The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 74

Episode Date: June 28, 2020

"Episode 74" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 75 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hello and welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Hello there. Hello there, you are Ed Gamble. Thank you, I am, and you are Ray Peacock, aren't you? That's right, I am Ray Peacock, thank you very much, and that is all the nice introductions done. Yep. So everyone knows who everyone is. Ed Gamble, favourite colour? Blue. Favourite sport? Surfing. Favourite game? Chess. Favourite

food? Sandwiches. Ray Peacock, I'm the other one on the podcast. I'm not giving things away about my life. Right, well I made most of mine up. No. Apart from the surfing. You love a bit of surfing, you. I know for it. On a blue surfboard. Yeah, sometimes you go dancing yuki with the boys, don't you?

Yeah, I do, yeah. You go down to Newquay with the boys and just do a bit of surfing and that. You buy a wetsuit in Sainsbury's in the middle of the night. I'm mainly all about the apres surf. Do you know what I mean? Not really. That's what I do after I do the surfing. What is? Have a nice beer with the boys, dry myself

off, get to bed so I can get up early for the big waves. Oh, I meant you go surfing with your three young lads, your three sons that you have. Oh, my sons? Yeah. Sorry, what you'll need to do... On the weekends that you have then. What you'll need to do, mate, is if you're making up an entire sort of invented backstory and life for me,

explain it before you mention it, because I won't be keyed into it straight away. No, but now I've explained it. Right, okay, now we're fine. Right. Well, you go dancing yuki, don't you, with your three sons? My three sons, yeah. Who are famously called...

Jacob. Yeah. Jim. Yeah. And Alice. And Alice. Yeah. Your three sons that you have,

Jacob, Jim and Alice. Yeah, and one of them we don't think is mine, but I still look after him. The black one. Yeah. Yeah. Alice. I think Alice is still yours, the little black Alice. Yeah, and one of them we don't think is mine, but I still look after him. The black one? Yeah. Alice. I think Alice is still yours, the little black boy. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, we're a bit tired. We're a little bit tired, mate, yeah. Because what's

been happening, last night we did well, this week we've done loads of previews, haven't we? But last night we did a preview at the Wickham Swan Theatre. The Wickham Swan Theatre. Oh, I bet you're thinking, that's a big one, isn't it? 1,200 seats. Yes, it is. And that's all we're going to say. Yes, it is. Oh, I bet you're thinking, that's a big one, isn't it? 1,200 seats. Yes, it is. And that's all we're going to say.

Yes, it is. 1,200 seats. The seats. There's a lot of seats. Yeah. Oh, no, don't worry. Don't worry. We're only opening the stalls.

All right. Oh, that'll be all right then. It won't be so bad then. And a middle circle. What? What, sorry? No, just opening the stalls. All right then.

And a middle circle. What? What? And the what, sorry? So we did that. And it was, what, like 200 people or something?. All right, then. In the middle, sorry. What? What? And the what, sorry? So we did that. It was, what, like 200 people or something? Something like that, yeah. Yeah, it was all right.

It was fine. We got through it in the end, didn't we? Oh, yeah. I mean, it was all right insofar as we got from beginning to end. Yeah, and didn't forget much in the middle. Just had to deal with some people. Yeah. Yeah.

Like the boy who we employed was interested in children, who got very angry and said, I am not a fucking ped people. Yeah. Yeah. Like the boy who we implied was interested in children who got very angry and said, I am not a fucking pedo. Yeah, but I mean, I don't think he understood that it was a joke.

Yeah. It was just a joke. Yeah. Those people, I think, were a bit angry. They didn't really get a lot of it. I'm looking forward to our tour

all the way through middle England. Yeah, they're going to hate it, mate. They're going to fucking despise us. Let's keep optimistic. Welcome to the show. Oh no. Right, so last night, not last night, it was the night before now. Doesn't even matter to people listening to this, really, does

it? It's not last night today. No, because they could be listening in two years in the future. Yeah, but they're probably listening on Monday, mate. Probably got up really early to listen to it. Yeah, that's right. So, it was last Thursday. Yeah. In June, in the year of our Lord 2009. So, we're accepting now that we're speaking as if this is Monday. Yeah, this is Monday. Monday 2009.

Yeah, Monday 2009. This is Monday, right? Yeah. So, Ed, you agree this is Monday? Yeah, I do. Right, okay. So, this is Monday. Last Thursday we did our last big new material show at King's Place. Yeah, we right? Yeah. So, Ed, you agree this is Monday? Yeah, I do. Right, okay. So, this is Monday. Last Thursday, we did our last big new material show at King's Place. Yeah, we did. Yeah. And it was great fun, I think.

What's the matter with you? Yep. What's the matter with you? Well, what have we just agreed? What? What have we just agreed? What do you mean? What did we just agree?

What? That it is Monday. Oh, right. Happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you very much. That's all I had to say. Right, but it's not Monday for us.

This is my very special surprise party now. Is it? Yeah, thank you. Right, happy birthday. Right, what have you got me? I don't have it yet because it's not Monday. Right, but you said you have got me the presents. No. I have got you them. I own them now. Yeah, and now you're going to see me before Monday. No. So why have you not brought them? Because I

couldn't because I've been away for two nights. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, Ed has been away for two nights. Yeah. Oh, well, then Ray's birthday's cancelled. No, it's not cancelled. Because Ed has been away for two nights. Right, you're not getting anything.

I don't want it, then. You can't have it. All right, fine. I can't have it. Right, spunk up on it. I don't care. No, put it in the bin. All right, spunk up on it and put it in the bin.

Put it in the dustbin. Right, spunk up on it, but film it while you do it. All right. I'll put it in the dustbin. All right, put it in the dustbin and spunk up on the dustbin, but film it. I it, but film it when you do it. I'll put it in the dustbin. Right, put it in the dustbin and spunk upon the dustbin. I'll set fire to it. I'll set fire to it. Set fire to it and then spunk on the fire.

Right, well, put the fire out. But film it though and show it to me. Right, well. Right. Right, fine, well, we've all got what we want in the end. All right, thank you. So go on, last Thursday we did the Last Kings Place show. And I think it was the most fun in the world that anyone has ever had.

Well, we'll go that far, but I think it was the most fun we had at that gig. I think it was the most fun since the first ever Woodstock. I think what happened was, is a time traveller from the past came forward in time, was at that gig, and then went back in time and invented the word fun. Because they couldn't work out how to best explain the night. Yeah, exactly. And fun was the only way. But a little bit that wasn't fun.

You're a very brave boy. You got in the wars, didn't you? I cut myself. You cut yourself a little bit. Yeah, really badly. It bled a lot. Yeah, it did bleed a lot. You had to go and get a little plaster.

I'm fiddling with it now because I've got a plaster over it. You know when a plaster starts hanging off? You can see it, but they can't see it. over it but you know when a plaster starts hanging off I mean you can see it but they can't see it. No I can see when a plaster loses its stick which is actually a children's book

that I'm writing The Little Plaster Who Lost His Stick. Really? And what happens to him? Oh it's just a little plaster he's king of the world he's the most popular boy

at plaster school and he's all sticky he's like I'll stick to this wall I'll stick to this person and he bullies the other little plasters with glasses, like the little children's plasters with

Disney designs on them. Over the edge of a glass. Yeah, of the glasses. They just use them for spectacle plasters. He bullies them. Oh, you are all over the stupid children. Yeah, exactly. And then one day he gets up, he's showing off, jumping up onto a wall, sticking on it at

Plaster School, and he just peels off, and he onto a wall, sticking on it at Plaster School. And he just peels off. And he lost his stick. And he just needs to realise then that it's not about how you can stick onto things. It is about the way you conduct yourself around the spectacle blasters. Yeah. Do you know what? That's a brilliant idea.

Thank you. But it is Spider-Man 2. What you've done there means mean it's a great idea but you just replaced Spider-Man with a plaster. I mean in a sense The moral's still the same.

No it is absolutely but this should have happened the other way round really. Somebody should have come up with the idea for the plaster idea. Hey a plaster

leaves it stick and someone would go well we can't do that as a film. Let's expand that. So it's a man who can stick to walls. Yeah so we can't do that as a film. Let's expand that. So it's a man who can stick to walls.

Yeah so why would he stick to walls? It's a Spider-Man. A Spider-Man if you will. Was it Spider-Man 2 or Spider-Man

3? It was one of them. It was one of those ones that he couldn't stick. I didn't really

like the Sam Raimi Spider-Man ones. Did you not? I liked Spider-Man 2 as a record. I remember really enjoying

that. That's Alfred Molina isn't it? Doc Ock. The two ones either side of it. I remember not enjoying either film. I didn Molina, isn't it? Yeah. Doc Ock. The two ones, either side of it, I remember not enjoying either film. I didn't really like any of them, really.

But are you a fan of Spider-Man? Yeah, but I don't think you need to be a massive fan of the comic books to enjoy a good superhero romp. What do you think? Say Iron Man. What I'm saying is I love the Iron Man films. You love what? What do you love?

The Iron Man films. What do you love? Right, are you going to do an editing thing? Yeah, I'm going to cut out Iron. Right, okay. So you can say, I love the man films. Right. I love the man films. But what does you love? The Iron Man films. What do you love? Right, are you going to do an editing thing? Yeah, I'm going to cut out Iron. Right, okay. So you can say I love the man films. Right.

I love the man films. But what does that mean? I look like, you know, Terminator in that. Oh no, no, no. Oh, you know what I mean. So yeah, so I cut my arm.

I was basically showing off. Yeah. I'd made a rope ladder in it as part of a sketch. Yeah. And I got myself tangled up in it and then tried to climb it. Broke it. Yeah, snapped the thing deliberately. Yeah. And I got myself tangled up in it and then tried to climb it. Broke it.

Yeah, snapped the thing deliberately. Yeah. But didn't realise it sliced right across me. Right across that. It looks like you've had a go at yourself. It looks like I've been self-harming, doesn't it? Yeah. There, look.

Look at that. Those two veins there that go into one. Yeah. It's right across that. Whoa. So if it had been any deeper, I could have been spraying the audience with blood. Yeah.

Now, if you had cut your artery and it was spraying a bit and you knew that, oh, this is sort of the end of the show now, would you spray the, if you had cut your artery and it was spraying a bit, and you knew that, oh, this is sort of the end of the show now, would you spray the audience a little bit? Not deliberately, no.

Would you not? No, why would you do that? I would. I think if I knew I was dying, I know you wouldn't die from it, necessarily, because there were a lot of people there to help you.

I think I would just go mental. My arm's been chopped off and I'm bleeding. I'd spray everyone. Right, so then, by that rationale, should you ever be,

you know, getting into a state of deep depression where you think about ending your life, that means you wouldn't go into a wood and hang yourself. No. That you would take a car out and just smash it into all other cars. No, that's different. Take as many people with you as you can. And children. That's then

a sort of thing you've thought about and a choice. What you're saying is... You know that you don't have a logical point to come in with. If you're going to commit a suicide, you're going to kill some children as well. That's what you're saying. Right. All I was saying is I didn't really like the Spider-Man

film. Right, okay. Speaking of killing children or otherwise, killing people, a weird thing happened to us, didn't it, the other day when we went to Homebase. Oh, yeah. Because we went to Homebase to get some... To get the canes that

eventually became your skin's demise. Yeah. To buy the canes that became the ladder that hurt DeRay. Yeah. And we went in there

and also said how we made the rope ladder is we had the canes and then we gaffer-taped them all together. Yeah. Well, we didn't, actually.

We made someone else do it. We did, didn't we? We get people, we've got people to do that that is true that is true weirdly i broke off casualty yeah it was in casualty yeah it was no use whatsoever when i started bleeding but um the canes were actually an afterthought because when we got there we were going for um black tape which was to make a puppet yeah that was in the show. We also needed a bag for his body. Yeah. So we needed black bin bags.

Yeah. So we went into our own base and asked for black bin bags, insulating tape, and a hacksaw because I was having to cut down all the wood bits. And the bloke did look. Yeah. I go, well, why would you need all those three things? Then he sort of looked at us and thought, either it's perfectly innocent, or these are some of the stupidest murderers of all time

going into one store and going, right, I want tape, I want a refuse bag, and I need a hacksaw. Oh, and some acid. Yeah, oh, give us an alibi. Yeah, give me a massive tin bath and some acid. If the comedy doesn't work out for us... Yeah, it won't.

Yeah, so when in Edinburgh it doesn't happen, it doesn't work. You know, it will work in edinburgh oh do you think yeah oh wow why do you think we've got a good show yeah that doesn't really matter does it not no we're not but we're not being self-deprecating anymore we've got to get into a we're going to be a publicity machine i know that but we're weirdly yeah weirdly yeah they don't like fun shows do they not up in edinburgh do you know what weirdly at the edinburgh comedy festival yeah they don't like fun shows. Do they not? Up in Edinburgh. Do they not? Do you know what? Weirdly, at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival, they don't like messing about. Do they not? Nope, no messing about.

Learn your lines, thank you. Get on down. Deliver it slick. Yeah, okay. So when it goes wrong, shall we become murderers? I love the idea of us becoming murderers. Well, you've had a lot of dreams in the past about us murdering people, haven't you? Yeah, loads, loads.

Yeah. And is that premonitions of the future? Yeah, do you think it is? We would be great murderers though I couldn't take the guilt I just don't feel guilty about it

alright the story of it would be incredible all this would be all these podcasts and that would become so weird yeah that's true

they'd be taken down yeah but people would have them and people would get them and they'd be massive cult things wouldn't they? yeah and people would be like this is these blokes

then they went on to murder 200 people yeah they did 255 people 300 300 what's the record I don't know actually mate

it's Shipman isn't it it is Shipman yeah it is Shipman so it's 200 plus he's done a lot but it's 200 plus but apparently there were

hundreds more that he could have done horrible piece of shit yeah I didn't like him yeah no do you know what I didn't like about him what the snidey way he did. Do you know what I didn't like about him? What?

The snidey way he did it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. There was no going out and getting his hands dirty. Yeah. You know what I didn't like about him? What? He killed my grandma.

Sorry, shit. Oh, great. Now I have ruined a section. I'm sorry. I'm not making light of it. It's all right. Now I have ruined a section. I'm sorry.

I'm not making light of it. It's all right. Much as I hate regular sections, if you come up with a brilliant one, then you've got to do it every week. Oh, thank you. And this is my brilliant one that I always do now, which is Ray reads out some ingredients from a food, the actual ingredients of it,

puts in a rogue one, and then you've got to guess, or drink, and you've got to guess which is the rogue ingredient. Yeah, fine. Last week, I read out the ingredients for... Rye Vita Minis. Rye Vita Minis salt and vinegar. Yeah. And the rogue ingredient was petrol.

Yeah. That's petrol. If you've got that, well done. So if you've got that, well done. And now here's this week's one, where I've been reading out the ingredients of a Mars bar. Right. Right. Here are the ingredients.

Mars bar. Chocolate. Caramel. Nougat. Petrol. Now what? So what is... What do you think is the ingredient in that?

That doesn't belong there. Right. Doesn't belong there. Well I don't even know what nougat is. So that's? That doesn't belong there? Right. Doesn't belong there? Well, I don't even know what nougat is, so that's worth investigating. That is a good point, actually. What is nougat? I don't know.

Nougat. Ship man. How old ship man? Ship man. What, a man made of a ship? Wow. Or a ship that was a man? No wonder he just dazzled them.

Yeah. Yeah. Ship man. Do you know what? I'd have loved to have punched him in the face. Would you? Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't have even killed him. I'd have loved to. If I'd have been a copper them. Yeah. Yeah. Shit, man. Do you know what? I'd have loved to have punched him in the face. Would you? Yeah. Yeah.

I wouldn't have even killed him. I'd have loved to... If I'd have been a cop, right? Yeah. When he was being interviewed. I've said this before. Because I've seen the film of him being interviewed in the station. Oh, yeah? He wouldn't even look at him.

Oh, really? And he just turns his back on him completely. Oh. He'll speak to his solicitor, but not to the police. I think he had something up with him. Yeah. Do you know what? I think he was hiding something.

Right? I think he was... I think that all wasn't what he was saying yeah right all wasn't what he was saying was it no what he was saying what he was saying or wasn't that i could write on eastenders i reckon um i don't if i'd have been a copper there yeah i would have sacrificed my career for it just so i could have got up fucking lamped him on the back of the head yeah simple as Simple as that. Or at least, you know, you'd get done for it, wouldn't you? Yeah. But just give him a smack on the back of the head. Yeah, you probably would have got to call him in the sun or something.

Yeah, I would have enjoyed that, and then hit him on the back of the head, and then say, right, now hang yourself, you can't, can you not? Because the noose won't go over it, you big elephant man. Speaking of Edinburgh, by the way, which we have to at some point, mate. Yeah. Have I ever told you, do you do touristy things when you go to Edinburgh?

No. Not at all? No. Like you won't go to Edinburgh Dungeon, for example? No. I wonder if we're barred from that. Oh, that's a good point. We can find out.

We should go to Edinburgh Dungeon, I think. We should definitely go to Edinburgh Dungeon. Yeah, we should, yeah. We should do that. What other ones are there that they have? Tattoo. The tattoo, yeah. Tattooing up in the castle. That's where the

two girls come out and sing all the things you said all the things you said running through my head running through my head. Grey Friars Bobby. Can I just say

I don't know what that is. Little Dog found its way back. What, and that's a tourist attraction? Statue of him. Oh, I see. Sorry, you don't

just go and meet the dog. No, he's dead now. Oh, that's a shame. I think he was old. They don't live long, do they? They're mixed up with Homeward Bound, I think. Okay, I've't go and meet the dog. No, he's dead now. Oh, that's a shame. I think he was old. They don't live long, do they? They get mixed up with Homeward Bound, I think. Okay, I've not seen that one, but it sounds sad. Is it like the song The Old Shep?

I've not heard it, but yes. Does a dog die? Oh, no. Turner and Oach. No, it finds its way home. Turner and Oach. Turner and Oach. I've seen that. Have you seen that? Yeah, yeah.

Right, finally we can settle on something about a dog dying. Yeah, Turner and Oach is the one where the dog dies at the end. Spoiler alert. Canine? Don't think he dies though, does he? No. Anyway, Edinburgh Castle. Have I ever told you is the one where the dog dies at the end. Spoiler alert. Canine? Don't think he dies though, does he? No. Anyway, Edinburgh Castle. Have I ever told you

about the time I went to Edinburgh Castle? No. Right, I got dragged there. Did you? By an ex-girlfriend of mine. Right, was she ex at the time? Not far off, nearly.

Nearly done. Yeah, I was getting there. It was 19... No, it was the year 2000. Okay. Oh, modern. Oh, and I'd been to the Fringe in 99

during a time when me and her were split up. And then when I came back for some God only knows why reason, I went back out with her again. Right, okay. Even though we weren't suited to each other's people. I mean, she's got on with her life and that, and we're kind of friends now, but we're in a life. Right.

So in the year 2000. You were a very thin man before you met her, weren't you? Very, very thin and full of self-confidence. You've still got that. We went up to the castle, right, at her request. Even though she'd been before. Yeah. I'd never...

The thing about castles is they don't tend to add anything new. Yeah, they don't update them. Yeah. They go, oh, come to Edinburgh Castle, we've got a new ride. It's a loop-de-loop one, you go upside down in it. So we got into the castle we went inside there and honestly I was so bored

I'm not interested in history and things like that and I know people are and that's fine I don't think they should knock it down no I'm just saying it's not for me

yeah right so I'm wandering about and I'm trying to get involved as best I can by keeping my eyes open and moving but we got to

eventually after about two and a half hours or something we got to, eventually after about two and a half hours or something, we got to this room with a massive cannon in it. Cool. Now that's got nothing

to do with the story. It just happens with a massive cannon in it. I like cannons. Yeah, and I don't know how many of these rooms there are. There might just be one.

So if there is only one and you ever go there, then you'll know what happened in there. Right, okay. Because I stood there and everyone moved out of the room.

Yeah. So just me and her were stood there. Yeah. And she started walking out. Yeah. And went, and then she came out and went, what are you doing? I went, I'm not going.

Right, I had a proper sulk. Yeah. I'm not going. She went, come on. I went, no, I'm not moving out of this room. Right? I was that wound up. Were you sat on the cannon?

No, I was just stood by, I was stood behind the cannon. Right, okay. Between a wall and the cannon. Right, okay. The cannon was on my left. Yeah. The wall was on my right, and I was stood between the two. That's a song, isn't it? Stuck in the middle of you. Yeah, that's it. And I was stuck in the middle. Right, okay. Between a wall and the cannon. Right, okay. The cannon was on my left. Yeah. The wall was on my right and I was stood between

the two. That's a song, isn't it? Stuck in the middle of you. Yeah, that's it. And I was stuck in the middle of you. Yeah. And I was going,

I'm not moving, not moving. And she's like, don't, no, come on. I was like a petulant child. Yeah. And then I thought, I'm being childish.

Yeah. So something in my head must have gone, do something adult. Right? And I went, I'm not going out of this room unless you whack me off.

What? Right? And I just, I stuck to going out of this room unless you want me off. What? Right? And I just, I stuck to my guns. Yeah. Literally. Literally afterwards. Yeah, yeah. And I went, I'm genuinely, I promise you, I'm not moving unless you want me off in this room.

And she did. Oh, brilliant. Yeah, she had to. Not to completion. Yeah. It was more just like. I was going to say, I worry about the integrity of the canon if it was to completion. No, I wouldn't.

I'm not the sort of person that would climax onto public property. I've never been one for... Interesting thing about you, mate. You have never ejaculated near a canon. Yeah, no, I have a rule about it. I'll be honest. Some people think it's weird, but, you know, you've got to have rules, mate. You've got to have rules.

That's actually reminded me of quite an interesting story. What? Thinking about it, it's quite similar. I was wanked off near a cannon. Yeah, just in Edinburgh Castle. That's the same story as mine. I forgot. I should have saved it longer before I told it to someone.

Yeah. Don't tell it back to me. Oh. Tell it to someone else. Oh, right. I know I was. Yeah, but I was going to take that story and then... Yeah, you like the idea of the story.

Yeah, but I said it too quickly, didn't I? And I shouldn't have said it to you. Yeah, not to me, to someone else. Yeah, okay. If you're going to take that story and then. Yeah, you like the idea of the story. Yeah, so, but I said it too quickly, didn't I? And I shouldn't have said it to you. Yeah, not to make it to someone else. Yeah. Okay. If you're going to take that story then. Yeah. I'll take that story.

Oh, that's coming up. Take that story. Right, you know Ed, right? Ed, right? No, are you saying this to me? Right, you know Ed? Yeah. Now I'm turning a left now, aren't you?

Right, you know Ed, right? Yeah. Ed, the boy, Ed, is going to me. Right, you know Ed? Yeah. Now I'm turning a left now, aren't you? Right, you know Ed, right? Yeah. Ed, the boy, Ed, is going to see and take that. Right. Ed is going to see and take that, everyone. Ooh, you're going to enjoy that, aren't you? No. No, you're not.

Why are you going? Because it's, my family has invited me. Why do your family hate you that much? They're taking you to see a boy band which is for teenage girls. And it doesn't matter that you're all grown up now. It is still for teenage girls. I wouldn't be enjoying it, but I want to see the people who've invited me. You will. You will be enjoying it.

Oh, you'll be dancing about, won't you? You'll be holding your sign up. Oh, we love you, Robbie. The sign. Welcome back, Robbie. Is Robbie back in it? Yeah, but you've put all glitter all over it. I've got no idea about music these days, mate. You have got, you'll be seeing all the words.

I know the X-Men one. I'm going as Wolverine. Do you know what? I hated that. What, that they had to take that at the end of X-Men? Yeah, at the end of X-Men First Class. Yeah. Which I loved as a film, by the way.

Yeah, so did I, I was there. Yeah, I thought it was amazing. I know. But then it finishes, and there's a Take That song straight away. It's not appropriate, is it? Can you all stop being so stupid over Take That? Actually, mate, think thought it was amazing. I know. But then it finishes, and there's a take that song straight away. It's not appropriate, is it? Can you all stop being so stupid over take that? Actually, mate, think about it. What?

When Magneto punches someone. Yeah. Take that. But that's not a reason to put... It's for girls. Or when Havoc done some laser at his chest. Take that. Or...

No, it's for teenage girls. When Mystique is a teenage girl. I'm not saying... Take that, she could say when she hits someone. I'm not saying to teenage girls, by the way. I'm not saying... Take that, she could say when she hits someone. I'm not saying to teenage girls, by the way, I'm not saying you can't, like, take that.

It's fine. If you like it, and I'm not making any call, judgement call, on what you like, right? But it is for you. Yeah. And I don't know why now

take that is suddenly accepted as for everyone. It's because they stopped wearing silly clothes and put on roll neck jumpers from Marks and Spencers and nice winter coats. Right.

But they did that first time around, didn't they, with the Back 4 Good one? Yeah. But that was the last one, wasn't it? No, no. The last video, they were all wrapped up like that. Oh, yeah, they were, weren't they? Because they got pushed off a cliff, didn't they?

Yeah, weren't there a woman who kidnapped them? How deep is your love? Yeah. I love tight now. I don't know, because you can say what you like about them, can't you? About them being just a boy band and that. Yeah. I love tight nap. I love it. Because you can say what you like about them, can't you? About them being just a boy band and that.

But they do good music, don't they? Do you want to come with me or not? I think that's particularly... I've seen them take that loads of times. Have you? Yeah, loads of times. Well, what are you on about then, you big wolf? I got dragged there. Right.

I got, again, not by the same girl that whacked me off in a cannon. Right? A different girl. And the other girl did whack me off a few times. I'm not leaving Robbie's dressing room until you whack me off. Right. I got, again, not by the same girl that whacked me off in a cannon. Yeah. Right? A different girl and the other girl did whack me off a few times as well. I'm not leaving Robbie's dressing room

until you whack me off. Right. I'm not going out of here. No, I went out with the girl who, she was going out with Gary Barlow. Right.

And then she went out with me instead. So she picked the right one there. Yeah. So well done there on your judgement call. No, but then Gary

was in Take That. I know. I think they know that. No, but listen. Oh, Gary was in Take That, was he? No Take That. I know. I think they know that. Oh, Gary was in Take That, was he? No, but it was. I think we know that. Gary is like the main songwriter. Gary's the main one. He's the one in the middle. No matter where he stands. Yeah, so Take That started, but they'd had three songs

out that hadn't done particularly well. The first three singles. Yeah, the one with Evan with the cream on their bottom, rolling around on the floor. Do What You Like, Promises, and Satisfied. Oh, here he is.

We're the three that ended that now. Take that, Wiki, we call him. And then, Only Takes a Minute came out while I was going out with Dickie. Yeah. And then,

you know, it became huge. But, I mean, there wasn't a case of that she didn't stop going out with him because she thought that he would never amount to anything. They stayed friends and stuff.

Yeah. I often wonder if it was more. Do you? Yeah, often wonder, but I doubt it. Yeah. Because I'm quite clingy and possessive. And I probably wouldn't notice. She said she would still go to see the concerts and that would be supportive, you know, as you would be.

Yeah. And oftentimes I'd be dragged along to watch them all run round with their knobs out. Really? All getting giddy with each other. All running around like giddy goats. Oh. Calling each other names as a joke. I have got, I tell you what,

I think I've got tapes somewhere of audio tapes. Yeah. Of them doing stuff, practising. You sold them, mate. I've definitely got a tape of Gary Barlow singing Million Love Songs when he was 15. Really? Yeah, definitely. Someone else will have that though, won't they? It's not been released, I don't think. Right, well, I've definitely got a tape of Gary Barlow singing a million love songs when he was 15. Really? Yeah, definitely.

Someone else will have that, though, won't they? It's not been released, I don't think. Right, well, why have you got it? It just ended up in my possession. You stole it? No, I didn't steal it at all. No, just when you have a lot of stuff together with another person. Hang on, how does that all fit on one tape?

How does a million love songs fit on one tape? And you've got to remember, this is the 90s, right? Right. So it's not like... This is a TDK. Yeah, not mp3 this this isn't like an iPod where you can

get all your songs on it a million love songs on one tape it's amazing isn't it not bad going that is it yeah I'm 15

well anyway I hope you enjoy them I won't and the person I'm going with wants to see Pet Shop Boys and they're supporting so oh yeah okay so

it's a proper good night for you then isn't it yeah it's proper it's my top night of music all the ones for you then aren't they Pet Shop's proper it's my top night of music all the ones for you then aren't they

Pet Shop Boys then take that take that yeah I think I do know who the dominant force will be there after the teenage girls do you have a night

mate yeah after King's Place we thought that was a nice show wasn't it lovely yeah no nearly got in a

fight on the way home really yeah why well it was all a big bloody Pavlova After King's Place, we thought that was a nice show, wasn't it? Lovely, yeah. No, nearly got in a fight on the way home. Really? Yeah. Why? Well, it was all a big bloody pavlova, to be honest with you, mate. Were you mouthing off? What? Were you mouthing off?

No, because I don't mouth off in those situations. I just want to go home most of the time. I do a bit. Yeah, but that's what starts trouble, isn't it? It is. You're right. You're right. Because I don't want to have to back up mouthing off.

I'm bloody good at mouthing off. Right. And I can do that all the time. And I'm sure I could back it up. Yeah. But I can't be to have to back up Malfing Off. I'm bloody good at Malfing Off. Right. And I can do that all the time. And I'm sure I could back it up. Yeah. But I can't be bothered. Okay. So, me and some friends went onto the train platform.

And there are a few lads there. A few lads. You know what I mean? Lads. Drunk up and that. Yeah, all drunk up. Maybe on drugs. Yeah, probably on a drug.

I don't think they were. I think they were just scallywags. Alright, yeah. And they had a BlackBerry. Right. And they offered me and my friends, they went, do you want to buy a Blackberry? Whoa, how much? Didn't ask, just went no.

What if they'd said 50p? Then I would have had it. Exactly. Shit. Why did you not ask? Shit, I should have done. And my friend went, oh, yeah, oh, no, sorry, I thought you were talking about some fruit. Right.

Right. So he started it. As a joke. As a joke. Right. And the bloke went, to his credit, the train was going to Strawberry Hill. He went, no, but you'd probably go to Strawberry Hill. Oh, right.

They might have some fruit. And I said, yeah, we could do that, but all the fruit is very high up. Yeah. Strawberry Hill. Yeah. And he laughed. The boy laughed. Yeah.

And then I would have said, we can get on the train, the pair of us. Yeah. And we'll have a grape night. Yeah. Because. It's all right. You don't have to do it now. No, mate. It's alright. Hopefully it won't be a lemon. A lemon. Yeah. And a peach. Right, that's good. So I said a lot of. And you're on the apple of my eye. Yeah. I said a lot of the strawberries would be quite. I can't think of any more friends. It's alright, you don't need to. Alright. Quite high up. Yeah, on a hill.

On a hill, and he laughed. And I thought that would be the end of that. And then he went... He said you had a fight. Yeah, but then he went, Oh, why don't you go and get some cheeseburgers as well, to me? Yeah. And pack a load of cheeseburgers on.

Oh, because you're a fat... He's a fat man. Whoa. Right? And then I went, Well, that all started off alright, didn't it? But something went wrong. Yeah.

So that was the end of that, sort of. But then my friend said something about the bloke's mum, and it all kicked off., didn't it? But something went wrong. Yeah. So that was the end of that, sort of. But then my friend said something about the bloke's mum and it all kicked off. What did he say? He said, your mother must be very proud. Because the bloke was getting really angry and aggro and being a dick, basically. He just prodded him a bit more. So, yeah, so we went and walked onto the train and they followed us onto the train, right? And started kicking off.

This one bloke mainly at my friend. And my friend started going, enough! And pushing the bloke back. Oh, really? Yeah, because he was coming at him. So he was going, enough! And kept pushing him. So he was falling back on the train. You're so posh. No, but I wasn't doing anything.

Sir, the frolics are over. I have enjoyed bantering with you, but the frolics are finished. The bloke was trying to get in my face and I was just going, there's no point. No, just go and sit down. There's no point. And there finished the bloke was trying to get in my face and i was just going there's no point there's no point no look no just go sit down there's no point and there was a bloke sitting on the train who then got up and he went he said to the bloke look mate i'm a copper there's genuinely no point there's no point having this hassle he's a what a copper all right started to

get his id out and the bloke this scrawny little kid swore gave the middle finger to the man's face and went, fuck the feds. Oh, shit, mate. I didn't realise that these people that you were getting into a rockers with were quite so badass. Yeah, they were pretty badass, mate. Fuck the feds. Oh, no. So, the policeman... How old were they? They were probably 18, 19. Did you not consider at any point putting them over your knee and smacking their bottoms?

Yeah, I would have done. I would have done, mate. But there were too many of them. They were not going to queue to have their bottoms smacked. No, I would have done. I would have done, mate. But there were too many of them. All right. They were not going to queue to have their bottoms smacked. No, I suppose not. Because they don't understand the queue a lot of them. No, no.

The policeman grabbed the kid's wrist and just basically poked him in the eye with his own finger. With the finger. Yeah. That's brilliant. Awesome. That's amazing.

We walked down the other end and they got off at the same stop as me, but my friend had got off and they mainly wanted to kill him. They'd sneaked off. So we just had a chat. They liked me because they were waiting at the station.

And the bloke went, oh, hello, like that, sort of semi-aggressively. And I went, hello. Nice, nice. I gave him a lovely smile. And I'll tell you what, that's a good thing to learn in many of these situations. A lovely smile will diffuse many situations. It's hard to punch someone, isn't it? Yeah.

Who's been nice to you. Also, wear glasses and pretend to be a woman. Yeah. Another way of getting out of the fight is to poo your pants and cry. Yeah, poo your pants and cry and pretend to be mental. Yeah, I've found that is the best way of doing it. Yeah. Anyway, happy birthday to me.

Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week.