The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 33

Episode Date: September 8, 2019

"Episode 33" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 33 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hello, hello, hello. What's going on here then? Oh, it's only the bloody Peacock and Gamble podcast. Who are you there? Oh, I'm Ed Gamble. I'm the second bit of the title. Right, I'm not really needed here, am I not? I'm Ray Peacock. I'm the first bit of the title. Right, I'm not really needed here, am I not? I'm Ray Peacock, I'm the first bit of the title. The and is not here.

Yeah, the and is on its holidays in Honolulu. It's having a beach holiday and building an ampersand castle. Brilliant. Yeah, that is a well-made joke. You're a bit shot now, aren't you? Yeah, straight off. I'm glad I've got my sunglasses on. Yeah.

Because otherwise you would have seen my wide eyes being all shocked at your brilliant ampersand joke. Why do you have your sunglasses on indoors?

It's sunny, isn't it? It's rude. You don't really hear ampersand said a lot and I always like it when I hear it. Yeah, so you have to put your

sunglasses on. Yeah. I will add them on already. I think I suspected you were going to say ampersand. See, a lot of the

problem is you're quite distracted today because it's taken us ages to start because you kept not pressing record and telling me to start. Yeah, a lot of the problem is you're quite distracted today because it's taken us ages to start because you kept not pressing record and telling me to start. Yeah, well, you've still got to do it, haven't you? No, not if it's not recording. No, professional.

No, it's not professional to start a podcast without recording it. Be professional, you've got to do. It's like if something goes wrong on the theatre, just keep going. Yeah, but not if the audience hasn't arrived. Keep going, mate. You know, if there's something blocking the door and the audience can't arrived. Keep going, mate. You know, if there's something blocking the door and the audience can't get in,

you don't go, oh, the show must go on. Yes, you do. The show must go on. No, you don't. Because it's not a show if there's no audience. This show goes up

at eight o'clock, they say. It goes up at eight o'clock every night. I've been in this theatre man and boy. That's what the stage manager will say. Right.

I've never had a show go up late. Get on that stage now. Even though the curtain is broken. Yeah, get on the stage. The curtain is broken and the theatre is on fire. The show must go on. Get on that stage now. Even though the curtain is broken. Yeah, get on the stage. The curtain's broken and the theatre's on fire.

The show must go on. Yeah. Get on that. You didn't want Titanic, did you not? You didn't get that band going, oh, we must play on Mike Sink in it. Oh, no, hang on. No one's pressed record.

Yeah, no, because that's not how their audience is defined. I'll tell you now. They still had people around listening to the music, so they did have to play on. I'll tell you now. Nobody did press record, because if they did, that would have gone number one in the charts

and you'd be able to still get it now. Yeah, that's true. The band playing on. Yeah. Playing, I imagine that they were doing

Disney medley. I reckon they'd done Old New World into Ooby-Doo I Wanna Be Like You Yeah. And then everyone's favourite

right at the end Under the Sea. If I've not pressed record, all right, it's not ideal. I've got to keep playing. Just got to keep going. And this is a brilliant intro, right? Yeah. I'm going to stop it now.

Yeah. Because it's going to go to the next section on the podcast. Yeah. But just keep going. You've got to keep going now. Right, all right. Keep going. All right.

No matter what. Well, I've had... Fun plays on plays on all right i've had a brilliant week and he said i don't care who your dad is you can't do that to a scarecrow what a brilliant story yeah it was good i feel sorry for the listener that they didn't hear the middle bit of that story but i've got to keep going gotta keep going yeah you're right ed it's professional and now you have won your best theater badge oh Oh, thank you very much. Actor of the Year from the BAFTAs. Well done on that.

I will put it next to my badge for swimming 30 metres in my gym jams. Did you do that? Yeah. I thought they were gold and silver and bronze medals. No, I think it was a badge. I got a badge for 1,500 metres. Whoa. And I was the youngest person to do it at that swimming BAFTAs.

Really? Yeah, I don't know why they made me do it. It was agony. Is it because... I didn't enjoy it. You jumped in the pool and all the water flew out so you just walked to the end Buffs. Really? Yeah, I don't know why they made me do it. It was agony. Is it because... I didn't enjoy it. You jumped in the pool and all the water flew out so you just walked to the end. Whoa.

Oh, sorry, mate. What's that about? I thought it was quite a funny image. That's a horrible thing to say. Sorry, I was just imagining why you would get a record. Well, then I don't want to do this podcast. Right, well... No.

F off, then. Because what's happened is, right, just because you've gone a bit anorexic... I've not gone anorexic. And just because you're eating a bit anorexic... I've not gone anorexic. And just because you're eating salad and that all the time... We always make jokes that each other are fat, and we are both fat. No, you have lost loads of weight.

No, I've lost a bit. I'm still fat. And you are now miserable. Right? You have lost weight. Fine. I'm glad for you and Elfie and that. You are now miserable.

So don't come in here pointing the finger at me and saying, ooh, look, you are still fat. I am still fighting the here pointing the finger at me and saying oh look you are still fat. I am still fighting the cause. I am still being fat bloke getting all the girls because I'm a great personality. And you are getting up

early in the morning putting on shorts and trainers to go for a jog but not going if it's raining. That happened once. Yeah but that was yesterday

so it's relevant. Yeah. It said it happened once like when you were nine then we could laugh it off but it happened once. Yeah, but that was yesterday, so it's relevant. It said it happened once when you were nine, then we could laugh it off, but it happened yesterday. Yeah, it did happen yesterday. I got up to go for a jog, and luckily it was raining, so I went back to bed. Right, have you had a jog today?

No. Right, well, you shouldn't have a jog. Why not? Because I think it'll kill you. You can't go straight in at jogging. Well, when I say jog, I mean I would go out with the intention of jogging, but do walking in between and have a nice listen to my iPod and then get

home and never sit down. When you say you're going to go for a jog, do you mean you're going to go for a cigarette in the back garden? No, I meant a cigarette in the park. Right, well, I don't want you jogging. Alright, I won't jog. Not yet. Alright, any excuse. Alright, I won't. But I want you to build up to jogging. Alright, Ray, I won't jog. I want you to do some sit-ups. I did a long run yesterday. Did you? 400 miles. Whoa, no way.

I know. I did it in a car. Oh, right. But it was pointless. Why? I drove to Manchester, right, and they pulled the gig an hour before it started. That's shit. But they did it on purpose.

They did it vindictively. But I'd already driven to Manchester. I was, I lost a day yesterday. Oh. I say I wasted a day. I didn't. I had a glorious time at my parents' house. Right.

Seeing my mum and my dad. Yeah. They were all... A.K.A. Your parents. My parents. Yeah. I'm slightly concerned.

I don't know what the etiquette is, because they both live in the house, right? Right. And they're not that old, really. Right. You know, they seem to get by it. I think they're solvent. Yeah.

And I think they're eating and that. Yeah. But I want to put them in a gnome. And I don't know where I would stand now. Why do you want to put them in a gnome? Even though they're not ill as far as... They're managing. But I think it would be best all round now

to get my parents in a home now. So I don't know, if anyone knows legally where I would stand about putting two relatively compass-mentless people in a home. I think you'd have to prove that they weren't compass-mentless. I could prove it easily

by telling you the conversations we had. I went on the internet and I went on, Chortle, Chortle page came up. Very sadly this week, a comedian, a friend of comedy, and he died this week,

Jason Wood. Yeah. Died very young, 38. Horrible, you know. But Jason was on the front page of Chortle. And my mum said, did you know him? And I said, well, you know, I'd gig with him and stuff, you know. He was a nice bloke and that. And she said, I think he's gay. And I said, well yeah, he is. He was

openly gay. Yeah. Right. And then the pitch came up and she went, oh, he looks gay in that picture. Right. And I went, yeah up and she went, oh, he looks gay in that picture. Right. And I went, yeah. I know, he is. And she went, you can tell he's gay in that picture. And I said, no,

but he's not hiding it. It isn't a secret. And like, everyone around the table was going, what on earth are you? Do you really look gay in the picture?

And my mum went, what? I'm not being racist saying that. Right, and it was an unbelievable... I mean, she meant nothing by it. But it was unbelievable. Not being racist. So try and decipher that as a conversation.

And then my dad, for no reason, said, I think all this political correctness has gone mud. Right? And I went, what? What are you on about? And he went, when I started work, they used to pull your pants down, put water in your balls and throw flour at it.

And I went what and he went can't do that now and I literally I thought I was asleep I was like I don't know what you're all about

and he went you should do it with oil as well sometimes and like every other old person who complains about political correctness

in the country can't say Cullen anymore can't say Cullen tell, can't say Cullen. Your dad goes, tell you what you can't do, pull someone's trousers down, put water on your balls and chuck flour at it. Yeah, but then, wait, see, wait, this. Then my mum said, oh, I know, I remember my first day working at the courts. She took a call in the post room,

pulled my top up and put stamps on my busters, saying, seen by the director. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I was literally sitting there going, I don't know what's happening. I can't believe your parents used to live in a carry-on. It was a mental thing. And then me dad went, you should be able to say, can I weigh your breasts? And then both me mum and me dad both put their hands out and went, wehey! And then me dad went, I couldn't do that to your mum now, I'd break my wrists.

Business time. Time for the business of the podcast. Final week. Last week we asked for a Jacob or a Miriam. Or a Miriam, yeah. And or a Miriam. Yeah. We got a Jacob. We bagged ourselves a Jacob. We got a Jacob. Who knew a Miriam?

Yeah, who lived across, lived across the corridor from Miriam. Yeah. We got a Jacob. We bagged ourselves a Jacob. We got a Jacob. Who knew a Miriam? Yeah, who lived across the corridor from Miriam. He said, hello, Reynad, I'm a Jacob, and in my dorm there is a girl named Miriam who lives in the room directly across the hall. But she does not listen, and I doubt I could force her. Right, well... Even if I tied her down and did that scene from Clockwork Orange, but with ears. Yeah, that would be love. Well, that would force her.

Yeah, if he could do that, that would force her to listen to it. And then they would be king and queen. And who lives in a dorm? Yeah, I bet you he's American. Jacob Seagal. Say it American. Jacob Seagal. Perfect, isn't it? He sounds like he's from New York.

New York, give me a coffee. And Jacob Seagal, eat my pizza. That's what I think he does. I think it sounds like he is in the remake of Boy Meets World. Yeah? It was at that moment I realised that I was in love with Topanga. I don't know what Boy Meets World is, but that is a brilliant voice. Is he American?

I don't know. Jake, are you American or not? Can you tell us that or not, Jake? If you're American, can you give us a bit of background about you? If you're American, can you send us some peanut butter on an email? Can you send us over some hoishies? Hoishies chocolate?

I don't send hoishies, I don't like it. No, me neither. It's horrible. It's musty. It tastes musty. Jacob could be

a minor animal character in a Disney film. Yeah, he could be, couldn't he? Yeah, possibly the sidekick to the main villain.

Yeah, and Miriam is, of course, the grandma llama. Yeah, Miriam's not in it. The grandma llama. Yeah, Miriam's not in it, mate. Oh, alright. She's too busy. Okay.

She's too busy, sat on her fat arse. Yeah, fucking American. Across the dorm. Yeah. She's too busy, sat in the other room, her fat arse, watching Jay Springer, sitting there, doing nothing,

claiming welfare, eating a sidewalk. Watching Joe Springer. Sitting there, doing nothing. Claiming welfare. Eating a sidewalk. Hey, Miriam. How about you listen to our podcast rather than just sit there eating sloppy joes and watching films that aren't out over here yet? Yeah, Miriam. Yeah, stop being over there in America

with your big black prime minister. Yeah, Miriam. That's not alright, is it? I think that's fine. But anyway, thank you, Jacob, for joining in and being the podcast fan of the week. Yeah, thank you, Jacob.

Which brings us nicely on. But are we not going to pick a name for fan of the week next week? Oh, yeah, sorry, my bad. I think we should go a bit more niche. Okay. How about for a boy? Alan. No.

It's Alan, I've said it now. All right, then for a girl. Yeah. Snooker. No, because we're... And then if someone gets it, then we know that we have got loads of fans. No, because we're struggling to get one. We're not having someone someone we've not got anyone

called Smooker on our almost certainly on our podcast alright if it's a boy it is Alan if it is a girl it is what

Juanita no you've said it now it's too late Juanita it is Juanita Snugero yeah if you're called

Juanita Snugero then you can be the queen of the podcast and if you're called Juanita Snugero then you can be the queen of the podcast and if you're called Alan you can be the king. Let us know on our Facebook fan page and you can be that next week.

Right, groups time. So every week I join some more Facebook groups. Yeah. So I can be down with the kids. Yeah, indeed.

So here are the groups that I've joined this week. Brilliant. Ray became a fan of Lee Boot's School of Driving. Who's Lee Boots? I don't care about your farm or your fish or your park or your mafia. Realising how drunk you are when you are alone in the toilet.

Petition to get KFC to deliver to your door. Bjork. Rage Against the Machine for Christmas number one. 2009. I say I'm only having a few and then get absolutely wankered. You instantly piss me off when I see you. I want a monkey this small. Get John and Edward off X Factor.

Everybody's wore a Haribo ring at some point and wrote on Raji James' wall. So there we go. There are all the groups. Oh, commented on Chris Ramsey's status, I also joined. So there's all the groups that I joined this week. You seem to be taking it in a new direction where you'll just join groups slightly too late now.

Right, what? Like big groups, like get John and Edward off X Factor. No, I don't think that, whoever they are, I don't want them on X Factor. But they're not on

it anymore. They better not be. I tell you what, John and Edward, right, they get on my nerves whoever they are. And get Rage Against

the Machine's Christmas number one 2009. Brilliant, that'll show Simon Cole. That'll show him. I think we should, I tell you what,

if you're a fan of this podcast, right, then come on, help us get Rage to the Machine on all the way to Christmas number one, 2009, please. Yeah,

that'll stick it to him. That'll show, that'll show John and Edward. That'll show John and Edward and the corporate. Join the fight against capitalism by contributing to a major industry. You can't make a joke

about joining a group too late and then slam something that happened ages ago. Watch me. Everybody's favourite little section. What is it? Ray says a food that reminds you that you like it and makes you want to have it is that what it's called?

something along those lines I will be mentioning a food or a drink that you might not have had for ages and you will hear me say it and you'll go do you know what I'm having that and this week you definitely are

because guess what it is this week? Oh, it's not for those who are dairy intolerant. It's Dairy Lee Triangle. Oh, actually. A Dairy Lee Cheese Triangle. How about that? That's the first time you've got me. You can unwrap them, can't you,

with the little red ribbon that's through it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Unwraps the triangle perfectly. Oh, yeah. Pop that cheese out of the foil. Yeah. Straight in your mouth. Eat it all up.

I'm going to have another one. I'm not having just one. I'm going to have two, aren't you? You're going to have two, aren't you? Dairy Lee triangles. You're going to have two Dairy Lee triangles. I might have three. Three Dairy Lee triangles.

You might have four. I might have a box of them. Oh, it's not even a box, is it? It's a ring of them. A ring of Dairy Lee triangles. And only about 90 ring of them. A ring of Dairy Lee triangles. And only about 90p. A ring of Dairy Lee triangles in your mouth. I used to buy them from the spa around the corner from my house.

And I ate them all before I got back to my home. Dairy Lee triangles. Dairy Lee squares? No. Triangles. Yes, please, Mum. Dairy Lee Triangles

stop saying it do you want some dinner I'm not hungry but it's Dairy Lee Triangles oh yes please Dairy Lee Triangles face down on the bed reading a comic

and eating a Dairy Lee triangle. What are we doing after this, please, Ray? What do you want to do? I don't know. Go to Pictures. See Banana Man. Banana Man? Yeah.

Do you mean Avatar? That film everyone is going to watch is Banana Man. Avatar. Is that what it is? Yeah. I can't remember. I saw the A's. Last week was absolutely ridiculous. I've not seen it. What? Avatar. Is that what it is? Yeah. I can't remember. I saw the A's. Last week was absolutely ridiculous.

I've not seen it. What? Avatar. That's a lie. What, Avatars? Yeah, Avatar. I've not seen it. Avatar, alright. Have you seen it?

No, I've not, no, no, no. I bet we're the only two people in the world who haven't seen it. Yeah, that's true. Check us out. Yeah. We don't care, do we not? No. I'd like to see it though, because I think there's some episode in it.

Yeah, that's true. I've seen a picture of it once. Yeah. It's in 3D, but it's not coming out in 3D on DVD and Blu-ray, apparently. Is it not? That's what I read this week. Oh. It might do later in the year.

That's annoying. But its initial release won't be in 3D. So are we going to see that after this podcast? Yeah, just anything but what happened last week. Have a kiss? No, well, we may as well, actually, we may as well have a kiss, because last week we basically did everything but kissing. Well, yeah, we're right, we did knobs.

You may, no, we didn't do knobs. I'd like a kiss. You wanted a sleep last week. Yeah. And I wanted a sleep. Me and you should do a kiss for knobs. No, we didn't do knobs. I'd like a kiss. You wanted a sleep last week. Yeah. And I wanted a sleep. Me and you should

do a kiss for charity. We're not going to do a kiss for charity. Like Corden and David Williams. No, we're not

doing a kiss for They've done it on a catwalk, they went right to the end and then they had a big long kiss and walked back in.

Yeah. Me and you could do that easy. Yeah, but that is because they're on telly. If we get on telly, then I'll

kiss you for charity. All right, well there you go. Any TV commissioning people. Yeah. Me and Ed, if we put this on telly, we'll kiss kiss you for charity. Alright, well there you go. Any TV commissioning people. Yeah. Me and Ed, if we put this on telly, we'll

kiss each other. So I'll buy that for an incentive. Right, but you'll have to shave. I will. I'll shave you up nice. Not me. I'll give you a right good shaving and then I'll kiss it. Dirty boy. You're blue. You're blue. You should be in Matalan, mate. Avatar. Avatar.

Oh, that could have been a brilliant joke. Oh, fuck, mate. Last week, we were a bit sleepy, so you made us lie on the floor on the duvet with the fan heater on us. Well, hang on, don't say... With a nice blue light. Right, well, don't say...

Pretending we were under the sea. Don't say I made us like it was sleepers or something. I said, what we should do is we should make a base. We'll make a bass, we'll turn all the lights off apart from the blue light, put that one in the corner, we'll put the duvet on the floor,

get on there, fan eater, and how cosy was it? It was like we were under the sea. Yeah, and we weren't touching or nothing. No. We had nice soft music on,

we had the Bioshock soundtrack on, which is all set under the sea, and we had a nice little sleep. Now, I can't see any problem with that. Yeah. Doesn't get much gayer, does it? Well, it does, if we'd have been touching and kissing each a nice little sleep. Now, I can't see any problem with that. Yeah. It doesn't get much gayer, does it?

Well, it does, if we'd have been touching and kissing each other on the knobs. Yeah, but that's the next step. Well, alright.

I've heard about, I've read this interview with the Pet Shop Boys and they said they started lying on the floor with a blue light on. If you're intimating that I am in some way

grooming you by putting a blue light on you and making you have a sleep, then I can assure you that nothing is further from my mind. Alright then. I often do that on my own. Right, okay sleep, then I can assure you that nothing is further from my mind. All right, then. I often do that on my own.

Right, okay. I have shared that with you. All right, well, thank you very much. And now we've shared it with the listener. All right, then. You shouldn't get to an age ever in your life where you stop making bases. You shouldn't. You made a base under the table the other day, didn't you?

I got stuck under the table. There's a slight difference in that. Yeah, well, you were trying to make a base and then you got stuck i wrapped myself in a duvet yeah fell off the sofa yeah and then you came in to try and help me and rescue me yeah and also somebody said on facebook as well because there's a photo of that yeah of me and you under the table yeah right and they put how on earth did you take this photo as if we couldn't possibly know anyone else. As if it was completely out of the question

that there could be anyone else here. I remember that happened when we went to Blackpool in Two Swords and we went, hang on, who's taking the pictures? We can't have any other friends. And it's like, we do know other people. So, bases. Why do we stop making bases? I don't know. It is brilliant fun.

You never feel cosier than when you're in a base. Totally. Yeah. And they're so easy to make. Yeah. There's so many different ways of making them. Yeah. My friend fell asleep at school once in the common room.

Yeah. Built a base around him. Absolutely amazing. Fucking terrified when he woke up. I can remember. Well, he bumped his head quite hard. I can remember my grandad many years ago, when my grandad was alive, he was in hospital,

and not well at all. But I thought it was brilliant because he had a little cabinet next to his bed that opened with the door out. So if you were in the bed, it was a mini base. In my car, right? My car's two-seater. Behind it, there's a little secret storage compartment. That is a mini base. You can't My car's two seater. Behind it, there's a little secret storage

compartment. That is a mini base. You can't get in it though. I will try and get in that. One day you will try and get in it, I know.

This is why we always talk about we'd love to be lorry drivers and have the bed above the steering wheel. We've got, one of our fans is a lorry driver. I mean, there might be

more, but one of them we know about, Nigel from Rotherham. He's a lat driver, right? And he's always on Facebook, banging on about how it's rubbish. Yeah. I just think you're a grateful fucker. You've got a bed.

You have got a bed, a base, above where you drive. Right, how can that not be the best job in the world? Amazing. Always have a New Yorkie. He can have a York the world? Amazing. Always having a Yorkie. He can have a Yorkie for breakfast. Yeah. He can have a Yorkie in his base. Yeah.

Get up in your base above your cabin. And have a Yorkie. Have a Yorkie. What more would you want from a job? Yeah. That is mental. Yeah. To not like that.

Yeah. I would love to be a lorry driver. Just for a few days or something. Right. I often fantasise about getting stranded in my car. Right. I do. Last night driving through snow. Yeah. I thought, if I get snowed in, I'll love this. You'd cram yourself in the little base. I'd stocked up on food

already, and enough food. I've got my iPod, which has got teleprograms on it anyway. Yeah. Four tank of petrol. Yeah. So I could keep the heating on. Right. My car, in the middle of a snowdrift. Yeah. With the heating on. Yeah. On my feet, blowing nice and warm. Teleprogram on, on a little screen, right, and plenty of food, I would have lived there happily. I'd never have wanted that snow to clear.

Sounds brilliant, mate. And that there is the end of the podcast. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. As far as I am concerned. Stop you, because it's time for what is turning out to be genuinely a lot of people's favourite section. No, hang on. One person. Who?

Someone said that Ed's Amazing births Adam in Stitches, and someone else said that it was their favourite section. Right, well, hang on. Well, that's only one person who said it's their favourite, isn't it? No, well, it's Adam in Stitches. No, I'm not. Yeah, Adam in Stitches, because I'm in it as well. Yeah, but no, I know, well, it's Adam and Stitches. No, I'm not, yeah, Adam and Stitches because I'm in it as well. Yeah, but, no, I know,

but you're the one going, oh, I don't believe any of this, oh, let's not do this section anymore. And I'm like the one keeping it going. I'm now Perry

from Kevin and Perry. I'm like, what? No, you're Eeyore. Right, well, we've got a couple of cracking amazing births for you this week. Births so amazing.

Are they births or conceptions? They're births. They're really amazing births. Do you want to say do you want to hear about them? They're births. They're really amazing births. Alright. Do you want to say do you want to hear about them? Well, no, but... Right, well, here we go.

I mean, I don't know this precedent of there being two. Right, well, we'll build up to three next week. No, we're not having three ever. Right, listen. I don't know why we've got her off two.

Listen, have you heard of the Chinese dog woman? I don't think I have, no. You've not heard of the Chinese dog woman? I don't know. I don't think I have. It's not reached since heard of the Chinese dog, have you? I don't know. I don't think I have. It's not reached since I've been here.

Right. Basically, as you can imagine, massive dog with, like, female features. Yeah. Like, sort of hands and feet. You're going to love it. I've got a photo for you to show you. Okay. Right, you've got to look at it quite closely.

And we'll put this photo up on the Facebook as well. Well, no, I won't. Well, I will. I'll put it up there so everyone can see the Chinese. If it's not up there, it's because Ed's not put it up. I'm having no part of this. And I also, I don't like what you're about to show me. Right.

The Chinese dog woman, basically, amazing enough, she's had little dog babies. No, but then she's a dog. No, but they look like human babies. Show me the picture of her. Show me the picture of her. Right, it's just down there. You've just got to click that up.

And if you click on the picture, then you should get a bigger version of picture. Right, it's just down there. You've just got to click that up. And if you click on the picture, then you should get a bigger version of it. Right, I'm gone. Don't be a prick. Click on it and get it bigger because you need to see all the... Oh, it's fucking downloaded to my computer now. I've got it for real now.

Can you see how she's got... She's got... It's like human hands. And look at her legs. What on earth is that? Look at her legs. Yeah. Right, can you see it?

It's a Chinese dog woman. I don't know what that is. I don't know what it is. But that's amazing, isn't it? And look at the babies. Don't they look a bit human? Right. But they're also dogs.

As a special effect, that is amazing. I agree. What do you mean special effect? That's not a real dog woman. That is. It's the Chinese dog woman. Right. She's famous, mainly in China.

She doesn't even look Chinese. Right. No, but... That would have been on the 6 o'clock news. That would have been on News at 10, if that was Chinese dog woman. Right. She's famous, mainly in China. She doesn't even look Chinese. Right, no, but... That would have been on the 6 o'clock news. That would have been on news at 10, if that was a real thing. Right. That would be the most famous thing in the world. Maybe it's just happened. Maybe I'm the first one.

Maybe it will be on the news now. So you think that's just happened, but she's grown that quick. Maybe she was a woman, and then something happened to turn her into half dog. Yeah, I mean, it's clearly been photoshopped. They are human legs. I am the first to admit that. Is it a dog's face? Well, not really.

Is it a dog's face? Well, no. It's sort of a mix between a human and a dog's face. They're perfect. A mix between a human and a dog. Yeah, but it's not... Half dog, half woman. But it's not real.

With half dog, half... And she's had little... Look at those little puppies. Oh, little human puppies. But it's not real. Oh, they're sweet. They're perfect, aren't they? It's not real, Ed.

What's the backstory of the Chinese dog lady? Well, like I say, I think it's something... Maybe she's bitten by a dog. Oh, right. So she's a werewolf now. Were-dog. A were-dog. Maybe she was bitten by a dog or a dog...

I mean, I hate to say it. Yeah? Maybe a dog rapes her. Right, okay. And that was why she turned into a dog and then she said... And that would explain the little baby human puppies do you think

she's not always like that do you think that she changes to that in the film no I think she is I think she was a woman and quite a big woman by the look of it

yeah Bonnie Lass with men's legs yeah with men's legs quite a big old lady I think and then something happens to you she's bitten by a dog

or god forbid raped by a dog maybe went into a pact with a dog to be honest with you maybe gambled her dog and then the dog got angry a dog, or God forbid raped by a dog. Maybe went into a pact with a dog. To be honest with you. Maybe gambled her dog, and then the dog got angry. Maybe a transporter

got in a transporter with her dog. Either way, she was pregnant at the time. But that is sad, isn't it? It's sad that you've even believed it a bit. It is sad, yeah. What's your next one, Ed? Right, this one, more people will have heard of this one. About five or six years ago, an 80-year-old woman, right, her name was Mae Young, which

is a weird name for an old person. It's not weird. It would have made sense when she was younger. Yeah. She had a relationship with a man called Mark Henry, and she gave birth aged 80. And you're thinking, oh, right, that's all right. You know, it's just, you know, a bit of a freak of nature. Yeah.

No, she gave birth to a rubber hand. Ah! What's that for? Don't be so fucking stupid. She had an affair. There's a video of her giving birth to it. Alright, well, can I ask you a question? What? Did Mark Henry have a false hand that went missing?

No, and the weird thing is, he was a black gentleman and the rubber hand was white. Yeah, that is the weirdest part of that story. She gave birth to a rubber hand and it had all goo on it. Yeah, that is the weirdest part of that story. She gave birth to a rubber hand and it had all goo on it. Yeah, but she wasn't giving birth to it. Yeah, she was. She had a rubber hand up her fanny. I'm not doubting that.

Right, but is it a birth? If something comes out your fanny... Is it a birth? Yeah, but she had to squeeze it and then she was pregnant and a rubber hand came out her fanny. Right, in my life... A lot of people will know about this one, Mae Young, so.

In my life, right? Yeah. In my sexual life. Yeah. In the past. Yeah. I've had sex with a lady. Yeah.

I've worn a condom. Yeah. That has slipped off. Right. During the act of copulation. Right. Right. And then she has to, and then after getting that back, she has to give birth to it.

And then once we realised that had happened. Yeah. I would withdraw yeah and we would get that out of her right yeah we then didn't bring that up

as a child right I'm not saying Mae Young brought it up as a child she didn't give birth like in my scenario she didn't give birth to a condom

what I'm saying is that is an amazing birth giving birth to a condom it's not no it's not you're not having that next week about the time

that Ray had sex with a girl and a condom came off and she gave birth the time Ray impregnated a girl with a condom. You're not having that.

This section, what's happened is you've got cocky because one person has said it's their favourite section and you've got now, I'll tell you what,

I can say any old shit in this section. They're both true. Chinese dog lady and Mae Young gave birth to a hand this section has fallen off no it hasn't

no you've that's a be back next week strong as ever it will have to be strong the next week because it's a major a major fall off in form

no not at all how is it a fall off in form Chinese dog lady and a woman giving birth to a rubber hand you can't I mean they're not even slightly plausible

I've got a picture of the Chinese dog lady and a video of Mae Young giving birth to a hand where's this video of Mae Young giving birth to a hand I'll show you later I'll put a link up we're not even slightly plausible. I've got a picture of the Chinese dog lady and a video of Mae Young giving birth to her hand. Where's this video of Mae Young giving birth to her hand? I'll show you later. I'll put a link up. We're not linking on our Facebook page to an 80-year-old woman shoving out of a fanny a rubber hand.

We're not. You can't call the miracle of birth shoving... You don't go, oh, my mum shoved me out of her fanny. You can't... That's just disregarding the whole miracle of birth. I'm not that happy about having the dog woman on it. Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.

All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Seidlittle. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week. When we record this podcast, we have our little notes and stuff written down. Yeah. Sometimes. I've not really got any this week. No.

But that's my bad. I should have, but I've not. But I've just seen your notes. Yeah. That you've put names and then it said Snooker. You wrote Snooker down as a name. As a name for fan of the week.

But that was planned. What's wrong with that being planned? That's funny off the cuff. It's not funny if you've been at home and you've gone I will say Snooker for a name. I was literally just on the train and it was off the cuff when I wrote it, so it remains off the cuff yeah alright

see but you've not written anything down so if it was up to us and I'd not written snooker then it would have just been oh what name shall we have oh I don't know end the podcast quick

but luckily I'd written down snooker yeah no you actually I take it all back you're quite right if you hadn't have said snooker we wouldn't have been able to think of another name

you're right you're right he's right he's right