The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 12

Episode Date: April 14, 2019

"Episode 12" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 12 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble Podcast. ill behaviour. I love that song. Yeah, you're good at it. I know, what is it? I think I heard it on the radio a couple of days ago. Right. No, I'm just singing it all the time. Once again with the ill behaviour, with the ill... Is it Grumblalo? I don't think it is Grumblalo. That's another one of my favourites, Grumblalo. Yeah. Grumblalo, Grumblalo. Is it called Grumblalo? I'm not sure it is. It's something like that anyway. Hello, welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. I am Ray Peacock, hello. Hello, I'm Ray Gamble, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you as well, thank you. Have you been alright? I've been lovely, thank you. Have you been alright?

I'm not bad. Are you ready, set, go for the podcast? I am ready, set, go, yeah. Hi, have you arrived here today in good humour? This is like watching a child try to struggle through an adult conversation. Are you alright? no, are you in good humour? yes I am in good humour, thank you have you got notes down on a piece of paper? I do, thank you

for help with the process? yes I do, yeah I have the notes as well yeah and are you ready for a podcast? yes I am have you enjoyed the podcast you have done so far? yes I have, thank you

what is your best colour? I think it is blue. Which is your best one from songs? I think it's blue. Mine is Bumble A-Land. I met Blue the other week. Did you? Yeah, I did a TV warm-up and they were all...

Cool. Yeah, they were... Anyway, welcome to the show. No, they were alright, I suppose. They were neither in or there, really. Yeah. Tell you what. They weren't there.

Tell you what, they were actually there. They turned up. Tell you what. They weren't there. Tell you what, they were actually there. They turned up. Tell you what, they all smoke. Did they? I think they all did. I noticed a lot of them. There's four of them. Yeah, but I know a lot of them were smoking.

Okay. Once it gets past two and numbers. No, because I don't want to say they all smoke if they were just all outside. Right, okay. And some of them weren't smoking and they were getting in trouble. Well, they all passive smoke. Well, I don't want to get them in trouble with their mums. Okay.

Do they look like the sort of people who would get in trouble with their mums? No, but their mums don't want to get him in trouble with their mums. Okay. Do they look like the sort of people who would get in trouble with their mums? No, but their mums look like the sort of people that would listen to our podcast. Right. So, with that in mind,

I don't want... Sorry, blues mums. I don't want you to think that they all definitely smoke because maybe one of them doesn't or maybe two of them don't. I know that two of them defo smoke.

Which ones? Dane Bowers. Is it Dane Bowers or not? No, it's not. What is he? What's his name? Anthony Costa. Yeah, him, right? He was definitely having a cigarette. And Duncan Norvell. What is he? I don't know what his name is. Duncan. Duncan out of it, yeah. He was definitely smoking. And also, forgive me, the brown boy, right? I don't know his name. Simon Webb.

Right, Simon Webb got a backy on a motorbike when he was leaving tv center right one of the other ones was driving the front of the motorbike and and simon webb was on the back of it or it might have been the other way around it might have been simon webb doing the riding of it and no one on the back either way two of them left on a motorbike so there you go there's a bit Sheb is exclusive, now let's get on with the show. Last week in the podcast, I said about there being a flood. Oh, there's a flood, that's why we can't do the letters. Right, and then I had a flood this week. Yeah, that is amazing, isn't it? It's like I have tented fate. Yeah. It wasn't even this week, it was last night. I got up in the middle of the night. I know. Came through to get some water. Yeah, I know

this. And it was everywhere. You know how I know this? How do you know? You did text me at 5am to tell me. Well, I had to tell someone, Ed. I was in water. Did you expect me to pop round with some armbands? It was up to my ankles. No, I went straight to Asda and I bought a mop and bucket.

Yeah, this was at 4 or 5 in the morning, wasn't it? I know, cleaned it up straight away all night. Your neighbours must think you're really weird. Why? Because, right, firstly, you spent most of your day, and this is not an exaggeration, most of your day propped up on the sofa with your face in the window like a big, gurning man in the window. But I'm writing, why am I there? I've got the computer there.

Yeah, but they can't really see that. You just sit at a window with them walking past and you go, ooh, look at the people. I like to see the outside. Yeah, I know, you're like an Alan Bennett character. Like something off Talking Heads. And then sometimes there's a cat... The man at the window. Yeah.

Am I right? The man at the window, Talking Heads. And send it in as Alan Bennett. It'd be good, wouldn't it? Yeah, it'd be brilliant, mate. And sometimes there's a cat in the distance. The face in the window. The fat face in the window.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. And sometimes there's a cat in the distance, right? Too far away for anyone around to see it, apart from you, because you can get a direct vision on okay. And sometimes there's a cat in the distance, right? Too far away for anyone around to see it apart from you because you can get a direct vision on it.

And you start going meow, meow. You're mental just a fat man in a window making cat noises. It comes over. Yeah, sometimes it comes over. It does.

It comes in through the double doors there. And they give it a glass of milk. But they probably can't see that. They just think you're mewing at an imaginary cat or pretending to be a cat and then you get up at five o'clock in the morning and go,

Aslan, come back with a mop and bucket like you've killed someone. You're like the caretaker from Harry Potter. Is that the part I went for? I don't know, I don't think so. No, it wasn't. It was the owner of the inn. I went for a casting for Harry Potter a few films back. It's the part that Jim Tavre ended up playing. Oh, okay. Right, so Jim Tavre, quite tall, bald, skinny bloke.

Yeah. He sent me in for tall, bald, skinny bloke. Yeah. He sent me in for it. Little fat hairy bloke. Didn't get it, obviously. Jim Tavare got it. I didn't get mine for Harry Potter. I know, you went for a casting for Harry Potter as well, didn't you? Yeah, young Hagrid.

That's the young Hagrid. Oh, I would have loved that. I reckon if me and you had a baby, that would definitely play young Hagrid. Or maybe even old Hagrid. But anyway, the point is, as I mentioned floods last week, and a flood happened, so this week I can now use that to my advantage, that karma thing to my advantage. Ooh, got a million pounds now.

Ooh, a woman comes round and she is well fit with big busters and no clothes on. And she comes round with another one. And they both have it off on top of me on the sofa. Yeah, that's good. I'm sure that'll be happening next week so let's see if that comes round next week not only did I have

my flood but then this morning I noticed that there was a steak slice in the fridge but it was going out of date so I was like

I'm not going to waste it because I bought it a couple of days ago and made it a gig so I put it in the microwave only about 25 seconds

now it must have been over sealed because there was no way for the air to get out so I bit into it straight from the microwave

as I'm wont to do. Yeah. Never check things. Straight in my mouth every time. And like a little, a very fine puff of steam came out of it. A very specific, a needle of steam came out and just went straight in my lip. Oh. Right?

Really hurt. Yeah. Didn't stop me. No. Because I thought, oh, that'll be all out now. Yeah, that'll be all the steam. Yeah, another bite, straight away. Can you see my lip?

Can you actually see my lip? Yeah, I did notice that. I've got a blister on my lip. Right, and the reason... I did think when I came in today, because I didn't know anything about it, I saw that blister on your lip, and my first thought was pasty burn. Pasty burn, yeah. It seems obvious, isn't it?

I mean, I get one a week, you don't have to say it's a weird thing. But I'll tell you what happened then. I immediately went, right, emergency. Got to get first aid on this. Right? I went to the freezer and got an ice cube out and'll tell you what happened then. I immediately went, right, emergency. Gotta get first aid on this. Right? I went to the freezer and got an ice cube out and just held it on my lip. And then I realised it was stuck to my lip.

And I thought... I've done that before. But you can't pull it off, can you not? No, because I was in Russia once, right? I put my tongue on a pole outdoors. Right. Took it off too quickly. You could see my tongue skin on the pole.

And I should have learnt Dumb and Dumber used to be my favourite film. Well I just basically I let mine melt. I walked around the house with an ice cube and it wasn't coming off.

Was it just hanging off your face? If I'd have pulled it off it would have took the skin with it. Like it genuinely would have done. So I did for about maybe 25-30 minutes. Just wandered around with an ice cube

attached to my lip. I gave it a little lick every now and again to try and speed up the process then got myself back on Playstation I do want to learn

what Blue are called so take me to I feel bad now because I met them and they were nice but I didn't remember their names I don't think I ever

knew them so I'm going to write them down tell me what Blue are called what are the names of them and describe them? Right, there is,

I think Duncan, is it James? I don't know. First names will do. Duncan. Duncan. Which one is he? He is the sort of better looking one.

Alright. Then there is Simon Webb. Webb, yeah. Then there is Anthony Costa. Who went out with Jordan? Or was that Dane Bowers? I think that was Dane Bowers he got mixed up with.

They've done a sex video. Yeah. I've seen it. It's rubbish. She's so rubbish at sex in that video. And the last one's name is? And the last one,

his name is, his name is... Elvis Presley, girls are sexy, sitting in the backseat, drinking Pepsi, watching movies, all about boobies,

watching Scooby-Doo Yahoo! Right. And which one's he? Oh, it's a sing song you want, is it? Right, well we can all just drop songs in every now and again. I accept your challenge. Hey mate, guess who I saw on a train the other day?

Hulk? No. I'm going to give you three guesses. Alright then. Is it someone famous? No. Is it someone that I know? No.

Is it one of your friends? No. Is it just a random person? It's a group of people. Hare Krish famous? No. Right. Is it someone that I know? No. Is it one of your friends? No. Is it just a random person? It's a group of people. Hare Krishnas? No. You're close though, they look similar. Boyzone?

No. Blue? No. Why, they're not famous? No. Blue? Blue. They are known as a group of people.

Oh. And it was some of them. The Nazis? Yep. No. Some neo-Nazis, right? Really? Got on a train late at night when i was going back home okay right all piled on the train yeah drunk as you like okay all pissed up shouting shouting and being rude what were they saying right i'm not

sure i should say any of it was it racist yeah yeah very anti-semitic sort of stuff right okay and i don't know what i thought i'd do in that sort of situation how many were there probably about 10 or 11. Wow, okay. Right, and they were all, you know, big shave-headed blokes, horrible men. Okay. And I never knew what I'd do in that situation. I thought maybe I'd sort of go,

no, I'm not going to stand for this, and then give them a bit of a lecture or something. Can I guess what you did? Right, yeah. I imagine you changed carriages and cried a bit. No, because one of them sat next to me and pinned me. Wow, okay. Right, because one of them sat next to me and pinned me. Wow, okay. You know, turn my iPod up. So that is the easiest way to get out of that situation.

If anyone is in a situation where they don't know what to say and ethically they think what's going on is wrong, whack the iPod up. I mean, you're a regular little Gandhi, aren't you? Yeah, exactly, yeah. Well, I think maybe if Gandhi had had an iPod, right, maybe he never would have said anything. Well, no, maybe if Gandhi had had an iPod, right, maybe he never would have said anything. Well, no, it's path of least resistance. You did the right thing. Yeah, exactly, yeah. You turned a blind eye.

Yeah. I mean, in many ways, you epitomised the Catholic Church. I think technology might actually sort of hinder protest these days. Yeah, yeah, okay. Because if they had had, like, the sit-ins in restaurants, right, they wouldn't have been as significant if people were just twittering about them. Yeah, this is true, this is true.

MLK rocks. Or if Gandhi had set up a Facebook group, but he couldn't have poked anyone, could he? Not really, no. That would be violent. That would be cowardly as violent. Yeah, you're right. Anyway, everyone else basically did the same. Just sort of stared into their shoes and let them carry on.

The thing is about my headphones is that they're broken at the moment and only one headphone plays music. Okay. So on one half I covered up the racism but I could hear everything else that was going on. Well and then maybe

that's going to get more concentrated then. Yeah exactly. It was a pure reform. Is this story going to end with you joining them? Yeah and anyway I'm

a racist now. Does that explain your new haircut? And your dungarees? And your Doc Martens that you turned up into now? Yeah and all the

blood on them. Anyway, so they were shouting away, being horrible racists, occasionally talking about football, but mainly talking about how they didn't like certain groups of people. Right. But what was quite interesting, I thought, is that there was one who the rest of them didn't like. The black one.

Yeah, it was the Jewish one. It was the Jewish one. No, but I just found it really interesting that there was, even in a group where they're formed under such sort of dickery, like, all their opinions are horrible, there is still one who is a bit of a twat. They still bow to social conventions.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's still one who they bully a little bit. And this bloke kept standing up and doing the punchline to a story that obviously wasn't what someone else had told. He kept standing standing up and going i'm not paying one pound to get in the fucking gym and then it would be silent then and he'd sit down again they hated him so much that they were being really offensive for the whole journey and then we stopped outside the station

and the man came over the tannoy and said sorry about this guys so we're gonna get on as soon as we can and the one they didn't like went, well, fucking hurry up about it then. And there was a silence and all the rest of them went, ooh. That's a bit harsh, mate. It's a bit harsh. And then right at the end, he kept standing up and going, what, Per's going to a fucking gym?

They were getting more and more annoyed with him. And then at the end he was going, so what's everyone doing tomorrow? What's everyone doing tomorrow? And the little one, who'd been quiet for the whole thing, but he looked really mean, just suddenly types up with,

well, Joe, some of us are going to Alton Towers for my fucking birthday. And he looked really wounded. I sort of felt sorry for him a little bit and I did remember he was a racist. It is weird isn't it, how you could end up pitying a Nazi. Yeah, exactly. And weirdly when they got on and they were all shaved headed and they hadn't said anything, I did think in my mind oh they look like Nazis I shouldn't be prejudiced no but he's a little lost Nazi there yeah

maybe we could write a children's book about him that could be your job for next week yeah alright you could write a little children's story just a little short one

because I like it when you write stories and I think that would be a good one to write the little lost Nazi the little lost Nazi yeah the little orphan Nazi It's a little short one. Because I like it when you write your stories. Yeah. And I think that would be a good one to write. Yeah. The Little Lost Nazi. The Little Lost Nazi. Yeah.

The Little Orphan Nazi. Okay. So the competition entries to come up with a new competition have been flooding in. Oh, flood. Don't say flood. Oh. They've been... Boobing in. Yeah. They've been fit girl coming out and in.

We should give you a little bit more, by the way, and tell you if you want to be further encouraged to enter the competition. Yeah. What you get. Proper prizes. Yeah, proper prizes. Not for coming up with a competition.

No. But if you win the competition. If you win, then win that competition. The one that you create, if you then win it. Prizes, they are... There's Zulu King with a big nose ring falling in love with a pretty young maid and every night with a pen and light

across the lake he strayed with a hug and a kiss for Zulu Miss in the shade of the old palm tree and every night with a pen and light sounds like it's doing me Bah rum, bah rum, bah rum, ba-dee-ah-dee-ay Bah rum, bah rum, bah rum, ba-dee-ah-dee-ay Oh, we'll build a bungalow big enough for two

Big enough for two, my darling, big enough for two And we'll get married, happy we'll be Under the bamboo, under the bamboo tree If you'll be M-I-N-E Mine, I'll be T-H-A-N-E Thine, and I love you, love you all the T-I-M-E Time you are the B-S-T, best of all the R-E-S-T Rest, and I love you, love you all the T-I-M-E

Time, match the gas tank, boom, boom, who's your barber? Sam Ritz, why'd you like him? No, nits And then there's Grandma Swinging on the outhouse door In her bikini with grandpa yelling more more more he wants a showgirl so grandma gives him more what more what more more more so i told you i'd get a song in yeah i think you won that one yeah but basically what the prizes are i've done these drawings, art prints. Yeah. Is what they are.

Littered. Littered editions. Yeah. Of them, right? And there's only five of them. They're printed on postcards. Yeah. Well posh and that.

Really posh. Cost us a bit of money. £1,000 each. About £1,000,000 for a set. Yeah. And what it is, is they are pictures of Fraser. Yeah. Fraser in various stages of distress. Various stages of discomfort.

Now I'm going to have to censor some of these, I think. I'm thinking of doing an extra one now. Really? Yeah, after this week's letter. So that's what you will win. If you win the competition that you come up with. So get those entries coming in, but they are good so far. But could be better.

Yeah. I would imagine. Keep going on them. Yeah, keep piling them into us. Oh no, not pile. I'll get piles this us. Oh no, not pile. I'll get piles this week. Oh no!

Been trying to get organised this week. Yeah. Tidying all my office up and that. Yeah, so is. I know, it's nice, isn't it? I've got like little box files as well. Yeah, I know. It's like a proper office. I know, it's like a proper office.

And now all I need to do is do a bit of work in it. Yeah. And then it will be official, proper office. At the moment, it looks like proper office I need to do is do a bit of work in it. Yeah. And then it will be official proper office. At the moment it looks like a proper office. Yeah. But to do a bit of work in it. Yeah. And be perfect. But while I was doing it, I shifted a lot of stuff around to put in the box files. Yeah. And I found these. Wow. These are my diaries. Whoa. From 1989 and 1990. Whose? Mine. All right. So how old, I was three and four then? I don't know, I was 16, something like that. I was three and four. Okay, don't know, I was 16, something like that. I was three and four.

Okay, well 73 I was born in. So what would that be to 89? 16. Yeah, 15, 16, something like that. Yeah. Okay, and how old were you? Three. Three. Let's have a look, what would have happened on your birthday?

March 10th. I mean, look at all these things that I've done. Yeah, wow. Right. Oh, you've written it every day as well. Mate, your birthday, March 10th, was Comet Relief Day. It's quite regularly Comet Relief Day, actually. How about this? This is what I wrote in this one, in 1989.

Comet Relief Day! Comrel was V good tonight. Look at you using text language way ahead of your time. The Young Ones was on at 1.30. Ashley rang at about 9 o'clock to tell me to watch Roseanne, so I taped it. She rang again at midnight to tell me goodnight. It was really nice of her to be the last person I spoke to tonight. Yeah, a bit of a thing for her.

Yeah, but I'll tell you what the next day was as well. Ashley came down at three o'clock and we went for a walk. We walked hand in hand down the back path and down Gypsy Wood. Saw Jimmy on the CB. We just walked and talked about anything. Yesterday, at school, a load of them got pissed and they all got found out. Flickr had to go to hospitals where we stomach pumped. And Kraken, Sass, Banga Banger etc all looked like getting suspended.

There you go. That should really have been on the March 10th. But as you can hear, it was Comet Relief Day. You've got to get your priorities right, haven't you? I'm so sad that Kraken, Sass and Banger etc might have been suspended. Well, I'm going to tell you now, because this was in the past. Right.

Did you get suspended? Right, okay. They did get suspended. Do you know what happened? What? They were the backbone of our rugby league team. Right. Along with myself.

Yeah. But I was never a naughty boy like that. Because they got found out. They all got suspended. We were in the semi-finals at St Helens Cup. Yeah. Didn't get through. Fucking that Sass.

Par battered us, mate. Par beat us because we had a scratch team out. Jesus. I hope Ashley wasn't there watching. She was watching us mate. Par beat us because we had a scratch team out. Jesus. I hope Ashley wasn't there watching. She was watching actually. I mean we got

mutilated in that game. Mind if I ever flip through and find a random one? I do mind yeah. I would quite like to read one out myself. What I thought we

could do is we could see how I developed the following year because the following year my diary was far more elaborate. Right okay. I wrote it properly.

So March the 10th here's what happened a year later right after the cracking sass and banger debacle back and crack wax

and a walking down gypsy wood hand in hand with a woman right if this starts comic relief day right it's not right Saints got

and I've genuinely not read these yeah okay so I might even edit as I go along Saints got beat by Wigan in the last minute of the semi-final

Saints had played really well and I honestly thought it was going to be a draw but it was not to be Sucky rang this morning to say

he couldn't come out tonight because they were going to visit his gran in hospital what's Jaws and now I'm in bed reading

Rain Man I am mightily pissed off at the moment so there's that you've honestly not changed that much. Wait, March the 11th, the next day, finish Rain Man.

It started just. Obviously, watched the film and got the book. Overed my mum's car, and that's it, basically. Watched Over the Edge on TV tonight. That is a diary entry. One day, this is going to be printed. Do you think it would be? This is like Lemmy's autobiography.

It's so mental. I wouldn't like it. Do you want to give me a date at random and I will see what I was doing? Alright. January 5th, 1989. 1989, January 5th. January 5th. Back to school.

Hooray. Everyone is different now. Steph has changed a lot to me. I feel in many different ways about her. Feelings of sorrow, envy. And I also feel

very threatened by her and sometimes feel unsteady when I'm around her. As for Anita, she can play on the motorway for a while.

Yeah. Is that the end of it? Wow. That's the last of my? Is that the end of it? Wow. That's the end. I lost my virginity there. Oh, really? Yeah.

January 5th, 1990. Mum threw one of her wobblers this morning because these pants were too baggy. Anyway, I rang Steph up and told her that we'd have to call it off for today. I went to town with my mum when she calmed down, and I got a new suit. I also went to Carmill with my grandad for some shoes. Played Monopoly with Gareth tonight.

Absolutely thrashed him. So there you go, that's J. Ruth 5th. That's brilliant, mate. I don't know what the wedding was. Right, J. Ruth 6th. The wedding was alright today. Laura looked lovely my dad got pissed at the reception

he showed me up completely Steph rang at 8.10 tonight and my mum told me to ask her to come down mum went and picked her up then my mum, dad and grandad went to the night reception Steph and I didn't get much work done we just ended up watching Kevin Turvey

in the front. Brilliant, isn't it? Yeah, the life you've led. Well, more diaries. Just for my teenage diaries. Maybe another day. Time for a letter. Oh.

Another letter. Complaint letter. Yeah. What we do every week. Yeah. Where we write to companies. Get free stuff by sending a complaint letter. And guess whose turn it is. And it's yours. Yeah. What we do every week. Yeah. Where we write to companies, get free stuff by sending a complaint letter. And guess whose turn it is? And it's yours.

Yeah, it's Monsieur Picard. Like a one-off Star Trek. Picard, you mean. I'm having real trouble with people's names today. Yeah. I can't get Blue. I can't get the bloke who went out with Jordan. No. And I can't get the ball one-off Star Trek. But hopefully this letter will be

accurate. And is it, Can I just check first how... Oh. No. Can't you read it? No. How... Why do you have to check it all the time? How offensive is it?

What do you mean? Well, none of them are offensive to me. Yeah. But you're literally offended by nothing. Offense is obviously judged by who's offended by it. Yeah. Everyone apart from you. Yeah, but I'm not going to get offended.

Well, all right. Then everything I say is offensive to everyone but me. No. This is just written in my style. This is written how I would, if I was in charge

of, say, kids' books, and I'd write a kids' story, then this is how I'd write it. Yeah. I mean, I'm surprised that Hitler or Enoch Powell never used that excuse.

No, it's just written in my style. Well, I might have been racist. They're both two famous racists. I've not been racist No, but I'm? I might have been racist. They're both too famous racists. I've not been racist at all. No, but I'm saying they're offensive,

so they can never go, no, it is just a gun. No, but don't. That was good. But the francie is. No, don't equate me to racist. All right, I won't. And my letters haven't been racist.

Yeah, that's the only thing they haven't been. All right. Well, look, I'm going to give you my letter now. Give you your racist letter now. No, it's not offensive, actually, but I did write it when I was tired. I will say that much. That is a bad excuse. And again, it's something that I want.

I'm sorry for the final solution. I was a little bit tired. What are you doing? I woke up in the night and I had a flood. And I said, Ava, wake up. I've had an idea. This is so embarrassing. And I got a bit giddy.

I got a bit giddy. And I wrote out a whole thing. Mein Kampf. I wrote out Mein Kampf. But I'm sorry. I was a little bit tired. And now I've woken up. I've realised it.

You went quiet for a bit while you worked out the accent. It still happened. And now you've got it going with a little impression. Well, there go if anyone maybe at radio 4 is making a documentary or a dramatization of the final weeks of Hitler's life then Ed Gamble will be up for playing Hitler right here we go with my letter dear Star Wars figures and memorabilia hello and do a force with you like it says in the films allow Allow me to introduce myself. I am a woman who has had a baby, and like most women who have had a baby,

I bang on about it all the time as if I've done something worthwhile in my life when all I've actually done is answered a problem. What I want to write to you about is a little bit delicate, as not only is my son Fraser terminally ill at seven years of age, but I have now also started to worry that he is mentally backward. How I found this out was sort of your fault. My husband is a policeman in the village. I got home from my job at Baker's the other night to find nobody in the living room.

I called out for Fraser, my son, but could just hear grunting and panting from upstairs. I went up the stairs and opened Fraser's bedroom door. And I am not exaggerating when I say that what I then saw was there with me for all eternity.

Fraser had got all his Star Wars toys out what he has been collecting. But he wasn't doing a war with them like a normal children. Instead, he had somehow managed to climb inside a toy AT-AT walker, which he had done by stripping naked and dislocating both his arms and sawing off one of his legs.

This would be bad for any child. But in the process, he had also pulled out his chemotherapy drip. So there was blood and chemotherapy everywhere. Brackets, new carpets. On further inspection, he also had a C-3PO figure up his bum and was chewing a jowl.

When my husband got home, we looked at the boxes from your toys and nowhere does it say that any of these actions aren't permitted. This is against the law. Don't forget, he is a policeman. Send me everything you sell for

free right now or he is coming around with handcuffs and a gun. I sincerely miss this Fraser. That's sincerely Mrs Fraser. Oh no, Madam Fraser I called her this week to give her a bit of gravitas. Yeah,

I kind of think that soon Fraser's just going to be a complete wreck, isn't he? Well, bear in mind though from now

onwards, because continuity is very important, from now onwards he can only have one leg. Right. Because he has

sawed one of his legs off. Okay. So bear that in mind when you do your letter next week. Right, I will do. So these things are important. He's behind on his chemo. Yeah. Right. Because he has sewed one of his legs off. Okay. So bear that in mind when you do your letter next week. Right, I will do. So these things are important.

Yeah. He's behind on his chemo. Yeah. Right, he has got an action figure stuck up his bum. Yeah. And he has sewed one of his legs off. Right, okay. So remember all these things.

Okay. Right, and people say I bully him and that. I'm not bullying him. He's done that himself. He's done that himself, that's true. Just to get into an out-out walker, which is clearly too small for him. I just kind of think that the whole, like,

chemotherapy on the carpet thing might be a jot too far. Why? But if he comes out of your arm, he would go on the carpet. Yeah, I'm not sure it's that research though, is it? Maybe I should have said Capri Sun. He'd put Capri Sun all over the new carpet. Of course, because of the continuity thing.

Yeah, exactly. But I think the thing with the Capri Sun thing is it never happened. Because you interrupted that letter. Oh, that's true. Because you didn't let me finish it. So he never actually with the Capri Sun thing is it never happened. Right. Because you interrupted that letter. Oh, that's true. If you want me to, let me finish it. Yeah. So he never actually got the Capri Sun in his arm. Okay. So you're not having that.

I mean, to be honest, I think the Capri Sun's the least of his worries. Now one of his eyes has popped out and sucked back in because he's allergic at looking at nuts. He's sawed one of his legs off, he's got cancer and his dad touched the inside of his bum. That can happen though as well. Yeah. I mean, they're not that unrealistic, all these things. No, thank you, Dr Ray. If your drip falls out,

then chemotherapy can go all over the carpet. Can't it? Yeah. Now, don't finish it yet. I'm not finished. I'm not finished talking about this yet. No, I'm sorry.

It's the end of it now. No, I'm not finished talking about it. Because you have been too mean to phrase it. I'm not finished talking about the chemotherapy on the carpet, right? No, finish. No. Stop it. Stop doing the chemotherapy will be on the carpet, right? No, finish. No.

Stop it. Stop doing the... Let the section finish. No, I don't want that because I want to talk a bit more about Fraser. No. I want to talk about it

a bit more because I'm also thinking... People don't want to hear about it. I think we should give him a mess next week. No, we shouldn't. Right, section finish, section finish. No, but I fucking...

No. No, but listen, it's for raising awareness. It's not skitting it. It's for raising awareness and raising some money for MS and diabetes. But don't you think, no, diabetes now as well. He's diabetic, he's got osteoporosis and he's also got cancer. No, he's not having anything else. He's going to have a nice trip away.

He's going to go up in a glider like the boy's skin fell off. You know what that means? Ding dong, who's there? The council. Don't worry, it isn't the council. The council of pranks. Yeah, the council of pranks, which is what this section is now called. This is our prank call section.

This week, Ed made a prank call. Yeah, I did. And who was it to? It was to Jenny Armstrong. Yeah, to our friend Jenny, who's a writer, a sometime performer. Yeah. She writes stuff for television and all that sort of thing. Yeah. And we thought, well, she'll have a good sense of humour about it. Yeah. Now, we should tell you, before we made this call, we made one aborted effort. Yeah. There was one time where

we rang and it wasn't recording properly, so we just hung up on it. Yeah. So that is why, when this prank call starts, she is already going, look, what is going on? Yeah, she doesn't know. Yeah, she doesn't know what's going on, right? But listen to it now. This is a brilliant scenario this week. So here's this week's one to Jenny. Hello? What are you doing?

Hello. It's the council. Right, okay. What have I done? You've towed your car away. You've towed your car away. Oh, God. And we put it in the bin.

Oh, God. Because the thing is that I didn't have a car. Have you heard of Phone Jacker? Have you heard of Phone Jacker, though? Yeah. Well, you've been punked. We've just punked you right off. Hang on, hang on.

Hang on before she realises. See, that's the best way to do a prank call. Yeah. Everyone's laughing at the end. Yeah. Everyone's relieved. Yeah. After she was literally terrified.

Yeah, she was. Because the counsellor put a car in a bin. Yeah, that laugh at the end she'd done there, right? Yeah, that was... It was basically like her going, Phew! That was sheer relief. Yeah. that laugh at the end she'd done there, right? Yeah, that was... It was basically like her going, phew! That was sheer relief. Yeah.

And that is the best thing about prank calls, is you do, you have the horrible bit of it. Yeah. You know, the bit where she, I mean, she was practically crying. Yeah, she was. Which isn't entertaining, but luckily we all knew at the end that it was just a joke. Yeah.

And she took it in her stride. And don't you worry, because there'll be another call from the Council of Pranks next week. The Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom the peacock and gamble podcast is a big and dull production hosted by chortle.co.uk if you spotted the live mistake in this week's show tell us on our facebook page and you might win a prize see you next week And wasn't that podcast just the story of Lee Ryan's life?

Lee Ryan, that was it. Never gets mentioned. Never gets mentioned, poor little lad.