The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 32

Episode Date: September 1, 2019

"Episode 32" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 32 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. OMG. Grand final. What? The best dancer will reign supreme today. Will it be Ray Peacock? That's me.

Hello. Or will it be? Ed Gamble. That's me. Hello Or will it be Ed Gamble, that's me, hello What are we doing? Who will be the best dancer for the dance-off on the Peacock and Gamble podcast? Dance-off, end of series finale Are we doing a dance-off?

Ray will be dancing to this one Macho, macho man I'm gonna be a macho man And Ed will be dancing to this one So macho, I'm gonna be so macho man. And Ed will be dancing to this one. So macho you better be so macho. Who will be the best dancer and get judged by the judges? Our judges this week are

Leslie Joseph off Birds of a Feather. Oh, hello. Human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell. That bloke who's still alive off Last of December wine. Oh, I'm nearly dead. And James Whittaker.

Oh, queen of hearts. So, who will win? Will it be Ray or will it be Ed? Find out over the next half hour as you watch and listen to, mainly listen to because it is audio, the Peacock and Gamble Dance-Off Final End of Series Dance-Off Finale. Woo!

There you go. That is what all the best programmes on telly do now yeah they're all dancing programmes right okay

I thought there should be a reason behind doing all of that well that's why what we're doing is we're jumping on a bandwagon right cool

right you have got Strictly Dancing in the Ballroom with Grace Forsythe from BBC One yeah Davina McCall doing a dancing

on Sky yeah looking like she probably smells on the trailer do you not think that I she probably smells on the trailer. Do you not think that? I've honestly not seen the trailer for it. There was a trailer for it.

I think it's finished now. There was a trailer for it where she was doing loads of different dances and she was in like a leotard like Madonna off that video. But I think she looks like she smells on it. I would imagine she smells on it. Don't. She listens to this.

I'm not saying she does. I'm not having to go right at her. The way they filmed it makes it look like she smells. I think they filmed it smelly. Yeah. And dance like Michael Jackson. Yeah.

That was another one that has been on recently. Yeah. So why can we not do it? Well, there's no reason we can't. Yeah, there is. It's audio. Can't see us dancing. Actually, it's better that they can't see us

because then we can pretend that we're doing all break dancing. Yeah. Whoa, nice head spin, Ray. Thanks a lot. Well done on doing the caterpillar. Thank you. All right, welcome to the show. How's your week been? Yeah it's been fine. I feel like we don't catch up enough. We catch up every day and you know we catch up every day and over many different mediums. Phone, face, internet.

They're the three main mediums in science. God bless AI Messenger. AI Messenger. Hey, there's a girl that lives above me. And I don't know why she's got a budgie. Why would you want a budgie? I don't know. They're pointless, pathetic things.

Absolutely stupid idea for a pet. If I had a budgie, I would just be constantly tempted to crush it to death. I, I think I would like to put a budgie in my hand and just squeeze ever so slightly. Yeah, yeah. Harder and harder and harder. Squeeze the life out of it. I'd enjoy that so much. Apart from the fact I'd always be worrying

it was going to poo on my wrist. There is always that worry when you're killing a budgie, isn't there? So that's the reason I'd probably just cut its head off. Yeah. You could do it with a glove on, like a gauntlet or something. Yeah, but I'd still have to clean the glove after, wouldn't I? Throw the glove away. Or the buggy's shit.

Get one of the gloves from the petrol station. And I'll sometimes put them on because my car's diesel. All right. And for some reason, diesel pumps are always wet. All right. With diesel on them. I don't know what it is about diesel drivers that they're so mucky. They're right mucky pumps at the petrol station a diesel

driver and they just spray the diesel all down the nozzle. Well the other thing apart from chatting to you which is what I

fill my weeks with. Don't you enjoy it? I do enjoy it but you have been lying to me. When? This week. I haven't done a

lie to you. You told me which is a weird lie that Peter Tatchell campaigner for human rights and gay rights and stuff, and judge on our dancing show, you told me that Peter Tatchell has been messaging you

about getting some campaigns on the podcast. He has been saying it. So you said about getting some campaigns on the podcast. This is true. Peter Tatchell has been emailing me on Facebook. That is true. But I only found out today that that is because

you are a member of his human rights group. And then found out that it's not even one of your joke groups. That is your real one. That is a real one, yeah. Yeah.

That is a real one. So, but the lie was you said that he was messaging you saying like, oh, hey Ray, could you mention could you mention these campaigns

on your podcast, please? Yeah, well, I mean, that was all right. I've remembered it wrong. When I said that, I remembered the messages from him wrong. But it said things like, you know, spread the word. And I thought, oh, yeah, I've got a podcast. Well, spread the word now, then. All right, there is a gay in China.

I don't think that's what he had a problem with. It was something like that. I don't think you're missing the point. I don't think Peter Tatchell's point was, oh, no, there is a gay in China. I can't remember what the things was he said. It was about scouts, wasn't it? Yeah, there's gays in the scouts.

All right? Stop that, will you? I can't believe that an organisation like the scouts, which has been going many, many years, if Lord Baden-Powell knew now there were gays in the Scouts he'd be going mental so I think that was

the gist of what the gist of what Tatcha wanted to say I didn't read the full email I mean I thought I would join the group and it'd be you know

it'd look like I'm like pretty right on and that but I didn't anticipate quite how often he'd write to me I mean I think that judging by what he's

saying there are loads of problems in the world mainly about gays often he'd write to me. I mean, I think that, judging by what he's saying, there are loads of problems in the world. Mainly about gays. What I'm getting from Peter Tatchell's email is that the biggest problem in the world at the moment is gays. That's what I'm getting from it. I think you're missing the point. He's going to be devastated when he finds out that that's how he's coming across everything he says is about a gay it is honestly

but he's a gay rights campaigner so he's not going to go he's not going to go there's a shortage of Derry Lee in Tesco is he

he shouldn't even be going in Tesco he's very good at getting me to go on his campaigns but when I try and do it the other way around he's not

bothered is he do you know what I had a lot of time with Peter Tatchell with him no for him you said with go on his campaigns but when I try and do it the other way around he's not bothered is he? Do you know what? I had a lot of time with Peter Tatchell. With him? No, for him. You said with. For him.

Alright, you had a lot of time with Peter Tatchell. Alright, well I meant for him alright, that's what I meant. Yeah. Right, I've got a lot of time for Peter Tatchell, right? And I think he does a good job

and I like the fact that he does things like he goes up and punches vickers or whatever he does. No, you know what I mean? He's so general in everything he's been saying about it.

He'll just go I think he doesn't want gays in China and he punched a vicker. No, you know what I mean? He's so general in everything he's been saying about it. He'll just go, I think he doesn't want gays in China and he punched a vicar. No, you know what he likes because the vicars are doing their speeches. I think he's, I find him a bothersome little gentleman. No, but good on him.

He should be bothersome. No, he should be making a use of himself because the people that he's fighting are generally speaking idiots. But I would imagine I'm not really researched it properly. Have you not? But there's no

quid pro quo with him whatsoever he won't help with my campaigns you know he's always going Ray will you mention the gays in China

he's never said Ray he's never he's never sent you a message that starts with your name I think he will this week business time let's get our business out of the way because we've got a very very busy podcast this week yeah we do Business time.

Let's get our business out of the way because we've got a very, very busy podcast this week. Yeah, we do. We are like 80s businessmen. So we need to get the admin out of the way. First of all, our podcast fan of the week. Yes, we have. We have a podcast fan of the week.

Weirdly, again, we were hoping it was going to be a Sally. Yeah, we asked for a Sally and a Clinton. Yeah, so Clinton is a joke. We've got a Clinton. We've got a Clinton and no Sally. Clinton what? It's on Facebook. It is short for Clinton. It's got a Clinton and no Sally. Clinton what? It's on Facebook, it is short for Clinton,

he's Clint. That's alright. Clint Falcus. Nice. Who I believe is some sort of superhero. That's probably his real life identity.

Yeah, absolutely, that's what I mean, that's his real life identity and then he becomes the Falcon. Yeah. At night. Yeah, or Clint Falcus

could be what he was called on his home planet. Yeah. Now he is called Carl Fuck. On Earth. Clint Fuck, it's called. Clint Fuck. And then he becomes the Falcon to fight crime in Metropolis.

This has run out of steam so quickly. He's called Clint Fuck and he lives in Metropolis. There's zero ideas in this reference. Yeah, but he gets no work in Metropolis no idea there's zero ideas in this yeah but Clit he gets no work in Metropolis because Superman's always barging in everywhere is this a DC sort of crossover thing

he could end up being a villain good plan right this is what happened right is he wanted to be a superhero in Metropolis but every time he tried to do anything Superman beat him to it yeah Clitfuck thought right

Clitfuck thought fuck this that's good yeah nearly alliteration yeah because I made Thor into Thor yeah Click, fuck, thought, right. Click, fuck, thought, fuck this. That's good. Yeah. Bit of a nearly alliteration. Yeah. Because I made thought into thought.

Yeah. Right. Click, fuck, thought, fuck this. I'm going to be a villain. Is he the Falcon? Is that his superhero name? Yeah. But it's also his villain name as well.

Right, okay. But then he tried to be a supervillain metropolis. Lex Luthor just took it all over. He literally couldn't do right for wrong. He's a credit crunch superhero slash supervillain, isn't he? I think he's going to be one of the most boring comics ever. Just Cliff Fox sat around his house, whining about how he never gets a chance. Anyway, he's fan of the week. Yeah, podcast fan of the week.

Thanks, Cliff Fox. Next week's fans of the week, we want... I want a Jacob. Jacob, yeah. Yeah, and Miriam. Miriam. Yeah. Right, I mean, we're not going to get any... I want a Jacob. Jacob, yeah. Yeah, and Miriam. Miriam. Yeah. Right, I mean,

we're not going to get any closer to getting a girl if you go with Miriam. All right, then. No, you can't change it now. All right. Jacob or Miriam. If you are a Jacob or a Miriam,

you can be our podcast fan of the week next week. It's time for the Facebook groups. All right, come on then. What have you joined? Right, are you ready for my list? I'm totally ready, man.

Don't look at it at the same time. I can't see it from here. I will. I will read it to you. Ready. Ray became a fan of. Just because my friend is the opposite sex doesn't mean we're going out, mum. 25,000 before 2010.

I need to tell you something, but I can't find the words to say it. I finally realise you are the biggest waste of my time. We love the sarcastic guy who narrates Come Dine With Me. Russell Brand's hair. Looking through a textbook and pointing at pictures going, that's you. When I was your age, I was looking after a Tamagotchi, not a baby. I know we're just friends and all, but I really want to kiss you right now. Petition for T4 on the beach to be held at Skegness this year.

Nick Muhammad's upcoming gigs. This is a Piccadilly line service to cockfosters. Shut up, I wear heels bigger than your dick. So there are my groups for this week. That's brilliant. What a stupid load of groups. What? That's a good load of groups.

The man who does the voice on Come Down With Me. You've met him, haven't you? That's Dave Lamb. He was in Miranda. Yeah. He spoke about Roger James last week. Yeah. Dave Lamb actually played the character,

the man who evicted the Ferraras on EastEnders. He told me that with great joy the last time I saw him. He said I was the bloke who evicted the Ferraras on EastEnders. He told me that with great joy the last time I saw him. He said I was the bloke who evicted the Ferraras and I shook him by the hand and gave him a little kiss. Is that all the business for this week? I think it might be. We've got a couple of other things to get through, but business-wise, I think that's it.

Now, I'm not happy with you. Facebook stuff, fine. You're not happy about an offering this week. You're not happy about Peter Tatchell being my new best friend. No, I'm not happy about that. You're not happy about me joining Facebook groups. Right, and now I've got another thing that I'm not happy about an offering this week. You're not happy about Peter Tatchell being my new best friend. No, I'm not happy about that. You're not happy about me joining Facebook groups. Right, and now I've got another thing that I'm not happy about. What?

You have done something to the YouTube videos that we have. I was beating you by 50. Oh, on the stand-up. 50 views. Yeah. And now you have got 2,000 hits in two days. Yeah. What, have you downloaded something from me?

I've only gone and gone viral, mate. That's what's happened. Right. My stand-up video about Jay Goody from last year. Only gone and gone viral, mate. That's what's happened. Right. My stand-up video about Jay Goody from last year, only gone and gone viral. Yeah, I knew it was catching. Yeah.

No, it was some of off Destructoid, wasn't it? That's what we found out. Yeah. It was the gentleman, Jim, from Destructoid. Let's put a link up to the video and it's gone viral.

I tell you what, right, we should make proper mates with Destructoid. Yeah. Because if they can get us like 2,000 hits on a video... Yeah, How many people

could they get listening to the podcast? If all them people who they've pushed the way of that video Yeah. had downloaded the podcast on the same day on the Monday

Yeah. we would have been number one in the charts. No. So Destructoid if you can sort it out right Yeah. just get them all next week

just say as a favour and then you won't ask them nothing ever again. Will they all download like this week's one. This one now. This one. This one now.

And all the others after. And all the other ones at the same time. Get all of them and subscribe. Then we'll be number one in the whole world. Then we will get our own telly show and get carried around on a chair. Then we can go back to them producers and say, no, you're wrong. We should be on the telly.

Look at all our fans. Yeah, exactly. So do that. Yeah, thanks. And we will give you something in return. Yes, we will give you a Destructoid T-shirt. And a sticker. Yeah, thank you.

Yes, that's right. It's time for our weekly regular section where Ray says about food what you've not had for ages and makes you really want it. A food or drink that you have not had for ages and makes you really want it. This week, chocolate milk.

Chocolate milk. I bet you want some chocolate milk don't you when you go down to the supermarket later on you will go tell you what i've not had chocolate milk for ages and i know it is a bit filling but if i think if i just drink it and take my time with it it'll be really nice and it'll remind me of when i went on laldy to my nork i need to get in bottles chocolate milk chocolate milk have some chocolate milk do you want some chocolate milk I need to get it in bottles. Chocolate milk. Chocolate milk. Have some chocolate milk. Do you want some chocolate milk?

Who has chips on a breakfast? I don't know. I would have it. No, I wouldn't actually. I don't like chips. I don't really like chips. I don't mind like McDonald's chips or Burger King chips. Me too.

Isn't that bad? Really fat chips. I know. Isn't that bad? I'm not bothered about... Too sludgy. Can't be doing it. No, definitely not.

I'm the same with roast potatoes. Yeah. In fact, I'll tell you, it is the potatoes that I like. Yeah. Right? I'll go ding or uh-uh if I like them or not.

I'll tell you the ones that I do like and don't like. Right, okay. I'll do them all. Yeah. Mashed potato, yes. Ding. Yes, as long as it's quite buttery though. Creamy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it. and don't like. Right, okay. I'll do them all. Yeah. Mashed potato, yes. Ding. Yes, as long as it's quite buttery, though.

Creamy. Yeah, yeah, I like it. I don't like it if it's just a boiled potato mashed up. Yeah. With nothing in it. Yeah. So let's rule out boiled potatoes. Yeah.

Unless, interestingly, they're in a tin. Right, okay. You can eat them. Okay, I don't like boiled potatoes or tin boiled potatoes. I'll eat them cold. Right. Same if there's little new potatoes. If they're just, as long as they're chopped up and put in a potato salad, I can eat them.

Yeah. On their own, not ask about them. Mate, genuinely, ding again. Unless they're just, as long as they're chopped up and put in a potato salad, I can eat them. Yeah. On their own, not arse-rattling. Mate, genuinely, ding again. Unless they're hot and they've got butter on top. Yeah, ding.

Right, crisps. Yes, definitely. Ding a motherfucking ding. Pringles. I don't even know if they are potatoes, but I will have a Pringle. Fair.

Chips. Don't like stodgy chips like McDonald's chips or Burger King chips. Ding, ding. Thin chips, even though they're worse for you because they absorb more fat.

But, you know, I'm quite lucky because I can eat all the fat I want. Don't put any weight on. Yeah. I also like croquette potatoes. Yeah. To an extent. I always think I want more than I want.

I've never been in a situation where I've had loads of croquette potatoes. I have had frozen croquette potatoes where I've put five in the baking tray and go, fuck it, I'll have ten. Right? Put ten in there and then I'll get to about three and I'll go, I've cooked too many crepe potatoes. Okay. Interestingly, same as with mash.

Very, very nice if you have a fried egg on them and the yolk runs, but I don't want to spoil next week's food that Ray mentions that he's not had for ages. So let's not get into that. Let's fry an egg on ages. So let's not get into that. Let's find a gone-up potato. Let's not get into that just now.

Sautéed potatoes, as long as they are crispy on the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? There's nothing worse than an undercooked sautéed potato.

I completely agree, mate. It's that and Iraq are my two worst things. Yeah, and the gay scouts as well, don't forget. Because we are fighting the fight. Yeah. I think that's all the potatoes there is, isn't forget. Because we are fighting the fight. I think that's all the potatoes there is,

isn't it? No, dauphinoise. Fritters. Some potato fritters up north, because you get what they call specials, but I think that's only in the

north, which is a potato fritter. I think I've had a taste of one. Yeah, a chippy. Sometimes they're brilliant when they're quite thin potato in

batter. Brilliant. They're only like 10p each at the chippy up north, but sometimes you'll get them. I know, for example, there's a chippy in Whitefield that do them, stupidly thick.

Right. It's like a jacket potato in batter. And I'm not interested in that. But it's still 10p? Still only 10p yeah. I think they just use all the shitty bits of potato they've got left. Right. But yeah, good section that you started then. That was a good section about potatoes. How do we get onto potatoes? Oh yeah, he has chips in breakfast. He has chips in breakfast because I read a thing where a man was talking about his favourite breakfast and going around and doing all the favourite breakfast

and he had chips on him. Chip, bacon and egg. He's a prick. Yeah, I know. I thought it would be a good section. It was a good section for a bit.

You do it. You do a section then now. I will. Do it then. I am. What do you want me to do? A story. Right.

Alright then. Go and get comfortable. Once upon a time there was a man who lived in a village. Brilliant. And he was considered by the other villages to be rather eccentric on account of the fact that he lived in an house made of feathers. That he had made himself, right?

And nobody questioned how this had happened. Nobody questioned where he got the feathers from or how he glued the feathers from. Or how he glued them all together. It was just taken as read. And they didn't mind it in the village because I think it brought a lot of tourism to the area. People used to come and look at the feather owls and go, I like that.

I might buy a scone while I'm here. So the woman down at the bakery, she was happy with it because she was shifting scones ten to the dozen. So the woman, so the woman down the bakery, she was happy with it because she was shifting scones ten to the dozen. Yeah. And the local pub were happy about it

because people had gone to see the Feather House and then have a pint. And the pub was called the Feather House as well. Right, well can I

give my own story? But yes, that is true. In this story, that is right, that's correct, but you fluked that. Right.

But yes, it was a Feather House but I have wrote that in this story. Yeah. Anyway, one day, a woman come into town. Right. She didn't have one arm.

No, she had no legs. Did she have no legs? No, no, she had to have legs because she walked into town. Village. Village. But she didn't have one arm, that is true. And she'd come specially to see the Feverels. Yeah.

Now, woe of woes, on the day she came, the centric man who built and owned the Feather House had gone to pay his car tax. Right. At the post office. Now, the village that it was at, that post office didn't do car tax, so we had to go into the main city to do it. So he was out of town. So she went down to the Feathers.

What city was it? Harrogate. So she went down to the pub, the Feathers, Feather Arms, Feather House Arms, to say, I wanted to go and visit the Feather House. Yeah. Right? And then I went, you're here. Right?

And she went, no, I mean the actual Feather House. And he went, oh, yeah, right. Right, I see, he said. But the bloke who owns it has gone down and got his car taxed. She didn't know that. Yeah. But she said, the bloke who owns it isn't there. So the blokeed She didn't know that Yeah But she said the bloke who owns it isn't there So the bloke from the feather house pub

Said I'll get you in Right So he took her down there And he broke a window Feather window To get her in So she went inside it Now

She's on the look round And she's enjoying herself But the structural damage Done from the feather window being smashed Had a knock on effect To the rest of the house Right And the house started to shake

Oh no And it was like This fucker's coming down Yeah And all the villagers Could see this in the distance Going the fucking and the house started to shake. Oh no. And it was like, this fucker's coming down. Yeah. And all the villagers could see this in the distance going, the fucking,

the feather house is coming down. Right, I can't believe this. They're all legging it up the lane. Going, come on, if we work as a team,

we can stop it falling down, right? And they all get, they all go inside it, right? Yeah. And they're all joining hands and going,

right, come on, we'll make a human chain. We've invested a lot in this. Yeah. You know, we get a lot from this? Yeah. And they're all joining hands and going, right, come on, we'll make a human chain. We've invested a lot in this. Yeah. You know, we get a lot from this. Yeah. Get a lot of money back if we keep the chain going.

Yeah. Right? So they all hold hands and that, and they're holding walls and stuff. But the woman on the end, she had to hold hands with the chain, the human chain. Yeah.

And then grab a wall. She held hands with the human chain, and then she remembered that she didn't have another arm. Right? Couldn't get it. Yeah. Couldn't get the wall the old fucking thing came down the feather house came down and was just like raised to the ground oh then the bloke's bloody coming back from paying his car tax in harrogate and he he went

fucking mental did he right it was his feather house that he made and it was all gone yeah and he was like he was criticizing the woman the one-armed woman proper slagging her off and that and then she wanted to live there forever and the boats going you're an idiot you know you fucking come in here you out there you prick you're coming here and you've ruined the feather house what's your name and she went uh jennifer and he went yeah jennifer twat all stuff i mean that's how angry he was yeah all stuff like that yeah and then all the villagers all had a vote and decided to banish her. Oh.

So Jennifer got banished. She got banished and had to leave. And none of them had a look at her when she left. So that's my story. Terrible. And interestingly, that story is true. Right. And that's how they came up with the idea for the television show The Weakest Link.

That is exactly how it happened. Right. That's brilliant. That's how it came about. That's really good, man. So there'll be more secret origins. Ray's secret origins regular section where I will tell you the secret origins

of a television show next week. Right, now it's time for everyone's favourite section. Ed's amazing births. So far, you've not done any amazing birth favourite section, Ed's Amazing Births. So far, you've not done any amazing births. There have been amazing conceptions. This week, we have two amazing births. Actual births. Births.

So it is Ed's Amazing Births. This week, it is Ed's Amazing Births. The last two have been Ed's Amazing Conceptions. That is true. I'll bow to that. All right. So it's a new section, then. Yeah.

No, it's a regular section, Ed's Amazing Thing. We're not having a section called Ed's Amazing Thing. No, Ed's Amazing Conception Slash Birth. How's your driving going anyway? You've not mentioned that yet. Yeah, it's fine. Going all right. Yeah, you're doing well, aren't you?

Yeah, reckon I'll pass in a minute. It's a better section than the Ed's Amazing Thing. No, it's not. Tell us about your driving. Come on, everyone wants to know. Well, I didn't have a nice lesson yesterday because we went through the town centre and I didn't like that. You will have to do that.

Because it was all busy. Oh right, well you were. And I don't like it, I can't, I get a panic when it's busy. You don't like it when it's busy. So, basically I just want to drive around back roads. Well say that when you have your test. When, when you go for your test and you go, right Mr Gamble if you could just, er, check everything's alright then pull off.

Yeah. And then erm, oh don't do that, don't do that. If he says that, that is the end of my driving test because I will just go oh beg your pardon what yeah you could do that

but then you probably will fail for that but then they'll say right just turn into the town please and you'll go no

and he'll be like no you've got to and you'll say no no because even when I pass my test I'm only going on

back roads so I don't need to prove I can drive into the town and then they'll say alright do a bit of parallel parking no I'm't need to prove I can drive in the town and then they'll say alright do a bit of parallel parking no I'm never going to do that if there isn't a space I can drive into at first then I won't I just won't park I'll just go home so I don't need to prove I can do something I'm never going to do again yeah and I'm never going to go above second

gear reversing around the corner I'll never do it. No, never have to do that. I will never do it. In fact, I'm not going to reverse. I live on a roundabout, so I'll never have to. Yeah. Anyway, got a couple of amazing births this week. Why a couple? Why one we've had? You've been doing one, and it's been rubbish. Why did you then go, oh, it's quantity, not quality we need.

I'll get a couple this week. I think there's a couple of things that I found that I think you will like both of them but they're little shorter stories really. I don't have as much information on them. I've got a little update on last week's. What do you mean an update on last week's? The woman who got pregnant off the bullet. I spoke to my friend

Nishant Kumar who I think is a doctor or something so you must know about this. And he told me that he heard that at primary school but when he heard it it was the whole bollock that got carried by the bullet and it went right up

to a woman's fanny and when his friend told him about it and he distinctly remembered this when we told the story last week that when his friend

mimed it he mimed a woman lifting up her dress as it flew towards her for the bollock to go up well it's a horrific situation already you don't want it

ruining by putting an L in your frock. Yeah. Exactly. Make it even worse, that, wouldn't it? Right, here we go. Quick little story here for you. Oh, a woman's given birth to an 18-inch long baby. Right.

I don't even know if that's long or short. Right, you know, if you think 12-inch ruler and another six inches, that's about that long. Okay. That's fine for a baby. Yeah. You're thinking, what's amazing about that, Ed? The woman was only 28 inches. Oh my God. So there's 10 inches give on that? Yeah, so I don't... Where's this at? It's

basically her head and then the rest of her was full of baby. That's an impossible pregnancy. Look, I've got the website on there. Where's this happened at? Right, we'll get the website up. Right, so it's on Weird News, imperfectparent.com. Well, her've got the website on there. Where's this happened at? Right, we'll get the website up. Right, so it's on weirdnewsinperfectparent.com. Well, her name is Stacey Herald. Yep. She's from Northern Kentucky, so it's in America, so it's definitely true. It's not one of these ones. It's not here.

Yeah. She gave birth to a baby 18 inches long, a girl one. And then she, yeah, she is 28 and a half inches, head to heel. Right, so she's a little lady. Yeah, she's a tiny little lady. And she's had an 18-inch baby. And that is like the end of the Russian dolls. Yeah.

Do you think now, if the 18-inch baby doesn't grow, then she will have a 6-inch baby, and slowly we'll get further and further down, and then we can make the borrowers, but for real. I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure that any baby should be having a baby. No, but that's true. That's another one I found,

but we'll talk about that one another day. A baby who had a baby? 11-year-old. No but that's true that's another one I found but we'll talk about that one another day. A baby who had a baby? 11 year old. Alright well that's plausible.

But what I'm saying is if we give that baby a baby and a no you're not supposed to. It's not we're not supposed to we're not going to do it.

Right if we did that then. I'm not having the logical progression of this podcast of you impregnating a baby. Yeah but to see if we can get smaller and

smaller. Not for any reason. There shouldn't be any reason. Line them up on the mantelpiece. No, not for any reason. And then we could stack... There shouldn't be any reason. ...line them up on the mantelpiece. No, there is no artistic reason. Imagine going for a family picnic where you could fit the whole family in a picnic basket. What's your other one?

Right, this one... I believe that one. Yeah, well, you believe this one, it's all true. A buffalo has given birth to a human. Right. Right. I don't believe that one. Why not?

Because that's bollocks. Do you want to see a picture? I'd love to see a picture of it. It's not great for a podcast, is it? Right, get that up now. Right, there it is. It's in India somewhere. Right, that looks like when E.T. died. Yeah, a buffalo has given birth to a human. That's absolute shit. But I'm sad to say that the baby human didn't survive.

Because it didn't exist. So we will never know if it was able to speak English. A buffalo gave birth to a human-like baby, but it has passed away immediately after it was born. Yeah. Right. No man in the village has yet owned up to being the father of the buffalo baby. But that is human, that. It's not.

That is human. Well, it's certainly not buffalo. I think it might be a fucked up buffalo. No. No, that is a human. I think a buffalo has had a disabled buffalo child no i think a buffalo has had a human for the first time in the world i don't believe that for a second right i don't think that's happened i mean and the other thing

i was thinking was um do you think if it did grow up to be a girl do you think you can make nice mozzarella out of that it looks like thailand sorry not india it looks like... Thailand, sorry, not India. It looks like the Roswell pictures, and that was, they were faked. No, but maybe they said it was an alien, but all along it was a buffalo human. Oh, right, I've noticed. So maybe they faked the alien thing, but in reality it was a buffalo human, and now it's happened again. So like with all conspiracy theories, yours are now careering wildly out of control. No, and it's not out of control.

There's the news there. No, you just... Buffalo gives birth to a human baby in Thailand. My friends have been to Thailand and they take loads of drugs out there, they said. Might as well give some to a buffalo and then add some themselves and then a man has sex with a buffalo and then a human baby. They have took loads of drugs and they've gone, let's build a buffalo baby human. And take pictures of it and send it over to the UK, where I'm sure one fucking idiot will believe it. That is not a buffalo human baby!

Years ago, people wouldn't have believed that loads of things were possible, like space travel. They would have gone, oh, someone's going to travel in space. No, they're not. And now, now this is exactly the same. No, it's not. Well, I don't know, listen to me. No, it's not.

I've said, a buffalo's given birth to a human, and you're going, oh, no, that's not true. In 20 years, there will be people walking around with horns. And you will be there going, oh, I didn't believe in you. If in 1901, somebody had walked into London, the middle of London, with a drawing of themselves stood on the moon and gone, look at that, I went on the moon last night. Then you would go, no, bollocks, you didn't. I'm not showing you a drawing, I'm showing you a picture of a human baby that a buffalo has given birth to.

Well, no, it's something they've either made or it's been photoshopped or something. But that isn't a real human buffalo baby. It might be a disabled buffalo. It might be a freako baby. But that has not... If that's human, it's not come out of a buffalo's fanny. Right? That's definitively the end of this podcast.

Right. No, the end. right that's definitively the end of this podcast right no the end Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised

and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble all music by the Tiger Lilies except for the last one which is performed by Frank Sidewit

Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk see you next week The He Cook and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week. On the subject of Facebook. Yeah.

Why do you keep deleting top fish? People keep sending you top fish and you keep deleting them. I think you are being a very ungrateful little boy. It keeps clogging up my wall. I delete everything like that. If a woman, who is a friend of yours, goes through the rigmarole of sending you a top fish and a Valentine's Day one at that, I don't know why

you would then not say thank you for that top fish. I will treasure it. No, because I don't want to add the application or whatever and all those things clog up you all anyway. Like, do you want a top fish? Do you want to be in the mafia? Do you want Facebook aides or whatever they do? I don't fish do you want to be in the mafia do you want facebook aids or whatever i don't think you should want to be in the mafia right i don't think that's clever or big at all but i do think it's what's happened to them top fish you've deleted now down the facebook toilet are they just flapping about

under pavement no that flushes them down the facebook toilet and then they live in the sewer they are dead you are killing top fish fish at a Valentine's Day one. I'm now going to say to all our listeners and something I wouldn't normally do. Add Ed on Facebook and bombard him

with top fish. Sooner or later he won't have time to delete them all. So let's all send Ed as many top fish as we can. Let's get a million

top fish on Ed's page before 2011. If I get one top fish on my page, you will be deleted as a friend. Right. If Ed deletes you as a friend, make friends with me, and I will have a personal relationship with you. They can do that. That is no skin off my nose. But if you add me as a friend, then send me a top fish.

But you have to be. I will find out where you live. I will come over in the middle of the night with a real fish, post it through your letterbox, shout at you, oh, you've got a fish that you didn't ask for, and when you come downstairs and try and give it back to me, I'll say no.

Now you've got a fish's death on your conscience.