The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 11

Episode Date: April 7, 2019

"Episode 11" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 11 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hooray! Thank God. Yeah, thank God for that. Takes ages for it to come round, doesn't it, Monday to Monday? Thank God it is Monday. You can all have a nice smile now because it's time for the Peacock and Gamble podcast.

Hello, I am Ray Peacock. Hello there. Hello, I'm Ed Gamble. It's good the way that you join in. Yeah, I do, yeah. Yeah, all right then, because you are, I mean, essentially you are learning. Yeah, I'm having a go. Because you're only a youngster.

I'm having a go at it, aren't I? Yeah, you're giving it your best crack anyway. How are you getting on in Edinburgh? Yeah, oh, it's going very well, bud. What is it? What are we in, second week now? Second week of it now, yeah. Second week.

Now, I'd imagine getting a little bit tired by now. Actually, no, it's the third week. Is it? Yeah, I think so. Oh, I'm knackered then. Oh, yeah, third week yeah yeah i think so oh i'm knackered then oh yeah yeah are you really struggling i'm knackered and i'm crying most nights i'm gonna imagine a lot of walking there's a lot of hills in edinburgh yeah oh so my first year in edinburgh 1999 i lost two and a half stone you're joking over three and a half weeks whoa because i was walking everywhere yeah i mean really i should go to edinburgh again yeah just for a bit of a walk up and down the hills. See, I walked everywhere last year,

but then I walked to, like, a restaurant. Right. The one that saw me off, the walk that kept doing me and made me lose all the most weight, was from where the old Gilded Balloon was before it burnt down on Cowgate. Yeah. And it's a walk up that hill towards what was a firkin' pub.

It's not anymore. Up towards that firkin' pub. Literally, just that walk, 100 metres. Yeah. Killed me. Killed me, but by the end of it, I was running up that hill, like Kate Bush. That's what she'd done, a song about it. Yeah, she'd done run up the hill, didn't she? Yeah, I know. Well, there'll be more references like that in the podcast today, because it's a very exciting podcast today,

because it's back in black and white again. Make it a bit classy, innit? A bit retro, mate. Yeah, make it nice and classy, like Schindler's List or Laura Linardi. So we're doing it in black and white at the moment. Yeah. Even though I doesn't really like black and white films. But there won't be a little girl in a red coat ruining it. Not necessarily that. I mean, there might be something in it.

I'll tell you what I might do. What? In this week's. I might try and get a piano up a nil. Like in Laura Linardi, try and get a piano all the way up a nil in a dance. Oh, no, I'm not bothered by all that old stuff. I hate when you diss Laura Linardi. It really, really annoys me.

Yeah, I know. Why do you think I do it? Welcome to the podcast. Right, well, as you know, Ray... That's my name. Don't wear it out. All right. Pooh.

And I still use my normal one. All right, sorry, Ray. Just don't wear it out. That's what I'm saying. All right, okay. I'm saying use it. Just don't wear it out. Yeah, because then you can't use it anymore.

No, I know. Don't put my name between your thighs and your jeans. Because then that will wear it out. No, don't chafe it is what you... Yeah, don't chafe my name, folks. Yeah, and if possible, right, don't rub my name up and down on a washing board. Don't grape my name.

Yeah, don't grape my name on a cheese grater, please. Hey, and while you do, don't leave my name in the greenhouse because it'll fade it. So don't fade my name. That is my name, but don't fade it. I tell you what, mate. With my name, right, don't put it in without fabric softener. You'll get bobbles on it. I tell you what about my name, right.

The best thing about my name is right never use it as a bib because i don't want to get tomato sauce all down it so i'm saying that is my name but don't spill tomato sauce on it all right so be careful about that i don't you can use my name for address me just don't use it as a bib all All right? And I think we have got that clear now. Right. So don't fade my name. Don't use it as a bib. Don't grate it.

Don't wear it out on a washing board. Thank you. Or don't chafe it and don't bobble it. All right. I'll tell you what, mate. Right, you can use my name. That's fine. And Ray is my name, right?

Yeah. But don't put it in an art wash. Don't do it on a white wash. You shrink it. Yeah, it's too hot for my name now. Don't put it in a wash with a red sock. Yeah, please don't shrink my name and then make it a bit pink. Hey, I'll tell you about my name, right?

Yeah. Don't want to put it in the bottom of a kettle. You get all limescale on it. Don't scale your name up, mate. Whatever you do. I'll tell you what. If you're going to put my name near the bendy pipe, right, you better use Calgon, mate.

Because I'm not getting scale all over my name. I'll keep that in mind. What are you going to talk about right listen my name is Ray right but don't put it in a microwave because it has got metal on it

so whatever you do it's not suitable to put in a microwave because it is my name is wrapped in tin foil a little bit so don't put it in a microwave because it

makes all sparks everywhere like in Gremlins hey mate yeah if you're going to use my name make sure you check it regularly

and give it a bit of WD-40 because I don't want it getting rusty on the inches. Right, I'll tell you what, right. Right, my name is Ray, right, but make sure you have it serviced every 10,000 miles, please, because I don't want my cylinder head on my name for a go. Tell you what, my name is Ed, right, but make sure you check it every week and dip it in vinegar because otherwise all the olds will get crusted up.

Right. Listen, right. My name is Ray, right? And you can use it as my name. But don't leave... Because I take part in being metallic and that. Don't leave it out in the rain, right? Because it will get all rusty, right?

So that is my name, but don't make it rusty. Right. Ed is my name, right? Yeah. But don't let it sit in the bath too long, otherwise it will get all pruney. Anyway, what were we saying? I don't remember.

I can't remember what it was all about, this section. I think it's ended up being a bit about our names, which we do, right? And they are our names, Ed and Ray, right? But don't let them go in the bath and get all pruney and don't put them in the bendy pipe and get live skin. Don't leave them out in the rain because they will get rusty and please make sure they are serviced every 10,000 miles and if you're right don't put it in the microwave because it has got metallic bits on it and then sparks will come out like a gremlins

too right and and and don't wear it out on a washing board right and please don't wash it with white socks and that because it will with a pink sock in there as well because it will end up losing all its colour right so be careful be careful about that. When you are using my name, my name is Ray, but don't wear it out and don't do all those things that I was saying about before, right? Just bear that in mind

if you are going to address us personally. I mean, it might be better off now if you just call us mate. Right, so I was asked to write my blurb for the back of the flyer for Edinburgh. For your Edinburgh Friends show? Yeah. Which you're doing at the moment.

Which I'm doing at the moment, yeah. It's already done. I bet that blurb's going really well. I'm disappointed, though, that you didn't use my one. Well, you did actually suggest something earlier, yeah. Ed rang me the other day, and he went, I've got to write a blurb for the back of my flyer. I went, right.

He went, I don't know how to do it. I was like, well, what do you want me to do? I can't write you a blurb. And you're going, yeah, but I've never done it before? I can't write you a blurb. And you're going, yeah, but I've never done it before. I don't know. And you have done. You've done three Edinburgh shows before.

Yeah, but I don't like doing, like, writing it as if it's not me writing it. Well, that is just a lie, isn't it? Yeah. Because that's what all acts do. If you look at the back of people's flyers in Edinburgh

or anywhere, you know, in the theatres and that, they've all written it themselves. Yeah, but I feel painful doing it. Yeah. Because I hate trying to describe my jokes while going like, oh, it's really cool. Yeah, no, but it's about selling yourself in it. Yeah, I'm painful doing it. Yeah. Because I hate trying to describe my jokes. Yeah. While going like,

oh, it's really cool. Yeah, no, but it's about selling yourself, isn't it? Yeah, I'm rubbish at that. Yeah, you've got to learn to do it. Or you can do it, you can be self-deprecating as well,

I suppose. But I think the one that I sent you, because I've done like, I've done six Edinburgh shows. Yeah. I'm a dabander in me, mate. Yeah. I know how to do it.

I knock you one out, no bother. No, to be honest, I quite liked it. Our manager. Yeah, James, our manager. Not so impressed. No, the thing, the problem with that is, right, that's fine.

Yeah. But that's putting you above me. That's going, here is some work that one of your clients has done about another client. Yeah. Who's younger and newer. Right, whose side are you going to take? And he's come back and went, that's not suitable. What did you take me on for in the first place?

Actually, I shouldn't say that, because he might start thinking it. Why did I take him on in the first place? Actually I shouldn't say that because he'd start thinking it. Why did I take him on in the first place? Right well shall I read? Shall I let the listeners know?

I thought it was brilliant. I thought it was bang on the money and I thought it was you all over. Right here we go. Yep let's go on.

Ed Gamble first came to prominence on the Peacock and Gamble podcast brackets available for free on iTunes alongside Ray Peacock. Ray Peacock is a

hugely popular MC and headliner and is much in demand for live work across the country. He is also a prolific actor having been on Doctor Who skins and Doctors. Ed is his friend. What is wrong with that? I said, blip. So that, I think, for where you're at in your career

that is perfect, mate. And the quote you wanted me to use is one that you've genuinely given to clubs before which I believe is always on there when I do Bratton or Comedy Cellar

which is it's quite simply fat Ray Peacock and the thing is right mate they bloody love me at Bratton all that audience

they will take my word for something if they see I've done a review for someone it doesn't matter what it says they'll go he is fat

you know what if Ray says he's fat, then I bet he will be fat in the end. I miss the old deliberate mistake section already. Well, cheer up, Sonny Jim.

Why? Is he going to bring it back? No, we're not doing that, cheer up, Sonny Jim. Why? Is the BA going to bring it back? No, we're not doing that, but we're going one better. What? It's the time everyone's been waiting for. Yeah, biting the nails. With bated breath. All week long, so I'm going blue now.

Yeah. It's time to announce the new competition. That's right, yeah. In a way. Yeah, sort of. Sort of. The new competition reel... Yeah.

...will be starting in about three weeks' time. That's correct, yeah. In a way. Yeah, sort of. Sort of. The new competition reel... Yeah....will be starting in about three weeks' time. That's correct, yeah. But don't hold your breath until then, because that is mental. Yeah, and impossible. Yeah, and impossible, right? Unless you are a corpse. Or Ari Doudini. Yeah.

I bet Ari Doudini could have done it. You know the man from the olden days? Yeah, Doudini off the olden days. Yeah, I reckon that Doudini could have done it, no bother, just under a tank of water, where a woman flew and bullet at him. So, unless Ari Doudini is listening, then don't hold your breath for that long,

but if Ari Doudini is on it and I'm going to listen for it, then do that, do one of your tricks on the stage. Right, so the new competition reel starts in three weeks I can't believe we're doing this the audacity of us doing this yeah right well no don't give it away

alright go on but the competition now is that they have to come up with their own their own competition yeah that's right you see what has happened

is basically is me and Ed have run out of time we are trying to do this podcast and we're doing our very best to promise Scouts honour, right? But we're also writing a TV thing and we've got gigs and all the rest of it. I mean, it's hard to do

it, but we enjoy doing it. Oh, we love it, yeah. It's sort of a day off. Yeah. Right? But we've not got time to come up with stuff. No. We write the letters and that. So what's the best way on Radio Write or podcast to make it look like something's happened?

Get the audience to do it. Listener created content. Exactly. It's the way forward in the digital age. Yeah. So what we want you to do is come up with a competition

for us that's going to start in three weeks time as Ed said. Yeah. And we will start doing that and you don't win nothing for that. Don't go thinking you are going to win a prize

for coming up with the competition we use. Yeah that is literally you just doing the work for us. Yeah. If you come up with a competition that wins and we use, that is ours then. Yeah, we own that and we own all the rights to it, right? You will have to enter that competition like everyone else.

Yeah. And if you win it, well done. Coincidence. No, you can win your own competition. Yeah, but only then will you win a prize. Yeah, and this time there are genuine prizes. Yeah. We had to stop recording

a minute ago. Well, about half an hour ago now because we started recording a section front door went went and got it only ended up in a bloody porno film, mate. Well, sort of, yeah.

Well, it was as good as a porno film wasn't it? Yeah. Right, it's a girl from upstairs, right? Came down all blonde and that. And this is true, this, right? Fully blonde. Yeah, fully blonde, right?

And she went is your TV working? Is your TV working? And I went yeah, I think so. Right, I'll just go. Like, come in, we'll have a look at it. Yeah, fully blonde, right? And she went, is your TV working? Is your TV working? And I went, yeah, I think so. I'm right on, it's great. I couldn't remember, I've looked at it. Oh, by the way, imagine a porno film where the bloke's fat mate is sat on the sofa looking. Yeah, well, when he came in, there was essentially a little mini staple marshmallow man, right?

Just sat on the sofa, right? But don't worry about him, because we very soon altered the environment from my flat to her flat. Because we checked my telly, it's all working. Checked the telly in the bedroom, that was working as well. It's analogue one, so we checked them both. Sexy. Yeah, digital in the living room, analogue in the old bedroom. Yeah, former Q ladies.

And I said, do you want me to have a look at it for you? And she went, oh yeah, if you would. She didn't sound like that, did she? She did sound like that. All right, all right. She went, yeah, oh, that'd be magnified. She's American now. Yeah, she's from Alabama.

And she went, oh, I would love that if you come upstairs and look at my wires. I went, all right, I will. And the thing is, right, I had my joggers on, right? Joggers, yeah. A lot of jogging in there. I had my tracksuit bottoms on. Track. Your suit.

Bottoms. No, bottoms does work. And I went, okay, I'll pop my jeans on and I'll come up and I'll look and she went okay and like I was just stood in my bedroom and she was stood in the hall next to the bedroom

yeah and she just stayed there yeah while you while you had to put your jeans on yeah and she sort of looked at me and I went I'm just gonna pop my jeans on

and she went okay I was like alright and I had to really slowly shut a door in her face because I've never met her before no popped my jeans on upstairs I went don't want to and I had to really slowly shut a door in her face. Because I've never met her before. No.

Popped my jeans on upstairs and went. Don't want to give too much away, but a telly was broke. It wasn't working at all. I mean, her boyfriend was up there trying to fix it. And they're still broke. They're still broke now, actually. It was awkward by that point as well. Don't know the first fucking thing about tellies, mate.

I don't know what you asked me for. It was awkward at that point. Yeah, because it was awkward because you'd pushed your penis through the hole in the bottom of your toolbox. Yeah, yeah.

I was really, and it had no top on. Yeah. It put braces on like a fireman. Like a strip of fireman one. Yeah. But it got me thinking though, Ed. Yeah.

It's kind of a porno scenario. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I wondered whether you've ever been in any porno scenarios or what, if you could be in one. Yeah.

Because obviously I've lived the dream today. Yeah. But if you could envisage yourself been in any porno scenarios, or what, if you could be in one. Yeah. Because obviously I've lived the dream today. Yeah. But if you could envisage yourself being in a porno scenario, maybe someone will hear this and make it come true for you, what would be your ideal porno scenario? I've not really thought about this recently. Well, the last time you thought about it, what happened? I think, like, Liz Beetham times, right?

Yeah, okay. And Queen Elizabeth is there, right, on her throne. Whoa. And I go up, right, and I'll be like, oh, hey, Queen Elizabeth. And she'll be like, don't speak to me. I am Queen Elizabeth. Right? And I'm just Queen Elizabeth I, right?

Okay, that's it. Because it's Elizabeth sometimes. Yeah. And I'll be like, oh, but I'm only a little servant. Yeah. And you have been speaking down to me all day. And she'll be like, oh, off with your head. I'll be like, no, you on my head.

Okay, you've got to bum it on now. And then, right, I pull down my britches, right? I'm not joking, right? It is so hard. Yeah, you're bumming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is well hard. And then she goes, oh, I can't be having dad.

And she points at this little guillotine, right? And I go, ooh. And it's like a little comedy bit in the film. But then I go, ooh, bitch. I mean, I do like that I've got my little porno fantasy from a real porn film, whereas you've got yours from carry-on film. Essentially, is it very soon? I mean, you've gone from standing there with a rocker boner

into, you know, essentially a penny whistle going off. No, I go, no, then I go, oh, bitch. No, you don't say bitch. All right, no. Oh, queen, this is going to be the best banquet you ever had. And then she goes, oh, yeah, it is. And then she, like, takes the foam comb out her hair.

Yeah. And all her red hair goes on her shoulders, right? Okay, okay. And then she rips off her bodice, right? Yeah.

She's got like, way bigger tits than you would ever imagine. Like, it cuts her close up of them so you think it's probably a different actress. It's not Miranda Richardson

anymore. Right. She's Dolly Parton for these bits. Right, and then, and then she's like, get down on her knees, right? Right. And start, like, proper... Right, but then, right, a portal opens, and it's like time.

And through it comes Lara Croft. Right, and she's like, what the hell's going on here? I've come through a portal in a secret temple. And I'm like, hey Lara Croft, you big girl over here licked my ass. And she goes, and she goes, and she goes, alright then. Right, she come over and start licking my

ass. Um, and then, right, um, oh, guess what happened? I can't. Farway to Seer comes on in a chariot, right? Yeah, and she goes, I'm just like, I'm here to conquer this time. And I'm like, know your nap. You here to eat my balls.

So she gets down and she's eating my balls, right? Okay. Right, and then, guess what happens, right? I would imagine. Right, the portal is still open at this point, right? Right. Guess who comes through?

The Hulk? No. Oh, later, later. Yeah, okay. Florence Nightingale right okay and she's like I'm the lady with the lamp and I'm like

you're the lady with the pussy I mean I think I think you're probably going to have to continue this story I mean I think

we can just now all just take it as read that every woman from history you can think of at some point comes through the portal and has to eat a bit of

Ed's body. Whichever bits are left over from when Bodicea is... I don't mean eat it, I mean just suck on it. No, I understand what you mean. Obviously Elizabeth I is noshing him off and he's already got Lara Croft licking his bums. So, I mean basically, it's got to get to the point where it goes

yes, and then Margaret Thatcher comes through and I go you suck my finger bitch. I mean I think we can all see where it's going.

Yeah yeah yeah. But no it's a very very hot fantasy now. I think it's going to mean we're going to have to make this week's podcast

an X. You wouldn't even let me get to Whoopi Goldberg kissing my nose. You wouldn't even let me get to Whoopi Goldberg kissing my nose. Right, time for the complaint letter session. Oh, no. Cancel this week. Why?

Just remembered. It's cancelled till next week when it's my turn again. No, you can't do that. No, it is. It's got to be. Flood. Flood. No. It's cancelled because of a flood. No, we're doing it. We're doing it. No, come on. But it's better when I do it.

No, it's not. It's much less offensive and it's a bit more nice, gentle, whimsical comedy. Oh, when are you going to do the Play School podcast then? If you don't want to do this brilliant grown-up one

that I'm in charge of. It is very grown-up, you're right. I am well good at doing the letters. Well, I'm alright at them as well. No, I like your ones. I think they're funny but I don't think you've kept up. I think I'm alright at them as well. No, I like your ones. I think they're funny, but I don't think you've kept up. I think I have.

I don't think you've kept up with my standard of letters. You're not at my level yet. What? I'm operating on a completely different level, mate. Hush your mouth. No, you hush your lips. Mate, hush your mouth, will you?

Oh, clam up your cake hole, mate. Alright, well, I'll clam my lips up then for a minute. Yeah, you clam them right up, mate. Alright, well, I'm going to have a listen. Apart from for laughing and enjoying and... Well, I think the chances of me laughing... ...doing mouth clapping. I think the chances of me laughing at your letter are very low.

Because, like I say, my standard of letter is so high, and that is inside my head. That is... That's what I have in... All my letters that you've heard so far, they are inside my head. So when I allow sounds to come through from an external place, coming in my ears and then going up in my mind, and the head goes...

In your mind? Yeah. And then my head just goes, well, this is quite funny, but it's not as funny as it was that I've already got stored in here. Well, maybe when I read my letter, laugh along with it,

but think of your own letter to make you laugh. All right. I'll think of my own letter as you're reading yours. All right, then. Right, okay. Go.

But don't... No, go. ...think anything can ruin it. Go. Right. Right, okay, now I'm going to... It's a bit of build-up to this. All right. A while ago, I bought the... alright then right okay go don't no go don't ruin it go right right okay now I'm gonna it's a bit of build up to this

alright a while ago I bought they Frasier and a car crash come on oh that's one of my ones that I've yeah okay

that's one of the ones I've been waiting to do I was gonna do it next week about the car crash I'm gonna are you giving it away I'm gonna write to the cars I'm gonna write a complaint

to cars that Frasier stole a car to all the complaint to cars that Fraser stole a car. To all cars? Yeah, Fraser stole a car and I crushed it and that's their fault for not making the seats high enough.

I might cut that out of the podcast because I think that's my point. Yeah, yeah. I bought, quite a while ago now, they released

a Willy Wonka chocolate bar. Okay, yeah. Yeah, they released these chocolate bars. I remember that, when the film came out. Yeah, when the newest film came out, yeah. And they released fudge oneska chocolate bar. Okay, yeah. Yeah, they released these chocolate bars. I remember that. When the film came out. Yeah, when the newest film came out.

Yeah. And they released fudge ones, and we were going to write a complaint letter, me and my friend, about these chocolate bars. Oh. But there was a reason why we couldn't, but now I think I've found a way round it.

With your new friend? Yeah, with my new best friend. That is the best way to make, because I'm a new friend and a better one. Yeah. Then it is better now. Now you are able to find a way round and write a letter for Willy Wonka,

so that's good. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so what is your other friend called? Murray. Murray. He's better it is better now. Now you are able to find a way round and write a letter for Willy Wonka, so that's good. Exactly. So what is your other friend called? Murray. Murray. He's better friends with me now. Yeah, and don't try and come and break it all up, mate. Do you know what Murray's brother's called? What? Fraser. Ha! Murray, we have stole your family and made it famous. And ill.

Yeah, and all ill. You'd better check up on your brother anyway, because from what I know he's been under tabs, mate. Right, here all ill. You'd better check up on your brother anyway, because from what I know, he's been under tabs, mate. Right, here we go. Dear Willy Wonka. Yes, yes, I know. This won't really be Willy Wonka I'm writing to. His son has probably taken over.

So, hello, Willy Wonka Jr. or Brian Wonka or something. Murdered a boy from Willy Wonka took it over. Little Barney Rubble, was he called? What was he called? Bucket. Charlie Bucket. Yeah, but... He took it over. Yeah Barney Rubble was he called? What was he called? Bucket. Charlie Bucket. Yeah, but... He took it over.

Yeah, but, alright. Frank Bucket. Alright, it's his son now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright then. Yeah. Although, we are living in modern times,

so it might be your daughter Sally Wonka or another girl's name. There are loads. I can't really guess them all so I don't know why you look so offended. Get off your I.O.S.

I don't even know if you've got one but you probably have because you're so rich. He probably has got an I.O.S. This is't even know if you've got one but you probably have because you're so rich. He probably has got an I.O.S. This is all assuming that that bloody slugsworth hasn't taken over.

Or you have gone bust because of the credit crunch. In fact, you probably have because you waste all your resources by putting bloody rides in the factory

that seems stupid and a bit frivolous for what is essentially supposed to be a business. Anyway, I've run out of paper now so I'll have to post this and then write another one

with the actual point in it, Mrs Fraser. Let's send that one. Okay, you've got done two then? I might do two next week. Dear Willy Wonka, hello, Mrs Fraser here again. Do you remember I wrote that letter before about you going bust? I guess my point was, oh, I'm not getting bogged down in this again.

I'm writing to complain about the fudgelicious bar you sell. I think it was called that. I believe you. I bought one for my son Fraser, brackets, to eat it, stupid, who is allergic to nuts. I know there are no nuts in it, but the bits of fudge look a bit like nuts. Fraser's allergy is so sensitive that even when he thinks he has seen a nut,

he comes out in hives. This is different to his father's problem of coming in hives, which we are sorting out through the B sex therapist. On the upside, the immediate shock of seeing a fudge nut tightened his face so much it sucked his eyes back in from two weeks ago. But then his ears doubled in size and a bit of brain fell out his nose. It might have been snot. We need to find some way of getting him used to things that look like nuts. Brackets. I know what you're thinking, but his dad's looked like bloody watermelons after his most recent exploit, so that won't work.

Yeah. I get it. but his dad's looked like bloody watermelons after his most recent exploit so that won't work. Because he got stung. Yeah. I get it. So could you please send some more pleasers? It's your fault, I've decided. Love and deep, long, upsettingly salty

kisses, Mrs Fraser. That is a good one. Thank you. I like that one. It's fair to me it wasn't very funny though. Oh, fuck you. Hey.

I'm laughing. Just all the time I was laughing at my own letters in my head. Right. Well, well done on it. And good luck with that for Willy Wonka Wonkalicious. Thank you very much. I like that we have now added into it that Frasier's got a nut allergy, which is psychosomatic.

Yeah, exactly. It's like a real nut allergy. So that's how, so all these people are just going, oh, I feel sorry for Frasier. It's unkind of that. It's a fucking nutcase, mate. He's a nut. And I mean, and he is a nut allergies. So all these people are just going, oh, I feel sorry for Frasier or something kind of like that. He's a fucking nutcase, mate. He's a nutcase. And he is a nutcase.

He's obsessed with nuts to the point where he's pretending that he's allergic to them and we found him out. We found him out because we gave him a chocolate bar

and didn't have nuts in it and he still came out in high. So he's a fucking liar, you little shit. Do you know what? I think he deserves bullying at school. If he'd have been in my school, right, if I'd have

gone to school with Fraser, right, I would have done, right? I'd have waited until the dinner lady wasn't looking, right? And then I'd have got him, right, behind the science block, right? And I'd have made him make a fist with his own hand. Right? I'd say, keep that fist

in your hand, mate. Keep your fist, right? And he'd be going, no, no, don't worry, just fucking get your hand in a fucking fist, right? And I'd be looking around. No, me, Ench Man, I'd be looking around all the time for dinner ladies and that. And I'd go, right, come here, you, you little sickly little bastard, right? Come here, you greeny blue skin twat, right?

And I'd have got his wrist, right? I'd have held his wrist right and I'd have hit it against his own face right and he'd make his hand go all floppy

and I'd go what the fuck are you doing make your hand into a fist and as I did that I'd have kneed him in the thigh

like really hard and he'd have gone oh no I thought please don't do that and I'd go just fucking stop now

and I'd have made and I'd have pushed his fist into his face and punched him over and over and over in the face. And I'd go, just fucking stop now. And I'd made, and I pushed his fist into his face and punched him over and over and over in the face, right? And then I'd go,

go and tell the dinner lady what you've done. Go and tell the dinner lady what you've done. Go and tell Nick, it wasn't me, it was you, you punched yourself

in the face. Yeah. And then I'd have killed the school rabbit and blamed it on him. I like the idea that seemingly your school sort of story,

you didn't have any teachers at your school, did you? It was just all dinner ladies. Yeah, mostly dinner ladies, yeah. I think I ended up

sizing them. Time for another one of our sections, a regular section of exploding popular misconceptions. Yeah. This week,

Vernon Kaye. Right, Vernon Kay of exploding popular misconceptions. This week, Vernon Kaye. Right, Vernon Kaye is not entertaining. He's not appealing, he's not good on television, he's not even good at his job in my opinion, right? He just stands there and goes uh, uh, you got a funny story ain't ya? Uh, tell us a funny story

and then does a shit joke at the end of it. So if there's a popular misconception that Vernon Kaye is good, he's not. Vernon Kaye is rubbish. That was popular misconception of the week, Vernon Kaye. I like him. You're ruining this section.

Time for our most popular section. Yeah. After only one week of doing it, Ray and Ed's prank call. Yeah. That we always do every week in this week. We decided Ed was going to ring a member of his family. Yeah. To do a prank call.

We've caught him in another scenario. Yeah. To fool them with. And you, did you phone Ed? I phoned my mum. You phoned your mum up and she was... I got my mobile, right? Yeah. And I phoned her mobile.

Yeah. And you were doing acting and she's going oh no what happened? We'll play it to you now. But this week's prank call, wait till you hear this wait till you hear her reaction. Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello? Hello? It is the council. I can't hear you. It's the council. Is it? It's the council. We are repossessing your kitchen. Hello, Mum? Oh, I mean, hello, Mrs Gamble? Hello? Ed? You've been punked. We've done a prank on you. Have you heard of Phone Jacker? He was doing a prank call. Did you get it or not?

Hang up before she realises. Hang up. Oh, I felt sorry for her for a bit. I felt upset for her because I thought, oh, she... Hook, line and bloody sinker. Yeah, she's, oh, they're going to repossess my kitchen. Oh, no, what is happening? The camera's on the phone.

You were doing your acting and I was helping by telling you what to say. Yeah. And then eventually you went, no, it is, don't worry, it's just a joke. Yeah. And we all had a good laugh about it in the end. We did, we did. And then she signed a release form. Yeah. So that is our prank call for this week there'll be another prank call next week wait till you

next week's one the peacock and gamble podcast was devised and performed by ray peacock and ed gamble all music by the tiger lilies except the last one. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a big and dark production hosted by chortle.co.uk. If you spotted a deliberate mistake

in this week's show, tell us on our Facebook page and you might win a prize. See you next week. I'm growing increasingly concerned because I spend a lot of time on these podcasts because even after we recorded them, I then go away and edit them. So I listen to them over and over and over. I've started noticing trends. And the main trend that I've started noticing is, is every time I ask you to do an improvised scenario, whereas I say, what would you do in this situation?

And you go off on a spiel of thought. Or when I say, hey, Ed's going to do a song now. Every time, within a very short space of time of me asking, you turn into a very aggressive rapper. Every single time, I'll say, oh, Ed's going to do a jingle for that now. And you go, yes, I am. Yes, certainly. Hey, bitch, come over here.

Hey, Nicky S. Hey, bitch, come over here. Hey, Nicky S. Hey, bitch, bitch. And, you know, very overtly aggressive. And the thing is, from what I know of you in real life, you're not even a fan of rap music. I like some of it. I like some of it. But it's mainly, you know, your heavy metal and all that.

But I don't know where this aggressive sort of rapper character comes from. Maybe I was a rapper in a previous life. Yeah, that will have happened. You're probably Biggie somebody or other. You're probably the Big Bopper. I imagine that's bound to be one of them, isn't it? Yeah, Fats Domino. Yeah, absolutely.

You were MC Fats Domino, mate. You were Buster Blood Vessel. All right, that explains it then. Sorry, just a concern I wanted to raise. I would try not to in future. Yeah. Bitch. I knew that was coming.