The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 50

Episode Date: January 5, 2020

"Episode 50" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 50 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. I was dying to do that. All the way through that silence. Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast, episode 50. Hooray! I am Ray Peacock, hello. Hello, Ray Peacock. Hello, Ray Gamble.

Oh, I'll give you an N-Y. Oh, no. You do it now, do it, do your name. Alright, hello, I'm Ray Gamble. Hello, Ray Gamble. Alright, hello, Ray Peacock. Hello, Red Gamble. Oh, I'll give you the N-Y. Oh, no. You do it now. Do your name. All right. Hello, I'm Red Gamble. Hello, Red Gamble. All right. Hello, Ray Peacock.

I got a sniffle. Why are you sniffing? I don't know. I'm proper sniffing today. Are you? I want to cough as well. Yeah, I know why you're sniffing. Episode 50, isn't it?

No. You went in the toilet beforehand, didn't you? Sticking a bit of the old... Oh, I've not done the drugs. The old drugs up your schnozzles. No, I promise I've not done a drug. Yeah, I've been. I saw you put a bit of weed up there. No, I've not done the drugs. The old drugs up your schnozzles. No, I promise I've not done a drug. Yeah, I've been. I saw you put a bit of weed up there.

No, I've not put any ease up my ear. Yeah, you've been injecting a big load of alcohol. Oh, we're drinking heroin in a minute. No, I'm not a drug man. No. You're a drug man. No. You're not.

You used to be, though, didn't you? No, I have done, but nothing... Oh, you think you are, do you? No. Oh, you think you are, do you? Oh, that's a fine thing to say when you know that we've got listeners who are quite young sometimes.

I'd say it didn't do anything for me. Oh, listen to this. Listen, listeners. It didn't do anything for Ed. He's not done him any harm. So why don't you have seven E's in a night like Brian Arvery?

That's what Ed is saying trying to be controversial for the 50th episode. Was it seven E's in a night or baked potatoes? He had a baked potato and fell under a car. It was three baked potatoes he had. He had three baked potatoes? He had a baked potato and fell under a car. It was three baked potatoes

he had. He had three baked potatoes? He ate three baked potatoes in 20 minutes and that's why he felt sick because he had to lean out the car door to be sick

when he was driving. For me, 17, the man. Yeah, he ate three baked potatoes. He wolfed them down before he went out. Then he leant out the car to be sick and he fell out

and ran himself over. Was this in the jungle? Was this a challenge when he was on the jungle programme? No, this was in his house. So he lent out of a car that was still moving. Yeah.

He was driving. Because he'd had three baked potatoes in 20 minutes. Bad that, isn't it? Yeah, and ran himself over. That's bad, isn't it? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, people say, I know he was badly hurt, he shouldn't laugh.

But you can't not, can you? Yeah. How can you not laugh at that? It's unfair to say to someone, no, you should. It's not like you're making jokes about a kid who's been killed or something. And you're making a naughty joke with your friends about it,

some of I Profile on the News. Yeah. Be a bit naughty about it, right? And you go, all right, I know I shouldn't really laugh. But with that... But Brian Harvey run himself over. Yeah.

Because he'd had three baked potatoes and done a sick out of a car and he carried on driving. How can you not laugh at that? Exactly, yeah. Surely he has a bit of a giggle about it now I'm sure he does

I bet sometimes if he's not too smacked up yeah allegedly on all the E's allegedly I bet you sometimes

Brian Harvey right sits in his little flat in East 17 and sometimes just starts chuckling and his wife Daniela Westbrook or whoever it is

oh good we're laughing at Brian what are you laughing at Brian like that and he'll go and then you hear like and that is the wind blowing under her nose it is. Oh, God. What are you laughing at, Brian? What are you laughing at, Brian? Like that. And then you hear like,

and that is the wind blowing under her nose. That's good. Look, she had a broke nose. Yeah. It's fixed now. Yeah, it's fixed now. She's back on EastEnders. So the noise probably,

the wind probably doesn't happen anymore. But Brian Alvey is probably sat in his chair just chuckling. She goes, what are you laughing at, Brian? And Brian goes,

I'm just remembering that thing. And she goes, what, the baked at, Brian? And Brian goes, I'm just remembering that thing. And she goes, what, the baked potatoes under the cart? And he goes, alright, fucking hell, keep bringing it up.

Yeah, I'm remembering that, but I don't want you having to go at me. And then he gets up and maybe cracks her. Allegedly. Maybe allegedly just cracks her. Has he been accused of that,

Brian Alvey? I don't think so. He looks like the sort that would have been accused of it. I mean, we can say what we like as long as we say allegedly, right? No. No.

We've had this discussion before. It doesn't work that way. All right. He probably goes, oh, don't you ever go at me about baked potatoes? You could fit a baked potato up your nose. Yeah, but that's... I think, one, he's not with Daniela Westbrook as being flippant. Right.

I think he used to be. Right. In fact, I know that, because my ex-girlfriend worked in a hotel where they had a fight, and I think one of them fell out of a window or something. Allegedly. No, that happened. All right. It worked in a hotel where they had a fight and I think one of them fell out of a window or something. Allegedly. No that happened. Alright. It was in

Waltham Abbey. And also Danielle Westbrook had her nose fixed though so she wouldn't even get her boy potato up there.

She'd be lucky to get two chicks working to the show. So episode 50 Ed. Oh we're old men by now.

Can you believe we got to episode 50? I can., we're old men by now. Can you believe we got to episode 50? I can. Can you? I'm surprised it took us so long. Yeah, it did take a while, didn't it? We made that big break, didn't we? Yeah.

Otherwise we would have done it easy. Yeah. Well, we've done it easy now, mate. Done it easy. Anyway, just coasting this now. Next episode, 100. Yeah. Next week's 100th episode. So have a look forward to that.

Yeah. I think the question that I want to ask, I think when I've been thinking about it this week, episode 15, what is the question that you would ask about it? And I think the question that I've been thinking this week, right? Yeah. And when I ask this question, you go, God, yeah, that's a good question. Right.

What's happened to the Warner Brothers stores? Isn't that weird? They were everywhere for a bit. That's true, that. Warner Brothers store in London and that. Yeah. Going there, got all the cartoon characters and Superman, Batman and that. Yeah. Where have they a bit. That's true, that. Warner Brothers store in London and that. Yeah. Go in there, got all the cartoon characters

and Superman, Batman and that. Yeah. Where have they gone? There's no fuss about that. I've got no idea. Has Warner Brothers changed hands? Has it been bought by someone else? I've got no idea.

The only remnants of any Warner Brothers store I see is when they sell them t-shirts saying, see a policeman, Warner Brother. Warner Brother. I've not seen that one. Yeah.

And I've seen a lot of white people wearing it and it doesn't make sense. Yeah, it doesn't make sense anyway. No. Well, they always had the big oval, didn't they, the Warner Brothers stores? They had a big semicircle outside it with a WB in the middle of it.

Yeah, I remember that. And you're walking it, they had greeters. Hello, welcome to the store. No, that was a woman called Greta. You've got... Greta? Greta? They've still got Disney stores.

Yeah, they've got Gretas as well. They do, yeah, they've got Gretas out the front. They've got Gretas on the front. Yeah yeah they've got Greta's as well they do yeah they've got Greta's at the front yeah because she lost her job at the Warner Brothers store

they've probably got two Greta's at the Disney store now because Warner Brothers has popped over yeah

I wonder what's happened to all the gremlins that they had in them do they have a lot of gremlins in the Warner

Brothers store they're tucked away ones all item in that as if they're playing with all electrics and things

I fancy one of them you fancy one of them no You fancy one of them? No, one of them. Oh, you fancy a gremlin? All right, I fancy a gremlin. All right, what sort of things

would you like to do with it? I'd put my penis through the middle of Strikes Moe Eakin. Just put it in and then dust it backwards and forwards. Yeah, you'll feed it

after midnight, you dirty fucker. I'll feed it after... Tell you what, I can't get it wet. Yeah, that'll happen. That'll happen if a gremlin spends half an hour with me you'd be fucking dripping mate

you would fuck a gremlin I would fuck a gremlin and would get it wet I would get it wet after midnight yeah I'd go out for your dinner yeah I'd get it wet right and then I'd feed it

after midnight with me penis that's what I'd do with a gremlin yeah I don't mind telling you episode 50 I'll admit to it now I've been hiding it for ages but'd do with a gremlin. Yeah. I don't mind telling you episode 50. I'll admit to it now.

I've been hiding it for ages, but I wouldn't do a gremlin. No bother. What's the other thing I can't do? Bright light. Yeah, right. I'll give it a bright light with sex. So, how about that? Yeah, that's brilliant, mate.

That's a bit of dirty. It's nice to have a bit of dirty talk about gremlins. Yeah, a bit of filth, mate. A bit of filth about the old... The old gremles. The old gremles. If it was up to you, if you had to have sex with a gremlin, say you're in Guantanamo and El Bay, right?

Right. And they're going, right, we're going to kill you. Yeah. We've been waterboarding you all day and you've just been enjoying it and drinking it. So we're going to try a different tat, right? Right. It's going to happen either way.

You're going to have sex with a gremlin. Right. And I'd be going, yeah, come on. Yeah, obviously. Get it, get it. You'd be going, I can't believe this. Yeah, this is amazing. I've really dropped on.

Bring two in, I would drop on it. And so they said to you, right, you can have sex with a gremlin. Yeah. But this is, you've got to choose whether you want it as little mogwai or as the green one. How would you have it? Mogwai. Really?

You would do... See, my problem is with that, I think the mogwai's kind of babyish. But the thing is, once you get it wet, will it not turn? Do you think of a gremlin's own, like... The thing is, right, this is what I think. I know, I know what you're going to say. I think there'd be nothing better than fucking the fluffy one. And then halfway through, while it's on you, it changes.

But then it gets... No, but it doesn't change. It doesn't change like a werewolf, does it? All things pop out of its body. Yeah. And make, like make little eggs. And then they grow and then the big, scaly ones come out. That sounds fucking amazing.

I'm off to turn this off now. It's making me feel all sexy. I'm feeling proper sexy over at Gremlin. Getting all wet. A mogwai getting wet. Do you think the reason that they have to have the lights off is just in case they ever see any porn

and then get horny and then the wet comes out and then goes on their legs and pops out and makes a greased candy one? Almost certainly. I'm glad we got to the bottom of that.

Yeah. I appreciate that it's our 50th episode and we don't want to bring it down and stuff. No. But I mean, this is going to get out anyway if I don't say it. What?

I'm sorry to announce... Well, I'm not sorry. I mean, it's quite an optimistic thing, really. But I'm going to announce on here, as an exclusive to our listeners, I think it's fair that they know first. Right. I'm leaving, never mind the buzzcocks. I've had a great time on it.

I can't thank, you know, particularly Phil, because he's been there all the time. Phil Jutis. Yeah. And whoever else time on it I can't thank you know particularly Phil because he's been there all the time Phil Jutis yeah and whoever else is on it now

but even whoever hosts it I can't thank them enough for the time that I've spent there Bill Bailey maybe Sean Hughes was on it Simon Amstel all them people

I've had a brilliant time I've not seen you on it I just think it's just time now at the moment i've watched it i watch it quite i like it as a program well i'm gonna be leaving a lot more programs i'm sort of like i've not seen you on it i'm gonna see out the next sort of three or four episodes of motley week and then are you on that well that's it that's all i've got to

announce i'm gonna i'm gonna leave you're leaving what the way because i mean obviously frankie's left frankie's left russ isn't doing so many now. And I just think it's now time. It's about right. I've not seen you on that either. About the right time to go and leave. I've not. Marked a week. Ray, I've got some.

And then mind a buzzcocks. How many episodes of those have you recorded? The saddest one. The one that's going to leave me with such a heavy heart, I think. I'm not going to be doing news at ten no more. And that's effective immediately. Right. From now.

Yeah. I don't get on with Trevor McDonald. Right. Never have, if I'm honest. Yeah. We've never got on. I think we've got a clash of sense of humour. Okay.

He's blue. Well, you know, like crude blue. Yeah. Like sort of rubbish stuff. I don't want to do that anymore. I've got some... Have you recorded quite a lot of episodes of these things? Yeah.

Have you ever watched them back? Well, I've not watched them back. Yeah. I've remembered them. Yeah, no, I've... I've remembered them. You've watched them back in your head. I've remembered them back. I mean, that's why I don't bother with CDs these days, or MP3s and that. Don't bother with that. What I do is I listen to the radio when you get it free. I go, oh, that's a nice song, and I remember it. Just remember it. Rather than buying it, you don't need to. Just remember

it. Yeah, you've got to get a memory. People go, oh, you've got any porn buying it, you don't need to. Just remember it. Yeah, you've got to get a memory. People go, oh, you've got any porn? No, I don't need any porn. I've had sex. I know, I have sex. Just remember it. Remember it, yeah.

If I'm going to be interfering with my private genitalia, then I'll just lie back and I'll remember it. What I want to say is that I've seen all those programmes. I think they've cut you out of every single episode. Of what? Mock the Week, Nevermind the Boss Cocks and News at've seen all those programmes. I think they've cut you out of every single episode.

Of what? Mock the Week, Nevermind the Buzzcocks and News at Ten. And I don't know how they've done that with News at Ten, because that is live. I've never seen you on any of those programmes. You've never seen Nevermind the Buzzcocks? Never. I'm a team captain on Nevermind the Buzzcocks. Is the team sort of off to the side?

Is your team, is it you, the cleaner and one of the runners? Right, you know you've got on Nevermind the Buzzcocks got you've got the host which was simon for a bit yeah and you've got phil's team you've got bill belly's team or no no feeling did a few as well yeah um and then you've got so you've got team a team b team c and team c team c is my team where phil jupiter's right i'll tell you can i tell you something quickly yeah when we see the program when the viewer sees the program yeah there's the host in the middle, Team A there. Phil Jupitus. Phil Jupitus team over on the left.

Team C to the left of that. No, no, no, no. You just see the furthest left is Team A and then Team B over the other side of the host. It's symmetrical. Yeah. So Team C, if it is just you and like a cleaning lady on that team, do they sort of set up a little cardboard box for you to sit around and do your own answers? No, I made my own one. Yeah, that's not on TV.

I don't make myself of a wallpaper table. Right. Now, I made my own one. Yeah, that's not on TV. I don't know myself. I have a wallpaper table. Right. Now, Mock the Week, you've never... And a glitter pen. You've never been on Mock the Week either? I'm on Mock the Week all the time. You're not? What do you mean I'm not on Mock the Week?

I've never seen you on Mock the Week. I'm the host of Mock the Week. No. How can I... How can you say you've never seen me on Mock the Week? Whatever. Oh, I get it. I get it.

It's a joke. Yeah, fair point. Who do you think Dara O'Briain is he just sits in front of me it's something to do with the lights he sits in front of you yeah

because when they film me if they film me straight on the lights are all wrong so they have to put him in front of me and that diffuses the lights but you know when they put the camera

he doesn't show up on film because he's Irish that's what they told me no he does show up on film he blocks you out completely are you telling me every episode of Mock the Week

that I've seen, you're sat behind Dara O'Brien? So you can see Dara O'Brien on the telly when it's on? Yeah, and not you. Not one bit of you. This is a fucking joke. What, seriously? Yeah, I think you should leave. So hang on, when I present Graham Norton,

can you see little Graham Norton on that? You can see Graham Norton. Can't see you on that. What did you tell me before if you can't see Irish on the telly? I feel like a bloody idiot here, me, now. I said this the first

day I was there. I went, well, sure, they'll see that. No, no, they can't see Irish on the telly. Yeah, no, they've had you on, mate. Right, well...

Are they paying you? It's on the telly. You don't get paid for being on the telly. You do. Dara O'Brien gets a lot of money. No, because it's BBC

and it's all licence fee, isn't it? You don't get... No, they get a lot of money, mate. Can you really not see me for Dara O'Brien? Don't. Dara's in front of you.

Yeah, I know. He's blocking you out. No, but can you really see him on there? Is it really? Can you not even see a bit of me here? No. All right, sometimes I think I might have seen a bit of your hair. Was I the best one in Man Behaving Badly?

What? When the three of us were me and Neil Morris and Michael, was I the best one in it? No, you weren't in it. Oh, stop it. Now it's starting to upset me now. There was just two people in Man Behaving Badly. I can't upset me now. There was just two people in men behaving badly. I can't get me breath.

This is horrible. Sorry, man. I'm leaving all these programmes now. You fuck off, BBC, fuck off. You were the best one in the monkeys. I wasn't in that one. Oh, shit. Right, we've got a couple of announcements, haven't we?

Yeah, we have got announcements to make because it's the 50th episode. 50th episode, big announcements. Do you want to do the trumpet? Yep. That was ideal. Right, first announcement. I've just done a trumpet. All right, sorry. I'm just going to trumpet. All right, sorry.

All right, sorry, right. Okay, first announcement is about our brilliant new website. Web site. Yeah, and I'm definitely not reading that off a bit of paper that a techie has written for me. We've got a web site. A web site. On the internet. Yeah. It's peacockandgamble.com.

Dot com. It's not an ampersand, it's A-N-D. A-N-D, like A-N-D letters. Yeah. Peacockock and gamble.com.com it's not an ampersand it is and and like and letters yeah peacock and gamble.com uh we've been setting it up over the past few weeks yeah with the help of nigel hill yeah done a few a few bits of bobs for us in the past done some animations on youtube and that yeah and then a house song for us as well i mean we don't really we don't know him no really i mean for all know, you could go on that website and in the eye of you, in your eye, could be child porn.

If you zoom in on it. Yeah. You could see some child... God, I hope he's not done that. Yeah, so don't... I mean, if now you go on it and you do zoom in on the eye and it is child porn...

That's not all he's done that. We guessed that just now. It's not because we know that. It doesn't come off as a paedophile, Nigel Hill. No. A lot of them don't. A lot of them don't. I was watching

To Catch a Predator the other night. Yeah. And a lot of them don't. A lot of them don't. I was watching To Catch a Predator the other night. Yeah. And a lot of them, you'd walk past them in the street and not know. Yeah. It's like a lot of them

are just people. Yeah. Anyway, our website. Yeah, peacockengamber.com. Peacockengamber.com. Don't zoom in on the eye because we don't know what Nigel Hill is like.

We don't know whether this child pointed the eye or not. But there's a forum on there and stuff. Join the forum and we'll have a chat and all the rest of it.

Yeah. We're just trying to get away from Facebook a little bit and, you know, because Facebook own it. Yeah. When you're on Facebook. Whereas we own

Pick Up and Gamble. We do. And it means we can put some exclusive stuff up there as well. Yeah, check it out for exclusive bits. Yeah, quite exclusive.

The first exclusive bit we'll give you is Zach Bentz who, again, we don't know him. No, so... We don't know him. He's made an audio track.

He's done a song don't listen to it backwards because it might be child porn it might be child porn sounds if you hear it backwards it might be all child porn so we don't know

if it's that or not or racist propaganda yeah but if you listen to it or racist child porn oh terrible which is horrible as if child porn couldn't get worse

yeah making it racist but he's done a a yodelling dance mix yeah like a sort of club mix medium yodelling I mix. Yeah, like a sort of club mix. Me doing my yodelling. I'll just do a bit for you now.

Yeah, it was like that. Yeah, so he's done... And imagine that set to a sort of funky trance, funky house beat. Yeah, I mean, it will give you a headache. Yeah, it's... Yeah, I mean, you particularly... Gave me a nosebleed.

I deplore that sort of music. Yeah, but... Hate it. It made me laugh. Can't be doing that sort of music right even as a joke yeah

I couldn't listen to it more than once right so listen to that if you want so that's an exclusive so that's a bit of an exclusive shit for you on our website if you can't listen to it once

if you don't if you want that then go on our website maybe you can't sleep and want a migraine get on our website and get some then join the forum

and be a night owl and chat me and you on there and also you might know by now we kept it a secret but this is actually a 50 years podcast

the reason it was a big deal for us to get to episode 50 was in the old podcast the Ray Peacock podcast we got to 49 we did 49 although I think

one of them wasn't released because that was the last live show the last live show was 50 yeah so there's still only 49 available no the last live show was 49 was it there's still only 49 available no the last live show was 49 was it?

yeah so we were quite excited about beating that but then we thought it would be quite nice wouldn't it to release the

50th episode of this and the 50th episode of the Ray Peacock podcast on the same day so we've done that

so you can go and get the Ray Peacock podcast episode 50 which is available on iTunes now and on Chortle

if you've not heard it before you won't get it also if you've not heard it before, you won't get it. Also, if you've not heard it before, we're not picking on him for no reason. Please don't think we've just brought someone into the Peacock and Gumball podcast just for a bit of a kick in it.

We have history with that man. Oh, last week, Ed hijacked this section because he thought, oh, that is the most popular section, so I will do it as well. But no, it's back to me now. Finished. For the 50th episode,

the very special one. Ray, listen. Ray, does a food. No, not happening. No, does a food. Finished. And then all the people, no, listen.

Section's done. No, listen, no. Does a food. Ray, does a food. It ended so's done. No, listen. Section's done. No, listen, no. Does a food. Ray, does a food. It ended so nicely last week. We did it together. We found a common ground. When I say it, then the people who listen to it.

No, it's finished. The people listening to it, they will go, oh, I like that food. I will eat some of that food. Do not do this. I know this is very important. For the 50th episode. Do not do this. It will ruin the podcast.

It won't. You can't do this. No, listen. Listen. Ray, done a food. No, he doesn't. And the people. And this week's food. He done and done a food. This week's food is going to be. No can't do this. No, listen. Ray, don't have food. No, he doesn't. And the people. And this week's food.

He done and done the food. This week's food is going to be. No, I'm right. I will pay you money to not do this. How much are you giving for it? £10?

Yeah. That's a bit much. No, give me £10. That's a bit much, £10. No, you said £10. That's a bit much, though. Give me £10. If you give me £10,

I won't do it. Really? Yeah, really. £10 and I will take it. Cancelled this week. No food this week. Bacon. Holy shit. what's this?

Ed's Amazing Deaths. Oh, deaths, is it? No way, yeah. Oh, very clever. So you've gone from Ed's Amazing... Right, so I've shit-canned Ed's Amazing Births ages ago. Yeah. And now you're coming back with Ed's Amazing Deaths. Think about it.

Logical progression. Yeah, what is the main thing of life about? Births. Done that. Covered that. Out of the way. Death is the next thing. From birth to death. No, you is the main thing of life about? Births. Done that. Covered that. Out of the way. Death is the next thing. From birth to death.

No, you're right. You're right. After birth, the next thing is death. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're going to do some amazing deaths? Some amazing deaths. I like the idea of that as a section.

Is it just a one-off for episode 50? Well, we'll see how it goes. Yeah, it's just a one-off. Yeah, I know. I know. Let's make it a one-off. Well, there's a lot of amazing deaths out there. Well, it's just a one-off. Yeah, I know, I know, let's make it a one-off. Well, there's a lot

of amazing deaths out there. Well, let's do them all now and then it can be a one-off. This will be more interesting than fun.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Let's tell you that now, more interesting. Bad taste, have you got that in mind? Are you going to be some...

No, this will just be genuinely interesting. Because often a lot of your amazing births ended with amazing deaths, didn't they?

They did, but I didn't realise that. I'm remembering the baby whose head came off. Of course the famous, the classic section. Yeah the baby whose head came off. Yeah where the girl went in the toilet and done half a baby. Yeah that was a good one. And then done half the hospital which you said so it was all alright in the end. That's I recall. But there we go. Let's not rely on past glories. No, but in a way that is the bridge,

isn't it? Yeah, that is the bridge there. Yeah, we shouldn't rely on past glories, Raji. What are you doing coming over again, naughty?

Go on. Right, so Ed's Amazing Deaths. Now, there's a lot of them kicking about. Yeah, well, no, they don't kick about. They don't kick about.

Some of them kick about just at the end. Flash. And then that is the end of them kicking about. Well, no, they don't kick about. They don't kick about. Some of them kick about just at the end. And then that is the end of them. Yeah. You're right. It is more interesting than funny. For the really cracking deaths, you've got to go back many years. Why? I don't know.

I just think people die more boring now. Yeah. I mean, if someone slipped on their iPhone and died, in 1,500 years years people would be going oh that's an amazing death why would they be speaking like that because they're um that is the accent of um the people that took over an accent of neutrality yeah everyone because everyone has to speak the same and all the bananas are straight thanks a lot tony blair yeah so i just think that anything that's a little bit alien to us is sort of weirder and more amazing.

All right, so my favourite one, I think, is Chrysippus. I beg your pardon? Chrysippus. Chrysippus? Chrysippus. What's Chrysippus? Am I meant to know what that is? I think, no, he was like a Greek writer and thinker. How did he do it?

He had a pet donkey and he fed it loads of wine to get it drunk and then thought it was so funny that he laughed himself to death. Is that true? Yeah, that is true. Is that well known? No, I've been on the internet researching, haven't I? What did you put in? Laughing at a donkey?

Did you type in to Ask Jeeves, has anyone ever died from laughing at a drunk donkey? And what came out was chrysopus. Yeah, chrysopus. He died from laughing at a drunk donkey. Okay. Yeah, Francis Bacon. Yeah, that's a good donkey. Yeah. What came out was chrysopus. Yeah, chrysopus. He died from laughing at a drunk donkey. Okay. Yeah.

Francis Bacon. Yeah, that's a good one. You know how he died? He got pneumonia because he was stuffing a chicken with snow. Yeah, apparently so. Yeah.

I mean, isn't that not urban legend now? No. He was testing out refrigeration methods. Right. Because they didn't have freezers back then.

Right. He wasn't just doing it. He hadn't gone mad. That's kind of how they sort of say it though, isn't it? Like he was doing it doing it. He hadn't gone mad. That's kind of how they sort of say it though, isn't it? Like he was doing it.

Yeah. He used snow as stuffing. Yeah. At Christmas. He was having a slush chicken. A slush chicken? Yeah.

Like 25th of December, all family around and he's going, oh, did I say it in Reddit? Fuck. I haven't got the fucking stuffing

I'm going to... And he said to his wife, Streaky, he went, he went, hey Streaky, get out there and get someone out, get someone out. Of course, in those days, they didn't have a name for it.

What, Snow? Yeah, they didn't know what it was. It's just the olden times, wasn't it? So they just, like, would go out and be like, what's all this coming out of the sky? What's all this? I don't have a name for this. So he went, hey, Streaky, nip out. Got the old family coming over.

Yeah, set Smokey out with you. Back? Yeah. And give Danish a shout. Send him through. And also, set Cheese on with you.

And get some of that white stuff that's come out of the sky. Pick that up, bring it in. And we'll pass that off as Mr. Thing. And then he died. What other amazing deaths have there been? Oh, sod it. Well, I mean, it's not got much. Oh, bring it in, we'll pass that off as my stuff in. And then he died. Whatever amazing deaths have to be. Oh, sod it.

I mean, it's not got much... I told you, it's more interesting than funny. I just want to bring a bit of highbrow shit to this podcast. Go on then. Every day I turn up for this. Every day, and you're like... Why do you turn up every day? I don't know. It's really annoying. I have to go back as well. I know, I know.

On the day I turn up when it's the right one, I get in here and you're like, oh, poo fart. And I just want to do some of the... I've always had poo fart. Poo fart every day.

Bud Dwyer, that was a good one. Bud Dwyer was a good one. Bud Dwyer was amazing. It was an amazing death. Horrible though, wasn't it? Horrific.

Look it up on the internet, kids. No, don't. They committed suicide at a press conference. Yeah, it'll scar you for life. He shot his head off. And it was genuinely upsetting

and I thought he's on liner but I know there's a temptation to go and see it honestly don't after I saw it that was me

it changed me forever it was a horrible thing to see changed you forever yeah forever really yeah I may be a better person because I thought if this life

can be snuffed out this quick how desperate must he have been I'm going to live for both of us and ever since i saw that i've lived for me and bud and ed's amazing deaths did that for you well so it may not be the funniest section but it's oh it's definitely not that it's life affirming

yeah so if you've got any amazing deaths if if your granny choked on a lemon or something like that do send them in oh so you want people so you want oh yeah we get personal ones people who listen if someone in their family died in an amazing way yeah that we'd like to hear about that

is that what you say yeah well can I just opt out of that straight away right immediately I don't really

I'm sorry to even bring that up for you I don't want you telling us about amazing deaths in your own family because Ed can't think of any

intersections but you know there's a website for that now yeah so go on ecomgamble.com go to forum deaths in your own family. Because Ed can't think of any four-deceptions. But, you know, there's a website for that now. Yeah, so go on there. BeaconGamble.com, go to forum. There'll be a thread for Ed's amazing death suggestions. Yeah. Oh, mate.

What? Disaster the other day. Had my wallet stolen. You didn't, though, did you? Yeah. I know that was the original story. Yeah, I did have it stolen. I remember the original story, because I had my wallet stolen. You didn't though, did you? Yeah. I know that was the original story. Yeah, I did have it stolen. I remember the original story because I remember

you texting me. Well, you didn't text me actually. I tried to ring you and you wouldn't answer it because you were in a mood because you had your wallet stolen. Yeah, stolen. So you wouldn't speak to me.

Criminal took it. Well, criminal didn't take it, did they? Out of my pocket. No, that didn't happen. How do you know it didn't happen? Because I know the end of this story already.

Yeah. You didn't. You dropped it. I didn't. No, you dropped your wallet at Clapham already. Yeah. You didn't. You dropped it. I didn't. No, you dropped your wallet. I didn't. At Clapham Station. No, I didn't.

At Clapham Junction. So, I didn't drop it. Clapham Junction. Get your facts right. Yeah, get your facts right. Oh, if you don't even know the name of the station, how do you know about the story? Alright, I'll tell you the story then. Alright, I'll tell you the fucking story, mate.

Alright, then. You're next to everyone. Go on. Alright, I bought a drink. Right. Oh, I have a nice drink. What was the drink? What?

What was the drink? Diet Coke with cherry. Alright. Put my wallet in my back pocket. No, you didn't. Did? Oh, have a nice drink. What was the drink? What? What was the drink? Diet Coke with cherry. All right. Put my wallet in my back pocket. No, you didn't. Did. Oh, fuck off. Put my wallet in my back pocket, right?

Yeah. Go outside, wait for my lift. Yeah. Another concert, right? Yeah. Oh, have a bit of Diet Coke with cherry. That's refreshing. Yeah.

Right. Oh, I need to send someone my bank details. I'll just get my card out. Oh, no. Been pit-pocketed. Been pit-pocketed, haven't I? Who have you pit-pocketed by, then? You've been pit-pocketed by then. Let's take this fantasy story to its

logical conclusion. Alright. Who picked your pocket? Boy. A boy, yeah? Yeah. What was the deal with that? I don't know. Broken home? Broken home, mate. Orphanage. From an orphanage. Yeah, what did he need the money for? Drugs? No, gruel. He needed some money for gruel. So when you were angry about the boy

picking your pocket when you spoke to me, this fantasy boy that had stolen money from you in a wallet that you'd actually just left on the counter. Didn't leave it on the counter. No, but when you had your pocket picked. How do you know? Because the girl found it the next day and told you about it. Yeah, she must have found it when the criminal put it down. For the time being then, the criminal picked your pocket,

then didn't bother checking out the wallet, just put it down on the side, coincidentally where you'd just been. Anyway, we'll do your fantasy story first and then we'll do the real story. Don't have a real story for you, but don't worry, I just left it on the side. I did.

So go on, this little boy who picked your pocket, and what happened? He picked your pocket for gruel. Yeah, and then he took the wallet, he ran back to Fregan. Oh, Fregan. He ran back to Fregan. It'sygan he ran back to Freygan

it's out of copyright copyright issues it's not you still have to pay to do the musical yeah but this isn't the musical is it this is the book

this is the estate of Lionel Bart oh right I see because you're going to sing in this bit Freygan so he went back to Freygan's lair

and he was like oh I'm not sure about this Freygan and Freygan said alright Jonathan I've got a song to sing you about a doubt. Right. He went,

you've got to steal a wallet if you want to buy your girl. Or another one. Or another one. Yeah. Bill Mike. And then... Yeah.

Bill Mike's came in. Yeah, Bill Mike's came in. Yeah, and I think, and then Jonathan, the little lad from the orphanage Jonathan Twist Jonathan Twist yeah that's alright

that's fine he looked through the wallet and he thought oh there's cash in here there's cards there's all this sort of thing you're giving it all showing off aren't you

he got oh there's cash in here there's cards there's a career yeah halfway through right halfway through looking through it and he thought

I can't do this I'm going to have to go and leave it back at Clapham Junction Station. Right. Where a kindly girl found it, got my phone number, called me up,

and then I went and picked it up. And it turned out we were your bloody mother. Like in Jonathan's Quest. Okay, so that's what happened according to you. I mean, I would posit that there's a better chance that you were so dawdly and distracted and, you know, rubbish at doing stuff and being concentrated in that. I don't know why you're friends with me sometimes. No, me either.

That you just got your wallet out and then just left it on the side. Right. And this girl found it and then rung you up. Well, her nan rang me up. Her nan rang you up? Because I think what had happened is someone had, what she explained to me was that someone had gone is this your wallet to her nan yeah and then i thought it might have been i say so took it right see what i think's happened and bless you for giving it back i think the nan decided oh i've not done a crime in my life i'm gonna try this and then she went in her

head she thought i can't justify this i'll show my granddaughter and then her reaction will determine what path i take next yeah she went look at this granddaughter i've stolen someone's wallet cheeky man like that and she's got nan you can't do that you'll have to give your wallet the wallet back to oh he's nice ed gamble yeah right and then they got my number and called me up so now you're speculating that the person that rang you up to say they'd found your wallet had actually it was an old lady who had a little Richard Madeley moment

allegedly right and nicked your wallet and then with a walking stick out the back of my pocket with one of them grabby ones

for getting things out of an eye shop and she put it in an old town wheel bag and took it home. I mean again I would say that it's just

that you're just a lumbering cumbersome not concentrating a while constantly looking at your phone you know head in the sky or not concentrating earphones on yeah i know no you can't because you broke your ipod yeah how did you break that um a can of red bull burst in my bag it's bursting your bag so that happens you broke your iPod. That's the second iPod you broke at the time I've known you. No, because I didn't break the other one. The other one I had for like two years and it just stopped working.

I've had my iPod for like four years. Yeah, but my iPod stopped working. No, but why would it stop working? I don't know. There's a problem with the headphones. It's quite a widespread problem. Oh, is it really? Yeah.

Maybe it's the same problem you have with your headphones on your iPhone, which you've had for... Oh, no, that's a bit of paper. How long have you had that for? About three or four months? No, more than that, mate. Well, anyway... A couple of years, mate. You've had your iPhone for a couple of years? Yeah. Maybe it's the same problem you have with your headphones on your iPhone, which you've had for... Oh, no, that's a bit of paper, isn't it? How long have you had that for? About three or four months? No, more than that, mate. Well, anyway... A couple of years, mate.

You've had your iPhone for a couple of years? Yeah. I see. I don't really know time. Well, that's got a bit of paper down its slot. Yeah. Which means you can't use that anymore. Yeah.

Have you ever lost your diabetes stuff? Have you ever just left it somewhere? No, it's dropped out of my bag before, yeah. Yeah, just dropped it. Yeah, yeah. In the street. Yeah, I've got a lot of stuff to carry around. Yeah, just drop it. No, not in the street. It was at a restaurant. Something you need to live. Yeah, just dropped it. In the street. Yeah, I've got a lot of stuff to carry around. Yeah, just drop it.

No, not in the street. It was at a restaurant. Something you need to live. Yeah. Just drop it. Yeah, I told you. I've broken a lot of stuff recently. Yeah, why is that?

I don't know. I think it's girls. I think what's happened is recently... Girls have stolen stuff off me. No, I think recently you've taken interesting girls. And this always happens to lads at your age. You start talking interesting girls

and forget everything else because now it's all, oh, I'm thinking about girls all the time. I don't need my injections anymore. I don't need my wallet or my phone to work

or my iPod to work because I've got girls now. And do you know what? One day, one day soon, I'm dreading this day, I'm going to get a phone call. Hello, who is it? It's a place, what's happened?

Ed's been killed. How's he been killed? He's walked off the earth. He's walked, I go, what do you mean he's walked off the earth? Well, he was so busy thinking about girls and walking around. He's literally just walked off the

earth and he's dead and I said well where's the body and they go I don't know it's space or something he's that gormless and not thinking

about stuff he has just flown off the earth gravity doesn't work because he's not concentrating and we found his wallet

but we're the next I think we're going to be recording another Ray Peacock wallet bit weird isn't it to think we're going to be recording another Ray Peacock podcast tomorrow yeah that is weird

because we've got so sort of used to do this one now yeah it's a bit sort of odd to have Raji back in it

I know but I think it'd be fun yeah I know it definitely would be fun I mean people have written to us like over the time we've been doing

this one and they've been saying oh some people like oh it's better without Raji it's better without Raji it's better with Raji some people are going where's Raji

no I really miss Raji I prefer the other ones that's fine do you see him anymore and all that yeah and it's odd isn't it when they think that

I mean he's been in all of them yeah he's been sat here for all of them he just hasn't said enough no no are we going to do it now no we'll record

we'll record the Ray Peacock one in the morning but I thought we would do our one first no we will do we will do that Raji we know who's doing our one first. No, we will do that one. We know who's doing our one. We'll just say it's interesting that people have been saying about you not being here.

But you're always here. But you are always sat here. Yeah. No, but people write to us and say... But they know that. No, they don't. No, they don't. People write to us and say, how come Raji's not in it?

Yeah, but you are. But you are in it. The only reason we changed the name is because you just ran out of things to say. Yeah. It seemed churlish to put Peacock, Gamble and James when you were just sat there and you're often doing jigsaws and you're often

colouring in. Yeah. But that's what you told me to do though. Oh no, I know we told you just to sit there and be quiet. Yeah. I know Raji, it's an interesting thing isn't it?

That he's always here. Yeah. It's probably our fault. It's our fault as much as anyone. Yeah. Letting him in yeah well let's finish this one now

yeah and then people if they want turn over to side B yeah turn over to side B go listen to

the Ray Peacock podcast episode 50 yeah it's also out today as well as this one episode 50

it'll be a real treat if you've never read it before don't get your fucking hopes up by the way it's not like

this it's a little bit different because Raji's speaking that one wait Raji yeah yeah

shush now Raji because this is our one See you next week Bye Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble

All music by The Tiger Lilies except for the last one which is performed by Frank Sidebottom The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a Ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week.