The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 81

Episode Date: August 16, 2020

"Episode 81" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 82 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble Podcast. Hooray! Yes, yes. Yes, yes. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. We know. Guys, we know, alright? Hey! So exciting for you, we know. Welcome, welcome, ladies

and gentlemen, of here, live at the Edinburgh Fringe, and also at home, not live in your house, to the Peacock and Gamble podcast, live at the Edinburgh Fringe. Keep hammering that home. I will, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is live at the Edinburgh Fringe. At the Edinburgh Fringe. We haven't just got occasionally noisy neighbours. No.

Who just laugh through the wall a little bit. Every now and again. That would be nice, wouldn't it? I'd like that. My name's Ray Peacock, by the way. I've introduced myself. All right, well done. Hello, my name's Gamble, the other one.

Nice to meet you, the other one off it. So, are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not too bad. Another week at the Fringe. Wow. Wow. Well, we're in for a happy night tonight, aren't we? Could you have been more desolate? I'm all right, I suppose. I'm not too bad. Slightly tired, a bit more depressed. Are you really? No, I'm all right, actually. I'm not too bad. Slightly tired, a bit more depressed. Are you really?

No, I'm alright, actually. I've had a Red Bull. And I had a little sleep, so I'm feeling fine. Right, well, there's the catching up section out of the way. Emma's had a Red Bull and a bit of a sleep. No, it's different, though. It's different day-to-day, though, isn't it? It is a different day-to-day, yes. No, it's different day-to-day. Do you think?? It is a different day-to-day, yes. It's different day-to-day. Do you think?

Yeah. Do you just feel shit every day? No, I have an ongoing monotony at this fringe, I think. Do you? Yeah, I'm quite calm, I think. Quite calm? I've been getting hurt a lot.

No, you get injured, like a new injury every day. Yeah, but isn't that not exciting? No, not... I know that every day I will get a new injury. But you don't know where it's going to be. I don't know where it's going to be, no.

Today I feel like I've been hit in my arm. And I don't know if I have or not. Have you been having blackouts? I don't know. Suppose you wouldn't. Yeah. How do you answer that question? I've got absolutely no idea.

Have you been having blackouts? No idea. Unless you are constantly looking at a clock. Yeah. All the time just looking at a clock. Yeah. All the time, just looking at a clock. And then go, whoa. It just went two hours later. Have you ever been having a wee

and then suddenly just pouring a glass of orange juice? Because that might be a blackout. You could tell from that, though, couldn't you? Again, I'd go, oh, my penis has turned into a carton of orange juice. And they'd say, no. And you don't wee at the fringe either, do you? I don't wee. Traditionally and famously. Whenever I come to Edinburgh for the month of August for the Edinburgh Fringe, I will not do a pee.

That's your secret. At any point, that is the secret to my success. Yeah, exactly. Three rows. Actually, weirdly, that links into something later that I've got prepared. What? I've got something prepared later that links into that. I don't think Ed does a wee is a good new section.

I'm struggling for ideas. I've brought a pot and I'm going to stand on a chair. All right, we can put the pot in different places and decide where... Yeah, and see how far I can aim it. It sounds like a brilliant section, mate. Thank you very much. Have you been enjoying our... Five stars, some funny bits.

Have you been enjoying our other show? We sort of consider our other show the proper show. Sorry about that. Yeah. Bless you. It was coughed. Yeah, it was coughed. It doesn't work for me.

What were you going to say? I'm sorry for interrupting. What were we saying? I can't remember now. I think it was about weeing in a cup, wasn't it? Was that worth following as a line of thought? If it's going to be something that later on you bring back. No, it's different, but I don't want to give it away.

I'll give everyone a wink when I bring it back. Is it to do with we? It's to do with we. So this is the science special. Yeah, Robin Ince thinks he can come to Edinburgh with all his science. We are doing a show about we. But not telling anyone when it's going to happen.

It will happen at some point. Here's our guest, Brian Cox. That works. Exceptional. Do you want to discuss my injuries? Yeah, we'll discuss. We should have brought a big diagram of you and then gone through.

We don't need to. Oh, yeah. I am here. That would be an absolute waste of time. If you start another me there, I am here. Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. Paint at me. Yeah.

So I had, first day I was here, literally first day I was here, bad back injury. Bad back injury, yeah. If anyone was thinking, oh, was he playing squash? No. No, he wasn't., was he playing squash? No. No, he wasn't.

I was carrying one bag of shopping. He was putting some strawberries in the fridge. How depressing is that? Yeah. I was a carton of strawberries and I put it in the fridge and I went, ooh. I walked into my room and went, oh, fuck. And then literally had to lean forward on the bed, tried to stand up again and couldn't stand up and rang you in a panic. I'd gone out just for some fun

I thought oh finally I'll get out and have some fun away from the wife And then he's gone to do the shopping Send the wife out do the shopping get some strawberries fun with the boys right? And then five minutes out the flat, phone call, have they hurt me back? I think they have. Come on! I had to go home

and give you one of our secret massages. No, because you actually said to me, do you want me to try and rub it? And I said, no, I don't want it touching at all. I wasn't talking about your back. All right. Well, that might have helped then, yeah. Well, for instance, I had my arm hurt.

Your arm feels like it's been punched. Yeah, that's an injury. Which I don't think is a technical injury. Well, it have helped then. Whatever interests you about that, I had my arm... Your arm feels like it's been punched. Which I don't think is a technical injury. Well, it feels like it. And I also very, very badly hurt my leg during our show. Yeah, because you fell over. Which I'll show, I'll show that. What do you mean? Well, because there are people that have come in separately not to listen to it.

They've come in real life, then that can be an exclusive for them. Oh okay, yeah, we've got to give them a bonus haven't we this is like DVD watch how yellow it is at the moment it's a week old could you make it sound worse than that

or all just yeah yeah someone might go fuck it right ready so we'll do it again right here it is now. Now, if you're all there...

Reviews? We've had some reviews? Yeah. How many reviews have we had? Three. Well, three that we know of because they're the good ones. Yeah. We keep the other ones secret.

There could be any manner of shit out there, couldn't there? No, I'm searching. Steve Bennett from Chortle goes four stars, but I'm not happy with that. No, I don't know where he's put the other star. Do you ever just think, where's the other star gone? Well, I know where it's gone. Where?

On Nishant Kumar's penis. Because the other night, right, we had done our show, and we saw that Steve Bennett was in before the show I got Steve Bennett's

eye line and went you're not reviewing it you're not reviewing it as simple as that it's not fair but he was he's very objective he's fine as a reviewer

and later on that night we saw Steve I attempted to bribe him with £200 cash right literally just threw a watch of cash at him and then it felt

really like £200 is a lot of money for me to have. And then it felt really like... £200 is a lot of money for me to have in my wallet. It wasn't like, oh, 200 quid. I'd been paid for a gig the night before, and it was all in there, and I didn't even realise. I ended up buying 30 quid in my wallet. I don't think anyone's worried about the fact that you...

I think people are more worried about the fact you threw it at a reviewer. Literally just threw it in his face. Yeah, but I felt it at the time. Because I felt like it was being quite, you know, like, oh, look at all my money. Like, with Justin Ed Byrne in The Road, he wasn't throwing money about.

No, he wasn't, right? And I know Ed, and Ed's lovely, right? But he had a baseball cap. I'm just going to cut that bit out when the podcast comes out and just play it to myself as I go to sleep. If only you knew how to edit. I do, actually, because I edited the intro song for our show.

This is true. And I left a massive gap in it of about a minute and a half. So I edited a new one, which you've just not put on the thing. I can't forget. Last night it ran out. When it's busy, it just runs out and they just have to sit there in silence. Yeah, we have this music that's playing

when the audience come into our other show. So Bennett was stood, Nish was stood, Nish is over there, he's at the back there. And Nish was stood in front of Steve Bennett

and I thought for a joke I'll go and pretend to pull Nish's pants down. When you say pants you mean? Jeans. Jeans. I was like,

and then he'll go, hey stop it, it'll be funny. And I literally, I barely touched them. You'd want to know. I went like that and everything he'll go, hey, stop it. And it'll be funny. And I literally, I barely touched them. You'd want to know. I went like that. And everything came down.

Like his jeans and his underpants, right? And Steve Bennett went, just, and he just said his cock out in front of Steve Bennett. And it was like a horrible moment. And we just went, yeah, take that, chortle. Two stars. And you were, you've not Spoke about anything but

Since that night I'm broken It looks broken Also my mum's Coming up tomorrow Yeah we're looking Forward to that aren't we I spoke to my mum

Before the show today She was on great form I was annoyed that She wasn't here today Because she would have Been an amazing guest for the podcast. I'd have happily had my mum as a guest on the podcast. You would have gone mad, though.

Oh, yeah, definitely. She sends you absolutely potty. Yeah. I don't know why I'm saying it as if I can't swear. To be honest. She sends you absolutely loopy. Well, today on the phone, I had to take a deep breath at one point

because she said... And you were walking. Yeah, I was walking. She said, it wasn't through reviews or anything like that, that came later on in the conversation, she went, oh, I think you're going to sell out this week. And I went, based on what? And she went, well, everyone's going to Edinburgh this week, aren't they? And I went, no, you are.

You can't think in your head, oh, everyone goes up to Edinburgh tomorrow, but it's just her. I did see people on the train. I've got, I did a letter this week. Shall I do it now? Yeah. No, I was asking you. Talking to my pal over here. I've got to flag it up with this.

Which is a real letter that I received this week, which is from Jamie Oliver, quite in real life. Me and Ed did Jamie Oliver's festival, and it was a disaster. It was an absolute disaster. They'd booked... Not he'd booked, they'd booked comedy... He's a bit busy, he doesn't book all of it. It's cocking, isn't he? They had a big comedy stage at this Feastival thing that he'd arranged, ond roedd yn ddiddorol. Mae'n ychydig o brysur, does dim byd yn ymgyrchu'r holl beth. Mae'n ddiddorol, ydy'n dda? Ie. Yna roedd ganddyn nhw fstâd comedi mawr yn y ffeestrwyl hwnnw a roedd yn cael ei gyfathrebu ac nid oedd yn seiliedig.

Na, roeddem ar y fstâd pennaeth ac es i ar y fstâd ar 11.40 am. Mae yna tua 20 o bobl yn y ffordd gigantig. Ie, fel ffordd o ddwy ffordd. Ie, ac es i gyda banter. Roeddwn i'n penderfynu. Penderfynu ail. Materiol neu banter with banter. That was my second decision. Material or banter? Banter. And you went with bat out of hell. Yeah, I sang bat out of hell

in my allotted 11 minutes. I mean, it was an allotted 30 minutes, but I thought, that's probably just an advisory amount of time, isn't it? So I got this letter this week. Dear Ray, I'm writing to thank you personally for your amazing support of the Big Feastival. 2014, that's probably just an advisory amount of time, isn't it? So I got this letter this week. Dear Ray, I'm writing to thank you personally for your amazing support of the big feastable. Dot, dot, dot.

It rocked! Exclamation marks. That's probably a reference to the... Clapham Common was such a wonderful place to be. Sorry. He's actually written this, hasn't he? Yeah, there was a fantastic atmosphere and it was a great mix of people and activities in a lovely environment. And the food and music were insanely good.

I didn't mention the comedy. Is he writing this in the style of one of our complaint letters? It's a genuine thing. Yeah, yeah. I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for your support in turning this vision into a reality experienced by an incredible 23,000 people. Not on our day.

Not on our day. And to thank you for your contribution. I couldn't be happier with how the event went. So thank you for all your hard work, which will help make a huge difference to two great causes. Big love and respect, Jamie Oliver. No pucker at all. No pucker on there at all. Now, all joking aside, right,

I think that's a brilliant thing to do. I'm not a real fan of Jamie Oliver. I don't hate Jamie Oliver. Yeah. I knocked him off his bike once. Yeah. Right? By accident.

Yeah, by accident, right? Because he cut me up in a roundabout. Yeah. Genuinely happened. And when I saw it was Jamie Oliver, I just couldn't stop laughing. So he couldn't even swap details, and he just went.

But I think for him to do that, or for him yn gallu stopio'n sgwyddo, felly doedd hi ddim yn gallu ddod o hyd i'r adnoddau ac fe wnaeth hi ddod. Ond rwy'n credu, i'w wneud hynny, neu i'w gwerthu hynny, i ddweud, gadewch i ni wneud hynny, rwy'n credu yn bennaf ei fod yn beth da i'w wneud. Doedd gen i ddim unrhyw fater â hynny o hyd, ac rwy'n credu bod hynny'n hyfryd. Ond fe wnaeth hi ysbrydoli fy llythyr. Nid fy llythyr, mae hyn yn llythyr gan ddyn sy'n gwybod hynny. Ie. Iawn, iawn, felly dyma fy llythyr ystod y wythyr i'r sesiwn llythyr. Helo Jamie Oliver. How nice to be writing a letter to you in response to the one you wrote up all night to my friend Ray Peacock about him doing that gig in a field for you. Ray Peacock has asked me to act as secretary for him

to reply to his mail, brackets, letters, etc. Because he is busy up in Edinburgh Fridge. Filling a pantomoman gyda jumble eg. Mae'n cynnwys pasau i nôl i nain o bobl y nos. Ac mae'n dda. Beth ydych chi'n ei wneud? Pwy ydych chi? Dwi ddim yn gwybod chi. Efallai y byddwch yn dweud.

Yn wir, efallai y byddwch yn dweud, don't even know who you are, you are probably saying. Actually, you are probably saying, because your mouth is all spacked up. But I get the general idea, which is the best anyone can hope for. My name is Fraser. Which is an exclusive revelation just for this live podcast,

and will almost certainly be bleeped out by Ray in the edit. So we had all better swear to secrecy that we can never tell anyone that name and then all the people who didn't bother coming in can sulk all they want, but we will never tell them. I should have made it something better than... It doesn't matter, it's still like a lovely Easter egg. Only we know that Easter egg.

Anyway, on to your letter, which I've just sprayed cherry coke all over. Because I didn't realise it had fizzed up in my bag. And I opened it without looking. Just a real thing that happened. I thought I would let you know my experiences of the day, which I must stress are not just your fault. But also the fault of my son, Fraser, who tapes up a lot of space. Don't get me wrong, he's not a fat child, but he has lots of machines and prosthetics attached to him.

So he's like a magnetised mong in a scrapyard. And I make no apology for saying the word monk for the simple reason that he is one. And I don't mean it as a slang word for you-know-what. I mean it as a slang word for a prick. You said in your letter that Clubham Common was a wonderful place to be. I wonder if you would think the same if you had seen how Fraser got melded to a tree.

The problem is, James, if anyone made your... If anything, you made your feast of all too much fun. When we parked up the truck and Fraser was being lowered out the back of it, the sounds of screaming children and the smell of whatever the fuck they were cooking became too much for him, and he decided he would make a run for it.

Now, running was difficult enough for him when he had legs, but seeing him dragging himself by his arm whilst his underweels span horrifically out of control will stay with me to my dying day. Or his, which God willing will come quick. My husband, who you may recognise from playing Batman in one of the films, made a valiant effort to stop him, but Fraser had ensured his momentum and bounced away towards a frankly magnificent oak tree. roedd Fraser wedi sicrhau ei fomentwm a thwysodd i ffordd i'r trin oedrchus. Fel y gwelwch chi ar y newyddion, mae Fraser yn dal i fod yno,

hyd yn oed wrth i hyn ddigwydd yn llawer mlynedd yn ôl. Nid oedd yn helpu bod llawer o'r 23,000 o bobl hynny, yn ei ddynnu wrth iddynt fynd yn ôl i'w ffordd. Nid oedd e'n cael ei ddyn even meant to have rosemary. As he has an allergy to it. And I've got only 4,000 bites of posh food, brackets, some of which was ice cream, Jamie. Why are you encouraging people to put herbs in ice cream?

I mean, come on. Fraser started to swell up. I don't know if you have seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but it was quite like when Violet Beauregard has that chewing gum and then swells up like a massive blueberry, but inside a tree.

And with prosthetic limbs wedged in it. And a load of blood. Fraser kept on growing bigger and bigger and there were no Oompa Loompas to roll him down to the juicing room. Just an increasingly frustrated queue of traffic in the road that Fraser was now blocking. Some of the local youths couldn't even get past to go and get their drugs or colouring books or whatever they were trying to get.

So they were getting more and more wound up too. And we could hear whispers from them that if this carried on, they were really going to kick off in a few weeks. I went over and managed to calm them down. I went over and managed to calm them down. But at that exact moment, Fraser's remaining eye popped out at an alarming speed and hit an armed policeman who was involved in a standoff, causing him to fire his gun. No! Jamie, please don't get me wrong. I am not saying that your food festival was the only cause of the London riots.

But we are at the very least seeking compensation for the loss of Fraser's clothes. ac yn rhaid i ni ddod i'r llawr i'r llawr. Ond rydyn ni ar y cyfnod cyffredinol yn ceisio sgwrsio am gofynion o'r llawr. Ac fe wnaeth hi hefyd gael ei llwyddo. Byddwn ni'n gwybod eich bod chi'n dod o hyd i'n ystafell yn Edinburgh a'r diogelwch am ychydig wythnosau fel gestur o ddod o hyd i'r llawr. O, ac mae'n dweud yn eich llythyr nad oeddet chi'n gallu bod yn hapus gyda'r digwyddiad a ddod o hyd i'r llawr, felly gallwn ni ystyried nad oeddet chi'n cael gweld y fideo o rôl yn rhedeg yn gadael o'r llawr wrth gwrs ac yn dod o hyd i'r llawr. Rwy'n credu y byddai'r ddau yn gyntaf yn cyfodus ac yn ffodus. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn.

Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn.

Mae'n ffodus iawn. Mae'n ffodus iawn. Shall we do my pick off the fringe? Yeah, so every week you do your pick of the fringe. I do my pick of the fringe. Explain it, please. I've not read the fringe programme, and I won't this year because I hate it. Because there's too much on and it makes me upset. So what I've done is I've just picked a show in my head that I think might be on and I'd quite like to see. Yeah, you're not doing this quick enough. What we need to do instead is a competition.

So it's time for our competition that we do every week. And here it comes, coming up now, which is called Ray's Rogue Ingredient. Where I will be giving you some ingredients of something. What I've done now is I've mixed it up with what I used to do about the food. Yeah, yeah. Right? So, there used to be a section which was raisedel ei gyfrif. Ie, ie. Ac wedyn rydych chi'n ei gofio. Ie.

Ac wedyn pan rydych chi'n ei cofio, mae'n dod yn ôl, neu'n drin, ac mae'n dod yn ôl yn eich gynulliad. Ond nawr rwy'n gwisgo hynny gyda'r un ar gyfer fy nhymerodd arall, sy'n rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i'r rhaid i Basically, I mean, if we're doing this on speed of introduction, I think it's probably time I did this. So, here's what I think everyone should go and see at the Fringe. It doesn't exist. The American High School Theatre, who are a real company, so you can go and demand this from them,

presents Hamlet Squared. Two performances of Hamlet take place simultaneously in the same room. Which one will you enjoy the most? One performance is on a bouncy castle. And the other one is all shouted, mainly to stop being drowned out by the sound of the bouncy castle pump. Double the intrigue, double the yorick, double the Hamlet. Five times the funue, double the Yorick, double the Hamlet, five times the fun

and tickets double price. Double the Yorick? Yeah. Two skulls. Yeah, two skulls. And a bouncy Elsinore castle. Lovely. That's really nice. Again, once again, I would genuinely go and see it. Yeah, it'd be brilliant, wouldn't it? What we should do, we should send

these off, but we should send them to like youth theatres and stuff. Yeah, I think they'd certainly do Hamlet Squared. Hamlet Squared would be amazing. Two performances of Hamlet in the same room, which one is best? Vote at the end. Vote at the end, call in, see which Hamlet gets evicted. That'd be brilliant, wouldn't it? Oh yeah, and then the next night,

whoever wins the vote on that night, they get to start first. So the other Hamlet is always slightly behind. So if you go and watch the other Hamlets, I've seen this bit, and then go back to the other one. Do they not do it concurrently? Yeah, in the same room. It's just a mess.

It's just a complete cacophony of Hamlet. It's horrible, really horrible. I like Hamlet. I'd enjoy it. Yeah, but it's a mess, a complete mess. A cacophony, I'd enjoy a cacophony. That's a lovely word, isn't it? Cacophony. Yeah, but it's a mess. Complete mess. Cacophony. I'd enjoy cacophony. Yeah. That's a lovely word, isn't it? Cacophony. Yeah, thanks, mate.

Yeah. Anyway. I don't want to mind that. This week's food. No, not food. No, it's a food because it's the ingredients of the food. Right, okay. Petrol.

Or drink. Thank you. So it's petrol, yeah. So it's petrol. Stop ruining it! The secret ingredient is petrol. Not necessarily. Right.

Because the food this week, what I'm going to read the ingredients out for is... Is it a fringe special we're doing? Nicholas Parsons! So yes, it is a fringe special. It's a fringe special. Because Nicholas Parsons goes to the fringe, don't they? Yeah, we see him around a lot.

We often see him in Brooks Bar. Possibly dead. So here are the ingredients of Nicholas Parsons. And you've got to guess which is the rogue ingredient. Petrol. Blood. Skin. Thoughts.

Bones. Eyes. Microphone. Paul Merton. thoughts bones eyes microphone Paul Merton cue card fingers a tooth hair glasses

cravat shirt petrol Horses, cravat, shirt, petrol. Right, shall we do your deaths? Do I do births or deaths? We'll do births first, because that is first, isn't it? Right, yeah, you're right to sigh. Someone is born, then they are dead.

That is the circle of life. There's a bit in between, though, ain't there? So, sometimes not sometimes it is sad there is not yeah brings us back to fraser doesn't it yeah and now this don't worry everyone a bit more cheery this week at the births because it is an animal special animal special this week so the animal death is special no birds Animal special this week. So the animal death is special? No, birds. Birds, I apologise.

No, the deaths are all human. Oh, a Chinese farmer, he had a sheep because he was a farmer. It only went and gave birth to a dog. Is that the end of that? Yeah. No, the dog was born, right, with wool and white like a sheep. But it says in the news that it had the eyes, mouth and tail and paws of a dog. So the eyes and mouth of a dog.

Yeah. So the eyes of a dog. The eyes of a dog. A dog's eyes. How do a dog's eyes differ to a sheep's eyes? Well, if you look in a dog's eyes, you know deep down that is a dog. Don't you? You can tell. A sheep's eyes are on the side, aren't they? And dog's eyes are on the front. I don't know. Oh, they are not.

Yeah, because dogs are a predator and sheep are prey. Because prey have eyes on the side of their head so they can see things coming from the side. Prey, no. Predator, they go invisible in the jungle. Yeah. They just sort of shimmer past the leaves, don't they? It's the only way you can see them. Who knows where their eyes are?

Exactly, yeah. So it says in the news, thousands of people have flocked, get it? It said that in the news. It's that news. To see the baby lamb puppy, which the farmer found one day as his ewe was licking it clean. Mae'n dweud hynny yn y newyddion. Y newyddion? I weld y papur lann y baby, a'r ffermwyr ei gafodd un diwrnod fel bod ei llwyth yn ei llynu'n glin.

Mae'n dechrau'n ddwylo. Felly roedd hynny oedd yng Nghymru. Felly roedd hynny o amgylch y byd. Felly, na, dim ond hynny. Felly, roedd hi'n debygol wedi rhoi'i nesod i'w? Ie. Oherwydd beth? Roedd hi'n ei llynu.

Ni fyddai'n ei llynu os nad oedd hi'n rhoi'i nesod i'w. Ydy hynny'r rheolwyr? Yn ystod hynny. It was licking it. I wouldn't lick it if I hadn't given birth to it. Is that your rule? Unless it was. You may only lick things that you have given birth to. Which is why I always have to stick a lolly up my arse before I have it. Well, finally that gets explained. I can't believe the second is wrong. Yeah, I know. All this time I've been going, why did you?

And you're going, no, no, no. It's not really something I want to tell you about, unless there's other people watching. Look, I bought a calipa, I'll go and toilet. Now this one is a similar sort of story. But they can't bring that other one to an end. Why not? You want to know what it's doing now?

I don't think it gave birth to a dog. I'll tell you what, it is the best sheepdog in the world. It lulls them into a false sense of security. It's proper undercover. Now, this one is about a cat. That gave birth to a... Dog. Yeah. Guess where it was? China. I don't know what's happening

in China with all these... Well, maybe there's problems with the agricultural community and they're looking for things to publicise it with. You're not being much fun. Zhu Yun's cat, right, she owns this cat. the cat was pregnant, so she wasn't surprised when it gave birth. Two kittens, one of them, very sadly, dead. But the other one was a dog. So that is mad, isn't it?

And she's got a pet dog as well, so she says that the kitty... No, it didn't. That absolutely didn't happen. She said the kitty is a mixed child. That's what she said. So the cat has given birth to a dog. So she's maintaining that the dog... No, it didn't. That absolutely didn't happen. She said the kitty is a mixed child. That's what she said. So the cat has given birth to a dog. So she's maintaining that the dog fucked the cat and had a... Yeah. Bollocks.

Absolutely didn't happen. No, but you're... Yeah, this doctor, right, is president of a local pet clinic. I don't know why they can't just say vet. As pointed out, it is impossible for a cat to give birth to a dog. I think it has. I don't know why. Right, so somebody medical has said that it can't happen. Yeah, but listen to his explanation, right?

She's got a pet dog that is always friendly with the cat, right? And then suddenly the cat... What does friendly mean? Is that in quotation marks? Just friendly, like... She lets the dog fuck the cat. Is that what the argument is? No, I didn't say that was the argument. I'm just giving you the facts of the situation.

Right. What does friendly mean? I don't know. Tea together. All I've got is this. Right. But the vet's explanation is the cat went out after it had given birth, found a litter of newborn puppies and took one home. Right. That's... That is less believable than... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid, nid Two stories are both pretty much exactly the same. I just thought it was weird they were both in China. It was weird, yes, it was weird. I can say what the woman said.

Please don't, because I know how you'll do this. Do you want to def or not? No. I like the sound of this bloke, right? He was a Danish nobleman called Taicho Brahe. You like the sound of it, but you can't say it. I think it's wiki. It was one interesting quote.

He kept a dwarf as a court jester, right? He sat under the table during dinner, right? Yep. He can't just go... And he had a tame pet moose. And also he lost the tip of his nose and replaced it with gold and silver tip of his nose. But he died from holding it away way too much why how'd you know that right because it says it on this no but he died from holding in

the way yeah he got an infection from holding in his way because it was bad it was bad in 1601 to get up from the table when you were having dinner at a banquet how long was the dinner well probably roedd yn cael bwyd o ddyn. Pa mor hir oedd y bwyd? Wel, yn y diwrnod oedden nhw, yn y diwrnod oedden nhw. Rydych chi'n cael bwyd o ddynion am ddynion. Ac rydych chi'n bwydo'r gân ac yn mynd i'r dynion. Felly, fe wnaethon nhw gael bwyd o ddynion am ddynion? Dwi ddim yn gwybod am y peth o ddynion. Pwy wnaeth pawb arall ddim yn mynd i ddynion? Roeddent yn gofyn i fynd i fyny i fyny i fyny i fyny.

Efallai y gwnaethon nhw ddim yn gofyn i fyny i fyny. Efallai y gellid i mi ddweud diolch i chi am fy ngw gwnaethom chi ddim dweud, yn dda i chi ddod i fyny i fyny i ddynnu, a ddod i ddynnu. Hefyd, os oedd yn dechrau marw, byddai wedi colli'r control o'i busnes. Y busnes? Yn unig, byddai wedi colli'r control o'i busnes. Beth oedd yr infeccion?

Yn unig, byddai wedi colli'r control o'i busnes. Efallai y gwnaethom ni ddynnu. Yn unig, byddai wedi colli'r control o'i busnes. Yn unig, byddai wedi colli'r control o'i busnes. Yn unig, byddai wedi llwyddo. Na, mae'n hollol... Mae'n debyg ei fod wedi llwyddo nawr, ydy'i? Ie, wedi llwyddo ei hun. Mae'n llwyddo ei hun yn unol. Ie, mae'n llwyddo ei hun yn unol. Ie, mae'n llwyddo ei hun yn unol. Ie, mae'n llwyddo ei hun yn unol.

Mae hynny'n gysylltu â'r diwedd nesaf. O, dyna'r ddyn o'r blaen! Ie, dyna'r ddyn o'r blaen! Dyna'r dyn o'r blaen! Fe wnaethwch chi ddweud bod yn y ddyn nesaf pan wnaethoch chi ei wneud! O! Mae'r ddyn hwn yn gysylltu â'r diwedd nesaf am llwyddo. Mae'r dyn wedi cael ei ddwyddo gan y masyn Rwydwaith.

Dydw i ddim yn hoffi sut rydyn ni'n cyrraedd y ddynion gwbl. Mae'r dyn... Nid yw hynny wedi digwydd. Ie, mae'n digwydd. Nid yw hynny wedi digwydd. Roedd yn 1601. Ie, ond roedd yn 1601. Ie, ond roedd yn 1601. Ie, ond roedd yn 1601. Ie, ond ro by the Russian master. I don't like how we're just passing over the absolute bollocks you're talking about.

The man, that didn't happen. Yes, it did happen. No, it didn't happen. It was in 1601. Yeah, but he might have already had a urine infection anyway. But he didn't do it from not going to the toilet, Jory. Because he held it in so much that he got an infection from his wee. Why would that happen?

I'm not Dr. Hillary. I don't know why he gets an infection off his wee. I'm telling you a fact, and you're just going, no. No, because you keep saying a fact and it isn't a fact. Right. Because it's us. Right, we're doing a podcast next week. Don't have a wee for the next week.

And what if I do die from that? Well, then I'm right. All right, we'll go and watch your next one. So this is, we're ending on this, are we? Yes, so make it a good one. I mean, there's now genuinely a lot of... If this was a proper show, right, if we had written this as a show,

this would be where we'd be going... Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Five stars! Big clap! Maybe I should sing it then, because I don't think there's enough... I don't think there's enough in it to... It's very cheap to end with a song, so... I think what you should do is just perform it well. Well, do it with conviction. Mae'n ddigon ffynhau i ddod â'r cerdd. Mae'n ddigon ffynhau i ddod â'r cerdd. Felly, rwy'n credu y dylai chi wneud y cerdd yn dda. Wel, gwneud e gyda dyfodol.

Nid yw'n ddiddorol iawn. Mae'n rhywbeth sy'n ddifrydol. Iawn. Iawn, roedd y man yma, o'i ddweud. Wel, mewn gwirionedd, mae hynny'n dda, oherwydd yn y comodi nawr, gallwch chi ddod i ffwrdd. Rwy'n credu y byddai'n ddifrydol iawn ar y diwedd. Rwy'n credu y byddai'n ddifrydol iawn ar y diwedd.

Rwy'n dod i gyd i gyd i gyd. Iawn, mae'r amser yn anghywir. Iawn, rwy'n gwneud e'n hapus. Roedd y man, 22, who was killed by an unknown member of the Russian mafia after he accidentally took away the gangster's drink in a nightclub. He took away his Coca-Cola. So, I don't know why I've picked this.

The gangster was so upset that he forced the waiter to drink 27 litres of coke and then the man drowned. Fuck off. No, he didn't. That didn't happen either. How did it not happen? I know you're thinking he would have burped. So what did they do? Force fed him coke and then he drowned because he had too much coke. Well, thanks for coming over.

That's horrible. I know. Because that probably did happen. Yeah, I know. It was on the FBI website. No, actually, no. It was from the FBI's records, but it was on a website that I found.

Good website, actually. Yeah, we won't be using it again. That gives you the top 20 homicides over the last 10 years. But he drowned in Coca-Cola. And his teeth probably hurt as well. All that Coca-Cola. Depending how long they did it for, if it was 24 hours, his teeth would have dissolved.

Oh yeah. And he had a 2p in his mouth but it wasn't there at the end, was it? No, it was clean at the end. You've not helped by doing a horrific, real death. A murder. You did a murder. A murder, yeah. Last week you did suicide, and this week... Yeah, exactly, you were complaining last week because I did suicide. This week, suicide is somebody who didn't want to die.

And you're all upset as well. What do you want from me if I'm doing a death? I think what we'll do in future is I'll vet some of these. Do you mean you'll president the local animal clinic? I've been Ray Peacock, thank you very much. I'll make some of these. Do you mean you'll president the local animal clinic? I've been Ray Peacock. Thank you very much. I'm Ray Peacock. This is...

Peacock and Gamble podcast is devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble. All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Seidlerson. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a Ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week.