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Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Look who's back.
Puggalugs Peacock, here I am.
Back on my podcast again, what we do.
Back on my holidays with a lovely tan.
Hello.
Did you have a good holiday?
Mate, I had the best holiday, I think, that I've had this year.
Right.
It was, honestly, the most fun that I've had.
Right, okay.
Yeah, so thank you for having me there.
Hello, I'm Ray Peacock, by the way.
Hello, well, I'm at Gamble, still in boring old England.
Yeah, well, of course, even though, despite what you said last week about me having an holiday in England,
then that's not true.
I'm glad that I'm now back from Russia.
Where I had my auntie.
You've got to come, you're not even mentioning me at.
It's a lovely, it's one of them furry ones.
I know, I got it from them people that walk funny.
It was £50, I think.
I couldn't quite work out how the money changes into different money and back again.
Right.
But I think it was £50.
Did you get me a little doll with vodka in or not?
Yeah, but guess what?
What?
Left it under the seat on the plane.
I did, because I kept hitting it with my foot.
Right.
And then I thought, I'll stick it under the seat.
Oh, sorry.
So I put it there.
But I'll tell you what, on the bright side though, on the nice side of that, if that
plane's ever involved, heaven forbid, ever involved in like an accident or something
and it comes down and when the person
is in that seat
reaches under
to get the life jacket
and that,
they get a present
with it as well.
They can get a little bit drunk
and it won't seem so bad.
Don't be stupid.
They can just have
the nice little doll
and enjoy that,
that's all.
Just a suggestion.
Yeah,
but don't be stupid,
alright?
Because when I was away
last week
and I listened to your podcast,
I listened to it live
when it was on
and I thought
you were rubbish.
I thought you were rubbish. No, I wasn't on it so I can't be rubbish. No, I wasn't on it live when it was on and I thought you were rubbish. I thought you were rubbish.
No, I wasn't on it
so I can't be rubbish.
No, I wasn't on it
so I can't be rubbish.
Right, don't start this
because you do this a lot.
Right, don't start this
because you do this a lot.
No, but don't do it
on the podcast.
Yeah, but don't
do it here
and do it on the podcast.
Don't do it on the
Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Don't do it on the Peacock
and Gamble podcast.
No, it's fine to do it
in real life.
In real life.
No.
No.
You just sound stupid. You just sound stupid.
You just sound stupid.
You sound stupid.
Yeah, you sound stupid.
I am stupid.
Ray is stupid.
See, you didn't do the right thing.
You didn't change it.
See, you didn't do the right thing.
You didn't change it.
You're getting on my nerves now.
You're getting on my nerves now.
Right, that's the end of it.
Right, that's the end of it.
Right, that's the end of the podcast for this week then.
That's the end of the podcast for this week then.
I'm not even doing it.
I'm not even doing it.
Ah!
Ah!
I've not even seen you all week, anyway.
I know, I've been away.
I think this is the longest I've ever gone all my life without seeing you.
It's horrible.
I feel like you don't even care.
I do care.
I've been sat here, right?
Played on PlayStation.
I've been that...
I tell you what, I've had that little to do, right?
Okay, I've done some writing for our telephone.
Yeah.
I've done that.
I've been sat in a living room
just playing PlayStation 3.
I bought a game yesterday.
I completed it.
By oh-shock.
It's not even an easy game.
Yeah.
Completed the old bloody thing.
Yeah, it's depressing, isn't it?
Yeah, because I had nothing to do.
Did you spend a lot of money on it?
About £20 or something.
Alright, so it wasn't that bad.
You didn't waste like £50 or anything.
No, it's still £20 for a day.
Yeah.
Essentially, if I play a game.
Yeah.
But it's fine
and if you have
got a Playstation 3
don't forget
add me on it
Ray Peacock
all one word
capital R
capital P
and then we can
be friends on it
and I will
I will be friends
with you on it
just send me a message
saying hey
I listen to the podcast
I would like to play
some games with you
and I'll go
absolutely
definitely can
but if you don't
you keep sending me
messages I will
start ignoring them
and then eventually
I will just delete you
so just bear that in mind but we'll probably at least have a game of Bowling on Playstation Home anyway at the very least If you keep sending me messages, I will start ignoring them, and then eventually I will just delete you.
So just bear that in mind.
But we'll probably at least have a game of bowling on PlayStation Home anyway.
At the very least, you can have a look at my little man that I've made of me.
Yeah.
Does it look like you or not?
Do you know what?
PlayStation Home, right, what it is, is it's a virtual world.
Yeah.
Okay, so you go in there, and they've got this bowling alley in there.
That's where you go bowling.
Yeah.
There's PlayStation, I think it's called Terrace or something like that.
It's got a stream running through it. Right. Lots of seats in bowling. Yeah. There's PlayStation, it's called Terrace or something like that. It's got like a stream running through it.
Right.
Lots of seats in that.
Okay.
And it's got those things,
you know,
like they have in America
where they play drafts
and play chess in the park.
Okay.
It's got some of them.
So you just go about
and, you know, play.
Just have a nice time.
Yeah, just play games and that.
Yeah.
But the thing is,
there was a day, right,
I stopped going on it
quite recently
because one day,
and I made my man
look like me.
Right.
As best as I could, right? With the tools that they had. one day and I made my man look like me as best as I could with the tools
that they had
so I made the hair
as long as it'd go
I gave him a bit
of a beard and that
I made it look
as much like me
as I could
and I was playing
bowling one day
with some people
and some bloke
just started calling
me names
just started calling me
ooh fat boy
ooh fat
and I was like
what?
can I go nowhere and not be bullied?
Yeah, you're skitting a computer-generated image.
That's some serious bullying, though, as well.
Yeah, and I might have just made it as a joke.
I mean, sadly, I didn't.
But I mean, I am the fattest person at PlayStation Home.
Well, I guess everyone else doing it goes,
well, this is my opportunity to make me look thin.
Yeah, look trendy. And attractive, yeah. And now I've just else doing it goes, well, this is my opportunity to make me look thin. Yeah, look trendy.
And attractive, yeah.
And now I've just,
I'll put it in clothes
that I'd wear.
Yeah.
My, you know,
it looks like me.
Jeans with a big rip
in the crotch
with your knob hanging
out the bottom.
Oh, did you say that?
Yeah, you did, yeah.
Because I ripped my jeans.
I ripped my jeans, right.
They'd worn away a little bit
and then I was getting
in the car and they went.
And now every time
I get in the car,
because my car's quite low
to the ground,
every time I get into the car
it rips a bit more. And the other day I was checking the oil in because my car's quite low to the ground, every time I get into the car, it rips a bit more.
And the other day I was checking the oil in my car at a garage,
and I was very aware that my knob was very cold.
And I reached down and it was out.
I don't think anyone saw it, but it was out hanging down between my legs.
When I found out about this, I said, why don't you just put on another pair of jeans?
You don't have another pair of jeans.
No, I have got other pairs of jeans.
Right. But what happens is I get put on another pair of jeans? Yeah. You don't have another pair of jeans. No, I have got other pairs of jeans. Right.
But what happens is, is I get comfy in a pair of jeans.
Right.
So wear them all the time.
Even if it exposes your penis.
Even if my penis pops out of them.
Yeah.
If I'm comfy, I'm wearing it.
I was driving.
Very comfy with my knob hanging out the bottom.
Mate, I was driving the other day.
I had to go, I did a long drive somewhere.
I can't remember where it was.
I had a gig somewhere.
Just very aware of a bit of coldness down there.
Looked down as I'm sat in the car, a bollock out.
A bollock out just nestling between my legs.
Lovely.
Yeah, call me Fatboy on PlayStation 4, I was really upset about it.
And I started sort of answering back and then thought, no, I'm not even going to get into this.
You don't need to get into it, you're not there in real life.
It was just ridiculous.
Because I've made myself
look like me
and I'm the only person
who's done that.
So come on PlayStation
and add me on PlayStation
like I said
and you can come
and laugh at me
how fat I am.
I look a bit German
on it as well.
So what have you been
doing this week?
What's been so important?
I've been in Cambridge
doing gigs.
Oh.
La-di-da.
Oh look at me everybody. I am in Cambridge doing a gig. That is what you've been doing
all week. Yeah, that's what I said when I got off the train. I know, I heard it. It
was on the news. How many gigs have you done? Like four, I think. A day? Not ever. No, it
was in over about four days, four or five days. What were they? What were they? Well,
there was two, actually, at Balls. Couple of Balls. Couple of Balls, yeah, and you'd
like that. I was saving that one for you. Hey, gots couple of Bulls couple of Bulls yeah and then you'd like that
I was saving that
for you
hey got a couple
of Bulls in Cambridge
yeah
hey I've just been
Cambridge for a couple
of Bulls
yeah good
it's funny
and a cock
I went and did a gig
at a cock as well
I did a gig in London
at a fanny
and I rubbed it
on a bit sensitive
bit
yeah alright
and then I licked it
yeah
sort of gone past innuendo now and then I licked it yeah sort of gone past
innuendo now
and then I popped
my penis in it
so how about that
I'm joining in aren't I
yeah
I tell you what Ed
I once did a gig right
kissing a woman
yeah
yeah you're joining in
that's good
I feel the busters
yeah
anyway I did
I'm getting a bonk on here now
just a report of feeling almost busted.
So I was in Cambridge.
First, I did May Ball, right?
Yeah.
They're called May Balls.
Okay.
In June.
Kooky.
How does that work?
It's to do with the way the terms are structured, I think.
They're called...
Like, they've got May Week, which is in June.
And these are the cleverest people in the country.
Yeah.
And these are the people that are going to be running our country.
This is Cambridge University mind
they have their
May ball in June
idiots
every last one of them
oh first one I did
I did Oxford University
ball by the way
a few weeks ago
tell you what
made me panic
that those people
are going to be in charge
of stuff
fucking idiots
every last one of them
fucking idiots
in the break
I came off
and these two girls
came outside
right pretty enough girls
and they're
all dressed up
dolled up and that
oh you were brilliant
I thought you were
fantastic I really
like oh you were
brilliant
I went oh it's not
finished yet
I know you're
brilliant we're
going to come back
and watch you a bit
more later on
but we're going to
go and get our
photo taken
there's like a
chapel we're going
to get our photo
taken will you
come and have
your photo taken
with me and I was
like I'm not
going to fuck it
I'm not going to
go and help you
stick it to your
father
go dad look who I married at the ball.
So go on, anyway, you're talking about your balls.
It still amuses you, that, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does, yeah.
First one I did, right?
I'm going up in the world.
Guess who I was on the bill with?
Corner Shop.
Really?
Remember them?
Brimful of Asher?
I do remember them, but they're still going.
Yeah, they're still going.
I popped in to see them.
People are going mental, mate. What? All singing along. I'm angry about it. All singing along to Brimful of Asher? I do remember them and they're still going. Yeah, they're still going. I popped in to see them. People are going mental, mate.
What?
Angry about it.
All singing along
to Brimful of Asher.
Yeah.
Not the song
they were playing at the time.
No.
They're all having
a lovely sing-along
to Brimful of Asher
throughout the set.
Right, they weren't playing it?
No, they weren't.
Okay, that's a shame.
And the lead singer,
I've never seen anyone
look more depressed
in his life.
I'd imagine it's pretty good money to do those sorts of things.
Yeah.
It's probably a mark of where your career's at at that point, if you're a band.
Yeah, but, you know, I think if you come to terms with that,
you just go, well, we had our little 15 minutes of fame,
but we can now carry on as an incredible band.
Well, he hadn't.
Had he not?
What did he do?
He hadn't come to terms with it.
He had his hands in his pockets.
Yeah.
And kept sort of putting his eyes to heaven when he looked at people.
Maybe that was his thing.
Maybe it is, but I think change your thing, you might be more famous.
Well, you see, the thing is, because I've done quite a lot of balls.
I like it now.
Yeah, I know.
And I remember doing one, and this is the two disparate ends of the spectrum as well,
because I did one, I think it was East Anglia or something like that, and I was comparing,
but I was bringing on the bands as well.
Now, the two bands that were on, there was Bad Manners.
Yeah, brilliant.
And Chesney Hawks.
Okay.
And also Brotherhood and Man, but I didn't really have much to do with them.
Right.
Because they were, I tell you what, mate, they were dressing room right.
I don't know what that smell was.
I don't know what, I think they were burning Jostics or something.
I can only imagine it was Jostics.
I don't know what that smell was coming from Brotherhood and Man's dressing room.
Now, Bad Manners, their attitude was impeccable.
Yeah.
Couldn't fault them.
Chesney Hawks, on the other hand, nice enough bloke, a bit creepy on that night. It was a bit seedy
and a bit lechy. Not with me, with my girlfriend, right? I mean, a bit all over her. Sort of
like, pender against the wall a bit. You know what I mean? I don't mean aggressively. I
mean, he sort of like... You should have had him arrested if he was thinking that. No,
he sort of... And then he punched her in the face. He put his arm over her, like, you know,
and sort of trapped her a little bit. He put his arm over her mouth.
Anyway, but he went on.
I seem to recall he did the one and only pretty early on.
Yeah.
The rest of it was like Beatles covers, covers of songs, you know.
Closed on the one and only.
Did it again as a little treat.
Everyone, mate, they're going mental.
They were loving it, clapping and all the rest of it.
I come on, hang on, what's happening?
The encore going on.
The audience are screaming, Chesney, Chesney. I come on, hang on, what's happening? The encore going on. The audience are screaming,
Chesney,
Chesney,
Chesney.
I looked to the wings.
I have never seen
a more terrified man
in my life.
Because his face,
we didn't speak,
but his face was just
literally going,
we have got no other songs.
Right?
Came back on,
one and only again.
Of course,
he's got to do it.
So he did it three times
in a set.
Apparently there have been
events that he's done
where he's had to play the one and only 12 times in a row set apparently there have been events that he's done where he's had to play
the one and only
twelve times in a row
I'd love to see that
yeah it'd be fucking amazing
I'd love to take a photo
of him during every
every time he did it
and then just make
a flicky book of it
and just watch
just watch how he gets shorter
yeah
how his shoulders
just begin to sag
and his eyes
just begin to have despair
and this one tear
just works its way
down his face
and I'm not slugging him off.
I mean, perfectly good artist.
Well, I saw him as well at my university freshers' ball.
Was he good?
It was great.
It was great.
People were listening to the covers and stuff.
They were chatting at him.
But at one point when he did, he hadn't done one and only yet.
He said, I'm going to do another song now.
I'm going to do, I think it was Imagine.
Or something equally, like, way out of his credibility.
There was a ball pool over the other side of the ball.
And you just saw this yellow ball from the ball pool just fly onto the stage and just hit him in the head.
Oh.
Just this dull thud.
Maybe that's what that mark is on his face.
Hey, Ray.
Go on.
You know, on the day that you had Welsh toy workmen in...
You're a monkey!
Yeah, I loved that bloke.
I've never met him, I love him.
You would like him, he's brilliant.
Yeah, I had a workman come round my house.
Okay.
Turned up about nine in the morning.
Okay.
Right, I was fast asleep, obviously.
Right, yeah.
Been up late the night before.
I'd been up late the night before mine, but I was up...
Yeah, but I didn't know he was coming.
Oh, right.
Okay, let's surprise workman.
Yeah, surprise workman, yeah.
Knocked on the door, I opened it.
He went, all right, mate, this is what the mornings look like.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
And I punched him clean in the face.
It's so annoying.
And I just went, I work late.
And he went, oh, right.
So he was a bit pissed off about that, I think,
because later on I found out that he'd spoken to my mum earlier.
Right.
And my mum had gone, oh, you'll have trouble getting him up.
He's trying to get him with your mum.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's nice, though.
Yeah.
Are they together now?
They are.
They're married now.
Oh, lovely.
It's good that you've got a dad again.
Yeah.
Hey, I was reading the papers today.
What?
Jordan's not well.
Oh, no.
Yeah, apparently worried about her weight.
They're all worried about her.
Oh, Jordan's not well. Jordan is poorly worried about her weight they're all worried about her oh Jordan's not well
Jordan is poorly
oh she had a breakdown
she's not well
how brilliant would that be
can you imagine that though
what
how amazing would that be
in the same year
or in the same year though
goody
Jordan
I mean
if we get Kerry Katona
and then that is a full house
that'd be brilliant
imagine if all three of them
died in one year
I'm not celebrating
I didn't think I'd get
that many ticks
on my wall shot
I can't believe
I can't believe
tell you what
I'm not laughing
at the Jake Goody situation
I'm not
I'm genuinely not
because I'm a bit worried
I think it might be my fault
I do honestly
because I think
at some point last year
I probably went
oh I wish
she'd get
Ellen to die
and then
she did
whoops
whoops
sorry about
that
sorry about
that everybody
who was all
enjoying it
enjoying Jay Goody
it's weird isn't it
when someone like
that dies
because you sort of
go
because normally
when somebody dies
you get that thing of...
If someone famous dies.
Yeah.
Like you go...
Like when Freddie Mercury died.
Yeah.
And you go, oh no, that is rubbish.
Oh, Freddie Mercury has died?
That is rubbish, mate.
There's no more Freddie Mercury records.
No more Queen records.
That's rubbish.
Right?
And then an actor dies.
I don't know.
Paul Newman died, right?
And you go...
Yeah.
Oh no. That is rubbish. Paul Newman died, right? And you go, oh no,
that is rubbish.
Paul Newman has died.
That is rubbish.
Oh, no more Paul Newman films.
And then,
Jay Goody dies,
and people go,
oh no, that is rubbish.
Jay Goody has died.
No more...
You know what I mean?
It's sad, isn't it
do you know what I mean
yeah
because I spoke about it
on stage
when she died
quite close to that
people were like
right go at me
yeah booed and that
yeah I got really angry
about it
there was one one
where this woman
was going
oh oh
have you got kids
no
she went
well
what and she went well I don't understand you've got kids no she went well what
and she went well
I don't understand
you've got kids
no she went well
I said I don't understand
and she went
no you don't understand
and I went
yep
I've got a mum
and she went
well how would you like it
if she died
it would be horrible
wouldn't it
and she went well
I said I don't understand
what's going on.
And then I went, and I did this, I mean, God forgive me.
But I went, yeah, but say what, right?
If somebody said to me, right, say what, mate?
I'm going to give you two million quid.
Right, but your mum's going to die.
And I'd be like, oh.
Yeah, but that, nah.
That'd be horrible, wouldn't it?
Two million, that.
That is a lot, though, isn't it?
I mean, I would get her a good grave with it.
Definitely, that'd be the first thing I'd do.
And I'll tell you what I wouldn't do if my mum died.
What?
Or rather, what I wouldn't have been allowed to do.
Right.
Right?
When Jay Goody died, there were pictures.
Did you see the pictures of her kids? Yes, yeah, I did. On the week? Goody died, there were pictures, and did you see the pictures
of her kids?
Yes, yeah, I did.
On the week?
Yeah.
Well, the first pictures
of her kids after she died,
one of them, right,
had a football kit
on and boxing gloves.
Right?
It'd have happened
if my mum had died, right?
Yeah.
And I'd have been like,
my dad would have gone,
right, first off,
you're not wearing that.
You're going out
having your photo talk,
you're not wearing
that sort of stuff.
And I'm going,
no, I've got two million quid, mate.
I'll wear whatever I want. Saying to Jay Goody's mum, no, You're not wearing that sort of stuff. And I'm going, no, I've got two million quid, mate. I'll wear whatever I want.
Saying to Jay Goodies, mum, no, you're not wearing that.
I am.
Try and catch me.
Can you not?
Because you've got a gammy arm.
It's time to do last week's deliberate mistake.
Hooray.
We're going to tell you what the deliberate mistake was last week.
One of our regular sections is this
along with the letters
and of course our apology section
that we now have to do every week
because people got properly upset
last week
about you making fun
out of 9-11.
I wasn't!
You made fun of it, Ed.
I didn't.
I said there were some frogs there.
Yeah, you made fun of it.
I didn't mean to.
And we have a letter
from the Mayor of New York.
Yeah, what's his name again?
Gary. Gary America. Gary America. And he said so we apologise I didn't mean to and we have a letter from the mayor of New York yeah what's his name again Gary
Gary America
Gary America
and he said
so we apologise
to the people in New York
Ed apologises
yeah I'm sorry
I know all the frogs
but they don't exist
because it was
the frogs don't exist
forget that
but it wasn't
we were being silly
but sorry about that
and we've got to apologise as well
about other things
that we've said
I think maybe
we should just record
a standard apology thing so we don't
have to keep doing it every week.
Actually, that'd be a good idea. Specific one.
Because imagine we'll need one next week for the Jay Goody stuff.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah, alright then.
So just for something like, I apologise for that thing.
Okay, let's do that then. Okay, let's do it as a standard section.
Yeah. Hello, this is
Ray Peacock. And this is Ed Gamble.
And we are here to apologise for that thing.
Yeah, do you remember it? Yeah, from last week.
It was very childish of us and very infantile.
And we are very, very sorry for doing it.
In fact, we are so sorry for it that Ed is going to do a song.
Am I?
Yeah, the apology song.
Alright.
I'm so motherfucking sorry.
Right, no, because I don't want to apologise in for bad language.
Right.
So just keep it clean.
Okay.
I'm so bleep bleep sorry. sorry what it's not helping that okay just
do it without swearing all right fuck no no i didn't it just happened because you said swearing
that was what was in my mind all right i'm so sorry boy what's the matter you're looking sad
why do you think did i say something bad well i didn, but I will say that I did if it begets you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Get your bitch.
Spin her over.
Split her ears.
No, don't.
Look in the middle.
Don't ruin it now.
I just got a bit rappy.
It was just for jokes.
So that'll do, won't it?
Yeah, that'll do.
That's a good one, isn't it?
Good apology song.
So, last week's deliberate mistake.
Very easy one, I think.
Yeah.
What the mistake was
is when the plumber
came round
I'll tell you about that
when the plumber came
round to fix my shower
which by the way
he did do
it sounded like
we were taking the
piss out of him
a little bit last week
props for that
and he did fix it
so you know
hats off to him
whoever he is
the Welsh bloke
probably
Cle Cluyn
yeah that'll be it
that's his name
so thank you Cle Cluyn
for fixing the shower
I'm good on you
but when he saw
the evil monkey
in my house the model of the evil monkey when he saw the evil monkey in my house,
the model of the evil monkey,
he went,
oh, evil monkey!
Right?
I then said,
he said,
I love the family.
Yeah.
That's not what it's called.
No.
That's a deliberate mistake there,
right there.
No.
It is, of course,
called family guy.
Right.
That he was smoking about.
He made a genuine mistake.
Yeah.
And you were reporting the story,
so that's not a deliberate mistake.
And I deliberately reported it.
Yeah, but you were reporting him saying, oh, the fat one off of Laurel and Hardy, which is...
Yeah.
If you... You're not editing the story...
That's not a mistake, though, is it? He didn't say the right word.
No, but you're...
You just described him.
But everyone's going to assume that you were reporting the story as it happened, rather than editing in the correct facts.
No, but that is what happened.
Yeah, that is what happened.
Yeah, but then I deliberately came here and said it again.
Yeah, but you didn't change it, so that was a mistake when you said that.
But I did it all deliberate.
Yeah, no, but you deliberately said exactly what he'd said, so it wasn't a mistake.
I was deliberate there.
Yeah, but it was a deliberate story.
Yeah, which I mistakenly did it deliberately.
So that is a deliberate mistake.
All right, what do they win?
So well done to the people that won that last week, which was Tom and Becky.
You both won that.
We've probably got this, let's call it that.
Yeah, yeah.
Right, you won that.
And what you won is cruise ship.
So have a nice cruise ship.
What you do is...
Do they win the actual ship?
Yeah, they win the ship and the cruise.
So they go on a cruise, but then get to keep it after.
Do they have to sail it back themselves.
Yeah, yeah. What they have to do is go down to the seaside, stand by the sea, and when you see a cruise ship going past, just go,
Oi! Bring that back, that's mine! Right, like that. Now it might not work the first time you do it, but just keep trying.
And eventually, you you know there might be
a captain of one of them
P&O or something
yeah
they're ferries aren't they
yeah but we can
that can be a deliberate
mistake for next week
oh yeah keep it quiet
keep it quiet
because they have ferries
yeah I know
yeah so P&O ferries
it's got P&O cruises
yeah yeah
so it's a cruise ship
yeah so that has been
a deliberate mistake
remember that right
yeah I will yeah
right eventually
the captain of one of
the P&O cruises
will probably turn it
around and give you
the ship
yeah
and that's that's
what's been arranged
between us
we sorted all that out
us and piano
so if you have any
problems with that
we can't deal with it
we can't help it
because uh we've got
to move on to the
next week now
so we've sorted the
competition out
if you can't be
bothered to win it
properly
it's not our fault
it's not our fault
all right but then
that is that is the prize so well done and can me and Ed come on it properly... It's not our fault. It's not our fault, all right? But then that is the prize, so well done.
And can me and Ed come on it and sit on a lounger one day?
Thank you.
Time for letters.
Hey.
Complaint letters, what we do every week,
where we write a letter of complaint to a company
with a view to getting some free stuff from them.
Absolutely.
Now, over the past
few weeks i have been practicing all right i've been trying to get because it's ed section really
yeah ed writes them i've stopped ed from writing a letter this week because i have done another one
yeah right your best haven't you i've done the best one on it now i've been learning from you
yeah thank you very much for helping and now i think i've got it with this one right i think
i've now got it right okay and now i think i understand what i with this one. Right? I think I've now got it.
Right, okay.
And now I think I understand what I'm doing.
I'll wait to hear it before I...
No, it's fine.
I've taken into account lots of things that have been happening over the past several weeks.
Right.
Lots of the feedback I've received from the letters,
from both yourself and the general public out there.
And now I think I have rectified everything and got it all nice.
And done a good complaint letter now.
Yeah.
It's to Yo Sushi.
Okay.
Because I like that.
Yeah, I like that as well.
Yeah, eat it all up.
So I like it.
So, hopefully this one will work.
Are you ready?
Yep.
Dear Yo Sushi, thank you for opening this letter and hopefully you will now read it.
First, a bit of background.
I am the mum of a normal family
just like you and me and recently my husband the dad and i went to one of your buffets
because we have both always liked chinese food we were also sad because we had just got back
from the funeral of our son Fraser who died. Oh God.
Anyway, we sat down and had some miso soup,
which, if you'll forgive me for saying so, tasted like off spunk.
But it was all right in the end.
We carried on with our meals, just picking stuff off the thingy.
When suddenly Fraser said,
Mummy, my fish isn't cooked.
I checked it with my hand and he was right.
My husband tried to tell the man behind the counter,
but soon backed down because he looked confused and also had a knife.
Anyway, I explained to our son Fraser not to worry because it was a buffet and also realised that this must have happened before he died because he was there.
So forget what I said about the funeral because this must have been before he died, because he was there. So forget what I said about the funeral,
because this must have been on a different day.
Anyway, as we were leaving,
just imagine my horror when a woman who worked there
gave us a bill.
On further inspection, she appeared to have put prices
next to the plates we had got,
in what could only be described as an insultingly ad hoc manner.
In conclusion,
I would like to compliment you
about your restaurant
and would love to come in again
but not at those prices,
only if I had a voucher.
Also, Fraser managed to fit
19 pairs of unbroken chopsticks
on his nostrils.
Is this a record?
And if so,
is there a prize like a voucher?
You're sincerely Mrs. Fraser.
Right.
And now I'm getting it now, aren't I?
Well, not quite.
Because there's a bunch of vouchers in that.
I'm getting the idea of it.
I mean, if anything,
you've gone too,
you're not being that subtle with the...
Well, no.
We've referenced Fraser's illness,
but then also brought,
I mean, I think the other thing is
I think Fraser's quite a popular character.
Yeah.
And I think it's probably wrong
to kill him off that early. Yeah, we shouldn't kill him off, I think Fraser's quite a popular character. Yeah. And I think it's probably wrong to kill him off that early.
Yeah, we shouldn't kill him off, yeah.
So that's why I brought him back.
I rectified it within the letter.
Yeah.
I mean, if I was working for Yo Sushi customer service.
Yeah.
And you had some vouchers to give out.
Yeah.
Well, the moment I opened the letter and read that it was Chinese food, I'd probably put it in the bin.
Well, I don't know why.
But you're not taking into account as well
that I said thank you for opening it.
Right.
Which I think immediately makes them go,
oh, this person has got good manners.
Yeah, but then you say it's Chinese food.
You think, oh, this person's mental.
It is though.
It's all noodles and shit, isn't it?
No, but it's Japanese food.
What?
It's Japanese food.
Yeah, but that's the same thing, isn't it, really?
No, we're on rocky ground here.
Why?
It's not the same thing. Why? You're not going to say they look the same, are you? really no we're on rocky ground here why it's not the same thing
why
do you think
you're not going to say
they look the same are you
who does
the Japanese and the Chinese
I wouldn't say that
but they do a bit
no
but also
it's because
all the food looks similar
doesn't it
no
what
you're telling me
you can't get Korean rice
at Yo Sushi
Korean
you're now saying
that it's similar
to Indian food as well
what
are you saying
it's like Indian food as well?
Curry and rice is from the Chinese, isn't it?
Yeah, well, you can have a type of curry, yeah.
Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.
A lot of the food at Yom Sushi is basically the stuff you get at Chinese.
Right, okay, well, move on from that bit.
Right.
Also, what I'm saying is you're making...
What is the difference between Japan and China?
Well, geographically different.
How far?
Male.
Do they border each other?
Do they or not
I don't know
I have no idea
um
yeah they do
no what
go on
so what is the difference
between them then
I'm willing to learn
I've been doing this section
all the time
I'm learning stuff
so what is the difference
between Chinese and Japanese
right well there is a song
that
what
there is a song
that if it has action
so I can't sing it
oh right I see
right okay well let's not do that so go on carry on with There is a song that has action, so I can't sing it. Oh, right, I see. Right, okay.
Well, let's not do that.
So, go on, carry on with...
I mean, other than that, the letter was fine, wasn't it?
Right, no, the main complaint you seem to have was that the food was raw.
Yeah.
It's supposed to be, so you can't...
Yeah, I know that.
You can't complain about something and expect to get free stuff
on the basis that you're complaining about something that is meant to be like that.
Yeah, but you complained last week there was too many rice-icles in a rice-icle box.
Yeah.
Well, that's...
Too many.
But that's ridiculous.
You know that...
There are more than there usually is in a rice-icle box.
If the box is full, then you know how much you're getting still.
You can see the box, can't you?
No, but the packaging was within the plastic packaging.
It's bloated.
Yeah, bloated.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, all right.
I didn't understand that, but now I get it, so yeah, fine.
Okay.
All right.
So that is the best one
you've done
yeah I know
I'd give it 6 out of 10
no but also
in conclusion
I would like to compliment you
so I didn't just
slag them off
yeah
and also
right the chefs there
do have knives
yeah
that is true
and some people do think
it's just a buffet
and it's free
yeah
that sounded trickier
who thinks that
I thought that
the first time I went there
my mum said that
do you remember that time
we went for a meal, my mum?
Me and you were doing
a show in London
and my mum came down
to London
and we went to Yo Sushi
and she went,
I think they do this
on purpose.
I think they put this food
in front of you
so you'll eat it.
She was right though.
Yeah, no, it works.
You ate it.
It works for me.
The Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed
by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble
All music by the Tiger Lilies
except the last one
which is performed by Frank Sidebottom
The Peacock and Gamble podcast
is a big and dark production
hosted by Chortle.co.uk
If you spotted
the live and mistake
in this week's show
tell us on our
Facebook page
and you might win a prize
see you next week
did you see the thing
with Jordan
where she said
about the j Goody thing
because they'd had that row and stuff and then the family didn't like her
and they wouldn't let her go, they feel on all that.
But I saw a great interview with Jordan who said she wanted to be an ambassador
for a charity for Jade Goody.
I thought it was fantastic.
And during the interview she said that she is now going to go,
because of Jade, she is now going to go for a smear test.
That is a nice little tribute, isn't it?
Yeah, it's lovely.
It's a lovely thing to do.
So just as a warning though,
I don't know if she's had it yet,
but just in case
any gynaecologists
have gone missing,
then, you know,
don't,
their family,
don't worry about it.
It is probably just,
I mean,
a good cough from Jordan
will probably,
will probably bring them,
bring them back for you.