The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2013 Episode 12 (Ed Byrne)

Episode Date: June 6, 2021

"Edinburgh Fringe 2013 Episode 12 (Ed Byrne)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 124 of 128.

Pico and Gamble Edinburgh podcast. Hola! Hola! Hola, chicas! Es que no te conocía nada más. What, mate? I don't know any other languages. I'm Red Peacock, hello.

Hola, I'm Ed Gamble. How are you? Yeah, I'm absolutely fine, mate. Yeah, good. I'm Rippy Cock. Hello. Hola. I'm Ed Gamble. How are you? Yeah, I'm absolutely fine, mate. Yeah, good. I'm feeling pretty good. Are you? How are you? Why are you being confrontational with me?

I thought that was just with the guests. I'm not. I wasn't. Are you? You're all right, yeah? Good. I'm glad you're all right. I apologise.

Sorry. I thought we had a medical podcast today. A medical one? Yeah. I thought we should... Oh, after your horrible evening. I've got my results back from the hospital. I thought we should maybe just, after your horrible evening. I've got my results back from the hospital. I thought we should maybe just go through them.

Okay, straight in. Clinical notes. What if this is the first time someone's listened to the podcast? I highly enjoy it. Right-sided abdominal pain. Right. Sorry, if you didn't know, Ray had kidney stones the other night. He was in horrific pain.

Don't say it like it's nothing. I'm going on to say what happened. He had to go to the hospital. He was in horrific pain. Don't say it like it's nothing. And he... I'm going on to say what happened. He had to go to the hospital. Looks well, said here. Looks well? Yeah. Well, they don't know what you look like normally, so I think that's a punt in the dark.

Alert. Alert. CRT less than two. I don't know what that means. CRT. Cock reaction time. Okay. Less than two, that's not bad, is it? Abdominal soft, non-tender.

What does that mean, mate? You're giving me some fat. CXR, no obvious consolidation. Lung fields clear. Bloods, nad. That was very painful when they took those out. Nad blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, let's have a look. We'll go through this. The report. Well, I'd like to hear this, mate, because I think you need to be looking after yourself a bit more during the French. Well, we'll go through this. So, mid-right ureretic calculus at the level of the inferior end plate of l3 would you get a little knob central attenuation 300 hu there is no

associated right proximal hydro ureter hydronephrosis renal edema or perinephric stranding this is the worst podcast we've ever done. Further five millimetre right upper pole renal calculus. That's not good. The left kidney and ureter are normal. I know what that means. That means there's a kidney stone in my right kidney. Right.

Grossly normal. Grossly normal? Yeah. Partially distended urinary bladder. I was thinking about this last night. It's grossly normal. I think it means that's normal for a fat man. I think that's what it means.

I genuinely think that's what it means. No, I just think it means that's normal for a fat man I think that's what it means I genuinely think that's what it means no I just think it means really normal grossly normal I think it just means you are fucking normal mate but it's distended

urinary bladder taking into account the non-conscious phase of scan the liver spleen adrenals pancreas

gallbladder and biliary tree are normal no size significant lymph node enlargement within the abdomen or pelvis

no free fluid. Uncomplicated diverticulosis. I don't know what that is. It means you're stupid. Uncomplicated. The bowel is otherwise grossly normal. I think that means I had a poo in me. I think that's what that means. On the x-ray, could they say you had a poo in you? Of course they can, yeah. CT scan. The lung

bases are clear. No bony destructive lesions of the scanned skeleton. So that's good, isn't it? I've got no... And they put skeleton, did they? I've got no bony destructive lesions of the scanned Skellington. So that's good, isn't it? I've got no... And they put Skellington, did they? I've got no bony destructive lesions of the scanned Skellington. Mate, on that NHS form, I'm telling you now, they've not written Skellington. Conclusion, 2mm right

mid ureteric calculus at the level of inferior end plate of L3, right renal calculus. So that's... Everyone can tell me what all that means. Yeah. Sounds like I'm in pretty good shape well apart from the fact you had to go to hospital with a kidney stone

well I think I'm in pretty good shape no we need to start we're going to start looking after you better this fringe we can't have you going down

because you're important I'm not sorry I'm just going to take you through those results again it just says it says here listen now

the liver spleen adrenals pancreas gallbladder and biliary are normal. So that's... I would imagine if they'd done a scan of you, they would say the liver, spleen, adrenals,

what the fuck? Gallbladder and biliary are normal. Because, of course, how is your pancreas these days? It doesn't work. Mine's normal, mate. It doesn't work. According to this, mate, my pancreas is in great shape. It's normal.

No, it doesn't work, mate. Yeah, so I am winning this. Well, if we're playing organ top trumps. Right, let's go for it. Right. I mean, now this is going to end, don't we? Yeah, I think we do. Knobs on the table.

Is it? Yeah. What? Please. Please let it end with knobs on the table. Why is it going to end with knobs on the table? Because it's checking all our organs. A knob isn't an organ.

It is, mate. It's not. Oh, mine is, mate. Whoa. No, it's not. Your knob's an organ. Your knob's not an organ. What is it then?

A bit of flesh. It's not a bit of flesh. It's not an organ, mate. It's not an organ. It's not an organ. You never let all them double entendres pop my organ in your mouth. No, but it's not an organ.

Get your gums round my organ. Who's ever said that? That's not a double entendre. She was horrible. She an organ. Get your gums round my organ. Who's ever said that? That's not a double entendre. She was horrible. She was horrible. Get your gums round my organ. Let's put her on the organ. And she said,

get your gums round my organ. Yeah, that's weird, isn't it? It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, it is weird. It's horrible. She's got her organ out. I think the knob is an organ. It's not.

Well, let's write in. Let's write in. Yeah, I'm saying to the listener. Write in if you think the knob is an organ. Write now on a bit of paper. Post it through our letterbox. Is the knob an organ or not? I think it is an organ. I think it's not an organ. Right, get your knob out and put it on the listener. Write in if you think the knob is an organ. Write no on a bit of paper. Post it through our letterbox. Is the knob an organ or not? I think it is an organ.

I think it's not an organ. Right. Get your knob out and put it on the table. What, to check to see if it's an organ or not? I will check. I'll press it twice

if it makes a noise it's an organ. Right. Let's play organ top drums. Right. Okay. Go. Lungs.

Fine. Yeah. Mine are fine. How do you know though? Because I can breathe. But you've not had a CT scan. I'm absolutely fine, mate. Or a chest x-ray.

I have. I've had loads. I have medical checks every three months. Fine. Okay. I'm absolutely fine, mate. Or a chest x-ray. I have. I've had loads. Within the last 24 hours. I have medical checks every three months. Fine. Okay, your lungs are fine. Yeah. Go.

Liver. Absolutely fine, according to this. Same. Liver function, absolutely fine. Yeah. Spleen. Spleen, absolutely fine. That's fine.

Adrenals. Adrenals. That's kidneys, isn't it? Adrenal glands, that's all kidneys. Let's just say kidneys. It can't be kidney, because it said they're normal. All right, okay. Well, let's just say kidneys in general. Yeah. Mine's fine. Okay. Pancreas. Hang on. say kidneys. It can't be kidney because it said they're normal. All right, okay. Well, let's just say kidneys in general.

Yeah. Mine's fine. Okay. Pancreas. Hang on. Your kidneys. If we're doing top trumps. They're fine.

No, they're not. They're fine. You've got a bit of gravel in one of them. Yeah, but the main bit of gravel. You've gone around eating people's drives and it's finally come back to bite you in the ass. The other bit of, kind of what it feels like, but in your back. Yeah.

The other stone is moving. It's moving. It's on its way. It's like, I've had enough of this. Yeah, well, you're going to lose another card then, aren't you? This kidney's too perfect. I'm going. Right. The other stone is moving. It's moving. It's on its way. It's like, I've had enough of this. Yeah, well, you're going to lose another card then, aren't you? This kidney's too perfect.

I'm going. Right, sorry. Kidneys, that's my card. Right. Yeah. All right, so my kidneys aren't working great.

Yeah, but mine are better, so I win the card. Fine. Pancreas. Yeah, not, and mine's not working. At all. It's not.

Probably not. I mean, it probably, there's minimal, no, it's probably dead. Right, so here we go. So now, so my kidneys aren't great great but I win the card though

you can't in top trumps you don't do it it's whoever has the most fine gallbladder fine

your biliary tree my biliary tree that's what it says biliary tree biliary tree who was that b-i-l-i-a-r-y new word

tree biliary tree our normal which sounds like bad English to me. It should say is normal. Not our normal. We'll pull him up on that, mate.

You've got a few trees in your bilirutry. Look, I think it's a draw. My kidneys are fine, but my pancreas is essentially... I may as well just have a bit of ox tongue. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Alright.

So why are you going... Oh, we need to look after you when we've both got the same top trunks. Because I... Because I know that my pancreas doesn't work, alright? So, why are you going, oh, we need to look after you, when we've both got the same top trunks? Because, because I, because I know that my pancreas doesn't work, so I'm looking after myself. I know that mine works, mate,

I don't know if you want to have a look at that, mate, so that the pancreas can work. Yeah, but I'm like, I don't know if you notice, I like injects and stuff, and I'm looking after my teeth.

I'm not bothered about any of that. Yeah, you don't need to, because your pancreas is fine. My pancreas is, as it says, normal. But you need to look after yourself,

to stop you getting, you need to stop eating that gravel. Right. is fine. My pancreas, as it says, is normal. But you need to look after yourself to stop you getting... You need to stop eating that gravel. Right. Bowls of gravel in the morning instead of cereal. Can we just cut down to one? No, you've got to stop eating the gravel. One gravel. Right.

I'll have one gravel a day. No, because it's just one that's done it, hasn't it? You know, I don't know what's good to eat to stop the kidney stones happening. Not spinach. Not spinach. Not coffee. All you eat at the moment is spinach and gravel.

Do you know what? I started eating spinach and then started again and it was stupid. I shouldn't have done it. Yeah.

Can't have it. Somebody can't have it. Yeah. Same with coffee, same with coke. Yeah. Just can't have it.

I'm not allowed it. Coffee, coke, spinach and gravel. Yeah. Right. So we'll need to... God, it's making me really hungry, this.

Is it? I'd love that for my dinner. I would love that for my dinner meal. It'd be a lovely dinner, that, wouldn't it? I'd be smashing that, I would. The thing is, the spinach is quite an irony flavour,

and then you get the real texture from the gravel. What if I... Iron brew. Eat iron brew. What if I eat kidney? That might make it better, and build it up a little bit. Yeah, so I've got super kidney. Super kidney.

So next time I have one of these scans, it'll come back, kidney, super. Yeah. Like, immense. Kidney, human, apart from a it'll come back kidney super. Yeah. Like, immense. Kidney bit... Human, apart from a bit of a lambs one. Exactly. So, conclusion, it says at the bottom,

Ed Byrne is today's guest. Is what it says. This is the doctor at the Royal Cemetery has said that Ed Byrne is the guest in the interview tonight. It says, furthermore, the show of the patient is called Heartthrobs. Yeah. It's at the Pleasance Courtyard. This is a stunning link, mate.

9.45pm. Sorry to interrupt it, but this is an absolutely stunning link. It is, mate. Just to let you know. I think we're all grateful to Dr. Fothergill, who's written this, and she says that the show is very, very good.

Hang on. It's selling out every night. She? Yeah. Don't think so, mate. You might want to read that again. It does.

Dr. J. Fothergill. Yeah, Dr. J. Jonathan Fothergill. No, I met her. James Fothergill. I met her. She was lovely. A nurse.

You met a nurse. No, no, she was a doctor, mate. No, mate. Female doctors are called nurses. It's like deers. It's a doze.

Isn't it? I'm not going to deal with this. He listens to anything I've done. Peacock and Gamble. Peacock and Gamble. Have you had issues with the press?

not really there was I'm not famous enough for them to care I think you're famous sometimes when if I'm going out with somebody like they pretended

I was going out with Patrick Kenseth and they knew I wasn't right how did they how would they make that connection we went out

we were doing we did a show together and it was me her Ralph Little and I was, we went out, we were doing, we did a show together and it was me, her, Ralph Little and Ralph Little's girlfriend went out for a drink. It was a photograph taken

of the four of us coming, leaving the place. But we got into separate cabs and then according to the newspaper, those cabs then met up and we got, the two of us got into another cab together which just didn't happen.

Yeah. And then they had a source close to the couple said oh they're enjoying it and all that sort of thing and did you kiss her?

no finger her? obviously yeah I mean that could be like as long as they don't say oh they're engaged yeah

so there is something going on with Ed Byrne and Patsy Kensick because he fingered her in the nightclub I think I'm as close to going out with her

as anyone else who has seen Lethal Weapon 2 right yeah I know exactly what you're saying by that I think we all did that

yeah at some point Lethal Weapon 2 was a weird one wasn't it that was and then there was Letitia Dean who I did have

had a couple of weeks fling with did you with Letitia Dean and that got in the papers and then it's funny because then they phoned me about that

because they knew it was true yeah yeah whereas with the Patrick Hensley they knew it wasn't so they never even contacted me right

but they kind of we'd already broken up by then we'd already you know I didn't know you went out with her to Shadeen for like two weeks

what was wrong with her she kept saying are you my boyfriend and what were you saying I said well let's just wait and see and she said well why do men always say that? I said, because you asked them after the second date

and they're your boyfriend. This is gold. But then, like, three months later, there was a thing in the Star, I think it was, saying that we'd now broken up because I'd said I wanted to see other people. That was very... That's kind of specific, isn't it?

Yeah, and I phoned her and I didn't speak to her. I left a message saying, look, I know that this... I'm sure this wanted to see other people. That was very... That's kind of specific, isn't it? Yeah, and I phoned her and I didn't speak to her. I left a message saying, look, I know that this... I'm sure this hasn't come from you. Who else have you been out with famous? No one. You have.

I haven't. You can't just say... I've only been out with one famous person and that was for two weeks. With Tisha Dean, then? Yeah, but you know that she plays Sharon on EastEnders. I'm fully aware of that.

Fully aware of that. You went out with Sharon off EastEnders, mate. So... We didn't even go out. Mate, you went out with her. EastEnders mate so we didn't even go out mate you went out with her okay don't shout

sorry I got a bad throat and I think she was engaged something like three months later right were you in love with her it sounds

everything everything you're saying now it would suggest that you were really in love with her did you fall in love with her then it scared you that was

that was about the size of it yeah were you worried about, like, Dirty Dan coming after you or anyone like that? Is that mental, though? Is that, like, weird to go...

Because I guess you would have known her as Sharon. Yeah. Like, in your past, you would have known that she was Sharon Offey-Sanders. She was, again. She was Sharon Offey-Sanders

at the time. Is that not really weird, though? Is it not an odd thing? Absolutely. It was very... Well, it was very weird that I met her. I was at the fucking Soap Awards. That though is it not an odd thing absolutely it was very well it was very weird that I met her I was at the

fucking soap awards that's how I why were you there I was there with a mate of mine so this all serves I know I don't know this is not what

we intended to focus on with this interview it's not it's not but now that you can feel I've got my nails in there yeah

I went to the soap awards yeah that's the bit by bit because a friend of mine a guy called Tristan Gemmel who I was in a sitcom with right was also

like he was I think he was in what was it was it Family Affairs was that the one that was on Channel 5 yes yeah he was in that

for a month okay and so he got invited what was the sitcom you were in I was in a sitcom called Sam's Game with Davina McCall

did you go out with Davina McCall I did not go out with Davina McCall? No, I did not go out with Davina McCall. It's not like you, though, is it, Ed? Davina's married. Was she married then? She was married at the time. I apologise.

Did you say it's not like Ed, because he always goes out with... I've known him for years, and I know what he's like. There was a time when I was that type of person. Yeah, but very charming as well, so it wasn't like... I don't think you did it in a nasty way, particularly. I didn't have sex with people to hurt them

no but we got that on the record all them ladies that he done it to yeah I only did it to make you happy

he didn't mean to hurt you making myself happy was a happy you know side effect of just trying to cheer you up

yeah so you didn't go out withid mccall no no absolutely not but even then even that one i i think i got asked that in an interview and i said no no we're good friends i didn't even say we're just good friends i said we're good friends and yet the fucking headline was you know ed bernard to be mccall the truth just good friends it's like like there'd ever even been a rumor which they had you know it Ed Byrne and David McGough, the truth, just good friends. It's like, like there'd ever even been a rumor, which there hadn't.

You know, it's just, it's just the way they, they do it. I mean, this, this will, if this goes up now on the internet,

they'll find something in this now. They won't. They'll dust it down. They won't, they won't. They won't, mate. They won't. Because everything we say is copyrighted to us

on this podcast today. It can't be reprinted as well so I'll copyright if you do that you risk I love what you're just looking into the ether now

as if you're really making a pronouncement I'm quoting from our legal team you run the risk of facing the wrath of the very powerful P&G corporation

legal team yeah so we're having a private conversation that we are letting some people hear but you can't reprint it after the rigour of Leveson

I bet they're really shipping them to exactly so go on so how far did it go with Letitia Dean so you met her at the Sep Awards

and you met her that night yeah right let's act it out I'll be Letitia Dean and no go on

honestly this is I think I've shared enough now go coy now everyone wants to know what you're doing with us Honestly, this is... I think I've shared enough now. I'm going to call you now. Everyone wants to know what you're doing with us. I've met Letitia Dean a few times.

All right. Because I've got a mate who was in a... Did you do anything with her? Do you know what? Did you do anything with her? I did not, no. Would you like to hear my Letitia Dean impression? Yeah, go on. You're trying to do me a bit of a arse, you dirty bastard.

Pickle can gamble, pickle can gamble. you dirty bastard so let's go back to when I first met you I know when it was do you know when it was when we first met you were in Big and Daft yeah back in the back in

so 97 I think it might have been there or thereabouts maybe a bit later 98 I'll tell you when I first the first time I met you was you were doing a sitcom pilot

with Brendan Burns, Steve Frost Yes, yes, yes. Jesus Green it was called. That was it. It was set in Cambridge. Yes. And I came along to that. There's a place in Cambridge called Jesus Green. Just get in and go, why is it called Jesus Green just because it's set in Cambridge?

That's why it's called it. I didn't know that until afterwards. I didn't know until afterwards. Until after the show had been recorded it was a good show but it never got picked up it actually wasn't very good I remember it being good there was some good jokes

in it and that was all which I've learnt is not enough for a sitcom to just have good jokes in it you need to have interesting characters

it's a good cast as well it did a great cast Phil Nicol was in that Phil Nicol was yeah I need a waddy yeah well I remember it being good but my overriding memory was and i'm interested to know whether or not you feel the same about this is that me and

you didn't get on i don't even remember you being in it i wasn't in it i was just there you're just there why were you there i don't know i was backstage and stuff before we before we establish why you think you didn't get on with ed when you first met him, we're going to have to work out why you were there. Why was I the first person? Because if you just turned up and you

started annoying everyone when you weren't in it, then you probably didn't get on with anyone. That happened. Yeah. I did annoy

everyone. I think I got a bit giddy that I was at a TV studio. I can't remember where it was. I think it was Teddington.

Yeah. It was me and Rob Rouse. Rob was there as well. I think Rob was friends with Brendan Burns.

And I think he'd invited Rob and then Rob had brought me. Right. So this is why you didn't get on I'd imagine. Well it was sort of in the way. There was a mixture

of things I think. I honestly don't think I don't think me and you got on for I think there was a tension between me and you Ed Burn for a few years.

I don't remember. Do you not at all? I don't think at all. That's good then maybe it's just me being paranoid then. Yeah. I always thought

it was a slight little tension was it? No I always and I do remember that there was a genuine joke, a sort of funny thing that you had going with my girlfriend at the time, Susan. With Susan, yeah, of course. But it was a very jolly, jokey thing

that you were going to steal her from me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember I used to sort of jokingly play along with that. But that's how he does it. And I wonder if you maybe... That's how I do it, mate. Yeah.

He does it all jokingly, and then next thing you know, he's at the Soap Awards with Letitia Day. Yeah, yeah. I wonder if you misinterpreted that as genuine hostility. Do you know what?

I just remember something to do with that, which was, this was Susan Earle. Earle. Yeah. As is her equity name. As what?

Her equity name is Susan Earle. I always knew her as Susan Brown, which is her actual name. Yeah, same, same. I actually knew her as Susan Green because that's her real name

her actual actual real name I remember one day she had a book because she was in she was in a double act called Susan and Janice that's right I know exactly

what you're going to say and she had notes in it and you wrote notes in her book I wrote like a love letter dump Ed go out with go out with Ray

but I remember I remember her thinking I remember her saying honestly if he sees that he'll go mental that's not true at all I wasn't going to steal your girlfriend

I didn't think you were very beautiful lady of course absolutely very beautiful lady she was in Red Dwarf as well and I was doing the warm up on Red Dwarf but I wasn't doing that week

so I've not seen her for a long time and you know probably one of the few people I've gone out with that I still would have an amicable relationship with really that's nice I like that I still would have an amicable relationship with.

Really? That's nice. I like that. I mean, I haven't seen her in a long time. Yeah, but you wouldn't punch her in the face. We wouldn't cross the road to avoid each other. That's nice. I don't have any of those next girlfriends. What, that you wouldn't? That I'm still in touch with and still friendly with.

You'd always cross the road. I'd hate them all. Yeah. With a passion. That would be, you know... Because if we never got on then, it's not like we ever since became good friends.

Why would they be here right now? No, but when, but when, when we bump into each other and that, we'll like, we'll chat and say hello

and that, and it's, you know, but I honestly, I remember it then differently. So what's, what's worse now in this situation?

Is it, are you happy that you found out that there was never any, any animosity or are you a bit annoyed that it's clear that you made so little impact on Ed's life that he doesn't even remember? He didn't even think about it. Oh, I'm sorry. I think the thing I'm most annoyed about at the moment is that Ed's left his phone on.

Really rude of me. No, I think I'm relieved. Yeah. Because I wouldn't want that to be the case. In a way, do you not feel like we wasted a lot of time as potential friends with you thinking that I I harboured

will towards you yeah that really we should have been think of all those things you could have been you could have been doing no I don't feel that because I feel that

there's still a future gambling through pastures yeah we could have been coming stopping for a picnic that sort of thing yeah I don't feel that

because I feel that there's still time that's the way it is if you have a fallout with someone if I work something in the end

then don't worry but at least that's because there's a fallout there was actually no fallout here it's just wasted time I've always felt like I was

a Ross Noble as well he never liked you though I don't think he did he's been telling me he never liked you there's always been a slight tension with me and Ross Noble as well.

Yeah. For no good reason, other than me being a dick probably one. But no, not deliberately that way. Did you ever try and steal Ross's girlfriend?

I wasn't trying to steal Susan. Mate, if I was trying, then she'd be right now. It would have happened, yeah. It would have happened. And I wouldn't do that to Ed because he's only a young lad. He's come here today

with his Pearl Jam t-shirt on. And his cap on back. And he's a very young lad he's come here today with his Pearl Jam t-shirt on and his cap on and he's got a baseball cap on now and sunglasses because he's famous do you know what punched upon my head we bumped into you

what year was it we bumped into Ed on our way to our show 2012 I think it was 2011 it was yeah and we saw you on the street and it was like

Michael Jackson was there yeah the baseball cap really really low down did you get bothered a lot it was a Michael Jackson was there the baseball cap really really low down did you get bothered a lot it was a woolly hat actually and now I just take my glasses off

and I just melt into the crowd comics do that though comics when they get to a certain level of fame all have a look they really do like Russ Howard

he'll wear his glasses and his hood up don't tell people that they'll never be able to spot him. Greg Davis, he always has that weird cap on that he wears. Yeah. Harry Hill wears that weird little cap that he always wears in real life.

Yeah. Yeah, and he takes his glasses off as well. Yeah. I just take my glasses off. And I sometimes wear a cap. Why do you hate the general public so much? I don't at all. I really don't.

I just, it just takes a lot longer to get down the streets if everybody wants you to, and not everybody wants me to stop for a photograph, but at the Edinburgh Fringe, when I'm out in town, if I'm out and about in London, I don't do anything to try and disguise myself or anything like that. And the odd person will say, yeah, that's fine. But the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, it's so heaving with people. Yeah. And they're here for the Fringe, so they're aware of who people are and stuff like that.

Yeah, of course. So it's just a bit more intense, really. Right. you know, who people are and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, of course. So it's just a bit more intense, really. Right. I mean, even we have five or so people. Yeah.

I had one yesterday with a girl that came out of a pub and she went, you're that really famous comedian from the telly? And I went, I'm a comedian?

And she went, no, no, I'm Russell Hart's Good News. And we had this pub called Naughty Kate. Right. And his catchphrase was piss.

He was all like, piss. Right? And she went, aye, aye went you can the wee thing and he goes fuck

and I was going no it's piss and she went I and she went to another one and went you can this

is here and I had a photo and he went you can the wee thing and he goes fuck and I was stood next to one of our

lamppost adults as well and there was no she didn't make any connections to that at all no I'm trying to photo talk and the bosoms were really pressed against my chest

yeah so you told me this yesterday and it was fine it was a nice I think we'll all agree it's a nice an anecdote the whole fact

and then it all just slips into and then her bosoms were pressed yeah and then suddenly I started thinking well how did he talk

about my girlfriend when he was friends with her back in the day and suddenly was he like oh Ed's girlfriend gave me a hug and I totally

could feel her boobs I could feel her bosoms same bosom no Susan L mate we're not turning it into this fuck me mate he dropped on me

that one but hey beautiful girl though Susan L if you're listening Susan you probably are probably still

listen to all I bet no I bet she listens to all your stuff yeah I bet she does as well I bet she does as well

if you've got any Google alerts out for you for when you're objectified on podcasts Susan L on podcast what would you do if it turned out if me and Susan L

ended up going out with each other now or one of your or Letitia Dean what if you found out right what if it came out this fringe right and Susan Earl ended up going out with each other now? Or one of you, or Letitia Dean. What if you found out, right? What if it came out this fringe, right? Oh, big thing on Chorl. Oh, you know that Ray P...

Big thing on Chorl. Yeah, that would be huge on Chorl. Ray P goes out with Sharon from EastEnders. How would you feel about that, then? I'd be very happy for you both. Would you not have me? But I'd feel slightly concerned for you. For me?

Yeah. With which one, though? Which one are we saying? With Sushant. Yeah, I'd be slightly I'd just be a bit concerned for you I might be right for her

I might be I think she might have gotten married though don't worry about that what about this what about right this came out of Chorallite tomorrow

they said maybe you guys can have a little tissue date that's fine and you were like okay I'm very happy for them both

and then at the bottom it just went oh by the way she regularly lets him do her up the ass but that's not fair yeah that's exactly

so that's why would you be more angry on stage tonight I would just assume that you must have a much smaller penis I almost certainly have a bigger penis

fucking massive is it really it's incredible is it no because you're a very slight man it's not

do you know what it is it's the only part of me that's normal size right the rest of me is quite underdeveloped. So it looks bigger. So it looks bigger.

Okay. I think mine is massive, but because I've got a big body in that, it makes it look pathetic. Yeah. But I think it's massive. I think on a Lego man, mine would look enormous.

Mine's really huge, but yours is, I'm sure, is at least bigger than a Lego man, though, right? Which one are we talking about? I mean, just a standard Lego man. If you're are we talking about I mean just a standard

Lego man at all if you're talking about one of the Star Wars ones like an Emperor's Royal Guard or something

it's edging the borderline mine's massive but it's shaped like a triangle it tapers right down to the end it's horrible

it's like the end of a Toblerone it's not nice so that's penises done so is that your chat up then

do you want to feel the thin end of the wig yeah start using that one you're making an argument I'll split you like oak

oh heavens if you had a penis that shape it would it would be like it would be like it would be but you wouldn't have to put a catchphrase with it

no he wouldn't I'll split you like oak I was thinking I was remembering Monster's Ball there remembering Peter Boyle's horrible really horrible moment in Monster's Ball there remembering Peter Boyle's horrible really horrible moment

in Monster's Ball interestingly Ed Has Got A Ball is like a monster as well that goes with his train give it up it's a very circular Sally from Monsters Inc

thematically linked with fine blue hair so how many elements have you done? do you even know? could you tell me right now? No, I can tell you that this is my 10th one man show. Okay. But I also did So You Think You're Funny in

94. Right. Young Gifts in Green 2 in 95. I did a play in 2003 called Kings of the Road and I also did the Amnesty gig a couple of years when I wasn't doing anything else. So I've actually been at the festival for one reason or another.

I think every year bar one since 94. So this would be my 19th festival. Is it massive to you? Or did you just do it as a matter of course? Did you just think, oh, we'll just be there? No, it didn't for a while. And then when I sort of ran

the sort of turn of the millennium, I took my foot off the gas creatively and professionally. Right. Why? I just kept thinking, oh, the next of turn of the millennium. I took my foot off the gas creatively and professionally. Right. Why? I just kept thinking, oh, the next thing I'll just come along. I've reached a point where I was doing ads and I was doing TV shows and then I started to just keep going and it doesn't.

Yeah. So it just stopped. Okay. And so then I came back to Edinburgh with my tail between my legs in 2004. Right. And I've been coming back every at least two, there was one time where it was a three-year gap, but two or three years since then.

Yeah, yeah. And I come back because it's a great place to premiere your new show. Normally, I'm having a bit of difficulty this year, actually, in that the idea is I'd come here with the new show, get a bit of press attention, as people do. Yeah, yeah. Get a bit of buzz to then go off on tour with us. But none of the

press want to come and see me because we're all saying oh well we're going to see everything else that's on in Edinburgh at the Fringe

and then we'll just go and see you on tour and review your thing we always worry about that it's a totally different level to you but we always worry about that

about putting our tour dates on flyers and things like that with audience rather than press yeah but there's an element of it

which is it's a double edged sword a bit because you go well you want to make it look like not make it look you want to show you're doing well with audience rather than press yeah but there's an element of it which is it's a double edged sword a bit because you go well you want to make it look like not make it look

you want to show you're doing well enough to do a tour and you want to have all them tour dates and people go oh they're a serious thing they're an actual thing

same time you don't want people going to bed and not going right we can see one thing today oh look they're coming to that theatre near us in October

which go then but you get you're quite prominent in Edinburgh though I know you're on the front I saw a magazine today you were on the front I saw a magazine today you were on the front of yeah Edinburgh Festival's magazine

gave me an interview you know and that's fine they gave me a bit of coverage but no one wants to come and review me like the guy who did that interview isn't going to come

and see the show is that not brilliant well I'd like to have a decent review to then tell people that would help then publicise the tour as a whole

we'll do one now you're going to give me a review you haven't seen the show I'll be alive what happens in it you come on tell us how did you come on

at the beginning I used my legs to walk to just walk on the thing I've seen you come through cross through I have that was in 2000

that was the standing up and falling down show that was 2006 and what did you do with that I had a big wall it was very dejectory and I dove through the wall and it worked really nice

because then that all these there were foam bricks then all over the stage acted like a a set yeah yeah

it was quite nice I rested my beer on one okay but other than that I haven't created no just wander onto an empty stage well there's a microphone

and a table and I'll put my beer on already in my review I'm saying he doesn't seem as bothered it's always nice as you know we could argue

that this might be partly to do purity of material and purity of the performance with no gimmicks however I remember a few years ago he made a real effort

with a load of boxes that he all banged down onto the floor so at the moment I'm unsure about this show then what happens? Pretty early on, looky likey gag that gets a big laugh.

What did you say you look like now? Vicky Price. It's Vicky Price. She's the woman who went down for taking Christian's speeding points. Okay. Unfortunately, he made a reference early on

about someone I've never heard of. Right. So you've marked that down. I'm not giving any stars yet. You're still annoyed that it does even crash through some boxes. A little bit it does get a big laugh

it does get a big laugh and then and then and then and then even after we get the big laugh I then say does anybody here

not know what I'm talking about me well I say anyone from overseas does not know what I'm talking about no I'm from here

and they don't know and then at this point I would make everyone point and laugh at you for not knowing right it made me feel uncomfortable

it made me feel uncomfortable at the gig not a politically aware man that's what I would say about you now I at you for not knowing. Right, it made me feel uncomfortable. It made me feel uncomfortable at the gig. Not a politically aware man. That's what I would say about you. Now I feel really uncomfortable. Good. I'm under attack. No, I'm reviewing you now.

You're a bad audience. You said you're struggling to get reviews, and I don't think you can afford to pick on the one reviewer. When the one reviewer thinks I'm good. Even you've only managed to come hypothetically. All right, so then what happens in the middle of it? Even you've only managed to come hypothetically. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Alright,

so then what happens in the middle of it? You don't have to do the actual joke, just give us a joke. There's a bit of politics in the middle. Right. I had the chair

of the Scottish Conservative Party in the audience last night. I'll say that. I'll mention that. Now you're another. Now you're in the shit

aren't you? Because you're not meant to say it. I said it when George Osborne. Right, and did they did they speak to you

no but I got a tweet from a couple of people that said there was that nearer her or what the chair of the Scottish Conservatives she said

I think she's a you know I don't know 100% but I think she's a lesbian which surprises me for the chair of the Scottish Conservatives yeah yeah

is she a lesbian did you try and get off with her and she said no I actually think I just only because she was tweeting some stuff because I didn't have a quick look at her twitter feed as well she tweeted some stuff about lgbt stuff so just maybe perhaps i'm assuming does that mean

that someone's a lesbian it seems very unlikely to me for the chair of the conservative party to be tweeting lgbt stuff fair play fair play yeah yeah yeah okay and did the people say that she was enjoying it Or did they say They didn't They didn't say But they said it made it Particularly funny for them When I started attacking

The Conservative League Nice okay Well they also had a pop With David Miliband Right And you know I always had a little pop With Chris Hoon

And I Even at one point Before I absolutely Eviscerate George Osborne I do say that he's the only one I don't like Right That I really hate And I even said And I don't like Right that I really hate

and I even said and I don't normally say this it just came out for some reason because sometimes no matter how much you hate them you meet these people

and a lot of times they're actually quite nice people Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course I met Charles Brandreth the other day and I was getting ready to just go I was hate

He's charming I think he would be as well and it's just very difficult just because someone's a right wing person But I mean but do you know I think he would be as well and it's just very difficult just because someone's a right wing person you know but I mean but do you know

I think it's weird though I honestly think it's weird that somebody working in the arts or somebody who like Brumduth's a funny fucker he actually is and he is a very charming man

I think when he's on stuff and that and it really annoys me it's like even Boris Johnson to a certain extent even though he's got a really evil undercore

but you just go you could be such a nice man docoat but you just go you could be such a nice man do you know what I mean you could be such a nice man and you ruin it with that

you ruin it with these horrible opinions if you think about how many people do you know particularly older relatives and stuff

like that if you scratch the surface they fucking hate the poor I guess it's a lady good for nothings and why are we

letting foreigners into the country there's a lot of people who you probably like otherwise who still harbour political views. So what do we do about that? What do we do? Quite the opposite.

Try not to ask them about it. I'm very fond of my father-in-law. Very fond of him. But he reads the Mail and the Express. My mum reads the Mail. My mum reads the Mail as well. And I think that's why I hate the things that the Daily Mail and the Daily Express write

as much as I do because they take perfectly nice people and they turn them into nasty people. I think that's gone on with my

mum. She's not nasty by any stretch of the imagination but my mum always said I'll read it to see what they're

saying. I can understand that point of view yes. But then you talk for a little bit longer and then you start

hearing little bits in her real opinions. But of course you know they have to learn how to speak Muslim at school now and it's so

unfortunate isn't it that it's such a that it is conning people into my mum buys it for the weekend magazine

does she yeah she does well of course Garfield's in the mail on Sunday as well yeah most of the cartoons are

that's what whenever I watch a quiz show and they ask what newspaper is such and such in in the Mail on Sunday as well. Yeah. Most of the cartoons are. That's what, whenever I watch a quiz show and they ask what newspaper is such and such in, I always say the Mail. You're generally right because the Mail has

that massive, like, book in the middle. It was the You magazine for a while. No, it was... What was the You magazine originally? It still is.

Oh, was it? You magazine. No, it was like, it was called like the Mail on Fun Day or something like that. That could be it. It was Fun Day Time. Fun Day... No, that was like that. That could be it. It was Funday Time.

Funday. No, that was the Times. They don't have that anymore, but that was the big... Because Fred Bassett, he's the mail. He's in the mail, I think. And he was... I always remember him being part of a big wadge of... Yeah.

Who made the first movie? Was it you or Letitia Dean? Have we got more have we got back to that now yeah I just don't want to talk about

like what the male do on on the Sunday yeah so then there's a bit of policy in the middle and then towards

the end I've talked about having kids and then I can tell you here I finish with should we keep

take that out because we don't have a spoiler alert it is quite it is quite a big fantastic ending Ed's just told me something that happens

at the end of his show Ed Burner's just told me what happens at the end of his show but I'm not going to put it in the podcast but how has it affected your review

again the problem with it is can I just say that the 2012 champion of this thing that I would then do at the end of the show was in my show

the other night and he complimented me on my form and technique. But again, the thing about it is, and I won't say what it is, what I'll say again, it's laziness again. It's a dramatic ending.

You won't have the boxes. It's very theatrical. You won't have the thing that you need to do that properly. I do have the thing. I go off and I get a thing with a strap on it and everything. That's another style. Fuck you. Come on.

We've only got one so far. That's styling. Yeah. I don't know if I like this show and I like and do you know what you seem to be annoyed that there's no boxes

at the beginning that's really bothering me but you didn't see you didn't see that show you didn't even see the show where are the boxes excuse me I need to speak to you

like several nights on that in that run and I need to see your boxes being set up because I was on in the hut in the person's ground right next to you

and you were in the ground the big one I was in the little one there and even one Grand right next to you and you were in the Grand the big one I was in the little one there and even one night did you even hear the name of which you said the big one

big one you worked harder than me and then one night you even came and announced me on at my own show and then did your

own show you did it backstage on the mic that was nice of you and I had to walk out and go that was Ed Byrne

yeah he said I've got to tell you so I did I saw the set and I was very excited I saw an old couple come out of your show and you were yelling at them in character.

Is that true? Go on, fuck off, leave, go on. And I was shocked. I didn't know it was you. I just thought it was terrible that somebody was shouting at an old couple. You're saying character action. Who'd clearly gone to the wrong show.

He wasn't doing a character action. That was just... Do you think that was wrong of me? I think it seemed a little excessive But you don't know what happened in the actual gig No

I know that they left because it was clear you were not their type of thing Which is fine Which is better than them staying and staring at you and pulling you off your game Correct

It was better for all concerned if they'd just go Correct That's right And yet you punished them for it I apologise for that whoever you are I tell you what,

I very much doubt they listen to your podcast. I've seen you live. I think I did come to that show for a little. I think I saw about 20 minutes of it one night. The one with the boxes.

I'm certain of it because I really enjoy watching you and I came to see you as well on September the 10th, 2001. Oh, yeah. That was at the Ambassadors Theatre.

Yeah, it was your opening night. Yeah, that was a really bad gig. The second half was okay. The first half was terrible. I thought it was good. First half, I'll tell you what happened with that gig. My manager invited everybody in the business to that gig. And everybody in the business was there as well.

And they all came. Yeah, I was sat with Vegas. And it was, in the end, that gig and everybody in the business was there as well and they all came yeah I was sat with Vegas and it was in the end they only they only sold they had to stop selling tickets they only sold 60 tickets

because everybody said yes so the entire audience pretty much was invited it was an audience where their head burned yeah so nobody laughed I laugh well

everybody laughed in the second half the first half was terrible because it was almost just like everybody was just judging everybody was observing that sort of thing

and I think everybody went and had a drink and maybe had a bit of a chat at the interval and when they came back in for the first half was terrible because it was almost just like everybody was just judging everybody was observing that sort of thing and i think everybody went and had a drink and maybe had a bit of a chat at the interval and when they came back in for the second half it was fine but it was just like it seemed to me it would have been better if we'd maybe had a few more paying punters yeah to just laugh at the jokes i don't remember being a bad gig at all i remember being a terrible gig particularly the first half and then the second half being fine i guess you feel it more pleasantly maybe you just remember the second half you know and then the second half being fine I guess you feel more pleasant maybe you just remember the second half I remember the last gig and I got some bad reviews

off that because obviously it was pressed there as well nobody read them because the next day I didn't do the show the next day did you not do it at all?

didn't do the show the next day because obviously that was September 11th 2001 and then I did it people complained I told the audience

the next day people complained that I cancelled the show at such short notice. If I cancelled it in advance it would have looked a bit suspicious. The FBI would have

had something to chat about. Do you know what? I don't remember that gig as bad at all. I genuinely don't. That's an interesting thing, isn't it? Because that's an INR show

I thought it was dreadful and you said it was great. Yeah. See, we even differ when we're doing the same show. Same show, mate. You thought it was a good show mate you thought it was a good show I thought it was a good show

it was a bad show I was struggling with my voice all I could think of was I can't reach these higher shouty bits and I just didn't enjoy it myself are you a bit like a singer then

are you a bit like Meatloaf in that you have points in the show where you've really got to hit a shout yes there's a lot of them yeah there are some

very specific bits and it's only I can speak like just fair enough now quite a low voice but if I try and go high like I do in the are some very specific bits. And it's only... I can speak, like, just bare enough now. Quite a low voice. But if I try and go high, like I do in the show, with very loud bits, nothing comes out at all. It's horrible.

What's your advice? Oh, if you don't think it's going to happen, then don't go for it, you know? It's like... It's like the price is right. If you go over the price, then that's it. You know, your guess doesn't even count. You want to go under and still get as close as you can.

But what if that's not as funny? It's still going to be funnier than not making a noise at all. That's true. I would err on the side of caution. I'm going to give him another star because that was good advice. Oh, we can't in this part

of the review of his show. No, you've got three so far. Okay. You've got three so far and you've got about seven minutes to earn your last two stars. I don't care how you want to do it. I think you should do an impression

and get a star from me for this. No, because I haven't started the review at that point. No, that's true. There's two ways you can go with this now, Ed. Because obviously, comics all hate getting

a three star review. Yeah. So you can try and get another, you can pander and try and get another star or you can be so objectionable that we knock a star off. Go for the...

I should go Kamikaze, shouldn't I? I'd go for the one star. I'd just drive it into the dirt and let's go. That guy just doesn't like me. I like you. Go for the... I should go Kamikaze, shouldn't I? Yeah. I'd go for the one star. I just drive it into the dirt and that guy just doesn't like me. I like you. That's the problem with this. No, but I can say that.

That's why I'm disappointed. That's why I'm disappointed because I like you and I don't feel like you've delivered. That's my disappointment in this review. I don't want you to say that in the review.

Exactly. I want you to say this just isn't my thing. Fine. Go for it then. Go for it. So, I'm going to talk really just isn't my thing fine go for it then go for it so I'm going to

talk really quietly and not alter my pitch or volume monotonous getting monotonous two stars straight away

two stars very monotonous performance two stars and also I don't get any part of my body out other than my head and my hands

you don't see my cock and my arms. You don't see my cock, my arms, nothing. Three stars, back up. Oh! Exactly. What the brother got to do to get one star up in this bit? You seem to have mistook me for a 13-year-old girl

who would be disappointed by such a thing. You seem like a man who enjoys a bit of art out action. That's all. You seem like a man who respects nudity in comedy. Right, made horrible assumptions about me, back down to two stars. Okay,

right. This is going well, this is going well. But it's still, I feel like an abused child. I really feel like I don't know what to do to please Daddy.

That happens a lot. Will I get a hug or will I get a punch? Come on, show Daddy what he can do. At the record show, Ed is now dancing, doing a soft shoe shuffle

oh daddy likes that that's good is that another star what a pretty little girl he is probably back up to three for the lovely little girl

I think it's going to probably end at two stars surely now it's going to be trying too hard to please one star one star have you ever had

a one star review no do you know what in 2004 I had a two star review no do you know what in 2004 I had a two star fest and all the bad reviews I had that year spent the first two or three paragraphs talking about the fact that I'd been doing an ad for the car from warehouse so they were bringing their baggage

to the review anyway they decided on me yeah I was absolutely heckled with it because you've done a couple of ads and stuff and I was absolutely heckled with it because you've done a couple of ads and stuff and absolutely heckled with that I remember the

car phone warehouse thing I remember was there a shoe one yeah I did an ad for Brantano shoe shops

I remember you being heckled late and live for that yeah possibly you had great comebacks to it and you're doing

Tesco ads at the moment aren't you Tesco mobile yeah which is for some reason me and mobile phones just

yeah seem to be the thing. He's got a pleasing voice. Yeah, I have to say, there are certain comics I would be very disappointed in if they did ads. Okay.

But I think it would be quite pretentious for some people, and I think some people who say, oh, I would never do an ad, I think are quite pretentious

for saying so. Yeah, okay. Because that's going to rob you of your authority when you go out on stage and do jokes about how bad you are when it comes to premature ejaculation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? If I was a very political comedian, you know, and a changer of minds, then, yeah, I think it would be sad if I then prostituted myself to do commercials. Yeah. And I say, I think if Mark Thomas showed up... I'm not asking you to justify it. No, no, I know what you're saying. But I think if Mark Thomas showed up I'm not asking you to justify

I think if Mark Thomas showed up on an ad I'd be very disappointed Alexis Hale has said himself that he's the greatest hypocrite in comedy

for claiming to be a Marxist and then doing as much voiceover work as he's done over the years I think there's an element of it

what I think as I've thought about it over the years is I don't think it's exclusive to ads to be honest with you I think if that've thought about over the years is I don't think that I don't think it's exclusive to ads to be honest with you I think if that's the take people are going to have

with it if you're a political comic or whatever or if you you know have like you say a change of mind if you're that

I think even if you're on Total Wipeout that's just as that destroys your credibility just as much if that's what you do have you been on Total Wipeout?

I haven't been on Total Wipeout I had a whole other thing there where I thought what if he's on it? what if he's what you do have you been on Total Wipeout I haven't been on Total Wipeout I had a horrible thing there where I thought what if he's on it what if he's on it I have been on All Star Mr and Mrs

and All Star Family Fortune which are fairly you know I've had that sort of set out accusation over those things and it's like my job is to

is to go out is to be funny is to go on stage and tell people to be funny and I will go through various different vehicles to do that

you know obviously the idea is something like Live at the Apollo because it's just you on stage telling your jokes but you're still having to tell a watered down

version of your jokes you can't say this and you can't say that you're still editing and you're still to a certain extent what to say so you still can't be all

against the man but I'll do I'll do Live at the Apollo you know what I mean you're still still doing a version of yourself that's more fitting for TV

and then of course you've got your panel shows and stuff like that where you're pretending you're involved in a great big lie that pretends you're coming up with

stuff off the top of your head that you're really not there's all sorts of things so there's all various ways in which a person could be accused of selling out if they stray at all

from the purity of merely standing on a stage and saying what they think well I think once this review comes out I think there's a good chance you might get

on Live With The Apollo I have a feeling when this review comes out they'll go do you know what we'll take a punt on him we'll have a try of getting him on

so how about that so I might have got you on Live With The Apollo that'd be nice where are we standing with the review at the moment nice where are we standing with the review at the moment

seven stars wow because I felt he was so eloquent and he conveyed his argument in a pretty watertight way

it was like I wish you could have a sound effect on that as the stars were going up yeah we could just

put it to me eight eight I did get offered a McDonald's ad and said no ten stars McDonald's happy meal and I said no McDonald's Happy Meal and I said no

Why did you say no? Because I had just read Fast Food Nation And I didn't think And I'll admit I eat at McDonald's occasionally But I think the whole thing of selling The whole Happy Meal childhood indoctrination plan That they have I didn't agree with

And they don't advertise them anymore They've actually changed the advertising rules They can't advertise at Happy Meals now Because it is, you know, as part of the rules of advertising chugging food to kids.

So, you know, I was just a bit ahead of that ruling by saying, so I do have some standards when it comes to what I would and won't advertise. Well, well done

on your 10 star review. Thank you. 10? 10. That looks biased now, I think. I've not even finished speaking yet. Oh, I know.

Okay, well. Well done on your 10 star review. Take these 11 stars 10 hundred 10 hundred stars so everyone's going to look at this review review of Ed Burns new show

review of Ed Burns new show by comedian and friend there was never any awkwardness between them in the past

as it turns out 10 hundred stars 10 hundred stars all the stars even though he doesn't crash through boxes at the beginning all those stars do you know what I'm glad he hundred stars. All the stars you see on them. Even though he doesn't crash through boxes at the beginning. All those stars.

I'm like, do you know what? I'm glad he doesn't now. All those stars you see on all the different posters, all at Reddenburg, right? All of those are Redburn stars.

They're Redburn stars. And you won't see them on our posters this year because our management have decided to not bother putting them up. Really? Apparently that's a good thing.

I don't know where I stand on that. Yeah, I have to say, the fact that no one's reviewing me, my poster is already starting to look really bare

next to the posters around it as the squadrons of stars get plastered even though they're all by websites you've never fucking heard of

yeah but it's just you know man it's a weird like we said at the time because this was months ago this was said we're definitely going to do the strips on the posters

and we at the meeting went no no they make a difference no they don't yeah they do they really do and you know who knows what

will happen with it but our worry was that it would look like not that we'd not been reviewed at all that we'd had just bad reviews so there was nothing

to put on them at all which may be the case it is it's unfortunate it's like because everyone else is doing it then they're conspicuous

by their absence. Get out of shit or get off the pot, mate. But at this stage, I'm quite happy about it because there's nothing on the poster. And if they were putting the reviews up, I'd be panicking that we'd had bad reviews or no reviews. But now I can just think,

well, they've all been amazing, but they've just not put them up yet. Well, I'd add to that. That is quite difficult then for comedians who don't want to know. You know, like Glenn Wall, for instance, he said, you know, he doesn't want to know what his reviews are. But the thing is, you know, his promoter,

he got a four-star review in The Times, I think, a reputable publication. So that's gone on his poster. So he can't help but know. No, no, no, but you're not going to get you know that's not going to ruin your day is it you don't have to go and read it if you just say

oh they're pinpointing stuff up presume it's good or whatever but you know you don't have to go and engage in it my point is that it's impossible to for him

to not then be aware that the good ones are going to go on the poster and therefore if by the end of the first one that's all you get then that will seep into him as well you know

it's a very difficult thing to avoid I read them though. Actually, I want to know. But I'm not getting any. Three stars. Yeah. Have I lost my 10 hundred...

Have I lost 997 stars caring about my review? I don't think at your stage of life and career, you're a very, very successful comedian. You're a very, very good comedian. You've achieved an awful lot. You really have. I will grant you have. I will grant you that. I bet you

have got a big telly. I have a massive telly. How big's your telly? You know what? I said massive. It's a 58 inch. Oh, has it beat you? 55. Is it 3D? No. Jackson! I didn't bother with the whole 3D thing. Don't get into this because 3D's brilliant.

Okay. There's not even an argument about it. 3D is brilliant. Is it brilliant? It's brilliant. Should I get it? Absolutely, man. Absolutely.

I don't know that I should. It's brilliant, man. I mean, they're still competing with the formats. They still haven't decided on a 3D format. Well, they have, because all the 3D Blu-rays are all the same format. So they all work. You get real 3D, and you get the other 3D as well. But either way, it'll still work on the 3D Blu-rays are all the same format so they all work you get real 3D and you get the other 3D as well

but either way it'll still work on a 3D telly I bought some HD DVDs you know but now they don't work

because I just went because you chose the wrong one yeah because it was HD and it was Blu-ray yeah

and I had an Xbox and I played HD and then Blu-ray Blu-ray won it mate so my Jimi Hendrix live at Monterey HD DVD

just sits just sits on top of your pile of Laserdiscs. I bet you had Laserdiscs. And we had Betamax for tapes. Better quality as well, Betamax. Do you know why Betamax didn't get successful? I can't remember. I think you even told me this before.

Was it porn? Yes, because Betamax wouldn't license porn. There we go. They wouldn't allow porn to be used on the Betamax format. And so VHS just... Four stars. Shit. Cleaned up.

Four stars. Yeah, four stars. For applied knowledge. But then you lost one for backing the wrong horse in HD. Three stars. You ended up with a three star review, mate. Can I just say that I also had a PlayStation 3? I also had a Blu-ray player as well.

I put money on both horses. Is this a star off for showing off? It's two stars for arrogance. Flashing his money about. For being an early adopter. I remember seeing an article about you in the paper where you were sat in front of your farm or something.

I don't have a farm. I was in my garden. I remember being really shocked. And sitting on my ride on lawnmower. Yeah, yeah, that was it. I remember that. How did you remember that as farm? Because I remember it being, because he was on on my ride on lawnmower. Yeah, yeah, that was it. I remember that. How did you remember that as far?

Because I remember it being, I remember because he was on a fucking ride on lawnmower. He was on a tractor, essentially. I remember being really shocked.

I was really shocked because I presumed you were doing well but I didn't know you had that sort of money. Mate, you are money. I'm mega rain bridges. Yeah, two stars.

Two stars. Get that on your faces. Don't worry, we're going to do it this afternoon. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. That was Ed Byrne. That was Ed Byrne. That was nice, wasn't it? Yeah, well, I don't know.

I felt like a bit of a passenger in that interview because you two were just raking over old troubles. Well, apparently they weren't. Sorry if you're saying troubles. I know he's an Irish man. But they weren't any better than that,'re saying troubles. I know he's an Irish man. But there weren't any, were there not, it turns out. No. It was fine.

But it may not sound like there were any, but the listener wasn't in the room. I felt a sort of... A little tension. You know when Adam Buxton was talking about the tense interview between James Franco and Marc Maron? Yeah. I felt like that was our Franco.

Oh, really? Really? I didn't feel that at all. But maybe I misjudged it. And I've misjudged Ed before, haven't I? Yeah. Although, weirdly, yeah, the next day I was ended up in hospital, so maybe he's like put a little curse on me. Yeah. I hope he didn't, Ed. And, by the way,

he's banging on about not having any reviews. Good call. The day after, Loads of them. He's got about four, five star reviews. No, sorry, five, four star reviews. Yeah, but that's good either way. That's brilliant. Yeah. It's really good. So, he's obviously, what he's done, is he reviews. No, sorry, like five, four star reviews. Yeah, but that's good either way. That's brilliant. Yeah.

It's really good. So he's obviously, what he's done is he's come here, he's got a bit of your hair, he's got a bit of his hair. Yeah. He's mixed it all up

in a cauldron, given you bad luck, made you ill and given him good luck. It's cheating, isn't it? Yeah, it is cheating. Well, I'm pulling people from now onwards about this.

I'm going to, who have we got tomorrow? Daniel Sloss. I'm going to have a right to go to Daniel Sloss about the way he conducts himself well I hope he pays himself oh my god

it's terrible he's only about 13 he's very very excisable we'll see how it goes don't forget our show is called Pick on Gamble Heartthrobs and it's that

I said that too quickly there's a right Pick on Gamble Heartthrobs and it's at it's at the Pleasant's Courtyard what time? 9.45pm are the tickets available?

get there quick yeah get in there quick it's selling out you'll get in but don't expect to buy a ticket 10 minutes before

no you won't get in if you're like it's selling out around 6 o'clock time some days we wake up and we're told it's sold out yeah that's when we wake up

about 8 book ahead book ahead book ahead that's probably your best bet we'll be back tomorrow with Daniel Sloss now here's Ed Byrne

with the credits. The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Podcast is a Ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. Today's guest was Ed Byrne, and his show is Roaring Forties. I can't remember. That was the bit that I couldn't remember. I can't write this out every day with everyone's individual. I know, I understand that.

That just took me a while. I'm going to start again now. Do you not want to start again all you want? I'm still using that. This is all going to happen. All of us are going to go in there. Why don't I just go, All music I'm going to start again now this is all going to happen when I just go all music by Thomas Von The Ray

see you tomorrow I won't see them I won't see them I won't see them I won't see them I think some people tomorrow but I won't see them

I won't see anyone who listens to your podcast I won't see any of the shut-ins oh you'll see him mate you'll Oh, you'll see it, mate. You'll see it. You'll see it coming. Please find it.