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Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Hello, it's the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Whoa, sexy smooth intro.
Thank you very much. I'm Ray Peacock. Hello.
Hello, I'm Ed Gamble.
There you go, both of us being very sexy today.
Yep.
With our proper sexy voices that we're doing just for you,
because in the time we've been away,
we have become all mature, grown up and sexy.
And might have been a bit ill.
A little bit ill.
Your voice is still a bit touch and go, eh?
Yeah, it's still a bit creaky.
I've not been noticing it on the phone,
but I've noticed it today when you've got it.
It is a bit, isn't it?
Sorry to hear that.
That's all right, I quite like it like this.
I'm like a villain.
You are, you're like Danny Dyer. Yeah, oh, I didn't it? Sorry to hear that. That's alright, I quite like it like this. I'm like a, I'm like a villain. You are,
you're like Danny Dyer.
Yeah,
oh,
I didn't mean it.
Yeah,
he didn't mean it,
did he not?
Bless him.
So we were poorly last week.
Yeah,
all lilled up.
Very,
very nice.
I tell you what,
I got doubly poorly,
me,
because I reacted to my penicillin.
Yeah, that was amazing.
It was good.
You thought,
I'm not poorly enough,
I'll get ill off the medicine.
because I'm not poorly enough
with my ear infection and all my um pharyngitis pharyngitis up my throat because
i'm not ill enough i will also do a freddy face as well yeah and uh yeah proper came up i had to
i had to have makeup put on a warm-up i did the other night because it was so bad and you had
laryngitis yeah laryngitisngitis I had and also chest infection.
You can't tell
because I tell you what,
your chest looks lovely, mate.
I know.
You should have seen it puffed up.
If that's it infected,
then bring on the infection
and pop it in my mouth.
Yeah, it's infected
with sexy disease.
If that's what your chest looks like,
infected,
then rub some dirt in it.
Because I tell you what,
that is lovely.
Cheers, mate.
That's gorgeous that you've got that going.
And yours is nice as well.
Cheers, mate.
It's not even infected,
so get your mouth around that.
And also,
we are definitely better today, though,
even though your throat's such and go,
because today we have been,
I tell you what,
any kids who listen to this, right?
Now, you shouldn't be listening to it
because it's for grown ups
naughty
listen right
cunt
yeah
see what Ed said then
if your mum and dad knew
you were up in your bedroom
listening to this
some of you are masturbating
then they would be furious
not just about the masturbating
but also about the fact
you're listening to it
but listen to this right
right listen to this right
get your trousers off
and you can't even do me for that
because you shouldn't be listening to it
yeah get your trousers off
it's our little secret and you can't even do me for that because you shouldn't be listening to it. Yeah, get your trousers off. It's our little secret.
And you can't even say nothing about that
because you shouldn't even be listening.
It's your own fault.
Say what, right?
Hey, if any little girl's listening, right?
Get your trousers off.
Get your trousers off and get over here
and give Anne a kiss.
If you are just five.
And you can't do us for that
because you shouldn't even be listening to it.
I really hope when you listen to this, you can't hear that there's a fucking budgie upstairs.
Yeah.
Twittering away.
That is a word, isn't it?
Twittering.
Yeah.
Twittering away.
Although, no, it means a different thing, because of course, Facebook.
Tweeting would have worked better for both there.
Twitter? No, Twitter in is a word though.
Tweeting is a word.
No, but Twitter in is a word as well.
Yeah, but tweeting is the correct terminology.
We can argue, we can, tell you what, why don't me and you both ring up Channel 4, go on Countdown as contestants, and both say Twitter.
We'll say Twitter as I go with it.
Right.
No matter what the letters are.
Get someone in Dictionary Corner and have a look.
Yeah.
Tell us what it means.
Get Susie to have a look.
Next one we'll do tweeting.
Yeah.
Susie.
Is Susie the one that's always been on it?
Yeah.
Like the fit one?
Yeah.
Is she still fit?
Yeah.
Is she?
Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Nice one.
But yeah, that fucking budgie.
I know we mentioned it before, but it's just upstairs.
It's on the balcony.
It's annoying.
She puts it on the balcony
just for a little sing
do you know what I hope
I hope that
that girl
who lives upstairs
right
is listening to this podcast
I hope she becomes
a fan of it
yeah
right but
after it's finished
right
like with the old
Ray Peacock podcast
you know a lot of people
became fans of it
after it had finished
yeah
and I hope she does that
with this one
and starts loving it
and then it gets this bit
and it just reminds you
of your budgie
that has since died
because it's five years later.
You know what I hope, right?
Because she has been
putting that budgie
on the balcony, right?
Yeah.
She has a gas leak
in her flat, right?
And she won't know about it
because the budgie
is outside all her life
and then she'll be inside
dead
and then the budgie
takes over the house
and her job.
Yeah, I hope that the gas seeps through to the balcony, right?
And the budgie breathes it in and it mutates like the turtles
and it becomes a Newman budgie.
Like half a Newman and half a budgie
and goes back in the house and she's dead because of the gas
and I hope it keeps her in a rocking chair.
And because it is a Newman budgie now,
it's got arms and it can get its own Trill from the cupboard,
and he fills her up with Trill, her entire body,
and then hangs her up from a rope from one of the light fittings.
Like a horrible human bird feeder.
And then it pecks him right in a downstairs toilet.
Oh, come on, Ray.
That's when the chill comes out of.
Don't say that like that.
She's already dead, so it's not like it's going to hurt.
I hope that the budgie gets a job as a postman
and has to wear a big postman's uniform
and goes around delivering everyone eggs,
even though that is not what they have asked for.
Yeah.
Like a faulty avian Amazon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was a nice section.
Yeah.
And the reason we're talking now
is because it's meant to be the business section,
but I can't be doing with it.
No.
I mean, I've enjoyed having some time off.
Yeah.
I've enjoyed having a bit of a relax
and not having to deal with the fan page and stuff.
And now you don't like any of them.
Because I've been on the fan page a few times
to keep up to date with it. Yeah. And I you don't like any of them. Because I've been on the fan page a few times to keep up to date with it.
Yeah.
I've gone off a lot of them.
I have.
I mean, I'll tell you what, right.
I won't name names,
but accusing us of being lazy and stuff.
Yeah, not having that.
When we're bedridden and ill.
Yeah.
Not in a way to our arts.
I know you're probably joking,
but not in a way to our arts at all.
Demanding stuff.
Yeah.
Sulking that there's no podcast.
Saying, can you not put out
another compilation?
It's not just that we couldn't talk.
We were ill. We're not going to sit
down ill and edit you a compilation
because you're too bored at work.
Make friends with
somebody in another cubicle. Yeah, I hope that
us not doing a podcast last week
made you go and make a friend.
Yeah, why not?
You fucking headphones, help your ears now.
And speak to someone on the tube.
Speak to a Newman.
But make sure they are not a budgie as well.
Yeah, don't speak to any budgies.
Because they will hang you upside down
and eat seeds out of your downstairs toilet.
Yeah, so don't do that.
All right, I'm worried now.
I think we should have done a podcast
because there could be thousands of people
hung upside down with a budgie
eating seed out of the downstairs toilet.
It's like bloody Hills of Isis, isn't it?
It's all gone wrong because we didn't do a podcast.
Hills have little eyes and a beak.
And hands growing out of the feathers.
Don't forget, he's an Arthur Newman.
Well, we'll do...
I mean, there's no fun of the week in it, I think.
No.
To be honest with you, I've not looked at it recently,
so let's have a little look.
Let's get the fan page up.
Right, Fish of the Week.
Christina Bass.
I nominate myself Fish of the Week.
When I say things, it reads Sea Bass.
That's brilliant.
That'll do.
That's brilliant.
Well, Bass would have done anyway, wouldn't it?
Yeah, but Sea Bass, that's brilliant.
Sea Bass, that's perfect.
Christina Bass, congratulations.
You're our Top Fish of the Week.
Yeah. That is a brilliant Top Fish of the Week. That's all you know. Becauseass that's perfect Christina Bass congratulations you're our top fish of the week yeah
that is a brilliant
top fish of the week
that's sort of
because Nigel Waller
had said can fish
fingers be fish of the
week
could have been
could have been yeah
but then Christina Bass
came in last minute
Seabass Seabass
stormed in
took the legs from
underneath you
didn't it
and if there are
anyone like brothers
of a religious order
out there
yeah
if there are any
monk fish
then they of course
could be part of it.
Imagine if Michael Fish
has got a backward brother.
Who's a monk?
Yeah, who believes
in all like Christian
stuff and that.
Can somebody write
to Michael Fish
and find out if he has
got a backward brother
that lives in a monastery
place?
Stephen Wardby,
I should be fan of the week
because my life is so pathetic
the only thing that would
make it bearable
would be to have my name
read out on a weekly podcast.
No, really.
Well, there you go. Well, there you go.
Well, there you go.
You're the fan of the week.
Well done, Stephen.
I think we asked for a Stephen.
I'm sure we did.
Gary Glitter made loads of posts.
I'm going to read them out, but I don't know about Gary.
I don't know how Gary Glitter got on our fan page.
He's called himself Jack Trouble now.
Well, go on the fan page and look.
He's a fucking image of Gary Glitter.
Thomas Mayhew said, Peter Kay told jokes about Sky Plus, as you predicted last year.
We can't really take full... No. We can't take full credit for that, really. No, he did say he was going to told jokes about Sky Plus as you predicted last year. We can't really take full credit
for that really. No, he did say
he was going to make jokes about it. Peter Kay did say
he was going to do Sky Plus and then we said
you know, I mean please don't
please don't intimate that we've
said something that Peter Kay has then gone on
and passed off as his own. I'm sure that
Peter Kay is not the sort of individual
who would get stuff from other people
and then pass it off as his own. No, totally. So I wouldn't like to level that accusation at Peter Kay is not the sort of individual who would get stuff from other people and then pass it off as his own.
No, totally.
So I wouldn't like to level that accusation at Peter Kay.
We're certainly not saying that because we did know that he was doing Sky Plus already.
Hugh Mazie.
I should be fan of the week because my last name backwards says so.
Pretty clever this.
Mazie backwards is Yes I Am.
Whoa!
I know.
And we've known Hugh Mazie for ages.
Yeah, and we've never
We've never known that.
No.
Do you know what Hugh
in all the time
we've known you
I've never once
read your name backwards.
We should do it
more often.
Well but that doesn't
necessarily relate
to final of the week though.
Why?
Because yes I am
he could be anything
of the week.
Yeah but
it's not like he's
just made that up now.
He's always been Hugh Maisy.
Yeah.
And then he suddenly told us this week that it's suddenly gone yeah let's read that up now. He's always been Hugh Maisie. Yeah. And then he suddenly told us this week
that he's suddenly gone,
yeah, let's read that backwards.
Yeah, but what I'm saying is it's Yes I Am,
so we could attribute anything to him.
We should start reading all our fans' names backwards.
Right, Shelley Wilde or Ed Lillis.
What does that mean?
Do you think it might be Welsh?
I think a lot of these are going to end up being you going,
might be Welsh, that.
Yeah.
Might be Welsh.
Idea for the podcast, running alongside fan of the week.
You can have fanny of the week.
With the fanny being the Facebook member who types on here
with the most pathetic made up reasons for being fan of the week.
Yeah.
I like the idea for the section.
Yeah.
I don't like what you mean by it.
I mean, fanny of the week, yeah, we could do that.
Yeah, definitely, we'll do that.
But not what you mean.
No, fanny of the week.
Send in your fanny. Send your fanny in. In an envelope. funny of the week yeah we could do that yeah definitely we'll do that but not what you mean no funny of the week send your funny in
in an envelope
Tony Chilton
I should be funny of the week
because I'm a security officer
and on nights
I sit in the big cheesiest chair
in an office
and go round and round
while singing
over the rainbow
with Toto in hand
I said that
it can be funny of the week
if he videos himself
playing boss of the office
in the middle of the night.
So I'm still waiting for that video, Tony.
But if you do that, you can be fun of the week,
but you're not yet.
Louis Pierce, I like Lego.
I think that should make me fun of the week.
No, I don't like Lego.
No, you like Star Wars Lego.
No, not fun of the week, I'm afraid.
And Alex Taylor, thanks to you two,
I can't say America anymore.
I say Merica.
That's the correct way of saying it.
Yeah, it's Merica, isn't it? So I can't remember who was fun of the week.'s the correct way of saying it yeah it's Merica isn't it
so I can't remember
who was fun of the week
was it Stephen Wardby
for having a pathetic life
yeah I think so
well done Wardow
also a little bit of business
as well
I got an email this morning
Wai Badao
I Badawa
I Badawa
I got an email this morning
from Jamie Atkinson
I don't even know
if that's a boy or a girl
J A I M I
it's probably a girl isn't it
saying hello
my name's Jamie
it's my 20th
birthday of the 10th and i was wondering if you could give me a shout out on the podcast
because my friend has a massive crush on you and would be really jealous if i got a mention
whoa get well soon i hope it's a girl man oh oh it's your friend is it
oh oh jamie is it your friend who has got a crush on me?
On who, actually?
Well, it was to you, wasn't it?
Yeah, but she might have been just sending it to the podcast.
Well, no, she sent it to you.
Don't try and palm them off on me.
She sent it to you, Ray Peacock.
Yeah, but maybe if she's got a friend that fancies me,
then maybe she fancies you.
Maybe it's all fours up.
Yeah, maybe we go on a double date.
Yeah, and that's why there's no Facebook groups this week.
That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Because we're going on a double date. Yeah, and that's why there's no Facebook groups this week. That's the worst excuse I've ever heard.
Because we're going on a double date.
Yeah.
Because we're going on a double date,
we are going bowling and then for a feast ice cream in the park.
With Jamie and his friend who fancies one of us.
Yeah, you.
And Jamie who fancies the other one.
Because we're going on a double date,
that is unfortunately why there is no Facebook groups.
Is it because you didn't join any?
I can't be arsed doing it anymore.
Well, how are you going to reach a million groups
by the end of 2010?
I'm not.
Not happening anymore.
In fact, do you know what?
I think we'll probably just stop the podcast.
Don't worry, though.
It's not all doom and gloom around here with all the sections all changing
or coming to an end this week.
Is it not?
Because one section is going to keep going on and on.
Ed's amazing birth.
And that is Ray eats some...
No, doesn't eat it.
Saves the food.
Can we just call it one or something?
Ray saves the food. And you think about it. Or a drink. And you have a think about it when I eat it. Says the food. Can we just call it one or something? Ray says the food.
And you think about it.
Or a drink.
And you have a think about it when I say it.
And you think, oh, I'll tell you what, I can have that.
I can eat that now.
Like, for example, I might be saying Chinese.
And you might be in the mood for a Chinese.
So that could be one.
But that's not the one this week.
Because the one this week, and I'm not having a breakdown.
The one this week, and I'm not having a breakdown, the one this week is chocolate.
Chocolate.
Eat your chocolate.
Get it from a garage when you put petrol in.
Chocolate.
Eat it.
It's really popular.
Everyone has chocolate all the time.
Can you remember when Mars Ball was 15?
I can.
You did chocolate milk, like, originally.
Chocolate. No, this is just chocolate. No, it's solid.
This is ridiculous.
Chocolate. Eat some chocolate. It's an aphrodisiac.
Girls like chocolate.
Not the way you eat it.
Chocolate. Don't listen to him. I'm doing a section.
Chocolate. Don't have it if you're depressed.
Apparently there was a study this week that it makes you worse.
Chocolate. What's your favourite one?
Boost.
We all have the one.
The bloke at the prodigies' one is Boost.
We all have a favourite, don't we?
Chocolate.
Eat some chocolate.
Eat it.
Get some chocolate.
From a shop.
Put it in a blue bag
that they give you
at the newsagents.
Take it to Egypt.
Have some chocolate
on a pyramid.
Get on a pyramid
with your chocolate
and eat
Visit the Sphinx.
With a boost.
Climb on the Sphinx.
On its back.
Get your boost out.
Get your wife or your husband.
To stay on the ground.
And take a photo of it
while you eat a
boost on a sphinx
in the nude.
Chocolate.
Ed. Yeah. If you found out
I was one of the main voices
in Toy Story 3
would you be excited or angry that I hadn't told you?
I think I'd be angry, really angry to start with.
Oh, okay.
And then as time went on, I'd be excited.
As it got nearer the premiere?
Yeah.
All right.
Why?
No, nothing.
What?
Nothing, nothing.
It is one of the main voices in Toy Story.
Yeah, no, I'd be angry to start with, but I'd be excited.
No, okay.
I've got to do my section.
What's your section?
We're not, it's not...
Oh, let's have a look at your watch.
What time is it?
Oh, well, the big hand is on Amazing Births,
and the little hand is on Ed's.
We had a phone call yesterday
where we decided we weren't doing this anymore.
Oh, shut up.
So it's time for Ed's Amazing Births.
Time for Ed's Amazing Births now.
No, seriously though,
we did.
Let's hop on the plane,
Ed's Amazing Births World Tour.
Is this the last one?
Probably not.
Where are we going first
on the plane?
I don't know.
Haiti.
Right, is that upped?
What?
Go on.
And what happened in Haiti?
Woman gave birth to a fish.
What are you basing this on?
News reports
from the time in 2009.
Alright, I will show you.
In 2009?
Haiti, 2009. A woman gave birth to a fish.
They think it's because she ate some fish eggs.
Caviar?
No, well, not in Haiti, mate. Come on.
I think they'd be lording it over
the big earthquake and there's some woman
walking around going, oh, I'm just having a bit of
caviar.
No, you can't change this story.
That would be a piss cake, wouldn't it?
You can't say a woman gives birth to a fish after eating fish eggs
during an earthquake.
Well, there has been an earthquake in Haiti.
I know that there has. It was horrible.
You're ruling out
that there is caviar in Haiti.
There's no caviar in Haiti.
No, I'm saying that I think that her eating caviar would have been
taking the piss.
Yeah, it would have been if she was doing it whilst wandering through a disaster area.
Yeah, which I imagine that she was.
But that's...
Right.
I mean, this is going to be an unbearable section, isn't it?
Why?
Because you're literally...
You're battling down your hatches.
You're making no sense.
You're already making no sense.
A woman has given birth to a fish in Haiti.
Let's get on the plane.
Where are we going next?
What? Is that the end of the story? Yeah, let's get out of Haiti quickly because there's a fish in Haiti. Let's get on the plane. Where are we going next? What?
Is that the end of the story?
Yeah, let's get out of Haiti quickly
because there's a lot of dust.
Right, I'm not having that.
The story that you're doing
is a woman gives birth to a fish.
So an absolute bollocks story anyway.
Yeah.
And you're now making that into...
You're putting it in a bollocks situation.
Ooh, that would be a bit rich
if she was walking through an earthquake
eating caviar.
Which isn't what was being said. And then give birth to a fish. Oh, you would be a bit rich if she was walking through an earthquake eating caviar. Which isn't what was being said.
And then give birth to a fish.
Oh, you're a prick.
Go on, what's the next one then?
Oh, this is a good one, this.
Don't look at the link.
Women in China.
Yeah, a lot of them, isn't it?
You know, we talked about Japan.
A lot of them, but perhaps not as many as they should have been.
You know, in Japan it is a ten month pregnancy.
Which is not, it's to do with the calendar.
Right, but you know how we talked about that.
Which, thank you to all the people who told us that, but we don't actually know that.
In China, there was one woman who was pregnant for 58 years.
Right?
Yeah.
You think, oh, that's an amazing story in itself, Ed.
Well done.
Yeah.
When she gave birth...
It was dead.
Nope.
It was a 58 year old man.
It was a statue.
When she gave birth... It was dead.
Nope.
It was a 58-year-old man.
It was a statue.
A woman gave birth to a statue after 58 years.
I mean, this is literally fucking morose.
This has gone from asinine to offensive.
Right, there you go.
58 years, a woman gave birth to a statue.
In 1948, Huang didn't have enough money to have her baby removed
after doctors told her it had died.
So she did not...
Don't you sit there laughing.
I'm not.
So she did nothing
and went on with her life.
Now, after carrying her,
in inverted commas,
stone baby,
for 58 years,
she finally gave birth
at 92 years old.
I mean, this story...
I see a picture of it.
That's like that's been just translated on Google Translator
and they've just got it completely wrong.
What on earth are you on about?
Why was it stone?
I don't know. That's magic.
Things don't turn to stone when they die.
Well, this one, maybe there was a Medusa in their tummy.
This is absolutely...
I mean...
Right, well, that's China.
It's not China.
We can't just keep skipping through them like this.
Now, this next one, a lot of people have left this on the groups, various groups.
But I thought, you know...
So because you've run out of ideas, you're now...
No, I thought if people are putting it out there, it's obviously something they care about.
And I think the rest of the world should hear about it.
Woman's given birth to a block of cheese.
No, she's not.
Yes, she has.
No, she hasn't.
Where are we now?
I don't know whereabouts we're going on the plane.
Woman gives birth to cheese.
Germany.
Germany.
Pregnant woman rushed to hospital to give birth to shots,
doctors and staff when it was revealed that what she had passed off as a foetus for months was in fact a large block of cheese.
Right, so first of all,
they're not saying
she gave birth
to a block of cheese.
Well, she did give birth
to a block of cheese.
No, they're not.
No, she didn't.
They're saying
what she'd passed off
as a foetus.
No.
The woman,
whom hospital administrators
have refused to identify
due to confidentiality rules
and the fact that
she doesn't exist.
No, she does exist.
She's a lady.
Has a history of mental illness.
Right.
Right.
You're aware
this is a comedy podcast?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
According to medical reports,
not only has she been detained in the past for public disturbance,
but she's been on significant doses of antidepressant
and antipsychotic medications for many years.
So, well, I mean, this is going to now transpire
that she put cheese up herself, isn't it?
And presented to be pregnant.
That a mentally ill woman
in bed...
I mean, I believe
this is real.
Yes!
Finally!
No, not yes.
Finally you've
believed one.
No, not yes.
Finally.
You've got...
I've got you.
No, because she's not...
I've got you.
You've believed one.
She's not given birth to it.
She has.
She's not.
Come on, funny.
No, any more than
if I put this pen
up my arse now
and then squeezed it out.
I've not given birth to it. Do it. No. No, is that right if I put this pen up my arse now and then squeezed it out. I'd not give birth to it.
Do it. No, no, is that right?
I'll do it at the end of the series.
I'm surprised it stayed in a block.
What did you think was going to happen? Fondo.
Or turn to stone, maybe. Yeah, turn
to stone as well. There's things happening, ladies
and fannies, if they're not alive.
Yeah, it's true that,
you know. If you put something in a lady's fanny and it's not
alive, turns to stone. Famous, famous. If you put some of your lady's fanny in, it's not alive.
So there's the famous thing.
Do you know how to do that in biology?
Beyond weird, remarked the doctor.
I don't know how one would do it,
but it must take an unworldly level of self-deception to even conceive of something like this.
This is possibly the most offensive one you've done.
Because it probably did happen. A mentally ill woman did do this. Oh, well, that is amazing. It's not amazing. most offensive one you've done because it is because it is
it probably did
happen a mental
woman did do this
oh well that is
amazing
it's not amazing
it's heartbreaking
that's amazing
in her head it
made sense for her
to fill herself
with dairy
you don't know
it was dairy
you can't keep
dairy in a
blocked form
it turns to stone
no you've made
that up
what so you think
so things don't
turn to stone
in a woman's family? No, babies
do. Do they or not? Babies do if they're in there for 58
years. If they're dead? Cheese doesn't
for a bit. Dead cheese? Yeah, it's not.
Alright, well
I think you're mixing up. So is that the end of it?
That's it then? So that's it's Amazing Birds?
No, we've got one more story on here
and then I've got a really amazing one.
Oh, fuck off. If you don't like any of these.
How many are we doing?
Close your eyes, close your eyes. Close? Yeah, do keep amazing one. Oh, fuck off. If you don't like any of these. How many are we doing? It's just...
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Close.
Yeah, do keep them closed.
Oh, yeah.
I'm actually falling asleep.
Right.
Have a look at that picture.
You are a fucking...
Absolute arsehole.
You're an absolute arsehole.
That is from Egypt.
Yep.
That is from Egypt. What. That is from Egypt.
What is that?
That's it?
Twin baby girls.
Yeah.
One of the girls
is like all normal
and then she's got
like another head
attached to her head.
Yep.
But that head
doesn't have a body.
It's more just like
a big thumb.
And it's sort of like
she's holding up
a funny mirror
from the fair
on her head
Ed
what no
that is what I'm trying to describe
that's a real thing
that's a parasitic twin
yeah
alright what's a parasitic twin
it's like
get off me Ed
you bloody nuisance
let me see
so she was born
on March 30th
2004
with another head
attached to her head
the parasitic
there you go parasitic twin of Manar Majed
possesses her small lungs and heart,
but entirely depends on the oxygen.
Basically, a parasitic twin is when
something uses your organs.
Get off, get off.
No, it's not get off, get off.
Well, no, if that was...
Right.
I come round and eat your food,
but you let me.
The parasitic twin was very much alive,
capable of smiling, blinking and crying. However, in February 2005, Man person's twin was very much alive capable of smiling blinking and crying
however in February 2005
Manor's twin died
don't read this bit
due to additional demand of oxygen
now it's important
why you
because all you've done here
is laugh at a heart breaking situation
no I'm not laughing
I'm saying there's upsides
now let's present
what's the upside of that
right
if she went to Ascot
she would be the toast of the town
she has got the best hat.
Because you'd be like, what the hell
is that hat?
Judging by the photo, particularly,
she would have been particularly
toast of the town. I mean, alright,
she is about two months old.
And perhaps isn't up to go
into Ascot and walking about
the place. But judging by this
photo, she them particularly well
when Susan Boyle
was in X Factor
as a nice tribute hat
minus twin
because imagine
minus twin died
no died
yeah I know
right so this
so this baby
you're showing me died
the parasitic twin died
but that is not a full baby
no but
so you can only be
a bit upset
well I'm not upset really
if the proper one died yeah I'd have a good cry.
But if the one on the head just dies,
then just, you know, sulk for an afternoon.
Yeah.
You're a disgrace.
But at Ascot, you'd spot that and you'd go,
what's that? I'm not going to mention about that.
No, no, look.
Oh, I like your hat. I like your hat.
Oh, your hat just blinked. You're amazing.
All that's happened here.
All that's happened here, Ed.
It's like a fleshy Carmen Miranda.
You've not thought this through
I have
because you've seen a thing
that's probably real
on the internet
probably is true
again I admit
probably is true
you've gone
it's a funny thing
I'll pretend it's an app
I'll pretend that she's an escort
you've not gone beyond that
you've not gone beyond the fact
that it is a real child
who has now got a dead head
attached to it
no because you haven't
finished the article yet
why is she dead as well
yeah
right so you
you've shown me a picture of two dead babies.
And you said, isn't that an amazing birth?
Because before they died, they could have gone ascot.
I mean, if anything ever stopped this section, it is that.
I've got, right, if you don't like that, I do have one more.
Right, a woman give birth to an apple.
And I know we've done that sort of thing before, woman give birth to an apple. And I know we've done
that sort of thing before, like give birth to an apple and blah, blah, blah. The apple
had a face, a human face. Have you got a look at this? Yeah. Close your eyes. Keep them
closed. They are closed. What do you think of that? I daren't open my eyes. An apple
with a human face. I daren't open my eyes because much as I think the world of you,
and I've been telling people we're best friends,
I hope that's all right.
I'm scared that if I open my eyes, I'm going to punch you.
Right, have a look.
Right.
Right.
I've got a few problems with this.
Right.
What are they? Right. Here a few problems with this. Right, what are they?
Right, I'll tell you.
Here's my problems with it.
First off, right, I don't believe it.
Tell me the back story of this.
It was in Indianapolis.
Oh, it was in America?
Indianapolis in America.
And a woman was called Sally
Orchard
Sally Orchard
yeah
and she had
a boyfriend
called
Billy
Seeds
they'd done their
sex
in an orchard
because she owned
an orchard
because that's why
her name was Orchard
and then something
must have dropped
down afterwards
and pregnant
can I ask you a question
yeah have you run out of things for Ed's Amazing and then something must have dropped down afterwards and pregnant. Can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
Have you run out of things for Ed's Amazing Births?
Why?
Just tell, just, Ed.
Yes?
Just tell the truth.
Have you run out of things on the internet to use for Ed's Amazing Births?
Yes.
Yes, right.
Is that why?
I thought this would be a good closer.
Well, do you know what?
It's a perfect closer, Ed.
We'll pop this up on the fan page for people to have a look closer. Well, do you know what? It's a perfect closer, Ed. We'll pop this up on the fan page
for people to have a look at.
Now, did you really think
that A, I would think that was a real baby
even though it's clearly an apple
with a felt tip pen face drawn on it?
And also, secondly, and I think more importantly,
did you think I wouldn't notice that that's a photo that's been taken in my house?
Did you think that I would miss that that is one of my shelves?
I don't know.
With an apple on it.
In fact, looking over there, Ed, the apple is still on the shelf.
I thought you'd just be so amazed by the picture.
I am amazed by it.
I am amazed by that.
It's been a fun section.
Yeah.
It has been a fun section.
I mean, it's been tongue-in-cheek and that.
Yeah.
I want you to admit that it's over.
It's over for now.
Yeah.
It might come back soon.
If there's an amazing birth.
If something else comes up.
It's a nice way to end it, though, wouldn't it?
It's a lovely way to end it, mate,
with an apple with a face drawn on felt tip on my own shelf. Right, no, but I'll tell you why it's not a nice way to end it though wouldn't it? It's a lovely way to end it mate with an apple with a face drawn on a felt tip
on my own shelf.
Right no but I tell
you why it's not a
nice way to end it
because a giant cut
its face off and
then ate the rest of
its body.
That was Ed's
amazing births.
I don't know what's
going to replace it
next week but I know
that it's not going
to be here.
Goodbye.
Don't ruin it with
a rabbi at the end.
Peacock and Gamble
podcast was devised and performed by ray peacock and ed gamble all
music by the tiger lilies except for the last one which is performed by frank sidewinder
peacock and gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by chortle.co.uk see you next week
normally at the end of the podcast i mean famously we do pg tips we do yeah every week See you next week. have not come up with one. It's also because I've got a story to tell you. How long is the story?
Well, it's going to be quite frustrating, I think,
because I'm not going to tell you
the end of it.
Right.
Right?
Is this a cliffhanger?
It's kind of a cliffhanger, yeah.
When I was doing
one of the Graham Norton warm-ups,
I was stood in a corridor
at the London studios.
Right.
Now, I famously...
Do PG tips.
Yeah, that,
but I don't like loose women
right yeah
I don't mean in life
in life
I fucking love it
I mean
the programme
the programme of it
yeah
the programme in reverse
I think a lot of it is
because you
you saw it was on once
yeah
and you were so disappointed
yeah
do you know what
if the women on that programme
did start acting
how I like girls to act, I wouldn't like that.
Right, no.
I wouldn't enjoy it.
No.
But anyway, I'm in a corridor at the London Studios.
Yeah.
A little bit nervous, it's my first one. I wasn't really looking around much, and I heard this.
Carol! Carol! You look so hot today!
Oh no.
Right?
I looked up.
Now, Carol McGiffin, is it?
Yeah, I think so.
She was stood next to me.
Yeah.
Right?
How close?
Very close.
Oh Christ.
She wasn't doing nothing to me.
It was just where we'd ended up.
Yeah.
Across the room was Kate Thornton.
Yeah.
And she was the one who was shouting
to Carol McGluffin. Well. And she was the one who was shouting to Carol McLaughlin.
Well.
Right?
She was going, Carol, Carol, you look so hot today.
I'd be worried if it was Carol shouting that.
Yeah, that'd be weird.
Into a mirror.
If Carol McLaughlin was shouting that,
and was going, Carol, Carol, you look so hot today,
that would be worrying, wouldn't it?
Into a mirror, even though she wasn't showing up in it.
So anyway, and by the way way this was weird to me because at this point i didn't know that kate thornton was now on loose women right
i thought it was literally just kate thornton off x-factor yeah was shouting across at the woman
off loose women yeah right for attention yeah so then kate thornton starts coming over right to
where me and carol mctavish is at i stood right and she went
no carol really you look really really i've noticed last few days you look really hot and
carol's going oh do i do i okay all right and she went no i don't i don't and she went no you do
you look really hot and then turned to me and went doesn't she oh fuck