The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2013 Episode 8 (Adam Buxton)

Episode Date: May 9, 2021

"Edinburgh Fringe 2013 Episode 8 (Adam Buxton)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 120 of 128.

Pico and Gamble by point now. That'll keep our spirits up and then if we keep saying it, eventually it will be true. Yeah, I've got a bit of tuck biscuit in my tooth. You've got a bit of tuck biscuit in your tooth. You're on to, you're exclusively eating tuck biscuits this fringe, aren't you?

That's what I'm eating today. Yeah, it's like you've been sponsored. I was advised, I was, I have been sponsored but I can't speak about that. Yeah.

But I've been advised to eat tuck biscuits from being sick. Yeah, because you were sick. Done sick all last night. Yeah. Not even done any drinking. Came off stage, felt very, very poorly indeed. Yeah, because he was sick. Done sick all last night. Yeah. Not even done any drinking.

Came off stage, felt very, very poorly indeed. Yeah. But still, good boy, cleared all the show away. Cleared all the show away. Just had a little wine, like, oh,

I don't feel very well. Went and got my props all back in the dressing room. Good boy. Oh, sorry, I need a bit more. Right, right, well that'll upset people.

And then I went through to the toilet and done some sick. Then I went and came and sat down with you and our friends, Charlie need a bit more. Right, right, well, that'll upset people. And then I went through to the toilet and done some sick. Then I went and came and sat down with you and our friends, Charlie and Joe. Yeah. And then I felt a bit sick again. Go and be a bit sick again. Yeah.

Came back again, had some fizzy Coca-Cola that was flat. Not fizzy Coca-Cola then, flat Coke. That's fizzy. Yeah. And made it all flat. Yeah. Then drank that, sat on me a little bit. Yeah.

Done a bit more sick. And now I'm back to normal, I think. Mate, you know, if you just talk about sick, it's going to upset people. Because we've had enough complaints after Carey Marks made everyone feel like they were having a heart attack. Oh, I'm sorry, everybody. I keep my ailments to myself for fear of obsessing you. It doesn't matter that I, Ray Peacock, am very, very sick at the moment. You don't want to hear about that.

Well, I'll just let you know that me, Ed Gamble, is very, very well, thank you. Right, well, that's fine. Well, that's because I have to do something different every day than what you have to do. But we can't talk about it

because it's involved with the show. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm all right now, I think. Good. So, halfway point, what do we feel about the show? Enjoying it. Like spending time with my friend. Isn't it? Because it was funny last night. We were in our show last night. Yeah. So halfway point what do we feel about the show? Enjoying it. Like spending time with my friend.

Isn't it? Because it was funny last night. We were in our show last night. Yeah. But you told me afterwards because

there was just a Dickie audience thing happened. Yeah right at the beginning. Yeah somebody came in late. We came in late

so already Dickie and our venue the door into the venue is at the side of the stage and we're on we're like basically the stage is on the

floor and the seats are right up from there. We're the performers and we're traditionally on the stage. Yeah we are on the stage and we're on we're like basically the stage is on the floor and the seats are wrapped up from there we're the performers and we're traditionally on the stage yeah we are on the stage right but the door is right next to it so if anyone comes in late

they have to then trump up some stairs next to us and it's really obvious and you basically have to reference it so a man came in late but not so late

it was ridiculous but exactly the right point to knock off the first energetic bit of the show agreed trumped up the side of the stairs. We went, we didn't reference it, to be fair.

I don't think, oh no, you went. We done a joke. You went, oh, that's a great time to come in just after that. You've missed so much. Yeah. He then sat down, started fiddling around with the ticket, got up and went slow, took his time. Yeah.

Walked down the stairs and started leaning. I went, what, wrong show is it? He went, no, someone else sold us a ticket. And just like mumbled it. Yeah. But like it a ticket. And just, like, mumbled it. Yeah. But, like, it was fine. And then he went out the door. Yeah.

And then came back in the door. With a boy. With a boy. Yeah. And I said, that's the best trick I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. And I said, do you ever get to a show and ever just think, oh, I'll tell you what I'll do before I watch this properly.

Go and buy a boy. So, anyway, so it had been, the show had been fine. Yeah. But that, like like mooted us both a little bit but we didn't show it but you said to me after the show

that you had little moments like that on the show last night where you were getting slightly pissed off with certain things yeah but then at the end

of the show yeah I did something different than I normally do it yeah well you did a bit a bit at the end of the show

in an accent in an Italian accent for no reason no reason whatsoever No reason whatsoever. And you did it at me. Yeah, right in your face. Only for me. It wasn't to the detriment of the show.

No. It was just completely different. Which is progress for me. Yeah, that is excellent progress for you. Just completely for me and for yourself. And then I just thought, oh, just did Edinburgh pissing about with my friend. And you can't be down about that

but I am learning though aren't I my improvised bits I'm learning to not ruin the show with them because like a couple of nights ago I said I prefer nothing

I've got AIDS yeah so so that was an example of something that would ruin the show no two dolly birds came up to me in a bar yeah

and said that they were at that show and said that they loved that bit yeah they said do you always say you've got AIDS

and I went no that was a bit of misjudgment really because half the audience laughed and the other half of the audience

were appalled and they went I know we loved that bit we thought it was lovely well I'm glad the dolly birds

enjoyed that and I went oh nice to meet you anyway what are your names and she went oh I'm Alice

oh I'm Erin and I went oh give them a kiss and then they went no not here and I went alright then we went into toilets at the Pleasant's kiss and then they went no not here and all right then and we went in the toilets at the at the plazas dome and um they went twos up on me lucky ladies

right at what point did that lie start they came and said that they enjoyed one of them i think one of them was too big yeah she's too tall for me is that it yeah is that so you said no to her? I feel stupid. Yeah. I feel so stupid. What's your height limit with a lady? Well, that's interesting. Because I've been out with a lass who was, I think she was 6'2".

Can I just chat? I'm just ticking off all the sort of northern misogynist terms. Dolly birds and lass. Lass is alright. Lass? Oh, come over here, you fine lass. You've been fine, fettle. I'll slap you on the behind. Look at those hips. You could stuff four children in there. Lass is alright. Lass? No, come over here, you fine lass. You didn't find fettle. I'll slap you on the behind.

Look at those hips. You could stuff four children in there. Donny Bird, I understand. That's kind of vaguely derogatory, but it's not meant in that way. Yeah. But lass is alright. Lass sounds like a cattle term. I just think it...

Alright then, tart. Alright, fine. Yeah. Out of this tart ones, she was 6'2". But I did always feel a little bit sort of... 6'2"? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's taller than me.

I'm 5'6". Wow. Felt a bit weird. I'll show you some photos of me and Ed together. Yeah. It bit sort of... 6'2"? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's taller than me. I'm 5'6". Wow. Felt a bit weird. I'll show you some photos of me and Ed together. Yeah. It does look kind of weird. Yeah, it would do, yeah. Yeah, but all the same, I'm lying down, aren't we?

Depends if you lie head to head. Actually, that's not true. Lying down, I am taller than her. Because I've got the belly. Which shorts down nice. Yeah. Hey, I bought you a present. Thank you very much.

I do appreciate it. No, hang on. Let present. Thank you very much. I do appreciate it. No, hang on. Let's see how you appreciate it. Halfway point, of course. So we always buy each other presents at the halfway point. I brought you a brilliant present, didn't I? Bought. I brought, yeah, but I brought it from the shop.

That's true. I bought it out of the shop and then brought it from the shop. Well, you built it up rather unfairly, I felt, because you said, oh, I've got you a present. Yeah. I was like, oh, that's nice. Obviously, I'm not feeling very well. Yeah. So it's got me a present.

How nice. Well, I bought you a drink as well. So that's fine. Thank you. Gave you that. Then I said, I'm not feeling very well. Yeah. So, he's got me a present. How nice. Well, I bought you a drink as well. So, that's fine. Thank you. Gave you that. Then, as I said, I got you another present. It's a lovely present. It says friends on the side.

Yeah, exactly. And we are, aren't we? Yeah. And then I brought you from the shop. Bought you. Brought you. Oh, it's a minefield, this. It's not as easy.

Bought is when you buy something and brought is when you bring something. Yeah, and I did both. Yeah, okay. So, how about you jump out of your ivory tower and smash your head onto stone? Becoming your catchphrase is a fringe, that ivory tower. Ivory tower it is, yeah. I think it's because you've secretly got one. I know, a secret.

How can you secretly have an ivory tower, mate? You've got really big trees in your garden. You can hide it. But anyway, this present. Yeah, it was an unofficial, unauthorised Shane Ritchie biography. You can't get many better presents than that in Poundland. Sorry, in where? You can't, in the shop that I bought it from.

Poundland? Yes. So you spent a pound on a present? I'm sorry, do you not like Poundland? Are you a little bit too famous for Poundland? Do they not have a Poundland in your ivory tower? He's back again. Well, I was very, very happy with it,

and I appreciate it very, very much. No, this is what happened, ladies and gentlemen of the listening public. I very proudly handed Ray a copy of the unofficial, unauthorised Shane Ritchie biography called Simply Shane. He looked at it,

snarled at it, and threw it out of his bedroom window. Into someone's back garden. We're four floors up, don't we? Yeah. I can't be dealing with that bloke. What do you mean? It wasn't the bloke.

What do you mean it wasn't the bloke? It was just a book. So I'd have been reading Shane Ritchie's unofficial biography. Yeah. I'd have been reading that, and it would have no mention of Shane fucking Ritchie in it. No, but he was not in it. He's not literally in it. You don't open it up and he pops out and goes, what?

I don't want to hear about him. What? I've no interest in his life. I think he's a it. No, but he's not in it. He's not literally in it. You don't open it up and he pops out and goes, what? I don't want to hear about him. What? I'm not interested in his life. I think he's a dick. Right, well. Never really cared for Shane Richie. But maybe you would have found out

that he's not a dick if you'd read the book. I'm really, really not confident in that. But instead, it went flying out the window of your ivory tower. But anyway,

if you're not Shane Richie and you fancy seeing some comedy up in Edinburgh, why not come and see Peacock and Gamble Heartthrobs? 9.45pm at the Pleasant Courtyard. Every single night, apart from Fridays and Saturdays, when it's on twice. It's on at 9.45pm and it's on at 0015.

Yeah, that's quarter past midnight Fridays and Saturdays nights. Yeah, and now I'm concerned that I'll be being sick between shows. That'd be awful. I'll have an hour of sicking. By the way, I spoke to our manager this afternoon and he said, can we stop saying

we're going to be drunk for the late shows? Has he got a manager? That bloke. Rockabilly bloke. James? Yeah. Is that our manager?

Yeah. Well, what does he do? He tells us things like don't get drunk. Well, we know that ourselves, surely. Did he? Is he worried

that we are going to get drunk? What he said... Oh, he wants it to be a surprise. No, what he said to me, I said he worried that we are going to get drunk? What he said... Oh, he wants it to be a surprise. No, what he said to me, I said, yeah, we just need to, you know, the late shows and stuff. We were just talking about the late shows. He went, yeah, I think you should stop saying

that you're going to get drunk for them. Which I think he was saying we should stop saying it to give people that expectation. But secretly what he meant was, don't get drunk for the late shows. No, I've took this differently. I think, and James, if this is right, then you don't have to say anything at all.

If it's wrong, you've got to call me within the next five minutes. Yeah, but he's not here for this. Mate, I don't make the rules. But you have on this occasion, haven't you? No, no, this is somebody else's rules I've borrowed. Right. If you are saying,

don't tell people we're going to be drunk for a surprise, that's fine. We'll just get a few bamboukas down surprise. Yeah. That's fine. We'll just get a few bambookas down us. Yeah. In between the shows. Great laugh. Yeah.

I mean, why does it matter whether we tell people or not? Right. We're going to be drunk to like just a load of chairs. Maybe he's telling us not to get drunk

because there's some pretty big industry big hitters coming in to the quarter past midnight shows because they're busy all day watching stuff they don't like and at the end of the night they're like

I just want to cut loose and watch some brilliant double act Steve Coogan Steve Coogan's coming in that's one Steve Spielberg's coming in Steve Spielberg's coming down with Georgie Lucas

Georgie Lucas they're all coming down so they're coming to the extra shows they're coming Judd Apatow brilliant he's coming

so they're going to be at the extra shows Elvis that's amazing mate so peopleow brilliant he's coming so they're going to be at the extra shows Elvis that's amazing mate so people if they want to come and do

some celebrity spotting ideally they should come to the weekend shows Shane Ritchie I've heard

Shane Ritchie's not setting fucking foot in our venue what right here's a point what would you do

can you see people when they come in where you're stood you can't I can't either

so what would you do if we went out there yeah right and it was full apart from the front row which only had

Shane Ritchie on it it would make his life a living hell so you'd just do the show normally I'd have to do the show as normal make his life a living hell

yeah well there you go perfect like them girls who were in the front row the ones who kept jumping they weren't both girls were they I thought it was

a mum and a daughter they're both females yeah but they're not girls I think there's a thought it was a mum and a daughter. They're both females. Yeah, but they're not girls. I think there's a certain point in a lady's life where she'd prefer not to be called a girl. I'm sorry, everyone. Those females that were in our audience, is that better? They kept jumping, didn't they? They kept jumping every time I shouted.

Yeah. They jumped a lot. So that's the sort of thing you can hope for. 9.45, Pleasant's Courtyard. Fridays and Saturdays, 9.45 and 0.00.15. There we go. Now, today's guest is... Oh, God, who is it? Adam Buxton. Adam Buxton. Adam Buxton. Now today's guest is... Oh God, who is it?

Adam Buxton. Adam Buxton. Adam Buxton. Very exciting. It is very exciting. That sounded kind of disrespectful when I was like, who is it? But it's because I've just edited a load of interviews. Here's Adam Buxton.

Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Let's just chat, man. Let's have a conversation. We can't have a conversation at the moment because Ed has run away. This is good though. This is gold. I love that, you know, that... Adam and Walter started drinking it for some reason.

You got Adam O'Water and then you drank it. It's like a BBC play, you know? He's gone outside. We're actually in a studio in Broadcasting House. I'm going to pull you immediately because if it's a BBC play, then we're not fucking on it. There we go.

Have you ever done one of those BBC plays? Not done a play, no. We did a pilot earlier in the year and then Radio 4 didn't want to put it on. Right.

Because it was so racist. No, it wasn't just the racism. It was... Because they asked for that. It was weird. It was a weird one because we wrote to order. Not sufficiently

Guardian reader-ish. Too subversive but they'd asked for subversive and I quote subversive. Too Guardian reader-ish. Yeahversive, but they'd asked for subversive and I quote subversive. Too Guardian readerish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good Guardian readers and bad Guardian readers. You turned into the bad.

Do you know what? I think that any readers of anything are bad. Anyone who is... I know, well, it's very reductive of me to characterise a whole demographic in that way, isn't it? I don't think of people that way. I don't think of people as... You do, though.

Oh, even as he's saying it, he's winking. No, but I... I'm nudging them. No, I mean, I don't... It's not a helpful way of thinking about people. I certainly don't think about people that way. Even though, I mean, I guess there's a good chance that a lot of people, for example,

who like my stuff might be like that. But then a good chance that a lot of people for example who like my stuff might be like that but then I certainly come across a lot of people who are not like that at all in fact I played a video I remember at a bug show I do this show called bug where I show music videos and I did a show in Norwich not so long ago and there was

it was when the NHS was beginning to get fuckerised and there was a guy who did something called the Andrew Lansley rap. Okay. And it was Andrew Lansley. I can't remember the... Look it up. It's funny.

I mean, if that's all it was, Adam, if it was just a man going, Andrew Lansley, it's not like... He more or less won. But it was good. He made it good. Anyway, so I thought it was funny and I played it and then I got a message

from some guy was it maybe it was on Twitter or my website I don't know where but he sent me this message saying

yeah I like the show except for that Andrew Lansley thing mate don't go playing that kind of pathetic

political lefty bullshit ever again you know and it was very much like yeah grow up son get with it but have you taken that on board though? yeah I've rethought and I think they should really

bust up the NHS as quick as possible I mean very much I think this year very much we have certainly started as a change of pace and a change of ideal for us we start going okay so all these people on Twitter who say they don't like certain things

then we will change it immediately if you don't like what we do that's fine just tell us the bits that are rubbish and we will change them immediately for you

we just constantly influx whatever tweet we get in depending on what day it is we'll just change it immediately that would be a thing that would be a show in itself that someone could do

is be commanded by their critics online and adjust their set accordingly and see what you ended up with. Then it would become too knowing, wouldn't it? So you could do that secretly throughout the fringe, and at the end of the fringe, you could say what you actually did. I mean, I guess there are some people who do do that. I mean, I would say if you're engaged in that way with online discourse,

then you must care about what people think so it's got to affect you in some way i mean i had a thing i'm only here for four days uh doing a show very dilettante ish and um it's it's a nice venue the assembly hall quite a big venue 750 or something like that but my show is all about the video you need to see the screen yeah um so i said to them early on, don't sell these seats at the peripheries because they won't have a good sight line to the screen, right? So I thought we'd establish that. Saturday night comes around and it's busy and they sell all the seats.

So I go on and do my show and, you know, your brain's not in that zone. I'm just thinking I'm trying to do my best. I feel like it was a good show, you know, got back home. I actually did the pat on the back gesture when I got into my room. Don't know if you ever do that. No, never. Job, you should start. I mean, I reserve it.

We've never had any need to. Right. I mean, the pat on the back gesture I do so seldom. It's like maybe once a year if I'm lucky. But I thought that was good, man. You know, it was good. Well done. And then I thought that was good, man. You know, it was good. Well done. And then I had my sandwich ready to go.

I was excited about my midnight sandwich. I thought, you know what? I'm just going to check Twitter because this is one of those times where I'm pretty confident there's going to be some pretty nice tweets on there that I can make myself feel good about. Oh, I wish I had a TARDIS to come and stop you. So I go on there and it's just a screed of anger from people saying mate we couldn't see we were sat at the sides it's a disgrace you ripped us off what's that all about uh you know but technical tweets are always weird ones yeah because you're like i've had it at gigs i've had

it like literally like solo stand-up gigs yeah standing on the stage with someone saying mate we can't hear you we can't hear you. We can't hear you. Sort it out. Yeah. It's like, how? I don't know what to do. So you're the performer. You can't.

I know. You're sort of at the mercy of your team there, really. And so in a way, you feel a bit defensive. And you're like, well, that wasn't my fucking fault. I said to them, don't sell those seats. On the other hand, you feel like they've got a legitimate beef. So I felt obliged to kind of respond to as many of them as I could and say, listen, I'm sorry.

It won't happen again. I'm going to make sure that they don't sell those seats. But I'll offer you comps for other shows or whatever. But it was like it went on that night and then the next morning they were still coming in. It was just like a half a day's worth of admin I was doing. So what you found out was so you went on Twitter thinking I'm going to get

a load of adulation and all you got is shit. So even the people that could see didn't even bother saying anything about it. It was just the people that couldn't see.

This is the thing. Actually, if I counted up the critical tweets, there was only a handful, right? They're the ones you're seeing, aren't they? But they're the ones

that colour your entire perception of how that gig went we would we would change our show based on our tweets but it's very difficult to work out how to not be shit

yeah it's a very general sort of tweet I mean I say we're doing it this year we're not doing it this year

we did it we tried it for one day but we just got sick of fucking ourselves yeah first of all you have to go to the place then you have to fuck yourself yeah you have to go to the place

then you have to fuck yourself yeah we have to go fuck ourselves you always have to go fuck yourself don't you

yeah stay fucked hey don't fuck yourself in front of me that's just grotesque I told you to

go fuck yourself I want to know it's happening but I do not want to see it do it around the corner send me a picture or whatever

I don't want to see it happening happening but I do not want to see it do it around the corner send me a picture or whatever I don't want to see it happening right here Jesus so you've only been up for how many days you're done now aren't you when we do this tonight is the last one

four nights in and out I mean the thing is it was a bit of a last minute deal because you know I don't plan I haven't done a sort of proper run

in Edinburgh well I did I did some bug shows in 2011 I didn't think of that as my own show because i'm showing other people's videos mainly but um 2005 was the last time i was here with a with a sort of proper show that i created myself and even though this show i mean is mainly it's mainly like the kind of stuff that i do at bug in fact most of the stuff i've worked up at Bug shows. But I felt like I had to give it a different name because it isn't Bug.

We're not showing like other people's videos in their entirety. But even that, you know, there was one guy who's like, well, I came to see Bug in Manchester recently and there's like a whole load of the same stuff in there. And I did say on my website, well, I've been working up this stuff at Bug shows

because that's my regular live gig, you know. People get angry about that sort of thing. Well, of course. I mean, I can understand. You know, the guy said, well, this is just the same show with a different name. And I was like, well, I did explain it all on my website. But still, fair enough if you didn't go to my website.

And I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. I'm going to be a gardener from now on. What would they do if you quit on the basis of that tweet? Of that one. If you could turn that into... I've often thought that, you know. I've often thought that.

Right, right. If someone really pisses you off. Because you've said that, I'm now going to retire and I'm going to print that as the thing that tipped me over the edge. They'd be made up. I always have little fantasies like that sometimes, where if somebody who's part of your fan base, not somebody who's just seen it by chance and slagged it off, but if someone who's part of your fan base has someone who's just seen it by chance and slagged it off

but if someone who's part of your fan base has said something that's annoyed you so much that you go I think we've had it with the podcast certainly like even things like

what we were discussing the other day about people saying where can I get your podcast that isn't iTunes and it's like it's on iTunes yeah yeah yeah

that's what we do it for nothing you get it for nothing it's on iTunes that's where you buy it from same as you buy Asda's own... We do it for nothing. You get it for nothing. It's on iTunes. That's where you buy it from. Same as you buy Asda's own brand at Asda.

Yeah, but can I get it in Tesco? No. No. You just can't. But also, you can get Alpacas in other places as well. People feel...

It's entitlement. It's entitlement, isn't it? Yeah. It's exciting, I suppose, to have this forum where they can criticise and where they can have direct contact with people they want to talk about. And the, yeah, it feels like they, it's too lame,

almost, to say something complimentary sometimes, you know, and they feel as if that would make them somehow weak, I don't know, and they want to just be critical. Often, you know, often they have a legitimate beef, I suppose, but still it's hard. It's like in the olden days, if they had something that they wanted to say that badly, then they would have waited for you after the show and said it to you then maybe.

I don't know why. I mean, I would really obviously prefer that people did that. I would rather people, if they were pissed off after the show and they couldn't get their money back for whatever reason from the venue, which is the case with someone who couldn't see the other day.

You know, I'm with them. If I couldn't see a show and the venue refused to give me my money back, I'd be pissed off too. But I feel like I would wait and I would say, listen, I don't know if you know, but there's a problem

with how this show is being sold. That shouldn't be a complaint to the venue. That shouldn't be a complaint to you.. That shouldn't be a complaint to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the quality of the show is shit, they can complain to you. Yeah, yes. But if it's a technical aspect of the show,

then that surely for me would be a complaint to the venue. I had this at Latitude a few weeks ago where I was emceeing the comedy tent and Trevor Noah was supposed to be on and he was ill so he couldn't do it. So I had to say, Trevor Noah's ill so he can't do it. And then people to say, Trevor Noah's ill so he can't do it.

And then people started shouting at me as if I'd poisoned his food or something. One woman stood up and went, I've come all the way from South Africa to see Trevor Noah. And Trevor Noah is South African, so the end of it, we should have stayed there. That is where he lives.

I promise you he'll be back there in a bit. Exactly, but they see the first face they can that they can pin it on you're the guilty guy yeah but I guess well okay

so let's be fair then so I guess that if I ever complained in a shop which I very rarely do but if you know you're smiling

like you do do it quite a lot in that situation what I do do or on the phone if I'm on the phone to someone bad customer service

fucking does my nut and it really does really bothers me what's your biggest regular beef people sound like they're not arsed and that happens a lot

I'm also waiting for a long time in multinational companies so rigging Sky up about my internet right orange orange is dreadful

orange you know there's no excuse yeah you make billions yeah billions you could have if you have like five extra stuff that'll help yeah um but yeah you know you get into that sort of mood but i think i always start off a flare up and then i go i know it's not your fault i know that you're getting the brunt of this because you're the voice on the phone i'm aware that this issue isn't down to you and I always make a point of that

I do always make a point of that before going completely yeah yeah but could you please say find the person who's in charge of it please

and write this down write this down you're a fucking idiot you don't deserve to be living on the planet I hope you get a serious illness are you writing it all down

it's not you it's not you it's your dad it's your dad right okay you've never said I hope you get a serious illness I don't writing it all down? It's not you. It's not you. It's your dad. It's your dad. Right, okay. You've never said I hope you get a serious illness. I don't think I have

but I've thought it. I've definitely thought it. I have, you know. But you seem like you're quite a sort of placid man though. No, no, man. I've had a lot of those

on the phone and I've said exactly that. I've had... The serious illness thing. Well, no, no. Not the serious illness thing. What did you say you had? I've had ones where I'm like,

listen, stop talking to me like a fucking robot. I don't say fucking because I don't want to give them any rope. Yeah, can't swear. So I'm like, listen, don't talk to me like a robot.

Don't read off the spiel. I'm a human being. I'm on the other end of this phone. If this is not something you can deal with yourself, then let me talk to a manager. And then you get more

of the robot spiel and stuff. And it's maddening. And I end up screaming like a nut bar, you know more of the robot spiel and stuff and it's maddening and I end up screaming like a nut bar you know have you ever used your name have you ever used your your

you're not a celebrity but have you ever used the fact that you're a known person yeah that would really cut a lot of no but have you then have you

I don't think unless I was on the phone to some nerds that run a DVD shop I don't think it would uh do me too many do you not use like the amount of twitter followers or anything like that no no when i was on the radio with joe uh sometimes on on six music you know i felt like if you're part of the bbc you feel like

you're part of this powerful yeah you know if you go to the states for example they're in awe of the bbc a lot some people are so okay i think maybe once or twice, I sort of said, listen, I'm doing a show for the BBC about this kind of thing. I'm going to include you in our show. That's going to be damaging for your business, your so-called business. Thanks very much. It's done me no good

at all they're like yeah whatever good luck with that I did it with Tesco when we did because I had a beef with Tesco

and I'm technically barred from Tesco but I won't go in there anyway but I said I was wearing a beanie hat with a hood up and they threw me out

because you looked like a bomb guy I refused to take it out a bomb guy yeah I was a bomb guy. And so we had this letter writing campaign. It wasn't orchestrated as such. It just came about.

I wrote to them about it. And then as these letters went on, we were reading them out on the podcast. And their responses, because their responses were so fucked. They were so on dodgy ground. Like they were saying, well, there's no rule.

There's no actual rule. It's down to the discretion of the staff. And then I came back with, well, so if somebody came in in a hijab, because they were and then i came back with well so somebody came in in a hijab because they said about being the head being covered yeah if they came in a hijab then what would happen then and i remember i never put it in brackets i appreciate there is no correct answer to this question yes i apologize in advance for my uh rhetorical escalation of the confrontation yeah totally so they were

mischievous letters anyway that we read out on the podcast but I definitely dropped in the podcast as those letters

went on and said well this is a very popular part of our podcast and you can use it in another way as well we had to do some

printing across the roads there and I went in first and got the price and everything got a discount just because he was a nice bloke

and then Ray went and went we do a podcast number one in the chart so I don't know if you want to do any more discount than that

£5 £5 nice but I didn't do it like that I don't know if you listen to the podcast

I didn't do it at all I just said hey we've already spent £14,000 in the Cedarborough so we're trying to cut corners wherever we can

if you could take any more discount off that then we can give spent 14 grand in the Cedarborough, so we're trying to cut corners wherever we can. If you could take any more discount off that, then we can give you a shout on the podcast. It's number one at the moment, so that'd be really helpful. Yeah. And then he went, okay, I went, I'll have a think about it, mate. I said, no, don't say no, I'll have a think about it. And then he went into the back room, and then he came back and went, I'm not going to charge you for laminating.

He laminated. Notice how we've not mentioned the name of the company. Yeah, we've not done it. I'll give him a mention. I didn't think that £5 warranted... I will give you some letters. G, it begins with G. It begins with a G. Grundig's. Oh, you got it in one.

Grundig's printers. For all your printing needs. I've not mentioned it because I can't remember. What was it called? Greenprint. Greenprint. What street is it on? St was it called what was it called Greenprint Greenprint what street is it on it's in Lennon Street go to Greenprint

for free laminating for any job right if you put him in a corner he'll laminate stuff for free guaranteed free laminating he will laminate

people laminate your face now we're going back and say that he's done a plug as well yeah we'll go right I don't know who

no I don't know books no alright Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble and say that he's done a plug as well. Yeah. We'll go, right, so I don't know who, no, I don't know books. No, all right. Pick, hook and gamble. Pick, hook and gamble. I'm always slightly in awe of you. Yeah, quite right.

Why? Because I'm so good looking. Well, there's an element of that. There's an element also of, I know how busy I am. Right? So I know how busy I am at the moment. And as he said,

so doing Edinburgh, doing extra shows, doing the podcast. I know how busy I am at the moment. And as he said, so doing Edinburgh, doing extra shows, doing the podcast. It's a lot. It fills the day. Yeah. You've got Arthur Smith coming in soon, right?

We have in a bit, so come on, let's hurry this up. But, it's not, it's not on a par to what you do. Like when you,

the stuff you make is such high production values and such, you've not knocked it out in five minutes. No. But I don't know what, why are you doing it? Yeah, that's a good question. That's a good question to and such. You've not knocked it out in five minutes. No. But I don't know what, why are you doing it?

Yeah, that's a good question. That's a good question to ask someone. We go, you know all that stuff you do? Yeah. Why is that? No, no, I actually mean, you know how I mean that. Why? Yeah, well, I mean, because I suppose I spend as much time on those little video bits and pieces as you guys do working up your live material.

You know, that's not my, my forte is not being a kind of live stand-up comedy guy. Okay, yeah, yeah. So basically, I mean, I guess in a way I'm like a presenter really for my videos, you know. Yeah. And I feel like as I go along, I'm getting better at doing the live stuff. But still, you know, I go and see a proper...

I went to see Richard Herring the other night and you see a proper stand-up comedian and you just think... He's not a proper I went to see Richard Herring the other night and you see a proper stand up comedian and you just think he's not a proper stand up comedian he's Richard Herring what is he doing I saw it on Open Spot I think he's doing

a free fringe show what was the other one three minutes put my foot right in like a big warp what is his I mean speak to him about it he's the best person

to speak about it because we don't rise to it what's his problem with you that's the beauty of it I don't know I mean. What's his problem with you? That's the beauty of it. I don't know. I mean, well, let's speculate now what might be the problem.

Yeah. I mean, he's had a TV show. Podcast Wars is this. Well, I mean, we started the podcast long before he did a podcast.

I don't know what his beef is with that. He got very upset we were number one, but surely, has he been number one yet? I don't know why he's had all that success in the 90s

podcast guys come on let's hug we agree it should be fine exactly it should be and I'm sure that Richard has been

number one this fringe it must have happened probably in the middle of the night or something but it must have happened so Richard we have both been number one

so there's no need to tweet this there's room for everyone what did he tweet you oh he tweets us out of the blue you can see it's almost like

he's a drunk and I know that he's can see it's almost like he's a drunk and I know that he's not but it's almost like he's been drinking through the night it's got to 8am and he's gone

right before I go to bed I'm going to say something and then he what was it he said the other morning

out of the blue we got oh good idea doing a podcast in Edinburgh talking to famous people great idea guys

where did you get that from oh okay and he tweeted about Parkinson we have a pretend rivalry we are friends to famous people. Great idea, guys. Where'd you get that from? Oh, okay. And he tweeted back, Parkinson. It's a, we have a pretend rivalry.

We are friends. Oh, good. I hope so. I don't think there's any need. I mean, because, you know, everyone can appreciate that stuff equally. There's an appetite

for all kinds of good stuff. As long as it's good, people are not fussed. The more the merrier, you know what I mean? He knows that he can get us on, because a lot of, like, broadsheets and things

when they're doing podcasts say that he did it and then here's some other ones and then they'll say us. And we're always like no, we did it, we did it. Who cares about the model in me? You know, Mark Maron, do you listen to his podcast? He's been doing that for a long time.

Getting people in and talking to them is not like a... They didn't, but I mean I think what we're all trying to them is not like a, yeah. No one invented that. Yeah, they didn't. But I mean, I think what we're all trying to say is this one's better. This one's better than yours, Herring. So bring it on, Mr. Number Three.

Well, the whole lot, the nice thing about it is that it's all, you know, you invest in the people you like, don't you? So if you, yeah, the whole experience of listening to those things is transformed by whoever's hosting you know Richard's got his very particular thing that he does you guys have got yours he has got a particular thing

hasn't he no we have it's a really fun thing you know so you listen to Mark Maron's one right yes yeah I do yeah

what the fuck I target it I target the ones I want to listen to what the fuck buddies what the fuck nicks what the fuck what the fucking nears

he's such an angry the anger's calming down now he's sort of he, buddies? What the fuck, nicks? What the fuck, what the fucking nears? But the anger's calming down now. He's less angry at the moment. Well, that happens when you get older, isn't it? But he's very candid. I like the fact, because he's not all the time, to my taste, totally likeable. So there's stuff that he says where you're just thinking,

ugh. But he's very honest about it. Did you listen to the James Franco one that he did? I don't know. Yeah. The, the slightly, the, the live one.

Yeah. The South by Southwest. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. I recommend that if you haven't heard it, listeners,

there are a few sort of awkward chats. Yeah. But then, and then the following week, because he, he was, um, he got bad vibes off James Franco,

the actor on stage. And he decided that James Franco was being too snooty, and then at a certain point he made a crack about it. James Franco said something like, well, I don't take myself so seriously anymore, and Martin Maron said, oh, anymore? Right. It implied that he basically did. And then things got very frosty, and the interview suddenly ended.

He sort of just wrapped it up. He's like, well, okay, that's it. Thanks, James Franco. Thanks to my my guest that's it for today and then people got in touch with mark maron and said um you know you uh you're a bit uh standoffish with him yeah a bit patronizing why'd you cut him off and uh and and so he goes into a whole thing about how he felt like he was getting bad vibes from j Franco I thought it was really interesting because he

because it sounds like he was oversensitive yeah definitely about I don't think yeah it's just James Franco

whatever he's just a famous guy and Mark Maron whatever had his feathers ruffled by him I guess is it on the element

of what you bring to the table absolutely I remember to give a far more widely known thing when who was it Meg Ryan was on Parkinson of it, what you bring to the table yourself. I remember to give a far more widely known thing, when Meg Ryan was on Parkinson's

and they had that weird interview and I'm sure it'll be on YouTube. He was having an affair with Russell Crowe at that time wasn't she? I think maybe and maybe it just banged her really hard backstage I'm not saying that did happen that could have happened I can imagine a world where that did happen

yeah I can imagine a situation where Russell Crowe banged Meg Ryan really hard and then pushed her out onto Parkinson's but there was a whole big thing

about oh she was you know it was in the press and everything it was all going oh she was so standoffish and she was so rude and all that

but if you watch that interview he's no better in that Parkinson's quite he's pretty standoffish he goes in like that like it is quite a... Yeah, you bring your own baggage to the table, exactly.

And I think there was an element to that where, again, I'm speculating purely, but where Parkinson was like, well, do you not know who I am? Let alone, you know, I'm a big star over here. I'm the chat show king. Yes, exactly. And the fact that she didn't, it was almost like that had niggled him. And then it was going both ways. But all that was reported in the press was and then it was going both ways but all that

was reported in the press was that meg ryan was acting up yeah and and it wasn't as simple as that yeah so i wonder with maron whether he's just sat there and decided there's bad vibes yeah well he's obviously not no absolutely but i think that's true but he's quite candid about the fact that his ego gets the better of him yeah i like that though i like those kind of podcasts and i like that crackle of of energies between podcasts and uh i like that crackle of of energies between the interview i like to know as much about the interviewer as the yeah as the host you know not that i i you know there's time as there's room as well for other ones where the interview is very straight and the interviewer keeps um super objective and everything but

yeah i like the ones where you're getting to know a bit about both of them really so you were just saying that you're getting to know a bit about both of them, really. Pickle can gamble, pickle can gamble. So you were just saying that you like to know about the interiors. Now, this is a brilliant opportunity for you, because you're here now in our flat. Yeah, it's amazing, by the way. Thank you.

That doesn't sound like you've fully bought into it. It's like an empty... It's like a weird place that some drug dealers have bust into excuse us it's totally empty it's like an assassin's house there's a little playstation

oh we'll nip to a charity shop and free the load of Star Wars figures all over the place do you know what that's why I didn't I was about to say I didn't like Adam and Joe and that's not true that's why I never took to Adam and Joe I never watched it religiously because of the Star Wars thing. Because that was my life.

Right. Because I was a big Star Wars collector and I've always been kind of selfish with my obsessions. Yeah. And I was like, I'm not having that. I don't know.

No, I have got Star Wars figures at home and I'm not having that. And it wasn't like, which I thought about. I was like, that's my secret thing. That is my collection. I can totally relate to that feeling.

Isn't that a weird thing though? No, not a weird thing at all. Sometimes you don't like to share those things that you feel are very personal with you. Yeah. And even though someone might be doing it in a spirit of celebration and kind of nerdy connectiveness, you just think, oh, fuck off. You know what I mean? I didn't think fuck off.

Yeah, you did. I thought, oh, be quiet a little bit. Yeah, yeah. No, I completely relate to that, you know, and there's a lot of times when you meet, I mean, I'm sure you guys have it, and I think a lot of people have it, where you sort of assume that someone would be into something.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I had this one, I interviewed Baby Bird. Do you remember Baby Bird? Yeah, yeah. From Sheffield, great. He's still doing lots of good stuff. You're gorgeous.

Yeah, exactly. That was his big hit. And it wasn't even about being gorgeous. People had it at their weddings weddings but it meant something else that's right it was all that porn wasn't it but

he started off doing very kind of lo-fi stuff but evidently he got quite pissed off with that tag you know

and we interviewed him me and Joe it was one of the first things we ever did actually for our show never made it into the show when we were trying to cast around for things we might do, we thought,

well, we'll interview people we like. So we interviewed him and I went along, I was one of the first sort of artists that I knew about that I'd actually met and it was like, wow, this is so exciting. I was really nervous and I took in some quite weird, nerdy, homemade music that I'd found in the States and stuff and thought that he might enjoy and I'd play it to him. And I said, oh man, listen to this. Oh, you know, it was a guy called Shuby Taylor. Right.

And it was sort of one of these things you get on compilations of found music, weird music, sort of ironically appropriated outsider music or whatever. And this guy Shuby Taylor was a postal worker in the States who would, at a certain point, he decided he wanted to be like a scat singer. Yeah. And he would do these completely unhinged, weird bits of scat singing

over kind of strange organ melodies sort of going, shoo, shoo, shoo, wah, shwee, bah, bubby, bubby, bubby, bubby, bubby, bubby, kind of freestyling. We've got a little snatch of it was at the beginning of our

Adam and Joe theme tune, in fact. Anyway, I played some of this to Baby Bird and he was just appalled. And he just said, no, no, I hate that. I hate that. No, no, no.

That's exactly the kind of thing I hate. That's all sort of wacky bullshit. No, no. Why? And I was like, but man, that's what I get from your stuff. You know what I mean?

Yeah. He's like, well, no, that's not what I want you to get from your stuff you know what I mean and he's like well no that's not what I want you to get from my stuff at all isn't that brilliant self confidence though

because I could never do that if someone said oh I've found this even if I despised it I'd be like oh yeah cool he was nice about it

but it was awkward and I did feel like oh shit this is not going well I mean the encounter concluded cordially, but he was very straight. He was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Maybe he was like, oh, it's either a little bit hungry. He should have like mashed up a worm. No, I think he had that same feeling. Mash a worm up in your mouth. And then just go above him and he'll open his mouth to spit it down into his mouth. He'll be all right. That's right.

But no, I think he had that same thing that you're talking about. Sometimes it's like it's too much on your patch, you know what I mean? Yeah, totally. And you just don't chime with it. It takes me a while sometimes. Like, you know, bad lip reading on YouTube. Yeah. That guy who like re-dubs all kinds

of videos, sporting events or whatever, and brilliantly kind of adds a whole new bit of soundtrack to them. But i'd done similar things myself in the past you know and i felt like oh you know this guy's totally on my patch yeah it's not my patch loads of people do it obviously but it it stopped me fully enjoying it for a while yeah even though i could appreciate that it was brilliant i mean the main problem for me was that he'd done it better than i ever did okay and that he was getting like millions and millions of views and people talking about, oh, this guy's a genius. You

should see this guy. I was like, yeah, I don't need to see that guy. I've been doing that kind of stuff for quite a while. Thanks very much. Yeah, all right. It wasn't as good as him. And millions of people haven't watched it, but fuck off. But you know, you get beyond that phase. And then now it's like I've relaxed about it a bit and I can see it for the brilliance that it is I think that's what stops a lot of comics

watching the comics yeah exactly because you can't get out of your own head in what you're doing so you can't really

appreciate someone doing something similar and when it comes to stand up most of it is just people telling stories and making jokes

so it's all under the same umbrella and you can't get out from under that to really appreciate it. Which is why I think amongst stand-up comics, it's often the slightly more outside-of-the-box stuff or some of the stranger stuff that is most appreciated. So the stuff that will get passed around.

Yeah, the general consensus is they don't see it. The general public don't see it. But comics are like, no, you should see that person performing to those people. Because you like to feel like, oh, well,

that's something I couldn't have done, so that must be good. So that's allowed to be as fine as I couldn't think of. But if you think like, oh, well, I could have done that,

then that's shit. The more rubbish comics, the better. The more comics not learning it right, the better. You caught a real moment with Star Wars I think.

As a big Star Wars fan you caught I sold my Star Wars collection recently. Did you? How much did you get? My vintage Star Wars collection. Was it worth it

to sell it off? £400. That's not worth it. It's dreadful. You should have kept it guy. Why did you feel he had to sell it? I'd moved to

Space. He did it because of space. Space. He wanted to go to space. I'd moved through £300 did it because of space he wanted to go to space I'd moved through three houses £400 is not enough no it's not

it's a start though it's a start though isn't it yeah for the space programme it's got it out the Peacock and Gamble space programme

that's a good idea it just occurred to me that I no longer cared about those toys that I'd knocked them out of boxes for a long long time that my taste had shifted not from Star Wars but my taste had shifted in terms of that I no longer cared about those toys. Yeah. That I'd knocked them out of boxes for a long, long time.

That my taste had shifted, not from Star Wars, but my taste had shifted in terms of, I go very big ticket now with stuff. Sure. And by expense, I'm a bit obsessed

with hot toys at the moment. What a hot toy? Oh, you mean like fashionable toys, not toys that are actually warm? No, it's called hot toys. Are they? What's that?

Right, before we go right, come in my bedroom and look at your hot toys. I will show you what I bought. I don't know if I want to do I bought I'll show you what I bought there's no problem with that it's just a couple of bearded men

just popping into the room to look at a Captain America figure don't ruin the surprise but anyway they're high end figures sure and they have a high end price tag excuse me

but yeah you should know about all that mate and like Sideshow I've got very into their big premium format figures sure why wouldn't you so so so I've got rid

of all my old Muppets obsessed with the Muppets oh yeah but not the Disney Muppets right

Jim Henson Muppets of course no Disney Muppets thank you very very poor merchandise right

but you caught a moment with Star Wars yes well it was sort of pre-internet properly I mean the internet obviously existed at that point. We're talking 97 here. But there was a real dearth of Star Wars merchandise.

You couldn't get stuff at that time. Right, okay. It was really weird. So you used the vintage toys. Yeah, that's right. I think some of the new ones sneaked in. They did. But, I mean, the reason we used the vintage toys was because we thought it would be less of a legal issue.

Right. reason we used the vintage toys was because we thought it would be less of a legal issue right and channel four were quite worried about uh not having cleared these bits of copyright merchandise especially with a litigious um person like george lucas i mean now obviously the the levy is broken and there's not much that you can do about people yeah reappropriating star wars any way they wish but back then it was all like oh shit they're very litigious and we haven't really got permission to use these figures so let's use the ones

that are no longer available i.e. the original Kenner ones from the 70s or Palitoy take your pick got two names right

Kenner or Palitoy whichever company it is yeah I think it was Kenner in the US wasn't it yeah and Palitoy

yeah and my collection came from holidays to California where my uncle lived so that would be the amazing conclusion of each holiday was a trip to the mall

and get a few bits of Star Wars knick knacks so yeah we thought that if we used those original toys that were now no longer available then it wouldn't be a threat to whoever was producing the new ones Hasbro and webro, right. And we also put them in every...

We didn't put them in every show because we thought if we put them in every other show, then maybe that'll make us less visible as a... This was all the geniuses in the law department at Chattanooga. George Lucas sleeps one week on every show. He won't get through all the episodes. Exactly. He's very

unlikely to see them all but in the end a guy called Rick McCallum who produced the sequels saw some of them and said that he'd showed them

to George and that George got a chuckle out of them but I mean again that must have been yeah that was before

just the world became one big Star Wars parody well one thing happened because obviously thes, Star Wars was huge. Obviously, it was enormous. And then around about 1984, after the third film had come out, after Jedi had come out, the most precious figures you can buy were the last lot of figures that came out.

It's called the Last 17. The Last 17 figures that came out. Yeah, yeah. And they're the rarest figures because none of them sold right and they were all lots of them were trashed lots of you know to people that had them yeah were the one they were the ones and they're the ones that are still hunted for now you can get them but you pay big money for them but then star wars went away it actually went away yeah and around when was when did element joe start i'm gonna get around sort of 92, 93. No, 96, I think.

Okay, okay. 97. So at that time, Star Wars had had a resurgence, but it was predominantly in books and collecting trading cards and things like that. But there were no physical figures of things, and it was hard to get the old ones. So there was a real desire. Right. There was a company called

Screaming that made some models. They were beautiful models. They made these models that you put together yourself and painted them yourself. Oh, yeah, I remember those some models they were beautiful models they made these models that you put together yourself and painted them yourself oh yeah I remember this so they were the first things that sort of started emerging again and there was a real desire

for Star Wars merchandise and that it was around them that you started doing that which I would imagine probably fuelled it on some level there were people going

I want all my figures again right I want to get all my figures back again I forgot my dad threw them away do you know what I mean and then obviously Hasbro relaunched the line

and now it's just all completely I think you should be calling Hasbro because it seems like you made everyone like Star Wars again that's true

it's probably down to me isn't it not Joe just you well it was me that kept the figures actually it was my mum that kept the figures

really yeah and she came over with them one afternoon and said, Hey, you remember these? Found these in the attic. Yeah, they're in the fucking way. And, yeah, and it was actually Joe's idea that we should do little dramatisations with him. And my original thought was that it would be good,

because I went to art school, right? Joe went to film school. So I'm always thinking of the art school idea i.e the not funny idea um my not funny idea was that we should do sort of uh gritty domestic um little scenes so like like like a kind of uh uh ken loach film but with star wars figures you know what I mean like a kitchen sink drama kitchen sink drama what year was that 96 right

I used to be in a sketch group called Big and Daft years ago it was me and Rob Rouse and a guy called John Williams we were a 3D sketch team and one of the first sketches we stopped doing sketches

we ended up just doing it like a sort of living sitcom we played ourselves but one of the first sketches we ever wrote was At Home With The Vaders oh right

which I had an old vintage darth vader helmet which i also sold recently um but and it was so the front bit actually came off and the top helmet was there and it was me coming home as darth vader and my wife just going how was your day like oh it's acting up again yeah but you know that new space station we've done depends yes oh yeah do you know how much we've spent on that? £13 billion. What's he done? Only blown it up. I can't paraphrase it.

But it was all stuff like that. Which now would be really quite a hack to do that now. I would say, yeah. I don't think you'd get too far with that now. I mean, it's still good stuff, obviously. That's an oversubscribed market now. Yeah, but at the time, me and you definitely captured the design of my hands. I dare say that anyone with a sense of humour was thinking along those lines at that time.

But pre-internet, you know, you could very happily have these ideas and exist in your own little bubble and think, yeah, I can work with some good stuff. But now, yeah, Jesus, everyone. That's the problem with the internet now, isn't it? You find out if you're shit straight away.

Yeah, exactly. Well, I guess, I mean, I suppose, I feel like it's still quite a democratic medium,

you know, the gold generally surfaces and... Never been on it. There's a lot of nude women on there, man, it's amazing.

What? It's been nice making with you. New lot of nude women on there man it's amazing what? it's been nice speaking with you nude guys nude women nude animals it's all there it's massive

the internet you see a lot of nude animals just roaming the streets sometimes I know I'm constantly turned on

there's more nude animals I think than there are clothed animals although I saw a dog wearing shoes the other day did you?

genuinely true in red car what kind of shoes? they were knitted shoes not Doc Martens no no no Loved animals. It's true. Although I saw a dog wearing shoes the other day. Did you? Did you? Genuinely true. In Redcar. What kind of shoes? The other week. They were knitted shoes. Not Doc Martens. No, no, no. Doc Martens.

Doc Martens. Yeah. Pow. But with no element of irony, a lady was walking her dog with knitted shoes. And I thought, that's just ridiculous. That's mental. And then one of them dropped off the back foot and I didn't tell her. Yeah.

Oh. Just carried on walking. Did you leave it on a railing? The shoe was just left there. No, I didn't. I should have just kept it, shouldn't I? No, I said, did you leave it on a railing? I should have just kept it.

You should have given it back. I should have kept it. Say that again. What would you have done? I'm not running after it. Yeah, I've got a, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've got a dog shoe on the end of my,

on the end of my Johnson. Yeah. What do you think of that? I couldn't, in all good faith, run after a woman saying, excuse me, your dog's shoe has fallen off. Yes, you could, in all good faith. I wouldn't.

She would have been fine with it. She'd put the shoes on the dog. What would you have done? What would you have done in that situation? I think I would have returned the dog shoe. Why are you not giving her the dog shoe back? Why am I selling the wrong deer? You should have returned the dog shoe. Why are you not giving her the dog shoe back? Why am I selling the wrong deer? You should have returned the dog shoe.

I'm interested in your impulses here. There we go then. Find out more about your interview. Exactly. Were you so contemptuous of the fact that someone would put shoes on their dog that you just thought, she doesn't deserve a dog shoe back?

In the first instance, I found it hilarious that she'd done it. That was the first instance. I it hilarious that she'd done it that was the first instance I'll take you through my process I'm not saying that you're wrong to think that

you might be right I mean animal rights activists might think that it is slightly confrontational demeaning sorry bad vibes off Adam

I'm getting bad vibes off Adam so there you go that was Adam Buxton there we go Adam Buxton Adam Buxton there we go Adam Buxton Adam Buxton that was nice wasn't it

it was nice to hear that enjoyed his company yeah we actually spoke a little bit longer than that because we spoke about me having some fish that died yeah

which I didn't keep any into you but we had I was telling that I bought six fish that's true yeah I bought a tank as well

but I got a tank as a present and then I bought so then I had to buy it. And actually somebody buying you a fish tank and no fish. Yeah. What a weird present

that is. Yeah. It's like someone buying you a house and no family. Exactly. What? So I got myself six

fish. Yeah. It's a tropical tank. Yeah. And three of them have died. Really? Yeah.

Like in the last few weeks. Yeah. A, B and C they were called. Yeah. A died first then C then B.

Yeah. They were even awkward in death. called. A died first, then C, then B. They were even awkward in death. And they died over a couple of weeks and it really upset me. But Adam was telling me that he had some fish, he was telling us that he had some fish and he decided it was cruel because his children weren't looking after the fish. So there was one left,

they'd all died apart from one and he decided to just stick it in a cup and put it in a river. Put it in the river and it was a tropical fish. It was a tropical fish that he put into cold water. Yeah. Crucified it. So Adam if you're listening and you thought oh I got away with that. Yeah. You didn't leave in that

bit about me murdering a fish. Yeah. We've done it as an extra. Yeah it's all very well ringing as an extra and saying lads can you not put that bit in because I think it's a bit of an explanation. We will always if people say don't put something in we don't put it in. We didn't say that we wouldn't tell it. Yeah. Afterwards did we not exactly

I would have thought someone as internet savvy as you would realise that anyway that's it for today do come and see our show Heartthrobs 9.45pm Pleasance Courtyard

and 9.45pm and 00.15pm at Fridays and Saturdays on Fridays and Saturdays Pleasance Courtyard Pleasance Courtyard it's selling out it is selling out it is selling out

it's doing well mate so you want to get and I'm telling them I know I'm reiterating about tickets you ain't lying ain't lying bitch and get there on time

you stupid twat yeah there's that as well also by the way here's a little secret for you I don't want to even though it says it's sold out it is sold out

yeah if you get there 15 minutes before it yeah alright there's a very good chance the box office will have four extra tickets because it's something that's something they do we don't know why they do it nobody seems to be able to give us a straight answer on this but they hold

back four tickets until 15 minutes before the performance even if it's sold out on a friday or saturday or something and you think oh i'd really like to go to. Oh, but it's sold out and it's a last minute decision. You will probably be able to get a ticket. Right. And here's another little secret as well that I'm going to come a bit closer and tell you this. Right. Here's another little secret as well.

If they say, oh no, there's no tickets left. You say, but I am disabled. Yeah. Right. And if you say that, they hold two seats right out the front yeah for the disabled yeah so say you're disabled

right they'll go oh great we'll get you some of the disabled tickets out yeah and then you get the same price as the ones

then you get those two tickets because not many disabled people come and see us no not many or actually I tell a lie a lot do

but they raise the game when they come to our venues so they jump up them stairs it's excitement isn't it yeah I think that's what Jesus did with his miracles

I don't think he actually cured people I think he just got them excited yeah and he didn't have any accessible seats to his gigs so they had

they had to just really really want to go took away your crutches and they did but no he says next sentence he then fell over

fell into their chair yeah see you tomorrow real crutches. And they did. But no, the next sentence was they then fell over. Fell into their chair. Yeah. See you tomorrow. The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast is a ready production hosted by chortle.co.uk.

Today's guest was Adam Buxton. And my show is Colonel Panic. Adapted from parts of Bug, which I do regularly, just so you know. Or music by Thomas Fun the Ray.

What kind of name is that? See you tomorrow.