The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 52

Episode Date: January 26, 2020

"Episode 52" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 53 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hello. I say that too quick. You do. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. It's blah, it's a bit about, about. Right, I'm going to do it again, but I'm going to enunciate it.

Alright. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hooray. Hello, I'm Ray Peacock. Hello, I'm going to enunciate it. Alright. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast! Hooray! Hello, I'm Ray Peacock. Hello, I'm Ed Gamble. And if Elmo is listening to this, can you just fuck off? Why? Because he gets on my nerves, Elmo.

Why? Because I don't like the way... Oh, he's the star of Sesame Street now, isn't he? Oh, he's the... He's rubbish! No, he's not. He's brilliant. He'll never be Grover.

He's nothing. He's just got his stupid tickle me doll. And that's made him famous because babies like it. And then they've grown up thinking they like it. He's a mawkish, gawky little, scrawny little fuck. And he's not welcome to listen to this podcast. Grover can listen to it. But only can listen to it. Can Big Bird listen to it? Big Bird's a bit listen to this podcast. Right, well... Grover can listen to it. Right. But, and only can listen to it.

Can Big Bird listen to it? Big Bird can listen to it, but Big Bird's a bit whiny and all. Right, yeah. I've also heard Big Bird a bit whiny. Wasn't Big Bird supposed to be, like, imaginary? What? They were all imaginary, though, weren't they? What do you mean?

The Sesame Streets. How is it imaginary? Well, it's a massive bird. I've never seen one outside of the context of Sesame Street. Play along, innit? Just play along with it. Oh. I thought they were all, like like the kids, like the...

Oh, no, no, you can see him. He got very upset, if you remember, when Mr Hooper died. Right. Because Big Bird had done drawings of everyone, all the humans. Right. Gave it all out, and he went, and here's what I've done for Mr Hooper. And all the adults went, oh. And Big Bird went, what? And they went, Mr Hooper's dead.

Is that true? Yeah, genuinely. Because the actor who played him died. Right. So they decided to play it, just play it straight and play it real. Yeah. It was all sad and that. Was, um. Oscar the Grouch was orange originally.

There's a little. There's a little fact for you. And then later on he became green. Right. Was Sesame Street set in like a deprived area? What, how do you mean? I don't really know Sesame Street. Well, you should do.

The impression I got was that it was like set in a deprived area. What? How do you mean? I don't really know Sesame Street. Well, you should do. The impression I got was that it was set in a deprived area because of the fronts of the houses and stuff. It's just a normal street, isn't it? Oh, right.

It's just America, man. That's what America looks like, that. I thought the whole place was such a big tip that all these things had started growing out of the rubbish.

You thought that's what Oscar the Grouch was? Yeah, yeah. I mean, he is essentially an homeless. Yeah. Let's make no bones about it. He is a green homeless. He is an homeless with something Wars. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he is essentially an homeless. Yeah, like, yeah. Let's make no bones about it. Yeah. He is a green homeless.

He is an homeless with something wrong. Yeah. Something has gone green. Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster, yeah. Eats the older cookies. Yeah, still on older cookies,

isn't he? Yeah. There was another legend going around that he has vegetables now, but I don't think that's true. I think he does still eat cookies. Yeah.

But I think he just paces himself a bit more. I don't know if that's true or not. Well, what a lovely intro. And also, just to let you know right bit more. I don't know if that's true or not. Well, what a lovely intro. And also, just to let you know right now, the Peacock and Gamble podcast today... The what? Peacock and Gamble podcast today

is brought to you by the letters P and O and the number 20. So... Look forward to that, innit? Yeah. Back to the show. Right. Look forward to that, innit? Yeah. Back to the show. Right, it's interesting that you brought up Sesame Street. Yep.

Isn't it? Yeah, and I'll tell you now. Do you like Sesame Street? I've never really seen it. I love it. Right. Absolutely love it. Right, well.

And that's why I'm pissed off that Elmo's pushing himself to the front. Yeah, I know, we've been through this. We've been through Elmo. Been through him? I'll go through him with a sword, mate. Don't stab Elmo with a sword. Why? Imagine how many kids would be upset.

One. Elmo's son. Children don't really like Elmo. Yeah, they do. They're not real, they don't. Yeah, they do. Grover is miles funnier. Right. The Count, much better character.

The Count is good. I like the Count. The Count's a brilliant character. Have you heard his album? No, I've not. Fucking brilliant. Didn't even know he had an album. Yeah, it's amazing. What's it called? I think it's called Count of the Count is good. I like The Count. The Count's a brilliant character. Have you heard his album? No, I've not. Fucking brilliant. Didn't even know he had an album. Yeah, it's amazing. What's it called?

I think it's called Count with a Count or something, but he's got like 13 songs. I'm getting that on a torrent. Is it on a torrent? Yeah, I think you can find it on a torrent. I'm going to get it illegally on a torrent. Don't say that. I'm not paying for it.

No, well, yeah, because... If it's available to buy, I will buy it. Right. I've downloaded some Muppet Show albums illegally recently. Yeah, well, I want to talk to you about the Muppet Show. Rolf. Specifically. His album, that's been deleted.

Right, stop trying to get away with it. How much money have you spent today on, say, a gigantic Muppet Show puppet? Right, well, I'm going to pull you up on several levels. Oh. Right? First off, I'm not going to discuss money. Right. Because that's gauche.

So, I don't think I'm going to be discussing money openly on the podcast. Right, I think you will be. I won't. Second off, it's not a gigantic puppet. Yeah, it is. It's not. It's actual size. How much room have you got in your house? It's one to one. Loads of room. You haven't. Alright, I'll do you get in here then. Right, the door, which, and I tried to go to the toilet. There's basically no room in the bathroom anymore. I know, I was out, I had some clothes up in there. I've been on my way here. I was coming from Manchester today, reading Twitter on my phone.

Ooh, laddy da. Ooh, look at me. I've got a Twit on my phone. All the way here, basically reading another breakdown update from you. Why? You got up at half four this morning to try and read all of X-Men before I got here.

Ultimate X-Men, get it right. Right, okay. Yeah, sorry. Only Ultimate X-Men. That's called the X-Men before I got here. Ultimate X-Men, get it right. Right, okay. Yeah, sorry. Only Ultimate X-Men. That's called the X-Men Challenge. I invented that. If you've ever got a friend coming round and you want to challenge yourself,

get the entirety of Ultimate X-Men, right? All nine volumes of it. Yeah. Got to read it all before your friend comes round at half past. Did you manage it? No, I got nearly to the end of the first one. Right, so you did that.

Yeah. One, okay. Yeah. Two... How's that breakdown? Because it's weird because you've got about half four in the morning and set yourself a challenge

of reading shitloads of comics before I arrive. What would you like me to do? Sit around crying? Say what you want. Oh, yeah. No, it's all right, Ray. Get up in the middle of the night feeling all depressed.

Just sit around crying, mate. Don't read your comics or enjoy yourself in some way. Well, I don't know why you can't just do what everyone else does when they're depressed, which is stay in bed. I don't know why you are the one who has to go, I'm depressed, I feel like I want to go for a jog. You've got to get up.

Now, you know there's no room in this house. There is some room. I come round here and you go, oh, there's not much room, we've got to stop buying stuff. At one point you said, we're going to have to move, right? We've got to get a new flat. Right? And why?

Oh, I've bought a massive pig's head from Star Wars. What have you got now? Oh, I've got a Gonzo puppet. Well, that's where you've made a fool of yourself. Because that massive pig's head that I bought at the Cameroonian Guard, I'm going to throw that away. And then I'm going to put Gonzo where that was. It's my new extravagance.

No, what I think you're doing... No, because I've decided that I'm going to kill myself in the next 12 months, right? Up until that point, what I'm going to do is I'm going to buy a really extravagant item and that's where they're going to live. Right, in that space. In that space.

So what's after Gonzo? The Gavrian Guard, fling that out. Right. I'm going to smash it. I'm not even going to sell it, just smash it up. after Gonzo? The Gavrian Guard, fling that out, she's going to smash it. No, you're going to sell it, just smash it up, put Gonzo there for a bit. After Gonzo,

I'm going to have a gold bust of Princess Diana. This is a sort of like crop rotation system, isn't it? So are you going to have a fallow period? What, where I just leave it be? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might do it, I don't know. It's a bit of a waste of space, though, isn't it? In many ways,

you're doing your own sort of Trafalgar Square plinth installation thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might do it, don't I? Yeah. It's a bit of a waste of space, though, isn't it? In many ways, you're doing your own sort of Trafalgar Square plinth installation thing. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what's happening. Yeah. It's like a plinth in my office. Oh, it's a, you know,

chest of drawers. It's not. It's a glass cabinet. It's not a table. It's not a plinth. It's not a table. It's a glass... Go and have a look at it.

I'm not going to have a look at it. I'll notice. Do you take a miser out of me? Well, I'm sorry I don't look at what the massive fucking pig's head is sitting on. I'm mainly looking at the fucking pig's head. It's made of glass, that.

It's a really expensive bit of kit, that. I don't care. I can't believe you're saying it is a table. What is it, a chest of drawers? He's giving it. Oh, you've got a chest of drawers, he says. Right, well, I'm worried about you now. Why?

Because I'm worried that this flat is turning into an apartment. Apartment. Luxury apartment. You're just creating your own little fantasy world. So you'll never have to leave the house again. You just have a conversation. You go, oh, who's my best friend? Oh, the pig out of Star Wars and Gonzo from The Muppets. I'm going to come in and you're having a tea party with some fucking Lego.

You nearly caught me with that the other week. When have I ever been any different to that though? You're saying that like it's a recent thing. Yeah but you're buying more and

more and more and more and more ones that you could have a chat to. I've been buying more and more since I bought the first ever thing.

Everything is more. Yeah but like big ticket items. That head was a step up. This is basically your sort of lower scale version of

Neverland. Well I was thinking... I like coming here, I'll have a can of Jesus juice and look at me gonzo. I'm not... Are you calling me a paedophile now? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a paedophile. You know what? I am.

I'm not, aren't I? You are a paedophile. I'm not. I'm not. I've been revising paedophiles this week. I'm going to tell you about that in a minute. I have. I've been revising paedophiles this week. I'm going to tell you about that in a minute.

I have. So the revision I've been doing. Right. About paedophiles. Have you got an exam coming up? Very, very simple. Monday night, FX, To Catch a Predator. Right, okay. The famous American programme.

Yeah. Where they basically set up traps. Yeah, not like that. Have you seen To Catch a Predator? I have, loads. Do you like it? Yeah, I love it. It's weird that. Yeah, not like that. Have you seen Catch Predator? I have loads. Do you like it? Yeah, I love it. It's weird that you could find something like that

so funny and entertaining. What it is is so galling, really. Well, I think, you know, it's always an happy ending because they don't get lured there and there's an actual child there. They never risk a child as part of the trap. No, they don't. But increasingly, they're showing

more of the quote unquote child who's so it's an adult it's like a 19 year old girl yeah who looks like a child yeah

but they always they use like a little female police officer or something there's her as well she's from a company that they use she does the boys

yeah she's the boy ones yeah and the girl one does the girls right but it like increased

it's getting increasingly provocative is it yeah we're going oh coming in oh I just spilled something all down

myself go and I made some sweet tea go and eat the sweet tea go and eat the sweet tea it's in the kitchen I just I'm just

oh look I'm just rubbing my knockers now. Look, they're not very big, are they not? Oh, can you get a nice juicy sausage and put it in the drawers? That's exactly what they're saying. Put it, root round in the drawers and put it in there.

They're doing that. Just, I've noticed the change in the programme. It's up to about number six now. Now, these weren't weekly in America. They were like every few months or every year or something keep people waiting but we're now getting them every week yeah so i think the progression in how they certainly changed it over the months is far more apparent because every week okay but like last night they opened it with like moths to a flame still they come right and i thought you don't need that metaphor, do you? You just say, like, paedophile to a child, there they are. I've trusted it, we know what's going on. I like it, they said, like, moths to a flame, and then you just see a paedophile, like, bumping

into a wall constantly. Yeah. And I'm not saying, as well, that it's not a bad thing to do. What? Doing a paedophile. You're not... I'm not saying it's not a bad thing to do. So, are you pro or anti? No, I'm not saying that it's not a bad thing to do. So are you pro or anti? I'm not saying that it isn't a bad thing because it is. Right. It is a bad thing. Sorry. It was double negatives through me. No, no, it's definitely a bad thing. I'll tell you what, I'm a bit tired today. Yeah. So I might not be grammatically correct. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but they do. You're not saying it's a bad thing? No, I'm not saying it's not a bad thing. But they make it sound worse. I don't know why they're doing that.

How do they make it sound worse? I don't know. Just it, what it is, is bad enough. I don't know why they're making it worse. And also, the other thing they do as well is they always say,

before all of them, they go, just a warning, some of what you hear and see will be explicit. Right? It won't. It won't.

It'll be no more explicit than blank my blank. That's all they ever do on there. At the most, that's all you'll hear. Yeah, but that's... Blank is paedophile code for lick and funny. And knob as well. Yeah, knob.

It covers all of it. And child. So last night, they always say it's particularly bad when they go, and I tell you what, this one, right? Teacher.

Yeah. Right? So how about that? Hey, this one, right? Vicar. So, hey tell you what, this one, right, teacher. Yeah. Right, so how about that? Hey, this one, right, vicar. So, hey, look, and this one, this one's a rabbi. So it doesn't matter what they are. No. They're all committing the same crime.

Yeah. As bad as it is. It's more worrying for people if they work in close proximity with children. Why? Because then they're more likely to do it to their children in the school. They're all having it off on the internet.

Yeah. With a little girl pretending to be a boy yeah so i mean that's that's a very specific thing isn't it yeah i don't know it's very specific to like an undercover yeah you know go oh to what turns all these people on is an undercover woman pretending to be a little boy dirty fucking cow i see i seem to, when I've seen it before, the little, not little girl, like woman, pretending to be a boy. It's difficult, isn't it? It's so confusing. I like being confused.

She dresses up as a little boy, but wears big baggy shorts and a backwards cap and holds a skateboard. Come in here, I've just been skateboarding. All you have to do is spray her yellow Bart Simpson. I mean, it's a ridiculous character she's come up with. Absolutely ludicrous. And the other one, the girl, wanted a pyjama party. She might as well walk around with her thumb in her mouth.

Oh, God. I'm just going to sit on the breakfast bar, mate, for a bit and speak to that bloke. And he's getting increasingly sarcastic as well. Is he? Yeah. I mean, he tricked him anyway. Yeah.

But I'm not comfortable feeling sorry for paedophiles in that scenario. You have to keep reminding yourself that they've gone there to rape a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, you watch it and you're like, don't tell him to strip naked. Oh, yeah, I saw that. Yeah, just come on in, strip naked. Oh yeah, I saw that. Yeah, just come on in, strip naked.

One other night, he was chasing a cat road. He didn't need one. I'd like it if one of them just turned up and fronted it out. Yeah. Just went, oh, got me. One did. Really?

Last night, yeah. Yeah, it came in and went, yeah, thought so. Thought so. I knew it was this. Yeah, I was just checking. Bye. Where's Edmunds?

Where's Edmunds gone? Yeah, treat you like that. And then just laugh all the way through it. Just be a gotcha with a child in the ham. That's what I'm going

to do when you catch me. Yeah. You won't catch me. The one last night that was absolutely cracking me up was there was a bloke on there

and he said his real name. I think it was Martin his real name he gave his full name yeah that's a yeah sounds like sounds like one

but his screen name on the internet had been Scooby Doo right but then they kept referring to him as Scooby Doo for the entire programme

I can just imagine someone at Hanno Barbera going please please stop calling him Scooby Doo you said his real name just say his real name, please stop calling him Scooby-Doo.

You said his real name, just say his real name now. Please stop doing Scooby-Doo. Or if you flick on halfway through the programme, or a blind person flicks on halfway through the programme, Scooby-Doo was here for sex with a child. Yeah, it would have got away if it wasn't that meddling Chris Hansen and that weird woman who dresses up as a little boy. Is Chris Hansen the older brother of the Hansen? No, he's the drummer one.

That's what he looks like now. He's the drummer one. And he's decided to get his own back on all the record executives that used to bomb them. I don't know if they ever were bombed by record executives. Allegedly. I think you just heard that one. I think you asked someone else.

I think I heard that from an insider. So we've had some hate mail this week about us dissing the Pope. Yeah. I mean, they were saying don't be dissing the Pope and that. Yeah.

So this is the Pope part two section. This is the new section about the Pope now because the people said we can't do a joke about the Pope. So do the part two one now.

And he left a right fucking mess at my house. I tell you what, he's been having a pop at us all week though, hasn't he? What, the Pope? Yeah, he's obviously heard about the podcast. Did you have it on at your house? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have it on constant at my house. So why is he giving it all... He's straight away going, oh, you Nazis. Yeah. Oh, Peacock and Gamble are a couple

of Nazis. Oh, all the atheists and Peacock and Gamble, what are atheists? Oh, all the atheists and Peacock and Gamble are atheists, they're Nazis. I thought, wasn't the Pope a Nazi for a bit? Well, he was in the Nazi youth, he was in the Hitler youth. Maybe that's what he's doing, maybe it's code. Yeah. Maybe he's saying that he is an atheist. Yeah.

Maybe that's his way of doing it. All atheists are Nazis. Yeah, wink wink. I was a Nazi. Wink wink. Hey, tell you what, right? Get loads of jewels with this job, and I'm just saying, all atheists are Nazis. Wink, wink. I tell you what, right? Get loads of jewels with this job. And I'm just saying, all atheists are Nazis.

All right, wink, wink. I'm just saying, all the Nazis don't believe in God, right? Wink, wink. We get a lot of money and a lot of jewels in this, so mum's the word. Wink, wink. Maybe that's what he's doing. Yeah, I think it might be, yeah. Could be a code.

I think what the Pope is saying... Is that all atheists should convert to Catholicism to get a jewel. Yeah, pretty much. I think he is saying that he doesn't believe in God. But he likes a big jewel. And that's why he's admitting he's an atheist. I think that when they get them to be Pope, they tell them that there's no God.

They go, look, we've got a really good thing going here. There is no God. You are in charge of it now. Just hang on while I put this smoke out yeah because now you are the official pope yeah right you're the official pope put the lid on that pan yeah now i know you believed in god your old life mr new pope right but i just want to say it doesn't exist but it's a really good thing we've got going here and for the sake of everyone who does believe hang on just let me put this bejeweled crown on your head i've a go at that jewel, try that on. Yeah, try that on.

Oh, hang on, here's some roller skates. Yeah, made out of jewels. Yeah. Oh, E.R., I know you're upset about having to wear the frock, but wear these jewelled pants underneath it and roller skates. And, yeah, look at this. What's that I've got? A jewelled butt plug for the Pope

to put up his bum yeah so he can have a little smirk to himself when he's doing his prayers in the room and he's giving it all he does all that stuff

yodelling yeah he has a bit of a yodelling Latin and everyone's going oh he's so holy this bloke yeah

oh I'm enjoying this this is proper holiness this is proper god stuff this and what they don't know all the time is he's got a jewel build up

he's got his love eggs in I mean out of jewels he's loved jewels so that is a possible scenario yeah I think it is all true without a doubt no I can't we can't say that. Why not? You're so pernickety.

Because if they can prove it's not, then you go to jail. Yeah, but they can't prove that God exists. They might be able to. No, they can't. They might. I'd like to film with him. From where? From the old... That's Robert Powell, you idiot.

They're all well in with him. They're all in the know. Yeah. Thick as thieves, them lot. Up on that balcony, they are all having all their knowledge. Doing all the Latin while having a dual dildo. I tell you it's mental what's going on there. Alright we'll try and complain about that section. Yeah trying to what's wrong with that. I was thinking you know wouldn't it have been nicer

because he's gone now the Pope. He's sadly gone home now. He's gone home to wherever he lives. Yeah. Is it France? Vatican City. France. Yeah.

Wherever he lives. It's his own country, though, isn't it? I think he might live in Switzerland. No, it is Italy. No, I think it's Switzerland. But his Vatican City is his own thing. He's got his own country? I think it is.

Well, he's got his own police force and stuff, hasn't he? Oh, haven't you? Put your jewels on it. Yeah. He's on a good deal there, hasn't he? I've been there. Have you? Fucking belting Panini haven't you? Put your jewels on it. Yeah. He's on a good deal there, haven't you? I've been there. Have you? Fucking belting panini.

What's he? Yeah, absolutely cracking. Yeah. Yeah, really, really good. What did you have on it? It was just a really nice ham and mozzarella. Absolutely amazing.

Yeah. Yeah, sat in the street on a little seat outside. Do you know that the ham... A nun asked me to move because I was sitting in the street on a chair.

Yeah. So she went, can you just move onto the pavement? They get all like that, don't they? What, move out the street? was sitting like in the street on a chair. So she went, just move onto the pavement. They get all like that, don't they? What, move out the street? Yeah, get out the street. Are you enjoying that panini?

Get out the street. Yeah, I am. I am a robot. Do I know all the nuns in Vatican City? Are they robots? Pretty much all of them as far as I know.

Yeah. That's as far as I've been led to believe. Yeah. But anyway, the point is, is I thought it would have been a good thing to do

when he was at Blue Water. Yeah. The Pope doing his shopping. Yeah. But anyway, the point is, is I thought it would have been a good thing to do when he was at Blue Water. Yeah. The Pope doing his shopping. Yeah. It'd be nice, wouldn't it? Just catch him in, you know, just catch him in Costa Coffee

and say, hey, Ben Joel, come here. And he's going, oh, come on, guys, leave me alone. Guys, come on, I just want to do my shopping.

Guys, I want an Americano. I just want to go and get a Mac. Yeah, come on, just please, guys, leave me alone for a minute. He'd look nice with a white Apple Mac. He's not allowed to use them.

Why not? No jewels in them. He can get a jeweled one. He can only use stuff with jewels in it. But it'd be good to just get to him and say,

look, I won't bother you. All I want you to do, this kind of coat, right? Yeah. Bless it for us. Right, and he'd go, what, what? And just go,

bless the coat I want to put on eBay. Right, and then just go, yeah, come here. she'd go, bless the coke, I want to put it on eBay. Right, and then he'd just go, yeah, come here, yeah, there you go. Then cross it. Yeah. Go here now, go on, get out of here. Yeah. Get out of here, you crazy kids.

Yeah, we could get into bless loads of stuff. And we'd go on eBay. Yeah. And go, blessed by the coke. Yeah. I meant Pope. Yeah, blessed by the... Pope coke.

Pope coke, yeah. It'd be great. Wait, why don't we set up our own one then? But I would think he was a laugh if he did that. Right. I'd be like, do you know what? I'm not even bothered about the condom thing. You're a light laugh, you.

He is a laugh if he blesses a Coke for you. Yeah, I know. Let him have the raids. Pope. You're a light laugh, you. Pope, bless my toe. Yeah. Can't put your toe on eBay.

Why not? I've cut it off, haven't you? Yeah, get loads for it though. That's so Pope. You can't put your toe on eBay. Why not? I've cut it off, haven't you? Yeah, get loads for it, though. I'm a sore pope. You would get loads for it. Yeah. What else could you get him to bless? A microwave.

Yeah. Had a good one, eh? Oh, but then, so you get a microwave and you put any bread in it and it automatically makes it Jesus' body. Yeah, how about that? Or he could bless the ping of a microwave. So the only time that you get an actual blessing

is if you cook something yeah so ping and that's holy food then better bless that where would we stand

do you think on going on ebay and just like saying that's been blessed well let's not do it on ebay let's do it on our website

could do come on the forum e-ray e-ray is nice that's a good idea actually because I was thinking I want to

auction my Deal or No Deal t-shirt. Yeah. Is it blessed? Noel Edmonds has touched it. Well there you go that is blessed then. I used to wear a t-shirt

it's embroidered with the Deal or No Deal thing it's like only the crew have them. Yeah. So it's a really proper rare item. I'd love it mate. I just don't want it. Get it on there.

Extra, extra, extra, extra, extra large. I would imagine. I'm blessed. It's a big one like. Get it on E-Ray. Put it on E-Ray? Yeah. Alright I'll pop it on E- Extra, extra, extra, extra, extra large. I would imagine. I'm blessed. It's a big one, like. Get it on E-Ray. Put it on E-Ray? Yeah. All right, I'll put it on E-Ray on the forum, right?

And just start putting your bids in. I've got a reserve in mind. Yeah. But please bear in mind it's been blessed. Yeah, and also a blessed Gammerian guard head. Oh, I want to keep it. All right, Gonzo puppet, get rid of that. Why have you come to my house and started auctioning things off?

I'm alright. I'm quite happy with it as it is at the moment. You just get rid of some of the shit mate. I'll get rid of

some of the shit. Go on. Holy shit. What time is it? I just checked my watch. Ten to five. Podcast watch. Oh the hands just landed on time for Ed? I just checked my watch. Ten to five. My podcast watch.

Oh, the hand's just landed on Time for Ed's Amazing Deaths. Oh, cool. Yep. Yep, like the section. Right, do you? Yeah, looking forward to it. Oh, I feel that it might lose some of the amusing conflict. Why?

No, I like it. I mean, why would you design a section so I don't like it? No, it would just be fun that way. I don't want to do it anymore. Seems like you just don't want to upset me, don't you? No, I'm not. Right, here we go don't want to do it anymore. You just don't want to upset me, are you? No, I'm not. Right, here we go. You know in Starbucks in Wollongarden City, when we go in there and sit on the balcony, there's often girls, isn't there, underneath it, on the ground floor, like teenage girls, young teens maybe, but they're all lesbians

and that. They're all doing kissing and that, aren't they? Loads of girls kiss each other underneath Starbucks, like trolls. Under a bridge, but they're underneath Starbucks and they're teenage lesbians. Yeah. So I'm just saying, I'm just trying to do my bit for the Wellingarden City Tourist Board. You can have a look at it. Don't sit in the Starbucks balcony, you get to see some teenage lesbians. We strongly suspect they're not legal.

Yeah, so don't. Because we went down the escalator one day, didn't we? To check them out. And subtly walked past them. And it was like. Yeah, so don't. Because we went down the escalator one day, didn't we? To check them out. And subtly walked past them. And it was at our children. Leave it. Go on. Right, I've been raiding the forums.

Oh, so you're still doing it with listener-generated content? They are. They're coming up with some absolute belters. Do you know what I'm finding increasingly alarming? What? That our fans appear to have all had a murder in the family. A lot of them have, yeah. Yeah, a lot of them are related to a murderer.

Yeah, they are. Now, what's that? I think either they're making things up. Plausible. Or they're all of a certain mental level. Right. That has come about due to their sort of torrid family history. Right.

The only people who can enjoy this are people with very, very dark pasts. Okay. If you know what I mean. I do know what you mean. I'm worried about that's who we're attracting, though. Well, we can't help it.

That's just who we are. We attract relatives of murderers. Yeah, the way we talk is obviously in a certain rhythm. That Derek Bird, what, done the shooting

in Cumbria? Yeah. His, um, dad was, like, mates with my grandad. Really? Yeah. Well, there you go.

So you know a murderer as well. Well, I don't really. Although apparently I've been in the same room as him. Right. My grandma worked with one of the 7-7 bombers. Worked how? Just sort of building the bombs. Right.

I see. Right. That's different now. Probably shouldn't have said that. They told me last Christmas to keep that under my hat. Is that when he put them? Yeah. This is me.

I suppose it would see you off straight away. No, she taught at a school when he was a teacher as well. Oh, he was a teacher, was he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And then blew himself up on the tube. Blew himself up on the tube, yeah. What a dick.

Yeah, can't believe he was a teacher. As if it wasn't bad enough. Yeah. He was a teacher as well. Yeah, you're right. They're quite horrible things, really, but just very funny. But I suppose it depends how you read them, doesn't it? Yeah, I was going to read them quite funny.

All right. Tim on the forum. Tim's great-grandad was attacked by a mole and died later of mole-related injuries. A mole as in a little creature mole? I guess so. Not as in like Cindy Crawford's face. No, no. I was meaning like a mole like a soldier.

Oh, no. I think... Oh, because it's a mole. He was attacked by... Meets a mole by the bridge. An undercover agent from LOLO. Yeah, that's what I mean. Is it that?

No, I got... From what I got from it, he was attacked by a mole. Right. Like the animal. Yeah. And died later of mole-related injuries. Yeah. That was his great-grandad.

Yeah, his great-grandad should have been able to fight a mole off. Just knock his glasses off. Now, you've got Wind in the Willows, haven't you? You're going Wind in the Willows. Mole from Wind in the Willows. Yeah, I don't think it was that. I think it was... Go on to the next one.

No, I thought mole-related injuries. Yeah. Do you think that was because of the injuries, or do you think the mole had bit him, and he had taken on the characteristics of a mole? Right, like a were-mole. Yeah, a were-mole. Dug a tunnel in the night, and the tunnel had collapsed, and technically that's still dying from mole-related injuries.

It is. If the mole was radioactive. Yeah, oh, it's radioactive now, is it? Yeah, that's why he took on the characteristics of it. Right, okay. I think all of that is bollocks. What, you think the death's bollocks? I think, yeah, probably.

Well, I'd be disappointed if you're lying, Tim, and everyone else. What, is it rabies or something? Just like an infection? No, mole-related injuries. That should be germs from an animal. Yeah. Well, just put that. Well, that's not amazing, though, is it?

No. It's not as amazing as radioactive moles. No, it's not. And he hasn't mentioned radioactive moles. That was you. Yeah, but... So it? No. It's not as amazing as radioactive moles. No it's not. And he hasn't mentioned radioactive moles. That was you. Yeah but So it's not. I completely agree with you.

What Tim has written isn't amazing. Which begs the question why you wrote it down in your book and tried to pass it off as an amazing death today. Right.

A predator said that his great uncle died when he was trying to write a novel got frustrated and then tried to and ate uncle died when he was trying to write a novel. Right. Got frustrated and then tried to, and ate the paper that he was writing on and choked. Olly Fool said that...

You can't just skate over that. I got writer's block. I didn't want to eat the book. That's such, that's bollocks. How would they know that? Why would they lie? To try and get on the podcast. I was going to say, as if you think we're that fucking stupid but one of us

clearly is. Ollie Fool. Ollie Fool. Yeah. This is a little side note to a death. It's sort of an amazing death. I think this is definitely real.

So this week we're doing Ed's sort of amazing death. His grandparents sent his 90 year old great aunt flowers for her birthday saying instead of

to dear Eleanor to dead Eleanor. They misspelt it by accident. Right, and she died. To that mighty old woman. Well, that's what I've put.

It doesn't say that. But I think then the shock of the flowers killed her and they used the flowers for the funeral. She thought she was a ghost. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was like, oh no, and then she died because of that. Yeah. And then the grandparents didn't have to send any other flowers

to the funeral because they already had one saying to dead Eleanor. Yeah, well, who was doing that? Well, Ollie Fool. Sorry, Ollie, Ed has killed your grandma.

He was deciding on this story. Great Aunt, or whoever it was. Well, he's killed your grandma as well. Another Ollie, Ollie wrapped a Rushton. Grandad used to beat his mum when she was young and then his grandma left his grandad so he threw himself in front of a train. That's amazing, that. I mean, you read these out,

then you put your book down and look at me like an expectant puppy. You just stare at me like... I don't know what you want me to say to that. His granddad was broken-hearted and committed suicide. Yeah, but he's evil. We set up earlier that he's evil because he used to beat his mum when she was younger. But what's that got to do with it? Well, I think that's just setting up that he's a villain

and he's gone under a train, so we should all be happy that he's dead. How do we know beat his mum when she was younger. But what's that got to do with it? Well, I think that's just setting up that he's a villain and he's gone under a train, so we should all be happy that he's dead. How do we know that his mum wasn't acting up? How do we know that his mum didn't have a knife? Yeah. And was threatening? See, Ollie's giving it all. Oh, me grandad this, me grandad that.

Bad mouthing him. What, Ollie? What if your mum had a knife to your eye? And that's why your grandad beat her up. That was the reason. And that's why he went under the train. Yeah. Maybe he went under the train because he thought,

I can't keep defending Ollie. I'm going to kill myself. So, out of all them four that I've done, what is your most amazing one? What makes you think that the three before Ollie, I've even recalled in my head? Right, I'll give you a quick one now. No, please don't.

Mole. Eating paper. Yeah, that one. Dead Eleanor'll give you a quick one now. No, please don't. Mole. Eating paper. Yeah, that one. Dead Eleanor Flowers Granddad Suicide Trap. Right. What are we doing? You've got to pick

your most amazing one and then that will go into the final in ten podcast time and we'll get people to vote on the most amazing deaths. Right, so I've got to

choose a winner out of this for this week. Yeah. Next week I've got a different idea for amazing deaths. Right. But we'll come to that

next week. But for this week I'm going to say the eating the paper one because I think it is genuinely bollocks Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble all music by the Tiger Lilies

except for the last one which is performed by Frank Seidlisson. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk See you next week.