The Pat McAfee Show - PMS 2.0 092 - Brendan Schaub, Aladdin, & FOOTBALL IS BACK

Episode Date: July 23, 2019

On today’s show, Pat and the guys discuss his thoughts on the new Aladdin movie, as well as some of the other documentaries that he watched over the weekend. They also discuss NFL training camp starting here soon and chat about friend of the show James Holzhauer stating that the Browns are the worst long term bet this season. Pat also gives his thoughts on teams putting players on the PUP list to start training camp, and everyone picks a team to win the Super Bowl with a little bit of money on the line. The guys also cover the recent heatwave going through not only Indianapolis, but apparently the entire planet, and Pat sends his well wishes and a way to help the people in his hometown of Plum, after serious flooding has afflicted many people in the area (https://www.gofundme.com/f/plum-boro-flooding-fund?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet). Also joining the show in studio is former finalist on the Ultimate Fighter and UFC Heavyweight, stand-up comedian, and cohost of The Fighter and the Kid and King and the Sting podcasts, and host of Below The Belt, all around hilarious human, Brendan Schaub sits down for an incredible conversation. He and Pat discuss his path to where he is now, including playing lacrosse and football in college, what his cup of coffee in the NFL was like, his relationship with Kimbo Slice while on the Ultimate Fighter, and his thoughts on his place in the comedy world after really going after it, and what he plans to do next (11:13-58:42). Today's show is loaded. Come and laugh with us, cheers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For streaming, creating, gaming, and more, power your passions for less during Dell's exceptional cyber savings event. Enjoy up to $400 off stunning laptops like the XPS, along with high-performance desktops and next-level Alienware systems, redefining what's possible with 10th Gen Intel Core processors. Shop special prices on top-brand electronics and. Plus, enjoy free shipping on everything. Don't forget to ask for Intel when you call 1-800-BUY-DELL. That's 1-800-BUY-DELL. Hello, it is Tuesday, July 23rd, 2019 years after the death of Jesus Christ. It's hard to stick with it.

Yesterday, we started something pretty cool. My hometown, which is not cool, is currently underwater right now. We started a GoFundMe. You can go to my social media pages. I'm matching up to $15,000. Our CFO, Phil Maines, who has the greatest mustache in the game right now, is handling that.

We will make sure the money goes to the right people. Even a dollar helps, honestly. Even a dollar helps. We'll be very grateful and go a long way for some people who have literally, this is, flash flooding has been something that has been warned about in Pittsburgh for years because there's so many hills. So it comes out of nowhere. So anytime you hear about flash

flooding, it's always like a boy who cried wolf type thing. But this particular time in Pittsburgh, these flash floods have been doing real damage in our hometown, got hit with it. A lot of cars and people's communities damaged and ravaged and baseball fields got taken out too. Phil Maines is running the whole thing. I'm matching up to $15,000. If you want to donate a dollar, we'll be grateful. If not, no worries. Today's show is incredible. A guest that people have been waiting for for a long time stopped by the office live in studio

when he did some stand-up comedy in Indianapolis. And when I went to his stand-up comedy show, the app I used to get tickets from was SeatGeek because SeatGeek is the greatest ticket-buying app on planet Earth and... The Moon! That's right. If you're going to buy tickets from was SeatGeek because SeatGeek is the greatest ticket buying app on planet Earth and the moon. That's right. If you're going to buy tickets on the moon, which by the way, happy 50th anniversary to Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, Mike

Collins, by the way, is the third guy. Good for you. Mike Collins is his name. He didn't get to go to the moon. He just had to float around the moon in silence all by himself for the other ship for them to link up with. Good for that guy. I watched a special. was a documentary of uh all behind the scenes clips that have never been released before over 11 000 hours of footage or something like that was released more questions than answers after watching it but i do believe we went i do believe we went. I do believe we went.

You're going to piss Ty off. Ty just shook his head in absolute disgust. I watched it this weekend. It was $5.99. I paid $5.99 to watch it. It's a lot of money to rent a movie on the streaming platforms. I paid $5.99 to watch it. It was good.

It was very good. A lot of footage that I've never seen before, but I was very confused on the footage and how it was so good. How it was so good. It was better footage than we get out of this place right now sometimes. It's been remastered. I mean, there's ways you can do that.

Hey, I just hope he doesn't hear you. Otherwise, he's going to show up here tomorrow and maybe sock you right in the mouth. Buzz Aldrin's cool with me, me man he did a lot of really cool stuff neil armstrong also i enjoyed it that i the 50-year documentary though was so nice it was almost too nice in my eyes but it was cool to see um the american spaceship in the american flag by the way i always wondered why it waved it didn't wave it had a um a top to it a rod like a rod at the top never knew that oh so that's why i went why it's why i went out oh that answered a huge

question for me yeah because that was one of the things brought up in the original argument right yeah and in my a lot of in my head i'm like well how did it even go out then it had a rod across the top they remastered these photos and videos and it all looked very very good i'm telling you this documentary looked like it was shot yesterday oh god but it was footage from back then you could tell by the way people were dressing and acting that it was from back in the day well and it looks so authentic because we were actually there i agree it's not i'm all indicated or anything i am on, I am, it hammered home my opinion that we did go to the moon.

Did it? Yeah, there we go. Hammered it home. Sounds like a little doubt crept in. Well, they started talking about how, I didn't know this, did you know this? We circled the earth a couple times to catch the orbit to slingshot us out.

Had to do it. That was like the original slingshot. It's like the original slingshot. Shake and bake was NASA. It was the original slingshot. I didn't know that. And then we went around the moon a couple times. They were going 27,000 miles an hour, first of all.

Wow. That was an alarming number. I didn't know that was possible. But then they went around the moon to catch the lunar gravity, slowed all the way down to 5 000 miles an hour so their bodies are going through it there but the strategy made a lot more sense after watching i was like oh maybe maybe i'm all in i'm all in on us going to the moon after watching that seems like it i am don't question me it is kind of incredible. When you look at the instrumentation and the craft and stuff, everything looks so basic.

And you're like, oh, that took those guys to the moon. There was like five. It was 6.5 million pounds. That space shuttle was 6.5 million pounds. Seems heavy. Huge payload. They got four little rocket ships inside of that one rocket ship because they broke off. They kept four little rocket ships inside of that one rocket ship. Cause they broke off.

They kept breaking off at different levels cause they didn't want it to explode or something like that. I guess that's why there's so much shit floating around in the, in space, but it was 6.5 million pounds. Well, and the astronauts back then, you know,

we're just, uh, I mean, they knew the telemetry. They knew that, you know, actually he actually landed on the moon, uh, without like the range finder.

They didn't know how far they had to go. He kind of just stuck landing. They moved because where the auto lander was headed was a massive crater. That's right. So they had to drive it, take it off of autopilot,

land it themselves forward to miss the craters that were the size of football fields they were saying, the craters. Incredible. Incredible. Because they're american heroes anyways if you ever go back to the moon and you want to buy tickets up there you utilize sea geek because sea geek scans all the other ticket buying platforms to make sure you're getting the best tickets at the best possible price you're not getting catfished either the ticket that you buy is the ticket that you get

these other places run a little scam cam where you buy and then you can't get the ticket you thought you got. You get catfished as if Nev was to show up at your house and say, Katy Perry isn't Katy Perry. This ticket isn't your ticket. That's not the way it works with SeatGeek because they're good people selling great tickets to immensely awesome humans like yourself. Right now, you use promo code Pat. Get $10 off your first order. Promo code McAfee, $20 off your first order. Let's have a little self-awareness. If we're rich, go ahead and use the promo code Pat.

Get $10 off. If we're not rich yet, go ahead and use McAfee. Get $20 off. Football game, turn around the corner. Maybe take a date. Maybe go with your dad. Maybe go with your friend. Maybe go alone.

Fuck it. I'm on some alone time. Me and the boys watching some football. Just me and the team. One with that. Do whatever whatever you need to do just get out there and live a little and experience something live that's probably our best ad read to date yeah i'll straight into a documentary breakdown yeah we basically just explained space travel it was a full-on debate. It wasn't a debate. There's no debate.

We went. Yeah, thank you. I'm on your side. The one video does look like, though, if they were to be very close up with something that looks like the moon and they were just running it by the camera. Well, I mean, I also, at this point, it doesn't matter what you say or what I see,

I will stand tall that we went to the moon 100 times out of 100 times. We did go to the moon. I'm on your side. Exactly. Watch First Man. Is that this documentary? You should watch this documentary. No, it's a film.

But it's a very accurate representation of- Did you watch this documentary? How do you know? No, I don't. I don't know. I saw First Man. I just saw the movie. Hey, we were in houston by

the way so they were actually giving us updates on you there's like if they didn't go to the moon they had to fool at least a hundred space rocket scientists that are in the room documenting everything they're doing is all i'm saying so unless they kept all those people quiet or they fooled all those couldn't pay all those actors There's a lot of people in there. Hey, there's a lot of actors. Wow. Don't you say what you just said. One of those people would come out by now, you would think.

I fully think they had the backup plan to do the movie production if they didn't make it to the moon. But I think they made it so they were like, oh, we don't need it. So they told John Goodman or whoever was there, calm down. Argo? Is that from Argo? Yeah. What was the movie where they, oh, God damn, it was a great movie.

John Goodman had to go plan the landing just in case it didn't happen ahead of this whole movie studio. It seems as if everything that could have went right did go right on that trip, though. A lot of potential massive kabooms on the way to the moon. Like they had to break through this one particular thing and then this other particular thing, and then they're just floating for like six days. And they're like, oh, down in Houston, we're going to call it a night. Good night.

And they're like, good night, boy. From space, you know? And everybody would go to sleep at the same schedule. It was very interesting. And then they lost him behind the moon. Lost service. Dark side. Dark side of the moon.

Mike Collins was just floating around, by the way. This guy. He saw it all. He was floating around. He was a getaway car. He was. He was the escape route. Keep the engine going.

Need to team up with this guy to get back to earth home we're coming home boys mike leave leave it running show park this bitch give it right there at the fucking lunar gravity edge have you seen apollo 13 pat what with tom hanks you will love that movie it is fascinating it is fascinating it's a really good movie everything that went wrong and the things they had to like invent in or like they couldn't get back unless they invented shit when that guy lives on mars matt damon uh yeah similar he had to create things and then whenever clooney and that lady were up there yep gravity i saw that one too yeah i've seen a lot of space stuff.

I haven't seen a lot. That one's a real story though. Yeah, they had to actually invent an apparatus to convert carbon dioxide to oxygen out of shit that was inside the aircraft. So smart. In order to get back home. These humans are so smart.

These humans are so smart. There's a guy named Deke Slayton. Because when I first said it, I thought it was Steve Slayton. I was like, how come nobody ever said Steve Slayton was the guy that was basically the coach of these? He was the astronaut coach that sent them to the moon. The real hero. And when Steve Slayton came and played at WVU, I would assume at some point somebody would be like,

Steve Slayton was the same guy that coached the astronauts. I would assume I would hear that at some point. Turns out his name was Deke Slayton. They showed me that an hour and a half into the movie they actually put his name on the bottom they're all checking in though with the headsets talking to him this is houston this is deke slayton talking how are you guys doing up there boys we're all proud of you over thank you you're playing music up there i'm a believer i should be i also believe you're gonna enjoy this I'm a believer. As you should be.

I also believe you're going to enjoy this. Ladies and gentlemen, joining us now is a hilarious individual. Once a professional athlete, a mixed martial artist who fought in the UFC with 11 victories, 11 times he stepped into a cage with another man and beat the fuck out of him. He then retired and started dominating the podcast world in the stand-up comedy world he has two podcasts the king in this thing the fighter and the kid ladies and gentlemen hailing from hollywood california brendan shaw legit intro man i try my best man just bring a little energy intro i'll take it i just try to let you know i did a little bit of research a little bit of research man dang look at you guys

that is all the intro is trying to do is just explain that i did a little bit of research and i feel pretty good about respect i've been a fan of yours for a long time on the internet same man i i like a lot uh when professional athletes decide a now granted the story behind rogan and kylan kind of uh helping you with your decision but transitioning into the entertainment world is not an easy one and watching you has been a lot of fun oh thanks brother same thing long time coming you and i have been trying to link up for a while and yeah i think whatever you do i always support man you see me on your instagram like and everything slitting your girls dms so the thing is

sorry sorry oh my bad yeah they slid in my fiance you're not the only one i assume love dude love forever yeah but but same thing, man. I feel like we're cut from the same cloth. And yeah, I appreciate you, man. Yeah, I enjoy watching you. You just had a special on Showtime. You were doing your media run there.

And I tried to slide in a time in the middle of it. It didn't work out. I know. But I'm excited that you're here in Indianapolis now doing your tour. Last week, so we missed it already. I wish we could have promoted it. Hey, if he ever comes back to Indianapolis, go watch him. The guy is funny.

But let's talk about your life. Let's do it. I didn't know you were a lacrosse player. Yeah, I love lacrosse, man. Had a real deep passion for lacrosse. Sport of the future. Where'd you grow up at? Denver, Colorado. I did not know lacrosse was west of Pennsylvania. I had no idea that it even existed out there. That's fair. That's Colorado. I did not know lacrosse was west of Pennsylvania. I had no

idea that it even existed out there. That's fair. That's fair. It's not the biggest game in Denver, Colorado, but it was pretty good when I was there, man. I loved lacrosse. And that led to a football? No, football was from day one. Football, when I started playing when I was four and all the way through had a cappuccino with the Buffalo Bills. So I played football for a long time. Yeah, and then you went into the Arena League. What position did you play in football? In college, I played at University of Colorado.

I was an H-back, like fullback. Oh, nice. Just run your head into people. Bunch of CTs. Real bummer. And then, yeah, With the Buffalo Bills Like you said A cappuccino

Yeah but it's not easy To get into those camps It's something That needs to be remembered They don't just sign up Dummies out there I mean Isn't that

That's one way to look at Yeah I think it depends I think if you would've told me When I was like four Like hey dude You're gonna get a You're gonna have a shot With the Buffalo Bills

Like you're crazy That'd be awesome But now It's like god That was a failure You know it just depends how you look at it i mean maybe a failure because you didn't make your ultimate goal which i assume would be an all pro h back or whatever and becoming a super bowl champion but the the percentage of humans that get to accomplish that in the amount of circumstances that have to fall correctly is so small i know so i i think hindsight you should have a much more positive outlook than you did maybe as a four-year-old as i'm getting older i'm like that same with same with my ufc career it's like well i never won the

world championship so that was a failure yeah okay so let's dive into that you you do the you go to university you went to a small school transfer to colorado yes went to whittier college in california where phenomenal lacrosse we're number one in the nation at the time and then left there went to University of Colorado walked on there and then earned a scholarship and then played three years at University of Colorado congrats success story I would somewhat say right there by the way don't look at his failure got your school paid for hello you're using that Obviously, you're using all your education. You learn a color. Thank God I went to class. You go to the Buffalo Bills, get released from them. You go to the Arena League for a little bit.

Decided that is a terrible business. Probably shouldn't do that. Some would say the worst. The way those things operate. Oh, my God. I was like, how much am I getting paid? Only if you win, too. Only if you win.

This is awful. real incentive to win though dude you got 45 people watching too you got walls that you can potentially run into now in the middle of the field and you're making no money this was not the dream i mean there's people that play because they still love the game i appreciate and respect it and i'll try to give them a rating every time it's on tv i'll like turn it on before i take a shit and then come back so i try to give them a rating so they get their money up. But boy, the people that are doing Arena, you've got to really appreciate their amount of love for football.

They love the football out there. Do they love the football or do they have no other options? And that's it. I mean, we can look at it positively. They love the football. So after that, it was like a two-year window there before the Ultimate Fighter happened. Were you trying to figure out your life you didn't know after arena league

you're like fuck what am i gonna trying to figure out how selling uh supplements door-to-door like pursuit of happiness style at a briefcase i'd go door-to-door selling supplements but i had oh what were they they were it was like creatine and protein powder let me hear it hello okay yeah what the fuck's going on bob hey how you doing i was a lot better before some fucking meat i just showed up at my door but sure you could be a lot better if you try some of these supplements let me just show you what i have can i come in for a second no and then okay what? Fuck this. That's a hard job. That is a grind. Tough job.

You're cold calling people but showing up at their house, especially when you're a giant human. I would go door to door and then I'd go into gyms and I'd just sit there with my briefcase

and I'd wait for someone to come up to me and I would look at someone working out or like kidding mitts and I'd be like, I can make him 1% better. I'd go, how?

I'd go, how? Do you have some time? And he would sit down. It never worked out. I was the worst salesman ever. A meathead Jehovah's Witness, bro. What a wild life. It was awful, man.

But when I was doing that, so I'd do that during the day. Then at night, I would train. I'd do jujitsu and boxing. Yeah, because your dad, big time martial artist. Yep, yep. He did your research, man. Yeah, black your dad, big time martial artist. Yep, he did your research. Black belt in taekwondo. He didn't want me fighting, but coming from football, I needed something to take up that

space and I just had a knack for fighting, unfortunately. And at this time, I think the Ultimate Fighter was starting to really get going. Just starting to get going. So I was selling supplements, living with my brother. Wasn't making any money, living with my brother. And then it just started taking off. Then I started training with this really big guy named Shane Carwin,

who eventually became UFC heavyweight champion. But he only had two fights. We were the only two big guys in the gym. So me and him would train nonstop together. And training, by the way, is now, granted, a man that you have fought before and defeated, Matt Matreon trains here in Indianapolis. And training, by the way, is now, granted, a man that you have fought before and defeated, Matt Matreon, trains here in Indianapolis. Love Matt, yeah. And Chris Lytle

trains here in Indianapolis. Monsters. And when Matreon's training for a fight, him and Lytle literally wake up every morning, go into this little fucking pit hellhole down here in the hood here in Indianapolis. It has pads. You've done it with him. I've done it with him two times. And they just beat the fuck out of each other. They literally go in there and just beat the fuck out of each other.

Yeah, they go hard. They go hard. Chris Lytle walks out of there with a black eye every day. Terrible job. Terrible job. So you having to do this against a world champ, I couldn't even fathom. Every day you walk in, they're like,

okay, I've got to fight a potential world champion here. Awful. And he was so much bigger than me, but he was like a big brother and just whooped my ass every day. But listen, at the time I'm selling supplements door-to-door and i knew i was athletic and i'd watch the guys on especially in the heavyweight division the ufc i'm like god i know i can beat some of those guys if i just focus i'm so much more athletic my work ethic i bet i could get pretty far didn't think i'd get as far as i did i was like but i

it's better than slaying in supplements door door, man. Yeah. So, yeah. Hey, how's it going? So, yeah. So I started training and then probably six months into training, Shane Carwin goes, hey, man,

there's a Golden Gloves boxing tournament next week. I go, that's cool. And he goes, oh, we signed you up for it. I'm like, oh, shit. So my dad didn't want me fighting at all and i told my dad i go dad i'm doing golden gloves next week i had no idea i

didn't really train for it i've just been trained with shane and i go i'm doing golden gloves next week he wanted me to just work on my my degree and whatever that so uh i go if i lose this i'll i won't no more fighting i'm done i'll go whatever you want me to do. And he says, deal. Deal. He shows up front row. Front row. They don't put me in the, because I had no fights. And they didn't put me in the B class.

They put me in the A class with guys with a lot of fights. So these guys are monsters. I go in there. I'm so nervous. And it was three two-minute rounds. And I ended up winning the whole thing. All knockouts. So you're a Golden Gloves champ? All knockouts. Yeah, uh, it was, uh, three, two minute rounds and I ended up winning the whole thing. All knockouts. Yeah. All knockouts. And so I get, but this is the best part. So it's, it's super hoodie in there. Like I'm the only white guy. It's all Mexican, black kids, right?

I'm the only white guy and they're taping my hands, but you're taping your hands with the crowd around you. Like everyone's, everyone's family, kids are running by a movie it's yeah like sad movie so so they're taping my hands and my dad's like right there and my dad's not used to like fight games looking around he's like good and this giant um this giant black guy walks by and who was fighting in the championships he was an army champion giant black dude walks by my dad goes jesus christ he goes who's fighting him i go fighting him? I go, Dad, that's my opponent. And my dad goes, oh, we should leave. He goes, we should leave. I go, I can't, Dad.

I have to fight that guy. And so I beat that, knocked him out in the second round. And then when I get done, my dad's like, all right, let's see what happens. Oh, so that was kind of like the. But he was like, you're a moron, but let's see what happens. That was kind of like the- But he was like, you're a moron, but let's see what happens. And then probably six months, maybe four months after that, I signed up for my first MMA fight.

Were you in like a basement? Was it like a shitty- Chris Lytle tells this incredible story of his first MMA fight was in this dungy basement where basically it wasn't even a cage. It was just like roped off. Yeah, it was roped off with some shady promoters no different animal no in my whole career whether it's entertainment or fighting or football i've always it i just get thrown to the fucking wolves deep deep get thrown right with the big dog so right away my first fight broomfield event Center, you know, whatever, 3,600 people sold out

on the first fight of the night. Everyone's there because it's very close to where I played college football. So that whole crowd. Oh, here we go. Let's go Buffs. Yep, my mom drives

an hour and a half to get there. I knocked the guy out in 16 seconds. What did you do, a flying knee? I think I knocked him out in 36 seconds, but it was just straight right hand. Some fat guy. It's not that impressive, you know,

but I get done in my, I'm in the back of my mom goes, that was fun. That's cool. So how many more you got tonight? I was all, that's it, mom.

That's it. She goes, oh, wow. Never saw me fight again. I drove an hour and a half for 36 seconds. For you to beat up this fat guy with titties? So then you get into

the Ultimate Fighter. So I'm doing that Ultimate Fighter calls. Was that the, what season was that? Season 10. Biggest season they ever had. Yeah, because.

That was my big break. Were you the first heavyweights? The first season was the first heavyweights and then the season 10 that I was on is the most watched series of all time.

I will say I did watch it. Rashad, Rampage, and then we had Kimbo Slice on there. Roy Nelson. Kimbo? Kimbo Slice. What was Kimbo like? Amazing dude. Just such a good dude.

People say so many positive things because Kimbo, obviously, everybody remembers from dial-up internet, getting on the internet, waiting for Kimbo to beat the fuck out of somebody in the backyard. Maybe him being a porn bouncer for a little bit. Kimbo had all these incredible things throughout my entire childhood.

And then he gets into the real fight game was like, okay, Kimbo slice is really doing it. But all you hear is positive things about Kimbo slice. And so I remember watching him on YouTube and then, uh, the, the house is always 16 guys and you have no idea who's going to be on it. You just, when you get into the house, you, I saw 15 guys. I'm like, well, who's the 16th dude. And Dana's like, you guys ready for the 16th guy. And we're all like, everyone's a legit fighter there. And, uh, how many fights have you had at this point? Uh, I had, uh, two before that. Oh, good. Two fat guys. So I just call it two titties.

So we're waiting. And he made such a big deal on it. I saw Roy Nelson, who's a former world champion and he had like 40 fights. By the way, fat guy, fat, tough,

fat guy, skilled, tough, tough, fat guy, toughest, fat guy, the toughest fat guy of all time.

People would say so. Yeah. And he was a former world champion. I had over 30 fights. I have two. So I'm like, well, that's, that's not good and i'm looking around and uh i'm like i wonder who it is gonna be some big name like tough like a fade or something like that or some huge experienced guy and they brought in kimbo slice and then what sucks is and i think it rubs some people the wrong

way is right when they bring you in i knew him just as kimbo slice the backyard brawler the camera zooms on me i go oh that guy and that's how the world got introduced to ben job in quotes it puts that guy man but then uh we got into the house and we're on opposite teams but i would i just i there's something about him well it's hard not to gravitated towards kimbo slice not because he's a badass he was such a good person man he told the best stories he was a family guy and he was trying to make money and he was so humble he'd be in the house he got it hopefully it doesn't go to the ground man i don't know the fuck i'm doing down there so we'd be on the ground in the living room trying to help him with jujitsu and show him if you get caught down here and he was a great guy

that's awesome. Passed away. Yeah, rest in peace, Kimbo Slice. Thanks for all the minutes of entertainment. Hall of Famer, man. I think you should be in the UFC Hall of Fame. All right, me too. I don't know for what he did in the UFC, but for his fighting history,

I think he should be. Yeah, just for his fighting history. I think so, too. What he did for the game, he should be in the Hall of Fame. He popped that one guy's eyeball out. Oh, yeah. Magnificent. Him and that one guy's eyeball out. Oh, yeah. Magnificent. Him and that cop in that padded room that one day.

That cop beat him up, right? It was a war. Remember he grabbed him? Oh, it was a war. Yeah. Watching Kimbo Slice walk into somebody's backyard like, are you fucking ready, bro? It was awesome.

Also terrifying. Yeah. He would drop his hands and let the other guy just start blasting him in the face. Here's the thing about Kimbo, man. He would drop his hands and let the other guy just start blasting him in the face. Here's the thing about Kimbo, man. He had skills. Me and him sparred a lot on Ultimate Fighter. He had skills, man. He was a really skilled dude.

Yeah, because you were a Golden Gloves boxing champ at that point. Yeah, but Kimbo, stand up. He was good. Man, this is a good conversation. I'm happy you stopped by. We're about to really dive into old Brendan Shaw. You're going to be like, hey, I. I'm happy you stopped by. We're about to really dive into old Brendan Shaw. You're going to be like, hey, I wish I knew this about Brendan Shaw. I bet you we're going to answer that.

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Okay, so you go to the finals. Toughest fat guy in history beats you. Beats me, but I still earn a contract in the UFC. Here we go. Now we're talking. This is the dream. This is the goal. Is it, though?

We got a new dream. Pat, is it, though? We got a new dream. Not really. New job. New mission. I'll say that okay so the supplement store the door was a mission now someone's door to door try to earn a certain amount where i can move out my brother's house that was the mission not the dream get to the ufc not the dream but it's a mission you're here man make the best of it don't get beat up and. And, you know, try to get famous enough

and get out. Okay, and that's what happened. Mission accomplished. Tom Cruise. Bro, mission accomplished. I don't know, dude. Because when I was fighting, it was like,

I just didn't have the experience. And again, I get launched into this thing and, you know, I'm fighting these monsters, these guys with 30, 40 fights experience. And, you know, I'm beating some of them, and I'm fighting these monsters, these guys with 30, 40 fights experience. And I'm beating some of them.

I'm losing some of them. And I'm terrified. But you won a lot more than you lost. For sure, 100%. Mission accomplished. You were a good fighter, dude. Yeah, good fighter. Wasn't world champion. Who gives a fuck?

I hear you. But that would be the mission, you know? No, that would be your dream. Not a dream yeah your mission you just said it was to get popular enough to move on mission fucking accomplished yeah that's fair you're a good personality you were you had plenty of credibility not a good personality in the ufc so on the ufc you you if you were a ufc fan you only knew me through like the the countdowns so i'm gonna rip this guy's head off and like you know like you have it's so serious so you didn't really get to know so how did how did rogan uh become such a fan

of yours just by talking to you all out of the cage or what yeah we uh uh him and brian callen were really close and then uh i would go brian you know brian's my best friend but all of us would always hang out in la and we'd go to dinners and i'd tell stories and just make them laugh. And then they were like, dude, you gotta, you gotta do something with this. And they were Callan and Rogan were kind of the ones that told you like, Hey, I think it's probably time to step out of that cage and let's move on. A hundred percent. And they were the ones that told you like, Hey, everything you wanted to do in the UFC, you have done, you've made a good amount of money. Your name pops a little bit now.

Let's go ahead and take over. So you should get into the podcast world. Is that correct? I started doing the podcast with Brianrian while i was fighting okay um so me and brian are doing the fire and the kid while i was fighting i was just telling people about my experience stuff like that and um it just started to gain momentum and then i remember my last fight i got a check for for doing my podcast i got checked for getting beat up and my check for doing the podcast was way higher. And I was like, oh, well, I'm done with it. Stand-up comedy has been something you talk about dreaming.

This is actual dream, right? Stand-up comedy is a real dream. Like ever since you were a kid, you loved the thought of stand-up comedy. Loved the thought of stand-up comedy. Never thought I'd be able to do it. My dream was more of a Saturday Night Live. Oh night live you know sketch yes something more like that but um still uh i i don't know i mean the the goal would be to host saturday night live yeah oh so not be a cast member host yeah the cast members not in in my uh wheelhouse but a host

for sure yeah why is it on your wheelhouse uh you're talking about second city trained you know that's yeah you're talking monsters i mean we watch the shows we all watch the shows do we it's the ratings aren't great but yeah there's a reason i think that's what we're saying i see what you guys are saying yeah yeah i actually did watch the shows by the way i love it it was saturday night before games on sunday It was literally the only thing on TV late night. Oh, yeah. And I would watch it every single week. And I would just sit there and contemplate retirement each Saturday night. I'm like,

I feel like I could probably fucking go do Saturday Night Live. I feel like that's something I could probably do tomorrow. And that's why we're at where we're at, brother. But you've loved the stand-up world? Yeah, the whole comedy do you have challenges early in stand-up yeah oh yeah i still have challenges i don't think i don't yeah what is it confidence nope no i've never lacked confidence if i i i believe in myself enough where i'll figure it out and uh i'm around the literally the best most talented comics in the

world and i see how they operate and there's some guys who i can watch and go oh i know how he how and I'm around literally the best, most talented comics in the world, and I see how they operate, and there's some guys who I can watch and go, oh, I know how he got from point A to point B on that joke. I get that. I can do that. Then I'll watch other guys like Chris D'Elia or Theo Vaughn or Bill Burr.

I'm like, I can't. They're aliens. I can't do that. But there's certain guys like a Bert Kreischer or someone who I see his style and how good he's at it. I'm like, well, I can do that. But there's certain guys like a Bert Kreischer or someone who I see his style and how good he's at it. I'm like, well, I can do that. And that's kind of why I base my style off of.

What an incredible time he is. Bert Kreischer. The best of times. He just comes into a room. It's like, all right. It's a tidal wave of party. It's about to happen. Shirts off.

Yeah. Everybody's just going to get fucked up here. There's only one Bert Kreischer. I love Bert. That's legit. He came in here at like 10 a.m., 11 a.m. And he's like, all right up here. I think there's only one Bert Kreischer. I love Bert. That's legit He came in here like 10 a.m. 11 a.m. He's like, all right here for the party. Yeah Two hours He's the best man

Warm Natty lights just cuz that's all we have but he was he was gonna do it He was determined I think it's a great way he was determined to have a good time it's his thing Yeah, a good times his thing you his thing. Yeah. A good time's his thing. You live in Hollywood now? Live in Hollywood, man. Well, I work in Hollywood. I just moved out of Hollywood. Had a place in Santa Monica, but I have a kid, man.

So it's too busy there. So I had to get out. So I moved. Me and Bert, or me, Bert, Segura, Rogan, some other guys, we kind of live outside of the area. Man, you just name dropped a lot of people those are my friends i apologize who's somebody you met living out there that was much cooler than you could have ever imagined you're like you know what i met insert name here

i thought they're a raging douchebag turns out cool dude uh i never assume anyone's a douchebag um really no never never i i just just yeah never if they're a comic i assume they hate me is that because yeah me too yeah i just assume they hate me is it because on ultimate fighter you got edited into looking like a dick where you said fuck that guy so now you just have the thought that anybody who's potentially douchebag has been edited into to look like a douchebag? Maybe, but also everyone's judged off social media, but that's not real. Also, that's like, it's like politics. Like there's these outcries and people think that's the narrative, but those are the extreme.

So on social media, that's the extreme. So I don't base anything off those opinions. So I wait till I meet them. Who's somebody that surprised you? No one surprised me, but Will Smith was awesome. That's my guy. Will Smith is my guy.

Will Smith is amazing. Coolest dude ever? Ever. I thought so too. I've never met him. You've never met him. Don't start. Excuse me. I've been following him on Instagram. I feel like I know him. I feel like I know everything about him. You know what's funny about Will Smith too? You guys just talked about how fake it is. Excuse me.

And how it's the extremes. Well, no, hold on. Excuse me. He hates Will Smith. Oh, you hate Will Smith? I hate him. I think he's corny. You think he's corny?

Bro, who do you like? Exactly. Who do you like? Great question. Jeff Bridges, Christian Bale. Those are guys I like. Sounds a little racist, doesn't it? Yeah, sounds pretty white to me.

Sounds pretty racist, doesn't it? Easy. No one in here? Easy. Hey, listen. Fucking two-term Trump over here. Sorry, racist. Denzel Washington. I like Denzel. Sounds pretty racist. No one in here? Easy. Hey, listen. Fucking two-term Trump over here. Sorry, racist. Denzel Washington.

I like Denzel. Oh, no. Don't go, my guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, Kevin Hart. Oh, yeah. Kevin Hart, Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy. I love Martin Lawrence.

Hilarious. Yeah, but Will Smith. No, he's killing it. Don't worry about it. I like how Will Smith, because people on YouTube and Instagram, they think they're funny or think they're talented. These Instagrammers are just YouTubers. And then when Will Smith goes, oh, this is what everyone wants to look at?

Oh, cool. Let me get my talents on it. And then you watch his page like, oh, fuck. Take over. I just took over the internet. He's a real talented dude. Yeah, actually talented. So he's like, oh, this is what we'll focus on?

Yeah, check this how you do it. Grammys, Emmys. He's the best. All of them. He's got everything. so talented so will you met will smith met will smith man burke kresher tells a story about it when he met will smith it was in a urinal and will smith was about to tell him the secret to success but his piss stream was so strong so i tell you what man there's a key to this whole thing they started pissing and then he goes all all right, good luck. And Burt was like, I missed it. Didn't wash his hands either.

He didn't have to. By the way, I would hope to shake his hand after that. Yeah, I'm trying to think. The only other guy I was at SB party night, I was talking to someone, and a waiter's coming through. I go to back up, and I back up into Tom Cruise. How big? I turn around.

I was like, dude, you're... Oh, shit. It's Tom Cruise. How big? Not big. 5'3"? He probably had some heels on. I'd say 5'8".

Oh. Heels with 5'8"? He had some thick shoes on. So what's in real life then? God. 5'6"? 5'6"? He's listed at 5'6", so maybe it's real.

Maybe it's when we thought it was a Hollywood doctor there doctor there five six i don't know he had some shoes on but it's fucking paid larger than life though it's tom cruise dude do you enjoy uh action flicks are you a big tom cruise fan what is your style of movie you watch uh no like i won't see like hobbs and whatever the fuck it is you like i don't go to shaw i don't i don't go to that stuff he doesn't need you it's a world premiere he's got The Rock's going to make a billion dollars off of China. Oh, no. I'm well aware. Because he's jumping out of a building at one point, and China's like, oh, we love that.

No, I know. Oh, you don't like The Rock? No, I like The Rock. That's interesting. No, I like The Rock. I like The Rock. You guys love The Rock? I like him better than Will Smith.

Brendan, excuse me, please. I see that. Now, do you think he did all the steroids in that, or what do you think he did? All the iron, all the steroids. I'm a fan, please. I see that. Now, do you think he did all the steroids in that, or what do you think he did? All the iron, all the steroids. I'm a fan, dude. But he makes so much money worldwide. That's their new thing, by the way. If you watch any of The Rock's operations,

he always makes sure he plugs in worldwide, so he doesn't care about the domestic numbers, because he knows that the domestic numbers are going to be down. China, baby. China is everything. China loves explosions. One-legged guys jumping out of buildings doesn't do it for me man i mean it does for me he's a rock i feel you yeah you like documentaries

love them okay obviously seen them all good friend of yours rogan did the lazar thing how do you feel about it so oh wait a minute that was a deep guess you don't believe lazar you think he's a liar you think this whole thing's fake wait a fucking minute on was a deep guess. You don't believe Lazar? You think he's a liar? You think this whole thing's fake? Wait a fucking minute. On record, you're saying that? I think Lazar's full of shit. Why? Is it because this guy Jeremy was with him and tried to out-Rogan Rogan?

That guy Jeremy was completely full of shit. He should have never been on there. Him trying to out-Rogan Rogan at the one point after he had the glass of whiskey was awesome. That was my favorite part of the whole thing. That guy ruined the thing. I only talked like four times. had the glass of whiskey was awesome. That was my favorite part of the whole thing. That guy ruined the thing. You only talked like four times. A lot of people were tweeting me like,

if it wasn't for the bearded fuck, that would have been the best interview. That guy should just shut the fuck up. I like Lazar, but when, so I didn't look anything into it. I'm not a big alien guy, conspiracy guy. So when I went into it,

and I was like, oh, this is dope. I was like, this is dope. And I was like, there's fucking aliens. There's aliens. This guy's worked on them, dude.

This is nuts. Right out there. Right? There they are. So I get done. And then I was still convinced for about two or three days. But then people start sending me articles and all this stuff. And you look more into it.

No, you don't read those. You're just going to fully buy in? Propaganda, bro. That's propaganda. Yeah, I don't read those articles. I got them sent to me as well. I just talk and read them. I read them propaganda. Yeah, I don't read those articles. I got them sent to me as well. I just don't read them. I read them, man.

Because I don't know that Lazer guy, like a lot of stuff he says doesn't really fall, doesn't track where he went to school. Oh, that's because the government was trying to ruin him. Yeah, I guess, man. I guess. Brendan, you're more woke than this, bro. I'm woke on some things. You are more woke than this.

You believe Lazar? I just believe in aliens. I know he had a high-level job in that industry, so he had to go to school somewhere. So the fact that they can't find any education history on him at all is a little weird. He had to be educated by somebody. You don't just take somebody's word on it that they're a chemist.

And there's a newspaper article about him working at that Los Alamos post that they say they never worked there. Yeah. Listen, I think some of it you know i don't know why it's real bro i'd be more impressed that good of a liar that's what i said too i would love him if he like i feel like rogan pretty good at uh dissecting somebody and picking them apart i felt like aside from the migraine thing that that was strange 35 minutes in well no but all that like you'd like so what exactly did the alien look like?

You're like, ah, damn, I had no idea. I'm trying to remember. I'm sorry, what were we talking about? So anyways, when I was in New Mexico. That was shady. Unacknowledged is another documentary you can watch. What's that one about? Aliens.

So, well, you know, I'm all in on the aliens. All out on the Bigfoot. All in on the aliens. All out on Bigfoot. Dude, documentaries will get me, man. I'll watch them. I feel like an expert, and I will fucking on the aliens. All out on the Bigfoot. All in on the aliens. All out on Bigfoot. Dude, documentaries get me, man. I'll watch them. I feel like an expert, and I will fucking drop some knowledge. What's your favorite?

We had a friend that became a vegan. Oh, I'm sure. He watched one documentary, and he became a fucking vegan. I can see that. That's why I don't watch those. Yep, me neither. Just like those articles you're talking about that are discrediting Bob Lazar. I just don't read them.

I just stick away from them. That doesn't fit my narrative. I like my life right now. Yeah, I feel you. I'm trying to think of the last one. Do you watch I Love You Now Die? No, I've seen it. I haven't sat down to watch it.

Is it like Dateline? You watch it. It's a two-part series. And when you first watch it, they, you know, so basically what happens, she was dating this, when I say dating, they had just like a- A fling. Well, not even a fling. They only met like three times but they started dating they

basically had a phone relationship yeah they were texting they just texted each other they weren't around those are fun yeah yeah so they're not around um so he was manic depressive uh wanted to commit suicide and oh i did see this and she talks him into coming to us oh yeah yeah and then she goes on trial for murder it's a but the first part you're like oh this she sucked i was like give her a life fuck that girl but then you watch the second part and they dive into the the dude like oh my god yeah she helped him out she fucking helped him out you're on her side dr kevorkian over there she's great you're on her side a little bit a little bit because the kid he's he attempted suicide four times it's all he talked about yeah because some of her texts were like shit talking him that he

couldn't successfully kill himself right and she's like oh are you finally do it this time like that type of stuff yeah it she has problems no doubt is she in jail now no spoiler well okay i mean this happened in 2014 so i mean snooze it's not a spoiler you know what i'm saying so she she went to so she went to prison for how long I think a year and a half 15 months she's out now though

yes her and Casey Anthony and the other tag team dudes that'd be a great podcast that sounds fair to be honest 15 months

a year and a half that's what I said I think that's fair you don't know the fucking you don't know the story I just heard it I mean that's basically it we know the story

we haven't seen the documentary we know the story I gave you the rundown I've got to watch this now I don't understand the fucking, you don't know the story. You didn't watch this? I just heard it. I just, I mean, that's basically it. I mean, we know the story. We haven't seen the documentary. We know the story. No, I gave you the rundown. I've got to watch this now. I don't understand how you can get convicted of helping. Did you see the text messages? She literally told him, like, yep, this is what you're going to do. So if I tell you, mate, you should go rob that bank,

then I'm going to go to jail for a conspiracy? Correct, because you didn't share it with the cops. That doesn't fit the elements of the law. No, it does, though. That was the argument. You've got to watch the doc, brother. You're off. So the thing is...

He was a cop for 21 years. No, I hear you. I hear you. But you saw the doc. That was a long time ago. I saw the doc. I saw the doc. Don't drop some fucking knowledge.

I saw the doc, all right? The doc went on the wall in Boston. I saw the doc. Yeah, that was their argument. They go, well, if this kid wanted to jump off a bridge and she walks by and goes, do it, should she go to jail? Because he was going to do it anyways.

The answer is yes. Yes, the answer is yes. Really? No, I'm just saying. She had a bad lawyer. She had a really good lawyer. Here's the thing, though. The kid goes into the car, right?

And he put the toxins into the car. The exhaust in the car. In a garage, right? Good way to do it. No, in a Walmart parking lot. Shout out to Walmart. I don't think they want that shout out. You don't know their demographic.

I am the demographic. Shout out to Hassan's joke. So he closes the door, and he's texting her like, I'm going to do it. And he gets scared and gets out of the car. And then the next text he gets from her, she goes, get the fuck back in that car. Jesus. And he got back in the car. Oh, wow.

Yeah. It's like it was just one text either, right? Like she was sending multiple like over different long periods of time. She should get into motivation. She's fucking Lou Holtz, coach. You got the Tony Robbins of suicide here. She's fucking. She was good.. You got the Tony Robbins of suicide here. She's fucking good.

You got to watch it though. Documentaries, that's my shit, man. Have you ever been involved in one of those situations where a crime is about to happen? Where a crime happens? So we have this gas station right back here. I was wondering where you're going. How much research did you do? I didn't do enough, obviously, but there's a

gas station right back here we go to. It's a one-stop shop convenience store. You can buy vapes in there and everything. It's one of those gas stations. Terrible part of town. I mean, it's a bad. It's got the glass in front of the person. You've got to dip the money in underneath.

We're in a bad part of town right now? Oh, yeah. There's a meth clinic right across the street there. Yeah. But like one block down, it's good. One block down, you're good, though. It's a library. You're good.

But this part of town, not great. So every time you go over there, there's a chance something's going to pop off. And I always want to be on surveillance camera in the middle of it. I want to be the guy in the surveillance camera in the background. I watch a lot of Dateline.

Yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah. This guy says that this happened. I always want to be that guy. Two weeks ago, we walked in there. A guy walks in, fixes his gun on his strap. I'm like, oh, fuck. Here it's happening.

I sneak in in front of him. It's go time. I want to be in the room. You want to be in the shot yes i would like to finish maybe spear him too you know something cool something cool and he just goes he goes to the side of the counter too i'm like fuck it's happening ask her the bathroom and you if they were watching surveillance camera it's me like sitting there just like staring at him staring at him we didn't do it he takes a piss and leaves with his gun. I was like, God damn it. Come on, dude. Live a little, man.

Has anything ever happened to you? Or you've stunted a crime in process or been a part of a cool surveillance camera? No, never. What's your diet? God, dude. You have that food truck show. Pretty good show. I struggle with it.

Thank you. Pretty good show. Thanks, brother. We don't have enough food trucks out here. I was thinking maybe. You could do it. You should do the same one every time. Yeah, but in LA, it's like.

I'm just spitballing. I feel like LA is food truck capital of the world. LA is food truck. And right where my studios are at, there's so many food trucks. What studio is that? In Santa Monica. I run all three shows out of Santa Monica. Really?

Yep. That's where. That's where Below the Belt for Showtime, Fire and the Kid, and King of the Sting is. Really? Really. who owns the studios uh this this malca who produces all the stuff really so all those uh those shows are all coming out of the same spot i thought they were in rogan's compound they're not oh no really i'm wrong spot brother you guys have your own spot in santa monica it's not like this but it's pretty cool well you got a great spot man got a good basketball court you had a great spot you're doing it right thank you thank you that means a lot thanks hey good for me good for you did you hear what just happened to me good compliment there from you yeah i know man so you don't

have a diet of any sort you just kind of i i i yo-yo diet man i'm Oh, yeah, me too. Like I'm so hardcore on a diet. And then being on the road sucks, man. I don't know how you do it. It sucks as far as if you want to be on a diet. Because if I'm in LA, my schedule, I'm so strict. Wake up every morning with my son. Work out after he goes to school. I'm on my diet.

I'm fasting. I'm going to bed on time. Doing my sets at night. I'm good. But then when I get on the road, it's like, well, I got to try St. Elmo's. Yeah, you got to. If I'm in Philly, I got to try the cheesesteak. If I'm in New York, got to have pizza.

Have to. So my diet goes to crap on the road, man. So you just eat. What is your diet whenever you're at home? Keto. You're a keto diet guy? Keto kid, yeah. I got some cookies for you to try.

We're about to take to market. Oh, yeah? You're a keto guy? Really? Are you keto right now? Why'd you just look at me like that? I like the tank top. No, you look good, man. Did you ever get thick after you retired?

Oh yeah, what are you talking about? I was like 260, 270 at one point. I feel you, dude. It was easy to get like that. You're a keto guy. I got cookies for you to try i'll take them they're about to go to market do you do you do keto you want to be like shredded yeah i know but i stick with the keto for like uh two weeks i start looking good i'm like

you deserve that's how i am i'm like dude you did it you did it look at you you look good and i eat a pizza yeah that's exactly and then that pizza leads into like frosted miniweeds, which then leads into a nap, which leads into waking up like, oh, I might as well have a cinnamon roll too. We've already wasted this 24 hours. And then it just carries into the next day. And it's like, God damn it. I'm fat. I think I'm an addict.

Yeah. Of food. Yes. Yeah. Me too. Like if you're a drug addict, it's easy. Don't do drugs. You don't have to do drugs.

You have to eat. Yeah. It's a problem. Yeah, and your taste buds have a real opinion on a regular basis. They know what they like. I played with guys that hated eating and I've never been more jealous of people. I wish I had that, man.

They have to force feed themselves. They have to force feed themselves to keep their weight on. They don't like eating. They don't like food. They don't enjoy it. Maybe if you're just pounding Adderall all day. Come on. Naturally like that that there's people like that there's a lot of people i've met i've met more than 10 people that have been like that throughout my entire oh yeah i know some people like that yeah they hate eating i'm like god i am so fucking jealous because if a pizza walks by me right now and it looks anywhere near good it's on i don't know how i'm supposed to say no to that

dollar slice of pizza right there it's so so good. I can't do it. That's because we're from America. You think? Yeah. Yep. Too many options. This is America. It's a real problem, man.

It is. So you're on keto right now? I mean, I had a potato last night. You can't have potatoes. I was on keto before I got here. That's a healthy starch. No, it's not. That's the other thing. That's what's not. That's the other thing.

That's what I do. Trust me. I'm like, I'll work it off in the morning. Full of that. Full of that. Are you in the middle of a tour right now, or are you just always on the road? The real tour starts 2020, but I'm kind of on a tour.

So right now you're piecing together your set? I'm trying to piece together stuff, because I shot my special in January. So I have a new like- How long have you been working on that set that you did in January for the special? Two and a half years, three years. Holy fuck. Two and a half, three years of piecing that together.

The meat of that special, the last half an hour, how I went from the UFC to stand up, which also aired on Comedy Central, that story's three and a half years, four years. That was the base of everything. How many times do you work a week doing comedy at the Comedy Store? If I'm in LA? Yeah. I'm at the Comedy Store, Improv, or Laugh Factory. I mean, I'm doing probably six, seven sets a week at least.

Holy fuck. Yeah. I'm a full-time gig man, yeah. And then I'm on the road you know i'm on the road every month from here to i think 2022 at least two weekends a month if not three let's go let's go bro go take over the world try man get you a stadium like kevin hart i know that's the goal isn't it hell yeah it is that's the that'd be. I don't know how you guys do it. We talk about this on a regular basis. Todd and I, Todd has done a lot more stand-up comedy than me, but Todd always had another job and then did stand-up on the side.

I obviously, same thing. I don't know how the comedians do it. I don't know how you guys do it over and over again. Well, just the same story? Yeah, I get bored. I told the same story, what, three times in a row on this last story, and by the third night, I was like, yep, I'm ready to fucking stop talking about this forever i think that's an athlete thing too because i get bored of i feel like i get bored of my material faster than the other comics um by the time i shot my

special that story that i told on comic central and and on showtime man that was i i knew that i don't ever want to touch it i don't want to see it i don't ever want to touch it. I don't want to see it. When I did that, I'm like, I don't ever want to hear any of this ever again. Ever. But it is. I forget who told me this. They gave the metaphor that a joke or a story is like a little baby.

It's never, yeah. That you kind of have to nurture and you kind of build it up. And then whenever it finally becomes the adult, it's like, okay, now it's time to put it onto a special. And then you kind of let it go forever. And that was kind of an interesting thing to me because i never viewed it that way i always viewed it as oh there's a funny story i'm gonna tell you with some passion and energy and then the next

time i tell it probably not going to be delivered as good i'm gonna be honest i don't like it as much as i did yesterday and then and then so on and so on and so on and that's kind of my problem that's why i do it like once a year two times a year because it just feels fresh to me i don't know how you guys do it yeah but, but if it's your passion, you would because that story, so like I tried a new bit last night, which I've never done before.

If you get some last, I'm like, oh shit, it's a seed. So I'm like, I'm going to go work on that and I punch it up and then next night, oh shit,

it got even better. How much stuff will you practice in front of audiences? Especially right now, a good amount. I mess around in between. We call it making a shit sandwich. I mess around in between. We call it making a shit sandwich.

So at the top stuff, I know it works. At the end, know it works. In the middle, I can mess around. And I know my spots where if it's not going well, I can pull this out and go to that. It's a science out there. You guys at the comedy store really do good stuff on the internet. You talked about if it's a comedian,

you just automatically assume that they hate you. yeah you want to expand on that a little bit because uh and i yeah i guess i just you know i didn't come in like like a traditional comic you know and you know i'm at the comedy store a lot i'm at the improv or the ice house you know we're selling out the wilbur i have a special on showtime being comedy central so it's like you know that's name dropping that's right i respect it i like it i just want you know that okay that's the thing i do oh i was reading wikipedia um no so i just uh no i uh you know if you're if you're a grinder like a comic who hasn't made it or you know you did make it but it took you 17 years to get to a certain level you know i just assumed like dude fuck this guy man you know i paid my dues in a different way you know but that's that's the

reason i asked because pat went through the exact same thing here like and it's just ridiculous to me i mean i was a comedian i'm like i don give a fuck. Anybody that can get up there and be funny. Here's the thing. Who gives a fuck? And plus, you bring a story. It's not your fault you have an amazing, more amazing story than someone who didn't do shit with their life. Yeah, different perspective. Yeah, 100%.

I agree. And I get it. I don't know if that'll ever leave. Maybe if I get passed at the store one day, I'll feel like I belong. But I don't know. I thought the special might make me feel better but it didn't made me feel worse because you got it instead of somebody else you need to stop feeling bad about yourself drew mission accomplished in fighting mission

accomplished in football you got free schooling you got a chance to taste the nfl mission accomplished in lacrosse your team was good in college yeah i think you should stop being so hard on yourself dude yeah maybe man i maybe, man. I don't know. Now, Granny, you are looking a little fat after that potato last night. Do I look thick? Yeah. I got body dysmorphia, bro. You walked in. I was like, you know what? I thought he'd be in better shape. That's what I said.

I gotta get back on keto. I got cookies for you. Where's next city you're at so people can buy tickets? This year's next week. Tuesday, yeah. I'm in Nashville, Portland. We got a big Nashville market.

Dude, love Nashville. Zany's. I'm at Zany's. One of my favorite clubs. Nashville's the best. The best. Nashville. I'm there first week of,

I think August 1 through the 3rd I'm in Nashville. I go Nashville and then I'm in Portland and then Houston, Denver. Oh, those are all close to each other. Yeah, those are all close to each other. Yeah, those are all very easy trips.

It's going to be great. Denver, hometown, man. Haven't done a full weekend in Denver. Hey, maybe you should fight somebody. Take it back to that 36-second fight. You know what I mean? Hey, Mom, check it out. If he's in your town, go check him out.

Hilarious and cool dude. And I think you should stop being so hard on yourself. Incredibly successful and fun to watch on the internet and in real life thanks brother I'm just trying to keep up with you man no no no I'm just a whittling away retired punter in the middle of America don't be so hard on yourself

I mean I sell 6,000 tickets at places fucking asshole incredible hat it's one of my favorite hats I've ever seen in my life Oh thanks brother And you I saw the bit you put on The internet About you being a fuck boy

Yes Super fuck boy Hype boy Two chains on right now Great chains Thanks man I do have two chains If anyone's listening to this

They're like I fucking hate this guy And there's a Rolex I think on the left hand Which is incredible looking When I was saying Daddy makes money man Daddy's on the road All the time for free they go to left hand, which is incredible looking. When I was saying- Daddy makes money, man.

Daddy's on the road all the time for free? No, you're incredible. And I appreciate the two guys you brought along with you are good people too. Yeah, Hassan and Derek are killers, man. Yeah, they're great.

Those are my guys. Hassan and Derek? Hassan and Derek. Hassan and Derek. They're going to go on tour with me in 2020 next year. We're doing all theaters and we'll call it

Fifty Shades of Brown. Great name. Can't wait to watch it. Ladies and gentlemen, Brendan Shaw. Big thanks to Brendan Shaw. Awesome conversation. It makes sense why

so many people love him. It does. I'm going to go watch a stand-up comedy the next time I get a chance. I'm going to support that guy. Big Brennan Schaub fan. If I wanted to hire somebody like Brennan Schaub, there's one place I would go and one place only. LinkedIn.

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Ladies and gentlemen, a conversation that you never knew you needed to hear. My A.C., by the way, not working great. Really? At the house.

You might need a new filter. I don't think it's on. I wouldn't blame the AC. I think I would blame the 110 outside. It was hot. It was thick out there. Yeah. My lady and I rode the motorcycle.

It was the hottest it's been in like seven years, by the way. Anytime you hear since, that makes you feel good. Like, okay, this has happened before. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because in the world we're living in now, if it hasn't happened before, that's okay. All right. Here.

What's that? Here. But I read an article today. It's the hottest globally that it's been ever of all time. The hottest June of all time. Really? Well, I mean, see, I didn't need to know that. See, I was bebopping through life.

Like, oh, hottest in Indiana in seven years. Okay, seven years ago they saw this. But if it's hottest globally, I mean, maybe we should start thinking about all the all the rockets we sent through the ozone just popping holes on the rockets a little bit but uh sam and i were on a motorcycle it was very hot as it hottest globally like that hot like the wind it doesn't even cool you down it's just blowing hot air in your face on the motorcycle you're supposed to deduct like 20 to 25 degrees. Okay?

So if you go out when it's 60, it's actually like 35 to 40 degrees. So know that you're going to be cold. And that sticks with it into the summer, too. Like if it's 80, it's still going to be a pretty brisk little ride. You know what I mean? So you've got to account for it. You've got to really respect the guys that are out there in shorts and a T-shirt whenever it's only like 70 because it is fucking cold on that thing so i have a lot of respect for that but this weekend with how thick it was it felt 120 on that bike because it's i have a i have an all matte black bike and the

engine is in between your thighs and i had jeans on it felt as if we were cooking from the inside i could not wait to get off that bike i could not wait to do it and when i got off i went and saw aladdin oh how's the genie first disney movie and i will say this i'd never seen aladdin before so i didn't really know the storyline going in had no idea it was as corny as it was off a jump. We're talking early corniness at a very high, high level. Yeah, it makes sense. Went to see Toy Story 4, had no tickets. Oh, you don't feature?

So I went to see Toy Story 4, no tickets, so I had to make a play at the counter buying tickets. That's a letdown. What a downgrade. Sweating. Sweating. Sam's in there buying food and snacks already because she thinks we're going Toy Story 4.

We're already 13 to 14 minutes late so we only got like four minutes left of previews which by the way 18 minutes is their new time yes 18 minutes is the new time so whenever the movie's supposed to start you got 18 more minutes on the back end if you're somebody who shows up right right as things are starting on a regular basis like myself we We're not showing up early. So Sam was going to get the snacks because, boy, there was a farm of white trash humans at this. And we're talking, these little kids are out everywhere.

There was another movie, I guess, that debuted this weekend that was massive for the kids. I mean, there was this- Oh, Lion King. Lion King, yeah. I mean, there was enough little white trash kids here to fucking honestly take up an entire meth-filled city. It was wild.

It was a wild scene. So she said, I'll go in there while you go here. I go through the thing. There's a lot of bickering with people with the person selling tickets. Because what the one where you pick the seats? Yeah. And if it's blue, that seat is available.

If it's white, that seat isn't available. There was a couple seats that old mom Bubba Lee, whatever the fuck her name was, she wanted a couple of the seats that were white and was asking them to turn it to blue and give the other person the other seat because she has six kids and she needs to sit in it. That happened for 20 minutes, it felt like.

Another line opened. I got a chance to sneak in. I go, Toy story 4 at 3 40 sir it's 356 i know that's what i'm talking about we got two minutes so this thing starts they pull up the thing all white so there's like one blue seat over in the corner so i could have want myself sorry sam i could have want myself. Sorry, Sam. I could have won myself. Good seat, too. I mean, it was one of them recliner movie theaters, and it had nobody in front of me.

Oh, perfect. So it's like a recline, plus I can get up and walk around a little bit if I get a little antsy in the middle of Toy Story. If Buzz is falling with style and he loses some grace and he's about to crack that window off the floor, I can get up and move around with how that seat was but instead i said uh i have uh i'm gonna need two for the matinee we change it around what else do you guys have aladdin started at the same time cool let's do that

she was excited to see aladdin so i walk into aladdin those first those first couple minutes are tough that is very tough he's super corny. He looks at the camera. He gives weird smiles. He sings. There's a lot of singing in Aladdin. I had no idea. It was like a musical. I was watching a musical. That came out of nowhere. I didn't know that was happening. But I'll tell you what, I almost walked out of that movie until one person showed up. Will Smith

crushed it. Hey, he crushed it. Diggs don't clap. I didn't clap. Diggs don't clap. I didn't clap. Diggs cl don't clap. I didn't clap. Diggs clapped. There were six people clapping, including me and Diggs. But Will Smith saved that movie. I was walking out of the movie until Will Smith showed up. And I'm like, you know what?

Love this movie. I'm a big Aladdin guy now. That's what he does. No, it's not what he does. What are you talking about? That movie sucked until Will Smith showed up. The last seven movies he's had have sucked. That movie sucks too.

Listen, everybody that fell to Aladdin, that wanted to go to Lion King, that was in that theater, as soon as Will Smith showed up, pop in a room. Instant pop. The entire place. Not just me. Not just me. Everybody else.

There's a lot of sheep in this world. What can I say? It was good. I mean, he was good. Do you know if it was the same story? Sam said it was basically the same story. There was like two scenes, she said said that weren't in the original. So, by the way, I have no idea how we don't have an animal named Abu yet.

Oh, that's a good name. That little something bitch is awesome. This little monkey, bro? He's awesome. He's incredible. What about Jafar's parrot? Was he in there? Jafar's parrot was in there.

Bad guy, by the way, Jafar. I had no idea Jafar was such a bad guy. Who's your favorite character? Will Smith's? Will Smith's character, for sure. It's disrespectful because you never saw the original. You didn't see Robin Williams. Sam did

say that the first didn't get good until Robin showed up on screen either. Absolutely. So she said maybe it's not so much Will Smith as it is the character, the genie, showing up. That's a very valid point. Will Smith crushed it, though, man. I don't know how people could watch that movie and be like, Will Smith's the problem here.

If anything, it's that fucking Aladdin guy. He's a bit too corny for me. I mean, you're talking about two of the greats. I mean, if David Spade plays the genie and it does well, then I'm like, anybody can play the genie. Will Smith, Robin Williams. Yeah, it's hard to gauge because those are two of the best of all time. I liked it a lot, though, by the way.

I liked it a lot. Was there a giant snake in the movie? Oh, yeah jafars yeah yeah jafars i just want to make sure they did it right big hourglass it wasn't a giant snake though oh what it was uh it was uh staff oh yeah that turned turned into a giant snake oh no they fucked that part up i don't know i think his head just got big like the guy coming out of the like the snake that came out of the fucking uh moped i think you're thinking of the story got big, like the guy coming out of the snake that came out of the fucking moped. I think you're thinking of the story of Moses in the Bible. Nope. That was the staff that turned into a serpent.

Trust me. No, no. The staff did turn into a serpent, though. Yeah, thank you. Trust me. I grew up with it. I grew up with it. Shout out to Jasmine, by the way.

Pet Tiger? Oh, yeah, yeah. Power move. I had no idea that was happening until it showed up. Was that Nala? Yeah, that sounds right. She was walking down the stairs to something, and literally in the middle of the movie, I go, oh, shit.

And Sam was like, what? I'm like, there's a tiger right there. She's like, that's her pet. We should get one. I was like, all right, let's watch the fucking movie. This is Disney. I was always a big fan of the first one, of the carpet. Carpet had a lot of personality.

Oh, by the way, carpet in this one. Personality? Big time player in the game. Yeah. Big time player in the game. I think he, yeah. Big time player in the game. I think he could have done a little bit better with his emotions, but that's neither here nor there. I like the Latin.

I'm a Toy Story guy, though. I have seen Toy Story. So I was a little bit of a letdown there. Think about what's in the movie theaters right now. Aladdin, Toy Story, and Lion King. What fucking year are we in? Yeah, I know. It's kind of sad.

Men in Black, too, right? Yeah. The International. Without What's-His-Face. Really? I if they time that like right before kids go to school oh the parents are getting sick of them let's do something with them smart there was a lot of kids in there man it felt like i was back on vacation there was just fucking kids everywhere man everywhere sam ordered a pizza from this place one time a pizza from the movie is it good they pizza. From the movie theater. Was it good? They made the pizza. No, yeah, not a great move.

They went to the back and made the pizza. We're late already. Sam, we're late already. She was like, but the pizza sounded so delicious. I was like, did it? Did they deliver to the- A movie theater pizza? No, we waited.

It only took four minutes, by the way. From personal experience, I know what those pizzas look and taste like. I mean, it's essentially a Jack's Pizza that they're charging like $27.99 for. It was $24.99. And it was a buffalo chicken pizza. Thank you. So I and I went to see Spider-Man. We were walking.

He goes, look at this fucking dumb sack of shit who ordered the pizza. There was a guy who had this football shaped pizza. It looked so bad. The girl that went to cook it seemed like she had a lot of excitement though like nobody had ordered this pizza ever maybe so she was jacked up about she was like there was tomatoes on there you want tomatoes and sam's like no tomatoes and the guy next to him was like is there tomatoes on a buffalo chicken she's like yeah yeah there is and uh sam was like i believe the person is gonna make it and i was like why are you getting into the fucking drama but the lady loved it the lady loved us she made a good little buffalo chicken pizza did you try it no i'm on keto bro i'm on keto good for you sticking to it sam only ate one piece though i said it was terrible so i said it was a big mistake and i said

no way oh my god are you serious cc's Pizza Buffalo Chicken is one of the best pizzas I've had in my life, though. It is good. It is good. CeCe's. I can't remember. And the one with the white sauce they have. The Alfredo pizza is good there. Their margarita was...

I've never pulled the trigger on the Alfredo. Yeah. I know I've eaten there several times. I just can't remember what the food tastes like. It's incredible. That's when you go to CeCe's, though. Yep. You go to CeC's, very hungover,

you're in a very terrible state of mind, and by the time you leave old CC's place, you're back at it. Back in the game. Are they gone? No. I haven't seen one out here. I'm pretty sure we have one. I think I saw one in Iowa when I was out there. Yeah, there probably was. I think I saw one in Iowa. We have a lion

in Illinois. You have a who? We have a lot of those CCs in Illinois. Lion or Richie? You said a lion. That's what I thought you said. A lot of those. Huh? A lot of those.

Ba-na-na-na. That really sounded like a song. A lot of those. That's the Palamalu. Palamalu. Yeah. It's Palamalu. Good song.

Great song. You know how hot it is right now, right? Fucking blistering. So we sit on our back patio. We just sweat. No air moves because we have so many trees and then the fence. There's no wind. So you sit back there and you sweat.

And we have a stone patio, so the heat just bounces off of it. Oh, you're getting cooked. Yeah. So I'm like, maybe we should get a fan. Good move. Smart. This is smart. My lady's shopping at Meijer, and I'm like, maybe we should get a fan. Smart. This is smart. My lady's shopping at Meijer, and I'm like, hey, why don't you get a fan for the patio?

She's like, oh, great idea. They have fans here. And in my mind, I'm thinking like the big industrial fan. It's got to be pretty powerful. Maybe with a mister. You're blowing the outdoors. Yeah, you're in outside. Exactly.

Exactly. So I get home, and it's like the $15 plastic fan with the little stand that you can put together. Two seconds. It just snaps together. Blows no wind. No wind. It just sits in the corner of the patio. You give me three inches from it.

I feel nothing. I'm like, it's moving, but it's oscillating. It's an oscillator. It definitely oscillates. It doesn't blow. It's the fan you use strictly for noise at night. She's the cheapest person in the world. Yeah, but I'm not going to spend $100 on a fan.

Well, then you're not going to cool off the patio. It's going to take $100 to get a fan that you're going to feel outside. By the way, those fans have gotten weaker, I feel like. As we've gotten older, the abundance of weak fans has really taken over. I think the expectation level of fan blowingness has dropped immensely. Because back in the day, we had one that went into the ceiling, right? What's that called? Ceiling fan.

Yeah, and you fucking hit that thing. It's like it comes. Oh, yeah. It just sucks everything out because we didn't have an AC. So that was it, right? You couldn't even risk getting your limbs near one of those things. Yeah, hit your head off it every once in a while. And that's what I was.

Yeah, off the chain. Yeah, the chain will get you. It'll snap, too, if you're running and playing, like, hall of hockey or something. But the, that was a very personal, very personal. People get, a lot of people, I think, got that one. So, when you get older and you buy these fans, for like 25, 30 bucks, and they do nothing.

Where's the juice? I'm like, bro, what are we even doing here? We have a couple of these silent ones that blow the circle. What is it called? The Dyson ones? The Dyson ones. Bladeless.

Yeah, it sounds like it's doing something. It's supposed to be no sound, but it still makes a... Just to let you know it's on. And there ain't shit coming out of it. I'm like, hey, come on, bro. So do you need to get one of those ones that's like six foot by six foot? Yeah.

I think you have to get the ones like after a fire department puts a fire out, the ones they set inside the entrance of the house to help dry it out. Or if there's flooding and you have to blow the water out of it and shit like that. The ones that you got to talk like this when you're in the same room. The grittiness of the fan industry died with the steel industry. What? This is a really good fan. How's the patio?

We can't talk. It feels pretty good. Was this $300 worth it? Huh? No. It's a Dyson. No. No, this is actually blowing. Huh? No! It's a Dyson! No! No, this is actually blowing!

Yeah. Fans, he really brings some real dramatic possibilities. Because you're locked in. You're locked in. Oh, yeah. Because going outside, what are we doing? That's what I was going to say. First, the fact that you even went outside on your patio,

you could have just stayed inside. I know. I'm like, trying to, say. First, the fact that you even went outside on your patio, you could have just stayed inside. I know. I'm trying to enjoy the fact that it's summer, but you can't because it's fucking miserable. Yeah, I think that is something. Old Gaffigan, he lives in New York now. But he did an entire bit about the four seasons or something and how when it's sunny outside, you're forced to go outside

when you live in a place that has bad weather right it's like you literally are almost um guilt shamed into not staying inside when the weather is nice because you're on borrowed time in california there they see the sun they're like you know what fuck it we're gonna show all blinds today sick of that sun here in indiana there's six months straight where there's no sun. So it's like whenever old Mr. Sun pops in, it's like, yeah, might as well go utilize this guy for a little bit. Let me go run around the yard for four minutes and then puke and then go back inside. It's real, though. That's a real thing.

I said it earlier this year. I said, you know what? Just because it's a beautiful fucking weekend doesn't mean I have to go outside. It's not the boss of me. That's right. You're 100%. I would nap my fucking way right through a sunshiny day. I did it this weekend. Oh, I

watched another documentary. First of all, ESPN is buying up random sports. We need to make 33 a fucking televised game. I think we could get it on ESPN. What do they got now? I saw ISKA, which is something something karate association.

Because they were doing forms forms they they did a forms championship it was like uh one of those uh cheerleaders competitions where they get on like a little board of the spring and they're performing straight on for the camera and then there's judges and they're getting scored by the judges and the forms i watch forms where these three dudes who if unless the interview ladies were seven foot tall these dudes were nothing north of five foot one in geese all had black belts and they were doing the forms of karate moves with nobody there and then they would do the one guy did the ricochet backflip onto the knee stand up yeah and then a pose at the end

and they're like uh final score 49.92 and they back up and then there was three finalists i watched all three of them go and they didn't do the score until the end right when those three were lined up and whenever they said a guy's name like uh chase bombay or something whatever fuck his name was he was on the far right he would stand he would move forward to get his score but he would never just walk forward they would all do like a 360 and then pose for it it was like uh you know you watch those uh fitness competitions where at the end it's like a final pose yeah they did that but with like full roundhouses and it was awesome and the one guy won by like 0.04 tenths of a point and he uh they interviewed him and he

was a weapons champion already because i guess there's a weapons category and there's like a kicks category and the lady was like you've always been known as like a weapons guy because he'd been champion before and a kicks guy uh now you have a forms championship how's he feel he's like, you've always been known as a weapons guy because he'd been champion before and a kicks guy. Now you have a forms championship. How does he feel? He's like, well, I guess I'm a forms guy now. He was holding the trophy. Not a boy, pal. Boy, it was tough.

They're not hitting anything? They're struggling for a... Boy, it was tough, man. But they do look like, hey, those forms, they were tight. I mean, they walked in. Because I've watched dance bombs. So I very much understand like a pointy toe. Like that goes a long way.

And like straight lines, that goes a long way. And when they were goes a long way and when they were doing all their that final pose though after they were scored i appreciate it because it was like this isn't helping like i wish the guy that won would just walked up and like what's up bro they took it very serious i would watch i would watch an hour straight of that if they had now like if zito was in there like every fourth guy you know what i mean like if it was like incredible human incredible human incredible human zito incredible human incredible human incredible human like a chris farley type incredible otis you know what i mean am i signing up for the weapon i would stick oh kimbo the kendo yeah zito's uh billionaire lifestyle refused to not follow him everywhere he goes uh he bought a kendo stick immediately after the story of me getting kendo sticked made it on the internet

instagram started influencing zito into buying a kendo set not just one stick and they arrived today and boy pts PTSD a little bit. I know. Why didn't I open the box? You literally walked away a couple seconds. Yeah. Kimbo the Kendo is his name, right? Yes. The Kendo stick in our office is named Kimbo the Kendo. Rest in peace, Kimbo, by the way. Hopefully

just a little bit of awesomeness of Kimbo will live on through this Kendo stick, especially after what Shob talked about him. But I'm excited about that. Are you studying forms with it? Weapons. That would be in the weapons division, and you've got to go against the forms guy if you're looking to win the weapons guy.

Yeah, my goal is to get good with this and then be good with the lightsaber. Do you want to do lightsaber ones? See, that's what I'm saying this whole time. It's not karate. That's Star Wars. I know, but it builds you up for it. You think some of them Star Wars people should jump over to the fucking Kendo stick?

Yeah. Karate Association. He said earlier that his goal is to be in the next Star Wars movie. Yes. Be a Jedi. I mean, we can get you a trial for Jabba for sure. Yikes. I don't know who that is, but I feel like-

The big fat guy. You didn't deserve that. I did not. He's not even a guy. It's a slug, really. It's a giant, fat, huge, disgusting slug. I think Zito's losing weight right now. I am.

Wedding season. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Because if he would have been Foxy's plus oneness last weekend at the wedding Foxy went to, Zito wouldn't have been in the shape that he wants to be in for wedding season. He still has some days ahead of him. Good point. He's wearing a full Portillo's hot dog outfit that got sent to the office here.

If you can't eat it, wear it. Does this make you feel good? Oh, yeah. Because it's not in you, but it's on you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let it feel through the skin. It actually is a very comfortable sweater.

Okay, so I watched karate. Then there was team tennis was on TV this weekend. Like more than two people? No, not doubles. Doubles is a part of it. So there's men's singles, women's singles, men double, women's double, and they have a team. Like a Ryder Cup.

Yeah, like Ryder Cup. Davis Cup. Yeah, exactly like that. They had an entire team play against each other. That was team tennis. I was like, what the fuck is this? I click on that, and I start watching it, and I'm like,'m like you know what these motherfuckers really lucky serena didn't just decide to play this whole fucking team right i think she would have won the men's singles i think

she would have won the women's singles doubles probably would have won by herself and the women's doubles i think serena would have won the whole thing but i was intrigued to know that there is team tennis where one person could potentially let down another person which i respect i like that a lot because tennis is a very selfish sport are you saying it wasn't great competition is that why she would have won i think serena i saw i saw some shots that i thought i could return so i just automatically assumed ipso facto if i think i could get that i believe serena williams would probably make the other person eat that tennis ball i think you might be able to take serena down nope i saw this dude, Perfect Dudes. No chance. Yeah, I saw that too.

Well, you're better athletes than them. I agree. I agree completely. I agree 1,000% with that. But I do think they are pretty athletic dudes. I think they do a lot of things. But watching Serena just in real life tennis, I mean, the people that say that they could beat her,

I think just have never picked up a racket before. I've picked up a racket. It's impossible to put the ball in a little square and to serve. Serving is hard. So whenever you lollipop one over there, Serena's just going to fucking bury you with that. And then let alone trying to... That's when you're supposed to do good, by the way.

In tennis, when you're serving is when you're supposed to do good. And if you're a guy who's not played tennis before or got, like, years of lessons, your serve is going to be terrible. Serena's just going to fucking eat i'm about to eat that you're done for dude her serve is also like as hard as like some yeah like middling guys like she hits it hard as shit i mean that's it whoa middling middling don't know what that means but wow she's not hitting it as hard as like federer jokovic, but she's hitting the piss out of it. Somebody show me a picture of Agassi playing in jorts.

Oh, yeah. Is that real? Oh, yeah. Agassi was great. Hey, we're a big tennis podcast. Yeah. We are a big tennis podcast. As soon as my body's back in the shape to fucking go ahead and go sideline to sideline,

I think I'm going to get some tennis lessons. Really? I think so. I love ping pong, and I feel like it's just a little bit bigger ping pong. I love tennis. Nick likes tennis. It's a fun game.

Todd was a fucking tennis star. High school. Todd made a star football player quit the play tennis. Wild. 19-1. People forget. People forget. People forget.

I think I could be a good tennis player because it's a volleyball swing which i because i was trying to so when i was trying to learn how to throw better i watched monday night football or sunday night football one of them and they had a close-up front shot of aaron rogers throwing a warm-up ball, okay? And it was just his upper body with his arm in there. And the way Aaron throws is he like flicks. It's like a full-on, it's like a flick of the wrist. He utilizes his flick of the wrist. And I was on some vitamins, and I just went ahead

and I started breaking down film of it. I was like, all right, so what does he do first? And it looks like he's tightening his bicep. And I did for like 20 minutes, and then I got back to it. It was like the middle of the first quarter of the game. I'm like, Jesus Christ, let's get back to it. But I did that to somebody's serve on tennis. I broke it down real slow.

It's just like hitting a spike in volleyball. Because my problem is anytime I play tennis, that ball's going over the fucking back fence. That thing is gone. It's a home run derby for me in serving. That ball is gone. It's a little spike thing, and I did that in volleyball. I think I could figure it out. I think it's a sport run derby for me in serving that ball is gone it's a little spike thing and i did that i think i could figure it out i think it's sport i could figure it out you and my ping

pong's pretty good which i think i don't know i was watching that fucking federer jokovic i'm like why are they just hitting it right back to him like federer likes to play with people i think like i think he enjoys just like make them make a mistake yeah Djokovic was trying to bury him a couple times. And Djokovic ended up winning, obviously, just because Roger Federer doesn't train in the offseason. Self-admitted does not train. He runs around with his kids. But I saw a lot of chances to...

I feel like there's... A little cut shot? Yeah, a couple of them. Come on, let's make them run a little bit here. At least if they win this point now, at least they're going to be a little bit tired later. That tennis looks tiring. It's a long game.

I'd probably make one set or two. It's a very yuppie sport, too. You're not going to enjoy the people you're playing with. No, that's even better. Right? Yeah. I don't think so. You've got to be around them all the time.

No, I don't. I've got to be around what? Four or five sets. Match. What is it? Four or five? Five sets tops. Best of five.

Makes you want to beat them. Only in the majors, too. I'm probably doing best of three. I'm only there three sets with these people. The only issue is having to learn from one of those people. Best of five. Makes you want to beat them. Only in the majors, too. I'm probably doing best of three. I'm only there three sets with these people. The only issue is having to learn from one of those people. Oh, yeah. Which is going to be tough. We're probably going to run through about four or five of those trainers

before we land on somebody that... I think McEnroe. I think you'd enjoy McEnroe if you get him to train you. McEnroe's going to train me? He'll show you a side of New York you've never seen. Seen the sights. Love the sights. But he'll show you a side of New York you've never seen. Seen the sights, love the sights, but he'll show you a side of New York you've never seen.

What is that from? Mr. Deets. Mr. Deets. I can remember him saying that in Mr. Deets. Take him on a bender. He got hammered with Deets. He was a yeller, right? He was a, sorry.

We should probably edit that out. He was a passionate guy. He played with a lot of passion. I would like that guy. Bit of a cocky sucker, too. Oh, good word. He's a cocky sucker? A little bit.

A little bit of a cock sucker. Great announcer, too. What's that? Great announcer, too. Phenomenal. I enjoy him. How long is tennis season? It's one week, right?

Wimbledon? No, I play all year. Four majors. Just like the golf season. Shane Lowry made me so happy. He's hammer week right wimbledon and i play all year four majors just like the golf season yeah shane lowry made me so happy he's right now i saw a video of him singing over there ireland a lot of live music by the way i've never been in northern ireland same island it's just the protestants and the catholics i mean i could get into it because i actually uh i've been there and i learned about the whole thing smaller windows because people in actual Ireland were getting taxed for the size of their windows it was really bad

there car bombs yeah I mean things were not great over there so I do understand that they're two different countries but it's Ireland yeah I put out a tweet got glassy I'd watch him walk up in his home country Northern Ireland and Ireland are two different countries well they haven't been at war for 25 years

so I think we should relax a little bit and that might be too long maybe Northern Ireland and Ireland are two different countries. Well, they haven't been at war for 25 years. Exactly. So I think we should relax a little bit. And that might be too long. Maybe it's only 10 years. But they're not in war currently. No. Right. Thankful for us Irish people.

Everybody's getting along. Peace times. Look at us Irish people putting our swords away. Yeah, sure we do. Time to move on. The McAfees are from the good side, by the way. The ones that didn't try to ruin everybody's life. What side's the good side?

Northern Ireland's where the car bombs are. Northern Ireland is a little bit, um, a little bit more, uh, who makes the Guinness? They stole, they stole the babies and,

um, sons of anarchy. Actual. So that's Ireland. And then it's Northern Ireland. Yeah. Does that make sense? Anyways,

Shane Lowry, when I was over there in Ireland, live music everywhere. It's like Nashville. Ireland is like Nashville. Nice. Not always great, by the way. Music is not always great, but it is happening. You know what I mean?

It's not always great, but it is happening. Even if there isn't a stage, they're sitting at the first booth with music, like with a guitar or something. It's just the way it goes. It's just live music. So there's a lot of singing along. The video I saw of him standing up there with a drink singing along,

I think that's a standard day in Ireland, by the way. Just so happens to be one of their own is celebrating an awesome accomplishment. It made me glassy-eyed when he was walking up there on 18. It really did because they said he had a four-shot lead in another tournament and he blew it. And he said that he was a new golfer. So I like a good redemption too. That got a monkey off of his back in his own place like that was i enjoyed that a lot

because i could fathom there's a lot of pressure of being that guy that gave a four-shot lead and bang going in there and fucking winning yeah he dominated it was good to see the weather coming on on sunday i don't like an open if there's not so not a good day of weather yeah i feel like in europe that is something that happens i guess the american one did too right didn't rain a bunch but in europe that golf looks very terrible europe loves the miserable sports those courses are impossible and then soccer's 90 minutes with one goal or two goals it's like europe back in the day when they created these sports they're like listen we don't have a lot of fucking good shit going on. Let's make these things as long as possible,

and whenever we celebrate, we want to celebrate hard. So let's not make that happen a lot. And I feel like that's what happens in Europe, because that course looked impossible. I respect that. I respect that kind of thinking, though. Me too. Me too. I enjoy it. I mean, I played soccer. I'm starting to get into golf, I think.

I watched the golf showdown this weekend. Not a lot of McAfee in there. They showed zero golfing. It was probably a good move. Like I said earlier, an hour to show anything on a golf course. Are you taking shots at them right now? Why not make it longer? They were there for two full days.

They definitely had a lot of good content. They had over probably 30 hours of footage. Yeah, for sure. It wasn't just you. Kyle Williams was one of the best golfers there. He got no love on that show. They didn't show Kyle Williams? Barely at all.

He shot a one under on showdown day against Del Curry. Shot a one under. That's a PGA round. Yeah, literally nothing. He was not on TV one time? No. I think it was just a quick shot of him one time. Oh my, I didn't watch. I was at Aladdin. That's on me. That's on me. I was not on TV one time? No. I think it was just a quick shot of him one time. Oh, my.

I didn't watch. I was at Aladdin. That's on me. That's on me. I was on my motorcycle. You guys heard about it. I missed the show. I started seeing everybody's tweets, and I was like, oh, boy.

I forgot this was on. I was excited to see how it all worked out. Understandably, a lot of Favre, a lot of Rodgers, a lot of CP3. Favre, we saw him all weekend. I didn't know he chipped one-handed. All the time? All of his chipsipped one-handed. All the time? All of his chips one-handed. That's Jason McAfee, bro.

It is. And they were solid. They were within like two, three feet every time. Yeah. Brett Favre was a player. That's all everybody said is Brett Favre was a player. I don't know. You know what we should do?

We should try to get the streaming rights of that next year. Oh, yes. Oh, please. I think it's a fun tournament. And I think if you have it covered as if it's a real golf with some comedy in there. Because these players, by the way, are taking this golf serious. Oh, yeah.

You're going to see some good. Kyle Williams went one under. There's some good. Del Curry went scratch. Patrick Peterson, same thing. Scottie Pippen's chipping in from 250 yards out. There's some good golf I think can be covered. God bless your soul.

Brett Favre has that perfect shit-eating grind. All the time. The announcer, horrible joke. Jokes around with him. He was like, oh, yeah, you play pretty good for somebody with a 12 handicap. And he just looked at him and he goes, 12. I told him 13. He gave me 12.

And he just had a little shitty grin. Hey, that's a great line. That is a great line. Yeah, it was a great comeback. I would like to be friends with Brett Favre. I don't know if it's possible. I don't know how many new people he's letting into the circle. That story of him not knowing what a nickel defense is,

Ty Detmer telling him, who gives a shit? Oh, it's when they take out a linebacker and bring in a corner. That's it? Who gives a shit? That's hilarious to think about a guy who is so good at football. The game was changing. He was just like, okay, they got a thinner linebacker. What do we do? I'm going to throw this way

not even a thought of like let's run towards him there's no thought of that who gives a fuck if they're losing 100 pounds on the defensive side of the ball I love Brett Ford he's my favorite of all time

there was a list that came out they had him at 17 I forget who it was that list was pretty bad they had Tom Brady number one as it should have been had Tom Brady number one, as it should have been. Peyton Manning number two, as it should have been in my eyes. I think everybody would agree on that.

Montana, I believe, was up there. Yeah, the list was wild. I think it was Bleacher Report, but Alex Smith was on the list. You think they did it on purpose? People make these lists on purpose just to troll people. Top 25 quarterbacks of all time. Alex Smith was on the list. He was number 25. Excuse me. time. Alex Smith was on the list. On the list. He was number 25.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Does he ever want to play a playoff game? I'm going to check and find that fucking list. Yes. No. But it's coming up. It's coming up.

He can barely walk. Hey, he's striving to become the man he once was as a quarterback. I mean, I like him. This is not about him as a person. By the way, Dwayne Haskins delivers the rock. I don't know if Alex Smith's going to get back on the field. These are the Redskins, right?

Yeah. And Dwayne Haskins, I think he can really throw, by the way. I have no idea how he is breaking down defense and his work ethic behind the scenes. Big time chip on his shoulder, too, after that draft. Oh, yeah, they got it all wrong, bro. Kurt Warner, number 10. Bro, I waited 221 picks, Dwayne.

That's what I love. Made me wait until like 15, bro. Was that a long first night for you? I thought I was going back to school. I hope Dwayne Haskins does well, by the way. Because I like a guy that A, has swagger, and B, can throw the rock all over the fucking yard. I hope Alex Smith does well, too.

I just don't think he's the 25th best quarterback of all time. Or anywhere close to it. He's got to put his leg back together, too. Jesus Christ. Well, it's true. It's a factual statement. He's got to put his leg back together. They have doctors over there.

They did that already. Kurt Warner's at number 10 on this list of all time. That's tough. I'm not saying anything. Kurt Warner won a Super Bowl, had the greatest show on turf. People forget. This wild, wide-open offense thing started with the Rams, and what's his face?

The white-haired guy. Mike Martz. Mike Martz and Kurt Warner and those boys out there. Who's that? Holt? Torrey Holt. Yeah. Isaac Bruce.

Isaac Hakeem. Marshall Falk was on that team. Dick Vermeule. Dick Vermeule, yeah. Oh, Dickie. Who did they lose to? Patriots. Yeah.

Vinatieri. Did Vinatieri win at home right there? Mm-hmm. Yikes. That's my friend. That's my friend does st louis still like the rams no i think they hate them they hate cronky i know that i don't know if they're holding it out on the team or not but they hate cronky i wonder who they pull for if you're from st louis tweet us and tell us who's your team now who's the general um not just you personally,

the general feel of St. Louis Rams fans, who are they cheering for? I'll be interested to see if they still cheer for the Rams or not. Yeah. Versus the Chiefs or something? I wouldn't. I couldn't. If my team left my city, there's not a fucking chance. Yeah, but you're born and raised in Pittsburgh, where it's like not a lot of cities like that.

You know what I mean? It's also different with the ownership, too, because it's not like the team wanted to leave or decided to leave. It's not like every player was. Now, granted, that last year in that fucking dome, I got a chance to play there in preseason. That was tough. If I was on their team, I'd be like,

yo, let's get the fuck out of here. I would, because it's bad. The turf was fucked up, too, wasn't it? Everything. It was just bad. Everything was bad. Just like the Raiders Coliseum. It's a cool place to play, but that place is a shithole.

The visitor locker room, you got like two shit stalls. They don't even have doors on them. I mean, it's just, you got no, me and Vinatieri are like sharing a locker. I mean, it's just, granted, yes, we get to play football for a living. But when you're talking about companies that are making billions of dollars and where you're taking the greatest athletes on earth to go to you would think that it would be better than it is but there's a lot of tradition there and that environment at coliseum was electric i mean that place they got an they got a baytown dj only playing bay hits and that

place goes that place absolutely goes i i don't know how Oakland's going to feel whenever they go to Las Vegas, if they're going to follow them. It's a red nation until death or whatever. But you talk about those old stadiums when teams are like, we need a new stadium or we're going to leave. There's a good reason. Now, granted, I think owners should be able to pay for it themselves by your goddamn self.

You're making billions of dollars. You can go and get a loan out and do $1.2 billion or something like that to pay for your own fucking stadium without having tax dollars. And then whenever you take tax dollars, by the way, now you have to listen to the people. You have to. If you're taking their money, you have to listen to the people. If you just pay for it yourself,

hey, listen, this is how it's going to fucking be. You know what I mean? Jerry Jones bought that whole, he basically bought an entire side of Dallas and then put the stadium out there, and it's Jerry's, it's literally Jerry world. He can do whatever the fuck he wants there and the fans don't feel like they're paying you know what I mean

it's just the taxes but I do I'm thankful Oakland's going to Las Vegas just strictly because it's a new stadium but Oakland I think they deserve a team if they can get a new stadium out there but that St. Louis Dome was shit I mean it was bad I remember being like this place is tough

what I remember it was their turf caught on fire before the game. Rockets, Red Glare, boom. What stadium had the greatest locker room or visitor locker room? Minnesota. They built that brand new

stadium. It was negative 20 or something outside. I think that was the actual... I think it was negative 20 or something outside. I think that was the actual I think it was negative 20. Negative 12 felt like negative 24. I have no idea how you measure that. I have no clue how you measure. Wind chill. Yeah, but how do you measure negative 24?

Like once it's at zero, how do you measure? That's actually a very good question. Because if it's at zero, if there's nothing, how do we go the opposite direction? There's no negative thermometer. That's what I'm saying. There is it's at zero, if there's nothing, how do we go the opposite direction? There's no negative thermometer. That's what I'm saying. There is, but... Is there? Yeah.

I've only seen it go to zero. I would assume there is because they do give... Yeah, the barometric pressure. You're also talking about the thermometer you stick in your mouth. Yeah, to see if you're sick or not. No, but they do give actual temperature, so you would assume they're reading something. But I've never seen it either. You're 100% right.

But I don't know how you measure negative 24. Like, I don't know how it's like, this is negative 24. It's like, okay. Yeah, it's like, well, maybe we should just move where zero is then. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Maybe zero needs to move down 30 degrees. Maybe this is five degrees. Negative, this is negative. There are negative 25 degrees out here?

Like, where'd they go? Where the fuck did they go? You know what I mean? I don't even know. But it was freezing. So when we got inside, very excited to get inside because you took a little bus. They parked you downstairs, but it was still a little chilly. You get in there and you open this place.

It was magnificent. It was beautiful. Brand new stadium. They had the Viking chant that happened beforehand. A guy with a fucking drum. I mean, it was cool. And then after the game, nobody would leave. So they have all their suites on the bottom level.

They were all filled with people as we walked out. Like an hour and a half after the game, we're walking out. Still filled with humans. It's like, don't want to go outside. Just keep the place open. It was awesome. Minnesota was nice. Did you see LSU's new locker room? Yeah, it looked awesome. Tyron Matthew was kicked out of there for fucking up, right?

He notably fucked up. Yeah, I think he got arrested for smoking weed three separate times. So he gets kicked out of there. Now he gives back to a player's lounge. That's awesome. Good for him. Good for LSU. I saw they have little pods at their lockers.

Yeah. Would you like that? Yeah, like the airplane pods. Yeah, big fan. Big fan. And some media guy tweeted Dockage this, and then Dockage, who is a member of the media, a very large member of the media,

loves attacking the media for being media, right? He always goes, media people never know. It's a good little bit that he has. I appreciate Dan Dockage. Not everybody does, but I appreciate him. Some guys said, oh yeah, I have something about sleeping in the locker room. Let me say this. The mid-camp day nap in your locker is one of the best naps out there. Also, after early morning insane workout, if you don't have class, obviously, or you're not going to class, a pass out in your

locker is one of the best naps ever. When you wake up, you're like, oh, fuck. All right, here we go. So the people that say that you don't sleep in the locker room just haven't been in the locker room enough, I don't think, in my head. Because everybody was judging them for those pods. Like, oh, what do they need to lay down for? It's like, they literally live at that place. It's nice to have a little home down there. We would sleep before games, like lay on the floor, like lay towels on the floor to sleep before games and shit like that. Yeah, locker rooms, it's like your home. It's like your little piece of home down there.

All those locker rooms that are being built up just so the schools can say they're non-profit are fucking incredible. That's such a cool move. Michigan builds $700 million complex, reports zero net profit. Just paid for that cash, bro. That's not a bad move, but I think it's good for the schools. It's good for the student athletes, too. I mean, if you have these first-class, state-of-the-art places,

they all need to know, though, when you go to the NFL, it ain't going to be like that. Or maybe it will be. I don't know. Love you on Bell's rantfl it ain't gonna be like uh or maybe it will be i don't know love you on bell's rant did you see that what do you say uh at people he's going off on instagram people mad showing up in his comments about uh uh you need to be playing more football you're making too much music doing this doing that yeah and he was pissed i don't remember exactly what he said but he's like i i could basically i can't live my life i can't be honest you think beyonce's singing all day i thought you were gonna say that exactly what he said, but he was like, I can't live my life. I can't. Beyonce, you think Beyonce's singing all day?

I thought you were going to say that he said something about the Jets workout facility. No, no, no, no. I was about to say, oh, shit. I'm excited. If he said, I was eager. Well, theirs should be nice, right? Yeah, I would assume their place is nice, yeah. But there's a lot of places that aren't newer.

You know what I mean? It's so funny, people that bitch about universities or whatever whatever how nice like the football complex will be versus other parts of the campus today and i was watching last chance you and the band guys were bitching about and they showed them in their room which the band splits the room with the art department so there's like shitty little paintings and stuff on easels over here the paint is literally like crackling off the walls. It's chipping and falling off the walls. The guy's like, our oboe is broken.

It was so funny, dude. That always happens. I don't think your band comes to bring it in much revenue. Yeah, one of the LSU professors today was like, yeah, and I'm sweeping my office with a handheld Don vacuum that i bought at walmart i'm like yeah but 80 000 people don't come to watch you fucking teach your your communications and i would assume that guys like when i watch west virginia come up and i'm not saying it's all because of the football team but i think it brings a lot of money to the school whenever your team is on a national

stage on a regular basis it brings a lot of things. I watched West Virginia build a lot and remodel and renovate a lot of the campus while I was there, and it got nicer. I think everybody wins, but the football team definitely wins the most. Unless you're the basketball team in Kentucky or North Carolina. West Virginia. Whoever brings in the most should reap all the benefits.

That's the thing with those donors, too. I worked at a place where you would call for people to give money. They don't give a fuck about the general scholarship program. It's like, hey, we're raising money for the football team to build a new facility. It's like, yeah, I'll donate for that. Yeah, hey, how many? Six, seven, eight million? How much you need?

Bruce Irvin donated $250,000 to WVU's new weight room. And they doubled down to call me to see if I would match that. I said, I wasn't like the six-pick. I apologize. I mean, I worked out a lot in there.

I appreciate it. I feel like I scored a lot of points for you guys. I missed a couple, I know, but I just ain't got that, bro. Good for Bruce, though. Good for Tyron Matthew, too. That Matthew player's on looks awesome. LSU's had a lot of good players down there.

A lot. They put that mural up of all the DBs that have been through there. It's a good group of humans. DBU. DBU. Is that what it's called? That's what they call it. That's good.

SEC is just such a wild animal. They're so good at football. We interrupt this conversation for a reading by zito thank you pat no problem z a corner studies just over 10 of break-ins are planned beforehand the rest of spur the moment oh boy oh yeah we stumbled at the gates here of course we didn't plan ahead missed the A in according Well it was a corning Did you know most break-ins happen between 6am

What happened there was the word according You could choose different options It looked easy but it was not easy Did you know most break-ins happen 6am and 6pm That's a question No I did not In the middle of the day It's not easy. Yeah, yeah. Did you know most break-ins happen 6 a.m. and 6 p.m.? That's a question. No, I did not. No, I did not know that.

In the middle of the day? Oh. So between those hours, not specifically at 6 a.m. Were we supposed to ask that question, too? I think so. Yeah. So between 6 a.m. and 6 p.m. in the middle of the day. Let's try another one.

Let's go to a different thing. I thought, boy, I'll just make sure I'm home at those two points of the day. According to the FBI, the average loss in a burglary is over $2,000. What happened at 6 a.m.? That could be hard to recover from. There are over 2 million burglaries reported every year. That's one every 13 seconds. Are you serious? Wouldn't lie to recover from. There are over 2 million burglaries reported every year. That's one every 13 seconds. Are you serious?

I wouldn't lie to you guys. No, you wouldn't. You'd read what's right on the paper. And what's crazy is that only one in five homes have home security. It's like a baby discovering something when a new word pops in maybe because most companies

really don't make it easy oh that's probably why right and i'm going to talk about simply safe real quick oh please do simply safe protects your whole home every window room and door with 24 7 monitoring for just a fraction of the cost. What? I'm going to mention some reasons. Please do. I'd like to hear them. Are these yours or are they somebody else's? They're like all of ours. Their police dispatch is up to 3.5 times faster because they use video verification.

There is no contract, hidden fees, or fine print. Even better. Oh, yeah. Wow. It's designed to blend right into your home. No wires, no drilling. Wow. That's amazing.

It's easy to order and easy to set up, usually in under an hour. No big deal. It's much less than that, I'd say. I would say as well. But I would assume an hour is probably the time they have to allot for it. Simply Safe has won a ton of awards from CNET to the New York Times Wirecutter. Price? Times and Wirecutter?

Oh, to the New York Times Wirecutter. That's on me. Oh, okay. I thought it was New York and then Times and Wirecutter. Yeah. I don't think. Two different companies, right? Two different periodicals.

New York Times. And the Wirecutter. And the Wirecutter. Yeah. I don't think... Two different companies, right? Two different periodicals. New York Times. And the Wirecutter. And the Wirecutter. I don't know. They just put an apostrophe, so I don't know if that... Yeah, it usually separates things. No, no, that's ownership.

Yeah, it's ownership. Yeah. Well, you're right. Not them. Not a comma. Suck it. It's an apostrophe. You mean an apostrophe?

Apostrophe. Okay. Yeah, excuse me. Hey, Zito. Yeah. I mean, you can't be mad at us for thinking he thought an apostrophe was a comma. By the way, I potentially thought an apostrophe was a comma at the beginning of your statement. And then I saw the wheels start really rolling up there.

And I saw you were thinking ownership. I did. Yeah. All right. Good. It's one of those weird apostrophes. But you didn't say New York Times. Well, because the apostrophe is after the S. Yeah, turn me off.

Well, yeah, if there's an S at the end, they don't add another S. Huh. Like McComas? At the end, they're not going to add a It's not an apostrophe and then another S. It's just an apostrophe. I never heard of that course. There's not really much to understand. another S. It's just an apostrophe. I never understood that course.

There's not really much to understand. There's an S at the end. Good luck out there. Yeah, prices are always fair and honest. Around the clock, monitoring is just $15 a month. Oh, that's cheap. $15 is worth it. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to call some action here. Atta boy. Visit simplisafe.com slash McAfee. You'll get free shipping and a 60-day risk-free trial. You've got nothing to lose. Go now and be sure you go to simplisafe.com slash McAfee so they know our show sent you. Great.

Love it. Got you. So good. Is there an exclamation point of you have nothing to lose? Is that why you really want to work? You really don't have

anything to lose. It's a 60-day free trial. Go ahead and send that thing back, but you won't. We have SimpliSafe everywhere, inside our office, at our homes. It's perfect.

It's just you feel very secure because you have an app that just clicks into your streaming camera anytime you'd like it. It's worth it. $15 a month is worth the comfort and the free trial. I mean, why not do it?

SimpliSafe.com slash McAfee. We're very thankful for them and what they do. Also, Zito, great reading, honestly. Thank you. I think you're only getting better. I don't think so. I think you're right. I learned about the apostrophe S today, though.

What's that? I learned about the apostrophe S. Or? Or What's that? I learned about the apostrophe S. Or? Or S apostrophe. That a boy. Look at you. Huh? Who needs school?

Really didn't think he was going to get to that one. Just do ad reads. Oh, boy. Football is starting back up. So excited. Can't wait. Camps are starting. Camps are starting.

People are playing football. AQ gave me the annual face time of why am i doing this we talked about we talked about all the last minute retires that happen like the dawn of camp it's just because they've been enjoying their off season so much and then like the night before they got to go to camp like i're like, I ain't fucking going. No way. You'll see a couple people retire this. There'll be a couple people that retire just because of how bad they hate training camp.

Anytime you talk to retired players, you ask them what they miss. Like, I miss the guys. I miss doing this. And not a single person will ever say they miss training camp. Not a single motherfucking one will say I miss training camp.

And it's such an interesting thing because it's a necessity. It's something where you build your camaraderie, build your team together. But just since the beginning of time, no matter if it's three days, two days, walk through with a practice, it's just football 24-7.

No other thoughts. Le'Veon Bell is going to fucking hate that. Le'Veon Bell is going to hate it. But it is. Everybody does. But it is. As I got older, this is kind of a weird thing. When I was young, I was happy to be in training camp because I'm in an but it is. Everybody does. It's just like, but it is. As I got older, this is kind of a weird thing. When I was young, I was happy to be in training camp

because I'm in an NFL training camp, right? I'm like, oh, this is fucking cool. I'm in an NFL training camp. I didn't even go home on the days that were off. I just stayed there. I'm like, yep, they fucking won't kick me out of here. I'm still here. It was awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome.

And then you hit that middle of the road where you've been through the business side where they're literally talking about you as if you're a Pawn Stars item item and they're rick and your agent is you walking in there i mean you say you've been a little bit jaded by the whole thing and then like oh yeah we need you to go to three weeks at this university and sleep on a bed that's worse than yours in a room that's worse than yours going to a public pisser that's worse than yours and you go to practice on fields that are worse than ours and it's like well this sounds like a fucking terrible time why are we doing this and then whenever you get there

you start to as i got older i started to like enjoy it i was like you know what this is a necessity let's just take it for what it is you know what i mean we're all getting away from our family you talk to the old guys you got like four kids it's like yeah do you think we should still travel to like a university for camp they're like uh pat this is the first time I've slept an entire night, probably eight years or so. Training camp is the only time I get a full night's sleep. Cause I got six kids at home. I'm like,

Oh, so you love this. I mean, I don't love it, but at night sleeping is a lot better when you don't have crying babies. I'm like, I can imagine. I didn't even think about that.

But training camp is, is this is when it all begins. Now we're about to start hearing stories come out of training camp. J.J. Watt is already on the PUP down there at the Houston Texans camp. That has to make you wonder, are they just resting them? Yeah, because so is Hopkins. Yeah, are they just resting them? Which couldn't do.

You definitely can't do, especially in Houston if it's 100 and some degrees. J.J. Watt and Hopkins don't have to prove anything the first two weeks of camp. Let's not get them hurt. Let's not get a strain on them. Let's save them for season. Or is it like a lingering issue? Because if it is, I would like to know why. And I might say this to Lev Bell too.

Hey, J.J., why are you watching dodgeball, bro? Why don't you go rehab? I'm joking. J.J. Watt would not be as active as he's been on social media talking about the things he is if he was hurt right now. You're 1,000% right. If he was hurt right now, he would be very quiet, hunkered down. That's the type of guy he is.

But he's been tweeting a lot. He's been active in a lot of feats this offseason. I think he's going to have another dominant year. But I like them resting him. I think that's kind of cool. It's a nice move by them. That's a good gesture. Maybe him and Hopkins, you could tell as a coach, you know they're the type of guy that if they are

active that they're going to go 100 and possibly hurt themselves so you have to look out for them and sit them down on their own the only thing you'd have to worry about not with jj because jj is basically one-on-one every play or one-on-three whatever he's getting it's him you've seen him mic'd up where he's picking and choosing who he's going against, which if you've ever seen him mic'd up, it is hysterical. I'm going to go 65 this play. And then he has a little success. He's like, I'm going to stay on this guy right now.

This guy. This guy's going to get it. And then he even starts chirping to other offensive linemen about how they need to help 65. And JJ is a savage on the field so he doesn't need timing you would wonder with nuke though if him and deshaun watson need to get timing but i'm assuming offseason they've worked together and shit like that you can't have your quarterback out which is the only thing it sucks because the timing the build-up of that

whole thing you can't pup them but if you have a couple other superstars i think it's a smart move to be like i mean granted this is a reflection of our soft society but it is like you have a couple other superstars, I think it's a smart move to be like – I mean, granted, this is a reflection of our soft society, but it is like you have a couple guys who could potentially get injured who are worth a lot more healthy when the season comes around. Be like, hey, you guys are on the PUP to start. Can't practice. It's not that you don't want to. It's just you can't.

You literally can't practice. And they could come off of that any time, right, during camp? Yeah. Yeah, you can announce it. As long as you don't start the season, which is then – No, I thought it was 10 days. I thought you had to be on it for 10 days. Okay.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know the ins and outs of that. I think it's like a 10-day thing. I know if you start the season on it, then you have to wait six weeks or eight weeks to come back. You can't come back at all.

And then they have that designated IR for return, right? Yeah, yeah. There's like a designated IR for return. Yeah, because it used to be if you were on IR, you were done for the year. Done. But then they amended it a couple of years ago. It's newer. They used to... I think they used to be if you're on ir you're done for the year done but then they amended a couple years ago it's newer they used to i think they used to just ir people that they

didn't know what they wanted to do with them yeah it was like uh all right he's not helping us right now but we don't want to let him go he has a little bit of a calf strain uh ir let's just settle with him ir he's out then you know it's like a headache gone for a couple hundred like red shirt my guy yeah it is it's like a boom. Yeah, it is. It's exactly. By headache, I don't mean the player was a headache. Correct. Right. The situation.

The decision is a headache. It's like, boom. They did it to one of my gunners one time. I was not happy. I said, bro, this motherfucker's the only one making any plays. We're going to hire him? We're going to hire him? Pat, we've lost 10 straight games.

We don't want to get anybody else hurt. It's like, it'd be nice if somebody tackled somebody. Wouldn't that be cool? Like, if somebody tackled somebody when they punted, that'd be great. This is the only guy doing it. You just IR him? Pat, it's not an artist. This is me talking to the trainers on the team.

Like, fucking IR? Was he dead? No, just a strain, but they don't know how severe it is, blah, blah, blah. It's pretty severe to my career. Have we thought about that? I'm excited football's back. They said the Browns are the worst. Jeopardy James holds higher.

Our guy, friend of the show, multiple time friend of the show. I wonder what he's doing, by the way. Just gambling, I guess? I think so. He's got a couple million dollars, right? Yeah. Have they paid him yet, I wonder? Yeah, check early. Lost half of it in taxes. That's fucking great. Anybody that you know

that pushes for higher taxes is a terrible individual and you should not be friends with them. Correct. That is all I'm saying. Because that'll leak into their other parts of their life too. You'll be getting fucked out of everything before you even know it. If they're a roommate,

they're going to start stealing your shit in the fridge and then not supplying anything to the fridge. They'll be taking your socks. They'll be doing everything. Just know that that leaks into their personal life. It'd be funny if you called that out during Jeopardy. Like, yeah.

Yeah, me and the government just won. The largest winner in the history of Jeopardy. Jeopardy, James Holzhauer and Mr. Uncle Sam. Every lottery winner. Yeah. Uncle Sam wins every time. Every time. And he'll never, like once a tax is in,

the government isn't going to be like, you know what, let's get rid of that tax. No matter what tax gets added, that's in forever. That might as well just be locked in forever because the government is going to be like, you know what, that money, we didn't like it. Legit. It's crazy.

I had a million dollar signing bonus. It was an awesome day. The actual check came to my house for one million dollars i was like this is hysterical and then i flipped it open and i just saw well there goes 400 000 in my head there's another 70 000 there's another 30,000. Oh, I want to pay the union. Yeah. Oh my god. I just made five hundred and ten thousand dollars But man if I really understood this I don't I think I don't think I would have settled for it I Wanted that 24 years old what a fucking idiot Just me in my house with that mailbox What's this? Oh, fuck.

Just looking around at the neighbors. That's what I got. I'm holding a check for a million dollars. This is outrageous. And then you flip it open and you're like, it's not for a million. It's fucking walking off. That is very real, though.

Very real. He said the Browns are the worst bet to win a Super Bowl. And I'm assuming it's because the odds have been lowered for them because they're a popular pick. So at the odds that they are currently at, it's not a smart bet to take because of the long shot that they are. Because, to be honest, they're still in the same conference as Tom Brady. And they're also in a division now that is a whole reset division.

What a bunch of question marks. Nobody has a clue what's coming out of the AFC North. Nobody has a single clue. That Lamar Jackson running gun, ground and pound offense could be the next thing in the NFL. Might be unstoppable. Or it could be dead. Or it could be not. The Pittsburgh Steelers have Might be unstoppable. Or it could be dead. Or it could be not.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have a young team that seems to like each other. They like each other a lot. A team that likes each other is a team that normally does pretty well. I've been checking and following some people's Instagram on the team. It looks as if it's a real chemistry brewing over there. That's good. And the Cincinnati Bengals have Andy Dalton. People forget.

Andy Dalton is a player. He won like fucking 11 straight games or something last year. I mean, they still got weapons on offense. It's like one of the best years of his career last year. Tyler Boyd. Now, with that being said, I have already bet on the Browns to win the Super Bowl. My favorite thing about the James Holzhauer controversy there

was that everyone who replied to the tweet, you could tell who was from Cleveland was like, who's this guy? Because they've never watched an episode of Jeopardy in their lives. Fuck that guy. Hey, hold on now. What's up, man? I just got a text. The $20,000 that Baha Mar is donating to the Pat McAfee Foundation

is coming through. There we go. Well, it's Baha Mar is donating $10,000 and then Aaron Rodgers is matching the $10,000. Oh, what a 10. There we go. Well, it's Baja Mars donating 10K and then Aaron Rodgers is matching the 10. Oh, what a guy. To everybody on the team since we want another

discount double check. Wow. What a nice guy. What a good guy Aaron Rodgers is. People forget. They do. Class act.

Too often. Pat McAfee Foundation, we provide scholarships to children and military families. We've been doing it for six years. We're at $500,000 worth of scholarships, I believe.

We'd love for you to add on to it. There's a Cal Patty bingo that you need to get three friends and buy a square. I think we have 100 squares. Is that what it is? 200. 200 squares. Is it 200?

Or is it 200 bucks a square, 100 squares? I think that's where it is. That was my understanding. I might have it wrong. We're doing a Cal Patty bingo for the Pat McAfee Foundation. You can donate to the Pat McAfee Foundation at tpmf.us, thepatmcafeefoundation.us, or thepatmcafeefoundation.com, I think. And we have a Cal Patty bingo thing happen.

Only 100 squares. Get three of your friends. Donate 50 bucks each. Now we're talking teams of four. Need a good team name that we can put on the square and potential to win ten thousand dollars can't beat that wow it's great beat for 50 bucks 50 bucks investment 50 investment potential ten thousand dollars i mean come on cow patty bingo what we will do is we will spray paint a hundred squares in my backfield we will then let the cow loose.

Where the cow shits on that square, that square wins. We will do this with two cows. Two cows, $5,000 each shit. But cows do like to shit in the same place as other cows. So you could potentially win 10 grand. Question. Are we allowed to get in?

Yes. Oh, okay. Absolutely. Nice. I don't know get in? Yes. Oh, okay. Absolutely. Nice. I don't know if it's like an insider trading situation. Unless you're a cow whisperer. Shit here right now. You start shitting.

I run out behind your house and I put some Mexlax back there. Oh, yeah. That might not be good, though, because if your square's in the back, you don't know where your square's going to be. Tim McAfee's setting it all up. It is 200 spots, by the way. I put soy sauce on some of that. 200 spots?

Oh, nice. Okay, 200 bucks a spot, 200 spots. Just open 100 more spots. Look at that, just for you guys. For listeners of this show, donate to the Pat McAfee Foundation. As we said earlier, that's Tim McAfee's baby, by the way. That's what he does on a daily basis. The amount of updates I get from him regarding fundraising is few and far between.

But when it is, it's normally about, I don't know, 16 bundles of information. They are hilarious. Hilarious updates, and it's a lot of them coming out. He's just taking a shovel deep down into fundraising information, picking it up, and he's throwing it at me. I think he's done a great job with it. I think he's done a very good job. I'm proud of him. That golf outing was a blast.

Great time. We found out not all 100% legal, but now we are. Now we're very compliant. Now we are completely compliant. You should have heard him talking to the farmer for the cow, for the two cows. It was one of the funniest things of all time. I just need two cows to shit in a field.

That's all I need. It's like Randy from down the block has two cows he can use. He had to call this other guy. My dad got the runaround on cows, but these cows won't give you the runaround. They're going to go to your square. 200 squares available. 200 bucks is a square. Get three friends.

Hey, maybe get 10 friends. Have them put in 20 bucks. Whatever you need to do, get a team name because you're going to win $10,000 if the cows shit on your square. I'm excited for that. It's going to be in my backyard. All right. James Holzhauer says the Browns are the worst pick gambling wise.

Who's everybody's choice to win the Super Bowl this year? Football is starting. You will go on record till the end of the season. This is your team to win the Super Bowl. Okay? Not do good. Not do well. Top of the mountain.

Oh, I saw that man on the top of the hill. Man in the high mountain. Oh, man in the high mountain. Oh, man in the high castle? High castle. Man in the high castle. I watched like two episodes, fell asleep. Sam liked it, though. She watched four or five.

It's about if the Nazis won the World War. Yeah, it's all right. The decent first season gets a little crazy. Yeah. That's a good premise. I enjoyed the first one. It is a great premise. I enjoyed the premise.

Could have done a lot more with that. Puts me to sleep. I don't know how you guys watch those shows. It's dark. They mumble a lot. There's not a lot of face shown. I'm like, I'm out. I pass out.

That's what I should put on at night. That's my new... Just fall asleep to it. That's my new mellotime. That was tough. That was tough. But Sam's all in on it. Okay, anyways.

How did I get to that? I don't know. How did we get there? Something about picking your favorite to win the Super Bowl. Top of the mountains. Got it. Because the town that they're in is 5,300 and some feet above sea level. That's why I think it's Man in the High Castle because I think it's a high. It's in a non.

I don't know. I was trying to figure out the show while watching. That's where Hitler is in the show. Oh, it's about Hitler? Is that guy? He's the man in the high castle. Oh, the Fuhrer's back in Berlin. A lot of talking about him.

Castle on the hill. Jesus. Anyways, who will be at the top of the mountain at the end of this NFL season? This is not for the best betting odds. This is not who you would bet on right now. This is who you think is going to win the Super Bowl this upcoming season,

which we are going to have a lot of NFL coverage this year, by the way. I'm very excited. There's about to be some massive announcements, not only on this show, but for all the boys here. We're going to have a really fucking cool fall. And I think everybody's going to have a cool fall

because the schedule, I mean, people were just setting us up for success, I think. Business is about to pick up. Business. Don't do it. It's booming. Is about to pick up. Thank you.

That's DJ Khaled or AB, by the way? The booming part is his. We don't know that because DJ Khaled on Snapchat was saying business is booming, and then I saw AB. It's definitely DJ Khaled or AB, by the way? The booming part is his. We don't know that because DJ Khaled on Snapchat was saying business is booming, and then I saw AB do it. It's definitely DJ Khaled. AB took that straight from him. What a piece of shit. Please.

Who? Not on this show. What do you mean? We don't talk about players like that. Oh, I wasn't talking about him. Who were you talking about? Myself. Well, if that's the the case I think that is something

This entire room can agree on Yeah You don't deserve that bro You did coke this weekend though No I didn't Did you not read the text message correctly? What was that? Let me

I'll say this first And then I'll get to the story Some dude Did coke off of me In a bathroom this weekend What? It's a weird way to start a story On your dick?

That's what I said That's what I said That's why I started it like that and then I would do that. So I'm in the bathroom. I go in the bathroom at the bar. Where are you at?

Downtown Indianapolis. You're in Indy, okay. Okay. And I go in the bathroom. This is in Indy. Yeah. It's moving up north. It's moving up north.

And some dude's like, hey man, huge fan of the show. Fucking pulls out his little Coke hourglass. He goes, you want to do some cocaine with me and i say no hard problem i can't even drink red bull so he did he say cocaine huh did he say cocaine

just curious i'm just curious what the kids are calling so he puts his fucking he puts like seven different names for oh yeah blow cane was my favorite this guy said coke so he puts his fucking line on the uh on the uh sink and while he's doing that, he drops his hourglass thing onto the ground, and it kicks over underneath me, so I pick it up, but I pick it up upside down so it spills onto my hand. Hey, what a hero, by the way, you are.

Willing to help this guy out. And he looks at me like, what am I going to do with this? And I'm like, hey man, this is probably pretty expensive. What do you want to do with this? And then he just. The thought of you trying to like crinkle it out of your hand back into the hourglass thing is hilarious.

And I thought like maybe he would like, I don't know, do something like that or sniff it off my hand. Nope. Guy just fucking straight up licked my hand. Oh, wow. Oh, I thought you said you licked your hand. No, no, no. He licked my hand. Okay. That's why I thought you did cocaine. Because that's like you said you licked your hand no no no he licked my hand okay that's why i thought you did cocaine because that's like you said you licked your hand you know i can't do cocaine by the way our show is not a cocaine show no i don't when we were in atlanta me and foxy

were offered cocaine no less than 10 times i've never seen anything like it ever in my life i thought the drug was gone i honestly thought all my life. I thought the drug was gone. Yeah, me too. All the way back. I thought the drug was gone. In Atlanta, I guess, that's Atlanta's thing. Which, by the way, everybody that offered to us was very nice. I'm not saying they weren't nice people, but it was offered very prevalent. And then Diggs this weekend gets offered it in Indianapolis. Is it that close to the home front? I don't know.

I mean, you do you, listeners. But just because you listen to the show, don't expect that we're going to be busting out lines in the home front. I mean, you do you, listeners, but just because you listen to the show, don't expect that we're going to be busting out lines in the fucking bathroom. We're not coke people. Hey, by the way, what a day that would have been for dicks. That kid.

Did you wash your hands? Yeah, that's why I didn't care that much because I was at the... Oh, I didn't care about you. I meant the kid licking your hand. Oh, no, no, no. He licked my hand before I had washed my hands. Oh, boy. Oh, he had pissy ass licks boy no oh yeah it must be okay bro people do stuff for it must have been pretty expensive so we've heard all stories about people doing stuff did you wash your hands after yeah

that's why i wasn't like i was i was like a little a little mad and weirded out but i was like well i'll just wash my hands imagine if your dogs licked your hands and they got a little coked out that wouldn't be good and also also with his dogs, the nose is so close to the mouth. It would have been a lick, snort thing. I was like, this is a weird situation, but you know, shit happens. Did you see that guy again outside?

He was sitting literally like four stools down. With his family? Just cheesing his ass off. By the way, they were at Applebee's. He needs little girl applesauce. Here you go. Woo!

Hey, Diggs, couldn't see him in. So yeah, maybe I am a piece of shit. I don't know. No, you're not. I think you're a hero. Because the way I read the text was, you licked it off of your hand. No, no, no, no, no. You know that I am.

Your heart would have exploded. Yeah, I can't do that. All right. Todd, who you got winning the Super Bowl? I think you got to go with it. If I had to put money on it, I got to go. Yeah, I can't do that. All right. Todd, who are you going to win the Super Bowl? I think you got to go with it. If I had to put money on it, I got to go. No, no, no. This is not money.

Right. This is your selection until the end. Now, granted, some things can pop up. Some people can get injured. If we deem that a star player has been injured to your team, you can make a change oh i like this but i think the winner the winning team gets nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine dollars oh all right we should probably do a draft on who gets to pick when then no because if two people

win they split it okay and if you join a team late your draw your drop your percentages drop down does that make sense so like let's say Todd picks a team and that team's quarterback gets hurt week four he then will switch team but he will lose

uh 50% of the final percentage okay can't change teams after week 10

hmm these rules feel good yeah yeah I'm gonna go legitimate homer then I'm gonna go with the Colts if I gotta pick like who I want to win mixed with i think has a decent chance we're gonna go with

the colts todd mccomis is locked in the indianapolis colts for nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine dollars if he changes his pick before week 10 it'll drop down to four thousand five hundred $49. I'm a bad at math. $49. Just call it $49. All right. You get it. $49. Anthony DiGilio, you're on the clock. I'm going up north to the Minnesota Vikings.

Wow. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, because Adam Thielen was on the show? It doesn't hurt. I guess he was on that Baja Mark coverage a lot. He should have been, by the way. Hit a three with 375 yards.

Yes. A lot of weapons. Vikings? Minnesota Vikings. Improved offensive line. Good defense. Locking in for Diggs. Second year Kirk.

He's going with second year Kirk Cousins, Adam Thielen, Stephon Diggs, and the boys. Known primetime winner. Kirk Cousins. Which is good because in playoffs, there's no primetime games. So to get to the Super Bowl, he will not have to play in a single primetime game. That's very smart. Easy division, too. Simple.

Whoa. Okay. Frankie Morota. Pittsburgh Steelers. Without a doubt, without question, without hesitation. Thank you, Diggs, for not picking them so I don't have to split the money. Why do you want to pick it and then jinx them and ruin their season like you just did? I will happily do that.

I will happily do that. Rothlisberger gets hurt week three. Do you expect him to return later in the season or do you jump ship? I don't know. I got to hear what the doctors are saying. I got to hear what the reports are. It's going to be his ankle or foot. Yeah, I've got faith he's coming back. You've got to kill that guy.

As long as the x-ray machine works this time, I'm liking Oakland. Piece of shit stadium. You said it, not me. I said it. It's real. It's real. We went to training camp place that couldn't do x-rays too well. I'd drive an hour and a half to get an x-ray. That's wild for a football camp. It was.

Your car will be leaving at four o'clock. Where are we going? Oh, you got to go back to Indianapolis to get an x-ray. Can I not drive myself? You know what?

I think it's an overnight x-ray too, isn't it? It's right by my house. No, no, come on. We'll drive you. You rest. I'm like, well, I'm going to get car sick.

I like to drive. And the fucking intern is going to drive too slow because he's scared to lose his job. Pat, why don't you just drive and have the intern sit? That's what I'll do. Zito, Jose Perez, your pick for $9,999. To let it be known, the last time we had a competition

for $9,999, Zito was in the lead up until the 11th hour. Yikes. And then he lost it all just because he was flustered because he had to run a production down at the Super Bowl. He stress ate himself out of $9,999. This is a redemption pick for Jose Zito Portillo Perez. I'm going to stick with the Monsters of the Midway. The Chicago Bears.

The Bears. Good selection. I think you'll enjoy pulling for them all year. And from what I've heard, their team is ready to make a run. That's what I've heard as well. Is this a homer pick or is this the only team that you know plays in the NFL? My second choice was the Rams. But then I backed that that you backed that because you

wanted to go home to chicago bears exactly you have a chicago bears helmet up there on your twitch stream which is which is he changes number two by the way so it kind of sucks twitch.tv forward slash the pat mcfee show yep gaining viewers nightly Monthly Yearly Gaining viewers yearly Annually You had 40 some people watching you one night? Yeah, it was pretty fun Did you get a little nervous out there?

I was getting a little nervy Because normally it's 18 to 20 You had 40 people watching you You're putting in at work 12 hour stream you did No, I ended up a little early. A little complication with our technology. What happened?

You got a fucking brand new kid up here. The internet crashed this weekend. $10,000 rig. Our internet crashed? It was so bad, yeah. Because of the heat? Maybe. Or maybe because of the 12 hours of fucking Twitch every night.

It has nothing to do with that. So when our FaceTime freezes in the middle of an interview, is it potentially because our Twitch stream is using up all of our energy? Are we throttled? No, it can't throttle us, right? That was quite a question you just asked. You sound a little bit worried. I don't think we're allowed to get throttled, the amount of fiber we get.

Technology. Z. Z. It is a dedicated line with no throttle. Throttle is when something gets buried. Yes. Slow it down. Our phones get throttled if we hit the certain amount.

Got it. Okay. So you got the Chicago Bears. Yes, I do. Twitch.tv forward slash the Pat McAfee show. Oh, boy. You're giving away merch on there every night, right? Yeah, I have.

Sounds like it now. Well, no. Phil gets pissed off. Phil no, Phil gets pissed off. Phil does? Phil gets pissed off when we do. Because the Twitch stream is very much in the red already. We don't need you giving away more stuff. We got in the pink there today.

I just don't think that's accurate. I don't think your stream had sex with any other stream. I don't think it's accurate. Ty Schmidt? I mean, I can't do it just out of principle, so I'll go with the Packers, but I don't know why no one took the Patriots so far. Well, it's a matter of we figured it was going to get to the guy next year. It was will he swallow his pride and take the Patriots or take his home down.

I didn't. I started to explain just because I felt like that would be shitty of me to do. That's what I was going to start out by saying, Todd. I'll be the piece of shit of the group. I will gladly take the Patriots to go back to back. Okay, so you have the New England Patriots. Absolutely. Okay, Foxy saying that the Lions

got no shot. Well, you know, we all know it. What? Not a great start today to their camp. Listen. What? What happened? Bad start. Trey Flowers, who they just gave a lot of money to, PUP list. But he's a veteran. They're arresting him.

He's a brand new player. Is he a corner? He came over from the Patriots. No, he's a DN. Yep. Oh, he came over from the Patriots. He already knows the system. Exactly.

Got a lot of money in this guy. Need to get him this season. Just like JJ Watt. DN. Same thing. Yeah, no big deal. Speaking of my Lions lions my prediction for them what i always do since sixth grade is i've said they're gonna go 10 and 6 and win a playoff game

so i stick with that but pats win it all so i still have a little unbelievable that you just sold out matt patricia like he let us raid in his office shook his hand shook his hand let us in the facility said he'd give us tickets to any game we want wow any game we want i don't i don't hey it's just building blocks. Sweater, too. Sweater is going to be pissed off at you, too. Building blocks. Any Lions fan that's mad about 10-6 in a playoff win, I mean, come on, guys.

Jesus Christ. Congrats, everyone. We can officially say this is the year the New England Patriots will not be in the Super Bowl. That's good. That's good for the rest of the league. Yeah. Thanks, Fox.

Appreciate you doing that. You guys are all welcome. Billy's back there. Billy, who you got? Billy knows nothing about football, I think. I'll take the Houdat Saints. Oh! Houdat!

Full redemption arc this year. Yeah, that's a good one. Drew Brees is looking to retire. He is looking to retire. He's breaking every record. All he wants is another Super Bowl so his kids can remember it this time. They don't remember the last time, but I do. Fucking babies.

Is what's-name healed up? What receiver? No, Dez is not healed up yet. Can I ask you a question? Was that who you were talking about, Dez Bryant? Yeah. He didn't even play a game for them last year. Yeah, he tore his Achilles.

Is he still on our team right now? No. That's what I was going to ask. Is Josh Gordon still on the Patriots? I don't know that question. Yes. I think he is. Yes, he is.

That's trouble. Oh, big time. If he can stay out of trouble. Not a chance. I like that. I think he can. I said this last year. I said this last year.

I think he can. I think if you're in that locker room, surrounded by it with more of a ball coming to you because there's not a Gronk there. Because he was what? Third guy no matter what. Gronk, Edelman, Edelman, Gronk, and then him. I think now he's either the first guy or the second guy that they're looking for.

I think that's a little bit more emotive. I hope so, man. It's the best chance he could possibly get. This is it. This is it. If it doesn't work here, it'll never work, and that'll make me sad because he's so good at football. Can I ask you this?

As far as the Saints, and this is why I didn't take them, even though they're a very good team. Two years in a row you make it to the NFC Championship game and lose dramatically two years in a row. At some point, that's going to take a toll on your team, right? Buffalo Bills, four falls. Yeah. You know what I mean?

You're right. They had four falls. So you could do, four falls. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're right. They had four falls. So you could do it four times. So, yeah, I think four is the max. I think the Eagles did it a bunch, too, when – They had Andy Reid? Yeah. Didn't they go to four straight in a situation?

I don't know. McNabb was nasty for them for a long time. And then T.O. played on a broken leg. People forget. Nobody took the Rams either. Surprised. That still has to go. Oh.

Oh, am I? Mm-hmm. That's right. Tough decision. That performance in the Super Bowl by the Rams was tough. It was tough. That kind of scares me. That kind of scares me.

Who are you locking up, Pat? I don't know. I don't know. I'll say the Cleveland Browns. Lock them up. The Cleveland Browns. I was up. The Cleveland Browns. I was going to take the Colts, but I don't want to cut your pot yet. I'll jump in there, though.

Don't you worry about that. If Frank Reich and Lux are getting hot like they did last year somehow, if they can manage that fucking – they won 10-1, I think, or something like that. If they can find that again, which is possible with the way Luck and Reich like each other I think I'll definitely hop on that train yeah I think the good thing is everybody with the exception of Evan really like has a really good

home team can you leave the season can you leave without an injury can oh yeah that's Diggs leave Minnesota just give up 50% yeah I think that's fair. But if somebody else is on the team, you're only getting 25%, right? Because you're only getting 50% of whatever's left.

Does that mean he's still getting 50% then, whoever's on that team? The other person will get 75%. Are we saying it has to be before week 10? Yeah, week 10 I think is the cutoff. There might be like four people on one team. Oh, no, don't punish me. So say can you only double up once on a team? How many people can go on a team? Nick, I'm not

two. Oh, say two because that can make up your mind. Ever. To leave quicker. Yeah, because you can leave quicker. You can be like, oh, if I don't go now, I know somebody's going to go. I can't wait to see me move teams after a week. Oh shit. Can we do this like every, so

the Monday night game will be Monday night. Can we do it every Tuesday and be like, hey, this is your time this week to change if you want? The issue is we record on Mondays. Yep. So we won't be able to see Monday night football. You're right. Which is most primetime teams are the teams that are good. Yeah, but you forget we've correctly predicted Monday night football for like two years in a row.

Every single Monday night football. For years. We do that all the time. We never get credit. We record this the day before. We'll predict what happened that night. Nobody will even say anything. Just wait until last night at the Raw reunion when fucking Kevin Owens gets stone-coated

by Stone Cold's face. That was my favorite moment of the night. It was awesome when it happened. Then he did it to Shane as well and Vince. He knocked out everybody basically in the McMahon family. Good beer toast. A couple beers with Broken Skull Ranch IPA or whatever it's called. What?

What? What? What? What? What? You sound like the Budweiser. Yes, thank you. Exactly.

Yeah, you sound like the frogs. What? Bud. Why? All right, that's the show. Yep. Hashtag endgame, hashtag endgame. Tweet Brendan Schaub telling me,

he said, thank you so much for fucking with us. That was awesome. Cool guy. UFC heavyweight. We've talked about this before. Those heavyweights that are mixed martial artists, can't tell them to do anything. Matt Matreon walks into your

bar and just wants to do whatever. There is nothing a single bouncer of yours can do. Not a single one. You can send them all out of my guests, but I'd assume at least a few of them would end up with broken somethings. Brandon Schaub, same thing. He walks into a place, whatever the fuck he wants to do, he's going to do. He'll be paying workman's comp out the ass for years.

That's right. Because he knows there's- Funeral costs will be outrageous. Insanity. Jesus. That's what it felt like when Brendan Schaub was in the office. But he was a nice guy, which is good. Yeah, he was.

Very laid back. Because they could be the complete opposite. Like, Matriona is a hurricane of positivity when he comes in hurricane it is wide open but it's all positive i'm happy for those guys to be that way because if they weren't a real problem brendan shop good guy man also he in early stages of their career uh tapped out mat Matreon, I think? Yeah. Knocked out? Yeah, choked him out. Choked out. What's that? Is that a tap out or a knockout?

Tap out. Yeah, it's a submission. What if he just goes out, though? What if he doesn't tap? Oh. What if I refuse to tap?

I think that's a, what do they call that, a TKO? Yeah. A technical knockout? Yeah, if you just go unconscious. I thought that was

three knockouts. Three knockouts? I always thought TKO was three knockouts. Oh, boy. In boxing, they used to do that. If you knocked a guy out three times in one round, it was a TKO was three knockouts. Oh, boy. In boxing, they used to do that. If you knocked a guy out three times in one round, it was a TKO. That's a knockdown, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Basically, if the ref has to stop in and say, this fight's over, it's a TKO. For whether you're unconscious or you just can't keep the other guy from pounding your face in. A technical knockout? Yeah. Total knockout. Total.

In my head, it's been a total knockout. And I'm going to ride with it, too. I'm going to ride with that forever. I need total knockout. So the difference between knockout and total knockout is the total knockout, he has to lay on the mat for at least 10 seconds without his eyes opening back up. No, a TKO is the ref stops, right? Yeah.

Stops the fight. Yeah. Well, that's the technical one. It should be RKO. A total knockoutk a total knockout mike tyson had a lot of tkos total knockouts when he does funny things with his arms total knockout yeah tk what was what else did we just talk about that you want your whole life without realizing or knowing i should say goku yeah

goku's a pokemon that's what i thought that was a wild scene man one of my best friends was Goku. Yeah. Goku is a Pokemon. That's what I thought. That was a wild scene, man. One of my best friends was literally nicknamed Goku his entire life. Our entire show Pokemon. I thought he was a Pokemon. That's such a funny thought. Oh, he wasn't a Pokemon.

I thought he was. Oh, he's not a Pokemon still. No, he's still not a Pokemon. So I still got it wrong twice now. He was that other one. He was Pikachu. Kame. Kame. Ha.

Yeah, man. Pretty proud of me for never watching it. Pretty good of me. I think anybody that knows me, though, knows that there's no chance I would watch any of that stuff It's like is my kid Going to ever just sit down And watch stuff

Oh yeah That's the only way I know anything about that stuff Is just absorbing it In the background While Bailey had it on All the time Yeah but Billy and you

Are very total opposites And I'm hoping that happens If I have a kid I'm hoping the kid's The complete opposite of me What if he's like me though I'm going to need Kimbo the Kendo

To ask Just walking around You got people yelling at you Like Tom Brady For what me. What if he's like me though? I'm going to need Kimbo the Kendo. Just walking around. You got people yelling at you like Tom Brady. For what? Kissing his kid? No, he pulled his daughter off the waterfall. That was awesome. She smacked pretty hard. I will

normally go after Tom. It was her fault. She didn't jump when they were supposed to. They were supposed to jump. It was in unison. If he doesn't pull her as hard as she does, she just tumbles down the rocks and dies. Oh, yeah. I'm actually going to defend Tom here. I had a lot of anxiety during that video.

Hey, so did the rocks. Todd went into full parent mode watching that video. Yeah, what are you doing? It looked really high. I mean, I don't like heights anyway from that angle. It was tough for me. But I'm like, what if you just don't pull hard enough, Tom angle It was tough for me But I'm like What if you just Don't pull hard enough

Tom That's what I'm saying Like maybe she wasn't gonna go But now she's gonna go And what if What did you say If that was you Oh

I would Yeah If I would have hurt the daughter As soon as we come up from the water I'm punching him right in the fucking nose You son of a bitch I didn't really want to jump Yeah but it was a learning lesson

It was Learning lesson It was Listen to dad Harmless but Never back down When he says jump You jump

How high How high Excuse me I will hop skip and a jump Great spot they were at too That looked awesome Yeah the thing about it is The real relatable thing about it is

You know me and my dad Had a chance to jump off water Tom Brady seems like a good dad by the way Yeah He seems like a good dad Me and my dad had a chance to jump off a waterfall. Tom Brady seems like a good dad, by the way. He seems like a good dad. When he swore in front of him and he apologized? Oh, that was great. They're always on horses, too.

They're always doing this most insane shit. He somehow still has a life somehow. It seems as if, now granted, nothing on the internet is real, but it seems as if he has an actual life while being an alien, which is insane to me. I wonder if his kids eat that fucking avocado. I guarantee they do. They do? I bet.

I bet you they've never touched fast food once in a while. Yeah, you raise them on that, then they don't know the difference. They don't know what they're missing. His kid is going to be so good at whatever he wants to be good at, whatever he wants. Maybe he'll be an entitled prick. Imagine that first time they ate McDonald's. Why would you ever say that? I bet just playing the averages.

His kid's going to be so good at golf. He's going to be so good at baseball. I bet he's going to be funny, too. You've got to remember, he's going to be going through media school through his entire life. Everything he does is going to be scrutinized, just like most celebrities' kids. I'd assume little John Daly's probably the only one that really

has somehow just avoided all that. The season's so he was he would probably dial back anyways but do you think uh this tom taking criticism for this video dials him back on the internet no no i think tom loves it he'll probably make a video his people that run his social media so i forgot that he does has people i figured it was just him that's on me yeah he draws up the cartoon each week i don't follow him so i wouldn't know what you're talking well it gets force fed into your timeline no matter what yeah what did he say about the old town road one is it my manager said the songs played out we can do better yeah me yeah that's right i i think he i think it's smart by the way to be the greatest player of all time

and have a presence on the newest platform what if whenever he's done he turns down espn everybody he just does the internet that'd be an incredible move for the internet by somebody it'd be good for the internet dude i never even thought about really like you could seriously do that and make near the money. Could make more. Yeah. If they were scared to pay Tony Romo $10 million, if that's what he was asking, I bet you Tom Brady could make $10 million a year on his internet selling merch, videos, documentaries. Absolutely.

Boom. He could make more than that. Oh, yeah. The internet's a beautiful place. It is a beautiful place we know tom brady would make so much money if that was his full time but i think the big thing would be him telling espn and fox sports no yeah but there's no way that happens he's the greatest player in the history of the sport somebody's gonna back up a brink struck and let him do the internet as well

yeah i don't know he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to me that would want to go on a network i don't think so either. I agree. It feels as if he doesn't like the networks. Yeah. It feels like he would just want to do his own thing.

If at all. That would be super cool. Go to him and Giselle's $3 billion island. Hey, there's an island in Belize for sale. It's like a tenth of an acre or something for 500 grand.

Everybody's sending it to me. I like to move a little bit. Belize is where... Second largest, yeah. Yeah. Second largest. That's where the other McAfee went. It's beautiful, though.

Yeah, that is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a beautiful country. I saw a picture of him with a gun on a boat. Saw that. Yeah, for some reason he's fucking... International waters.

He's running from the CIA. Yeah, CIA came to his house, showed up at his house, tried to get him. Because he's running for president and he was revealing stuff. So, see you later, John. That guy's on some shit, man.

Ever since the beginning of him getting wealthy, he just started getting on some shit. Moved down to Belize, ran a gang down there. That'll happen. Had some people killed, came back. Said he was going to run for president, cut off his dick. CIA shows up at his house, he's back on the run, back on the lam. John McAfee's had a wild life. But no viruses came through your computer.

That's right. That's right. No, they did not. So it was time to renew. Yeah. Then he had to pay, what, $34.99 or something? Or get a virus, like that moment. So he sent them.

He owes some tax money, too. Oh. Hey, by the way, like we said earlier. Paid taxes. Those taxes are real. Yeah, they are. Just paid off that whole police department. So nobody would come bother you.

In Belize? Yeah. They're all driving real nice. That's the coolest thing you could do. Go to a third world country and buy it. Buy the police, yes. The place. You buy it.

You buy the police, you buy the place. Oh, yeah. It's like tipping the bounce. It's what the Italians did when they came to America. Here's the new rules. There was no such's what the Italians did when they came to America. Here's the new rules. There was no such thing as crooked cops before the Italians came to America. You're welcome, Todd. Todd, you getting tempted with tens of thousands of dollars is 100% ipso facto because of the Italians.

Yeah. And I don't think you ever thanked the Italians for those opportunities to end up in jail. It's very factual. Todd, you went to a gun and knife thing this weekend? I did. Bailey and I went and met my dad there. My dad goes to every gun and knife show. Three generations of McComas has had a gun and knife show.

Was it a gun bash? A what? You don't know what a gun bash is? No. You go in, you buy a ticket, and if your ticket gets pulled, then you win a gun. That was there. I didn't know it was called a gun bash, but they definitely had a little drawing. Am I the only one that hasn't been in one of these?

Yeah. They're a great time. They usually have a nice little buffet, a bunch of beers. Everybody's having a good time. What? What is this? Gun bash. Or at a gun show.

Yeah. This was at the National Guard Armory on the west side. It wasn't the big gun show. Oh, I watched a wrestling show there. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Same show. Yeah. This was at the National Guard Armory on the west side. It wasn't the big gun show. Oh, I watched a wrestling show there. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Same place. So, you know. Guy took a stop sign to the forehead.

Can't fake those. He started bleeding. I laughed, got wheezy. Oh, I could get a stop sign to the head. Yeah, good sound. So, Bailey and my dad are way more into the gun and knife thing than I am. Oh, yeah. And they're one and the same.

Billy's got four knives and a couple guns in his backpack at all times. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When they were all living in the same house, there was like constant preparation for the apocalypse. Is that why it is, Billy? Billy's rocking an incredible average Joe's uniform today, by the way, at the office. He looks great. So there was a little bit where I was

living with my grandpa when dad was off doing whatever the fuck Todd does. Making people laugh. But so I had to deal with my grandpa 24-7 because grandma always slept or was off shopping or whatever. It was constant Danny. Danny's a fucking character.

Danny, he bled off on Bailey so bad. One time I went up to his bedroom and he was asleep in the morning. I had to get him up for school and he had a fucking machete hanging by two nails over his bed, over his headboard. Just two nails in the wall and the machete just leaned up on top of him. Like he could have fell at any moment. Whack! Dead bailing in his bed. And what now?

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. The best part is you had to wake me up in the morning, meaning I wasn't waking up if anyone came in there to use the machete. Oh, no, no. Yeah, I don't know if you thought you were going, like if some attacker comes in here, I'm going to grab my machete. But he, so we go to the knife show,

and my dad buys this old Outlaw Josie Wells looking 45 thing. It was really cool. It was like 500 bucks or whatever. Bailey starts looking at ARs. Awesome. And have've seen the ones he would bring those into work oh yeah that's the thing go straight in the backpack I know hunter clip and he was totally like looking at completely backpacks length yeah and you're

holding the survival hatchet I don't see what that has to do with anything you're losing to Bailey for sure there are quite a few weapons in this office between the hatchet and the kendo there is knives and swords like and swords. Like Billy's backpack. Yeah, Billy's backpack. They got these things now, these casings that you just slide like a full-size Glock 9mm in, and it just locks

in there, and then it looks like one of those assault rifles on Halo or something. That's what it looks like. It's incredible, and they cost like $200. So once you get it locked in there, you just pull the slide back by this lever on the side and you're holding it and it's got a stock and everything

and it looks like you have a fucking Halo gun. And it's considered a handgun, I assume. Still considered a handgun with a shoulder butt brace or something they call it instead of a rifle butt. Total skirting the law. And every aspect of that operation. Everything was about skirting the law in every aspect of that operation. Everything was about skirting the law.

He came close. Very close. It's been a bad month for Billy. Billy made some irresponsible decisions before the gun and knife show, but it was a consideration. But he still bought a pistol. He still bought a pistol for $350. Billy's speaking in third person. I like what Billy's doing, bro.

Billy's got a pistol irresponsibly, and he's fucking rolling the dice. Oh, yeah. Billy cracks me up, man. Billy, you're a fucking big question mark in my head, bro. I have no idea what you are. Worst driver in history, but you seem to be a pretty careful individual. Then you're calculated. Then you make a Friday banger selection on Harley Radio.

I listen to the words. I'm like, I did not. I did not expect this from Billy. He really is like in that Mario game where you jump up and hit a question mark box. That is what Billy is to me. I'm going to punch that thing. I don't know what's going to come out. If you want to see him in his element, go to Gun and Knife Show with him because

he will look at so many things. It's like Zito online. If he sees something, he'll think about it. You see him checking it out with the guy, and he'll set it down, and he'll just start pacing around. You can tell he's running all the possibilities through his head. You know what I mean? He has little Rain Man qualities, too.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's unbelievable. He looks like there's so many. He's looking stuff up online. There's math equations happening in his head at all times. I don't fully understand Billy, but he makes me laugh on a very regular basis. And I think it's all like surprise laughs. I did not expect that to come out of Billy's mouth.

Billy, we're lucky to have you, bub. That backpack, we're lucky to have that backpack in you too. Just in case shit goes down, everybody's grabbing your backpack. We are strapped up in here. Ten guns in there right now. In and out guns. What happened? Somebody told me to go grab a charger out of their bag.

Yeah. And I thought it was their bag. And I reached my hand in and I just grabbed a pistol. I was like, holy fuck. Who has a goddamn pistol? And then I went to the front. I was like, oh, it must have been the wrong pocket opener. It was just like a fucking war knife.

I'm like, is somebody killing us? For the other side. It's for protection, right, Bill? It's the guns and the zip ties, all that. Oh, jeez. I forgot about the zip ties in there. Those came out of nowhere, huh? We just needed them.

Billy's got them. They run the background check now, too. They didn't run it on my dad for some reason where he bought it and then but they ran it on on billy he's got those killer eyes and then we went to we went to cal or um what the fuck's it called cabela's afterward because the gun i was gonna buy couldn't get enough the motherfucker was like what it charged me 400 dollars dessert and it was used and i look at so i go to cabela's and I look up the same gun, brand new, $250. And I'm like, how about you give me for like $220 since it's used?

And he's like, no, it's not the same gun. I'm like, motherfucker, look at it. It's the same gun. So you went to Cabela's just straight out of Spite? So I go to Cabela's. Well, I had to go to Cabela's anyway to buy some fishing gear for this weekend. Cabela's is awesome, by the way. It's like an amusement park, isn't it?

I love that place. And I'm like an idiot when I go in there because I don't know anything about fishing, even though I love it so much. So I take the tour guide with me that works there, and I just let them fucking... They just fill my point. Here on the right is an

ox that was killed in Montana. To the left here we got some koi fish. You fishing for walleye or pike? I'm like I don't know It's in Wisconsin They're like oh they'll have both of those So you're going to need seven of these

You're going to need ten of these You're going to need these things that spin around How many days? And are shiny How many days are you fishing for? Three days? Oh you're going to triple that They have all the answers

I spent like $200 on It's like a GNC for outdoors there They all got all the answers And I know nothing about anything Could I buy a musket? Are they Cabela's too? Cabela's yes for sure I'm in the market for a musket

Why? I don't think you should be I don't know I've just been big in the Revolutionary War Since the whole Submarines Since you nailed that submarine trivia. Yeah. So you want a gun just in case you get in a gunfight, you can lose in a gunfight?

No, no, I got one shot, one opportunity, once in a lifetime. Nope. That person's already got six shots out before you get that musket shot out. Tuck and duck. And shoot. Shoot and spray, bro. I just gave my whole entire...

Tuck and duck. Is that a Fortnite phrase? No, it's my new phrase, though. Attaboy. Tuck and duck- Is that a Fortnite phrase? No, it's my new phrase, though. Attaboy. Tuck and duck-zee. The black powder pistols are hilarious. Can you imagine

back in that era when you had to just tuck those in your belt? No, because that's like in all these movies recently, the newest thing

has been counting the shots out loud. Oh, yeah. They've been four, five, six to showcase what they're doing. Back in the day, it used to just be like signified. Now they're actually counting them out loud. Back in the day, it used to just be signified.

Now they're actually counting them out loud. I feel like that happened a lot back in the Revolutionary War. All right, I got the fourth guy from the right. Who's got the other guy? Hey, our four still got about four or five shots left. Hey, let's fucking go left, bro. My guy has not shot a single fucking thing. I think his gun's jammed, actually. I'm going to go

after him. That had to happen, right? There had to be a little fill in the background with the papers and the numbers crunching them. Oh, the right side's out of the fucking way. Hey, his mustache is next level. Might be the best mustache out right now. Oh, it's so good. It's thick. Our CFO, Phil Maines, who put

together the fundraiser we talked about at the beginning of the show, might have might have the greatest mustache in the game right now might I give him that alright we'll be back tomorrow with Heartland Radio

and then Thursday another excellent episode we're going to have a cool guest aren't we Ty oh yeah the guest this is the coolest guest we've ever had

can't wait to see who it is hashtag end gang hashtag end game make us laugh we'll enjoy it if we do laugh out loud any one of us here we'll send you some free merch hashtag end game hashtag end game make us laugh we'll enjoy it if we do laugh out loud any one of us here we'll send you some free merch

hashtag end game hashtag end game shout out to Avengers by the way beaten avatar Nick knew it was going to happen not exactly happy about it sorry Pat

don't worry there's seven avatars coming out in the next four years we'll get back on top you know what I mean they'll take it right for sure yeah people said it was unobtainable seven avatars coming out in the next four years we'll get back on top you know what i mean oh yeah they take it right for sure yeah people said it was unobtainable unobtainium you know where that's from oh yeah fucking pandora you know what that move that's in avatar it all comes back to james

cameron smashing this record with the next avatar or the one after that or the one after that that's what i'm talking about avengers good movie though i mean i predicted the ending of it before the movie even happened or seeing any other movies. So I would say at the end of Avatar, you know what's going to happen? Jacob Sully, his lady, is going to get kidnapped. It's going to become like a drug thing. Oh, no. Yeah, I think it's going to be like a man on fire type operation.

That would be cool. Man on fire operation where he has to go to another planet. They hop up out of their planes. They ride a bird. Yeah. Jacob Sully, man on fire. That's what's going to happen planet they hop up out of their planes they ride a bird yeah jacob's only man on fire that's what's gonna happen happy i can figure that out for you uh ty schmidt hit the music here i go Watch out! You done wound me up! Time to show you what I'm working with! Well Ali Baba he had them 40 feet Shahrazadi had a thousand tails But master you're in luck because up your sleeves

You got a brand of magic never fails You got some power in your corner now Heavy ammunition in your camp You got some punch, pizzazz, and ow All you gotta do is rub that lamp and then I'll say, Mr. Fan, what's your name? Whatever, what will your pleasure be? Let me take your order, I'll jot it down. You ain't never had a friend like me. Life is your restaurant and I'm your mate today. Come whisper to me whatever it is you want. You ain't never had a friend like me

We pride ourselves on service You the boss, the king, the shop Say what you wish, it's your true dish How bout a little more baklava Have some of column A, try all of column B I'm in the mood to help you dude You ain't never had a friend like me Oh! Uh! This the big part, watch out! This the big part, uh! Can your friends do this? Can your friends do that? Can your friends pull this? How do they never have? Can your friends pull this? Outta they little hat! Can your friends go?

I'm the genie of the land I can sing, rap, dance if you give me a chance OH! Don't sit there buggy eyed I'm here to answer all your midday prayers You got me bona fide certified Got a genie for your charge d'aff defense I got a powerful urge to help you out So what you wish, I really wanna know

You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt All you gotta do is rub like snow Mr. Aladdin, yes, one wish or two or three Well, I'm on the job, you big nabob You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never, never had a, had a friend Like me

You ain't never had a friend like me