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Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
What are you doing?
I'm having a caramel biscuit.
Yeah, I'll translate. You're having a caramel biscuit.
Yeah, I'm getting it out of my pocket.
Do you really think people want to put their headphones on and the first thing they hear is you munching
and talking with your mouth open like a rude boy?
I'm not being a rude boy.
I'm being a rude breakfast owner.
Yeah, I know you're having your caramel biscuit breakfast,
but you're also being a rude boy gobbling down the microphone.
Well, I'm Ed Gamble.
No, you're Ray Peacock.
Oh.
I'm Ed Gamble with nothing in his mouth
because he's had his Alpen already.
You did.
But you had Alpen this morning, didn't you?
Yeah, Alpen for my breakfast.
I'll tell you what the problem with caramel biscuits is.
What?
They're not good breakfast food.
They sort of glue your mouth together.
Right, and we've got to start recording now.
Well, we have started recording.
We've already started.
Which is why you can hear this bit.
It's already a thing.
Yeah.
It's already an issue, isn't it?
This is out there in the universe now.
Yeah.
You eating a caramel biscuit.
Yeah, people now know I've had one.
Yeah.
I can't. No hiding from that now. No, people now know I've had one. Yeah. I can't,
no hiding from that now.
No, and you've got
the packet open
next to your legs.
Well, that won't cause
any problems, will it?
Right, so now you're
ruffling cellophane
and munching on caramel.
I'll have one more.
Right, one more
for the whole recording,
all right?
What?
One more.
No, don't eat it now.
I've not.
Eat it in the break
between the sections.
I've just had a bit of that.
No, what? Now you're reading the...
Eat treat-wise.
You're eating the packet.
Get to know your GVAs.
Calories per biscuit. 70 calories per biscuit.
How many can I have?
I'm allowed...
How many calories am I allowed?
I don't know. Is it like 2,500 for a man?
How many are allowed of those in a day?
I think I'm allowed this whole packet.
Right, but if you don't have anything else.
Two, four, six, seven.
There's only eight biscuits in it.
Right.
So I can eat these eight biscuits
and still be fined
over your sushi later.
Yeah.
Right, pop them down now.
Let's do the podcast.
All right.
All right then.
Right, what have you got to say for yourself?
Caramel nibbles, hang on.
You've got caramel nibbles?
Whoa!
You've got the whole caramel range.
Right, let's see how much these are.
Each quarter bag contains 215 calories.
So I think I'm still coming in under.
Right, okay, but then you're coming in just under and all you've eaten is caramel and
chocolate.
No, there's some biscuit in the biscuits.
Oh yeah, sorry.
You're on one.
No, I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side.
I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. But then you're coming in just under, and all you've eaten is caramel and chocolate.
No, there's some biscuit in the biscuits.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
You've got one?
No, I don't. I'm all right, actually.
Can you do your day better?
Yeah, I've had my album.
I'll probably be allowed to have your ones in as well.
Yeah, you can have my ones, right.
But please don't ruffle packaging.
Why?
People have turned... I bet there's at least 25 people who've turned off now.
Do you think?
Because they've gone, what if someone's not listened to this before and they've gone,
I've heard very good things about the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Yeah.
I'll just put that on.
Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Oh, hello.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
See, I think that noise you made then was worse than any noise I've made so far.
Yeah, but like I say, they've turned off already,
so they're not going to be sticking around. No, they've probably listened to it.
And you've got to remember remember when you do a podcast,
you are being honoured
and being invited
into people's ears.
Yeah, which you've
then taken that honour
and munched it
right back in their faces.
Yeah, it's not an honour,
is it?
No.
It's not an honour at all.
You're getting it for free.
Yeah.
If I choose
to spend the next
half an hour
eating,
right, you'd be fucking grateful with that. Alright then, Cheers. We'll spend the next half an hour eating. Right?
You'd be fucking grateful with that.
All right, then.
Well, I will have a full roast dinner in the next section.
All right, then.
Get it out of the oven.
Welcome to the show.
You can't have a go at me.
What?
Saying that I'm making a noise.
If you're going to be like that all the way through the show with your clothes over your face.
Well, you just did a fart.
Oh, excuse me for being a human being.
No, what you've done so far...
Oh, sorry, sorry, God.
Sorry, God, you were wrong designing the human body that way.
Because Ed doesn't like some of its functions.
No, all I'm saying is you've turned up to this today...
Oh, sorry, God, you're wrong.
You've turned up today, right?
All you've done is shove your face with caramel products
and then guff everywhere.
Right, stop trying to bring me down.
I'm not trying to bring you down.
I'm just saying that I don't particularly want to sit
in your little gas chamber of a day.
Stop trying to cuss me.
Stop trying to make me feel...
Stop trying to elevate yourself in the listeners' ears.
That's what I'm trying to say. I'm not stupid. That's what I'm trying to say.
I'm not stupid.
That's what I'm trying to say.
There are things about you that are wrong.
I'm not saying it's wrong that you fart.
There are things about you that are wrong.
That is a normal thing.
Don't give me all that.
Don't give me all that about,
oh, Ray did a fart like a normal human.
Oh, Ray is eating food.
Who invented that?
Oh, sorry God, you're wrong about that as
well. Making a human want food to keep going and reproduce and keep the human race alive.
You're wrong about that because Ed has decided he don't want that.
Right. He don't want to sit near it when it's happening.
There are things about you that are wrong. Right.
Like not even meant to be happening.
About you.
Like what?
Diabetes.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, at least my body is working normal.
Put the food in the mouth, do the trump of gas out of the anus.
You're walking around going, put the food in the mouth.
No, malfunction, malfunction.
No, can't deal with that.
Don't put the food in the mouth, we can't deal with that.
Malfunction.
Have a bit of lettuce. We can't have Malfunction. Have a bit of lettuce.
We can't have a caramel biscuit.
Have a bit of lettuce.
Malfunction, malfunction,
because your body's all wrong.
Your body's all wrong.
Your pancreas isn't working properly.
Right.
Well, your kidneys don't work properly.
Yes, they do now.
They don't?
Yeah, they do.
They do for a bit,
and then you'll be like,
oh, I need to get in a big ambulance.
Oh, dear, my poor old back.
You're like an old man.
You shouldn't be eating caramel's biscuit.
You should be having a Werther's biscuit,
you stupid old man.
Sometimes you have a spot.
Sometimes you have a spot on your face.
It comes out on your cheek.
And everyone looks at it.
But no one says nothing.
They're all going, oh God, look at that.
He has got a spot on his face on the telly.
You have had a spot before. Yeah.
I know, when I was 12. No.
13, I mean. No, the
other day. I didn't. Yeah, you did
and no one told you. But it was
the size of your whole forehead.
Just before you went to bed and you were on the
webcam with everyone. Oh. And they all saw it, everyone in the world, and then you went to bed, and you were on the webcam with everyone.
Oh.
And they all saw it, everyone in the world,
and then you went to sleep and it popped on your pillow.
Right.
Well, I've been not telling you this.
To spare your feelings.
What?
You have got an ump.
You have got an ump on your back,
and you've not noticed it because it's behind you.
No one is saying anything.
Everyone is getting quiet, and they're not noticed it because it's behind you. Nobody's saying anything. Everyone's getting quiet.
And they're going, look at that bloke there.
He must only be in his mid or early twenties or something.
And look, he has got an ump like an old lady
or Yoda. Right. He has got
an ump. What a disgrace. It is all
full of warts.
Right, listen to me now.
Now, I'm sorry, but because you brought up the ump,
I'm going to have to bring this up. You know that third eye on your shoulder? Yes. That is not supposed to me now. Now, I'm sorry, but because you brought up the ump, I'm going to have to bring this up.
You know that third eye on your shoulder?
Yes.
That is not supposed to be there.
Yes, it is.
It's for looking around the corner without my face being shown.
No, it's not.
No one else has it.
You have that because it was your twin got absorbed into your body
and it's just an eye there.
And if we cut a little hole for his mouth,
we'd probably go, get me out of this stupid fat back!
Right. He keeps fighting and it
drifts up into my internal nose.
I've got something to tell you.
I do want to tell you
that me and all your
friends and family have to do for you.
We all
have to have special mirrors
so that when you come round our house, you can't
see that you're green. Right? I've said it now. There's this section ruined. It's alright.
All of those friends of that, you have to tell them you're green and it looks stupid.
Prick.
What do you think I was in a previous life?
I think I was a soldier.
Do you?
Yeah.
Why do you think you're a soldier?
I don't know, I just like playing battles.
You like playing battles?
Yeah, I'm like computers and that. Right, but then if you're a soldier you probably don't know, I just like playing battles. You like playing battles? Yeah, I'm like computers and that.
Right, but then if you're a soldier you probably wouldn't have liked battles. Actually, thinking about it
I might have been a car. Why? Because you
like driving? I like driving games as well.
It's one of the
two, isn't it? I think I was
a block that was
falling and had to squeeze into a little space.
Yeah, it was Tetris. Yeah, and then when I got
in there, obviously I died because it made me
and all my friends disappear on the top line.
Yeah, I think I was a lemming.
I think I was a worm with a bomb.
I think I was a snake.
I think I was a blue hedgehog.
I think I was a Pac-Man.
I think I was Italian plumber's brother. I think I was a Pac-Man. I think I was Italian Plumber's brother.
I think I was Italian Plumber.
That would be what it was.
Yeah.
So it finally got to the bottom of that one.
So, when's Molly's funeral the other day?
Yeah.
Heartbreaking affair.
Yeah.
Not very nice.
Headlined it there.
Did you?
Yeah, I was the headline act.
Well done, mate.
I was the last one up.
Yeah.
To do a speech. Who's MC? Some vicar. Why did he get that? I don't know. I think it's. Did you? Yeah, I was the headline act. Well done, mate. I was the last one up. Yeah. To do a speech.
Who was MC?
Some vicar.
Why did he get that?
I don't know.
I think it's because he had a frock on.
Giving it all Jesus.
Was he?
Yeah.
Typical.
I went and put the record straight when I got up.
One of the things that happened at the funeral, though,
because I went to university with Molly,
and one of the people I went to university with,
my friend John,
I used to be in a sketch group with.
It was me, John John and Rob Rouse.
We were in a thing called Big and Daft.
Very, very popular.
Did three Edinburgh's.
Big sellout shows and that.
Stopped doing it.
We are clangers, took it over.
So I saw John for the first time in like seven or eight years.
And it was quite odd.
Is the old magic still there?
Well, yeah.
I think when you've been working closely with someone
and then you start working closely,
it's a bit like a divorce.
Yeah.
You know, you can't sort of hang around each other anymore
because you might end up fucking again.
So we just basically just self-imposed,
just got away from each other.
We were like busy mates and that.
Yeah.
So it's nice to see him again.
It was odd.
But he was telling me,
I've not got very good recollection of stuff.
Yeah.
I think because I've got probably Alzheimer's
and my hair's falling out
yeah you are going bald mate
I know my hair's falling out
at a rapid pace
from down the middle
yeah
I would like that
leave it to happen
what
so I want that
bloke out of the grumble weeds
yeah
yeah
Mick Miller
I want to see you
with a Mick Miller
no
bald on the top
all down there
and then get
get a really long bit
from the right of it
and comb it all the way over
okay I want a vicious comb over no I'm the right of it and comb it all the way over okay
I want a vicious comb over
no I'm going to shave it
and be like Bruce Willis
I'm going to be like
Bruce Willis
that's what I'll end up
probably looking like
I'm not sure that
Bruce Willis is just a shave
I will look
like Bruce
Willis is
you'll have to get rid
of your beard
no I'm not
no
and your belly
and your short
right
so if I want to look like Bruce Willis I've got to get rid of my beard my hair my belly and your short right so if one of them
had Bruce Willis
I'd better get rid of
my beard
my hair
my belly and my short
and then I will be
Bruce Willis
alright well do that then
do that then
find me a short diet
but John was
John was reminding me
of when we went
our final tour
yeah
because basically
I left Big and Daft
at the Brighton Comedia
this mentioned
for another week running
yeah
at the Brighton Comedia backstage I just another week running yeah at the Brighton Comedia
backstage I just went
do you know what
I don't want to do this anymore
oh really
I fucking hate it
I hate this
I hate all of it
and we stopped doing it
but we had the rest
of the tour to go
yeah
so
oh that's good timing
from you
well it just
it had to happen
there and then
why didn't you do it
at the end
because I was angry
on the night
but yeah
so I left
that is like having
a big anniversary dinner
with someone
and all your family
are there
and the starters
have just arrived
and you go
I don't love you anymore
listen I'm behind that
well anyway
I said that's me done
I don't want to do it anymore
and we completed the tour
but the rest of the tour
was really good fun
because of that
because we'd split up
it was like right
we'll just have a real laugh
for the rest of the tour
and it is our final tour
these are our final shows
but it was such a we'll just have a real laugh for the rest of the tour and it is our final tour these are our final shows but it was such a
we did
the last show in England
was Hen and Chicken
in Bristol
which I don't really like
and it didn't really
go very well there
so that was our
last England show
we were like
oh that's a bit
of an anticlimax
let's make sure
the Scotland show
is going really well
so we went up there
we did the Gilded Balloon
the bit that's now
burnt down
the studio theatre
complete sell out
ripped the shit out of it it was amazing have been our last gig yeah but it wasn't
we went on to another place right we went to paisley yeah and then we went to uh carnegie
hall done firmly right right so it's what happened at paisley we got there did a gig and it was a
library right but it was officially a theatre.
Yeah.
It had like a big room at the back of it.
Right.
There was a theatre.
So we went in to do the gig.
Now, Big and Daft,
it had a lot of blackouts in it
and a lot of lighting cues.
So lighting cues and sound cues.
Yeah.
So we had this quite elaborate script
that we gave to the in-house techie.
We didn't have a techie with us.
We gave it to the in-house techie,
person in charge of the lights and stuff,
and said, right, there you go.
Everything's highlighted, all the cues and that just follow the script
we'll occasionally go off scripts well quite a lot of scripts but we will come back to the point
yeah so if if you find a bit we've that we've not done yeah you're like this isn't in the script
yeah just stay there yeah and we'll come back to it eventually that line will happen yeah and he's
like okay fine he's like no no bother lads i'm you know i'm very experienced there's no problem so it was it was a an hour and 20 show right no interval yeah right
straight through so we started the show uh the first cue was fine yeah like the beginning bit
where you press play yeah and put the lights on yeah fine yeah no problems at all yeah and that
was the last time he got it right right
there were blackouts
in the middle of the scenes
there was music
not coming up
there was like
quick cues
there was one bit
where John went
stop
and I went
hammer time
and then we did
the entire MC Hammerdown
right okay
no hammer time
came on
so if you say
stop hammer time
and then nothing happens
it's a bit sort of
like awkward
so as it
John said to me,
he was reminding me,
he said,
as it went on,
the show,
he could see me get,
we were all getting angry.
Yeah.
But he said he could see me
getting angrier and angrier
and angrier.
And he says,
he remembers me going over
to the lighting desk
at one point
and shouting in the man's face
and saying,
look,
it is written there.
Right?
And then apparently I just turned to the audience and went,
do you know what?
We're having an interval.
We had an interval, right?
Yeah.
We just put an interval in it.
And then it was coming back to me,
and I was like, okay, I remember that,
because I remember them shouting at me in the interval.
Yeah.
And him getting all upset.
Yeah.
And he was going, honestly, he went,
lads, I've been doing this for 20 years.
I've been a lighting and sound
man for 20 years
and I've never
made one mistake
in 20 years
nothing's gone wrong
I blew someone up
once
he was a roadie
for like Deep Purple
or something like that
blew someone up
anyway we went
look this second
half now there is
one cue
you've only got to
get one cue right
and we got the script out.
And what it was, was at the end of the show,
John used to go off and bring back three cigarette packets,
silk cup packets, right?
And then we'd open them one by,
John would open his, Rob would open his one,
and I'd open my one.
Now, at that time, silk cup used to have a golden paper in it
that you pulled out.
Yeah, yeah.
It's now, I think it's silver now on silk cup.
So them two opened it and pulled out silver ones.
Right.
And I was like, ah! And then I opened open mine and it was golden ticket right and then what
happens when I do that yeah the golden ticket music from Willy Wonka of course
it does yeah we do a big dance routine yeah I've got a golden ticket yeah
always really funny so we're saying so that's a cue right that's all you gotta
do when you see a golden ticket when the the golden ticket music on. When Ian, that's me,
when Ian pulls the golden ticket out,
put the golden ticket...
That's your only cue, right?
So we're going through the show,
and it's going fine because there's no cues.
Come the time for the golden ticket,
they come out.
John opens his silver ticket out.
Rob opens his silver ticket out.
I open mine.
As I open mine,
all three of us turn to the lighting desk
and did a really slow nod
right at him.
And he did a blackout.
It was fucking unbelievable.
That's amazing.
And Johnson,
all you heard in the dark
was me go,
for fuck's sake.
So that was our
ultimate one
and then the last one
was Carnegie Hall.
Doug Fennel was like,
okay, well that's really cool.
We've been going for like
four or five years.
We go out on a hike,
Carnegie Hall,
turn up at the gig,
in we go,
into Carnegie Hall,
massive auditorium,
huge,
I'm like,
oh, this is beautiful,
this is going to be amazing.
We're stood in the theatre
and the bloke
showed us around and went,
yeah, it's a lovely theatre,
isn't it?
We went, yeah,
it's so nice.
He went,
you're performing in the cafe?
They're in a cafe, 30 people.
End of an era.
I know you're pretty desperate for an update about my mum and dad.
Yeah, I am, actually.
Great one the other day.
Yeah.
I was telling my dad that I've been doing material about him on stage.
Oh, did he not know?
No, he's going mental about it.
Going, oh, right, so apparently you lost all this money when I was ill,
cancelling all these gigs and that, and driving up and down.
But you're making money now off me.
I'm like, yeah, that's how I recoup it. I now tell the stories. It's my way of getting that money back. Well down but you're making money now off me I'm like yeah that's how I recoup it I now tell the stories
it's my way of getting
that money back
well you're not
making money off him
you're not calling up
gigs and going
will you book me
for a gig
and they go no
well I do material
about my dad
right you're in
five million pounds
get back in here
but there was also
a moment where I saw
my dad go
I bet I could give
him loads of material
and he started
telling me stories
and they were all
just rubbish
as soon as you're
trying
yeah yeah yeah
but my mum
saved one of them
because my dad
went yeah
well I'll tell you
another thing that
used to happen
when I was at work
when I was younger
all the apprentices
used to give them
half day
on pancake day
and that was it
and I went right
and I was going
I don't know what
that means I don't know what that means.
I don't know what, right.
And then I could see him thinking, going, I better put something else in this.
He used to nick the shoes.
He used to nick the shoes, though.
And I was going, I've got so many questions like this.
And I went, first, what's the correlation between pancake day and half day?
Right.
And why only the apprentices at the work?
Yeah.
It's just something they did every year, but they used to nick the shoes.
And I went, and why did they nick the shoes?
And my mum went, with a straight face and serious,
she went, probably to stop a mention in pancake races.
Better get a wriggle on here.
Yeah.
We're in got a time.
Yeah, got a posh meeting, haven't we?
Yeah, 20 minutes time, we've got to leave this house.
Yeah.
Posh meeting.
Yeah.
In London.
We're going to a restaurant, aren't we?
You're going to sit there and then I'm going to come in and pretend we don't know each other
and then have sex in the toilet.
That's going to be my autograph first.
In front of people so they're wondering who I am.
Yeah.
You've got to meet me about some live shows and then we've got some filming tomorrow.
Yeah, we do.
Happy slapping.
Yeah.
But this meeting today about the live shows. Yeah. Probably just tell them when the live shows are now, can't some filming tomorrow? Yeah we do. Happy slapping. Yeah. But this meeting
today about the live
shows.
Yeah.
Probably just tell
them when the live
shows are now can't
we?
Yeah February and
March.
They're the ones that
are confirmed at the
moment.
Yeah.
I hope there'll be
more than that.
Yeah definitely mate.
But we're doing a
run of a work in
progress show.
Yeah.
Called Peacock and
Gamble's Emergency
Broadcast and that
starts on the 24th
February.
Yeah.
Next year.
King's Place London.
Yeah.
Our favourite venue.
Another one the
24th of March.
Which is the next month. Yeah. A month later. Yeah. And it'll be different. It will be. We won't come to Place, London. Yeah. Our favourite venue. Another one on the 24th of March. Which is the next month.
Yeah, a month later.
Yeah.
And it'll be different.
It will be.
We want you to come to all of them.
Yeah.
We want to get a cult going.
Yeah, definitely.
A proper night.
Yeah.
And if you don't come,
we're stopping the podcast.
Simple as that.
And another thing,
all these people as well,
people going,
oh, well,
I hope there'll be some up north.
Oh, I hope they're not all
going to just be in London.
It's like, fuck off. Right? I hope there'll be some up north. Oh, I hope they're not all going to just be in London. I hope it's like, fuck off.
Right?
I hope that some of you who have listened to this for years and years,
for fucking free, that we do at great expense every week,
I lose two days a week to this for no money.
You lose a day a week and pay money to come and travel up here.
Yeah, but I would do that anyway to see you.
I know you would, I know you would.
And they're going, well, I hope I don't have to incur
any expenses to come and see you
do your stupid comedy. Come and do it
in my living room.
No, you book a ticket and come to
us for once in your life.
That's about right, isn't it?
It does sometimes make me
genuinely angry.
Amazing.
See, that's your amazing death.
Amazing.
I don't know what's happening.
I don't even know what's happening.
Rozelle, the godfather of noise.
Amazing.
Amazing death.
I would argue that that, as a jingle or as an intro thing,
is maybe slightly too long.
Right, okay.
As a sting, that's too long.
Okay.
Bring it down to maybe one of them.
Okay.
But certainly not
the whole thing
I think it needs
the normal music
then amazing
then kick in with
some drums
no I found it
tedious and monotonous
and then a Ra's al
reference
in fairness
that does fit
nicely with the
section
alright
which is also
what sort of
upbeat
tedious and monotonous
oh
so let's say
you're amazing
deaths that you've
just copied off
the forum
well no
because we can
chat about
someone the other day went on the forum and went Ed no, because we can chat about... Someone the other day
went on the forum
and went,
Ed's Amazing Deaths is rubbish
because they just use it from here.
Right.
From the forums,
that's why it's rubbish.
Right.
And they're right, really.
Well, we can chat about it.
I mean, I don't know
how I feel about fans
coming on slagging us off
on our own forums.
Yeah.
But, you know,
they were right.
It is a rubbish section.
Go on, do it.
Read them out.
You stupid prick.
Who?
Sorry.
Who is a prick?
You are a prick. Why am I a prick? Can't be a prick just repeating something someone else has said. Yeah, no, it. Read them out. Fuck you, stupid prick. Who? Sorry. Who is a prick? You are a prick.
Can't be a prick just repeating something someone else has said.
No, you said it was boring. It is boring.
Right, Foch said... Who?
Foch. Foch? Yeah, it's not my
name. Don't have a go at me. I'm not his dad.
Are you going to whine your way through this section?
Foch said that his great uncle on his dad's side
fell into a pig pen at feeding time
and the pigs ate him. Right, this is absolute
shit. What? That's nonsense. That's ate him. Right, this is absolute shit.
What?
That's nonsense.
That's Hannibal.
No.
That didn't happen.
It's in... Do you know what?
Isn't it a bit weird
that we come up with a section,
that we,
Peacock and Dumble,
come up with a section...
Um, we.
All right, all right.
Ed comes up with a section.
Thank you.
Ed's Amazing Deaths on our podcast.
Yeah.
And then, weirdly,
our audience,
by complete,
complete coincidence... Yeah....have, weirdly, our audience, by complete, complete coincidence,
Yeah.
have all had amazing deaths
in their family.
It's almost like
they're making them up.
Well, I think that
his great uncle was wearing
like a Lady Gaga meat dress.
Right.
And that's why he got eaten
so quickly.
But is he not made of meat anyway?
That's a...
If you fell into...
That's a pretty,
pretty broad accusation
to be chucking about
about people's family.
No.
Oh, you're made of meat.
You don't need to be.
You're made of meat.
You've got olives for eyes, you'll be saying that.
You don't need to be wearing a meat outfit for something that's carnivorous to eat you.
You're already made of meat.
I don't even know if pigs eat meat.
I don't know if they do either.
No.
They probably do.
I think they do.
Well, that's the first amazing death.
Well, it's not, is it?
I Love Busters said that his grandad won a trips to Italy on the programme Eurotrash.
Hang on.
No, he didn't.
No, he didn't.
He did.
He said he did.
No, he didn't.
Right.
First off, I don't even remember him having trips to Italy competitions.
I remember them having competitions.
I genuinely remember them having competitions.
Why was his grandad watching Eurotrash?
He watched it by accident, he said.
He won it by accident.
How'd you win it by accident?
And don't...
Let's not start going, why was his grandad watching Eurotrash? Because there'll
be some... Masturbating. Yeah, he was just masturbating.
Yeah. Waiting for the funny bit to finish. Yeah.
So he could have a masturbate on the naked ladies.
Well, right, okay. Or naked men are on
that as well. So, yeah, stupid gay
grandad. Yeah, big gay grandad.
Having a wank over a boy.
So he won a trip to Italy on Eurotrash. He got to
meet Lola Ferrari. Okay. And he had a
heart attack. The late, the late Lola Ferrari. Yeah, he had a heart attack and died. Right He got to meet Lola Ferrari. Okay. And he had a heart attack. The late Lola Ferrari.
Yeah, he had a heart attack and died.
Right.
Because he met Lola Ferrari.
I reckon that would have been on the news.
I reckon that would have been reported in newspapers and stuff.
Right.
To be honest, he said he met Lola Ferrari, had a massive heart attack and died.
So it didn't say he had a heart attack because of Lola Ferrari.
There were 20 years in between.
Yeah, exactly.
That's what I mean.
That could have happened.
Lola Ferrari had an heart architect, didn't she?
I can't remember.
I know it was somebody with her boobs.
Her tit exploded on a plane once.
Was that her?
I think it was her.
I thought that was the other one.
The other woman.
She was ridiculous.
She was ridiculous,
but a very troubled lady from all accounts.
Yeah, why?
Could never get near a writing desk.
I think what happened with Lola Ferrari
is I think she had a pen pal in Spain
who all from a childhood had written to each other. I think what happened with Lella Ferrari is I think she had a pen pal in Spain.
Who all over her childhood did written to each other.
And that's what really kept her.
Kept her going, kept her level-headed, kept her as well.
And then one day she's like, I might have these boobs made bigger.
Yeah.
Made them a bit bigger.
Tell you what, I want them bigger again.
Yeah.
Made them a bit bigger again.
I tell you what, I want to have these made even bigger than that, right?
Made them bigger again.
She's not even thinking all the time.
Yeah. She's looking in mirrors and it's like, they look normal.
Yeah.
Because it was one of the special Ed mirrors that I'd left in Italy by accident.
Yeah.
So she's looking at it and she can't even see that they're any bigger.
She's getting made bigger and bigger.
Yeah.
And then one day she went to write to her pen pal.
Yeah.
Couldn't reach her hand to the desk.
Couldn't write the letter.
Buster's in the way.
Died of sadness.
Spiralled into depression.
Yeah.
Met an old pervert. letter. Buster's in the way. Died of sadness. Spiralled into depression. Yeah. Met an old pervert.
I love Buster's
as a grandma.
Who'd won a competition
in England
watching Eurotrash.
Old pervert turned up
was groping her in that
and getting his knob out
and rubbing it
against her thigh
and she's going
I can't live like this.
And she's awake.
I think she may have
committed suicide.
Oh really?
Yeah.
I'm not sure. I don't think she did. No. I think she just did committed suicide oh really yeah I don't I'm not sure
I don't think she did
no
I think she just did
her back in
yeah
so you're saying
that Lola Ferrari died
when she killed herself
because she couldn't
because her bangers
got in the way
of her letter to Pedro
yeah
pretty much
that's the story
that I'm coming up with
right
Cochise
yeah
I don't know how
you say that either
no I'm just going
to say Cochise
he brought up
the man from Segway
how do you know it's a man the man from Segway, you know.
I thought it was a man.
The man from Segway.
I don't know, he's a he.
Oh, alright.
Cochise, they brought up the man from Segway.
Yeah.
Who died, did you hear about this?
No.
The man who... What's Segway?
Segway are those little sort of upright two-wheeled things
that you stand on and they've got like handlebars.
Walking machines.
Like walking machines.
Yeah, they walk you. They don't walk you because they're wheels. Yeah, but they walk you on a wheel. got like handlebars. Walking machines. Like walking machines. Yeah, they walk you.
They don't walk you
because they're wheels.
Yeah, but they walk you
on a wheel.
Right.
I know what they are.
Go on, I've seen them on the film.
This was a week ago,
two weeks ago maybe
as we're recording now.
The bloke in Arrested Development
had one.
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
The man who owned
the Segway company
died and he drove
a Segway off a cliff.
Shut up.
Yeah.
Deliberately?
No, by accident.
Break fail?
Possibly, yeah, I don't know. He just went off the edge of a cliff. That is amazing. Does that really happen? Yeah, by accident. Break fail? Possibly, yeah. I don't know.
He just went off the
edge of a cliff.
That is amazing.
Does that really happen?
Yeah.
You'd be pissed off,
wouldn't you?
And it wasn't a suicide?
No.
Definitely not.
Apparently not, no.
You'd be pissed off.
Well, why was he?
You'd be pissed off.
I mean...
Killed by your own invention.
Do you know what?
You'd be pissed off
no matter how you're killed.
Yeah, no, but I mean,
there's an irony there,
isn't there?
Yeah, I know,
but you'd be equally pissed off.
Yeah.
You would be equally pissed off,
right, if a brick just hit you and you died. Right, yeah, but... You'd still be pissed off. But you'd be more pissed off you would be equally pissed off right if a Brit just
hit you and you
died
right yeah
but you'd be
more pissed off
no you wouldn't
if you ran a
Brit company
no you wouldn't
if you ran a
Brit company
you wouldn't
you'd be as
pissed off
right
no I think
you'd be more
pissed off
no I think
at the moment
of death
it's not
expected to
happen
that's about
as pissed off
as you can get
no I think
I think Levi
Roots would be
more pissed off
if he drowned in
reggae reggae sauce.
I see, right, yeah.
Rather than if he got
hit by a bus.
But if the bus had an advert
for reggae reggae sauce on it,
that'd be a bit annoying,
but not as annoying
as drowning in
reggae reggae sauce.
Although it is
so nice to eat
that you'd eat your way
out of it, I reckon.
Right, well,
how about
one of our listeners
is bound to know
Levi Roots?
What?
How is that a sentence that makes sense to you? One of our listeners is bound to know Levi Roots. What? How is that a sentence that makes sense to you?
One of our listeners is bound to know Levi Roots.
I thought they'd contact him.
If you've got contact details, we'll contact Levi Roots
and find out definitively whether he would be more annoyed
being hit by a brick or drowning in Reggae Reggae Sauce.
It's more possible that he drowned in Reggae Reggae Sauce
because he used to make it in a bath.
Yeah?
Yeah, before he went on the den. Drowned in the den. Used to make it in a bath. Yeah. Yeah. Before he went on the den.
Dragon's Den.
Used to brew it in a bath.
Yeah.
It's so nice to eat.
It's an amazing story.
Reggae Reggae Sauce.
Is that genuinely
the end of your amazing death?
No, no.
We've got another one,
I think,
but that was just my point
about, I think,
Reggae Reggae Sauce.
Yeah.
Jack Rebel said
he heard about a man
who choked to death
on a pew
but he couldn't
find the article.
Right.
I think Jack Rebel
is the one that's... I think Jack Rebel's the one that's...
I think Jack Rebel
is on his Broke Our Internet.
Yeah,
someone's Broke Our Website.
He's Broke Our Website
and I think it's Jack Rebel.
Right.
I think when he said,
oh,
post pictures up.
Yeah.
And I don't know
why he said that.
Yeah.
Why has he said,
hey,
here's what I'm going to do,
post pictures up
in this bit.
What for?
I can't believe our forum
is now a scrapbook.
For Jack Rebel, he wants his own
computer scrapbook.
If you want to look at pictures that are already
hosted on the internet, just go and fucking look
on them sites. Don't bring all your viruses
onto our sites. Do drawings.
Yeah, by all means, have a scrapbook at home.
You could do drawings and put them up.
Like fan art. We won't get any of that.
Fan art, like Tony Art's
picture corner. I know we asked for it last year, didn't we? For the live show. We've got loads then. I. Fan art. Like Tony Art's picture corner.
And then we asked for it last year, didn't we, for the live show?
Yeah. We got loads then.
I think, no, but I mean like actual drawings.
It started getting tedious though, didn't it?
Yeah.
It started just being our heads.
Yeah.
Just basically cut and pasted onto a fatter body.
That pretty much became what they all were.
Yeah.
All right, then we'll do some fan art.
We're out of time on this.
Yeah, like drawings and glitter
and potato print
we've got to get a meeting
alright alright
well that was Ed's
Amazing Deaths
very good
24th of February
24th of March
there are live shows
that are in so far
I don't know if tickets
are on sale yet
but they'll be on sale
soon on the
Kings Place website
so come down and
see them if you want
it's a different show
it's not the podcast
live
no
there'll be elements
obviously because
it'll be us
yeah well two fat blokes
on the stage
not really knowing
what they're doing.
And we will talk to
each other.
Oh yeah that element
would be there.
Definitely be a bit
like that.
Probably another
murder mystery as
well.
Yeah.
I mean it'd probably
be the same as the
last podcast live
show by the time
February comes around
and we go still
haven't written this
have we not?
Still not written it.
We'll tell you a bit
more about it next
week but we've got
to go go go to
the meeting.
Alright go go go
go.
Bye bye get
going go.
Bye bye.
The Cook and Gamble podcast was devised
and performed
by Ray Peacock
and Ed Gamble
all music
by the Tiger Lilies
except for the last one
which is performed
by Frank Seidhausen
the Peacock and Gamble
podcast is a ready
production hosted
by Chortle.co.uk
see you next week