The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2013 Episode 14 (Tom Binns)

Episode Date: June 20, 2021

"Edinburgh Fringe 2013 Episode 14 (Tom Binns)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 126 of 128.

Pico and Gamble, which is the Gamble bit of Peacock and Gamble. Yeah, and the Peacock bit. Famously. At the beginning, it's the famous beginning bit of it. Best way of organising it. Yeah, alphabetical, isn't it? So, here we are at the Edinburgh Fringe. Still. Have we already talked about that? What?

The Edinburgh Fringe. Yeah. Alright. We've been here for quite a while, haven't we, mate? So, have we got new things? Have we got a special guest? No, we always have a special guest, mate. Oh, what?

Different special guest. Is there anything new we can say on this? Different special guest. Who is it? Tom Binns. I don't know. You do. We talk to him.

Oh, Ivan Brackenbury. Ivan Brackenbury. Yeah, he's a character comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like him. He's very good. Oh, we did an interview with him the other day, actually.

That's what is going to be on. What? You know that interview? Yeah. We recorded that. That's going to be on. So that'll be on this? So we didn't just interview him. We didn't just have him around for a chat and then we're gonna interview him again

right that'll be recording of that interview will be on so this is really messing with time isn't it nope no but it is because this is now but we did that then but then that then it's gonna be sometimes then it's gonna be in a minute yeah but you know sometimes things are recorded and shown later not really no coron no. Coronation Street. Coronation Street, yes, of course. That's not happening when you watch it. I thought that, you know, because I thought it was odd that they never mentioned about Ken Barlow.

That's true, and... And Kevin Webster as well. Yeah, I tell you what, as well, is, did you wonder how they were able to recreate it perfectly for repeats? That's a good point, isn't it? I thought it was like? It's actually not a good point, because everyone knows that it's recorded. A Groundhog Day sort of scenario.

Did you say rather than... Happened in Manchester. Rather than thinking it was taped and put out on the television, you assumed it was a Manchester Groundhog Day scenario. Well, you'll have to explain the taped thing to me. No one mentioned serious allegations. I admit that is what mentioned serious allegations. That,

I admit that is what I originally thought. Right, okay. But now that you're saying this, it's making probably significantly more sense. Yeah. So they tape it,

they put it onto a tape. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Then what do they do? They just play it. Play it out. Play it out. That's amazing, isn't it? That's like modern technology,

isn't it? Is that a recent thing in Coronation Street? No, I think it's pretty much... I actually don't know. If you want to come out of character quickly... I think it was live. Was it live?

I think it probably must have been. I know they have since done live episodes of Coronation Street and The Bill in EastEnders. Very exciting. I'm sure we've discussed this before, because my favourite... I watched The Bill live episode, and with most of the scenes,

they cut to them maybe a millise Bill live episode. Right. And with most of the scenes, they cut to them maybe a millisecond too early. Right. So you'd see people through, like, a sort of frosted glass door. Okay. Standing perfectly still, and then crashing through the doors like they were walking all the time. Wow, that's good. Yeah, yeah. They should release them, shouldn't they, on video?

But then, no, that ruins it, doesn't it? Because then you don't get the live feel, because it's on a video. It's still the same, sort of. No, because they'll get it right on the video. They do retakes, doesn't it? Because then you don't get the live feel because it's on a video. It's still the same sort of... No, because they'll get it right on the video. Because they get retakes, don't they? So, yeah, bad idea from me, that. So today on the fringe, we... On the fringe?

On the fringe, we went and played Nightmare. Nightmare live. Yeah. Very exciting. The children's television programme. Yeah. We played it live. I was really excited.

Yeah, you were. You were quite pumped up backstage as well, weren't you, when the music started? I was really excited, you were you were quite pumped up backstage as well weren't you when the music started I was really excited yeah I wasn't really that familiar with it it was not your

sort of era really was it I was in school when it was on yeah I think I was quite young when it was on but I remember

distinctly having quite an impression on me yeah because it was quite a weird idea and it was very ahead of its time

yeah and I think it still is I still don't think they do much they do much like that. Crystal Maze was similar, I suppose. Yeah, but it's the whole virtual reality element of it was slightly bizarre and it was the

first time they'd ever really used anything like that. Although today it wasn't even virtual reality, it was real. It was live. It was just live. Real dungeon, wasn't it? It was a real dungeon. I was getting very close to punching that goblin's fucking lights out. Yeah. It was aggressive, wasn't it? Very aggressive, with a club. Yeah, and it just kept missing the poor boy we were guiding.

Just, what was he called? Tony. Tony, yeah. Tony was a boy that we were guiding today. We met him just before the show. Yeah, sorry we couldn't do better for you, Tony. Sorry that you died, Tony. Yeah.

But that wasn't our fault. I think you'll find, because you'd have that helmet on, but you won't know about this, there were massive blades. Yeah. So it wasn't really a problem. I'm not sure we should give, give anything away about it. They tweeted pictures of their blades.

Did they? Yeah, they did definitely. Oh, maybe, maybe. Oh, they did actually,

yeah. People will know that there's blades involved in it, won't they? There's blades, there's blades involved. Yeah. We'll tell you that much, there's blades involved,

but it might be, it might be someone having a shave. Yeah, and there's also, spoiler alert, hardcore fucking. That was only when we were there, to be fair.

Well, you've got to make what you can of the show, haven't you? Yeah, exactly. So, Tom Ben's today, Tom Benz today did you know what I've edited this interview already

yeah again we're messing with time aren't we yeah but I've edited it already I really like it yeah I really like it

and it's a really interesting interview he's a little mischievous little scamp you know what I've enjoyed every single one of our interviews

same actually and all for different reasons yeah was there any last year we didn't enjoy I think there was one that we weren't that fussed about. Let's not say that

because then people would be guessing, trying to guess who it was. I don't think they'd guess from the actual interview. I think there were three or four where I was, last year,

where I was like, oh, I'm not sure. But I think that was probably more my reticence with maybe interviewing people we didn't know very well or whereas this year is... Weirdly,

I've just said, I'll worry. I've literally just come down on the street and said loads of you had a cap on I was also

obviously the opposite of that yeah I was one of our very favourite ones it was fantastic so look Tom Benz it's really really good it's a great one

it's Tom Benz but we should say that our show is called Heartthrobs Peacock and Gamble Heartthrobs 9.45

at the Pleasant's Courtyard oh so close we could have won that nightmare yeah also it's on again tonight at 0.00.15 yeah extra shows

extra show tonight and I genuinely don't know if I'm going to live through it that'll be exciting coming up it's going to be exciting I'm going to have a drink James I'm sorry man

but I am yeah so my manager keeps telling us to not say we're having a drink I'm having a bambuca in between. I'm not sure I am. Because I came out of our show tonight, like, tired from the show. Yeah.

Then had a drink and I was like, I could not imagine. You're drinking a lot this French. I'm drinking less than I did last French. You're caning wine. You had a pint of wine the other night. Yeah, it was two glasses of wine. Yeah, in a pint glass. Yeah.

I did it again. That's a pint, mate. You had a pint of fucking wine. Yeah, but over the time that I would have drunk two glasses of wine, and it was about three quarters of a pint. You've got to stop doing it. No. Oh, there you go.

That was my attempt at an intervention. But no. Alcoholic just says no. Sorry about that, everyone. How is it an intervention of having a glass of wine? I'm going to take it off you. What? Because I'm having a glass of wine now?

If I... Give me that wine now. Just volunteer it. All right, there you go. All right. See how long it lasts Right Don't drink it

I'm not Don't drink it It's fine Alright I'm gonna have it You have it then It's horrible wine That's why I'm giving it to you I don't like wine

I like it Taste of off grapes Yeah Here's Tom Binns Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble Tom Binns Hello Tom

Hello Are you alright Yeah look at you two looking at me. I'm quite nervous now. What do you want us to do? Do you want us to look away from you? It's just the way you both stare at me like that, as if to say, oh, this will be good. It's because...

I feel like this is a trap. It's got that vibe, hasn't it? I don't like it anymore. That's what sets you apart. Because before it was like, hey, come and do the podcast. I'm like, hey, yeah, great. And now you just told me about previous podcasts. I'm like, oh, now they've told me about, oh, no.

You're all right. You can fight your own corner. I don't know, I can. It's very kind that you've come here today. Because, Tom, you have a couple of characters. But you have a character, Ian de Montford. Yes. Who's a psychic.

Yes, he is. And does all the tricks and that. And Tom's very kindly agreed to come on the podcast today. And just tell us how he does it. Yeah, totally. It's going to be amazing, isn't it? It's fantastic. In your dreams.

This is a great, a huge, a huge podcast for us today because finally the curtain's going to be pulled back and we're going to find out once and for all how he does it.

And you're not leaving until you tell us. I don't have a problem with that. All right, then. Tell it now. It's magic, isn't it? It's definitely magic. It's magic, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, I'm magic. You haven't done a deal with the devil or something I have yeah you just do magic do you want a funny story about me being magic no I don't have any funny stories

yeah go on well the second year did I end up on food because I have learnt to be magic or at least I've learned a few tricks anyway and I got some people

from the magic circle who came to see the show and they took me out for dinner afterwards which I thought was nice. And they asked me to join. Now, I'm not. You joined the Magic Circle. Yeah, yeah.

I've no background in magic. And the last time I thought about the Magic Circle was probably like an eight-year-old boy watching Blue Peter. It was probably the last time I even considered them. And they said, well, we'd like you to join. I went, oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm a comic. They went, oh, yeah, but I said, don't you have to audition or anything like that? And I said, yeah, yeah, you do. I went, oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm a comic. They went, oh, yeah, but I said, don't you have to audition or anything like that? I said, yeah, yeah, you do normally,

but we've seen the show, and the stuff you do in that show would qualify you to join the Magic Circle. And this is what I said, no word of a lie. I went, oh, no, the stuff I'm doing in the show, that's just tricks. Genuinely, I said it. And the next words out of my mouth would have been,

I'm not actually magic. But it was watching their face. I realised what I was next words out of my mouth would have been I'm not actually magic but it was watching their face I realised what I was in the middle of saying and they sort of backed away they didn't pursue it let's just say that well with Montford though

it's really interesting because you were sort of you were flying high with Ivan Brackenbury who was a hospital radio DJ still is which was just

it was a massive what was the fringe you came to for the first time 2006 and, which was just, it was a massive, what was the fringe you came to for the first time? 2006, yeah. And it blew everything away. Yeah,

it was kind of, I only came up to let the circuit know that I'd come back from Ibiza and I was doing comedy again. Yeah, okay.

And I forgot actually all about the Edinburgh Comedy Award. Yeah. And I forgot what a big deal about that was and I think that cost me dear actually.

I could tell you about that as well. I'm not bitter. But yeah, no, I was in a big deal about that was. And I think that cost me dear, actually. I could tell you about that as well. I'm not bitter. But yeah, no, I was in a hut, had a 50-seater. It was just a few promoters and they were on the coach. I had an act. And then Dominic Maxwell, who was the chairman of the awards committee that year, came and reviewed it like day four and just said,

this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Not at the Fringe, not today. Ever. Just ever, yeah. He's got a mental on that blo ever seen. Yeah. Not at the Fringe, not today. Ever. Just ever, yeah. Yeah. And, um... He's got a mantle on that bloke now. Yeah, he is.

Just laughing at the same joke. Which is what the act essentially is. It's not really. It is. It's what everyone says it is. See, I was so annoyed about people saying it's the same joke over and over again. I did a time and motion study on it, and here are the facts.

8% is song-related jokes. Okay. 8% But the thing is, though, you did a study on it. I was like, I thought I'm sick of this. So it didn't get to you at all, did it? No, not at all. I didn't sit down with a stopwatch and time all the music in it.

It's 8% music. Let's explain what that is then. And within that, each one of those music jokes is a different kind of joke. It's like watching Gary Delaney. Oh, he just does one pun. I'm over it now. So you're there as Ivan and you are doing a live broadcast,

hospital radio broadcast, and you say things about certain patients and then an inappropriate song comes on. That's it down to its bare bones. Yeah, but Ivan's a very lovable, simplistic clown that mostly doesn't realise there's a connection. Otherwise, it would be horrific.

is quite clearly a paedophile. He's been banned from the Children's Board but for not... for anything that he's allowed back on. Nothing to do with actually physical contact.

Right, right. No, but intent, they can do you for that. Can they? Yeah, if you're openly about you are going to do it, mate. That's why I tell you about that stuff on your computer. I've told you loads of stuff.

Just because you've never done it doesn't mean you're not under suspicion. Can they do you for thinking about it? They can do you for thinking about it. Oh, now everyone listens to this. Everyone think about it now. You can't not think about it now. We're all thinking about touching kids. I'm not thinking about it.

And now you've all done a crime. You are thinking about it, mate. You are thinking about it. You're thinking about touching a kid. Because you can't not think about touching kids. I'm not thinking about it. And now you've all done a crime. You are thinking about it, mate. You are thinking about it. You're thinking about touching a kid. Because you can't not think about touching a kid now. And you're thinking about really bad stuff. Is it a boy or a girl? It's both now.

Oh, no. Whatever you say, you think about. It's a threesome. Oh, no. I can't believe this has happened again. Has it happened? So, no, it's not one joke. Oh no! I can't believe this has happened again. Has it happened? Pea cooking gamble, pea cooking gamble. So, no, it's not one joke.

But I think that's actually a compliment. I think it's a... Unless it's said in a dismissive way. Oh, it was said in a dismissive way. But you try making an hour show out of the same joke over and over again. It's hard. It's done it loads. No, but the more simple something appears to be.

We've always had it in our shows where you get that thing they're just dicking about or they're just really amateurish do you have any

idea how hard it is to write an amateur hour it's really tough and for every single joke in that show

that went out I must have written 20 tried 10 threw away 9 but then so on the back of Ivan Brackenbury

rather than I know you did it a little while longer that was all you were doing but then you suddenly or it appears suddenly anyway

you suddenly came back with Ian de Montford which would have been so if you had just come back with another character that would have been impressive enough or a well rounded character

but you came up with this character that had a genuine skill set and it's real like it's not you know you do psychic stuff in the room

and it's not it's packed with jokes but it's different every night yeah it is yeah but it's genuinely mind blowing man and I remember

speaking to you at download and you just saying you were so dismissive of the whole thing I bumped into you and you had an iPad and I'd never seen one before

and you had your post on your iPad did I not get it from America I don't know I don't know but you I mean

within about three seconds you got your iPad out your mind was blown already and he didn't even say here's my iPad he just did it all like oh I've just got this thing

it's just a normal thing he just thought I'd gone really small and it was just my iPhone. But you showed me what you did. It shrunk. It's my new character. You showed me your poster.

And I went, oh, that's a really good idea. And you went, yeah, I've just learnt it. And I went, learnt what? And you went, I've just learnt how to do psychic stuff. Yeah. And it was like, what do you mean you just learnt it? I did. How?

Do you want to know the story about that? Yeah. Would you be surprised if I told you it involved Bernie Clifton? I would be surprised.

Bernie Clifton's from St. Helens. I'm from St. Helens. Yeah he is isn't he?

But he lives in Chesterfield. So I believe. And my best man and I was his best man is his son so we

were best friends at school so I grew up with Bernie Clifton. He was a big probably a massive influence in terms

of why I decided to become a comedian. We should explain who Bernie Clifton is because younger people probably a massive influence in terms of why I decided to become a comedian. We should explain who Benny Clifton is because younger people perhaps wouldn't know. Yeah, he's part of

the old guard of standard comedy. He was a big comedian in the 70s. He also had a big TV show called Cracker Jack. Cracker Jack!

Yeah. Ed didn't even do it because he's too young. No, I was just thinking he does The Ostrich, right? Yeah, he also does The Ostrich, yeah.

And he's actually if you ever see him live he's a brilliant surrealist comedian and very inventive and he's great he's great but he's also

my mate's dad mate Dave's dad Dave Clifton this is Dave Quinn actually yeah Dave Quinney your mate Quinn so

he's also got the same agents as Darren Brown and for years he was telling me about Darren and he told me this story which isn't true or isn't really true So, he's also got the same agents as Darren Brown, and for years he was telling me about Darren. And he told me this story, which isn't true, or isn't really true, or is only partly true, which is that... You should never start a story with,

this isn't true. No, the point is, the story I was told that got me started as Dean Ian de Montfort is a whole pack of lies. You'd be tricked into it. It's not a pack of lies, but basically, what Darren does is a thing called mentalism

and it's been around for years and there's a guy I think in the 70s called David Burglass who had a show on TV which is very similar and they got the show

commissioned this is the story which may not be true they got the show commissioned again and they were looking for a person to do it and they thought

about just casting around and training up an actor to be psychic and then they found Darren who was also already working as a performer and he ended up doing the show. Now that isn't true, it isn't entirely true anyway. But it did plant a seed, this lie planted a seed in my head that you could learn to do it, even an actor could learn how to do that and you know how retarded they are. You're in trouble now mate.. Oh, you're in bother now, mate. I kept thinking about it.

Sorry. So I thought if I even needed to do that, I could learn how to do it. And then about three years later, I thought it'd be funny to Tommy Cooper up Derren Brown style mental. I don't really like calling it Derren Brown because it feels like I've ripped it off him,

but it's a bit like Hoover and vacuum cleaner. In this country, we say Derren Brown instead of mentalism, just like we say Hoover instead of vacuum cleaner. But there's loads of people around the world. There's a guy called Philippa Scoffey who does it. There's too many to mention. And there's loads in the States. It's the bigger thing over in the States.

But because Derren's been so popular here on Channel 4, it's all people know in the States. It's the bigger thing over in the States. But because Darren's been so popular here on Channel 4, it's all people know in this country. It makes it almost impossible for any other mentalist to work here. It's just really unfair. But was there, knowing you, sort of the way I know you, because I know of your mischievous instinct, and was there an element to it where you were cross about it? How do you mean?

Well, you know that people use it in an exploitative way as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I can imagine you getting angry one day and going, right, I'm going to do a character that proves all this is bollocks. Yeah, oh, totally, yeah.

And I thought the best chance of convincing people that it was bullshit is for a comic to start doing it. Yeah. Yeah, that was how naive I was. I get reviews now going, well, this guy's clearly psychic. He's having a hard time dealing with it. One review for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival

said, this is a bloke who's been brought up with Brian Cox and Stephen Hawkins and that kind of generation. He wears jeans. But he clearly has a gift and he's got a and that kind of generation. He wears jeans, but he clearly has a gift, and he's got a hard time dealing with it, so he's added some extra magic tricks,

and some jokes, and this is what he's doing. And how many days were you infuriated about that? I was delighted. By then I'd already realised I'd failed, in my mission to rid the world of psychics. You just contributed to it. You just made it work.

A new one. The thing is, my sister, I used to be a big fan of Derek Okora and I actually won't watch him because she finds him creepy

purely because of Ian de Montfort. So if I've only done that one thing, I've... I've said, we've laid down challenges to Derek Okora before,

haven't we? Yeah. We've said, come and do it. Come and prove it. Yeah, but he doesn't needora before, haven't we? Yeah. We've said, come and do it. Come and prove it. Yeah, but he doesn't need to. Go under oath for us.

He doesn't need to come on our podcast, Derek Ikora. He's got to. He has got to. What was the challenge I laid down to Derek Ikora? I got very aggressive about it.

Did you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was after the Michael Jackson thing. Oh, yeah.

Do you remember the Michael Jackson seance? Fuck me. That was incredible. Mate, it was, but it was utterly explosive because they had three

of his fans there who were quite clearly very distressed at the fact that their hero had died and then quite clearly more distressed when they thought

they were genuinely talking to him and falling to pieces and all that sort of stuff it was genuinely horrible it is that's what makes having a psychic

as a comedy character is really difficult because the real ones are like grotesque character comedians themselves and it's actually I've if anything rather than normally comedy characters really difficult because the real ones are like grotesque character comedians themselves and it's actually I've

if anything rather than normally when you're spoofing someone you go slightly over the top but actually I brought it down slightly and made him a little

bit calmer and less ridiculous than someone like Derek I actually remember as well something just occurred to me when Mark Wharton

was doing Shelley Ghostman and I remember there being and it didn't happen it happened far less than I actually thought it would at the time

and I think I know why when it was like oh so there's these two characters it was around the same time it was roughly the same time both doing psychic characters yet Mark was doing

a spoof character that had no you know there was no the joke was you got everything wrong and you you go and do it you actually do it

I mean it's fucking amazingly impressive thanks for that was there a concern with that though with Ghostman no do you know what I was living

in Ibiza for 7 years so I missed the whole of Phoenix Nights and I missed the whole of Ghostman although Woodlands fans don't believe me when I say that

on Twitter they attack me on a regular basis do they really yeah they do why because they think that I've just

copied his act because I guess they've never seen it live so they don't know that I have it. it's a completely different thing. Yeah,

also they're different characters, clearly different characters, they're just doing the same job and also, if you're going to have, you know,

Wooten wasn't the first person to do a spirit medium he was already in Phoenix Knights and, you know, they've been spoofed right back to Oscar Wilde

and someone played one on the programme Doctors, of course. Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. Oh, really? Yeah, on Doctors. What a coincidence. There we go. And someone you know as well.

Yeah, someone I know as well. Have you heard of Doctors? The programme Doctors on BBC? Yeah, yeah. I was in that. Yeah, right. Messing, right? I was the guest lead in it, right?

And I played a psychic called Billy Taft. And I copied it off Derek Okora. So some people said, oh, you did it like Shelley Ghostman. And I went, no, I didn't. I in it right and I played a psychic called Billy Taft and I copied it off Derek Okora so some people said oh you did it like Shirley Ghostman and I went no

I didn't I did it like Derek Okora and I copied it off that and an heart attack unfortunately

I had a heart attack in the waiting room and did a screen kiss they said it was mouth to mouth but it was a

screen kiss and then luckily it was all alright because it turned out that my manager had been giving me magic mushrooms to make me hallucinate

to be a more impressive act and at the end of it I was cross about it but I was still friends with my manager and everything was alright at the end but at the very beginning

you were worried about me because I was apparently dead at the bottom of the stairs that sounds great yeah do you want me to get you a video of it

I'd love to see that yeah yeah but that's the trouble with it because there's such a narrow you've fallen into the same problem I have then

because if you're basing the character on Derek Acora or Colin Fry it's going to end up not unlike Mark Wooten's character

not because you've copied it off Mark Wooten but because you've copied it off the source material which is quite niche and they're quite

defined aren't they so there's a little bit of that. But I'm normally not bothered about criticism, but they've been so rude, I'm really pleased that I've fucked them off. Yeah, it's a bit weird, isn't it, man? Because none of us can control our fans, can we not? No.

So it's a difficult... I know that Herring tweeted something about me being ill the other day. Yeah. And said that he's not at all delighted that I'm in excruciating pain and all this sort of stuff. Which is just Her he's playing with us and we have a mock rivalry. Yeah, yeah.

But then some of his fans started being genuinely quite abusive and genuinely quite sort of... Oh, really? Yeah, genuinely quite horrible. Oh, goodness me. And I should also say, by the way, that Shelley Ghostman was on BBC Two

and Doctors is on BBC One, I should say that. Oh, yeah, that's good too. But also the head of BBC Comedy, and I've been making pilots for them, and they watched me and they watched Ghostman and they said, no, it's not the same. Really?

It's different characters. Yeah, it's different things. And also, so yeah, the original idea of Planet of the Sea was by Bernie Clifton, and then I wanted to really Tommy Cooper up the kind of magic Darren Brown does. Yeah. And you're absolutely right,

have a go at that whole world by actually doing it. And that was the real point. The first year I did it in Edinburgh there was an actual spirit medium up here called Joe Power. And I managed to predict his poster as one of the big tricks I did that year which launched Ian de Montfort's career and that was fantastic.

But more recently, he's actually not working professionally as a spirit medium anymore because he doesn't want to be seen for profiting from people's grief, because that would make him no better than a florist. But the real reason for that is that if he's more of a psychic reader that uses crystals, astrology, numerology, tarot, it just opens up a whole new world of magic to me as a performer. And also also quite like the fact that it's

an intuitive psychic rather than relying on the spirits. Because it means like a psychic, a spirit medium would say, tell you what your car is

or what colour your kitchen cabinet is. What's my car? What's my car? What's my car? Look right at you. I'm thinking it now. For example.

I'm thinking it now. I'm thinking what the car is. Look at me. Look at me, Tom. I'm thinking what my car is now. What is it? I told you I'm not a spirit medium. He what the car is look at me look at me Tom I'm thinking what my car is now what is it I told you I'm not a spirit medium I just wrote it down

and we know you're not thinking about your car we know what you're thinking about I'm thinking about oh no I'm thinking about that again but an intuitive psychic is more like psychology and tells you more about

your personality problems so if you're dealing with an audience I can say you've got a like the car joke used to be something like, think of your car. Oh, it's definitely a black car at night.

But now, now I'm doing a psychic reading, I'll get you to throw some runes on the floor or give you a crystal or whatever. Or some of your sexual needs are quite niche.

I feel that if you Google it and it doesn't come up with any results, you're definitely out there a little bit and the insults are cutting a lot deeper because I'm talking about

people's future and their psychology we had a lovely 18 year old lad in the other day and I said do you know what's your career

you've not got anything planned career wise and he was like no so what you need to do is choose the job you love because if you choose the job you love it's like

you never do a day's work in your life ever again because you'll never get that job. So I'm able to properly get under people's skin, and I'm kind of more of a psychic advisor, psychic counsellor, which just makes the comedy, just packs a bigger punch. Yeah, of course. And as it happens, gets those four or maybe five Shirley Ghostman fans off my back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, fuck them. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Your sense of mischief has always appealed to me. Oh, thank you very much. I like it a lot. I was first aware of you, and don't get upset,

when you were a gay on the television. That was the first time I was aware of you when you were a gay on the television, Alan Bartridge. I was a convincing gay, wasn't I? You genuinely were a convincing gay, weren't you? I did a lot of research. Method. Do you know what I thought when I watched that? I didn't know you at were a convincing gay did a lot of research method

do you know what I thought when I watched that I didn't know you at all and I knew Steve Steve Brown who was the oh did you Glenn Ponder

only through like sort of comedy and stuff yeah and so I knew that he wasn't gay yeah I knew that so I knew that they'd brought this thing about Glenn Ponder being gay

and that's cool and then I thought that's really that's ace because they've got like a genuine gay man there yeah who's his boyfriend and that's really, that's ace because they've got like a genuine gay man there. Yeah. Who's his boyfriend.

And that's how, that's how they kind of justified it by going, you know, this is a guy, the actual gay guy's there being his boyfriend. So that's how they, and then it was you, wasn't it? Yeah, and acting. Was he acting? I like, I like doing acting that tricks people into thinking it's real. Well, it's good acting as well because you didn't look like you were acting. Thank you for that. It was awful.

I mean, you're not it was awful I played it down I was just a gay bloke yeah you were just a bloke from the audience or something what I did I left it one of Steve's jokes which is probably

what made it more convincing yeah yeah yeah and I did that deliberately almost like a bloke because it almost like kind of got

lost in the show a little bit yeah and I think that maybe what convinced you that I was actually gay because you're not really supposed to do that I almost like kind of got lost in the show a little bit yeah and I think that may be what convinced you that I was actually gay because you're not

really supposed to do that I did a I used to do a sports show it could be that sorry if I'm just reading but it could be that or it could be that time that I saw you

in them toilets or I'm coxing your mouth that wasn't me being gay and you laughed at that as well didn't you I was just raising the money to pay for ready money I did a sports show

on Channel 4 and we had the big New Year's Eve show on Channel 4 and it was called raising the money to pay for readying that. I did a sports show on Channel 4, and we had the big New Year's Eve show on Channel 4 one year. It was called Under the Moon, and we were the live show on New Year's Eve at midnight. I thought I'd see that girl in that. Yeah, yeah. She's the one that got my job. Anyway.

She was miles back than you. She was really famous. And the plan was, I thought, as a funny plot thing, would be to get consistently more and more pissed during the show. But I was presenting a live television show, so I wasn't actually drinking. It was just acting. And then I collapsed in a drunken stupor exactly

an hour after the show started. A second before we faded to black after the credits had rolled. And yet the woman who commissioned that at Channel 4 tried to get me sacked for being drunk on the job. Wow. Isn't that amazing? Ridiculous.

They had to say that he wasn't drunk. He was pretending to be. That was the joke. Yeah. You get into so much trouble. Do you think people don't understand you, Tom? I like doing real acting. You do do real acting. I like doing it.

But you do get in a lot of trouble. Yeah, I know. I know. Are you happy with that? Are you proud of yourself? I don't really give a fuck. I like that. At the time

sometimes it can be quite difficult my mum got quite upset the last time it happened which was when I interrupted the Queen's speech

to slag her off what was that on that was on that was on a range of radio stations okay yeah that was national

press as well wasn't it it was international press I've got the story in Japanese Chinese Russian because of me mate you don't remember that, do you not?

I broke that story. Yeah, you did, didn't you? Yeah, I put it out there for you. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you're welcome. Did he ask you to do that? No, I thought it'd be funny to do it. No, we chatted about it,

and I said that I'd push it certain ways, and then it got pushed certain ways, and then it started being picked up by other news sources. Oh, Russia, Chinese. I was on Iranian Today TV talking about it, and I thought, if anyone's going to give me an easy time, they were the only people,

and I include the reporters from the Mail and the Telegraph, they didn't see the funny side of it. They were like, but she's your leader. I'm like, fuck off.

Are you serious? But it was an innocent thing, wasn't it? I remember at the time it was an innocent thing. But what had happened? Hadn't there been a technical problem? The presenter before me didn't remember at the time, it was an innocent thing. But what had happened? Hadn't there been a technical problem?

The presenter before me didn't get the memo, and that was management's fault, that the news had come up on a different fader on Christmas Day, and the Queen's Speech comes up on the news fader. He should have got the memo to say, don't put the Queen's Speech on. We don't do the Queen's Speech. We haven't done it for 20 years.

We don't have that on our station. News fader is fader 4 today, not fader 3. So he put the fader up for the news and the queen's speech came on yeah my show started three two minutes past or three minutes past after the two minute right bulletin or three minute bulletin so i just should start my show on time i was just as i was supposed to and rather than fading down the queen's speech and doing an apology i thought it would be better for the station if i pretended that i was like i'd had enough of it. Right.

Yeah. Rather than go, management are wankers and they don't know how to run a proper radio station. They should have sent us all the memo, but they're dicks. Which I should have said. Yeah. I took the blame. I think that would have got you in trouble as well.

Yeah. I took the blame. So I said, oh, two words, boring. Nice. A little joke. And then I said, here here from one queen to another here's George Michael last Christmas

okay and then about two people pretended that they were upset the queen's speech had been taken off yeah

so they phoned in and I got really leery with them I was like it's not even supposed to be on if you cared about it you'd be

you'd be listening to Radio 4 it's on BBC 1 now yeah and then I said a couple of people have phoned in to complain

and just as a matter of balance you know a lot of people think the Queen is a good thing for example they think she's good for tourism mind you

the French beheaded theirs and people still visit France right so that's the way I can honestly relate to this when you get when you get it in your head yeah yeah

and even though you know that even though you know you might even be pushing it too far which I don't think you were but even though you know that, even though you know you might even be pushing it too far, which I don't think you were, but even if you know that, that's when you definitely got to do it. Yeah, that's when I got set for High Trees and that's the tipping point. But it fucks you up, though. It fucks up your career.

In little blips, it fucks your career. But overall, it makes you a far more interesting person. Yeah. And it's a far more interesting life to lead, isn't it? Well, actually, instead of carrying on working for a shit regional radio station that's barely staying in business anymore

I ended up going to Australia for the first time and did all the festivals out there yeah yeah and did a lot of TV with Adam Hills

and stuff as a result of being the guy who got sacked for high treason that's amazing but I just didn't even think people

cared about it it's 2000 forget people who are interested in the royal family. But they're not really. I think they're just people who pick a battle now and again. They pick a battle. It's like Jerry Springer, the opera. They pick a battle and start bringing up blasphemy laws.

It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Don't be so ridiculous. Just because that law might still exist somewhere tucked away, it doesn't mean you can then try and wield that for your idiotic asinine cause. Yeah. And that's, you know, and that's... But that happens, doesn't it, every now and again. Yeah. But I think it must be nice to can then try and wield that for your idiotic asinine cause. But that happens, doesn't it, every now and again.

But I think it must be nice to be at the centre of that for a bit. But also, if you can't turn it off, I would imagine that week when that was happening, when it was actually going a bit silly in the press, it must have been like, I wish I could actually turn this off. I didn't have a Christmas that year because I was properly focused on making sure, because the station were bullshitting and spinning their own story and lying through their teeth, because they'd just relaunched and they'd just been taken over by a new company.

And it was a question of making sure their bullshit didn't stick. So whenever I saw some of the bullshit appear in a press release and filter through onto news sites and stuff, I'd immediately phone the newspaper and say, actually, that's not what happened. This is what happened. And so I managed to kind of manage the story quite well, actually. I was really pleased. I knew I'd done all right when the Daily Mail, and you'd expect them to absolutely hate me,

called me little known but clearly underrated stand-up comedian. And I read it. I went, oh, God, Daily Mail.rated stand-up comedian. And I read it, I went, oh God, Daily Mail, and my heart was going, I thought, this is where the floodgates

opened to the death threats. And they were actually death threats, actually, on the comment section on the Mail, on the Telegraph. What was the best one?

Yeah, we should behead him, you know, like, oh yeah, that's fair. I did a joke, therefore I deserve to die.

Yeah, no, that's a reasonable response. Dickheads! They were so angry with you that they came up with their own way of killing you. It was just the way that you brought up. Yeah they liked what I was offering. It was just the Queen who wasn't happy with it. It was me they'd put up with. Did the Queen get in touch with you at all? No she didn't. Well that would be fair. None of the stories in the paper that

shouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have been fired but I think it's still an open offer I think the Queen should be allowed to come down to one of your shows and interrupt

you you know what I don't mind that the Queen should do it I'd have a lot more respect for the Royal Parliament if they did things like that

if the Queen did things like that and she could we've got two seats every night reserved for the Queen we think we don't know why

they're not fucking selling them but we're selling out every night two seats at the front who the Queen we think. We don't know why they're not fucking selling them. No but we're selling out every night on two seats at the front. Well who are you with? At Pleasant. Oh yeah they do that.

They're our team reserved in every room. I don't know why. I think it's for the Chairman and the President. It's for the Queen. It's for the Queen to come. For the Queen and the Queen.

But the Queen should do that. I remember Ben Elton years and years ago had some material where people said you can't have a pop at the Queen because she can't answer back.

Yeah. And he was like, yeah, she can. She's on television every year. Yeah. Same day, same time. She can say peace to the Commonwealth and all that. And by the way, fuck off, spit an image. Yeah.

I would love that. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Definitely, yeah. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. You just said to us, because we had a brief recording break, because I still can't wear this fucking equipment.

You said to us your favourite film was Muppets Christmas still can't wear this fucking equipment you said your favourite film was Muppets Christmas Carol of all time yeah easily are you a big fan of the Muppets massive fan of the

Muppets but apparently there's a new Muppets thing that's rubbish I've not seen it yet what thing isn't there a game

show with Jonathan Ross I read a review oh right I'm not seeing it yet yeah it's a new Muppets Christmas Carol he's brilliant

how can it be your favourite film of all time though well I've seen all the others yeah I'm in order of the ones I like the most yeah

and that came in top of the list I am a big fan of the Muppets Muppets Christmas Carol there goes Mr. Humbug there goes Mr. Grimm I don't think Muppets Christmas Carol

is the best Muppets film what I don't I like it I do like it and Tiny Tim who did not die. Right?

I've got it on Blu-ray. Have you got a Blu-ray? Get it from America. I think the Muppets movie is the best Muppets film. No cheeses for us Mises. What's he doing?

He's doing Muppets. Why? What makes you think we can use them? Why have you got to when you go into a broadcast medium

why have you got to immediately go right I'm going to ruin this. Oh you need to get them clear at some point I'm not going to because it's going to be your responsibility

it's going to be your responsibility to deal with this you can deal with this it's Disney now mate no it's because he's disagreeing with you over something to do with the Muppets

and you've got his back up because he's big on the Muppets alright right yeah I'm not now are you talking about the Muppets Christmas Carol or the TV version

where they edit out the song between Michael Caine and the girl in it? Do you know what? That's actually been edited out in the official version. What? Isn't that mental? Isn't it such a beautiful song? It's gone. How many times have you seen Muppets Christmas Carol, Tom?

I don't know. Sorry, mate? 175. There haven't even been that many Christmases. You're not just watching it at Christmas, are you not? You're watching it all if you've got it in your iPad I bet he's got it on his iPad

do you watch it to cheer yourself up or is it just like a routine yeah I also watch it to teach myself that greed is bad if you keep forgetting

that greed is bad that often it films like that sometimes you can get into the wrong mindset yeah yeah so and then I just

you know watch Christmas Carol and I feel a changed person have you ever been Greedy? you forget that Greed's bad and you know material things

aren't everything so you watch Muppets Christmas Carol on your iPad in Centre Park Starbucks what I do is I learn Greed's bad and then

I go out and buy the biggest turkey in the shop I want to see Muppets Christmas Carol 2 or Christmas Carol 2 where Scrooge

is a changed man he starts giving away all his wealth becomes altruistic his business goes to shit all the people that rely on him for rents

and property business that goes down so the whole community sinks around him because obviously without him without the money lending business

that he did without the rent he was collecting the businesses that rely on him and that services everyone dies of poverty

about a year after you don't hear that story the following Christmas horrible Tim died Bob Cratchit died all because of Scrooge's business

just went down the pan and then what's the end of there's a miniature recession as a result of that in that area it's a miniature recession as a result of that. In that area. It's a localised little recession. Yeah, yeah.

Because actually the message of the film is bullshit. It's your favourite film. Is it because of the Muppets that you like it or is it because of... I love the Muppets. I love the humour of the Muppets. But I also love stories where twats change their mind. So I'm a big fan of Les Miserables as well. Oh, really? I can't bear that. He doesnats change their mind so I'm a big fan of Les Miserables as well

oh really I can't bear that he doesn't change his mind at the end but he throws himself off a he doesn't change his mind but he throws himself

off a bridge or a building because he can't that's changing his mind about being alive yeah I guess so but he doesn't go oh I've been wrong

I'll have a new life and I'll be right from now on he goes I've been so wrong and I can't live with myself. I ruined a production of Les Miserables. How did you do that? By being in it?

No, I was in the audience. That'd have been brilliant. The first time I saw it, I had a moment, it was in a silence in it and I did it by accident. I was in my head whispering it to my girlfriend. What happened? But I didn't, I said, really, I just said, yeah, I wish you'd never stole that fucking bread.

Really, like, really loud. About nearly two hours in And it was In the Manchester Palace Theatre And it kind of echoed a bit And then all the group That I was with Started laughing And I was like

No no I wouldn't do that I wouldn't do that Oh that's so funny It was horrible It was genuinely horrible Really was it It's funny though that Do you want to hear my most

Have you got time For my most genuinely All the time in the world The wife keeps begging me To take her to see the Fawlty Towers dining experience in the fridge for about eight years. And every year I've come up with a new brilliant excuse

as to why she can't go. Anyway, two days before the fringe, we walked past the restaurant where it is and she saw it advertised and she went, this year, you've got to take me. And we're out in the street looking at it. I said, look, I just, I've got to be honest with you. I just think you're going to be incredibly disappointed.

I think that you love the show. The acting's going to be bad. There are going to be pale imitations of the original characters. The material will be lame. The food I've heard is shit. You're not going to enjoy it. And as I said that, one of the women who was in the street said, okay, from the top.

I was in the middle of the dress rehearsal. The people around me, and they all heard every single word of it, were Basil, Manuel. They didn't have the moustache on, they weren't in costume because it was two days before the Fringe started. The show starts in the street, in the queue, which is where we stood, where the queue was going to be, and then goes into the restaurant.

And I just was like, oh my God. And I mean, I was slagging it off in their dress for run. Could have been worse though, you could have mentioned the war. Pickle can gamble, pickle can gamble. So why did she want to see it? I don't know. So she wants to see it in a non-ironic way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not the most sophisticated. So your wife you want to see it? I don't know. So she wants to see it in a non-ironic way? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's not the most sophisticated. She's your wife you're talking about. Yeah. Does she like your stuff? She's just very

unlucky when it comes to thinking. What does she think of your shows? She's seen them enough. She likes Ian.

She was in Ian for a while. She used to be Ian's assistant with the microphone and getting everyone involved. And she came back from her mate's house and said,

there's a psychic at my mate's house and he was talking about my mum. And I went, oh, for God's sake, Lisa, have you not learnt anything from being in my show? And we sort of reverse engineered these things. He said, look, every time you see a white feather, you're going to think of your mum. Well, that's your mum thinking of you. You sleep on a bed of feathers. You've got a feather pillow. You're time you see a white feather, you're going to think of your mum. Well, that's your mum thinking of you.

You sleep on a bed of feathers. You've got a feather pillow. You're going to see a white feather. She says, oh, yeah, no, you're right, you're right. And then he said something else about flowers on the grave. Of course you take the flowers. Who doesn't take? She says, yeah, no, you're right.

Oh, and he says I was pregnant as well. I went, oh, for God's sake. And she went, so I did a test. And I am pregnant. And went shut up and that's how we found out man I love it because you got yourself in that mood of course you're fucking pregnant we're always having it off who's not having it off with someone like me but that's how I found out wow it's gonna a dad. It's really taken the edge of fatherhood. Has there ever been any element of you

that's ever doubted it? Has there ever been any element of you? Because I'll tell you what, I'm really into ghosts. I love the idea of ghosts. I know in my heart of hearts there's no such thing as ghosts. I would love there to be ghosts.

I would genuinely love it. Yeah. I would think it's brilliant. Dan Aykroyd, his dad wrote an amazing book about ghosts and stuff. Aykroyd's really into the paranormal and has a very open mind to it, although he says he's never seen a ghost,

but he says that there are certain aspects of it that would lead him to believe that it's a possibility and all this sort of thing. I like an open mind. I enjoy an open mind. But you know you can't... There are certain hurdles you just can't get over. But have there ever been points... I know when I read Aykroyd's dad's book that I was, at the end of it, going,

I really want that to be ghost. I really want that to be real. And I was trying to get to a stage where I was like, I'm going to be open-minded about it. But then I thought, no, because people will think I'm an idiot. Yeah. And I couldn't get beyond that.

Have you ever had any element of it at all? Well, there's been no evidence to suggest there is. Zero. There's no scientific evidence. There's no proof that any of this is a real thing you can't prove it isn't if you know what I mean you can't prove

that it doesn't exist which is why psychic scientists wouldn't have quite a lot of money against the Daily Mail for saying that it's a fury but that was because

of specific allegations yeah they said that she was a cheat but you can't say that you can't say she is a cheat because you can't say that

because you can't prove that she is do you know what I is a cheat. Because you can't say that because you can't prove that she is. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even though a psychic's evidence would never be taken

as proof in a court of law. You can't say, she cheated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't say that. But wasn't that from witness accounts? It was because

someone said they heard... Wasn't it Paul Zennan? Paul Zennan wrote the article, yeah. Paul Zennan wrote it. Yeah, yeah. It's a great comic and a great, you know,

and he... But I think what it was that they won was because he said she had an earpiece in yeah yeah and she could prove

categorically that she didn't yeah so that's what the actual it was a technicality yeah yeah and she's psychic well she's got

she's got the best quote on any poster I've ever seen yeah which was for her tour a few years ago and it's the quote was

forever grateful and it was from Princess Diana but it didn't say when the quote was from pre or post yeah a bit of advice to like avoid tunnels

would be nice Princess Diana had done a psychic quote to me the other night about our show saying that it's the best show she's ever seen yeah

that's a great idea. I might do that for you. But she also, unfortunately, we also got a very good quote from Hitler. So you've got to print all your quotes. And he said that it actually blew him away and gave him some brilliant ideas. Sorry, not.

It's five cells from the Daily Mail. I've never been in a situation where I've thought I'm real, but the skills that I use in the show have become much like when you learn to drive, they become unconscious. So now, I don't even think about doing it, and I'm in a room, I'm working in a room, and I'll say things

and it was only after the show I have to sit down and decompress and go, how did I know that guy? I did a private gig the other day, and he said, it's a sceptic who booked me, and he said it was brilliant. And when he told that woman that she was one of twins, even the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. And I went, fuck

how did I know that? I don't know how I knew it. And I didn't even think it was a big deal at the time because obviously Ian knows, he knows he's psychic and I'm so deep in character. I just went, yeah, I know. And I moved on. And I'm concentrating more on the jokes in the audience. So the psychic stuff just happens to me thinking about it and I'm concentrating more on the jokes and the audience so the psychic stuff just happens

so I've been thinking about it I'll give you a link to a sound clip of me talking to a man that was dead for three days from the Radio 2 show

I've heard that it's amazing it's on SoundCloud so you can link to it if you like and while I was doing that it was a little bit

like I was starting to feel a little bit because I said to the producer I don't want this to sound fake so I'm just going to shoot from the hip this is the first time i realized i was doing it without thinking about it i'm just going to throw out a load of stuff get some wrong and make it a bit more realistic so i was getting too much right compared with a real psychic yeah i did bunny ears then for the people listening real you did a weird voice as

well yeah um and so it's like when you made all them litigious comments about that Sally woman I told you that you can't say she is not psychic that's all I said what are you talking about

no no I'm being unequivocal you cannot say she is not psychic what you're not taking into account though Tom is we are both

mischievous boys and I edit this this can end with me just going tell me what your thoughts are on that Sally psychic

and it's going to be you going she is not psychic she is a cheat you can't say she is not psychic no I wouldn't so

so yeah so I started throwing stuff out and it was alright it was all hitting he was from South America he was there with his brothers got the fact

he was with a teacher and there was no trickery I don't know how I guess it's just the cold reading has become you know unconscious

it's an unconscious skill like you very much let you drive from one place to another you can't remember the journey yeah I do drive quite a lot and you can show off all you want mate

but you still haven't got my fucking car have you this unconscious thing that you keep doing been with me ages now mate I've thought about it all the time

you've been thinking about it all the time all the time I've been thinking about it drawing it in your mind drawing it do you know what I've got the colour in my head

I've got the colour in my head well I hope it's great your show I know it's great your show because I think yeah I always enjoy seeing you and I always enjoy

bumping into you and that it's dead impressive it's dead impressive what you do this is why you say I'm going to go back to Africa

and be really proud of you ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble that that was

erm Tom Plum Tom Plum right so just to let you know was Tom... Tom Pum. Right. So just to let you know, listen,

I am Tom Pum. In the intervening period, you'll know that Ray had a sip of my wine before the interview started. He's not had any more. This is lovely wine. I like having a nice smell of it. It was that sip.

It was that sip that's done him. Oh, imagine the trouble he had at school being called Tom Pum. It's Tom Vins. Oh, imagine the trouble he had at school being called Tom Bum. It's Tom Vins. Oh, well, it's a good job. It's Friday then, because that's the day you put the bins out. And then we put the bins interview out on Friday.

That was cleverer than a joke you would have made sober. Mate, I could do loads of jokes when I had a drink. Right. Here's another clever one. What did the scientist say to the chimney? You're too young to smoke. You're too young to smoke.

To scientist. Not scientist and bigger chimney. What did the biggest... I don't know where I got scientist from. What did the big chimney say to the liquor chimney you're too young

to smoke ketchup there was one about tomatoes on the road as well some tomatoes got squashed so our show is

Peacock and Gamble 9.45 at the Pleasant Courtyard we'll be doing extra shows Friday Saturday today

it's Friday today quarter past midnight and Ray is going to have a sip of boo. It's Friday today. Quarter past midnight. And Ray is going to have a sip of booze. It's Friday, it's Cracker Jack. Cracker Jack. Done that in that interview. Right, so thank you very much.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you on Monday. What did one orange say to another one? What? Nothing, because they can't smoke. Talk. An orange can't talk. It can't smoke. Talk. Gagarin's can't talk. He can't smoke either,

actually. That's still true. Still works as a joke. The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Podcast is a Ready production hosted by chortle.co.uk.

Today's guest was Tom Binns and my show is Ian de Montfort's Psychic Fair and Tom Binns does Ivan Brackenbury and other characters

All music by Thomas Van Der Rey See you tomorrow Maybe see you tomorrow is Ivan Brackenbury See you tomorrow Maybe see you tomorrow is Ian de Montfort See you tomorrow I'll invent a new character and do a see you tomorrow That's why you're not allowed on the radio anymore

What? That's right You're banned from our radio show. What? Get out. Please get out. You're sacked. And there'll be no big payoff for you, young man, on this one,

because we haven't got any money. We've got the Queen coming in tomorrow. It's brilliant. Cheers to that, mate. It's really, really cool. Pleasure. Are you still driving that Nissan Juke? Fucking hate this bloke.

Fucking hate it. I really do.