The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 13

Episode Date: April 21, 2019

"Episode 13" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 13 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Woo! Hello, sugar tits. How are you doing? Hello, I'm fine, thank you. Why are you calling me sugar tits today? Because you're Ed's sugar tits Gamble.

Yeah, all right then. Ray Caramel Testicles Peacock. Oh, I like that one. Thank you very much. How nice to be here. Yeah, all right then. Ray, caramel testicles peacock. I like that one. Thank you very much. How nice to be here. Yeah, it is, isn't it? Yeah, but it is a shame at the same time. Why is it a shame?

Because it's the last one. What? Yeah, it's the last one of the series. Right, shush. No, it's not. No, no, shush. Right, because now people have panicked and they've gone to text their friends.

Right. They've gone, oh my God, here's the last one. And they've gone texting their friends going, here's the last one. So they gone texting their friends going who's the last one so they're not hearing this bit right so we keep going back

to it yeah terribly sad that it is the last one of the series oh dear what a shame but we've had a nice time haven't we

but I think what number is this 13 I think that is a nice number to end on but it's not don't worry because it is going to

be back next week but we're just doing it to worry that person who's doing the texting because it is our last one yep it is of course for a Yeah, it is, of course. For a bit. You're going to Edinburgh,

even though you're coming home from Edinburgh now. It's weird, isn't it? Isn't it bizarre? It's like something out of a film. Yeah, it's like that one with the doors on the tube. It is, though, isn't it? What, Joey out of Bread Directed? It is, it's like that film when they go on the tube

but then they don't but they do it at the same time with Apple's mum and read the poem by the coffin they're all in it they're not

all the read the poem by the coffin of the man who died out of waiting for God he is in it

and all in it yeah he is and Apple's mum off the cold play that is right isn't it yeah that's he is, yeah. And Apple's mum off to Coldplay. That is right, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. So, see, if you can work out what that film is, remember we said we could do our regular section

of doing films in under three minutes. That's one of them that we've just done there for you. The one that is on the tube and you go through the door with the man off, the dead man off, waiting for Godot and Apple's mum. So, see if you can get that one. That's probably alienated far too many people to include in

an intro, but I'm keeping it in anyway. Yeah, no, I like it. Yeah, I think it's the best intro I've ever done. I've got to go now and encase it in gold. It was sliding doors. Oh, don't ruin it! Oh, I thought... So, if you got that right, well done. Yeah, well done if you got that competition right. I'm sorry that we've told you before you've managed to finish your email.

Hey, in Sliding Doors, I always... You know, the thing is, like, in one of the bits, she gets on the tube. Yeah. And then in another sort of scenario, she doesn't get on the tube. In an alternate life. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted there to be another one where she got her head stuck in the doors.

They could call that one Ed on the Tube. Yeah. As in Ed Gamble on the Tube, not in the head. Anyway, stop ruining the atmosphere. Sorry. It's meant to be today because we are splitting up. Yeah, we are splitting up forever. We're splitting up today.

Me and you won't be recording this for another five weeks or so. I know, it's ages. Even though for the real people, it'll just carry on next week. Yeah, they'll never be in next week. And you'll never know. You'll never guess with it. But yeah, that's a forewarning that if next week's show is a bit touch and go, it's because we've not done it for ages.

I mean, it's hard to be in the podcast that gets all the girls. Get all the girls, we get all the girls. I love that song. Yeah, I know, you really like it, don't you? Our podcast gets the girls, we get all the girls we get all the girls I love that song yeah I know you really like it don't you

our podcast gets the girls we get all the girls our podcast brings all the boys to the girls to the yard yeah it does doesn't it

and they're like I like your podcast and I'm like thanks send me some chocolate that's the yeah nice one

nice one hey we have, I've had some more free stuff. We should tell people about it. We've got a magazine. Yeah. Little Jack Metcalf, he sent us a,

he drew his own magazine. Done a comic, didn't he, for us? Well, he said he found it, but he quite, Jack, we're not stupid. You've quite clearly drawn that yourself. But it's really nice. It was called,

I've got it here. It's called the Comedy Press. Oh. £4.50. The headline is, Peacock's Gamble Pays Off. Yeah, I've had that headline before me anyway. Similar to that, haven't you?

When you won that competition that time. Yeah. When I fixed it for you to win that competition. To win that competition. So yeah, really nice review. Safe to say much of their trademark humour is present, creating a unique insight into not only their lives, but our own veteran peacock and baby faced mother's favourite gamble set an impressive

tone to this podcast and I'm expecting great things to come this falls nowhere near the bottom of my comedyometer and will avoid the fate of Jim Davidson

scoring an 8 out of 10 right right so Jack you've made your own fucking magazine to send to us but you've still

you've only given us 8 out of 10 and so we've avoided how much did Jim Davidson get 7 yeah fucking hell cheers Jack thanks a lot thanks for calling me a mother's favourite You've only given us eight out of ten. And so we've avoided, how much did Jim Davidson get? Seven. Yeah, fucking hell. Yeah, cheers, Jack.

Thanks a lot. Thanks for calling me a mother's favourite. It's been a long time coming. Yeah, thanks for calling me a peacock. We also, on our Facebook page,

a gentleman made some little models of us. Yeah, that was amazing because only that day we were talking about wouldn't it be great if we were famous enough to have figures made of ourselves.

Well, no, we weren't. That wasn't actually the discussion we were having. The discussion we were having was you were famous enough to have figures made of ourselves well no we weren't that wasn't actually the discussion we were having the discussion we were having was you were deciding that with the telly thing we're writing we will have action figures

and that you want 50% of the money yeah I want 50% of the money because I'm half the team yeah but you can't have 50% of it why? because they'll cost money

to make yeah that's fine and then profit wise I'll have 50% of it so out of our cut you want 50% out of well I understand out of our cut, you want 50%? Out of all of the profits, I want 50%. Well, there's also, we had an argument as well, because I want to write a novelisation of the actual script that we've written.

Yeah, I'll help you with it, I've told you. No, I don't want you to help me with it. No, but I will help you with it. Yeah, but I don't want you to. I want to write it myself as a novel. Right, sounds boring. That's fine, but I will get 50% of that. You'll get 50%? Because you'll get a credit saying, you know, you came up with part of the original story.

Yeah, but I should get 50% because you don't want me to help. I'm here to help. No, I'm not buying you out. I am offering my help. And you can't go, no, I don't want your help. And you're not allowed any money. I'm not buying you out of my own novel. Right, well, I'm going to release a novel I have written.

What's that? It is about... It is about four pages. We also got sent some koala bears. Yeah, and they were dead by the time they arrived. By, how do you say this name? Gem...

Gemma... Gemma... Oh, Gemma, right, I see, yeah. Gemma Joy Villegas Dawson. I hope I've said that right. And she sent us a couple of bags of koala bears. Like chocolate ones. Yeah, because in Australia, right, rather than Freddo's, they have koalas.

Koalas, yeah. They're called Caramello koalas. Yeah. That is what Freddo is in Australia, right? Yeah. And she sent us loads of them, right? I mean, they came through. They were in a dreadful condition.

I don't know, man. Have you been in the second bag yet? No, are they all right? They were all right then once. Are they? Okay. First bag. First bag was battered. Bit bashed No, are they alright? They were alright then once. Are they okay? First bag. First bag was battered.

Bit bashed about. Yeah, all the caramel had come out. I mean, it was like, it was a koala massacre. Yeah. It was horrific. It was ever so upsetting. It's terribly upsetting to see all them koalas with all their innards all over the place. But the thing is though, and thank you Jemima. Jemima. Oh, Jemima, sorry.ima. Jemima. Oh, Jemima, sorry. Thank you, Jemima, for sending those.

That's really appreciated. I love your little smile on your Facebook picture. But the thing is, you said that you have them instead of Freddos. Yeah. But on the back of those packets, it said you could also get Freddos in Australia. So they do have Freddos in Australia. Yeah, so they are liars about frogs. Yeah, exactly. So they are saying that frogs exist.

Yeah, Australian idiots saying that frogs exist. And that's not racist, that. That's just attributing one thing to an entire race. That's all I'm doing. I'm not being racist. I'm just attributing one negative aspect to an entire race. Yeah, no, that's fine. You're not being racist. I'm not being a racist. You've just taken a race and stereotyped them.

Yeah, but I'm not being racist. You can't say that's racist if you say that all Australians are idiots for believing in frogs. And they are drunk. Yeah, and they are drunk and barman. And cork on your

hat. Yeah, and dude swimming in the sea and surfing and playing footy, by which you mean rugby league. So that is good,

isn't it? Yeah, it's not racist There's a bit of zinging on Australians there. See, we were talking about Rich Penfold making his little

figures yeah as well so they're brilliant I would advise you to go and get them and download they're quite easy

to make yeah I've done it yeah I've got them on my desk but I'd like people to make them and then take a picture

of them in unusual places by which I mean ladies pose naked with them in an ideal world yeah yeah that's what you want

it's for ladies right yeah get all your clothes off right and pose naked with little fingers on me and Ed please do that

thank you but thanks to all the people who sent so please keep sending stuff in as well because I want an harmonica right competition time. It's not.

What? Yeah, I've got one. Yeah, well, we need to talk about people sending in competition ideas. Yeah, no competition this week. Yeah, well, no, because no one's sent any ideas in yet, have they? We don't know. Well, as we are now, no one's sent any ideas in. It gives me a nosebleed, this podcast.

It really does. Sometimes when I get a bit of quiet time and just sit on the toilet, I think about this podcast and I think about the timeline of this podcast and it just gives me a proper nosebleed. It really upsets me.

Well, we're going to be up, for us, in September, we're going to be up today. I think, if I think about it for long enough, I would start crying. Yeah. Well, what I'm saying is now,

as we are in now, me and you in the present, right? Now I know how Doctor Who must feel. Or Marty McFly. Yeah, yeah. All these time-travelling people. And now I understand how you feel, because I tell you what,

I laughed off Back to the Future when I was younger. I laughed it off, but I tell you what. Do you think if we listen to this podcast when it comes out, that the universe will implode? I don't even like to think about it. I don't know, I'm actually getting a bit of an headache.

I know it upsets me as well. I mean, do send in some more competition entries. Because we will look at all of them. To come in for

competition. Because we will be able to next week say what they are. Yeah, we will, yeah. Because as of next week, we do catch up. Do we or not?

Yeah, no, we do. In next week's show, we will have recorded it a few days before. Yeah, that's right, yeah. We're back on track then.

We're back online. Yeah. But at the moment, I don't even want to talk about it a few days before. Yeah, that's right, yeah. We're back on track then. We're back online. Yeah. But at the moment, I don't even want to talk about it. I don't. I mean, it's not great. Keep sending them in. Keep sending them in. It's not great for a podcast, but I don't want to talk about it.

Tell you what, I saw something really funny this week. What? On the internet. Because me and you are sometimes one, not very often, but we're sometimes one to go and have a little look on forums and stuff to see what people have been saying about us. Like, Polkapedia's one that certainly speak about us quite a lot and the other one that I'm about to speak about.

And we try not to do it too often because you get a bit distracted by it. And also, you just get really upset when somebody says something even slightly disparaging. Like, I got proper upset. I mean, you've been one to go off into a stormy mood for days. I mean, I have to stop myself from registering and just calling people cunts on it. And getting really angry. Just going, well, fuck you.

You can't criticise something you get for free. Fuck off. Okay. I get proper upset about that. So, I mean, obviously that's just made more people go, right, no, I'm going to go on and criticise it. And upset Ray Peacock. We got one on iTunes. We got our first bad review on iTunes. So, I mean, obviously that just made more people go, right, no, I'm going to go on and criticise it and upset Ray Peacock. We got one on iTunes. We got our first bad review on iTunes.

Yeah, we did, yeah. Sent me into a proper fucking steaming... That was so hard. And also, right, I was so pissed off with what he wrote because he was trying to be funny. Yeah. He was saying that we weren't funny and then displayed that he wasn't funny.

Yeah. And he said that he was listening to it and he went into a coma from which I never awoke right so that's technically impossible yeah because he was writing it yeah because you're writing it

so don't tell lies and he also said he tried to listen to it twice what sort of person listens to it and goes right I don't like that I'm gonna

I really hated that but I'll give it another chance I'm gonna listen to it again basically mate whoever you are you hate yourself you've punished us so I'm glad I'm glad yourself. You've punished us, so I'm glad. I'm glad we've sent you into a coma.

And I'm glad that you're never coming out of it. I know you've got a really big family and it upsets all of them. You fucking tool. Anyway, thanks for your comments. But I went on this destructoid forum. Yeah. Right? I didn't know it was a forum until you explained it to me. Because we got sent a destructoid sticker. A sticker, yeah, yeah.

By, uh, ooh, what was the guy's name? Gavin Almond. Gavin Almond, right. So I went on to the Destructoid forum. Now, they were ever so excited. Were they? Yeah, because you had said them. And the name of the heading of the actual forum entry was,

Ed Gamble said Destructoid. Which I fucking love. Yeah, that's nice. I love anything that puts you into a little bracket of celebrity. No matter how small, I like it. Anything that puts you. Because I can remember plucking you from obscurity. Yeah.

I like anything, basically. Look at me now. Look at you now. You're a big star. You're going up Edinburgh Fringe. I sorted that out for you. We are management. That I sorted out for you.

I'm living my life through you. Yeah. You just stay in. in yeah I just stay in and I send you out to do all the things that I would like to do and then text me and ask me how it's going

yeah and then if it goes too well get upset about it yeah get angry that Eddie's doing well I don't like that I hate it but I particularly like

that they were so excited about it I mean they did say one of them did say on it that they didn't want to come across as I think it was snivelling fanboys yeah now do you know what don't worry if you do it across as, I think it was snivelling fanboys. Yeah.

Do you know what? Don't worry if you do. It's fine. I like that. Be snivelling fanboys, man. We'll quite enjoy that. Because we are done with other things. We are done with other stuff. We did that with other stuff

so you can do it with us. And then, you know, it's like Circa Life, isn't it, from The Lion King. I can't really work out why or how. Which one are you off it? You are Simba when he has a baby and I'm the monkey doctor.

I would be the lady lion. The one that you watch and go, I can't believe I'm considering fucking a lion. I mean, people never say that, do they? About the Lion King. People never say, never admit to that, do they? But when you watch the Lion King, right? One, it's a kid's film.

And two, you do look at that woman lion and go, do you know what? I'll tell you what, I don't they? But when you watch The Lion King, right, one, it's a kid's film, and two, you do look at that woman lion and go, do you know what? I'll tell you what, I don't know why, but I am now, I'm considering some bestiality. I would fuck that woman lion. Isn't that weird? The thrill really would be in the chase with a lion, though, wouldn't it?

It'd be the moment where they stop allowing you to chase them and they turn around and start chasing you and then you have it off and just try and imagine that will you doing it with a lion how would you do it would you let them

get on top or would you pull the tail up I honestly think that you wouldn't have a choice I think you'd have to let a lion get on top you can go

put your tail up there little lion unless it was a lion cub but don't do that because that is paedophilia imagine that paedophilic bestiality

yeah imagine I bet someone's into that I bet if someone has got I love to fuck an animal but only the youngins I bet they've got their

sexual desire so fucking warped in their head they've probably done too many things in their life and they're having to narrow it down

bit by bit by bit I've done all this I've done hitting people the only time I can get then I'm going to narrow it down bit by bit by bit. I've done all this. I've done hitting people. The only time I can get an erection now is if I see a four-year-old toucan. But I've got to fuck it through the cage. I can't get it out of the cage. It's got to be through the cage as well.

And then I've got to have my balls hanging in sawdust. And it's got to be eating Trill. But at the same time, but a very specific brand of Trill. The green one you get in Morrison's. That's the only one that I can, otherwise I can't even get it up. It's got to be in a toucan, four years old,

eating Trill through the cage. Anyway, the point of the matter was, the point I was making is, is I like you being a little celebrity. Right, okay. I like it because I've seen you get recognised in places as well. Yeah. Normally when we've done live shows and stuff where people have known you before and have come to see you.

But I like it because of how you react to it. Right. Well, we'll come to how you react in a minute. I'm brilliant with it. No. What about Forbidden Planet? Shall I tell you the story now? No, no.

No, all right, we will tell it now, then. All right, no, listen, though, but Ed, right? Ed just looks utterly baffled. If you ever see Ed, always ask him for his autograph. And always make, try and get your photos up of him. That could be a little competition that we're running. But if you ever go to a gig and Ed's on there, right, get your photos up with him.

Yeah. Because I like just seeing his little rabbit in the headlights look where he can't understand why anyone would even want to talk to him let alone get his autograph so do it but that is nice though

it is nice it's endearing isn't it it's better than what you're like I'm not right I'm telling a story it happened one time yeah it was brilliant though

we went to Forbidden Planet right comic book shop in London right where we always go and you as you always do when we always go you walk round pointing at all the Doctor Who stuff and very

loudly saying, I was in that. Yeah, I was in Doctor Who. Trying to get recognised. Do you know what I think it is, deep down? I think it's fear of being recognised. Okay, you know what I think it is? What? A massive ego. Right. No, I do, I think it's, I've thought about this. I think it's genuinely I've thought about this. It's genuinely a fear of being recognised and the embarrassment I'd feel from that. So I'm trying to counteract that by pre-empting it. Yeah, see, I've often thought that. Yeah.

But I think there's also quite a large element of you quite like being a prat in public. Yeah, I do like that, yeah. And we went around the Doctor Who stuff. Yeah. No one recognised you. No, it very rarely happens. We went down to the bottom floor.

I think we were just walking past, like, the tapes. The tapes of Doctor Who. Like, the audio tapes. Yeah. And you were going, I'm in that, which you're not. I'm not. And a girl came up to you and went, are you Ray Peacock? And you'd been acting like a bit of a bumbling idiot before, like, being very silly about being in Doctor Who.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as soon as she approached you you turned on her I didn't and went and went sometimes honestly

I can't apologise enough I can see you looking embarrassed now about it I was embarrassed then though yeah even as the words came out of my mouth I was embarrassed

and she was a bit nervous yes she was and I said are you Ray Peacock because you go yeah I'm in Doctor Who are you Ray Peacock sometimes

yeah I looked utterly approachable I looked utterly approachable. I looked really approachable and really happy in that. Oh, these are nice books. I'll go and speak to him. Yeah. And then utterly changed my... Turned on her.

Completely changed. And it wasn't even from Doctor Who that she recognised you. It was from the podcast. It was from the podcast. Yeah, and that was weird because then I said, oh, there's Ed. And she looked at you like, I'd just gone, there's me backward brother. She did look round give a little sort of

supportive smile yeah and then turn back to you she didn't have a clue you were I don't she clearly didn't listen to her but then how did she know who I was you're probably walking around

on another floor shouting about the podcast I'm in a podcast it's not in here right but I am on it and here is the webber dress oh no I did feel bad

but I was nice to her after the initial sort of once she once she was crying, you certainly comforted her. Whoever you are, love, on the off chance... That's all I love now, yeah. I sincerely apologise.

I wasn't... Do you think she's now still listening to it? I don't know. I wasn't being rude in my head. In my head, I wasn't being rude, but I did realise where I went sometimes.

A UAP got sometimes. I did realise how abrasive it sounded and I tried to amend it straight away. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I am sorry, because I didn't realise how abrasive it sounded. Yeah. And I tried to amend it straight away. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I am sorry because I'm not.

It's so unlike me. I'm a really polite lad. Yes, so I'm sorry about that. And if you ever meet me on Forbidden Planet again, I promise I will give you a big kiss and finger you. Oh, God. What? What have I done now?

God, do you know what? You judge me however I treat people. Right, time for everyone's favourite section. Well, mine anyway. Complaint letters, when I do them. Well, it's everyone's favourite section every other week. Yep, you're right. And this is one of the weeks. No, when I do them, it is everyone's favourite section every other week Yep you're right and this is one of the weeks

No when I do them it is everyone's favourite one When you do it they fast forward it No when it is your turn everyone goes Oh I'm going to be sick in a bucket it's made me so upset We don't get as many downloads On the weeks you do it we don't get as many downloads Well that is not true That is true

We get more downloads when I do it Mate I've got facts and figures Oh yeah what are they? Yeah here they are. I'll just print them out from the computer. Yeah. Right. Right. Why does your computer sound like a budgie stuck in a jar?

Shush. They're just coming through now. Alright. Downloads for when Ray is doing it. Fourteen. Downloads for when Eddie's doing it. Nine. Even when you invent some numbers, they're depressing. Yeah, of course. Right, well, it's time for Do My Letter now.

Nice, fun letter, although, like I say, your little horrible things have got in my brain and every week now, Fraser will have something bad happen to him. Well, I hope you've remembered that he's lost a leg. You don't just grow back a leg. I hope you've remembered he has sawn his leg off like in... What's that film? Saw. That's a good one. Yeah, it's a joke. Well, no, I haven't even remember. I sawed his leg off like in... What's that film? Saw.

That's a good one. Yeah, that's a joke. Well, no, I haven't remembered that. Well, you've got to put it in. Otherwise, the continuities are wrong. Right, okay. Come on, let's hear what's going on with old sickly peg-leg Fraser.

Right. Dear Walker's Crisps. Oh, sorry. The writing went a bit wobbly then. I tripped over Fraser's leg that he leaves lying around. Right, have you just... Let me see this. Sorry? Have you actually written that? No. No. All right, I tripped over Fraser's leg that he leaves lying around. Right, let me see this. Sorry?

Have you actually written that? No? No. Alright, well, I'll accept that into it. There you go, that's into it now. Firstly, I want to say how disgusted I am that you're still using Gary Lineker in your adverts to think that the Cambodian authorities just let you go into prison and film is sick.

Although I can see your dilemma as he is a very good actor, especially as Commissioner Gordon. How many Gary's are you going to do? That is it. You've got Gary Glitter so far and Gary Finger. Gary Oldman, yeah. No, that is enough of the Gary's now.

Anyway, enough of that shit. I am writing to complain about your new flavour, Builder's Breakfast. To start with, I think you should call it by its full name. Builder's Breakfast after the builder has had it and then he makes you kiss him in a sewer and that is the taste of the crisps in the bag in your hand. They are horrible. Yeah.

I don't know how it won that competition. When you open the bag it smells like someone's left an egg in a well. The main complaint I have, however, relates to a tragic series of events triggered by your fucking crisps. This is something I brought in from you. I like it.

She just swears. I like that. I like it. I like it. You see, I have a son called Fraser, brackets, no, I hate him actually,

and he loves us like we are his real mum and dad, brackets, we are, but we're not telling him that. He is always trying to make us happy, especially his dad,

because he has hidden all of Fraser's toys and won't give them back until Fraser does one nice thing for him a day for a year. Fraser's dad is a builder. Brackets, yes,

as well as a policeman. I should hope so as well. Like Uncle Monty in Pie in the Sky, but a builder instead of the chef bit. That is a really, really niche reference.

No, no, it's Richard Griffiths. Yeah. The other morning, Fraser decided to do a nice thing as making him a breakfast, then spotted the crisps on the side and duly presented Daddy family with a single crisp in a bowl. Fraser's father went mental and got the crisp and crushed it all over Fraser's head and then left and we haven't seen him since. Fraser keeps saying, is it my fault daddy left mummy? And I say, no Fraser, it's not your fault

you can't cook, it's just that you couldn't be bothered to learn. After the incident, I tried to involve the NSPCC but they said, that's not the way we recruit actors for the adverts. And that Fraser with crisp all over his head would look too funny. So essentially my point is, we send loads of different flavours

so we can test which ones make him look abused enough to get on telly. That's good. Mrs Fraser, P.S. Fuck kettle chips. That's nice. Yeah, that's a done deal. That's good. I mean, the risk you're running there... What?

...is I imagine that walkers do have a surplus of their flavours, of them ones that they do the competition for. Like fish and chips. Yeah, and you might end up getting shitloads of them ones that they do like fish and chips yeah and you might end up getting shit loads of them i don't want that i know because they were vile right we're not sending it i didn't like them at all we're not sending it i mean i think everybody that bought those i think here's what i think happened i think everyone that bought those new flavors yeah bought them at a motorway service station right late at night yeah and went i'll just try it oh i fancy a try of it yeah it was

like chocolate and chili we'll have a go at that yeah about three of them and then tipped them out the window yeah that's what i reckon everybody went through yeah or at the very least went oh that tastes that it doesn't does it that's horrible does it that's horrible the builder's breakfast oh that is a builder's it's horrible i don't like that i don't like it i don't like it when you get like three of them down yeah. Yeah. Oh, fish and chip. That does taste like fish and chip. No, it tastes like thrush. It tastes like thrush.

Do you know what I mean? It is. They were vile. What were the flavours that they done? I think it was chilli and chocolate. Yeah. There was a squirrel one. There was breakfast.

Yeah, like Cajun squirrel. Yeah. Onion bhaji maybe? Maybe. Yeah. I maintain that I would have won. Yeah. Because I thought of sushi. Sushi would have been good.

But I didn't enter it. No. I didn't enter it because I didn't want to. I think I'm sure I read one of the I thought of sushi. Sushi would have been good. But I didn't enter it. No. I didn't enter it because I didn't want to... I think I'm sure I read one of the back of the packets and it said, oh yeah, you have to be involved in all the promotion and the publicity for it and all that sort of business.

No thanks. Not a cat in hell's chance. No. Cat flavour. How would that work? Get a cat, put it on a chip, eat it. Yeah, you should have entered that and all.

I'd have entered with sushi and you'd have entered with cat on a chip. Maybe Walkers will run that competition again next year. Yeah, fingers crossed. And you'd be able to enter with... Fingers! Finger flavours. Yeah. You can't just say the first one...

Oh, but then, no, you're right, there would be a problem. If you had finger flavour, you might just keep eating and eat your finger. Yeah, that's true. What about wall flavour? Yeah, that's a goal. Come on flavour? Yeah, that's a good one. Come on, stop beating me. Floor. Wood.

Wood. Sofa. Spicy wood. Chocolate computer. Yeah, that's a good one. Sad bark. Child's leg. I know where we could have got one of them.

Yeah, good point. Rain. Rain would be a brilliant grist flavour. Why did we not enter this? I don't know, we could have won it loads. It would have been amazing if we could have entered it under all different names. Yeah. And imagine if all our flavours got through.

That would be brilliant, mate. And then they say, all come down for the promotion, and it's just us. Yeah. Yeah, I'd love that. Got one. Yeah, what? Revels. Revels flavour.

I like revels flavour. You don't know what you're going to get, do you? You don't, do you? Every single one tastes different. Oh, coffee,

oh, it's strawberry, oh, oh, caramel, it's chimmy, isn't it? So that'd be good,

wouldn't it? Yeah. Chorizo. What's that? Chorizo, sausage. Chorizo? Chorizo.

Is that how it's pronounced? Yeah. Well, you learn something new every day. I thought it was chorizo. No, chorizo. Chorizo. Isage Chorizo Chorizo Is that how it's pronounced? Yeah Well you learn something You never know I thought it was chorizo No chorizo Chorizo Is that it?

Yeah It's not chorizo No chorizo Chorizo Chorizo It's got a Z in it Yeah but That's the Spanish

Sound In a certain Chorizo Chorizo Chorizo Say it again chorizo chorizo

I haven't done it yet no you haven't chorizo chorizo you're spitting on me chorizo chorizo am I doing it yet

nearly chorizo oh I know what it is chico yeah that's right yeah yeah that's going to be Kiko Crisp

I would bloody love them so would I I'd buy a multi-pack Council of Pranks time uh oh tell us about it Ed right okay this week's

Council of Pranks right it's brilliant I honestly don't know where we keep coming up with these ideas I don't know where you come up with it Tell us about it, Ed. Right, okay, this week's Council of Pranks, right, is brilliant. I honestly don't know where we keep coming up with these ideas, right? I don't know where you come up with it. I help it as well. Yeah, you do help a lot, mate. You can hear it in the background, you know. Right, okay, this week, right, we, well, I've done a call from my mobile, right?

Yeah. As usual, this bloody thing has turned into a bit of gold. Has it? To my friend, Chris Ramsey. Yeah, who's a comedian. Comedian, very good comedian off of The Comedy Zone. He's been in The Comedy Zone with you, hasn't he chris ramsey yeah he's a comedian comedian very good comedian off of the comedy zone he's been the comedy zone with you hasn't he yeah why you've been in edinburgh yeah and um trust me mate he doesn't know what's going on he's got a clue what's going on wait till you hear this it's all new this week we've caught some new ideas this

week yeah so here is council of pranks this week's phone call to chrissey. Have a listen to this. Hello? Hello. It's the council. Who? Hello? Hello? Mr Ramsey? Aye.

It's the council. We have received your application for a sex change. Oh, we have received your application for a sex change Oh we've received your application for a sex change What? We've received your application for a sex change Alright yeah Nice one Have you heard of phonejacker?

And you are a woman now You are a woman now Have you heard of phonejacker? This sound like being on your fucking shitty little podcast No you have been punked. You've been punked. Hang up, hang up. Hang up, hang up.

I tell you what, I reckon we could release a CD of these at some point. Mate, I would love that. We're like the bloody jerky boys or something like that.

Yeah. We should, we should at some point release a CD of all our prank calls because we are brilliant. I can't believe we never did this before.

I honestly, I can't, well, I say I can't believe how we fell for it but we are getting good. No, I think, and also the voices that we're doing. Yeah, that is true. before. I honestly, I can't, well, I say I can't believe how we fell for it, but we are getting good. No, I think, and also the voices that we're doing.

Yeah, that is true. Yeah, I mean, the proper fooling people. Yeah. I mean, maybe I think

in weeks to come, not yet, but I think in weeks to come we should take it out of our immediate group of friends. And perhaps, you know,

maybe when we ring the council. Yeah. Then that will fool them, won't it? That will confuse them. Because they will think it's just somebody from another office.

Yeah. But there you go well done Chris being a good sport sorry that we scared you sorry you were upset and brilliant little joke at the end there about it being

a shitty little podcast that was a brilliant joke I mean that shows that he was playing along with it The Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a big and dark production, hosted by Chortle.co.uk.

If you spotted a deliverant mistake in this week's show, tell us on our Facebook page, and you might win a prize. See you next week. God forgive me. What? I mean, against every rational bone in my body. Yeah.

And every rational thought in my head. Yeah. I do kind of fancy Lady Gaga. Right, okay. I don't know what it is about her. I mean, she's clearly mental. Yeah. Clearly, like, rubbish music.

Yeah. That I don't like. Yeah. Every time I see her, there's just something... I don't think I've seen enough of her yet. There's just something going on. In the way that I look at her and I think in the way she looks at me.

When does she look at you? I just think there's something going on. That's what I'm saying. Have you not seen her? I've not seen her look at you before. No, but you know who she is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like her or not?

Sort of, in a way. She is mental, though, isn't she? Fight her, bro. You want to have a fight over? Fight her if you want. All right, then. Come on, then. All right.

Ah, you win. All right, cheers. Well, where is she? Where is it? She's in my pocket alright have a go at that then do you think it's because she's mental that you fancy her

no because I don't do you know what conjures popular belief yeah I don't do that I don't go for mental girls certainly not anymore I think it's because now

I think it's because I mean look at her mate look at Lady Gaga yeah she is fierce imagine the filth she'd send you on like texts and that and phone photos what she'd send like songs and that yeah she'd send you on, like, texts and that. And phone photos.

What, she'd send, like, songs and that? Yeah, she'd send her songs down it with her face next to it. And then you can have a right good look at her face and listen to her songs. Yeah. Do you think she listens to this or not? Yeah, I bet she does. Do you reckon she listens to the podcast? Alright, Lady Gaga.

Hey, alright, Lady Gaga. Why don't you have a Gaga on this? Is that the sound you make? Yeah, do you go, Gaga, Gaga. I wouldn't like that. That would put me right off that. Stop her singing though, mate. That's a good one.

Tell you what, love. You can suck on that. Stop your singing. So put that on your... Fanny. No, because that's what we were talking about because think

about it we were talking about dogs weren't we and then I thought so I

encouraged her to kiss and suck on it and then I went yeah get that put it in your fanny

yeah how about that yeah it's great alright I might go out with her