The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 17 (Toby Hadoke)

Episode Date: January 3, 2021

"Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 17 (Toby Hadoke)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 102 of 128.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Pickle and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Because it's on air, Peacock and it's not Ray Gamble, but it is Ray Peacock and it is our Gamble. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, here they are. Hello and welcome to the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Fringe podcast. Hooray! Here I am, Ray Peacock. Hello, I am here as well, Ed Gamble. Lovely to see you.

We don't see them, don't we? Hey, episode whatever it is at the moment. Seventeen. Nearly finished, haven't we? No, not really. Nearly to see you. We don't see them, do we? Episode whatever it is at the moment. 17. Nearly finished, haven't we? No, not really. Nearly finished this podcast. How many will there be? 27? 26 or 27. 26 or 27. So we're more than halfway through these podcasts. We're more than halfway through, that's true. And halfway through

the Edinburgh Fringe. And then it'll be finished. Edinburgh Fringe will be finished and the podcast will be finished. That's true. And then we've got another year of people going, when are you doing the podcast again? When are you and the podcast will be finished. That's true. And then we've got another year of people going, when are you doing the podcast again? When are you doing the podcast again? Never. You're too much fuss.

Well, you said that last time and now we're doing it now. What you do is you go, we're never doing it again. And then you go, all right, we'll do 26 in a row. No, but this has been different, hasn't it? We're not doing like the old one again. But anyway, I have prepared something today. Because it's been so much work, I have prepared some stuff

for the beginning. That's a good idea. I've got it here written in my book. So I'll do some notes. Okay. I'll do some of my notes. Okay.

The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast is a ready production hosted by Chorlton.co.uk. No, that's not. Today's guest was Ray Peacock.

And my show is Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway. 9.40 at the Pleasant's Dome. Yeah, that's true. but that's not a note That's the credits that we give for the guests to read That's not something you can just read out

Got this book That's not a book that you can read out Did you know that Al Murray's phone number No no no No no no This is a book that our management give us It's an artist handbook.

It's not for the public consumption. You can't just read out Al Murray's phone number. We'll just give him a bit of a clue to some numbers. No, you can't. No, 07, that's as much of a clue as you can give to some numbers. All right, Ian Sterling. No, don't give out Ian Sterling's number. It's just a clue, right?

Don't give out Ian Sterling's number, because if one of his fans has had some sort of growth spurt and they can reach the phone, they could call him. It ends in 6-2 that's all I'm saying mate you can't do that no one can work that out

from that I could alright I'll give him more clues about it no don't give him more clues give it next time my first is 0 my second is 7

no that's it and that's it and that's all you've given out 4 digits of Ian Stirling's phone number right ok

and that's luckily we've recorded this interview already well what have you prepared? Well, not as much as you have. You've read out the credits to the show and then read out a bit of Ian Sterling's phone number. And I'll worry as well.

And I'll worry as well. From television. That's not preparation, mate. Never let it be said we don't get all the good guests. That's not preparation, is it? Right. That's panicking that you've not prepared anything. Usually we just riff something off the top.

I've got a pen. You've got... Right, okay, is this you riffing something? Yeah, I've got a pen here. Right. That's panicking that you've not prepared anything. Usually we just riff something off the top. I've got a pen. You've got a pen. Right, okay, so this is you riffing something. Yeah, I've got a pen here. Right. Oh. Go on, let's have a table. Don't bash the table.

Hmm. Oh, I'll tell you what I like to do this type of day. What? Have a bit of a drink of water. Riffing. That is not content. Right. That is not content.

Right, fine then. You drink a bit of water. Fine then, I'll do what you're doing. I'll just sit there. No, you do some stuff. No, sorry. I'm not content. Right. That is not content. Right, fine then. You drink a bit of water. Fine then, I'll do what you're doing and just sit there. No, you do some stuff. No, sorry, but I'm not just sitting there. I'm stopping you doing things like drinking water on the podcast. You just sat there and watched me have a drink of water. Yeah, I did, because I couldn't believe that you

decided that was part of the podcast. That is alright. That just shows that I'm a human. That shows that I'm just an ordinary bloke, just like some of the people who listen to it. Only some of them. Well, some of them will be women, some of them will be weird boys. Well, yeah, a lot, I think the majority of them are weird boys. Not like that. I mean, no one's listening to this anyway because they're crying over their A-level results.

Oh, yeah, A-level results today. Yeah, bad luck. Bad luck. Bad luck. Bad luck, mate. Are you assuming all of the people who listen to this podcast have done badly in their A-levels? There's no way any of our fans have done well in their A-levels. Not a cat in hell's chance.

And that's why when we were saying to you, when you were saying, I'm listening to your podcast in the library I'm meant to be revising. Isn't that why you were meant to be revising? Knuckle down. Get on with your revisions. Because then you will be Superman if you do well in your A-Levels. Yeah, or it will literally have no effect either way on your life. I did well in my A-Levels and look where I am. I did awful in my A-Levels and look where I am.

Exactly, so it makes no difference. We're both doing the same thing. Both good cooks. and your life. I did well in my A-Levels and look where I am. I did awful in my A-Levels and look where I am. Exactly. So it makes no difference. We're both doing the same thing. Both good cooks. Yeah, both good cooks. Although I say I did awful. Yeah. I did awful the first year

because I was too busy kissing the girls. Yeah. But then I re-took some of them and did very well. Right, okay. I did another year all on my own. Oh, well done.

And I revised it all by myself as well. Well done. I didn't even go to the lessons. Oh. I passed A-Level Sociology without going to a lesson. That's Peacock. He marches to a beat of a different drama. Yeah, that's me.

And then I went to university and that didn't make a blind bit of difference to my career. Could have been three years ahead in my career. Makes no difference to me. But then again three years would have made no difference either. Oh, come and see me in three years time. Same old shit. Same old shit. Yeah, but I would have got there quicker. Exactly, we would have

done this fringe three years ago. Yeah, so don't worry about your A-level results, is what we're saying. Because even if you've done well, I mean, give yourself a pat on the back. But promise you, it won't make a blind bit of difference or anything. I mean, I got an A in politics. I couldn't even tell you the name of the Prime Minister now. Exactly, exactly. I got a B in English literature.

And I've never even read a book. Yeah, there you go. Never read a book. Interesting fact about Mr read a book. Yeah, there you go. Never read a book. Interesting fact about Mr Peacock. Not one book. Yeah, can't even open it properly.

Can't read. Can't read. Can't read. Can't read. Doesn't even know how to open a book. Yeah. Can't read.

Can't even dress himself in the morning. Can't write. Can't write. Just, his hands are just like little claws. Can't tell the time. Can't tell the time.

God knows how I got to the exam. He needs me to take him to the toilet every single time Wiker's bum for him. Yeah, pop my hands up in the air't tell the time. God knows how I got to the exam. He needs me to take him to the toilet every single time Wiker's bum for him. Yeah, pop me hands up in the air

when he does it. And he did alright in his A-levels eventually. I did fine at my A-levels eventually. So it makes no difference. Even if you get three A's you might still shit yourself on the bus

going in the wrong direction because you've not read the destination properly. And then eat it. And then eat the poop. Just like me. So, who's on the show today?

I can't remember. Toby Haydoke. Toby Haydoke is on the show today. The brilliant and lovely Toby Haydoke. The new, the Doctor Who, Doctor Who, isn't he? He plays Doctor Who. No, he doesn't. No, he likes Doctor Who.

He likes Doctor Who. He's a brilliant comedian, brilliant compere, lovely man. Actor as well, good actor. Actor as well. He was a vicar in the thing. What was he a vicar in? Coronation Street. Coronation Street.

So we'll be having a chat to Toby Haydoke. Oddly enough for us, usually we've pre-recorded the interviews before we do this intro. We're about to do it. We're about to do the interview now, so I'm saying it's gone well, but if it's gone badly, don't think me a liar. Yeah, we waiting for that black mofo to get up the stairs. Sorry, what? We waiting for him to get up the stairs, aren't we? No, we waiting for who?

That mofo. That what mofo? That what mofo? That black mofo. Right. Firstly, even if Toby was black, that wouldn't be acceptable. But the fact that he is white

is utterly confusing. Why? The bizarre nature of that outranks the possible racist connotation. That was street talk. Street talk for what? Come on in, you black mofo. Come and do a podcast.

Right, you better not start this interview by calling him a black mofo. Why are you saying mofo? It's insulting. Because he's one of my beaches, isn't it? No, he's one of your beaches. One of my beaches. Right, do you know what mofo is short for? Yeah.

Do you? Yeah. What? Mother and father. No. No, it's not short for Mother and Father. Why were you calling

Toby Haydock your Mother and Father? Because he's my mofo. When you go round to your parents, do you go through the door and go, alright, mofo?

Yeah, he's one of my beaches. It's bitches, you mean. No, beaches. Mofo is short for motherfucker. Beg your pardon. Exactly.

So do not call Toby Hayduck a mofo well that's us getting banned off iTunes it's a good job we're slipping

down the charts hopefully we'll slip right to the bottom of the charts you say slipping crashing have we really what we are

crashing down the charts I looked today and in the overall charts we were 40 35 40 down from 6

thanks for your support so foe you all yeah foe you all you foes 40. Whoa. 35, 40, something like that. Down from six. Yeah, so. Thanks for your support. So, foe you all. Yeah, foe you all. You foes. Wow. Isn't it weird, eh? Yeah.

Well. You have a couple of people on they've never heard of and they all fuck off. Foe off. Yeah, foe off. All right, we're going to get Toby on now. But first of all, where's our show?

What's it called? What time is it? Our show is sadly still on at the Pleasant's Dome Dome. Yeah. At 9.40pm. Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway.

So come now. If you're going to come, don't come last night because everyone was wet. And it's been on. What? So you can't come last night. Yeah, you can't come last night.

Don't come last night. It's impossible. Because everyone was wet from outside and I think they were in there at the beginning a bit too long. Yeah. Letting in too early.

It's also, mate, it's just to stop you there. This is all true what you too early. It's also, mate, it's just stopped you there. This is all true, what you're saying, but it's also logically impossible for them to come last night. Me and Ned worked very hard, but, you know, it didn't quite get going. But there's been some big laughs, and we had a bit of fun in that.

So don't come last night. But don't come last night, because it wasn't a good show, really. Yeah. If you try to work it into your schedule now. Yeah, but you won't be able to, because, of course, by the laws of time, you won't be able to come.

So here's Toby Haydoe, talking of laws of time and time travel. Oh, give me your cock wire socket. Here comes Toby Haydoke. Brilliant link. That was an amazing link. Here comes Toby Haydoke, Doctor Who fan, comedian, nice man. Geek. Geek. Spod.

Right, let's not be horrible about it. Weirdo. Here's weirdo Toby Haydoke. Pick up and gamble, pick up and gamble. And here we are with Toby Haydoke. Hooray. Right. It does not be horrible. Weirdo. Here's Weirdo Toby Adoke. Be cooking gamble. Be cooking gamble. And here we are with Toby Haydoke. Hooray. Hello. Haddock.

Haydoke. Haydoke. Haydoke. Is that a real name? It's a real name. Yes. Like from your mum and dad and that. Yeah, from both of them.

Yeah. You're the only Haydoke that I know. I think I'm one of the few Haydokes in the world because it's not a real name. Oh, okay. In the sense that... Is it a combination of things? No. I used to make a joke that my forebears were fisher folk

and then my uncle researched our family tree and he's fortunately free of the haydoke thing because he's from my mum's side. He's got a normal name. He's called Mister. Mister? Mister, Mister, yes. Oh, nice, like the band.

Yeah, exactly. And my mum became a ward sister, married my dad three months before she became a ward sister, otherwise she'd have been Sister Mister. Sister Mister. But no, and a mum became a ward sister, married my dad three months before she became a ward sister, otherwise she'd have been sister-mister. But no, and a Mr Haddock married the 18th century version of Hyacinth Bouquet, and on their wedding day, Haddock dropped a couple of letters, added an E, and became a word that nobody can pronounce. I can.

Haddock. Haddock. That's a good one. So you're a posh Haddock. Yes, well, not even posh, social climbing. Yeah. And a Haddock with ideas above its station. With a little sprig of parsley on the side. Hey, Doke. That's a good one. So you're a posh haddock? Yes, I'm a... Well, not even posh. Social climbing. Yeah. And a haddock with ideas above its station. And a little sprig of parsley on the side.

Yeah, exactly. Nice. So it's worth 19 quid rather than a five. Now, speaking of your dad. Yeah. You're doing a sequel this year to the show you did a few years back, which was Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf. Yes.

Which I, again, listened to last week again. Loved it. And I do really like it. to who's got yes which i uh again listened to i listened to last week again loved and i did i do really like it from that i think your your dad your dad's actions had a major influence in how that started off yes because he he vanished when i was well he didn't vanish he left when i was four yes so yes i i to give because if i'm doing a show about doctor who it can't just be about doctor who no definitely have a narrative shouldn't have doctor who in it really yeah well quite a lot of doctor who out of it uh yeah yeah cut quite a lot of Doctor Who out of it

have you yeah there was a whole thing about the Talons of Weng Chihang it's gone and it breaks your heart so it has to it has to hinge on something real

otherwise and it's not a show for Doctor Who fans you know my ideal audience to enjoy it are not Doctor Who fans they'll like it anyway because you're talking

about Doctor Who but they do come don't they they do come and occasionally go I think they'll find that happened and I'll go I think you're fine, that happened. I'll go, I think you're fine, that actually happened. They'll go, oh, all right then.

You can't be beaten. It must be horrific. Well, yeah, this has got all sorts of things in it, this show, some of which are quite, you know, hopefully heartfelt and moving and they'll go, you know, well, you know, if something happens eight times, I've got a joke about psoriasis and saying that your skin regenerates at eight times the rate that you should

and I ad-libbed that's like William Hartnell regenerating into Paul McGann which is nice because it gives another mention of Paul McGann who becomes

a bit of a running theme in the show and somebody came out and tweeted immediately well no my maths brain says actually if it's eight times the rate

it should be William Hartnell and Christopher Eccleston brilliant I've just done a show an hour sweating and you go actually I think I needed to mention Paul McGann again and it doesn't matter it's a joke Christopher Eccleston. Brilliant. I've just done a show, an hour, sweating. Actually, I think,

I needed to mention Paul McGann again. And it doesn't matter. It's a joke. I mean, all that Michael Gray had to do was get a load of these people and say, look.

Look what it's made. You can't have a go at me for asking this programme. Look what it's produced here. Look at the clown that it's created. Yeah, I mean, there are perfectly affable

Doctor Who fans like yourself, but you are a proper stupid Doctor Who fan eh yeah yeah it's not an affectation it's not a

because you get quite a few I sometimes sit next to people on a train and I'll go yeah I'm a big Doctor Who

fan and they'll go oh yeah me too and you go oh what do you think of the new series I haven't watched

that yet you're not a fan you quite like it that's the difference between knowing the name of the person who designed the first episode

yeah hasn't the new series generated people who designed the first episode. Yeah. Hasn't the new series generated people who say they're fans of it? But these are people who are just going, yeah, I love Doctor Who. It's really, really great. Who are the people that kicked me when I was, you know, in 1989. Yeah, exactly. I was going, I like Doctor Who. And they'd have gone, ah, ha, ha, ha.

So are you waiting for it to go not trendy again so you can be at the forefront of the fandom and it doesn't annoy you as much with these sort of fake fans? Well, there is some attraction to being downtrodden. I have to say I'm not averse to being a loser. I think I carry it off. So there is something, and I think there are certain sections of Doctor Who fandom that are livid that it's popular.

It stops them getting angry. So now they fandom that are livid that it's popular. Yeah. Because it stops them getting angry. So now they're angry about the fact that it's popular. Yeah. But I'm like that over stuff though. I've said that on the podcast before. I'm like that over stuff. When I like something, then everyone likes it. Like when the Muppets came back last year.

And it was like, I mean I didn't really like it anyway. But it was like a thing of going, everyone's suddenly, oh the Muppets, I love the Muppets. Oh I've got an animal pencil case. Oh it's like, come in my living room. Yeah. And I'll show you oh, the Muppets, I love the Muppets. Oh, I've got an animal pencil case. Oh, it's like, come in my living room and I'll show you what loving the Muppets is. What terrifying Muppet love is.

Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. I think there are Manchester City fans that it's probably not as much fun now as it was when they were doing really bad. Exactly, yeah, exactly.

Because you feel like you're the proper, but when they're in the second division and then when you get promoted, that's all the sweeter when I see a good episode of Doctor Who

I taste it more because I watch Time and the Rani so you might go I like the one with the statues I'll go it hasn't got

Kate O'Mara pretending to be Bonnie Langford that's how good it is I mean you say that though but the one with the statues oh yes when you think about it

the one with the statues is brilliant right a really good ensemble piece an ensemble piece yeah right down to the bottom of the cast

it's nearly the bottom it's a really every cog in that machine is important very very important part of it although a bad example for children

because Banto's DVDs are as an apostrophe on DVDs on the store sign outside which is always rankled with me hey look let's not get say that slightly as if Hey, look, let's not get...

You say that slightly as if it's his fault. Let's not get... Well, whose shop was it? Well, we should explain this, because, Toby, you're a massive Doctor Who fan, you have been for many, many years. Yeah. But you've never been in Doctor Who.

No. Whereas I'm not really bothered about Doctor Who, and I've been in it. Yeah. Not only have I been in it, I was in one of the best episodes of all time. Yeah, possibly one of the most... Yeah, yeah. Certainly one of the top three. But you wouldn't know, would you, right?, I was in it. One of the best episodes of all time. Yeah, possibly one of the most, yeah,

yeah, certainly one of the top three. But you wouldn't know, would you, right, because you have no idea what any of the other episodes are like.

I have no idea about it at all. I mean, I was that embarrassed being in Doctor Who that I used my real name to be in it. I didn't even use

my performance name. You should have seen the colour I turned when I read that in Doctor Who magazine. No, I know, I know.

Guest cast include, what? You like Star Wars? You're even more embarrassed. You asked them in the encyclopedia to misspell your real name. Yeah, I was so embarrassed that I rang up the Doctor encyclopedia and I went, look, could you misspell my real name, please? Because I'm so embarrassed.

Please spell it Ian Baldsworth. Yeah, and I'm very grateful that they did do that at my request. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and my request yeah so when I chatted to you when I got the gig because I genuinely felt bad about it that's right we chatted

and I think I gave you my call sheet you gave me your dailies yeah yeah yeah which I didn't read sides didn't read spoilers did I give them to you

before the episode yeah did I yeah sorry about that no no and you said it's alright you said I don't know if I should give you so I said it's? Yeah. Did I? Yeah. Sorry about that. No, no. And you said, I don't know if I should give it to you.

So I said, it's all right, I won't read it. I won't spoil it for myself. Thank you very much. I'm very, very grateful. Yeah, yeah, of course. It's a very kind thing to do. I still have them. I just printed them out on my computer.

They're not real. But yeah, because I genuinely had a feeling of guilt with it. Because as a fan of things, so I'm a big fan of the Muppets, and I'm a fan of Star Wars and that sort of thing. And as a fan of things, I'm a big fan of the Muppets and I'm a fan of Star Wars and that sort of thing and as a fan of things I totally get it I get it from your perspective that someone

I shared a cab home last night with Danny Boy yeah right we went to separate houses but we got a cab home together and we were talking about Montreal because he just did a gig with the Muppets in Montreal

and we were talking about all that and it was like he was like yeah so you know it's great I did a gig with the Muppets and I'm like you've got no idea what that means you've got no idea how much that means know it's great I did a gig with the Muppets and I'm like you've got no idea what that means you've got no idea

how much that means but you've just said you don't like the Muppets now you like the new Muppets so you're not so keen really but you know still to be there with some of the performers

who were performer Henson and Tom it's still it's still a thing it's a thing isn't it because you could say that with Doctor Who couldn't you

were you Tom Baker you were on Doctor Who yes I was born with Tom Baker yeah so but then Toby being in Doctor Who now he wouldn't be going well I wish it was Tom Baker I wish was you Tom Baker you were a doctor yes I was born with Tom Baker yeah so but then Toby being a doctor now he wouldn't be going well

I wish it was Tom Baker I wish it was Tom Baker he'd be going it's Doctor Who yeah it's the institution absolutely so I get it completely but are you over it

no no no I compared you the other day didn't I and I introduced you by going

this is bloke doesn't even like doctors get him on the welcome on the stage is your headliner yeah I'm sorry man no it's alright

it's fine but what you need to do now Toby is get a part in Star Wars yeah that's it yeah I'll voice Emperor

Palpatine in the Clone Wars because Ian Amber Crumb has just died has he died not Ian McDermid who plays

the English yes we've been telling I told him Sid Waddell Died on the podcast The other day What? These are breaking

Celebrity myths On the podcast I had to do that On a commentary Which was a Crotons Where one of the actors Went oh there's Madeline I was hoping

She'd join us today And I had to go I'm afraid she's died Oh So you do commentaries On the DVDs? I do That counts

It's lovely And I'm flattered to do it counts it's lovely and I'm flattered to do it and it's brilliant and I watch Doctor Who with my heroes but it's not the

same as being in Doctor Who it counts for example I'm a Doctor Who fan big Doctor Who fan

and I wouldn't want my autograph if I'd been in Doctor Who I would want my autograph I don't believe

you are you a proper completist when it comes to autographs and things you are you are and I haven't been. Are you a proper completist when it comes to autographs and things? Yeah.

You are, yeah. And you wouldn't want yours at all? No. I've not been a Doctor Who. I do not count. I am not canon. That is a horrible thing to be able to say about yourself, that you do not count.

I don't count. I am redundant. Ray's doing his autograph for Toby here. I'm on the Doctor Who celebrities list. I am probably below a man who once played a monster. Right. And just slightly above somebody who knitted a Tom Baker scarf that was used in an exhibition, but not a series. I once...

Oh, I've just got Banto's autograph. You did actually sign my script for me. I know, but that's a proper one and a nice moleskin painter. Thank you, yeah. I did one... Actually, you do the DVDs for moleskin painter. Thank you, yeah. I did one. Actually, you do the DVDs for Doctor Who, don't you? Yeah. Oh, can I get your autograph?

Sorry. How lovely is he talking about getting all of these? I just said it was you. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. I've got a weird thing with the Doctor Who thing, because I do occasionally get asked to do conventions. Not very much, but I occasionally get asked. And the first one that ever called me and asked me to do it

was it 10th Planet? Oh yeah, 10th Planet. I think it was there. And they called and I was like look, I think I find it a bit embarrassing because they only said

a couple of lines in it and I just think it's a bit weird and people just won't want me there and it'll just be like an odd add-on to it. Yeah, yeah.

And the bloke who was chatting to me I don't know his name I forget his name but he said he went mate, the guests that are already booked that are considered a big deal

are the people that are in the statues. And I went, but they don't even move in the episode. He went, I know. Because they didn't have moving statues, but it was filmed as such, so it was all snapshots. So yeah, but I didn't do it. I've not been and done any of them.

I don't think it'd be really my thing. But also the other slightly shitty thing that I wanted to do was is I answered the first sack of fan mail from all your lot. Yeah. And it was fine and pleasant.

And I read all the letters which upset me more and more. Weird thing. They send you like pictures of their kids and stuff. Really? I got, I'm number one. You see I don't get any of this

because I'm not canon. You can maybe, mate, you can have them. You can have pictures of their kids and stuff. Really? I can't, I'm number one. You see I don't get any of this because I'm not canon. See, I don't care. Mate, you can have them. You can have pictures of these people's kids. I showed you that one that was a little girl

and there was like about ten pictures of this little girl. Maybe about five. Dressed up as him in the episode. Full beard, drawn on.

That's not true. But there was like a picture of her making a cake and a picture of her in the garden and a picture of her meeting Billy Piper

and it really was, she's a very interesting doctor here. This is our daughter so and so and she loves doctors here was she's a very interesting doctor here this is our daughter so and so and she loves doctor here she's also very keen on baking

picture more and more she's getting into gardening picture yeah recently I can imagine she met Billy Piper

picture really bizarre but that's bizarre please will you sign this photo and send it back they took a picture of her with Billy Piper

to send to you she's going oh Boltswath is going to love this I bet Billy Piper's gone the opposite she's going to go she's met oh Bold Swath is going to love this Betty Piper's gone the opposite she's going to go she's met Bold Swath

well the downside of that is though as well I've got a sack of pictures of kids in my house like really bizarre how do you explain

that away Pete Townsend can't wait to get a part in Doctor Who how do you explain that away you just make up a story about

them being sent to you by a Doctor Who fan yeah and then you pre-empt it by saying it on a podcast yeah so then you've validated it before the police come round

yeah is there any sign of you being in Doctor Who no I'm not I'm sure they must you must be known well I've done two

one man shows now where I profess my love for Doctor Who and underline within those shows that I'm a professional actor. Which you are, because you were a Vicar-Incarnation. Yeah, and I was an ill person in Holby City. Really? I was in the Holby City Christmas episode.

Were you? Doing what? Playing science fiction obsessed. That was a stretch. But with The Matrix. I had to pretend I'd watched The Matrix. In the script it said 18 times and I said that's not a geek. I said he would have seen it

118 times at least if he's a geek. And they let me change the line. So that's what happens when you cast the genuine article. I've actually only seen The Matrix once. You're also a writer for... I'm also a writer for Holby City. It says that on my CV, yes. I've seen The Matrix three quarters of the time.

Really? Yeah. I had a little doze in it. I didn't like it. I liked the first one. Oh, it did me a din. I can't watch Keanu Reeves. Oh, really?

I actually can't watch him. And so, yes, that was a Christmas episode, which was rather good. And so, yeah, I've done lots of acting, just not in Doctor Who. Right. Imagine if, because you know that I've been in, you know that I was in Doctor Who. Yes, I'm aware. So I know all the lot. Yeah.

Moffat and all that lot. Yeah. Imagine if I brought you on this podcast today. Yeah. Right, just so I could reveal to you. Don't even do this. He knows it's a joke. We all know it's a joke.

But even then, this seems cruel. But just imagine if. Yeah, no, but even just saying imagine if. Imagine if. They'd be front page at all wouldn't they and everything yeah

imagine if I brought you on yeah here to go tell you to behave right you are the new Doctor Who Doctor you're the new Doctor

actually that's a good question would that would you be happier with that or just getting a part with the pressure of being told that you're the new Doctor Who

go I'll get over the pressure but would it be if you did a part say you did a part like my part yeah right if you did a you're the new Doctor Who. Go, I'll get over the pressure. Or would it be, if you did a part, say you did a part like my part. Yeah. Right, if you did a part like that in Doctor Who, then you're done, it's done.

Right, I mean, you could get another part another day. I know that people have doubled up. Sure, sure, yeah. But chances are, it'd be that one part and that'll be you. Would that, for you,

negate you then? Would it be like, oh, well, that means I can never be the Doctor? No, because Colin Baker was in a Pete Davidson story and he got cast as Doctor. I forgot I was talking to him. I forgot I was talking to him.

Completely forgot I was talking to him. Alright, well you know our friend Raji James? Yeah. Who got his brain sucked out by Daleks?

He did, yeah. Right. He couldn't go back in Doctor Who now. He could. No he couldn't, he was awful. They couldn't have

him in Doctor Who again. They could. He couldn't, he had his brain sucked out. No but not as the same character.

John Aveneri got absorbed by the weed creature in Fury from the Deep. A couple of years later he played General Carrington in The Ambassadors of Death and he got arrested for trying to set up

a world war between mankind and Mars. Then not long after that, a couple of years later he was in Death to the Daleks and got shot in the back by an arrow. It's just three years later

he comes back in the power of Kroll and he's a green swampy creature. He's obsessed with John Abernary. I am, yeah. I remember the mentions of John Abernary. Ridiculously obsessed with him. Yeah. Has that come on in the new show? No, it's not.

No, it's not. There was a bit that I had to get rid of, which was about the fact that I don't know if I can... Yeah, I can. Screw it. A friend of mine wrote a sitcom that is being aired at the end of the year, that had a character in it called Dr. Abernathy, which was written for me, and the name

is an in-joke, so it would have been an anecdote on a DVD commentary. This is, you know, never mind about getting a part in Doctor Who, this was a part that was written for me by a very close friend of mine and when the script was reviewed by the BBC diversity department Dr. Abernary, no it was not cut

it was changed into a black lady so he sent me a text saying I'm so sorry but Dr. Abernary your part is now you can't play because she's now a black lady. So he sent me a text saying, I'm so sorry, but Dr. Abernary, your part is now you can't play because she's now a black lady. But I think you're a very good actor. I said, well, I thought, and this stops me from doing it for a while.

It should have been. Hello, Toby. This is your friend who wrote the script. Yeah. Right, that's been a bit of a change. I just need to check at the moment how bad is your psoriasis? Because we need...

Could you set fire to it? Yeah, because we... So it's gone. You've gone out of it. So, well, I sent him the text back saying that's the story of my life, mate,

in which I will be played by Gina Yashere. Have you worked out in your head exactly how you'd play the doctor and what you'd wear what your signature costume would be

yes I've also I also know how I would fall off the back of a sofa when zapped by a son I've done it all

right because I know for a fact I've not because I don't ever anticipate either wanting to or actually being the doctor in Doctor Who right but the other day which is lucky I don't ever anticipate either wanting to or actually being the Doctor in Doctor Who.

Right, but the other day... Which is lucky. I don't mean to offend Toby, but you said to Tim Vine you think he'd be a very good Doctor. I do think he would be a very good Doctor. I think he would be in the more traditional mould of the Doctor. Toby looks angry. No, but then Tim... Because Tim was saying it was because I look like Peter Davidson, and it's not.

Yes. I think he just has a nice manner about him. Yes, he has a charming and slightly gutsy and kind English. I'm not putting him above you in this. I'm just saying.

I'm allowed to let other people of my friends have a go at being the Doctor. That's fine. And you can do the commentary on the DVD. Now, I know that my other close friend

over here, Ed Gamble, my best friend, I hope he doesn't mind me saying that. No, of course not, mate. I think that Ed, well, I know that Ed other close friend over here, Ed Gamble, my best friend, I hope he doesn't mind me saying that. No, of course not, mate. I think that Ed, well, I know that Ed has long been planning what he would wear if he was the Doctor.

So it'd be interesting to see how they would correlate. Yeah, so starting off with the shoes, what sort of shoes are you wearing? Oh, boots, leathery boots. Leathery boots. Same here, but specifically cowboy boots. Yeah, but no, I think cowboy is slightly too, I think you wouldn't be able to distinguish what type of

boot, but just long enough sort of floppy leather to pull on slightly below the knee,

but boots, boots. I think we're coming at this from different levels of seriousness. He's not

even got the gig yet and you're already being a fan about it and going, no, they're the

wrong boots. This is what you've got to look forward to. There'll be a snatched Polaroid from you on the internet, on somebody's Facebook page, and Outpost Gallifrey will explode. Outpost Gallifrey? Was that the one we read Raj's interview from?

No, that was Doctor Who Online, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah. Go on, Ed. So what sort of socks? I know we won't see the socks, but obviously specific details count, and this will be a fan thing to know about what socks. Oh, well, I have to say I'm a bit, I'm a Marks and Spencer's sock wearer, but I don't pair my socks.

So they would be odd socks. Odd socks. Me, no socks in Doctor Who. Right. Legs. I think that was a typo in your sentence there. There's no socks in Doctor Who. No, no. For me. When he's the doctor, no socks. No socks. When I'm the Doctor

legs, what's on the legs? I just think some quite I'd really like leather trousers but that would be too sexy and you can't have a sexy obviously how leather trousers look on me is very different to how leather trousers would feel when I'm wearing

I would probably think I was striding around like Russell Brand, whereas actually I'd look like a slightly perverted Bill Oddie. Okay, but that might be a nice character point though, mightn't it? You're striding around thinking you're all sexy, but it's just... But actually, yeah, I look like a bank manager who's on a swingers weekend. Inside the boots or inside the boots? Inside the boots.

Inside the boots, okay. Ed? Denim, very high cut shorts almost hot pants and sort of just cut-offs like frayed around the edges. He's not making this up by the way. This is genuinely

what he is. If I ever got an audition for it I'd go in wearing this. For how long have you been thinking this now? Many years. Since I've known you

so long. Yeah, yeah. I think we might have just found the moment I might stop watching Doctor Who. Right, what's on what tops What are we doing for tops? A puffy white shirt and a waistcoat

and a long brown coat. Interesting. Me, Hawaiian shirt. The gaudier the better. Full on Hawaiian shirt. Shark's tooth necklace. Basically, top of a surfer, bottom of a stripper, feet of a cowboy. Okay, now the cowboy boots.

Hat, of course. What sort of hat? You've got to say hat. My hat. What's your hat? Put my hat on. It's kind of a grandad hat. Yeah, kind of a grandad hat.

Yeah, it's nice. But my youthful sparkle will be juxtaposed with it and therefore give me a timeless quality. Well, then we'll wear that in the photo at the end so that the listener can see it. Ed, on your head. Judge's wig. Ah, well, he did wear a judge's wig in episodes three and four

of The Stones of Blood. I know, that's a reference to that. What else happened, Ed, in The Stones of Blood? Oh, I should have seen them stones. They're bleeding, but they're bleeding.

Those blood-sucking stones. Bleeding everywhere. Lovely. Peacock and Gamble lovely Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble 4Xtra we work on 4Xtra we often proceed you on 4Xtra

you do the what's it called again the 7th dimension you should know that shouldn't I really as a presenter we do the comedy club and then you

I do the 7th dimension because it was BBC 7 it's not BBC 7 but the 4Xtra dimension wouldn't sound as good is that why it's called 7th dimension I believe so

oh ok nice you know what I fancy doing some of them but they won't have me well I want to be in Doctor Who and they haven't had me Extra Dimension wouldn't sound as good. Is that why it's called Seven Dimensions? I believe so. Oh, okay, nice. You know what? I fancy doing some of them, but they won't have me. Well, I want to be in Doctor Who, and they haven't had me, so... At least I am trying to get here in it. I'm ringing people up every day,

Bonnie Langford, Christopher Eccleston, other people that I won't mention because they might have died since, I can't remember or not. There's been a spate of Doctor Who deaths, hasn't there? Yes, there has.

Yeah, very sad. Very sad indeed. Let's have a spate of Doctor Who deaths hasn't there? Yes there has. Yes. Very sad indeed. It's another minute. Not a whole minute. Not like this much. There you go. That's quite respectful. Yeah.

Because it's a comedy podcast isn't it? Yeah. But we've been respectful. Yeah. So Seven Dimension is a sci-fi show on the extra.

Yeah. I always catch the beginning of it with the intention of turning it off because I listen to our stuff sometimes and then I go I catch the beginning of the next the intention of turning it off because I listen to our stuff sometimes. And then I go,

I catch the beginning of the next program and go, I can't bother this. And whenever you're on there, I always have a bit of a listen. Oh, nice. Because I think you're good on it. That's very kind.

Yeah, and I tape a bit of it and I send it to Steve Moffat. And I go, why don't you give me this? And I get nothing. Nothing back at all. That's a shame. One day he wrote back,

hmm. Just that. I don't know if that's good or bad. Yeah. One day he wrote back, hmm. Just that. I don't know if that's good or bad. Yeah. I've no idea if that's good or bad. Do you like being presenting? Yeah, I do. Because it's the subject.

What always annoys me when I'm seeing comedians doing stuff is when somebody who is of the moment has been shoehorned into a vehicle and you see somebody who's sort of suited and booted doing the top ten sci-fi hats or something and you can tell they've never seen it.

And it's so much better if you've got somebody who really loves the stuff because they can be informative and it carries. And that's why you get specialist presenters. So I think therefore, I've never done a talking head telly show

about anything that I don't know about. I've only actually done one and that was because it was about Doctor Who. And so I went, well alright, because I know Battlestar Galactica, Blake 7. But I knew what I was talking about, as it were. But I'm not just going to go on and go, oh I'll talk about cabbages because they've showed me a clip of a cabbage that I could say. Was there a cabbage once that fell off a shelf? That was funny. Yeah, yeah. I did one last Christmas about Les Dawson, where i spoke at length about les dawson yeah and actually we

do know lots about britain's most annoying people yeah we do know a lot about britain's most annoying people 2010 yeah if you must we just don't know anything about any of the ones since but no i did one on les dawson and i was a big Les Dawson fan and I'm pretty well versed in Les Dawson stuff. But Russ Kane was also on that programme and I felt like he'd watched a video in the afternoon. I'm not saying he wasn't a fan, but he certainly wasn't. He tripped himself up a couple of times in it

if you know about Les Dawson. He'd be like, well, I'm gone, really? I also don't see the point. It's so difficult to make a television programme that you may as well do it properly. But them ones aren't difficult. No no but to get a program on television no right they contact you right they contact you on facebook right they saw this all that basically they contact you no they contact you via chortle right because you've written an article

on chortle right and they go right you know i'll give you 250 pounds right it's come to this really weird room one day in may right and you go and do it and then your friend dad has to wait outside yeah they do that right they film you for an hour and do it and then they go and your friend Ed has to wait outside while you do it yeah they do that they film you for an hour or so right and then they go yeah we don't know when

we think it's going to be on in July right and then you just don't hear anything about it and then it becomes a major part of the BBC's Christmas programme like it's on Christmas day then it's on again on Boxing Day

then they repeat it several times throughout the year but you get £250 for all that prime time BBC coverage so it's not difficult Toby

if you know how to make telly but to do it properly it's just lazy to ring up you know Paul Ross or whatever

it can take long so it does it's got a very long number there's loads of ways of contacting him but they all take

an equally long amount of time did you not hear about Paul Ross on I think he said it on Herring's podcast when Jonathan Ross on Herring's podcast

John Ross said at one point that Paul Ross for a while had an answer machine message that said Paul isn't here at the moment

can't come to the phone if it's about work then yes it was a genuine thing really funny but I know you mean I know you mean so presenting something

I feel I am conversant with and enjoy is great fun. Are you happy chewing through this? I'm regretting it now. Are you happy filling your mouth with chewing? Say it again. I mean, there might be,

Stephen Moffat probably now might be listening to this right now and going, oh, do you know what would be good? Is if we get Toby Hayden out to play the doctor and then we'll have

what is now known in the business as Bain speech problems. and then we'll have what is now known in the business as Bane speech problems. You never have a clue what you're saying for the majority of what you're doing.

Who are we going to get to do the ADR? Bolzwoff. Yeah. Get Bolzwoff out and say it'll be your body with my voice. Oh yeah.

And then we'll do like this. Oh hello. Oh I am Doctor Roo and that is the right name for me. Oh I hope there's no Daleks in here I'll shit myself. I am Doctor Who and that is the right name for me. All the way up there's no Daleks in here

I'll shit meself. I'd like that for your Doctor Who voice. I'd cope. If Moffat got you down and said we want you to play Doctor Who then you've got to play it

with a very very thick North African accent and also you've got to do it with your top your top just completely off and with just racist things written all over your phone got to do it with your top your top just completely off and with just racist things written all over your phone would you do it?

and also your knob and bollocks taped around your bum oh well definitely now it was in the balance till then see some interviewers would say to you

would you cut your little finger off to be a doctor well we make it very specific would you do these very specific things to be the doctor so make it very specific we do these very specific things to be the doctor so you would do that because you consider

that part of the role but as a fan would you be able to justify that as part of the role would you go home or would you work out how you could justify

that the doctor would have his top pulled over his head and all the bollocks taped underneath his bum and racist tattoos all over his front would you be able

to justify that but the beauty of Doctor Who is that I wouldn't need to because a fan on the internet already would have done. They would do it for you. And the racist stuff could be ancient

High Gallifreyan for we should all love each other. Yeah, of course. The TARDIS translation device has malfunctioned and it's come across as racist.

Yeah, but do you know what? Do you want me to say what it says? Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble So how's the show been going very well as a revisit

because it's a revisit to have you done shows in between yes I did a show about the BBC you did didn't you so then

you've now revisited a mood of time gone past yes I did I mean it's a sequel of sorts

but I deliberately wrote it so that you didn't have to have seen the first one and I deliberately wrote it so you didn't't have to have seen the first one. And I deliberately wrote it so you didn't have to have even seen Doctor Who to like it. But it was a worry of going, well, the first one went so well, you know, to then do a disappointing second album would be a bit of a shame. It's the first one on iTunes, by the way.

Yeah. It is. Yeah. Right. Genuinely, I know I say this sometimes, genuinely get it. Yeah. I mean, really, man, it's fantastic. And I enjoyed the live show anyway. I really liked the live show. I saw it loads.

But then when I... Have you heard the radio recording, though? Yeah, I have. Yeah, I've got the CD. It's just like, it's like you've took it and just wrapped it in gold and then chucked diamonds in it. I think it's a really, really brilliant transfer of that show to radio. Because it isn't just you doing that show. No, no. That was

the producers' idea, too. And I really like it. I think it really, really works. And I no. That was the producer's idea too, yeah. And I really like it. I think it really, really works. And I hope that happens with the new one as well. But you also told me that I was going to be in your show and it's not happened. No, I'm afraid you got cut after the last preview. Why?

BBC diversity. It was, yeah. Yeah, I've now got some material about Whoopi Goldberg. Why then? Because, funnily enough, unlike this podcast. You told me that I was going to be, you were going to speak about me, weren't you?

Unlike this podcast, the director of my show, Mark Atwood. Sounds like a prick. Said that he felt that I was getting a little bit, it was sending out the wrong signal if I kept banging on about

the fact that I hadn't been in Doctor Who. And that I should be more cheerful and it's a heartwarming show and I shouldn't be angry with you. And that I should be more cheerful and it's a heartwarming show and I shouldn't be angry with you. Yeah, but would it have been a better show with me in it? Yeah, it would have been. I really liked the bit with you in it. Right, well do all them bits now.

I was basically abusing you and saying... Was it really? What did you say? You looked like a hobgoblin who'd spent the night in a hedge and how come you got to be in Doctor Who? You can't say that you can't I'm going to say if you say that so you made me

take a picture of myself I'm going to like that yeah and I did a poster I did a poster of a show called Everyone Loves Rey and then the punchline to that was

I click again because I've got a sort of PowerPoint thing and then my son Miraculous appears next to you because I was going I talked about the fact that my son has a Star Wars book. How old's your son? Twelve.

Right. Why do you keep getting sent photos? What's this obsession? With Doctor Who fans? And you with... What's this obsession? Doctor Who fans putting me with children all the time. Okay, go on.

And it was... So I alluded in this show to the fact that the last show, in case people And it was, and so I alluded in this show to the fact that the last show, in case people missed it, involved me bonding

with my son. I was watching Doc 2. Towards the end of this show, I did find my son had a Star Wars paperback under

his pillow. Wow, wow. And I said, oh, I bet Ray Peacock's at the Edinburgh Fringe doing a show all about how he

bonds with my son. And then it clicked the thing and Louis appears going like that next to you. And it was

called Everybody Loves Ray, Especially Louis like that next to you and it was called Everybody Loves Ray Especially Louis brilliant will you sell it to me the picture yeah I'll sell it to you no I'm not selling it

I'm not buying it I'm not going buying a picture of me and the church I'll sell it to 10th Planet and you can buy it off them

I'll autograph it and sell it to them oh well that's a shame I would have liked to be on your show but now that I've heard a bit of it

I'm glad I'm not because I thought you said it would be just a very affectionate praising of my portrayal oh you really thought that didn't you that's a shame. I would have liked to have been in your show, but now that I've heard a bit of it, I'm glad I'm not. Because I thought you just said it would be just a very affectionate praising of my portrayal. Oh, you really thought that, didn't you? That's what he implied in his text. I'm not sure he did, did he? I don't know. But your show's still successful, nevertheless. It is, yes.

Oh, Toby Haydoke there. Killing everything. There's Toby Haydoke. We've not done the interview yet, so we can only just imagine what went on. I think he will come in and kill everything. There's Toby Hayden. We've not done the interview yet so we can only just imagine what went on. I think he will come in and kill everything. Right, okay. Oh, Toby, you

shouldn't have killed everything but it was an interesting chat. Speaking of killing everything, I came in the other night and you killed all my daddy long legs in

the kitchen. Yeah, that's true. I have been in this kitchen editing. Yeah. You go to bed at like half nine or something.

It's weird, isn't it? Ten minutes before our show starts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, you do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leave me all on my own editing the podcast

in the kitchen. I managed to make some friends. I made friends with about 40 Daddy Longlegs and they come on one night and they're all dead in a pile. Yeah, well I think, I don't think they should be in here, mate.

They are my friends editing friends. Well, I'm getting jealous. Right. That's why I've killed them. Why do you think I put them four in your bed? Because I knew

you would get jealous. I've put you four daddy long legs in your bed. Yeah, well I've I've slept on top of them haven't I? I know. That's what I was hoping

would happen. I've crushed them. Yeah, crushed them with your sex. Yeah, and I've fucked one of them to death. Ed Gamble has been

fucking daddy long legs and I don't want that to be a fringe rumour. I don't want it to be I certainly wouldn't want that to be a one-liner news story on Chortle that Ed Gamble has fucked a daddy long legs to death don't want that to be a fringe rumour I don't want it to be I certainly wouldn't want that to be a one liner news story on Chortle

that Ed Gamble has fucked a daddy long legs to death right please and Steve Bennett now come on I know we have enough but please don't

put that as a one liner please don't put that please don't put Ed Gamble co-star of Peacock and Gamble don't even want to

be on telly anyway 9.40 at the Pleasant's Dome has caused fringe controversy this week by fucking a daddy long legs to death that was one of

Ray's friends yeah fucking a daddy long legs to death that was friends with his other co-star Ray Peacock yeah don't do that Steve that'll be about

as much use publicity wise as a four star review for a five star show anyway we'll see you again tomorrow all that remains for us to do is leave

Toby here Toby is still sat here now. Still sat here, yeah. It's just been quiet. Toby will do the credits for you now. Thank you, Toby. Right, so are you happy to read the credits? I'm happy to read the credits.

Right, you think you're going to nail it? I would like to think so. I've been practising all my life. Okay, good. You've put your chewing gum in your mouth. Yeah. Perfect with the credits, that is. Here's Toby Haydoke with the credits

the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast is a ready production hosted by chortle.co.uk today's guests was Toby Haydoke and my show is

My Stepson Stole My Sonic Screwdriver at the Gilded Balloon at 10 past 3 all music by Thomas Fun The Ray see you tomorrow

you said guests yeah I did not yeah I did not guests I did but I think we can call that a nailing I think you nailed it

nearly nailed Deacon did it right nearly nailed Toby Haydoke unfortunately we'll have to tell 4X you did that we'll have to tell

me myself but thank you for joining us thank you you