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Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Yeah, that's right. As the little girl said, this is the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Correct.
Hey, who are you, that man over there?
I am Ray Peacock.
Oh, that is interesting. I recognise you off the telly.
Oh, thank you very much. On one of my television appearances. And who are you over there? I am Ed Gamble. Oh, I
see. I remember you. I recognise you from coming around my house that day. Do you remember
that day when you came round? You had another one today, didn't you? Yeah. So anyway, welcome,
welcome, welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast, which this week is in 3D. Yeah, whoa. Whoa, mind that.
Whoa, it's not real.
Whoa, careful, duck.
Whoosh.
Oh, no, I'm not told to put the glasses on. Oh, yeah.
All right, put your 3D glasses on now, please.
Thank you.
Right, here we go.
Whoa.
Whoosh.
Is that an arrow or not?
Yeah.
Whiddle, whiddle, whiddle, whiddle, whiddle, whiddle.
Whip.
Whiddle, whiddle, whiddle, whiddle, whiddle, whiddle.
Rawr. What's that? Panther. Panther? Oh, you're dead. It's done a bit in Panther, D. Yeah.
What's that?
Panther.
Panther?
Oh, you're dead.
It's done a bit in Panther D.
Panther D?
Yeah, Panther D.
All right, okay.
That's what 3D would be called if it was just for panthers.
No, you don't get it.
No, I don't know what you're laughing at.
You don't get cinemas for panthers hardly ever.
That is true.
I can't think of one not even in America.
I'll tell you what I've got in America,
right?
What?
Wait till you hear this,
right?
You know,
in America,
you know we've got
pavements?
Right.
Guess what it's called
in America?
What?
Sidewalk.
Whoa.
Right?
I'm in America,
right?
And I went to the
shop, right?
And I went,
I do want to hear
about the Pampers 3D
thing, by the way.
We do want to talk
about that,
but I've got to
tell you this first,
right?
Right?
No, listen, right?
I went in America,
right?
Went for a,
went to get a sandwich, right? I went in America right went for a get a sandwich
right
I went in
get into a shop
went can I have a
sandwich please
went yeah
gave me a back
in a baguette
and they call it
a baguette do they
and I went
I want a sandwich
and he went
yeah that is
a sandwich
and that is how
they have them
over there
in like a big
long bun
and they still call it
a sandwich
yeah
right but anyway
so Pump for 3D right
because there aren't
any cinemas
that you get
very much for Pump
no not very much
I think there was a cinema
in the jungle
or wherever they live
right
and it was showing
a film
actually before I tell you
this right
when I went America right
listen to this right
on the plane on the way over
guess what was on
what
Watchmen
and that's not even out on DVD yet but we were this right on the plane on the way over guess what was on what Watchmen and that's not even
out on DVD yet
but we were watching
it on the plane
that was brilliant
that's amazing isn't it
yeah that is amazing
but anyway right
in the jungle
the panthers
right
and the other thing
as well
you know over here
right
if we're going to
shop and buy
something right
say buying a
Mars bar
yeah
right let's act it
out now
I'm a shopkeeper
hello
oh hello
can I get this Mars bar please yeah of course you can that is 45 pence oh right okay
here's the money thank you here's the change thank you very much okay bye that wouldn't work in
america why because their money is called dollars that's very impressive you know so much about
america yep welcome to the show i don't feel like we've mentioned my birthday enough well we have because
it's coming up um next week on the 27th of june yeah we have i don't feel like i mean i don't
like people that promote their birthdays i don't like that i've never liked that i don't like when
people go oh you pee my birthday in five days or my birthday in five months you get off some people
right and i don't really like that i hate that i find it really really sort of arrogant and vaguely narcissistic and just sort
of self-important yeah and i don't like that i mean just oh that was the day i was born on because
every day is at someone's birthday yeah give me stuff yeah do you know i mean and i don't like
i've never liked that but i also at the same token don't think that we've mentioned my birthday
enough but you're now promoting your own birthday. Well, that's because literally thousands of people listen to this.
I mean, that is good odds, isn't it?
On getting birthday presents.
Yeah.
And people listen to this.
And also what people do sometimes with podcasts and things and the radio and that,
they think we're friends.
Right.
Like, they think we're, because they're listening to us on headphones now.
Yeah.
So they think we're, you know, that they're here with us.
Well, don't ruin the illusion.
So they start thinking they're our friends.
They think I'm their friend.
We are their friends.
Don't blame them.
No, I am your friend, listener.
All right, mate.
All right, buddy.
Yeah.
Hey, buddy,
my birthday's next week.
I don't know if I mentioned that.
On 27th of June.
Probably if you,
one of your friends,
like I am one of your friends,
get him a present.
Do you see what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I think that
we're missing an
opportunity here because your birthday is in march or something yeah 10th of march yours isn't it yeah
we'll lay that down now yeah yeah 10th of march for next year yeah yeah good luck my birthday good
luck with that but before that there's gonna be my birthday yeah um ray's birthday uh so you know
i think it would be a good idea to not hesitate to use the word promote.
Let's promote my birthday now.
Hang on.
Before we start trying to promote your birthday.
My birthday is coming up.
Ray.
I really like Forbidden Planet and things like that.
Ray, slow down.
Comic box and all that.
We should be promoting the podcast.
Don't need to promote it, mate.
Why not?
Don't need to.
A, they're already listening to it, if they're hearing this.
Right.
B, it's already smashed the iTunes chart wide open.
Well...
Well, it has, though.
It's done alright.
It's done really, really well.
Yeah.
That first episode that came out...
Yeah.
That went...
That soared into the charts.
What?
Do you know what?
We were at number 61 in the iTunes chart before it had been released.
Yeah, that is true.
Because people went on there trying to download nothing, you idiots.
Because you were too excited. We said what day it was coming out don't try and
download it on the sunday night you dozy sods okay that's a 61 in the charts we've not done
nothing yet how did that even happen i don't know and then on the monday it just soared right in
yeah it went to like 2021 we were just picking people off one by one yeah richard bacon see ya
straight past you wouldn't want to be ya.
Hey, and I imagine that Absolute Radio are feeling a little bit foolish at the moment.
Yeah, we thrashed all their guys.
When two fat blokes beat every single one of your podcasts apart from Frank Skinner.
I mean, you can be excited about beating people from Absolute Radio and Richard Bacon,
but still, a few places above us is things like Woman's Hour.
That's in the main one.
Right.
See, this is the problem with the iTunes chart.
And I know we're on it now.
And, you know, if you can't, as our employers,
if you can't take some criticism,
then don't let us be on it.
Oh, no, I shouldn't say that.
No, no, no.
Do let us be on it.
Then you might want to look at yourself.
Yeah, got out of that one.
iTunes have got so many charts.
Yeah.
And we fall into so many of them.
Yeah.
Because it's a podcast, check.
So you're in the main podcast chart.
It's a comedy podcast, check.
We're in the main comedy podcast chart.
Yeah.
We're also in the main chart audio and visual.
Yeah.
The main chart audio.
The comedy chart audio.
The comedy chart audio and visual.
Yeah.
So we're in so many charts.
We're at so many different numbers.
We don't know where we're up to.
We don't understand. We've never broken to the main chart before. and visual. Yeah. So we're in so many charts. We're at so many different numbers. We don't know where we're up to. We don't understand.
We've never broken to the main chart before, and we did do.
In one chart, we might be at number one.
Yeah, and we've just not found it yet.
Yeah, the fat bloke chart.
Podcast beginning with a P.
Yeah.
With two fat blokes in them.
Yeah.
We are number one in that one.
Yeah, definitely.
Almost certain.
Congratulations.
Thank you very much.
And you too, mate.
Well done.
We should be proud of ourselves.
The ones in the main charts that were ahead of us,
they were silly.
Woman's Hour.
Yeah, Woman's Hour was one of them.
That was ridiculous.
I don't know why Woman's Hour is better than us.
Well, we've got elements of all that stuff.
We can do Woman's Hour.
We've got breasts.
Yeah.
Why can we not do Woman's Hour?
Do it now or do Woman's Hour now?
All right, all right.
It won't be an hour.
Don't panic.
It'll be a minute.
I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what, mate.
Bloody Woman's Hour.
Knowing women, it's about three hours.
Yeah.
Tell you what.
You know what I mean?
Sorry we're a bit late starting today's woman's hour.
There was a spider in the shower.
Yeah, sorry about that.
I'm sorry we're a bit late starting woman's hour.
I was trying to park properly.
Yeah, parking or wonky outside.
Hey, sorry we're a bit late doing woman's hour.
I've got the bakers in.
Is that what they say, isn't it?
I think it is, yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
Sorry I was a bit late for Woman's Hour today.
I was fancying Russell Brand.
And then watching Johnny Depp film.
In my dinner hour from my secretary job.
Sorry, sorry, late start of Woman's Hour, everyone.
Men won't commit.
Men can't multitask.
I do like loose women.
Hey, welcome to loose women. Men are stupid,
but I fancy them.
Yeah, yeah, alright,
love. I'm the one off the boat
with the big nose who sings.
Yeah, I'm that one what went out
with Chris Evans.
Yeah, alright, what do you think, one of us, with Chris Evans. Yeah, right.
What do you think, Warner, was with Reg on Coronation Street?
Oh, I'm kooky.
I've got kids.
Oh, I'm that one off the New Orleans,
and I'm going to say cock in a minute,
but I mean a bird.
Oh, hello, I'm the presenter.
No one knows who I am.
Yeah, it's a shame for her, actually.
Don't make fun of her,
because it's not fair on a presenter one, is it?
No, it's not.
So, there we go.
But what is wrong with that, what we've just done?
So, next week, I expect to be above Woman's Hour.
I can't see any reason now
why we're not above Woman's Hour in the chart.
It's that time of the week we always look forward to,
where we reveal, once and for all,
what last week's deliberate mistake was.
Now then, we've had lots of entries this week,
I would imagine we were recording this before it came out.
Now, I thought it was quite an easy one.
Yeah, I thought it was obvious.
I was surprised that more people didn't get it.
Yeah.
But for those of you that did get it, well done.
You have won the competition.
What's the prize this week, Ray?
Well, we'll tell you in a minute,
we'll tell you what the deliberate mistake is first.
That's for all the people who got that.
The deliberate mistake last week, right,
is in the song Fred the Frog.
Fred the Frog, that one.
Fred the Frog.
Yeah, we've all been singing it this week at work.
In the song Fred the Frog,
I said that he eats leaves,
what Ed's got from the autumn garden.
Right? Yeah. That autumn garden. Right?
Yeah.
That is nonsense.
What?
That is not...
Frogs don't eat leaves, mate.
Do they not?
No.
They fly, or if it's Kermit, have a cup of coffee.
So, everyone knows that.
That's right, though, isn't it?
Frogs don't eat leaves, do they?
I don't know.
They eat meat, don't they?
Meat.
I think they are meat eaters.
Yeah, chops.
Yeah, a chop, yeah.
So, I didn't say Fred the Frog has a chop.
I said he has leaves.
I've never, ever seen a frog.
I've actually, thinking about it,
I've never seen a frog.
Now that I come to think of it.
Other than on the telly,
on a documentary and that,
I don't think I've ever seen a frog in real life.
You know, mate...
I think I've seen a toad.
But I don't think I've seen a frog.
I've been thinking about it.
I think the deliberate mistake was that a frog is not a real animal.
Yeah, yeah.
Last week's mistake is what is the least thing, isn't it?
A frog?
What on earth's a frog?
That's just off the telly, mate.
The government are fooling you
they've made up frogs
yeah there is no such thing
in fact
if anyone has ever seen a frog
in real life
can you write in to us
and let us know
because I don't reckon
that anyone has ever seen
a frog in real life
no definitely not
I don't think they exist
I know you think
you've seen a frog
oh I know when you've
seen a mouse move about
in a field
and you've gone
was that a frog
and your emotional memory has conned you into believing that you have seen a frog.
Yeah.
But have you ever, and I don't mean tadpoles, because they're a different thing.
Because people say, that's the other thing as well, children collect all frog spawn.
Yeah.
What you think is frog spawn, right?
It's not.
It's not, it's tadpole eggs.
Yeah.
Right, and the government put them there, right?
And that's why children always go, oh, I had a bucket of frogs spawned outside in my back garden
and then I got up
one morning
and it had all gone.
And they go,
they must have turned
into frogs and run away
in the night.
Well, they don't.
And your dad goes,
yeah, that's right.
And then you think
you've seen a frog
in the supermarket.
It's just a man
dressed as a frog, mate.
Exactly.
He's just collecting
for disabled children.
So what we're saying
to you is,
basically what happens
is a bloke from the
government comes round and takes
your frog spawn out your bucket.
And your tadpoles and that
out of the bucket.
And then the tadpoles,
you know what they do?
They go away
and they give it to the BNP.
And you've not heard that from me.
You've not heard that from me,
but that is what's going on.
And we're about to have
these conspiracy theories
we've actually put into
the public domain.
So that was the last week's
deliberate mistake.
Not only do frogs not eat leaves,
they don't exist.
And if you have seen a frog, tell us, let us know.
Write to us on the Facebook page and let us know.
And we'll listen to your frog story.
But we'll tell you now, you've not seen a frog.
Yeah, but no, we'll listen to it.
Maybe we'll read out your frog story.
You frog fantasist.
When you saw a frog, you fucking idiot.
Of course you didn't see a frog.
But if you did spot that deliberate mistake,
then you win the competition,
which is holiday in America.
So make sure you send us a postcard.
Yeah.
Feeling a little bit queasy now.
Yeah.
Feeling a little bit unwell.
My legs have got funny.
Yeah.
They feel a bit, they feel cold.
Shall I tell everyone
why you're feeling a bit queasy?
Alright.
Well, I'm a diabetic man and...
Back off, ladies.
And you,
you don't like the sight
of me injecting, do you?
No, I don't like
any medical things, really.
But today,
you got a bit brave
and I let you push
the plunger down
on my injection.
I'd done your injection.
Yeah.
Played doctors
and I've just essentially saved Ed's life.
But at a cost, because my legs have gone all...
Yeah, you did have to go outside and get some fresh air, didn't you?
I'm actually, you know, I'm quite good in an emergency normally.
But if I can ponder on it for too long, then I can't deal with it.
So that, doing that injection for you then...
Freaks you out, doesn't it?
Yeah, but I thought I was very brave.
You were very brave.
And thank you for saving your life.
Thank you very much for saving my life.
That's all right, Ed.
I should be all right in a little bit of time whenever I calm down.
I've been having lots of visits to hospitals and that.
Well, you're always a man who enjoys a visit to a hospital.
I don't really enjoy it, do I?
But I've been having tests at the moment.
Well, you go enough.
We won't.
Yeah, I do go more than I would like to go.
We won't go into details and all the rest of it.
But I had a CT scan.
Someone's having a little operation, aren't they but I had a CT scan someone's having a little operation haven't they
I went and had a CT scan
the other week
and
the problem with it is
is I get really nervous
out of the hospitals
I get properly nervous
so I start trying to be funny
and make jokes
because I think
if I make it into
like a funny atmosphere
I'll deal with it a bit better
and the bloke that was
checking me through
for the CT scan
it's when they put you
through like a
they put you on a bed
and put you through
like a donut machine
and it's not that sort
of donut machine
I found that out
it's like on House of donut machine. I found that out.
It's like on House.
Right, okay.
I would imagine.
I don't watch House.
I know you do.
It's in an hospital.
Yeah, I can't handle it.
I won't be able to watch it.
I believe it's very, very good, but I just couldn't be able to watch it.
I can't watch it. You could watch it in an emergency.
In an emergency, I could watch House.
Watch House now, otherwise someone will die.
Yeah, but I'll faint at the end.
Yeah.
So anyway, I was doing all the jokes and that.
It was in like a truck.
And it was a private hospital as well.
Are you sure it was a hospital?
It wasn't some massive tattooed bloke with a roller
who stopped you outside the hospital and went,
come around my hospital.
No, it was a real thing, but the CT scanner.
Right, first one.
Bum check.
So anyway, I went with him.
And I'm making jokes and that, and he's having jokes and that and he's having none of it
he's having none of it
and I think the rule
should be
with doctors
same as with hairdressers
don't say nothing
to the person you're dealing with
unless they engage
you in conversation
if they do engage
you in conversation
then do join in
and contribute to the conversation
he was having
nothing to do with it at all
so we got in there
he took me in
lay me down on the bed thing
right
and then
it's all electric now
right starts it up and I go through into the donut bit right in there He took me in, laid me down on the bed thing, right? And then, it's all electric now.
Right?
Starts it up and I go through
into the donut bit, right?
In there about 20 minutes.
He kept shouting through
going,
we're not getting a reading,
we're not getting a reading
which terrified me.
I thought I had no insight.
Right,
but what it was,
I was so nervous
I had my eyes shut.
So I didn't know
that inside the scanner
there's a little light thing,
a little logo thing
of somebody just breathing normally and somebody breathing and holding their breath. Right. I hadn't know that inside the scanner there's a little light thing a little logo thing and somebody just breathing normally and somebody breathing holding the breath right I hadn't even
seen it and it comes on when you're meant to hold your breath and that so I'd not actually been
breathing normally so it was all blurred I got all blurred inside so anyway once I found out that
was what I was meant to do so went through all that 20 minutes came out again now where the
bloke had been stood there was a girl right right a girl nurse yeah right and I thought what's
happened is he just fucked off
has he gone
will you deal with this
fuck yet
because he's telling me jokes
and I can't be dealing with it
it was like when we went
to London Dungeon
and the judges changed
half way through
exactly
yeah
so anyway
the girl's there
and I thought
and I thought this was
a brilliant joke
don't forget
I'm nervous in that
but I thought this was
a great joke
came out of the machine
and I went
I'm a brone
right that was a really good joke nothing from her the machine and I went, I'm a brown.
That was a really good joke.
Nothing from her.
Fuck, I just stared at me.
Do you think she might have heard that joke before?
Either that or it might have been because I had my knob out.
Because I think sometimes when you've got your knob out,
I think it's hard then to make it,
well, impress a lady I've found. Oh, did, oh, did, oh, did, oh.
Hello, it's Terry Wogan here, off of Ireland and the radio.
Do you know me? I bet you do.
Anyway, I've just come here to tell you quickly that the reason I stopped doing Eurovision
was because I was laughing so much at the bloody Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Or the door pot at the end little man in a suit with a beard.
Anyway, good luck to Graham Norton and keep downloading the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Good luck.
Hello, this is Mark Owen of Tech That.
You know, when I go on tour and that and sometimes do gigs and all the rest of it,
I have a really nice time, but when I go back to the hotel, I just start crying.
It's so lonely after being with all the millions of people,
and I go back to the hotel, and I just start crying, because I'm so sensitive, right?
But then what I do, I put on the People Can Gamble podcast on my iPod,
which I bought with my royalties, right, and I've listened to it,
and it well cheers me up for the next day,
and then I go and do another good concert, because my spirit's are high and then i go back and start crying and the cycle resumes
hi we're the spice girls i'm posh and i'm alan and when we're not doing our records and that
we listen to the peacacock and Gamble podcast.
Girl power.
Ziggy ziggy.
Letters time.
Whoa.
Time for our complaint letters.
Yep.
Now, I know you've written one.
Yep.
But I have written one instead.
Right, okay.
Because I think it is about time that I learn how to do it as well.
Okay.
Because it was your thing that you were doing when you were bored at university
just writing to people
with complaint letters
to get free stuff
now I've got to learn
I've got to learn
how to do it and all
I can't be all
just about you all the time
yeah I've got to let you out
from under my wing
at some point
so here is my letter
what I've written
right
what we're doing is
we're writing complaint letters
to companies
in order really
so potentially
to get free stuff off them
yeah
here's the one
that I've written
dear Silk Court bonjour as to companies in order, really, so potentially to get free stuff off them. Yeah. Here's the one that I've written.
Dear Silk Court.
Bonjour!
Brackets, that's French,
and you will shortly see why.
Close brackets.
I am a woman out of a family.
It's convincing so far.
And I've got a son who is called Fraser.
Recently, Fraser has been starting to smoke.
Brackets.
Just at school and on a field.
Closed bracket.
And you'll be pleased to know he chose your brand.
Brackets.
Silk coat.
You perhaps won't be pleased to know, however,
that he has now got terminal lung cancer.
Oh, God.
Because of it, even though he is only seven.
The upshot of this,
what with him being wired up to machines and coughing a lot,
is he can no longer get down to shops for his things anymore.
So he just can't have them.
Any ideas?
Keep up the good work.
Adieu, bracket.
Told you the French thing would make sense.
Mrs Fraser. Oh, God.
Where shall I start with that? Let me have a look. Get past it, Oliver. That's good. That's Oh, God. Where shall I start with that?
Let me have a look.
Get past it, Oliver.
That's good, isn't it?
That's a good letter.
First thing I'd say...
It works, though, doesn't it?
Right, no, basically...
I listened to your ones, what you were doing, and worked it out.
No, it's good that you were alone.
Fraser got that in.
Yeah, he got that in.
Well done.
Silk Court, I thought we could get them free.
Yeah, but...
Because they're not cheap, you know, six.
So I thought, what we'd do, write to them and get them free. Right, now listen. Yeah. I'm really happy that you want to learn. Yeah, but... Because they're not cheap, you know, sex. So I thought, what would do right to them getting free?
Right, now listen.
Yeah.
I'm really happy
that you want to learn.
Thank you.
And it's a very good first effort.
Thank you.
First thing I'd say is
if you want to be a convincing
sort of woman in a family...
Yeah, just say that's what you are.
No, don't come straight
out of the gate and say
I am a woman out of a family.
Well, no, that's...
That is definitive.
No, because no one would say that.
No, but that's what I want...
That's what I want them to think she is. Right, okay, that's... That is definitive. No, because no one would say that. No, but that's what I want... That's what I want them
to think she is.
Right, okay, that's...
Not me.
So I say I'm a woman...
I'm a woman out of a family
and then that's...
That's how they think of him then.
They don't think about it as me.
They don't think,
oh, this is just a comedian.
They think this is...
A woman out of a family.
Yeah.
Probably the mum.
All right, well,
we'll come back to that
because that's one of my smallest...
smallest points about it,
really. I thought it was good. Yeah, no, that's come back to that, because that's one of my smallest points about it, really.
I thought it was good.
Yeah, no, that's very good that you want to learn.
Fraser has been starting to smoke.
Yeah, cigarettes.
And he's... Yeah.
No, I get that.
That's what they make.
And he's seven.
Yeah.
So what makes you think that they're going to send you cigarettes
for your seven-year-old son?
Gets cancer later on.
Yeah, again...
If he really gets cancer and can't go down to the shops.
I explain that later.
But if he's got cancer and he's seven,
why would they want to send him any more cigarettes?
Terminal, isn't it?
Make his last mum spit up here for him.
No.
I can't help but feel that you...
Send him free ones.
Because he can't get down to the shops anymore.
You've misunderstood the idea of it, really.
Try me hardest.
Yeah.
And bless you for that.
Can we still send it?
Yeah.
Just so I'm joining in.
Do you want me to tell you the address?
Yeah.
Number one.
Yeah. Get this down London
and then just put a stamp
on it
over the London bit
yeah
alright
yeah so that's
well done
how many should I ask for
do you think
or should I just leave
that up to them
leave that up to them
I think
alright well there'll be
more letters for free
stuff next week
but I think
you'll all agree
and you probably want
to write on the
Facebook page now
that I should be doing the bloody letters from now onwards and then perhaps free stuff next week. But I think you'll all agree, and you probably want to write on the Facebook page now,
that I should be doing the bloody letters from now onwards, eh?
And then perhaps we will finally get some free stuff.
Thank you, by the way,
to all the people that sent cement to our managers.
Oh.
Oh, God.
What have we done? Oh, God. What have we done?
Oh, God.
Oh, I was hungry.
Yeah.
I was hungry and then it went McDonald's and that's a bad thing to do.
Yeah, get giddy when you're hungry.
If you get too hungry and you're like, I need something or I'm going to have a coma.
My blood sugar was down.
I've not even got diabetes.
Anyway, it's done now.
Finished now.
Nothing to be done about it.
We've been out.
Went to the McDonald's
and had a nice dinner.
Lovely, nice,
healthy dinner.
Yeah.
Proper healthy dinner and that.
Please don't think
I'm promoting McDonald's
because I'm not.
You feel like shit.
Yeah.
There's your promotion.
Me and Ed now feel
proper shit
after having McDonald's.
So there you go.
If you want one,
if you want to feel like this
then go and have
a McDonald's
by all means
just not from
the London Coney
one because they're
fucking useless
there in my opinion
but it was nice
though
went for a little
drive through
didn't we
yeah went to the
drive through
put the roof
down on the car
yeah
have a nice
McDonald's
go window
and order it
up nice
well
I did
no no
you drove up
to the window
right Ed
I was the driver
the driver is in
charge of ordering
it at the drive through which is a problem I think when you just drive up to the window. Right, Ed, I was the driver. The driver is in charge of ordering it at the drive-thru.
Which is a problem, I think,
when you just drive up to the little speaker
and they say, what do you want?
And you say, McDonald's.
I did want McDonald's.
Yeah, I think you've got to be more specific.
Hello?
What is your order, please?
McDonald's, please.
And they say, what's that?
Can I take your order?
McDonald's, please.
Yeah, keep saying McDonald's.
It doesn't help, does it?
Well, it didn't.
What didn't help was that you kept talking over me.
I kept saying no.
That's why he couldn't understand.
You kept talking over me.
Like that time we went to the McDonald's at the Galleria in Hatfield.
It wasn't McDonald's, it was Burger King.
And you went round by the side of the little speaky thing.
Yeah.
And that man pulled up with his gang.
Yeah.
All them young people.
And they all looked well-armed and tough and that. He probably had knives and that. But you thought it would
be funny to run up to the thing while he was ordering and keep adding things to his order.
Well, it was good. And then I thought maybe I could sneak around and get my thing.
Nearly got us killed. Yeah, it didn't work. Yeah, well, anyway, we got McDonald's anyway.
We decided very carefully before we went in and got exactly what we wanted. Thank you
very much. Ray. Hello.
Shall I say what actually happened?
You decided that we'd play a little game of what you've branded McDonald's Roulette.
McDonald's Roulette.
It's a brilliant game.
Yeah, it's a fun game.
I would advise people to do it.
Yeah.
There's too much certainty in life.
So, McDonald's Roulette, if anyone wants to have a go at it. Do the rules, Ed.
Yeah.
You drive up to the McDonald's speaker.
There has to be people, though. Yeah. You can't just go when it's quiet. Yeah. There's got to have been somebody at it. Do the rules, Ed. Yeah, you drive up to the McDonald's speaker. There has to be people, though.
Yeah.
You can't just go
when it's quiet.
Yeah.
There's got to have been
somebody before you.
Yeah, and you say
into the speaker
when they ask you
what you want,
could I have
what the last man had?
Yeah, that's exactly it.
And don't tell me what it is.
Yeah, and if they start going,
oh, what do you want?
You go, no, no, no, no,
don't tell me.
Don't tell me.
And they'll go,
oh, you're playing
McDonald's roulette.
Yeah.
Well, they didn't say that,
did they?
Spin around to the end
and get your nice dinner.
Get a little surprise.
Pay for it
and then you get
a little surprise at the end
and see what it is.
We did quite well out of it.
Yeah, two apple pies
and a coffee.
No, I did well anyway.
I got,
just to lighten me up,
I got a Big Mac.
I've had a Big Mac for ages.
I got a Big Mac,
a fillet of fish as well,
an apple pie
yeah
and what was it
and then cheesy
cheese dippers
fucking cheese
oh my god
I can't even
even as you eat them
you can feel them
go straight to your heart
and put on barriers
oh I love that feeling
no it's horrible
we don't like that at all
I don't know why
I haven't finished them
they were a snack
when we were driving back
yeah
what did you have
fillet of fish
yeah two fillet of fish.
Yeah, two fillet of fish did quite well on that one.
Quarter pound of cheese meal.
Yeah.
Dippers.
We should have known really,
you know,
when the price came up.
Yeah.
From McDonald's roulette,
we should have panicked.
Yeah.
And gone,
hang on,
how many people were in his car?
But we had fun though.
We had fun,
I'd say,
before we got it.
Yeah.
When we got it,
excited in the car
on the way back. Yeah. And while we were eating it and then before we got it yeah when we got it excited in the car on the way back
yeah while we were eating it and then possibly halfway through it all turned wrong yeah not so
great then no not so great but i mean where would the excitement have been if we'd just bought it
and not at it i can't say oh we had a fun day today we went and ordered a meal and fucked off I was just
when we were doing
a McDonald's roulette
do you do that
sort of thing
when I'm not there
I'd like to say
no
I just do it
for showing off
former friend
Ed
yeah
what I would be
telling a fib
right
yeah I'm a bit
I do worry about
things like that
yeah
because like
have you been in
supermarkets with me when I've let my trousers fall down yeah i have been there okay i remember
there was one not that long ago and me we'd had a writing meeting and me you and our friend
katherine were going around sainsbury's in bradnell yeah and i let my pants fall down a few times and
that was the first time she seen me do it yeah and she found it a bit embarrassing yeah um right but
imagine that imagine that scenario, when we say,
for our southern listeners,
when you say pants,
I mean trousers.
I mean my jeans.
Oh no, it's not the lot.
No, you don't.
I mean, that is a crime, really.
But yeah, so I did that and it's quite embarrassing
and I feel a bit embarrassed
when I do it,
but it is funny,
especially when we did it
at the salad bar.
And I fell over at the salad bar as well.
You did fall over at the salad bar.
This was after spending 10 minutes
trying to convince me
to get only a boiled egg from the salad bar.
Yeah, which I thought would have been funny.
Yeah, it would have been funny.
Right?
That's funny and a bit embarrassing when you're there with your friends and that.
Yeah.
But it's funny because it's a bit embarrassing.
Yeah.
Right, and I'm not messing.
I do it on my own.
Do you really?
I do.
When I go from my shops and that,
I will just let my trousers fall down in front of people.
Like, in front of people.
It's more convincing
when there's not someone
there laughing isn't it?
Yeah and I do go
oh god
and also
if anyone happens
to just touch me
a little bit with a trolley
I will fall over.
Like dramatically.
But you will always
text me afterwards.
It's when you start doing it
for no one
but yourself
that's when you should
start worrying.
I would still argue
that doing it on my own
is still and I'll be straight with you about it a mental illness
i do think that i am mentally ill yeah you might be sometimes i will wander around the house on my
own just talking to myself i'll just do that i'll play radio shows on my own i'll often be
sat having a poo on the toilet and interview myself.
I mean, I've not seen that chat show. Like this morning or
something. Yeah, but I really think we should start
a picture chat show where you interview
someone while they're having a poo. You just
did say chat show then, didn't you?
The Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed
by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.
All music by the Tiger Lilies,
except the last one,
which is performed by Frank Sidebottom.
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I'm very good in an emergency, mate.
Oh, yeah?
I remember one specific one.
My little brother, he was about three back then.
Okay.
I was downstairs in the house.
Yeah.
He was roaming around upstairs.
They do that.
Like a little cat.
Yeah, they do that.
And he was upstairs, and I just heard this scream.
This...
So I was like, shit, emergency.
Ran upstairs, couldn't find him.
Looked in the bathroom. Yeah, the last room I looked in.
He'd fallen into the toilet.
All I could see was two feet and a head.
Just sticking out of their screen.
So I'm very good at emergency.
I know exactly what to do.
Piss myself laughing and get the camera.
That's a good thing.
How old's your brother now
he's 11 now
oh good so
he's about to
start secondary
school
yeah
just the right
time to have
this brought
back on a
podcast