The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 7 (Richard Herring Part 1)

Episode Date: October 25, 2020

"Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 7 (Richard Herring Part 1)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 92 of 128.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Because it's not Ed, Peacock and Gamble, it's not Ed Gamble, but it is Ed, Peacock and it is Ed Gamble. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, here they are. Hello and welcome to the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast episode something. Here we are, in the hizzle, here with Ed Gamble. In the flat. Here's Ed. Hello, from our flat. Ed Gamble.

Ed Gamble, hello, hello, hello. The gambler. The gambler, yeah. The the flat. Here's Ed. Hello, from our flat. Ed Gamble. Ed Gamble, hello, hello. The Gambler. The Gambler, yeah. The Diceman. The cards. The Diceman and the Slug. 9.40 at the Pleasant's Dome. Dome. The betting on the all-straighten.

That's not quite a good nickname, is it? Do the lottery. Ed Gamble. Ed Gamble. Ed Gamble, the man done the lottery. He gambles on the lottery. I don't. I don't do the lottery.

I did the first ever lottery presented by Edmunds. Really? I don't think I've done one since. I didn't do it for about ten years really I think. Did you not? No, I did it when I started for a bit.

Yeah. And then I started thinking you know what? It's not about this is it? It's not. Life's not about this. Do you remember how much the first jackpot was

in the lottery? Two shillings. Two shillings on the first ever lottery. Yeah. It wasn't the big machines that we're used. Two shillings on the first ever lottery. Yeah. It wasn't the big machines that we're used to now, the Camelot machines. No.

What they did was they engraved little numbers on peanut shells. Yeah. Then they made a woman swallow them. Yeah, yeah. And then they, it was Edmonds, the first one who picked all the, he put white gloves on, which you still see to this day. The tradition of the white gloves. But the white gloves that were there originally,

because they had to sift through the poor unfortunate woman's fecal matter to find six peanut shells and whichever they picked out first, they were the numbers. Two shillings. Yeah, two shillings.

The winners of two shillings. How we've moved on. I know. But no, I sporadically do the lottery. Sometimes I'll be in a shop and I'll go, hey, I've not done it

for like a year. This is like when you would win, isn't it? We went through a very addictive period and when I say period I mean about 20 minutes of getting in a cycle of buying scratch cards

in the supermarket yeah didn't we well we went up and sat in a Starbucks in a supermarket above a Nasdaq yeah and we both bought

a scratch card each lots of product placement in this yeah it was the same was it well there you go see covering all bases apart from the obvious bought a scratch card each. Lots of product placement in this. Yeah. It was the same to me actually. Was it? Well there you go, see, covering all bases. Yeah. Apart from the obvious. Yeah. Bought a scratch card each. Yeah. I won on that scratch card. Yeah. I think I won on

my first one. Yeah, and we went back and got another one. Then I kept winning. Winning streak. And kept having to go back to the woman working behind the counter who looked more and more worried for me. It's exciting though, isn't it? It is. It just shows you how easily people can get hooked into gambling. Yeah. Of course, a former friend of ours, he had a very bad gambling problem.

He did, yeah. On the old fruities, which I think is, I personally think that's the most sort of scabby, scummy gambling. I would disagree.

I would say scratch cards. You think scratch, well maybe scratch cards now, yeah, because you're more modern and up to date. Yeah. But I think traditionally,

being addicted to the fruit machine, you know, the same person in the corner in the pub ploughing their rent money into a fruit machine, it's heartbreaking, isn't it? I don't think that's scabby because I think they take, not skill, but they take an understanding of it because they're so weird and complicated.

Yeah. There's people who know exactly what they're doing with them and they... How do you find that out? That's a genuine... I don't know. Who finds it out? I don't know because they're so complicated. Yeah.

And this predates like Google where you can just go and Google how to do it. Yeah, how to use a fruity. There's no instructions on the front of it. No. And interestingly, the people playing on fruit machines are always the sort of people who look like they've never had a bit of fruit in their life. Exactly, yeah, yeah. So pale.

Yeah. So pale. They're services. Yeah, and all the people playing on the scratch cards look like they've never had a scratch. Yeah, so that's Ed Gamble and that's his catchphrase. I mean, it's quite long, that, isn't it? In terms of, let's call it the gambler. Talking of scratch cards.

Yes, mate. Do you remember there was a controversy because a company tried to make a Diana Memorial scratch card? I don't, well, I vaguely remember that. It only lasted a couple of days, but everyone was up in arms that they were going to make a Diana Memorial scratch card. And I went to the school with the son of the person who was head of that company. And it was his idea. Really? To make these scratch cards.

I seem to remember at the time being quite a quick-witted gentleman in my younger days. Yeah. Saying the scratch card should be themed about scratching out her various organs. Or you just, like most scratch cards, get three emblems in a row. And it could be, oh, oh, crown, oh, crown, oh, crash car. Yeah.

No, no, not what this is. Suddenly. Of course we're not making light of the death of Princess Diana because it is still very raw in the memory.

But today, speaking of controversy, today we've got a, we normally say special guest, today we've got a guest. We've got our guest. Richard Herring, Richard's stupid idiot penis Herring. He's going to be, we recorded this interview got a we normally say special guest we've got a guest we've got our guest Richard Owen Richard stupid

idiot penis Owen we recorded this interview with him before we came up with a brilliant

funny clever witty name for him so we don't say that as I recall maybe we will

it's going to be a two parter today and tomorrow because he bands on that's something

to look forward to we'll carry on talking for a bit now so just to put it off we'll plug our show in that plug our show It's going to be today and tomorrow. Because he bangs on? Bangs on. That's something for you to look forward to. We'll carry on talking for a bit now, so just to put it off for a bit. We'll plug our show in that. Plug our show? What's our show called? It's called People Can Gamble Don't

if you want to be on telly anyway. Why is it on anyway? It is on in Pleasant Stone. And what time does it start? Don't, don't, don't, don't. It starts at 9.40pm every night from tonight when you're listening to this all the way through to the 26th of August.

Yeah, but tickets have picked up eh in the last few days yeah it's been good we've been selling quite a lot of tickets and stuff so that's not to say don't come and see it definitely come

we can only maintain that if you do it but I think there has been a correlation between us releasing the podcast and people coming to it and we do appreciate that very much

and we just checked before we were number 4 in the iTunes comedy chart so thank you very much for that as well very very nice. Although it's always going to be a hollow thing, as long as Richard Idiot Stupid Penis Haring is number one.

Yeah. It's never going to feel, even number two, it's never going to feel right. I think we're going to have to plant something on his computer and call Operation Orb. That's the only way we're going to knock him off the... Well, get him locked up for kiddying. Yeah, yeah. It's only a matter of time anyway do we actually do that

well people will find out eventually I just whether whether we should give him a nudge in the right direction yeah yeah alright we'll just say we're not saying that

he's definitely got a chair on his computer but he might want to check yeah have you seen any shows yet I've seen two shows because I'm a VIPER no

yeah no but you don't really I mean I've seen a lot less than I normally see yeah yeah if you know usually in Edinburgh although I didn't last year but the don't really I mean I've seen a lot less than I normally see yeah yeah usually in Edinburgh although I didn't last year but the year before that

I would probably have seen about 20 shows by now right but I've only seen 2 I've genuinely not got the time it's not just a lack of interest

it's that as well but I've genuinely not got the time because I go see stuff in the daytime and we're usually interviewing in the daytime yeah

and doing press and stuff so just can't we can't but I've seen Tom Deacon who is very very good and we're interviewing him in the daytime. Yeah. And doing press and stuff, so. Just can't be fine. We can't enter into this. But I've seen Tom Deacon. Good. He was very, very good.

Yeah. And we're interviewing him at some point as well. Same, yeah, that's good to see. And Merrick Lowood. His interview is, I believe, on, is it Thursday? It's sometime this week. It'll be Friday because this is Wednesday now. Is it?

Oh, no, this is Tuesday now. This is Tuesday. So, yes, Merrickix will be on Thursday. That's some of the slick podcast hosting. Which should see us eventually dethrone the king. Yeah. On the top there, thank you very much indeed. Also, the Russell Howard interview came out yesterday.

Yes. So Russell's got lots of fans, hasn't he? Yeah. Like, girls and that. Girls, yeah. We just had a lovely little thing on Twitter, where a girl said, hello sexy.

Yeah. Because Russell had retweeted it on his Twitter. His Twitter, his Twitter, yeah. It's not him, by the way. I know it's done as if it's him,

but it's not. I know, and to that girl, right, well this is what happened, we'll say what happened. She, he said,

oh I did the Peacock and Gamble podcast you can get it from here she put hello sexy tagged us both in it she just replied to all

then immediately realised that there might be some sort of misunderstanding and tweeted I do mean Russell yeah she took us out

on it completely she just gave us that slightest taste of what it's going to be like when we're a big hit with the girls and then just took

it all back again yeah and now we never but at least we now know what it feels like for a second yeah so big hit with the girls and then just took it all back again yeah and now we never but at least we now know what it feels like for a second yeah so we said back hello pretty and then immediately put we do

mean Russell yeah but then let ourselves in a little bit too much and now she's talking to us yeah talking to us a bit but it's

it's quite difficult for us to maintain but at least it is us yeah exactly it is us so if you said hello sexy to Russell but at least it is us on our Twitter. Yeah, exactly. It is us. So if you said hello sexy to Russell

you basically said it to an IT bod who is now hunched over hunched over in front of the screen looking at a picture of you and you saying hello sexy and I'll be honest

he is wanking he is wanking himself silly. Yeah, probably imagining that it's a, because I had a quick one when I imagined it that you were saying

it to me. Yeah, we were in a cafe. Yeah, in a cafe. I did it all over Miss

Scone. I did it over Scone, it was a bagel. Yeah. So, but thank you for your lovely

messages, even though a lot of them weren't really to us. They were to an IT person who's pretending

to be Russell Howard. If you want to test that, by the way, if you ever meet Russell Howard, because he does meet his fans after he gives them that. I mean, it's lovely down to earth like that, Russ. He's not like, you know, there's some wankers in there knocking about in comedy, but he's not one of those people. He's a nice lad. And he does meet his fans and that is perfectly nice, perfectly pleasant. But just say to him, say, hey, Russ, I spoke to you on Twitter. And he'll maintain

the facade going, oh, yeah, yeah, I I remember you and then say to him yeah yeah just tell me now how do you log into Twitter Ross there's a quick question quick question do you literally have any idea what Twitter is?

Yeah what is Twitter? Say just that I speak to him on Twitter and I say oh yeah and then say to him what is Twitter? Yeah

And he'll look at you he'll half look at you Right there we go another reference thought we were going to escape it this time He'll have no idea but he is a nice lad we go. Another reference. Thought we were going to escape at this time.

He'll have no idea. Yeah. But he is a nice lad. But he wears disguises, doesn't he, when he's out and about? He does. I thought he was going to tell you

what he wears. Yeah. Because we saw him, we chatted with him yesterday in the street. Very good disguise. Yeah. I said to him,

that's a really good disguise. He went, yeah, yeah, it works. Well, I thought he went, yeah,

yeah, but I couldn't actually hear what he was saying from underneath the big, the big cartoon That massive beard. Yeah, the big cartoon pirate head. Don't give it away! Oh, no!

Don't give it away! And then we stopped chatting, and he wheeled himself off in his little wheelchair. Yeah, but that's a couple of clues about his disguise. Yeah, but there's lots of big cartoon novelty pirates in wheelchairs knocking about Edinburgh these days. At this time of year, there is certainly. Well, look, here's our first part

of our interview with Richard Herring. Try and enjoy it. Call him by his full name. Richard Idiot Penis Herring. And, you know, do try and enjoy it best you can.

There's another one tomorrow. I mean, essentially, we're having two days off is what's happening. The editors get a bit too much from me. We know none of you are going to listen to this.

A quick thank you as well to Laura Barron who's done some of the sub-editing on this to ease a bit of the pressure off none of you are going to listen to this a quick thank you as well to Laura Barron who's done some of the sub-editing on this to ease a bit of the pressure off me also Pete Donaldson of Absolute Radio

sent me a text at 2 o'clock this morning saying podcast brilliant loving it hit a brother up if you need some help editing

oh that's nice that was nice so I got that text Pete but it was like 2 in the morning I was doing a gig and then I was going over and also Pete you are sort of the white gentleman so I'd that text Pete but it was like two in the morning I was doing a gig and then I was going over and also Pete

you are sort of the white gentleman so I'd rather you didn't use things like hit a brother up hit a brother up Pete it's embarrassing mate you doing that

yeah well I've actually cut off the last two words that you said on the text oh let's just say that the first one was my oh

yeah anyway hit a brother up man yeah so that at the end but well done Peter on your show on Absolute Radio if it's still going

I presume it is if you're not too busy on ICV2 going and next programme coming up is anyway is that six or however you speak

I do miss Pete can I just say I start to apologise there did my little squeak at the end of my laugh there which I know you hate and made me listen to the other day

to show me how horrible it is through headphones what a horrible sound it is through headphones it's a real like sorry everyone it's like white noise

just for a moment here's the interview with Richard don't forget our show is Pleasant's Dome Dome 9.40 Peacock and Gamble don't even want me

on tape anyway we'll listen to Richard for a bit and then we'll re-plug our show later on sorry if we keep doing this but we have to

because that's why we're doing a podcast here's an interview with Richard Ayrton Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble here we are on the Peacock and Gamble podcast

and we are joined today oh what a rubbish day this is oh boo because we've been doing so well for guests it's been going really really well

oh we've had Lee Mack and Russell Howard all the good ones all the best ones who wanders in off the street like a tramp probably

gonna come in and just copy this podcast now oh please can I be on your one the best one yeah oh please can I be on your your best podcast that isn't me speaking that's you two saying

in my voice oh no now it is now it is me now no oh no this is me Richard Stu Stu this is me oh Stu

let's do a podcast like Peacock and Gamble so there you go um a very warm welcome to our edinburgh podcast to richard herring hello how are you man i'm good yeah i'm fine looking good thanks by which i mean you look like me i do quite like you looking you're looking so brilliant i've got a suit on we're recording this before edinburgh this is weird because most of them are doing up there and this one's been recorded before because you said no I'm not giving you

any time in Edinburgh I'm too busy in Edinburgh being the king of it I'm too busy being the king of Edinburgh so I'm not coming on it I said that you'd do anything you wanted

for however long you wanted you did say that in fairness so alright I will say that before we even start can you do me a favour yes can you tell your

stupid fans right that we haven't ripped off Lee and Eric I think you have a bit it's very similar and you do it Stupid fans. Right. We haven't ripped off Liam Herring. I think you have a bit. It's very similar. And you do.

It's very, very similar. You do a bit about BCG. That's in Liam Herring. Is that in Liam Herring? Yeah. The false rod hole has a BCG. A man with a jacket on doing a puppet, except he doesn't have a puppet. Yeah, but we have got a puppet.

We've got a puppet. But you put a jacket on, don't you? Like the false rod hole. You've got a jacket on now, so you're ripping yourself off. You've got a jacket on now's like not a goose but you put a jacket on don't you like the false red you've got a jacket on now so you're ripping yourself you've got a jacket on now you're living in the past what do you know

I think no yours is very childish ours was quite yours was clever ours was really intellectual very grown up your one you could see that they were messing about

they were educated but with our one you're like no they are just thick straight off a council estate this one it's nothing like Lee and herring it's nowhere near as good i'm happy to say that but you know what the thing is though i'm genuinely right i'm more familiar with it now with leon herring now having gone watched bits and bobs but i missed it at the time thing is we were so

influential that everyone you've ever seen was influenced by us so by even if they didn't say so by proxy yeah we've soaked up your influence but actually genuinely I think through the circuit because Stu did the circuit for a lot

earlier and longer than I did and I think and this isn't you're not like this at all but a lot of stand-ups are very

influenced by Stuart so it's weird to see that influence come back in fact when I came back to doing stand-up in whatever it was 2005 I suddenly fitted in to stand-up because everyone was doing stuff like we did 10 years

before that no one was interested in me doing you've been accused of ripping off stewart lee yeah yeah yeah when i when i first came back you know people were going well it's very very influenced by stewart lee clearly and again i did a awful routine about um having sex with jesus's stigmata that kind of got more and more extreme and brian logan said oh it's obviously influenced by stewart lee's vomiting the anus of christ and i you know i said i've never seen that routine of Jesus' stigmata that come out more and more extreme. And Brian Logan said, oh, it's obviously influenced by Stuart Lee's vomiting the anus of Christ. And I said, I've never seen that routine. You know, we've obviously, you know,

both of our routines are influenced by something that we did as Lee and Harry. Yeah, of course. And we've never even seen each other's thing. He said, I find that very hard to believe. Wow. So, you know, it's like, because they've seen something first,

they see something first, they think, oh, that was the order it happened in then, because I saw that one first. Yeah. So this brings us back onto the podcast yeah but you would yeah it is the same thing but but you know you would think someone would go what he's a bit they're rich and stew doing quite similar things i wonder why that is yeah is it because one of them is it because one of them's confident no one was thinking oh maybe stewart confident rich so uh you know so it was a very weird thing but that kind of

stopped quite quickly I think when I first came back and it was a concern and I deliberately didn't watch Stu because I

didn't want to end up because I hadn't done stand up on my own as much and I didn't want to end up doing being like Stu

and doing Stu like things but I knew we were inevitably going to be doing similar stuff because that's what we worked out our comedy

ethos together because you are in love because you kiss each other all are in love so yeah we love each other because you are in love and you because you kiss each other all the time but we used to write each other i'm sure you if you write i don't know if you actually write your stuff it doesn't look like it but if you uh when you spend a surprising amount of time trying to make it look like that you know we would write we i knew what stew would say better than he would know what he would say you know and when we were writing the double act often so we would often write each each other's, you know, we'd have a clear idea of each other.

I know, because sometimes he gets to a point, but he takes ages over it. He does, and I just say, it's better when you're there going, this is what you're trying to say now. Yeah, it's true. Have a funny one come in. This is, weirdly, me and Ed are very similar sort of sixth sense between us, isn't it? Because I know what he's going to do now. He's going to call you a prick in a minute. Yeah.

Obviously. Yeah, prick. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Do you like Cannon and Ball? I do like Cannon and Ball. I'm more influenced by Cannon and Ball. We were quite a little bit influenced by Cannon and Ball. When I was eight years old,

I remember the first series of Cannon and Ball came on. And I remember watching it with my sister and us both just being in tears from Bobby Ball banging his braces. Because you look like your dad. But it was very subversive that first season. It became more and more a bit more schmaltzy

and a bit more kind of traditional but a lot of these old fashioned traditional guys have a really great comedic sense we worked with

Michael Barrymore in the early 90s we wrote for this thing but none of our jokes got on but it was like a pilot for a Saturday night show that I think eventually

became his big Saturday night show but not quite he would come on and improvise in the rehearsals and it would be unbelievably brilliant it was nuts and he went all over the place and

then he'd play off the audience to be slightly rude and cheeky and really and he was yeah he was actually a big fan of uh simon munnery like god and jesus was it really yeah yeah i think cannonball were really anarchic and i think you'd never seen anything like that you know as a as a kid but perhaps you know it was do you know bobby ball i've tweeted. I do, I do, I know him. Right. I tweeted him the other day because he said, Tommy Cannon is now on Twitter. I said, why don't you let Tommy do four serious tweets and then you come in and spruced him.

And he did. He tweeted back and said, ha, ha, ha, ha, which is hard to know whether he's going, ha, ha, ha, you stupid fucking spruced. No, that's his northern follow. But I didn't tweet him to say I'm seriously... And I think the way we used to...

One of the earliest routines me and Stu did was a triple act called Knife, Fork and Peterson, which was basically two guys who were quite like Cannonball. Stu was the straight one. I came on and just got some braces out of my pocket and twanged them. And then the third one was a guy who sat there drinking beer in the corner

saying nothing. So we're trying to reinvent the double act. Get that down as well. We need a knife out of four. We need a knife out of four. We need a knife out of four. For the Edinburgh show.

Peterson. Peterson. Drink beer in the corner. But I think, you know, I think when you've got to about 12 or 13 and you sort of try and be cool with comedy and stuff

you kind of rebelled all against it and you've got to imagine someone being like Bobby Ball all the time which I guess is kind of you too then how annoying that would be let's just smack him in the face it's our podcast if we want to smack him in the face

we can yeah we can in our podcast but then he'll probably do it in six months where he smacks people in the face people in the face number one in the world I've done smacking in the face better. I've won an award for it.

Two words. How is it going on with you? Because you got all married up. I got married three months in at this stage, so four months by Edinburgh. Presuming we're still together. Yeah. This might be a bit...

We might have to re-edit this. Does it bother you that she finds me really funny no I like it does it niggle you a little bit no I like it

you said you liked it but you crossed your arms your arms are defensive I'm furious about it because my other half she finds you really funny yeah well you're all I love used to come and see

Lee and Herring when she was about 13 yeah alright don't do it so people can work out the ages that's probably where we where we nicked all their stuff from. Yeah. Subcontinent.

With Tamara coming back and just saying all the sketches and you going, I'm not listening, but it was all soaking in somehow. No, but sometimes she's in there. Because in my head, she's still 13 years old.

I think you're a disgusting piece of shit. That is basically my problem with it. I can't believe you're actually having sex with that tiny girl. Well, you are. It's awful. Right, well, I will show you some photos of it and then it will

properly upset you then is it known is it an open thing about you and katie or is it yeah i think so i mean we didn't i when we first started going out with each other i kind of didn't want to thought it wouldn't be helpful to her or at least i want i didn't want people thinking oh she's getting gigs or whatever or doing this because of course if her boyfriend is or whatever turns out she's better than you. She is much better than me. So I didn't really want to make a big thing about it, but we weren't keeping it secret.

We didn't want to make a big thing about it. And there was sort of slight issues with... I mean, I've written about it in the book. She was going out with someone else before I met her and stuff, and it felt like to make a big thing about it when you're slightly in the public eye seems a bit insulting to the other person involved. But yeah, now we're married, I think it's sort of safe to say that but yeah she's you know she's very good she's

doing a edinburgh show katie wilkins uh joy is my middle name which it is all about names and now she's ended up with this stupid surname in a real life she's still using her stupid idiot husband yeah herring imagine ending up being called herring it's horrible isn't it yeah she must love me do you think she does yeah what what are the clues that your wife loves you? Let's try and... Let's get some clues now, right? How would you tell if a woman loved you? I'll send her up on there, right?

Because I think Katie's brilliant. I think she's a great stand-up. And I think she's a lovely, lovely girl. Like, genuinely, really. And, you know, it's an enormous injustice that you've ended up with her. But how did you... What sort of... What mental health issues has she got? What were the clues that came out that you were like hang on

and what did you do as well to make her fall in love with you i don't know i don't really understand it was very uh it was a very um it was i've been i've written it i did write about in my book and i've did no one's interested in your book just read my book it's easier what's your book called how How Not To Grow Up. Oh, I had the idea for that book. I was going to do it. Here Comes Trouble. And then they were like, oh, no, that would never sell.

And it's like, oh, look, another bloke who looks just like him. At least someone didn't want to read your book. Well, we just sort of fell in love with each other very rapidly. Not having that. It was sort of a kind of weird thing. So I was... Not having it. I'm not having that. You can't just say, oh, we fell in love with each other very rapidly. Not having that. It was sort of a kind of weird thing. So I was... Not having it. I'm not having that.

You can't just say, oh, we fell in love with each other. Well, I fell in love with her. I don't know whether she was... Right, I get that. I understand that. What sort of thing happened where she went... Where one day you were like, God, this girl is actually falling in love with...

What were the clues? What clues did she give you? She was kissing me. Where? Where? She was kissing me on my face. It was really nice. Always avoiding the lips.

It's all around the mouth. It was, but the early kisses were so amazing. And I've kissed quite a few people. I have as well. I have as well. How many? How many, right? And we will all say at the same time, right?

And then whoever is the winner is the winner. I don't really know what the number is, though. I don't keep a count of that. I keep a count of some of the other things. I reckon I have kissed about 100. And I'm not even messing about 100. Right. I'm younger, but probably...

How did you say 100? No, just do the truth. 100. That's not true. Kissed? Yes, just kissed. I did 20 on one holiday. Just kissed.

Did you? Nice one. Just kissed and nothing else after the kissing. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You know, more than you two young men together. No, but I reckon that I have done at least 100. By which I mean, like, that is the least that I have done.

Yeah. That's not counting all the millions that I've done that I can't remember about. Yeah, there's a lot I can't remember. That's the problem with kissing. Right, well, I can't remember more of them. But I've kissed a lot, but when I first kissed my wife yeah the woman who would be my wife yeah my first wife yeah i like to keep her on her toes yeah um i there was something pretty amazing about it why though because it just was like but you know it was like i had all these things happen to me that i've never

really and i you know i get it's hard to say because you've once you've been in love with someone falling out of love with them you kind of forget all the nice things. You only remember the nasty things and you forget how it started. You realise how many clues there were. I went weak at the knees. That's only happened to me and Jenny Agata when I was 23.

I walked past Jenny Agata and went weak at the knees. That happens to me when I'm wanking. Yeah. That's if you do a stand-up wank. Yeah. If you stand up when you're wanking

your knees will go at some point. I did a joke about that saying it was some kind of muscle memory of all the times i'd watched american wealth in london so yeah in conversation but um but yeah so you know it was but it was it was i there is the really weird thing that happened it was the second time i'd met her and uh i talked to her and then i walked away and i kind of felt this like a an actual magnetic force trying to pull me back towards right and that's kind of what i don't then did you hear her behind you going my hair my hair

my hair my hair my hair's in your zip my hair's in your zip it might have been that so it was it was it was a real kind of impactful thing but i think i would but i also think you've got to be both in the right place if i i know you don't want any serious answers you've got to be both in there facing you've got to be in the right place. The same place. The right angle. Not right too close to each other. To get the penis. Not inside each other.

The penis to go into the vagina has got to be at the right angle. But I think at that point, I had just turned 40 and I'd gone a properly bit crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think I'd realised I had to calm down.

So I was definitely like on the, my mindset was definitely like looking for somebody. So you've got to have that. Because I think I've met I had to calm down. So I was definitely like on the... My mindset was definitely like looking for somebody. So you've got to have that. Because I think I've met a lot of people in my life if I'd met them at a different point. There's millions of people in the world. Billions, in fact. And so the chances of just the one person you meet

being the one person you would get on with is scientifically ludicrous. You're listening to the Peacock and Gumball podcast? Richard Herring doing some... Was it philosophy philosophy science and philosophy mathematics um so you know you've got to bet you've both got to be you know i've met i i think when in the book i wrote about you know there's a couple of girls i've met before that i kind of thought fifth mention of his book i thought i'd kind of fallen in love with they weren't interested in me but you know if i'd if two months earlier one of those girls had said oh yeah let's go out i'd have been going out with

someone yeah so there's all there's all these kind of things that come together but it but you know if two months earlier one of those girls had said oh yeah let's go out I'd have been going out with someone so there's all these kind of things that come together but it was you know I think we were both in the right mental headspace Something Changed have you heard that song?

Yeah it's good by Pulp that's about that oh yeah yes it's by Pulp were you thinking of a different song? I was thinking about

a Terry Hall song but it is a different something changed something changed by Pulp but if you'd have walked the different way down the street then would all this

have happened Sliding Doors that's another that's the street then would all this have happened in that sliding doors that's another that's the exact lyrics isn't it yeah but that's what all of life that's what all of life is if you'd have walked down a different road

would it have happened and all that and all that that's why but that's why I think sliding doors is a shit film because basically all life is that

all life is just chance you could do sliding if I'd happened to be two minutes later than we were here today something different would have happened would eventually have impacted on everything in the world.

That's what life is. Everything you do impacts eventually on everything else. It's just a story, Richard. That's the point it's making. This is what you do. It just so happens that there's two branches. How about in Sliding Doors, when a bloke who quotes Monty Python sketches

gets to get off with Gwyneth Paltrow? That would never fucking happen. That's the thing that would never... A bloke who quotes the Spanish Inquisition sketch quite badly in a stupid way and Gwyneth Paltrow sits there and goes

yeah I want to fuck him that's the guy I'm going to fuck if that you'd have snogged like about a thousand women if that was I have I have

I meant a thousand I meant a thousand when I said it a thousand and seven I spent a lot of time in the 1980s reciting Monty Python sketches and girls

didn't want to have sex with me afterwards. Quite the opposite. But when you'd done your double acts. That's because the doors had opened on the tube. So critical of things, isn't it? Oh, that's a shit film. So venomous. It's a shit film.

It's my least favourite film. Have you got a film that you want to tell us about? What's your film that you've done? You must have an idea for a film. Sliding Doors 2. Yeah, right, we're doing that. And what happens? What happens in it? They get killed in the sliding doors.

Paltrow's head comes off. Right, but we're fine. But in both versions of it. Just exactly the same. Just exactly the same. But she's got a different hairstyle. And one of the heads comes off as a different hairstyle. And it annoys me because Sliding Doors, in the end,

basically it works basically the same it works out the same thing would have happened anyway more or less or what she dies in one but then she gets

injured at the same time it's like fate's there ready to do the thing but then she does die so what does that say

you want to make sliding doors more like the final destination series now I want my sliding doors where two completely different things

happen and because everything that will change make changes the whole world yeah avalanche effects butterfly wings that sort of thing all that yeah I want my sliding doors where two completely different things happen because everything that will change makes changes the whole world. Yeah, avalanche effects, butterfly wings, that sort of thing, all that. I know about all that.

It's lucky for us that the First World War happened, for example, right? So if the First World War hadn't happened, none of us would be alive. Yeah, so it's good, isn't it? So like all those things.

So it's good. From our perspective, if all those millions of people hadn't been slaughtered needlessly, there'd be a lot of different people around. History would be very different.

If it hadn't been made, then sliding doors would never have been made. Fair point. It still might have been. Yeah. Do you think? Yeah, someone else would have made it. Even in the infinite universe,

there are some constants. The one constant is... Whatever civilisation you go to, there is a... Peter How... Was it Peter Howarth? It was Peter Howarth. He played...

Joey in Bread. You look back, there's hieroglyphics buried in pyramids with Gwyneth Paltrow trying to get onto the tube. Peacock and Gamble. Peacock and Gamble.

Richard Herring, you were at my first ever stand-up gig. Was I? Yeah. When you saw that, did you think, oh, he's going to be brilliant

and I can't wait to be interviewed by him? I thought that young man could do with losing a bit of weight and then he'd be quite a handsome young man. Is that,

did you genuinely do a gig with him the first time? No, he was just at it. He was just at the gig? He was at the gig. Yeah,

it was just so you think you're funny. It's a weird thing to do, isn't it? Just be loitering at a gig with a notebook. Walking around, just going,

oh, I wonder what. Oh, I love that. I love that. I was doing my, it was like my first ever gig and I was doing

a five minute spot and now I'd grown a Hitler moustache with his cock out yeah he'd say his cock out and I'd go do you know what

with my cock out and oh fuck I was 40 yeah if I was doing a longer set I'd talk about that yeah I don't remember seeing it Ed alright

what's your obsession with Edinburgh I really how many have you done I've done this is the Ed alright what's your obsession with Edinburgh I really how many have you done I've done this is the 25th anniversary sorry I should read

I should let you answer these 25th anniversary I'll touch you when you ask alright sorry what's your obsession with Edinburgh my obsession with Edinburgh is I think it's a great place

to go it's great to have an opportunity to go and put a new show on and have something to work towards and it's just a brilliant arts festival I think it's just a brilliant arts festival, I think. It's just fun.

But I think because I have done it so much, I think when I started it was like my holiday because I had no money and I'd go to Edinburgh and I'd lose more money. But I did it as a student and it was just like, you know... In fact, the first time I did it, the first couple of times were pretty horrible because we got kind of battered as students and verbally.

And I think maybe part of it was wanting to come back and do well there. Was that doing the Cambridge or Oxford? Oxford Review. oxford review we did one of them two things uh and uh in 87 so i've done i've done this is the 25th anniversary 1987 1987 was the first show it went up yeah and i was thinking the other day that you know to me in 1987 i was in born in 1980 in 1987 someone who'd be someone whose 25th anniversary would have been up there in 1962. Some bloke would come up to you and say, I was in the office with you in 1962. A, there'd be Michael Palin, but B, you'd be going, wow, fuck, what an old fuck.

I have met him. I have met Michael Palin. I've met him very briefly. I've met him twice. He's my absolute hero, but I think I was just kind of like, oh, really nice to meet you. I will let you carry on talking. Do you when i met my friend right listen first time right um i met him was on a bench in swiss cottage when i went down are you sure that was michael payne definitely was right because listen right i went down to london with my girlfriend at the time who was

auditioning at central school and i sat outside central school while she'd done her audition even though i knew that would be the end of our relationship and i sat there and michael payne came and sat next to me and i sat like for like maybe five minutes and just not saying a word like really still and then um he looked at me and i went yeah michael palin and he went yeah and i yeah and that was it and then the next time i met him was last year i met i worked on a tv show with him yeah and i told him about it and you know what he said what i remember that no he didn't he clearly didn't and i, isn't that just a lovely thing to do? To actually say,

oh, of course, yeah, I remember. No, because if you know... So I failed because I didn't pretend to remember Ed when the first time I saw Ed. Yeah, so you should have gone, yeah, no, it was great. I remember you were good.

Yeah, it was brilliant. I liked the stuff he did about, you know, the cats and dogs. Yeah, the stuff, yeah. And so when I met him recently, he went, oh, yeah, I remember that. That was, yeah, you pissed on me and took my dog.

And I thought, do you know what? He actually does remember this. Because I did. I've still got the dog. Sorry, so go on. So I've done, so this is the 25th anniversary. It's my 21st actual Fringe performing. I've done 35 shows or something like that. Do you genuinely

remember when bits of Edinburgh were all fields? I remember it being different. There's lots of differences, but the weird thing about Edinburgh, it took me years to get over, and I still didn't quite, there's years I've been up there, I mean, I've been pretty unhappy up there most of the time until about the last four or five years.

I think it correlates to people coming to see the show, but it's really stressful, it's really difficult, and the whole place is just imbued with these half- and memories and every corner you know that's where you argued with some girl or that's where you fell over drunk or that you know so you know there was there was some there was a girl that i'd really liked that i'd met in edinburgh and then i went out with her for a couple of years and then we broke up but she was always coming up to edinburgh so but you remember the places you saw it that's where your whole relationship began

and then to be there with someone else, it was just kind of... I have a hard break up. I want to try walking around Edinburgh with him this year. Honestly, genuinely. It's like a fingering mystery to her. That's true, though. I literally walk around with her in Edinburgh and I'll go quiet and I'll go,

well, I was made to sound. But then, weirdly, after enough time passes, it becomes kind of happy. It's sort of this bittersweet nostalgia thing where you sort of go, oh, that's where that kind of... You get over it and you kind of happy it's sort of this bittersweet nostalgia thing where you sort of go oh that's where that kind of you know you get over it and you kind of think

you have these nice memories of everywhere and some weird and funny memories and some awful memories but you know when I first went up it was really about having fun

and you know it was really genuinely an opportunity that I might actually meet some girls I think I might be it's like sliding doors I think I might be him

we're the two halves. It's really weird. So what do you think the point was? I don't know. Probably in the applications for university. I don't want to think about which one is the better story. Oxford and School of Hard Knocks. But it was, you know,

the show was almost an inconvenience. We didn't work. We'd get the show half together and by the end of Edinburgh it would be a good show. But you'd go to Edinburgh and dick around with it until it was good an inconvenience. We didn't work. We'd get the show half together and by the end of Edinburgh, it would be a good show. But you'd go to Edinburgh and dick around with it until it was good by the end.

And now, A, you can't. I mean, in the early days, you would lose £2,000 in a year, a good year, you'd lose £2,000. Now, if a new kid's got, they're losing 10, 15 grand straight off the bat, even if they sell every ticket.

You can't afford to go up and think, I'm treating this as a holiday and having a bit of fun. You've got to go up and have a really solid show. And even as an established act, I now do 50 or 60 previews before I go to Edinburgh. What? Is that normal? Is that normal?

So when the... 50 or 60 is fucking 10 grand. What? What's wrong about this book? Even with Talking Cock, which is largely an old show, it's really important to, the first few days, you've got to be really good. So, like, we'd go up and do shows,

we'd go up and do shows in the 90s. Sorry, we don't have time for this. Let's go with this. Right, let's show you this now. You've got to, you know, I think that's, A, that's a change in my mindset, but it's a change in Edinburgh as well,

that I think you have to, there's no point in going up if you're really just going to But do you know what? First, I've done a thing, I think this is my eighth one. Seventh or eighth one. First year I went, I made 50 quid.

Yeah. Right? Cash. And I kissed 26 girls. I made 50 quid. So that... And the show was... And that was a quarter of all the girls you've kissed.

Yeah. I did five in one night once. Kiss. Just kissing. But we did it... But I did it... I manipulated the situation. Because I wanted to kiss one of... Kiss Just kissing But we did it But I did it I manipulated the situation Because I wanted to kiss

With your hypno Yeah And one of them right Was Ed's mum And I'm not even messing I'm not even messing I'm not even messing And that was the only one

That I slid to figure in She was in the toilet That dirty fucking cow That's why she won't come To Edinburgh anymore Yeah Yeah Because it's all

A bit too much for her Yeah But yes It's an amazing festival of art Yeah Isn't it's all a bit too much for her. Yeah. But yes, it's an amazing festival of art. Yeah. That's why I go now. Isn't it?

Kiss all the girls out of it. So that was part one of our interview with Richard's stupid idiot penis hair. I can't imagine people are going to be

going, oh, what happens in part two? Does he survive? Unfortunately, yes. I can reveal that now. If you're bored now, imagine how you'll feel

with another hour yeah nice it was nice to chat with Richard wasn't it yeah it was I say chat with him be chatting up second part of that

tomorrow do keep downloading do keep telling your friends do keep tweeting about it and on our Facebook and all that about our podcast we do appreciate that

a lot of you doing it and plenty more if you can we know how many people download it we know how many people tweet about it and there's a massive fall off oh yeah so get tweeting yeah if you can help We know how many people download it. We know how many people tweet about it. And there's a massive fall off. Oh, yeah.

So get tweeting. Yeah, if you could help us with that, that'd be really, really good. Also, if you could plug our Edinburgh show, that'd help us as well. Beacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly. 940 plus is dum-dum-dum. Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum.

And you missed that. Anyway, Beacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly. Anyway, 940 plus is dum-dum-dum-dum-dum. Anyway. And if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, which is the 7th of August it's two for one tonight

nice one mate yeah I might come oh yeah you should come yeah I might oh I'll come with you we can get in for two

for one nice one mate 50 page yeah that was the Begot and Gamble Edinburgh podcast it was a ready

production hosted by chortle.co.uk presented by me and Ed our show is what the one we just told you

we'll be back again tomorrow on music by Thomas Menderay and we shall see you tomorrow with the second part of Richard Herring

bye bye up your bums up your bums bye bye