The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 24 (Angela Barnes)

Episode Date: February 21, 2021

"Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 24 (Angela Barnes)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 109 of 128.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble

Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Because it's not a Peacock and it's not a Peacock and it is Ray Peacock and it is a Gamble. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Here they are. Oh, hello there and welcome to the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast. Oh. What?

That's Ray Peacock over there. Hello, I'm Ray Peacock. Gave a not bothered grunt, didn't you? Who are you? Well, I'm Ed Gamble. Hello. Do you mean who am I or do you mean who are the people listening to it? Oh no grunt didn't you who are you well I'm Ed Gamble hello do you mean who am I or do you mean who

are the people listening to it oh no I don't care who they are no I want them all to say their names out loud now right go

because that's polite isn't it 3, 2, 1 right couldn't pick up on any of them too many people just shouting that's like 5 people

all speaking at the same time yes really put me off too many isn't it too many to hear and understand isn't it this is many to hear and understand, isn't it?

This is episode 24. Oh, I don't know. Episode 24, so after this one, two more episodes left. Yeah. Yeah. Then suicide.

No. Gun. Head blown off. Mate, you can't kill yourself with a gun. Far too much admin trying to lay your hands on it.

Right, okay, what should I do then? In fact, I argue that if you wanted to kill yourself with a gun, you'd definitely trying to lay your hands on it right okay what should I do then in fact I argue if you wanted to kill yourself with a gun you definitely want to by the end with the amount of

paperwork you'd have to get through I'd be so stressed out for you I think I'd buy one like dodgy you'd buy one dodgy yeah just like on

the street you'd buy one like dodgy yeah you'd buy one like the musician dodgy I'd buy one from the band dodgy

right if it's good enough for me then it's good enough for them yeah it's good enough for them. Yeah. That's what I reckon. Yeah. I don't know if

you can do that or not. I've decided. What buy a gun off Dodgy? No you can't buy a gun Dodgy. You can get a gun

but I bet you I could get a gun. Right. What now? I bet you I could get a gun by this time tomorrow. Not in Edinburgh.

Easy. No. Course. Edinburgh's lovely, mate. Don't be stupid. Mate, have you walked down the Royal Mile? I don't think anyone's selling a gun on the Royal Mile. I've not been anywhere near the Royal Mile.

That's not where I'd look. It's all fun shops. I'd go and find an underpass. Yeah. There is an underpass. I can point you to an underpass. Right, well, I bet I'll get a gun there. I don't think there'd suddenly be a gun vending machine in the underpass.

No, it's just looking for the right people, isn't it? Is it? Same bloke every day this friend just come up to me either asking me for change or if I want to buy some grass. Yeah, yeah, that bloke, yeah. Same bloke.

And I don't know what he's doing. I don't know what his business plan is. Well, he's obviously not selling a lot of grass, is he, if he needs change? Well, either that or he's...

He always needs money for the bus home as well. Yeah, I know. Ridiculous. Can I have some money for the bus home? Yeah. Or do you want to buy some grass?

Don't come into town. How come he always, in the morning, when he comes into town, he goes, well, how much have I got? I've some money for the bus home Yeah Or do you want to buy some grass Don't come into town How come he always in the morning when he comes into town he goes How much have I got I've got enough for a single

Yeah Right And then he gets there and he goes I've forgotten to return again I'm going to have to sell me grass But he's got his grass

Yeah So he's bought that somewhere I presume Yeah So he's bought that He's spent too much on grass Yeah

And he's not factored in his bus fare It's ridiculous He's an idiot mate Absolute fool Anyway I don't think he'll have a gun, because he's a tit. You probably asked for a gun from him. I bet he'd take the money off me for a gun, though, and then say, I'm going to go and get it for you now. Yeah. Never see him again. Well, you would

see him again. Following night, same place. Yeah, you'd see him day after when he's at the bus stop crying. Yeah, he's not a great one, is he? Yeah, exactly. You wouldn't know how to buy a gun, anyway. I wouldn't know how to buy a gun. It costs a lot of money. You don't know the lingo. I bet it'd cost a grand or something. You wouldn't know how to buy a gun anyway. I wouldn't know how to buy a gun. It costs a lot of money. You don't know the lingo. I bet it costs a grand or something. You don't know anything about guns, mate. Right. Go up someone, right?

Right. You're on a blood and strain. This is in Scotland, right? Yeah. All right, mate. Hello, mate. You're right. What can I help you with?

I want a gun, thank you. Don't say that out loud. All right. The police might be around. All right. The police might be there. The pauses. Right. So don't... Don't. Alright, the police might be there. The police, the posers. Right.

So don't, don't they say gun, don't they say gun just like normal gun because then everyone know what you're talking about. Alright, then I'm looking for a shooter.

No, not a shooter either. What are they calling? Cannon. Cannon, aye. Give me a hand cannon. Hand cannon. Alright, I'll get you, you want to see the tattoo,

do you? You want to hear the, you want to hear the cannons at Edinburgh Castle? Yeah, I want a ticket for the tattoo for the cannons. want to see the tattoo do you you want to hear the you want to hear the cannons at Edinburgh Castle yeah I want a ticket for the tattoo for the cannons ticket for the tattoo

for the cannons eh right what type of cannon you after like one that could shoot someone with right what size

three three alright I get you I don't know much about alright alright I'll get you number three what colour

blue and I need bullets blue with bullets right okay I'll just you number three what colour? blue and I need bullets blue with bullets right okay I'll just put that in my iPhone right number three can of the blue

with bullets how much is it? I hope you're not just going to order it off the internet no how much is that please? seven seven

pounds? hundred hundred yep thousand oh percenters oh nice that's alright

that's not too bad. There you go. Thank you. You'd panic if you bought a gun. I'd panic. That's how cool I was then. You weren't cool there, mate.

I was proper cool, You asked for a blue gun, mate. You're not cool. Yeah, I wanted a size 3 one. You wanted a size 3 blue gun. Yeah,

I wouldn't panic. You would, mate. It's like you're ordering a hat. I'd look brilliant with a gun, mate. Mate, you wouldn't. I would. I tell you what, you'd hold I'd look brilliant with a gun mate Mate you wouldn't

I would I tell you what You'd hold it by the handle With two fingers Just out in front of you Like it really smelt Because you'd be panicking about it I shot a gun once

It made me deaf for about four minutes You didn't shoot a gun mate I did I did I shot a gun And it made me deaf for four minutes Oh Where did you shoot a gun?

Like from my hand Oh But it was near my ear And it just gave me a whistle No I'm not saying What part of your body Did you shoot it from I know it was from my hand. Pew! Oh. But it was near my ear and it just gave me a whistle. I'm not saying what part of your body did you shoot it from. I know it was from your hand

but you didn't do it with your dick. I'm saying where did they let you do that? It was a gang, wasn't it? No, there wasn't. No, not that. I was in a gang.

You weren't in a gang, mate. I was. I was in a gang of actors. Mate, there's no such thing as a gang of actors and you were not, you were never in a gang.

You'd be kicked out of Blazing Squad for being too puffy. Right, listen, there was a gang of actors. And you were never in a gang. You'd be kicked out of Blazing Squad for being too puffy. Right, listen. There was a gang of actors all doing a play. Right. And in that play, I had to shoot a gun. What play, mate? It was a play that I'd written, and at the end of it, I had to shoot a gun.

Right. Mate, I've got a photo of it. All right, show us the photo then. I can't, because I've got it with me now. All right, yeah, you left it in your other jacket. But I had one practice shot of it. Right. Outside, and it really hurt my ear.

Right. And then I was worried about the actual play we were out to shoot it in, because I was going to be deaf again. Oh. So I sort of closed my ear up a little bit as I shot it. You closed your ear up?

Yeah, I sort of psychologically closed my ear up. You can't psychologically close an ear up, mate. I just got ready for the bang. Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're closing your ear up. It's not like a mouth or an eye.

But that's what I did anyway. Right. Well, you didn't. Well, I did. This has been one of the weirdest conversations we've ever had. It's because the fringe is rubbish. The fringe is not rubbish. The fringe is actually lovely this year.

No, the problem with this part of the fringe is everyone gives up. Everyone's give up. No. No, not performers. Not performers. Not you. But all the staff, all the people knocking about the place, they've all just give up. They've all just stopped.

Yeah. But we're still paying thousands of pounds to do the rest of these shows. And it really annoys me. I know it does. We had stuff stolen in our venue last night. Yeah. Some of our stuff. But you can't let it annoy you, mate.

We're just going to be good. We're just going to do our shows brilliant like normal. I can be annoyed that other shows in our venue have vandalised our set and stolen stuff. No one's vandalised our set. Yeah, they did. They left their drinks and stuff on it. That's vandalising it. That's not vandalising.

There were grapes all over it from As You Like It, which is on in that venue. Yeah, but that's not vandalised our set yeah they did they left their drinks and stuff on it that's vandalised isn't it there were grapes all over it from As You Like It which is on in that venue yeah but that's not vandalism is it stupid pricks I'm gonna knock them

out if they do anything else it's hardly like Banksy is it it is a bit like Banksy Banksy's left his coffee cup on the

wall Banksy's done a great put glass round out put it in the Turner Museum someone stole our wine

someone did steal our wine the Pleasants give us wine at the beginning of the Fringe and we always keep it to the very very end

kept it on the set someone's away with it. Just left the label. Yeah. Good luck Peacock and Gamble. Yeah.

Absolute pricks. Yeah. And we can only rule out two companies. We know it's not Danielle Ward and we know it's not Tom Deacon.

Yeah. Because they're mates. Yeah. So we know they wouldn't do it. I was really enjoying myself and now it's turned into a really

dark detective drama. Yeah. So I'm going to get a gun. Yeah. And I'm going to find out who done it. Yeah. And then I'm going to shoot them dead. Right. Well this is really unfortunate. This has turned into a really dark detective drama. Yeah. So I'm going to get a gun and I'm going to find out who done it and then I'm going to

shoot them dead. Right. Well this is really unfortunate this is turning into some sort of BBC4 Scandinavian drama. Yeah. It's horrible this.

Right. So the final episode of this podcast in a couple of days time is going to be Ray finds out which company nicked the wine

I don't even like wine. Yeah. Ray finds out which company nicked the wine and assassinates them right this is really upsetting

right after their shows right not before right after okay when they're on a high right although I can't imagine

how you like it on a high I bet they walk on every day going I'm sure we'll remember all of it by the end fucking pricks so guest today

is Angela Barnes yep pure filth there she is dirty bitch actually we should stay about this interview. Yeah. Because it's a bit blue.

Yeah. Because it's a bit blue, but it was her. It was her, mate. When you listen to it, it sounds like it's us, and it's not. Yeah. Right? We are just being really good boys and doing our show. Be fucking humble, dirty, want to be on the telly anyway, 9.40 every night at Pleasant's

Dome Dome. Yeah. But she came in. Yeah. She had crotchless knickers on. Yeah. And barbed wire bra. Yeah.

And she could have been dancing and everything. And she sounds, she talks like she's in a Victorian postcard. Yeah, but she's been all sexy in that. So it's not our fault

we ended up getting Randy. Yeah. But here it is now. And if you're listening on Saturday, the final two performances of our show, it's tonight and tomorrow night

so hopefully see you there. And a letter from the council they're knocking down the lighters. Oh dear. Monday. Here's Angela Barnes. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble.

Peacock and Gamble. Hello Angela Barnes. Hello. How are you? I'm very well. How are you? Good. Fine.

Here she is. Here she is now. Angela Barnes. Yeah. You put your clothes back on Ray. Oh. We should mention that Angela got a very lovely welcome to the flat today. Imagine walking up 93 steps to be confronted by Ray standing at his bedroom

door in his boxer shorts. A very handsome man just knocking about the house. Knocking about the house in his boxers. I shouldn't have to change how I'm behaving just because there's a lady coming round. No. And at that point every day he just stands in that doorway. In the doorway, leaning against the door frame.

It just so happens that today you were coming over yes well I timed that just right I'm glad I was like seven minutes late getting here and she got her top off literally within about

30 seconds of seeing it unbelievable which made it embarrassing because I was putting my clothes back on and she was taking hers off you know when you just miss someone

yeah timing never was my strong point it's gonna happen it's gonna happen but then you just miss each other never happened that it's heartbreaking isn't it yeah

you put your clothes back on haven't you right popped them back on for now yeah and now I'm sat in the kitchen doing an interview with Angela Barnes I know

yeah I'm still not very well I should warn you I won't breathe all over you have you got any questions for Angela Barnes mate no no

so you literally all you planned is taking your clothes off when she got here yeah I got as far as that right okay hey Angela Angela Ang Ang what should we go with Angie So literally all you planned is taking your clothes off when she got here? Yeah, got as far as that. Right, okay. Hey, Angela.

Angela? Ange? Ange. What shall we go with? Angie. I'm an Angie, really. I was named after the Rolling Stones song. Oh, really?

Yeah. So we can call you Angie? You can absolutely call me Angie. Let's call her Angie all day. That's quite a cool thing to be named after. Yeah, my dad went to school with Mick Jagger. No. Oh, really? Yeah, both at Dartford Grammar School for Boys.

Why? Because that's where they lived. Oh, right. Yeah. And was he like, did Mick Junker get a lot of attention at school? He was really... Being the row of the stand. He was really...

Yeah, because he started when he was 11. Not many people know that. He was apparently, he was really like fit at school, really sporty. His dad was the PE teacher. Right. And I used to take my dad for basketball. Wow. He's still pretty athletic though, isn't he, Junker?

You don't imagine people playing basketball in the past, do you not? No, not in the black and white times. No. But they did. Is that how long ago it would have been? It would. How old's Mick Jugger now? Well, my dad was born in 47,

so that would have been, what, late 50s, early 60s. Yeah. How old am I again? 26. 26 for this fringe and then 25 for next fringe. Yeah. We have a good one. I never said that.

I never said that. No, I was saying that. How's your fringe been? It's been alright. It's been sort of up and down. I had my fringe breakdown quite early. Oh really? Yeah, I had it on the first Monday. Wow. I've made a terrible mistake. I was a really good social worker and I'm a shit comic.

And I've done a terrible thing but then I got over over myself and it was fine what did you do in your breakdown though we like to hear about people's breakdowns it wasn't a proper strip off

run across the road breakdown it was just I made them stay just tipped out out the window pretty much yeah

but I waited there for ages to walk past so I just gave up and it was not worth it listen to this and Ed keeps telling me off for this

this is not alright Ed keeps telling me off for it right there is a opposite where right? There is a... Opposite where we live, there is a girl who every night at the same time takes all her clothes off in the window. You say it like she's doing it deliberately.

That's probably just what time she goes to bed, mate. Yeah, but she hasn't got curtains up, has she not? Right? She shouldn't be going, oh, and I'll take out the same order every night as well. She's wearing the normal stuff. People have routines. And she gets up,

then she takes her bottoms off so you can see her bum and she's got her back to the window. Then she pulls on little pant things that I guess she sleeps in. Then she turns around

and faces the window then she takes the top off and you see her two clusters. Are you sure it's not a fringe show? Almost certainly. Did she not do it

on the 13th? Did she make eye contact with you? The problem is where the bar of her window is I'll show you later on where with you well you see the problem is where her the bar of her window is I'll show you

later on where the bar of her window is is probably where her eye line is yeah

so she's not seeing that I'm there she's not seeing your binoculars I'm not hiding

I'm not hiding obviously you've got all the lights off haven't you no I'm not I'm not

that's the thing the first night she did it all the lights were off and I was just at the window and you put

camouflage paint on your erect piece and I felt really bad about it so since then whenever I'm there at the same time I'll actually put my light on give her half a chance

at least give her a fight still have a good watch every single night is she an attractive young woman or is she it's quite kind of far away

I'm in lovely lovely shape but ladies are attractive in all shapes and sizes that's true but you know

she's proper traditional fit so what triggered your breakdown please oh I made the mistake of reading a review oh

I know I know and it's just that silly thing of reading a review that really didn't matter and I saw the person who did the review and she was pretty much a child.

Yeah. And then I just got annoyed with myself for letting a child ruin my day. Yeah. And then, so then I got annoyed with myself. And then I started going, maybe I'm just not robust enough to take this. Right. And, you know, started worrying that maybe I'd be better off doing something else. I don't think anyone is genuinely robust enough to just take a bad review.

You've got to take someone who someone just writing shit about you. No, not at all. Yeah, everyone will react badly to that and that will upset anyone. It's just about avoiding things completely, isn't it? Well, the thing is as well, is when you're stood on stage, particularly as a stand-up, as a solo stand-up, you are in control of it. So if it's going badly, you can take measures to make it better.

But a review is, I mean, it is like shouting insults in the dark isn't it yeah you can't someone's writing a review saying oh no what no you've misunderstood that you've misunderstood that you know they just go and write it then it's there and it's out yeah so i mean i'm not saying it shouldn't be reviewed i don't know because it's it's got to be a part of it but yeah keep away from them definitely that said i clicked i clicked a link the other day because um our management had retweeted something how do we been asked? Yeah, they retweeted a review. You did not need to click the link. I didn't need to click the link.

Why did you click the link then? I've really got no idea. I clicked it, but I had no intention of reading it. Why did you click the link? Because I wanted to read the beginning of it.

Right, so you did want to read it. No, I wanted to see what was the attack it was taking, right? Yeah, and it immediately backfired, didn't it? It did immediately backfire, right? Because I knew it was

a good review, but then the backfired, didn't it? It did immediately backfire, right? Because I knew it was a good review. Yeah. But then the opening line was describing us. Oh. Right? And got us both wrong. Yeah.

It was unbelievable. It said that Ed was young and blonde and handsome. Blonde? Blonde? Yeah, young, blonde and handsome

and that I looked like Hagrid. Well, yeah. But I'm honest. I'm honest. I'm prettier than Hagrid. I'll be honest, I know what Hagrid looks like because I've seen the films

and read the books. Yeah. Hagrid is defined by being over nine feet tall. Exactly. And just six free. Yeah. So that review was all wrong.

Yeah. Apart from if you said it even nice in it, which I presume you did. Yeah, you must have done. I can't imagine it was just all shit all the way through

the whole time it's just all all about what we look like fucking awful the things that they put in and it's very rare that you see a blonde black man

yeah I just think we had one for the late night package show that I'm doing and they just put in our best punchlines

in the reviews what are you doing don't give away are you doing don't give away the but i don't like any any comment on appearance either no no unless it's a relevant thing unless that's a person bear unless that's what the person's talking about yeah or you know if it has something to do with the show then or iman for example for him it's a relevant thing to it i guess he's high because you know when joe wells Joe Wells comic Joe Wells he's sort of a youngish new comic

and they called him Pudgy in a review and it's like what on earth has that got to do with what he does it's got absolutely nothing to do

with what Joe talks about at all no he's a political sort of Marxist comic how weird they called him Pudgy but we've had it all the time

on Facebook as well because Ed's lost weight so all whereas the comics used to be hilarious brilliant brilliant brilliant now it's all what's wrong with Ed Ed is fit Ed is fit oh look at Ed Ed is fit as well because Ed's lost weight so all whereas the comments used to be hilarious brilliant brilliant

brilliant now it's all what's wrong with Ed Ed is fit Ed is fit oh we look at Ed Ed is fit and it's just

every day to the point where we consider disabling comments you just want to go have you listened to it yeah yeah I don't

you know we don't just put a picture online every day it's a podcast not a fucking advent calendar maybe they've been doing it as a

caption competition maybe if we go back over all fucking advent calendar maybe they've been doing it as a caption competition maybe if we go back over all those photos those things they've wrote will make perfect sense but it gets a bit tiring though it really does it gets over Ed

and it gets over me because it's like you're not a model are you you're not here to be less tiring than it would have done he could be he could be a model if he wanted to

he could model a swimmer because he's got a big nominal has he nope neither of us have but think about that though

because sometimes we go well no but if you were to do it with both of us that would probably make it a lot easier wouldn't it

yeah definitely but if I had the same time like not big but not big at any stretch right

but not so small that when you saw it for the first time you'd go that's it for me you'd probably go well the personality will keep me here

yeah okay fair enough yeah you'd probably go alright with me you'd probably go alright well I mean it's not going to open any doors

give it the benefit of the doubt yeah but it's not you know it's not a spindly little thing or anything like that

you know it's like a coke can yeah basically it's not you know it's not a spindly little thing or anything like that you know it's like a coke can yeah basically so it's you know it does has it got a ripple

it's got a massive mushroom on the end mine's kind of like you know it's like the sort of twig you'd use for a snowman's arm

do you know I once did a my old flatmate directed a corporate thing for mates condoms about 10 years ago. Yeah, right. And I was in it, and I was being interviewed about pleasure.

Inside a condom? Inside a condom. Right. But there were these new condoms, and they were really weird shaped, and they looked like a mushroom. They were a really weird shaped condom, they were at least. But I think most condoms are like that. But these were really... Got a proper bubble head.

Proper bubble head, like really big. And I had a gay friend of mine who was staying with me one night and we had a few to drink and we were just sitting watching telly and we had a load of these condoms in our house

so I got one out to show him. Yeah. I was like, look how weird these condoms are. Anyway, they were both passed out on the sofa. I woke up the next morning and he'd left.

Right. And then I got a call from a mutual friend later going, Grant's really worried. He thinks that you've shagged. Because he just saw the condom. And I was like really worried, he thinks that you've shagged. Because he just saw the thing. I was like, well nice to know that you just legged it.

His one redeeming thing with it was, well I didn't finish. Yeah, yeah. Because it was empty. Pickle can gamble, pickle can gamble. Why are we so childish that we can't have a lady here without just being like that? I don't know. I guess the mood was set when you took all your clothes off when Angela was on. Yeah, I know, I'm judging myself on this. Right, let's, come on, let's be with Angela now as if she's a normal male queen.

So you won the BBC. I did, yeah. What year did you win that? Last year, 2011, yeah. 2011, and how's that impacted on your career? did, yeah. What year did you win that? Last year, 2011, yeah. 2011. And how's that impacted on your career? Well, loads. I was just an open spot who, I ran a gig in Brighton. I'd done that for about three years and then just started gigging myself.

I'd just been doing that for just under a year. Was that in Edinburgh, by the way, BBC? No, it was in London. Okay. Yeah. And yeah, somebody said, oh, why don't you enter it? And I entered it right at the last minute because I didn't think I was ready. Right.

And I got through on a wild card. I was a runner-up in my heap. Okay. Adam Hess beat me. Whatever. So you're disabled. I really like Adam. Yeah.

And Adam's a fan as well. Yeah. And is he a real disabled or not? Not as much as he is on stage. Yeah. No. I think there's a little bit. He came up to me the other night and started telling me racist jokes in my ear

but then apologising immediately. Yeah, he's probably drunk. But they were really funny jokes. Yeah. And he just kept going... Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's a joke. It's just a joke.

Is that alright? Is that alright? It's fine. Just whisper. It's fine. Alright, alright. Sorry. It's another one.

Sorry, I'm sorry. It's a joke. It's a joke. It's fine. It's fine. Well, I think we can all see why you won in the end so you trashed

Hess out of it you beat Hess I did in the semis yeah who else did you beat come on let's guess who did I beat in the final

it was it was Joe Lysett well what's he done so yeah BBC One's Saturday night's

Joe Lysett Pat Cahill yeah who else was there Chris Turner Tezi Elias BBC One's Saturday nights Joe Lycett Pat Cahill yeah who else was there Chris Turner Tezi Elias and Mark Stucher and you come out

champion I did yeah did you go with them when you won I always imagine if I ever won anything which is I mean

looking very unlikely yeah but I think if I won anything whenever I think about winning anything or whenever I think about

like for example the awards come out today and whenever I think about if I was nominated the awards came out today and whenever I think about if I was nominated what would I do? And they're all bad things. It's all negative stuff. What is it? Just basically standing

on Arthur's seat going, fuck you guys! Pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. It is sort of like... With your coke can out. None of it's me going, I'd be very gracious about it. I'd be like like oh it's a real honour I'm genuinely touched to be

among such brilliant company it'd all be like see your review was wrong see look at that oh I bet you feel stupid

now we've done that we'd all be grateful that our show is awful officially never to be

nominated for nothing but then we don't know if we even had a show we don't even know if they

saw us or not but go on the thing I'm saying is what's it like to win something when I got to the final I was

really happy with that because it's like just putting finalists on my CV I can have that no you won't I was

honestly I know you sound like I'm bullshitting but I was because I wasn't ready I had 10 minutes that's all I had I'm not saying you won't I was honestly I know you sound like I'm bullshitting but I was because I wasn't ready to wait do you know what I mean I had 10 minutes

that's all I had I'm not saying you weren't happy with it what I'm saying is that wasn't enough what I'm saying

it wasn't like oh I'm just glad to be in the fight nonsense you were going right I'm gonna take these mothers down

I'm gonna do my best comedy on that night I did my only comedy on that that's all I could do I'm gonna do all my comedy every bit of my comedy I'm going to do my best comedy on that night. I did my only comedy on that night. That's all I could do. I'm going to do all my comedy. Every bit of my comedy, I'm going to ring out on that night.

Exactly, so that's what you did. You brought out the big guns. Just to quash Lysa. I didn't think I could win it. And I was saying to people beforehand, if I win this, it could be the worst thing for me, because I can't live up to it. Right, okay.

I was really worried about that. There is always that worry then isn't there that could have backfired massively it's not because turns out you could write more

than that anyway it was lucky but that's what I had to do as soon as I won it I just had to knock them down and

go right let's see if you can actually do this I'm glad you realised that I'm sure there are some people that would have

won it and gone right I'll do that 10 minutes for the next two years people have done that haven't they in competitions

but they very soon go away they very soon do fall away if you take that attack but I think also another thing with a competition is I mean I still don't really know how I feel about competitions

but I think the overall thing of it would be that it would be a vote of confidence in you to then go on and achieve actual greatness and actual great things rather than you know

that thing of I have won the competition I am the best comic yeah yeah well lots of people friends of mine and family that aren't involved in comedy were like saying you know oh wow you're a comedian now you know you won this thing that means you're and it's like no this is the beginning this isn't yeah this isn't me going oh look at what i've done it's

like look what i've got to now do yeah you know it's very much the that was just the step between being a hobbyist and going right can i actually make this my career and it's that bit of validation you know you're doing the right thing people bit of validation of going yeah you're a white part yeah it's validation yeah that's what it is you know you're doing the right thing people genuinely think you're funny so you're not being a deluded twat

by carrying on yeah yeah basically yeah yeah because we've all seen them haven't we let's be honest yeah yeah

sat with him yeah did you get a trophy or not I got a sort of big perspex thing where does that live it lives on my desk nice at home

but the night I got it because it's quite it's quite big and chunky and and the final was in London, and because I live in Brighton, they put me up in a hotel, and we went out, they took us out for drinks afterwards, and I got this big thing with me, and I had to carry it into the nightclub. I felt like I was like 12. And then when I woke up the next morning, I got a little bit drunk, I think it's fair

to say. I don't remember going back to the hotel. But when I woke up the next morning, I got up to go to the loo, tripped over it, it was on my floor floor and I noticed there's a big chip taking up the corner so I personalised it yeah

and an empty condom draped on it big mushroom condom yeah so what have you done this year in your show what are you are you in

it's you and Matt Richardson Matt Richardson is very very good yes who goes on first we alternate good yeah does it make any difference it depends on the audience really sometimes It's you and... Matt Richardson. Matt Richardson is very, very good. Yes. Who goes on first? We alternate. Good.

Yeah, every day. Does it make any difference? It depends on the audience, really. Sometimes, because Matt's a little bit more energetic than I am. Because he's, well, for a start, he's 15 years younger than me, so that helps. Matt is only six. Oh, you! Good move.

Thank you. Good move. Thank you. Oh, I'm all flustered now. Yes, some rooms he's better to open because he's just a bit more energetic. If it's a bit Wednesday and they're a bit lethargic, whereas I'm a bit downbeat, so sometimes I'm not very good with opening.

Although I've got better than that. I've found this Edinburgh just having to force myself to do more compare-y stuff because I don't usually compare and I'm not that confident with it, but I've definitely learned how to do that this year. It's a really valuable thing. Yeah, when you're doing either a solo show

or a 200 or whatever, if you're on first, you do have to fulfil that role, you do. And there are some comics who'll go bang it, like Herring for example,

Herring will walk on and go, so I'm going to tell you about this and it just starts straight away. And even with Richard though, I often feel rich, like there's two minutes there where you think

the audience are catching up with him. Yeah, I guess if you're known or people come to see you specifically and they kind of know what you're like anyway, there's less of a need to do that sort of thing. Yeah, no, but I'm saying Richard Herring does it, though. Oh, sorry, who? Richard Herring. Oh, I didn't know him.

Whoever that bloke is, he should do a little stuff at the top. He should definitely do a bit of compere. I mean, I think he overrides, so he has to cut it right down. Yeah, yeah. And it just gets awkward if there's only four people yeah he's averaging four a night

yeah and to be honest you can't really but you can't banter with someone when they're sat there's one person sat at the back

of a 400 seat in a different postcode yeah what you should probably do is like do a podcast or something you know get

again but what you've got to do if you do a podcast you've got to get your head around the technicalities yeah you've got to learn how to record a podcast you've got to get your head around the technicalities yeah you've got to learn how to record it properly rather than just doing it

on your phone it's not as simple as just turning up and saying well hopefully someone in the audience has got a tape recorder in their pocket

right you should put things into you know have things in place before you start particularly if you've got guests on it's very rude isn't it

very rude otherwise to drag people across town to the stand to not record. It's very rude, isn't it? Very rude otherwise to drag people across town to the stand to not record it. Very, very rude. But anyway, who knows.

Was he one of the finalists I should own your thing? Richard? Oh yeah, I think so, yeah. Well, so you know, he was in a heat with me.

But he was a wild card. Stupid idiot. Richard. Idiot. So you do the split hour with Matt. And you're doing a late night package show as well Yes a new one

At Guilty Balloon Late Night Laughs Which is 10.45 There's six of us do it But we do it Four nights We have four nights on Two nights off

Which is really nice That's nice Yeah yeah It's a bit tricky Because when you're doing An afternoon show And then a 10.45 show You've got

You can't quite chill out In the afternoon You've got that can't quite chill out in the afternoon you know you've got that moving over you've got the late show I think I'd rather do it one night on

one night off two nights on one night off one night on two nights off one night on how long are your weeks three nights off

two nights on right five nights off one night on yeah another one yeah then the next day yeah Two nights on. Right. Five nights off. One night on. Yeah. Number one. Yeah.

Then the next day. Yeah. Then one day off. Yeah. I think you've got about three days left, mate. Three on. Lucky you're not doing it, though. Yeah.

Pick, hook and gamble. Pick, hook and gamble. Who are you? Who's on? Who else is on that? It's me and Matt Richardson again. Twice a day, I have to be Matt Richardson. Are you in love? A little bit, yeah.

I think he's secretly in love with me. I think he's got a bit of an Oedipal thing. I think he sees me as a bit of a mother figure. When you spend that much time with someone though, has there been any nights where you've gone like, come on Matt, we've had a horrible show? No, although we did... Let's go home and fuck it out.

We did though, we did go shopping together in go home and fuck it out. We did, though. We did go shopping together in Anne Summers the other day. Really? Which was really fun. He wanted to buy a present for his girlfriend and asked me if I would help him

come and choose something. Right, this is going to be good. So I did. So we went to Anne Summers and he wanted to buy her a rampant Mabit. Yeah. And they have all sorts of different ones.

That's very late 90s, Matt. It is rampant. Well, it is, but they... You're listening to this now, Matt. That's very late 90s Matt it's rampant if you're listening to this now Matt that's very late 90s no you see you're wrong they've souped them up

they're very different from my Sex in the City box set they've souped them up they've souped them up oh my god that sounds terrible it's a horrific

smorgasbord of filth right it was amazing well when we went in there what did he go for he went for the I can't remember his name but he went for the I can't remember what it's called

but he went for the most expensive super duper one the decimator the decimator the destroyer gozer yeah

we went in there and there were these two women I'd say they were in their 40s and the shopkeeper was standing there talking them through the different ones.

They're all in the packaging in the displays, and then there was a shelf with an example of each one out on the shelf. And they all looked really grubby when they'd been out. Like a tester. But you can't test them properly. No, I learned that the hard way. Because, you know, I talk about it in my stand-up,

my dad ran a sex shop for a living. I didn't know that. I know you told me you did a lot of your stuff. Yeah, my dad ran a sex shop for a living. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. I know you told me you did a lot of your stuff. Yeah, yeah, my dad ran a sex shop, that's what he did. So I'm quite at ease in those cases. And in fact, I talk about this in my stand-up as well, the fact that this genuinely happened. It was when The Rampant Rabbit first came out, and I was with my friend Katie in Anne's Summers in London. And we were looking at them, and it was really quiet in the shop, and I just went,

Oh, my dad's got me one of those, they're great! And the whole place just looked at me. Well, that sounds worse than it was. He had to order me one because they sold out. Really? He had to build me one. He went down the bottom of the garden, as he sometimes did. He got his tools out.

He chopped down half a tree. Took the motor out of the chainsaw. And I've still got it. This bear's a tribute to my dad. So go on, you were in there. So we were in there and there were these two women being talked through the different models. And Matt didn't really realise what it looked like, what he'd done, because he just went and joined them to hear the talk.

And they looked like a tour guide. Because he wanted to know as well so like and then obviously somebody became really uncomfortable because this 21 year old was just standing between them and I just went

I said Matt, Matt, mate you look a bit creepy like that and he went oh sorry ladies I'm not perusing you perusing I just want to know

and he goes it's my girlfriend so then they looked at me and I was like not guilty it's not me and then anyway so he had a bit of banter with them and talked through the with the shock assistant the different ones and had a

go on them and decided which one he wanted and then as we were just sort of having a little browse around the store one of these two women came up to him and went is it really for your girlfriend and he went yes she went you're amazing my husband would never do that for me really dejected i wouldn't buy her the best one. Do you know how much money he spent in there that day? I've got an issue with Ansemers, I think Ansemers are a bit of a piss take.

They're really super expensive. I think Love Honey wiped the floor with them, quite frankly, as a thing. And I think an independent shop will always be far better than going to, they're the Tesco of sex shops. Right. Ansemers, I think an independent shop will always be far better than going to the Tesco of sex shops. Right. Take my problem with it.

They're more of a novelty shop as well. There's so much shit in there. They've been around for a long time, Ann Summers. So I imagine Ann Summers the woman as being very very old and very rich and just quite a horrible, craggy looking, rich aristocratic

woman and that really turns me off so I'll never get through to Dawson whereas he's raised tight

so yeah no no I might see a personality mate she's horrible as well

yeah yeah so he bought the best was it a big one it was fairly big it did this movement

which isn't great for a podcast but I just want to see it like the queen's wave the queen's wave yeah like the queen's wave exactly which

it would have been like having somebody doing the washing up inside you wouldn't it I can't imagine that being pleasurable just stirring your guts yeah exactly

I just looked at it and went that doesn't look penises don't do that I'm sure they do that's the point if they did there wouldn't be no need for them

wouldn't they well they would if you're like me get someone that does what a penis can't do then I wouldn't be no need for them, would there? Well, they would if you're like me. Get someone that does what a penis can't do, then I won't be jealous of that. If you get a sex toy that's exactly the same as me, and just goes in and out, then I'll go,

well, what is wrong with me? If you bought a vibrator that went limp straight afterwards, you can't use it for the next half an hour. Three days. What's normal, do days half an hour what's normal do that half an hour mine works straight away does it

yeah for weeks no no yeah right I could I could have a fuck right

and then do it a wee straight you've got to check it take it out first I check it and then I

just take it out no because I think I've got a what was that thing I thought I had for ages priapism what is it called yeah priapism

yeah I think that's what it is I think it's that you know straight away me and yeah so what I do right to be fair I've been putting Viagra

in as Ribena so what I do right I get my I get it out right and I push it in and out of doing funny when did this podcast turn into the girly show

and then I do all the stuff out of it and then give me a minute and then it's good to go again but my head is asleep that's alright I don't need your head so it's more of a sort of thing I can lie there and let it happen again

and I won't mind if you need to go again so if you're turned on by having sex with the corpse also the first time is only about 30 seconds and you don't cum it comes out it comes out the top of your nose

it's like someone's... It's like a dribbling baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's... I think possibly that's the best way of describing it. It's like a dribbling... It's like a baby that you've got on your shoulder that has just done a bit of sick.

Yeah. Like the milky sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not gone bleh like that. It just dribbles down its chin. Interestingly, you can wind it like a baby as well.

It does do little burns at the end of it. And it sometimes cries. Yeah. dribbles down its chin. Interestingly, you can wind it like a baby. It belches. Yeah, it does do little bursts out the end of it. And it sometimes cries. Yeah. Pickle can gamble, pickle can gamble. Have you ever taken Viagra?

I've not, no. No, I've not either. My dad used to sell it. I can say this because he's no longer with us so he can't get done for it. But my dad, like yourself,

is a type 1 diabetic. Yes. So you get free prescriptions. Yeah. So my dad used to get as much Viagra as he could on prescription and sell it in a shop

really I'm not sure would I get away with getting that now I'm not sure I would I guess only if you could attribute

erectile dysfunction to diabetes which you can because of blood flow and stuff like that so that's what he did and got loads of it

good idea I feel like it would ache again I feel like it would ache but I think it's because of my experience with my non-soft penis. Yeah. That my bonk on it doesn't go away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it would ache. I feel like Viagra would ache. I feel like it would be a false way of making it hard. Well, it is, definitely, yeah. But that would ache. It wouldn't be a pleasing. It would be a fun feeling.

It wouldn't be a full feeling. Yeah. Or, no, it might be an overly full feeling. Yeah. I don't know. I bought a blue pill once and never took it. I bought it in a toilet in the machine.

This was your poor prequel to The Matrix that you wrote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not bad ever, is it? No.

Not even buying the toilet. Not getting the machine in it. Yeah, no, it's like one of those, there's like the golden something. I think it was that. Yeah, I think it was that.

And I bought that and I was a bit scared of taking it. Yeah. I just never did. That's the bought that and then just, and I was a bit scared of taking it. Yeah. I just never did. There's some weird things in toilets these days. They do, don't they? Yeah.

You get little handbag vibrators they said in some ladies' rooms. Really? Yeah. And fuzzy brushes. Yeah, fuzzy brushes. And also, think about this. You can just take as much toilet roll as you want. It is free.

So, just take a bag down with you. So, when you get your toilet rolls in the house, keep that, you know that cardboard tube on the inside? Uh-huh. Mae'n ffri. Felly, cymryd y bag gyda chi. Felly pan fyddwch chi'n cael eich toaleta-rolau yn y tŷ, cadw'r... y tu hwnnw o'r cyfnod cyfnodol yn y tu mewn. Cadw'r hynny. Gwyddo i lawr y toaleta lleol. Cynhyrchu'r ddwyloedd a'r papur y toaleta arno ac yna roi'r holl bwyd. Roi'r holl bwyd. Gallwch chi ddwylo'r pwyd gyda'r pwyd. Ie. Ie. Rwy'n gwneud y cyfan. Roi'r holl bwyd, roi'r holl bwyd, roi'r holl bwyd, roi'r holl bwyd. Felly mae'n toaleta-rolau llawn. Ie. Gwyddo'r holl bwyd yn eich bag. Dyna'r sgwrn o'r song Limp Biscuit. Roi'r holl bwyd, roi'r holl bwyd. Ie, roll it, roll it, roll it. Until it is a full toilet roll. Yeah. Popped out in your bag.

That's what the Limp Bizkit song was about. Roll it, roll it, roll it. Yeah, yeah, that's it. The video is just Fred Durst sitting in a service station toilet. Yeah. Just twiddling his tube. Yeah. This has gone off in a very odd direction.

More of a discussion, hasn't it? Well, I like it. I quite like it, though. I think we're all getting a bit runny. Yeah. We've done so many comics over the last three weeks. Going on like, oh, comedy. Oh, doing shows and stuff.

It's just nice to just sit down and talk about dildos and toilet rolls. Yeah, just normal everyday things. Just normal everyday things. Peacock and Gamble. Peacock and Gamble. You know your tutty on your wrist that you talk about on stage? Yes. Can I ask you a technical question about it?

Yes. Did it hurt? Not as much as I thought it would. It only took about two minutes. Right, okay. So it was open really quickly. I mean, yes, it hurt and I could feel it, but not unbearably.

Show me on my, show me on me how much it hurt. Maybe like that. Fucking hell! That really hurt! No, I want one, weirdly exactly the same. Like my dad's handwriting.

I want your dad's handwriting on my wrist. No, I want one on my wrist in the same place but I'm worried about it really. I want one just on the arm above the wrist. I want one on my arm.

I mean, I'm a bit weird about wrists. I do find wrists a bit... Same. So I was a bit nervous about it but I couldn't think of anywhere else to put it. It's really lovely.

It's really nice. Thank you. I think I lovely, it's really nice. I think I will have it on my right hand though because then... What is it you want to get? Then I'll show you. I can't read that. Yeah, that's the idea of it. Right, excellent.

Is that a look mate? Demon, that's hers. Demon, okay. Have you got any tattoos at all? No, not at all but I like it. We were both considering getting tattoos during the spring. Do it. No, but I think I might do it when I get back to London. It's so considering getting tattoos during this frame do it no but I think I

might do it when I get back to London it's so dodgy do it do it do proper research you've got to be sure what you want

I mean I know I'm never going to get tired of that no no of course it's not that I'm worried about though it's the fact that we walked down to

Tullacross the other day and there was like about maybe a one mile square area with about 50 tattoo shops in it and it's like the law of averages

yeah it's like going down Brit Lane when in it. And it's like, the law of average is something. Yeah, well it's like going down Brit Lane when you want a curry. It's impossible to know who's going to be good and who's not going to be good. Especially with restaurants, when it's often the shitter looking ones that are good. You don't want to go into a shit looking tattoo parlor, do you not? Yeah, I do. Do your research, I think.

I've got mine done in Brighton and I asked all my friends that had tattoos done in Brighton and I worked out. And for the benefit of the podcast it said tracing of the last birthday card my dad sent me so it says lovely you've got my dad it's in his handwriting

and so I took the birthday card into the place where everyone recommended and sort of said what I wanted and the guy was a bit dubious about doing it because he said I don't like doing memorial tattoos

because if they don't if they don't look perfect it can be quite upsetting I thought he was going to say in case someone comes back to life yeah because my dad wants him for a shit tattoo I don't like perfect it can be quite upsetting I thought he was going to say in case someone comes back to life yeah because that haunts him before he shits at him

yeah I know I did Memorial once if there's a chemical outbreak and everyone comes back if there's a night of the undead I will not be held responsible because I've received no money back yeah so that's what he was worrying about

it's about fucking him up but I mean that would have made me literally about turn on my ankle I'd go if there's even the slightest chance you'll put this up

or that you're worried about I'm going now but what he did he took a photocopy of the card and said give me a week let me practice it

and then come back so I came back after a week and he showed me what he'd done and he said now take that away come back in two days if after a week and he showed me what he'd done and he said now take that away come back in two days

if you think that still looks like your dad's handwriting right and I was still happy that it looked like it I came back and he was happy to do it oh that's really cool

yeah so he was really good about it but my dad loved tattoos as well but he because he I was going to have a tattoo for my 18th birthday

now I've got to think about donkeys so yeah come on Ray say it I'm not I'm not so what vibrator was it donkey con

like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh you can get them by the way you can get like massive big donkey I've got a do you look like you're about to get one out of your hand I've got Mary Poppins bag you've obviously got a massive bag Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn.

Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn.

Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn.

Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n d Ie, rwy'n hoffi eeyore. Felly, ar gyfer fy nheithydd 18, roedd fy mab wedi cymryd i mi gael tatwyd eeyore. Ac fe wnes i ddewis y lluniau yr oeddwn i eisiau, ac fe wnaethon nhw'r tatwydder i'w hyfforddi, ac felly, chi'n gwbod, i gael hynny'n cael ei wneud yn dda. Ac pan ddododd y cyfnod, fe wnes i'i botwlio. O, iawn? Ychydig munud. Felly, roedd fy mab dda yn ei gael ar ei ffwrdd. Felly, roedd fy mab dda wedi cael eeyore ar ei ffwrdd, oherwydd mi wnes i ddim yn hoffi gwneud hynny nawr.

Fe wnaethon ni ei botlo. Felly, oedd hynny'n rhywbeth a ddaw Spurge i fynd i fyny ar ôl i chi ddod? Ie, ie. Fe wnes i aros am blwyddyn ar ôl i'w maru, oherwydd doeddwn i ddim yn gallu penderfynu pam y byddwn i'n mynd i'r gwaelod. Mae'n rhywbeth iawn i'w wneud hynny. Rwy'n siŵr bod mwy o bobl yn gwneud hynny. Wel, rwy'n dweud wrthych chi, dydw i ddim yn gallu cael rhywbeth a wnaeth fy mab ysgrifennu ar car i mi, oherwydd, dwi'n golygu, maen nhw'n ddim yn ddim yn ddysgu. something my dad wrote on a birthday card for me because, I mean, they're just emotionless. We were fairly sure one year my dad clearly wasn't concentrating when he wrote my birthday card and just signed it with his actual Christian name. I've heard that. I've heard that.

To Edward, happy birthday, Andrew. No, honestly, same I've had Brenda and Ricky on cards. Yeah. Honestly, well, she's just not been thinking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because she's wrote it and sent it off. I think Christmas cards, I can understand it. When you write a big yeah honestly well she's just not been thinking yeah she's right I think Christmas cards I can understand it

when you write a big stack of them and you just go on autopilot it's your birthday no because it's your children your son shouldn't be on a stack of Christmas cards

so he's right you're right yeah well I'd like I'd like when I when I'm away

which might not be that long you never know do you not but when I'm away, which might not be that long, you never know, do you not? But when I'm away, I would like you to pick one at random of the cards I've sent you. I can't, they'd be all genuinely too offensive. Right, listen, just pick one of the cards at random. You've got to put them all together. I'm going to tell you what would end up happening from the inside of one of the cards you sent me.

And you can cut it out if you like. But this is a genuine inside of the card. I would end up having to have a tattoo on my back of a drawing of a Down Syndrome boy getting raped by the Incredible Hulk. Right. I hope there's some context to this. That's only if you choose that panel from the comic strip.

Because that comic strip, I'm not saying have the entire comic strip done. I'm just saying have one panel entire comic strip done I'm just saying I have one panel the rest of it was just him walking through the park so that'd be quite boring and then the Incredible Hulk

jumps out of a bush and bombs it what was I laughing at was that birthday or Christmas I think it was my birthday yeah because I've still got it up

because it was written on the inside of a Chicago Town pizza box you can save money on cards yeah because you think of all the cards you have in your house yeah and if you haven't Chicago Town Pizza box. You can save money on cards. Yeah. Because you think of all the cards you have in your house. Yeah. And if you have a Chicago Town Pizza,

just very carefully cut it. Nice. It's that lovely picture on the front. Yeah. Put it in half. Hey, press the card. And then inside, you do a bit of art

for your best friend, Ed. Yeah. Nice. That's lovely. Yeah, it is nice, isn't it? One year, I got a birthday card just full of old prawn crackers from a Chinese takeaway.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, my friend did that to me when he sent me a card full of dried spaghetti. Right. And then, but it all split in the envelope

so I just got this plastic bag from the Royal Mail with the letter and some spaghetti and said, sorry, we didn't get all your spaghetti.

Oh, really? That's lovely. That's lovely. Yeah. I think brilliant birthday cards. What I do is I, I empty, and Christmas cards as well,

I empty my head before I do it and then I go to a dark place in my head to make it as inappropriate as I possibly can. Because I think that's really funny. In a greeting card it's really inappropriate. I know that there was one year where I sent my other

half at Christmas. I got her a card which was in deepest sympathy on the loss of your baby. Oh my god! Right? which I then crossed out all the perimen and I crossed

words out to make it in deeper sympathy in happy times of the loss of your

baby of your nice Christmas I think it's a lovely thing to do so

get a tattoo of that but it is because I think that card's inappropriate anyway yeah that anyone's even profiting

unless they're free that anyone's even profiting if you want to send that message you should write that yourself yeah

totally don't be bothered is there a ready made card for this particular occasion yeah but then again

I've contributed to the problem by funding them by giving them my money so I can make my brilliant joke but yeah I do cards particularly

I will be very very inappropriate on yeah and for those check we've done dildos we've done tattoos and we've done greetings cards on the Edinburgh podcast today

yeah it's getting towards the end isn't it it's just nice dildos greeting cards offer her a three yeah

oh hang on that one no we did that did we yeah because I said about our knobs alright it would be like I think it needs to be more blatant double entry would be fine Greeting cards. Offer her a three. Yeah. Oh, hang on. That one. No, we did that. Did we? Yeah, because I said about our knobs. All right. It would be like... I think it needs to be more blatant.

Double entry would be fine because it wouldn't fit. Right. I think double entry would feel like just a bit bigger normal entry. Right, the window's been shut for too long. Everyone's going mental. Yeah. Let's wrap this up, Angela. Okay.

Is there anything you want to say? No. Pickle can gamble. Pickle can gamble. Angela Barnes there. Oh, gosh. That made my balls go all crinkled. I'll tell you what. And my penis go very hard.

When I get home from Edinburgh, right, that's going to be my go-to podcast that week. Is it? Yeah, when I'm on my own. Yeah. In the car. Yeah. Driving. Yeah. Have a wank over it. Oh, right. When I'm driving on the motorway. That's it from us today. Ray has just detailed the way he's actually going to kill himself by w while I'm driving on the motorway that's it from us today Ray has just detailed the way he's actually going to kill himself

by wanking himself to death on the M6 after I've shot other people that share our venue yeah but not Tom Deacon or Daniel Ward

so thank you very much for that I hope you enjoyed that interview and we'll see you tomorrow with an interview with

tomorrow yeah it's with Les Dennis Les Dennis so Les Dennis we'll see you tomorrow the Peacock and Gamble

Edinburgh podcast is a ready production hosted by chortle.co.uk today's guest was Angela Barnes and my show is Angela Barnes

and Matt Richardson which is on at 2.30 at Espionage but this is probably going to go out when it's finished yay all music by

Thomas Fondere see you tomorrow I just thought when she said it's on at 2.30, I got a joke. Yeah, right, okay. Unless it's a Chinese dentist.

What time of day does a Chinese man go to the dentist? Is this your version of it, mate? 2.30. No. 4 o'clock.