Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Oh, not another one.
Oh, no.
Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Oh, here it comes again.
Oh, flipping heck.
I'm Red Peacock, hello.
Hello, I'm Ed Gamble off it.
Oh, it's not another one again.
Oh, no, batten down the hatches, mother.
Pull your pants up, Dad.
Get off the toilet.
Get in the other room.
Get Nana off the bed.
Get the children and take them down to the hair-aid shelter.
Because it's time for the Peacock and Gamble podcast again this week.
So, hello there.
Helloey, blowey, toey.
What's that?
Can't do it.
Hi-fi-smai.
Right, okay, you're trying to do Paddy McGuinness, aren't you?
Yeah, I'm trying to come up with a catchphrase like one of his ones.
See, it's such a mistake.
Every week now, we used to be fine, we used to just get on with it.
Every week now, instead of doing the podcast, we have to spend,
well, you have to spend at least 45 minutes to an hour looking at something useless on the internet.
This week, worse one yet, Paddy McGuinness' Twitter page.
Swim, Swam, Swam.
We knew about his little catchphrase on Take Me Out, his brilliant Saturday night.
Is that the one with all the slags?
Backwards.
Yeah.
And his one, when he goes into a break, is, see you in a pitty paddy poo.
Is that what he does?
Something like that, yeah.
So I saw that he had a Twitter page, because somebody else said that he had one, and I
said, oh, 2022.
Like that.
Before we'd opened it.
Yeah.
And then one of his things said 2022.
2022.
Yeah.
Oh, how embarrassing.
I mean, that's, I mean, by all means, have a formula.
We have a bit of a formula for the podcast.
Yeah.
Come in.
You know, we go.
Bang.
In.
Something funny.
Get out again.
Yeah.
Intro messing about.
A bit of nonsense.
Yeah.
Second intro. A bit about what we've done. Business section about all, you know. Yeah. bang in something funny get out again yeah intro messing about a bit nonsense yeah second intro a
bit about what we've done business section about all you know yeah the facebook thing and all that
business ed's amazing burst which sadly cancelled this week no it's gonna happen but we have sections
than that so we stick to that formula yeah but i mean how lazy a formula is right could do three
words right that rhyme a bit do they have to have anything to do with what you're doing? Nope, not at all.
Is it because his catchphrase when he
was doing Max and Paddy with Peter Kay?
Ding dang do. Ding dang do. Yeah. But he's
clearly not allowed to use that anymore because he probably
doesn't own it. So he's probably just doing something
closer to ding dang do. Do you think?
Twit twat twoo. Isn't he friends with
Peter though? I'm sure he, isn't he one of the
ones that stayed friends with him? Yeah, but I'm, I mean
I'm not, I'm not going to be the one to say that Peter Kay wouldn't sue one of his friends. I'm sure he, isn't he one of the ones that stayed friends with him? Yeah, but I'm, I mean I'm not, I'm not going to be the one to
say that Peter Kaye wouldn't sue one
of his friends. I think that I heard
that they didn't all stay friends.
Oh really? Yeah, I think I heard that.
But Paddy might be one of the ones
that did, I mean there was
a schism. Right, okay. Within that
group. So Paddy McGuinness was one of the ones
who just kept his mouth shut. I think, yeah
I think McGuinness was the one who kept on
not making eye contact.
Just looking at his shoes and saying
yes, Peter. Welcome to the show!
Fuck, fool.
I'll tell you, we should start
explaining on this podcast who people are.
Because I was looking through all our data the other day.
Yeah. Feedback data from who listens and wearing that yeah very big in america now
yeah huge in america all right not huge but we are massive in america no very big i mean we're
not the cloverfield monster but but we are like one of godzilla's legs that has been imported
over from japan yeah so we'll say that Paddy McGinnis,
if you don't know who that is,
is sort of a kind of a vacuous,
no-point TV presenter.
You've got plenty of them in America.
Yeah, loads of them.
It's like all the ones you've got in America.
I mean, we've got loads of them over here.
Paddy McGinnis, Sarah Kaywood.
I saw Sarah Kaywood on a programme.
It was on Sky.
What's that girl who was in Coronation Street?
Angela Griffin.
Right, okay.
Angela and Friends.
Yeah.
I saw a little bit of that.
It was like a daytime,
like an Oprah-style show.
Yeah.
Just for all our American listeners.
It was a bit like The View.
Yeah, it was that sort of thing.
Just sitting around and having a chat.
Yeah, it was that.
It was The View,
but with a woman off Coronation Street,
which is...
Oh.
Right, it's about... it was that it was the view but with a woman off Coronation Street which is oh which is right
it's about
it's like a
programme about a street
it's a soap
a soap opera
a soap opera
bit like
bit like
Sunset Beach
but it is set on a
stone beach
anyway
I was watching that
Sarah Cahill
Sidewalk
yeah by the sidewalk
Coronation Side
just call it Coronation
Coronation it's the queen when Coronation site. Coronation.
It's the Queen.
When the Queen...
Yeah, the Queen...
The Queen is the King of England.
Go listen to something else.
Anyway, Sarah Kay would have been on there.
Yeah.
And they were talking about
feeling good about yourself and that
and self-confidence and all the rest of it
and being confident in your skin
and all that sort of business.
Yeah.
And Sarah Kay would have said a thing
where she went
and it was a brilliant
little bit of advice
I think she came up
with herself
and she went
I've always thought
if you don't like you
nobody will like you
brilliant
brilliant bit of advice
but then I thought about it
and I thought
well no Sarah
you obviously do like you
but I still don't like you
so that doesn't work
does it not
so amend that please Sarah the next time you're
on the telly. Probably question
time, something like that. Yeah, I'd imagine it would be question
time or reading out the news.
Yeah, I imagine it would be that as well. Sorry, the news
is when something happens in England, they
put it on the telly. Yeah, they tell you about it
in a non-biased way.
Whoa!
What does that mean?
Did you hear that? Did you hear that, Fox? Yeah, they felt that in America, didn't they? Oh, do you hear that do you hear that Fox
yeah they felt that
in America
didn't they
how do you like that
George Bushes
I went to see
Avatar
brilliant
well done
not have a banana
yeah I went to see
Avatar
after we'd
spoke about it
didn't like it
why not
I've not seen it
sorry about that
that's alright
I got quite depressed
that it's the
biggest grossing film of all time.
Right, okay.
And I thought, wow,
I am a proper minority on Earth now.
What, like the blue people?
I feel like the blue people, yeah.
All right, I've not been racist, right?
Yeah.
The blue people in Avatar,
I couldn't tell them apart.
Right, and people will say,
oh, that's racist.
They do all look the same.
Yeah.
So that's not me being racist.
You just turned on now, by the way.
We're talking about the blue people in Avatar.
Yeah, the blue people from Avatar.
It's very important.
I just didn't...
I thought I liked the 3D.
Right.
If it wasn't in 3D, I would have despised it with everything else.
Would you have bought it out?
Yes, I probably would have done that.
No, I don't.
Wasn't going for it at all.
Okay.
I felt like I'd watched James Cameron have a wank for two and a half hours.
If it was James Cameron having a wank for two hours,
would you have stayed
if it was good 3D?
No.
If I'd have ducked
because of the 3D,
I would have thought
that was brilliant.
But that would have been
at the end though as well.
Well, I don't know.
I get the feeling
with James Cameron.
I imagine he has
a steady trickle.
Avatar was like a steady trickle of blue spunk from Cameron's cock.
It was like, Avatar was like, have you ever seen on like, sort of Xtube and you've heard
that sometimes, they love people who've got things up their bum.
Men have got like electric things up their bum and it just makes them literally cum for
ages and ages.
Right, okay.
They just trickle out a bit like weed, but it is cum because it is white.
Right.
Right, it is like that.
That's what I thought Avatar was like.
Yeah, but blue, but blue. Avatar was like that, but it was blue. And for white right it is like that that's what I thought Avatar was like that
but it was blue
and for two and a half hours
yeah
that's what I felt
I mean
I just can't be
in a CGI
I can't
I mean
James Cameron
in that film
was so far up
CGI's arse
he could see
George Lucas' feet
I'll tell you what, it's a good job that Paddy McGuinness isn't a doctor or something.
Going, garlic bread, garden shed, your mum's dead.
Yeah, that is lucky. The other one, it happens to rhyme three things before I can tell you anything.
Dancer, Lancer, cancer.
Imagine having that as a...
Imagine if that is a disability he's got.
Yeah, that would be wonderful.
He can't help doing that.
Yeah, especially if it was a disease
he couldn't rhyme to,
he'd just have to say it three times.
Yeah.
Contrapulosis.
Flumpcumbalosis.
Multiple sclerosis. I mean, I thought they'd know it was coming
weren't they?
They'd have known it was coming at gunspore pulmosis
Poor Paddy with his little disability
Poor Paddy the rhyming doctor
I'm taking care of business
every week
I do the business of the podcast
update you
on what is going on
fan of the week
every week we will say a couple of names
a man name and a woman name
and if you are a fan of the podcast
and your name corresponds with said man name or said woman name,
then you can mention it on our Facebook fan page and you are in with a chance of being our podcast fan of the week.
Also, we've got to say fan of the year.
We already have.
Yeah, we do.
Sorry, everyone.
We've got a fan of the year.
Fan of the year is Jim from Destructoid.
Yeah.
Because he put up a video of me.
We've got loads of bits on YouTube.
Yeah.
He put up a video for the podcast,
which made you all go and subscribe to it.
Welcome all our new Destructoid listeners.
Hello, Destructoid.
Hello, Destructoid.
Hello, Destructoid.
Yeah.
Play a computer game.
You can't play a computer game
if you've got a PS3, the old fat one.
Stop working, bloody Sony.
What are you thinking of?
It's the only old fat one that stopped working, mate.
You're still going strong
can we calm down
on the fat jokes for a bit
I'll tell you as well about
do you know what
it was the problem
with the Sony PS3
what
for people that don't know
they stopped working
at the end of February
beginning of March
and what it was
it was a calendar problem
because the person
who programmed
the Sony PS3
in the first place
this is someone
who should be
a certifiable genius
has invented a
games console
and they've done
all the hard work
oh look at this
look at the
operating system
look at the
brilliant graphics
and that
all I've got to do
now is just
pop the dates in
when are leak years
I don't know
I'll put in that
2010 is a leak year
I'll put that out
and it's not
and it just
fucked the entire thing
I think they let
a work experience do it.
Yeah.
I think they went,
oh, that is brilliant.
We have made
the best consult ever.
Yeah.
Do you want to come in here?
Get a work experience in here.
He can do the dates on it.
bring work experience in
and then make them
listen to that podcast.
That Peacock and Gamble one.
We might make that
into a programme one day.
Get the work experience
and listen to it.
See if she likes it. Just sit her in experience and listen to it see if she likes it just sit her in that
corner over there
see if she likes it
so yeah
so that's PS3 out of the way
but they're working again now
and if they don't work
apparently all you had to do
was change the date on it
and that would have fixed it
and Heavy Rain
the game
is riddled with bugs
so please don't think
you're alone
if it starts freezing on you
and winding you up
and you have to sit
in your living room
going
I spent 40 fucking quid on this
and it doesn't fucking work.
You can't fucking put stuff out if it doesn't
fucking work. Ed, wake up!
Yeah, Ed, look, it's froze again.
So last week we asked for Alan
and Snooker. No, we didn't.
I know, this is the problem though. We didn't.
Because some people thought they were being really clever and they changed
their name to Snooker. Yeah. If you'd have listened, you got so excited,
you ran away from the podcast.
You giddy buggers.
You giddy little buggers.
And we changed it to Juanita.
Juanita Snookero.
Yeah, which somebody did change the name to.
Yeah.
But they made a mistake,
because Juanita Snookero had to be a girl.
Yeah.
And you are a boy, so you're disqualified.
Yeah.
But same as you as well, Nigel Hill,
or Snooker Hill. As you started a boy, so you're disqualified. Yeah. But same as you as well, Nigel Hill, or Snooker Hill, as you started calling yourself, thinking
we wouldn't notice.
So the Allens who entered, the ones I've written down anyway, were Alan Van Dyke, Alan Hudson,
Alan Marshall, Alan McAvoy, and Alan Davis, who, look, spells it with E-L-I-N.
Right.
But apparently that is Alan.
Alan, right, okay.
It must be the Welsh spelling or something.
Yeah, he's got a weird little face.
Yeah.
Yeah, odd little fella, isn't he?
I mean, of course, you go out with his sister.
You go out with Beth and his sister, don't you?
So who do you want to win out of that lot?
I'm tempted to go for the weird little bloke.
Alan Davis?
Yeah.
Alright.
Are we not...
If we do let that happen,
are we not undermining it in a way that it's...
I mean, he's not actually called Alan, is he?
He's called Ellen. Yeah. I mean, the thing about it is, right, I know it is Ellen and it in a way that it's... I mean, he's not actually called Alan, is he? He's called Ellen.
Yeah.
I mean, the thing about it is, right,
I know it is Ellen and it is a girl.
Yeah.
Right, but the thing about it is,
it's our podcast, isn't it?
Yeah, that's true.
Do what we want.
Well done.
Yeah.
Well done, Ellen.
You are our Alan.
Yeah, you are our Alan of the week.
You are our Alan of the week.
Well done.
So next week, for fun of the week,
who do we...
What names do we want?
I'm going to go with...
You pick one and I'll pick the other. All right, I'm going to pick a girl one what names we want. I'm going to go with you pick one.
I'm going to pick a
girl one.
Jessica.
That's a good one.
Jessica.
Jessica or Jess.
Yeah.
For a girl.
Right.
OK that's good.
And for a boy I want
to see what people
would be willing to
change their names to
to fan of the week.
So now you're
undermining the
competition.
Yeah.
Yeah.
In a way.
Yeah.
So maybe I killed
a child.
I killed a child. I killed a child?
No, not I killed a child.
I mean, yeah, I understand where you're coming from with that.
Right, you get the format of it.
I'll meet you halfway.
How about Ikea?
That's not meet me halfway.
It is, you went, I killed a child.
And I'm going to meet you at Ike.
So you can have Ike, and I'll add Ia on the end of it.
So Ikea for a boy.
Right, Ike Turner.
Ikea for a boy, or Jessica or Jess for a girl. Right, Ike Turner. Ikea for a boy or Jessica or
Jess for a girl. Yeah, alright. And let's have a podcast
fan of the week for next week. And the other
bit of business that we always do. Yeah. We're all looking
forward to this, aren't we? Your Facebook groups that
you have done a join of. I mean, I've literally
joined this group and Simon Saunders has just put
while reading this has ruined this week's Facebook groups
Ray has joined this week section of the podcast
and I know. Yeah, don't read them.
So don't read them.
And also, I mean mean I adore you all
but please stop liking them
when I join them because what happens is
it makes it harder to read them
so stop liking the group, if you see me I've joined a group
don't like that I've joined a group
so here are the groups that Ray has joined
on Facebook this week
Ray joined the group, flawless to when Britain's
got talent
2009 members before 2009 on Facebook this week. Ray joined the group. Flawless to win Britain's Got Talent.
2009 members before 2009.
National Go To Class Drunk Day 2008.
The Stig.
Bethnal Green working men's club.
Sleeping with one leg out of the covers.
Bacon Butty. In memory of Aylia. Sleeping with one leg out of the covers. Bacon buddy.
In memory of Aylia.
Oh, God.
I love music.
The Wayans Brothers.
I am Asian.
We are the coolest clubbers.
It's in the blood, UK group.
I hate one-word text messages.
Partying in London official diversity page
and I'm allergic to bullshit
so
there are the groups
that is brilliant
what I've done joining up this week
weird innit
that I was back in flawless
to when Britain's Got Talent
yeah I was secretly
in the diversity page
yeah oh dear
you split loyalties there
I don't want to talk about diversity
anyway because that little boy out of diversity,
the one with the curly hair,
what's he called him?
Perry, isn't it?
Perry out of diversity,
the little one at the front with the glasses.
Yeah, he hates you, doesn't he?
He hates me.
But we've got a genuine rivalry.
A feud, is what I'd say.
For our American listeners, by the way,
Perry's a little cunt.
Oh, stop the press.
Oh, all right.
Alan, you're not our podcast fan of the week anymore.
It's been changed.
It's been changed.
We've just had the post.
And unfortunately, Alan, you are no longer podcast fan of the week.
Sorry, Alan.
Alan Davis, whatever you're called, you're not the fan of the week anymore you had a good innings
yeah well done Alan
but unfortunately
we've just had the post
and somebody has bumped you
yeah sorry
from fan of the week
because they've sent us
some free stuff
yeah
and asked to be fan of the week
so unfortunately
we have to bow to free stuff
yeah we do
although I don't think
I should be bowing
to the free stuff
that I've got
I think you should
it's from Lorenzo Panatelli, whatever it's called.
Lorenzo Pancetta.
Yeah, Lorenzo Pepperami, right?
Lorenzo has sent me a PlayStation 3 game of rounders.
Right?
A game of rounders where you have to throw the ball and hit the ball
and then go on all the bases, and Lorenzo has sent me that game.
PS3 rounders.
Yeah.
PS3.
Bassaball? I game PS3 rounders yeah PS3 bass bass
bass a ball
I think it is rounders
rounders
it looks like rounders
doesn't it
yep so that's
so thank you
and also very kindly
Lorenzo
oh yeah he sent me
a present as well
but Lorenzo
particularly thank you
for my one
real life thank you
and Ed you've got
I've got a Peter K DVD
special K
featuring such golden
nuggets as
garlic bread apparently or garlic dead we weren't sure what bit he wrote you've done well haven't you and you've got a free Billy Connolly Peter Kay DVDs, but Special Kay. Featuring such golden nuggets as Garlic Bread, apparently, or Garlic Dead.
We weren't sure what bit he wrote.
You've done well, haven't you? And you've got a free Billy Connolly DVD as well.
Yeah, which was free with purchase at HMD.
Yeah, so you've done really well. Yeah, cheers, mate.
You've all watched Special Kay. You're a bugger for a
spin-off.
You're a bugger for a Christmas version.
I got another present as well, didn't I?
You did. An anonymous present.
I got a top fish, which was someone's interpretation of a Top Fish,
which is a model of a fish, apparently, with Top written on it,
and the fish has got a cock drawn on it as well.
Yeah, the reason we're saying apparently is because that's not been sent on to us yet.
Yeah.
It's good, though, this free stuff.
Well, not for me.
I've got a Peter Kay DVD and a fish with a knob drawn on.
We should start the free stuff.
You've got harmonicas and a PS3 game.
We should start the free stuff thing off again.
Because we stopped asking for free stuff, and people stopped sending it, but now they're sending it again. So what you do, once I'm free stuff, what you've got harmonicas and a PS3 game. We should start the free stuff thing off again. Because we stopped asking for free stuff.
And people stopped sending it.
But now they're sending it again.
So what you do,
once I'm free stuff,
what you've got to do is send me a good thing
and add a rubbish thing, right?
That is the joke.
No, not funny.
And you send it to Avalon,
4A Exmoor Street,
and that's London,
W10, 6BD.
And for our American listeners,
that's England.
Right?
Or Great Britain or UK,
whichever one you want to put in there.
Just send us free stuff.
Yeah.
If you get proper
good free stuff,
you could be the
podcast fan of the week
and it doesn't matter
what your name is.
Yeah, exactly.
You've got more
chance of being
a fan of the week
if you send me
something good as well.
Well, you've not
because I edit it.
So,
keep sweet with Ray. Yes, that alarm tells us
it is time for everyone's favourite recurring section.
Ed's amazing.
Ray says a food that you have not had for ages.
It can't be everyone's favourite.
And when I say it, that means that you want it again now.
It can't be everyone's favourite recurring section if you can't even remember the title of it.
A food or a drink that Ray says, and then you want it yourself.
Right, and by the way, all this week, I've been almost dreaming about Dairy Lake.
I know, it works, doesn't it?
I love Dairy Lake.
This week, the food is beef jerky.
Oh, good one.
Oh, beef jerky.
You have it every now and again, don't you, when you go to the garage?
But you can't always find it.
Oh, sometimes you notice it in the supermarket on a rack, and you get it.
But sometimes you just don't see it, so you don't.
Beef jerky.
There's never enough, is there, in one pack?
Get two.
Get three.
Stock up.
Beef jerky.
Look at the calories.
There's hardly any in it.
But it tastes like it should be bad for you.
Beef jerky.
Surely it's full of salt.
No, that seems to be fine as well.
Beef jerky. When your spit gets
on it, it makes it more malleable.
Beef jerky. Eat some
beef jerky. Don't eat the little
sachet though.
That's just for getting all the
water out of it apparently. Beef jerky.
Come and get your dinner.
I'm playing out mum. It's beef jerky.
I'm on my way.
Final section. Final section, here we go.
Final section of the podcast. A bit of a change this week, actually.
I don't think it is. The final section this week
is going to be Ray explains the real story behind Ed's amazing of a change this week actually. I don't think it is. The final section this week is going to be Ray explains
the real story
behind Ed's amazing
births from the
week before.
Don't ruin it for
everyone.
So I'll now explain
the real story
from last week.
Right.
The lady that gave
birth to a hand.
Yeah, that was
interesting wasn't it?
It was interesting.
Shocking.
It was actually
a WWF story.
Right.
A wrestling,
American wrestling
story.
Well wrestling,
yeah it was
what happened in the wrestling. How they have their, American wrestling story. Well, wrestling, yeah, it was, it happened in the wrestling.
How they have their
little fictional
ongoing stories.
Sorry,
are you saying wrestling's fake?
And I also read a thing
that said,
apparently it was because
they bloke Mark Henry,
is it?
Yeah.
It was because he was
in dispute over a contract.
So they started giving him
the stupidest stories anyway
in the hope that
he would just leave.
And apparently
that's what happened. Vince McMahon is known for being a bit of a prick like that. Is he the guy that runs the wrestling?. And apparently that's what happened.
Vince McMahon is known for being a bit of a prick like that.
Is he the guy that runs the wrestling?
Is he the guy that sometimes does wrestling as well?
Yeah, him and his son as well.
Okay, well that's what I heard.
So for all those people who have been having nightmares
about an 80-year-old woman having a wrong race hand baby,
all it was was a stupid wrestling story.
And the other one,
even worse,
this one,
because the...
The Chinese dog woman.
Well, I'll tell you
why it's worse.
Why?
It's because
there's no reason
for you to say
she was Chinese.
It's the website
that I found it on
refers to her
as the Chinese dog woman.
Right, well,
I don't care what you say.
If you Google
woman gives birth to dog,
which is what I did
to get the story,
then you will get the association. So you're giving away your tricks say. If you Google woman gives birth to dog, which is what I did to get the story, then you will get the association.
So you're giving away your tricks now.
So you think of something in your head.
Yeah.
Oh, rhinoceros, that's human baby.
I'll type that in and see if it's ever happened.
No, because I like that now that Google does the predictive thing,
so I just type woman gives birth to,
and it gives me like woman gives birth to octopus,
woman gives birth to dog.
Apparently some of our fans have said that that is a really old picture.
Somebody said,
I think Dylan Savage said
it's the oldest picture
on the internet.
Right?
What that is
is a sculpture.
Right.
Because I thought
I'd said to you last week
when I went to edit it.
I was fooled by it.
I was sure I'd said something
but I must have just thought it.
Right.
Because I was going to say to you,
right,
if that is a real Chinese dog woman,
show me another picture of her.
Show me another picture of her
in a different pose
doing something different.
I could have done that.
No, you couldn't
because it doesn't exist.
I would have shown you
a picture of a dog from behind
and said,
this is her going to shots.
That's her, yeah.
Well, if it was a dog from behind
then it wouldn't have been her,
would it?
Because it would have been
human legs.
So that way,
it was a sculpture anyway.
The picture's still up
on our Facebook fan page
if you want to go look at it.
But it is amazing
that the sculpture gave birth.
Yeah, that is amazing.
You're right.
You're right.
I mean, I think that's probably going to be the way i'm now going to play it is it's
probably quicker to just agree with you right okay well hopefully you'll agree with this one
yeah with a due sense of dread here's ed with ed's amazing births right here we go um this one um
this one took place in africa this true story and uh this is very interesting actually yeah
you've just put it on the... You've just put it
up on the computer.
Right, yeah.
And I've just
sent the headline.
Right.
And the headline is...
Right, can I just say,
before you say it,
can I just say,
you know I said,
I think it'll be easier
to just agree with you.
Yeah.
I'm not going to.
Right.
This week.
I'm not going to
play along with this.
Right.
This is from African News.
Yep.
Respected African News
place.
Sorry, respected by who?
Africans, you racist.
What are you saying?
Africans don't need news?
No, what I'm saying is
is African news
the African equivalent
of the BBC?
Yeah.
Or is it just something
that somebody's made up
and called it African news?
No, it's the equivalent
of the BBC.
Right, go on then.
I think.
I'm listening.
The headline is
Woman Gives Birth to Teacups.
Brilliant.
I admit, again,
that is an amazing birth.
Yeah, three teacups,
if you're asking,
so not even a whole set,
granted.
What is a full set of teacups?
Probably six, I'd say.
Okay, so there's three missing.
What they don't mention
is whether the sources
were sort of after birth.
But we've still got
our fingers crossed
that she's going to do
the teapot and the jiggerball.
Right, what's the lady's name?
What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is and the sugar bowl. Right, what's the lady's name? What is it?
Wamami Tekalango.
Why does it say that?
Because that sounds like Paddy McGuinness' new catchphrase.
She's from Mozambique.
What's her name?
This is from Wamami Tekalango.
Why does it say that?
I don't know.
You can't make up an African-sounding name.
I thought what would happen is that I could make it up and then you'd be afraid to question it right well i'm not right well she
she gave birth to uh to three teacups uh in mozambique i'd imagine she was only 18 right
so she was having sex with crockery that young yeah that that young that young she was putting
cups up herself right well she was 18 um she was three pregnant. Did she give birth prematurely to teacups,
or did she have a teacup miscarriage?
Well, the thing is,
what we don't know about birth
is what the baby is during the nine months.
Obviously, it comes out...
Hang on, Ed.
No, come on.
No, not come on.
We do know.
You can't say what we don't know about birth
is what the baby looks like after three months.
Well, they didn't know then.
When was it?
1682. What? I'm thinking of the other one. I'm thinking of the what the baby looks like after three months. Well, they didn't know then. When was it?
1682.
What?
I'm thinking of the other one.
I'm thinking of the Iranian frog baby.
Oh, for God's sake.
That was going to be next week, but I had to.
Right.
I've been looking for pictures of the cups, but unfortunately couldn't find any.
I'll post an update when I do get a photograph of it.
I mean, mate, whoever you are who's writing African news, just whack a picture of three cups up.
I don't think anyone's going to go, well, they don't look like human cups.
We're all waiting with bated breath to see if she gives birth
to a whole miniature fair.
Right, well, this is,
I mean, this is toss, isn't it?
No, I think it's amazing
that a woman,
an 18-year-old woman
from Mozambique,
has given birth to three teacups.
And if you can't be amazed by that,
a woman gave birth to a buffalo.
Not interested.
Woman gives birth to a hand.
No, thank you. Woman gives birth to teacups? I'm not listening. What are you going to enjoy
out of all these? I have categorically and definitively disproved all of these so far.
Not disproved the buffalo? When did you disprove the buffalo? I can disprove the buffalo for
you now if you want. As soon as you push me to do it, I'll do it. On the website you got
it from, the actual headline said, Buffalo gives birth to human like baby yeah it didn't say human baby it's a human like baby yeah and what the article
essentially said was is a buffalo english they've given birth to another buffalo it was written
looked a bit like it was written by a teenager and they went they've given birth to like a human
like baby like a bit like a baby yeah well then in that case then your article this week has been
written by somebody at Chicken Shed Theatre Company
because it says here,
Amitramo president says
similar cases have occurred
due to witchcraft.
Yeah.
So witchcraft has made a woman
have three cups, has it?
Yeah, well, apparently so.
Well, what sort of bored witch did that?
How bored would a witch have to be?
There's not much... I'll tell you what,
I'm going to shove three cups up her fanny.
There's not much to do as a witch in Mozambique.
There's none.
I mean, what other things has she done this witch?
Well, I think if you look on MozambiqueNews.com,
you'll see a lot of instances like a woman whose eye turned into an olive.
Yeah.
Is there a bloke at a sink in Mozambique who's going,
oh, what's that in my mouth?
I've got a fork in my mouth here.
I don't know where that's come from.
And his wife goes, well, what have you done today?
He went, I kicked that beggar.
Other than that, I don't well what have you done today he went I kicked that beggar other than that I don't know
what I've done today
I mean it's not
it's
I know the
premise of the section
and I get it
it's a joke
and that we play along
and you pretend
to naively know about it
I think this is
an incredible story
I'm genuinely having trouble
playing along with this one
because we've already
found out how you do it
you think of something
type it into Google you have a chance no one could we've already found out how you do it and you think of something, type it into
Google. No one could think
of Woman Gives Birth to Teacups. I think you have.
I think you put in crockery
pregnancy and saw
what you came up with. And that is
the end of the new regular section
Ed's Secret Origins. Oh right,
I see, you're mixing sections.
That of course is where they came up with the idea
of Chip from Beauty and the Beast. Right, okay, brilliant, yeah, so that's what's going on there. Right, you're mixing sections. That, of course, is where they came up with the idea of Chip from Beauty and the Beast.
Right, okay, brilliant.
Yeah, so that's what's going on there.
Well, there'll be another Ed's Utter Bollocks next week.
Yeah, and it might be, if I can't find anything else, it might be the Iranian Frog Baby.
Right, well, back in the cupboard now with you.
It's past your bedtime.
Good night.
Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.
All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidehustle.
The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk.
See you next week.
I've seen them adverts? The drunk thing.
About Drink Aware or something.
And it's Russell Cain.
Right.
And Josie Long does one as well.
I think I've seen them on YouTube, actually.
Have they been on telly?
Or are they at the cinema or something like that?
I'm not sure.
They might be at the cinema.
If you've not seen them,
what's happening is,
they've done this,
they've done adverts
to stop people from having a drink.
Right.
Right. And have you seen the adverts? You have seen the adverts? seen yeah i've seen them yeah there's one the one that russell does not
now i'm gonna preface this by saying i like russell yeah but the drink thing i think is
proper questionable why i don't think one solitary person is gonna drink more or less because of
those adverts literally not one person and also the advert's flawed as well.
Because what happens in the adverts is they're doing a bit of comedy.
Yeah.
And all the audience are laughing at that.
And then they go serious.
Yeah.
And then the audience stop laughing.
It's not funny no more.
Yeah.
Right, deliberately so.
Yeah.
And Russell says a thing about,
oh, there was two lads getting drunk together or something like this.
Yeah.
And they were doing dares the more drunk they got.
And they would punch each other on the arm and that.
And everyone's laughing and the rest of it. And then he goes dares the more drunk they got and they would punch each other on the arm and that and everyone's laughing
and the rest of it.
And then he goes,
and then one of the lads, right,
gets a glass
and just puts it
in the other one's face.
Yeah, I've seen that one.
Right, and then the other one
goes all quiet
and that's the end of it.
Drink aware,
be careful what you're drinking.
Yeah.
And I thought about it
and I thought,
I could drink, right,
and I don't really drink at all.
Yeah.
But I could, like,
neck a bottle of vodka tonight.
Yeah.
Me and you, mate.
Yeah.
In here. Yeah. I promise you, like, neck a bottle of vodka tonight. Yeah. Me and you, mate. Yeah. In here.
Yeah.
I promise you,
no matter what we were doing,
at no point would I glass you in the face.
No matter how drunk I was,
I wouldn't glass you in the face.
It shouldn't be,
don't be drinking in that.
It should be,
don't drink with cunts.
You should be choosing who you drink with.
Yeah.
No, you can't pin that on drink.
I'm not a fan of drink.
I don't like getting drunk particularly,
but that's not a drink's fault.
No, that is being a prick, isn't it?
Yeah, that's someone who's got
a cunt gene in them already.
Finally, I've found a liquid
that will allow me to release
my true inhibitions.
Yes, finally,
I could drink this and rape her.
It's nothing to do with it,
for God's sake.