The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 30

Episode Date: August 18, 2019

"Episode 30" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 30 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hello, it's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. I'm Ray Peacock, hello. Oh, hello, I'm Ed Gamble. Hello, Ed Gamble. Shake hands, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. Nice to meet you as well.

In the end, all right, let go now. Here we are, episode 30. Yeah, happy birthday episode 30 yeah happy birthday for 30 happy birthday 30 years old today the peacocking of a podcast who would have thought 30 years ago that it would still be going now it's a long time isn't it yeah it is what your favorite memories of it oh the day it was born i think yeah i think my favorite memory of it is that day when it fell off its bike yep and we took but we took the stabilizers off anyway and put a plaster on its knee yeah and it got but we took the stabilizers off anyway and put a

plaster on its knee yeah and it got and it got do you know what listener it got back on that bike and literally within seconds drove straight out into traffic i mean people were looking at us like we were bad parents and they had a point because it clearly couldn't ride the bike no and we still let it ride along by the motorway. Yeah, I've never understood that thing, you know. You know when people go, oh, follow your bike, get back on it straight away. Yeah. Or if you have children that go on bikes, put them back on it straight away. No.

No, they clearly can't do it. You don't say, put your child in the kitchen, let them have a sharp knife hole in their eye. Oh, they've got a dry eye, well give them the knife straight away again, because otherwise they won't learn. And no one ever says, oh, I was driving my car the other day and I had a really bad crash. Oh, well, get back in my car and drive it again.

I can't. Yeah, it's broken and I've got brain damage. Nobody ever says that. No, exactly. Is that the tattoo? You've done a tattoo on yourself. What do you think of that? I don't know what it is, for a start.

I think it was a butterfly. Right, and when did you do that? Middle of the night. Middle of the night, just by yourself, you did a temporary tattoo? I tidied up the office. Yeah. Because I knew you were coming. Right.

I threw loads of old car insurance stuff away, and in the middle of it all was some tattoos. Some water on tattoos, so I thought I'd better put them on you go through life in a very obvious to track way as soon as you do something grown up

you have to do something childish immediately afterwards obvious to track as in you can see you can see how it goes if you do something

grown up then immediately you will go and do the most juvenile thing possible to counteract it so you're saying that I'm predictable no I'm not

you're not predictable but once you look back at the evidence, then you can see how it's all put together. I've never heard obvious to track. Me neither, I've just made it up. Doesn't really make sense, does it? It's a good phrase, though, obvious to track. I like that one. Well, hopefully, today's podcast won't be obvious to track,

and it'll be all a surprise and stuff, some regular sections. I don't like the idea of being predictable. Not predictable, but I think... Obvious to track, I know. Look at the evidence and you can see that you do something grown up, and if you have to do that for an intense period of time, then you will immediately have to relax by doing something childish. Am I not adorable?

Yeah, it is adorable. No, I can't say adorable. I got turned off because I was a bit adorable this week. Really? No sense of humour over there in place.

Traffic police, no sense of humour at all. The thing is, you can tell you've done your tax recently. I have done my tax. I've done it all the way through. See, that is a really

grown up thing. I know. But then I came over here today knowing you'd done your tax and what did I find? A home special effects injury kit. Right, well that's got

nothing to do with my tax. I'll tell you what that is. Me and you, and now I realise that what you're saying might hold some weight. Right. Because me and you last week went in for a tele-meeting. Yeah. Now, alright, we didn't act particularly mature in that. But it is a grown-up thing to do. It is a grown-up thing to drive into London. Yeah. And have a tele-meeting. Yeah. And so I'd done that. Yeah that and when I drove out of it again I got to like Brent Cross area and it was really busy it was too busy

so I came out of the traffic and went to Toys R Us and I bought some Star Wars Lego a little one I bought Toy Story Lego Buzz Lightyear and as I was going as an impulse buy

I bought a special effects kit 10 pounds 995 it was so you see what I'm saying one of the best things I've ever bought yeah you've done one on me today yeah no I did two myself wasn't I yeah I did one where I've partially severed thumb yeah and another one partially severed middle finger yeah blood everywhere so you see what I'm saying now you do something grown up and you immediately to counteract it have to do something immature I think if you ever had to go to a lecture

about Shakespeare you would afterwards immediately shit your nappy and eat pureed apple I think it's a nice existence I think it's great because you're never stuck in a rut are you

very rarely I did say about you the other day that you live your life in very intense bursts we were on the train coming back from a day that you live your life in very intense bursts. We were on the train, coming back from a gig that you were doing, and you ran up and down the train collecting all the free newspapers as a present.

I regularly do that. Yeah, you did that. You ran up and down, giggling, fell off one of the seats, sat down opposite me and went, I'm tired. I was really tired. And that's how intensely you live your life. You act like an idiot, like loads, for a short amount of time, and then go, I've got to go to bed. I need to sleep.

Well, they said in that meeting, didn't they, the day, the telly people, they said that they found us exhausting. They found the small talk exhausting, is what they said. And I countered that by saying, I'll have you know that we are the perfect people to work with. Yeah.

Because you have to put up with us for the morning and then you have to wake us up in the afternoon. You have to just give us a lot of sugar in the afternoon. Yeah. Because otherwise we won't be able to perform. Yeah. You are like a little kitten, is how I would compare you to an animal or something.

I would describe you as a little kitten because I have had a little kitten before and they play with a ball of wool and then you'll find them napping in a vegetable drawer. If I could fit in it, I'd get in it. Vegetables. I don't even know what he's on about. Are you criticising me or not?

Well, no, I'm not. I like watching it happen. Yeah. But sometimes I think... Will you marry me? Sometimes I think the naughtiness can get so concentrated that you fuck up your own life. Do you think I am pure evil? No, I think you are pure fun. Yeah, I am pure fun, but underneath it there is a devil. Yeah, but this train journey, you got tired, but you got a little rush of

energy, didn't you? This is my best ever joke. Yeah. Without a doubt, my best ever joke. You know what I'm going to say, then. Yeah, totally. Well, obviously, I know how it ended. I got off the train. Yeah, that is my best ever joke, then.

Look round. Yeah. And you were waving at me, goodbye, waving goodbye from the train. Yeah. The train door shut, and the train left! With you still waving at me, and just as it pulled into the distance, you made a face like you'd suddenly realised. It was a split-second decision.

Yeah, well, it has to be. It was, like, literally, because it was the last train, it was so late, and you got off the train and I thought, it would be funny. It would be so funny if he just turned around and I'm not there, and he sees me still on the train and I thought it would be funny it would be so funny if he just turned around and I'm not there and he sees me still on the train and I just went for it this sees the day

you've got to do them things yeah well luckily you managed to get back didn't you it wasn't really too far but I hadn't thought that by the way

we got off at Hatfield and I then went to Wellingarden City which isn't too far away which is fine they're equidistant really from my house but you didn't know

in your head whether that could have stopped in London no I wasn't thinking oh I can get off at Wellingarden City in a minute I hadn't got that far

with it I'd got as far as I'll just stay on the train it'll be hilarious and we'll worry about it later and luckily it turned out for the best

I was like oh it's only down the road anyway so it's fine but no best joke ever. Went in the garage earlier on. Yeah. To get a sausage roll.

Lovely stuff. I'll tell you why. Because I was in Asda the other night, right, and I get annoyed that supermarkets don't have sausage rolls where the sausage inside it is pink like at Greg's or at the garage. I noticed that when you brought the sausage roll out, it was very pink. Yeah, and I like that in the sausage. Yeah. I don't like it when the sausage is all brown and mushed up. Yeah, see, that's the colour a sausage should be, really. Well, it shouldn't be bright pink. I like a bright pink one. Right, okay, you like the processed one. Yeah, there was a lady in there and she was stacking the shelves and stuff, right?

She was like shooting it with like a barcode thing. Right. Obviously checking prices and stacking stuff and that. Yeah. And she was right on the other side

of the garage and the bloke who's behind the till shouted something and she said, what do you want? And he went, rubbish bags.

And she went, you're rubbish. Right, to the bloke. And then I laughed. I laughed and then she went, you're a rubbish bag. And I started crying laughing. I wanted to talk about Tesco.

Oh, right, okay. I know we thought we'd left that. It's normally me that talks about Tesco. I know it's normally you. Because if people remember, we started a campaign against Tesco. Because you're barred because they wouldn't let you wear your hood indoors. We got sent a thing the other week about they've banned pyjamas or something.

Yeah, they've banned people shopping in their pyjamas. I mean, eventually. I mean, they're not far off going, right, no blacks. Yeah. They're already banning people for stupid reasons. Yeah. And banning someone for the colour of their skin is equally stupid. Yeah, there you go.

So why would they not do it? I mean, we can say that we hypothetically think Tesco are going to do this, and there's no legal... I can't see a legal impediment there. I've got another one then. What? I think Tesco are in charge of a child porn ring.

No, because that's saying that you think something is happening now. Right. So legally, you can't say that. All right, I think they used to be in charge of a child porn ring. Again, you're stating that as a fact that's happened. Right, maybe, I think. No, you could say, you could say,

I could envisage one day Tesco being in charge of a child porn ring. Yeah. There's no way of proving that. Because we can envisage, you can envisage anything. Yeah. Yeah. You can't say that they used to be in charge of one. But I'm not saying they're doing it now.

No, but it doesn't matter because you're still stating it as a fact. Right. It's something that's happened. Right. Which probably hasn't. Right. I mean, we can't say it definitely hasn't. Right.

Because we don't have access to all Tesco's files. I think their sweet potatoes have got a spunk in. Right, you can't say that. Or you, no, it will, will in a minute. But I think that's self-incriminating because that sounds like you're going to go spunking their sweet potatoes. Yeah, I might do if you want. All right, well, come with you. Right. You went in Tesco's at Christmas going to go spunking their sweet potatoes. Yeah, I might do if you want. All right, welcome with you.

Right. You went in Tesco's at Christmas. I didn't go in Tesco's, did I? Yeah, you did. You went in Tesco's to get stuff for the live show. Yeah, I did, yeah. Because you ran me up.

Well, it's because you wanted some Tesco bags. And you... And you... You all... And I wanted the baguette as well. Yeah. For the live show.

Yeah. It didn't have to be a Tesco baguette. Well, it did. It was more authentic. In the story, it was a Tesco baguette. We didn't have to be a Tesco baguette. You did it was more authentic in the story it was a Tesco baguette but it had to be a Tesco baguette you sent a text through

to the girl who was running the show yeah and said can you ask Alva Scargill if I could cross the picket line and buy a baguette which really made me laugh

yeah and I did yeah I know you did but what did I say you said I was allowed to buy a baguette from Tesco if I broke all the other ones

no I said broke another one yeah well I did I did anyway I broke one of them right fine to buy a baguette from Tesco if I broke all the other ones. No, I said broke another one. Yeah, well, I did. I did, anyway. I broke one of them. Right, fine. I bought a baguette and left a broken one there. That's high for an island, isn't it?

And I dented some of the tins as well. Oh, mate, don't go overboard. All right, sorry. Right, what's the story? Right, well, this news story is possibly the most ridiculous one yet. Right, is it true? It is true. There is a woman who is true on it.

What paper's it in? It's in the Metro. A hungry shopper was barred from buying a supermarket cheese and onion quiche until she proved that she was over 21. Christine Cudahy, 24, was stunned to be asked for ID at the Tesco till before being allowed to buy the 51p snack. The girl told me, you don't look over 21, I need some proof of age.

I told her that I was certain the proof of age laws do not apply to quiche. But she said, we really have to be strict now, and this applies to quiche bought over the counter. What? At first I thought she was joking, but her face was deadly serious. Miss Cudahy argued with the cashier at the store in Coventry before finally producing her driving licence. A spokesman for the supermarket apologised and said, we are at a loss to say what has happened. That is mental. Isn't it?

Tesco are IDing for quiche. Yeah. I think something's going on there. It's weird, isn't it? It does sound like some sort of cult, doesn't it? Yeah. You get ID'd to have a quiche. Yeah. You're not allowed to wear gym jams.

Or a not. You're not allowed to wear an hoodie. And they run a child porn ring. They don't. Oh, sorry. You can't keep saying that they run a child porn ring. Sorry, but they do ID people for quiche. I know, but we don't know that they definitely run a child porn ring.

I can't believe they're IDing people for quiche, but will sell anyone child porn. No, they don't. You can't. I'm sorry. Sorry, I keep getting mixed up. But even as a joke, I'm not sure I can put this in. I know you are joking. And I am joking and it's not true.

There you go, I've got out of it now. No, because that's equally legally... Oh, what, they're going to sue me for saying they don't run a child porn ring? Well, what if they do? Alright, well... They might run one. Alright, you've said it now. I've not, you said that they do.

No, I said they... I said they might. Alright, they might, they might. I've not, you said that they do. No, I said they might. Alright, they might. Tesco might run a child porn ring. Right, that's

fine. Alright, well there you go. But we don't know until, the only way we can say conclusively either way, is

if we have full access to all their files. So Tesco, if you want us to stop saying that you might run a child porn ring,

then you're going to have to send us all your files. And a quiche, I'm 23. And a quiche as well, please, thank you. Speaking of regular sections,

I've got a bit of advice for you. Oh yeah? When you go on your holidays. Is this going to be a regular section? Right, where are you going? I'm not. Know the language of the country you're visiting. That's difficult. And find out the climate. Temperature

will affect your insulin. Right. If your insulin gets too hot or too cold, it'll become ineffective. You're giving me diabetic advice. If you're staying in a hotel, find out if they've got a fridge in the room. Who are you going with? Ensure the people you're travelling with know you're a diabetic and they know how to treat a hypo. If you're travelling alone, then just tell the cabin crew.

The crabbing crew? Cabin crew. What sort of holiday am I going on? That does assume that you are in a plane. How long are you staying for? Make sure you've got enough medicine for it. Where are you getting all this from? This is a diabetic friend.

Before travelling, check. You've got travel insurance. That you're fit to go. So that'll be an important one for you. Enough medication. Note from your doctor. Yeah. Explain you need to carry needles.

Yeah. Medical kit. And feet. It says... It does say that. Ensure you have no problems. And you're taking the correct footwear. It doesn't mean remember to take your feet.

Skiing with diabetes. The cold climate. Now, being cold decreases the circulation to your skin. This will mean insulin will be absorbed slower than normal. But when you warm up, it'll be absorbed normally. So make sure you're not fooled. Don't give yourself too much insulin right yeah

make sure your body doesn't fool you hypo when you're having a hypo your body can't shiver properly right so don't have an hypo

insulin should be getting above 4 degrees C as we know testing test yourself frequently again ensure you have more than enough

testing strips take care of your feet always wear comfortable skiing boots. Lastly, stay together. Don't ski alone. I don't know if that's exclusively to diabetics. And then at the bottom it says,

most importantly, have fun. So it tells you all the ways of not having fun that you've got to do, but don't forget to have fun on it. It says, most importantly, don't forget to have fun. I reckon the insulin figure's the most important. Yeah, I think don't have an IPO and die is the most important thing. So why have you suddenly gone on a little

mission to teach me about diabetes? It's our regular section. Not the diabetes thing. That will be boring. We're going to start joining Facebook groups. Every week we're going to join a new one. Both of us. And I've joined one this week. Diabetic Friend. Diabetic Friend. Right.

I think I've misunderstood it, you know. Because it was a fan page called Diabetic Friend. And I thought it meant, if you have got a friend who has got diabetes. But I think it means, oh, this site is a friend to people. To diabetics, yeah. Yeah. So I went on there and said, I've got a diabetic friend. His name's Ed Gamble.

Right? Now, they clearly thought I was mentally deficient. Well, they would do, yeah. In some way. But they wrote back and said, I'm a good friend.

They said, I hope you find this website useful, that one that I've just read from, to help you understand a little more of what he's going through. You are a good friend, smiley face.

That's lovely. And then I wrote on it, I'm are a good friend, smiley face. That's lovely. And then I wrote on it, I'm not a good friend, I make you meet double-deckers. So that's the end of your relationship with that Facebook group. They deleted that one. Yeah. But they've kept the other ones on.

Well, thank you very much for doing that, mate. I'm glad. I'll give you some more facts about it. Would you say that you did it mainly to help me out, because you're a friend and I'm diabetic, or to join the Facebook group for the new regular section of the podcast? A bit of both, actually. Right, okay.

Hypos. Now, I've asked you many times to explain to me what happens if you have a diabetic coma, which I presume is a hypo. No, a hypo is just having your blood sugar going low and feeling a bit weak. So you'll get sweating, trembling, altered vision, problems with movement, not yourself, emotional coma, stroke fits, brackets very rare.

Now, I think you do most of them anyway. Right, sweating is you, problems with movement. I'm not sweating. Not yourself, you're emotional, and you have comas, stroke fits. I do tremble. You do tremble because you tremble when I put that

special effects makeup on you you're trembling to the touch and their advice for that is mix sugar with milk so there's this

week's facts from diabetic friend.co.uk hey I'm going to help you out with your problem because you've helped me out with my diabetes so I'm going to help you out with your problem, because you've helped me out with my diabetes, so I'm going to help you out with your problem you've got. It's unconditional, mate. Tit for tat, mate.

All right. All right? Yeah. So get your tit out. Here we go. Now, your problem is that you are a bit grumpy, but medically. Yeah, I'm medically a bit grumpy. Yeah.

Bipolar disorder, isn't it? Well... Don't get sad that I said that. Well, I like calling it manic depression. I don't like bipolar. Manic depression makes you sound like Tasmanian Devil. Yeah, bipolar sounds like a pervy bear. Yeah, there you go.

You are bipolar because you are a pervy bear. Right. This is more help and also a compliment. What are you doing? I'm reading from the Metro again. Fucking hell, what is this Metro podcast? Turns out, right, that that means you are clever, probably. What, bipolar?

Yeah. I knew that already. A grade scholars are more likely to suffer bipolar disorder, according to a study of more than 700,000 students. Right, before we go any further, I have 12 GCSEs, 5 A levels and a degree. Not one of them was an A. Right. I've never got an A.

Pupils at the top of their class are four times more likely to suffer from the problem. Yeah, I wasn't there. Right, listen. Students who excel in languages and music have particularly strong associations. Right. Winston Churchill suffered from a black dog of depression. Yeah, I know that.

So don't get a black dog, because that doesn't help. What? Get a brightly coloured one and that'll cheer you up. But then at the end it says children with the poorest grades also ran nearly double the risk of bipolar disorder, so you could be thick. It's 50-50, really. I think I'm somewhere in the middle. Oh. I think I put it on.

Probably for attention. Anyway, talking of my dad. Yeah, go on. I do want to tell you a story about my dad. This happened a while ago, but I just remembered it recently, because he tends to bring it up every time I see it. Right. Went to the supermarket and... You and your dad?

Yeah. Went up to the bakery counter. Was it on a Saturday or a Sunday? Saturday probably. It'd have to be one, wouldn't it? Went up to the bakery counter, right, on a Saturday or a Sunday? Saturday probably. It'd have to be one, wouldn't it? Yeah. Went up to the bakery counter, right, before getting some bread,

right? He squinted at the sort of list of bread and what was on offer. He went, oh, can I, oh, get one of those Danish boogs?

And the lady went, sorry, what are the Danish boogs? The white ones over there, the Danish boog. She went, I don't think, I've not heard of anything. Says it there, the Danish boog. She looked around and went, the Danish 800 gram. And he's a lawyer.

And he's a lawyer, yeah. Was he joking though? No. Right. He wasn't joking because... You tell me the other one, you tell me one about him about being a pub. Yeah, I wasn't there this time. He's recently told me this one because we were talking about the Boog incident.

Yeah. He went... I think he was buying some drinks for some friends. He went up to the bar and said, Could I have six pints of Dr. Oort's ale, please? Draft. Now, regular listeners to this podcast hello graham might might remember a few weeks ago we've got a fan called graham probably hey if you're a fan of this and you're called graham can you get in touch please i don't reckon we've got a fan called graham i bet we have i want to

find this week is a new section right find a fan right i want to get this week, here's a new section, right, find a fan. Right? I want to get... That's going to take ages. As many people that you know who are called Graham, you've got to get to join our Facebook group. Yeah, that'd be brilliant. And also, for the ladies, we're going to have, um, Julie's. Julie's, yeah, alright then. So as many Julie, Julie is. Yeah.

And as many Grahams as you can. If you're already a Julie or a Graham, then, hey, say hello. Yeah. Because you are our podcast fan of the week. Julie's and Graham's. Julie's and Graham's. Yeah. This week.

It will be next week. We will just pick random names every week. Yeah. This week, Julie and Graham's. Come and take a bow. Sorry, Ed, what were you saying? Right. Regular listeners will remember

that a few episodes ago, I told you the amazing story of the woman in India who gave birth to a baby that fell through the toilet on the train that was a long time ago

yeah long time ago right and you didn't believe it I don't I still don't basically it was the story of a woman who went and sat on the toilet

on a train in India yeah and because it just the toilets go straight through to the track she gave birth to a baby nonsense baby came out

bollocks and went on the track they found it and it was still alive. Amazing. All of those things aren't true. And that has given me a new idea for a section. Yeah. Ed's amazing births. Right, I think it's a good idea and I think it could transfer to telly quite easily. Because everyone likes a birth and everyone likes an amazing thing. Right, I have found another birth. Thanks for asking, Ray. Well, I just hope that this section isn't set in a lighthouse. Because as we found out, if you go to a telemeeting and say,

you want to set your programme in a lighthouse, they look at you like you're fucking mental. They do. And then one of the group might then realise that that is a bit mental and start looking at the other one like he thinks that one is mad. I want to bring this up now. Never mind your birth section. If we're in a meeting, right, he thinks that one is mad. I want to bring this up now. Never mind your, birth section, right?

If we're in a meeting, right, and we've both decided, that we are setting our programme, in a lighthouse, you can't, when the telly people go, I'm not so sure about that,

you can't go, no, neither am I, Ray is stupid. But I did genuinely, rethink the lighthouse idea, in the meeting. Anyway,

Ed's amazing births. The tale of the miraculous conception. This isn't just the Bible, by the way. Before you do this as well, by the way, can I just say that during the meeting, Ed started arguing for there to be a zombie band in the programme, but couldn't come up with a good reason why. So everyone's looking at me...

I think that is as weird as the lighthouse. Everyone's looking at me like I'm a dickhead for saying it should be hosted in a lighthouse. And yet they're all ignoring him in the corner going, no, we can have a band every week, but they are done up as zombies. Why, Ed? Zombies.

But I'm the idiot for saying it should be a lighthouse. Right, a woman with no fanny has had a baby. What paper's this one, please? The Metro again. Did you subscribe to the Metro? No, I found it on the bus. Right, go on. Right, a woman with missing genitals.

Right, just literally no fanny, right? Well, what's she got there, then? Has had a baby. Just blank. Well, has she had it by osmosis? No, I'll tell you how she's had it. Oh, is this going to be horrible? Yeah, it is a bit horrible.

Right, well, can we warn listeners now, then? All right. This is going to be graphic. She's got no vagina, right? Right. How did she have it, you're asking? Caesarean, right? Right.

Right, she was going out with a gentleman. She split up with the gentleman. Okay. Then she started going out with another man. Her ex-boyfriend caught her in a bar giving mouth pleasure to her new boyfriend.

In a bar? That's what it says. It doesn't mention anything. Where was this? South Africa. Right.

Is that normal behaviour in South Africa? South Africa. Southern Africa. Not South Africa. Is that normal behaviour in Southern

Africa? I wouldn't like to say. To give mouth pleasure in a bar? It doesn't. I think, to be honest, the main details are

about how she got pregnant with no downstairs smile. Right. So I think we're going to have to go into that. When they done swallowed it. Okay.

Right? Old boyfriend walks in, right? Yeah. Oh, he's pissed off. Right. What does he do? Stabs her in the stomach. This is absolute nonsense.

Right? Stabs her in the stomach, right? Fucking hell. Sperm, right? From the stomach. Nonsense. Into the baby factory. Absolute nonsense. Right, staves are in the stomach, right? Fucking hell. Sperm, right? From the stomach. Nonsense. Into the baby factory. Absolute nonsense.

Sorry, mate. Right, they say it's an internet story, right? Well, it is. No one believed it 22 years ago, but now they have found it again, and they say it is true. The case was first reported in the respected British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology in 1988.

Dr Alan Pacey, senior lecturer at the University of Sheffield, said last night, it seems like a possible, plausible story, but I imagine it is incredibly rare. Timing is everything, and it would have had to have happened very quickly after the man ejaculated. And that is true, because woman, right, swallows it, didn't contact with air, straight in her gob, right?

Yeah. Other man walks in, oh my God, what's happening? Stabbing the tummy. Wait, what accent was that you just did? Chinese! Right. The fact that the son resembled the father excludes an even more miraculous conception.

It's just absolute bollocks. No, it's not. It's all about the tummy. I don't even know where to start with this. I couldn't believe that there was a woman with no fanny, is there? Yeah, well, that's straight away. What I thought is do you think she had her name printed on it like Barbie? Right, I'm not saying that can't happen. Right.

No, that is true. There was a woman with no funny. Right. She was giving pleasure to a man with a mouth in a bar. Right, yeah. At a bar. At the bar, yeah. Yeah.

Probably waiting for them. Yeah, I think the bar might have been shut. It was probably a Wetherspoons. Right? And she weren't getting the service quick enough. Yeah. Then her ex-boyfriend came in. Yeah. Stabs her. In the service quick enough. Yeah. Then her ex-boyfriend came in. Yeah.

Stubs her. In the tummy. In the tummy. The way I imagine it, right, and I think this is what happened. Stubs her in the stomach.

Yeah. Straight out the stomach into her baby factory. This is absolutely Nine months later, little baby. Right. And that is Ed's

amazing births for this week. We're not just going to let that go. The stomach isn't just above the baby factory. Right? So what we're saying is, he stabbed him in the stomach.

Yeah. And then why did that then land in a baby factory? Coincidence. It's not a coincidence. They're nowhere near each other. I mean, you've got your lower intestine there. You've got your upper intestine there. I mean, there's lots of things there.

I'm saying that it went down all them things like a slinky. So really, the stabbing was irrelevant. No, because the spunk had to get out of the stomach, because otherwise it would just come out in poo. Yeah, but if it came out of the stomach, it wouldn't then land in the baby factory. Well, it did, so I don't know how you're going to... The fact is, a woman with no family had a baby.

No, there's no fact here. Yeah, there is. He would have had to have stabbed her in the stomach. There is fact. And then very carefully stabbed her in the baby factory and then lined them up. All right, maybe people do funny things when they're angry. Move the intestine out of the way.

It is an absolute nonsense story. I don't know how you think this section is going to work if you just shout it down. Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidewaters. Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week. What was that thing you told me on the phone the other night? I need more than that. See you next week. it was Wogan's Perfect Recall and I wasn't even watching it I was just flicking through the channels and I stopped at it for a second

and the 30 seconds I saw made me laugh enough to ring you and tell you and that was because they had to finish whatever the question was and the question was Shane Ritchie presents the programme called Don't Forget the... and a woman buzzed in and went

Buzzcocks and it really, really made me laugh That was it Yeah, Don't Forget, Buzzcocks. And it really, really made me laugh. That was it. Yeah, don't forget the buzzcocks.