The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 13 (Tim Vine)

Episode Date: December 6, 2020

"Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 13 (Tim Vine)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 98 of 128.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Pickle and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Because it's not a Peacock and it's not a Peacock and it is a Peacock and it is a Gamble. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Here they are. Here we go for the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast. Yeah, oh, unlucky number 13. Unlucky number 13 for some. Particularly Tim Vine who's our guest today.

Yeah. His career will be ended by it. Unlucky in that he is a guest on it. Yeah, unlucky Tim Vine having to be a our guest today. Yeah. His career will be ended by him. And lucky in that he is a guest on it. Yeah. Unlucky Tim Vine having to be a guest on this. Yeah. Unlucky, mate. I saw Tim again last night.

We interviewed Tim yesterday. The other day. I saw him again last night. Yeah. On his phone. Oh, on his phone. Just in the street. Oh, show off, isn't he?

Yeah. Although, you gave me an interesting fact about Tim Vine. I don't know whether we can put that in. About his phone. He's on pay-as-you-go. He's on pay-as-you-go. He's on pay-as-you-go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is an amazing thing.

I think it's commonly known. Is it? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it says it on his Twitter. Oh, right, okay. I like that. I like that as a thing. Yeah. That completely unaffected.

Like, he's just on pay-as-you-go. Yeah. He's never changed. That is the easiest thing for him. I imagine that Tim lives a very monk-like life. Do you think? That's my guess, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think he's got a really... I think he's got a very monk-like life. Do you think? That's my guess, yeah. Yeah?

Well, I think he's got a really, I think he's got a massive mansion. Right. With nothing in it. Right. Right, literally, everything's paired right down. Right. So the kitchen is a table, a chair, and a cooker. Why do people say paired right down?

Because when people say paired right down, I imagine they... Double it up. Yeah, just put double everything. Weird, innit? Yeah. So I imagine that. I imagine that his bathroom is literally just one

toilet. Yeah. An actual proper toilet. Yeah. But then it's got a waterfall that runs through it.

Yeah. And that's where he does his showering and his washing. He does everything in the waterfall. He doesn't have toilet paper for

after doing his mug. He just turns around and puts his bum in the waterfall. Well, you would, wouldn't you, if you had a waterfall?

Of course you would. It's a natural bidet. I went to university with someone who we didn't know much. Well, you would, wouldn't you, if you had a waterfall? Of course you would. It's a natural B-day. I went to university with someone who we didn't know much about him, really. You know how you meet people in their social situation, and they're quite quiet. You don't really gather much about their personality from talking to them, but they seem perfectly nice. And then you see something about their lives, their home lives, and it all makes sense.

Right. I went to university with someone and then we saw in his room one day and he had almost, he owned almost nothing. Right.

All we could see in his room through the door was a three pants piled up, folded and a small picture of Malcolm X

stuck to his wall. Wow, that's weird, isn't it? Yeah, it's mental. Wow, that is incredible. I don't think Tim has that. No. He's got a waterfall, isn't he?

I'm not saying I don't think Tim has got a picture of Malcolm X at all. You might do. I wouldn't rule it out. Yeah. What I'm saying is I don't think he's got a room with three pants and a Malcolm X photo. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. I think he's got a writing room. Yeah.

Which is parchment and the same HB pencil he wrote all his jokes with. Right, okay. Forever. It wasn't the original pen behind the ear? It all his jokes with. Right, okay. Forever. It wasn't the original pen behind the ear? It is the original one. Right. The original pencil

that he learnt that with. Yeah, yeah, when he was writing his jokes. Yeah, and some days it goes missing and he literally runs around the house with no clothes on screaming.

Yeah. Right? And then, I think there's another room that's just packed full of props. I think they're just everywhere. All the props

that you can't get in. Yeah, I think they're just everywhere. All the props we shop. You can't get in. Yeah, I think they're just everywhere. And sometimes he likes to sort of really squeeze himself in there. It's like them programmes about hoarders. Yeah, yeah. You see, he has the crawl in between those. It's one of those, yeah, yeah.

Sometimes he goes in there and just sits in the middle of all the props in a little cubby hole he's made, sort of three foot up, just on top of a rubber duck from sitting on the duck of eBay, right? That joke. Yeah.

My favourite one. And he just looks at all the props he can see and he just has nice memories about his show. Yeah, and that's when he comes up with new jokes as well. Yeah, exactly, yeah. So we might ask him about that later on. We don't. We don't.

We've already recorded it. Yeah. Already recorded that. Already recorded that. No diction in that whatsoever. Yeah. Already recorded it. And we recorded it whatsoever. Yeah. I already recorded it. And we recorded it also.

We talk about darts a little bit in the interview, don't we? Yeah. And we recorded it before Sid Waddell died. Did Sid Waddell die? Yeah, he died. I probably should have told you that before we recorded it. When did he die? Today, this morning.

Oh, horrible. How horrible. Yeah. That's a shame, isn't it? So, just to let you know, we weren't happily talking about darts and not bringing up a man who was very important to darts so we're just sad

to hear that today. Oh that is sad the world is a quieter place. Yeah. Significantly quieter because he was a proper shouter wasn't he?

Proper shouter. Was a proper shouter oh what a shame. Well that's brought everything down hasn't it? No I think we can bring it back. No now I feel sad

about everything. Oh. I do. I hate hearing about I don't have any emotional investment in Sid Waddell particularly. I hate hearing about, because I don't have any emotional investment in Sid Waddell particularly. Yeah.

But I hate hearing about things like that. Yeah, when people die and that. Yeah. Yeah. They never tell you when people get born, do they?

They never go on the news and say, a pop star who's going to be a pop star in 20 years was born today. There's a very important reason for that though,

isn't it, mate? So, the element of surprise. Yeah, yeah. They don't want people knowing, do they, who's going to be a pop star because they might have to sneak up on them.

Yeah. But they do do it when celebrity babies are born because I suppose celebrity babies have more of a chance of being a pop star in the future.

Yeah. But also, sadly, more of a chance of being assassinated. Yeah. Or kidnapped for money. You never hear about a baby getting assassinated,

do you not? Very, very rare. But they do get kidnapped or there are kidnapped attempts. They do get kidnapped but no, you never hear of You never hear about a baby getting assassinated, do you not? Very, very rare. But they do get kidnapped, or there are kidnapped attempts. They do get kidnapped, but no, you never hear of like a sniper on a baby or anything like that. I plot loads of them. I sit in my room sometimes thinking, oh, I'll take so-and-so's baby. Yeah. I'll take so-and-so's baby and they will have to give me a million pounds.

What, it's a million pounds to them? Yeah. And I work out where I lied it. Yeah, just looking at your Malcolm X photo. Putting it in my Malcolm X photo in my room full of props. Yeah. Tell you what you never hear about, mate. What?

A baby killing another baby. Like a baby assassin. Like, oh, a baby was in the back of the car, right, doing a parade. Yeah. And that baby got shot and then they found another baby in its crib on the top of the building with a big gun. You're very rarely aware of that, aren't you? Yeah.

Very, very rarely. Tell you what you never hear about, mate. Go on. An owl killing another owl. I bet that happens. With a gun. Not with a gun, no. Not with a gun.

I bet they peck at each other. Yeah. I was in quite a bad mood when I woke up this morning. I say this morning, four minutes ago. Yeah. Well, they don't know what time this is, so we can say this is 6am. Alright, it's 6am. We got up

and we're just about to go for our jog. I've had one jog already and I'm going to do another one after this. No, because you said you got up four minutes ago. Yeah, no, because I had

a sleep shit after my jog. Right, okay. I had an horrible gig last night. I'm sorry. It's that same place again. Oh. Kicked off again. Oh.

Do you think it might be you? Possibly. Yeah. I don't think it was last night. I think it was just wasted people who've been allowed into a place that serves alcohol. Yeah. Which I couldn't understand.

And then the same security bloke came down and did the body slam the day before. There was one point I was on stage where I just went, tell you what, you don't know what this means, but I never thought I'd be hoping the security man comes down and does the same thing. Are you sure it wasn't Mick Foley? It wasn't Mick Foley.

He's a tiny little bloke, man. He's tiny. He's obviously trained in some sort of ninja arts. Okay. Kung fu, not sort of like finger painting with a mask on. No, no. Not that he can draw a really good ninja. Yeah.

Ninja arts. He can do sculpture, but he sneaks in, does it really quickly and gets out without anyone noticing. Yeah. But I... And that's that joke, Dom. It was a very funny joke, very funny joke.

I said to the audience about these people being removed and that and then I said what had happened the night before with the body slam. Yeah.

And when the security man came down, just one bloke in the middle stood up and put his arms in the air and went, body slam! And it really made me laugh.

So I was on stage while security were in negotiating with these people who were at the front of the stage it was horrible and then I said we have an interval we're going to call another interval

it's only just been an interval so I was the middle section right and it's an interval we're going to get it sorted out I went to the back of the room just head in my hands I was like

this is ridiculous you could feel the tension in the air and the violence in the air at which point this really pretty girl came up to me called Jen pretty girl came up to me called Jen and she came up to me

and she went are you Ray Peacock and I went yeah and she went do you want to say I really like your podcast I've been really enjoying it I'm like that's such a lovely thing

to hear right in the middle of this fucking camera so Jen whoever you are thank you for that it was actually really sweet but I was just slightly distracted really was slightly distracted

and then they threw him out and then I brought the next actor and then the next actor I had to explain to the audience why it was as bad as it was. Yeah. Because they were at the front being quiet.

Right, that's the worst one, isn't it? They were quietly saying things and they were texting and they were, yeah. And so he then,

which I've got all credit to him, John Hastings he was, I've never seen him before, he was brilliant. Yeah. He told the rest of the audience why that wasn't an overreaction of what had happened.

Yeah, so, you know, I've got a night off tonight. Hey! This is a day off for me what are you going to do I'm going to edit the podcast

yeah do our show yeah but I'm going to go and have breakfast in a minute I've sent a couple of birds down to the restaurant and they're ordering

me breakfast now my breakfast is being cooked right now it's been like Pulp Fiction in a way yeah don't you just love it when you go to the bathroom

and you come back and your food's there waiting yeah and although my food when I get there will be cold because it's on the street. Yeah. So it'll be a chair outside.

You're eating it off the street like a dog, aren't you? I like a cold black pudding. Yeah. So, did you do any gigs last night? No. Okay, that's the business sorted out. So, we've got a great interview with Tim Vine today. Let's not eat into it any more than we have to.

Our show. Our show. People can gamble. Don't even want to be on telly anyway. 9.40 at the Pleasant's dum dum dum dum dum and it's selling very well

that's not even showing off that's more like going buy a ticket if just a few more of you did it then we'd be sorted here yeah I don't mean sorted in that

we'll make money because we won't oh no we'll lose money but just for our own egos if we could sell out a few more nights that'd be awesome what I mean is

if a few more of you buy tickets then we'll have the minimum debt yeah which I believe is 11 000 pounds i think it's something like that so um if you want us to only owe 11 000 pounds rather than 17 000 pounds please buy a ticket to our show that's good we're promoting it isn't it yeah it is yeah yeah not going come and do our show they're going oh yeah well you know i could get your podcast for free yeah this is free as well and you know what i'm gonna set up a up a JustGiving page. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I am. For the end of this podcast, and on the last day of this podcast, me and Ed are going to be the guests. Right? And it's literally going to be an hour and a half of us saying, were we worth it? How much were we worth?

Get it in there now. We'll wait now while you transfer some money. And I'll be doing, on the last day, I'll be doing my nominations for The Fringe. I'll do my own awards. Are you? And let me just, I'm not seeing my nominations for The Fringe. I'll do my own awards. Are you? And let me just, I'm not seeing a lot of shows, but let me just tell you,

I'm hearing a lot of buzz about Crunchy Blast ice creams this year. Yeah, you really are. Yeah, I think they might be in for a nomination. All right, well, there will be the official Peacock and Gumball Edinburgh podcast Edinburgh Awards. Yeah. On the last episode as well. Well, in fact, we should do the nominations a few days before, yeah, and then do the winners on the last day. Excellent. in fact we should do the nominations a few days before yeah and then do the winners on the last day

excellent they might be shows they might be ice creams they might be just things that have happened might just be us for every category yeah

who knows well look here's Tim Vine great interview yeah we'll talk to you after it bye I mean it's unbearable

the silence isn't it oh my goodness I could feel it particularly with a geography lesson with Tim today I guess it's Tim Vine hello hello how silence, isn't it? Oh, my goodness. I could feel it particularly with... It's like a geography lesson. With Tim today. I guess it's Tim Vine.

Hello. Hello, how are you? Very well, sir. How are you? Very well, yes. It's good to see you all here. Oh. We live here.

Yeah, we live here. This is our place. I had a weird thing today, because I watched Tim come up the stairs. He bolted up the stairs. Did you? No problem at all. I didn't bolt up the stairs, but I didn't stop. You didn't stop, and I offered you that as an option.

Does everyone normally stop halfway? Well, it's not that they necessarily stop, but normally when they get here You didn't stop, and I offered you that as an option. Does everyone normally stop halfway? It's not that they necessarily stop, but normally when they get here, they're ruined. Well, I was a little bit ruined. I was breathing slightly, you know. Were you hiding how tired you were? No, I thought it was quite open. Remember, I lay down. Oh, yeah.

I think not stopping is the key. I think you've just got to do it in one. But you see, I've been training for this for the last two weeks because my flat that I'm staying in has also got four flights. Has it really? Yeah, yeah. So, in fact, yours have got more than four flights actually, hasn't it? Exactly. No, yeah, that's fine.

There are more than four flights. We were told there were four floors. Rated that to mean four flights. And then complained when we got here. I honestly thought he wasn't going to come all the way up the stairs because that's not what he contractually sort of signed up to. It might be twice that. Each floor might be, you know, one way and back. So it might be eight that. Each floor might be one way and back.

So it might be eight flights. That's exactly what I said. They never said about the flights. They said there were four floors up. But they can't trick us like that. That wasn't a trick. I wasn't surprised. I'm the other way around.

I think myself, it's great. When I had this flat, I thought, this is great. This is good for my knees. Oh, what do you know? Don't you come in here defending them. I think, listen, when you come to Edinburgh, you've got to be prepared for a lot of stares. Hey, that's something to do with dying, I think, that joke.

Which was appropriately met with silence. Yeah, what happened to stares, actually? Do you know what's happened over the years with your jokes, Tim? They've got too clever. Well, that wasn't too clever. It wasn't. You should be prepared for stares. And I'll explain the joke to the listener.

What Tim meant was that the people in the audience would be staring at you. I think they got that. It was a double meaning. I didn't get it. Well, we didn't get it. You got two flights off us. Yeah. And we're comedians, Tim.

Yeah. We should have guests in it coming. Well, you did eventually. I mean, it was a step in the right direction. There we go. That's better. Just literally saying step in a sentence. Pick, hook and gamble, pick, hook and gamble.

Now, I've been around you quite a bit when you've been doing this sort of thing. This infantile joke. I haven't always seen you, have I? No, not always. Actually, I want to speak about that later on. Right. About people not being seen in conversation. Right.

That's a little teaser. That's a very specific kind of question. It is, but it's a belting thing. Or it's certainly the thing that made me laugh the most in the last 12 months, but I'll tell you later on. When you're doing this, when you're doing your jokes,

as in new jokes, things that you're thinking up on the spot, are the two conversations going on in your head? Yes. Well, I don't know, are they? What do you mean to say when I... Was that one then? But when you have a conversation with anyone...

When anyone has a conversation, you're making it up as we go along, aren't you? I know. But you're specifically finding something. So if we're talking about stairs... Yeah, but stairs and stairs. I mean, I can't claim to be the first person. My goodness me.

He found this... You know this problem? The double B. Stairs and stairs. Absolutely incredible. But that's fine but we had that

conversation then yeah stairs and stairs then we carried on talking yeah and you were still in the conversation with us but there was

another one on the way so you were obviously going stairs you were I wasn't thinking that much were you not no not that much

no I did used to have a joke in my act where I used to have a little sort of with two or three what do you call it it was a little step thing you know

like two steps H that's a good joke isn't it yeah yeah a little step H and I used to go on

and just sort of rearrange the direction of it and then I'd say that's a step in the right direction so that's what reminded me

I just think of what stairs jokes have I got so you have that one in stock I did have that one somewhere in my head but it wasn't

I didn't have to go into the I didn't have to go and meet Brenda at reception and say please can I go to the file

it's really immediate but I find it I find it both inspirational and worrying at the same time I really do just that thing

it must be exhausting for you it's not at all I don't know I think you're tuned into a different point in the conversation so you're looking at the language I really do. It must be exhausting for you. It's not at all. You're tuned into a different point in the conversation, so you're looking at the language.

I think it's to do with just the size of my back catalogue. Paul's carry-on face. But I think it's just that I've written a lot of jokes, I suppose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't... It's not, it's like if you had a thousand children, for example, and you knew them all, and someone asked you whether you had a child called Nigel, and you knew you did, you wouldn't have to spend ages thinking about that. Maybe not, but maybe if they said, and what are their names? Yes, true, I do

forget some of my jokes. Yeah. So you metaphorically forget some of your children? Well, unless you say the word Nigel and then I'll remember whether or not I had any Nigels. Do you have to use memory techniques to learn a whole show? A little bit, but I sort of learn it in clumps and just through repetition I just wander around

talking to myself before a tour. I always think, because I worry about forgetting it when I'm on stage, so I would start rehearsing some time in advance of before a tour. I always think that, because I worry about, you know, forgetting it when I'm on stage, so I would start rehearsing some time in advance of going on tour. So I just would start, like maybe once I know what my hour is, I'd maybe run through it just once a day,

but starting a month and a half before I go away. But you also get very excited, from my experience with you, the time I've spent the most with you has been at Not Going Out. Yeah. Because I do the warm-up at Not Going Out and I think you're in it, are you? You were in it. I was in it, yeah. But all The time I've spent the most with you has been at Not Going Out. Yeah. Because I do the warm-up at Not Going Out

and I think you're in it, are you? You were in it. I was in it, yeah. But all the time you were there, so far, I was there too. Yes, you were.

Why are you saying it like that? No, I'm saying... No, but he knows I'm upset about him leaving. And so he says it like that. He goes, all the time you were there, so far,

I was there. But the next time you're there, I won't be there, I won't know. I didn't say so far. I just... Did I? Or maybe I did. I you're there, I won't be there. I didn't say so far. I just, did I? Or maybe I did. I think you did. I didn't mean it like that.

This has been recorded. I don't know. It's not like your brother showed this, which goes out and that's it. Finished. This is recorded. It's in the ether. That's fine.

But yeah, you were going to say, that's the times when you were about to say something. Yeah, well, so I've seen, I've actually seen you, and I guess lots of people who've worked with you have, but I've seen you working on a joke and I've seen I've actually seen you and I guess lots of people have worked with you but I've seen you working on a joke and I've seen you

have a like we had a day filming when I was I had a very important role and we had a day then you had to come out and introduce us

as a band and what was your line please you just said it we said it before we started recording please work no no I know

that was me reminding myself oh I see right did it go well on the day i did it well i remember on the day please welcome the auditors yeah yeah let's see it for the auditors yeah there's a bit more than that i think there should have been a bit more after that so there's no accounting for taste you should have done that yeah you should have said that to me and then said just just try it and then you should have said that and done the line said tim said that was all right but that day because we me and you were on the stage and done the line and said Tim said that was alright Tim said that was alright but that day because me and you were on the stage

on the set so we were together for quite a while just hanging around yeah just hanging around but you were literally just you were working things out

well I can't remember what it was now there was something wasn't there which oh I nearly had it I nearly remembered what it was

it was something to do with can you remember it yeah absolutely stop it was playing on Stock Ait with can you remember it yeah absolutely Stop it was playing on Stock Aitken and Waterman which is you know

in 2012 an incredibly up to date referee I remember the joke go on then you say it the joke was I've never told it since because I tried it once

it was rubbish well no but I told it during the warm up and they cracked up but possibly how awful it was it was about

stock aching water well you said it as Kylie Minogue's producers yes had to get a gardener in to do their plants but he said

he couldn't do it because he had really bad arthritis or something like that and they said stop aching and water them but that was one of the

most on a long days film I know I know he did he really did but it was really interesting to watch you try all the's film I know I know he did he really did but it was really interesting to watch you try

all the different directions from it there was another time of not going out when I arrived one day and you were like a little puppy you came to me

and said I've got something to show you I've got something to show you and I went what what what and you went

come here come here your old girlfriend's through here right and I went through and it was a doctor's set and on the wall there was an x-ray

and he went that's your x-ray. It's obviously been weighing all day. Right, I only do it with people called Ray, so that's why I'm so excited. And then he said to me, I'd love to do that in my act, can you think of a famous Ray? Now, how do you imagine that made me feel?

Ray Charles. So I said to the singer of Georgia On Your Mind, is that the most famous one of his songs? Don't say it like that, just said to the singer of Georgia on your mind yeah is that the most famous one of his songs don't say it like that just commit to the joke okay

so I said to the singer of Georgia on your mind the blind chap I took I showed him this this is the difficult bit yeah because how do you say

what it is without saying the word x-ray so I showed him the you have to find a way of describing an x-ray. Okay, go for it. It's some sort of medical...

You're losing him. Medical negative picture of some of your organs. And I said, didn't you used to go out with that? At this point, people are filing out. Pickle can gamble. Pickle can gamble. So also on that day, the day of filming, you told me the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

You must say that to all your guests. No, and it wasn't a joke. You were telling me something about stuff that you did at school. Right, what was this? I'm cranky. You were telling me about... This Republican something. I think it's alright. If it's not, we'll cut it. You told me that you went through a period at school of...

Hiding in a cupboard. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I went through a period at school of... Hiding in a cupboard? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I went through a period. I did it a couple of times. As far as I'm concerned, that's a period of doing it. It is slightly disturbing, I suppose, in a way. I thought it was absolutely hilarious.

It's slightly revealing. I was probably 13 at the time, and I used to hide in this cupboard, and then I'd get a mate to wait in the room there as well and when someone came in I got to say what do you think

of Tim Vine so I could listen to what they said some people I remember one person going he's in the cupboard isn't he and then they opened

the cupboard and I was there like that so that would be considered something normal for the young Tim Vines to have done? No, no, no.

That wasn't... You do all sorts of things. I made up lots of games. You do lots of things at school. But for someone to say he's in the cupboard, isn't he?

It's pretty definite that that's... You were known for it by then. No, no, no. That wasn't... Someone said that. But you've got to remember we're talking about

at least 20 different people would come in and ask this question. So they might have... And the person I make is probably a very bad actor yeah um what do you think of tim vibe and then of course why are you asking me that suddenly out of the blue because i was in the room isn't it stop looking at the cover terrible actor and then of course you went on to star with him and not go now because you're well known is there is there a marked difference because you've been

coming to edinburgh since you weren't well known as well known as you are obviously but is there a marked difference? Because you've been coming to Edinburgh since you weren't a well-known majority obviously. But is there a marked difference in the pressure? Well, I'll tell you what, I think that I've never really felt the pressure. In actual fact,

I'm one of those, I don't know what you guys are like, but I'm one of those people who if there's like a reviewer and I want to be told because I know I kind of raise my game. I love it when I get told. We definitely do.

I think we're the opposite. Oh, right. I love it. I want to be told so I just personally give it the big one. Really? Generally? Personally, if something goes oh right I love it I want to be told so I'll just personally give it a big one really? genuinely?

personally if something goes wrong or I feel like I've messed something up and I know there's a reviewer in that's my entire brain just completely unwrapped

it'll crumble oh I see well I'm the other way around if something goes wrong and they say oh by the way the Times was in you go

well why didn't you tell me that? I would have given it more effort but shouldn't you do it like the Times is in every night? you should

I know that there's something that I mean I do but there's something that now't you do it like the times it's in every night you should I know that it's something and I do but there's something now do you Tim though no I am nothing but a try I know you are I know you are

so a lot of people who tour a show will start it in Edinburgh yeah so they're first they write an hour show and the first time they do it is in Edinburgh

and to be honest I've mainly not done that I've mainly when I've written a show I've then toured it in the spring and then gone to Edinburgh which actually is

a great way of just enjoying Edinburgh because by then you've done 40 dates in the spring and you just you know what the show is I must admit

I wouldn't fancy I mean last year was the first year I did my chat show up here for the whole month. And the first show was kind of alright, but the second half wasn't as good as the first half. And I didn't have much of a night's sleep. I remember thinking to myself, oh crikey, I've just booked 27 shows of this.

You know, you sort of, however your first show goes, you multiply it by 27 in your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course you do, of course you do. We're doing a tour straight after Edinburgh, we've done it the wrong way round. It's not the wrong way round, but I would say it's a more pressured thing because of reviewers, isn't it? I don't think we can change it now. It's too late. No, but I mean, is it something where you sort of think about, you must think about the beginning of the festival. It's not like you're turning up and you know exactly what the show is.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we preview quite a lot, but I think there's also an element of it where you go, well, you want to launch it at Edinburgh. Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean, yeah. There's that thing as well. But I, I mean, I guess, sorry, just so you know, I might do some streaming.

Just outside the window? Just whilst we're doing this interview, I might do some streaming. No one can hear that. So if anyone can hear it, though, if you can hear that noise, I'm just doing some streaming. one can hear that so if anyone can hear it though if you can hear that noise I'm just doing some streaming

stream Vine stream Vine yeah that's a tribute to our guest today I don't know I can see it I can think I

can see it from both sides no I think I probably can as well which is I was aware last year that that was quite a

I got a bit of a flap on that first night because I thought oh god I've got to do a show 25 times yeah

but there's also the element of if you come to Edinburgh and bomb and you've of a flap on that first night because I thought oh god I can't believe I've got to do this show 25 times. Yeah yeah. But there's also the element of if you come to Edinburgh and bomb and you've got a national tour booked for that same show straight afterwards it's like that's

both ways actually. That's not what's happening to us by the way. No we are doing fine thank you. There's no bombing in here. Yeah yeah absolutely

no bombing in here Tim so don't come around trying to get some bombing. Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh when I think of Tim why don't I think of Edinburgh it must bumming Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh when I think of Tim Vine

I think of Edinburgh it must be quite annoying for you this because it gets brought up quite a lot the thing I remember the most is your big poster oh yes

in 2006 yeah what happened is Tim didn't even come to Edinburgh but decided to take up all the advertising space and it was an incredible thing it was a real surprise

to everyone and everyone was like have you seen the thing and comics would speak was like, have you seen the thing? And comics would speak about it going, have you seen the Tim Vine poster? And you'd go, no, what is it? And you'd go, I'm not telling you. Go and have a look. Go and have a look.

Go and have a look. And it was on the... It was after the Cowgate was burned down, wasn't it? It was that... Oh, yeah, sometime after that. It was 2006, yeah. But funnily enough, where it was, that hoarding, that building's knocked down this year, isn't it? Yeah, it's all completely gone, yeah.

And you had a great big poster there saying Tim Vine will not be appearing at the Fr down this year isn't it yeah and you had a great big poster there saying Tim Vine will not be appearing at the Fringe this year is that right yeah

what was nice about it as well is as you walked down and sort of ran the corner you only saw your face and Tim Vine

yes people told me that yeah and that was obviously completely fortuitous but yeah well you say fortuitous but for your fans

that would have been heartbreaking so really what you've done there is you've done a big two fingered but for your fans that would have been heartbreaking so really what you've done there is you've done a big two fingered salute to your fans

I had a couple of people say that to me they thought oh great oh cheers if you think

about it the other way maybe some people who don't like me like some of the people who slagged you off

when you were in the cupboard they were there who said they slagged me off when I was in the cupboard odds are if there were 20 people surely I can't remember of the people who slagged you off when you were in the cupboard. They were there. Who said they slagged me off when I was in the cupboard? I never said that.

Well, odds are, if there were 20 people, surely if you were... I can't remember. I blank out the bad reviews. Even at that age. All I remember is the guy who opened the door

and said he's in the cupboard. That's the only one I remember. What was the thought process behind that? Was it literally to... Because a lot of Edinburgh, from a boring industry point of view, is having a presence. So you had a presence in Edinburgh from a boring industry point of view is having a

presence so you had a presence in Edinburgh well I'll tell you exactly what it was it wasn't there wasn't even that much thought

into it actually to be honest it was the year before I'd done a show out there and that particular hoarding

which is absolutely vast isn't it it was about the length of a bus or something was Omid Jalili had that hoarding and he was being brought

by the same promoter as me. And I said to Nigel, who was the promoter, I said, look at the size of that poster. It's absolutely enormous. Can I get that for next year? Right.

And he goes, I can bag it for you if you want. I said, you're all right, I'll put you on a list. So he kind of bagged it for me and then I wasn't going to go up because I didn't have a show

and so then I said well then we went through thinking one of the things I was going to do was rather than just a straightforward thing

of he's not here I was going to do it was going to be a slight Mickey take of Al Murray it was going to be the pun landlord nice

Tim Gentleman please nice and a white vine for the ladies and then say he's not appearing and then it was too much information going on and so he said Tim, gentlemen, please. Nice. And a white vine for the ladies. And then say, it's not appearing. And then it would seem too much information going on.

And so you say, why don't you just say, I'm not there, you know. It was just a massive picture of you saying you're not her. It really was. But it was almost as well, there was something

vaguely intimidating about it because it was... Oh dear, really? Yeah, there was no Tim, but he was lording it. He was over it. You were all showing the dark side to him. You were looking over us.

And you're going, ah. Like a malevolent spirit. And also, you also have a different sort of presence for me when I see you in Edinburgh nowadays. Because I know where to find you at any given point. By the dartboard. If you're not doing your show, you're by the dartboard. Not always, but I do like it in the dark.

But not always, because you sulk off when I beat you. If you're not doing your show, you buy the dartboard. Not always, but I do like a game of darts. But not always because you sulk off when I beat you. Did you? No, you sulked. The other night, that happened. I beat you two games running. Now did it, you came back from the dartboard looking pleased with yourself, saying you just beat Tim Vine at darts, and I'm not sure that's true. Did you?

Because I beat Tim Vine at darts for two games running. Right, you're doing your thing. You certainly didn't beat me two games running. Three games running. No, I know. It's all You certainly didn't beat two games running. Three games running. No, I know, it's all nonsense. It was a tournament. You didn't beat him once, mate. It went close.

Because you've had a thousand games since. Well, I haven't played... Never have I. I'll tell you who I play a lot up there. When I was doing, a couple of years ago, when I was doing a show, because my show's on in the afternoon, which makes it a bit harder to play in the afternoon,

obviously, because I'm getting ready for that. But when I was doing an evening show, I used to play with John Robbins. Do you know the guy, John Robbins? Yeah, yeah. He's very good, and he still has the highest outshot in that room, as far as I'm aware.

Which is what? Which is 157. Nice. Double 20, double 19, double top. I remember doing 172. What, in three darts? That actually should be written down as impossible. Yeah,

I'm not counting the last dart. But, and then also we played a guy called John Plews who was Jim Bowen's

manager and I used to play him a lot when Jim Bowen was doing his show up here. Okay, is darts,

when you're coming up to Edinburgh are you thinking about the darts or the show? When I come up to Edinburgh Could you say to me I brought my Is darts, when you're coming up to Edinburgh, are you thinking about the darts or the show? When I come up to Edinburgh... Because you said to me, I brought my own darts.

You look pretty focused on the darts the other night. Yeah. I love darts. I play quite a lot at home. In fact, it's slightly annoying that I haven't got a board in my flat. Yesterday, I put some,

I know this sounds like Mr. Bloke living on his own, I put a little pan of ravioli on. And as soon as I did that at home I do that and immediately I just switch it start it off and then I go straight

to the dartboard and I turn to get and there's nothing there and I realise I had this it was like a muscle memory thing and I just turned to go and throw some darts so at home

whenever you put the ravioli on you always turn again to darts I just because it's quite near the kitchen where my dartboard is if I've just stuck something on that can be left for a couple of minutes I'll have a leg or two I've just stuck something on that can be lit for a couple of minutes,

I'll have a leg or two. I've just got this image of you sat in a flat by yourself eating a pan of ravioli with a dart. At home in real life, you have a dartboard at home. Yes. In fact, I'll tell you what I've got at home. This is very exciting. I'm going to say now, because you can't see Tim,

his face has literally lit up. This showing off that he's going to do now. Right. It's called the Pro Eclipse Trainer. Right. And it's a dartboard where all the trebles and doubles are 30% smaller. Okay. So they are tiny.

It's all really tiny. Yeah. And I found a great dart shop, incidentally, in Edinburgh called Borlands, which is down near Leith somewhere. And I went to that. Is there such a thing as a dart shop well there is isn't there I mean they do

key cutting as well as a hand but they had lots of you know lots of flights and stuff because I was finding it hard to find you go to John Lewis

now and they don't in their sports department they don't sell darts but it's not a sport well it certainly is it's not it's not only that

they used to have sets of well they probably have snooker stuff there don't they it's not a sport let's thrash this out snooker's not only that. They used to have sets of... Well, they probably have snooker stuff there, don't they? It's not a sport. Let's thrash this out. Snooker's not a sport either.

Mate, we've established this. It's not a sport. They're both sports because they take dexterity and they take... Yeah, and then the definition of sport. And my counter argument to that every time is then Angry Birds is a sport. If darts is a sport, Angry Birds is a sport. I'm not saying it's not fun. I'm not saying you can't do it.

I enjoy it. There must be some things that are in'm not saying you can't do it. I enjoy it. There must be some things that are in the Olympics that you don't think should be there. Absolutely. We've had this discussion on the podcast already. We're trying to get Angry Birds into the... So what do you think? Shooting shouldn't be there, for example.

Shooting shouldn't be in anywhere. Shooting shouldn't be allowed at all. Actually, I tend to agree with you. I don't like guns. It's horrible. It should be gone. It's horrible. What about archery?

That was the one that I said. Absolutely not. Really? It's Angry Birds Live. That's all it is. Oh, it certainly is. I'll tell you what. When you watch that... Did you watch any of that? I'm telling you. Really? It's Angry Birds Live that's all it is. Oh it certainly is. I'll tell you what when you watch that

did you watch any of that I'm telling you? No, I hate it. Can I tell you why it's so amazing? No, we don't like Olympics. I'm going to tell you. No, I'm not listening.

You don't like the Olympics? I hate it. I've been crying every morning at the heats. You'd be crying anyway because you haven't got a dartboard right in your mouth. What about the boxing?

Women's boxing you must have seen that yesterday. I hate boxing as well I don't like boxing I hate that thing. That girl Nicola Adams unbelievable. Oh yeah. what about the boxing women's boxing you must have seen that I hate boxing as well I don't like boxing that girl Nicola Adams unbelievable

oh yeah it's that oh my view of your avioli watching the women's mackinac and these are highlights goodness meet him

boy but I bet if you did archery for half an hour having not done it you'd realise it was using muscles

but then I also think alright then I will allow the archery for half an hour having not done it, you'd realise it was using muscles. But then I also think, all right, then I will allow the archery in my Olympics if they do a run-up. A run-up? If they do a run-up before they fire it. It makes it harder as well. If they've got a run-up, fire it as they're running. It is true that the difference in physical effort

in some of the sports is enormous. I was watching the open swimming yesterday where they have to swim 10 kilometres.

The women's. Here he is. It was actually but you knew so you asked me what she did as well. And it was

like 10 kilometres of just this brutal swim through the Solent or wherever it was. And compare that to archery.

It's not quite the same is it? No. These people aren't going to the edge of consciousness. Exactly. But you can't have that argument edge going if it's something that not many people can do.

Otherwise you could have one of them wires, couldn't you? With a loop round it that buzzes if you touch it. If you make that super, super hard. It's super hard as it is. Only a few people can do it. Rubik's Cube, there you go. Olympic Rubik's Cube. What about the cube?

Just put the cube in. I once won a teddy bear the size of a mini from doing that thing with a wire thing. It was an enormous teddy bear. But not only that. How did this happen? Is that what you're taking it home in? Yeah. But there's a guy that I tour with, John Archer. Do you know John? Yeah, I do know John, yeah. He's great, John. Yes, very good, yeah. Comedy magician and also my best mate probably but probably

because I don't want to upset any other mates yeah yeah yeah but who may be hiding in cupboards as we speak can you imagine but he

oh I forgot about what were we talking about I don't know I'm just doing my streaming you won a big teddy bear yeah yeah but he won it first right

there was only like two of these giant teddy bears there. He won it. And I was so like, I wanted to win it, that I spent 25 quid trying to win this thing and eventually won the other giant teddy bear. Where was this? It was actually in Butland.

In Butland? Were you performing there? Yeah. I love that you perform everywhere. Well, this was a little while ago. No, but you still do. You do. You do panto and stuff as well, don't you?

Yeah, I do panto this year, yeah. Where are you at this year? Richmond Theatre. Because you were, I remember chatting, the last series are not going out, and you had been moaning the fact that you've not done Panto for a bit. Well, that may have been because I think the last two series are not going out have been around that sort of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They have been, yeah, Christmas, yeah, both. Two years running, December, and it is this year as well. Is it? Yeah. Oh, right. But you're doing it. I'm sure about that. I've got the dates in mind.

Oh, okay. And you're doing it as well You're doing it as well I'm going to get my phone I'm going to ring Liam and tell him that we've got him here Now you're in our show this year This is it isn't it?

No but you're in our actual show our double act show Am I? Yeah There's a picture of you in our show Is that right? Yeah there genuinely is Although your face

Uh oh Your face is obliterated in the picture Right Not obliterated sounds wrong That sounds like we've done some horrible sort of wartime mock-up. We just shot it out. No, I think, is it my face or your face that's over it? It might be your face. I think it's mine. It's a picture of my face over it. It's you jumping along the balls on Total Wipeout. Oh, yeah. It's that majestic picture of you. I love that picture. And that's in our show.

Did you enjoy that? Absolutely loved it. Is that a sport? Well, it's very scary. Is it difficult? Well, they don't let you do it once. You don't get to practice. Yeah, okay.

Because they're worried that if you, particularly with those red balls, they think that you might do a practice and discover what a horrific experience it is. When they film it, you might be a bit sheepish and gingerly step across. So that is the point at which you say to yourself, OK, let's just go for this, see what happens. Because they tell you when you do the Red Bulls, when you do this, there will be what's known as an uncontrolled fall.

We're all gathered round being shown it. If you hit the water and you're in trouble and you want to come out, just drag your finger across your neck and the divers will rescue you. What, is that saying like I'm dying? And then they said, but if you're really, really hurt, just give it 10 seconds before you drag your finger across your neck because remember, once you do that, that's the end. So in other words, imagine if you're really badly winded or whatever, the most natural

thing to do is get the diver, but you should just wait for a second. But if it's an uncontrolled fall, you can't help it if you do it anyway. If it's all uncontrolled, you might can't help it if you do it anyway. If it's all uncontrolled, you might do that without even meaning to do it. Or in mid-air, you might do it like that. Yeah, straight away. And they catch you at the bottom. I should have just jumped doing that.

That should be the best thing I could do. Stand in front of it. Just go like that and then jump. It's an amazing picture. I remember I was looking for a picture of the turtle wipeout balls. That's what I was searching for. And then I saw that picture

and I took it and had it on the slides and I thought that really looks like Tim it really looks like Tim Vine and then I called someone through

and I went do you think that's Tim and she was like I think it really looks like Tim and then we searched Tim Vine turtle wipeout and then it just came up

over and over and over again and it's majestic I'm going to have to look at it I haven't even got it it's marvellous I'll show you after we record it

I'll show you on there we've got a dartboard on our set We have as well We really have If one night you wanted to just because you just want to stroll in and just throw a dart on the board and then walk out again

What time are you on? We're on at 9.40 9.40 to 10.40 That'd be quite good A little cameo Just walk on One dart Off you go

We'll just stand there like we've got no idea what just happened What you could do is you could take bets throughout the show as to what dart will Tim Vine throw,

what number will he throw until you just, and you have a whole little sort of sweepstake thing. Yeah, absolutely. And you're not going to throw one dart and walk out. Right, well,

we'll definitely do that one night. Because last year, I tried to get you to come to our show last year, not because I thought you'd like it, not because I thought there'd be anything in it for you,

it was just that I... I wasn't here, was I, last year? Oh, you were? Yeah, you were, yeah. Do you remember? By the dartboard. By it for you. It was just that I... I wasn't here, was I, last year? Oh, you wasn't, were you? Yeah, you were, yeah. Do you remember? By the dartboard. By the dartboard.

It was literally that, to get you away from the dartboard. And also because I saw you every day, and I was like, well, we are pals a bit. Yes. What time was your last year? You were on duty, 10.50. 10.50. You were always in there on the dartboard. There were times when I left you.

Oh, I remember that. There were times when I left you at the dartboard. Are you in the same sort of... You're not in the same place, are you? We're across the, Oh, I remember that. I left you at the dartboard. Are you in the same sort of, you're not in the same place? We're across the Leighton Dome, so we're in the same, we're in the dome. No, I do remember

those conversations we had last year where we'd sort of pass and you'd go, well, you know, come in. So this year, genuinely, and again,

it's not about even wanting you to see the show. It's now a matter of principle. Right? So this year, genuinely, when we were designing

our set, because we've got a full set this year, when we were designing our set because we've got a full set this year when we were designing that the first thing I said to have on that set was a dartboard I said let's put a dartboard

on the set it's a coaxed to mining it's a coaxed to mining you'd probably get Liam as well if you tell him it's a dartboard why is Liam big on darts and all

oh he's massively into darts yeah he's that sort of northern isn't he he is isn't he I mean I'm a different sort I'm more a rugby league northern but Lee is that sort of you're more like fighting in that yeah I'm a rugby league northern but Lee is that

sort of you're more like fighting in that yeah I'm a rugby league's a bit don't hang on I won't even

rugby league's a bit of alright are you a union man I don't really like rugby I know I sound like I should

like rugby I had to play it at school what position did you play I played second row but no one ever asked me if

I wanted to do that no I would have rather not had this constant sort of you know stick your head between two people and have your ears massaged off

Well if you control the ball better it wouldn't be knock-ons and there wouldn't be scrums would it? Well then that's not about me is it? Get your team to

control the ball better and then you won't ask you to go through a scrum I mean the three sports that I did at school Yeah Hiding in cupboards

Yeah The three sports at school all of which I have no interest in at the time and still have no interest in. Which is rugby, cricket and hockey. We never did football at school. Why did you not do football?

Maybe it was a public school thing. I didn't go to university. Straight after that I thought, I'm going to work in a shop. How quick after that were you a comic? A little while actually. I left school when I was 18, and I probably, oh, now you're asking, 93, August 93 was when I sort of did this, started doing this professionally. Before that, maybe a year and a half before that, so maybe I was 24, 25 or something on my first attempts at this.

Yeah, yeah. And I remember, and I was working in an office in Croydon, and when I left, I'd been doing'd been doing gigs and stuff and open spots and what have you and I kind of had the chance to support Boothby Graffa on a network tour for Adelaide and it was like

30 gigs so I thought well I can't have this job anymore I'm going to go for it with this comedy thing and there was a guy who was the security

guy at the building there called Fred and he'd hardly said all that much to me throughout my career but when I left he sort of shook hands with me and said he knew I was going off to be a comedian and he just said said all that much to me throughout my career there. When I left, he sort of shook hands with me

and said he knew I was going off to be a comedian. And he just said to me, give him hell, Tim. Nice, nice. And you have ever since? And I have ever since. You have? If any comedian has give him hell,

it is Tim Vine. Give him hell. I've got one more thing to talk to you about. Yes. I think you should be Doctor Who. I'd be brilliant. Is that because you think I look a bit like Thingy? Peter Davidson.

Yeah. I do look a bit like Peter Davidson. Yeah, that's why you said it, isn't it? It's not at all. Genuinely, it's not. I'm not a fan of Doctor Who at all. I have once or twice had someone say to me... You'd be a great Doctor Who.

I think you would be a brilliant doctor quite genuinely when I'm abroad yeah well I used to go out with this girl from New Zealand and she worked in

Korea for a bit as a teacher and I went out to Korea a couple of times and out there everyone kept saying Nicolas Cage now I can't really see that

but out there I can see it I have more hair then I probably look more like him more like him exactly I guess if the role requires it but I don't know who wears one in real life who knows I can see it I have more hair then I probably look more like him now more like him now does he wear a wig? I guess if the role

requires it but I don't know if he wears one in real life who knows Mrs Cage I would imagine you can't hide it from someone you live with his wig maker

his wig maker would know definitely I have tried to do a joke with that as a punchline but where you have a sort of you know this is it now watch it

let's watch it work I'm more like a Cage there's no pants in there Nicholas Cage so how would you tell that joke? Let's work it out. I just would have the prop. You're not allowed a prop for this one

because this is going to be on the radio. Oh, I see. It's on radio. So tell that joke. I want to learn from him. Yeah. I saw this budgie not wearing any pants.

Nicolas Cage. What's that got to do with Nicolas Cage? You're right. What's a film star got in common with Nicolas Cage? You're right. What's a film star got in common with a budgie not wearing any pants? What film star is a budgie not wearing any pants? No, but that doesn't really explain that he's a cage. No, it doesn't. No, no, Tim.

No, that was me pretend mocking you. Nicolas Cage fighting. That's another joke there. How about you? That one's got more potential, hasn't it? Nicolas Cage fighting. Nicholas Cage fighting. There's another joke there. I've actually just That one's got more potential. Is it? Nicholas Cage fighting. I'm just having a weird moment of epiphany,

is that the word? Yeah. Where I've just thought Tim Vine's act is catchphrase with words. At times. And also, there's a lot of rhyming.

There is a lot of rhyming as well. Yeah. Like I do one at the moment where I say, I saw this bloke blow drying someone's hair with a woodwind instrument it was Vidal Bassoon

it's just rhyming and every now and again not so much anymore but every now and again you'll just stop the show for half an hour while you try and chuck a pen behind your ear

I haven't done that for a little bit well you say you've done it for a little bit but you did it the other day when I met you in the street the other day you sat down

it was the coolest thing I've ever done and you literally sat down next to me because you were trying to creep up on me. And people try and do that. It happened several times in my life. Mark Iden, a producer, the guy who produces Russell House Good News, tried to do it the other day. Tried to creep up on me. And as he got right near me, I went, why are you doing?

And it really scared him. I see what's going on. So they tried to creep up on me. You've got great peripherals. Yeah, I've got brilliant peripherals. Thank you very much. And Tim Vine tried to creep up on me. And I just looked right at him. I see what's going on. So they tried to creep up on me. You've got great peripherals. Yeah, I've got brilliant peripherals. Thank you very much. And Tim Vine tried to creep up on me and I just looked right at him and he turned around to look for somewhere to hide and he was just in space.

No cover, no cover. Yeah, no clue. It wasn't me, wasn't me. But then you sat down next to me and you literally just chucked a pen behind your ear the first time. Did I? Ultra cool. But then you ruined it.

By looking on? No it by looking absolutely amazed that you did it. Look, did you see what I did? Whoa! So is that not something that you can do first time every time? Not every time, no. There's a pen. I think the pen doesn't lend itself to it.

Well. Again. You're nearly there with it. Not an amazing thing for a podcast. I've got the strainer down for this. Hang on. The other thing I do is I... I don't know why I brought it up.

I didn't get that one right. It matters. Right, I'll commentate. You've done something to this. The fifth annual Pen Behind the Ear competition. Tim Vine in the ring now. He's trying it. This is the new sport.

Sport at the Olympics along with darts and angry birds. Don't look away. No, I'm not. I'm not. Peacock and Gamble. Peacock and Gamble. Still going with it. Still going.

Oh, no. Watch this. I'll watch it here. You come and watch. Let's try it. Oh. The thing is you bent that bit of metal up. Watch this. I'll watch it here. You can watch. Let's try it. Oh! The thing is you bent that bit of metal up. I've not bent it.

I've bent it back again. I don't care what happens how we're doing this. Pick, hook and gamble. Pick, hook and gamble. Has it got to be that exact one or can we do it with another one? It's there. It's just there. I'm not, sometimes I'm not staying.

Hang on. Yes! Yes! He's done it. He's done it. He's done it. He's done it. He's done it.

He's done it. He's done it. He's done it. He's, it's just there, not somewhere it's not staying, hang on. Yes, yes, he's done it, he's done it, he's done it. Oh. So there we go, I mean that, I'm gonna literally leave all of that in. Yep. I might chop everything else.

And I might say Tim Vine came around our flat the other day, tried to chuck a pembe in his ear, then left. And then he didn't do it. I didn't think you'd ever do that, because I thought that would be too slippy or something it always goes through

my mind that I might not do it is it a bit of a panic on stage I've never had a full on panic on stage I normally panic about other things

on stage but in fact that is one of the least panicky things because I say to myself do you know what I will always carry on until I do it

so once you know that then there's no pressure on me what's the longest it's ever taken I remember doing Melbourne Comedy Festival once when

I wasn't really having a very good show anyway so I didn't think they were really buying into any of that and when I started doing Pen By In The Ear they weren't all that

interested in that either do you know what I wanted to talk about as well I have your DVDs all of them four I don't think I've got

all of them you must tell me which one you don't have why what were you doing I I wanted to talk about as well? I have your DVDs. All of them? Four. I don't think I've got all of them. Oh, you must tell me which one you don't have. Why, what were you doing? Forced you to have it. You weren't meant to have it, were you? But on your DVDs, so you get the brilliant stand-up show already, you get a commentary nowadays,

which is hilarious. You certainly have Easter eggs, because there's... I've never had any Easter eggs on it. You have, because... Well, I would argue this. I would argue that in your stand up show in your last DVD

there were Easter eggs in the stand up show did you see what me in the audience yeah did you see it yeah absolutely yeah but I only saw the last one

you told me there were three and then I re-watched it and saw that there were other ones as well so are you alright giving that away though yeah yeah I mean it's funny

because I've seen it on YouTube where someone it's amazing he's sitting in the audience of his own DVD. And then someone said, yeah, but it's not just that one. It's two other points as well.

Is it? That's lovely. But there's also, as extras, there are films that you've made. Yeah. Which I consider to be, in terms of the popular conception of you, un-Tim Vine. Some of them. Yes, I know what you mean.

And I think they're brilliant. I really, really like them. I don't know if I genuinely do. They're really, they're kind of odd. A bit odd, yeah. Yeah, but really watchable. Oh, good. Imagine, they're quite short.

They are, yeah, they are. Really watchable. Particularly if you fast forward. But no, those are... Jack the Skip. That's a great way of watching it. Yeah, but they really impress me. particularly if you fast forward. But no, those... Jack to skip. That's a great way of watching it. Yeah, but they really impress me. I told you about this.

I told you about it when I watched them because they surprised me. And I'm just... It was very kind of you. Yeah. So... I've got lots of ideas for films and things. I never lent you my...

I say lent you. I never gave you the DVD of my feature length... Look at this. I'll lend you my DVD. I did a feature length film really? I mean it's almost unwatchable

like one of those ones? it's I thought to myself I wanted to I wanted to get you know I wanted to do something that was

an hour and 20 minutes minimum was what I set my target and then I also decided I wanted to be an airline pilot so that was kind of

the way I started it and it was and kissing five girls and I've got a really nice dog and brilliant trainers

I've got brilliant trainers in it that's a good way of doing it isn't it but I yeah it's called

Library Altitude Zero and basically it's never been released anywhere I've just got to make a lot of these

I've made 500 of these I've made loads of films in his loft I've made feature length films that are all in the loft I'll lend you one I'll lend you one

there's no swearing in there's no you don't have any swearing full stop do you well I swear in normal life I've never heard you swear if I stub my toe you may not seem frustrated

I've heard you say flip a lot oh flip flip in hell. Flip off. I flipped a girl last night. I flipped a girl that I loved. I've not.

It's not a criticism at all in any way. I don't think it was. No, I wasn't thinking it was. No, I just, my act is kind of silly so it just wouldn't fit for that but I certainly I'm not someone who

you're not a prude I'm certainly not a prude I swear when I get frustrated like anyone else what things do you say

what I really frustrated what things I once said flipping flamers yeah what happened then I'd actually

flip a flamer you were working at Burger King and somebody said Tim what are you doing Tim Vine Tim Vine lovely Tim Vine

lovely Tim Vine I think he's one of the nicest men in comedy with the tomatoes all down his arms Tim Vine right

yeah Tomato Vine not probably up to the strength of his Tomato Vine no but no but I feel like. Yeah, Tomato Vine. Not probably up to the strength of his... Tomato Vine. No, but I feel like I've been... Tomato Vine. What's his middle name?

Arto? Arto. I feel like I've been inspired by him to write jokes. Oh, brilliant. You got any? Yeah, got a few. Yeah. Don't do them now, mate.

No, I don't want to give them away, really. That might lead to something else. Okay, he's holding up a lead. This might be a new style. Hey. Tired and half-assed puns. Hey, look. Calm yourself down.

Tempe, tempe. Right, that's a tempe he's got there. This doesn't really work on a podcast, mate. Well, did you like the interview? I loved it. I did as well. We just need to promote our show now and then go home. All right.

Well, no, we don't go home yet. We're not halfway through. Go for my breakfast. I've still not been for my breakfast yet. Actually, this is the halfway mark. All right. Alright. Well no we don't go home yet and we're not halfway through. Go for my breakfast. I've still not been for my breakfast yet. Actually this is the halfway mark. Alright congratulations.

Well done mate. Well done mate. Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway. 9.40 Pleasant Stone don't please come to it. It's selling out.

Nearly selling out. Nearly selling out. It relies on you. Nearly. We love you so much. Here's Tim with the credits. The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk.

Have you seen my new Ventriloquist website? It's on gobbly, gobbly, gobbly, go. Today's guest was Tim Vine, and my show is The Tim Vine Chat Show, all music by Thomas Funderay Thomas Funderay Thomas

Funderay see you tomorrow bye what time does your show end up 3.45 whereabouts it's sold out

that's it