The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 70

Episode Date: May 31, 2020

"Episode 70" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 71 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Oh, hello there. Here it is now. I think we should do it more like, you know, where people just sort of stumble across it. Like we should do it like we didn't even know people were listening in. Oh, hi. Oh, hi there.

Oh, hi. We're just doing the Peacock and Gamble podcast. I'm Ray Peacock. And I'm Ed Gamble. How weird that you've come into our kitchen. Well, we're not actually recording it in a kitchen, are we? No, but I imagine that when people listen to it, they imagine that it is in a rustic country kitchen with a fire blazing, and they have wandered in from the rain.

And we've said, come down, grab yourself a hunk of bread and a wedge of cheese. Yeah, and maybe some sun-dried tomato. No. I prefer sun-blushed. Yeah. That's an interesting question, isn't it? How do you imagine us recording this? Why don't you do a drawing of how you imagine us

and send it in to Tony Art? Or just send it to us at thepeacockandgamble.com the forum there. Website. Yeah, website. There's a forum on the website. I was doing the right thing. Put it in the forum. Yeah, or just tell us in words if you haven't got a pen. Yeah yeah just type them out basically on your keyboard

with your fingers yeah that's where or their letters on the front of the computer put them in the order to make the words and then put that onto the website

and we'll read that and then hopefully enjoy that and also some nice well wishes because it's our 70th it is our 70th today isn't it yeah happy 70th mate happy 70th to you Edward you were saying earlier

that we could retire we could retire if we're ladies oh yeah which we are isn't it yeah happy 70th mate happy 70th to you Edward you were saying earlier that we could retire we could retire if we're ladies oh yeah which we are isn't it 75 for men 74 for ladies oh I don't know this bloody government

is probably an 100 by now yeah it probably is an 100 I don't think that that law if it was ever a law I don't think that thing applies anymore does it not

I don't think so I don't know maybe it does yeah to get your pension in like the NHS and stuff oh does it yeah prejudicial

odd as well because don't women live longer than men? They do, but they're weaker. They cry a lot more. And if you're old and you cry, then your face cracks. So that means that people that are old, an older lady, like a lady could retire and get a better retirement deal than a man.

Because a man will retire later, five years later, gets his money, but then won't enjoy it for as long. No. Whereas a woman gets it five years earlier and then carries on living even after the man's died yeah exactly so can somebody write us a legal paper

about that so we can sue yes please thank you and also what I know about a 70 mate we might not be retiring the podcast

but I know that things that are 70 often repeat stories how do you mean an old man who's 70 your grandad might tell you the same story quite a lot

I see so I think we could do London Dungeon on this tell a story about London Dungeon and we I see. So I think we could do London Dungeon on this, tell a story about London Dungeon, and we could get away with it because we're repeating the story because we're 70. We could possibly just release episode one.

Yeah. This and just say that's because we were 70. And then just put at the beginning, I remember when I was a lad. Yeah. And then release episode one. Flashback episode. Yeah.

And then go, and that was when I was a lad at the end. I might do that you know i have a feeling that when i'm editing this ray i know you're editing this right now this is yourself talking to you that is your option you can do that rather than just whinge you on twitter that you're editing another fucking podcast put one of the old ones in because it's 70 you've got a joke about it because it's 70 there we go here's a first cut of the podcast let's see when we come back if it's a new one

or if it's just the old one again. When I was a lad. No, it's just a new one. Sorry. Just a new one. Sorry we didn't stick to the 70s theme. In fact, do you know what? Not only are you going to get fresh material this week, I'm also going to give you a little treat because we mentioned last week about us doing the British Airways podcast.

I think we might have mentioned it. I think we did. We've been doing podcasts for British Airways that start in August on their flights. And by the way, they asked us. We didn't just put our own podcast on our iPod and then chuck them at a plane. We just throw it through the air filter of a jumbo jet.

It has actually been asked by them in a business sense. Basically, we recorded intros and outros for it and then it's best of stuff but we because we're supposed to behave on them and i was editing them the other day and there's a cracking bit of non-behavior i remember it i remember it well i'm going to put it at the end of this podcast today i mean it really made me laugh probably more funny tours than it would be to you yeah but just listen right to the end i'll give you i'll give you a little bit of outtake from a blooper oh it's not even a blooper. A BA blooper.

A blooper would be when we'd done it by accident. It was sabotage. A deliberate blooper. Basically, we were talking about whether there were famous people on the flights, and we asked Steven Spielberg to employ us in one of his films, and we were suggesting a new ET. Yeah, a new type of ET. So that's where it'll pick up.

We'll do it post-credits today. The other thing about being 70, weird things happen with your body don't they do you know this week and i told you because i told you when it happened how old are you 70 now oh god no god's older than that i think god is about 100 yeah he must be 100 at least about 100 yeah last week i put my back out yeah so i was a little bit crippled up yeah and uh you gave me a lovely rub in this car park thank you very Yeah. And then a few nights later, I was feeling like creaky and that, like an old man.

Like a door. Yeah, a few nights later, I got an injury in bed, because of you. Not sexy. It wasn't sexy at all, it was horrible. No, you texted me about it.

Yeah, it was because of you. I woke up at like four in the morning, and I had a dream that me and Ed were in a house, and we saw a stuck cat on the roof. And we were joking about it for a bit and then we were like oh no it's in some distress yeah let's get it in we tried to grab it we couldn't grab it in that so you went out onto the window i would do that i am yeah you

went out of the window onto the roof yeah crept along got the cat i was sort of hanging out the window holding your hand because it was like wet and that yeah i pulled you back in as i pulled you back in the cat's kicking off and you fell on me and I fell on the floor and then I woke up in absolute agony. My neck all spasmed and everything.

Are you saying I'm so fat it flabs over into the dream world? Yeah, you nearly put me in a wheelchair in a dream. Yeah, Fatty Kruger

that's what I am. Yeah, Big Fatty Kruger came out of a dream and I twisted your neck. I said that on Twitter. I's what I am. Yeah, Big Fatty Kruger. Pulled, came out of a dream and I'd twisted your neck. I said that on Twitter. I said, now I'm worried I've brought Freddy through as well.

Yeah, it was absolutely horrible. I feel genuinely guilty about this and I shouldn't really, should I? Well, no, it's the cat's fault. But the thing about it was, I must have,

in real life, reacted. I must have moved in the bed. And had one of those jolts, I get those quite a lot. It was like, but it felt like

my neck was crunching. Oh. It was really horrible. Well, that's because you sleep with a crunching under your pillow. Yeah, I've got, all my crunch went on my neck. Yeah.

And for two days afterwards, I really, really struggled with my neck. That's one of the problems with being 70, isn't it? It is one of the problems with being 70. You have dreams that you think are real.

I went and helped out with an old lady's 70th birthday party once. Is this true? Yeah. Well, it was probably like 90th, but there's a lot of 70-year-olds there. It was my great-grandma. Okay.

And it was one of the most fun parties I've ever been to. Why? Got in there, right? Helping do the balloons. Yeah. Me and my mum helping do the balloons. Brilliant. There was long balloons and there was round balloons.

Okay. What do you think I did? Knobs. Knobs. Yeah. Made a knob, right? Knobs and balls. I went, knobs and balls with the balloons.

I went, hey, mum, look. Like that, right? Yep. She went, oh, stop it. Stop it. They don't want to see that. From behind me, a group of old ladies laughing their heads off. Right.

Oh, it's been a long time since I've seen one of them. They said. I bet it wasn't. No, it wasn't. I took them in the toilet and fucked them all. Well, that's a... It's because you weren't enjoying the story for what it was. That's a little lovely story.

And stay tuned for our 70th birthday show today there'll be more more stories like that the other thing that happens when you get to my age because in my life I've been like computer are we sticking with your 70s yeah yeah yeah

and you and you as well and me yeah both 70s oh me bones yeah I've been, like, computer... Are we sticking with your 70s? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you, and you as well. And me, yeah. Oh, me bones. Yeah, I have played computer games and that. Yeah. Like, recently I've been playing, when I was just 69, I've been playing, um, Shooty Wall-E, that one you told me to play. Portal 2. Yeah, Shooty Wall-E.

Got Wall-E on your arm and you shoot him on the wall. I've been playing all them ones. Yeah. It wasn't even Wall-E, it was the other one the woman one but now I'm 70 no time for any of that no time

and it means I am a potential victim for bad people on the internet to try and you know get money out of me

right okay I see where you're going with this what is it called X something exploit no extort

extort they're trying to extort and you forget words when you're older as well don't you completely forget um apple i got one this

week somebody sent me a spam email i think i believe they call them and the thing is i'm tempted by this as well oh yeah yeah but i'll give you a

little read of it so you fully know that it's trying to extort money i expect it is but you're tempted by it yeah because you're old old lady now

aren't i old lady old lady yeah when i read this i thought oh did i write that? Because it sounds like one of our letters that we used to write. Oh, really? Yeah. Maybe me or you wrote it. Yeah. I'll read it out. This is genuine. One came to my emails. It was in my spam folder. Really?

Yeah. Greetings to you and your family. I am sure this mail will be coming to you as a surprise, since we have never met before and you will also be asking why I have decided to choose you amongst the numerous internet users in the world. Numerous? There's seven, there's over seven. I come in peace.

Just carefully read and digest the message below. I am Mother Emily Avery-Keefe, 87 years old woman and the wife of late Sir Avery-Keefe, who died in a plane crash. On Monday 7th September 1998, GMT 1422 UK. Please see site below for more information. Swiss Air Victims is the site. And it's a real victim. I'm not a victim, but I think there's probably a chance.

It's from CNN. I know people do this. It's absolutely diabolical. Here we go. After the death of my husband, I became the head of his investment, and now I am old. Presently, I have willed out almost half of our assets to several charity homes, stroke

less privilege in different countries. I and my husband also agreed to render support to an unknown individual we have not met before, due to the fact that when we were still young in life, we received an anonymous help from an individual we did not know. So, that's anonymous help. And which we have not been able to know till date.

Three weeks ago, I deposited a cheque in the sum of, now it's not very clear this, how much it actually is, because it's either 800,000 British pounds, or it's 5,800,000 pounds, right? Because it says J5. But I think that was them trying to do a pound sign. J5? Yeah, it's not that on a Mac, but it might be on something else.

But anyway, a sum of J5, 800,000 British pounds with DHL Delivery Company, in capital letters, to deliver to you upon your contact with them. But I was unable to notify you timely because of my ill health. I have paid the delivering cost, the insurance premium and clearance certificate fee. The only money you are expected to pay is J250 British pounds for the security keeping of the cheque for three weeks. I would have paid the fee, but the security department in charge of the safekeeping of the draft insisted that I should

not, because they don't know when you will be contacting them and to avoid further cost. So they didn't want to do the 250 British pounds because they didn't want to incur further costs, given that they'd just deposited 5,800,000 in an account for a complete stranger.

Do contact the security department dhs press immediately with the contact info below contact person mr michael hailman email address delivery team at blue mail.org please don't anybody ever do this be also notified that i will no longer be reading my emails or surfing the internet as i have retired completely from the outside world to my ranch at this moment I have nothing to do with cars

emails and other luxuries all further correspondence should be forwarded to the courier company for the delivery of your cheque to you brilliant

good luck Mrs Emily Avery Keefe now I don't know if she exists for real I don't know if they're still in her identity

I mean vile isn't it yeah but you'd have to be a Hilarious at the end. Oh, you'd have to be a fucking idiot to fall for that. Yeah. Just that I will no longer be indulging in the outside world.

Yeah, can't be looking at emails and that. So don't bother replying to that. That's it. Last email I'm sending and computer's in the bin. Yeah, it's gone. It's gone. Do you know what?

I'm not even going to check to see if my anonymous beneficiary is going to have the money or not. And I really like that the security advisor at DHL has a blue mail address. Yes. You'd think DHL would have given me his own one, wouldn't you? Yeah, yeah.

So there we go. So basically what I'm saying is this is my last podcast. Is it? Because I don't know if you heard, but I have now got five eight hundred thousand. No, that's not real then, mate. So I am going to go and buy a ranch and all. You're going to go and buy a ranch? And retire off the world.

Retire off the world? And have nothing to do with a car. Well, are you going to get to the ranch? What? Are you going to get to the ranch? Trampoline. Just one. Trampoline it.

One trampoline. I've got me. I'm minted. I'm going to put trampolines all the way to the ranch. I think you'll end up spending your entire £5,800,000 on a ranch and trampolines to get there. Then how are you going to buy food? I don't know. What did Raji do?

I don't know what I've been told. You don't know what you've been told? Ray Peacock's really old. What are you doing? Singing like the army. Is this because doing? Doing singing like the army, you know, when they're jogging along. Is this because you're going to do the army section? Yeah, when they're jogging along in Full Metal Jacket and Police Academy, they sing I Don't Know What I've Been Told.

Mother, do I want to be your drill instructor in Full Metal Jacket? I want to be your drill instructor. That's fine. I want to... Cut off all my hair. Cut off all my hair. Like you often do, don't you, Private Pyle? Tension!

Officer on deck that's me hello field marshal A gear hello we're fat bastard and here we are to just give a very

quick army recap now I'll tell you what this has been the most tiresome section to edit in the podcast for me no but that's only because everyone's doing such a great job

oh yeah don't get me wrong you're all great what can we say after this week we're only going to do army rankings based on what you've done on the army thread

on the forum of peacockandcambell.com. I'm trying to push people in that direction from the Facebook. Same, same. It's very difficult if you're on Facebook or whatever

and then you get why and you're going, well why have I not got a rank? It can often be because we've not seen it. Yeah. We've not been on Facebook. It's very hard for us

to collate information. Yeah. So it's easier for us to collate information if you do it all in one place. So all on the forum. The army thread. Yeah, I mean, I'll tell you now.

Neil Castle, last week, he started a new thread about Secret History of Peacock and Gamble, which he wanted a rank for. Yeah. And of course you can have a rank for it, but we just missed it. Yeah, we just missed it, Neil Castle. We saw it, laughed at it, thought it was funny, and then forgot to write it down with the army stuff. Yeah. So, Neil Castle, I mean, technically you weren't doing anything to promote the podcast but we'll give you a rank yeah big castle big

castle you want a big castle everyone in the army get inside deal living him get up neil's bum pull down his drawbridge bum drawbridge neil yeah everyone get up the drawbridge pull up the drawbridge up his bum live in his stomach and then when as popularity wanes as it surely will yeah and the army is depleted because some of us will die for example rob webster this week all his amazon things a lot of them were taken down a lot of the reviews were taken down by amazon and he just said on the phone we went lads go on without me right i mean we are actually yeah we're leaving there wounded we don't even know if he's died yet or not so as it wanes as we lose more people yeah it falls off we'll downgrade

him to a fort. By the moment, you're a big castle. You're a big castle. Well done, Neil. So here we go. Everyone line up. Before we do this, as always, we've got to shoot someone, haven't we? We've got to shoot someone through the body. Joseph was up against the wall.

And our old friend, Jack Rebel. Jack Rebel was up against the wall as well. So let's go straight now to the execution. Get ready. We're going to put you straight away. Ready? Here we go.

Ready! Aim! Fire! No, actually, stop it. Oh, we've got a phone call from the governor. We've just had a phone call from the governor. They're putting back the execution until next week, unless it's a compilation show,

in which case it'll be the week after. We're going to let you off for a bit because I feel bad executing Jack Rebel. Yeah, he works hard, doesn't he? He works hard, but should we just talk directly to him? Yeah, come on, Jack. We're going to go over a couple of things you've done this week. Now, Jack, you've started writing on money.

Right, this is very important. And you've done photos. You've not just said you're doing this. You're not allowed legally to write on money, mate. Yeah, you can't write a Peacock and Gamble podcast on money. And also, just go to the next step of that. How's that helping? How on earth is that helping?

Do you think someone's really going to look at Peacock and Gamble podcast on a £10 note and think, I'll go and download that now? They don't even know what it is. Yeah. They don't know where to get it from, what they think. Hang on, hang on. A bank has had a breakdown. What you're doing here now is you're now going,

they don't know what it is, they don't know where to find it. Right on the Queen's face. iTunes on a crown. I think there's far better ways of advertising it than that. I see how you've thought about that. Yeah. It's not so illegal. Now, the other things that he suggested as well...

He suggested we started just making up reviews. Now, I'll tell you now, Jack, we've got some belting reviews of us. Yeah. Real ones. Yeah. Now, I saw you went got some belting reviews of us. Real ones. Now, I saw you went on somebody's Wikipedia page at our podcast awards place and you wrote on their page that we'd won their award. We've won an award. We've not, Jack.

We haven't done that and I'm not sure. I don't know if that's helpful or not. I don't know if it is or not. I'm not sure, but you can't, again, it's a legal thing. Legally you can't say, brilliant, Daily Telegraph if they didn't say that about us and we have got

good reviews anyway yeah so don't say any illegal things because some papers will sue for that well luckily the governor's called

the governor has called you a stay of execution because Jack I don't want to give this away mate you were touch and go there for a minute you were touch and go

can I just say that even though we've got a stay of execution yeah the state of Peacock and Gamble has not yet banned corporal punishment no and i'm just gonna say hobo joe get up against the wall oh yeah we can add people against the wall yeah and hobo joe is gonna be one hobo joe over by the wall please

because hobo joe suggested we get some lasers in the shape of peacock and gamble podcast yeah and put them on the moon actually yeah jack and joseph done, you've bought yourself another week. One second. Fire! Whoa, Hobo Joe's down. He's gone, he's gone. And we don't know who did that. We don't know who done it, it could have been any number of them 40 people. That was people taking it into their own account.

So, can't blame us, Governor. Nothing to do with us, Gov. So, we're going to move on to the people who've done something good now. A predator, or Niles, he's written on a shirt like a fucking madman yeah we saw this podcast and he's just walked around london wearing and we saw the photos because you put them on facebook we saw them once yeah so he maintains rank um but again i'm not sure if that helps but thanks for doing it thanks for trying it was a lovely t-shirt i have a feeling people are gonna look at you and think you're off your fucking head but lovely we said today wouldn't it have been great if we just bumped into you in london yeah we just sitting in our

peripheral vision like that like peacock and gamble and we looked and it was you yeah with your t-shirt we'd drawn really awkward had a runoff catherine wright yeah hello girl um she did a little facebook promo i saw that yeah thank you for that. Hey, I saw her in her photo and all. She was showing a bit of leg. She had like a sozzy on it. Yeah. And she's got a rank now. What's her rank? Gun. Not bad.

Yeah, pretty good. Not bad. Sexy gun. No, just gun. I tried, Catherine. Nude said an early happy birthday to you. An early? That's very early.

Very early. So I think he's sucking up and should go for a run round the field. Yeah, actually nude. I mean, my birthday's not to go in the June. Tell you what, Nude, I see what you're trying to do. Yeah. Trying to get more ranking.

Yeah, can't do it like that, mate. Give me two laps. Yeah, two laps of the field. Two laps. BFR Posh, he made a twibbon. Oh, the Twitter thing. Yeah, didn't work. Didn't work, did it?

Well, I might have done it wrong. Didn't work. Try that again, twibbon. But you are a chipmunk's ear now. Yeah, you're a chipmunk's ear for the time being. And forever. But that wasn't working. If it carries on not working now,

or if you've just stolen my details on the internet, then seriously, next week, you're up against the wall, mate. Yeah, up against the wall. And that's pretty much Army News this week. Brilliant, that's fine. Any more updates we'll put on the Army page on peacockandgumble.com. But that's the Army News for this week. We're going to keep it condensed.

Turn right. Turn left. D keep it condensed. Turn right. Turn left. Dismissed. Dismissed. It's my privilege and delight to inform the listener that Mr Ed Gamble Hello.

has passed his driving test today. Well. Passed his driving test so from now onwards he can be driving me around No, that's not true. and making up for lost time. No.

All the driving I've done, Tim, to places like Lancaster. And other places as well. I passed my theory test. Ed has passed his driving test today. I passed my theory test. It's all the same thing, mate. No. Only one driving test.

It's been ages since you've done a test. Yeah, but I can still drive. No, you're 70 now. You need to retake it. That's fair comment, actually. I do, don't I? Yeah, that's in the rules of the driver. Oh, what?

That's ridiculous, isn't it? And these days, mate, you have to take a proper theory test. And I've written you a little example test. Well, I didn't take a theory test when I passed my test. Did you not? No, what it was, you've done a bit of a drive around. Yeah. Done all the things that they asked you to do.

Do it well. Then you stopped. Pulled over. Fed the horses. Yeah, fed the horses for a bit. And then they'd go, right, there's a few questions for you presumably theory questions yeah get them all right well i'm very pleased to tell you that you passed your test first time yeah first time get a certificate go out say oh but i passed my test you're driving

that's amazing yeah and you're going yeah i can drive now i can drive let me let me drive the car home they're like no no you can't be You're too excited. Too excited to drive. I don't know what I thought I was going to do, like a wheelie or something. Back home. Straight into my own car then. And off I was. Off around your mates. Yeah.

Five or six beers. Yeah. Get them down me. Get on my way for the first go. Yeah. You could in those days, couldn't you? Try and get a ton. Get up to a ton. Yeah.

Ton one, ton two. You could in those days because there were only six cars. You had one of them. Yeah. And beer was weaker. Of course it was, yeah. So, I've prepared a little theory test for you. Oh, really?

You're going to do a test on me? Yeah, these are sort of models on the questions. But before we do this, let's just discuss your exam because how did you get on in it? Basically, you have to do 50 multiple choice questions.

Yeah. You have to get 43 out of 50. I guess that's to eliminate the guess. The guess, yeah. I got 44 out of 50. Nice one,'s to eliminate the guess. The guess, yeah. I got a 44 out of 50. Nice one, that's fine. To just.

Yeah, but even if you'd have got a 49, it's just, isn't it? Yeah. It's the margin of error, so well done. Thank you, mate. And then you had to do the hazard perception thing. That's where you click. You get 14 videos from a driver's point of view. Yeah.

And you click when you see a hazard and click when you think it changes. It's like developing hazard. Right, okay. Dean Burnett, our friend Dean Burnett, a comedian from wales yeah hello i'm dean hello hello he uh has some lovely material about hazard about that yeah he performed it at the bloomsbury i think it's on youtube it's dean burnett at the bloomsbury theatre yeah good go and listen to it on the youtube i did well on that one you needed to get 44 out of 75 right i got 67 landslide landslide landslide but i think i nearly could have failed it, you know, because I nearly done road rage.

Oh, really? Basically, the bits of the thing, there's loads of hazards and stuff. And then loads of aliens come down and start shooting your base. No. So they take you down just genuinely annoying bits of road. Okay. There was one school bus just stops in front of you.

Load of kids kick the door open. They all get out. Then they come round the front and start looking and start trying to cross. That's a hazard though isn't it? Yeah but I nearly started going get

the fuck out of the road you stupid kids. You get far too upset when you're watching things. What? Far too.

Today when I was playing Wall-E Chewie. Yeah Portal 2. Yeah I was playing that today. Yeah. And you were

watching me. And you were getting, at one point you went right I'm going home. Yeah because you were being

deliberately annoying. You were deliberately being shit. Sometimes you were completely level. Yeah were deliberately being shit sometimes you were complete a level turn around shut yourself off so every time you found the way to do it you would deliberately mess it up so you'd have to go all the way back to the beginning yeah i'm not very good hands away you are you're brilliant i'm awful at it so that's one of that so i mean you shouldn't have been having to go at me right i was just trying to learn right well i had similar reactions to this thing. I nearly said something out loud.

And then I think they would have to fail you, wouldn't they? If you had road rage when you weren't even on the road. When you're not even driving. Yeah, bearing in mind a lot of the questions are about attitude and stuff like that. But I just don't know where these bits of road are. I just hope I don't end up going down them. I feel like I might have to now write in to DVLA. Right.

And say that he was basically sitting on his temper. Yeah. And it's not like that in real life. In real life, he would have run them children over.

And I was pissed. Yeah, leathered. Absolutely battered. Hey, you could be battered on your theory test, couldn't you? Yeah, you could be, yeah. Oh, I might take it.

Yeah. Well, should we give you a little quiz now? Or should I get drunk first? No, you don't need to get drunk. These are just sort of vaguely based on them.

So they've kind of got a little twist to them. Okay okay can you give me a real one first of all be interesting to see one now you've got your book there yeah i got my book i'll give you an attitude question all right here we go yeah go on a person herding sheep asks you to stop you should a ignore them as they have no authority b stop and switch off your engine c continue on but drive slowly d try and get past quickly i'm gonna go for b stop and switch off your engine. C. Continue on, but drive slowly. D. Try and get past quickly. I'm going to go for B. Stop and switch off your engine?

Yeah. Correct. I mean, I just get out of politeness, really. I think that's what they're saying. It's part of attitude. Just do whatever you can safely that is the nicest and calmest thing to do. Yeah, but I mean, surely legally you're still allowed to just ignore it and carry on. But then you might run over a sheep.

You might get upset. Yeah, but if you're careful not to hit the sheep... This is attitude. This is attitude. Do you want another quick real sheep, you might get upset. Yeah, but if you're careful not to hit the sheep... This is attitude. This is attitude, Chris. Do you want another quick, real one? Yeah, go on. A vehicle pulls out in front of you at a junction. What should you do?

A. Swerve past it and sound your horn. B. Flash your headlights and drive up close behind. C. Slow down and be ready to stop. D. Accelerate past it immediately. I mean, there are these questions, aren't there? Because they are, I mean, as simpleton. Very leading, yeah. Yeah, completely.

It's like, do you A, hit him with an hammer? Yeah. B, set fire to his car? Yeah. C, do the right thing? Yeah. Or D, hold him down and put it in his mouth? On that basis, here's my ones.

All right, OK. So I think we now know what we're going to expect here. You are driving at the speed limit and a car is trying to overtake. Do you... A. Let them overtake. B. Pull out in front of them with your bum out. Or C. Drive to Leicester Megabowl. Right, OK, or Leicester Megabowl, actually.

Yeah, that's correct, because that's where you were going in the first place. If you are leaving your car at night, should you... A. Lock the car and remove all valuables. B. Fill your car with bees and scream, C, pop a window down and balance a diamond on the wheel? Ooh, I'll go with A. Lock your car and remove all valuables.

Yeah, is that right? Correct, yeah. Question three. Car, A, no, B, yes, C, bus. I'll go with B, yes. Correct. Yeah. Full Microsoft for it. 100% I don't remember. Yeah. Yeah. For that full Microsoft thought.

100% I don't know. A bus is pulling out in front of you. You should shout no and take your socks off, hold off and let the bus go, get on the bus and have a laugh with a boy. Right. And I've got to say, I don't have much time for buses.

Right, okay. And do you know what? It's nothing to do with the people on the buses. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Olive and all that lot. Yeah.

And Blakey. Yeah. I understand all that. Yeah. That get that. Yeah. Like Olive and all that lot. Yeah. And Blakey. Yeah. I understand all that. Yeah. That's fine. I understand they're trying to get somewhere. Yeah. But I can't abide bus drivers.

Right, okay. And that's, I've not been on a bus for many, many years now. But I used to get them regular. Yeah. And I've never met a bus driver I've liked. Okay. So I'm always quite anxious to not give them any. So you're going to say shout no and take your socks off?

I'm going to shout no and take my socks off, unfortunately, yeah. Well, you know what? That's correct. Nice one, mate. For you. Oh, nice one. So that's your attitude, so that's correct for you. Full mark so far.

100%, brilliant. One more. Most distracting thing? Phone, loud music, full roast dinner, posting letters whilst moving, practising your smile, or... Hadouken! What was that? Hadouken! There we that? Hadouken.

And again. Hadouken. I'm going to go with Hadouken because it did distract me to the point that I had to ask three times what it was. Okay. You have to do two answers for this one. I know for you the most distracting thing is roast dinner. Yeah. Because I know that I spoke to you on Sunday and you were saying

I really must learn my theory test at some point. And I went, why, when is it? And you went, Tuesday. And I went, right, well then you should definitely do it then because I was talking about doing all the editing and that. Yeah. I'm trying to get you to do some writing.

And you went, I will, but I've got to do this. I went, okay, that's fine. Well, don't do the writing for a minute. I mean, learn your theory test. And you went, oh no, more important than both of those things, I've got to go and have a roast dinner. And I went, what? And you went, I'm going to got to go and have a roast dinner and I went what and you went

I'm going to a friend's house for a roast dinner and I baffled baffled it was nice it doesn't matter mate that should be so

so low down passed my theory test yeah I know fluked it no it didn't 67 out of 75 we all know what it's like

we're all getting an idea of what it's like very little work getting away with it getting all the glory so goes on Dave

on the channel .co.uk yes still a thing goes on Russell Howard's Good News and that yeah that's got all them things

you've done that I know but I've done that by graft right and also you don't help me out I do how have you helped me out

you come in being a warm up film yeah as we're recording this still not been on BBC that's not this, stand up and on BBC. That's not my fault. Stand up and on BBC.co.uk because Ed Gamble is having a fucking roast dinner.

You fat fucker. But well done, I've been able to drive now. Thank you. Well done passing your theory test. Thanks, mate. Take me to Sainsbury's. Peacock and Gamble podcast

was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by The Tiger Lilies except for the last one which is performed by Frank Seidhausen.

The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk See you next week. And also, if Steven Spielberg is on this flight, which is possible... Yeah, it's possible he'd be sitting next to Alan Sugar.

Yeah, me and Ed, we could do acting. We'd be brilliant in one. Yeah, we might be making another E.T. or something. Yeah, we would be a good E.T., wouldn't we? A bit more adult E.T. Do I get to marry Drew Barrymore? Drew Barrymore's not in it. Why?

Because the children aren't in it. No, but she's older now. No, she's like little. No, she's a nice older lady. No, a pigtail. You can't say that Drew Barrymore is an

older lady. What, in this film as compared to E.T.? Right, Drew Barrymore can be in it. Right. Right, but it's an adult E.T. now.

Right, yeah, but she is an adult now. Yeah, I know, but I'm saying it's, but the theme of it is a bit more adult. No, we're not doing mucky E.T.

It is. It's a mucky E.T. We're not doing mucky E.T. It would ruin it. Steven Spielberg, you could do a mucky E.T. It is. It's Mucky E.T. We're not doing Mucky E.T. It would ruin it. Steven Spielberg, you could do a Mucky E.T. No, you couldn't. And no, I'm done.

That would ruin so many people's lives. Get that big finger out. Get that big finger out. No, stop that. No. I bloody love that. Get this bloody plane landed. Get this plane landed.

Oh, God, I'm a great big wank over it. Eating his big finger up between Barrymore's bum hole. Oh, get us on the floor, Captain. Get us landed. Get us on the floor, Captain. You fucking prick. We were doing so well. We were doing well, weren't we?