The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 39

Episode Date: October 20, 2019

"Episode 39" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 39 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hello. Come on. What? Hello. What's that? I want us to be a barbershop quartet. Hello, this is the Peacock and Gamble podcast, aren't we? Hello. What are you doing? I do hello and then you harmonise with it. Alright. Hello, this is the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hello.

What are you doing? I do hello and then you harmonise with it. All right. Hello. Hello. I am Red Peacock. Hello. Hello, I'm Ed Gamble.

It's not a barbershop quartet, just singing everything you say. Yeah, well, it's not going to be a quartet if you just leave me to do it by myself. Right, then what are we saying? That's just a mad bloke. What bit are we singing? That bit. What, hello, I'm Ed Gamble? Hello, just hello. Right. Hello. Right, then what are we saying? That's just a mad bloke. What bit are we singing? That bit. What, Hello I Am a Hammer? Hello, just hello. Right.

Hello. No, no, you can't. What? I don't know what they are. You've got a barbershop quartet. I'm not a part of this. You go to a barbershop. Go Tony and Guy's, mate.

They never sing in there. You're going to the wrong place, mate. Hello. Hello. Hello. Right, they're cancelled. Well, what? I don't know why we're doing it.

This is cancelled now. We're not doing that. Well, there's a major flaw in your plan already. What? There's only two of us. Yeah, but we could add people. Who? Some fans, if they want to be a barbershop quartet with us,

but they have to bring the boaters. Right, well, do you know who I was going to add? Who? Dawn French and Lenny Henry. Oh, sorry, mate. I don't split up now. They have split up, you're right. I don't know why.

But they are still good friends, so maybe they will be in our barbershop quartet, Peacock Gamble, French and Henry. Why have they split up, Ed? Well, they've been talking about it for six months, they say. They never said nothing when I was there. What, round their house? No, I've not been to their house,

but I think I have met them, no? Yeah, you're friends with Lenny Henry, aren't you? I've worked with them. Maybe you should send them a message on Facebook saying you're sorry to hear it, and do they want to come over and you give them some counselling. I could give them advice. Yeah, what advice would they... I'll be them, right? Right.

Okay, hello, come in. Oh, hello, Dawn French and Lenny Henry. All right. That's Lenny Henry, that. Hello, Lenny Henry. Oh, hello. That's Dawn French, that. Dawn French doesn't speak like that.

I don't really know Alright alright Well I'm going to I'm going to do the counselling now Right alright Right I believe That you're not going out With each other no more No we're not

Right well Stop that And get back out With each other again Alright Really No Oh that was a good start

But I forgot that Lenny Henry Is a trickster I thought I had done Really well for a minute He is a right trickster But then I forgot that Lenny Henry is a trickster. I thought I had done really well for a minute. He is a right trickster. But then I forgot that Lenny Henry is one for a joke. Hey, what have you been doing this week? I've got some news.

Have you? Yeah. I love how dismissive that was. That was absolutely amazing. Hey, what have you been doing this week? I've got some news. Shut up and listen to me. Well, no, the thing is, though, is that I know what you've been doing this week? I've got some news. Shut up and listen to me. Well, no, the thing is, though,

is that I know what you've been doing this week because I spoke to you on the telephone every day. Yeah. And it is no news. It is news. What is it news? I have killed a woman. Yeah, I know you've done that,

but I thought you said that we had to keep that a secret. It is not a secret because it was on a video game. Brilliant. And that is allowed. What one did you play it on arkham asylums you killed a woman poison ivy oh i say yeah she's a villain she was in a big flower

yeah she does that do you want to know what i've been up to or not i'm sick of speaking about you right yeah speaking about me i've got to tell you because this week my um the telly thing that i'd done yeah doing a stand-up comedy now yeah, it come out and on it I spoke about my kidneys. Yeah. And then about two hours after it had been on telly I had a kidney attack.

Huh? I don't mean they came in my house and beat me up. Oh, right. That is immediately what I thought. No, I went to the lavatory. Right.

Right. And I'd done a wee. Right. Right. And it was all the wrong colour. It was the colour of blood. Right. So I put two and two together, right?

Yeah. And I was weeing some blood out. Yeah. That's what I worked out. So I went to hospital and that. Now, I did speak to you about this. Yeah, I know. Because, obviously, we're mates in real life.

Yeah. We get on in real life. There was... It wasn't always going to be blood, was it? Because there was the point where... There was a chance of... You did go, well, I have had two beetroots. Do you know what?

Yeah, but would beetroot make you wee that? I think it does make you wee red. Really? Yeah, I'm pretty two beetroots. Do you know what? Yeah, but would beetroot make you wee that? I think it does make you wee red. Really? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Because do you know what? It wasn't that. It definitely wasn't that. But I, at one point the night before,

I got a chopstick and stuffed it in a beetroot and walked around pretending that I was having a toffee apple. Right? Just another insight into Ray Peacock's life there the man who will do this sort of thing when he's by himself what is wrong with me what the fuck is wrong with me

I deserve to die that is ridiculous you do not deserve to die in the papers if you died it wouldn't say well of course of course, you deserve to die, because you stuck a beetroot on a chopstick and pretended he was eating a toffee apple. But some people think, oh, I'm just saying that for a comic effect.

No, no, no, you do do things like that. I genuinely did do it. I did it twice. I had one after the other. Because I thought I did it. I stuck the beetroot in the chopstick and ate it, and then as I got to the end of it, I thought, that's a bit like a toffee apple.

I'm going to do another one and pretend in my head it is a toffee apple were you by yourself yeah it was disappointing though because it didn't taste anything like a toffee apple

no it wouldn't it was beetroot kind of beetrooty yeah anyway I went to the hospital and I'd got an appointment I rang up

NHS Direct first and they got me an appointment there I went in and there was this like fucking gorgon of a woman behind the desk

all snakes in her hair I mean I wouldn't have been surprised but she'd probably ate them I went in and there was this, like, fucking gorgon of a woman behind the desk. All snakes in her hair. I mean, I wouldn't have been surprised. Yeah. But she'd probably ate them. And I went... I love a big, fat Medusa. A bald, fat Medusa. You go, oh, I wonder where those snakes have gone.

Yeah, plucking snakes out of her head and just eating them. Because she's bored that she's working on Easter Sunday. So I walked in and I said, I've got an appointment. And she went, all right, I'm going to sit down. And I went, oh, they said that I've got to do a water sample. So I said, I've got an appointment. And she went, all right, go sit down. And I went, oh, they said that I had to do a water sample. So I said, I've got to do a water sample for you. And she sighed, as if I'd said, I've got to do it in your mouth. Reached behind her, got a little tube thing out.

Yeah. I went, oh, to me. I went, thank you. She came down with a typing. Yeah. So I turned around, looking for a bathroom. Yeah. There wasn't one

and I went back and I went excuse me where's the bathroom and she tutted right and then she went through that door

and you go right up the stairs it's a ladies one but you can use it I was like what the fuck was I meant to do that you can't just shove

a fucking tube at someone she tut as if to say can't you just do it in the waiting room like everyone else that's really what she was acting like. But the other thing that was going on, I was quite embarrassed anyway,

because I, in my head, thought, I've just been on telly, and in reality no one was going to recognise me. But I was genuinely thinking, what if someone sees me and thinks I'm coming out to make it obvious, and like, see, I have got kidney problems, look, here I am at an hospital,

and I've just been on there talking about the London Dungeon and all that sort of business. Anyway, I waited for about 20 minutes and the doctor shouted me through. Went through and I sat down and he stared at me and he went, what's the problem? And I told him and they just stared a bit more and they smiled and he went, London Dungeon?

Let's do the business. Business. Business of the podcast podcast we're going to do it right now snappy this week last week went on for a bit yeah even though it was nice and funny and enjoyable yeah it was a lovely laugh make it a bit a bit snappy and short let's go here we go get out of the way let's get out of the way right here we go all right just get the Facebook page up. No, this isn't snappy, this. Just scroll down. No, Ray. Let's have a look. It's not snappy, this. See what we've got.

Ray. Right, we've got John Baldwin. Hey, you fucking dirty cows. We've done that wrong. Dirty fucking cows, you idiot. My name is John, like you asked for. True. Please make me a fan of the week.

Okay. John Baldwin, you are the fan of the week. This is seriously, we're not bothered about this anymore, are we? He said, P.S. My mum's proper fit and she will proper sex you two up if you make me a fan of the week. John, it's fine. Yeah, that's cool. We don't have to.

Oh, go on. Do you want to have a sex with John Baldwin's mum? Send us a picture of her. All right, get us a picture. Sneak into her bedroom. Yeah. Either when she's having a sleep with her legs all open and that. I bet she's a right milk.

I bet she's a proper milk. I bet she's a proper milk. Tell you what, I go for a milk every now and again, mate. Becky, Jared Lewis, OMG, you never fail to make me cry.

Oh, with laughter. Oh, right. Well, thanks a lot, Becky. Ellis Watts, Ray and Ed, can I be fun of the week because I made my mate poo in a park by the gate so

everyone would walk past and realise it's human poo and can do an awesome impression of Tim Curry brackets in Home Alone 2

Lost in New York City well no you can't because John's fan of the week yeah so I don't know why you're trying to chime in with that

Tim Curry's an easy one to do isn't he really can you do that one yeah alright what is it hello I'm Tim Curry yeah well that is

brilliant I can do that one as well Tim Curry a toast to absent friends and to rock it. Brilliant. Yeah. It's close, isn't it?

Yeah, it's good. It's not far off. Yeah. What's that one? Oh, that's Tim's Curry. Sorry. So that's the fan of the week, John. John Baldwin.

And the girl fan of the week is going to be Lucy Fennell this week, who hasn't even been pushing for it. Well, she just sent me some nice messages. All right. Well, that's good then. So Lucy Fennell, right? Can you see where pushing for it but she just sent me some nice messages. Alright, well that's good then. So Lucy Fennell, right? Can you see where it gets you? Yeah, sent me some proper nice messages.

No, we can't. No. Whoa, she sent me some filthy messages. Dirty Lucy Fennell. You are a dirty herb or a seed or a vegetable. I'm not sure

what a Fennell is. Yeah. But well done, you're Fennell of the Week. You're the lady one and John Baldwin. Fen of the Week. Lucy Fennell of the Week you're a fan of the week. You're the lady one and John Baldwin. You're a fennel of the week. Lucy fennel of the week.

Of the week, yeah. And John Baldwin. Well done, Lucy. And John Baldwin is the bald head of the week. And of course, the top fish this week is a goldfish. Yeah, of course. A goldfish. If you can guess the top fish of the week,

then you can be fish of the week. That's can be fish. I think that's overcomplicated. Here are the groups I joined this week. Every week I join groups on Facebook just so I can get to my goal of one million groups by Tuesday week. And here are the ones that I've joined this week. Ray became a fan of. Girls kiss girls. I know I'll regret it later, but right now, I don't care. If Mr Bean

was in Avatar, he would look like this. I've seen that one. Larking about. I lolled at this seal. Texting someone to say that you are outside their house instead of knocking. The stunners of Jeremy Kyle.

I was blown away when I realized the word okay is a sideways person when i realized the word bed looks like a bed my mind was blown same bloke set that up clearly it wasn't wasn't awkward until you said, well, this is awkward. Now it is awkward. Keenan and Kel. And writing on banana skins with Byros. So I am joining brilliant groups. There's a lot of interesting people in the world, aren't there?

There's a weird thing that's happening now. Recently I've had some old friends get back in touch with me. I know that they're just not mentioning these groups yeah I know that they're getting on my Facebook

page and they're going what the fuck is he doing what's wrong with him has he gone mental to be fair I would join writing on banana skins

with Byro's group because that is fun you should join all of them why I just think it would be nice if we have somewhere to hang out we do

we've got so many places we hang out. PlayStation Home. Yeah, we're in contact over so many different mediums. Because we do chat on the internet, like on AIM thing. Yeah. Chat on a headset on PS3. Yeah.

And text chat on PS3. Yeah. We text each other. Yeah. And we phone call each other. Yeah. And we Facebook. Love you.

You don't have to say it back alright oh just a little quickie add on to last week's yeah we said is it about me

headbutting the girl no we're not going to explain that oh what we'll drag it out a bit longer. We said that... Oh, no, what's... I've got it written down. What's her name?

Jim... Jim... No, Jemima. Jemima. Jemima. Jim... Jimima. Gemini.

The Australian, the fit one from Australia. Right. We said that... I saw what I said. That she was a pole dancer. And she's claiming that she's not. Right. Even though she's dancing right by a big pole. Maybe she's, well, you know's just a fireman on a break.

I don't know if firemen have poles in other countries so she might not have. Well, they do in Australia but of course they go up the pole in Australia. That is true, that. That is true, that. Because it's Southern Hemisphere. It's upside down, isn't it? They stand at the bottom of the pole, right? Yeah. And go up.

Yeah. And they always come back again. Well, anyway, Jim, we've just been looking at some more of your pictures. We did it in a very grown-up way. Yeah. All right, my trousers fell off a bit. And Ed didn't even have any trousers on when he got here. I don't know what happened.

But we were looking at your pictures, and saw one, right? You sat there all fit and you've got all writing all over your chest and we thought we were just thinking, can you do one of them but put the podcast on it and then do a pose and we will have it as a poster.

Yeah, definitely. So that's just an idea. You don't have to do it. And get some of your other girls what you're hanging around you don't have to do it and get some of your other like all them fit girls what you're all what you're hanging around with then all of you do it and do that thing

where you do V sign with your fingers and lick the middle of it like a fanny I think that's what it means yeah please do that somebody wrote to me this week, a guy called Kyle Kapow Power. Right.

I don't know if that's his real name or not. Is that a superhero or not? But he was telling me, he saw me talk about the London Dungeon on TV. Yeah. Which has also been on the podcast as well. Yeah. And he was telling me about an experience that he had. Right.

In a similar, I mean, basically, he nicked my story. Okay. Right? He was saying that his experience happened at the Dracula exhibition in Whitby. Okay. I didn't even know

this existed. Well, there's quite a lot of stuff in Whitby about vampires and stuff, isn't there? But why? Well, I know there's a big sort of goth

festival down there. Okay. Do you want me to tell you about it? Yeah. It's called Bram Stoker's Dracula Experience Whitby.

Right. Now, I would advise you to go and have a look at their website. Okay. It's draculaexperience. it. Yeah. It's called Bram Stoker's Dracula Experience Whitby. Right. Now I would advise you to go and have a look at their website. Okay. It's draculaexperience.co.uk I should also say

they've got the title from Bram Stoker's Dracula, the film. Right. They've just used that. They've just used that, right. Now I don't know if they're allowed to use that

or not. Probably not, no. I'm almost certain they're not allowed to use Love Never Dies on the front page but they have done. Yeah.

But it's an eerie spine chilling show gripping by the Daily Mail. And it's got ellipses in that as well. Right, OK, so there's clearly something in the middle. There is a chance that the Daily Mail said this is what they claim they are. Yeah.

But they just ended up gripping one of the people and hurting them. The Dracula Experience is a unique tour through the Dracula story and the connection to Whitby. Using animated scenes, electronic special effects and live actors, right? Actors. Yeah. yeah right that's important okay actors in 1885 the russian schooner the demeter was hit by a wild storm and ran around in whitby arbor on tay ill sands mysteriously all the crew were dead including the captain who was lashed to the helm the instant the demeter ran aground

agound it says i think it means aground a huge black dog was seen to leap ashore and run up the 199 steps towards whitby abbey the dog was known to leap ashore and run up the 199 steps towards Whitby Abbey. The dog was known to be one of the many forms into which a vampire could transform itself. Bram Stoker's Count Dracula had arrived in England. Right? So a fictional character turned itself into a dog and went in Whitby.

It's lucky that it turned itself into a dog and didn't just stay in its actual form. It totally is. Now, the thing is, they let you know what's going to happen in the experience. Now, I'm not going to tell you all of it because it'll ruin it, but if you want to go and find out all of it, it is on their website to ruin it before you even go there. I'm just going to tell you a couple of things

that happen when you go to the Dracula experience in Whitby. Introduction. This is what happens. As you enter, a dreadful fear will come upon you. The Count's mysterious appearance and frightening warning will make you wonder if you should have come to Whitby.

Scene one. Bram Stoker sits, creating his terrifying story of Dracula, while looking over Whitby. With an unexpected warning from Transylvania. Scene two, one of the three voluptuous ladies who had been victims of Dracula, and now vampires themselves, gasses hungrily. I think they meant gazes. Yeah, yeah. But they have put gasses.

hungrily. I think they meant gazes. But they have put gases. As the count in the disguise of a large bat Is it a big bloke dressed as a bat? That's amazing. Wearing the menacing black cloak glides towards you.

I mean, they're ruining all the surprises here. Scene three. The wretched Renfield, a patient in Dr. John Stewart's lunatic asylum, spent hours after hour amusing himself with blue bottle spiders spiralling in a kitten. Trying to make each in turn eat the other. What's that? I don't know.

We're going to go to scene five. Lucy has taken to sleepwalking. Who's Lucy? I don't know. We're going to go to scene five. Lucy has taken to sleepwalking. Who's Lucy? I was spotted one night by Mina in the moonlight on a seat towards the Whitby Abbey. Mina ran along the crescent along the north terrace to help a friend who appeared to be in company of a cloaked figure with violent red eyes.

Scene six. Poor sweet Mina has been attacked by Dracula and receives a blood transfusion from her husband, Jonathan. And finally, scene eight. Only eight scenes. Yep. Count Dracula, pursued by our heroes, returns to Transylvania.

They catch up with him at the Borough Pass, where a fearful fight follows. But the Count is finally cornered and destroyed by Jonathan with a blow from his cookery knife, which severs Dracula's head. It seems his reign of terror is over. Or is it?

And that is scene eight and there's no more so I'm guessing that yeah, it is. It certainly is for this attraction. Yeah. Now, you're probably thinking

all sounds well and good. Sounds brilliant. Is it safe? Right? And obviously they've been thinking well, people might be worried that it's not safe. They might die. So we'll do a risk assessment. Right? And obviously they've been thinking, well, people might be worried that it's not safe.

They might die. So we'll do a risk assessment. Right? Now, I want to just... Again, very boring. This is contact info. I'll just let you know now. Yeah.

It's at Nine Marine Parade in Whitby, if you'd like to go there. The opening times for 2008 are winter season, November to Easter, weekends only, 9.45am to 5pm. Please note, the live actor is only featured during peak times. winter season November to Easter weekends only 9.45am to 5pm please note the live actor is only featured

during peak times so what happens when it's not peak times I don't know I think you have to make your own stories up the admission prices

as were correct at 2008 are adults £2.50 not bad children 13 and under £2 family of four fuck it

£8 in you come. And please note, again, the live actor is only featured during peak time school holidays and group bookings. Yeah. Merchandise gift shop. Drag Coup Experience T-shirts, pens, pencils, mugs, teapots. Risk assessment on request.

Now, that's not actually true because the risk assessment's on their website. Right. And it's that, really, that I want to tell you about. Okay. Because they put their risk assessment as all public places that have members of the public walking around, they have to do a risk assessment thing. Well, schools do as well for school trips, they have to do a risk assessment. Yeah. It doesn't have to. I don't think

it has to be public. No. I think it can just be available on request, as they said. But they've gone, you know what, we're going to whack this on the website. Yeah. I'm going to read it to you now, Ed. I warn you now, you're probably going to need to lie down

after I tell you these. I'm going to read all of it. Right. Dracula experience risk assessment. Vehicle traffic. At the end of this

attraction, customers exit out onto the pavement. Care should be taken not to proceed onto the road. That's... Care should be taken not to proceed onto the road. Water protection, stroke sun safety. This attraction is indoors.

Water hazards, not applicable. Slips, trips and falls. The following hazards should be noted. Trips caused by looking at the scenes stroke display and not the floor. High level areas. Not applicable. Strobe lighting.

Strobe lighting effects may be used throughout. Reduced lighting. Care should be taken due to reduced lighting throughout this attraction. Enclosed spaces. There are enclosed spaces throughout. However, there are no areas that

can be defined as confined spaces. Right, that's good to know. So we're assuming Dracula's coffin's not in there anyway. Door entrapment. Beware of closing doors on fingers, etc. And finally, live actor. Just one.

During peak times, a live actor will be present in this attraction. The live actor will surprise customers throughout the show. Is it a celebrity? Care should be taken not to run when the live actor is present. Any customer too scared by the actor should make the actor aware of this. And they will be escorted to the next scene.

Brilliant. We've got to go to this. I really want to go now. For every single scene, we should literally, when the act comes out go no too scared

and see how quick we can go through it absolutely I reckon we can do eight scenes in four minutes yeah definitely just go

no too scared no too scared too scared a lot of that risk assessment is more sort of general life advice isn't it yeah it is

well things like don't walk into the middle of the road well I like that they're still covering you when you get out of the attraction as well. So it's like, beware that the road is not part of a scene. Please be warned, this attraction is attached to real life.

To what extent do you do this? Do you like go, bills? These bills are not an actor. Do not think that the bill is a live actor. You cannot tell the bill that you are scared and then it will be cancelled. Although the bill has been cancelled, hasn't it, this week? It's a shame, isn't it?

Yeah. Right, it's time for everyone's favourite section. Assuming that you fell off your bike when you were younger and banged your head and it's damaged for everyone's favourite section. Assuming that you fell off your bike when you were younger and banged your head and it damaged your brain for life. Assuming that maybe one day you went out on your bike when it was raining and your mum and dad said, no, you mustn't go out. You went, no, I'll be all right.

And it was before helmets were commonplace. And you went down to park and you were going, hey, watch this stunt that I could do, right? I drive underneath this climbing frame, right? And then I just let go of my handlebars. I grab hold of the climbing frame and then I let my bike just carry on going. And it was a brilliant stunt.

But you're not taking into consideration that it's raining. So you go underneath it. You do that. The bars are slippy. You fall backwards onto your head. Bad concussion. You've got brain damage for life. And now you think Ed's Amazing Burfs is a good section.

That's too specific for that not to have happened to you. It genuinely happened to me. It genuinely happened to me. One of the most frightening moments of my entire life. Really? Yeah. I once fell off a climbing frame of the most frightening moments of my entire life. Really? Yeah. I once fell off a climbing frame with a raincoat on and a hood hooked onto the climbing frame.

So I was just dangling there. Is that true? Hanging like it was around my neck. That's brilliant. I nearly hung myself off a climbing frame. But what a way to go though. Yeah. I mean, somebody had better have took a picture.

No, I think my mum was too concerned with not letting her son die. No, but if you had died, and you were just hanging there, you're not going to get more dead, are you? I don't know. Somebody should definitely have took a picture if you'd died. And all right, it would have been a sad picture for a bit. It would have been in the papers and that, and everyone would have gone, oh, that's horrible.

But then as time went on, it had become a funny picture. People would have it in their offices with hanging there underneath it. Just hanging out. Yeah, just hanging out. Yeah, enough of this bollocks now. Yeah, let's have it in their offices with hanging there underneath it. Just hanging out. Yeah, just hanging out. Enough of this bollocks now. Yeah, let's have some more bollocks. No. Well, sort of. Right, time for Ed's Amazing Burfs.

Ed's Amazing Burfs. So, I've had one sent in this week. I thought you said we weren't going to do that. I thought you said if people sent them in we wouldn't use them. No, only if they do it in a public medium where everyone can see it right

yeah it's been sent privately on an email to me from a fan a fan why are you being coy about it James Taylor

our fan our manager yes he couldn't get you in John Smith commercials but he will send you amazing bursts

yes and the subject line was amazing so I thought oh right I've got an audition in America he's always going to America, our manager.

Yeah, exactly. He goes over America, like, I'd say three or four times a day. Yeah, I know. Watch his stupid story that James has sent him. It's not a stupid story. And James has sent it so you have to say you like it. Why? Because otherwise he won't get you any more jobs.

Give over, mate. I pay his bloody mortgage. I pay his mortgage, mate, and he'll keep on his fruaring. I pay a bit of it. You get him his rich crackers every week don't you right so

oh a baby was born yeah yeah it's alright don't worry they probably they took the baby out they went oh you're a lovely

little baby lovely little baby who did the doctor right where lovely little baby smacked it on the bum and turned it round

to hand it to the mum yeah oh no there's a cock on its back but that's just the deformity that is amazing though it's not amazing that's horrific Turned it round to hand it to the mum. Yeah. Oh, no. There's a cock on its back. But that's just a deformity. That is amazing, though. It's not amazing.

That's horrific. No, well, there's a picture of it. Oh, no, I can't look at that. Oh, no, no. Did it have a cock on the front as well? I don't know. I've not done all that reading. Was it a boy or a girl?

Well, boy on the back. So, hang on. So, this week... Maybe it does an act now where it goes, Girl, spin round, boy on the back. So hang on. So this week... Maybe it does announce now where it goes, girl, spin round, boy. This week, Ed's amazing birth. Yeah. For this, you are going to show me

a picture of a child with its cock on its back. Yeah. I don't like... Potty training must have been a nightmare. First off, I don't like... Right, slither over there. Right, first off,

I don't like that you've already got this picture up on my computer. Right, well, no, it's not up on your... You need to click the link first. What, I'm not going to click the link? Then you'll get the story in the picture.

Yeah, I bet I'll get fucking plenty more as well. I bet I'll be getting Viagra for the next five years. Right, is it here? Let's have a look. Right, I can tell... Oh, don't be so stupid. Don't be so stupid. That is true, that.

Notice how they've left the nappy open a bit so you can just wee directly into it. If that's real, it's a deformity. I know it's a deformity. I don't disagree that it's a deformity. I'm not laughing at it. I'm saying it's amazing. You're the one laughing at it all the time.

It's not... Right, hang on. Somebody's left a comment here saying, Oh my, the poor thing. Hope it gets well soon. It's not ill. It's just got a cock on its back. The thing is, they've not shown us a picture of the front.

It might have an arse on its face. Right, let's see what other people have written. Poor baby, I hope it recovers fine. It recovers from what? Shut up, that is fake, you're lying. God has a sense of humour. Humour? Ah, that widdle, widdle, coot, widdle thing.

God love him to death. You mean, if you're going to leave these things on websites, you've got to really think about what you're saying. Yeah. Oh, my God. Right, okay, so here's what happened. It was a twin. So it was a conjoined twin, and it only grew the cock on its back.

And it's not funny. That's not an amazing bird. Why is that funny? Why are you laughing? Did it have two? What? Did it have two? Well, apparently so.

It was going to be a conjoined twin, but the other twin didn't develop. All that grew was the cock. What? This isn't a nice section. You just come on and laugh at a deformed child. It's not a deformed child. It's one child and a bit of another one.

No, I would argue that a cock on your back equals deformity. Yeah, but not for that one, because it's part of another human. Right, I've just zoomed in on the picture. Yeah, yeah. That does look like a circumcised penis. So do you think it's a Jewish baby? And they went, let's cover all bases. Jewish?

Do you mean they're not born with a circumcised penis? No, no, no. Listen to what I'm saying. This is a problem with you. You talk over me too much. The problem with me is that what you're saying is bollocks. No, listen. No, it's penis this week. It got born. They went, it's got two penises. Let's cover all bases because we're not sure

which one we're going to keep. I don't think this is real. What do you mean? I don't think this is real. I think that's a Photoshop picture. I don't know why they would have a circumcised penis growing. Well, I think they circumcised it. I think that's nonsense. I think they circumcised both of them. I think any doctor that did that would be struck off immediately.

No, because it would be a rabbi, won't it? Imagine, right, you turn up at a gig, right? You're there to do a gig, right? And they go, oh, another gig is happening. It's just grown. What? On the back of this gig. Can you do that one as well? Double money, mate, in gig is happening. It's just grown. What? On the back of this gig. Can you do that one as well?

Double money, mate, in the same place. So he's just going to go... I might as well... Go on, do your Jewish, man. I might as well flip him over. What the fuck is that? I've got a cuck over here. I've got a cuck over here.

I'm not sure I'm allowed to put that out. What? It's rabbi. Do your rabbi a bit more. I've got a cuck over here. I'm not sure I'm allowed to put that out. What? Rabbi. Do you rabbi a bit more? I've got a cuck on the back, a cuck on the front. Oh, just whip it off.

I'm not sure that's alright. Why not? I'm going to try and find out. Can any of our Jewish listeners please let us know? Jackie Mason is what I'm doing. Jackie Mason. Well, you were doing,

it was a bit more like Goodfellas really, wasn't it? I've got a cuck over here, I've got a cuck over there. I've never, wasn't it? I've got a cook over here, I've got a cook over there. I've never heard Jackie Mason say, I've got a cook over here, I've got a cook over there. No, that's for the story. I've got a cook on the back, a cook on the front. What am I going to do about it? Stop it!

I don't... Is this enough? I'm reviewing the situation. What, you're being vegan now? What the fuck are you doing? I can't do that! You can't do that. You can't do that. That's not allowed. You can't do that at

all. Fucking hell. Being Fagin. Thanks for listening and I wouldn't blame you for not listening again. Happy Hemingway.

Stop it, you fucking arsehole. Please stop doing the rub. Alright, sorry. Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidewater. Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk.

See you next week. hosted by chortle.co.uk see you next week yes yes yes it is time for everyone's

favourite section of the podcast Ray does food and a drink or a drink and talks about it and then when you listen to it

you think oh god I would bloody love a taste of that I'm going to get some of it and eat it all up or drink it if it's a drink one this week.

Right. Weirdly, it's a bit of both. Okay. This week. Is it soup? Oh, shut up. This week, tomato soup. Tomato soup.

You've ruined it. No, you've ruined it by making it tomato soup. If I'd have just done tomato soup then, everyone would have enjoyed that. No, just get on with it. I can't get on with it now. You've ruined it by making it tomato soup. If I'd have just done tomato soup then, everyone would have enjoyed that. I can't get on with it now. You've ruined it. Tomato soup with crusty bread, alright. Have it. Have it if you want. Don't have to.

I had to ruin the section. Have some tomato soup. That was just a bit of my suggestion. Have some nice tomato soup, maybe. With some bread. Just eat it. Don't put it in the microwave. It's not as bit of my suggestion. Yeah, well, that sounds nice. I would like some. Have some of mine, some of my smart soup, maybe, with some bread. Just eat it. Don't put it in the microwave. It's not as nice in the microwave,

but if you... How should you do it, then? Well, you might only have a microwave, so if you have, then you can do it in that. Do it on the hob. Smart soup. Sorry, mate. Crusty bread.

Smart soup. Maybe have it in a cup. Smart soup. If it's too hot at first, just eat from the sides of the bowl. Tomato soup, tomato soup, tomato soup. I'd ruined it.