The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 63

Episode Date: April 12, 2020

"Episode 63" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 64 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hello and welcome to episode 63 of the Peacock and Gamble podcast. 63, it's the musical episode. Everything's a song, from the beginning right through the end. Like they did that time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ray Peacock sitting to my right. Ed Gamble.

That's me! Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. Recording a podcast for you. Musical episode. Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hey, this must be a rap or something. I'm Ray Peacock.

And Ed Gamble. Yeah, I mean... Ed Gamble just trying to inject a bit of fun into the week. It's a lovely idea. And here comes Ray Peacock going, Oh no, music's banned. Rock and roll's banned. I'm the baddie out of We Will Rock You.

Whoever that was, Nigel Planer or something. Probably was Neil, like the young ones, wasn't it? Yeah. I'm not bandie out of We Will Rock You Whoever that was Nigel Planer or something Probably was Neil Like the young ones Wasn't it Yeah I'm not bad in music at all I've not been very well this week

So I just want a nice Low key podcast We've got a week off Low key podcast We've got a week off next week You want to be You want to be Thor's enemy Throughout the podcast

Ideally I would like to be Thor The great Norse god Is enemy Low key Thank you The prankster The prankster one.

So I'll be playing pranks. Watch out, I'm a prankster. I'll be doing all pranks in it, right? Yeah. At some point. We can't use that line, mate. Why not? I've signed a contract.

Copyrighted? Yeah. What, for when you've done your thing on Dave? Yeah. Watch out, I'm a prankster. You've signed a contract to say what? That you're not allowed to do it anywhere else? No, it's alright.

Yeah, after translation. Have you signed an exclusive deal to Dave? For six months, yeah. What, that you can't perform that material anywhere else? No, broadcast it. I'm sure we'll be fine here. And you signed that? I didn't sign it, no.

Our manager signed it. What an idiot. James, what are you thinking of signing that? That's a ridiculous contract to sign. You can't buy something for, what did he get, £150? That's what he's told me. Anyway, welcome to the show.

This is all cliquey, isn't it? Yeah. That's because Ed has filmed a thing for Dave, the channel. But on the website. Yeah, but don't, mate.

Don't do something down. I'm on telly, definitely. I'm in a film. All right, it won't, it might not be on, right, if they get it back to the office, right, and they go,

this is too good. If they get it stand up, which you've already recorded now, haven't you? Yeah. They'll get that back to the office at Dave and they'll go,

do you know what, this is too good for Porn Telly. We should make this like exclusive online content. And people will go, is it that good?

And the bloke in charge will go, yes, it is that good. And then it'll be exclusively online on Daveave online yeah i'm guessing dot com or coda uk or panini i was trying to improvise and then i thought what i'd had to eat today and i remember yeah yeah we've had a been to have a panini yeah we had a panini so that's why i said that panini panini yeah as part of the improvisation i dropped panini in there

yeah it was very good yeah i told. I dropped panini in there. Yeah, it was very good. I told you I would be doing some of my Loki pranks. Welcome to the show. Tell you what, I was screaming at something the other day, laughing. Probably won't even translate as funny. I think you'll see why this is funny. I don't think people listening to it will necessarily understand why I found this so funny. I was at Birch Services.

What are your favourites? No, no, it's not. No. It isn't, no. I stayed at the Travelodge there once. It wasn't very good. Let me get this right. Your favourite service is probably Westmoreland, is it?

Westmoreland for food. Yeah. I should, by the way, say about Travelodge, that Travelodge there at Birch, they did, however, give me a full refund. Really? I complained a lot. But anyway, Westmoreland for food, definitely,

because it's independently run. And they do the eggs, they do a tray of eggs. A tray of eggs, all in a silver tray, all shiny. All the fried eggs are all in a silver tray,

all lapping each other. And I like that as a thing. That's not my dinner. That's not my dinner at all, but that is where they get the egg from for your dinner. But anyway, I was at Birch Services.

I was at the Costa, and just to the right of me is where the food serving thing was, and there was a man being served with food, right? And a woman said, he was going to jacket potato, right? I don't know why this is so funny. She went, and it was quite a hefty lady,

she came over with a jacket potato, and he sort of looked at it, and he went, do I get stuff with it? And she went, oh, do I get stuff with it and she went oh do you want butter inside it and then mum went oh okay

and then she came back and she went do you want beans inside it as well and I think it was inside it the idea of it being inside it

yeah not on it she didn't say do you want butter on it or beans on it she said inside it it really made me laugh I was on the floor laughing I looked a bit stupid at the time I think I think you're going mental yeah put her on it or beans on it. She said inside it. It really made me laugh. I was on the floor laughing.

I looked a bit stupid at the time. I think you're going mental. Yeah. I think you're spending too long in service stations. I feel like I built that up too much. But it really did make me laugh. I can't even emphasise quite how much I was laughing and saying inside it. She probably said that all her life

when she says it to her kids and now her kids will all hear it inside it. They'll all say it for generations to come as well. So that little northern tradition is safe. Yeah. I've been ill. I have been. I know.

You gave me a cold. I didn't. I think you did. I've not had a cold. I was with you in the car. Yeah, but I've not had a cold. Oh, that's weird, isn't it? I was with you in the car and then suddenly I've got a cold.

That is a bit odd. We go to York University to do the emergency broadcast. That didn't happen. Because there wasn't a wire there. No, they didn't have the wire. For the laptop, not their fault. It wasn't their fault. We just didn't get the wire, so we just did a stand-up show.

But it was a good night. Yeah, it was safer in the long run, I think. Yeah. Because of that little dick at the front. Yeah. Can't remember his name. Dan. Smashed him, didn't we?

We absolutely tore him to shreds. Yeah. The sad thing about it was, though, he won't realise. He won't know. He was a very aggressive little man. Yeah, but he's the sort of aggressive where I think he was just really defensive, so it came across like aggression. I think he was quite awkward.

Yeah, but he attacked from the off. Me and you walked on together at the beginning. He threw a wedge, didn't he? Yeah, he threw a potato wedge, which I didn't like. You shouldn't have eaten it. No, well, I spat it out and threw it back, didn't I? I didn't like you shouldn't have eaten it no well I spat it out and threw it back didn't I I didn't like how

hard he threw it that's what bothered me there was something quite violent about the way he threw it and from that moment on his card was

marked yeah absolutely torn apart I reckon there was two hours in where one of his mates went Dan stop it

you're just making it worse for yourself it was quite a lovely moment so you probably what happened was, because you went on first and did your 45 minutes. Yeah, I was spot on.

And completely tore him apart, like meat from the bones. Yeah, and then sucked the bones for a bit. Yeah, and then, so he kept trying to pipe up during you, but then eventually shut up, I think. And when I went on, he wasn't really piping up that much, but I thought, fuck it, I'm having a go. So you, what you did was even worse. I just bullied him yeah. Yeah you went and kicked a corpse.

Horrible horrible. At least I was being defensive. You were going on there being horrible. I went on immediately and called him the ghost of a the ghost of a Victorian boy. You called him Steptoe as well. Which when you said it I went he does that? I don't know I missed that. And Ratty from Wind in the

Willows. That was a nice one as well. He was a weaselly little fucker, wasn't he? But he seemed to be, I mean, everyone seemed to like him. I think he was a bit of a character at the university. Yeah, he's like the sort of common mascot. Well, at my university, when I was at university, there was a Down syndrome girl who worked in the kitchens. There was, called Georgina.

Dan works in the kitchens, by the way. Oh yeah, of course he did, didn't he? No, she's called Georgina and she used to work in the kitchens. But she was a bit of a... She was friendly and affectionate and all that. You know how they are. Yeah. Strong, though.

Again, though, this is the thing. She could turn, literally in a heartbeat. She could go proper nasty. Yeah. Not nice, you. Really? And then walk off, yeah. What did you say to her, though?

Give us more beans, downer. Yeah. Oh, she could turn. She could just turn. I didn't say anything to her. These chips Give us more beans, downer. Yeah. Oh, she could turn. She could just turn. I didn't say anything to her. These chips are fucking shit. No, I didn't. She could just turn and say, that's rude.

She was obsessed with things being rude. She was... I think it must be something to do with the Down syndrome. She always used to say to me, you're very rude, when I would just, like, chuck the chips back at her. Just in her face. I would get the gravy ladle and just flick it right at her. Yeah, and she didn't like...

She was very obsessed with being clean. If you poured any gravy on her face... Cleanliness. It's all about cleanliness, isn't it? She'd get so angry if you threw gravy at her face. I mean, they're a lovely people. They're a lovely people, but they are very cleanliness obsessed. Yeah, very obsessed with not getting...

And manners. Manners obsessed. Yeah, manners, yeah. Oh, fuck you, Georgina. Oh, that is very rude. Yeah. You shouldn't speak like that. Yeah. That's sort of aggressive. Yeah, really, yeah. Oh, fuck you, Georgina. Oh, that is very rude. Yeah. You shouldn't speak like that. Yeah. That sort of aggressive.

Yeah, really aggressive. Aggressive speaking out here and stuff. And she always wore leggings as well. Yeah. Which I think is the uniform. She did, though. Yeah. None of this is lies.

No. Yeah, so I'm just saying that's probably what was going on with Dan at York University. Dan syndrome. Dan syndrome. They've got a Dan syndrome in the kitchen. He can cook a burger though, that lad.

I feel stupid now because I feel like my story about the inside a jacket potato didn't work. I thought it was... But it's the minutiae of life. It is.

It really, really makes me laugh sometimes. But it's a nice... But I don't think saying... Like rubbish bag. Rubbish bag. You're a rubbish bag. Yeah. That time really made me laugh.

But I don't think saying inside a jacket potato is that weird because it's a filling, isn't it? So it would go inside it. But inside it? Yeah. It would go inside it. It's a filling. No, you'd say, do you want beans on it? No, do you want beans with it?

Oh, with it then? You wouldn't say inside it? Do you want beans inside? Do you want beans on it? No, do you want beans with it? Oh, with it then? You wouldn't say inside it? Do you want beans inside? Do you want beans inside it? No. Yeah, okay, that is weird. Yeah. I went once and I went round to the chicken shop near my house, right?

Just round the corner. And a similar sort of thing really made me laugh. And this old man came in and I think he was a regular because he knew exactly what he wanted but I don't think he'd seen that person behind the till before. Okay. So he went, oh, hello, can I have a four-piece meal, please? But sometimes what they let me do is they let me take out two pieces of chicken

and let me have two ribs in case. That's really funny. Yeah. In case is really funny. Why do people not get our comedy? Why do people not understand why our comedy is funny? And the bloke obviously knew what he was on about. In cases.

He didn't go, in case of what? In cases, brilliant. How beautiful is that? I know what you lot listeners will all be thinking. Oh, I wish I knew what you look like. Yeah, probably. I would like your faces what you look like. Yeah, probably. I would like your face as if I saw them. Yeah, and pictures don't count, do they?

No, pictures don't count. Neither does a video. Yeah. So, oh, well, in that case, if you're looking for a way of seeing us... Yeah. ...in real life, then probably the best way of doing that would be to come to the Peacock and Gamble emergency broadcast. Yes, please. This week in London, King's Place.

Thursday, the 24th of March. The second one. We've not learnt it. Gamble Emergency Broadcast. Yes, please. This week in London, King's Place. Thursday the 24th of March. The second one. We've not learnt it. We didn't learn the last one. We did learn the last one. And that one went alright. Yeah, that one got away with it,

didn't it? Yeah. We'd like you to come to it. Yeah, we would. Very much so. It would help us if you'd come to it. So if you're not coming already then, you know, consider it.

Yeah. You know what? If not enough people come I'm going to kill myself and then Ray. Yeah, do you know what? I think if not enough people come, I'm going to kill myself and then race. Yeah, do you know what? I think if not enough people come, then I think we'll just drive home and then I'll just drive out into moving traffic. Right.

But you'll probably end up dying getting away with it and I will still be alive, just maimed. In a wheelchair. Yeah. Or you might get killed because you'll probably take the brunt of it because you'll be in the passenger seat. Yeah. And I'll survive it. And you'll have to live with the fact that you killed me. Well, that's alright.

But I'm more worried about the convictions. Murder it'll be, won't it? Manslaughter. Why? Because I wasn't trying to kill you. But you were. It was suicide. We were trying to kill both of us. Yeah, alright, a suicide pact. No, because how do you prove that I said yeah? I'll just say, did you say yeah? And then I'll put my hand up the back of you.

And I'll just nod your head. I'll nod your corpse head. Why am I sitting dead in the courtroom? Because I refuse to go on unless you were there. Go on? No, it's not a gig, this. I refuse to do the gig unless you were there. You know, like I do with all our other gigs. Yeah.

I always refuse to go on if you're not there. What's the number for King's Place? I can't remember. 027-520-1490. That might be it. That's my guess. But it's kingsplace.co.uk as well. You can go and. 027-520-1490. That might be it. That's my guess. Yeah, but it's kingsplace.co.uk as well you can go and get

tickets from if you're all internet savvy. Yeah. Because you should be if you're not, you're a caveman. Yeah, you big caveman. Go on the internet

if you're not a big caveman. Yeah, and even if you're Captain Caveman you still won't get on the internet, will you? Kingsplace.co.uk and you can get

tickets for the show there. 24th of March. It sold alright though. It sold fine, yeah. It sold more than we expected it to sell. Don't think you've got to bring us presents. No, you don't have to. show there. 24th of March. It sold alright though. It sold fine, yeah. It sold more than we expected it to sell. Don't think you've got to bring us presents. No, you don't have to. It'd be nice if you did.

It'd be fucking lovely if you did. Like, uh, Abbey? Yeah. Abbey brought us presents, didn't he? Oh no, I thought you meant you wanted someone to bring you a bee. Oh no, no, don't bring me a bee. No, I've got too many bees. Abbey and Chris, who came to York University, they brought us presents, didn't they?

Yeah, they did, yeah. I got some beef jerky. Yeah. Which I've eaten, thank you they? Yeah, they did, yeah. I got some beef jerky. Yeah. Which I've eaten. Thank you. Right in your mouth, yeah. Put it in my mouth and ate it. I hope you didn't have that in your fanny.

Oh, that's only just occurred to me. And also a comic book, a graphic novel. Yeah. The Umbara Academy, which I've not started reading yet because I've got a bit of a

backlog on comic books. Yeah, so have I. But I will read it in time. Yeah. It will definitely be read. So thank you. That was lovely I got some lollipops

big bag of lollipops and a really nice birthday card with Spiderman on the front yeah and I like Spiderman yeah

and I got a chlamydia test as well from them weirdest thing in the world that but we had loads anyway because our dressing room was

the student advice centre yeah so we had loads of free condoms loads of free dams for doing oral sex

yeah and loads of free on the fanny you put them on for doing oral sex. Yeah. And loads of free... On the fanny, you put them on the fanny, we found out. We thought they were for knobs. Yeah. And we're going, how do you put that over a... How does that work? It goes in a lady's mouth, I thought.

It's just cellophane you shove a bit of cellophane over a lady's fanny. Yeah, so you can view it like an aquarium. Yeah, you can see it properly. You can see what it looked like under a slide. And they couldn't possibly have known that we had too many chlamydia tests. So that wasn't their fault. Yeah, no, it wasn't at all. But yeah, they were lovely.

You've probably got an idea of what sort of present you'd like there, haven't you? Well, do you know what I'm thinking at the moment? I collect Muppet shows, stuff to do with the Muppets as well. Because people go, ooh, Star Wars, Lego, Star Wars. And to be honest with you,

I've got it all now, really. All the stuff I want. But the Muppet show stuff, Palisades was a company that made Muppet Show figures and things. Yeah. Palisades went bust.

I thought Palisades was that rumour that went round when Prince Charles was caught bombing that guard. Never proven. Was it ever disproven,

though? I don't know. He probably went, oh, I don't think I did that. I was just talking to my roses. Yeah.

Maybe that's what it was. People thought, oh, look, there's Prince Charles getting blown up from the guard. And all the time it was Alan Bennett thought, oh, look, there's Prince Charles getting a blowjob from God. And all the time, it was Alan Bennett.

But anyway, if anyone's got any Palisades Muppet toys knocking about, can I have them? All right, well, that's a good idea. It just occurs to me

that I've got thousands of people that I can just ask. Yeah. So, wait, I'll just say, oh, have you got them? Yeah. I'm particularly looking for

Link Hogthrob and Dr. Swinepork from the Pigs in Space. I think you've just gone fucking mental,. Swinepork from the Pigs in Space. I think you've just gone fucking mental, though. No, you know Pigs in Space? I know you've been ill, but you go, I'm particularly looking for Blue Blah Blah Blah, who is a sheep. No, you know Pigs in Space? Who is a sweary sheep.

You know Pigs in Space? Pigs in Space! You know Pigs in Space? Right, it was a sketch on The Muppet Show. The what? The Muppet Show. What's that? Oh, it was a sketch on The Muppet Show. The what? The Muppet Show. What's that? Oh, I might have dreamt it.

I've got the play set of Pigs in Space, of the set of it, with Miss Piggy, but I need the other two. No, you're in hospital. I can't get the other two. You don't have anything. You don't own anything. You're in hospital.

Please help me to get the other two. I need Link Hogfrog, which I think you can only get in America. And I need Dr Swinepork. I'm going to go back to sleep now for a bit. Good night. But please help me to get the Muppets Palisades things and make a dying boy's last wish come true. Come on then.

What? Come on, let's hear about it then. Hear about what? Let's hear about you being on the telly. I'm not on the telly. Let's hear about that. What? Don't worry about me. Don't worry hear about you being on the telly. I'm not on the telly. Let's hear about that. What? Don't worry about me.

Don't worry about me. I'll just sit here. I'm not on the telly. I've just... Do you know how many gigs I've had this week? How many? None. Not one.

I did York University and now I've not got another one till Friday. Yeah, but you've been ill, so it's lucky. Oh, yeah. It is lucky, isn't it? In the time I've got off, I'm ill. No, but you've not had to cancel any work. I have been doing writing. I have been writing.

I know, I've been writing as well. I've been doing writing and I've been doing... and I made a trailer. Yeah, I saw it. It's a very good trailer. Yeah, I've not put it online yet but I might.

Yeah. I might. If we get any tour dates then I might put a trailer up for our tour. I might do. Yeah. And all the time you're going, oh, I'm just going to nip off

swanning off and play with Greg Davis. Yeah, have a nice time you're going, oh, I'm just going to nip off, swanning off, play with Greg Davis. Yeah, have a nice kiss, did you, in your hotel? Yeah, kiss each other. Oh, staying in a malmaison with Greg Davis, were you? Filming Dave special.

Get about £100 and it's congestion charge covered. Mine's not going to be on the telly though, mate. You understand that. What are you going to be next? Las Vegas Comedy Festival? Is that what are you going to be next Las Vegas comedy festival is that what you're doing eh you're moving up

through the ranks aren't you you internationally acclaimed comedian it's what you are mate yeah that's what you're trying to be and all the time I'm just sat here

collecting Muppets figures oh am I right top comic me now I get all the pussy that's you I bet yeah get pussy at your hotel room do you yeah loads of it, mate.

I dare say you do as well. When you and Greg have finished having a game of Monopoly. That's what I bet you do after the show. Let's go and play. We can't go out to a normal pub because we have to do an autograph. Let's go in our hotel room and play Monopoly together and then bring all the pussy in. That's what I imagine is happening with you, Tony. It's a stupid talk.

I just went to bed, mate. Oh, you went to bed, did you? With Greg and all the pussy and the game of Monopoly. I can't believe that you went, Ben, and ended up putting it in this shoe. Or in the top hat. Put your knob up that top hat. I think your knob's just been all fixed recently. And you're treating it like

that, putting it in a brass top hat. In front of the bloke on the in-betweeners and a load of pussy and filming it all and putting it on Dave I can't believe that's what you're doing you'll have a brilliant life and you're always going about

oh our manager was there every time I speak to our manager on the phone nowadays I can tell that all he's thinking about is he's wondering if you're here all the time he's talking to me how can you tell that he's always trying to steer the conversation back round to you it's always like

oh you might have a TV warm up or something one day I'm going yeah what for you he goes um I don't know have you seen ed that conversation has literally never happened he's never and he goes oh i just wonder is is that over yours today and i go yeah he's actually going all right what's he what jeans has he got on do you know what i'm happy for you if anything i'm not bothered i'm not jealous or bitter or

anything i'm happy that you've got you've got all them new friends, so I'll just get on with my own stuff. I'm writing a book. What's your book? It's just a novel. What's it called? Batman. Batman?

Batman. And what's it about? This bloke who dresses up as a bat. Not even attempting to change it. Fights crime. Fights crime. Fights crime. Where? Gotham City.

That's the book I'm doing. Not even attempting to make a joke. Fights crime against his arch nemesis, the Joker. He's like a clown. Yeah. A lot of people find clowns scary, don't they?

Played by Eve Ledger in the book. Yeah, if you want. Eve Ledger or Jack Nicholson's 80s pick. Yeah. When you got back to your hotel after we went to York University, you had a nice little surprise in your bed, didn't you? I did. It was a lovely surprise. Because I checked into the hotel in the daytime.

Yeah. So I got both keys. I got my key, 408. Yeah. And I got yours, 412. And you went into mine didn't you i mean this sounds like he's done a shit it was nothing like that uh you'd sort of made a person didn't you it's me well it was you yeah yeah but it wasn't completely you because it

didn't put pillows down the bed pillows down the bed so it made it look like there was someone lying in the bed gave him a big knob which was two coffee cups put together yeah under the duvet yeah that was a nice touch yeah and then his face was just sticking out at the top yeah my face and he said

all come bed sexy knob sexy knob yeah come bed sexy knob all come bed sexy knob yeah and that was a lovely surprise

I thought that would be a nice bed I honestly when I walked in and saw the I just saw the end of the bed which clearly

wasn't made properly yeah I thought the cleaners haven't been in and they've just left it from the last person right and it's late

and I'm just going to have to sleep in a businessman's spunk. Yeah. But then I sort of went in. As it turned out, you just slept in a comedian's spunk. Sorry? Huh?

But it was a lovely surprise. Yeah. It was very funny. I immediately put it on Twitter. You didn't laugh though because... I didn't laugh. I secretly had followed you back down to your room. Yeah.

No laughing at all. And I was outside and I was going, oh, maybe he's gone for a wee. Maybe he's not silly yet. I reckon I stood there about three minutes. Yeah, I didn't laugh. No, I know. I enjoyed it. I thought you were really laughing loud

when you were doing the podcast. What I was really looking forward to was getting into a freshly made hotel bed because just sort of breaking the seal there is a lovely feeling when you can climb into a bed and just all mucked up. Don't bother me, that. All ruffled and it had a face on

it I'm sorry mate it's alright ruining you no I still thought it was funny you can check

out the picture on my twitter at ed gamble comedy no it's alright I won't do anything anymore no do it

no I feel like all my jokes are wrong today inside a jacket potato and nothing I did dress a little ray up

in Ed's bed nothing no that was funny I've been too ill at York bed, nothing. No, that was funny. Oh, I've been too ill. No, at York. Did you hear that then? Yeah, that was horrible.

People are really going to enjoy listening to that. That's how I've been. Yeah, at York Uni, there was a technician man who it turns out we didn't really need anyway. Woody. No, it wasn't Woody. Was he called Woody, that bloke, though? There was a bloke called Willie.

I thought he was called Willie. I don't think he was called Willie, mate. I think, because I introduced you to him. Well, he was called Willie when I don't think he was called Willie, mate. Because I introduced you to him. Well, he was called Willie when I met him, but maybe he got more excited by the time you met you. I met him first. I met him first, and I'm sure his name was Woody. I'm sure I introduced you to him as Woody.

Yeah. And then you told me afterwards his name was Willie. Yeah, but you got mixed up with other names as well, though. I didn't get mixed up. I just wanted to be absolutely certain. Right was a technician man there and he introduced himself to us as brownie yeah he was a was he a black man yeah mixed race yeah my guess would be mixed race but he was brown yeah he was yeah brown colored man yeah so he said i don't mean brown comma colored man yeah i mean he was the color brown man yeah it's a minefield isn't it a minefield

because i'd say he's a brown colored man meaning that was the color he was the colour brown man. I mean, it's a minefield. Isn't it a minefield? Because I'd say he's a brown coloured man, meaning that was the colour he was. And then people are writing in, can't say coloured, can't say... I was like, I didn't. I wasn't saying that. But he said, hello, I'm Brownie. And then he sort of went brown.

But I think that his surname's Brown. But you wanted to make sure with me. So you didn't have to go, cheers, Brownie. I wasn't sure that he was a brown man. But my name's Bradley. That would have been awful and i'd already

got william woody mixed up how can you imagine that it would have been on stage and done it i love an

accidental racist though but not if i'm on stage and went to 200 people brownie what the fuck

are you talking about turn the mics up brownie even if they didn't if that he was fine with it

because that was his name that would still be yeah because maybe they didn't know his name was Browning. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, accidental racism is one of my favourite things in the world. I was on holiday in... Is this going to offend people? No, not at all. All right. It's genuinely accidental. You were on holiday? A few years ago in Tenerife.

So I went with a big group of friends from school, and I didn't really want to go that much, because it's all like going out drinking late, and clubs, and I can't be bothered with all that you love all that no I really don't mate you're always under beers you

no I like a beer in a pub you're always under beers and then chucking shapes on the dance floor no I see it that's you mate

I see it I see it with a big with a big yellow smiley face on your t-shirt that's you all over mate happy hardcore

that's me you know I was doing that yeah well that was back when I was doing that drinking your beer with a straw back when I was doing that

right yeah gets your piss crooked doesn't it yeah put your thumb over the end of the bottle and drink it like that you're mental for that and rubbing Vicks

all over yourself and going acid with a big woolly hat on as well don't know what you wear that for it's Tenerife anyway it's boiling

and foam everywhere yeah and you take your own bubbles with a big woolly hat on as well. Don't know what you wear that for. In Tenerife, I don't know, it's boiling. And foam everywhere. You take your own bubbles. You dip your little finger in it and you blow bubbles everywhere and everyone goes, hey, have you seen the bubble guy? You're saying, I'm the bubble guy. I'm the bubble guy in a Tenerife nightclub.

You're the bubble guy at an acid house party. Sorry, mate, go on, tell your story. So we went out and one night someone decided, oh, we'll go in fancy dress, shall we? Yeah. We'll go in cartoon

like comic book characters fancy dress, right? So my friend, I won't say who it was because he might have an important job but I don't want to ruin it. He decided he would go

as Catwoman. He thought that would be quite a funny one to do, right? Now, obviously, like you said, it's warm in Tenerife. Yeah. So he thought the best way

to do things to keep himself cool was to wear like little black trunks, ears, cat ears and a cat tail and then how is he going to get the rest rest of it right paint himself black yeah right so he's going out cat woman clearly cat woman uh having a great night doing his dancing at some point during the night he loses the ears and the tail right ears and tail gone gets to about

four or five in the morning I'm like I want to go home come on mate do you want to go home he's like I think I do I'm not really enjoying it anymore

people aren't people are just being quite mean like people I don't know and I was like alright and it hadn't clicked with me yet at all we walked out

and we'll get a cab back all of the cab drivers in Tenerife are black Africans because it's quite close to Africa it's closer to Africa than anywhere else we we'll get a cab back. All of the cab drivers in Tenerife are black Africans because it's quite close to Africa. It's closer to Africa than anywhere else. We couldn't get a cab. We walked every single cab and still hadn't tweaked.

We were going, hey, mate, can we get a cab back to where we're staying? And they were all just looking at us, looking at him and shaking their heads. We had to go in a car park and I had to wash him down with a bottle of mineral water. Pissing myself laughing. Like, absolutely amazing because he's so not like that at all. He was really quite a nice, meek bloke.

Yeah. But he was just walking around Tenerife fully blacked up. But that's what I always said. That these acid house parties, they're a signal of the breakdown of society. It turns normally nice people

to go and have their acid and do all the dancing and that and it turns them into horrible people. So hopefully your friend now has learned the error of his ways and he won't go club blacktop anymore. It's horrible that it happens. You know, it's like Leah Betts.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, pop this section off now. You saw all them... Oh no, don't keep talking about Leobets. You saw all them pictures of Leobets. Oh, turn this off. Don't talk about this. You know what you don't know, though?

Them pictures of her in the bed are horrible. After she's had her ease or whatever she's had. And she's like, what they didn't show you was when she was first admitted. Big rastle-wiggle, mate. Horrible. Pop this off. You've got an iPhone,

haven't you? Yeah. iPhone? I do phone, but using my fingers. Dickhead. Dickhead, yeah. I've got an iPhone as well,

because I saw last night, I think up to the 22nd of March, Street Fighter, the app for Street Fighter on the iPhone, is only 59p. Whoa, no way. So I thought I'd do a little plug for that. All right. Now, the reason was as well, is because of all the horrible Japan thing, they're giving

all the money from it. They've lowered the price to its 59p, and they're giving all the money to the relief fund. Yeah. So I thought that's worth plugging in. Yeah, go and get that for your iPhone. It's literally all the money. I mean, not like Walker's Crisps, who'd give 5%. Yeah. So I thought that's worth plugging in. Yeah go and get that. Yeah. For your iPhone. It's literally all the money. I mean not like

Walker's Crisps who give 5%. Yeah. I mean that still probably works out a lot of money but they still keep shit loads of profit.

Oh it's a lot of money but they keep more. Yeah and they probably earn more than they normally do because it's got a comic relief name on

it. Yeah because they're advertising themselves via charity. So I'm not saying it's a completely unethical way of going about your

business. I mean obviously it would work better if it was Eggwood Jam Bottle. Yeah, it probably would, mate. Yeah. Probably would work better. Anyway, yeah, that's Street Fighter. So don't anyone say I've not done my bit.

Yeah. Well, you have, mate, yeah. Just done it just now. You're a proper Bob Geldof, aren't you? Do you know what? I am just like Bob Geldof. And I don't know if I would be ashamed of my daughter either. Would you be ashamed of your daughter either. Would you be ashamed

of your daughter? That's a good question, isn't it? In the UK, there's a programme called OMG just come out with Peaches Geldof

and his Bobcats. Why are you suddenly acting like we've got loads of international fans? We've got shit loads of international fans. Over here in the UK, you guys over in...

What's wrong with that? Because you've never said that before. I'm trying to do this I'm an international I'm an international comedy star right

so I'm trying my very best to up it a little bit alright so don't be pulling me up when I'm being professional alright I'm sorry so on these shores

in the UK Peaches Geldof who's the daughter of Bob Geldof who is a tireless charity worker and sometime pop star yeah after Boomtown Rats he doesn't like Mondays does he doesn't like Mondays because that's when Peaches Geldof, who's the daughter of Bob Geldof, who is a tireless charity worker and sometime pop star. Yeah.

Off to Boomtown Rats. He doesn't like Mondays, does he? Doesn't like Mondays. Because that's when Peaches was born. I don't know if he... I don't... I'm not saying he's ashamed of his daughter, because I don't know if he would be. No, I don't think he would be.

I met him a few weeks ago. Did you? Yeah, he was alright. Give me some fucking money. Did he say that? No, he didn't. Didn't say anything like that. I think he was getting a fee for the programme anyway.

But he seemed alright, you know. Yeah. Confident. He's confident, man. Yeah. But yeah, he didn't mention his daughter that day, so I think he might getting a fee for the programme anyway. But he seemed alright, you know. Confident. He's confident, man. Yeah. But yeah, he didn't mention his daughter that day, so I think he might be a bit ashamed of her. Because this programme, OMG.

By the way, they've nicked the name of my film project. First of all, we know that. Yeah. It's on ITV2, which is a major broadcasting channel over here. Yeah, one of the biggest. It's like HBO or something like that. Yeah. That, OMG, nicked your here. Yeah, I'll be one of the biggest. It's like HBO or something. Yeah. That, OMG, nicked your name.

Yeah. The font that they're using for Peaches Geldof is the same as our font on the podcast icon. Yeah, yeah. So they've nicked that. Yeah. And it's P-E-A, Peaches, like P-E-A-C-O-C-K for my one. Like Peacock, yeah. Yeah, so that's all been nicked, I would imagine.

Next thing you know, they'll be putting a cock into Peaches and making it exactly the same. Yeah. Well, the programme was, it was a weird one. Do you know what I thought with the programme? I thought Peaches Geldof was the best thing in it. Well, that's amazing. No, that is amazing. Yeah, but maybe they've given her her own programme

in some stupid drunken error. Yeah. They've gone, give Peaches Geldof her own programme. Oh, I reckon. And then they've panicked when they've seen her presenting skills and gone, right, we need to downgrade everything appropriately so she is the star of the show. I could believe that happened. Yeah.

Because, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she was good. Because in my opinion, she was far from it. Yeah. But she was the best thing on the programme. Yeah. So if you imagine a load of paedophiles... And they're all in a pit yeah and they're all naked and covered in vaseline and they're writhing about she's the one with the least

vaseline on them who's having a break from raping children i think that's the best metaphor why i mean you came up with that metaphor really quickly what what happened there why why was that at the forefront of your mind ready to fire? Just saying it might be in my garden. You've got a paedophile Vaseline pit in your garden. And maybe every now and again I go out in the middle of the night and kill one of them. Just enjoy the feeling of taking a life.

I've been very aggressive ever since watching OMG. Yeah, you punched me in the face straight after it finished. Punched you in the face and said, take that Dom Jolly. Yeah. He was massively objectionable take that, Dom Jolly. Yeah. He was massively objectionable. We met Dom Jolly the other week. We didn't meet Dom Jolly.

We saw him. We could have met him. We could have met Dom Jolly. It was at King's Place the other week. Yeah. And I thought then I should punch him in the face. But then didn't because Social Etiquette took over. Yeah.

And didn't do it. When has Social Etiquette ever held you back? I know, but I should have punched him in the face. Why? What would your reason have been then? Because I think you're going to be a tit on OMG with Peaches Geldof, a programme I've not heard of. Yeah, possibly that. Yeah.

I thought he was objectionability personified. What, when we just saw him sitting down having a coffee? No, when he was on OMG. Yeah, he was. He was a prick, wasn't he? An absolute tool. Yeah. And he was a bully.

Yeah. And don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of bullying. I like it. Yeah. he was. He was a prick, wasn't he? An absolute tool. Yeah. And he was a bully. Yeah. And don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of bullying. I like it. Yeah. When the target is warranted. Yeah. I didn't feel that,

what was the girl's name? Emma Beard. Well done, well remembered. Of Popstars. Yeah. Apparently she was a girl on Popstars who was Cheryl Cole beat her on Popstars. And she was a perfectly nice girl.

Yeah. She wasn't doing anything objectionable. She was just going on there, trying to make something of herself. That's fine. Yeah. He sat behind her, outable. She was just going on there trying to make something of herself. That's fine. Yeah. He sat behind her out of her eye shot

so she couldn't see him taking the piss out of her. Yeah. On a TV program. Yeah. And it was like you're an absolute fucking coward.

Yeah. He's already shown himself up as a coward on Trigger Happy TV. Keep running away. Come here. I think I can see why he's a bit upset

with himself why because his sister has done so very well who's his sister Angelina do you think it is Angelina Jolie

do you think the dumb Jolie's sister Angelina do you think the fact that she's doing alright in the films and has married Bradley Pitt

do you think that's bothering him Angelina Jolie has done so well in Wanted yeah I think he's just upset by that do you think he's still upset by that. Do you think he's still

upset about her getting her busts and fanny out in Gia? Yeah. So now he hates all women. Yeah, now that's the problem. He's going on IMG and going, I'll make fun of a girl who doesn't even know I'm doing it. It's alright if you do, I'm a celebrity once, but if you do two of them

things, then you're a whore. He said that? Yeah. Now don't get me wrong, I only watched the first ten minutes, but he said, because he was a man celebrity. Yeah. He set the parameters based on what he'd done. Yeah. On himself. Yeah, which was, you can do one of those things once as an experience, but then if you do more than one of them, then you're a whore.

It is weird to base a moral law on your own parameters. Yeah. Like going, oh, well, the only hidden camera shows that are any good. And if it is a fat white bloke. So, don't be thinking that free non-blondes is any good. It's something he could say. If he wanted.

Yeah, well, I'm calling him out. You're calling him out? Yeah. You think you could take him? Do you think I could take him? He's a big lad. I think he'd cry. He's a big lad. I think he'd cry. He's a big lad. What if he just, like, would run really fast at you? I don't mean fist fight. Oh, right. I mean a battle of wits.

Oh, right. You'd be Dom Jolly, right? Right. And I'm me. Yeah. Right. Oh, you think you're so tough, don't you, Dom Jolly? Oh, you think you are?

No, I'm not. Come on, take me on, then. Oh, you're a stupid face. Hello, mate. Sorry. It was lovely to meet you. I've listened to your podcast. I really enjoy it. Right. I'm a big fan. Oh, cheers, mate. Which one do you like? Yeah. Oh, I like all of them. Hello, mate. Sorry. It was lovely to meet you. I've listened to your podcast. I really enjoy it.

I'm a big fan. Oh, cheers, mate. Which one do you like? Yeah, oh, I like all of them. I've listened to all of them. I used to listen to the old Ray Peacock podcast as well, but I prefer these, I think. Oh, these are better, don't they? Yeah, yeah.

I'm really enjoying them, yeah. Oh, cheers, Dom. Thanks. And I saw you in Skins, actually. I caught that the other day just because I had you talking about it on the podcast. So I went and sought out Skins and Doctor Who. Really great performances. Oh, thanks, mate.

I liked Tragraphy TV. Oh, cheers, mate. Thanks for having us. I thought it turned off a bit after the first minute. about it on the podcast so I went and sought out Skins and Doctor Who really great performances oh thanks mate I like to trigger happy TV oh cheers mate I thought it'd tear them off a bit after the first minute the first minute of the first episode

and after that it got a bit samey but no thanks very much alright well then I'll catch you around oh what a nice man now do you see what

happened there you let yourself be charmed by Dom Johnny he is a charmer he's like the devil he's like the devil I should have checked for an oof yeah You let yourself be charmed by Dom Jolly. He is a charmer, isn't he? He is a charmer. He's like the devil. He's like the devil.

I should have checked for an oof. Yeah. That's what you always do. If you ever speak to Dom Jolly, have a look down. Check for an oof. Check out and get an oof on. Alright, try it again. Alright.

Tell you what, Dom Jolly, you think you're the big I am, right? Oh, hey! You were saying to Emma Beard, you were making for a career, saying it was like a rollercoaster, that you did a big thing about it going big I am, right? Oh, hey. You were saying to Emma Beard, you were making fun of her career, saying it was like a rollercoaster, that you did a big thing about it going downhill. Yeah, what? Isn't that exactly the same thing that's happened to your career, you prick? Well, you know what, man?

It's not been going too well recently, but me and Emma, we'd spoke before the programme and said maybe we'd do a little thing, a sort of little sketch on the programme. Oh, right, so she knew you were doing it. Yeah, she knew all about it. But it's okay, man. I can see how you misunderstood the situation. I'd really like to work with you in the future, maybe. Oh, right, so she knew you were doing it. Yeah, she knew all about it. But it's okay, man. I can see how you misunderstood the situation. I'd really like to work with you in the future, maybe.

That'd be nice. What programme could we do together? Well, we could do a hidden camera thing, or we could do a sitcom. Yeah, I'd do anything. Jolly Ray, we could call it. Oh, Jolly Ray sounds good, doesn't it? Jolly Ray about a pirate.

Yeah, I've got a flag and everything. Yeah. Well, that's great, man. That's really cool. Yeah. You see, you've been charmed again. Oh. Oh, that's great, man. That's really cool. Yeah. You see, you've been charmed again. Oh. Oh, blubbing hell.

All right. All right. I'm going to try a different tack. Okay. All right. I should follow me. Yeah. Right.

Okay. So get ready. You're Dom Jolly. I'm me, right? In you come, right? Yeah. Oh, hey, man. Are you?

Ah! I should have followed me and Sticks the first time. I'm not actually him So dumb jolly get down here for your slap you big prick Slap my ass Peacock and Gamble podcast Was devised and performed By Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble

All music by the Tiger Lilies Except for the last one Which is performed by Frank Seidhausen The Peacock and Gamble podcast Is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk See you next week. Oh, I enjoyed doing that podcast then.

Did you? Yeah, I proper enjoyed it. Do you know what? I enjoyed that so much I think I'll have a week off. Alright then. Do you fancy a week off as well? Yeah, just a week off

we'll do a big live show probably. Busy week next week we'll do a big live show. Yeah, let's leave the recorded bit for a week. If you want Yeah, just a week off we'll do a big live show probably. Busy week next week we'll do a big live show. Yeah, let's leave the recorded bit for a week. If you want to hear a bit more of it

come to live show on the 24th of March to Thursday. King's Place. London. Do that instead because there's going to be no podcast next week.

And don't be saying you can't come to London because you live somewhere else. London is where everything happens, you dick. Yeah, and also that's where we have to keep going. Yeah.

We have to go everywhere all the time. Yeah. Where can you not go somewhere lazy bones? Do you know what your problem is? You like your bed too much.