The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 55

Episode Date: February 16, 2020

"Episode 55" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 56 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Ah! Have you come? Yeah, I've just come. Just come in my pants, I was so excited about the podcast starting. Right, I thought it was quite loud. Yeah, welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast, I'm Ray Peacock. Oh, have you just come, Ed? Yeah. Oh, yeah oh that's ed gamble over there he's just coming on yeah oh sorry everyone so horny these days yeah no i'm always coming all over the shop how horny have you been

this week oh mate one to ten oh 59 69 69 and the lady sucking and licking we were driving back from Cardiff last night we were genuinely considering stopping at the services and wanking yeah

not each other off oh no not together not like at each other no that could have been fun that is a good new game isn't it good duel

two men face each other wanking yeah and the first one to come hits the other one like paintball and the other one is out but they've also

you've got to make a big deal out of it. Yeah. When it hits you, you've got to fall over and stuff. Oh! Oh! Ah! So what? Brilliant game.

Send us photos of you doing that. And the thing is, the first person to come would hit the man, and the other man would then not be able to carry on, because it would just go whoop. Yeah. Finished. Finished now. See, the thing is, though, mine sometimes doesn't go whoop.

Does it not? Not when another man comes on you. Sometimes when another man comes on me, mine goes whoop. No, sometimes, because you know

that when you're finished, that's the end of that. Yeah. Sometimes for me it's not. Not always though. I'm not saying, hey, I can go all night, baby. Yeah.

I'm just saying that sometimes it just won't give up. It just doesn't pack in. Yeah. It's like going, no, no, that was just a warning shot. I can still do it.

It's a plucky little member. Yeah, I mean, yeah, little, you're right. But plucky. Yeah.

Plucky and little. What would you rather have? Big and reluctant or little and plucky? Little and plucky. I would go little and plucky every time. Every single time.

Yeah. So that's a bit of personal news. About me. To start off the podcast. Do you want to give some personal stuff? What about you, Ed? I'm alright. I mean, I think we've talked about that we wanted to have a wanker at the service station.

Yeah, it was. But we were genuinely considering it. Yeah. And it was just a couple of guys. Just two men in a little car. Been out all day. Driving down the M4. And then suddenly we both wanted a wank at the service station

suddenly I think it came from the gig it came from the gig yeah we were at the gig I think we were getting all orny at the gig and I don't know why

yeah and then we did the gig and then there was all podcast fans there and it was like get out of the way we are all orny yeah we want to get

in our little car just two men in a little car it's nice to meet you and that. Here's the autographs. There we go, we'll sign Raji's battle card. Which would be just fun. Two knobs all over it.

Oh, kiss the pretty girls and that. Here's the autographs. Come on. Come on, get out of the way. Get out of the way, we are well already here now. Squeezing a car and think about our knobs. Drive to the service, leave Delamere and get one, knock one out. So if you ever come to any of our gigs

please bear in mind even though we are very pleased to meet you and we will spend time with you quite happily that's not a problem at all but do bear in mind though that we are

really ideally on our way for a wank welcome to the show I'll tell you the reason we were horny yesterday. What, mate? That thing I bought.

What thing? Well, I walked past a shop and I saw a red watch in the window. You did, yeah. And I thought, I'll tell you what, I need a new watch for stage. That's not why we were horny, though. No, that wasn't it, but this is part of it. I thought, I need a new watch for stage, because the one I'm wearing at the moment,

I wore on the donkey derby at Blackpool Pleasure Beach. I didn't realise you were still wearing that one. Yeah, but it's fine it works yeah quite a clear watch you can see it on stage I wore it on telly though when I did

Russell's 10 years did you that's quite nice which you're doing yeah you're doing it a bit aren't you we'll see if they put it on we'll see if they put it on

I hope not because I don't like that I don't like that I've been going all that long time and then I was on it and you've been going a short time and you're on it

a month later yeah but it didn't exist when you started going yeah well I'm gonna I'm the warm upup for that show. Yeah, I know. Right, I'm going to ruin it. I'm going to ruin it, mate. I'm going to go and tell them that I'll say,

we've got a lovely show tonight. I am Ray O'Warmer. I'm going to do a cheer because they all know me and like me. I'm going to be in Russell in a minute. I'll do a cheer because they all like him as well. But I'll tell you what, right, because it's near Christmas, they'll all join in with us. There's a paedophile escaped. Hang on,

why? Because it's Christmas, they'll all join in? Because of pantomime. Right. There's a paedophile murder right now. If you see anyone come on this stage, right? Bit podge. Looks like he's had his hair done under duress. Start talking about sexy sessions and shit, right right I want you to

I want you to all shout out I want you to all shout out boo him and that right anyway I got a red watch

that I then used on stage last night couldn't see a thing useless literally couldn't see the face of it not quite used at all that

but it looks nice yeah but as we were leaving that shop I saw a metal thing like a whisk yeah and you went

oh try this, mate. Yeah. These are brilliant. Yeah. And it was an head massager. An Indian head massager. Yeah. And you'd done it on me.

Yeah. I nearly, like, came there and then. I've never felt anything like it. And we came in doing it. I bought it for four quid. Yeah. And we came in doing it all day yesterday. And how confusing was that?

Yeah, it was confusing, mate. Because we weren't doing it on ourselves. We were doing it to each other. Yeah, like closing our eyes and getting all goosebumps. Yeah, putting our arms out and saying, look at them goosebumps. Just two blokes in a little car. Yeah.

Just a couple of guys just feeling horny on the way back with an Indian head. Two guys, no interest whatsoever in kissing each other. Just get each other horny, have a bit of a flirt. Nothing wrong with that, so I think it was that. Yeah. I think it was that. I like it though,

but it doesn't feel the same when I do it to myself. I was doing it to myself in bed last night. Oh yeah. It just doesn't feel the same, and then he shouted you through. I was going to say,

come on, hey, come on, off that sofa you. Come and whisk me head. Every man's got to have a campaign and a cause gotta have a quest really yeah haven't you you've gotta have a quest a quest mate in your life i think you're thinking about like sci-fi and no not in any way shape or form i'm saying that every man in the world has gotta have a quest right what's your quest well it was tesco for a while. Yeah. And I can feel another Tesco-esque...

Oh, brilliant. ...campaign coming on. Brilliant. So we have to sit through you half being funny and then half wavering into horrible anger again. Yeah, meaning it. Yeah. I still get angry when people mention going to Tesco.

Yeah. Fans of ours. Makes me really, really cross. Right. Still does. People aren't going to change their shopping habits because you got a bit annoyed one day. Not just because of me.

They should do it because of the way they treat lots of people. Yeah. If I went, oh, come this shop. Oh, yeah, I know it's local to you. Come this shop. Yeah, all right. Who owns it? Dr. Death.

Aral Shipman. Yeah, would you go there? Oh, but this... No, I'd speak to someone about it. But the sprouts are cheap. Yeah, well, if the sprouts are cheap... All right, he's killing old women, but the sprouts are cheap. He is dead, you know. Good. And he's not still killing old women, but the sprouts are cheap. He is dead, you know, and he's not

still killing old women. But the point of the matter is, though, Tesco are still shitting on people. Right.

So you should be boycotting them. That's the problem. People are far too easy to go, oh, but it's a bit convenient, isn't it?

You're as bad as them. Yeah. So I got a parking fine. Oh. And I think it's been unreasonable.

What did you do? I think it's illegal as well. Right. Basically, I parked. I didn't even park. So you parked, tick, right. No, I didn't park. Here's what I did. I was up

north doing some gigs and stuff. And I went to meet my friend Anna. Right. Who lives over on the Wirral. Right. Picked Anna up from her house. We're going to go for McDonald's. Yeah. So went McDonald's. Dirty. Yeah, took her for McDonald's. Yeah. Went out of the McDonald's to the car park.

Yeah. Sat in the car park having a, oh, had sex. Got it right, yeah, if you parted up with a bird. Yeah, if you parted up with a bird outside McDonald's.

Parted up with a bird outside McDonald's in the car, all dark and that. Yeah, but quick and before your apple pie goes cold. Yeah, don't order Rudy's, don't you?

So, did a bit of Rudy stuff. Yeah. Probably, I can't remember now. Yeah, but I think you probably have done a Rudy outside McDonald's. I've probably done a bit of Rudy stuff. Probably. I can't remember now. Yeah, but I think you've probably done a Rudy outside McDonald's. I've probably done a Rudy.

Actually, knowing you, you would have eaten your McDonald's. Well, we had our McDonald's afterwards. So I was left behind an hour and a half, an hour and a forties, something like that. Right. We were there just chatting and stuff. Yeah. And then when I got home back here, a few days later, fine. Right.

Cut you on camera, parked up. Right. In a retail park, illegally. In a car parking space. In a car parking space, fine. Cut you on camera. Parked up. In a retail park. Illegally. In a car parking space. In a car parking space at the McDonald's. Was it a free parking? I've no idea. I've got absolutely no idea. It was like 11 o'clock at night. So I don't know. And I think it's extortion. I think they are running a racket

with McDonald's as the bait. Because you can't get to that McDonald's without going through that car parking. Were there like 300 fat men sat in cars all eating McDonald's and they're getting like 90 grand out of that one night? Yeah, totally. I've got a thing. It was from Highview Parking Limited who are registered to a PO Box 599. Right, okay. Which a bit of investigating on the internet. Yeah. Shit loads of people registered to that. Really? All different names of parking places. Okay.

Said it was a 75 quid fine but they pay it straight away it's 50. Right. So already they're trying to go pay it now. Yeah, quickly, quickly, quickly before you think about it.

Pay it now. I mean I've not paid it and nor am I going to. No. It's simply not going to happen. Have you appealed or have you spoken to them? I appealed.

I got a standard letter back today. Right. Saying no. So have they explained why it's illegal? I said, no. They said, your vehicle was recorded parked on our client's private property at Rock Retail

Park, Birkenhead, CH41. Right. From 9.45pm to 11.43pm on the 27th of the 9th, 2010. And remained on site for one hour, 58 minutes. Right. But was it at the McDonald's car park? It was outside the McDonald's. Right. Went to McDonald's, drove out with the drive-thru, into the retail part of it, and parked there. So I don't think it's an official McDonald's car park it was outside the mcdonald's right went to mcdonald's drove out of the drive-thru yeah into the retail part of it yeah so there's an official mcdonald's car park yeah mcdonald's

is in that reason and it was open right and i ate it yeah so they got stuff from dvla who apparently a bit more this is another frightening thing for your listener dvla right if somebody just sets a parking firm right they can access your information on dvla really so if i put a sign in my window yeah saying can't park outside this house yeah or you get a 50 pound fine yeah and then somebody does do it i can get the information dvla and dvla won't get what they say we can't do anything about it all right so how does data protection protect that doesn't so i think that should be illegal as well yeah i mean this is all stuff i'm going to mention in court yeah are you definitely going to court me? I am absolutely not,

categorically not paying it. Right, okay. If they take me to court, we'll go to court. Yeah. I don't think they'll take me to court. But if they do, then we will do that.

Yeah. I mean, I did write quite a sarcastic letter. Okay. Even when I wrote the letter and printed it out, I thought, they're not going to let me off this.

Given the tone of this letter. Yeah. What did you write? Do you know what? I didn't even say, dear sir. I muddled them. I was that angry. I didn't even say, Dear Sir. Or Madam. I was that angry.

I received your PCN, parking control notice, I think that is, from the above date and was confounded, to say the least. Firstly, I was not parked at the location.

I did not leave my vehicle unattended at any point. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. So I wasn't parked there. Well, you were parked there. I wasn't parked.

To park, you've got to get out of the car. No, because if you say, I'm going to park, pulled into a parking space. In letter of the law, if you pulled into a parking space, Just park your car, you've got. I wasn't parked. To park, you've got to get out of the car. No, because if you say, I'm going to park, pulled into a parking space. In letter of the law, if you pulled into a parking space, to park your car,

you've got to. I'm talking about linguistically. If you pulled into a car parking space, parked up, and we sat there, you turned the engine off, and I go, oh,

you parked that well, mate. You go, I've not, I'm not out of the car yet. So you could do the perfect park into a space and go, that was difficult,

right? I've parked, I've not parked yet though. I'm in,? I've parked, I've not parked yet though. I'm in, I'm in, but I've not parked yet. And then you could get out of the car and trip over

and I go, that was terrible parking you've done. Right, what about if I go into space, right? Yeah. And you go,

oh, brilliant parking. And I go, oh, cheers mate, open my door and there's a wall there. Yeah,

well, you've still parked it. I've not parked it. You've just operated badly as a human. I've not parked it. If anything, I've trapped it. So I didn't leave the car, that's important. You just operated badly as a human. I'm not part of it. If anything, I've trapped it.

So I didn't leave the car. That's important. Anyway, should I do a letter? As the McDonald's was open for business, it is quite reasonable to assume that no law or trespass has occurred. Right. If it has, then I suggest you prosecute McDonald's for operating a business on private property.

After ordering and paying for food there, I parked outside the McDonald's to consume the food and then returned home to find I had been fined for this. I was very upset because my disabled son Fraser was sat in the living room and I needed some money for having a new head put on him. He lost his old head in a fire or a mousetrap or something. He's not even meant to eat cheese. So I don't know what he was rooting about in Nerf War. Or fire.

Honestly, parking man. Sometimes I think he brings it on himself. I have enclosed some of Fraser's fingers in case you think I was lying. If you put them in the right order, they say, up yours. I didn't put any of that. No. That was me improvising. Yeah, I know, it was good good it's really nice a little treaty phrase a letter for a little

minute imagine right i'm worried now yeah imagine if their client is mcdonald's right yeah and mcdonald's are ending up fining you for parking their car park and buying their food so then under your rules you would then have to boycott mcdonald's yeah i don't know if you're going to manage that i'm still boycotting McDonald's at London Coney. Yeah, you're boycotting one branch of McDonald's. At London Coney. Boycott London Coney McDonald's. There's one closer to your house.

They never wrote back to my complaint. There is one closer, yeah. But London Coney McDonald's is quite convenient because that's where I sometimes come off the M25 there. Yeah. And I used to just nip in there. Yeah. See the yellow M25.

I know, mate. You're a right martyr. Now every time you come off the M25, you can't have a Big Mac. You're like Jesus. And Now, every time you come off the M25, you can't have a Big Mac. You're like Jesus. And also, when I was there, by the way, when I was parked up, a security car came into the thing,

parked right up close to us, looked at us, and then drove off again. Well, they should have said something. Yeah, didn't say a word to me. I said all this in my letter. When they wrote back, they went, nope, still pay it.

I'm showing them my questions. Well, there must be some sort of law in terms of signage. Was it... I didn't see a sign yeah i'm not saying there wasn't one there there probably is one there yeah i didn't have to be lit if it's night and the car park's open might have even been lit i've got no idea right i wasn't really expecting it because the mcdonald's was open yeah i was expecting it to be illegal to be in there yeah and secondly if you don't get out my car yeah then chances are i can't see the sign anyway yeah it's up on a lamp post or something yeah yeah and obviously you obviously you had sauce all over your face.

And also I was eating a big mug. And also I've seen you at McDonald's. You rub your whole face in. You've got this tray in your car. You pour it all out on the tray. And then you put your face in and you go, McDonald's! So how do they expect you to see the sign

if you're going McDonald's in a tray of chips? I don't want to write a novel out of it. I want to say, hang on mate. How would I you to see the sign if you're going McDonald's in a tray of chips? I don't want to write another letter. I want to say, hang on, mate. How would I expect to see a sign? If one, I'm eating McDonald's, two, I'm getting wanked off by a girl, and three, I'm in my car. And I'm not even looking anyway.

I'm not even part top. I think you should do the scientific diagram of your eyeline. I'll say categorically, by the way, because Anna will be listening to this going, what the PC? She didn't wank me off at any point. No. At no point was I'll say categorically, by the way, because Anna will be listening to this going, what did he say? She didn't want me off at any point. No.

At no point was I wanted to have a buy Anna a nickel. Yeah, mouth. Yeah, all mouth, mate. Mouth blank. We didn't do nothing like that. All right. Nothing. If we did, I would go online

and look at the pictures because they apparently got pictures. I've not been in lots of them. All right. I find that creepy. Well, that might, if you go and look at that picture, that might, you know,

wake you up and just go sort of, look at me. That might be the moment. It's 11 o'clock at night. I'm sat in a retail car park, stuffing my face with McDonald's. Come on, Ray, sort it out. Pretty girl next to me. All I'm doing is looking in a box with meat in it.

I bet there's a picture of her going, like halfway through, going, Oi, as your hand is in her chips. I'll say it for the record categorically again. At no point did I put my hand in Anna's chips. I'm going to part it up. I'm just not going to play it. So this is my public note now, because we're not going to waste any more ink on them either. So Highview Parking for PO Box 599, Borehamwood, Harts, WD6, 4ZL.

Yeah. Take me to court. What, are they in Hertfordshire? Well, that's where the PO Box is. Oh, right, okay. I'm also not sending money unsolicited to a PO Box. Yeah. I'm not 80.

I'm not 80 and widowed. I'm not falling for that. I bet they do this quite a lot, because I think they assume that if people are parked up in that car park late at night, there is something dodgy going on. Don't know good. Yeah, I'm an a for that I bet they do this quite a lot because I think they assume that if people are parked up in that car park late at night there is something

dodgy going on so they take photos so they don't they say oh pay that quickly £50 because people often don't

want to get found out that they're doing it maybe I'll write back and say I don't care if your wife knows you think you've caught me with a woman

you've not I meant be vegetarian. Well, I have to say, you are being... We don't have wells, we have taps. That is the least witty thing you have ever said. We don't have wells, we have taps nowadays. Right, tap. I have to say, you were being particularly mischievous yesterday on the way to Cardiff. Oh, pack it in. No, you can't. I'mievous yesterday on the way to Cardiff. Oh, pack it in.

No, you can't. I'm not going to pack it in, no. Why? Because you were being misbehavy. Oh, excuse me for entertaining myself on a drive. I suppose you would have me there, just sat in the driving seat all concentrating. Well, I worry in the morning. If it was up to you, this is interesting, isn't it, listener?

If it was up to Ed, he'd have me in my car going, ooh, mirror signal manoeuvre. Ooh, concentrate on what you're doing. Ooh, stick to the speed limit. Yeah, I would. Ooh, stop dancing while you're driving. Yeah, dancing while driving is not a good idea. Stay within the white lines.

Get me safely to my journey. That's what Ed would be wanting us to all do. Well, I was immediately terrified in the morning. Do you know why? Because you're dull. I'm not dull. I was immediately terrified in the morning do you know why because you're dull I'm not dull I'm very exciting thank you very much you're a bit vibrant

aren't you thank you I was worried in the morning immediately because usually you'll come through in the morning

and be like alright come on let's go here we go I'm a bit tired but we'll build up to having some fun you run through

in your knickers they're not knickers they're shorts yeah they're knickers the way they look on you mate yeah I cut my they're, yeah, they're, in fairness, I cut my balls and penis with them. Do you? Yeah, that's why they look like they're, like they're briefs, but they're not, they are actually shorts. Right, okay,

well, you shove them right up into your cracks. Yeah, I hear you, I hear you. Right, you run through singing, I'm Hans Christian Andersen. I don't even know what. Andersen, that's me. I don't even know what that song is. It's a film, Hans Christian Andersen. Danny Kaye played it. A really famous song. I'm Hans Christian Andersen. Right. No matter how famous it is. I'm Hans Christian Andersen. Anderson, that's me.

No matter how famous it is, you running through in your knickers. Really shouting it. Singing that. Really shouting. I thought, this day is going to go down. It can only go downhill in terms of energy. Well, I'm going to explain to you why it happened.

Right. I can tell you now the technical reasons for it. It can only go downhill in terms of energy. Well, I'm going to explain to you why it happened. Right. I can tell you now the technical reasons for it. Right. And the logistics of it. Okay. Too tired. Right. I was in bed, literally too tired.

It took so much hard work for me to do that. To get out of bed. No, for me to sing that song. Right. But it was the only way the day was going to start. Okay. I had to go, right, come on. Yeah.

Come on, get up, come on. Well, you did that. Inchworm, inchworm. Inchworm. Yeah, that's from Hans Christian on yeah come on get up come on well you did that inchworm inchworm inchworm yeah that's from Hans Christian Andersen right

one and one is two two and two is four four and four is sixteen eight four and four

is eight sixteen and sixteen are thirty two four and four is eight no you keep singing that four and four inch eight. Sixteen and sixteen are thirty-two. Four and four is eight. No, you keep singing that. Four and four is eight. Inch one.

Sixteen and sixteen is thirty-two. The marigolds. Thirty-two and thirty-two is sixty-four. That's what they're doing. That's how it works. No, you stop now. Stop now. Sixty-four is a hundred and twenty-eight.

Your maths is very good. Well, that's from Alice Christian as well. So we hopped in the car. And also, the king is in the altogether and altogether is altogether is altogether is... Shut up! ...naked as the day that he was born. Emperor's New Clothes did it with a king. Same story, Hans Christian Andersen told stories to all the children. He was a latter day paedophile. I think you're getting mixed up. A paedophile isn't someone who tells stories to children.

I bet they do. They tell stories for a different end. Well maybe that's what Hans Christian Andersen was up to. All paedophile stories have an unhappy ending. Not all of them. Some of them end up getting married. No, they don't. I think they do. Charlie Chaplin. Really? Jeremy Lewis. Yeah. Fatty Arbuckle. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not confident about Charlie Chaplin. Right. Jeremy Lewis Jerry Lee Lewis. Jerry Lee Lewis. Married his cousin or something, didn't he?

Yeah, 13 was she or something. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. That ended with a happy ending. Nice theatre. Might not have notched about, actually. I don't know. I've no idea what happened in that.

Yeah. But the point was, I was too tired. We immediately got in the car. Yeah. And you're like, I've got to go and get a coffee. And whacked on the Sesame Street album at full volume. I mean, C is for Cookie. Good night, my C is for Cookie. Good, I'm a C is for Cookie.

Good enough for me. C is for Cookie. Good enough for me. Again, this has turned into a section of you singing. I don't want to do that. Some people would find this adorable. Some people would, yeah. Yeah, some people would get, do you know what?

People of equivalent or lower level of mental health. Nonsense. People that like a little bit of fun and they go, do you know what? They'll say, bloody loved it, you. A grown man drove to Cardiff to do a comedy gig and on the way there listened to Sesame Street. They're a bloody lover.

They'd certainly look over, laugh, and then return to licking the window. Right. There's nothing wrong with me. See, he is for cookie. Yeah, and then a little bit of road rage, isn't wrong with me. C is for cookie. Yeah, and then a little bit of

road rage, wasn't it? C is for cookie. You're right, man. C is for cookie.

Yeah. I can't dispute that as a fact. Yeah, I know. And if you want to learn the saxophone, you've got to put down

the ducky. Think about it. You loved it when I was dancing to that. No, I didn't because your hands were off

the fucking wheel. You don't need your hands on the wheel if it's a straight road. You're moving your feet. There are pedals there. You don't need your hands on a wheel if it's a straight road. You're moving your feet.

There are pedals there. Yeah, I know. I'm learning that. Yeah. The road rage, I know there was. Yeah, you had Rubber Ducky on. Rubber Ducky playing full volume and turning around to a bloke and going, Prick!

I hear what you're saying. I totally hear what you're saying. What is essentially a complex man. Imagine if he'd cut you up, stopped your car, come to your window to beat you up, and he heard Rubber Ducky playing full volume. It might have diffused the situation. Actually, it would have done. You keep doing that. Yeah.

I am a complex, you know, odd. We got to the toll booth in Cardiff. Interesting individual. We got to the toll booth, not in Cardiff, in Wales, the bit where you have to pay for getting to Wales. Yeah. And you said, can we go in and check and see if we like it before we pay? Always do that.

Always do things like that. Always. I once tried to pay for it with a G4 picture. Told you that Wales. Yeah. And you said, can we go in and check and see if we like it before we go? Always do that. Always do things like that. Always. I once tried to pay for it with a G4 picture. Told you that before. Yeah. I once, I'll say things like,

can I go and just check and see if my friends are in there? Like it's a nightclub. Or say, am I allowed in there with these trainers? Yeah.

And still to this day, I have never paid full price. Yeah. I've never paid full price on that time. Well, no, there's a... Because they just give up. They have never paid full price. Yeah. I've never paid full price on that time. Well, no, there's a... Because they just give up. There's no special needs discount.

I'm going to surprise you now. Oh, yeah. Yep. I've closed my eyes. The next section is Ed's Amazing Deaths. See, look, I'm letting you do it. I'm introducing it for you. I was going to do it anyway. No, but I'm saying that's how willing I am for you to do it. Right. In fact, Netherlad. Right.

On the forum. Yeah. He done you a jingle. Has he? Yeah, made a jingle for you. Oh. Play it for you now. All right.

Amazing. Amazing. I would argue that that has a jingle or an intro thing is maybe slightly too long. How about that? That's brilliant. Yeah, I like that. I love that, mate. I like it.

That's brilliant. I like when our fans do us music. Yeah, they should do more of it. Do us some more music. Yeah, I think so. Tell you what, right? All the people that are able to do it, do us some music, and next week we'll have an all-music podcast. How about that?

We'll have a big musical extravaganza next week. What, just play songs and then not talk? No, we'll chat in between it. Alright, yeah.

Like a proper radio show. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, then we'll go hey, okay, so the time's coming up to 9.41 and here's Ray and Ed

singing Ho. And we'll do Nigel Hill's one that he made. Yeah, and we'll do Yodel Song. Yodel Song, whack that on there and

all. Yeah, and someone could do a Ray Does The Food jingle, posthumous jingle. I thought Yodel Song, whack that on there and all. Yeah, and someone could do a Ray Does A Food jingle, posthumous jingle. I thought I wasn't allowed to do

Ray Does A Food. You're not allowed to do it, but it's a posthumous jingle. I want somebody to make a song, like a music song.

A music song? Yeah, traditional. Yeah. Of all the horrible things that happen to Fraser, jump cut very fast. Right, okay.

That'd be cool. Very, very fast. Yeah, I'd like that. Over quite a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, ideally a death metal-y kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah'd be cool. Very, very fast. Yeah, I like that. Over quite a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, ideally, a death metal-y kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it could also be, I'm helping you here now, it could also be a really sweet music where we just say horrific things. A death metal-y one. Well, whichever.

Have one of each. Yeah. We've got half an hour, Phil. Yeah. Have one of each, mate. And we'll do that as well. I mean, what it will mean is that you have to sit down and go through every episode. Yeah, every single episode with Fraser in it. That would be a each, mate. And we'll do that as well. I mean, what it will mean is that you have to sit down

and go through every episode. Yeah, every single episode with Fraser in it. That would be a lot, wouldn't it? Yeah, that would be a lot of stuff to do. The first 20 or something, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to do it, do it. Hey, if you want to do it, if you do do it,

then we'll put it on. Props. Yeah. Props to you. And what's the thing you used to do on MySpace? Kudos. Kudos. Do some kudos for that yeah give you a bag of

kudos mate all right i'll hold you down consensually pull your cheeks apart i'll do you up in the bum hole right man or woman yeah right and you'll be going oh my god it's sexy i'm enjoying it what's he doing and then i'll go oh and you're going did you come and i'll go yeah then I'll go, oh! Right? And you go, did you come? And I'll go, yeah.

And then I'll go, oh, right. And then we'll finish and have a kiss and that. Then you go to the bathroom because you have got to do that unfortunately. You've got to go and fart it out,

haven't you? Oh my God. And when you're doing that, you'll be going, what on earth is this coming out? He's only gone and spunked a load of kudos

on me. And all you've got to do for that treat is make a death metal song with phrases, disabilities in it. And all these horrible deaths. So how about that? Come on, Ed's Amazing Deaths. So we've had the jingle.

Yeah, had the jingle. Is that not? That's not it, mate. No, you've got to, and I know you've not prepared anything, but you've got to do, this is what you've got to do. You've got to actually have something prepared.

If you want this section to keep running, you've got to have one This is what you've got to do. You've got to actually have something prepared. If you want the section to keep running... Right. You've got to have one. I do have something prepared. Oh, okay. I do. Right. I'll give you a choice of three.

Yeah, okay, right. Are these from the forum? No. No, these are the ones I found. You're not even bothered looking on the forum. These are the ones I found about it. Go on. Sally and the Chariot.

Yeah. Go on. Sally and the Chariot. Sally and the Chariot. Yeah, what's the and the Chariot. Sally and the Chariot. Yeah, what's the next one? Little Baby Parvitt. I love the fact that in your head you were going to go, Little Baby P, and then you thought,

I can't do that. I wasn't going to say that. I can see it in your eyes, mate. That's why it was Parvitt. You went, Little Baby Parvitt. Little Baby Parvitt. Yeah. And the...

I mean, I've already decided. And the teddy bear of justice nice okay right and uh Jimmy Carr right okay well I thought

I'd decided but I'm gonna I think this week Ed Friends Amazing Deaths can't believe there was a car out the window I'm gonna go with Jimmy Carr

because you looked out of a window and saw a car during your improvis. I'm going to go with Jimmy Carr because you looked out of a window and saw a car during your improvisation. It was going to be Jimmy or Alan. Right? So, yeah, this week's Adds Amazing Death

is Jimmy Carr. Right. Do you know Jimmy Carr? Yeah, I know, yeah. Yeah. He's died. No, he's not. Unfortunately,

it's not on the news yet. Oh, I see, it's a secret. Don't tell the family yet. No. He was doing a... He was having a picnic. Yeah, I mean, pace it up. If you know this... Yeah, no, no, I'm drawing a secret. Don't tell the family yet. No. He was doing a... He was having a picnic. Yeah, I mean, pace it up.

If you know this, then you'd be able to... No, no. I'm drawing you in. I'm drawing the listener in. You said you prepared it. Emotionally. Yeah.

I'm drawing them in. Just pace it up a little bit. So Jimmy Carl was having a picnic in Hyde Park. Go on. Go on. Right? Yeah.

He had Marmite sandwiches, Scotch eggs, orange juice, peanuts, peanut butter as well. Yeah. It was peanuts. Who was he with bananas

was he on his own no it was with Julie Goodyear Julie Goodyear who played Bette Lynch yeah

it was Julie Goodyear what was he doing with her were they mates it's a tyre Goodyear isn't it it's a tyre yeah

so I'll put the cat down that's why they hang out because he's Jimmy Carr she's Julie Goodyear and sometimes he puts four of her on his corners So that's why they hang out, because he's Jimmy Carr, she's Judy Goodyear.

And sometimes he puts four of her on his corners. So, yeah, scotch eggs. Don't worry about food, I understand that. Well, no, it's important. Oh, right. It's important later on. A jar of honey. So they're having a chat, they're getting on. They're old friends.

They like to have a catch-up, right? Yeah, what are they talking about? The old days of Corrie. Was Jimmy Carr in Coronation Street? No, but he was there, he was the runner. Jimmy Carr was the

runner on Coronation Street? Yeah, he was the runner on Coronation Street when he was 12, because I think he used to live on the set.

On Coronation Street? Yeah, in the Queen Vic. I think you're right, actually. I think I remember reading in Heat

magazine once that Jimmy Carr used to live on the Queen Vic. In the set of the Queen Vic on Coronation Street. So Judy Goodyear used to come in every morning and say, all right, Jimmy, how you doing? Because she, of course, works in the rival pub. What? She works in the rival pub, doesn't she, in the Rover's Return.

Oh, yeah, sorry, Rover's Return. She used to come in and go, hello, Jimmy, how you doing? Oh, he lived in the Rover's Return? He lived in the Rover's Return in the set, in the barrel. I mean, he couldn't have lived in the Queen Vic and they've been very crowded with Raj and her as well. So they knew each other from there.

And Wellard and all their puppies. They're just catching up on the old days. You know, just, they're playing a couple of games. They've brought Cluedo with them, Twister. And they're playing Twister.

Yeah. And Judy Goodyear is bent right over. That's normally the case. And, er, Julie Goodyear is, erm, is bent right over. Mm. That's normally, that's normally the case. And Jimmy Carr is under her, which is different

from what it normally is. Obviously, Goodyear is normally under the car. And Julie Goodyear, er, her hand slipped on one of the banana skins from the bananas they'd been eating.

But they discarded it onto the Twister board thing. Yeah, it was just the mat. It was just on the side, yeah. Her hand went whoop, like that. Yeah, gone. Knocked Jimmy, It was just on the side, yeah. A hand went whoop, like that. Yeah, gone. Knocked Jimmy, bang, straight down flat on his face.

Okay. But what he didn't realise is that the jar of honey... Literally, his face went flat into the ground. Yeah. And it made no difference. He looked exactly the same. Well, let's not take the piss, because he has died. I'm not taking the piss out of him.

Jimmy has got a flat face. Yeah, the jar of honey was under the twister mat. They'd just laid it down. They were a bit pissed because they'd been having some grape... Wine. Wine. The jar of honey's under the twister mat and his face smashes it. Okay.

Smashes it and rips a hole in the twister mat. So he's got cuts and he's got honey all in his face. So then he's like, I've got to go and get this cleaned up. So he goes to the plumber. He probably went, I've got to go and get this cleaned up. Yeah, he went like that because he had all the honey in his face, yeah. All in his face. Yep. So then he's like, I've got to go and get this cleaned up. So he goes to the pond. He probably went, I've got to go and get this cleaned up. Yeah, he went like that because he had all the honey in his face. But Julie of course knew what he was saying because she does a lot of work with special children. So he goes down to the pond.

Is there a pond at iPod? Yeah, iPod pond. You're thinking of the Diana Memorial? He goes down to the Diana Memorial pond. No, it's just a family thing. The Diana Memorial pond. Washing his face. Yeah. Washing his face. Horrible. Can't get the honey out because it's gone into the cuts Memorial Pond. No, it's just a family thing. The Diana Memorial Pond. Washing his face. Yeah.

Washing his face. Horrible. Can't get the honey out because it's gone into the cuts like a tattoo. Right. So he's like, oh, that's fine, but there's still honey inside his face. Next thing you know, load of wasps. They can smell the honey, but they can't see it. Why?

They fly inside Jimmy Carr's mouth. Right. Bite through his cheeks. Okay. And eat his face from the inside. Okay. Right? Yeah.

And then when he was driving home, he crashed into a lorry. Right, well, that's... I mean, I wish I'd picked baby pee. Right, no, it's baby parvit and teddy bear injustice. Yeah, I wish I'd picked that. But, I mean, that was a good, amazing death. Yeah.

But I don't think that Jimmy has died. Right, well, you'll see. No, he will die one day. You'll see, he'll die. I know he will. Trust me, Jimmy Carr will die. Right, well, that's a... Well, that's a fine way to end the show, Ed.

With a death threat. Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a Ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week.