The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 19

Episode Date: June 2, 2019

"Episode 19" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 19 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Yes. Hello, I'm Ray Peacock. Hello, I'm Ed Gamble. I'm Breaking News. Gamble, you idiot. You said your own name wrong.

Shit. Breaking News at the moment. Ed has just announced that he knows a girl off an advert. Girl with big busters on brothy some advert and Ed knows one of them because you paused it

and I came back in I was having a cigarette pathetic right pathetic having a cigarette outside pathetic and you went whoa look at these busters

and I came back in and I've met her they were in the middle of the Jeremy Kyle programme not in the middle of them well no they have an advert on it they weren't the guests

yeah I've got some of these things like cash for gold ooh send us some of these things. Yeah. Like, cash for gold. Ooh, send us some of your gold for cash. And, ooh, have you got massive busters? We'll get us some bras off this place. And you should have seen the girls in it, right?

And they all have well massive busters, right? And we are getting some bras, aren't we, after? Definitely going to get some bras if we can. In fact, can we get some free? I might write a letter to Bravissimo. And I'll go, dear Bravissimo and I'll go, Dear Bravissimo, I do a podcast which has thousands of listeners.

Please can you send us some bras and we will mention your company. P.S. Can you leave the bird in it? Can some girls get it? Yeah, I like it. Leave the girl in it.

Do I want to put it in? Is that a trick? Yeah. Because I don't even want a bra. I'm only going to throw that away anyway. And when it comes, when the girl comes in the bra wrapping paper, right, I'll just pull off all the wrapping paper

and then just kiss the girl on the mouth. You wouldn't throw the bra away. You'd have that bra on quickly marching around the room going, oh, look at me, I'm a woman. I could do a brilliant picture of a lady if I put a bra on. And if I put a bra on. And I reckon, if I put a bra on, right,

and then got me hair down all nice, I would do a brilliant picture of a lady. So how about that? You would do a good picture of a lady, you're right.

What were you going to say? You were going to say something? I was saying, all the girls who listen to this should send us their dirty knickers. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, we've not... We've not got a good record for that, really, have we? No, no one's done it, really. I mean, we asked for nearly pictures and got one. Yeah. I'm not sure we should... I think we come across wrong. Yeah.

If we say, can all the girls that listen to this podcast send us your dirty knickers? I mean, I'm not sure that I want my mum's dirty knickers. But welcome to the show. Don't send them, mum. Hey, mate, how's your knob? Oh, thank you for asking. Yeah, we need an update on your knob.

Yeah, a lot of people have been worried about it. It's not as bad as it was, I don't think. I think it's easing off a little bit. Right, okay. I mean, do you know what? To be honest with you, I think I've probably just got a bit, a little mild NSU.

Right, okay. I think that's probably what I've got. Okay, I think you've got an got a bit a little mild nsu right okay i think that's probably what i've got okay i think you've got an rsi that's quite possible as well because i do literally have a wanker day um i don't think there's anything wrong with that no i don't know why people have an issue with that i mean i thought as i've got older try and get it out of the way first thing yeah literally as soon as i wake up it's often a very half-assed more of a routine now isn't it yeah it is like, I've got a proper busy day. It's like, do a wank, go to the post office.

Yeah, I do do it like Alan Bennett. Yeah, wake up, do a wank, clean my teeth, and go to the post office. But yeah, so I don't know. I mean, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, which I couldn't go to because it was just slightly too late. I had to leave to go to Bradford University. You had to go to stupid Bradford. Stupid Bradford

University. I didn't enjoy that gig at all. Well, we didn't actually ever go to Bradford University, did we? I know. Because they moved the gig to a walkabout. Yeah, a walkabout pub in the centre of Bradford. Oh, God, that's making me shudder. It was meant to be at a theatre at the university and then we were told yesterday at about four o'clock

oh, the theatre hasn't been built yet. So they said don't worry, we're going to do it in a walkabout. I don't know why we only got told at four o'clock that they thought they might build it by seven. Yeah, and also the fact that we then... I mean, they treat us like we're thick. Some of these student promoters, they treat comics like they're fucking thick.

Like, we can't now go to the show and say, when did you know it was in here? Yeah. To the audience, and they go, a few days ago, mate. And we go, right. Well, then they've lied to us then. And we did, I asked them, I asked Mike.

Yeah. I asked the most sensible boy in the room. Yeah. And that was saying something. That he was the most sensible boy in the room. Yeah, they were some idiots. There were also three lads with dyspraxia. But all sat separate.

All sat separate, yeah. Maybe they all tried to go to the same row and just ended up spread about. That's harsh, isn't it? Yeah. I like when another boy said, oh, that other boy who got dyspraxia, he lives next door to me.

And I said, how do you know? Does he keep knocking on your door? Trying to get in your house, thinking it's your house. I find dyspraxia quite a funny disability. Right, okay. Only because I find that people with dyspraxia find it a funny disability.

Yeah. When they talk about it. Yeah. So I just joined in with that. Because it used to be called clumsy child syndrome. So quite recently, I think, until they went, we can't call, you can't call a disability that. You can't call somebody with cerebral palsy, monkey head syndrome or monkey brain syndrome. How wrong is that? But I can tell you found it quite a funny disability because I've seen you do it before with a dyspraxic in the audience.

You will test it. You can't test it. I think it's like dyslexia. Some people just say they've got it because they're lazy. Because they're shit at catching. Yeah. Dyslexic's like, they go,

oh, I can't be bothered reading a book. I am a dyslexic. Oh, I can't be bothered writing anything book. I am a dyslexic. Oh, I can't be bothered writing anything out now. I'm dyslexic. I think dyslexia started when somebody was trying to get out of doing lines

at school. But I think dyspraxia, I think the same thing. You've got to test it. Yeah. You've got to test it. So I test it. It's very mature

the way that I test it, which is to threaten to hit them. Just basically just pull my hand back as if I'm going to hit them. And if they flinch, I go, ah, liar. And if they just stare at me, I go, well done, you've got dyspraxia. It must be a bit of a bugger being dyspraxic. I would imagine it is, yeah.

Because, like I say, dyslexia, you get extra time in exams and that, right? Dyspraxia, you don't get extra time at football. Unless it finishes out of the draw. Yeah, they don't go, boop, right, that's 90 minutes,

right? Obviously, little Johnny, you stay on the pitch and see if you can kick it in the goal and that will count. I think we should

start a campaign. I think we should, I mean, it is political correctness, right, gone mad, but sometimes you can use that to your advantage.

Yeah. We should start a campaign that people with dyspraxia playing sports at school get longer to do it. Yeah. Right, let's start a campaign. Let's write a campaign starting now. Keep them coming. Thank you.

And speaking of our gig in Bradford last night. Yeah. Why do all walkabouts smell of sick? I know, it's amazing, isn't it? Every walkabout I've ever been in, I normally go in them to see a rugby if I'm doing a gig somewhere and they've got the leagues on. Why do they all smell of sick? I know, it's amazing, isn't it? Every walkabout I've ever been in, I normally go in them to see a rugby if I'm doing a gig somewhere and they've got the

leagues on. Why do they all smell of sick? It's places like walkabout and other big chain bars like that will either smell of sick and aftershock

or sick and aftershock mixed. It was horrible that walkabout in Bradford, I didn't like it at all. Still, the lighting on the stage were very good.

Being ironic, there was no stage and no lights. But when we were driving back last night, we stopped at services. Yeah, just for the standard things.

We went in to pick up the standard things we pick up on the way home from a gig. Pringles. Pringles, basically. Yeah, the Pringles. Two tubes of extreme Pringles. The new Pringles, what they've got out. Send us some free ones.

We've just done an advert for you. Yeah. But what happened was, I went in there, because you went for a cigarette. Yeah. Right pathetic. And I went in to get a coffee,

which I'm not supposed to have, but I was very tired. Pathetic. And some Pringles. So I not supposed to have But I was very tired Yeah pathetic And some Pringles So I got them And as I was paying for them You came into the services Yeah

And went Go in toilet I have to go in toilet now I went alright And you went in there Now I normally wait for you For a bit When you go in toilet

Yeah Because I like making Brilliant jokes Yeah When you come out Well I seem to remember The last time There was a big queue

At the services On the way back from Blackpool On the way back from Blackpool There was a big queue at the services. On the way back from Blackpool. On the way back from Blackpool there was a big queue at the services. I went to the toilet, got something to buy, queued up with a lot of people

and you ran out the toilet after you came out and you were like, Ed, you were ages in the toilet. What were you doing? Wanking your penis? Yeah. But I was so excited

about saying it. Yeah. I was laughing as I was saying it and then I ran out of the services. Yeah. And everyone looked at me. Yeah. You had to stand in a queue and go, and you laughed. I was laughing as I was saying it and then I ran out of the services. Yeah, and everyone looked at me. Yeah.

You had to stand in a queue and go, mmm, yes. So last night, so I waited in the services for a bit for you.

Yeah. I was like, it's not come out yet, I'm going to go and put my coffee in the car. Yeah. Went to the car,

waited a bit longer, I was like, what the hell's he doing? Wanking his penis? And I thought, what is he doing? And then I thought, oh God,

he's diabetic and he's not had any chocolate. I don't know if they need it or not and i thought you might have had a diabetic coma yeah and i was having a poo yeah and i came back into the services and then you were coming out there yeah and i was well relieved and i went are you all right i didn't know i'd worried you probably worried me otherwise i would have texted you while i was having a poo what i've decided now is once and for all because i've known you for about 12 years now yeah it's for once and for all to find out what do i do if you do a diabetic coma because i don't know i keep thinking and i keep making it as a joke i don't know what to do if you have a diabetic i don't

really know because i've never had one i know what that means you'd be probably right as you're getting now into your 20s yeah probably more likely to happen isn't it yeah probably yeah and also your weight is going up which Which I believe also doesn't help. Yeah. You know, you're getting your little midlife spread. So with that in mind, with the fact that you're getting... Don't tell me I'm going to get a midlife spread as well. Mate, it happened to me. I've had it...

No, but I have had this forever. No, me too. Like, some people say to me, well, I was always a big lad. Yeah. I was quite chubby and that. But I played sports and that. But I still was fat when I did that. And then got into my mid-twenties and that was like but i still was fat when i did that yeah and

then got into my 20s and i went like proper normal fat and then got into my 30s what on earth is happening where is all this coming from now right well what happens what happens ed well if you have a diabetic what do i do put a mars bar at your bum or not yeah get in the blood quicker that was because i didn't know whether i was meant to give you chocolate or keep it away from you no give it that is because I'm having a low blood sugar. Right. Unless I'm in a diabetic coma

because I'm having a high blood sugar but that probably won't happen because I'm doing my medicine, right? I will find out. What? I will find out. If you're in a coma,

if you're having an high blood sugar and then I shove a mouth by your mouth, that could kill you. No, but if you see me doing my insulin and stuff, it's unlikely that I'll be having a high blood sugar.

I normally look away when you're doing insulin. Yeah, but if you look away and you hear that clicking, then you know I've done it. You're definitely doing it. Yeah. I'm not lying about being blood sugar. I normally look away when you do your insulin. Yeah, but if you look away and you hear that clicking, then you know I've done it. You're definitely doing it. Yeah. I'm not lying about being diabetic

and every time you look away I just squirt it out the window. Yeah, but what if I look away one day and I hear that clicking and I think you are doing your injection but what you're actually doing is tutting at some travellers. What happens if that's the case?

What happens if you're going, look Well, basically, no, right. What happens if you're going, look at that, it used to be such a nice area. Right. Look at them all when... Look when they've all settled there, with all their litter. Basically, what...

And you are just tutting, and I think it is your injection. What I'm saying is, before I do my injection, you obviously don't have to look at the injection, do check the vicinity for travellers, and make sure... Basically, if I'm doing my injection

near a sort of Romney caravan or a burnt mattress, then double check that I'm doing it because I could be tutting at some travellers. Alright, well what if I look away and I think you are doing your injection right, but what you're actually doing is some really fast skipping. I'll tell you now,

I'll tell you now, it is unlikely that I'll be losing for skipping basically the only thing to be worried about is if you turn away and I'm doing my injection

but what I'm actually doing is knocking on a door mouse's door but do be careful right because sometimes when I say I'm doing my

injection I'm actually just teaching an ant how to tap dance what if I turn away and I hear the noise and I think oh he's doing his injection

but what you're actually doing is trying to get your grandma's attention by tapping on a window. But she can't hear you because she's listening to the arches really loud because your granddad's

having a sleep upstairs. What if that is the case? Well, sometimes when I do my injection, instead I stop halfway through and play with a Mexican jumping game.

Whatever, I think you're doing your injection, but what you're actually doing is you're uncovering a naughty boy to a lamp post. halfway through and play with a Mexican jumping thing. Whatever thing you do to your check-in book, what you're actually doing is you're uncovering a naughty boy to a lamp post. What do I do

if you're having a coma? Do I give you chocolate or not? Yeah, put a bit of chocolate in my mouth and then call an ambulance but tell them I'm diabetic.

Alright, at least we got there in the end. and then call an ambulance but tell them I'm diabetic. Alright, at least we got there in the end. Right, competition time.

Le competition. Le competition de la podcast de Picoc et Gamble. No one's won the blurbs competition. No, losers.

Yeah, losers. No one's got that episode 15, was it? Yeah. Yeah, no one's got that and so the Cleopatra poster remains mine. I think it looks lovely

in your office as well. Yeah, cheersies. It's alright, no, I've got that. So the Cleopatra poster remains mine. I think it looks lovely in your office as well. Yeah, cheers, Iz. It's all right, no? The other competition, which was to finish the Fraser story, it wasn't to finish it, it was to keep it going. I think some people have misunderstood this.

Yeah. The first part of it is, I was shopping with Fraser in the DIY shop when I suddenly realised he was missing. And then we want basically the next... One or two sentences. Yeah, well, I'm going to now say one. Yeah, okay.

Don't end the story as well. It's like that game that you play at school sometimes. Yeah. Where you write the first line of a story, fold it over, hand it to the next person, and then you keep writing the story on the bus on a school trip. Yeah. And then Mrs Barlow gets it off you and reads it out on the bus,

and it's horrible. Yeah. Because everyone wrote about Robocop having sex. Exactly. And the thing about it is, people have just gone straight to the money shop. That's what's happened. Yeah. You've wrote about Robocop having sex. Exactly. And the thing about it is, people have just gone straight to the money shop. That's what's happened. Yeah.

You've basically, you've all gone straight with a fanny and ignored the clitoris. That's what's happened there. Do you know what I mean? Kiss around the nipple for a bit. Tease them a bit, haven't you?

Yeah. Just kiss down that little foldy bit. Kiss down that little foldy bit between the hip and the belly. You have gone ramming straight and forward right in the middle of the Rudy. Yeah, you've gone right in the Rudy, you dirty Rudies. Right between the hip and the belly. You have gone ramming straight and forth right in the middle of the Rudy. Yeah you've gone

right in the Rudy you dirty Rudy's. Right so here's the entrance. You'd be surprised at the one that wins it. Yeah.

It's because we understand how it works. Yeah. Logistically. Right. Jim Sterling entered with

I searched everywhere for Fraser and eventually found him by the Dulux Tins being frisked by Joe

Absalom whose monkey face had taken up a security guarding gig and seems to be enjoying

his work thoroughly. Okay that's alright, even though I think you've gone in too funny too quick. Too detailed, isn't it? Mitchell Parsons

entered with loads of things. We're only allowing one entry for this. Yeah. By all means, put multiple entries, but we'll only read out your first one.

Yeah. No matter how good they are, so that's what's happening to you this week, Mitch. With shopping Fraser and DIY shop, blah, blah, blah, I thought to myself,

thank fuck I have finally got rid of that gimpy little twat. Two weeks later, whilst having supper with Fraser's man-mom, stroke blah, blah. I thought to myself, thank fuck I have finally got rid of that gimpy little twat. Two weeks later, whilst having supper with Fraser's man-mom, stroke dad, who is a butcher,

I realised I should probably go back and get him. What you've done there, Mitchell, is in the second sentence of a story, you've already encompassed

three weeks. Thank you for your entry. Hugh Bennion, I was shopping with Fraser's DIY shop when I suddenly realised he was missing. I found him being racist to an Asian man

right where do we go from that Matt Ebbs one of my favourite ones this Matt in fairness yeah it is good it was

it's not one but it was one of my favourite ones I was shopping with Fraser in the DIY shop when I suddenly realised he was missing when I turned around it turned out

he had accidentally caught his fingers in a paint tub thinking it was ice cream so I shoved his stupid face into a saw right because yeah that is funny right but that is now the end of the story yeah I mean that's the end of it caught his fingers in a paint tub thinking it was ice cream so I shoved his stupid face into a saw. Right, because, yeah,

that is funny, right? But that is now the end of the story. Yeah, I mean, that's the end of it, Matt, isn't it? I mean, you basically killed him off and that is the end of it.

Daniel Rood. I was shopping for his DIY shop when I suddenly realised he was missing. Daniel Rood, yeah, but R-O-O-D. Rudy.

I rushed through the store frantically searching for him and found him trying to re-glue himself to a wheelchair he had stolen from an elderly gentleman who was lying helplessly on the floor.antically, searching for him, and found him trying to re-glue himself to a wheelchair he had stolen from an elderly gentleman who was lying helplessly on the floor. See, I like that one.

Yeah. But I'm not allowing it, because you've done the number four and the number two for four and two. And I'm simply not having that. Alex Croner was shopping for his DIY shop when suddenly I realised he was missing. It goes without saying that I went to the DIY shop to buy materials to reverse the alterations his dad, who is a builder, made his Wendy house to make it suitable for when Buckucks Fizz were going to come and perform in it.

I finished my conversation with Fraser's dad, who works stacking shelves in the DIY shop, and then called up Fraser's dad, the policeman. He called on the search, because if we didn't find him a podcast might lack content. I mean, Alex, I don't know what, I mean, what bit of the next sentence didn't you understand? So detailed and self-referential. Yeah, and I don't think, though, just because you don't put full stops, that it all counts as one sentence. You can't just omit the full stops. Thank you for your entry there, Alex.

Yeah, cheers, Alex, that was a nice one. The winner this week is Alan McAvoy. Now, you're all going to go, what? Why the fuck is that a winner? Right, here's what he said. I was shopping with Fraser in the DIY shop when I suddenly realised he was missing. I went to security to report his disappearance where they informed me he had been arrested for shoplifting. That is it.

Yeah. That is the winner. Because it carries the story on. Yeah. It's one little sentence and then... It doesn't jump straight into pushing his face into a sword. It basically just carries the story on nicely. So that's where the story's up to now.

So we need the next sentence. Ed, just reiterate that just so they can hear where they the story on nicely. So that's where the story's up to now. So we need the next sentence. Ed, just reiterate that, just so they can hear where they're carrying on from. So you're carrying on from, I was shopping with Fraser in the DIY shop when I suddenly realised he was missing. I went to security to report the disappearance, where they informed me he had been arrested for shoplifting.

Yeah, next sentence to that, please. And we'll have more competition entries next week mate something weird happened this morning what right I woke up at your house right yeah I know and I'd gone sleep

at mine so that was weird you nudged me as you turned over you gave me a little feel on the bum and then we went back to sleep on a nice cuddle. That's really bold art. I woke up on your sofa this morning right?

Yeah. And I felt like I'd been like drugged. And I looked down right? Yeah. At my busters. Okay. Right? And I was like, fwoar.

But then I noticed I had a really, really long nipple hair. I didn't do that. I had a really, really long nipple hair. I didn't do that. No. I had a really, really long nipple hair, right? And I thought, that wasn't there last night, I'm sure. That has grown overnight. That is really strange. How long was it? Right, I'd say like 30 centimetres.

Shut up. Right? And I thought, that has grown overnight. That is amazing, right? And then it fell off. And I realised it was one of your hairs that has wrapped itself around my areola. I love that. Yeah, well, sort your hair out.

It's getting everywhere. No, they're doing that. That is... What a beautiful story. The head's busted and a bit of a go of Ray's hair. That's lovely, isn't it? Tesco time.

Yeah. And by the way, this Tesco section will stop. As soon as Tesco start fucking behaving themselves, this section will stop. Yeah. And by the way, this Tesco section will stop. As soon as Tesco start fucking behaving themselves, this section will stop. Okay. Right? What if it gets really boring and unfunny?

Well, we carried on, didn't we? Oh, that's the general rule. Two years ago, we carried on, didn't we? So, the news this week from Tesco. Basically, another overzealous security guard in Tesco. Little Hampton, Tesco. I don'tzealous security guard in Tesco. Little Hampton Tesco. I don't know where that is. Basically a security guard came to a young lady who

was shopping in Tesco. There were no trolleys. So when she was going around Tesco she was putting the stuff she was buying in the pram that she was wheeling around. In the little undercarriage thing of the pram. I've seen loads of women doing that in shops. You know they do that and they go and pay for it at the till. Right what happened was a security girl came over to her and said this is

what the quote says in a voice loud enough for everyone around to hear that he has been watching me and said that i could be trying to steal things oh and then frog marched into the front of the store did he make her put everything back on the shelf i don't know what happened to that where i thought they had to do a thing where they had to they had to wait till you'd left the store before they could approach you yeah they couldn't accuse you of stealing until you had left the store. Yeah, surely they can't, no. You can literally go around putting things in your pockets if you want. We saw that old man, was it last night? It was last night, Bradford Asda.

Bradford Asda, just walking out with just like loads of clothes still on coat hangers. He was clearly inebriated in some way, either with drugs or drink. And he literally, bold as you please, had gone in and got about a hundred items of clothing, was carrying them in his arms,

and walked straight past the security guard, through the bleepers that just bleeped straight away. They went, what are you doing? He went, I've got a receipt. And the man went, where? And he went, I've got it somewhere. And they just brought him back in again. They did just bring him back in,

take the clothes off him and send him out. Yeah, but it was the most brazen shoplifting. It was almost as if he went, if I do this every day, maybe one day the bleeper won't be working. And I can get all these free clothes. He thought, as long as I look like I've done nothing wrong, I'll be

absolutely fine. Yeah. With regards to the little Hanson stories... I've just got this horrible image of them making her put everything back on the shelf, and then they're going, no no this is my baby where did you get that baby from? no you put it back on the shelf, freezer section yeah a spokeswoman for Tesco apparently

said she appreciated that it could be challenging to shop with babies or small children but at the same time we have to take security seriously in our stores yeah yeah no do you know what Tesco you absolutely do I agree with that you do you do have to take security seriously given that this week you have reported underlying profits of 1.6 billion Do you know what, Tesco? You absolutely do. I agree with that. You do. You do have to take security seriously, given that this week you have reported underlying profits of 1.6 billion.

So security is of paramount importance, because you're obviously losing a fortune, aren't you? 1.6 billion, though, Ed. Yeah. I mean, I think if Tesco want to endear themselves to the British public, who they are losing. They're losing us, by the way. I mean, according to the article I read, they're behind Asda, Morrisons and Sainsbury's.

So Terry Leahy who's Mr Tesco he should be listening to this podcast I'm sure he will be I imagine he probably is they play it in store now listening to it

and panicking about it every week I think if they're getting 1.6 billion profits then they should they should have an happy minute that's what they should do

they should go ding ding welcome to Tesco this is the happy minute the happy minute starts now where you can literally have what you want yeah but you never know

when it's going to be it could be the middle of the night yeah it could be at any point yeah but it's just random and it's only for one minute this is the happy minute yeah and it's only stuff

that you can literally get hold of right away it's not like people can get like a Playstation or anything like that yeah because you have to take the box to the tiller

and stuff don't you and does Dale Winton present it or not Dale Winton can present it oh mate I'm going to go and get an inflatable hammer yeah he comes over to Tannoy going welcome to Tesco that's your impression of every gay man

I can't do that I can't do that hi shoppers that's alright yeah hi shoppers no it's gone again bring on the wall

ooh it's time for the happy minute ooh there'll be more Tesco news hopefully not next week I hope there's not a story where like the wall. Ooh, it's time for the happy minute. Ooh. There'll be more Tesco news, hopefully not next week. I hope there's not

a story where security guard has beaten someone to death with a baguette. I hope in real life there isn't that story, but for the podcast I hope.

For the sake of the podcast, selfishly, I hope that there is. Right, time for complaint letters. Have you written one this week? Yeah, I have, after our little brief hiatus last week when we went to Blackpool.

Yeah, and little brief whoops forgot to write a letter from Ray. No, deliberately not write it, because they're in Blackpool. Think about that. Couldn't be bothered, so write a letter. No, deliberately going on your holidays. Well, I hope this means that there's been a week's break. Yeah, it does mean that. It does mean that, there has.

I hope it doesn't mean that you are going to be double nasty to Fraser this week. No, do you know what? I think, if anything, it's more about something else

than it is about Fraser. Right, okay. Because I've missed little Fraser and I thought, I've missed him affectionately so I thought, why are we being

so horrible to him all the time? Oh, so you've been nice to him this week? Well, I've tried to affectionately. So I thought, why are we being so horrible to him all the time? Oh, so you've been nice to him this week? Well, I've tried to maintain the mood of the other ones. Right, so horrible. Well, the problem is as well, because people have been doing the competition entries, and people were saying all those horrible things in the competition entries.

Yeah. I've been like, whoa. Whoa, chill out, mate. He's not your son. Yeah, he's my little child to abuse. Yeah, I'm not sure that'll stand up in court. See, that is the problem, isn't it, with child abuse?

Yeah. If the parents do it, fine. But it's when everyone else starts getting involved. Yeah, I mean, if it's just the parents doing it,

all right. But if you're doing it over Facebook, I mean, what is wrong with people? I don't know. Who is that retarded? Right, they think.

I'll tell you what, right, you know, right, that you can't do child porn and that on the internet, right?

Because people catch on that, but guess what? I'm going to do it on my Facebook because you need a password for that. You know,

them women were trying to get the affections of a man paedophile, right? Right. That is why they were sending horrid pictures.

Was that the reason for it? Yeah, yeah. That would why they were sending horrid pictures. Was that the reason for it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be a brilliant romantic comedy. Think about it, right? It's your classic love tale. Yeah, it is. Two women fighting

over one man, right? But it's for Modern Times. It is on Facebook. Yeah, it has been brought up to date with Facebook and child porn. It's like you've got males. It's a bit like

you've got males. You look like that woman anyway Vanessa George arse fucking arse yeah well you look like the other woman even though I don't know

what she looks like so you look like that one I mean I'm it just oh it bores me they should go to jail I agree with all that but I find it so boring

I've read so many articles this week going it is a woman right and not no read this child porn story right because guess what going, it is a woman. Right? And no, read this child porn story, right? Because guess what? You know, it is a woman doing it.

As if that's completely unheard of. It's really common. It's just not really reported. Anyway, never mind about all that. This is my letter this week. A complaint letter to try and get free stuff. Is it? Yeah.

All right. Let's try and get money. Okay, that is free stuff. But it's not to a bank. Right. So here we go. Dear Postal Gold of them daytime adverts. First off, well done on your adverts.

There's nothing I like more of an early afternoon than to be fucking terrified by a man refusing to blink. Whilst begging for my late grandma's wedding ring. I am a tart with a heart called Mrs. Fraser. But I have to tell you that things are tight at the moment. I mean money, not my Rudy,

unfortunately. Ha ha. The reason my Rudy is such a gaper is because of having my no-leg cancer son, Fraser. And this is also the reason

I am skin, brackets, we have had to have ramps put in. My husband is doing his best at his job as a criminal psychologist. But there isn't as much money in it since cracker finished. Anyway, my question is, as well as paying cash for gold, would you consider giving Wonga for a monga? He is a good worker, but a proper cock. So we will literally accept any amount of money for him.

Plus, bonus, he will probably fit in your envelope now since his legs fell off. The only downside is he has recently become blind. Please let me know, love, Mrs. Fraser. Said there's my letter for this week.

That's brilliant, mate. That's alright. I thought I'd make it short and quite snappy. There's definitely something in one for a monger. Yeah, well that's, I mean I wouldn't normally

use that word. No, but it rhymes. I'd normally just say money but I thought get it to rhyme with manga which is a brilliant word

which I've got literally no issue with now when did Frasier become blind oh well I'll probably explain

that in a few weeks right okay that's a bit of a teaser right okay I'm not going

to tell you yet maybe he could wear one of them things like one of them things over his eyes like Geordi in Star Trek The Next Generation. Okay, he could do that. Yeah, possibly do that. Yeah. Although I prefer the idea of him bumping into stuff. Yeah, okay.

Rather than being able to see. I mean, what's the point of me going to the levels of making him blind? Only to then go, yeah, but if he wears this, he can see. All right, maybe it's a cardboard one that we put on him. That he's made himself. Yeah, to cheer him up but he still bumps into things. I like the idea that he

has all the same sort of senses as Daredevil. Okay. But they're all out of cock. And he's got no legs. Yeah, they're all completely wrong so he can't do any

acrobatics or nothing because he's got no legs. Although he could do it with his arms. I once worked with a man who had just his arms. Really? Yeah.

He was called, what was his name, David something. That's really bad, it's really rude I forgot his name. I did a with a man who had just his arms. Really? Yeah. What was his name? David something. That's really bad. It's really rude I forgot his name. I did a pilot for a sitcom with him.

Oh right, okay. And he had no legs. He just had arms. He's a dancer. I really should look up his name and find out what it was. He's David Dancer

and he's brilliant. Right. He's absolutely exceptional. Just on his hands? Just on his hands, yeah. Whoa. He could go faster on his hands

than I could on my legs. Yeah, that's not saying much. It's not really, is it? I met a man with no legs once. He was a homeless man in Kingston. If anyone lives near Kingston, he's a bit of a local celebrity. He used to go around on his hands, like walking along on his hands, which was amazing, right? The next time I saw him, he'd upgraded.

He got a skateboard. Okay, a lot of them have skateboards. No, they do, though. Yeah, just go, it's quite easy, isn't it? Quite easy. I would imagine I'd be able to do it no problem but David

I remember David used to if he could proper like jump around on them yeah but he had a wheelchair as well yeah

he would use I'd sometimes when we were filming kick him out of it I'd go give us gone that wheelchair I'd go oi Davros

come here give us gone that wheelchair and he would get out of it and look all sad the thing is with anyone else I would laugh and think good joke

you wouldn't have done that but I know you would have done yeah no no I did actually do it I've actually got it on film there's a little underwise scene

yeah where I called him Davros yeah I wish I could remember his second name just type into Google David No Legs

David No Legs Dancer and you'll find him I mean he was fucking genuine brilliant I remember that as well so that's the end of the letters alright then that as well. So that's the end of the letters.

All right, then. That was a good one. That is the end of the podcast now. Is it? Yep. All right. Bye. Bye now.

The Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by The Tiger Lilies, except the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a big and dark production, hosted by Chortle.co.uk. If you spotted a deliberate mistake in this week's show, tell us on our Facebook page and you might win a prize. See you next week.

Oh, fucking clock cat. Oh, shit. When we watch Watch Dogs with a Listener doesn't have to. We've not watched it again. Have you not watched it? I've not watched it either. I mean, it's hard to watch, isn't it yeah oh I don't know why we bother setting up a section

I don't know why we go yeah that is a brilliant idea for a section because we just never do it stupid clock alright well it's cancelled again

this week because of fire but we'll be back next week with Clock Cap definitely next week really

more most certainly look it was probably a woman bought a toaster and got it home it don't work with Clock Cap. Definitely next week. Really? More most certainly. Look, it was probably a woman bought a toaster and got it home. It don't work. And she took it back to the shop and they went. They couldn't find

nothing wrong with it. So they were having an argument about it. Another story was a bloke bought a bed at Tesco. Crashed his Rolls Royce through the window. Yeah, they didn't bother

sending it or something. So he crashed his Rolls Royce through the window. Yeah, they didn't bother sending it or something. So he crashed his Rolls Royce through the window. And Mitch Benn wrote a song about both of them, which was this. Oh, the man who goes through the window at Tesco can't get a toast to work. He can't get a toast to work. He can't get a toast to work.

Thank you very much. My CDs are available outside. Thanks.