The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 47

Episode Date: December 15, 2019

"Episode 47" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 47 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Yep, it's that time of the year where we all put our phones up the airport and get a recording of the podcast. Right. Hello, I'm Ray Peacock. Hello, I'm Ed Gamble. And this is the Peacock and Gamble podcast. The Inception Special. No.

What? I've not seen that one. The Inception Special. No. What? I've not seen that one. The Inception Special? What are you doing? Inception the film. I told you we're doing the Inception Special. I've not seen it. I can't do that.

Oh. Well, no, that's cancelled then. Yeah, I can't do that one. Alright. I've not seen Inception, so that's cancelled, unfortunately. So if you just then got excited, because it's going to be the Inception Special, it's not. Right. It's not.

Alright then. Interesting fact about me. What? I have never seen a not. Right, all right. It's not. All right, then. Interesting fact about me. What? I have never seen a film. Not one film. I once dreamt I watched Pac-Man the movie. But other than that, I've never seen one. What happened in it?

I don't even know if there was a Pac-Man the movie. I think that was someone planting that idea in your head in a dream. Is that from Inception? Yeah, I've just remembered you've not seen it. All right. I've not seen it. I don't know anything about it. I've seen Toy Story 3. I sat next to you on it. Yeah that from Inception? Yeah, I've just remembered you've not seen it, alright. I've not seen it. I don't know anything about it. I've seen Toy Story 3.

I sat next to you on it. Yeah. Do you remember? That was a weird coincidence, wasn't it? It was, yeah. I just thought, oh, I'll go and see

Toy Story 3. And I thought it. Yeah, and then we were just sitting next to each other. In the same cinema? Yeah. A cinema in Coventry? It wasn't because we were there.

No. We just went there. That's weird, isn't it? I'm a bit different in the intro this week. I'm going to do a shout-out. You're going to do a shout-out? Yeah, in the intro, though. You're like Westwood.

That's weird, isn't it? I know. I'm going to do the shout-out to my friend Molly. Okay. Don't like Westwood. I've never seen it. I've never heard it. What is it?

Yo! All right, I'll do that. Big shout-out to Molly. Yo, big shout-out to Molly. Drop da bomb. Drop da bomb. Drop da bomb, please. But the reason I'm doing it is because Molly listens to the podcast, but she often falls asleep during the podcast.

So I thought I would do a shout out to her now. Just get it in quick. Get it in at the beginning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what, mate, I would get it in quick. Give her half the chance, but unfortunately she's married. And I know there'll be people at home now going, well, why are they giving her a shout-out then?

If she falls asleep during it, she's got cancer, all right? Well, you've just made everyone else feel pretty guilty. Now, how do you feel now about judging her that quickly? She's got cancer, right? Serious one. So that's shut you all up, hasn't it? Sorry, Molly, for the other fans. The way that they were schooling you then for falling asleep during the podcast.

She listens to it loads. That can't be good for you. I don't think that's the... I don't think it was our fault. Right. I can't. I hope it wasn't our fault. Molly, you would tell me, wouldn't you,

if it was our fault? Also, I hope she doesn't think this is medicine. No, that wouldn't be a good idea if she thought it was medicine. It can't be helping, can it? It's not medicine, Molly. Problem is, I don't like to think of Molly wasting what time she's got listening to this. No, that wouldn't be a good idea if she thought it was medicine. It can't be helping, can it? It's not medicine, Molly. The problem is I don't like to think of Molly wasting what time she's got listening to this. No, that's a good point.

Yeah, so, so, Mol, just, there you go, there's a little shout out for you. Yeah. Just, don't listen to the rest of it now. No. It's not very good. It's not very good. Stop wasting time on it. There are children who fall for it, but you're a grown adult.

We love you though. Welcome to the show. I went to Brent Cross the other day. Did you? Brent Cross Shopping Centre in North London. We've been there before. We have been there often for sushi. Yeah. There were your sushi there.

They do. I'd gone just for shopping. Just for a bit of shopping. I've got, I don't know. You've got a wadge there often for sushi. Yeah. There we go, sushi there. They do. I've gone just for shopping. Just for a bit of shopping. I've got it now. You've got a wodge. I'm solvent. Yeah. Now what had actually

happened was I'd done a gig in Liverpool. Okay. And I hadn't enjoyed the gig. I felt like they were idiots. Right, yeah.

Lots of stag do's and stuff. I was like, oh, this is alright. There was one point where there was a woman. She was walking around by my stage

showing her phone to people. I went, what are you'm on stage, showing her phone to people. I went, what are you doing? She went, they wanted to see me photos. Another bloke, right? He had his back to me when I was on stage. One of the stags. Right.

Was talking really loudly. I went, dude, dude, dude, dude. Right, and he turned around. As he turned around, he tipped his drink over himself. And then stood up and got angry with me. What, about the drink? Yeah, because I distracted him. I distracted him with his coffee.

I was on stage. So it was that sort of night. So anyway, what I do in that scenario, when I've had that sort of gig, it wasn't a bad gig, it just wasn't enjoyable at all. What I do is, I will then take the money from that gig

and spend it on nice things. Yeah. I've always done that. Yeah. Luckily, I have enough good gigs to still pay my rent and that. Now, I bought some Star Wars Lego and stuff, Natch, from Toys R Us. I like a that. I bought some Stiles Lego and stuff Natch from Toys R Us

I like a lot bought a lot of it. Yeah. I think you need to slow down on it mate. I've got to definitely slow down on it because they can't

produce it quicker than I'm building it. So you know you're right I do need to slow down but anyway

a thing happened I was walking through Brent Cross where somebody else was there now here's what that person thought I was saying.

Right. I'm going to tell you this story back to front. Right. This is what she thought I was saying. Right. So we're walking along and she thought I said,

look at that kid, look at that kid, look at that kid. Oh, she's an albino. Right. And she said to me, you can't say, you're saying it out loud.

Stop it. Right. And I was going, what, what, what was I doing? I wasn't doing anything. And she went, you were,

you were saying, look at that kid, look at that kid, look at that kid. And that's when I had to tell what what what was i doing i wasn't doing anything and she went you were you're saying look at that kid look at that kid look at that kid and that's when i had to tell her what i was actually saying because i was saying milky bar kid milky bar kid so it was actually even worse yeah i don't know what's wrong with me though it's a form of it must be no it's not i saw an albino child and shouted Milky Bar Kid. But I didn't say it like, oh, Milky Bar Kid, Milky Bar Kid. I shouted it. Yeah, it's not Tourette's because you go through a thought process in your head before you say it. You think, there's an albino child.

It would be funny if I shouted Milky Bar Kid. Now, at this point, the rest of us... Not to the child. No, the rest of us would go, stop. Because you've not got Tourette's, have you? No, no. Tourette's is literally there's I don't think there's it's a compulsion you just don't have that thing that says I am compulsed to do it

definitely I'm compulsed help me out what do you what do you want to do I don't know what to do about it I do keep doing things like aversion therapy oh I want to do that what's that right so there's an albino child in front of you. Yep. Right, you can see it. Yeah. He can hear you. What are you going to do? Colour it in. Is that wrong or not? I put sunglasses on it.

No, no. First of all, dye its hair. No, right. This is a version therapy. Can the hair even hold a dye? Right, listen. This is a version therapy, so... Ow, what's that for?

Every time you do something naughty or think about it naughty, I'm going to hit you. Every time I think about it, how are you going to know that? Ow! How did you know that? Were you thinking about it? I wasn't even racist. So now, every time you see an albino child, all you will remember is the pain of that if you did something naughty.

I'll kick it, little shit. Right, now... Kick it if I'm making it... Ow! I'm going to thwack it. I tell you what, if that happens one more time because of a little fucking albino,

I'm going to kick fuck out of it. I'm not even messing... I'm not even joking. I don't care how old it is, I'm going to batter it. I'm not going through my life having a pain

like that. I've already got a scar on my arm there, look. Ow! I swear to God. I'm not albino, I'm not albino. I swear to God. I'm not Albino, I'm not Albino. I swear to God.

You little pigment wrong thing. I'm gonna dare. What's wrong with it? Why have Albinos come in for such a bashing this week? Because I'm getting hurt. Because of it. There was an Albino on the front row of my gig the other week. Right, well, you should have hit it.

You should have hit it. Let's start a campaign against Albinos. I just said that I thought he looked like the elf prince from hellboy 2 what is an albino it's a rabbit it's a type of rabbit

I'm genuinely about to say that I should have fucking said bright eyes right it's time for everyone's favourite part of the week Ed's Amazing Births

You know, I can't sneak that in What do you mean? We're not doing that no more Ed's Amazing Births No Right, I got a message off someone that I know Wait, you did? Who listens to it

Who said, just in case Ed's Amazing Births ever comes back Which it's not going to do No, but it won't But this is just in case it does come back I will tell you what I would say. Right, no. Absolutely not. What do you mean?

You're not sneaking in. Well, then that's not part of the section, is it? This is interesting. It is about a new machine. Now I've got you. You like machines. I do like a machine. Is it Optimus Prime or not?

No, it's not, but it could be part of a Transformer. A new way of getting someone to give birth. Yeah. If they're not giving birth, if it's all a bit bunged up. What do you mean, if it's all a bit bunged up? You know, well, I can't explain it, because we're boys, obviously. Because you've never seen one.

We're boys, right? Like, if we need a poo, but it won't come out, I'd imagine that's what it's like when they're nine months in and the baby's still in there. So an overdue baby is essentially constipation? Right, well, I tell you, they've got a good way of getting the baby out now if it won't come out. Go on, go on.

A machine that uses central fugal force. I don't know what that even means. Right, you know at the fair when you do that one where you stand... Arts and Diamonds. Yeah, that one where you stand on it and it pins you back, right? They'll have a new machine for that.

Put a woman in it and spin her around really fast and then the baby just slows out. No, they don't. They do. I've seen the patent for it. They put a pregnant woman in the Arts and Diamonds. Yeah. Well, no, it's a special machine.

It's not the Arts and Diamonds. That's what you just said. They put her in... No, that uses central fuselage force. It spins around and then the baby pops out. That doesn't feel safe to me. Well, you're not on it. If you were on it, I'm sure it would feel safe.

And also, when the baby pops out, does it just fly off? No, I think they have a catcher. I think they've got a wicketkeeper. Where are you getting this from? Well, I'd have to show it to you later, but there is, apparently on Google you can search for patents now, there's a Google Patents thing. Right. So you can go and look through all the things that people are putting for a patent.

No, no. And one of them... You can search for your parents. Oh, right, okay. Well, my dad has invented a central vehicle labour machine. Yeah, no, no.

If you go and Google you can search for... I mean, this is why if they remade the film Annie now there wouldn't be after fuss. Just Google it.

Well, I think that is a good idea. So it set me thinking. Oh, God. It's never a good sign. What other way? Because obviously you don't want to have

to do a caesarean or anything like that. What, me? No, you don't want to. In an ideal world, no. No, you don't want to do it. Although I would do it because if you don't want to have to do a caesarean or anything like that in an ideal world no although I would do it because if you read it it reminds you of Caesar salad I get queasy cutting open a boy in the bag soup let alone a woman's tummy

so I thought of some easier ways of getting a baby out that just won't come out and is being stubborn so do you want to hear them? do you know what more than anything in the world maybe you could ways of getting a baby out that just won't come out and is being stubborn. So do you want to hear them? Do you know what? More than anything in the world. Maybe you could try and scare the baby out. Yeah? How do you do that? If you shout boo or do a monster noise. Where do you shout that at?

In the top of the tummy. Or actually, in the woman's mouth. So the noise is coming from above the baby. And then it will run away down the fanny hole. It would run away down the fanny hole. As all good babies do in an easy birth. They run down the fanny hole. Yeah, so what you should do is, if you shout a monster's noise into a woman's mouth,

then the baby will run down the fanny hole. Yep, that's good. So pop that on the patterns. Yeah. Baby sat-nav. I don't think babies aren't coming out because they don't know the directions. Well, sometimes they do.

They're around the wrong way, aren't they? So if you give a baby a sat-nav and say, at the next available opportunity, do a U-turn. They're not around the wrong way because they're looking

to get out. Well, they might be. No, they're not. They might see the light coming from the mum's mouth and think, oh, that's where I get out. Who's that?

Oh, the light coming through the mum's mouth. No, who was that voice you just did there? That baby's a bit dopey, aren't they? Oh, that must be the way I get out of the lady. I can see the light through the mouth. What light through the mouth? Well, when you open your mouth to talk, light goes in and all the way down.

No, do you know what, right? You're right, Ed. Yeah. You're right. When you open your mouth, light does go in and all the way down. You can swallow light. You're right. I'm not saying you swallow it. It just goes down, doesn't it? Yeah, Ed. Yeah. You're right. When you open your mouth, light does go in and all the way down. You're right. You can swallow light. You're right. Yeah.

I'm not saying you swallow it. It just goes down, doesn't it? Yeah, because, yeah, nothing in between. No. The next one? Yeah. So do you think light does that enough one?

I don't know how we get it in there yet. Well, surely the lady can just swallow it, can't she? And then it'll just pop down to the baby. It'll catch it. Well, if the baby can catch, we don't know if the baby can catch it. Well, we don't. We'll pop it down the umbilical cord then.

That'd be a good way of checking out and see if it'd be a good goalkeeper. Yeah, it would be a good way of checking if to see if it'd be a good goalkeeper. Yeah, it would be a good way of checking if your unborn baby would be a good goalkeeper. Put a toy at the entrance of the lady to try and coax the baby out. It's without a doubt. It's funny.

Yeah. But asinine in the extreme. But we put the toy at the entrance. Oh, I understand. Do like a shake. Like a little shaker thing. And then the baby will go, Oh, I like a toy. I'll go out toy at the entrance. Oh, I understand. Do like a shake. Like a little shaker thing. And then the baby will go, Oh, I like a toy.

I'll go out here and get it. And then once it's out to get the toy, you go, get out of here. Catch it. Just before it goes back in. Yeah, you've got to grab them, haven't you? Or just around the tummy, right? Just keep going,

Oh, I don't think this baby is ever going to come out. I think it's going to be in there all the time being stupid. And that is reverse psychology. And the baby goes, Well, fuck them. I'm going out. Yeah, it would going to be in there all the time being stupid. And that is reverse psychology. And the baby goes, well, fuck them. I'm going out. Yeah, they would do that. So that is my inventions. Oh, is that all of them? Yeah, well, we could try and think of some more if you want. They're your ways of getting your baby out.

Yeah? Yeah. How about this invention, right? Get the woman right lay down. Yeah. In the guillotine. Cut her in half and then just pour the baby out yeah

that's a brilliant invention isn't it that's a bit greasy mine were a bit mine were sort of fun how about this right suck the baby out

that would work that's called an abortion you prick oh now it's time for the section that's the only reason a lot of you listen to this podcast. Food! There it is. Food!

There it is. Have we got an actual name for it? Food! There it is. That's good if we've got a... A section where Ray says a food or a drink and after I've said it then you because it puts an idea in your head

after listening you start thinking like Inception that's the food or drink that I would like to have can we just call it food food that's the theme tune for it

that can be the name of it as well though time for it now on a bit be the name of it as well though. No. Time for it now. On a bit of a roll with it at the moment, no pun intended. Is it roll? This week's food is fish fingers. What? Fish fingers.

Why has it gone back to actual food? Fish fingers. I'm a fish finger sandwich. I'm fish fingers and chips. I'm a little a fish finger sandwich. Have fish fingers and chips. Have it at a little chef. We've done tractor, religion and physics and now it's fish fingers. Lovely. Not necessarily bird's eye ones though.

Get the cheaper ones. They're often nicer aren't they? Although I say that but I once did a corporate gig for bird's eye where I'd done a quiz. I remember Raji came with me to it and he was having a beef burger because it was a barbecue. And I said to Raji,

that beef burger's not cooked. But he went, no, that is the right way of doing it. And ate it and then felt ill afterwards. Fish fingers. Have some fish fingers. Have it on bread. That's called a fish finger sandwich. Not on brown bread though, you maniac! Have it on white bread with butter in it and all the butter will melt on the fish finger.

And eat it all up nice. And a bit of martyr sauce on it and all. Fish finger sandwich with martyr sauce on it. Oh, why not have a crispy batter fish finger? They're nice as well, aren't they? Don't think that they are fishies' actual fingers. Oh, why not have a crispy batter fish finger? They're nice as well, aren't they? Yeah. Don't think that they are fishies' actual fingers. They don't have them.

So don't let that put you off, Grandma. Fish fingers. In your mouth. Chew it up. 23 times and then swallow. Fish fingers. Careful there's no bones in it. Fish fingers.

Careful there's no glass in it at all. Fish fingers. Careful there's no bones in it. Fish fingers. Careful there's no glass in it at all. Fish fingers. But don't eat it if it's poison. Fish fingers. Eat it. Got a little bit of housekeeping to do. Just to... What? Now?

Just to do with the podcast. Oh, right. Okay. We got sent some presents, but we don't know who of. Really? Yeah. Do I know about this? I've not given it yet. Right. right, okay. We got sent some presents, but we don't know who of. Really? Yeah. Do I know about this? I've not given it yet.

Right. So I'm not sure which was yours. Right. But the presents were, it was a flint. A flint? For starting fires. Right. And it was a pointer, a red laser pointer.

Whoa! Now, that's all the details I'm giving. So if it was you that sent it, thank you very much. Would you let us know it was you? Yeah. And you can let us know it was you by giving me more details than that right and also well done

to James Taylor our manager yeah well done James Taylor for sending us Red Rose on a text to prove

as we asked a couple weeks ago to prove that he listened to the podcast he got very upset it was Red Rose but what I really liked about it

was that he went with it he sent Red Rose but was clearly upset yeah he went right Red Rose. But what I really liked about it was that he went with it. He sent Red Rose, but was clearly upset. He went, right, Red Rose. I am really upset by this suggestion.

But I don't listen to it. But Red Rose. But he did say Red Rose. Because he knows me to come back and go, yeah, but what have you got to say? You've got to do the code to prove it. So James has passed. So I'm going to colour James in on my chart.

It's a big chart. James Taylor passed. Right. So this one, the next one, who we're going to test to see if they listen to the podcast or not. Yeah. Right, this week it's going to be who? Steve Bennett.

Steve Bennett. Steve Bennett. Who is the man that runs Chor. Yeah. Right, I mean, they give it this thing about going, man that runs Choral yeah right I mean they give it this thing about going we here at Choral it's just one bloke

yeah it's just a bloke it's just one bloke in a laundrette yeah he's not even got the internet he writes it all down and sends it off he scans it in

yeah so Steve Bennett that's his handwriting yeah he's not a bad speller it's just if you get something wrong it takes him hours to have to go back and change it

yeah it's not even calligraphy it It's just if you get something wrong, it takes him hours to have to go back and change it. Yeah, because you write... It's not even calligraphy. It's just he can write like a computer. But anyway, so Steve Bennett, if you really have listened to this... And is he back from Edinburgh by now? I don't care.

I don't care either way. Got to text us. He might even have our phone number. No, he should put something on Chortle. He should do a one-line story on Chortle about it. Right. Perfect. This is how you're going to prove it. We could make up a story that he has to put up there.

Right. Say that Joan Rivers has had a fight with a cow. Yeah, that is a good one. Although it seems... He probably won't do that, though, will he? It seems silly to waste this opportunity to promote ourselves by saying, oh, yeah, let's make him put Joan Rivers as

twat in a cup. Let's just say we should make it something we've done. Right, okay, yeah. Say we've had a fight with Joan Rivers. Right, no,

Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble stunned an audience at a comedy network gig last night by just starting properly kissing on stage. And that wording as well.

Yeah, that is what you've got to say as one of your one liners in a one liner Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble stunned an audience of students

at Keele University last night by just starting passionately kissing on stage yeah you have to put that and if you put that in one of your one liners

that means that you listen to the podcast I mean most of the time you can't even put it up properly let alone listen? That means that you listen to the podcast I mean most of the time you can't even put it up properly let alone listen to it so if you listen to it get it up for a stave

like that. Once he'd been down the other day and he'd watched not by choice he'd watched Shutter dad the other day. Yeah. And he'd watched, not by choice, he'd watched Shutter Island the night before. Okay. My mum would have got it on DVD. What, and just put it on?

Yeah, made him watch it. I mean, he's a bit of an invalid at the moment, so he had no choice. That's brilliant. Yeah. Your dad going, oh, hang on. Yeah. Put it on. Yeah.

I can't wait to see it. I love Shutter Island. I think it's fantastic. I don't know. I've not seen it. Oh, I'll tell you the end. All right. No, I won't. Although, I'll tell you what, when I think it's fantastic I don't know I've not seen it I'll tell you the end alright no I won't although I'll tell you what

when I bought it yeah right and by the way it is actually relevant you know things do happen in the film and it does build to something

yeah when I bought it it was in Asda I bought it on Blu-ray right and I went to the till and the lad who was at the till went oh weird film

right and I went okay okay oh it's good it's alright but weird film right and by the end okay oh it's good it's alright but weird film right and by the end of it

you'd be going what the fuck I was like right right he went because do you know what happens at the end I went

shut up I actually shouted shut up I've not seen it he's going to ruin it but anyway so my dad was telling me he said

watch that film last night what's that call there pointed at me I went shut shut around. He went, yep, I didn't like that. Too much talking. Right. Right, and I went, right, okay, do you not like talking in films?

He said, not that. I don't mind that. And he went, just, I like a daft film, mate. I like them silly, mate. I watched that, what was the Jack Black one? One. One. I went, yeah, one.

He went, yeah, I loved that. I loved that. I watched it on Sky. I loved it. I went, okay. And. He went, yeah, that, I loved that. I loved that. I watched it on Sky. I loved it. I went, okay. And then he went quiet for a bit and he was like scanning through Sky movies

and he saw Dude, Where's My Car? Right. And he put the information thing up and went, let's have a look. Let's watch that. So I watched that for a bit. Put it on. He put it on for 30 seconds

and turned it over going, that's just fucking stupid. Even your dad's got a dark threshold. Yeah. even your dad's got a daft threshold hey um i had lunch with some family the other day my family they sound vague i had lunch with some family i was just having lunch you know some family was i was looking through the window of an house and they said, why don't you come in? It really happens, doesn't it?

Some of my family, not Robert, Lindsay and Zoe Wanamaker. Thank God. I would hate that. And that BT boy turns up as well. Yeah, with his wife. Is she his wife even? I don't know. I like her though.

I think the twist in them adverts is going to be that she's imaginary. In their BT adverts with that gangly, freaky one. I think that, I mean, he lives abroad now apparently. I can't really work out what's going on. I think you've got to choose your own ending. Yeah. Like they did with Two Pints that time. And again, I've been on their website.

Yeah. Can't find, with a mass murderer coming through the door and disembowelling him. Yeah. But I think she's going to be imagining the wife one. I would genuinely love that. Yeah. If it's him speaking to her

on the phone, right? Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right, and then it cuts, it cuts to her and she has just a pillow with a face drawn on. Have you seen Garfield minus Garfield?

No, you were telling me about this, though. It's an interesting thing. It's the Garfield strips with Garfield taken out of them. Yeah. So it's essentially just John, John Arbuckle, his owner, Garfield's owner. Just mental. Yeah, just having a breakdown.

Yeah, that's what it is though. Yeah, that's what it is. It's actually quite, it's very bittersweet. But they're actually, some of them are quite funny, some of them are quite, oh my god, this is heartbreaking. I'll check it out. Yeah, it's really good. They should do other ones like that.

Yeah, what ones? Spider-Man minus Spider-Man. I don't think that would work in the same way. I mean, I think that would just be essentially, it would just make it a bit confusing. Yeah, it would. It would. That's why I would like it.

The Garfield Strip's just like three boxes. You can't get too tied up in it. You wouldn't get too worried about it, would you? The Beano minus the Beano. The Beano's minus the Beano. Yeah. An air comic. Yeah, so you pay your money.

And then walk out of the shop. Yeah. An air comic. Yeah. So you pay your money. And then walk out of the shop. No. It is. That's a good idea that. Thank you. Yeah. You're welcome.

So go on. You're having dinner with some family. Some family. Yeah. It was my uncle, my auntie and two cousins. Right. And one of my cousins, my youngest cousin out of them two. And I think my youngest cousin. Right.

He is autistic. Yeah. His name is Joe and he is 12 right right um and uh why have you started speaking autistically about my cousin youngest cousin actually i think my youngest cousin is autistic his name is joe he is 12 but he doesn't speak how are you me i am fine yeah well that's that's interesting because it is it what i find really interesting about him is that he's all learned responses to things. Okay. So there's no sort of reaction to the situation at hand. It's just he's learning all the different situations and how he should react in them. So there's no emotional response?

No, it's literally he's saying the thing that he thinks should come in that... It's like a choose-your-own-adventure in his head. Yeah. Essentially. Yeah, but sort of a bit less mundane in that there's no dragons. Yeah. Just life.

Just life, really. Just life. My mum had made big lasagna and garlic bread. And this is why I think Joe is brilliant, right? Because he's the most polite boy I've ever met. But he still hasn't quite learnt tact. So he sat down and ate his food.

Well done. Well done, Joe. What? What's wrong with that? He sat down and ate his food. Well done, well done Joe. What, what's wrong with that? He sat down and ate his food, and then my mum, who's called Anne, was sitting next to him. Anne! I was going to say Anne.

Yeah. I was going to say Anne. Right. Anne, that was it. Anne. Anne. Do you remember when I was trying to... Yeah.

Yeah, Anne. And he... Anne Gamble, that'll be it. He said, when he finished, he went, excuse me, Anne, I just, I hope you don't mind me saying, I've got something to say. I hate to break this to you,

but your garlic bread was much nicer than the lasagna. I just wanted to high five. It was genuinely brilliant. Was that true, though? Amazing. Was it true? Yeah, well, I prefer the garlic bread. I said it to her later

and she went, you've got no excuse to say that. I'll let him off because of the little problem. But you, just to say, blame your diabetes. Yeah,

getting a bit wobbly about my diabetes. Got no insulin up your brain. I don't really know how it works. I like him, we should have him as a guest one week. Yeah, he'd be brilliant. Come on as a guest.

Is that exploitation? Yeah. My auntie said that, because he goes to a school with other autistic children. What they used

to call a special school. Oh, I'm sure they might still call it that. I'm calling it that. All right. Helps you make

fun of them, doesn't it? My auntie said that they went to his sports day, which just genuinely sounded like the best day out ever. Like, just utter chaos. Basically, apparently, some autistic children are very competitive,

and some aren't. Some literally have no interest in it whatsoever and can't even understand the nature of being competitive. So they were playing this game on the sports day where they're in a team of about five, and they had to fill up a paddling pool using cups of water so they had to go into a bucket of water put it in a small cup and sort of work as a team to fill up this paddling pool just using small cups yeah now joe my cousin is quite a

competitive so he's getting quite angry with this girl because this little girl he literally had no idea why people were bothered about it yeah would go over to the bucket get a cup of water start walking back to the paddling pool forget why she was doing it and just drink it. And all the while this was happening because the school goes all the way up to 19

there was one of the 17 year olds his job was to commentate on stuff but he's obsessed with Formula 1. He was doing all the commentary like Formula 1 so you go oh he's coming all the commentary like Formula One. So you go,

oh, he's coming around the corner now. And then halfway through one of the events he saw his mum in the crowd and went, he's coming around the corner. Hello, mum! I think it sounds genuinely brilliant. I'd like to go to it. And do you know what? Not anyone would like to go to it. I tell you what, you'd win. I'd like to enter a couple.

I could do that water thing. Probably on my own. I think you'd get away with entering it. Why? Well, bearing in mind we were toddling... Well, you were toddling around Welling Garden City today. Yeah. Right.

Holding your trousers up with one hand. In your other hand... Slush puppy. You had a slush puppy. One on one on one on one. Mixed colours of slush puppy. Shouting at the top of your voice, going, People can't believe that I've got this.

I know, because it was one on this. You see them all looking at me with the different colours. It was one and one and one and one. Red and blue and red and blue and red and blue. I'm surprised they didn't put you in the egg and spoon race there and there. People couldn't believe it though. You could see people look at me going, it has got red and blue and red and blue and red and blue.

One and one and one and one. That's why they were staring. Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week. www.chortle.co.uk See you next week. And now there's a

in our series of shout outs. Is this going to be all shout outs? This is another shout out to all our other fans. Brilliant mate. Right? Please stop trying to add me on Facebook. I've stopped it. Right? So don't try and add Ray Peacock.

Don't try and add my real name because that is for people that I know. That is a little secret one. That is what I went away and did to get away from you lot. So please stop trying to add me on that one. And the Ray... Somebody said to me at a gig the other night,

why have you deleted me off Facebook? Right. Well, I've deleted everyone. Yeah. But it then occurred to me that maybe people think I've just deleted just them. Oh, right. Okay. And I've not. If you think I've deleted your Facebook, I have, but with everyone else. Yeah. You've all gone. Yeah. I had to maintain it. It was a mass murder. Yeah. It was a mass, a complete genocide. Yeah. Horrific. And

I'll tell you what, the interesting thing was that happened when I, when I was deleting everyone. Yeah. I don't know what it was, whether it was something in the Facebook system or something, but it wouldn't, at the end end of it it wouldn't let me delete two people right like two by the way who i didn't know i don't know them yeah they were fans yeah they just wouldn't delete right so right it was it was a girl and a lad right right and then i've managed to delete the lad yeah so there was one girl right and for a bit she wasn't showing up on my friends my friends it was no one. Right.

A couple of weeks later, I logged in to check messages and stuff. Yeah. To see if people had tried to add me basically to clear it more up. And there was just

one girl there. And I thought, fuck, how terrifying would that, I mean, if it was one of my friends, it would be terrifying.

But as a complete stranger, it was just like one, I think she was like a 15 year old girl. To click on your Facebook. Yeah.

And then, she's my only friend. Only friend. I mean, really. I didn't need to then try and delete her anymore because she probably would have just left. Yeah. I let you go round it by blocking her.

That's a blocker. Did you? Yeah, that's the only way I could get rid of it. Bit rude, that.