The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2013 Episode 7 (Carey Marx)

Episode Date: May 2, 2021

"Edinburgh Fringe 2013 Episode 7 (Carey Marx)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 119 of 128.

Pico and Gamble Episode? It's seven, I think, or eight of these. But are we counting all the other ones? When? What, from last year? From ever. No, not from ever. Really? Because they're all on iTunes. Let's just make up new numbers. All right, it's episode 3,000. No, new numbers.

3,000 is a number, mate. Episode? Well, hang on. Just go back. Episode Shell. Sorry, 3,000 is a number? Yeah. What?

Yeah. How is it a number? What did you make? Listen to what I'm saying. Yeah. 3,000. Yeah. Just's it a number? What do you mean? Listen to what I'm saying. Yeah. 3000. Yeah.

Just making it up. No, you're not. Start counting from one and you'll eventually get there. One, two, three. What do you mean? Not now. We don't have time for that. There's no such thing as 3000.

Look, we've got Kerry Marks on today's podcast. As soon as we put that interview on, you start counting. And then afterwards, let's see how far you've got. All right, fine. I will do that. All right. But so far, let's just call this episode you've got. Right, all right, fine, a little bit. All right, but so far, let's just call this episode Shell.

All right, it's episode Shell. Welcome to episode Shell of the podcast. In fact, people can start collecting them. That's a good idea.

Yeah. Do it like Pokemon. Yeah. Every single interview that we do and every single episode we do, we should give it

a name like that, like Shell. Yeah. Or Shell Bamboozle. Shell Bamboozle. It's just a character I've been doing. Right,

okay, a little character. Shell Bamboozle, it Bamboozle? Yeah, it's just a character. Right, okay, a little character. Shell Bamboozle. It's green. It's fluffy. It's got red eyes. Four ears, red eyes. Yeah. And its special move is side swipe.

Shitting. Side swipe shit. And so today you've collected Shell Bamboozle. Congratulations. Right there in your podcast book. They aren't that difficult to catch I mean in Pokemon I think it's quite

difficult to catch them all isn't it in this case all you need to do is to log on to iTunes but some people seem to find that

very difficult now that is getting on my nerves every day we have someone going where can I get your podcast apart from iTunes

firstly we tell you where you can get it apart from iTunes that's true so straight away chortle.co.uk you can get it apart from iTunes. That's true, Chortle. So straight away, chortle.co.uk, you can get it from there. Secondly, why?

Why is it such a, why were you not? Oh, I don't like iTunes. Well, bad luck. Yeah, exactly. Sorry. I've said, someone said it was

difficult to find if they didn't go on iTunes. That's not difficult to find. It's on iTunes. Download iTunes, get it off there. I got halfway through a message saying to them,

if I offered you an Apple and put it on the table, it's not difficult to find Apple if you don't want to go near the table, it's just that you're being difficult. Exactly. So. If there was only one shop in Edinburgh that sold banana milkshake.

Yeah. I can't then go, well, it's very difficult to find banana milkshake. Because I know where the shop is. Yeah, someone said, oh, that shop down there. That shop has got it. No, I don't like, I don't like that shop. I'm not going to that shop. Because the owner, they taxed, whatever.

Yeah, exactly. So what is people's issue with iTunes? What is the actual issue? What if the only shop in Edinburgh that sold banana milkshake was Tesco?

That would be a massive issue. Same point, isn't it? I'm on their side now. No, no. That's a massive issue to me, isn't it? Because I'm not allowed in one. Yeah, that's true.

I think you probably would be, though. I'd probably get away with it, but it's a matter of principle, isn't it? Is it? I don't know what the principle is with iTunes.

I don't know what people's principle is. No, someone can let us know, but you won't know what the principle is with iTunes I don't know what people's principle is no if someone can let us know but you won't be able to because you can't hear this can you not because you're sat you're sat in your ivory tower

yeah but the fact of the matter well the fact of the matter is though if Tesco was the only place in Edinburgh that did banana milkshake yeah I wouldn't be able to get

banana milkshake yeah you wouldn't complain yeah because I've gone right I don't go to Tesco yeah that's the only place that sells it yeah

I can't have my banana milkshake yeah I wouldn't then ring up banana Yeah. There's only place that sells it. Yeah. I can't have my banana milkshake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Simple as that. I wouldn't then ring up Banana Milkshake and say, what's going on here? They sort it out. Get sorted, mate. Yeah. Get it delivered to me house every day for no money.

That's the other thing. We're not asking for an investment. No. And also, the iTunes chart is important to us. Because it's important to us in terms of our profile. It's important to us in terms of, we do it important to us in terms of we do it for free for publicity and getting new listeners as well

exactly and I don't want to make it out to be quite as cynical as it actually is but we're only doing this for dragging to our show

and 90% of you won't come so the fact of the matter is if we chart higher in the iTunes chart we have more audience through the

door we can carry on doing stuff that you get for free because we're subsidising it elsewhere because a little update on our sales and how much we have made so far we

sold out again last night yeah so congratulations peacock and gamble have now made minus seven and a half grand it's more than that and it's less than it's about 7 900 yeah um so we are quite flush today and we've been out and bought ourselves presents. Oh we've got all the presents in the world. We have bought ourselves presents as well.

Banana milkshake. Yeah some banana milkshake. Ed bought himself some headphones. Bought some posh headphones. I bought myself an

equally grown up thing. I bought, I don't know if you've seen the film Avengers. It's Hot Toys Captain America is what I bought.

Yeah. Who's now standing in the corner of my room looking angry at me for buying it. He shouldn't be angry, though. He is looking at me.

I don't even know about Hot Toys. They're a really high-end toy company who make brilliant figures. They're very, very realistic. Like, properly realistic. Really good design. You know, the identical faces to the actual people. And he does just stare at me

while I'm editing the podcast, going, are you off your fucking head? Do you know how much you spent on me? I'm like, yeah, no, but you are nice. He's like, no, you can't afford that. Not even I would spend that on me. You wouldn't, would you? I know.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But he'd probably fight for it with his shield or something. I've never liked Captain America. Mate, why did you get it? I've never been a fan of that character. Mate, why did you get it? You spent a thousand pounds on it. Right. you get it? You spent £1,000 on it.

I don't mean to break this to you, but you do know that is just a real bloke dressed up as Captain America in the audience. I'm just going to pull you up on this first of all. There's a couple of points here. First off, £999. Let's get it right, thank you. It wasn't £1,000 because that would have made a difference.

Yeah, it's price rhetoric, isn't it? If they'd said it's £1,000, I'd go, no, no, thank you. But they went, oh, £999. I thought, that's better. That's better. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, like I get if they said it's a thousand pounds I'd go no no thank you but they went alright no no no I thought that's better no no no yeah that's it like I get in popcorn I have a cinnamon

it's goading me a bit do you think I could take it back no I think you'd be happy with it really do you think yeah headphones are doing

the same to me mate are they really yeah you spent a fair few quid on them didn't you I don't want to take them out because I'm worried it might

rain and ruin them that's really worrying though isn't it yeah because I get like that I got like ruin them. That's really worrying though isn't it? Yeah. Because I get like that. I got like that when I bought a new car though. Yeah. For about a week. Yeah. Now it looks like it's about 40 years old my car. It's a weird one when you spend a lot of money but also you have that theory don't you that if you spend a lot

of money on something that you are more likely to look after it. Yeah. Because when you came home and told me you bought Bose headphones and you spent a lot of money on them. Yeah. Even for headphones it's a lot of money. Well, Bose is stupid money. They are, but they're a very good company. Last year, of course, my Bose headphones broke and they sent you

free of charge. They were very, very good. I worried when you came back and, we won't say the amount, but let's say that... A thousand pounds. Well, let's say quite a thousand pounds. About the same as a Captain O'Berry. Roughly the same. Well, actually, no. Your headphones you bought were twice as much as my headphones. But they're also headphones and not a figure. Yeah. Well, actually, no, your headphones you bought were twice as much as my... But they're also headphones

and not a figure. Yeah. Yeah, they are. Yeah. But it's very unlikely that I'm going to drop my figure down the toilet. I'm not going to use them

in Edinburgh. Have you unwrapped them? Yeah, I've unwrapped them and charged them up. Have you actually put them on your head yet? Yeah, they're brilliant. I've walked around

the house with them. Be careful, you've got very sharp ears. Yeah, that's true. Don't slice into cushions. Yeah. Anyway, look, today's interview is Kerry Marks.

I've known Kerry for many, many years. There's a story to this that happened last year that's revealed in the podcast. It's really interesting to you. Yeah. I like him. He's kind of been a bit of an underdog of comedy, I think. He's a very successful comic. He's very good.

Works every night. Yeah. But he's one of those comics who's like, he's just been around for a long time. Yeah. He's just very, very solid. Yeah. Isn't, as far as I'm aware, like a jungler's act. He's not like a weekend comic.

And he's proper, yeah, he's proper good. Yeah, he does really interesting stuff. Incredible. And it was nice talking to him over for a chat. So, why don't we listen to it? Alright. Start counting. Right. One, two, three. Hang on, mate. But what? I just realised we haven't plugged the show. Oh, do it quick. Okay. Be gone, Gamma. Heartthrobs. 9.45pm. Pleasant's Courtyard.

Every single night. Fridays and Saturdays we're doing those shows and also extra shows. Late night, drunk, fancy blue shows, quarter past midnight Fridays and Saturdays, Pickle and Gamble Heartthrobs I can't remember what I was up to I'll start again 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Pickle and Gamble, Pickle and Gamble We're going to start the podcast now Anything you need to know at all? I want to know what is acceptable in your podcast. Whatever you want to say. Nudity? Nudity is absolutely fine. You know, that's just good.

As it goes on, if it gets a little bit flat, then it's essential. Bitching? Bitching is brilliant. You can do that. No problem with bitching, that's good. No issue with that at all. Alright, let's get the festival guide out. You might find out. Can I swear?

Is swearing okay? If you want to, what sort of words do you want to say? Strong words. I want to know if I can say strong words. Well, how strong are the strong words? Why do I really like to say them? Do you want to know if you can say words that you don't like to say? Yeah.

What sort of situation would you be backed into where you feel like I'm going to have to put a strong word out? Ed, to be honest, I'm such a cunt. I say anything I like whenever I fucking c cunt. I just hate anything I like. I'm a fucking cunt. You motherfucker. There we go. What a lovely podcast we're going to have today. Let's shit this thing up.

Blue edition. Peacock and Gamble. Peacock and Gamble. How long have I known you for? I wouldn't say we're friends. We're not like pals, are we? I'll tear you all, mate. We've been through it together, haven't we? Yeah. say we're friends we're not like pals I'll tell you all mate no do you know what I mean though we're not like we wouldn't go

for a drink we've been through it together haven't we yeah we've spotted it of all times

we've only ever sort of seen it in the trenches in the trenches of the comedy circuit how long is it

how long is it I don't know how long have you been doing comedy for I started in 97 same as me

yeah yeah so I must have known you around then. Well, stand-up I was only doing from around 2001. Because I did Big and Daft first.

Of course you did. And John. And I was running clubs for a little while and paying people a fiver because I thought that was really good running. It was great.

Yeah, yeah. It was pretty good. That's when it cost a pound to get places exactly yeah yeah I remember giving Dave Dave

as he was called and Martin Beaumont that's right and I remember giving him a fiver to go to Watford was there a gig or yeah

I don't want to get any more of my gigs get another fiver fuck off to Watford I wonder why there was always loads of comedians hanging around in Waffle. Waving fivers around.

Screaming at him. So it's a long time, isn't it? And I've always... I'll start with the compliments before we get insulting. And then we'll maybe do that and stay with them. Do you know what I mean? Just do that. Yeah, there's no hard and fast rule that you need to start with one

and then just really insulting for the rest of it. I'm not going to do that. I'm fine with compliments. Honestly, I can handle them really well. All that. I'm fine with compliments, honestly. I can handle them really well. All right, I'll pay some compliments. You're one of the few acts... I like it already. You're one of the few acts, I think, who I watch, who I don't think about regularly, right?

But stay with this. I like it. I don't think about it regularly. Craig Campbell's another one, who, when I watch them, something happens when I'm... Because as a comedian, when you watch an act, you're always looking looking for tricks and you're always looking to see what they're doing and see how they're doing and all the rest of it but there's some comedians who i start off doing that and then i go that's brilliant that's brilliant that's brilliant in my head until eventually i start watching it right as a punter and just start enjoying it no longer watching from the

the technical side exactly yeah totally and that doesn't happen a lot that no I think I think with a good comedian you're aware of the technical and I love I love the technical side

of it all yeah yeah I love talking technical with other comedians and I think it's interesting but at the same time you don't sit down and write a set

based on a list of rules and a flow chart yeah you know and so hopefully a standard performance should capture that

it should it should have a flow to it that's natural, that just comes out and drags you along. But also watching you, I would have thought, it's the ideas, it's the fact that

when you watch you go, these are just brilliant ideas and these are just brilliant takes on life and ways of looking at life and it's quite, would you say it's quite a liberating act

my act? I've never thought of my act as liberating, now I do now I do you are just that, I think audiences go this is the right way of thinking about things, I honestly do I do, I think it's

a challenge when you're writing a piece to to not write it to alienate, it's very easy it's it's a challenge when you're writing a piece to uh to not write it to alienate it's very easy to to write an angle and and think well anyone doesn't agree with me it's their problem yeah but it's nice if you can make it a little bit more broad and make your argument yeah do you know because ideally anyone who agrees with you in the crowd should feel good that you're being more eloquent than they would be at making their point yeah but they should also want to play that bit of material to their friend who disagrees yeah so if you're doing more eloquent than they would be at making their point. But they should also want to play that bit of material to their friend who disagrees.

So if you're doing something that's anti-religious or whatever, then someone heavily atheist has a religious friend and wants him, you must hear this. And in their heart, they believe it might convince their friend. It would be a good piece, I think. But I can imagine, because your arguments, if we want to call them that are so watertight pat your forehead

because I know it's a lot of thinking this your arguments are so watertight I'm melting today I cannot do heat I'm full on it's too huge

how far have you walked how far have you walked to get here I'm not very far I've just been walking around in my other interview and then came straight here and at that other interview I deliberately didn't say

anything funny or interesting so I wanted to save it all for you. Obviously I don't want to waste time. When's that start? That's going to be on the way. Warm up to it. I'm going to close with something. I know there's a thing you do

I don't know if you still do it, but I remember you talking about swearing and talking about your attitude to swearing and how you feel about people that don't like swearing and don't like certain words and that you're not interested in... It's the rule. It's just the rule, Ray. Last night, I had people tutting during my show at the back.

Two nights in a row now. I've done two nights. I've had people leaving both nights. Really? Yes. And that's not a bad record with two nights in, is it? That's good. People who are shocked by my subject matter this year

and my subject matter this year is that last year I had a heart attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm talking about something real, something that happened to me and people are finding that

and some people, obviously, the majority of the audience have been lovely but there is still an element of people who have a hard or fast forward. You must not say this.

You must not talk about that. Yeah. I don't know how to get around it. I find I end up writing a lot of material provoked by that opinion. You could be just disappointed you didn't die. You know what, this story would be brilliant if he had died.

It would serve him right. Doppish conclusion. I don't know how those people go out and enjoy anything though, if they've got hard and fast rules as to what they want to hear said. Stay at home home watch TV stay in the watershed was there for you

but isn't it weird though do you know what I mean because I could sit and watch what's a good example probably isn't a good example but say Passion of the Christ was a good film

yeah imagine if it was yeah yeah right okay just imagine if it was yeah yeah I'd be able

as an atheist yeah right to sit through that and enjoy it as a film same as the. I'd be able, as an atheist, right, to sit through that and enjoy it. As a film. Same as the way I'd enjoy Star Wars. I'd just go, well, this is, I understand the conceit that he's the son of God.

I get all that. Yeah. I will accept there's a God. I will accept that he's the son of God. I will accept that this happened and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'd be able to enjoy it. Yeah. Yes, totally.

I wouldn't be sat there going, no, because there isn't a God. I wouldn't be getting angry about it. It'd be. Although the Bible's got some good stories in it, but I would never sit down and read it. Well, it's a very heavy book, isn't it? It's very wordy. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it takes a while to get to the good stuff. Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of bump in there, isn't there? Yeah, there is. Do you know what I think they should do with the Bible? What? They should have a system where they number some of the passages,

and you can go, right, have a read of this one, verse 2, something like that. They should do that with it. It gets a bit predictable in place, doesn't it? If anything God doesn't like, he just kills it. Yes! I think that's a good way of being.

Yeah. If you're a God, definitely. If there was a God, I think, for just general people, I think that would be a very exciting world. I just don't find the Bible or God that impressive. That's the whole thing. We read the Bible and we say, oh, wow,

so he built a universe in six days. Yeah. You're a fucking god. Yeah. Why did you have to put your fingers in it? It was there. And then you need to rest for a day, you fucking wimp. Grow up and

wield that power. Jesus. So, let's just get back a little bit, because last year... What, before God? So last year, me and you, Kerry, did the... was it the Camden Fringe? I think it was the Camden Fringe.

It was in some pub in Camden. We did Camden Fringe, yeah. And we'd been on together. I was in some pub in Camden. We did do Camden Fringe, yeah. And we'd been on together. I was compo and you were rom. And I'm going to tell you something that you said to me. What horrible thing happened that I've forgotten? It was about a month and a half, maybe two months before the Edinburgh Fringe started. You said to me, are you going to Edinburgh? I went, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you looked kind of worried and you went, how is it? And I went, well well we're kind of done because we finished quite you know not we didn't do this year but normally me and ed are done by end of may and then we just tighten it up and i went we're kind of done you went oh you're fucking come what and then i was going it's all right honestly everyone's fucking done and you said and i quote it's gonna give me a fucking heart attack this right now about a week was that last year. Right? Now, about a week later... Oh, was that last year?

That was last year. Really? About a week later... Is that right? Yeah, honestly, I heard whisperings... Wow. ...that you weren't well. Yeah.

And then I think it was on Chortles' front page that you'd had a heart attack. And I was genuinely concerned. I didn't want to contact you because I thought, that's weird. You'll have lots of people contacting you. And if you have a heart attack, have a minute. And you don't want to text saying,

oh, you said so, didn't you? Me going, oh, I out. Are you saying that you caused it? No, not that I caused it, no. It was from talking to you. You only said, you're going to give me a heart attack if you tell me what you just told me. What can I do with that information?

Yeah. But that's what happened then yeah I don't remember saying that in conversation it does sound like me though I'm always predicting

a heart attack to be fair yeah no of course I know that was special to me yeah no I don't think it's whenever I see you

but it's I have talked about this with the show I've been I kind of started writing it in my head way in advance

because I was thinking this was going to happen but I made a mistake and I thought it was going to be cancer so I've got lots of really funny cancer materials which I haven't been

able to use yet but I know it's just cancer's a biggie and I mean it's a really good cancer's out of your control to an element

isn't it whereas an heart attack is like well then that's your own death fault yeah yeah exactly. Because you weren't a fit-looking man, were you? Not particularly, though.

Mostly it's hereditary with me. My brother had a heart attack. He was one year older than me. And he's ten years older. But he was one year older than me at the time when he had it. Okay. And people in my family just, I think dying's like a hobby. Right.

The earliest possible. Everyone loves it so much they can't see why they should waste time. So, yeah, it's largely hereditary. But at the same time, I've smoked every cigarette that I saw in front of me. We've never seen it. And I've sniffed everything and done everything. And I think I exercised once. Yeah. I vaguely remember. No I think I exercised once. Yeah.

I vaguely remember. No, you did. Running a bit late. That's the only exercise I've ever done. Constantly running a bit late and deciding that counts for something. My tardiness keeps me reasonably lean. How soon into the heart attack or after the heart attack were you thinking, right, how am I going to start the show about the heart attack?

Was it during the heart attack? Well, you know, I didn't. Because you were in Birmingham, weren't you? Yeah, but I was told categorically by doctors, you can't carry on doing this business. This is over. Really? Yeah, absolutely.

Because there were still two blockages I couldn't get to over my heart. And I started having mini heart attacks every couple of days afterwards. What did they feel like? It was... I'm asking you this for advice. I reckon I've had three this year. Do you really? I'm not even exaggerating.

And you haven't been to a hospital and checked that out? I think I had one at Christmas. I think I had one last week. A couple of days of rapid heartbeat. Although that's a good sign, isn't it? Rapid heartbeat. You almost certainly didn't have a heart attack.

It's overworking. Yeah. If anything... That's just your heart working. I'm not taking the piss, but my heart is working overtime. It works its arse off your arse, isn't it? And it does have an arse.

It does have an arse in my heart. So what... Is it from hard work or from the amount of love you put out? I think it's a bit of both because I don't really think of myself as a loving person, but everybody tells me I am. Or maybe you've got such a little love in you that when you produce a bit it really kills you so what what happened yeah okay well i'll tell you symptoms

first with me it's it's uh it was a burning chest okay because at first i thought it was um uh just indigestion i've never had indig, but I know it happens higher up the chest than people expect. So that's what I thought it was. And I had a slight numbness in the arm, but nothing. It was atypical, as described by a doctor. Okay. And later on, what they discovered is that I was getting indigestion as well because the bottom of the heart started dying,

and that's directly over the tummy, over the stomach. So because it's so close it triggered off uh indigestion okay which uh which now for me can be an indicator but might not be for someone else right so it's it's very hard to tell because uh generally you're looking for shortness of breath um uh a tightness around the throat maybe maybe difficulty breathing, the arm goes numb, the voice gets a bit more croaky, someone starts talking slower. Are you miming one now?

Oh, God. Are you just showing us what it is or not? Mate, we're going to get back to number one in the charts. Push him. Put it down. Don't worry, we'll put it out as a tribute. You've got four

reviewers in tonight. If you're having what might be a hard time, get to a hospital and get it checked out. Yeah, that's the deal. Be there within an hour. That's what you're

supposed to do. You're supposed to get it from there. And they can largely stop it if you're there within an hour. Okay. I don't think you

probably had a hard time. That's the thing, is there are going to be people coming to my show and they're going to walk out clutching themselves and worrying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it wasn't until a doctor said to me, he said, look, you've had a heart attack now. You will recognise the symptoms. You'll know when it is a proper one again.

Okay, okay. And there's about 80 different things that can cause chest pain. Of course, panic attacks. Yeah, yeah. It's a bit suspicious of any move any from the door it's weird that isn't it because I do that as well it's like the psychopath test

when I read that and in the psychopath test John Lanson's book he does a wonderful thing in that book that everyone mentions which is you read it for a few chapters

and you start going I'm a psychopath I'm a psychopath all these things are me all these things are me and then as you're thinking that he writes in it,

that he started thinking he was a psychopath. While he was... Yeah, and then he asked someone, and they said, the fact that you're worried you're a psychopath

proves you're not. Yeah. So, I guess, with your show, if people are worried they're going to... your cat skin page marker

and put the book down. I did. I did, when I finished her off. One of them escaped, but I chucked a chainsaw down the end. So I got her. So do you have something in your show

that does put people at ease? No, that's a really good idea. It's not about being at ease, is it? It's about making people uncomfortable and then making fun of that too yeah yeah no I haven't

I'm wondering whether I should do now what do you think I don't think you have to I think if you put people at ease then there's there's less chance

of someone walking out of your show and realising they are having an actual heart attack and then that publicity you can't buy that you're right as well

let's go to this though because if you stress people to the point where they have heart attacks yeah because you don't put them at ease and they leave then a lot of people are having heart attacks in edinburgh mate and you're becoming less and less special now i'm now remembering i have had someone have a heart attack during the show but not during the show but that was years ago when i was doing, back in my magic days, I was doing a thing where I got somebody up on stage and I was slicing their tie up, I seem to remember. And someone in the audience had a heart attack

and I'd have an ambulance pull them out. Really? Which is pretty cool, right? Because you were close. It's kind of cool. I know it's not nice that someone's had a heart attack. And I wish the guy well, whatever happened to him, but it's still at the same time,

there's this little bit of me as a comedian doing this, I'm capable of giving someone a heart attack and I wish the guy well whatever happened to him but it's still at the same time there's this little bit of me as a comedian doing this I'm capable of giving someone a heart attack that trick was so awesome totally and the audiences

should be a little bit scared when they come in just knowing what I can do and I don't think I don't think we should go by I don't think we should have stars

on our posters I think it should be coffins like skulls how many people? A little skull. Yeah, the number of people we've killed. Incommodate. There's a lot of stories like that.

A man had to leave our show the other night because he needed to be sick. Don't say that! If you can't kill someone, make him puke. A man left our show because he had terminal cancer. Oh yeah, sorry, he had cancer. He got terminal cancer from our show. It wasn't your normal puke. He got terminal cancer from our show. Excuse me, I found a lot.

It wasn't your normal puke. It was clearly cancer puke. Can you get him to sign something straight away? Just say it was cancer. Tell everyone. No, it was lovely, though. He apologised as he was going. Because we were in the middle of this bit,

and Eddie went, oh, a volunteer. But, right, the man was walking out, and he went, I'm really enjoying it, but I am going to be sick. Right, I would have that lovely review. And then he apologised to us. and the man was walking out and he went I'm really enjoying it but I am going to be sick right what a lovely review and then he apologised to us outside as well he was clear, normally we'd like

go for someone and you could see but it was like I know you are in some distress that's quite a sweet story but I've got to tell you if it happens at the same point of the show every night yeah I think look at that piece of material definitely yeah

so you were due to do the Fringe every night. Yeah. I didn't look at that piece of material. Definitely. Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. So you were due to do The Fringe last year? I was due to do The Fringe last year. Okay. And I cancelled. Well, of course you did. I put Heart Attack first. Yeah.

Didn't I do your first gig back with you? That was one of the first few, which I do talk about on stage, actually. Not that particular gig, but there were two or three in a row where I just went out and died horribly

you didn't die at that gig I had no no coordination whatsoever I wasn't aware of I couldn't hear my own voice properly and that gig

one year from now the Hop Farm Festival yeah yeah yeah so it's a midnight show festivals are generous I love doing festivals though they're normally

I've got to tell you I didn't know what happened before I went out because I was backstage trying to remember my act. Okay. And you'd already had some fire going with the audience, hadn't you? A little bit, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, a little bit.

I mean, nothing compared to what you had. No, and I walked out too totally. I told them I'm gig rusty. I've taken some time off because I had a heart attack. And boom! Yeah. We hate you. It was weird.

This doesn't sound like a lot of it's your fault. What I should say, what I should say by the way, I didn't bring you on badly. Not at all, no. I did all I could in that room, room in that tent

with open sides but it was really weird and I've never been so angry as I was after you came off. Because I don't know what you felt inside and also I know as a comic

and Ed knows as a comic that sometimes you know in you felt inside. And also I know as a comic, and Ed knows as a comic, that sometimes you know in your head, you're like, I'm not on this. I'm not on this at all. I'm just like out of it. But I promise you, from an audience point of view,

it wasn't, you couldn't tell that at all. But I believe you that you felt that, but you couldn't tell it. I was so lost in my own head at the time. And also I was immediately gig rusty. And I had no, I was so heavily medicated I had no tear control but that's not why you didn't do well

you didn't do well because A the material wasn't strong but they were just horrible they were a horrible audience they were incredibly horrible somebody walked to the front of the stage when Kerry was on maybe 10 minutes in or something and did that, did a throwing motion and you went what are you doing somebody walked to the front of the stage when Kerry was on, about maybe 10 minutes in or something,

and did that, like, did a throwing motion, and you went, what are you doing? And he went, I'm throwing another heart attack at you. What?

Yeah. And I was at the side going, are you shitting me? And then you came off, and I went on, and I got that lad on the stage. Yeah. And I went and lay in front of the stage,

and I went, go on then. And it's always a big risk, isn't it, putting someone on stage? Yeah, totally. And I went, go on then, go on then. And it's always a big risk, isn't it? Yeah, totally. Go on then, go on then. And I leathered him, like properly laid into him. Yeah. And had all the audience doing it.

It actually rejuvenated the gig. Yeah, yeah. For a bit. Not for the whole night. I heard they were still horrible. They were still horrible, yeah. But I had a bit of leeway. Well, I've done it too.

I'm talking, I'm hesitating a bit because I'm talking about this in my show. There was two or three gigs back where each of them for different reasons went hellish. But I've kind of mixed in bits of the Hot Farm with one of the other ones because it's taking too long to tell three stories. But there was one of them also.

It was kind of similar to that and the audience getting very aggressive and I started having that heart attack symptoms during it so I was burning up my chest on fire and felt like I was

having another heart attack but whilst the audience are booing it's the ultimate death I've ever had to actually feel like you're dying whilst you're dying

it's extraordinary it's like death squared it's like knowing that the cause of death will be death. Does that give you a little bit of leeway? When you establish you've not been a well man, and what you've overcome to come back to common in that, surely that gives you a bit of...

Doesn't that speak volumes about people? I mean, I'd expect... Were you expecting some sort of maybe sympathy? No, not really. But I would have expected that you could be honest with the crowd and say I've taken a bit of time off because of a heart attack. Boring you. Yeah.

I don't think it's asking for sympathy or for them to go out of their way, really. It's just for them to be a little understanding for a few moments and give you a chance to get into your stride. But even... To be fair, I was totally off form. I'd come back. I was medicated to the point I wasn't even... When I look back on it, I wasn't even walking properly.

And like the Hop Farm one, that get-in took something like an hour and a half, mostly with my wife carrying everything. Because I couldn't even... This was at a time where I couldn't open a jar of pickles without getting bruises up my arms. I couldn't carry anything. I was extremely weak.

It was an interesting time. I was kind of relearning what we do in comedy. Even walking on stage felt alien. So I'm pretty sure. Now I remember you were just backstage. You weren't, you were literally just sat there chain smoking for like about an hour and a half before the game ended. It's, I don't understand.

I think in an audience, if I was in an audience, I'd go, this isn't really happening, but it's probably not right. It's probably not very well. Well, you think Hot Farm, they only gave me about five minutes. In fact, there was people getting angry straight away, but it was only five minutes before it was out of control. That's not giving someone much time, really. And what was interesting in that one was afterwards I was staying there.

So I was in the entertainment area in my tent with people. Did you stay there? Yeah, we stayed over. So my wife is asleep, so I'm lying in the tent with people standing around the tent talking about how shit the first act was. Yeah, he was crabby, ruined it for everyone. He did it. He was so aggressive.

It might have been me. I wasn't being aggressive. You know, you said that later on, it might have been you they were talking about. It might have been the compere they meant was that you went on and attacked. My overall feeling is that everyone, every last person that wasn't on the stage there was a cunt. Yeah. Apart from that boy you got on the stage. Oh.

He was a cunt. He's got round it, hasn't he? Yeah, he's a cunt. He's definitely a cunt. Clever boy. Be cooking gamble, be cooking gamble. So have you become clean living? I'm probably healthier now than I've ever been, actually.

Going for a jog most days, and I'm, yeah, eating. I never ate terribly. I was never a big burger fan. I had one occasionally. I still might. I'm not going to be an angel now. Stop the cigarettes. And exercise is the biggest thing.

Smoking, obviously obviously is a cause, but people don't seem to realise that you need to exercise. You need to get the heart pumping hard. Is wanking exercise? It's relaxing. Yeah, particularly if it's other people. Right, OK. I'd say wank as many people as you can

right and tell them it's for your heart because I do no exercise at all really well I never I never have done

I never have and uh but I've got a time yeah I think as I hit my mid 30s I want to go right

yeah just line up a load of men and then just start wanking. Start wanking all at one by one. Do you want to come for a jog and a wank today? This will be interesting. Ed does jog and a roll.

Yeah. Right? You probably jog properly though. I just go around panting and crying. Well, he's jogging and rolling. Do you get like an urgent need

to have a shit? Right, we're not going over this again. That does happen when you're... There we go, that happens. What's, do you get, like, an urgent need to have a shit sometimes? Right, we're not going over this again. That does happen when you're over it. There we go, that happens. It's horrible.

Have you ever shat your pants and left those pants in the public? No. Right, thank you, there we go,

that happens. Right, well, that's because I do proper jogging in the public. With proper, with proper jog shitting.

Yeah, yeah, proper jogging you leave at least one pair of pants a week. That's shogging. I am shogged by this, yeah. For proper jogging, you leave at least one pair of pants a week. That's shogging. I am shocked by this story. Shitting and jogging.

Have either of you ever stopped mid-jog for either a wank of yourself or a wank of someone else? No. I haven't yet. There's a whole festival to go, isn't there? Now I've planted the idea in your head. I'm going to be looking at everyone

and thinking of them as candidates. I very rarely stop mid-anything to have a wank. Oh, I'm a bugger for it. Oh yeah, what, stopping mid-something? That's why I missed that cue last night. Do you ever stop mid-wank to have anything else? Yeah, a sandwich or a jog.

Sandwich? I need a mid-wank sandwich. That was a lot. Isn't it awful when your purse is... Half-time orange. And then it turns into one of those ones. Did you have, like, 90-minute wangs? Yeah, yeah.

Change to pep talk. Do you change sides? Oh, God. We'd better have someone fucking famous on tomorrow. Pea-cooking gamble, Peacock and Gamble. But you feel better now? Right, really good, yeah. Better than ever.

In fact, I recommend a heart attack. Everyone should have one. It's an odd thing to say. Especially in Scotland where they already have. And has it made you clearer as a comic in your head as it as it

because you know exercise is good for the brain too apparently so apparently I'm sorry no I'm not I'm not you know I'm exercising

regularly and I'm really enjoying going to a gym and I love swimming swimming's one of my favourites but I'm not fit enough yet that it doesn't

knack me out every time and make the rest of the day hard that's my comment I think you're supposed to reach a stage where it enthuses you

and it gives you more energy weird do you get that from run or do you just shit it oh no yeah I do now

the rest of the day's alright I'm not promoting this I know for a fact on the odd days when I've gone okay I'll do some

press ups or I'll do some sets whatever any little bit of exercise and I know that the feeling is one of very exhausted, very uncomfortable. Yeah.

Have to have a shower. I mean, that's part of the problem. Having to have a shower. You should really be having a shower anyway, mate. Well, I do, but I'll have a shower then I'll go and do the exercise and then I'll go and have another shower. It's shit, isn't it? Two showers in one day. It's ridiculous. Fuck. Do the exercise before the shower, mate.

Oh, oh. I'm going to do the exercise. And you're going to need to have a shower anyway because you'd be shitting yourself. Yeah, I'm going to do the exercise first thing in the morning when I've just got up. I've got dried spunk all over my front. And I stink

because I've not had a shower since yesterday morning. But I've got to do the exercise and then have a shower. Well, start the exercise. Stop mid-exercise for a wank and then have a shower all off at the same time. And you're not putting in anywhere there,

where do I have my morning chocolate? I don't want to scare you here, but you're saying almost word for word everything I said just over a year ago, just before I had a heart attack.

Were you being all blasé about it? Yeah. It is hard to face all that showering and all the extra... I need two towels in one day.

Yeah. I know, it's silly, but you've got to do it. In fact, I'm going to make sure you do. And also, you said you don't do any exercise, but bear in mind, you are running around that stage like a seven-year-old for an hour a night. That's only recently, though. Have you seen how knackered I am

after that first bit of our show? Yeah, but you're doing it every night. I've got to say... You stand quite still as a comic, don't you, Gary? No, I'm pacing a little bit in my show. I get into different moods, but sometimes I like standing absolutely still as a comic don't you I'm pacing a little bit in my show I get into different moods but sometimes I like

standing absolutely still with a microphone I like to give the audience as little as possible no movements no accents no funny voices just me

and a table a table what's on the table a microphone stand the microphone stand's on the table no

you came in during a list that's all a bit weird the table? The microphone stand. The microphone stand's on the table. No. You came in during a list there. It's all a bit weird. There's me, a microphone stand and a table. The table doesn't have anything on it. You've got a table. I've not a table. I don't know. There's also a chair on the stage and I don't sit on it.

What, are you trying to give off? I don't know. I don't know. I put a chair there the first day. I thought that might be nice. Might sit on that. Might sit on it. But I haven't done. And I'm not getting rid of it because I still might. No I don't know. I just put a chair there the first day. I thought that might be nice. Might sit on that. Might sit on it. But I haven't done.

Say what in a bit of a day. And I'm not getting rid of it because I still might. No, that's fine. Was it because when you were doing previews, you had notes on it or something? I might well have. Yeah, you know what? That's very possible, but I don't think so. I think it just happened.

I don't think. I mean, that's one explanation. You might be able to come up with a better one, but I just don't think you're going to find a reason why I've got a chair or a table on the table. It might be that you think you might have a meal one night. Oh maybe, yeah. Maybe that was in the back of my head I might get hungry during the show. What if someone delivers a pizza and I've got nothing

to put it on? Yeah, you don't get studied up eating your pizza do you? Imagine bending down to the floor every time you take a slice. In front of the audience and not having, you'd have to have a joke for it each time. Maybe if you want to stop and have a wank half way through

totally and then a shit you don't want to stand up for that do you you count these exercises you might before your pizza you should have been

this would have been a good idea that I've just had you should have been wired up to a heart monitor for your entire show yeah

you should have an heart monitor on for your entire show and then people can see when you're getting excited about bits then people can see when you're getting excited about bits and people can see when you're getting

worried about bits what I really think yeah they can see you can never lie then at the end you can have an angry bit and then have it so it looks like

you're having another heart attack blackout that's good that's lovely and then lights up for a bow to put them at ease

or I could have the whole audience hooked up to heart monitors and check their reaction that's a good idea because comedy is very good for you of course it's helping more than ease. Or I could have the whole audience hooked up to heart monitors and check their reaction to it. That's a good idea. Because comedy is very good for you of course. It's helping. It's more than running in fact. So I believe.

I don't care whether that's true. I don't think it's true. I don't care. I'm not sure it's true. Fuck the facts. Come along to my show. It's really good for your heart. It keeps you alive. On a genuinely serious point, do you actually feel, in your heart of hearts,

do you actually feel a duty of care now, as in to educate about it? I can't help mentioning the little bits I know now, but I don't go on about it. I'm not out delivering sermons or preaching to anyone, but I know that quite a lot of comics have gone off for a jog, have started jogging or doing exercise as a result of that happening to me. And a lot of people have said that.

In fact, there were figures released recently that the number of people exercising since the Olympics hasn't gone up at all, at one I own. Really? I think it's 51% of people regularly exercise that has not changed but I know a number of comedians who have changed now because of me so basically I've affected people

more than the Olympics I think I've decided that's true I was bigger than the Olympics in terms of the nation's morale improving Britain I've done more for Britain but then the truth is In terms of the nation's morale Improving Britain I've done more for Britain

But then the truth is Athletes are put up on this pedestal It's like the be all end all If they win They've got to come at least one to three Exactly They're not going near that pedestal Communions are these dirty disgusting things

That say horrible jokes And these athletes are these clean livingliving wonders that we should be more like. Hang on, back off a minute. Don't tell us all we're your brush. We're not all saying filthy, disgusting things. You're no better than me, and you know it. I'm not saying I'm better than you. I have heard what you do.

I'm not dirty on stage. You're not dirty. You're a dirty boy with all your language. I shock myself. Sometimes I can't look in the mirror I'm not a joke I disgust myself

actually I have words how how could you say you are genuinely ruthless sometimes but what I'm saying is the clean livers of the world

are the ones who are really they're corporate whores who they're gold diggers aren't they and the comedians we're out there

day in day out come any weather come rain come freezing cold come boom come recession especially come recession yeah especially come recession

I've got nowhere for this speech to go by the way it seemed like it was building somewhere I know I thought it was then I realised we're trying to get everyone to vote for me speech to go by the way it seemed like it was building somewhere I know I thought it was for a minute then I realised that we're trying to get everyone to vote for me on a government show

I'm not sure anymore we don't need to book Stuart like that yeah you've got it all down well I wish you well with it man oh thank you

I know it's going to be ace because you've had two years to write it so you've had a lot more time than everyone else haven't you because you've been just years to write it. You've had a lot more time than everyone else, haven't you? No excuses. Because you've been lounging around.

Yeah. Not boring. Trying to open a jar of pickles. Holding me hot. Here's my... Because we've been talking about wanking. Oh, no. You had a heart attack.

Really? You had a heart attack in a hotel room in Birmingham. I did. Right. What time did you call for the ambulance? I didn't. What time did somebody call for the ambulance? No one did. I went to the hospital. Right. What time did you call for the ambulance? I didn't. What time did somebody call for the ambulance? No one did.

I went to the hospital. Okay. You've been pedantic now. What time did you go to the hospital? Roughly about 15 hours later. Okay. What time was that at? So about three o'clock in the afternoon.

Right. And you'd been in the hotel? Yeah. On your own? Where are you going with this? In Birmingham. Yeah. Had you interfered with your penis

that night that is in the show is it okay you can come along and get an answer to it because that means he has so did you have a shower

before you went to the hospital yes and did you have a shower already that day no no I hadn't actually no no I sprang out of bed I went for a walk

I was dizzy I was confused I couldn't feel my legs I hadn't actually I went for a walk I was dizzy I was confused I couldn't feel my legs I rang my wife I was having a cigarette I told her I was lost somewhere in Birmingham she told me to get to the hospital when I got there and they said you were having a heart attack have a bit of fun with it Cary sorry I thought you wanted the facts

you asked me so sincerely I gave you the truth and you said fuck the facts I actually I wanked and shat everywhere the hotel room was knee deep in wank and shit. It was so mixed in, you couldn't tell what was what anymore. People next door were banging on the door just because of all the squidgy noises. Why were there not others on Radio 4? I don't know, mate.

Pick, hook and gamble. Pick, hook and gamble. 13. 14. How have you only got to 13? I can't have, mate. Pick, hook and gamble. Pick, hook and gamble. 13. 14. How have you only got to 13? I can't have to start again. Why? Because you do things like that. Great, now I've got to start again. No, right, forget it. Forget it. I don't think there's such a thing as 3,000.

You'll take it on trust that 3,000 is a number. I don't believe you. You'd be right in. I think we've discovered why you don't know if 3,000 is a number or not. Right in. Okay, imagine if you bought three Captain America figures. Oh, God. That's 3,000. They'd surround me.

They'd be looking at me from all angles, mate. How many have I done now? One? No, right, stop it. I'm not having it yet, 3,000's a number. Great interview. Who was it? Kerry Marks.

Kerry Marks, I enjoyed that one. I would have done. I was counting all the way through it. That's that for tonight. That's it for today. Thank you very much for joining us on the podcast. Don't forget, if you're in a bit of a loose end tonight... That's a word, isn't it?

In a bit of a loose end. If you're at... At. Can't be in a loose end. If you're at a loose end, come down to Edinburgh. Yeah. Come to Edinburgh. I don't care where you live.

Just come to Edinburgh if you're at a loose end that you're inside it. Yeah. And come and have a look at our show tonight. Yeah. We've got a number. Hartbrook. It's 9.45pm't care where you live. Just come to Edinburgh if you're at a loose end that you're inside it. Yeah. And come and have a look at our show tonight. Yeah. We've got a number. Hartbrook. It's 9.45pm.

Pleasant's Dome. Or Fridays and Saturdays. Extra shows quarter past midnight. If you're listening to it on a Friday and a Saturday then you can come twice. Quarter past midnight as well. Did you say Pleasant's Dome

or Courtyard? Did I say Dome then? I don't know. It's Courtyard. Alright. I'll do a pick up. Pleasant's Courtyard. No one will notice.

Bye. Bye. The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Podcast is a ready production hosted by shortall.co.uk You don't talk like that. Do you want me to do it as me? Just do it properly.

The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Podcast is a ready production. Quite a lot of doing properly. Edinburgh Podcast is a ready production The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk Today's guest was Kerry Marks The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. Today's guest was... Kerry Marks. And my show is...

Kerry Marks' show. Of course. Which is called... Yeah, there we go. Intensive Kerry. Where's Sean at? I'm at the Gilded Balloon at 10 o'clock. All music by Thomas Fun the Ray.

See you tomorrow.