people, it gets a great pop. I mean, they're the most basic magic tricks. It's so easy to make comedic. If you fucking do a magic trick up there while telling a joke, I will cry. I will be punching a golden buzzer

in my house. I'll tell you from doing the show, I love magic now. It's something I never really thought of all that much, but getting to hang out with the magicians when I'm there. I think a lot of people have the misconception about magicians because they'm there. I'm like, because I think a lot of people have the misconception about magicians because they think of the dude in a

cape. I'm going to... Nobody does magic like that anymore. They're like really cool dudes. Like the guy who won last year, Shin Lim, he's a charismatic, handsome guy. A lot of them are funny.

And talented. I think the thing about about is everybody seems to be really fucking good like we have john doran boss oh yeah who's america's got talent fame now he's with ellen all the time just had a baby congratulations to him he's a friend of mine though and he he's been on the show and he'll do uh magic it wasn't until i watched him do it right in front of me where i was like oh i have so much respect for this yeah. Yeah, he is good. He is fantastic. In kind of researching the show, I watched a lot of his because he's a charismatic guy, too. And again, that's like me talking about before. That's how you also win.

It's not just being good at magic. He's also a good guy that people like. Right. That's a big part of it. He's great. Speaking of great guys, Terry Crews was a guest on Pat's show, and we had a good time with him. Just a peck.

Just a peck thing, man. Did you have a good experience with him? Absolutely. He did flex his pecks at me. One of the highlights. I'll tell you that much. Terry Crews is the best. He's so good at what he does there.

He seems like the best selection that they've had so far for that spot. He seems happy all the time. Yeah. He's the happiest fucking. I think they had Khloe Kardashian one year. Oh, boy. Or is that X Factor? I don't's the happiest fucking... I think they had Khloe Kardashian one year. Oh, boy. Or is that X Factor? I don't know.

I don't remember. Well, it was Tyra Banks last year. Yeah, Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon before that. Yeah. But Terry just seems to legitimately be rooting for everybody. Oh, he is. He wants to go talk to them.

He just enjoys the whole show. Yeah. Yeah. My favorite thing with Terry, like, he was so easy to work with. Every time I got to do an interview with him, my goal was to throw him off his game. That was the thing that I was most wanting to do because it was just fun for me. He's such a good guy, and he just rolls with it. He's the sweetest guy.

Anything you would think about Terry Crews, he seems like a nice guy. It's because he is a nice guy. That's why he's the best. Are you allowed to practice at all now, or are you not allowed to do anything? Are you allowed to go to a comedy club and work any more? Oh, absolutely. I'm allowed to make a living. Yeah, I'm at Helium in Indianapolis this weekend.

Let's go. Great plug. Let's go. That is a good plug. Yeah, so it is one of those things. They obviously – I can't do anything that's, like, recorded, so I couldn't film a Netflix special or I couldn't record an album or anything like that. But as far as just working clubs and making money, absolutely, I got bills to pay.

You know what I'm saying? This is my job. So what's the time frame between you recording shows? Between your last show that you recorded and the next one, as far as AGT? As far as AGT, I would have to look at the contract, but it's a few months after the show airs because they can...

Oh, no, no. I mean, so the show thats because they can... The show that aired on Tuesday. Oh, my next appearance. I go to the judge cuts next, which is the round right before the live shows. That will air sometime in July. I have not been told

the exact date yet on that. That's just performing in front of the four judges, right? There is an audience there, but it's a smaller audience. It's kind of like on a basically a soundstage TV set. It's a little more intimate, which was nice. Because 4,000 people

is a large crowd to tell jokes in front of. That was a little scary. Pat started his first show with 4,000 people. Scared shitless, man. Your brain can't even fathom that many people there. Well, and then the roar, too. Oh, yeah.

It's different because I've been doing shows where if eight people show up, I'm pumped. Right. They're here on purpose. Awesome. They're going to love it. And then seeing 4,000 people, I got pretty comfortable pretty quick because my brain just went – it's just such a mass of humanity. I tried to find where my mom was and that was it. Like I knew kind of where she was sitting.

I found my mom and I was like, okay, that's all I need. Like my mom's there. And there's an art to the – you got to let the laugh wave go through before you go to your next – before you open your mouth again. Yeah. It's weird, man. And you're under such a pressure too because with that show you get a minute and a half two minutes so in your head you're like you almost would be like stop laughing i don't have time for this quick quick clapping for me not gonna be able to hit the end of this you guys don't shut up are you getting lighted in the back

is that what are they doing no but but it's doing? No, but they're very meticulous with, you have to get what you're going to do approved ahead of time. Again, they want to make sure you're not going to curse or do anything ridiculous. I was supposed to speak for 30 minutes last week at this event. Nobody fucking gave me a light, man. I was up there for an hour. And now they hate you. I don't know if I'll ever be invited back.

I actually got a text from the lady saying, is Pat almost done? It's getting pretty late. I'll never get invited back. I almost pissed my pants up there. I'm sure the people enjoyed it, though. It's always the people that set the event up. Everybody else is like, wait, we're having a good time. I have

that problem. That's my one probably bad comedy habit is because i have so much fun on stage it's my favorite thing in the world to do is perform that i will time travel i'll people will be like okay you got 30 minutes and if i'm not really careful i will do an hour because i'm having such a good time sure it's like the one thing that i accidentally mess up all the time i run my light and i don't do it to be disrespectful. I just love it so much, but I don't want to, I don't want to leave. I think I was at 30 minutes and I was like, man, there's no end in sight right now. I've got a lot to tell you. You need to hear this. I just, I can't, I have an ending and I just, I don't know how I get there any quicker.

I am lost in the woods right now. Do you recognize how big the moment is when you get out there in front of all those people? Or can that be almost like crippling and you have to just push through it? That's my word. That's my word. You don't get to sit right in front of me? Really? You're going to park in my spot too?

Are you going to do that? Come on. Unbelievable. Disrespectful. You invited me here for this, Todd? This is what you did? Wow, Christ. Speaking of hecklers, how do you handle them?

How do you handle hecklers? Just know that they're hate-criming me. and me. No, but for me, the moment was a lot bigger during the day before I, when I got on stage, that's, like, show me kind of kicked in.

That's where I feel the most comfortable. I understood it was a big moment, but for me, it's also, it's a show. I've done this thousands of times. I've been on stage thousands of times. So for me, it's also, it's a show. I've done this thousands of times. I've been on stage thousands of times. So for me, it's like, I just got to go up there and do what I do. Obviously, I knew the stakes were bigger. I knew there was a lot of people in the room. It was more like right after I got off stage, after it went so well, that's when I almost broke down. On stage, I was cool. I was very emotional.

I'm glad you brought that up. But the second I got off stage, it was almost like, whoa, that just happened, didn't it? I started getting me when I was hearing what the judges were saying, because there were some significant things being said. But then when you hit just getting leaving the curtain going out off the stage and your mom's right there. Yeah, I fucking lost it. Well, it did look like the broadcast that you were starting to get overcome

with some emotion, too, towards the end of it. When you saw your mom, what did you think? Oh, that was – I know it's not the manliest thing in the world to talk about. No, who cares? No, it is. It actually is, by the way. But for me, it's one of those things that with how hard I've worked and doing all this stuff, this is hard on my mom, too.

You know, like my mom, like I said, we were poor. We grew up in a trailer. She had a child that she maybe it was her fault in her head that she that has a disability. Like all these things that she's had to grow up with my disability, too. And, you know, she gets more nervous than anybody that I'm sleeping in my car and doing these 20 hour drives to get to gigs and so to be able to kind of share that moment with her like I think it was

officially for her that she's like okay this is okay this is what this is all for and and my mom is really eating this up she is becoming a diva very much like I got recognized at Cracker Barrel today becoming a diva. Very much. Like, I got recognized at Cracker Barrel today.

And I was having lunch with my mom and she was like, I was on TV too. Like, she was mad that they didn't know her. Did you play the peg game? You like Cracker Barrel? Oh, you always play the peg game. Have you ever won? No.

It might be impossible. It might be impossible. It might be... What's the thing from Star Trek? The puzzle thing that they do that's supposed to be an unwinnable circumstance to see how you... Oh, the Rubik's Cube. There's a term

for it that Star Trek nerds are going to be very... Basically, it's to see how you handle an unsolvable. Are you a Cracker Barrel guy? Ish. We went through a list of brunch places, breakfast places. Cracker Barrel got a pretty poor rating from the room. Bob Evans is, I think, my breakfast place of choice. One good thing about Cracker Barrel, and I don't know, some people might not consider this a good thing. It's very predictable.

Every Cracker Barrel across the country is the literal exact same place. There might be a vortex that you go through. It's probably just one restaurant that they've somehow bent time and space. But you know

exactly what you're getting when you go to a Cracker Barrel. Some places you're like this could be anything we don't know what's happening very true I tried to buy something off the walls at Cracker Barrel once

shot down immediately and then got the whole dissertation that they have a whole crew that works the nation to go to flea markets and garage sales

and all this stuff to buy that old stuff that they put on the wall no that's all pre that's made for that. I had the same conversation. Zito's not buying it. Zito knows.

Star Trek thing was Kobayashi Maru. Oh, yes. That's what I was trying to think of. Wait a second, guys. There it is. Maru. He can say that, but he can't say fucking. He grew up, literally, he can't say fucking. He grew up literally.

His parents are from Cuba. They moved to Chicago. He grew up in a Spanish-speaking house. Only Spanish-speaking in the house. He can understand it. He can never talk back to them. He can only speak English. I was hypnotized.

He was hypnotized. To forget the language. To forget Spanish because he was mixing English and Spanish so bad that nobody could understand him, the English-speaking people and the Spanish-speaking people. Apparently. So they hypnotized him so he can't speak Spanish, but he can still translate it.

Can I get on AGT? Was that my own? No, I think the wizard who did that to you could be on AGT. You actually lost a talent. I don't know. You can't even. I don't know what you can't even... I don't know what's... I'm a one-way bilingual guy. Did you say bilingual?

One-way bilingual. Bilingual. You're like 1.5. So, I have a question. You've had the disability since birth birth but have you always had the sense of humor about it yes or is it something more you had to learn as you went along um as long as i can remember like i never got made fun of growing up because i was so much better at it and then anyone else was like awesome like if if anyone ever wants to not get bullied

like my suggestion always be like just be a better bully to yourself because like I was so ruthless and so good at it to myself. People just went, all right, he's cool. Nevermind. This isn't worth it. Not getting able to outdo that.

yeah. That's what M&M did at 8 Mile. Yeah. Basically like, yeah. And so, so I never had a problem with it and it also helped me not be a bully too because I knew people would try to do it.

So like I kind of took pride in not ever making fun of anyone else because growing up is hard enough you know like it's it's hard if you're a popular kid growing up let alone if you got something else going so so for me like I sort of learned early that this isn't going away you know I'm not going to wake up and have arms that's just not how it works. No matter how many prayer circles have tried that. But, yeah, so I just kind of learned, like, I can be sad about it or I can make money. No, I can have a career.

Have you become a role model for other people with disabilities? Not on purpose, but I'm happy to do it. A lot of the messages that I've got from people has been, thank you for being the one of us that got on television. Like it gives – or I have a son that has something like you, and thanks for doing that. It's got to feel good. It does.

I'm not going to lie and say that's why I got into this. I got into this because I like it. Right. And I'm an egomaniac. And people enjoying you is fun. But it's a nice benefit because it is important to me. Like, you know, what I said on the show was true. There was no – outside of Jim Abbott, which I wasn't going to be a baseball player, but there was no one that had anything like me that they let be on television.

And if they did, it was always some really like glurgy, like, look at this poor guy. Don't you feel better that you're not him? Like that's what a lot of, it's called, like there's a real term for it. It's called inspiration porn. And it's real bad with like memes and stuff. Yeah, that's a different term for it. It's called inspiration porn. And it's real bad with memes and stuff. I haven't stumbled across that.

Yeah, that's a different kind of porn. That's fetish porn. And now I know what you're into. But everyone's seen those memes. They'll show some kid who doesn't have legs running. And then it's like, what's your excuse? Well, you're fat and lazy. That's what it is.

It's like a kid just likes to run're fat and lazy that's what it is like a kid just likes to run like they're not doing it to make able-bodied people feel better right you know like just just go run fatty like i don't know what to tell you that two percent stat you said earlier was alarming yeah only two percent of people on tv have any physical disabilities that is that is a lot yeah yeah and and there's stuff and i don't fault people who do it but things like um I can't remember the name of the movie, but it was what, Bryan Cranston and Kevin Hart. Oh, the one you saw. Yeah, where Bryan Cranston's great. He's one of my favorite actors, but there's good actors who actually are paraplegics, you know.

Right. I have great friends who are amputee actors and actresses who are amazing, but they'll CGI or special effect. The rock in Skyscraper doesn't have a leg. Like, okay, there's people that don't actually have legs. Let them do it. They're awesome athletes. Exactly.

Jacob Sully in Avatar. Same thing. Yeah, the stuff. And I don't fault the people for taking those roles because entertainment's a hard business, and people got to work. And I'm not going to turn down something where I can secure my future. Krantz has got enough money. Maybe he's doing The Rock.

Well, maybe. Yeah, The Rock's doing okay. I don't think he's – if I don't get that role, I'm screwed. How am I going to get my 40 000 pound gym to africa for the next role i can't afford that anymore i would assume though that the rock and some of them are trying to put uh it's them feeling like they're trying to help out yeah the those who are physically disabled but from the completely other side of it it's like when i was watching that movie i actually like, this is interesting because he definitely can walk.

So it's like while you're watching it, now that we're a much more woke society, it's almost hard to get sold on the whole thing because I mean, I've literally seen that guy like run into a pool, I think, and breaking bad a couple of times and do a lot of crazy and shit. So it is interesting to think about.

That 2% stat I think is going to stick with me for the rest of my life because you don't really see it so that also means you can't normalize it right yeah that's why it's tough yeah like i have no empathy for him because i know he's really okay he really can get up and walk and yeah it's it's it's frustrating too because like the message of that movie is good yeah you know it's not like they make them like a like a doof like look at look at how these cripples are they're they're so zany and goofy you know it's not like that but at the same time it's like knowing having a disability and knowing how hard it is for me to get work and entertainment how hard it's been it also makes you a little mad because i'm like they're just gonna get a normal dude to look like me when I look like me.

For sure. It reminds me of the old like Louis Black joke from like years ago where he talked about writing a pilot or they wrote a pilot based on him and they didn't cast him as himself. He's like, unbeknownst to me, there was a better me. Have you had comedy clubs reach out since you've been on AGT that wouldn't put you on stage before? Oh, back then they didn't want me. Now I'm hot.

Hoes all over me. And not so much that they didn't want me. So far, I've only been talking with clubs that I've already worked before. I will say, and this just makes sense from a business standpoint, they are responding to my emails a lot faster than they used to, which is a very nice feeling. And you will be headlining rooms you were featuring. Yep.

That I was lucky to feature. That they were doing me a favor to let me feature. And as a former comedy club owner, there is a business to, like, that person needs to sell tickets for the whole thing to make sense. Oh, absolutely. If I don't put asses in seats.

Yeah. You know, that's why I always get so mad at comics that get really smug about, like, I can't believe Stormy Daniels is getting to do comedy. I can't believe these wrestlers. Or I can't believe Screech. Well, then put more asses in seats than they do. Yeah. Like, don't get mad at them for making money. Make yourself more marketable than them so that you get those like no one no one you don't deserve anything right you know

like work for it regardless of how this shakes up for you on agt there's that old adage that was always beaten it's beaten to every comedian's head i think when a vet comes to you when you're early on like don't be in a hurry to be a shitty headliner don't be in a hurry like you then they say don't go on late night tv until you're already too good to have not been invited to do late night tv right do you feel just really fortunate now even though six years ago you felt like you should have been agt are you so happy now that it happened when you were already like too good yes um i got really lucky that early on when i started uh brad williams um he got a hold of me basically and he essentially told me that he's like when you think you're ready for something wait at least two years yeah

and then you actually might be yeah you know like i would rather and i preach that to any any newer comic that wants advice like be so over overprepared that when you get it, you can just go right into it. Because if I would have got it six years ago, I would have cracked. I wouldn't have handled the pressure. I wouldn't have been, you know, if it did go well on the show somehow, I wouldn't have known how to be a club headliner. Like now doing live shows is much different than doing two minutes on television. You how to be a club headliner right you know like now doing live shows is much different than doing two minutes on television right you have to carry a whole show and but like at this point now because I have been a headliner I've been headlining one-nighters and

small clubs for years now if this blows up yep right into it there'll be no more disappointment because early on in these types of shows there were some comedians that were winning or doing very well who didn't have enough time to their name to be a headliner. So they were hitting the clubs and then they were just bombing their asses off. That's an L.A. problem in general. Yeah. Because a lot of L.A. comics, even if they're hilarious, a lot of them might only have 15 minutes because you don't get to do an hour in L.A. a lot of them might only have 15 minutes because you don't get to do an hour in LA. So when they get TV and something really hits hard,

now a club in Iowa wants to headline them. And they're like, oh, uh-oh. Iowa doesn't care about LA problems and I only have 15 minutes of those. Is that why New York comics do like eight shows a week because they're only getting like 10 minutes at each spot so they have to go to each place to work out each 10 minutes yep that's part of why i moved like i started in los angeles that's where i started comedy and i moved back to the midwest and part of that was so i could do longer sets

you know i can people will let you just on a flyer, whether you're ready or not, they'll let you do 45 here. Right. You might eat the biggest one you've ever eaten, but they'll let you do it. And L.A., you just aren't getting that. It's just not going to happen. Did you start out in open mics in L.A.? Yes. Waiting in line at the Laugh Factory, waiting to play for Jamie Musada. I would travel.

I didn't do the club waiting. I probably should have hung out more early at the clubs. But for me, it wasn't worth the time investment to sit around for eight hours to maybe get to perform for two minutes. I'd rather do a Brazilian restaurant that's guaranteed to let me talk for seven minutes. I would rather work on that to make sure I was getting the stage time instead of my face just being present and then not getting to go up. What was the most awkward place you've done comedy in? I've done comedy at a Mexican clothing restaurant where they sold both Mexican clothing and served Mexican food. Oh, Morty's.

Very similar. and serve Mexican food. Oh, Morty's. Very similar. I've done so much that. Doing shows on the street is always weird. Those are awkward where you're basically just attacking people with your bad jokes. They're like, man, I'm just trying to get to Starbucks. Why are you yelling at me? Why are you so mad at me?

I've done a lot of weird colleges. Because college gigs, I like them, and they're really fun, and they're good money. But a lot of times they're like, okay, you're going to be performing at noon. You're going to be in the cafeteria. We're not telling anyone this is happening. And it's finals week, so they're all very, very stressed. Make them laugh. Yeah, have fun.

Here's your check. So a lot of that, and even some dive bars. I've done so many Moose Lodges and American Legions, and I've definitely earned where I'm at now. I can say definitively the amount of dive bars in small town Kentucky that I've had racial things yelled at me, which doesn't make sense because I'm white. But yeah, so I've done a lot of those. I'm ready. I'm excited that I can do those by choice now. Yeah. Instead of necessary.

When you were growing up, you played football and stuff, right? You were a big sports guy. Do you think, and probably your favorite thing is the WWE and professional wrestling. Yes, absolutely. Your favorite thing in the world. Yep. If you weren't born with the birth defect, would you possibly think you could be doing that?

I tried to do that with the birth defect. Would you possibly think you could be doing that? I tried to do that with the birth defect. The reason I got into theater and things like that was to help me be a wrestler. That was the point. I trained to be a wrestler for like three months and my back couldn't take it. It wasn't the arms. My back is garbage.

For anyone who complains that wrestling is fake, scripted is the word you want. Those are two very different things. Yeah, we've been very, I, for one, have been very educated about that world, and it is no joke. Because I played, quote, unquote, real sports my whole life.

That three months of wrestling training, it was the most pain I've ever been in. Yeah. And, oh, yeah, it's the fake stuff. Yeah, all right. Whatever you say karen i always assumed that the wwe ring was just a softer ring than everything else that i've been in because it's been cheaper rings everywhere and then as i continue just

to learn more and more about the business i'm like no no they're they're really just falling right there on two by four, basically. Yeah, basically, yeah. Just two by four, a little thin, maybe matte over some plywood, basically. The thinnest memory foam you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, it's rough. It is. And through doing comedy, I've got to be friends with a lot of wrestlers,

and I have the most respect in the world for them because it's not any – wrestling and comedy is actually very similar with how the lifestyle is, too. I think that's why I enjoy meeting all these wrestlers. I do. I think there's a big comparison. Because, I mean, my friends that are wrestlers have all done the same. You know, you drive 10 hours in a car with six dudes to maybe make $10 to do a show where 12 drunk rednecks showed up and hate you. And so when you finally get that break,

it's the same kind of thing. You put in those miles and you do the grind. And it's why I've always loved it. It's just been, it's fun. It's goofy fun. It's a talent show, just like AGT. It's literally so many different things. There's comedy, there's drama, there's romance,

there's action, it's everything. It's sports. If you just like competitive things, it's got the aura of that. I always get mad at people. If you like wrestling, people that don't like wrestling are so aggressive about it. Oh, yes. If you say you don't like anything else, like, I don't care for baseball. People are like, all right, well, that's up to you.

But you're like, well, I do like wrestling. Here's why you're wrong. I'm going to cancel. I'm going to call into work today to make sure you know what an idiot you are. Have you ever met or are you familiar with, I think his name is Dustin Thomas. He's the bilateral amputees in AEW.

I haven't met him, but I know of him. Yeah, so he's a professional wrestler and he has no legs. And he's basically just, it's his torso and his upper body. He does some amazing stuff in the ring. Yeah, he's fantastic. The clips I've met him, but I know of him. Yeah, so he's a professional wrestler, and he has no legs. And he's basically just, it's his torso and his upper body. He does some amazing stuff in the ring. Yeah, he's fantastic. The clips I've seen, I have a few buddies that are with AEW. So I'm hoping I get to meet him through there just because I like hanging out with wrestlers. That's fun for me.

Yeah. Who's your favorite? All time is Chris Jericho. Okay. Really? Yeah, Chris Jericho. I was there. I got sold.

I didn't plan it, but I was there live at his WWE debut with the Countdown Clock. And it's still, outside of what happened Tuesday with AGT, it's the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life and been a part of. Anytime I watch that clip, I still get chills like I was there. It was amazing.

And from there, I was like, yep. He's funny and charismatic. Are you going on his cruise? No. I would like to. You could probably perform on that cruise. I'm good friends with Brad Williams. I know he's the comic on the cruise.

Brad, hook him up. Brad, if you can let me put in a little... I'd be happy to do it. I also don't like water that much. Me neither. Not a strong swimmer, in case you're curious. How was your football career when you played? I was an okay high school football player.

I did it because it was fun hanging out with my friends, and I love football. It wasn't like I had any aspirations. I'm not a super athlete. I know, but my skill is telling jokes about my wiener to strangers. That's where my wheelhouse is. But I loved it. It was fun. I think youth sports is important just for camaraderie. It lets awkward kids be a part of something. There's things for it and it let me feel awkward kids be a part of something. There's things for it, and it let me feel like everybody else, which was nice. I didn't get any special treatment.

I got the hell beat out of me playing, but I loved it. If you couldn't block that guy, you couldn't block that guy. Exactly. There's no excuses. Yeah, they're not going to. I did have a tactic, though, which helped me. I used my brain a lot because I was never going to overpower anybody. I was an offensive lineman. What I would do the first play that I was out there every game,

I would reach my hand out and shake the guy's hand. I'd be like, hey, good luck out there today. And then he would never want to hit me the entire time now that he's touched it. So I looked a lot better than I actually was, skill-wise. It was my favorite thing in the world to do. Hey, man, good luck today. If you want.

Yeah, you're not going to catch it. It's fine. That's only if I sneeze in your mouth. That's the only way that can happen. If you win $1 million on America's Got got talent what's the very first thing you do with that money pay taxes first yeah i'm gonna pay the 250 000 of taxes or whatever it is um the the real life boring answer is i'm paying off my student loan and just having that done um the the real fun answer is uh i'm gonna go on a video game buying spree.

Yeah? That's how you treat yourself? Oh, video games is my favorite. I'm a collector. That's what I do on the road. When you're in these weird towns where you don't know – like, I don't know anyone in Tulsa. Right. Who do I know in Tulsa?

So when I go to these towns, I'll look for, like, small mom-and-pop game shops and buy games for my collection. I have, like, 2,000 games at this point. It's what I have fun with. Are you a great gamer? I'm better than I should be. What games are your favorites? I like a lot of retro old school stuff. Legend of Zelda Link to the Past is my favorite game of all time.

Anything Zelda, I'll do. But I collect everything. I have like 25 consoles. I don't mess around. What about Mario Kart? I love Mario Kart. Yeah. I'm not very good at it, but I love it.

Okay. You're going to start doing the Twitch stuff. Yeah, man. Get into the gaming. I've done a little bit of it. The only problem is I need to buy a rig that I can take on the road because I'm in my car all the time. We got one.

We got one. You need to talk to Z. No, we literally got one for you. Sweet. Yeah, it's easy. What you should do after you win a million dollars is pay Xzibit

and hire him to pit my ride your Yaris. And then he'll put a video game console in your Yaris. And your bumper. I'll put an IMAX in your truck.

Watch it while you're driving. You're like, what? The rear view mirror is set up perfectly for you to watch anything in 3D. We've replaced your windshield with a picture of Mario. You like sleeping in your car? The backseat's a waterbed. That show is the best.

Those cars ain't never work. No, no. Yeah, you can't do anything with them. They fall apart in like two weeks, right? a bit. That show is the best. Those cars ain't never work. You can't do anything with them. They fall apart in like two weeks, right? First time they hit a bump. I had a buddy, he was a comic that I had started with who was on that show and got his car pimped. And then got T-boned like two weeks after.

And it was the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's hard to pay attention to the road whenever you see a fucking popcorn machine. and it was the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's hard to pay attention to the road whenever you see a fucking popcorn machine. There's like an inflatable tube guy just on the roof doing stuff. You're like, why is that? Wax inflatable,

air-flatting tube, man. That's your favorite guy. Yeah. We thought about getting one of those out front here. You absolutely should. I refuse to come back until I see one

life's been pretty good to you but is there any axes you'll have to grind once i'm just gonna assume that yeah you're gonna be famous right i mean you're getting there that's what you're gonna be that's the plan with You're getting there. That's the plan. That's the plan. Very soon. That clip exists forever at the very least. So that's a part of it. That's still going forever. Still going.

So is there any part of you that just wants to stick that right up somebody's ass after it happens? I think I already have. I think because of talking about the – hello. Don't ruin this, man. This is a good moment. But I think just all of the time, you know, we talked a little bit earlier about these bookers not wanting to take a chance on me. And, you know, not to get like petty and all incel on people.

But, you know, women being uncomfortable dating a guy with a disability. Kind of saying that, oh, everyone is pretty okay with this, and this is a huge story, and we love this guy. I think that's enough. I think I've proved a lot of people wrong already. Well, obviously, that's an awesome way to look at it. Just making it is the biggest fuck you of all. Oh, absolutely. I would resort to dirtier tactics.

I can tell you just personally, and I don't know if this is the healthiest thing in the world, but I am so fueled by spite as far as getting stuff done. I'm not going to sabotage you, but I'm going to work so hard that you look like an idiot for what you did to me before. Oh, I like that. Yeah. That's a very good tactic from my experience. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I think if everyone was just like kind of just gives you opportunities and lets you do – like I know who I am. I probably would have been lazy. You know, if everyone just would have handed me anything I wanted, I would not have worked as hard as I did to get this. You feel like you had to be extra funny? Absolutely. Yeah, me too. Because I have to be... Because again, everyone looks at me in the first glance and they're like, this is going to be a novelty. Or this is going to be

some sappy... It's going to be puns. It's going to be... Because nothing drives me crazier than you'll see a comic in a wheelchair and he's like, I'm a sit-down comedian. Quit pandering to these idiots. You're not

supposed to make able-bodied people feel better. You know, just be yourself. But I do. I have to prove that I'm actually funny. I won't be able to do this anymore just because people are going to know me now, but what I love to do in my acts, I'll spend 10-15 minutes and not mention my arms

at all because I want to prove that I'm funny. Plus, I get to build a lot of tension to that big moment when I finally acknowledge it. They're like, oh God, good, he knows. I didn't know if he knew. I didn't know if he knew. We should have told him.

Now, though, you're going to have all your fans at shows. Will you treat that any differently? So instead of being on somebody else's show, now people are going to be coming strictly for you. I'm going to have to. It's weird. It's cool, by the way.

It's very fucking cool. It's very cool. Even just for these shows that I'm doing, obviously I'm featuring for Brian Callen, who is amazing, and I should be featuring for him. He's fantastic. But the amount of people, I know there's going to be people there on purpose

because they saw AGT. Oh, yeah, man. Before, my philosophy, usually when people would see me at a show, I was a happy accident. They happened to enjoy, they loved me, but they did not know I was going to be there. Now they're going to be there yep now they're going to

be there on purpose it's a different kind of pressure because now you have to entertain people who want to see you because if they're if they're there on accident if they don't like you whatever they didn't pay to see you anyway so who cares same thing on social media right well those people though those people that come right for you they're gonna be ready to rock with you man they're gonna be ready to do whatever like i think that's something i've been very lucky to be a part of. I started doing stand-up comedy strictly because of my Twitter following. So I didn't do stand-up comedy.

I did Twitter, and then I did a stand-up show just to see how bad it would either go or how good it would go. But those people that are coming just to see you, because I got a chance to go watch a lot of other people work in Morty's and Healy and stuff, and I'm watching these people work for people that aren't their crowd. I'm like, God, that has to be so fucking hard right there. But then whenever you got people that are there for you, they're ready to, those people are just ready to party with you for a night.

You know what I mean? Which is awesome, but I'm glad it went the way that it did for me. Yeah. Because it also makes you battle tested. You know, there is something to be said about, like, one of my favorite things and what I'm most proud of is anytime I'll go to a room where everyone's struggling and then I turn the room around. And you learn to do that because these crowds now are going to be happy to see me because they love me already. But getting to turn a crowd that has no reason to like you at all, they don't care if you die tomorrow. Who cares?

They didn't know you before they got there. They don't care if you die tomorrow. Who cares? They didn't know you before they got there. But to be able to turn those around, like it makes you – that's how – that's when I first started to feel that I was actually really good at this job. When I could make strangers who were in a bad mood not in a bad mood anymore. That's awesome. Right.

And so now – It's going to be a different kind of reward now. You're going to – I think you'll like it a lot more because – This is my prize basically. They're going to be part – yeah. reward now you're gonna i think you'll like it a lot more because this is my prize they're gonna be part yeah for doing 13 years yeah it's great to develop those those skills and going through the gladiator school and all that but now that you get to really just for your fans it's cool man it's gonna be such a eye-opener i think for you you're gonna love you know what i mean and with your social media too because, because now they're going to be paying attention. Wait, what's going on with Ryan today or whatever? So are you prepared for – and by the way, social media handles are at cripplethreat8.

Cripplethreat8. Yeah. I feel really bad. I got a little funny anecdote. The guy who owns Cripplethreat on Instagram messaged me the other day. No, he was basically like, I like your screen name, bro. I'll be sending everyone your way. I guess he got just a ton of messages.

Oh, yeah. And I felt so bad. Have you thought about, because it's still early in the build of your following, to making that a little easier to find? Well, I would have just done Cripple Threat had it ever been available. At this point, I think it's... I have jokes about it, you know, like, oh, there were seven Cripple Threats

before you. It works like the Pope. You can tell they've named a new Cripple Threat because white smoke will start billowing out of the top of the Shriners Hospital. It's very classy. At this point, it's become such a bit for me, like in my head, that I'm keeping it. That's where it's going to be.

It's my thing for everything. It's my gamer tag. It's everything I do is that. How much were you on Twitter and Instagram before? I tried to be on it as much as I could, as you can probably attest, before you started to get anything going. It's hard to keep grinding that

when you will come up with a great joke and two people like it. As of Monday, if I did a tweet that did really well, it got like 10 likes. And I was like, oh, I killed that one. 10 people. Now I can just like show a picture of a tree. And at least 200 people are going to be like, cool tree, bro.

So I didn't do the social media as much as I probably should have. I tried my best. But it's sometimes hard when you're not getting that feedback. Perfect time to start. Exactly. Now it's fun now. If you need any tips, we got the grandmaster over here. No, I feel like I have a good time on the internet, though.

I have a good time. I honestly. You figured it out way before a lot of people. I have so much respect for the road warrior grind in the comedy world because of all that stuff. For me, I just tweeted dumb stuff

and people just started catching on to it. But there is years there where you got nothing happening. Like I was answering every single person that tweeted me for like the first two years

I had Twitter. Every single human that tweeted me, I'd answer them. I'd respond with a picture. I kept at it. And I was like, I think this is going

to do something someday. And if not, I mean, this. I'd respond with a picture. I kept at it. And I was like, I think this is going to do something someday. And if not, I mean, this pacifies my ADD pretty bad. It's pretty great. Yeah, that's been one of the hardest things the last couple days is I always prided myself because I had a very small but loyal following of the people that did care about me. And I prided myself on, like, I want to be appreciative that you don't have to like me. There's nothing that requires – no one owes me a damn thing as far as being my fan or wanting to see me or like what I do. So I always wanted to respond to every message.

Thank you so much. I appreciate it. It really means a lot. And I've just gotten so many and I'm doing my best. Because you're appreciative of them. Oh, absolutely. Because like AGt is huge but people could have hated it just as much as they loved it you know like nobody has to like you

and i want to make sure that people appreciate thank you for liking me your original following whenever you start growing they're gonna get a little bitter with you but it's gonna happen i mean it happened to me i felt so terrible i'll get a tweet and i couldn't like i was like i could respond to this but then literally there's like 200 more that I have to respond to. I'm like, ah, you know what? I'm going to go take a piss actually. And then they start thinking you changed. But really it's, the internet

is mostly a good thing. Like there's some bad shit obviously. Sure. But your internet relationship with your fans is so important I think. It's so cool too. To be able to just be in touch with you. Like I followed you here the last couple days now and I've enjoyed it already. I'm excited to see you. My mom and sister were a big fan of that, by the way.

They love you. Tell them I said what's up. I will. Your mom's famous. I saw her on TV. Yeah, I saw her on TV. You should be lucky to follow her, quite frankly. I agree.

I was talking to this Crackle Barrel. Hey, where'd the confidence come from? Because you've got to have a boatload of it coming 13 years in comedy and striking out some nights, other nights, good nights. Just comedy is what I love more than anything in the world. I'm really strange. I'm super confident when it comes to performing and the stage because I knew I was good at it. I am not that confident in my normal life. So I think that like being on stage and

yeah, I'm really not. I've I'm confident with some things, but not to get I'll get I'll get a little like real on it. Having a handicap is not fun. Yeah. You know, it's not a fun time because you're expected to be strong all the time for everybody. You're not allowed to be a sad cripple. But there's things that bother me. A lot of my act, and that's kind of how I've dealt with it and kind of done my therapy through it, it sucks going to the grocery store and not being left alone. Having kids stare at you for existing. Having women be afraid to be seen in public with you because what are people going to think

that you're with that guy? That stuff's hard. But it's real. It's not easy. That's why I've always loved comedy. Being on stage, I get to control that narrative. I get to be a superhero. People are going to listen to what I say and you're going to treat me the way I want. And over the years, I've had some trouble translating that to real life.

I've gotten better at it. It's still tough, though. You know, like it's not. So you mean like outside of performing, your tendency would be just to hang out alone? Or just hang out with my buddies that you know just hang out at the apartment you know i'm also i'm not a drinker i don't do a lot of that anyway so a lot of those things i don't but like yeah i'd rather stay home and play video games with my friends a lot of times right then go deal with people looking at me at a buffalo wild wings you know

like you're winning by the way with the friends video games things and the Buffalo Wild Wings situation. In all fairness, I do love B-dubs a lot. I don't want to badmouth them. It's the people that are there, not the actual establishment. Are you thinking that it's a transition now, though, to people staring at you like, oh, that's the guy that was on America's Got Talent? I hope so. That's a much better feeling.

You know, like I said, I got recognized at a Cracker Barrel. That was nice. That was nice today that they did that. Um, you know, but there's still a trick to it, you know, like it's still, I'm going to have kids that are still going to be like, they don't care that you were on television. You're just a weird looking dude to them, you know? And I still, I still have to have girls say yes. If I asked them out, you know, there's still things like that that are going to go along with it hey real quick to hell with those kids honestly all of them but those ones and now not that it wasn't before but i think you should very much view yourself as a catch man like if if a girl gets to date you they are hitting the fucking lottery i think that is honestly how you should feel because i think these next 10 years for you are about to be yeah such a fucking

awesome fun run because the the loyalty fans that you're about to be. John Dorenbos does theaters everywhere. Like, any night of the week he wants to do a theater, he does a theater, because of America's Got Talent and Ellen. I think the next 10 years are about to be a fucking crush time for you. And that's what I'm 90% focused on. Like, that's where my brain is right now now is how much fun that's going to be. The other stuff will figure itself out if it figures itself out.

But I've worked really hard for this, and so I'm definitely going to take advantage of it. Anything else aside. Have agents reached out yet or Netflix, if they reached out yet, anything like that? Not yet. I'm sure they're aware. It's one of those things that I got to get too inside on it,

but I couldn't sign with an agent right now anyway. Got it. And I think they know that. So no one's really hitting me up to be like, how long is that? How long is that? It's basically through the run of the show. Huh.

Yeah. Because they just basically want to make sure that you're not. Hold on. So you can go and do comedy clubs. Yes. But you can't sign an agent to help you do bigger comedy clubs. Basically. That makes sense.

It's a tampering period. Yeah. It's very similar to that. There's just things there. Worth it, though. One good thing about AGT is it has a following. And they are loyal to the people that do well and why i love this because i know like some comics and they're usually just

bitter uh but you know a lot of people kind of look at this like some people think like agt is kind of like oh it's so corny and it's for middle america and it's so sappy but like real people who spend real money watch that show a lot. I don't want to belittle anyone. If I get a Netflix special, that's amazing. But more than likely, anyone who's going to watch my Netflix special already likes comedy. They're probably going to comedy clubs anyway. America's Got Talent, people who have never stepped foot in a comedy club in their life

are now going to go to a comedy club to see me. You open up such a bigger market. Instead of just comedy nerds, real human beings that exist are going to want to see you do this. It's such a huge opportunity. And America's Got Talent

is the most successful of this format. It's the best show. It's the best show. It's a best show. It's a variety show. It's so much fun to watch. That was the word. I said talent show earlier, but it's a variety show about WWE. I'll tell you, one of the coolest things so far about doing the show

is getting to watch neat stuff happen. I don't get to watch jugglers and acrobats casually in my life. I don't have time when I'm on the road to watch a dude saw his wife in half or whatever. That act before you where the guy was blindfolded, they put salt on his eyes and they blindfolded him and then put a hood on, and then he walked around with a sledgehammer

smashing coconuts that were lined up all around his giant friend. And I'm like, this is the craziest, most cool thing I've ever seen in my life. How do you do it? I need to know. I know I saw it. I was like, how do you do it? That's one like, yeah is the craziest, most cool thing I've ever seen in my life. How do you do it? I need to know. I know I saw it. I was like, how do you do it? That's one like, yeah, how do you practice that?

How do you come up with that idea? Yeah, I'm going to blind myself and smash coconuts. Just a little detail. You're putting salt on it. Half a pound of salt in his eyes. They were there at the same time that I taped. So I got to meet. My whole question the entire time was just, why the salt?

The other stuff I sort of understood because danger acts are supposed to be dangerous, but it's like, why the salt? That seems so unnecessary to this whole situation. Hey, you're out on tour. Do you ever stop at a Chinese restaurant? I have.

I dabble. Okay, I'm going somewhere with this. We've been talking a lot on this show. We're fans of Chinese restaurants. Yeah, we are big fans. this. All right. We've been talking a lot on this show. We're fans of Chinese restaurants. Yeah, we are big fans. You're in a very safe place, safe space with a Chinese restaurant. Where are you at with fortune cookies? They're like taste or just as the concept? Just concept.

The whole thing. I think they're fun. You eat them? Yeah. The whole thing? Yeah. And the reason I do this, a lot of that kind of stuff comes from being a poor

trailer park kid. No, no, no. The whole thing. Including the fortune and all. Oh, you don't eat the fortune. Thank you. See the young man behind the booth there? Yeah, right there. Have you ever had one of those fortunes you read in your fortune cookie come true? Yeah, he just

fucking took over the world. What are you talking about? What type of question is that? Are you watching Tuesday? Just open the internet right now. You know you're eating paper, right? Fucking toxic Asian paper. What are you doing? He literally, if he thinks

it's a good fortune, he wants it to come true. Puts it in his mouth, chases it with the cookie, crumples it all up together, and swallows it. See, now you can be on America's Got Talent. Gorms, I know where you're going with this, though. Where am I going? Oh, didn't you hear about the guy? Oh, in North Carolina with his granddaughter?

I don't know. He took the numbers from the fortune cookie. Played the Powerball. Yes, sir. He didn't eat them. $333 million bucks or something like that. With the numbers that were in his fortune. He's like, you don't know that.

You don't know he didn't eat it. Yeah, I do, because it's paper. People don't eat paper. He didn't eat his Powerball ticket either. He just won money. He just loves eating paper, and he won, but he ate the ticket. I got to shit that out. Dolores, get the plunger.

You're incredible, man. Yeah, dude. Thank you. I'm so happy for you. I swear to God. And you ever, what, 10 years probably now? Yeah, yeah. You were very nice to me when I was starting.

It wasn't funny. You had no reason to be nice to me. Yeah, you were so bad. Have you seen him recently? He's all right. He'll do in a pinch. Hey, he did a set. But you need an opener.

I'll be open for you. There was like, what was it, like five months ago we did this weight loss challenge. I think it was four months ago, five months. And there was a plumping month. So everybody was trying to gain as much weight because there was a weight loss challenge the next month so trying to put on as much weight as possible to the point where todd had kidney failure and he did a stand-up show yeah he gave himself literally pre-diabetic because of this plumping he put on like 35 pounds. It was all that paper he was eating. He does a stand-up show, though, and he's so overweight.

He was so out of shape. He pulled a hamstring and joked one, and he almost puked on the stage from being so fatigued like 25 minutes in. Breathing it. And trying to tell my jokes. But there's people that only saw that show from Todd, and that's literally all they think about. This is Todd's stand-up comedy. You occasionally get like, are you all right?

Tweets. We were worried about it. We saw you a couple months ago. Are you still with us? Almost went on IR after telling a high school joke about your kid. A wild scene, dude. This is for Rob, too. But yeah, you were always the cool

Because you were already like One of the funniest guys in our city In Indianapolis when I started You were one of the guys, right? There was a few And so I always looked up to you And I was always appreciative to be on shows with you And I just was so fucking happy

That I bawled my eyes out Watching how good you did Tuesday This is a really cool thing And people need to know, couldn't happen to a better dude. No one is more deserving of that fucking eight minutes that you had Tuesday night. Well, thank you.

One of the most important and most meaningful things about all this, obviously having the support of anybody is great, but it's been constant support from comics, comedians I've worked with, people I respect that are – but it's been constant support from comics, you know, comedians I've worked with people I respect that are, I, it was important to me that if I ever got a break, that no comic would be mad at me. Yeah.

Forgetting it. You know, they, they wouldn't be like this guy, you know, like that. So who, who,

anybody cool? Um, well, well, Brad Williams is a great friend of mine. I love Bradley. Yeah. He's the best.

He's the absolute best he was one of the first people that texted me some of the AGT alums Taylor Williamson who was runner up I think on season 8 he was the one that kind of I owe a huge debt of gratitude to him because he actually

got me originally in touch with America's Got Talent just out of the kindness of his heart. Yeah. It was a very sweet move. Samuel J. Comroe, who was a finalist last year, he's been very supportive on this whole thing. He's been a great person to reach out of just when I'm freaking out. Because he knows the process.

He went through it just last year. Yeah, so it's just been great. Like Road Dogs, you know Mike Merrifield? Yeah. Yeah, you know, just people like that that have done the same sleeping in their car and grinding for you know 13 years to hope that maybe someone will give a damn yeah you know and so having those people be like you know good for you buddy well because those guys probably normally hate the comedians that get the push on them so having them saying, great stuff and being happy for you. That's like,

that's awesome. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I did not cut any corners. I probably took the most scenic route I could for this chance. You're not just, I don't want you to be stuck in that box where you're just an inspiration to people with disabilities. Cause you're also an inspiration to people who don't come up with much, you know, in life, people that come from with much you know in life people that come from the poor side of things and people that just put in hard work and make things happen for themselves without the help of others be fortunate you know to have that yeah so if the disability wasn't enough growing up in a trailer was also a nice little bonus so i man i'm glad it's happening to you we're going to see great things from you.

I hope that you win a million dollars. I do, too. Go vote. Yeah. Everybody should form an army right now. The Club Nub Army. Yeah, Club Nub is what it is. That's two Bs.

Two Bs at the end of Nub, if you don't know how to spell it. It should be Club Nub 8. Now, well, the guy who owns Club nub eight then will get all mad at me. Club nub with one B guy was like, please. Yeah, he's like, come on. Tell them about your extra B, bro. Form the club nub army now. So make sure that you're hashtagging that when you're referring to Ryan.

Follow him on all his social media. Go see him at Helium Comedy Club this weekend or whenever he's at a club or a room near you. Yeah, my website's cripplethreat.com, so I'll have all my dates on there. Sweet. I always keep the schedule on my Facebook fan page as well, which is cripplethreat8. I always have my updated calendar on there for where I'm going to be. And this also sounds stupid, but it also helps. If you want me to go to a city that you're at, tell me.

And I'll try to make it happen. Yeah, absolutely. Like this is all kind of new that people actually want me to be places. So tell me where to go, and I'll try to go there. I like going places. Yeah, you're going to be overwhelmed. You're going to get every opportunity. It's going to be awesome. You're going to be everywhere. You're going to get every opportunity. It's going to be awesome. You're going to be everywhere.

It's going to be like drinking from a fire hose, cuz. Finally. That's what Matt Patricia said about being a head coach. I think for you, it's going to really happen. It's going to be a fucking... Someone's going to actually take a fire hose to me? Just to see how good America's Got Talent is.

That's my new tone. Why the salt? And Why the fire hose? He was telling jokes. The fire hose was not necessary. Thanks for coming on, buddy. Thank you guys for having me so much. I love you. Very happy.

Ryan Nemo, everybody. Yo!