The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 22

Episode Date: June 23, 2019

"Episode 22" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 22 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. really quick come on get through it really quick come on speak really quick come on alright then what are you doing hey what's your name I'm Eric Gamble speak really quick in American speak really quick in American how's it going in America

hey I wish we could speak that quick and be cowboys I know I but speak that quick yeah move really slowly is that what cowboys do

yeah they speak proper quick and move really slowly hey I'm going to walk yeah they speak proper quick and move really slowly hey I'm gonna walk over here quite slowly up to my horse yeah and then

they do their legs all slow they walk in time with that song yeah but they speak in time with the Smurfs so

that is there you go that is the secret formula for a cowboy film. Alright, I will tell you now what it is. That's what it was, what I've just said. Go on, go make your cowboy films now. Go and practice it, cowboys. Anyway, welcome to the show.

Battle Damaged this week. Yeah. Battle Damaged, they used to do with the old Star Wars toys, the Kenner Palatoy ones. They used to do a thing where they'd bring out vehicles like the X-Wing Fighter. And then a year later, they'd bring out a Battle Damaged X-Wing Fighter and then a year later they'd bring out a battle damaged X-Wing Fighter which was exactly the same toy

but they just snapped bits off it no just with a couple of stickers a couple of stickers and they were all just sort of scarring and scorching

black scorching did you fall for it no I never I never liked the battle damaged ones but I wish I had now from a collector's point of view you could just get the

stickers though couldn't you and put them on your new one it's not really how it works with the collector. Right. But anyway, I feel like we've gone away from westerns.

So I'm just going to have a little bit of chewing tobacco. Spit it, hit the bucket. Ding. Let's do that in really heavy stereo. Alright, done. Right, so it means you have to go, let's just move our mics for a second.

Alright. Right, so we're going in far more heavy stereo now. Right, you ready? Hang on. Eee. It means we're doing it here. Here.

Ding. Brilliant. Welcome to the show. So the point of the battle damage comment, the point of telling you that is, what's happened is, is the Facebook group, some of you will know this already, the discussions page just evaporated. Yeah, we've been censored, mate.

Well, we don't know what's happened, really. Yeah, we've been censored by the man because he can't take the fact that we are talking the truth of it. I strongly suspect

it's to do with the fact that people have left messages on the Fraser... Political. It's like 1984, isn't it? Yeah, that's what I think has happened

but then again I don't know what we've done in our live dates announcements that's probably closing us down isn't it

yeah oh we can't speak to the people thanks Facebook or should I call you Gordon Browns yeah that's good

it's like we are being shot like Martin Luther King's yeah it's like we are come out here do our Facebook are shooting us by switching a thing on the computer yeah and we are being shot like Martin Luther King's yeah it's like we are come out here do our Facebook are shooting us

by switching a thing on the computer yeah and we are on a balcony trying to do our updates yeah that's what's happening I mean basically

what all of this we're doing now is padding time because what it means is we can't do the competition this week no because we've not got

your entries no so the competition's on hiatus for one week yeah we're trying to get the discussion thing working if not they'll just just start posting on the main page again but sorry about that but the other thing we've done to pad for time as well is that i have written um some

comedy sketches for us to do during the podcast you'll notice today there's somebody to go these are blooming top rate skits these are i think we'll do some more comedy sketches at the live show as well at christmas yeah we should do really. On the 19th of December at King's Place. Don't forget to get your tickets as soon as you can. 0207 520 1490.

We'll go to kingsplace.co.uk. Yeah brilliant. Get them there as well. Selling out very fast. Not selling out very fast but they're selling out in their

hundred millions. It's only standing room only now I'm afraid but if you give us a nice smile we'll get you a seat. So we'll look forward to the comedy skit

later on. Yeah we will. I've only written one so far. Even that one I've nicked. I heard it done yeah it's an old

musical one but I've rewritten it with a modern sort of twist on it. So we'll look forward to one of our sketches later on. We're a bit like

Armstrong and Miller really aren't we? Yeah we are a bit similar to Armstrong and Miller in the respect that our characters are one dimensional and all the same

in that respect I mean I I will be playing the posh man yeah and I'll be playing the one with a wig on yeah

so I mean in that respect we are identical yeah to Armstrong and Miller and also you're right in that

certainly one of us is far too old to be doing this sort of thing. So yeah, for me, I am far too old to be doing this. But I mean, watch out while I perform it. Get ready for that. Speaking of battle damage, right? Yeah.

My pooter has broken. Your what? My pooter. Pooter, computer. Yeah, pooter. Just pooter for short in modern times, grandad. All right.

Right? It has broken down completely, right? Okay. How's it broken down? What's it... Just won't turn on anymore. Is it pulled into a monitor? This isn't the point.

I'm getting a new pooter. Can you not start it in safe mode? Nope. Are you going to get a new... I know you're getting a new pooter. What? I know where you're getting your money from, I was going to say, but I know where you're getting your money from.

Where? Because you are proper success in the comedy world now. I know about this, right? Because I went on the internet the other day, right, googling you, right, just for a laugh. Right, that's a bit weird. I didn't do that.

I found a blurb for you. Wait till you hear this, I've written it down. We saw Rising Star Ed in Edinburgh. Rising Star, tick. Yeah, as part of the comedy zone. And wait till you hear this. And had to be peeled off the floor at the end.

Oh no, that was the one where I fell on the audience of what was possibly the best 20 minute set we've ever seen how about that Ed Gamble

you are already doing the best been going like two years and you're already doing the best 20 minute set right and this person

whoever they are has ever seen right yeah and it goes on later on right to say he is co-writer and host of the Chortle-sponsored Peacock and Gamble podcast. So you're not the co-host, you're the co-writer and the host. Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it? Yep, you are the host of the Peacock and Gamble podcast.

So you didn't know about that yet, did you? I think it's amazing, this. Right? And this guy, it says this as a fact. Right. This guy is going to be, it doesn't say in our opinion. Yeah. it says this as a fact right this guy is going to be it doesn't say in our opinion yeah it just says

as a fact this guy is going to be a huge star so catch him here before he's live at the Apollo so you never said

about that are you going on the Apollo one don't think I am when are you doing that one next week oh that's an exclusive

and he's on the Apollo live at it yeah I can't wait yeah is it the Hammersmith Apollo because I walked past it the other day. Right.

When I was going down doing a warm-up. And you saw a picture of me? No, I saw a massive picture of Stephen K. Moss and a picture of Rod Gilbert. Right. When did all this start?

When did all these comics start doing the Hammersmith Apollo? It's massive, isn't it? Yeah, loads of people do it. And we do it, aren't we? Yeah, I think it's if we book it early.

Alright, so we should book it for like 2012 or something. Everyone coming down to King's Place, right, get as many people down as possible. Because if we do well there, then the next night we will do Hammersmith Apollo. Yeah, all right.

How about that then? So if 3,000 of you come to King's Place, then we'll all just sleep over in London and do the Hammersmith Apollo the next day. So there's an exclusive. Big Rock and Gamble podcast live at the Hammersmith Apollo on the 20th of December if 3,000 people come in

it is weird though isn't it how it seems to be like a decision I don't know who makes it what to just go right this person is going to be famous now

yeah are you saying why isn't that us now or not maybe we can make it now I don't think we're in charge of it though me and you right I could be famous now. Yeah. Are you saying why isn't that us now or not? Maybe we can make it now. I don't think we're in charge of it now. Me and you,

right, are going to be famous. Right. Right, guess who else is going to be famous? Who? A dog I just saw outside.

Why? Me and a dog outside are going to be famous. Why are you making the decision now? Because I thought someone makes it so we can make it.

Yeah, and who is it that makes it now? Me and you right now and the dog. No, but who is it in real? Right. Who makes it?

I want to know. their representation. Well, they can Me and you right now. Who is it in real? Right. Who makes it? I want to know. Their representation. Well, they can't make the decision, though. Why not? Well, where can I... James? Let's speak to our manager now. James, can we...

If you are allowed to make the decision, can me and Ed be here for a minute? How would that work? This is going to be weird listening to this, isn't it? Yeah. Speaking directly to you. Let's just speak directly to our manager. James, please can we do Hammersmith Apollo?

James, me and Adam, we're both at my house now, so ring me on the home line. Just ring us up now and we'll do the Hammersmith Apollo, please. Do Hammersmith Apollo just for one night and see how it goes and then maybe do another one for Christmas. Yeah, and then can we have a programme like Russell Howard has got because he is one of your clients as well please can we be like a Russell Howard one I know I've been doing the warm up for it

and I've done it really well you said that the director said I was funny if the director said I was funny can I do it as well and Ed do all the bits that Colin Holt does Ed comes undressed up in character costumes

please oh please James Ed's got to buy a new pewter right so that's I mean I'm sorry to the other listeners

who had to hear that but I mean it was getting to the point where it just had to be said didn't it I mean if Rod Gilbert

and Stephen KM were also doing it yeah why can't we do it we should be doing just had to be said didn't it I mean if Rod Gilbert and Stephen KM are still doing it yeah why can't we do it we should be doing the Emma Smith Apollo don't worry about the TV show we're not as bothered about that oh no shut up

no but we're not as bothered about it we did Emma Smith Apollo first that's what you do you ask for too much right okay and then you get enough right

that's how it works right well don't then say you're not bothered about the TV show no oh yeah ask for Emma Smith Apollo and the TV show right alright and um, oh yeah. Ask for Amber Smith Apollo and the TV show.

Yeah, right, right, all right. And, um... Oh, I'm doing it now! An house, an house! Will you ask him for something? I want an house. Well, tell him now! Right, get me an house, James, please, with a fountain in the garden.

Yeah, all right. With gold on it. Yeah, and do the other thing that you need as well, don't forget. What? You were cooking that apple pie and you haven't got any apples. Oh yeah, I need an apple for a recipe. Yeah, so get him that. I need that and all.

And I need, right, my jelly beans. I've got this, it's like a spaghetti jar full of jelly beans. Right, and it is running proper low. So James, can you sort out my jelly beans for me? And don't get me that for Christmas as a joke. Don't get me an apple for Christmas. Yeah, as a joke. Just get the bloody telly show and the Amazon for Apollo and their jelly beans, thank you. And apple for Christmas. Yeah, as a joke. Just get the bloody telly show

and the Amazon with Apollo and the jelly beans, thank you. And Ed's computer. Yeah. What computer are you getting? A laptop. Nice one. I've got a laptop.

We record on my laptop, don't we? I know, it's a nice one. Is it a nice one or not? Yeah, it's a black one with blue lights. How much memory and storage? I've been reading about memory and storage, right? What is the difference between memory and storage? Memory and storage?

Yeah. Right. Well, what it is, is memory and storage, right? What is the difference between memory and storage? Memory and storage? Yeah. Right. Well, what it is, is memory, right, is when something has happened and in your head, right, you can recall that. And if somebody said to you, what happened?

You would be able to tell them just from the pictures in your mind. Right. Yeah. Whereas, what was your word? Storage. Yeah. Storage is basically a space where you can keep stuff, right,

that you either own or that you need to be, that you don't immediately need. Right. I'm more talking... It could be a load of old VHS videos with episodes of EastEnders on it.

But you just need to keep somewhere, right? So you get back on your feet. It could be that. I'm more talking about in terms of computers, what's the difference between memory and storage? Yeah. Well, what it is, I can tell you very succinctly what that is.

I have got a computer at the moment, right? It is a widescreen black laptop. Right, so memory. I'm not even going to say brand name or anything like that, but it's quite a good brand name. And it's got blue lights on it and stuff, right? Right. Now, I know that without looking at it

because of the memory. Right? Right, but that's not what at it because of the memory. Right? Right, but that's not what the memory of a computer is, right? No. What it is, is that's my computer now, so I don't need to remember it. Because I've got it, right? Yeah. But, ages ago, I had a computer which was a monitor and then like a box bit of it.

Yeah. And a mouse on a wire. Yeah. I haven't got that computer anymore. Right? I think I threw it in a bin. Right. But I can still got that computer anymore I think I threw it in the bin but I can still remember that

I have memory of that computer right I've also got another laptop but I've not got it in front of me now because it is in a cupboard which is storage

so I have got my other computer as storage in so I have got my other computer as storage in storage still in my house but that's the difference between computer memory

which is the one I remember having and computer storage which is where I keep my old computer right yeah so just saying

I mean that's pretty much what the man at PC World said as well yeah I mean I don't think

they trade them anymore. Here we go. So time for our comedy sketch this week. What one is it? The one I told you about before we started. Are you ready? Yeah, get ready. Right, this is a pub.

Right, so just picture that in your head. Who am I in the pub? I've already told you you're under the coverages. Ted. You're Ted. Am I in the bar? You're Ted and I'm gay. No, not now. Blay. Am I behind the bar? No, you're not.

Just in the pub or with friends normally. In the pub or both standing at the bar. Right, and what have I got for a drink? It doesn't matter about that. It does because that depends on how I speak. Pepsi. All right. All right. Right, so here we go.

We could get, I'll tell you what could happen. We could get a show on Radio 4. I know. Doing our comedy sketches. Yeah. If we do a good audition now. Yeah. Send it Radio 4 radio can we go on

radio four and do our sketches please right here we go right that wasn't the sketch that was just pepsi pepsi right here we go here's the start of it ready hello ted are you all right righto good nice to see you in the pub righto yeah hey i got lucky last night after I left the pub right oh you're that girl that was in there I went ended up going back to her house right oh and we did kissing on the doorstep right oh and then I went inside and I got in her pants right oh and did a kiss and a sex right oh like all great blokes right oh oh Ted why do you keep saying righto because you're

standing on my left foot no you've got to be standing on my right toe why I don't mind I've got a gun

right in my foot James there's a new Marvel Omnibus out for Captain James! There is a new Marvel Omnibus out for Captain America! Death of Captain America and I haven't got it yet because I've got a credit card frauded. James! I'm not updating the Amazon yet. Can I have it, please?

And a telly show on Amazon with Apollo. James! I can't drive. Get me some lessons and then I can drive to gigs. Yeah, and a telly show and I'm a Smith Apollo. I can't drive. Get me some lessons and then I can drive to gigs. Yeah, and a telly show. And a telly show as well and an iPod and a new iPod, but one with all songs loaded on it already. And I'm a Smith Apollo.

And I'm a Smith Apollo gig. It's called HMV Apollo now. All right, that one. I didn't know that until what passed it the other day. Anyway, you've not said nothing. What? You haven't said nothing. I have said loads. No, but you've not said nothing about it. Oh, right. I walked past it the other day. Anyway, you've not said nothing. What? You haven't said nothing. I have said loads.

No, but you've not said nothing about it. Oh, right. I thought you would have mentioned it. All right, they look big. What? They look big. What do? Your busters, they look big.

I've not had my busters done. Oh, shit. They do look big, though. Pecs, they are. All right. And my haircut. You've had your haircut. I know I was saying compliment.

You've had your haircut, Ray. Yeah, no, do a compliment. All right. Oh, I like that you've had your haircut I know I was saying compliment you've had your haircut Ray yeah no do a compliment alright oh I like that you've had your haircut thanks it's one less thing for James to pay for

yeah tell you what I absolutely hate having my hair cut you might have noticed yeah I mean I blagged a freebie haircut once

at a photoshoot me and you were at yeah you did you only had a little bit taken off though yeah no not much I get embarrassed at the hairdressers

why I don't know what it is. I really don't know what it is. I mean, I literally walked in there, because I went, Tony and guys, as we told you last week, and I couldn't even speak. I was literally going,

hello, can I come for a neckline at 12 o'clock? Right, and the girl went, come with me, please. I went, okay, thank you. Right, sat down in a chair, and she put a thing around my shoulders, and I went

ooh sorry and I don't know what I was sorry for it was very unlike you isn't it right and I was sat in the chair and she went

what are we doing and I went oh cool and she went no I'm done and I went just take it about to my shoulders

about and she went okay and then she like held a big lump of it in her hands and she went so is it alright

if I cut this off now and I was like I was really confused and I went what and then she like held a big lump of it in her hands and she went so is it alright if I cut this off now and I was like I was really confused and I went what I've got an appointment I thought it was that I was there

for a consultation or something so anyway off it came cut it in one go all of it the big back bit whoa

about 12 inches and then she went 12 inches and then she went come with me that's a whole ruler I know it is and then she went come with me and I went okay and I come with me. That's a whole ruler. I know it is.

And then she'd come with me and I went, okay. And I sat down, she'd sort of pull my head back a bit and it went all wet. That would be water. I don't know, she was washing my hair. Right.

I didn't even know about that. I didn't know she was going to wash my hair. Wasn't that nice though? I'd washed my hair that morning. Maybe she thought it needed another going over. It didn't, I'd washed it proper

and put it in the air conditioner. Wow, yeah, there you go. Yeah, I know, I'd done it all posh. So then she did all that and I didn't. I'd washed it proper and put a 10-inch eye conditioner on. Oh, wow. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I know. I'd done it all posh. So then she did all that, and I couldn't relax. No. Like, I was being someone who said, I literally didn't know what to do. And she went, what do you mean you didn't know what to do?

And I went, I didn't know what to do. And she went, well, just have your hair washed. Close your eyes. And I went, no, I'm not closing my eyes. Was your body completely rigid? Honestly, it was like a plank of wood. With two trifles on top of it. Was it like a Victorian levitating magic trick?

My neck was totally like that. My neck was really rigid. And I was staring straight into a light. But I didn't shut my eyes. I don't know why. When you're staring in the light did you imagine

that you're on stage at the Amber Smith Apollo James? Yes I did imagine that James. Oh he's stopped listening now. He's gone now.

So that happens and then they took me over to cut my hair in that. I mean literally she could have sat down I was that scared that she could have

just gone snip right finish and I'd have gone okay there's all my money. And then we went back over to the other chair and she'd have gone okay there's all my money and then we went back over to the other chair and she's done cutting of it and that yeah she went do you want a drink and i went do you have coffee right and she went yeah and she went and made me a coffee and i didn't like it right it was just instant coffee i didn't like it but i drank as much as

i could yeah and she started doing the cutting and then she went how do you want your hair dried right and i went what i didn't know what she meant how do you want your hair dried? Right? And I went, what? I didn't know what she meant. She went, how do you want your hair dried? And I went, hair dryer. And she went, no, do you want it something like with a brush or something, straight with a brush, or just rough done with an hair dryer? And I went, I want hair dryer. I didn't know what she meant by it.

Finished it all off. By this point, she must have thought you were simple. Absolutely. And that's no judgment on her because i acted like then we got to the till all finished all good and she said to the other lady she went take 10% off because we've not really done that much and i was like that's kind and then i remembered somebody telling me that he tipped them right like telling a guy and i had my wallet right and i only had tenors right so my haircut was 30 quid yeah Yeah. That's with 10% off. So three pound off.

Yeah. And I gave her a tenner tip. So I gave her three times back what she took off. Brilliant. The other ladies went, that's better, isn't it? And I went, well. And what I meant was, it doesn't matter around my areas. I'm still an ugly fat fucker.

But how it came across was, I was going, well, it's not a great haircut, is it? And that's not what I meant. And I was going, no, that's not what I meant. I it? And that's not what I meant. And I was going, no, that's not what I meant. I didn't mean that. You have 10 pounds. Here, here's my wallet. Here's my pin number. And then I went to do the warm-up that I've been doing at the moment,

which is Russell Howe's Good News. Yeah. And nobody noticed I had my haircut. No way. Apart from James. Did James notice? James did notice. James, in your defence,

you were the only person that noticed I'd had an haircut. Right, but he shouldn't be listening anymore. He should be on the phone to the HMV Apollo. Yeah. Russell didn't notice. James, in your defence, you were the only person that noticed I'd had an haircut. Right, but he shouldn't be listening anymore. He should be on the phone to the HMV Apollo. Yeah. Russell didn't notice. Did he not? No. That Russell. So I'm glad you didn't come with me to the hairdressers. Why? Because of what you wanted to do. Yeah, just to help out. Yeah,

come in with a picture of RGD to it and say, will you cut it like that? Really treat me like I'm mental. That would be brilliant, though. I was already simply nothing there. The other thing we've started doing as well, which we want to start as a trend. Yeah, is get really fat.

Yeah, get really fat. And start that as a sexy trend. And start as a sexy trend. That is normal for men to have bust this right that is a new sexy trend that we started but the other one

we want to start is when you go to cinema because me and everyone saw Six yeah I was going to see the Saw films it was alright wasn't it

it was actually alright yeah it was a bit there was bits of it I thought the acting was appalling oh yeah but I wasn't expecting Oscars

no of course not it was alright it was okay moved on the story and it set up the next one really well so there you go one thumb up for Saw 6

yeah one thumb up each though that's two thumbs up though they'll put that on their publicity that is two thumbs up across two people no I know them what they're like

I know what they're like them Saw ones they'll put two thumbs up on the posters just as we said it and I'm not having that but anyway this is a new thing

that we started to do when you go to cinema right and you go and get your hot dogs and that When you go to cinema, right? Yeah. And you go and get your hot dogs and that. Yeah. And you go and get your popcorn before it.

Here's what you've got to start doing. When you ask them, you've got to enunciate like this. You've got to say, hello, can I have two hot dogs

and a medium popcorn? And that is brilliant. That is exactly what you have to do. because they look at you like you are mental and then start laughing. I did it the other day,

didn't I? Yeah. I did it at Saw 6. I said, two hot dogs and one medium popcorn. But then I wanted to say, and a bag of sweets as well. But you wouldn't let me do that because it would ruin it. That would make it look like it was effective. And the thing is, we've talked about this on things that we've done before.

About the way that you like to have popcorn. Which is a mix-up. I like sweet and salted mix-up. Yeah, but one and one and one and one. One and one and one and one. Yeah. With the scoops, one and one and one and one. Because we've had it before in Scotland

that the guy just did half full of salt and then half full of sweet. You made him tip it out and do one and one and one and one. I thought about that, you know, after we talked about that, I thought about it because that would have all been wasted.

Yeah, because it would have gone back in the same one, wouldn't it? Yeah, but imagine if he tipped it, I can't remember what he did. Didn't he just would have gone back in the same one yeah but imagine if he tipped it i can't remember what he did didn't he just tip it all back into the same one i can't remember imagine if he did that and then someone went in there with a sweet allergy or a salt allergy i don't know something like that it's prevalent in scotland i don't know which one he tipped it back into so when we did when we did that we asked for one then one then one then he said can i have mix-up he was like what do you want in first sweet or so i went when i want one and one and one and one because you were standing there tapping me telling me go yeah you want one and one and one and one um sometimes i

think you're not real you know sometimes i think that from everyone else's point of view it's just me and i'm going what's your title Durden yeah exactly or Gerard Depardieu in Bogus that's a bit more obsolete that one it was on telly yesterday it's got

whoop-a-girl bugs and six cents I see dead people but smaller okay anyway we're getting distracted now right

so I said I want one and one and one and one and the bloke sort of laughed half laughed

but then looked exasperated. Make a bomb out of some soap. He sort of looked slightly exasperated because we realised that the salt was at his end and then the sweet was all the way at the other end. So he had to do one scoop of salt, walk to the other end of the counter,

one scoop of sweet, walk all the way back again, one scoop, and he had to do that four or five times. And then we said, mate, really sorry, when he came back the first time, it doesn't matter don't worry about it and he went no it's fine and he was like he went it's just no one's ever asked for that before and i went yeah they haven't we asked for it in glasgow Right, OK, it's time for my comedy sketch now. I do the comedy sketches, I write them. No, we do it together, like Armstrong and Miller, they both have...

Yeah, but you ruined my toe earlier on. Right, I'm sorry. You made it more like Daniel Day-Lewis' film. I got mixed up with Daniel Day-Lewis' film. What was your sketch? Right, I came up with this last night when we were talking about university. When I say I got a 2.1... Yeah, I got a 2.2.

And you say you got a 2.2. So let's do that again. Say that again, right? Let's say I've got a 2.2 again. It's good. You know you got a 2.1. No, but you say I've got a 2.2. Hey, at university, I've got a 2.1.

I've got a 2.2. No, say it like you said it before. I've got a 2.1. I know. What have you got, Ray? I don't know what you mean. What have you... Say I've got a 2.2. No, say it like you said it before. I've got a 2.1. I know. What have you got, Ray? I don't know what you mean. What have you, say it,

I've got, what you said, I've got a 2.2. You've got a 2.2? Oh, just say it. And then I say, alright, go and put it on,

I fancy a laugh. Time for our competitive letter. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Which is Ed's turn this week. Yeah, my turn. I've done it last week, so that means that is Ed's turn this week.'ve done it last week so that means

that is Ed's turn this week that is the way it works like crop rotation tell you what I would be good although we don't have a fallow week we do sometimes

I love fallow week I tell you what though what would be good is if these letters all ended up in a book I'd love that it's come out at Christmas we were in Asda

the other day weren't we and we saw all the books out of Christmas unbelievable there was one which was Dave Spikey just doing like a commentary on the newspaper We were in Asda the other day, weren't we? And we saw all the books out of Christmas. Unbelievable. Yeah, shit. There was one which was Dave Spikey just doing like a commentary on the newspaper.

Bits cut out of a newspaper. I mean, that was a really poor book. Yeah, so we should put all these in a book and have it out in time for Christmas. James! James, can we have our book out with the phrase alone? I'll do illustrations for it. And I will do the writing

on the computer but you have to get me the computer first and also the other thing is

for our listeners by the way people who we have said have won competitions who get

Fraser postcards and drawn by me could you send us your addresses including the original people

that have already sent their addresses because we've lost them can you send the addresses again please

because we've lost them just send them to Ed on Ed's Facebook page. Send him the addresses and then I will give him the cards and he can be in charge of posting them. Can you send them please? I am too busy and I've not been very well with my kidneys.

Did you get that sign up? Right then, letter now. Look forward to our Christmas book. We're leaving it late really. Yeah, but no, it's not Christmas yet mate. Anyway, here we go on my letter now. So this is a complaint letter to get free stuff. Yeah. no it's not Christmas yet mate. Anyway here we go on my letter now. So this is a complaint let's get free stuff. Yeah.

Oh dear Facebook. Excuse me for popping my head over your wall. Brilliant. I just wanted to poke you

about a certain event. Nice. That happened in our home. Yep. Yep.

And also to have a chat with you and send you a message and tag my photos or something. This is like the jokes that always come out when a famous person does.

Like when Michael Jackson does. Yeah, all the song titles. Oh, I liked him even though he was bad, but he was certainly a thriller and sent me off the wall. Earth song. Such awful fucking jokes, but your one was a good one. Sorry, carry on.

Thank you. Basically, here's the lowdown on the 5-0 Dizzle. My son Fraser, brackets, we keep him in a bucket, bloody loves your magazine on the telly, and came crying to me the other day. Once we had established that this was not to do with cancer or no legs or the other stuff, we knew that it was about his book on his face. How does he type? He has to spit popcorn kernels at the keys. Also, Fraser is blind, I would imagine, so his computer is all in braille. Not real braille, we can't afford that,

it's just a Colonel's East misquid stuck to the screen. Nice. Fraser informed us, through an interpretive dance and dribble, that discussion topics have been deleted off his favourite page, the Peacock and Gamble podcast. I listened to it once, but it got me all sexy, so I can't hear it anymore, because it gets my husband well jealous,

and that isn't fair, because he is a space vicar. I told Fraser there was nothing we could do because I was busy breathing. But he wouldn't stop crapping shit out his mouth so I just left him where he was all chained up in the garden. But when I next looked he had gone leaving only a note that he had gone to sort out the internet. Don't know how he wrote

that but this is getting a bit long so fuck it. Eventually I found him brackets eventually after I started looking with his head in one of them green boxes on the street which has got all the telephone wires in

brackets I don't know what they're called and Ray doesn't either. You did ask me that before. He was shouting at the internet telling it to sort out Facebook. Then there was a loud crackle and now Fraser's brain is part robot.

Please send a new computer or something. Ooh, it hurts, but I like it, Mrs Fraser. Brilliant, I like that one. Yeah. And also I like the thing about pooing... Crapping words out of his mouth. Crapping words out of his mouth. Yeah.

Because also, that's another thing we've not mentioned yet, is that Fraser did have an operation once and did an accident in the operation where they wired his vocal cords up to his bum and his colon up to his throat so he now does actually crap out of his mouth. Poos out of his mouth. That is real that. Yeah, that is real.

That is a real thing that really happens to Fraser. We've not mentioned that yet. He has to do and stand on the toilet. Yeah, I'll perhaps mention that in my one next week. Poor little Fraser. I hope he does get sorted toilet. Yeah, I'll perhaps mention that in my one next week. Poor little Fraser. I hope he does get sorted out. Yeah. Maybe we could send him a free ticket to our live show.

Yeah, that'd be good. All right, we'll send Fraser a free ticket. Fraser, if you're listening, we'll send you a free ticket to our live show, but unfortunately for everyone else, just to wrap up the show today, you'll have to get your tickets elsewhere. It's on the 19th of December at King's Place Theatre,

which is King's Place London. It's going to be a wonderful night. We've actually started writing stuff for it and the number for tickets is 0207 520 1490 and on the internet

you can get it at King's Place if you've still got the internet if you're still working. Kingsplace.co.uk forward slash book dash tickets to book tickets for it there. Yeah.

But it'd be nice to see you there on the 19th of December. I would like that. All 3,000 of you and then down to the Apollo. Yeah. Come down to the Apollo and don't there on the 19th of December. I would like that. All 3,000 of you and then down to the Apollo. Yeah, come down to the Apollo. And don't forget, see you on Sunday's stage. Cheers.

Cheers. Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a big and dark production, hosted by chortle.co.uk. If you spotted a deliberate mistake in this week's show, tell us on our Facebook page, and you might win a prize. See you

next week. It's not massively professional. we come back stage at King's Place before the show and relax us. It's not massively professional.