The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 72

Episode Date: June 14, 2020

"Episode 72" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 73 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. You can say what you want about us, but we never tell you when we're stopping. No. We never tell you when there's going to be a break, so we'll keep you on your toes. Do your little trick on you. Welcome back, this is the Peacock and Gamble podcast. My name is Ray Peacock. And my name is still Ed Gamble. Yep, nothing has happened to Ed in the interim period that will mean that his name is a different one to the one that you've got used to, let's be honest, learnt. Off by heart.

Yeah, learnt off by heart. I've learnt my name off by heart as well. Have you? Yeah. Spell it now. It's not my real name, R-A-Y-P-E-A-C-O-C-K. Ray Peacock. Yeah. It was right, it was right. Okay, well done. Yeah, thanks mate. I'll trust you on that one. I have got used-C-K. Ray Peacock. Da-da-da-da-da. Yeah. It was right. It was right. Okay, well done.

Yeah, thanks, mate. I trust you on that one. I have got used to my name now. Have you? Yeah. If someone shouted Ray at you... I will look. On the street, you will have a look.

Yeah, I will actually tell them. What if someone shouted Ian at you? It's probably the same, I would imagine. And what if someone shouted Gaylord? I'd definitely tell them around. Oh! No! Ed has already got me with a brilliant joke.

We've only just started, and he has got me with a brilliant joke. We've only just started and he has got me with a brilliant joke already. Sorry about that for going missing. We have been silly busy, eh? Yeah, we've been working on it. I should tell you, by the way, and we're not after you sucking up or anything like that, but we have genuinely made a gap in a completely full itinerary to record this. So you're welcome.

You're welcome, but it's now yesterday, which is virtually unheard of. We're recording this on Sunday and it's coming out on Monday. Unless you're listening to it on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Right, if you're listening to it on Tuesday, it is two days before. If you're listening to it on Wednesday, it's three days before. If you're listening to it on Wednesday, it's three days before. If you're listening to it on Thursday, it is five days before. If you're listening to it on Saturday, it is nine days before.

If you're listening to it on August, it is 12 days before. If you're listening to it in 2017, it is 15 days before. 16! Etc. 2017 is 15 days before. 16! 16! Et cetera. I have no idea why the Guardian Guide called us wildly self-indulgent. I don't know why the Guardian Guide called us wildly self-indulgent. That was a nice thing.

We got a mention in the Guardian Guide the other day. It wasn't just a mention, mate. It was a full chunk of a page. No, and pictures of us like posh page three. Yeah. We were like the posh page three. All the common girls go into Sun and the Free. Yeah. We were like the Posh Page Free. All the common girls go into Sun and the Star.

Yeah, and all the... And all the handsome Posh boys leave their clothes on and go into Guardian Guide. Yeah, exactly. And it is exactly the same thing. It's just the same thing because it's all in a picture,

isn't it, before you start whining about that. It's the same level of fame and don't be saying, oh, that's a bit prejudiced. It's saying that all Posh Page Free girls are common. They are. So it's not prejudiced

is it not I think you'll find it is not prejudiced if they are yeah it's not prejudiced if it is true yeah and they all

are common and don't try and say oh what about this one she's not yeah she is yeah she is they've just dressed her

in half a polo shirt. That's all that's happened there. They've just half dressed her up as a fox, haven't they? Just so she can give her opinion on the fox debate. And she will look uncomfortable. I think you'll find the best page free spreads are when they're half dressed as a maid or someone who works.

Yeah. They always look better when they're stuff. Yeah. When they look better when they're... when they're... stuff. Yeah. When they're posing as stuff with the boobs out. So please don't get offended by any of that. Yeah. Welcome back to the show.

So we're glad that we can be back because it's not just because we've been doing all the work that we've been doing. We've got to prepare, right? A two-hour show for nine days or something. Don't say that. To 11 days. 11 days. That two days is very important.

All right, 11 days. It'll probably be all right. Yeah, it'll be all right. Can you come to it, please? Because you didn't come to the last one. Yeah, and it is the last one. So as lots of people have been saying, no doubt something big is planned. Yeah, as a lot of people have been saying, no doubt this will be the proper good one. As a lot of people have been saying. As a lot of people have been saying, no doubt something big is planned. Yeah, as a lot of people have been saying, no doubt this will be the proper good one.

As a lot of people have been saying. As a lot of people have been saying. Not us. Not us. Please, no, we have not said that. It will be good, though. Yeah, it's a King's Place. I think there will be a celebratory, slightly more experimental atmosphere.

I would imagine so. King's Place, 23rd of June. The phone number is 0207 520 1490. It was the nine was throwing me. I'll do that again, clearly. It's 0207 520 1490, or you can get it from kingsplace.co.uk. You can.

Was it our lowest attended, the last one? Well, don't say that. It was still pretty highly attended. There were 92 in there or something? I think there was just over 100. Okay, well, I've got the ticket figures, and they were 92. Yeah, and then some comps as, I've got the ticket figures, and they were 92. Yeah, and then some comps as well.

No, including the comps, they were 92. And the staff. You're not thinking about the staff. They have a lot of staff at Kings Place. They had two people on the desk. Yeah. Right, definitely. We walked in one, two, three, four, five people.

Oh, we shouldn't say that, should we not? No, we didn't. We didn't. We didn't. So we had just over 100, if you count an ant that come in if you count staff

and performers yeah it's the last one it's not our last one at King's Place it's the last one before we go to Edinburgh yeah it's the last

big new material one yeah and then and then that's us gotta write an Edinburgh show then yeah although interestingly we've also gotta do our Edinburgh show tomorrow

in Nottingham at the Muscleman Playhouse so I don't know how that's gonna work when we're still writing it at King's Place next week. We've got it man.

We've got enough stuff. I know we have. We've got enough stuff. I know and I went over it all last night and I don't know what we're thinking. What do you mean?

I just don't know what we're thinking. But anyway the other reason for our self-enforced exile is also because we've always said and everyone knows this

we've always said we are not going to carry on doing the podcast until Bruce Forsyth gets his night odd. We have always said that. We've been saying it and everyone knows this, we've always said, we are not going to carry on doing the podcast until Bruce Forsyth gets his night on. We've always said that. We've been saying it for a while now. We are like all them people that bang on about it all the fucking time. I tell you what, people are getting upset as well about, what's he called, Souter,

the geezer, Scottish bloke, Brian Souter. He's a politics head. I can see you looking at me blankly. I've got no idea what you're on about. He's been involved in politics. He opposed the repeal of section 28.

What's section 28? It's the supposedly in their words promotion of homosexuality. Right. Okay. He opposed all that

and he's a horrible horrible man. There's no twice about that. A lot of the Scottish are. Well yeah. No a lot.

I mean people say you're being prejudiced now. Yeah. But a lot of Scottish people are horrible people. I mean, people say you're being prejudiced now. Yeah. But a lot of Scottish people are horrible people. Yeah. I mean, also, English people as well.

Yeah. A lot of people are. Do you know what? But I would say particularly discotic. Would you? Would you say, I wouldn't? Yeah. I wouldn't.

I would say particularly... What would you say? Go on. Well, I don't like it when you back out of things, because it makes me think I'm going to get in trouble. No, I'm just chatting, mate. That's all the podcast is, just having a nice chat. Right, well, I'm having a nice chat.

Right, well, why do you think particularly the Scottish are horrible people? Well, they are vicious, aren't they? Oh, right, okay. I've never had too much of an issue with them, but I think they are... They are vicious, horrible things. You always see in films when the baddie will throw someone's body in the water

and all the Scottish will come up round and eat all the meat. Sharks. Sharks you're thinking of. Sharks. There you go. So you can't get upset about that because all that happened

there was Edmy stuck with a Scottish for sharks. So anyway I was talking about Brian Suter he's got an OBE or something like that

whatever they've given him and people are opposed to it and do you know what I read it and I'm like oh that's a bit fucking rich given what a horrible man he is but then I thought I don't even recognise honours anyway so he can be king for? I read it and I went, oh, that's a bit fucking rich, given what a horrible man he is. Yeah. But then I thought, I don't even recognise honours anyway,

so he can be king for all I care. Yeah. It's just, it's enough. So you'd have to recognise king, yeah? I would not. Well, you'd probably go, oh, that's the king. All right, well, I might recognise him as the king.

So, yeah, so you would do recognise him. You don't not recognise the queen. You wouldn't walk past the queen in the corridor and just blank her, would you? Or go, hello, hello, Betty. I would say, hello, Betty. I'd go, oh oh look who it is here comes trouble

like that yeah yeah so Bruce has got his night on now yeah oh brilliant good luck Brucey

can you do an impression on Brucey yep good game and part of the course he was on the news yeah with his wife

that is always there his wife who was she was a beauty queen king of the world she was there that is always there. His wife who was the king of the world. She was there with him. I don't know why she was there. At one point I thought maybe she was working him. They both had champagne glasses.

They were both in a massive garden. It's obviously caving it in for life with money. It's all grounds and that. At one point they said to her what is it you love about Bruce so much? And it was literally, you wanted to just go,

this is just a garden. But she was a bit distracted because at one point her earring had fell off during the interview, although she flinched and then never mentioned it. But there was a brilliant moment where Bruce Forsyth, they said,

what celebrities have rung you up to congratulate you, right? And Bruce Forsyth went, oh, Russ celebrities have rung you up to congratulate you, right? And Bruce Forsyth went, oh, Russ Abbott, Jimmy Tarbuck, bless him. I've got to phone Eric Sykes back. Oh, Russ Abbott. And it was wonderful.

Oh, Bruce. I thought it was absolutely beautiful. I really, really liked it. And what I liked about it was the idea that maybe Russ Abbott had said, make sure you say me. When they talked to you Rosabelle had said, make sure you say me. When they talked to you on the telly, make sure that you say me.

And it just guarded that three-second gap. At one point, the lady said to her, how are you going to address the Queen? What are you going to say to the Queen? And he was like, what? And she went, what will you say when you first meet the Queen? What will you say? And Bruce went, he got all serious and went,

well, if you're saying, am I going to say, nice to see you, then no, I'm not. You don't do that. You don't do that. Very bad,

what they call protocol, you see. You have to wait until the Queen speaks to you. I mean, we might not talk about anything. No, no, I definitely won't do that.

And it was like he was panicking as if the Queen was going to be watching, going, right, if you think, I'm going to withdraw that. Oh, that's what, you right, if you think right, I'm going to withdraw that. That's right, you have my mace. Yeah, I'm going to take your head off.

With the sword, what do you use? It would be awful if the first execution in Queen Elizabeth II's reign was star of stage and screen, Bruce Forsyth. But wouldn't that just be Thatcher's Britain all over? All them old school comedians, right? Yeah. You like a bit of all that, don't you? I do like all that.

I'm surprised you didn't mention Kenny Lynch. I tell you, I'm surprised you didn't mention Les Dawson. Les Dawson's died, mate. I know, because you had to go and speak about him on the television. Oh, yeah, I did. I went onto the television and I had to speak about Les Dawson, because I'm a bit of an expert on Les Dawson. Yeah, you're an expert on him and you wear a white coat when you're watching his videos.

Yeah, I do. I think, actually, I'm not a Les Dawson expert. I'm a Les Dawson umpire. Yeah, I meant like a scientist. Yeah, I am a scientist as well. But that must have been a brilliant day, but I had a much better day hanging about in Hackney. Yeah, because you came with me, didn't you?

Well, you had to come with me because we'd been having a meeting in the morning together and then we were going to be working later. I had to go and do some work, yeah. And I had to come with me because we'd been having a meeting in the morning together. And then we were going to be working later. I had to go and do some work, yeah. And I had to do my interview in between. And Hackney is one of my favourite places in the world. Do you know what? I don't think I've ever been there before.

And I shan't be rushing back. No, horrible. But I did find a little cafe called Number One Cafe. If it was Number One Cafe in Hackney, I could sort of get what it might have been. That's probably all they're claiming. Yeah, well, that was fine because it had seats. Well, I came in with you later on after my interview. Yeah. You had to wait an hour for a car. So I'm at that level

listener. I'm getting on the telly and that and I get cars but I have to wait an hour for them. And that seems a shame because I think we could have spoken to anyone in that cafe and they would have got us a car within four minutes. For keeps? Yeah. Yeah just to keep it. And also can we just say as well about the car that we got, right?

And it was partially, it was Mercedes, right? I mean, I sat in the back, but we did have to worry all the way because the driver was texting. And all the way back, I was speaking to the driver and he wasn't saying nothing. And I turned to Ed and I thought, oh, maybe he just doesn't speak any English at all. And then we noticed he had his iPhone headphones on.

Yeah, just listening to his iPhone. Yeah. Anyway, when I went into the cafe the first time, I was just asking for a drink, just a nice Diet Coke, and a woman walked up behind me and went to the counter, and the man behind the counter went, Hey, it's Scrambly Egg! And she just looked really sort of upset and sort of nodded at him.

She just looked really tired and just nodded at him. And he went, you all right, Scrambly Egg? And she went, yeah, yeah, all right. Hello, how are you? What can I get you, Scrambly Egg? She went, oh, I just have a jacket potato with beans. There's just so much backstory in one. But he's just found out she's allergic to egg.

And that's why he calls it scrambly. No, I like that she just went in one day, the first time she went in and she went, oh, scrambled egg, please.

Oh, scrambly egg. Yeah. Or maybe, maybe you've never heard of scrambled egg before then. That's why he calls it scrambly egg.

So she's going to go, scrambled egg, please. Go, what? What? Scrambled egg? Don't know what that is. You can do your fried egg, that's it. Oh, oh, right.

And then after that, he's like, scrambly egg she wants. Scrambly egg, this one's on the bowl. As he goes back in the kitchen, she goes, it's sort of all bashed up in the pan. Right, okay, here I go. And then starts chucking eggs in the air and trying to catch them badly. At the Swedish chef. Throwing it in the air, trying to bash it all up in his hands. Scrambly egg.

It's horrible, isn't it? I'm going to nickname you don't want good old scrambly air I have that with fatty fatty chunk belly don't be saying don't be saying to me at the Nat West

when I go down there also while we've been away we've been told that we can now officially announce our Edinburgh Fringe shows yep here's our gamble of the details hello if. Here's Ed Gamble with the details.

Hello! If you're making a trip north of the border this August, you might know that there's a little festival on called the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. We're part of that. We'll be doing... We've got two shows that we're doing. You say you're part of it.

We're the main part of it. We're doing a Peacock and Gamble emergency broadcast. Yes. Now that is the show that we've been previewing in London and we shall be previewing across the country on touring after Edinburgh. We'll be doing that at the Pleasance Dome at 10.50pm every evening

from the 3rd to the 28th of August, 2011. So come and see that one. Now, the podcast. You know, this thing that you've got on now. Hello. Imagine that, but sort of less convenient. So it's on at a really specific time and you have to be there, but you get to see us in real life talking.

Imagine that, but it costs us even more money. Yeah. To make something we then give away for free. Imagine that. Yeah, but you can come and touch us afterwards on the face and we'll give you a signature. Have a kiss. We will pipe a signature onto your tummy.

Yeah. Where's that on? That's every Sunday during the Fringe? Every Sunday during the Fringe. So that's the 7th, 14th, 21st and 28th of August at 8.20pm. Also in the Pleasance Dome, but a different bit of it. Yeah. Because Tom Deacon's doing his show.

Oh, we're doing it in Tom Deacon's room, are we? Yeah, when he's doing his radio show. Oh, really? Yeah. So Tom Deacon is going off being on Radio 1 whilst we're playing pretend radios in his house. Yeah. Like his little backward brother.

Yeah. When he goes out to work, they go in his bedroom and play. Yeah, and put his doctor's coat on. Yeah. Well, that's nice. That's made me feel a lot better. Yeah. So all details on the website.

Also, tickets... PeteBumpandGumble.com You can get tickets from EdFringe.com or you can get tickets from Edinburgh's BestComedy.com Nice. Well done, mate. Thanks. That's an absolutely brilliant advert, that.

Thank you very much. What are you looking forward to? Have you had a look through the Fringe brochure? I've not properly yet. I've had a look through some shows, yeah. Okay. Anything catch your eye? There's always a few things that catch my eye.

They're usually on at about noon, and they're usually done by students or people who are old enough to know better. Right, okay. Really? Yeah. We'll definitely find one terrible-looking play to go and see. Okay. Because that'll be good fun. I'm happy to do that. But do you know what?

I don't like that thing of sitting in an audience sniggering at someone. Oh, no, I won't be sniggering, but it'd be nice to have a conversation about it afterwards, wouldn't it? Yeah, so we should do it the other day we do the podcast so we've got something to speak about

on the podcast. Well, we should definitely do reviews of student theatre on the podcast. Oh, we will definitely

be doing that. By the way, if you're a student who's into this podcast and you're taking something to the Edinburgh Fringe, drop us a line and give us some

confidence and we'll come and review your show. We'll review your show on the podcast that night. And also, by the way,

there's going to be old sections coming back for that the complaint letters will be back Ed's amazing births yeah and Ray done

food and Ed's amazing death some days Ray done food that you Ray do you know what yeah

never remember the title okay so there's nothing specifically jumped out of you from the fringe brochure this didn't jump out of me from the actually did originally jumped out of you from the fringe brochure this didn't jump out of me from the actually did

originally jump out of me in the fringe brochure right because they're doing a pop-up one this year but also I saw

it on Chortle Steve Bennett had got a hold of it what is it it is Father Ted the dining experience

yeah I remember this now a couple of years ago they started doing Fawlty Towers the dining experience which makes sense because I don't know they started doing Fawlty Towers the dining experience. Which makes sense, because I don't know if you remember Fawlty Towers. I sound weird. It was set in a hotel, which had a restaurant.

Yeah. And there was definitely an experience when you dined there, such as asking for a Waldorf salad. And getting a rat in your dinner. Yeah. So, that'll make sense. Yeah. At what point did Father Ted Crilly run a restaurant? But do you know what's also weird about it as well? It's the same blokes. Yeah. It's the same blokes that are doing Father Ted. I'd imagine. Right, here's my guess. Basil equals Ted. Manuel equals Dougal. Etc. Sybil equals

Mrs Doyle. Yeah, and the other woman plays the other man. I read there was a dispute between two 40 Towers tribute companies. Yeah. One was ripping the other one off. It's so weird that I was going, we started doing it and everyone knows us for doing it.

Yeah. And now you're doing it and everyone thinks you're us. And it's like, what? How big are your balls? Yeah. You've stolen something from the BBC. Yeah. And now somebody else has stolen it and you're having to go,

that's my moral high ground taking it on everyone thinks that you're us yeah everyone thinks that you're my Basil Fawlty

that I made up but the Father Ted thing they were saying that because the writers of Father Ted then said that they didn't know

anything about it or the production company but they were the Father Ted dining experience has said that it doesn't matter because they're not

doing any of the scripts but if you look on the trailer it opens with him doing the Hitler moustache thing on the window they were doing the scripts

and also the characters are still intellectual property yeah exactly you can't go right I am doing this new thing called Star Wars

right it's not the same story but it is all the characters it's all the same characters so that's not stealing it

is it not although is there not parody laws can you not do like a Star Wars porn film I think they could

genuinely see it they use real names so if they're going in there saying but you can't for a porn film though can you not really

you really have to if you've got an opportunity to change the names yeah to something sexier. You'd change it to Luke Big Knob. Luke Big Knob, yeah. And Princess Fanny.

But with Father Ted, so if they're calling him Ted Cruddy, then that's it. And if they use those names, then they're using their intention. Oh, well they are. That's what they're doing. And the costumes. And Mrs Doyle's catchphrase. So they can sue all that. They're using that.

Sue the costumes. So what are're doing. And the costumes. Mrs Doyle's catchphrase. So they consume all that. They're using that. Seeming at the costumes. So what are they doing? They're doing... Mrs Doyle is singing My Heart Will Go On. Go on. Go on. Yeah, go on, go on.

They are doing a river dance class. Yeah, I saw that. Because that's a proper dining experience. Is it YouTube? Yeah, it's worth watching. Worth having a look before it gets taken down.

Because they've not even done the costumes properly, really. I mean, the whole thing looked absolutely If I'd have been in that meal, I'd have been like, seriously, Dorothy, well done on your wedding, but I can't stay. I can't stay. Because if I stay any

longer, this is going to turn into a murder mystery party. Yeah. Father Ted murder mystery. Who killed Ted? Right. But I'll tell you what, though. I do hope that one day we get really famous and somebody does Peacock and Gamble

dining experience which is basically all you'll need then two fat blokes just have your dinner in front of everyone and if anyone could have a roast chicken each

and if anyone comes anywhere near you just go get off the Peacock and Gamble dining experience performed by the real ones also speaking of

Edinburgh yeah we've got our flat sorted out haven't we for Edinburgh have we this week

yeah we've both sent the pictures of it and that oh yeah yeah we've got a massive flat in that oh yeah so just saying it's

got a massive big sofa and stuff so if any of our acts are coming up to Edinburgh and want to stay with us then you can come and stay just saying it's got a massive big sofa and stuff so if any of our acts are coming up to Edinburgh and want to stay with us then you can

come and stay. I'm just saying people come up to Edinburgh and they're like oh where can I stay? Oh come ours

mate. It's fine that. No that's not allowed. Why? Because this year that's not happening. Let's put that

on the record. Alright. No one is allowed to come and stay with us. Ray and Ed are only being comedy people

during their live podcasts and their emergency broadcasts. A couple of late-in-lives, extra gigs and things, but that's the only time we are friends with you. Please don't be thinking... I mean, don't even ask. Don't ring or text or say, hey, come up to the Fringe for two days.

Got a floor I can kip on? Yes, we have. No, you can't. We'll say that now to you and we're not being shit about it it's just it's costing us nearly three grand

we want you to come to the fringe we really want you to come to the fringe I tell you what grab a flat that'd be lovely come for the old month

I tell you what if you're a comedian right go on the fringe do what we do and bankrupt yourself do it don't come up on our dollar mate

I don't think oh that sofa's going to be free some of the time. No. Well, there'll be the hour when we're out doing our show. Yeah, it'll be free then. You can have a sleep on it then.

Yeah. When we get back from our show, about, well, our show from 10 to midnight. Yeah. So when we get back at 5 to midnight, right, you'll be straight on the sofa,

won't you? Straight on there, mate. All night till about 8am. Yeah, PS3 and computer on. Then pretty much when I get up, actually you'll be on it till 8 about 8am. Yeah PS3 pretty much when I get up actually you'll be on it till 8am

probably fall asleep on it. Yeah. I get up at 11 give you a quick nudge come on you get to bed. Yeah. I'll be straight down

on the sofa until the show starts. Warmed up for you really. Yeah that's what I'm saying this is to act by the way this isn't to fans No. Particularly girl ones

Yeah. Who might be thinking ooh I would go back there else. Well, yes, you can, but you won't be on the sofa. You won't be on the sofa, mate. You'll be in Ed's bed.

Yeah. And to anyone, like the boy fans are thinking, oh, that wasn't to fans, so I can come and stay. Yeah. No, we were literally just hoping that there weren't any of you

that even thought for one second that we would invite you to stay at our flat. Yeah, literally. Do you know what? In that month, literally no boys allowed in that flat apart from me and Ed. Exactly. That's the rule. Anyway.

Right. It's the Fringe coming up, isn't it? It is. I should mention that. But what else is coming up just around the corner? Christmas. Olympic Games. I know, my birthday.

Yeah, your birthday, yeah. Birthday's coming up. Yeah, well, we'll see what happens. Olympic Games is next year. We'll see what happens with your birthday. What? We'll see what happens. What? We'll see what happens. Olympic Games is next year. We'll see what happens with your birthday. What? We'll see what happens. What?

We'll see what happens. My birthday is quite near emergency broadcast. Well, no, don't worry. On the 23rd. Yeah, nothing to do with that. Oh, nothing to do with that. I get it. All right.

All right. I'll play along with this. I get it. Go on. Olympic Games is coming up. Of course it is. Olympic Games is coming up. Just around the corner.

Just around the corner, isn't it? Isn't it the end of the world first well no then it's the Olympics alright so oh

what do they do before the Olympics train training yeah what does everyone else do to celebrate the Olympics I don't know

Olympic torch Olympic torch now I don't know if you've seen that people have been nominating who they want to carry the Olympic torch

have they anyone can nominate what are you going to light the big thing? No, you don't get to light it, but the Olympic torch gets carried all around the country, so someone runs and passes it to someone else, and I think that's how it works. Is that not what DHL is for?

There's less ceremony in DHL, and you'd set the jiffy bag on fire. I see. So they do it as a thing, like, ceremonial. So, like, civilians can do it. I'm not being pretend dumb. I see. So they do it as a thing like, ceremonial thing. So like, civilians can do it. I'm not being pretend dumb, I actually don't know anything about the Olympics.

Right, well, this is about the torch, it's a ceremonial thing, but you have to nominate inspirational people from your community. Nice. I've sent in a nomination for you,

mate, because I want to see you carrying the torch. Oh, for me to do it? Yeah. Oh. Here it is. Can I withdraw?

No, I've got it here, right? I didn't know a lot about it either, to be honest. You don't know a lot about it, but I don't really either. So, it had to be 150 words, but I think I went a bit over. Oh, you've done a proposal? Yeah, I've sent it off to them.

Oh, nice one, mate. Right. So, hopefully soon... I've sent it off. Yeah, hopefully soon you'll be carrying the torch for the Olympics. Will I have to walk? You have to run. I'm not doing it.

You have to run, right? Here's what I think we should do. You run with to run. I'm not doing it. You'd have to run, right? Here's what I think we should do. You run with the torch and I'll run behind you dressed as a giant moth. And rollerblades. Definitely. Roller skates, really.

I've not put that in, but I'll send that as a... Excuse me, you received my thing the other day. PS. Plus rollerblades on, Ray. Yeah. Dear torch person,

I guess there is a person reading this. I will call you the human torch. What.S. Plus rollerblades on, Ray. Yeah. Dear torch person, I guess there is a person reading this. I will call you the human torch. What happened to your tummy there? I'm sending out miscate and it

will be peaking on me in a weird way. I am writing to let you know that my friend Ray, he is my best best... Oh. I have your best friend, don't I?

He is my best friend. I hope he doesn't mind me saying that. Should really be carrying the Olympic torch. I like this already because it already sounds like a complaint. Yeah.

Like they've decided it's someone else. You're going, well, really? It should really have been Ray. Firstly, I would like to calm any worries straight away by saying that I will make him trim his beard and put his hair up. Yeah, OK. Because I'm worried about the flames

and then you look like Blackbeard and he's not in the spirit of the Olympics. Is not. And also I have so much hairspray on my hair. All the time, don't I? We can't have anyone starting a fire on their face and head now, can we? And I'm not sure if this helps at all,

but once we were on a camping holiday for best friends and Ray was the one who held the torch so we could find our way back to the tent. I mean, separate tents. Anyway, I'd better crack on with the nomination proper as I only have seven words left in the limit. I've decided to use your little prompts as headings

as I don't know where to start with this fucking bloke. So they gave little things about what you might say about the person. I see. About what they did. Have they inspired you to do something you might say about the person. I see. About what they did. So, have they inspired you to do something you never thought possible? Yeah. That depends if you think you can really be inspired to fit four fingers up your bum.

I think you can. I'll put my hands up. Don't put your hands up. Just the four fingers for now. I say it was four fingers, it was a Kit Kat. And when I say my bum, it was a cat's bum. And when I say cat, I mean dead cat. We were bored in some woods, alright? So, I mean, already you've got the torch.

Yeah, I'm there, aren't I? Have they always tried to be the best they can be? Yeah, for definite, mate. I have no doubt that if you give him this torch, he will be the best torch carrier that Britain has ever seen. As soon as he gets it, he will cane it round a bloody track at top speed until he passes it to Roger Black without dropping it.

Is it Roger Black dead? No. Am I f***ing off? Roger Moore? Winston Churchill. Yeah, Winston Churchill is dead. Roger Black was the one in the relay team and everyone thought it was funny because the relay team was four blokes and all of them were black apart from him and he was black.

So they make a real difference in their school or local community. See cat story. Also, he once got a prostitute who lived near him kicked out,

which is true. That's true, yeah. No, no, hang on. No, that sounds wrong. It was people. I know, I've got the story. I'm explaining. All right, go on.

Something about, bitch, no, bring him his green no more. And that bitch gonna get smacked with Papa's cane. Right. So that helped the community. Right, that's not what happened. That's not what happened at all. I didn't at no point say

about the lady of the night that lived near me, that bitch gonna get smacked with Papa's cane. What had happened was I'd found out that they were, it was sex trafficking. It was people brought into the country. Yeah, well there was a queue, you're right. A sex worker near me

and I got them busted. And as far as I'm aware, those ladies are now all safe and sound. Good. Have they shown what it means to be a real friend? Once, when he was a mouse and I was a lion, he pulled a big thorn out of my caramel. I mean foot. Sorry, I'm hungry.

Can I have a lion? He has gone to get me a lion, so that is a good friend, isn't it? I will wait here till he gets back so he can tell me what's right again. I mean, oh shit. Brilliant. And that is it. I'm bound to get that. Yeah,

I think you should get that, mate. Fingers crossed. Yeah, I can't wait, fingers crossed, to be carrying the Olympic torch. Yeah,

I'd love it if you did get it. Mate, I'm going to be ace at it. If they just needed loads of people so they literally took everyone that sent in an application.

This could be quite over before me to pass it on. Just literally running and going, well, you should have been here by now.

I thought the crossover point was here alright maybe he's gone a bit further down the road and fast asleep you touched upon something there because the other day

the other day it's alright mate I quite like it the other day at a gig it was actually Download the Download

festival thing and I was doing the comedy there and I was about to bring on Andrew Neil. Yeah. Andrew Neil,

nice lad. And I said, right, let's have a look at your next act is, and then somebody in the audience

right in front of me went, Andrew Neil. Yeah. I went, oh, yeah, it is.

And then I went, I'm a fan. And I looked at him and he was one of Andrew Neil's fans. He was a keen, gothy, metalhead.

A gothy metalhead, if such a thing even exists. Can it exist? It looked gothy metalhead, if such a thing even exists. Can it exist? It looked gothy, but also metalhead-y. Yeah. And Elmo, like they all say. And I was like, whoa, okay, you're keen to get in one, aren't you?

He's like, yeah, I'm a fan. I went, yeah, okay, cool, I'll bring him up for you now. But I turned to the side, and I looked at Andrew, and Andrew looked quite proud that he had a fan there. Yeah. And I turned to the side, and there was a little lad, right, who had a mouse there yeah and I turned to the side and there was a little lad right who was he had a mouse painted on his

face when you said mouse that reminded me of it right yeah and I turned on a lot to him and then he just smiled at me from the audience and I'm like oh look at look a mouse boy

and he just went this is only a thousand people at this point he just went where's Ed and I was going oh um I don't know you know, a thousand people at this point. He just went, where's Ed? And I was going, oh, I don't know. It's probably, I don't feel like I can shout at him because he was a little mouse.

He's probably at home, just maybe having dinner or something. And he was just smiling away and I just turned to Andrew and went, see, you're good. You're all right for fun. You've got a bloke who can't wait to get you on and just Tourette's your name out,

and I've got a little mouse asking for my best friend. I love that. And you could tell it was an Andrew O'Neill fan, very gothy, sort of. And then there was a boy dressed as a mouse, so that was one of ours. That was one of ours. Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed

by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Seidlissen. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week.