The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 68

Episode Date: May 17, 2020

"Episode 68" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 69 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Start spreading the news. Why are we starting this every week with a song? Ah, Peacock and Gamble. Doesn't even fit. I wanna be a part of it. Peacock and Gamble. It's awful.

Awful. These vagabond shoes. No, stop it now. That's enough. Come on. What's your name? My name's Ray Peacock. And my name's Ed Gamble.

And that's enough. New York, New York. Right, that's broken loads of copyright laws, isn't it? Are we going to get away with that? It's the Swing Special. It's not the Swing Special, no! It is the Swing Special. No, it's not the anything special.

Why not? It's just, let's just do normal podcast. All right. Not an anything special. All right. Why don't we do the nothing special podcast? I would like it to be, we'd do the podcast, and then all around us are people on little tables,

like sexy women, eating a steak dinner, and Sammy Davis Jr. comes out, and we do the Swing Special. Right, well, first off, Sammy Davis Jr. is dead. He's not. I think you'll find his spirit is alive in Brucey. Right, well, second off, we don't know any women. We do.

So we can't get any women sat down. We do know loads of women. Women don't like us. I've met one. Which one? Tessa Sanderson. When did you meet Tessa Sanderson? I have met Tessa Sanderson.

I have met her. I think I met her in a shopping centre. I met her at League of Their Own. James Corden's... Oh, hang on. ...programme. You met Tessa Sanderson. I didn't.

Yeah, I have met her. Yeah, you have met Tessa Sanderson. She's a nice lady. That's what I mean. I met Tessa Sanderson, John Virgo and Frank Bruno bruno yeah what i was saying was is that we do know women because you have met tess sanderson all right well that is a good argument yeah i hate these ones well i hate when we do these ones well we're recording this last monday yeah so a week before the other ones just come out it throws us all out of cock this yeah it really does

though doesn't it because it's that that thing of we can't update anything because nothing's been updated. No. So it's sort of a limbo podcast but by the time you hear it it's dated. Okay.

We're not doing the limbo podcast. We're not doing How Low Can You Go? Pretty low. How low do you reckon you could go? How big's that?

About two foot. Three of them I could go that low. Six foot, yeah. I reckon I could get I reckon doing limbo foot, yeah. I reckon I could get... I reckon doing limbo, quite genuinely... Yeah. I reckon I could get down to about maybe six centimetres.

Six centimetres? Yeah, I reckon I could go under six centimetres. No, because think about... Just about... Yeah, but I think you would just get under and then your buster would not stick off. I reckon I could just quite nicely just slide under six centimetres.

You think so? Yeah, backwards. So you think if a bus was coming at you, you'd be running over by a bus, you could just lean back like Matrix and zoom, it would go right over you. I've done that. I've done that about four million times in my life so far,

and I anticipate doing it again. Right. Often in London. What are we going to do on the show today, mate? I've literally no idea. We're a bit lost. Yeah, well, we'll find out. Often in London. What are we going to do on the show today mate? I've literally no idea. We're a bit lost. Yeah.

Well we'll find out. We can do an army update. We'll do a little army update. Even though there isn't really one to do.

There's a few things people have been working. Have we done a blue update recently? Yeah we did one last week. Oh that's a shame.

Because of my blue update. I always look forward to that every year. Yeah. Well I've tried to remember Star Wars. That's right.

I know about that too. Can I just say on the subject of blue. when I listen back to the podcast, because I listen to it quite a lot because I edit it and stuff. And when I listen back to it, I mean, all joking aside, they're absolute pricks, aren't they? Blue? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I read their quotes and listened to their quotes, possibly real ones. Yeah, possibly. I don't have as much of a problem with Webbo, old Simon Webb. Well, Webbo keeps his head down, like you said. Old Spider,

I call him Spider. Although I did cut out of last week's podcast you saying that he was a smoker. Oh, yeah. Because when we were recording it,

you implied that he was on the drugs. The old wacky-backy. Yeah, but don't worry, mate, because I cut that out. No. Welcome to the Sweet Show.

Yeah, but don't worry, mate, because I cut it out. No. Welcome to the Sweet Show. Yeah, you asked me to cut us about Simon Webb smoking drugs. So why are we talking about it now? I'm just post-modern, innit? It's post-modern, mate. We're discussing a thing that didn't happen.

It happened in real, but it didn't happen on the podcast. It's interesting, innit? Right. We're deconstructing it as we go along. Yeah. I feel a bit sick I do feel a little bit sick yeah I just had a little

cold sweat of nausea oh I'm sorry mate can I feel your head yeah honestly oh yeah it's a bit cold sweat yeah it just came on me

very quickly I'm a diet no you're not dying mate I did feel sick the other day do you remember yeah you just went in the bathroom

and done some sick didn't you yeah what had you eaten you'd did have some sick the other day, do you remember? Yeah, you just went in the bathroom and done some sick, didn't you? Yeah. What had you eaten? You'd eaten something you don't normally eat, hadn't you? Grass. I'd eaten some grass absentmindedly. You'd had some cud. When we went on that picnic.

Yeah. I don't know what I'd had. I'd had something and it bothered me. Yeah, it did bother you. I want to say quiche, but I don't think it was a quiche. It wasn't. It wasn't quiche. No, I know it wasn't a quiche, I just want to say quiche.

It's what, leave me alone if I want to say it. Right. And just now I've just gulped quite a lot of cold water down. Yeah, and that's come straight out of your head like a play done. Yeah, I think it's that. Am I dying? No, you're not dying, mate. Because I've been sick the other day and now I feel sick now. Yeah, I think that's just because. And last week I had cramp, remember? Actually, speaking of smoking as well, I think I've won a cigarette. You can't have one. You're not allowed to do it. No, I know.

I stopped smoking, but I think I must be... It's nearly two years, I think. Yeah. And I say I think because I actually don't know the exact date. It'll be in July sometime.

There or thereabouts. But I didn't keep the exact date because you're not meant to do that when you stop smoking because then all it does is reinforce the idea of losing something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you count from it. Yeah. So there's no point doing that. It'd be of losing something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you count from it. Yeah. So there's no point doing that. It'd be around two years. Yeah, there or thereabouts. Yeah. And I've been particularly wanting a cigarette recently.

I'll tell you what you need to do. Have a cigarette? No. Oh, hello, a little tinsel cut from my dad. No. You don't need to say, you know.

I will go, I will just go down the shop and I will go, can I have tinsel cut please, that's from my dad. Why would you need to say for your dad? My go, can I have ten suck up, please? I'm my dad. Why would you need to say for your dad? My dad didn't smoke.

He smoked Embassy. So it's already a trick. Yeah, but why are you tricking them? You don't need to trick them. No, so then they've got to give me the cigarettes. I would go, oh, my dad sent me for getting ten suck up. No, but why would they not? And a lighter.

Why would they not give you... No, I'm just getting matches, because there's no point in getting a lighter, is there not, if I'm not recording and smoking? Why? Although I've got a Zippo. I've got three Zippos. Right, right.

I know. Why are you telling them they're for your dad? Because you know they'll give them to you anyway. So that when he sees me, and he goes, he's after cigarettes for himself, this one, and I'll go, I'll go,

they're for my dad! And then he'll go, oh, that's all right then, he can have them for his dad. No, but why would he not give them to you? Or it might be a different bloke in the shop this time

who goes what do you mean I know your dad shall I ask him at the community centre on Friday at the community centre even though you live

about 150 to 200 miles away shall I ask him when I go to the community centre if he sent you for cigarettes and I'll go no I'll go right then let's say no more about it.

Did this happen to you? No, I never smoked as a child. Did you not? I know it sounds like that sort of story. No, never as a child. Yeah. I tell a lie, I did. I had one cigarette in Italy.

Did you? Yeah, which I stole out of my dad's pocket. Oh, right. And I took it down by the side of the hotel in Italy. Yeah. And just, I don't know if I inhaled it or anything. I seem to remember when I lit it, I was blowing into it. Oh.

To try and light it. Like a joke one, to try and get the dust out of the end. I thought that's how you smoked them. Yeah. So I did that, but then I didn't smoke again until I was, I must have been like 20 or something. Really? Yeah, really late, man.

Stupid. Showing off to girls. Yeah. That was me, but I've stopped now. But yeah, I've been craving them. I think there must be a, your body must have a thing where it like, there's, all right, all right, you start smoking. Go on then, you start smoking.

Yeah. Fine. Oh, you're finding it easy, all right, all right, go on then, you start smoking. Yeah. Oh, you're finding it easy, aren't you? You carry on, play on. Nearly two years. Nearly two years. Nearly two years. I want a cigarette now. I want a cigarette now.

Now I want one. Get one, have one now. Smoke it right now. I know you think you've stopped smoking. I want a cigarette right, right now. Oh, dear. But, I mean, hopefully you won't. No.

Mate, when I was a lad with my smoking right we always used to get really worried about getting ID'd and stuff for cigarettes because you'd go in and get them. How old were you when you started smoking? Probably had my first one at about 12. Wow okay. But probably then didn't until I was like 15. And then were you a regular smoker at 15? Yeah. And then you smoked through till now?

Well on and off yeah yeah. Well no you don't smoke now but like 10 years? Yeah long time. Horrible. Go on. So my friend. That's why it well, no, you don't smoke now, but like 10 years? Yeah, a long time. Horrible. Go on. So, my friend... That's why it does the damage, that, you know? Yeah. When you're that young. That does all the damage.

That's stunt your growth, that. Should be like me. Start when you're 20 and it won't affect your growing. You've already grown all you need, then. When, well, we must have been about 15, I guess. My friend Henry, right? He went, I'm going to go get some cigarettes. Your friend Henry?

Yeah. You've got a friend called Henry? I've got two friends called Henry. Jeez. I've never met anyone called Henry. Yes, you have. Who? Henry Winkler.

Henry Winkler. Yeah, I forgot about that. And of course, Henry Fingy off Going For Gold. Yeah. Henry Kelly. Can't remember his name. Would have been good if I'd remembered it. Yeah.

He went, right, here I go. And he got dressed up in grown-up clothes, like dad's leather jacket, shirt, all that sort of thing. Brushed his hair so he looked like he'd just got out of work. Went into the shop, went up to the counter, looked at the man, all confident, and went, hello, I'll have a pack of fags, please. Pack of fags. pack of fags please yeah pack of fags

pack of fags he just went and deployed obviously just went well no obviously get out and I remember I was being in a pub

when I was about 15 and again never been a boozer yeah but we'd go in there just to see yeah and me and

I won't say the name but his name was also Ian and he went and asked for I swear to god this sounds like a joke and it's really genuinely not and he wasn't doing it

as a joke it was obviously that thing of just a little bit of panic sets in and he went in and asked for a cup of beer and it was

I didn't even wait to hear what he said it was the blue line on the high street in Newtley Willows and I literally about turned on my heel and walked out.

I just left him stood there. Hello, cup of beer for writing. Right, that's me. Even I know that's ridiculous.

Right, it's time for army update. Oh yeah, what's that? Gun. Alright. Off the army. I mean, it's time for Army Update. Oh, yeah. What's that? Gun. All right. Off the army.

I mean, it's a metaphorical army, isn't it, really? Is it? Well, it is really, yeah. Yeah, it is. I was going to say it is. Yeah, it is. So I'm not sure that the guns and things are necessarily a good... No, it is the gun of change.

The bombs of promotion. The bombs of promotion? Yeah. So, the P&G Army. It's going pretty well, I think. Like you say, we've not had that much time to look at too many updates because the other podcast just came out today, the previous one. Yeah, but as somebody who follows trends and watches things

and I'm very methodical and I analyse, analytical, I can see where things are going. You're like a big graph, aren't you? Yeah, I'm like a graph and I see analytical and I can see where things are going. You're like a big graph, aren't you? Yeah, I'm like a graph and I see the numbers. How I see it in my eyes, like Minority Report, you know when Tom Cruise is doing the thing? That's what I see. And from that, I can extrapolate from what I can see at the moment,

falling off. Is it? Yeah, I think it's falling off. So I want to give them a kick up the bum. And I think this week we should be more critical. Well, I've employed a new technique this week. What? Firing squad.

Oh, right, okay. As soon as people start suggesting, not stupid things, because suggesting things is fine. Stupid things is always fine. Blue skying. We're blue skying with this. Yeah, that's allowed. But if you start being lazy and just asking for

ranks and things like that or not doing anything then you're up against the wall and we're taking you out bang right in the head with a with a bullet so before we even start we can pop jack rebel near the wall right jack rebel go by that wall i'm not telling you what for jack i'm not telling you what for i'll tell you what wait by that wall for a surprise i'll tell you what for jack because after listening to last week's podcast, you were the first person to respond on the forum when I'd said that we can't be doing big things and stuff like that.

We can't be doing stuff. You went on to the forum and went, well, why not on the... Website. PeacockandGamble.com website, why not have a bonus podcast? Yeah, an Easter hunt around the website. Yeah, we can't do that. Yeah, go and wait by the wall. That's more work.

Go and wait by that wall, Jack. Jack, you've got a new rank as well. You're no longer Crapfish. You've been demoted. Oh, what? You're now Pet Micro Pig. Pet Micro Pig. Yeah. Now, wait by that wall, you little pig. And that doesn't mean, it's not an insult. It's Pet Micro Pig. Go and stand by that wall,

please, Jack. Here's the other... Thank you for your support, Jack. Here's the other movers and shakers this week. Darth Pedro. He's set up a new Facebook fan page. Right. Does he know that we already had one?

I don't know. Not criticising it. Everyone, you know, is trying to help, aren't they? It's good to help. It's good to help, but we do already have one. Yeah, but thanks for doing that. So you've got a rank now, Darth. You're now a bouncer.

Yeah, nice one, Darth. Yeah, well done, Darth that. So you've got a rank now, Darth. You're now a bouncer. Yeah, nice one, Darth. Yeah, well done, Darth. Moominpappa. Now, Moominpappa, if you just pop yourself over by that wall... Moominpappa thought they might make a flag. They thought they might make a flag. Yeah.

Yeah, pop yourself over by that wall, Moominpappa. Have a chat with a micropig. Just stand next to that pig. By the way, we're not going to shoot anyone this week. We're just putting you in position. But, Moominpappa. Have a chat with a micropig. Just stand next to that pig. By the way, we're not going to shoot anyone this week. We're just putting you in position. But Moominpappa, if you're still just thinking about making a flag... Yeah. Have a think about the flag by the wall.

Go over by that wall and think about it some more. Yeah. Rob Webster. He made our Wikipedia page. Rob Webster, our promote highest this week. Yeah. I think he's got a good rank. What's he got?

Alien off aliens. Alien off aliens? Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. And that's the highest rank this week? Yeah, that is the's got a good rank. What's he got? Alien off aliens. Alien off aliens? Yeah. That's amazing. And that's the highest rank this week? Yeah, that is the highest rank this week. We've got someone chasing on his tail a bit later. We're not moving the sub-left tenant and sub-right tenant,

Nude and Alex Mapp from last week. No, no. Although Nude has maintained his position, Alex Mapp has been a little bit lax. He's dropped off a little bit, but he's still there. You're maintaining your position because you work so hard. You might just be asleep. Yeah. You might just be asleep. You might just be asleep and roll your hard work.

But I'd hate to see you slip down the ranks, Alex Mapp, and end up by the wall with Mim and Papa and a little pig. Carl Pilkington, not that one, sorted us out with something to do with Pick of the Pods. He promoted us to Pick of the Pods.

Oh yeah, there's a podcast called Pick of the Pods, and he suggested us for that. Yeah. That's good, yeah. So he's a spy now. Yeah, he is. Good spy. Yeah, Dave got us on a student radio station, so he's a swimmer.

Tucker wants to be cannon fodder so he doesn't have to do any work. Why? He's so lazy. You expect him to say, get up against that wall. No, because he wants to die. Tucker, you're going to have to shoot everyone else

and look them in the eye when you do it yeah exactly Tucker you are now executioner you're executioner and cleaner and cleaner

executioner and cleaner because then he has to clean the wall afterwards as well with his own spit and his tongue yeah our predator

played the podcast in a pub weird a weird story that apparently he genuinely did he went to his mate's pub or something and played it and then looked for

people's reactions. I'd imagine they were all just really pissed off with it. No he said that they were laughing. Well he's now a laser boy. Nice one.

Laser boy predator. Yeah. A woman one. That was the girl on there wasn't it? Yeah the girl. As you've already suggested she's the cook.

Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps was misguided that a little bit. I was trying to be funny but. Yeah it was funny. Yeah cheers mate.

But she's probably all upset about it. Yeah. Probably going, oh, why are they saying I'm a woman and why are they saying I should be a cook? Yeah, why are they being a cook? No, she's probably on a period as well. Yeah, probably, mate. I shouldn't wonder and then watching a Brad Pitt film.

Putting a chocolate in her bath. With a candle on. Yeah. And dyed her and cucumber on her eyes. Yeah, and a big dildo up her fanny. Oh, come on. They do, a lot of them do that. She's on.

Oh, yeah. Mini Moo, I think it might be a girl as well. Mini Moo booked tickets to come and see us in May. That's what it did. Sort of. It's something, isn't it?

Yeah. So I've given Mini Moo, I was running out of ranks, nice potato. Yeah. You're a nice potato, Mini Moo. And that is, again, it doesn't sound like a compliment, but it really is one. You're a nice potato Mini Moo and that is again it doesn't sound

like a compliment but it really is one you're a nice potato we should actually say about that show because we've not been promoting that and we should

no May yeah May May 26th May 26th May 26th King's Place so Mini Moo's going to be there

and we think that might be a girl so get yourselves down there lads there might be a girl in the audience for emergency broadcast

number three there'd be the third one of four of the um essentially tryout stuff for the edinburgh show although weirdly we're doing a preview the

week before at the euston off theatre in bath yeah which is the hour-long edinburgh show yeah i'm not sure how we're gonna do that i don't know i will do that when it's

not finished yeah be interesting to watch it now wouldn't it come down and all yeah well joe weldon uh wanted to be he demanded a rank right he wanted to be gunnery sergeant, wouldn't it, coming out and all? Yeah. Well, Joe Weldon wanted to be... He demanded a rank. Right. He wanted to be gunnery sergeant.

No, can't be that. He's going to be cummery margin. Could you? That's what we're going to call him. And pop yourself by that wall. Yeah. If you're not doing any work, over by the wall. Yeah.

Milo, he's had a little promotion. He'd done forums and he made a tower of cups and dedicated it to the podcast. I saw that photo. Yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful. And I can't think of anything more productive in to the podcast. I saw that photo. Beautiful. And I can't think of anything more productive in promoting the podcast.

By the way, we should say, we don't want you to just promote the podcast. Us? Yeah, it's Peacock and Gamble. It seems to have got bogged down with the podcast, which, let's be honest, isn't going to last much longer. Don't say that. I would imagine September tops. Maybe the last

four, maybe the last, the Edinburgh shows, maybe. Yeah, well, you come to the Edinburgh shows because we're going to kill ourselves at the end of Edinburgh. Yeah, we are going to jump off that bridge and they should come and stop us. How else would you get out of 100 grand of debt? Yeah, we have got

five and a half hundred grand of debt. So we've got to kill ourselves at the end, haven't we? Yeah. And don't be coming after our families for it, because they didn't agree to it. Yeah, because I'm killing them as well, before we leave. Yeah, we're going to kill them, and we're going to leave them to rot in our houses when we're up there.

And later on, people will say, they were acting so normally during their shows, even though they knew their relatives were rotting in their homes. So Milo is Admiral Elephant. Well done, Milo, you're Admiral Elephant. And that's Army Update. Brilliant, fantastic. Well, thank you for all your support as normal.

This is going to carry on, by the way, so don't think we're going to get bored of this because we're not. We're going to keep ploughing away at you, so keep supporting it. It's in your interest to be top ranking, but top ranking this week is Rob Webster, also with Nude and Alex Mapp. They're the three top-rankers.

Alien off aliens, sub-lieutenant and right-lieutenant. Yeah, but that will change next week if they don't maintain what they're doing. Yeah, got to keep going. To get properly involved, go to peacockandgumble.com, onto the forum, that's where it's all kicking off for the army. It is, mate. But we've just told you the main movers and shakers this week.

You'll see us on peacockandgumble.com. There's a list of people who've been in the army. It is, mate. But we've just told you the main movers and shakers this week. You'll see us on peakandgamble.com. There's a list of people who've been in the army who've been involved in that. We credit you all on there on the front page every now and again. That's where the draft is. Yeah, rather than us just listing people's names on this, which would get boring. We just tell you the main stories of the week. Big news this week is, three against the wall, one will fall. Who is it going to be?

And what I would say as well, Jack, don't panic. It's not a real wall or a real gun. Film time. Don't make that noise, young man. I don't like how you've sneakily made a regular section. I've not sneakily made it. You're the one who suggests the films every week. When we came back...

You're the enabler. When we came back to do this again, when we have a little bit of time off on the podcast, then we come back. And the last time we came back, we said, we shouldn't have regular sections. No, you said that. Because that's how we get bored.

You said that. And it gets boring to listen to, and it also has a degree of expectation. So if we just ramble every week, then some weeks will be great, some weeks will be not great, some weeks will be rubbish, some weeks will be brilliant, and then we can just have a nice it's there's no pressure on us right well there's no pressure on you no you're putting pressure on us by no pressure on you in regular sections no i'm the one i'm trying to remember a film that i

haven't seen for a while yeah i heard it last week when i i actually i talked myself out of and then back into this section in In like one sentence. Yeah. I went, right, we're not doing this unless you've got one in mind or you've not seen Star Wars. You hadn't said a word. Because you were impressed by the quality. I wasn't impressed. I think you might be hypnotising me.

Right. Well, Star Wars, wasn't it? What? Star Wars. Yeah, I'm looking forward to this. You were doing Star Wars, which you have seen, but you recall... Have you recalled anything about it? Character names. Maybe some plot points.

Maybe some plot points. You know all about it, so you can tell me if I've got anything right. But it will be a case of telling me what's right. Shall I just keep quiet until something's right? No, join in. Right, do you want me to correct everything that's wrong? No, because I'm not even sure you could pick apart the threads. Right, okay.

Because literally this is everything I can remember about Star Wars. So this is going to be essentially just a massive big tangled ball of wool. Yeah, here we go. Star Wars 1. That's what it's called, isn't it?

Space. Well, which one are you doing? Star Wars 1. As in the 1977 one? Yeah. Star Wars 4, that. Weird.

Star Wars 1. Space. Some writing flies through to space, telling you a bit about the story of it in a galaxy miles away, etc. There is a young lad, Luke Skywalker, flying through space. Telling you a bit about the story of it, in a galaxy miles away, etc.

There is a young lad, Luke Skywalker, flying through space. He is having a lovely day, whistling along to the radio. He loves space and is very happy. He has got a couple of robot pals, sort of like a future version of Simba in The Lion King. Right, and Timothee.

They are R2-D2, brackets, Kenny Baker. Correct. And C-32 brackets Kenny Baker. Correct. And C3P Kenneth Williams. Fair enough. I like that also when we were in the office just now

you looked I've got a cutout of R2-D2 full size cutout signed by Kenny Baker because he was on my radio show that I used to do

and he signed that for me. Yeah. Weirdly when you saw that in the office before you went oh yep correct yes. Yeah. And I went what and you went no nothing. So that's what you meant because you saw it was Kenny Baker before you went oh yep correct yes yeah

and I went what and you went no nothing so that's what you meant because you saw it was Kenny Bacon you got the right name yeah

yeah okay and C3P Kenneth Williams C3P Anthony Daniels but near enough go on RTD2 speaks like a bird and Kenneth Williams

speaks like he does normally they are very happy but then one day they get a mini disc off a woman it shows her saying that there is something going on.

Right. And she needs help off Luke and his gang. So Luke, R2, C3 and Han Solo get on a millennium... Say C3PO, and where's Han Solo come from all of a sudden? I remembered he was in it. Yeah, he is in it, but where's he come from in the story? And Han Solo get on a millennium falcon and fly off to where Princess Leia is being held. Okay, that's... I mean, this is...

Is this alright? Kind of right. This is the first time we meet Darth, who is Luke's dad. They don't get on. Right, but you don't know it's Luke's dad at that point. Oh. I don't mean, like, some of you don't get on with your dads. I mean, they have proper shouting matches.

Right, okay. Darth is a bit harsh on people in general. Never meet in the first one. Never meet. Darth... Really? Yeah, they don't meet at all in the first one. Never meet. Darth, really? Yeah, they don't meet at all in the first one. Oh, shit. Genuinely got this very wrong.

All right, go on. Darth is a bit harsh on people in general, though. We see him walking through corridors with his own music, pinching people, and I'm pretty sure it's not even the first of the month. Right, and again, his own music only really came in in The Empire Strikes Back. Right.

I think Darth has got the princess and is trying to feed him to his pet Jabba, bracket Slimer. Feed him? What? Feed her. I mean, go... So much in that sentence then.

And he's trying to feed her to his pet Jabba, bracket Slimer. Right, explain that to me. Darth has got the princess. That's true. That much is true. And he wants to feed her.

Why does he want to feed her to Jabba? To kill her. To his pet Jabba. He hasn't got a pet Jabba. Where are you getting that from? Slimer. What's Slimer to do with anything?

That's Ghostbusters. Looks a bit like Slimer. I see what you mean, right. But then again, it's not... Jabba isn't... It's your film. Keep going. Okay.

Where were we? Pet Jabba. The good guys and the bad guys have these swords which are made from light and are like the ones that Rey has. Yes, yes, there we go. Yeah, good.

This is what they used to fight with even though some of the bad guys who are called Stormtroopers have the guns from Buck Rogers. Right. Hand runs down to Jabba's cage. Hand? Hand solo?

Hand solo. Okay. Hand runs down to Jabba's cage and saves Leia, even though Jabba is a bit like a big snake and Hand is really scared of snakes. Up above land, Darth and Luke are fighting a lot

with their tube lights at one point a hand even comes off brackets Luke and Darth reminds him that he is his dad probably to try and

stop him being so aggressive okay you go I'm your dad yeah what are you doing I'm your dad look what you made me do

yeah put your hand off Luke trips over his shoelace not the character yeah Luke trips over his shoelace and falls the character. Yeah. Luke trips over his shoelace and falls off

a ledge. I can tell you now, at no point in Star Wars does Luke trip over his shoelace. Right. He hadn't even got shoelaces.

And falls off a ledge but gets caught by Leia and Chewbacca, the only characters sponsored by Marlboro. Where's Chewbacca come from? I forgot about him

earlier and then I thought I'd better put him in. Right. They fly off and you can see the Death Star in the background and you know they will have

to kill it in the next one. Just as you think it is finished you can see Darth's hand move. He is alive and will Death Force

come back and that is Star Wars 1. Right. So hang on. I'm going to go back. I'm even going to poke holes in your

thing. You said a hand comes off brackets Luke and then you said the hand is moving. No. No.

No. Darth's lying. You think he's dead and you see his hand move. It's said the hand is moving no no Darth's lying you think he's dead and you see his hand move it's not the hand that's been chopped off the Death Star is blown up at the end of the first Star Wars

right so there's that straight away I got it right though Death Star you did get Death Star right yeah Darth now you know you said

about the Luke and the two droids are happily flying about space you're whistling to the radio yeah that didn't happen but what's the first thing you see then the first thing you see then?

The first thing you see is an Imperial Star Destroyer coming overhead. Right. And getting a Rebel cruiser and boarding it. Right. And Darth Vader goes on it because they're looking for the stolen plans. Because the Rebels have got...

I mean, you haven't mentioned Rebels in there. They have stole the plans. I don't like encouraging him. No, that's fine. The Rebels have stolen the plans to the Death Star to find a weakness in it in order to destroy it. What I will say to you is, the bit you got right, you said about they've got a tape of a woman. Minidisc.

Minidisc woman asking for some help. Yeah. Do you remember what she said in that bit? Quite famous little line, isn't it? She said, oh no. Help me. Help me hand. No. Try again. Help me Luke. No, and again. Help me Obi. Oh him. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan Kenobi. That's a missing character from your one.

What happened? What was he? He's quite important. Is he? Yeah, quite important in that. I genuinely forgot him. And Chewbacca, I forgot him until right at the end. Well, you sneaked him in, he just popped up and caught someone.

Hand. I mean, it's not hand, it's hand. But a lovely idea for films would be to just have a character that literally just pops up. You can get yourself into a really awkward plot point. Like, how are they going to get out of this? And another character pops up and goes, there you go, saved you. Hang on. What?

I've heard you mention Lando before. You've heard me mention Lando before? Yeah. Lando Calrissian? Yeah. No, he's not in that one. So I've got that right. Yeah, you did get it right by not mentioning it

yeah got that right is that right that's like saying oh what was that what was that place in Paris the big tower yeah

Eiffel Tower was that in it no right I got that right I did yeah Luke Skywalker he's in it got that

Han Solo yeah Princess Leia Jabba the Hutt we knew Jabba the Hutt's not in Star Wars in the first one well he is in the special editions.

Right. He was reinserted into it. Right. But you can't... It's not an achievement. We knew last week that you knew character names and about a big ship, which you didn't mention. Death Star. Death Star's not a big ship.

Yes, it is. It's a space station. That's a ship. It's not a ship. Millennium Falcon, I mentioned. Right. Big ship. That's not what you could remember, though, is it?

You just said you could remember the Death Star, the big ship. I'm Millennium Falcon. I said Millennium Falcon. Oh, that's fine. Chewbacca. Stop saying Chewbacca. Oh, I forgot you're having cravings. It was good Star Wars.

It was good Star Wars. I'm going to do Star Wars 2 next week. No, you're not. Why not? Because you've already done most of Star Wars 2 and Star Wars 1. You've said that Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader have a fight

where he cuts his hand off now that happens in Empire Strikes Back yeah so you can't now next week and jabber the up for some reason you've got

Darth Vader wants to feed Princess Leia to him I just knew that he was in it yeah but at no point does Darth Vader not even affiliated to each other doesn't

feed him to his pet jabber who's the jabber then it's an independent person. What's he do? What's he? He's in charge of a smuggling ring. Oh.

He's a gangster, essentially. Got no affiliation to Darth Vader or to the Empire. He comes into it because Han Solo owes him money. Oh. So he's chasing Han Solo. It's quite an intricate plot. See you next week. Do E.T. next week.

You're not doing E.T.? What do I do next week? Nothing. I'll come up with one. No you won't. next week you're not doing AT what should I do

next week nothing I'll come up with one anyway Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock

and Ed Gamble all music by the Tiger Lilies except for the last one which is performed by Frank Seidlosen the Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready

production hosted by Chortle.co.uk see you next week. Right, no, that is disgusting. I'm not doing this anymore. That is the most disgusting thing you've ever done. It's not disgusting. It is disgusting.

That is how it happens. No, that's absolutely foul. Don't say it's foul. That is love. I can still feel it on my hands. That you've allowed me't say it's loud. That is lovely. I can still feel it on my hand. Don't we... That you've allowed me to do it. Right.

I love that... Do you know what? I love that you've allowed me to do that. I've not allowed you to do anything. And I love that I've been confident enough to not pull out. Right. I'll just tell everyone what's happened. Ray was doing a fun joke where he...

It's not a joke. He makes me put my fingers in a circle. And then he puts his finger through like he's having sex with my fingers. Pushing it in and out. Pushing it in and out. I did it for ages. And I kept moving. He'd say, no, let me finish, or I'm going to cum on your tits.

And then so I just held it really tight, and he started going, ooh, ooh, ooh, and then pushed his finger right through. And then tried to spit on it. I didn't try, I did. He did spit, and I thought, I'll move my hand away before he spits but he'd spat already and then I whipped his spit all over my own crop

yeah so what you did was you let me come inside you and then because then I wasn't really looking I had my face down quite near it when I was making love to him

and then when I ejaculated I just did a little bit and he jumped then. Yeah. And then, weirdly, he's smeared it all over his own groin. It's horrible anyway. It's like he's gone, Oh, I don't want it on my hand, I want it in my real vagina.

I don't want to talk about this anymore, it's made me feel really ill. And you've put it all over your vagina. I don't want your horrible spit all over my nice jeans. What a horrible thing to say. What a horrible spitty mouth on my cock. Horrible boy. You're saying that you don't want my spitty mouth on your penis? Yes.

Really? After all this time? Yeah. And all this flirting? Do you feel like you've been cheated a little bit? Leading up to something, obviously, like moonlighting. Will they, won't they, Will they, won't they? And now suddenly I'm offering to put...

I'm not offering, I'm saying it hypothetically. Right. That you wouldn't like my spitty mouth around your genital area. It must be hypothetical, mate, because either you're high or you're pathetic. Right. That's what I'd say on the Ricky Lake Show.