The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 1 (Greg Davies Part 1)

Episode Date: September 13, 2020

"Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 1 (Greg Davies Part 1)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 86 of 128.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble

Cause it's not help Peacock and it's not play Gamble, but it is rape Peacock and it is help Gamble Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Because it's not Ed Peacock and it's not Ray Gamble, but it is Ray Peacock and it is Ed Gamble. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, here they are. Hello and welcome to the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast. Edinburgh podcast, that's very, very important. I'm Ray Peacock. Hello, I'm Ed Gamble. And this is a return for us to podcasting. Yeah.

But it's a new series. New series, brand new, episode one, Peacock and Gamble, Edinburgh podcast. If you want to hear our old podcast, that's still available on the iTunes, all free, you can have that. Yeah. But this is a very different beast. Well, it's our voices. It is, yeah, similar voices.

So what we're going to be doing, we are reporting live, we are alive now. We are alive, yeah. From the Edinburgh Fringe. Well, actually, people could be listening to it when we're dead. That's the beauty of podcasting. This could be on the internet and we could be dead. But the raw material, the source file, is still live. Yeah.

So, like, when you see all the old comedians on the telly now, who've all sadly passed away, they're still live. Oh, yeah. But they're not alive. But they are an end of thing. I feel like we're getting sidetracked. Now, our normal podcast would be just us chatting, just generally being great.

What is a live? What is a live? Now, we'll still be great here, like with all that alive stuff we were just doing, but we will also be having special guests from the world of comedy

to chat about the Edinburgh Fringe and generally have a great muck about. Now, we say that. We say that we'll chat about the Edinburgh Fringe, but we've done a few

before we got to Edinburgh. Yeah. And we sort of forgot a bit about Edinburgh. We mention Edinburgh in all of them, I think. On and off. So we've got, the ones we've done a few before we got to Edinburgh and we sort of forgot a bit about we mention Edinburgh in all of them I think on and off so we've got

the ones we've recorded so far like today we have the first part of Greg Davis yeah which is still a really big part

it's still enormous it's just the first part of him so Greg Davis today second part of Greg Davis tomorrow so we start off with extended interviews

extended special extended two parter yeah and it's a nice one it's very funny. Yeah. Tomorrow you'll

find Greg, he goes a bit mad. He does go a little bit mad. In tomorrow's one. So today he's relatively placid. Yeah.

Perfectly nice gentleman. Listen to today and then make sure you get tomorrow's as well because tomorrow off his head. Yeah.

It goes weird. What happened was we were in his house. Yeah. And it was very warm. Yeah.

And unfortunately when we record we've got to shut all the windows because of the yeah and he wasn't bearing up well he sweated out all his sensible yeah i'm a big lad but he's like big lad but stretched out tall yeah so he still had all the sweat coming off his hair yeah so that's coming up later yeah but why are we here in edinburgh good question thanks well we're here at the moment doing our our second peacock and gamble friend friend show. Yep. Between us we've done like loads of friend shows

over the years. Yep. But last year we did our first Peacock and Gamble show together. Yeah that was called Emergency Broadcast. Forget about that. That's in the past. Yeah come on. Just put that to one side. Put that in it's bed. Forget about it. We're here this year doing Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway. Which is 9.40

at the Pleasant's Dome Dome. It's called the Pleasance Dome, but Reyes and Ciceron call it the Pleasance Dome Dome to confuse people and drive away the four people that actually want to buy tickets. How will that drive people away? If people don't know where it is, mate. No, but they will go to the box office and they'll go, oh, can I please have one ticket for Peacock and Gamble at the Pleasance Dome Dome at 9.40? No, and then they'll go, no, Pleasance Dome Dome's not a place to buy.

But it's funny. No, it's not funny that they get sent no, Pleasant Dome Dome's not a place to buy. But it's funny. No, it's not funny that they get sent away. All right, okay, yeah, we're doing a show. It's called Peacock and Wizards at 11.90 at the Dog's Mind. I'm definitely doing that. Next year, you do a solo show, mate. I'm coming doing Peacock and Wizards.

Peacock and Wizards, 11.90 at the Dog's Mind. Oh, it's going to be amazing. It's going to be empty because no one will know where to go because there's no such venue as the Dog's Mind. It won't be empty. There'll be me and and Wizards. Peacock and Wizards, 11.90 at the Dog's Mind. Oh, it's going to be amazing. It's going to be empty because no one will know where to go because there's no such venue as the Dog's Mind. It won't be empty. There'll be me and three wizards. So don't be saying that it'll be empty because we will be there.

We'll be having the best time. We're at Peacock and Gamble. Don't even want to be on telly anyway. Pleasance Dome, 9.40pm every night from the 1st of August to the 26th of August. Nobody wants to hear about that. No, but that's why we're doing this, mate. They're all tuning in for the celebrities, mate.

Yeah, we do have a lot of celebrity guests coming up, in fact. Yeah, we have actually. We've got Russell Howard's coming up. Yeah, Russell Howard. Lee Mack. Lee Mack's going to be on in a bit. Richard Herring. Is Richard Herring a celebrity, though?

Sort of. I think if you're sort of 29 to 32 and you didn't have any friends growing up, Richard Herring is very much a celebrity. If you stayed in at university. Yeah growing up. Yeah. Richard Herring is very much a celebrity. If you stayed in at university. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Richard, that's another two-parter, Richard Herring's one. Yeah.

Because he banged on. Oh, talks for England that bloke. So much. Yeah. And we're interviewing other guests as we're out of the fringe as well. Yeah, got loads coming up. Tim Vine's going to be doing one. Yeah.

Mick Miller, Jimmy Cricket. Yeah. That's going to be very exciting, isn't it? All the people. All the ones. Nish Kumar. Nish Kumar. Who is Nish Kumar? That's the name of his show. It's going to be our first question when he gets it. Yeah. Joe Lys That's going to be very exciting, isn't it? All the people. All the ones. Nish Kumar. Nish Kumar. Who is Nish Kumar?

That's the name of his show. It's going to be our first question when he gets it. Yeah. Joe Lysa is going to be doing one. Loads of people.

Tom Tutt, Gareth Richards. All the ones. All the ones. And we're booking more guests as we go along, so there's lots to look forward to. All your French favourites.

Just no women. No women as of yet. We can't. We try and steer clear of them, to be honest. No, don't say that we're... No, well, you know what we're like.

We steer clear of the women. We try and keep away from them. Right listen as comedians right. Odious little people. Right as we are doing the podcast right we're thinking do you know what we should try and get like women on it as well. But we're really struggling. We are struggling to find them.

I texted Natalette Seamer about it. Yeah. And I saw her last night and I said oh you haven't answered my text. Bitch. Right. Yeah nice. And she went my phone's broken. So that shows you you haven't answered my text. Bitch, right? Yeah, nice. And she went, my phone's broken. So that shows you never trust a woman.

Yeah, so that's why she's not on. Yeah. Just bumped into Hattie Hairidge. Yeah. And I was about to ask her, do you want to be on the podcast? She can't do it. She can't do it because she's got a broken ankle.

Yeah. And we're recording the podcast in our flat in Edinburgh, where we are now. We arrived today. Yeah. After being on a very dangerous flight. No, it wasn't dangerous.

I'll just, before we get to the steps... There was one bit, right, where the plane was going... And then I dropped, like, 200 foot. No, it didn't. It was doing a normal plane thing of going in the air and down a little bit. Horrible. Ray was sweating more than I've ever seen a man sweat from his palms. From my palms?

I thought he was going to do a loop-de-loop. He wasn't going to do a loop-de-loop. He was flying a plane. It was normal stuff. If we're told at the airport, at some point, there will be a loop-de-loop, then I can be ready for it then. And then I will enjoy that. But there wasn't going to be a loop-de-loop.

He wasn't doing a loop-de-loop, he was flying the plane in a straight line. Right, he landed it, normal, just normal. That was a normal landing. Right, before you even say this, it wasn't normal, because he flew over Edinburgh, and we were going, hang on, I can see Forth Bridge. Yeah, he can't just drop us off where we live, mate. We couldn't be going, oh, stop it here, mate. No, but then we were like, we're going

the wrong direction here. Sometimes you need to go over and taxi back in. Taxi? That wasn't a taxi. I'm sorry, I should know not to say other words. It was a stunt turn. It wasn't a stunt turn. He did an handbrake, right. Essentially, that EasyJet flight we were on from Luton to Edinburgh yesterday did an handbrake turn at Edinburgh. It didn't do a handbrake, right. Essentially, that EasyJet flight we were on from Luton to Edinburgh yesterday

did a handbrake turn at Edinburgh. It didn't do a handbrake turn. Essentially, it did that. He landed it well. It was normal. It's difficult being a pilot. It was like a 16-year-old in his mum's car in Asda car park. It wasn't, mate.

It's difficult being a pilot. He landed it properly. Everyone was fine. And at no point did... He probably heard this. We landed. There was silence on the plane. You said, bring that fucker out here.

I'm going to smack him. He was just landing it normal. Yeah, because he landed it, and then he's giving it, oh, we've got in early. And we're like, oh, brilliant, we're here early. And then he goes, yeah, so you can't get off. Yeah, that's true, there wasn't any ground stuff. Can't get off, there's no ladder.

Yeah. There's no ladder. We waited 20 minutes, got off it, finally, just one blunt, just stood there. With gravy down his chin. Yeah, well, you've made that bit up. Just been dragged away from his dinner. Couldn't off it, finally. Just one blunt, just stood there with gravy down his chin. Yeah, well you've made that bit up. Just been dragged away from his dinner. Couldn't believe it, could we? But we made it here. We got here. We thought, oh, everything's positive.

Have we made it here? Yeah. Right. Then we opened the door. Yeah. Whining again, weren't you? Why? I'll tell you why I was whining. Why? Because we were told, right, first off, we're living in Glasgow, essentially. No, Edinburgh. Well, it feels like Glasgow. We're living in a nice bit just on the outskirts of Edinburgh. Yeah, just on the outskirts of Edinburgh, Glasgow.

Right? So that's a long walk straight away. Yeah. And I have to carry a Mac about with me. I don't mean Rain Mac. I mean a Mac computer. You should be carrying a Rain Mac with you as well. Oh, well, I've got a new leather jacket and I look like Grease Lightning.

You do have a new leather jacket. You look very, very cool in it. Thank you. But what I'm saying is with your beanie and your Ray-Bans on you do look like a henchman from a 1980s film.

It was a good way to get on a plane. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it scared everyone, didn't it? Yeah. I also got checked, didn't I, by a man at the airport and I put my arms up

and my pants fell down. Yeah. Ray, it's a tradition now that when we get on the plane to come to Edinburgh he always forgets to take something metal off or it always beeps for some reason.

I think you've got a metal bollock and you've not told me yet. I think I have. No, do you know what? I wonder what it is because I do set off them alarms. Yeah. But with no metal. Yeah. Maybe it's your spirit, your steel spirit.

Yeah, could be that. Yeah. So the man, lovely, sort of beautiful, beautiful big black man. He came over to me. He walked over, right, and he said, hey, let me have a feel of you.

Yeah. And that gave me an idea for my new character. He's an airport security man called Pat Down. Nice, what does he do? Just does his job. Oh.

I don't see why comedy characters have to do their job badly. I don't know why we can't have somebody who works in the service industry who just does everything right. Right, I have got

a new character as well. What? Right, here it is now. Right. Oh, how? Oh, Donald Trump in a teepee. Oh, no. Oh, no. Smelly teepee. Oh, no. Oh, no. Right. service industry who just does everything right right I have got a new couch as well what right here it is now right oh how oh oh Donald Trump in a teepee right

oh no oh no smelly teepee oh no oh no right yeah red windian red windian yeah you were doing

that earlier yeah so the man he strode over majestic it was majestic he was like a giraffe lovely

and he came over to pat you down see what he had on you see what see what metal you had about your person no and you immediately saw him you looked in his eyes you had on you, see what metal you had about your person. No. And you immediately saw him.

You looked in his eyes. Dropped your trousers. Yeah, but not deliberately. Mate, you looked in his eyes. You looked in his eyes. You got lost in his eyes, his sparklers. And then, oh, down come the trousers. I wasn't.

I don't know what you were expecting to happen with him. He was just going to go, oh, get in the back now. If anything, I was actually terrified of the other man who was being checked because there was another bloke, right? Yeah.

He had like long white hair. Yeah, I saw him. All muscly and that. Yeah. And he had like a thousand yard stare. Yeah, he looked like, if you remember X-Factor

from three years ago, he looked like a sort of thin version of Wagner. He did. He really did though. Yeah. But he was terrifying because he showed

no emotion at all. Yeah. It was like he'd been trained. It was like he could put a cigarette out on his eyeball and he wouldn't have flinched. And he was there, right? And he was genuinely terrifying. Yeah. They stopped like he'd been trained. It was like he could put a cigarette out on his eyeball and he wouldn't have flinched. And he was there, right?

And he was genuinely terrifying. Yeah. They stopped him. He had like loads of silver on his wrists and that. Yeah. And then a bloke came over when I was being checked. Yeah. And said to the man doing me, this bloke, full check, yeah?

And the man turned to him and went, yes. Clearly. Look at that bloke. Clearly, yes. It was. He was terrifying. Yeah, I know. If he'd have been on our flight, I wouldn't have stayed on it.

You did say that. You said, if he is on there, I'm getting off this plane. Yeah. You look like a Die Hard buddy. You did. You look like the main buddy from Die Hard. Yeah, you did. Right, so we got here.

That's fine. All done. What happened when we opened the door? What did you discover? Right. I knew already we were four flights of stairs up. Four floors, they said. We're not.

We are. Fourth floor. We're eight stories up. We're not. We are, fourth floor. We're eight stories up. We're fourth floor, mate. And that's why Hattie Hayridge can't come on it, because she won't make the stairs. No, she won't. Simple as that. Yeah.

I'm a bit worried about Mick Miller and Jimmy Cricket. Yeah, that's true. Because they're not, you know, they're older gentlemen, aren't they? They are older gentlemen, yeah. And, you know, Jimmy Cricket. That's a really good point. Jimmy Cricket spent the last 40 years with his wellies on the wrong feet. He's probably got bad knees

yeah mate I'm going to go down there and meet him and say Jimmy just before we go up do you want to check them wellies

because I'm not taking you all the way out with them I'm genuinely worried about it so yeah so we're top floor 8 stories on

92 steps yeah Ed counted them yeah so that's what we're doing so we're coming up here to bring you this podcast. Yeah, so if you notice that some of our guests are sort of slightly out of breath,

that's because of the stairs. Yeah, we've started recording as soon as they've walked through the door. Unless we find a woman guest, and if she's out of breath, we've just probably been kissing her. Yeah, we've probably had a nice kiss of her and then done a wriggle on the bed. And we've both got to look at a fairy. Anyway, we're going to have look at a fairy. Anyway,

we're going to have a lot of fun. It's every single day for the entirety of the Edinburgh Fringe. We'll be bringing our podcast to you. Hope you enjoy it.

It's going to be a laugh, it's going to be some interesting conversations, some serious conversations, some funny conversations. And I think there's a good example of that coming up now

with our first guest today which is Greg Davis. Greg Davis. And Greg Davis will be on your ears in like about a few seconds just straight after this.

Exciting. Be cooking gamble, be cooking gamble. Shall we take our tops off? You're a bit warm, you're a bit warm. I'm really, on your ears in like about a few seconds just straight after this exciting Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble shall we take our tops off are you a bit warm are you a bit warm I'm really I'm unbearably hot

you've brought us so I think that'll bring something to it that's because we're in your flat and your flat is like a bigger version of ITV's The Cube

which gets very warm it is basically and I don't want to give too much away about where you live Greg because I don't want people to come and bother you and things

you know all your fans and that. But Greg basically lives in a greenhouse on the top of London. So you wouldn't even be able to get up to it anyway. It's a port cabin really, isn't it? Well, it's a nice one. It's a lovely port cabin, yeah. It's a luxury port cabin. You've got all your vitamins over there. We came in and it's clear

that just before we came in they're like, oh, the lads are coming over. I better make sure they know that I take my full regime of vitamins. Well, you think that that's a vanity exercise

putting my vitamins out? Yeah, you've clearly, look, all your cupboards are open. You've gone, get all my vitamins out. That is true. All your cupboards

are wide open. So you're going, oh, look, I've got Yorkshire tea. Oh, look at me everybody all my vitamins this is what happens when you are famous

absolute vodka what do you think I'm hoping to achieve by showing you that I take vitamins just that we know that you've got all your vitamins

in what way would you find that impressive well that you'd have strong bones maybe that's how it happened I don't take calcium is it just taking

all them vitamins yeah I was really, I was exactly your height until I started taking those vitamins. When you're older, you want to be the tallest thing in London,

don't you? That's why I'm taking all them vitamins. you're a fucking weirdo. Do you know if you take vitamin B, it makes your ego really orange.

Like a broca? Really, like a dark orange. Are you sure. Are you sure that's not? What, the collapse of my immune system?

Are you sure that's the vitamin B? Yeah, because if I don't take it, my wee's normal. What is

normal wee? Sort of purple, isn't it? Sort of off purple? Off purple, yeah.

Sort of dull purple. Mine's quite a light purple. You know when you see someone cutting a deer open

and all they're in it's flop out, that colour? I've never seen someone cut a deer open. You know when you see someone cutting a deer open and all their innards flop out, that colour. I've never seen someone cut a deer open. You've not seen to the end of his

film he sent you, that happens right at the end. I love you, do you ever tell me? The floppy deer bit's the best

part though. So I cut it open and all its innards fall in and I get inside the cavity and I recreate Star Wars. That's the best

bit of the video. You try and recreate the whole of Star Wars in there's the best bit of the video. But it's not, you try and recreate the whole of Star Wars in there. Yeah, yeah. That doesn't quite work. Oh no, it wasn't that,

it wasn't Empire Strikes Back when he gets inside that thing. He lifts his Star Wars. I get inside and I do Star Wars. Oh, you act out Star Wars dressed as a deer. Yeah.

You are a member of the Rebel Alliance. I'm inside a deer. That's an amazing idea though, isn't it? Yeah. I've got loads of ideas like that. What other ideas have you had today? I'm just throwing them got loads of ideas like that. What ideas have you had today?

I'm just throwing them out left, right and centre. What ideas have you had today? About cabbage dancing. Yeah, what happens in that? You get a really little man and put him inside these two big leaves and he does his dance. He does his dance. Right.

So he is a cabbage, not a... I haven't fully thought it through, mate. You'll have to develop some of these yourself. Right, OK. The starting point. You're starting these yourself right okay well the starting point you have started us off cabbage dancing

the starting point in the past you suggested sketches for me and Ray to do haven't you yeah and really good ones none of which you two have

used you've never told me you've not told me once you fucking arsehole there were a lot there were a lot of them I'd certainly

say there was quantity was high yeah I'm not one I made about 20 basically they all ended with one of us, either one, alternated, pulling our trousers and pants down and doing a shit on the floor.

That's a lot of the things we do anyway. Yeah, no, metaphorically, but he wanted us actually to do a shit on the floor. It's the little one, though. Doing a little brown fish on the floor. You'd have eaten all whole wheat bread and stuff like that, so it'd be nice little rounded pellets. I'm not... Ed will have to do the poos at the moment,

because my poos aren't proper at the moment. What's wrong with him? He's on a special drink for it. I've had a terrible problem with my back passage, as the doctor calls it. What's wrong with it, though? I don't know, it's all broke. What's wrong with your poos? Well, one day, right, the other day...

How old are you? Pardon? How old are you? Mid-thirties. Mid-thirties, right, the other day. How old are you? Pardon? How old are you? Mid-thirties. Mid-thirties, right, I was saying. You know, so I imagine you probably had your prostate checked at some point. I haven't had it checked, but they did suggest it might be slightly swollen the other day. Oh, really?

But it's quite weird, actually, because the doctor I went to is my mum's local GPU. I went to when I was a kid. I told him I was a bit worried about my prostate or something in my ass. Yeah. And he went, well, you you're you're the age you are now and so you might be having a few problems like that yeah I went well do you think we should check maybe and he went and this is a direct quote he went you want me to put my finger up you don't you and I said no no not at all I don't want at all. If you don't think it's medically valid, it just seems to me that if we need to test for something, that's the test, isn't it?

He said, I'll do it if you want me to. I said, I don't want you to. It's really strange. So you didn't know it done? I didn't know it done. I've had a camera up my bum, and I've had a camera up my willy as well. Oh, that's a good question.

How big is your tinkle? Is it so big that you wouldn't refer to it as a tinkle? No, what I mean is a good question. How big is your tinkle? Is it so big that you wouldn't refer to it as a tinkle? No, what I mean is because you're a giant man, a big man. I get asked that a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it is. I think it's just, I think it just serves its purpose. Right. If I put your fingers We're not saying it's fine. We're not saying it's so big

it doesn't work anymore. No, I just think it's fine. Yeah. I think it's really nice. I took a photo of you, right? It's really nice though yeah no i believe you there's a lot of them can be well ugly can't they yes if you saw mine you'd go oh that's a really nice one that's a lovely one mine is a pretty little thing yeah um if i

took a photo of you no clothes on right and then on a you know one of the programs get a computer if i made it go all small so you look like a normal quite a normal size yeah what did somebody go that penis is out of proportion or they just think it was a flashy tripod because it's exactly the same as my legs look at that it's a flashy tripod

with a head on it that's big that I think it's all about the balls anyway do you really I do actually but what sort of condition they're in

it's very much like framing a picture if I took one of my nice pictures from my flat and I just framed it in bacon or something it wouldn't be as nice some balls below it

wouldn't be as nice wouldn't be nice so balls frame flat and I just framed it in bacon or something it wouldn't be as nice and some balls below it it wouldn't be as nice would it it wouldn't be nice so balls frame a penis balls are the art gallery of the penis you can quote me on that yeah

does your penis does your penis start half way down your balls yeah comes out of one of them like I'm not sure that's your penis

like that Arnold Schwarzenegger film with that woman with a man going out of her throat this is accurate yeah yeah yeah

I have a mate I've still got him mate I won't name him oh wait his name's David that's fine he's got a perfectly cylindrical penis

oh there's no tapering there's no tapering at any end it's just a perfect fleshy cylinder it's horrible wow i hate it i hate it and i saw it you know you always have a little glance with the annex system having a way well if he's got a pringles dick definitely well you do anyway don't

you and i had a little glance and normally if you'd see someone's dick and you wouldn't go i've just seen your dick and this is what i think of it but with him i had no choice but to go your dick's a perfect tube and he said you know it's a normal no choice but to go, your dick's a perfect tube. And he said, no, it's just a normal dick. I said, it isn't, mate. It's a perfect tube. And we went out to the pub and his wife was there

and I said, Dave's dick is like a perfect tube. Yeah, it's all wrong. And she went, yeah, it is a bit cylindrical. And he went, what? We've been married for 12 years

and you're telling me that I've got a perfect cylinder dick. Now, Greg, this podcast we're in at the moment, this is our Edinburgh podcast. We're in Edinburgh right dick. Now, Greg, this podcast is a bit of a moment. This is our Edinburgh podcast. We're in Edinburgh right now. Oh, right. Am I in Edinburgh?

Yes, you are here in Edinburgh now. Hey! I've been there. Sorry about that. You're in Edinburgh, not a Jewish wedding. It's a Scottish song. I riffed it. I riffed it.

It's not a traditional one. I made it up. Hey, speaking of riffing, do you know what one of my favourite memories in comedy has been? One of my very, very favourite moments. Is that when you're in a hot air balloon in Melanie Henry? I liked that one. The other one that I really enjoyed is,

quite genuinely, one of the moments that I think in the last few years where I've felt the most calm and the most relaxed and just quite happy was me and you were backstage once and you were tuning your guitar up. Yeah. And I got my harmonica out

and I played harmonica for a bit while you were playing guitar and just jammed for a little bit and it was just really lovely. That's nice. It is nice when two lads just do stuff together backstage sometimes. And you went, that was really lovely. I went, yes, well it did sound really good. I do remember this. Yeah, it was in Andover. And then you had to go and do the gig.

We had a really nice moment together. That's lovely. I don't think you and me have ever had a nice moment backstage. We've had loads of nice moments backstage. Not when there's something emotional happening like that. We should explain really quickly. Yeah, sorry, I support Greg on tour when he goes on tour and that. We would have nice moments backstage, but before every gig, if there's a sofa, you'll lie on the sofa.

Yeah. You'll noisily try and go to sleep. Or just go, oh, I'm in trouble here, mate. I don't say I'm in trouble here mate I can't do this mate I'm full, I'm too full because sometimes they'll leave a little rider out and Greg will just eat all of it and then just lie there and go I can't go on, I can't go on

it's totally true the self control of a fucking cow I know you've got enough material now to not need a support act really

do you have a support act because that's digesting time I'm a vet so I need someone to go and just fill some time on the stage

20-30 minutes Ed's like a second stomach yeah yeah absolutely yeah so we would share like sort of nice moments, but you're... I don't know how it's going to work

on tour this time because... Are you firing me? That was the horrible but brilliant. No, I don't know how it's going to work because last time you had a very defined role and that was

to make me feel better about my diet. Because obviously I'm a heart attack waiting to happen. And you always made me feel better about my diet. Because obviously I'm a heart attack waiting to happen. And you always made me feel better because and I know that I'm about to say this and you're going to deny it, but I'll say now

absolutely categorically, I swear on my life it's true that nearly every night Ed will eat a full family sized pizza at about midnight. That's absolutely true. No, not every night at all. Honestly, the fun has gone. Yeah. The fun has gone completely.

Because you won't have it no more, will you? That wasn't fun. You're watching me wheezing on a step going, oh, bedtime in a minute of another song. On two occasions,

I went to bed because we had a skin full of beer and we'd had 18 full meals during the day. And as I was going to bed, you would say, oh, I'm just going

to the local pizza thing for a full time. And a kebab. And a kebab,. Well, no, and a kebab. And a kebab a bit. Yeah, and a kebab. You fat get. Is weight an issue to you? Yeah, look, of course it is.

Look at me, I'm disgusting. No, no, but is it an issue to you? No, is it? I've got a bit of a hang up about it. I talk about it. I keep going on about it all the time. Yeah, because I'm... I don't know.

I don't know what's... I've just got no self-control right in life. If I see something, I think that would be nice in my mouth. I just put it in. And if it is nice in my mouth I just keep putting it in all the time. But what if it's like

just somebody walking past you's breast? I suppose I adhere to social conventions to some extent. There has to be consent if that thing is alive. If a Malteser was going

no don't do that you wouldn't put the Malteser in your mouth. No but I'm not. I mean if we cover every potential surreal situation it's going to take ages. So if I went past a policeman and he had a talking parrot instead of a dick

and I put that in my mouth, that would be awful. Yeah, but we're only going off the premise that you set up in the first place, which was that you have no self-control. I don't. And if you see something and want to put it in your mouth, then you will. All right. Let me call a faux-ice. Right, thank you.

If I see something that is socially acceptable to put in one's mouth and I pop it in and it is nice then I keep popping it in and I cannot I literally cannot stop myself I can't stop smoking I can't stop eating

bad stuff I can't stop drinking it's really bad and I know this perhaps isn't the funniest no it's not this is what we want really yeah

this is the sort of thing that could lead to it being in a newspaper but because you're a tall man I get away with it no you don't it's not getting away with it oh is in a newspaper. But because you're a tall man... I get away with it. No, you don't. It's not getting away with it, though, is it?

I do. People go, oh, you're a lovely tall man, though. It's fine. No, but that's like saying that I don't get away with it, because I'm short. That's right. It's only... But you do. You both get away with it because you're both broad.

It's nothing to do with that. It's to do with how you feel in your own skin. It's nothing to do with... No, I'm literally talking about... Are you troubled by your weight? Not in the slightest. You're really happy to be carrying a couple of pounds

the only thing that would concern me about my weight is from a health point of view every now and again that's the only reason it concerns me and only when I'm ill and only when I'm ill as well

it's only if I actually feel ill that's the only time it'll actually bother me I'll go oh I should lose some weight because it might be that or I'm getting chest pains for 10 hours again

I've been hospitalised and that's our surgery I've tried everything I've been doing yoga you've been doing yoga yeah I've been hospitalised and that's our surgery. I've tried everything. I've been doing yoga. You've been doing yoga?

Yeah, I've been doing yoga. When did you do yoga? I bought a DVD. I talked about this on a

telly thing the other day but I'm going to tell you again anyway because I think it's worthy of

telling. When does the telly thing go out? It's been out. I bought a yoga video

because I thought everyone says that's quite a nice way of getting fitter. I bought this DVD by this woman and I really went at it properly applied myself to it for two weeks and I was thinking this woman's like this amazing guru

spent her whole life studying yoga and then my mate came in when it was on um the day went that woman's from Emmerdale I've been doing an Emmerdale an Emmerdale yoga lady from Emmerdale yeah I actually physically can't do it what do you mean I'm the wrong proportions my legs are too short

so I can't get into certain positions no it doesn't matter how short your legs are you can do it I can't do it I've said that now

and I'm not doing it you are in proportion I'm not my legs are far too short no they're not yeah they are your legs can't be too short for anything yes they can sometimes you can do anything are your legs can't be too short for anything

yes they can sometimes you can do anything with your legs now you're going to look stupid because sometimes when I'm walking I look down

and I realise I've not even been touching the ground for half an hour and I'm just still stood in the same place just trapping my legs like why lick it out

what's been moving you along have you no don't move I just stand dead still my legs are going like that we'll be going somewhere. I'll go, let's go down to the shops. And then I'll get to the shops.

I'll be paying up. And I'll turn around and say something to him. And he's not there. I get back. He's just in midair, just flapping his legs about. Because he's short to reach the ground. I've learnt something here. Do you know what I've often thought would be really good?

Is if you could just boop on your penis and testicles. And they were suddenly absolutely giant. And you could sit on your own penis and testicles like a horse elephantitis yeah like them lads but then you could

manipulate your balls so that you gallop along and you could have like a range around your dick and just ride it yeah but you'd have that for a week

like a big sort of worm like a big dick horse put that down dick horse that's a good idea can we have that yeah you can put that in there

it can be a sketch dick horse now one idea which I've always suggested to you in the past, which I think we could do, is you as James Bond, which you were never that positive about,

and I suggested that to you. Yeah, but it was an interesting spin on me. It wasn't me as James Bond because I'm really handsome. It was... You're a good-looking lad, though. We thought... Thanks, mate. I think it was £5 million per year to do...

To be James Bond. To play the new James Bond. Yeah, this was like a scenario if someone did this. He was sort of reinventing himself as Cubby Broccoli and it was a very exciting time for me initially and then he started adding caveats which ruined it. He wasn't sure if he'd do this. He told me if he'd do this for £5 million.

You have to be completely naked for the whole film. Have cross your eyes for the whole film. Have cross-eyed, cross your eyes for the whole thing. And this is a reinvention of James Bond. And have your dick sellotaped to your stomach. Yeah. And that is the new James Bond. What was the expression

for how cross-eyed I have to be? Oh, to the point of disability. I will genuinely never tire of watching it. Yeah, exactly. It'd be brilliant. It would be funny. And I have to have my penis out all the time. What do you do? I would genuinely never tire of watching it yeah exactly it'd be brilliant it would be funny and I have to have my penis out all the time

and it has to be salotaped to my stomach yeah I wouldn't do it though would you do nudity would you do nudity yeah yeah of course yeah yeah

of course well that's it that's part of the role isn't it but yeah exactly but I would forever be known as the person

who ruined James Bond by taping my dick to my not really cross-eyed walking into a room and falling over I think a lot of people would have a lot of respect for you because you'd ruin it so much that it would

come all the way back round again. Yeah, and also you're wrong, you wouldn't be forever now, is it? Because then eventually Mike Myers or Rowan Atkinson would do a sort of a joke version of it where they are just normal. Yeah. They're just the normal James Bond. That would be the parody. They're just James Bond. Every time you kill someone you have to do a little wee

and it just goes all over your stomach and cascades down. This is a new thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But you've got to have loads of vitamin B before it. So there'd be orange wee cascaded down

onto the sellotape that's holding my dick to my stomach. Yeah, all running off the sellotape. And I would be cross-eyed bashing into pillars. Do I ever get the girl?

Do I ever kill villains? You don't like girls, do you? Oh, what am I? I'm gay? No. I'm gay strappy dick. No, no, no. I'm a gay boy.

No, you're just a bit odd. You're a bit asexual. So I don't like... I'm asexual. Asexual. Yeah. I'm the first asexual James Bond to cross-eyed in his dick

so I take his shoes. You're asexual. And that's the waste of it as well because the dick is so... You've got a pet mouse. Well, I'm not being James. You've got a pet mouse. Oh, right.

Yeah. I thought you said a pet man. You've got a little pet mouse. Yeah. And you've got a pet man. You've got a pet mouse. Well, I'm not being James. You've got a pet mouse. Oh, right. I thought you said a pet man. You've got a little pet mouse. Yeah, and you've got a pet man. You've got a little pet mouse. What do I use the pet man for? No, to just stroke it at night when you're watching telly. You stroke it. Is that one of the scenes?

Yeah. In James Bond. He's got a pet mouse. Oh, look. That's the opening. Look, it's the cubes on. Let me give you a little stroke of your little head. We watched the cube together.

You know know at the beginning of James Bond now he walks across the screen and shoots the gun. Yeah. Now it's like down that lens still but

it's you watching telly stroking a little pet man's head and then you do one of your orange pisses. No no the orange piss comes down

like the blood duct. Oh yes orange piss rose down that way. Oh it's really good I'll definitely do it I don't even

want any money. That was great. Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Right, so Edinburgh. Right. The Edinburgh Fringe. Yes, festival. The world's biggest art festival.

Yeah. Oh, we all enjoy going there, don't we? I have strange feelings about it. I think it's really wonderful. I think it's a really wonderful, exciting... Some of my most vivid and wonderful memories were created during the Edinburgh Festival, and it's great,

but I'm quite a stress head so I find it really stressful yeah I think I think I've only ever enjoyed Edinburgh in retrospect so yeah what's the stress so what would the stress actually be well I suppose we all love what we're doing don't we and we want to be able to carry on doing it and keep developing what we're doing and going to whatever you perceive to be the next level I suppose yeah and so you can't help or some people to whatever you perceive to be the next level, I suppose. And so you can't help, or some people can. Some people go to the Edinburgh Festival just because they love performing at the Edinburgh Festival. That's amazing. But I've never once been there

and I haven't thought this might lead me to be able to do a thing that I want to do. And that's a shame, really, because that's you sort of sabotaging your own time in Edinburgh, in a way. Sometimes that stress about something that you can't necessarily control. Yeah. You can have everything that's within your control. You can have a really good show and do it to the best of your ability,

but then there's a certain portion that's just luck. But you are, to some extent, one of many variables. That's the truth of it. And when I went there in 2010 and did my only solo show that I've done there, on the second night, my door staff decided it would be a good idea as well as the three broadsheet reviewers to come in, that it would be a good idea to let a ten person stag do it.

And the stag was dressed as a bear. Fully dressed as a bear. And sat on the front row. So it doesn't matter how convinced you are your show's good. If you're performing to ten drunk men one of whom is dressed as a bear and then behind them

there's people writing notes about how good your show is yeah you know it's that's

and how did the reviews come out well you couldn't see it for a bear I had to put fires out for the whole fucking gig basically

and deal with a fucking pissed bear and his mates so it was a pyro bear yeah so I spent the whole time managing the situation basically and sweating and then I came off and had a breakdown and started swearing at everybody and then my PR got a hold of the reviewers and went come on you know let's be fair here he

did have to deal with ten drunken pricks and they went oh look we'll take that into account don't worry three stars all three stars really wow one of my best other reviews one of my best other reviews was a night that went I think you were

actually in the game the night it happened yeah I think I was when I chucked the woman's handbag out of the review yeah with the mooing yes

a lady came to my solo show years ago she had one of those cow moo things oh yeah and she was loving it she was loving doing it and she genuinely thought that it was moo things. Oh yeah. And she was loving it. She was loving doing it

and she genuinely thought that it was helping. She'd go, all the way through it. And eventually I took it off her and then she grabbed it. I had a lightsaber at the time. She grabbed that as well. And then I grabbed her handbag.

It was like a real weird standoff. And then I thought, do you know what? I've got another lightsaber. I can sacrifice that one. That's good. It was in the hut, in the peasant's hut.

And I flung her handbag as far as I could throw it out of the hut. And then it went on and on. It was like, the others were really with me and then there was one bloke and I went, this is all right.

And he went, yeah, you're on your own, aren't you? And I went, yeah, you're reviewing, aren't you?

Yeah. And I had a chat with him on stage. I went, just tell me the review so far. So tell me what it is so far and what do I need to do? What do I need to do what do I need to do now

to help to help this situation and he wrote he didn't write a review he wrote a really nice

article about it very very complimentary about me and that and said he felt he couldn't review

it because he hadn't seen my show oh well that's nicely balanced yeah it is and that's when

that's you know that's when you would say that probably your audience went away going oh I've just seen something

unique it's very typical of the Edinburgh Festival you come and see a live experience it's amazing I absolutely loved it but I bet you

were having an art attack on stage not an art attack were you not no pissed off really yeah furious in fairness because normally

I'm alright with messing about with audiences and stuff and that comes from a lot of comparing so you're used to that sort of playing about but then you go

hang on if I break this down, me doing this show, like just this one tonight, I mean, you're hemorrhaging money as it's happening. And you're like, I've written a show and I want to do that show, really. And I think I did do the show. In 20 minutes, you did the whole show in 20 minutes.

Super fast. Because I think at some point during that, a man got up to go to the toilet as well. So as he went, Ray went, that's fine, you can go to the toilet. And as he walked out, Ray went after him out the door and went, and stay out like that. And slammed the door.

And we only found out afterwards that when he shouted that, the security and the pleasants had thought it was genuine and jumped on the man and tackled him to the floor. And then he was going to go to the toilet and they wouldn't let him back in. Was that allowed back in the toilet?

But I remember seeing you in Ray Peacock and Son when I was doing that little part at the end in 2005 and there were some people genuinely causing trouble who then shouted something

and this bloke left. He was wearing this big straw hat. He left and there was about a two second beep and Ray ran out after him. We were just sat there looking at an empty stage for about a minute and then Ray just, the door slammed open and Ray came in with like this tattered straw hat on, just holding it

like really high up on his head. Did I tell you about that Lee Francis incident? No. You know Lee Francis, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, or, or. Yeah, yeah. Or Keith Lemon. When we were doing one of our clang shows, I think 2007,

and his main character was Avid Merriam at the time with the neck brace on. We were halfway through the show, full tilt going for it, and I was suddenly aware that someone was walking out really noisily because he had to move all the people in the venue. And it got to the stage where I had to reference it because everybody was going to lose this bloke who's shuffling past us

taking ages and it was him it was it was lee francis or as i thought his real name was at the time avid merriam and i went is that is that avid merriam and they're all right it is it is it's like a witch hunter it is him it is him so i thought he was walking out of our show really rudely. So I got everyone to chant the rudest swear word of them all. Shouting, Avid Merian is that bad word. It is a swear word. And everyone joined in and was clapping like this. Not using his real name, the poor man.

And saying he was a cunt for walking out of our show then we carried on the show and five minutes later he came back in because he'd just been to the toilet it was awful

and I've subsequently met Lee and he's such a lovely man and he said to me I remember that time you weren't going for a drink

call me a cunt I felt terrible it'd just been for a week and that was the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast for today what a brilliant time we've all had

Greg Davies will be back for the second part of that interview tomorrow don't forget he does go absolutely insane yeah it's genuinely worth listening to in fact if you've not even

listened to this one yeah and you're just hearing this bit by accident don't even bother listening to this one listen to it tomorrow because he goes

absolutely insane absolutely power crazed but you'll find out more about that later on yeah so in Edinburgh if you're in Edinburgh or you're coming up

to Edinburgh our show is Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway 9.40 Pleasant Stone Dome no Pleasant Stone

not an extra stone Pleasant Stone we'll all enjoy that Pleasant Stone so 9.40 that was Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast it was a ready production

hosted by chortle.co.uk our show is what we've just told you we are Peacock and Gamble thank you very much indeed all music was by Thomas Fenderay

and we shall see you again tomorrow see you tomorrow goodnight