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Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Pickle and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Because it's on air, Peacock and it's not fake, Gamble, it is real, Peacock and it is out, Gamble.
Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, here they are.
Hello, welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast episode 18.
Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast.
Hey, I'm not mate, take your headphones off.
You didn't say Edinburgh.
Take your headphones off.
There we go, speak at a normal level now.
You didn't say Edinburgh.
Why are you just shouting? Right, okay, right. There we go. Speak at a normal level now. You didn't say Edinburgh. Right, you're just
shouting.
Right, okay.
Right.
Peacock and Gamble
Edinburgh podcast
episode 18.
Happy 18th birthday.
Happy 18th.
We are now legal
and can vote,
drink beer and
kiss all the girls.
You're allowed to
kiss all the girls
if you're not 18.
Only another three
years till we're
allowed legally to
do homosexuality.
Yeah, I think we've
been doing that early
to be honest.
Yeah, like in the
olden days.
Yeah, exactly. A, I'm Ray Peacock. Oh, A. Oh, B, I'm Ed Gamity. Yeah. I think we've been doing that early, to be honest. Yeah, like in the olden days. Yeah, exactly.
A, I'm Ray Peacock.
Oh, A.
Or B, I'm Ed Gamble.
Nice.
And here is some news.
Right.
Here is some social news.
Okay.
Now, can I just say,
just before we start properly,
Ray hasn't had much sleep.
He had trouble getting to sleep last night.
So, if he seems drunk,
that's why.
I was still awake at 9am.
Yeah, so when he went,
he went,
oh, here is some news. He's not pissed. He's just very tired. I'm not why. I was still awake at 9am. Yeah, so when he went, oh, here's some news.
He's not pissed, he's just very tired.
I'm not pissed, I'm slowly, I apologise for that.
I've got to do a gig in an hour.
Yeah.
And I'm really worried about that.
Yeah, so you'll hear how that went.
Yeah, and that will be the anecdote tomorrow.
Yeah.
And I was considering sleeping in the bath, I was considering, I slept on the floor for
quite a long time.
Like a little...
Just a wooden floor, it was horrible.
Like a little cat, weren't you?
Yeah.
Horrific.
I slept in an armchair by the window.
That is horrible.
That's like, you find an old man dead like that.
Yeah.
I know.
I fought that, though.
Yeah.
Because I was half in the armchair with my feet on another chair that was slightly higher
than the armchair.
Oh, yeah.
It was horrific.
Yeah.
It's like we'd find you in the morning just covered in snow, like in The Shining.
Yeah.
That would have looked quite nice, actually.
Yeah, old snowy Ray.
Yeah, snowy Ray. That would be a lovely picture to circulate on the internet.
Hey, speaking of pictures circulated on the internet.
Yeah.
Oh, you're probably thinking to yourself, Ray, you aren't a cool dude.
Yeah, we are, definitely.
Oh, Ray, you are a cool cat.
Yeah.
Doubt's a clue.
Oh, how could you possibly be any cooler?
Well,
I'll tell you how,
with this picture.
Thank you.
You can't show,
no mate,
because what picture?
Look at that one there,
look.
Yeah,
but you can't show them that.
Whoa.
They can't see that.
We've established
this is not a visual medium.
But that picture's
going around the internet.
Yeah,
okay,
I'll explain the picture.
It's you with,
with the boys from the dwarf.
The red dwarf.
The red dwarf,
lads official now
yeah
can say it now
can reveal it
that I am in
every episode
of a new series
of red dwarf
no they texted me
about this
that I had to
reveal this to you
I can reveal it now
when you got there
and you went onto the set
and you talked to the audience
and stuff
and then you would come off
and they'd go
good one mate
you're going to be in that episode
yeah I walked all around
the spaceship
yeah no they were lying you're not to be in that episode. Yeah, walked all around a spaceship. Yeah, no, they were lying.
You're not in any episode.
What?
You were just there just to get the audience warmed up.
So when the stars came on, they would laugh, big laughs at all the stars in the episode
and then they get all the glitter and glory when it comes out on TV.
But you will not be included in any episode of Red Dwarf.
What?
I don't know if your name will be on the credits. As far as I know, when it comes to this series of Red Dwarf. What? I don't know if your name will be on the credits.
As far as I know,
when it comes to this series of Red Dwarf,
your involvement will be scrubbed from history.
I'm just some sort of menial audience fluffer bitch.
Very much so, yeah.
That's your full job title
that will not be on the credits.
Even though I've probably worked harder
than anyone else on the set.
Well, I'm not sure about that,
but we'll...
Look, I don't think you should say that, but... I worked longer than anyone else on the set? Well, I'm not sure about that, but we'll... Look, I don't think you should say that,
but... A word's longer than anyone else on the set.
Yeah, but bear in mind,
it's not just that night
that they put it together.
They don't just rock up and go,
oh, we'll just make a quick costume for Crichton.
Right.
There are people,
they're working through the week.
Oh, I see, I see.
And probably the months preceding it
and the months after editing it.
Well, I was worrying about it,
so that counts, surely?
No.
Oh.
No, definitely not.
Also, I didn't do every episode. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. I didn't do one? No. Oh. No, definitely not. Also, I didn't do every episode.
No, you didn't.
No, you didn't.
I didn't do one as well.
Yeah.
So, um...
And I hardly did any.
Yeah, I hardly did any.
There's one I didn't do.
Yeah.
So, unfortunately, you won't be in any episode.
Oh, well, there's a nice photo of me.
I mean, I still have my costume on at that point, so I still have the fat suit on, and
I've still got the very long wig.
Yeah, big old long wig.
Yeah, still, I have those things on at the moment.
And beard.
And the beard
and also the famous
trainer tongue
outside the jeans.
Yeah, you do go for that.
You rock that look, don't you?
I don't, no, not deliberately.
You do, mate.
I don't, I ate it.
We call your tongue out peacock.
Oh, please don't say that.
Not for that reason.
Anyway, speaking of tongues out.
Yeah.
My mum has been up.
Oh no, what's this story
going to be?
Well, yesterday
we were in a Costa coffee.
Now, Costa is not my brand of choice.
I know, it's mine.
It is yours, isn't it?
Tell you what, I love a Nero as well, but you don't see him as much as you used to.
Oh, I don't. I find Nero too watery.
Oh, I like a Nero.
Well, I'm not without Costa, although I had an ice drink yesterday, which I very much enjoyed.
Yeah.
The orange and raspberry one.
So I'm in Costa with my mum.
Yeah.
And she starts telling me about how to spot a lesbian.
Oh my god.
Right?
Right.
Now I must emphasise
not in a tale
you'll catch them out.
No.
Your mum's not like that.
She's not that way at all.
She's not vindictive.
She's not malicious in any way.
No.
She's just interested
in the way the world works.
Yeah she is completely.
So she was telling me
how to spot a lesbian.
Right.
Which she'd been told
by a lesbian.
Okay.
Well just before we do this,
this already is reminding me of, you know, Roald Dahl's The Witches, when his grandma
tells him how to spot a witch. I've not seen The Witches. Have you read The Witches? No,
I've not. His grandma has a list of pointers, the little boy's grandma, on how to spot a
witch. And what are they? I was wondering if they were the same things. I mean, they
do, it does read like a sort of anti-lesbian diatribe. Right. For
like a stereotypical lesbian look. Okay. Where it looks like they're constantly itching their
heads because they've got wigs on. Right. And very itchy heads because they've got no
hair. Yeah. They wear very square shoes because they've got no toes. Okay. And I think there's
something else, but it's mainly the itchy head and square shoes. Okay. Comfortable square
shoes. It's not that. What is it? If they've got a bit of colour in their hair.
A bit of colour.
Right, that is it.
And that is it.
Just that.
Just that.
And that is a,
is that a one,
can we guarantee now
that it's a 100% guarantee
that the lady is a lesbian?
If you see a woman
who's got like a bit of blue in her hair
or a bit of green in her hair
or a bit of yellow in her hair.
Not blonde,
a bit of yellow.
Right, yellow.
Lesbian.
Right. That's what my mum's like. Not blonde, a bit yellow. Right, yellow. Lesbian. Right.
That's what my mum told me.
And I'm always a lesbian 100%.
Right.
Well, we were chatting about this
and I was, you know, agog.
Yeah.
And she said that she'd been told this
by a lesbian lady.
Right.
I went, okay, that's fine.
But that might be a current trend
in the lesbian community.
I've got no idea.
But I don't think that means
you are definitely a lesbian.
Yeah.
And you shouldn't use that as a gauging point.
At which point, a lady came through the door with a bit of colour in her hair. Yeah. are definitely a lesbian. Yeah. And you shouldn't use that as a gauging point. At which point, a lady came through the door
with a bit of colour in her hair.
Yeah.
Clearly not a lesbian.
Yeah.
Came through the door, a bit of colour in her hair,
and I went, that one over there?
Yeah.
And she went, yep.
Of course, but it's her in there.
She's a lesbian.
She's a lesbian.
And I'm going, you're ridiculous.
You can't say that a woman is a lesbian
because she has got a bit of colour in her hair.
Yeah.
That is the stupidest thing I've
ever heard in my life. At which point, the lady that came in walked to another lady and
kissed her full on the face. Wow. It completely ruined my argument. Yeah, your mum's gay
dart is off the charts. She really is, isn't she? That's incredible. She could be a nap.
My mum could be a nap on an iPhone. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. She's gone home now
without saying goodbye
oh dear
you were there
yeah oh yeah she did
she said goodbye to me mate
I know she did
she won't realise
she's done that
no
but she literally
we came out of the dome
yeah
dome dome
you were outside
no we were in the dome
last night
but it's near the dome dome
yeah
and you were outside
at the dome dome
yeah
and she came to you
and went
I'm going now
I'm off now
see ya
bye bye
and she said to me she was going to go in the shop get a sandwich and then go and get a cab no straight home yeah but she went to you and went, I'm going now, I'm off now. See you, bye, bye. And she said to me she was going to go in the shop, get a sandwich, and then go and get a cab.
No, straight home.
Yeah, but she went in the shop, then went to the cab.
Even though I was outside.
She probably just knows it would have been really emotional, mate, and she didn't want to drag it out.
She didn't want little boys' tears all over the pavement, did she?
What she didn't want is to be in that situation where she had to go, here, here's some money for you.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, take that.
Yeah, just legged it. Yeah. You know what my grandad says when he does that? What's some money for you. Yeah, yeah. Oh, take that. Yeah.
Just lend it.
Yeah.
You know what my grandad says when he does that?
What?
Don't spend it all in one shop.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Don't spend it all in one shop.
No, don't tell your grandma.
No, he doesn't say that.
Don't tell your grandma.
No.
And you have to say,
I'll cost you more than that.
And then you hope
that your grandma's got some as well
and she says,
don't tell your grandad.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And then,
they've got no money
and they have to be evicted
yeah
it's sad isn't it
yeah
it's sad
talking of the dome dome mate
because that's where our show
is apparently on
according to you
yeah
Peacock and Gamble
don't even want to be on telly
anyway at the Pleasant's Dome Dome
9.40 every night
yeah selling out though
and I said
no it's not selling out
it's five off
every single night
nearly selling out
we started this as a joke
and the last two or three nights
it's genuinely been
five off selling out.
It's really, really upsetting.
Last night, you exclaimed, who the fuck are these five people not coming?
Who are they?
It's really annoying.
How can somebody be specifically five fans short of what they need?
Yeah.
Well, not fans.
We're converting people.
We're making fans.
Now, I met a lady last night, a girl last night.
Ooh.
No, not like that.
I was sitting with some friends.
Very sweet, nice girl came over.
She'd been listening to all the podcasts.
Her name was Imogen.
Very excited to meet me.
She wanted to meet you as well, but you weren't there
because you were getting pissed or something.
Probably editing and having insomnia.
Yeah, having insomnia.
She'd been to see the show, loved the show,
listened to all the podcasts,
and she said she was coming into the President's Dome yesterday.
Yeah.
And she was behind an American couple who were going,
okay, so this is the dome.
Okay, the Queen Dome is over there.
So where is the Dome Dome?
Really?
Yeah.
So it's spreading, mate.
Oh, that's amazing.
They were looking for the Dome Dome.
Now, I didn't see an American couple in our audience yesterday.
Because I imagine they went in asked where
the dome dome was
couldn't find it and
went back to America.
Yeah that's a shame
isn't it?
Yeah.
So that's showing
that you were right
maybe a bit about the
dome dome thing.
Yeah.
But at the same time
I prefer that as an
anecdote.
Five people mate.
Five people a night
get confused by that.
That's exactly what's
going on.
You are stopping five
people coming to our
show by calling it
the dome dome. The five percenters. Yeah. The five people coming to our show by calling it the Dome Dome.
The five percenters.
Yeah.
The five percenters in the UK
that don't understand that Dome Dome is a joke.
Yeah.
Brilliant.
That's it.
Brilliant.
So if you want to...
I don't know, there's some Imogen girl.
Yeah.
Did she say, oh, I'll kiss her?
No.
Did she imply it?
No.
Right.
Like a sad seaside tale, isn't it?
Yeah.
I like that.
Because we're at the Fringe,
we thought we'd do a bit of theatre there.
Yeah.
Where we're just going, no, no.
And then just some sound effects of seagulls
and then lights down and that's the end of the play.
Yeah.
Standing ovation.
Five stars.
No funny bits.
We can do Beckett.
We're doing Waiting for Godot next year at the Fringe.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, then. Here's an interview with who? Who is it? Silky. All right. Have a nice time, Silky. I can do Beckett. We're doing Waiting for Godot next year at the French. Yeah, exactly. All right, then.
Here's an interview with who?
Who is it?
Silky.
All right.
Have a nice time, Silky.
I'm the interviewer.
Peacock and Gamble.
Peacock and Gamble.
I think it would be fair to say that I've only just got up.
It would be fair to say that, in that it's a true fact.
I feel slim.
Do you?
That's nice.
No, I'm not.
But you know when you get up because you've not got any food in you?
Yeah.
And you're like, oh, I'm a muscle man.
You feel a bit empty?
Yeah.
Okay. I really do. Now, I've just sort of woken up. You're still a bit bleary-eyed. Yeah. Have you noticed we've got any food in you. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I'm a muscle man. You feel a bit empty. Yeah. Okay.
I really do.
Now, I've just sort of woken up.
You're still a bit bleary-eyed.
Yeah.
Have you noticed we've got someone else with us?
I can see a boy.
You can see a boy?
That is Silky.
Yes, Silky.
I'm a real boy.
Don't worry, listener.
Don't switch off.
That's not how he talks all the time.
Silky has come in all giddy and up for it
and ready with all his characters like Pinocchio.
And Ray is all tired and bleary-eyed, so this
should make for an interesting dynamic today.
Hey, it's my turn to be the fun one.
We will completely miss each other.
We'll be coming from
two different directions. I'm knackering,
you're all kidding. Are you on a weird Edinburgh time
because your show's in the afternoon, isn't it?
Yes. What time's your show at?
2.20. 2.20 at the Stand Comedy Club.
That is the quickest
plug we've ever got in
I think
no but it's relevant
who started it
it's relevant
no no it's good
2.20 stand 2
so what time did you get up
depends this morning
it was about half 7
by accident
are you high on drugs
I am
full of glue
well I've been staying
at my sister's
for a couple of nights
out in the borders
oh nice
how's that been
it's been lovely
did you have time off
yeah well I had the
13th off
so I had Sunday night and
Monday night out there. Oh, sounds
amazing. It does sound nice. It was proper
No mobile phone signal, no one saying
Do you want to fly around dressed as a
Victorian ghost in a fucking
talcum pardary top?
Crick in a stovepipe
Is there all that sort of thing down there by the stand?
No, we've got trams. Oh, trams? Yeah, the trams
come down there in seven or eight short years.
That's quite exciting.
Yeah.
The next time I come back to the Fringe, I will come back when the trams are ready.
Apparently, it would have been cheaper for them to pave the centre of Edinburgh with gold.
Really?
In real life?
Yeah, not very thick gold, but gold nonetheless.
But let's be honest, that's the sort of thing that annoyed people who live in a city, say.
I think they'd be really rather more annoyed if they paved the centre of Edinburgh with gold. Gadewch i ni fod yn onest, dyna'r math o beth sy'n anghywir pobl sy'n byw mewn gwledydd. Rwy'n credu y bydden nhw'n fwy anghywir os oeddent wedi gwerthu'r ganolfan o Edinburgh gyda gwerth.
Ie, os oeddent wedi cael eu gael un bore, yn dda, dweud y bydden nhw wedi mynd i lawr i Hogman.
Yn wirioneddol yn llwyr.
Ie, ac roeddent yn gweld gwerth, ac fe wnaethon nhw dweud, wel, dyma'r amser anhygoel.
Dyma amser anhygoel.
Efallai y byddai wedi bod yn rhywbeth mwy cynhyrchol fel tram.
Fel tram, yn fath.
Ac yna, rydych chi'n mynd allan ar ddiwrnod swn, ac yn syth mae'r swn yn cael ei gael yn llwyr o fewn y llwybr.
Ie.
Oherwydd y ffleddiad.
Ac mae rhywun sy'n gadael eu dog i ffwrdd a ddim yn ei gael yn gyflym iawn, mae pawb yn sgwneu, and all of a sudden you get sunburned under the chin and you're looking up and it's because of the reflection. And someone lets their dog out
and doesn't pick it up fast enough.
Everyone's shouting,
Hey, don't let your dog shite on the gold.
You're a wee dog.
You're a wee dog.
Silky there, another one of his characters.
Pick, hook and gamble.
Pick, hook and gamble.
This has been your first Fringe.
Yeah, my first solo show.
Your first solo show.
I've done Bits and Bobs before.
I did The Big Value in 2003.
I did a show with mates in 2000.
And I did the BBC New Comedy Awards in 1995.
1995?
Fourth gig.
So, the BBC New Comedy Awards in 1995, and we're now 2012.
Yeah.
And you're doing your first hour.
Yeah.
You're such a slow writer.
No, it's the first time they've had a gap.
It's been really full of...
You've been on the waiting list, haven't you?
Yeah.
You've been threatening it for a while, though,
because you have been going for,
well, we know, just established,
for years and years and years.
So you've been threatening a solo show for a long time.
But I know...
I've been doing a solo show.
Yeah, you have.
Lock out, you.
Have you been writing it since 1995?
There's some jokes in it that start with, so it's 1998.
Oh, yeah. I wish
we had a new Labour administration.
No, it's all because I
know you pretty well and I've gig lots with you
and stuff. Whenever we've had the Edinburgh chat
or, you know, stuff like that, there's always been
an element of, well, I might next year or I might
this year or I might, and then you haven't.
And then this year, 2012,
you were like, it was like you were
proper up for it the thing that really made the difference was uh being offered the stand right
okay the planets of align a mate of mine offered me a box room for now right the stand said yeah
we'd like you to do a show and I had a show because basically I've not kind of done many
hours yeah solo proposition so I had an hour that I was
pleased with
when you say that
you've done some
fucking hours
comparing what
happened on
with you
you've got to
insulate the
audience
what's about
to happen
you've done
some fucking
hours
before you
brought me
on
and did you
know when
that went
so when they
offered you
the stand
and the
box room
which sounds
like a
brilliant deal
did you know
then what show you would do?
Yes, basically, there's a big story arc and there's lots of plot lines through it,
but there's still enough space for me to be fluid with it.
So whatever is triggered by the people in the room means that I've got the fluidity,
I can draw on the back catalogue and just play.
The show's not the same two days running, apart from? Apart from the kind of skeleton of it's the same
but the flesh is different.
I mean because of my sound guy
I don't want him to get bored.
Okay.
Because he's got to sit
through this shit every day
so I make sure there's
at least a couple of new ones
in every day.
But we do that.
We like,
we'll often chuck in a new thing.
Yeah.
Not a sketch over there
but we'll chuck in a new
couple of lines.
But that's because
we try to impress Sophie.
It certainly is.
We don't have to try to impress her.
No.
But it is to literally
wake her up and make her panic.
Yeah.
Not as much as last year.
Like, last year we had way more room to muck about.
It was made up a lot last year.
But this year, it's just the odd line, now and again.
Yeah.
Keeps us on our toes as well.
It does, yeah.
The night I was in to see your show, which is excellent, by the way.
Thank you.
President's Dome Dome, 9.40?
I can't remember.
Hey, are you bald in real life?
No, this is an extravagant skullcap.
I got this off Patrick Stewart.
That's nice.
Oh, you are bald now.
You are bald.
Patrick Stewart, right, off the Star Trek.
He has one of the best afros you'll ever see.
It's like Leo Sayer, but dipped in gold.
How long have you been bald for, please?
I have been pretending to be bald for 12 years.
I had my head shaved for a millennium, and I haven't looked back.
Do you still shave it?
You've got, like, hair around the outside, and then at the top it's trying to grow, but just baby hair has come through and I haven't looked back do you still shave it you've got like
hair around the outside
and then at the top
it's trying to grow
but just baby hair
has come through
I feel it
it's lovely right
oh that is nice
it's like
it feels like a house cactus
that you might get from Ikea
one of the little ones
yeah
the ones with the softer spines
yeah
I ain't no nasty prick
do you need glasses
yes I do
they're nice glasses as well
they look like sort of I just described them're nice glasses as well. They look like sort of,
I'll just describe them,
sort of 1940s style.
Yes.
They look like the sort you get given
when you're on the entrance to the trenches.
They took a bit of finding.
Well, I bet they did if you weren't wearing them.
Yeah.
Oh.
Come on.
He's on here.
Comedy podcast.
Watch out, on fire.
He's on Stuart Lee and HMV.
Should we talk about that when Silky's not here?
People should always be in shops, they're rhyming.
What would I be in? Ray Peacock.
Peacocks, Peacocks.
Peacocks, that's not a rhyme.
That is a shop though.
Yeah, it is.
Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble.
So, Silky.
Ed.
What stupid name, what's up in there?
Tell us about it.
Before the millennium when I had long hair, I used to have really long hair, longer than this.
I used to have a golden ponytail.
Nice.
That's right.
Really?
Yep.
Very long. I can find photographic evidence.
So your... and the name came from your hair?
From long, silky hair and...
That is... that's almost tragic, isn't it?
Not really.
It's like when Christopher Reeve was called Superman.
I always feel bad making a joke about Christopher Reeve.
I think he was lovely and I think he was brilliant.
Alright.
So I always feel...
Say sorry to the internet.
Sorry to the internet.
As a bit of recompense and a little bit of an apology, punch a horse next time you see it.
Alright, definitely. In the face or not?
Yeah, right in the face.
I'll do Superman punch as a tribute.
Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Have you heard a cry at this fringe or not? Yeah, right in the face. I'll do Superman punch as a tribute. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble.
Have you had a cry at this fringe or not?
Oh, tons.
Have you really?
Yeah.
I've not though.
No, I've not.
In what respect?
I've been missing my girlfriend.
Okay, really?
Because she's here at the moment.
Yeah.
We've took you away from her.
I know.
She's just in the sitting room, isn't she?
I think she's gone for a little amble round.
Round the flat?
It's a big flat.
She better not find my stuff.
I hope she'll find my stuff under my bed.
So she's missed you as well?
Well, I'd like to say...
How many times has she cried in comparison to how many times you've cried?
Good question.
Have you set her off?
Nearly.
She set you off?
Almost.
It's not all comedy.
It's absolutely heartbreaking.
How did you meet your girlfriend, please?
I met her at a gig I used to run in Oxford.
Did you talk about her on stage?
I try not to.
Why?
Because our relationship is kept for a special.
You're talking about her now, though.
Yeah, but that's because I've been lulled into a false sense of security
by this shallow love of laughter.
And which kissing have you done today, so far?
A little bit.
Do you know this?
Candy floss is all sugar. How much kissing have you done today so far? A little bit. Do you know this?
Candy floss is all sugar.
Unless you're unlucky and the lady doing the candy floss doesn't like you, in which case it's up to 15% intimate hair.
How much sugar is there in a donut?
34.
Oh!
And grams.
I'm allowed.
You're allowed two, so you're allowed half a banana
and then a lick of a lollipop.
Oh! I can't have anything nowadays. How many sugar in a banana? Mae'n ddewis. Mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis.
Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly mae'n ddewis. Felly is called... Nuts Allegory. Nuts Allegory. Why, please?
Because I was all happy and jolly and found a lump.
Dun, dun, dun.
Oh, is that true?
Yeah.
So your show has actually got a story to it?
Yeah, it's not all about that.
Like, when you said it's got an arc and that, I thought you were just being a twat about it.
But you genuinely are.
I've lost a lot of weight. Oh, this is quite...
So you do have an arc to your show.
Yeah.
There's a story to it. You've left yourself some messing about time with, innit?
Yeah.
Because you are good at that.
Yeah.
You are good at it. You are good at it. You can't play with loads and loads of gigs, don't you?
And you can't play with the audience and stuff.
And you're very good... I'm guessing as well, musically, you've left yourself some space.
Yeah.
Because you play guitar.
Yes.
Which is called...
I play 11 instruments.
But you play a guitar mainly.
Yeah.
Is that your best one? best one guitar, bass, drums
can you play any brass
no
Ed Cambersoon
that's not brass
that's Woodwind
can you play any Woodwind
no
Ed Cambersoon
so you leave yourself
a bit of musical time
as well
I guess in the show
basically I want to
make it personal
because I see lots of
shows where someone's written a show
and then polished it, and it's like a stone.
They take this polished stone...
Or a turd.
Well, you can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter.
Exactly.
Or eat it.
Yeah, or shove it back up your bum.
Yeah, or spread it all over your chest and go down a supermarket.
Or what you can do is do it on a table
and then hit it with a cricket bat,
and everyone who's looking, as you hit it, you go, Freckles! And slam it. i fynd i'r supermerca. Yr un peth y gallwch ei wneud yw'i gwneud ar y tafel a'i ddod â'r bat cricet ac mae pawb sy'n edrych arno wrth i chi ei ddod a dweud
Frecles!
ac yn lladdio.
Mae'r syniad o'r sioe i mi o fod fel
gynhyrch sy'n perfformio'r un sgript yn yr un cyfnod
bob nos.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Ie, wrth gwrs.
Felly, os yw yna bobl yn y fath yma
sydd â phethau'n mynd ar eu bywydau eu hunain
byddant yn ymwneud â'r sioe, yn amlwg.
Oherwydd, yn eraill, mae'n fy hun a'r bwyd
yn seilio ar ffrindiau o'r swyddfa oherwydd mae fy fath o'r fath o'r sioe i fynd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd. O, mewn gwirionedd. They all add to the show, obviously. Yeah. Otherwise it's just me on my own in a little sat on an office chair.
Because my room's round like a slice of a lighthouse.
Oh, really?
If no one turns up, I just sit there in the middle, spinning around slowly,
pushing myself around with my foot going,
All by myself.
Have you sold all right there?
I've got no complaints.
Good.
I've not been selling out, but I've been getting nice houses.
I guess there's an element to that where you're...
Because you're running the afternoon as well, it's 2.30.
Is that a difficult time?
No.
Is it not? No. I'm only competing with people's digesting right okay or a late lunch have you not got up too early yeah i'm i really am the luckiest man alive and anyone who
comes through the doors is an added bonus that's really nice because the thing is i'm not here to
make money and what i'm here to do is over a month i'm going to do my hour show every day and as many
other shows as I can because
people will come and see you if they've seen you so I've done a lot of showcases and bits and bobs
so over I counted up over a calendar month leading up to the first half of the festival I've done 51
gigs in a month with one night off I did 22 previews for the show yeah and I'm doing an
average of four gigs a day I mean some days I've got six gigs I'm doing four in Edinburgh
on Saturday,
then opening the stand in Glasgow,
then going on to Irvine to close the Harbour Arts Centre.
And every day is like that because it's a proper job working hard at honing it,
making the show as tight as it can be,
but still have enough freedom and flexibility to go,
oh, that reminds me, you know,
whatever tangents I want to take, I can do,
but still then have the discipline to bring
it back in and tie it all up at the end i get a slow hand clap before i leave the stage
that's the clue oh bollocks i find it makes it it's not on so far but but potentially on focus
for example so i'm i've got a similar existence in heron but it's not necessarily all about gigs
so you know we record the podcast every day.
That's very funny, by the way.
Thank you.
We're also doing our Radio 4 Extra stuff.
That's not every day, but we have to fit that in.
And we're both doing Extra gigs.
I'm editing as well.
We've got our own show as well.
And I find at the moment, at this point into the fringe,
that this is where I'm starting to just slightly flail.
But this is where it's like I just slightly flail but this is where
it's like I'm not
getting any time
to myself
well what we'll do
there is I will
kidnap you for an
hour and a half
don't kidnap me
we'll go for a
drive
we'll go maybe
walk across the
park halfway
see why would
you even suggest
that
I've got a better
suggestion
watch this
watch me win this
go down the road
and we'll do bowling and then go and see a film right and a better suggestion watch this watch me win this go down the road and we'll do bowling
and then go and see a film
right
and a better suggestion
you two go out
I'll just go and play
Playstation on my own
alright
see you were winning that
then
I'll get in the car
I'll drive
then you went
and then we'll walk
up a hill
why on earth
would I do that
perspective
I know perspective already
it's when things are
farther away
and a bit closer
well yeah I don't need to go up a hill if I learn that goodness me Silky Perspective. I know perspective already. It's when things are farther away and a bit closer.
Well, yeah.
I don't need to go up an hill if I learn that.
Goodness me.
It's okay.
Pick up and gamble.
Pick up and gamble.
Is that something in your life?
Do you do that quite a lot?
I get the impression you're a liar.
Probably.
I do a lot of driving.
A lot of driving.
So I get that time on my own just to be really, really... Are you crying when you're driving?
On the inside.
I'm a little bit worried about you sort of
shipping down the M6 or something.
I pull over.
You pull over and have a little cry.
Or drive down the wrong way.
Yeah.
That's a good way of having a cry when you're driving.
As you swerve, all the tears go from side to side.
Yeah, you don't even need a tissue.
Because it's dangerous reaching for a tissue.
Yeah.
Isn't it?
Come on, let's have some perspective.
It's raining, right?
If you're driving and it's raining right if you're driving
and it's raining
you're driving the
wrong way down
the motorway
and you're not
using your
windscreen
so the rain's
hitting the screen
it wouldn't matter
if it was crying
and then the
orange light
from the
motorway lights
I know they're
not orange
but that light
coming through
there is making
you a lovely
shade and it'd
be a nice
I like a
horror in a
video
yeah just like
that but crying
and dangerous
what song is that crying and dangerous. When do you want my crying done? What song is that?
Crying and right.
I'll do my crying and...
It's an Evelyn Brothers cover, isn't it?
Is it?
Yeah. A-ha did an Evelyn Brothers cover.
Cheats.
Evelyn Brothers did an A-ha cover. They did Hunting High and Low.
Did they really?
Yep.
They didn't.
No, they do. It's like if you do one, they've got to do one back. It's like Roald Dahl wrote the screenplay for...
You know I'm knackered today. Roald Dahl wrote the screenplay you know I'm knackered today Roald Dahl wrote the screenplay
for You Only Live Twice
that's not true
it is
no that is true
alright that is true
and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
that was Ian Fleming
yeah that's true
I know that one
Roald Dahl wrote the screenplay
for that as well
I don't believe that they did it
as a swap though
yeah they did
one in one up
like
and it's like Tolkien
and C.S. Lewis
massive atheist
and Tolkien
was a massive Christian.
Then they swapped.
Oh, cool.
They had a really massive debate and conversation about it.
And persuaded each other.
It's apparently true.
Is it genuinely true?
And then literally swapped.
So then Tolkien went off and wrote Lord of the Rings, which is a huge atheist piece of work.
And then C.S. Lewis went off and wrote Narnia, which is just a massive Christian allegory.
Wake up, Ray!
I had a really weird moment
off school
has anyone read
how to eat
fried worms
no
is it with
chapstick
has anyone read
the 18th emergency
no
yes
yes
you see
I might not be
great as a comedian
but you might be on your pub quiz team.
That's true.
What is it?
It's about a boy who's been bullied at school.
Right.
And he's listed all these emergencies,
like how to escape from crocodiles,
how to escape from a tar pit,
all these different emergencies.
But he's being bullied by someone called Mark Hammerman,
who's the biggest boy in school,
who says he's going to have a fight with him after school one day.
Right.
And he's just coming up with, like Silky said,
all these emergency situations.
All these scenarios. But he can't get out of it
and having to fight
with Marv Hammond
is the 18th emergency
oh right
but the thing is
because it's set in America
what happens is
he just pops a cap
in his ass
and shoots him
right through the face
BAM
it was great
I remember
it was one of the first
books I ever read
that and How To Eat
Fried Worms as well
can't remember
what it was about
it was about eating worms
well you did have a very poor childhood so so that could have been a cut book.
Well, how old are you?
I'm 37.
What are you, 38?
So, mid-20s.
So we grew up...
I like your skinny jeans.
What product are you using on your hair?
The gel.
So we would have grown up relatively near each other.
Yeah, you were in St. Alan's, weren't you?
Yeah.
I was in Crosby.
Strictly speaking, I was in Warrington.
Oh, wow.
You don't like to say that, though, do you?
I don't mind saying it.
Warrington is what happens when a scout fucks a Mancunian.
He took me there once.
I didn't know where to put myself.
But I am.
If it wasn't for the IKEA, they would still be drinking piss and eating it up.
First IKEA in the country, actually.
Was it?
Something like that.
But no, I lived in Warrington, but I went to Skillers and Zellens
and I supported Zellens.
Yeah, well, very, very posh.
So we would have been in the group at the same time.
Our points of references would be exactly the same.
Probably, except I'm straight.
Yeah.
You've got a girlfriend
and do a nice kiss with her.
I was born in London.
London, home of the capital.
Was that in Ontario?
I didn't know you were Canadian.
Yeah, I am. Cowboy were Canadian where were you yeah I am
hey
cowboy town
where were you born
I was born in Ormskirk
okay
so you're not even a real scouser
you lying swine
is that where the war happened
Dunkirk
sorry carry on
yeah
Ormskirk
yeah it was the nearest hospital to where
you know my mum had her pregnant
where was your mum pregnant at
Lyddiot.
We'll split the difference.
All right, fine.
Well, if you can be from St. Alan's but Strictly Warrington,
you just went to school in St. Alan's.
That's like saying Ed's from London but he went to school at Eton,
which he did.
Which he did.
Posh boy.
Posh house.
I didn't.
Posh boy.
I know he had some Eton mess.
Yeah, that was it.
Do you envisage a time when you...
Because you live in Leeds now.
Yes.
Do you envisage a time that you'll return
to the North West
I don't know
does it draw you back
I have a weird thing
with the North West
where I for a while
felt drawn back to it
and then they knocked
down Saints ground
Saints Rugby League Club
and then I just felt
like I didn't want
to go back there again
it's quite weird
it is
my mum still lives
my mum still lives there
and I've got
kind of friends there
but they're kind of
they've all got
young families mainly
but I have a kind of love there. But they're kind of, they've all got young families mainly.
But I have a kind of love-hate relationship with Liverpool in that I think it's a great city.
But there's a lot of bell-ends associated with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if asked, I don't consider myself a Scouser.
Right, okay.
I consider myself a Liverpoolitan.
What's a Liverpoolitan?
Break that down.
Just put it together in my head.
Basically, it's someone who is proud of being from Liverpool, but wants to add to the stuff they're proud about. Not one of the Scousers. Fucking hell, break that down. Just put it together in my head. Basically, it's someone who is proud of being from Liverpool,
but wants to add to the stuff they're proud about.
Not one of the scouts who goes,
fucking hell, we're boss.
Why are you so cocky?
Because we're fucking from Liverpool, no,
but we've got the Beatles.
Were you in the Beatles, Kev?
No.
No.
No, you've done fuck all apart from rest on laurels. Now suck it up, nut up,
and do something you can be proud of
and other people can be proud of and other people
can be proud of
on the city's
behalf and stop
going on about
how fucking
great you are
and by the way
get a sense of
humour out of
you ceaseless
cunt
now you've done
Edinburgh
you're midway
through and now
you've done it
as a thing
do you think
you'll do it
again?
oh yeah
has it sort of
whetted your
appetite for future ones? I think so I'd be do you think you'll do it again? oh yeah yeah yeah has it sort of whetted your appetite for future ones?
I think so
I think so yeah
I mean I'd be
I'd be very much more inclined
to do it
kind of year on year
at the stand
because it's just
it's been really really inclusive
yeah
I've not been
kind of up too late
too many nights
it's just
it's a more healthy environment
do you wish you'd done it earlier?
no
is it generally the right time
for you now?
yeah yeah yeah
the thing is
I know that it's a different discipline,
but I think as a comedian, I've proven myself.
Yeah.
And also I'm a bit of an unknown quantity.
I don't often gig in London.
I'm not a telly face.
I just, I've spent the time that other people have doing,
kind of developed their career on running some really nice gigs
and building up a circuit that's been my insulation.
But we, I I mean I've definitely
spoke about
Silkies Gigs quite a lot
yeah yeah
you know
because they are
a pleasure to play
yeah thank you
the gigs you run
and that's
but that is
genuinely because
of what you do to them
it's not because
you've dropped lucky
with a venue
it's the love
that you pour into them
I think that's the thing
that I kind of
responded to
with the stand
I've always loved
playing the stands
I'm probably one of
the few comics still gigging now who's played all the stand venues over the thing that I kind of responded to with The Stand. I've always loved playing The Stand. I'm probably one of the few comics still gigging now
who's played all The Stand venues over the years
because I started as they were starting.
Right.
And I was living in Scotland when I started.
But the thing is they've always loved it
and they've always done it with integrity.
Yeah.
And there's no point in doing stuff on the piss.
There's no point in...
Joe said, my girlfriend said something,
just really kind of sung to me as wise
which is wherever you go,
go with all your heart.
Yeah.
Because it's not worth
the journey otherwise.
If you're just going to
drag your feet and
oh, you know,
I don't really want to be doing this
then you've got to ask yourself
why are you going there?
Can you get me another gig?
I just don't...
Then we'll bring all of our heart.
I know.
Our heart.
We'll bring our heart
because my heart was like
silky white.
What did you say to you
I don't understand
for ages right
but I think
you punched a woman
I didn't punch a woman
but it's the only time
that they've ever had to
keep somebody's bond
when they take a bond
off people
like a head night
or something
they don't do that anymore
they don't like
stagging their night in anymore
yeah well I think
that was me
I stopped that
I think
and it got so out of hand
that they kept their bond
they didn't give them
their bond back
because they behaved so badly
they behaved so badly
but you were riling them
right but listen
were you kind of like
did you have your favourite
good stick
and were you running
around the bars
with that cage
going who's an ugly
head knight
I don't want to go
into the details
of what happened
just say hey
oh I've just been
doing a podcast
with Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.
They are blooming right good, laugh.
Or I'd say, oh yeah, they sent me a Christmas card two years running, last two years.
Well, that's all right.
Does that mean they want to give me a gig?
I think so.
It seems a very, I don't know why they'd flirt with you like that.
They'd probably just ask, wouldn't they?
Rather than going, oh, let's see if we can tempt them in with a little Christmas card.
Well, why are they sending me Christmas cards then?
In fact, do you know what, Silky?
Go down the stand today and say that I said,
why the fuck are you sending me Christmas cards
if you don't want me to do a concert in it?
A concert in it?
Yeah.
I'll ask, do you play the stand?
No, never have.
We're doing the stand in Newcastle in our tour.
I don't think I'm blacklisted.
I hope I'm not blacklisted.
You're doing all the stands in our tour.
We are, aren't we?
Yeah.
Nice.
Are you still running it?
I've gone down to five.
At the peak, it was 20 and two festivals, but basically I'm sick of comedians because it's like a herd fucking we? Yeah. Nice. Are you still running gigs? I've gone down to five. The peak was 20 and two festivals
but basically I'm sick of comedians
because it's like
a herd fucking cat.
Yeah.
It's more fun to make
like a kind of jelly
from beef dripping and poo
and try and nail it
to the ceiling
above your face.
Let's not say it all like that.
Some comedians
and nice boys
can get along well.
Comedians think very fondly
of your gigs though.
I remember when we were in Mac
a couple of years ago
and Rod was talking about them on stage which was very nice saying yeah there's this guy silky
runs loads of really nice gigs in wales and then silky went i'm here but i think i didn't say i'm
here i was the only person who laughed and he went well and he looked down and went is that silky and
i went hello rod yeah he stood up right when he said your name and he took your top off and you
went i'm here rod i'm here look at me I think what happened
with your clubs
and I think it's one of
those unfortunate things
where people are thoughtless
we get it with podcasts
as well
where you do something
you carry on doing something
and then it sort of
gets taken for granted
and people forget
what that means to you
so to use it as a
you know
to use us as an example of what i think's happened with
you as well we do the podcast and we do it for you know week in week out all the rest of it you
put it out everyone likes it everyone likes it they listen to it they consume your product but
but they get so used to it that they forget how much work you're putting in and and when you're
doing that and so then there's a there's a danger then of you feeling from the other side of it, and I can speak about this very genuinely because I know it from the podcast,
where you feel unappreciated and also like you're doing the work.
There were really nice gigs that I wasn't getting to enjoy because I was the last thing that I'd get to think about
normally as I walked away from the group of comedians in the bathroom towards the microphone
to start comparing was, oh yeah, I need some funny words
to say into this microphone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's a weird one, isn't it?
It's a really weird thing.
And then you end up being...
You end up being a promoter
and you're not a promoter.
You are one because it's a business
that you've set up and all the rest of it.
But you're a comic.
By default, more than anything else,
I started running gigs
because I was living over in Fife
and at the time,
they just weren't the gigs. If I wanted stage else, I started running gigs because I was living over in Fife. And at the time, it just weren't the gigs.
If I wanted stage time, I'd run a gig.
And that's where Kill for a Seat started.
And then because the gigs were nice to play, people wanted to play them.
Because the gigs were nice to play, the audiences enjoyed watching comedians there.
So it kind of rolled along and rolled along. And wherever I went, I kind of started running gigs.
Because it made sense to run a gig near where it was living. There was the element of
that you've been doing it for a long long time it's gonna you shit loads of
stage time so you've got very good. I know it says that in your holistic material
that you spent a long time getting good and you've got very good and now you sort of
hit Edinburgh now. It's like hopefully this this fringe will be the money shot
from all that wanking. Maybe.
An hour of good stand-up,
brilliant stand-up that is something
a little bit different
but also very good.
Yeah.
Do you agree as well?
It's what you're getting.
Yeah.
People come in,
I make them laugh
and it's not
it's not the same every day.
Okay.
Silky,
thank you so much
for coming here
and having a chat with us.
Thank you for not asking me
the questions about AIDS
it's always been
an absolute pleasure
to spend some time
in your company
and this was no exception
and that was Silky there
that was Silky there
Silky
Silky
we like Silky
Silky by name
Silky by nature
lovely Silky man isn't he
Silky little girl
oh
is he
no
he looks like a little girl
well thank you very much
Silky for coming in yeah thank you very much, Silky, for coming in.
Yeah, thank you very much.
He's not here now.
He's gone.
He's gone.
Oh, bye, Silky.
Bye.
Just go in now.
Yeah.
So we'll be back tomorrow,
won't we?
Possibly.
Possibly.
I mean, you look shattered.
I am absolutely fucked.
I'm going to go and tuck Ray in.
Please keep coming to our show.
You can't tuck me in.
I've got to go and do a gig.
I'm going to tuck him in,
push him down the hill
to his gig.
So tonight and every night to the end of time, Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway. 9.40 at the Pleasant Stone I'm going to tuck him in push him down the hill to his gig so tonight
and every night
to the end of time
Peacock and Gamble
don't even want to be
on telly anyway
9.40 at the Pleasant Stone
we'll leave Silky
to do the credits
thank you very much Silky
Ray you get your
Jim Jams on
and we'll see you tomorrow
goodnight
The Peacock and Gamble
Edinburgh podcast
is a ready production
hosted by
www.chortle.co.uk
today's guest was me Silky hello and my show is Nut Allegory The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast is a ready production hosted by chortle.co.uk.
Today's guest was me, Silky, hello, and my show is Not Allegory, 220, stand two, every day. All music by Thomas from the Ray.
See you tomorrow.
Oh, he sing-songed it and nailed it.
Nailed it. We'll see you next time.