The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 19 (Iain Stirling)

Episode Date: January 17, 2021

"Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 19 (Iain Stirling)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 104 of 128.

We'll see you next time. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Because it's on air, Peacock and it's not fake. Gamble, it is, it's right, Peacock and it is. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Here they are. Peacock and Gamble, Edinburgh podcast. Yes. Home straight, are we saying home straight, do you reckon yet? What are we on?

I don't know. How many episodes left? Maybe eight, nine. I'm going by how many shows we've got left which I think is it's eight or nine isn't it well Sunday it's a week tomorrow we've got eight left is today Saturday still yeah but we've done Saturday's show

but Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday eight left I know that it's middle of the night but I've brought my seagulls still yeah I know is that right yeah yeah fine weirdly we're recording now But I've brought my seagulls still. Yeah, no, I know. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, fine. Okay.

Yep. Weirdly, we're recording now at, what time is it? 4.27am. 4.27am, nice. Yeah. Basically what's happening, this morning, earlier this morning. Yeah. So whatever day you're... So you're listening to it on...

Sunday. Approximately the 9th, Sunday the 19th of August. Yeah. It is now 4.27am on Sunday the 19th of August it is now 4.27am on Sunday the 19th of August yeah that's how

fresh this is fresh off the presses I don't think fresh is the right word oh it's a bit fresh isn't it I feel alright I feel pretty

I'm absolutely fucked oh yeah we've had a busy day today me and you we went and recorded our four extra show in Scotland we recorded it in Scotland, didn't we?

In bonnie Scotland. We got up this morning and we decided we'd go to Scotland. Yeah, at the BBC in Scotland with a man called Lee. Yeah. Who we anticipated was going to be bother. He wasn't. When we first arrived there. And we won him round in about ten minutes.

Lee loved any sort of deviation from the script of his day. Yeah, yeah. And any blue that we did, that we just threw in there. Well, Ray, we had to do some simulcasts for Radio 4, where

we sort of said things that were on Radio 4 and Radio 4 Extra. Yes, we are now Radio 4 presenters. Thank you. Thank you very much.

After each of them, Ray would start swearing, and on one particular occasion, Ray just started shouting big spunking cocks. Yeah, and they're

going, oh no, I ruined it, I ruined it. Tell you what, Lee had a bloody ball. He had a great time, and they're going, oh no, I've ruined it, I've ruined it. I'll tell you what, Lee had a bloody ball. He had a great time, didn't he? He loved that, yeah. That probably won't be on the real radio. No. Because we were just having a bit of fun in the studio. Yeah. Daily Mail, please don't make

a fuss about that. Yeah, come on, don't give us any publicity, please. It wasn't the real radio. Yeah. Then we went to interview Mick Miller and Jimmy Cricket. Mick Miller and Jimmy Cricket. Miller and Jimmy Cricket who will be tomorrow's podcast yeah edit allowing

edit allowing it's quite a big edit oh they like to talk don't they they did but they were great though they were amazing and we've certainly

made two new friends yeah two new fans they were really really cool we had a really nice time with them but we'll tell you

more about them tomorrow what would be handy actually listener is if before tomorrow go and google Jimmy Cricket and Mick Miller. Yeah, and find out who they are.

If you don't know anything about them. They're very famous, but, you know, generationally, they're more famous to a certain generation. To my generation, I guess, and older than me. I mean, I only know about them because I'm a comic, so I sort of research the history of comedy, and I like comedy. You do that regularly, don't you? Yeah. Ask me any question about the history of comedy alright

how did Laura and Hardy get together yeah so have a look if you can on the internet just save us a bit of bother we will explain tomorrow

but you know for now it's half four in the morning give us a break will you come on lads and then I saw I emailed Steve Bennett

saying I'm having a bit of trouble with the edit yeah and it's going to be a bit later what time can I deliver it by and then he emailed

me back right and then I turned the corner in the pub and he was there yeah and he looked at me and I went

I've just been doing the edit in the other room I've just had a bit of trouble with it get that pint away yeah yeah so he caught me yeah but nice day that we did our show which was lovely yeah it was great lovely edit in the other room. I just had a bit of trouble with it. Get that pine away. Yeah, yeah. So he caught me.

Yeah. But nice day that we did our show, which was lovely. Yeah, it was great. Lovely. And it's been lovely all round, really.

Yeah. Although, Ed. Yeah. Do you think I am learning about you this French? Yeah. And I think it's a

nice thing, so don't get all defensive straight away. I can't hack it if you're going to slag me off, mate. I'm not slagging you off.

I've got a cold sweat on. I think you have got soft hands. Soft hands? Yeah. When cold sweat on. I think you have got soft hands. Soft hands? Yeah, when you touch things. I think you've got a gentle, rolling soft hand. Not like that woman I met once. No, not her. That is

going to make me throw up. Not her from that wedding that time. I once met a woman with very cushioned hands and it made me feel ill. It did, didn't it? Yeah. And she kept shaking your hand. I'm genuinely on the verge of being sick. Well, don't. Hey, mate, get a beer. No, don't. You'll be hand. I'm genuinely on the verge of being sick thinking about her. Well, don't. Hey, mate, get a beer now, don't you be all right.

I'm not drinking that. What do you mean soft hands, mate? Well, in our flat house thing, I've noticed that a lot of things have started falling off. Ah, now this has nothing to do with me. I thought this was to do with you. I thought we had screwdriver hands. No. A lot of things are screwed on in this house.

Yeah. There's two particular things. The toilet flusher. The toilet flusher and the shower tap. No. A lot of things are screwed on in this house. Yeah. There's two particular things. The toilet flusher. The toilet flusher and the shower tap. Yeah. I thought this was to do with you. No, I'm convinced it's you. I think when you're moving things. Yeah. Like flushing the toilet. Yeah. I think you're doing it so soft with your hand. Yeah. That you're gently unscrewing it. Day by day by day. I'll tell you what I think you used to play professional rugby league a bit of rugby league

yeah I think you've nailed the spin on a pass so much that whenever you touch something

you naturally give it a little bit of a spin right now I would say good thought however good thought for 4.30am

that would be the wrong spin it would be spinning be the wrong spin. It would be spinning it the wrong way. I know, but you didn't keep playing, did you? I didn't, no, I finished. Yeah, got fired for spinning the wrong way. Got fired for getting... And unscrewing everyone's studs when you...

When you tip their boots off. Yeah, when I done the... Yeah, you're right, you're right. Yeah. Well, look, either way, our flats fall into bits and it's not our fault. Yeah. But things just keep dropping off everywhere

so to our management play this to the landlord yeah just play to the landlord we're not deliberately unscrewing things but the flush on the toilet

keeps falling to the floor as does the shower thing also the door handle on the little door that leads into the the towel room and where you get the buzzer from

to let people up that falls off every day does it yeah because that's broke as well yeah also there is quite a lot

of spunk on the floor in my bedroom right and that was there when I got here and that is because when I because I've got soft hands when I touch Ray's penis

it twists it the wrong way and spunks straight off Ed comes in and sometimes that's the only way he can wake me up he just gets hold of my little penis

and he just gives it a little twist with his soft hands. And then sometimes some spunk will come out and we can't help that. So don't be keeping our deposit. Yeah, or raise deposit. Just clean that up and put it in the bin. Alright, thank you.

Also, my balls have fallen off. Yeah, Ed's balls keep falling off, which is why I maintain it to his soft hands. I mean, let's be honest, this is fucking useless as an intro. It's nonsense, isn't it? No, good, but we're tired and look, we're doing this for you, for free, so shut the... Back down. Back the shut up. Back the shut up, you twats.

Hey, come on, mate. Hey, me and you, late at night. Who's this now? Let's have a bit of JD. I'm not touching it. I'll have a little sip. I'm not touching it. Have a little sip.

No, I would genuinely be sick. I can't deal with it. No. It's too much, isn't it? Yeah. Somebody, a lady left us some shorts when we say shorts we don't mean like

little shorts I would have liked that yeah but yeah a lady came and gave us a couple of bottles of JD and some vodka and that I can't remember that lady's name

she's been twice now she's I want to say Lindsay but that might be wrong so anyway is it is it okay

well I want to say Lindsay yeah and she brought us those as a gift to go with Peppy Mac which is a little go with Peppy Mow, which is a little kind of Peppy Mow in our show. Yeah.

It's Pepsi Mow. I've not had Jack Daniels since New Year's Eve 1998, and I was with a girl on New Year's Eve. Yeah. Right? I'm not saying anything happened, because it didn't. You wouldn't say that, it'd be a lie, wouldn't it? But it should have done. Yeah.

Because we had a bottle of Jack Daniels each. Oh. Me and this girl. No idea what her name was because we had a bottle of Jack Daniels each oh me and this girl no idea what her name was she was a friend of a friend yeah and we had New Year's Eve bottle of Jack Daniels each right

I'm thinking ah right we'll both get drunk and put my penis in her vagina yeah anyway bottle of Jack Daniels

saw me off saw her off too both fell asleep in the bed yeah in the middle of the night I felt a bit worse for wear and I walked out

to the front of the house my house and then remembered that there had been a lot of boiled egg bodies at the party that we'd had and I sicked them all over the porch. I'll be honest mate I wouldn't

what sort of party is it? Where you're eating you're just going well it's just a party isn't it? It's just a standard party. What's the catering? What's the catering on that? Oh we'll all just sit around

and we'll eat a load of boiled egg botties and drink a bottle of Jack Daniels. Yeah. Horrific. I know. And in my head, in my head I thought,

I can just, I can clean that in the morning, can't I? Yeah. Back to bed with the dolly bird. Yeah. I don't think, I honestly don't think anything happened hardly at all.

Might have been a quick case. People want to sleep after that. Yeah. Well, when I went back in, she went, oh, can I smell boiled eggs and she was all over me right

she wasn't yeah I think we probably had done a kiss at some point yeah and then probably had felt a boob

she only had one right in the middle yeah but yeah I'm not laughing as much as normal because I will genuinely be sick

yeah and ever since then I'm not drunk Jack Daniels but then I saw it tonight that one that she brought I thought you know what I've probably passed that now I'll have a bit of JD but I tell then I've not drunk Jack Daniels but then I saw it tonight that one that she brought and I thought

do you know what I've probably passed that now I love a bit of JD but I tell you I'm not I'm not past it so anyway look today

if you've got this far today's interview is with Ian Sterling now Ian Sterling is a little girl off telly a little Scottish girl very similar to

I don't know Jimmy Cranky yeah if you've ever seen Jimmy Cranky yeah he've ever seen Jimmy Cranky he's like that but with prettier eyes

so you just to clarify Ed you're a bit drunk at the moment yeah but beyond like oh I'm

pissed I'm like I feel quite sick and I just want to go to sleep yeah you feel like an old man yeah I just I feel really

awful have you been having a good night though because we got separated because you weren't allowed into the

exclusive club that I went into. Well, I was allowed in. Just the birds that were with you weren't. The birds that were with you weren't. But I sacrificed my allowance in to let you go in with someone else. Got my birds in, mate. You were like, oh, it's horrific up here. I'll see you in a minute.

I'll text you in a minute. That was the plan. Didn't. But do you know what happened? What? I got cornered. Not cornered because it sounds like it was against my will. Chatted to Mick Miller for a long time. Yeah. Chatted to Nick Page for

a long time. Right. And then chatted to Steve Bennett from Chortle. Well, you know what, mate? You know, who am I to stop you talking to Mick Miller, Nick Page and Steve Bennett? That sounds like a very important evening and perfectly worth leaving your best friend alone. And Danny McLaughlin as well. Yeah. Talk to him as well. Um, no, I didn't leave you alone

but I thought, alright, Ed's out with two birds, he'll be alright. Yeah. I talked to him as well. No, I didn't leave you alone, but I thought, all right, Ed's out with two birds, he'll be all right. Yeah. He's doing all right for himself. He's got two birds there on his arm. Yeah, you would have thought so. Doing the Edinburgh thing.

He's having a drink. He had a whale of a time. He had too much to drink and now he's back here. He feels like absolute dog shit. Yeah, two birds are just in a weather. There you go.

Here we go. Ian Sterling. Let's come on. That's Ian Sterling now. Peacock and Gamble. Peacock and Gamble. Ian Sterling. Here he is.. Let's have Ian Sterling now. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Ian Sterling.

Here he is. Hello. He spells his name all wrong. Yeah, you put an extra I in your name, don't you? Yeah. I've actually yet to have my name spelt correctly in a review every single time the same way. What do you mean every single time? How many different times? Sorry, what Ray tends to do now is when we start the interview,

he'll then start making his notes about the guest. So they have to start the interview while looking at what Ian thinks of them on a piece of paper. Nice boy, funny laugh. Nice boy, funny laugh, a review for Ian Sterling. Oh, right, okay. And you spelt my name correctly.

You have now had a great review. Yeah, that's lovely. I'll spell it correctly, read it out properly. Nice boy, funny laugh, a review on him correctly. You have now had a great review. Yeah, that's lovely. I'm going to put it on my posters. Read it out properly. Nice boy, funny laugh. A review for Ian Sterling by Ray Peacock. There you go.

Which is, I don't know if they've better written than most of the reviews. That's lovely. Why don't you cut that out and pop that on your poster? You can do it. I will do it.

Speak to my agent and they'll get that done. They won't. Nope. Now, Ian Sterling, I-A-I-N. Mm-hmm. It's like someone

started to write Ian then they thought or start writing it again Yeah and then they forgot any A out of the middle of it I'm just going to guess this Yeah

Is it something to do with that funny voice you do as well? Yeah it's a Scottish thing It's Gaelic Gaelic sorry No So what was the first one?

Gaelic Right You can't come in here saying things like that and not expect him to get excited It is My name is a Gaelic Right You can't come in here Saying things like that And not expect To get excited It is My name is

A Gaelic name Yeah you're right It is Oh good At least you've A bit said Yeah I had a Gaelic person

Come up to me French French French Saying Don't say that to them They get even more annoyed They get angry

They do They get very annoyed And they said I said it wrong So I'm not sure I said it. Sorry, garlic, I thought you said. Garlic. So, are you happy with it being IAIN, or would you rather it was IAN, like normal?

I think I like, I'm just so unique, innit? It's so Edinburgh right now. Are you proudly Scottish? Yeah, I think so. I don't think I've ever met a Scottish person who's not. It is weird. I suppose you've got to just live with what you're born with. Yeah, you've got...

I mean, we've just got to, like, sort of look on the bright side, innit? Yeah. It's like people that have got, like, diseases and that. Yeah. And just... Yeah. Just get on with it.

It's like you've been born with one massive leg. You've just sort of got to get on with it and say, hey, you know what? It's good for some things. Like, big socks. Good for having a massive leg if you go to Edinburgh. All the people that also have massive legs come to your show.

Ah, okay. That's the bonus, isn't it? Yeah. So because of your massive leg, that's why you get loads of massive legs in your audience? I've got, I can say, a significant portion of my lovely, thanks for coming,

audiences have one leg that could be described as bigger than the other leg. We are speaking in metaphor here, aren't we? So you get a lot of Scottish people coming to see you. Are you happy with that? Yeah, I think so. It's nice. It's a nice starting point. It's nice to have people comment, really. At all? Yeah, when you're new.

You can't really complain about what country they are from. I'm definitely not going to complain on a broadcast podcast. This is what I've told Ed. You can't complain. Just because they come from another country, you can't run out and say, you are welcome in here. Yeah.

But I just... Look, we're not getting political today. Because we've only just woke up. I thought this was going to be slightly political. No, actually, I didn't until the Gaelic thing. Stop saying it. Stop saying it! Stop saying it, you'll get him

excited. Why are you proud to be Scottish? Isn't it nice? No, actually, not you specifically. Why is there such Scottish pride?

Why is that a thing? It is a weird thing to talk about, because when you get things like SNP and independence, we're not going to get political,

but you do get people who will literally vote for that party purely on the basis it's got Scottish in the name. Yeah. That is like an absolute big deal.

You look at how the, obviously how all the parties are. It's a really hard thing to describe. There is a massive amount of pride. Scottish widows, do they all go with Scottish widows? I don't know.

I don't understand that. Royal Bank of Scotland? There's a Bank of Scotland and the Royal Bank of Scotland. Oh! Some of them would just go with Bank of Scotland, wouldn't they? Yeah. Because they're like, I don't like the Queen.

That's alright, I don't like the Queen either. No. Do you like the Queen? I know I've got literally no feelings about the Queen either way. You can't not have any feelings about her. I don't give a shit. You don't give a shit either way. But I don't.

Why not? How is that possible? It's not possible. You can't have no opinion on the Queen. She's just an old woman. It's like saying, what do you think of this old woman? I go, well, she's an old fucking woman. I've got no idea. No, but she impacts on your life. No, she doesn't.

She does. She bloody does. Of course she does. Is that who's been coming round leaving my back door open? She's on all your money and stamps and that. She's on all my money, right? But you could literally change that for Miriam Margolis tomorrow and I'd be into a shit. No, because you don't work for Miriam Margolis.

I don't work for the Queen, mate. I work for the God of Comedy. You pay your tax, don't you? No. Fine, forget it. Don't worry about it. I forgot you didn't do that. Ed has got a bag of receipts from 2007 and he thinks that's his tax done.

That's all fine, mate. That's all into big legal shoebox. Yeah. And then I keep all my money in the mattress. Yeah, the queen comes round the house, you get one of the big bag of receipts. Exactly. Yeah, there you go.

And that's tax. Yeah, it's all out of my tax. Thank you very much. Yeah, that is tax. It is tax. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. So, is it your first fringe? Second fringe, really.

I done a sketch show with my friend, because we're both from Edinburgh. Yeah. And we had a friend that ran a venue which was lovely called Diverse Attractions on the Royal Mile literally on the Royal Mile where you fly out

he was 40 and I was 16 and we'd done a sketch show He was 40 and you were 16? Yeah Is this going to be an horrible story?

Yeah it was properly above board in that he was very mature for his age he drank red wine and everything I was 14

14 I thought you said 40 I thought it was going to be a really horrible story This is going to happen all day isn't it He was very mature for his age. He drunk round wine and everything. I was fourteen. Fourteen. I thought you said forty. I thought it was going to be a really horrible story. This is going to happen all day, innit, with that voice. Oh no, dear boo. It wasn't just me getting fingered by an old man for the whole show. Oh, Ian Stirling. Ian Stirling. Oh, dear.

Right, so, we done this show. I was sixteen, my friend was fourteen. We done a sketch show because we saw Monty Python right and we'd just done what we thought Monty Python were and we used to do like a one minute sketch with like a three minute

fade to dark where we'd dress as ladies for a lady sketch but that would involve putting fake boobs on yeah getting a dress

so it'd be dark forever yeah and then we got reviewed because we were dead young we got reviewed by the Scotsman and Chortle at the same time the Scotsman were fine

because they thought oh that's a 16 year old boy and a 14 year old boy having a bit of fun yeah yeah Chortle on the other hand where this podcast is hosted

yeah lovely people of Chortle no no no I'm not saying mate you tear into them all you want I've got no issue with that they reviewed

us as and I quote frankly not good enough who reviewed you do you remember oh it wasn't

Bennett or anyone I hate it when it's not Bennett yeah but I remember at the time thinking because we knew

nothing about comedy we remember thinking look at these losers their website about comedy so we didn't think anything look at these losers with their website about comedy

so we didn't think anything of it but that was years ago so the comedy zone last year was my first where I'd say proper I understood that you had to be funny

and do jokes and stuff and then this year your show solo show have to be the clown 9.40 at the other belly no point

well we don't promote it but it's the same time as us same thing same thing with Gareth Richards he came in here trying to promote, is it, 9.45? Absolutely no point.

No one's going to come and see it, mate. He's giving it, oh, I'm on Gareth Richards, 9.45 courtyard. I'm like, no, no point. Yeah, absolutely no point. Well, then. We're 9.40 plus and it's done, done. It's dorm, isn't it? Done, done.

Right? So, mate, it's good that you're doing a little show. Thanks. Well done. I personally hear that it's frankly not good enough. But you keep going, but no one who listens to this is going to see it. No one. They like us best. No, so you did that

sketch show when you were 16. Yeah. When are you going to ask him about the funny little rabbit? In a minute. So how long ago was that? How old are you, you little lad? I'm 24. Oh, what? So it's eight years ago. We've done three years in a row. Yeah. Of that. Oh, really? So it's eight years ago. We've done three years in a row. Yeah. Of that.

Oh, really? We've done it three days the first time. Okay, so you did the sketch show for three years? Yeah. So when did Chortle review? On the first year? The first year. Okay, yeah.

So you came back and you thought, we're going to make this good enough now. Yeah, after the day one of the first show, we got Scotsman and Chortle in. And then we were never reviewed ever again. Is any of it on YouTube or anything like that? No, my friend has it on cassette tape. That would be brilliant.

I'd love that. I would love to put it on. We had a running gag where every sketch would end in a Benny Hill chase. Oh, yeah, it was. So we just had, like, every time the guy would walk in and say, like, Hello, can I have some bread, please? And then the chin would chase on and then the man

at the shop would chase but then that's a 10 second sketch okay I like that you have that as an end point you have right

Benny Hill chase so what should we have leading up to that I don't know man buys bread right okay and that's that then no woman buys bread

I mean can you get changed into women but then the thing about that bread chase sketch was bread chase sketch was bread chase sketch one of your one of your bread

chases it was written on the back wall yeah yeah no it took us about four minutes because we had a backdrop

with loads of bread on it because we were like no one will believe in the man buying bread so we let so the audience

would sit for about three minutes bread would come in if you'd meant to do that it would be really funny. Yeah. In your hour, how much time did you spend on stage between you? We were only on for 45 minutes.

I remember it was probably about 20 sketches, which varied between 30 seconds and a minute. And we all had a similar set-up time as well. I presume you then had to strike props too. Yeah, yeah. And a similar set up time as well. I presume you then had to strike props too. Yeah, yeah. My friend played a female weather broadcaster who just done really bad innuendos. But we had a proper... I sat in a news studio.

Yeah. I didn't speak, there was no reason. And then there was a weather map backdrop, which again, two cages. Yeah, yeah. And then she'd just done it like a stand up piece so there was no need for any of it

how much money did you spend on it we made money and you made money yeah loads of money with that fucking shambles

yeah this is honestly right next year they know how to do it though all the people here they've already

signed some sort of pact all the Edinburgh lot I bet he's making shit loads this year as well. Yeah. I bet you are. I bet you are because you know the inside knowledge. Yeah, you're a dando with Nessie and Sean Connery. I reckon when they're about five, you have to subscribe to the Edinburgh Fringe.

Yeah. But that means that you get money back every year, about 14 grand a year. Yeah. Because you'll keep quiet about the Fringe. Like the Da Vinci Code. Everyone goes, where's all the money going in the Fringe? To the Scottish hats. To me. a year yeah because you'll keep quiet about the fringe everyone goes where's all the money going

in the fringe to the Scottish to me I get 50% of the Pleasance bar money well that's gonna be alright

for you innit when you get home I have got to work really hard to recoup this month did you always come to the

fringe because there's also I know people from Scotland and Edinburgh and that yourself not withstanding that makes you not is that like Did you always come to the fringe? Because there's also, I know people from Scotland and Edinburgh and that. Hmm.

Well done. Yourself notwithstanding. That makes you not, is that like I'm not racist? No, that's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've met them. I've met them.

I understand the joke and the language. I think most people that I've known in Edinburgh have been very disparaging about the fringe. They don't like it. My dad, like, hates it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been, me and this guy, Greg, who I've done the show with. I don't know why you don't like it my dad like hates it yeah yeah I've been me and this guy

Greg who I did a show with I don't know why you don't just marry him yeah I would probably he's a great guy he's constantly banging on about it

he's so good and imagine having another comedy partner that you constantly chat about yeah pathetic anyway we were successful

I went everything I went I saw like it was really cool I saw like Fight the Concords in the first year here yeah and stuff like that saw Kit Sindhu late in life we were successful I went to everything I went I saw like it was really cool I saw like Flight of the Conchords in the first year here and stuff like that

saw Kit Sindhu late in life when I was like 13 or something why were you in that room at 13 Scott in Scott is Scottish

Scottish Gossett you go up you go and they go go on get in we'll bring you a 14 grand around the back

the other day we went out with our flyers me, Ray and Ed, for people of the podcast, we've got the same flyers, don't we? But they went to this club afterwards,

I didn't go, but they let all my mates in, then this miserable lady at the door went, where are you from? And this guy's a dead excited flyer and I went, from London,

she went, five quid. Pickle can gamble, pickle can gamble. What is the show, what is the show Ian? Come on, tell us about it.

My show is basically me doing all my favourite stand-up for the last four years. Oh, best-off show. Oh, it's a best-off show, is it, mate? Best-off show, compilation. Yeah, but then I've disguised it. The bread sketch, bread sketch is in there, probably. It's got to be, bread sketch has got to be. I need a bread sketch at the end, surely.

We've got a bread sketch is in, I've dropped the three minute preamble alright nice nice nice so you just you do the show you do the whole show you wrap it up and then a man comes in

and goes hello can I buy some bread and the audience they all go mental they go mental and you look to the audience and wait and then the music

they sing they sing it of course they know they know it's coming they're just so excited they know so go on but in real life

what is it and then basically the sort of through line is like I've done a lot at uni Of course they know. They know it's coming. They're just so excited. They know. So go on, but in real life, what is it? And then, basically, the sort of through line is, like, I've done law at uni, and my whole family are involved in law

in some way, and don't do, what, they are in prison because they are Scottish. Don't get in there before we've had a chance to do the jokes.

Right, let's start with it again. Let's start with it again and then I'll come in. I've done law at university, and all my family are law at university. Yeah. And all my family are involved in law. What, in prison?

Oh, why? Is your dad a lawyer? Oh, what? Are they all lawyers? A little bit, yeah. Oh, right, all right. So it's like how... It's about how I ended up doing this, really,

and doing the kids' TV thing, talking to a puppet dog. But you were meant to be a lawyer. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah. Are they disappointed? They were at the beginning.

I mean, I say are they disappointed, but I saw you with your mum last night. And you meant? She didn't look disappointed. Although she could have been disappointed earlier in the evening. And then was like, do you know what?

Oh yeah, I forgot about this. He's just going to do the comedy, isn't he? Right, fine. If he's just going to do the comedy, then he can buy me all my drinks. She was happy yesterday because they went to see Joel Dormett. Right, I did.

And they're big fans of Joel Dormett so they were happy. Yeah. They were slightly less happy when they saw mine the day before. Really? Really? Yeah. Why? No, they were on the job.

It's the same thing, innit? Same sort of thing, mate, just with scots. Young lads being all... Jumping about everyone. Yeah, look at my nice trainers. I do do that. I didn't speak to your mum last night. No.

I spoke to you very briefly to your mum last night. I spoke to you very briefly, but your mum was, mate, she was away with a fairy. She was sort of like, she was near a lamppost before she smacked up. She was smacked.

It was white wine, you know what I'm saying? Right. For it, she mixed it up a bit. Right. Out in company and stuff. Right.

She'd have a bit of fun. And didn't you say, this doesn't have to go in, by the way, if you don't want to, but didn't you say that your dad had said to you get her sobered up

before you bring her home yep I can see it I can see it took her for some cheesy chips oh lovely what a lovely

mother son evening out come on mum we'll get you some cheesy chips now here's the dichotomy I found with you and we alluded to it before.

Well, we didn't allude to it, you said it. You sometimes go on the television before all the children's programmes like a leery

child catcher. Yeah, like a weird little child catcher. So, enticing all the children in to watch the programmes. Yeah,

yeah. With a pan pipe. Yeah, yeah. You do the, well, what I think, well, my generation would know it to watch the programme. Yeah, yeah. With a pan pipe. Yeah, yeah. You do the, well, what, I think, well, my generation would know it as the broom cupboard. Yeah. And what would your generation know it as?

Broom cupboard. Broom cupboard, right. Was it the broom cupboard in your time? Andy Peters. Really? Yeah. How old are you? 26.

Is that Andy Peters around there? Yeah. Do you know he's buff now? I beg your pardon? He's big and muscly, and he is in control of the Nando black cards. Andy Peters? Yeah, fact. What a weird fact. That's an absolute fact. He's muscly and he is in control of the Nando black cards. Andy Peters? Yeah, fact.

What a weird fact. That's an absolute fact. He's muscly and he's in charge of Nando black cards. He's just muscly his way in there. I'll be in charge of this.

He just bench pressed a few chickens. Yeah, that's an absolute fact. Didn't, wasn't he? Actually, I did know that because all the chickens at Nando's have now got

little green mohawks. Wasn't he a big part of Channel M? The Manchester Channel? Yeah, and he... He part of Channel M the Manchester Channel yeah and he he produced Shipwrecked and he invented invented I mean it wasn't

a brainwave but he made T4 yeah he did yeah did he Andy Peters yeah it was his brainchild I'm thinking of Andy Crane oh right

we done a link with Andy Crane very recently so I've genuinely mentally pictured Andy Crane all massive and buffed up who's Andy Crane

Andy Crane was the one that proceeded he was straight after Philip Schofield oh ok but you jumped to Andy Peters he was the camp little man yeah but now he's a

buff chicken man now he is a buffdy yeah what what I thought you asked what he said no I'm sure he said that no he didn't mate

that's not what I said and we know you know what that means because we talked about it the other day buffdy yeah what is it what is a buffdy he we talked about it the other day buffdy yeah what is it

what is a buffdy he's never officially said what is a buffdy we talked about this on the

podcast the other day did we have buffdy yeah stop saying buffdy and then

conned his bandy Peter Sterling is trying to get a black card right do you want

a black card yeah I've already got buffdy and a black I thought you said

he was all buffed now. I said he's buff. That's what I mean. Strong boy. He is of a good build. Right. Oh, yeah. Buffed boy.

Big buffed boy. And it might be his birthday today. Whatever. Yeah. Buffed. That's not going to work on both levels.

Happy buffed. Happy buffed. Happy buffed. I was thinking of Andy Kramer. Then Andy Peters wasn't involved in Channel M at all. No. But he did. Yeah. did a lot of stuff.

Oh right, that's how far back I go then mate. Sko-Field, remember Sko-Field's close by? Yeah. I remember watching it. Yeah. I've seen it. What do you mean you've seen it? Do they take you back in time, do they?

Yeah. They film it on a video tape. Yeah. And then you can... I know, it's mad. And then you can like watch the video tape. Yeah. Well they don't use videotape anymore

no they use digital digital so when you got the job they gave you a big pile of videos and said

yeah watch through that yeah did you audition for it yeah it was a really weird one I was doing the comedy store in London

running away from a man with some bread yeah so I was on the comedy store a bit and then I was in the middle of setting up the bread sketch

yeah and done that and a woman came up to me and went oh do you want to do kids TV So I was on the comedy store a bit, and then I was in the middle of setting up the bread sketch. And done that, and a woman came up to me and went, oh, do you want to do kids TV? And she did a drink in that, and I genuinely thought this woman is insane. So I went home, and I got a phone call like two weeks later saying, do you want to audition to be in kids TV? We're not joking. And I sort of said, I'm at uni, I'm quite busy. But then I was doing Paramount's funny student of the year thing. And they said, well tell you what, don't be hasty. If you do it that afternoon

we'll pay for your flights. So I says, go on then. Were you really disappointed then? Because the way he speaks, that sounded like it was going to be like a poem. Yeah, well don't be hasty. Tell you what, don't be hasty. We'll pay for all your flights. I thought he was going to be like, don't be hasty, come to London, it's real tasty. I'll give you something covered in pastry. Yeah, that sort of thing. Then, long story short, we met in three lengths, one's an ad-led, one's scripted and one you wrote yourself.

Didn't write one myself. They said, do you want to write one now, you've got half an hour? And I said, no, it'll be rubbish. Went home, then they phoned me like a month later saying, do you want to be on Kids' Terry? So you didn't even do the audition you didn't even bother doing it right nah I didn't so that's your this is going to be such a great autobiography

when it comes out do me a link now do me a link so we've just had Graham Gill on do you want to be the dog no no I'm not

well later on mate you're going to have to do a link with Naughty Keith oh that'll be good yeah that'll be brilliant right no one's helping you

do a link now from Graham Gill into Peacock and Gumball's new brilliant children's show which we're going to get ready action Oh, that would be good, yeah. That would be brilliant. Right, no one's helping you. Do a link now from Grange Hill into Peacock and Gamble's new brilliant children's show. Okay. Which we're going to get. Ready? Action. Hi, welcome back, everyone.

That was Grange Hill. Oh, what are they like? Still to come, loads of great stuff. We're going to read some of your emails. You've been emailing about the great new show from Peacock and Gamble, and you've done other two things, people that should be in a double act. But right now, here is the brand new Peacock and Gamble and you've done other two things, people that should be in a double act.

But right now, here is the brand new Peacock and Gamble show and it may contain nudity. Is that how you do it? Yeah. Are you that bad? I watch it sometimes. It's awful. We're really terrible.

Do you know what? I've only ever seen you with the sound down because the times that I've seen you... No, genuinely true. The times I've seen you is, you know, Stage Door at TV7 I'm often there oh where there's

castings and stuff to a recording yeah and they have a big row of televisions yeah and you're often on there yeah

well most people weirdly most of my friends see it at the gym it's on there at the gym that is weird isn't it you go to the gym now don't you

I don't go to a gym that has kids TV playing in it honestly I don't know what it is everyone says this to me are you still doing it yeah I'm going back go to a gym that has kids TV playing in it. Honestly, I don't know what it is. Everyone's interested in me. Are you still doing it? Yeah, I'm going back in September.

Does it affect your comedy career in terms of content or in terms of how you're, are you having to be careful about that? No, I'm not. I'd say at this festival I've had two crowds

where there's been like young girls on the front row and because I'm in a 42 seat room it's quite intimate. Yeah. Twice, the rest of the crowd have been going, oh Jesus, there's a 14 year old girl here yeah so I've been going

and it's not it's not ruined the gay benedict's imagination and then there's an elephant in the room of like no it's not it's a little dog it's not an elephant mate yeah oh yeah it's a little dog it's called scratcher or something one time we're at radio one right and my my mate phil was carrying a heck of a dog under his arm. Yeah. And there was no one else there, and there was a paparazzi guy on the phone. And as we were walking past him, the paparazzi guy went, No, no one, mate, just spit the dog.

It's the sort of thing you could just see in a newspaper in the 80s. Oh, yeah, I know. Do you know what? Just going, children's TV presenter, acting in blind, do you know what I mean? I'm not doing that mean I totally see where you're coming from but not really Edinburgh's the only reason

I'm using Edinburgh as an example is because I've always just done clubs so like I mean there's never kids there you might sometimes

get an adult going oh that's that lad but no one's ever come up to you and went you're out of order or that's ridiculous but you did

Russell Howard's Good News so if it was going to happen that's the sort of that's the middle of the bend over

yeah exactly yeah I didn't obviously I was quite nervous I wasn't really paying much attention but I didn't

no one shouted anything out but yeah there must have been kids there that were young enough to still be watching it

or were young enough to be watching it when I started yeah but also it's not as if your act is a complete

extreme reaction to doing kids telly it's not as if your act is a complete extreme reaction to doing kids telly. It's not like it's ripped someone's head off and put their penis in their neck. I mean, I dropped that bit after the bread bit.

Yeah, in favour of bread, yeah. But yeah, I mean, I got picked for kids telly for a reason. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? I do swear, I've got one really rude joke in the show and it's done on purpose that it comes out of nowhere and everyone goes, oh, that is rude. And then it's to create a nervous tension to then make another joke. It probably will at some stage, I reckon, become an issue, maybe.

But I mean, it's three and a half years now, no one's said anything. Do they know? I don't know, yeah. I like your Facebook page. I'm a fan of you on Facebook. It's one of my favourite things in the world to go and look at what's happened of a day. Because Ian will just put something,

just like what he's doing, like a gig or whatever. And he'll get like thousands of likes and just loads of girls going, will you marry me? I'm doing a gig in Swansea on Thursday. I like your hair. It must be really frustrating just going like, okay, I want people to come to this gig in Swansea. Yeah. But this is people in Scotland saying they like my hair.

Yeah. Yeah, genuinely frustrating. But have you took advantage of it? Have you had sex with any children? Erm... Straight in, this is what he got you here for, to ask you this. How do you... Get under the radar. How do you make it happen? Right, first of all you've got to borrow that dog off Phil.

Oh man, you get such respect for the dog and his arm. I saw you meeting the Queen. I did, met the Queen mate. But you didn't proper mate her though, did you not? Proper? She shook my hand. I didn't see that bit. All I could see was she was across the room from you looking a bit confused. She did. Where was this?

The Queen came and visited us. She came to us as well. At Salford. Right, okay. that bit all I could see was she was across the room from you looking a bit confused she did where was this the queen came and visited us she came to us as well at Salford right okay the only thing about that as well

they told me to not get dressed up right and you didn't so I didn't and then the two puppeteers put in three piece

suits under the table of the dog under the table and then the head of children's television the guy called Joe Godwin

lovely man he gets them to stand up. And obviously that's the bit they use in the news, these two guys standing up, bowing. So it's just two guys in suits bowing to the Queen, with me in a cardigan, looking like I make the coffees or something.

I was devastated. I don't know how they feel the rest of the year round. The Queen hates you, mate. Aw, mate. Honestly, there's a really weird moment where I think the Queen... Go and find it on YouTube or whatever, where the Queen looks really confused. The puppets are there.

Yeah. And then they say, stand up. And they stand up and she's like, whoa. A real moment of, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are they? Does she not understand... I don't know. ...the notion of puppetry?

I don't know. I think she talks to her corgis regularly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then Sterling in the corner. I mean mean he genuinely and I think you're

a nice boy and I think you look nice as well and I think your clothes are good but mess gee boss

mate he's conspicuous in that room I looked like the sort of person that the royal palace would bring along so if someone

fired a gun at the queen I'd get choked in front of it not even jump you'd get choked in front they wouldn't trust me to jump but it's good though

you get to do cool stuff like that on the job it's a good job is that cool meeting the queen yeah well do you know what I don't think it would be good or bad either way I wouldn't think I'd be bothered

but when she walks into the room you do think to yourself this is the most famous woman in the world and I think I think Madonna might have a word or two to say about that. Yeah, I think J.K. Rowling might have something to say about that. I think J.Lo might want to knock on your door over that one.

Or here comes the woman off Emmerdale. Lisa Riley. I think Lisa Riley would have a word or two with you about that. Oh, man. I like Lisa Riley. I always get her confused. Is she the one from Game of Thrones? No, she's the one that did You've Been Framed. Oh, my. Yeah, that's who You've Been Framed is. I know Lisa Riley. I always get her confused. Is she the one from Game of Thrones? No, she's the one that did the Uber in France.

Oh my. Yeah. That's who Uber in France is. I know her. Yeah? Yeah. What do you reckon? I would.

What would you do? Come on, this is the big question now. This is all our guests now. We've asked all our guests. Have you listened to any of these podcasts? I've listened to all. I've never heard Lisa Riley's name be mentioned. Oh really?

I must have cut them. I saw them. We asked all our guests what you could have an evening with Lisa Riley, right? Right. Remember Darlene, you've been a friend. Oh yeah. And Calendar Girls recently. She's been in Calendar Girls. Yeah, live.

No way. Getting a lot of... She'll fit out. Yeah, I'll get a war. But come on, so what... Wait a second, but how did she... Just don't worry about how she does it just tell us what you would do so Lisa Riley

right oh you've been in a club all together been chatting about CBBC and she's been on about

Emmerdale and that you've got you're worried about paparazzi and you're going oh it's so difficult our life isn't it

and then you go hey I know the back entrance out of here and you both go out the back entrance and there's a limo waiting

you get in the limo there's already champagne and ice in the limo Lisa Riley doing very well for us yeah and the limo driver looks in his mirror

no looks in her mirror because it's a beautiful lady right she looks in her mirror and she sort of does a smirk in the mirror and then the black thing does right so then

no limo driver just you and Lisa Riley back of the limo there's champagne plenty of room what do you do? Get out the video camera, set it up, 250 quid. She probably knows the person to send it to. She knows the postcode and that, doesn't she?

Yeah. 250 quid, right? Listen, get the cameras out, I'd say, get it all, get the mood right, hold this champagne in this glass and say, take off the seatbelt, because I'm like, make all, get the mood right, hold this champagne in this glass and say take off the seatbelt because I'm like, make it nice and easy, right? And I'd put it in the camera, I'd be sexy and be all nice with the champagne. But I'd get the driver to slam the brakes and she'd hit the front and I'd get 250 quid. What you're not taking into account is you have already got a bonk on.

You have got a bonk on already, so now you're halfway there to doing it. Come on. Come on. Stick it in her. Right, Ian Sterling said he would stick it in Lisa Riley. And who thought that that would be the way we finished this interview? I'm happy with that. Would you push it in and out? I think this is going blue now, mate. Would you go up to the big busters and push them against your face? Mate, mate. Oh, I love all this. I love all this. Tell us five things that you think are sexy. I know, I know, that is the interview. Five things you think are sexy, right? Okay.

Right, intelligence. Oh. Is that number one, number five? A pretty smile. No way, what does that make you do? What does it make you do? Yeah, what, does intelligence, when you see someone like that.

A nice pair of teeth. Oh, a nice pair of teeth. Scottish people. Oh, Mrs. Vorderman, you've come to the Highlands. Ian Sterling shows him at 9.40 at the Daisy Cow every single day. And that turns you on? Yeah. So the audience can expect to see you standing there with a boner.

With a proud front. And a shop full of bread. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. That was Ian Sterling. He had to sleep now. He's sort of, you heard he was drunk earlier on. He's asleep now. He's sort of... You heard he was drunk earlier on. He's currently across the table from me with a drool. He's got a bit of drool.

Ed. Ed. Hi. You've drooled down your front, love. No, it's just some pleasant dream juice. It is pleasant dream juice, isn't it? Anyway, that was our podcast for today. I hope you enjoyed it.

Oh, wow. Just no one did. The intro and outro aren't particularly good we haven't even plugged our show Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be

on telly anyway 9.40 at the Pleasant's Dome Dome there's Ed doing his little drunken dum dums we'll see you again tomorrow

we're selling out we are selling out do tweet about it do tell people on Facebook do publicise the podcast and particularly the Edinburgh show as well

it is selling very well at the moment so we don't need that much of a push but it's nice to create a bit of buzz isn't it yeah particularly as we go

into the final week which is where we need the proper buzz because that's when all the industry are about yeah it's pointless and that's when we get all nominated for all

the awards and that probably get a fringe first they've got panels going in soon anyway no point alright but it's been nice and enjoyable

we'll see you again tomorrow here's Ian Sterling with the credits Ed any last words all of you go fuck yourself there we go alright see you tomorrow

bye right so Ian Sterling's going to do the credits now but little twist today he's going to do it as if he's hosting the CBBC

but there's a new puppet first day in today it's Naughty Keith. He's going to do it as if he's hosting the CBBC, but there's a new puppet first day in today. It's Naughty Keith. Oh, it's nice to be here. I really enjoy being here, thank you. Hi, Naughty Keith. Have you had a nice day? Peace. Oh, lovely. That's his catchphrase, guys. Get it on a t-shirt. Okay, the Peacocking Gamble Edmund podcast is a ready production. Oh, I think it's rubbish.

Oh, it's not. Stop being so naughty. You stop being so Scottish. Naughty Keith, you know that's rubbish. Stop being so naughty. You stop being so Scottish. Naughty Keith, you know that's not an appropriate thing to say. I've got your mum. Oh dear. Posted by Chortle.co.uk I've got your mum in the boot of my car. I can't even drive, I haven't got arms and legs.

So she's not going to be safe, is she not? My mum and Keith children get on really well. Very well, I shove my knob up her. Oh, Keith. Piss! Today's guest was Ian Stirling. Oh, I hate him. And naughty Keith.

Thank you. And my show has had to be The Clown at 9.40 a.m. days ago. It's great, isn't it, Keith? Keith, get off mum. Me on the top. All music by Thomas Funderay. Nice. See you tomorrow.

I don't believe you'd do it like that. Peace.